The LA Series
by Seajellybaby
Summary: The LA Series is my attempt to continue the Luke and Noah story starting one year after the finale.  I have tried to keep as true to the original story as possible.  Please review!  I hope you enjoy this...
1. Right For Each Other

"Luke wait…"

He froze.

"I have to ask why you're here. Why you came. I have to know."

The atmosphere changed so quickly that Luke almost stumbled.

"Don't Noah." Luke was conflicted and confused. He didn't know what he would feel on seeing Noah again, but he hadn't expected THIS. He thought he was over this, but he had been holding back waves of emotion since the moment Noah had opened his door a few hours earlier. (That hug had felt so good.)

"I meant what I said before I left for LA. My feelings haven't changed. I still want you back Luke. I can't just let you walk out without asking." The hope, desperation and hint of fear in his voice was clear.

Luke was facing the apartment door with his back to Noah. He had been about to leave. They had run out of small talk and catch ups. There were no longer any more excuses for him to stay. (Even though he wanted too?)

He had both expected and dreaded Noah bringing this up, but he still wasn't prepared for the torrent of emotions that seemed to be raining down on him. He was in LA on a business trip. He hadn't even planned on seeing Noah, but somehow he found himself there. It was as though his feet had brought him of their own accord. If he was truly honest he knew he could have sent a junior on the trip.

Subconsciously he had wanted an excuse to see him. He needed to see for himself that Noah was okay, despite what Noah had been telling him the few times they had spoken over the phone. He had always felt protective over him and, despite everything, that had somehow never changed.

When Noah had left for LA Luke had been ready to see him go. He wanted Noah to achieve his dreams and at the time his own feelings had been clouded by grief. But now, standing in Noah's LA apartment after all those long months, feeling the charge, the electricity (still?), Luke felt his heart squeeze in his chest, and old hurts seemed to reach up and drag him down to a place he thought he had escaped from.

But along with those hurts he felt something else too, something he hadn't felt in a while, something that scared him more than anything. He felt want, desire and most of all love, that all encompassing love that he and Noah had shared. (Still shared?) He had buried those feelings deep inside, so that he could survive, so that he could cope with losing Noah, so that he could move on with Reid. But now, without Reid to distract him, and after accepting his death…

Without turning to look at Noah or saying a word, Luke sought escape. He wasn't ready… he needed time… he needed time. He noticed a doorway and marched through it, his heart banging in his chest, his breathing shallow, but there was no sanctuary to be found here either! It was a guest room, filled with unpacked boxes that made Luke scream inside!

"Noah isn't happy in LA," they seemed to mock. "Noah never really left Oakdale! Noah is all packed and ready to return to you at a moments notice!"

Luke felt like he would die! Right there he would die! He knew it!

"Luke?" He knew that Noah had followed him. He FELT Noah follow him.

He was about to reply, to ask Noah to leave, to ask for space, but as he turned to face him he saw tears flowing from his ex's eyes. Noah was crying? Luke had only ever seen Noah cry like that after his father's death. Just that one time…. But now Noah was crying and that could mean only one thing… he was hurting.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's… it's…you're in here, Luke." Noah banged his fist against his chest and the look of love and longing in his blue eyes caused something inside Luke to snap.

"Dammit Noah!" And all control was lost!

Before Noah knew what had happened, he was pushed across the room and forced up against the wall by Luke. He felt the air knock out of him and barely had time to recover before Luke's lips were on his, devouring him with more intensity then Noah had ever known in his life. He responded with equal measure. It had been a long time! Too Long! God but he had missed Luke! Every part of him screamed with the need to touch this other man, but Luke had his hands and arms firmly glued to the wall above his head. Besides, Noah didn't dare try to move, Luke had issues he needed to work through, and Noah owed him the chance to do that.

"How did I have ever push this away?" Noah wondered.

Then, too soon, Luke was pulling away from the kiss and the two men spent time staring deep into each other's eyes, hazel on midnight, foreheads touching, breath heavy. A small drop of blood dribbled down Noah's chin from a cut on his lower lip. Neither of them noticed.

And then just as quickly as the desire and want had appeared in Luke's eyes, Noah saw the fear and uncertainty creep in. His heart ached at that look, knowing he was the reason. How could he have caused Luke such pain? Still holding Noah's arms up against the wall, Luke dropped his sad gaze to the floor then looked up at Noah again. Shaking his head, he released his grip, turned his back, and took a step away from Noah.

Noah slowly lowered his arms. He could feel the tears starting again. He could usually control his emotions but these feelings ran too deep, hurt too much. His voice hitched as he said, "You can't get past it… can you?"

He watched as Luke's shoulders sagged even as he breathed deeply and painfully. Then Luke spoke softly, "I want to."

Noah took a deep breath and swallowed hard before he spoke. This was going to be difficult. He'd never been good with words, and at this moment he felt like these words were more important than any he had ever spoken in his life. "I wish I could have found a way to deal with the blindness without hurting you. I wish I could take back what I did to you… but I can't. All I have is…" he looked around trying to find the word, "…now. I love you so much! I love you more than I ever did and I want you back. I know that for you it's not simple, but I also know that you still love me, otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me. All I can do is wait and hope that you can find a way to forgive me, because you haven't yet… you haven't forgiven me… have you?"

"Noah I…"

"Have you!"

"You hurt me."

"I know."

Luke turned to face him again, "You did what you had to do… to deal… and I get that. Mostly I'm just disappointed. I thought we were stronger… I thought nothing could ever break us up again. That after everything, we were a team… that you were over dealing with things on your own."

Noah nodded.

"I don't understand Noah." Luke almost whined, shaking his head, "Why are you doing this now? You pushed me away… you made it clear that you didn't want me in your life. You did what you've always done! As soon as things got hard you ran away! And to hell with the consequences, to hell with US even! You broke my heart Noah, and then you got angry with me for trying to move on… for hooking up with someone else? I mean what did you expect?"

"No Luke! You have to believe that I wasn't angry at you for finding someone else!" Noah took another deep breath, "When I let you go I knew you would, hell I even wished it for you! I wanted you to find somebody to make you happy where I couldn't anymore. I wasn't in a place where I could do anything apart from get up in the morning!"

"I know."

"But you and Reid..." he trailed off as his voice constricted, "I was angry that you never told me. I was angry because the two of you were carrying this thing on right... in… front… of… me, when I couldn't see it! It made me feel like a fool!"

"I'm sorry Noah." Luke sighed. He was tired… so tired... and his emotions were in turmoil.

"And I TRUSTED him Luke! I CONFIDED in him… ABOUT US! I told him things and he knew how desperate I was to get my sight back… so that I could make things up to you! Fix us! And I felt like he took the things I told him and used them to draw you in. It was like he stole my chance to make things right again!" He shook his head.

"How could we have told you Noah?" Luke whispered, and then louder as frustration set in, "You needed him! You needed him to give you your sight back! I couldn't tell you, can't you understand that! I couldn't risk doing something that would jeopardise your chance to see again! Besides, how could I have explained it to you what I didn't understand myself?"

Both men remained silent for a while after that. Luke was about to speak when Noah interrupted him by holding up his hand, "I know that now. Please believe me, I do. I know Reid just fell for you like I did. Hell, I can hardly blame him! If anybody understands how easy it is to love you it's me." Luke stood frozen by Noah's words, "Looking back I realise Reid did try to warn me. I guess at the time he was afraid to fall too deep. I guess he knew I only had to open up and you would pick me."

"I did."

"I know… and I shot you down… because I was angry and shocked… and scared. I was a coward and I didn't have the right to…." He sighed, "Look… I know you loved him. And I'm sorry for the way you lost him. I've accepted it Luke. I've accepted a lot of things about what happened. I know how much I hurt you alright? I know I'm asking a lot because of it. Maybe I don't deserve you anymore, and maybe I should just let you go, but I can't… I've tried… I just want you back… I just want to hold you… so much Luke! I miss you so much."

Luke couldn't contain his surprise. Noah was different… he was different somehow. In the past Luke could only guess at what was going on in Noah's head or he would have to draw it out of him, but here was a different Noah… a Noah whose heart was open, expressing himself, expressing his feelings clearly… with words! And for the first time since their breakup Luke allowed himself to think IT… maybe… maybe this could work! Maybe everything that had happened and everything they had become because of it, only meant that now… that now they were even more… right for each other? Was it even possible? He shivered. He was afraid.

"When we spoke on the phone, why did you tell me you're okay out here in LA?"

"Because you needed me too."

"Of cause", Luke thought to himself, that was just so Noah.

There was a long pause before the floodgates opened, "I know you want me, need me, to tell you that I'm happy but I'm not. Look at me Luke!" Noah gesticulated towards himself with his hands, "I'm such a mess! I mean LOOK around!" His hands swept the room, "I'm stuck Luke! I'm stuck without you… I can't move on… I can't settle. How can I call this place home when YOU'RE my home? My life is just so… so… empty…. I NEED you! I don't want anything or anyone as much as I want you." He was sobbing now, his wet blue eyes pleading, begging for a release only Luke could give him. "If you don't want this, US, anymore then I can understand that… after everything I did to you…" he let out a bitter laugh "I can understand… but I don't know how I'll cope. This past year, this whole time, all I've done is wait for you. I've just past the time with work and sleep and hope! And now you are here! Finally here! And I'm terrified Luke! I'm so scared that you're going to walk away, that you can't get past what I did to you." Noah felt his throat tighten and begin to burn, "Because if you leave now… if you walk out that door… you take that final speck of hope with you. If you leave then I really have lost you for good. I really am alone!" The panic was setting in now! It was getting difficult to breath and his vision was blurring, "God I… I…"

"Noah!" Luke screamed as he caught him just before he hit the floor. Noah was choking now, coughing and sobbing and trying to get in mouthfuls of air as they both lay sprawled across the floor.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… please!" Noah gasped between panicked sobs.

"Noah? Calm down, breathe, just breathe…" And those words, words he knew he had uttered before, brought back such an overwhelming feeling of love for this broken man. Everything that had happened to them and between them since the first day they met flashed through his mind, all the emotion he had locked away inside burst out like a tidal wave. And suddenly, just like that, he knew what he wanted. He knew what he had always wanted. He knew what he had to do. Luke softly smoothed the unruly black curls from Noah's face and whispered gently, "Sh, sh, sh. It's alright. Sh. I'm here. Just breathe."

And Luke moved to hold him, spooning him as they lay on the floor. It felt so good, so close, so right. Slowly the sobs faded from Noah's body and his breathing calmed and became more regular. And they lay there in silence on the plush carpet, gaining comfort from the warmth of each other, listening to their hearts beating together. And they slept. Right there on the floor they slept for hours. Until the first rays of sunlight fell through the open blinds and bathed them in zebra patterns.

They stared into each others eyes, both too afraid to say anything. They had moved during the night and were facing each other, arms and legs wrapped around each other as though holding on. They had awoken together, and both were afraid this might be the last embrace, that if they spoke, all the pain still laying between them might rip them apart for good.

Finally Noah spoke, in a voice so soft and hesitant that Luke had to strain to hear it, "Please don't leave me."

Luke closed his eyes, paused for just a moment and then leant in to place a gentle kiss on Noah's expectant lips. He pulled back and while thoughtfully studying Noah's mouth, wiped his thumb over the small cut he'd made the night before, as though to smooth it away somehow. "Slowly," was all he said.

"What?"

Luke made eye contact again, "We can take things slowly. See what happens."

"Start again?" Noah hardly dared to hope. Was this really happening? God but Luke was beautiful!

Luke nodded, "But Noah…?"

"Yes Luke?"

"I can't be hurt like that again." He shook his head, "I won't make it."

"I know. Never again." They kissed as if to seal a deal.

"It won't be easy." Luke started, "There are so many things we need to talk about. Things wrong that need to be made right if we want this to work but…"

Noah stopped Luke's words with another deep kiss before uttering, "I'll work with you this time okay? I never want to feel what it's like to lose you again! Trust me Luke! From now on it's you and me, together on everything. I promise."

"…but…" Luke drew the word out to indicate that he wasn't finished with his previous thought, "…but laying here right now… it feels like… it feels like we were never apart."

"Yes it does," Noah smiled, playing with Luke's fingers.

They lay in silence for a while longer until Luke suddenly erupted in an unexpected and totally inappropriate fit of giggles.

Even in his confusion Noah couldn't believe how his heart filled at the sound, "What's so funny!"

"Wait until Mom hears out about THIS!"

Noah snorted in response, "I love you Luke," He laughed, suddenly feeling on top of the world, "I never stopped."

"Same here, Noah, same here."


	2. Start Again

The smell of home cooking and the sound of Beethoven hit Noah from the moment he opened the door. He smiled softly to himself, relief flooding through him like water after days in the desert. For months he had returned home to the dark and empty apartment, a reflection of what he felt in his heart. Each time the loneliness had inserted itself a little deeper and the small amount of faith he was clinging onto would diminish a little more. The fact was that by the time Luke had finally knocked on the door a month ago, any hope Noah had of ever getting him back was almost gone… all that remained was the shell of a person.

Leaving for LA, leaving Luke and Oakdale behind, had hurt more than anything ever had in his entire lifetime. More than his mother's neglect, more than his father's rejection, even more than seeing Luke in Reid's arms, the two of them locked in a passionate kiss. But he had done it, mostly because he knew it was what Luke needed. He was willing to do just about anything for Luke.

He knew that if it wasn't for movie making to fill the lonely hours he wouldn't have held out for as long as he had. Being a Director was all he had ever dreamed of becoming and here he was, working in LA of all places. But despite loving the job, living his dream job, his life was hollow.

He thought back to the day he found himself at the airport with a ticket to Oakdale in his hand. He wasn't going to contact Luke; he had just wanted to catch a glimpse of him, even if it was from a distance. His heart had ached to see him. The want was so great it felt like it would crush him. But, as he stood in the queue to board the plane, he knew he couldn't do it. Staying away was what Luke needed from him, and even if Luke didn't see him in Oakdale, somebody else was bound too! News in such a small town travelled pretty fast and it wouldn't have taken long for Luke to find out.

So Noah had left the airport, returned to the apartment, and with a frenzied energy searched through all the unpacked boxes, throwing things aside until he found what he was looking for, a neat box of all the letters, e-mails and messages Luke had ever sent him over the years. With tears streaming down his face and his heart burning in his chest, Noah had spent the entire night in the dark, sitting on the floor with his back up against the wall, reading all the words of love by the moonlight spilling through the window. He was like a heroin addict squelching his addiction with methadone. A temporary fix… until the next craving took hold.

But for the past glorious month he had been coming home every night to Luke. Whenever he turned the key in the lock there was still a tinge of fear… that when he opened the door he would find Luke gone again. However the feeling would quickly dissipate as the light and warmth of the place (and the sense of Luke's undeniable presence) engulfed him.

Closing the door quietly behind him he moved stealthy towards the kitchen so that he could enjoy a few minutes just watching Luke at work. He loved the concentration Luke had whilst cooking and the way he weaved from one side of the kitchen to the other, stretching his body up to the top shelf to lift off a bottle of spice or source that he needed. Noah couldn't help but think of how proud Emma would be of her Grandson, The Cook!

They had spent their first two days back together in complete radio silence from the outside world. Except for one phone call to their respective work places, the two of them had done nothing but cuddle together, watch movies and reminisce. Basically just getting to know one another again. Eventually they had moved things outside by going for walks in the park or out for meals at the numerous restaurants. Noah would show Luke the sites of LA and Luke would listen with interest as Noah explained the progress of his movie whilst showing him the various location shoots.

It was on one of these walks that they had found a small bookstore not far from the apartment, where Luke had purchased a cooking manual. After two weeks Noah could no longer afford to take any more time off work, and Luke had decided he would use the long daytime hours apart to learn to cook, something he had always wanted to do. It was this book that now held his full attention, brow furrowed, while he stirred at something on the stove.

Noah still couldn't believe it! It felt like a miracle.

"Are you just going to stand there staring at me, or are you going to come over here and give me proper hello?" Luke said without turning round.

Noah grinned broadly and walked over into Luke's embrace just as he turned away from the stove, "Hi there!"

Luke smiled and gave him a kiss as they held onto each other.

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" Noah winked.

"Not a chance Mayer!"

They shared another gentle kiss that quickly increased in intensity until Luke found himself being squeezed up against the counter. They both started to giggle into the kiss as they realised what was happening and broke apart smiling. Luke and Noah had carefully avoided love making since their reunion. Both wanted it. Badly! But they had agreed on day one that they were going to take things slowly. Start again. Whenever they had made love in the past they had been totally and truly committed to each other and the relationship, with no unresolved issues between them. They wanted their new relationship to be the same.

"So?" Noah said arms encircled around Luke's waist, a slight look of amused confusion on his face, "When did you start listening to classical?"

Noah had meant to tease Luke, but wished he hadn't said it the moment the words left his lips. Luke's smile waivered as his eyes took on a brief moment of shock and then sadness before almost guiltily looking at the floor.

"Oh…" Noah sighed, as realisation set in, "Reid."

Luke broke quickly away from the embrace to turn around and continue stirring the pot. For a moment if felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

"Luke?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was haunted.

"Luke," Noah carefully turned Luke around to face him again. He placed his hand under Luke's chin to lift his head and make eye contact, "It's okay you know? There's nothing for you to be sorry about. I told you before… I understand."

"It's… I didn't even realise the connection until you mentioned it. I mean… I guess… I never… I never realised that some things from my time with him kind of… I don't know… stuck?"

"Pretty normal don't you think?" Noah shrugged, trying with all his might to sound nonchalant. It did hurt. It did hurt to think of Luke loving another man, but Noah really had come to accept it. Luke had so much love to give and it stood to reason that he would look to give his love to somebody else once Noah pushed him away. But Noah knew that it didn't mean Luke had come to love him any less because of it. He had simply shared a different kind of love with Reid. The scary thing was that if it hadn't been for a cruel twist of fate, Noah knew how close he had come to possibly losing Luke forever.

Noah had felt betrayed by Reid, but despite the anger he had for him at the time, he would never have wished Reid harm. He felt terrible for what had happened and he hated what it had done to Luke. He knew he owed Reid something special, something as precious as the ability to see, and Noah had come to realise that in some way he could repay Reid by looking out for Luke. He felt sure that, despite everything, Reid would have wanted Luke to be happy. At least the two of them had had THAT in common.

"I just don't want to hurt you because of it." Luke replied as he leaned into Noah's hand and brought his fingers up to meet his. "We've done enough to hurt each other already."

By some unspoken agreement, they had carefully avoided the general subject of their breakup and Reid, both preferring to live in a protective bubble of their own making. Their new found relationship still felt fragile and they had needed a place where, at least for a little while, they could leave all the pain behind and just focus purely on loving each other. But both knew that the bubble was only temporary and that at some point they were going to have to face the real world. Luke had already taken a full month off from Grimaldi Shipping and his Foundation, both of which were clamouring for his attention. In a few days he would have to leave Noah in LA and return to Oakdale. The thought made Noah feel sick and terrified.

"Luke, you feel what you feel, okay? I don't expect you to keep avoiding the subject just because you're scared of how it will affect me. We said we would share everything from now on… remember?" He pulled Luke in close again and smoothed his blond locks from out of his face, "Even if it hurts."

"Yes," Luke replied, "We do need to talk," he searched Noah's eyes tentatively; "we can't put it off any longer."

Noah nodded and tried not to let the fear show in his face.

...

Luke and Noah walked slowly hand in hand into the dim lit lounge after sharing a contemplative dinner in the kitchen. They had talked about Noah's day at work but it was strained. Not strained from conflict or anger of any kind, but rather from the fear of where their inevitable conversation would take them. Both knew what they wanted. They knew they belonged together. Everything that had happened over the years had proved that. But the fear was still there. Noah feared being left alone. Luke feared being hurt.

Luke turned to take hold of Noah's other hand. He locked his gaze with him and gave him a small reassuring smile. A silent communication, "Everything's going to be okay."

Noah smiled back and nodded nervously, trembling slightly.

"I love you so much." Luke said simply.

"I love you too."

Some time passed.

"Okay, Baby? The first thing I need is…" Luke paused to take a deep breath, "I guess I need to understand."

"Understand?" Noah asked the question but he knew where this was going.

"I need you to make me understand WHY…. Why you pushed me away?"

He saw Noah take a deep breath, wait a few moments and then let it go in a shudder. Luke squeezed both his hands to help anchor him… to give him strength.

"The thing is," Luke continued softly, "usually when people love each other they need each other. I mean… they need each other to help get them through the bad times. But you… you pushed me out of your life… and… and I need to know WHY. I need to know why you stopped needing me."

He nodded once to encourage Noah to begin speaking.

Noah broke eye contact and looked away. "Noah…no… no Noah…" Luke gripped Noah's hands tightly and waited for Noah to turn his sad eyes back to him. "No running... remember? Right here… just stay right here… with me."

Noah nodded. God this was hard!

"Luke I…" he had to fight back the desire to cry, crying would make what he had to say harder, and he knew he had to get it out. He had to get it all out. They had to resolve these issues if they were going to move on together. Otherwise the months apart would all have been for nothing.

Luke knew how difficult this was for Noah. It went against his natural instincts and Luke could see the war going on in Noah's eyes. He knew how hard Noah was trying and he loved him a little more because of it.

"A few months after the accident, I started having to admit to myself that… that the likelihood was I would never see again. And you were right… I did blame you at first. Deep down I knew it wasn't your fault but… there HAD to be a reason, right? I mean I HAD to know that I wasn't just blind by some CHANCE! I just needed something to blame it on and be angry at… and I guess… I guess you were just there. And with our history… you know… the way we would sometimes disagree because you can be so compulsive. Like, sometimes you don't really think before you act even though I know you think you're doing the right thing."

Luke nodded but didn't say anything. Noah tried to read his thoughts but all he saw on the blonde's face was a deep kind of concentration, like he was really trying hard to understand.

"I actually forgave you the whole Mason thing way sooner then I think you know, but when I realised that my sight wasn't coming back and that it may NEVER come back, it was easier to keep you at a distance."

"Easier?" Luke asked.

"Luke you know me, right?"

"Better than anybody." Luke nodded.

Noah continued, "So…so you will know that I had our life all planned out. And it was going to be so amazing, Luke! So perfect! And I was going to do everything to make you happy. To give you the life you deserved after everything you had given me." Luke smiled sadly and Noah returned the smile briefly before a shadow passed over his face, "And then just like that I was blind! I was a cripple! And I needed help for EVERYTHING! Walking, eating, tying my shoelaces!"

"I wanted to help you with all that Noah," Luke whispered.

"I know… I know you would have done anything and everything… and I love you for it… and… and… that's just it! Don't you get it?"

"No."

Noah sighed again looking down at their entwined hands, "It wasn't the life I planned for you! It wasn't what I wanted for you! For US!" He looked back up into Luke's eyes, "I love you Luke! How could I condemn you to a life like THAT?"

"Oh Noah…" A tear fell down Luke's cheek.

"So I was desperate. I was desperate to find a way as quickly as possible to get my sight back, if that was even an option! Because I knew… I knew there was only so long that I could keep you at arms length and there was only one way I could see us staying together. I knew I was hurting you and it killed me. And I DID need you Luke, it took everything I had not to cling onto you, but I thought if it came down to me being blind forever… if Reid couldn't fix me… then it would be easier to let you go. I could let you go and live a normal life. The life I wanted for you. A happy life. Because I know you too Luke… I know that if you knew I didn't blame you… if you knew the real reason for keeping you away, then you would stay. No matter what I said."

Noah's words were like a dagger in Luke's gut. How did he never see this? If he knew Noah so well then he should have seen this, right? It all made sense now… the reason Noah felt he had to learn to live alone… because he never intended on having a life with Luke if he was blind. In his own misguided way, Noah was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of Luke's.

"God!" And he drew Noah into him. Noah pressed his face into the small of Luke's neck and sobbed silently.

When they pulled apart again Noah said, "I knew there was a risk that you would start to date other men. I guess… the things is…" he stumbled.

"It's okay, go on…"

"I guess I never considered you might actually fall in love with any of them. At least not so quickly… I thought for sure that by the time I'd had the surgery and knew where things stood one way or the other… that you would just still be there. I realise now that it was naive of me… or vain…"

"No, Noah. The thing with Reid, it was as much of a shock to me as it was to you. I never expected or wanted it. I wasn't looking for it. It just kind of happened."

"That day, the day I got all my sight back. I wanted to surprise you so I had Richard drive me to your house. And I was so happy Luke! So relieved! Because you had been there during the surgery… the whole time! And I thought… I thought…"

Luke made a small vocal sob as the tears fell, "I know. And then the first time you see me I'm kissing Reid… I'm so sorry! I'm sorry Noah. When you didn't call me to pick you up from the hospital I thought it was because you didn't need me. And I knew Richard was there… So I guess, I guess I needed some… comfort… and Reid was..." He had been such an idiot! Why couldn't he have just waited a little while longer? Why didn't he have more faith? "I was always going to tell you about Reid. You have to believe that! I would never have kept it from you, but I never wanted you to find out like THAT! I would never intentionally hurt you like that! Okay?"

Noah kissed him then and leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching, "I know Luke… I know. And I'm sorry too. For everything!"

Throughout the conversation they had not once pulled their hands apart. They had held on steadfastly. But now they broke the connection so that they could throw their arms around each other in a deep hug. Noah's right hand rested on Luke's head and played softly with his hair. Luke rubbed small circles on Noah's back. The only sound was the ticking of the clock. And they let an indefinable amount of time pass. Standing together like that. For as long as they both needed.

And suddenly it felt like some huge weight had been lifted. It felt like they were breathing a little easier.

Finally Luke spoke into the folds of Noah's shirt, "I think we're going to be okay."

"Same here."


	3. Moving On

Luke hadn't planned on watching for long, but as he'd glanced over at the television on a trip through the lounge, he'd decided to quickly check out the news. He would have to return to work in a few days and he thought it would probably be a good idea to get with the program so to speak. A city could have exploded while he'd been in LA and he wouldn't have known about it! He chuckled to himself at the thought.

The attractive news reader was reporting on a car bomb in Kabul but from the moment his eyes hit the screen it was the small electronic date that drew his attention.

"Reid," he whispered before sitting down, weighty with shock, his legs wobbly and giving way under him.

While still pointing the remote at the television, his other hand went up to cover his mouth. He quickly turned the set off, trying to reverse what he had seen, while knowing it was too late,

"I'm so sorry…"

...

The apartment was dark when Noah opened the door but before he could wonder at it a strong burning smell sent him running for the kitchen. He quickly opened the oven door and jumped back as a black smoke cloud emerged from within. "****!"

Quickly he flipped the switch off, grabbed a kitchen towel to pull the casserole dish out, before dropping the red hot object into the sink. He turned on the cold tap and sighed in relief as the whole thing steamed and sizzled. "Luke?" he coughed as he opened the kitchen window. No reply. What on earth?

...

Luke had no idea how long he had been staring at the blank screen of the television, but during that time the room had gradually darkened, the only light coming from the streetlamps outside the window. Traffic activity had increased too, heralding the start of rush hour.

He was sitting on the sofa, frozen in the same spot. He was sure that if he moved at all he would shatter into a million tiny pieces. He still couldn't believe he had forgotten! Guilt choked him. He had been so ecstatically happy with Noah, so focused on him over the past few weeks, that time and the outside world in general had basically ceased to exist.

Every muscle in his body was straining as he held himself back from an emotional onslaught he didn't want to feel. His eyes were still locked on the screen, on the spot where that date had appeared. He was just beginning to think there was no escape when he felt warmth rub up each of his thighs. It felt good… comforting…. and it allowed him to do two things he hadn't been able too since he sat down; take a deep breath and swallow hard.

He felt his breathing start to improve and it allowed him to eventually look down at his lap where two strong arms moved two strong hands slowly back and forth, up and down his thighs. He watched, hypnotised for a moment, and then lifted his heavy head to find himself swimming in concerned blue eyes made darker by the unlit room. They were filled with love.

He wasn't sure how long Noah had been kneeling down in front of him, but once eye contact was established Luke could no longer hold back the tears. His eyes welled up and, as they did, Noah carefully leaned forward, first making sure Luke was ready and then placing his arms under his and drawing him into a warm embrace that felt like sunshine. A loud sound of anguish escaped from his lips before he could stop it and he collapsed into Noah, his body rocking with sobs.

At some point Noah had joined him on the sofa and held him close, rubbing the top of his head and the small of his back and now, periodically, Luke would feel a kiss on the top of his head. Each gesture, each movement from the other man, calmed him a little more. Slowly he felt himself coming back from the dark place he had temporarily hidden away in. Then he whispered softly, "Reid died today."

Without saying anything Noah stood up pulling Luke with him. Never breaking contact he guided Luke to the bedroom and gently helped him remove his jeans so that he stood in his shirt and boxers. Noah kept his eyes firmly fixed on Luke's while quickly removing his own outer clothes and shoes before taking hold of both Luke's hands and guiding him like a small boy into the bed. By this point Luke had stopped thinking. All he wanted was to feel safe and he placed his head on Noah's chest, bunching up some of Noah's vest in his fist for comfort while hooking his right leg between Noah's so that they were tightly linked together. Noah's hands rested on his back and it felt like heaven.

They lay like that for a while, just soaking in the feel and smell of each other. As he relaxed, Luke released his grip on Noah's vest and started to smooth out the creases left behind, becoming more and more conscious of the shape of the firm chest underneath and of the warmth from Noah's body on his cheek. He allowed his hand to explore slightly lower and rubbed his fingers up Noah's side, feeling the small bumps that were his ribs. Almost subconsciously he had started to move in closer, rubbing his hips slightly up and down. He heard Noah's breathing quicken, become deeper, and he turned his head up to find the blue eyes staring intently at him. He searched their depths, looking for any hint of hesitation, before stretching his neck up to kiss the waiting lips.

It was at that moment that some strange unknown force seemed to take hold of Luke. It was like a demon took over and suddenly he couldn't control himself. He rolled violently on top of Noah and pressed his mouth down hard, so that Noah's head was pushed deeply into the pillow. He forced his tongue into Noah's mouth and sucked and explored every part of it, moans and groans escaping his lips as pure desire and lust took hold. He grabbed both of Noah's wrists and forced them down into the bed, holding him down, straddling Noah, right there where he wanted him. He didn't want to stop the kiss but eventually he needed air so he rose up and tossed his hair back out of his eyes, grunts escaping this throat like a crazed animal.

After less than a second he was ready to dive in for more but he stopped immediately when he heard the loud gasps for air. Noah's chest heaved heavily up and down as he recovered from the assault and for the first time Luke realised he was speaking, "Luke! Luke?"

Luke felt his eyes widen and he opened his mouth in horror. He released Noah's wrists and brought his hands up in front of his face, staring at them as though they belonged to someone else. Then gently, he placed them, one on each of Noah's cheeks before uttering, "Oh my god! Baby! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He could feel the tears falling, "I don't know… I just… I wasn't thinking!"

Noah reached up and lightly placed his hands on each side of Luke's face, mirroring his own actions, "It's okay…. Come here, it's okay." And to his surprise and relief Noah pulled him in, holding him tight. Luke could feel his whole body shiver as the rush of adrenaline left him. He sighed into Noah's neck, "I just need you. I really need you."

"Okay."

He lifted his head to look at Noah, "Please don't think I'm using you… I love you. It's just… it's just… I really want you right now. Please… will you make love to me Noah?"

He was afraid the answer would be 'no' after what he had done, but Noah simply leaned in and gave him the most incredibly gentle kiss he had ever had. It was a kiss wrapped in love, understanding and reassurance and it was exactly what he needed.

No more words were spoken. They didn't need any. They acted on an instinct all their own, a language of sighs and cries… a communication through contact… a moment steeped in a history and a silence only they could understand.

He was blown away by the way Noah made him feel. Every part of his body fitted every angle of Noah's perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle. It was both so very familiar and yet it was different. There was a new level of understanding between them, a feeling like together they could conquer anything… a certainty that they would last forever. He no longer had that overwhelming need to possess Noah, to own him. He trusted in this new kind of love they had found together. He trusted that Noah's love for him was as great as his love for Noah and he felt at peace.

Entwined naked together they took turns to study every part of each other… hands and mouths feeling and tasting until neither could wait any longer, the sensations strong, and Luke breathed into Noah's ear, a soundless signal that translated into "Take me…"

As Noah slowly entered him, Luke was sure that he was experiencing the kind of intensity praised and written about in all the Novels and Poems he had ever read. Every sense he had was exploding like fireworks as they rolled and crashed together, heaving in breath and sweat and tears.

...

The love they shared permeated the room and clothed them like a blanket, cocooning them in a safety net. They knew that they could say anything to each other.

They lay face to face, each with a head on a pillow, and Noah was softly curling Luke's hair around and around his left index finger, "Do you want to talk about him?"

Luke searched Noah's expressions for any signs of hurt and, only after reassuring himself that there was none, said "I forgot. I can't believe I forgot! I feel terrible! I feel so guilty. Like I've betrayed him in some way."

"Are you sorry we…"

"Oh no!" Luke interrupted with conviction, "Oh god no, Noah! I love you and I needed you and you were there for me. It was perfect! It was the way it should be and I know Reid would understand."

"Yes, I think so too." Noah said simply.

"We belong together. We always did. I know that for sure now, but I fell for Reid, you know? Unexpectedly! And I wanted to see where the relationship would take us… I wanted to see what would happen if I let things go on… Do you understand that?"

"Yes."

"So now it's like… I don't know… It's just that I don't want him to think he didn't matter… that I forgot because he didn't matter…"

"I'm sure he wouldn't think that. He would want you to be happy."

Luke nodded, "I can hear what he would say right now…"

"What's that?"

"Grow up Mr. Snyder! I'm dead! Get over it!"

Noah smiled and nodded.

They lay quietly for a while, staring at each other and Noah could still see a tinge of pain in the back of Luke's brown eyes so he said, "You know… our last consultation together? Well… let's just say it was more than a little awkward and pretty strained!"

"Oh yes?" They both smiled.

"Yes!" Another pause and then, "He said some things about us… mostly about how I had been treating you and… I was WAY too angry at him to admit this at the time but… I think I realised at that moment that he loved you."

Luke smiled, "I think he's happy for us."

"Same here."


	4. Understanding History

Luke heard the distinct sound of the morning garbage collection truck outside the window. God, was it really THAT early? He'd woken up needing the bathroom but on his trip back to the bed was struck by how amazing and peaceful Noah looked in his sleep. His heart had jumped in his chest and instead of climbing back in bed he had pulled up a chair so he could sit for a few minutes just looking at him.

Noah's hair was all ruffled and tiny black curls kissed his brow. His eyes were shut softly without a hint of tension. Luke wondered what he was dreaming about because at that moment his lips turned up in a slight smile. Luke couldn't believe the love he had for this guy… couldn't believe how lucky he was to have another chance with him. How many nights after their breakup had he dreamed of doing just this? And now here they were, after months of painful separation, even more together than he had ever thought possible.

He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and place his chin in the palms of both hands. He rubbed his eyes briefly and realised he had shed a few tears. He knew that today he would have to start making arrangements to return back to Oakdale. He had made this decision every night for the past week, but then he would wake up in Noah's arms each morning and say to himself, "Just one more day."

But now he knew for sure that it could no longer wait. He dreaded leaving Noah. The thought of being parted from him again was killing him. He hadn't even been able to face the IDEA of it without struggling to breathe and now he had to face the reality. Of cause he was trying to be strong. He knew how scared Noah was of being alone and he didn't want to let on how badly it was affecting him too. He needed to give Noah confidence that everything would be okay… that they would work something out.

Noah had already suggested he give up his job in LA and return to Oakdale but Luke wasn't having any of it! He knew how much Noah loved his job and he didn't want to be the reason Noah gave up on his dream. No way! So he had spent hours going over a hundred different scenarios in his head, trying to find one that would allow him to stay in LA while still sort out his responsibilities in Oakdale. But there really was no solution. He HAD to go back. Noah HAD to stay.

Of cause there were also things in Oakdale that he wanted to go back for. He missed his family for one. Ethan was at that age when changes could be noticed even after just one week and both Faith and Nat were begging to see him. When he'd left for LA it was supposed to be for two days and he had ended up staying for more than a month! There hadn't been any time for his family to adjust to him being gone. The proper Snyder goodbyes had been bypassed by fate, so to speak. He felt bad about that but he also knew he was no longer a kid. He needed to live his own life… and right now that life was in LA with Noah.

His mom had literally screamed with joy when he had explained his reasons for staying in LA. Any reprimands she had planned for him when she answered the phone, after not hearing from him in a week, dissolved instantly. She loved Noah like a son. They all loved Noah. He had become an important part of the family and they had been almost as devastated by the breakup as Luke.

"I knew it!" she had beamed down the phone, "I always had faith for the two of you baby!"

There was another reason he wanted to go back, a reason he hadn't been able to talk to Noah about. Noah had been so understanding of the emotions he still harboured for Reid, but Luke couldn't help but be conscious of Noah's feelings and there were some things he thought best to keep to himself. Some things were private… were a part of the love he had shared with Reid… like the fact that, after realising he'd forgotten the anniversary of Reid's death, he had felt this overwhelming need to visit the pond and the site where he had placed half of Reid's ashes. He wanted to apologise to him properly… to explain… to make peace. He felt he needed to be close to some essence of him to do so. LA made the short time they had spent together seem like a lifetime ago.

He was so wrapped in his thoughts that it took a while before he registered Noah staring at him. He smiled wide, "Busted!"

Noah returned the smile and then pulled the sheet back and patted the empty space in front of him, "Don't get me wrong, you look amazing sitting over there in your underwear but… I kind of prefer it when you're IN the bed!"

Noah's cheeky grin was just too hard to resist and Luke was curled up with him in no time, his left cheek pressed up against Noah's chest.

Noah kissed the top of his head, "You looked like an angel, the light from outside made your hair glow… but…"

"But?"

"You looked like a SAD angel. What's up?"

Luke hitched at that and felt the tears starting again.

"Luke?" Noah pushed him back slightly so that he could look in his eyes.

"I'm okay…" and at Noah's sceptical expression, "Really! It's just sinking in that I have to leave soon…"

He saw the sadness creep into Noah's eyes and wished he could have kept the thought to himself, but they had promised to share everything and they both knew this relationship was only stronger for that promise.

Noah didn't say anything, just gave Luke a quick kiss and drew him tightly against him, holding him like that until it was time to get up for work.

...

Gustav was freaking out, "Where the hell is he?"

He reached out a hand and grabbed hold of Roberto's jacket as the Construction Manager made his way through the busy set, "Hey, you seen Ken anywhere?"

"Not for over an hour, sorry. What's up?"

"A damn spot's out up there and shooting is in ten minutes! The guy's gone AWOL again! God I'll kill him this time for sure!"

"Well can't you fix it yourself? It's just a bulb change after all…"

Gustav looked up the ladder to the high studio roofing above and shuddered at the thought! However it was his neck on the line if things weren't perfect for the take. He grabbed a bulb, chucked it in his duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. Gingerly he started climbing the first few rungs of the ladder but stopped short when he felt a strong hand around his right ankle and heard a stern voice yell, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He looked down and almost fell when he saw who it was, "Yeah, um sorry… I can't find Ken and a spots out…"

"It's Ken's job to change the spots not yours! He's the electrician! Now get down from there before you kill yourself!"

"You know? You should listen to him…"an amused voice said from the side. Gustav watched as all annoyance in the director's eyes literally melted away in seconds and the blue in them seemed to light up and sparkle. He released Gustav's ankle immediately, turned with a sly smile on his face, and opened his arms out to the grinning blonde man who had spoken, "…he knows what he's talking about!"

"Luke!" Noah laughed, pulling the man into a close hug that made Gustav (and by the looks of things Roberto too) more than a little uncomfortable, "Best surprise ever!"

"Hi babe," the blonde replied, brushing Noah's hair back with one hand whilst holding him with the other, "I was missing you so…"

Just then Ken decided to show his useless face and Gustav angrily sent him up the ladder to repair the problem. As he turned he heard this Luke person say, "Did I come at a bad time?"

"It's never a bad time to see you." Noah gushed, "Actually it's perfect timing, we're shooting in about five minutes! Oh Melanie," he called off to the side and drew the attention of the petite red head who headed right over, "Melanie, this is my boyfriend Luke. Luke, this is Melanie."

"Hello, Melanie."

"Hi Luke, nice to meet you."

"Melanie," Noah began, "Luke would like to watch the shoot. Could you take care of him for me while I finish up?"

"Of cause Noah," and then to Luke, "Please follow me."

Noah gave Luke a deep, passionate kiss, started to walk away but then turned back and repeated the kiss before saying, "Bye lover."

"Bye, good luck." Luke whispered back and Noah walked off towards his station, grinning from ear to ear.

Gustav stood staring after him with his mouth agape. It wasn't the fact that they were gay that had embarrassed him… it was the level of intimacy between them. The way they held and looked at each other as though they were alone in a small room instead of standing in the middle of a bustling movie set. He continued watching after Noah until he heard, "Okay, Rudimentary, take 2 and five, four, three…"

He quickly scurried out of the way.

...

Watching Noah work just solidified the fact that LA was where he belonged. Luke was amazed at how his sweet and shy Noah was able to control a whole set of stagehands and actors with absolute confidence and authority. It was a side to Noah that he rarely saw outside of this environment. It was like watching the conductor at a symphony, waving his hands around and getting just the right responses from the actors, lighting crew and cameramen. Luke couldn't contain the pride he felt at that moment! He hated that he was going to have to spoil tonight by telling Noah he was leaving in just two days time. It was done. Everything was arranged and he would be back in Oakdale bright and early Monday morning.

After the shot ended Luke watched as various people scuttled around Noah, getting instructions, asking for advise and occasionally Noah would read and then sign a piece of paper that was passed under his nose. Just then a dark Italian looking man approached the group. He said something to Noah with a smile on his face and it made Noah laugh out loud.

There was something about this man's mannerism that bothered Luke almost instantly. Maybe it was the way he stood just a little too close to Noah and leaned into him as he spoke. Or the way his hand would intermittently squeeze Noah's shoulder…

Luke felt his shackles start to rise and he couldn't help but wonder at the strange energy between Noah and this other man. Finally the Italian left the group and walked over the floor and past Luke. He seemed to notice Luke but he didn't stop, just carried on walking past to stand somewhere behind him. Then Luke heard him say, "Who's the blonde?"

"Noah's boyfriend." He heard Melanie reply; "Now we know why he's been in such a good mood lately! AND why production is two weeks behind schedule!"

Luke's heart stopped…

"Don't pull that face Oliver! Noah's way out of your league! Always was!"

At that Luke couldn't help but turn and immediately made eye contact with the stranger. The look of jealousy and resentment that past between them left Luke in no further doubt that his instincts had been correct.

He felt a hand on his shoulder that made him jump and the connection with the man was ended.

"Sorry," Noah laughed, "Didn't mean to scare you!"

"No… no…" Luke stuttered, "You didn't."

Just then Melanie walked over, "Hey Noah! I know you usually walk home but it's raining pretty heavy out there tonight so I ordered you a cab. It should be parked right outside."

"Thanks Melanie!" Noah replied, "What would I do without you?"

"Looks like you're managing just fine if you ask me!" She said with a wink and then walked off towards the set.

"Ready?" Noah asked putting his arm around Luke's shoulder and steering them towards the exit.

Luke didn't know if he was.

...

It was absolutely pouring outside. Sheets of rain mixed with darkness making it difficult to see out into the parking lot, but Noah spotted the cab and they ran over to it.

"You're quiet all of a sudden?" Noah said as they slid, dripping, into the waiting cab. "Um, the studio gave my address right?" He said to the driver who nodded and turned on the engine.

Luke was looking out of the window towards the studio door as the cab pulled away from the lot and joined the busy home time traffic. His thoughts were running at a million miles per minute and all sorts of images flashed through his head… mostly of Noah in some passionate position with this person. He didn't know it was possible to hate a complete stranger but at that moment hate was all he could feel for him. He felt like he would explode at any moment.

"Luke?" he heard Noah say in that teasing voice that he usually loved, but which now just irritated him. "Anybody home?"

Luke looked directly at him and saw Noah visibly jump at the expression that must have been on his face.

"Luke? What's wrong?"

Luke glared at him for a moment, "Who's Oliver?"

The swish of the window wipers suddenly sounded much louder as both of them held their breath. It was obvious that he had caught Noah completely off guard because all he said was, "Wh... What?" A frown crinkled his forehead.

"I'm just wondering what THIS is when you've been carrying on with somebody from work?"

Noah paused for just a second, a look of shock on his face before his eyes burned into Luke's and he yelled, "Stop the car!" The driver was taken aback but complied immediately when Noah, still locking eyes with Luke, sternly repeated, "Stop the damn car! Now!"

Once at a standstill Noah flung open his door and started to get out. Luke shouted, "Where are you going? It's torrential out there!" But Noah ignored him and stormed off into the park.

"Shit!" Luke quickly paid the cab driver and ran after Noah, sneakers squelching on the grass.

"Stop…. Stop will you?" Luke caught up and grabbed Noah's elbow to spin him around.

"Where are you going?"

"I had to get out before I punched you!" Noah said with frustration, "I can't believe you're doing this AGAIN! I can't believe you!"

"You? You can't believe ME?" Luke quickly replied. "You're the one cheating here Noah! Not me!"

"Urg!" Noah exclaimed loudly, kicking the ground with his foot.

"I don't see why you're the one upset?" Luke stated.

"Oh really?" Sheets of water poured down Noah's face and he had to speak louder for Luke to hear him over the rain, "None of this seems at all familiar to you then?" The condescension in that statement was obvious.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Umm… Mason?"

That shook Luke for a second before he said, with less conviction, "This is NOTHING like Mason!"

"Oh no?"

"You never SLEPT with Mason!" He saw utter pain enter Noah's eyes at that and a small part of his soul broke at the sight, but he was way past the point of anger and it was too late to go back. "You did SLEEP with Oliver didn't you?"

Noah looked at him with sadness.

"DIDN'T you!" Luke yelled again.

"Yes", he said quietly, "Yes… once..."

The rain pelted them both but they couldn't have cared less. They could have been anywhere. Right now all that remained was this massive mountain they knew they had to climb. It couldn't be ignored this time. If they left it, if they chose to walk away then that would be it. The end of a relationship, the end of a love both of them wanted and needed more than life itself.

Tears had started to fall down Noah's cheeks, mingling with the rain and he began to speak through his teeth, tension making it difficult. He was resigned to whatever fate this story brought to him. "I spent my first month in LA losing myself in work… I would work through the night sometimes! And on the weekends? I'd walk for miles looking for location shoots or I'd shop for furniture, go to the cinema… ANYTHING… anything to stop me from thinking or dreaming!"

They exchanged soulful looks.

"And then one day… just like THAT… I found myself standing in the middle of the apartment. I don't know how long I stood there for but I couldn't hold it back anymore… everything was just collapsing on top of me. I was exhausted… I was drowning! And for the first time EVER?" He chocked as the tears blended with the rain and he struggled to whisper, "I wished I'd never met you!"

It was like a slap across Luke's face. He was raging inside and could no longer control the streams of jealousy flowing through his blood. He started to walk away, but stopped dead when Noah yelled, "No running!"

He turned around and was struck by the fiery passion and determination written in Noah's expression.

"Do you want to know why I slept with him?"

Luke said nothing, just stood shivering in this t-shirt, his face broody and pensive.

"I slept with him because I didn't care anymore! I was DYING inside Luke! Because every single day that went past I was being forced to take a step back from YOU! And there was nothing I could do to stop it!" He paused to allow a few sobs to pass, "And you would call me… you would talk to me on the phone like everything was okay… everything was normal! And I thought… I thought… he's moved on… he doesn't want me anymore! And I HATED myself!" He took another deep and shaky breath, "So I ended up at a bar, I got drunk and I went home with Oliver! I don't even REMEMBER it!"

Slowly Luke felt the anger and jealousy dying and melting away as his heart broke for Noah. He hung his head in shame. He was such a fool! Noah loved him! It was obvious and here he was once AGAIN, letting some unimportant person come between them. After EVERYTHING!

"When I woke up and realised what had happened, I left his place and went home! I've never even spoken to him about it. I know he's still interested but he's never pressed the issue… so…" He shrugged, breathing heavily.

They stood in the rain. How could this be happening? How were they losing control? Everything had been just perfect only a few minutes ago but now a deep chasm had opened up between them and neither knew how to cross it. Both felt a surge of dread hit them. Were they strong enough this time? Could they fight through this?

Finally Noah deflated and sighed, "Why don't you believe me? Why don't you believe how much I love you? What do I have to do Luke? I don't want to go down this road again! This is a dark road!" He shook his head back and forth, over and over and as he burst into a fit of sobs Luke could no longer hold himself back.

He moved quickly forward and began to put his arms around Noah, but Noah placed his hands on Luke's chest and pushed him back. Both stumbled slightly but Luke was not giving in this time, he grabbed Noah, both arms held firmly around him. Noah struggled and cried but eventually had no more energy to fight and they fell to their knees onto the sodden earth, drenched so that their shirts clung to their skin.

"I'm an idiot!" Luke shouted above the sound of the rain. "I do believe you! I do!" He pushed Noah back, a hand on each shoulder and, eye to eye, he said, "I trust you Noah! I'm sorry! I get it, okay? I swear to you I do!"

They stared at each other for a moment until Noah suddenly grabbed him tightly, his hand on the back of Luke's head, feeling him, touching him all over as though making sure he was still there… that he was real. Then, "I'm going to live my life Luke." Noah said firmly. "And… sometimes… sometimes you might not like people who are in my life. But that's MY choice! Okay? But I love you, I waited months for YOU! There is and will never be anyone else. Please?" he begged. "You have to accept that or we can't go on. Don't you see that?"

Luke leaned in through the rain and kissed Noah hard on the lips before saying, "I see it! I totally get it now, okay?" He kissed him again. "You're right! Please forgive me! I love you! I'm so sorry."

"Okay." Noah stated softly.

They held onto each other for a few more minutes, until they calmed and both their heartbeats returned to a natural rhythm.

"Right then…" Luke said as he stood up and pulled Noah up to meet him in a hug. "Let's go home… I'm freezing by butt off over here!"

And that made Noah relax and he laughed shaking with relief, "Same here!"


	5. Happiness

Noah allowed his elbows to rest in the warm sand, buried his feet, closed his eyes, and flopped his head back so that he could feel the full force of the sun on his face. He stayed that way for a few minutes just enjoying the sound of the waves and the distant laughs and screams of people frolicking in the cool Pacific Ocean.

Eventually he sat up and placed his sunglasses back on, smiling the moment he caught sight of Luke just missing a knock from a rather large wave by ducking quickly under it. Whenever Luke emerged from under the frothy water he would shake his head and use both his hands to push his hair back out of his eyes. It was incredibly sexy and Noah couldn't help but notice how tanned Luke had become after a month in LA. It suited him, highlighting his hair and turning the hazel in his eyes almost red. He smiled and waved at Noah and Noah waved back. He could definitely get used to the surfer-boy look!

It was unbelievable how happy he was! When he thought back on all those empty months when moments like these were just a dream, he could hardly believe his good fortune. Now that he knew how easily it could all be lost, he was going to enjoy and savour every moment of it. He would never make the mistake of taking anything for granted again.

He watched as Luke bounced his way out of the surf and ran up the sand bank towards him. "The water's amazing!" He said breathlessly collapsing next to Noah and lying back on his towel, letting the sun do the drying. Noah turned onto his side to face Luke and rested on his elbow, his head in his hand. He studied the sparkling water droplets as they pooled in Luke's bellybutton and slid down his sides and, at that moment, couldn't help but wish he was one of them. Luke's stomach lifted up and down as he caught his breath back and he raised his left arm up and laid it across his eyes to block out even more of the bright sunlight, his fingers twitching every so often.

"I love you." Noah said softly, almost to himself.

"Hmm?" Luke responded, lifting his arm and shading his eyes with his hand so that he was squinting at Noah in such an adorable way it made Noah laugh.

"I love you." He said again and leaned in to kiss Luke on his salty lips.

"Me too…" Luke's voice was slightly throaty from the seawater and it made Noah want to jump him right there in full view of the public.

"Are you happy?" Noah asked.

Luke studied him for a moment and then pushed himself up on his elbows to meet Noah in a bottomless kiss so filled with intensity it almost knocked Noah back into the sand. When Luke pulled back, he lifted Noah's sunglasses and said, "More then I ever thought possible!"

Noah traced the outline of Luke's jaw with his index finger for a while and then said with sadness, "I just wish you didn't have to go…"

But before he could finish Luke put his hand over his mouth and said, "Oh no you don't! We're not talking about that today! Today we just have fun, remember? That was the deal!"

"Yes it was." Noah smiled, lifting the mood, "And do you know what else was part of that deal?"

"What?"

"Ice-cream! You promised me one!" Noah pouted his lips.

"You big baby!" Luke smirked.

...

"If only every Sunday could be like this one." Mused Luke as they looked out over the balcony at the view of the beach and soaked in the cool breeze blowing off the water.

Noah removed the spoon and mumbled with a mouth full of strawberry ice-cream, "No reason they can't be... once you've moved here for good that is!"

"Promise?"

"What?"

"Promise that once I'm officially living here… with you…" and he smiled at that, "… we will do this every single Sunday!"

"Great idea Snyder but what if it rains?"

"Details! Details! Okay then… every single sunny Sunday?"

They glowed at each other.

"I promise!" Noah replied.

"I'm going to hold you to that you know?"

Noah reached across the table to take hold of Luke's hand, "So long as I'm spending days with you I don't really care what we do!"

"Me neither." And then, "Maybe we are promising the wrong thing then…"

Noah gave him a quizzical look, "What do you mean?"

"Maybe we should rather be promising to spend every Sunday TOGETHER?"

Noah could feel himself melting at that, "That may just be the best idea you've ever had!"

"Deal then?"

"Deal!"

They sat in silence for a while. Noah couldn't take his eyes off Luke, who was scanning the horizon his lips lifting slightly at the corners. "God Luke, but you take my breath away!"

Luke squeezed Noah's hand and held his stare seductively as he took a sip from his chocolate milkshake.

...

Luke had Noah wedged up against the edge of the pier, their legs twisted together. They were completely oblivious to the crowd; to the high pitched tune playing from the merry-go-ride and to the general fairground noises going on all around them. As far as they were concerned the world consisted of just the two of them. Luke felt like he could never get close enough… never get enough of Noah. Noah's hands had found their way under his shirt and were in the process of exploring every part of his back. Their kisses were searing with heat and energy and he felt giddy, like a child on Christmas day.

He had been in love with Noah before but now… now it was like he was IN love with Noah. They were so much a part of each other, so connected. He opened his eyes for a brief second and spotted something in the corner that made him move and pull Noah by the hand after him.

"Hey?" Noah complained at the sudden lack of contact, "Where are you taking me?"

Laughing out loud Luke turned and attacked him in another probing kiss, while at the same time steering him backwards until they fell through the curtain of a photo booth.

"You're kidding, right?" Noah asked when he realised where they were, raising his eyebrow in that way that drove Luke crazy.

Luke just grinned at him and quickly drew the curtain, deposited some coins in the slot and pushed Noah down by his shoulders so that he sat on the stool. Luke launched himself on Noah, wrapping both arms around his neck, while losing himself once more in their kisses and their laughter. The booth lit up six times, immortalising the moment.

...

"Luke! Stop! Stop right now! I mean it!"

"Come on Noah! For me?" Luke pleaded as he dragged a reluctant Noah closer to his intended destination.

"I told you! I don't do rollercoasters!"

Luke stopped and stepped back, surveying Noah critically with his hands on his hips, "You know? I can't believe you once thought you'd make a good soldier! You're really a bit of a wimp!"

"Hey! Low blow Snyder!"

"Okay. What do I have to go to get you to ride the rollercoaster with me?"

"Hmmm," Noah contemplated, "does this mean I can ask for anything?"

"Anything!" And then as Noah moved excitedly forward, "Within reason!" Luke held him back briefly by placing his hands on his chest giving him a playful look of warning.

Noah leaned in and whispered softly in Luke's ear making Luke's eyebrows arch up and his eyes widen, "Well! I never knew you had such a dirty mind Mayer! I'm quite shocked!"

Noah laughed out loud.

"Okay then, done!" Luke proclaimed and he stuck out his hand so that they could shake on it. "Although I think I might enjoy that more than you!"

"Cheeky!" Noah responded, smacking Luke once on the behind as they headed towards the dreaded rollercoaster.

"Great! We get to have the front." Luke looked like the cat that got the cream.

"Yeah, Great!" Was Noah's sarcastic response.

As the rollercoaster started its long and slow ascent to the top Luke looked over at Noah and smiled at how nervous he was. It was the cutest thing! He reached out and placed his hand over Noah's, whose own hands were turning white from holding on so tightly. "It's okay babe! I'm here! It will be fun!"

"You just keep telling yourself that Luke," He replied and then as the rollercoaster zoomed noisily down the other side Luke heard him yell, "I DON'T LIKE ROLLERCOASTERS!"

...

Darkness had fallen by the time they exited the ride, and the pier was all lit up in multicoloured lights. Noah was looking and obviously feeling a little green.

"Poor baby…" Luke said, placing an arm around his shoulder as they made their way back down the pier.

"I'm sure my payment will be worth it!" Noah winked sideways at him.

"Really sure of yourself all of a sudden Mayer…" Luke exclaimed, "Are you sure you are the SAME Noah Mayer I took on the rollercoaster just a few minutes ago?"

Noah punched him playfully in the shoulder and they both laughed together, locking hands.

They were so focused on each other that they accidently knocked into a large African American man and for a second it seemed to Luke like Noah might know him. The other man looked worried, but then Noah just politely apologised and they moved on.

"You know that guy?" Luke asked looking back.

"I don't think so," He said with a shrug and then, "Hey? Are you hungry?"

"Starving!"

"Well I seem to remember… just before I left Oakdale, I promised you a hotdog in LA."

"Actually you did!"

"Fancy one now?"

"Sure." And Luke leaned up to kiss him softly on the cheek, suddenly remembering a goodbye that, at the time, could have been so final.

...

Luke realised just how hungry they both were after they had devoured three hotdogs each. They were delicious.

"Ready to go home?" He asked as they both sat on the edge of the pier, side by side.

He looked over at Noah when he didn't get a response and noted the distinct look of gloom on his face.

"Okay?" He questioned softly reaching out and rubbing Noah's arm.

"I'm scared to go home…" Noah whispered and sighed deeply, letting out a shuddery breath.

"Scared?"

"I don't want this day to end. I don't want you to go." Tears were gathering in the corners of Noah's eyes and the sight made Luke shudder slightly. He reached around so that they could hold each other for a while and they sat swallowed by the night and the sounds of the fairground rides.

"I thought we agreed not to think about this today…" Luke said into Noah's shirt.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I can't do this again!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Luke placated, grabbing hold of Noah by his hips. Luke stared at him for a while before saying, "You know, back before your accident? Neither of us would have believed that we could just… BREAK like we did."

"No."

"What I mean is that neither of us wanted it to happen."

"It was like fate." Noah contributed.

"Yes! Exactly! The whole thing, all the events leading up to it, they all seemed to happen outside of our control. And that's why…" He hooked his eyes on Noah's and ran a hand down his cheek, "…that's why I think they were meant to happen. Everything we went through hurt… yes… it did hurt, a lot! But… but it's like we needed to go through it… You know? In order for us to get here… So that we could learn how to be together…"

Noah nodded and touched his forehead to Luke's.

"And right now? Right now in THIS moment? I just want to take you home... I want to show you how much I love you and… and I want you to know that… that this is IT, Noah!" He caught a single tear as it rolled down Noah's face. "THIS is all that matters! Whether we are in the same town or not! We ARE together! In every sense… and we will find a way to work out the rest. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone or anything in my life."

Noah kissed him quickly and drew him into a strong hug before replying, "Same here."


	6. Separation 1

He had lost count of how many times he had watched the apartment block from the coffee shop across the street. It was by far the most boring job anybody had ever paid him to do, but then there were worse things then sitting around drinking coffee all day. He knew! Still, nothing ever happened, the boy left for work in the morning and came home at night. Except for the occasional night out with friends or work colleagues the kid seemed to keep mostly to himself. He never brought anybody home.

A few times he had stayed out all night, but on investigation it turned out the kid was a killer workaholic! Once he had seen the kid so drunk his friend from work had taken him over to his place for the night. But that was just the once. Really the boy was pretty lonely and miserable, if he was any judge…

Then, for two whole days the boy never exited the apartment. He had gone in sure enough but he hadn't come out. Was he sick? He had reported the situation to his employer but his instructions had been to sit firm and report back once there was activity. He had called the boy's place of work and been told, "Sorry Sir, Mr Mayer has taken some vacation time."

Then suddenly, a few days later, he saw the dark hair of his mark emerge from the main entrance to the red brick building… only he wasn't alone. Interesting! Walking in step with him and holding his hand was a young man with longish blonde hair, and by the looks the two were giving each other it was pretty obvious they were a couple. And in love too if he wasn't mistaken…. Well! Of all the things he expected might happen, he hadn't expected this. The boy didn't look the type.

Of cause he had called it in as soon as the specified time allowed and his ear rang for days from the torrent of hate and abuse that the report had resulted in. Let's just say that his employer was less then pleased at the news, calling the blonde anything from "maggot" to "pervert" and threatening all sorts of damnation on the poor kid's head.

...

Noah felt like he had rocks in his stomach. He was sure the anxiety would swallow him whole, but he had no idea how to stop it. They knew this moment would come, but he was still totally unprepared.

"Hey…" Luke was in the process of zipping up his bag and lifting it off the bed when he noticed the total look of devastation on Noah's face. The tall man stood in the corner, leaning up against the wall, his arms wrapped around himself like a child. "Noah?"

Noah lifted his eyes from the carpet and gave Luke a wary look. Luke went straight over to him and sadly hugged him in close, allowing his lips to lightly brush the side of Noah's neck before whispering in his ear, "I'll be back as soon as I can…"

"Promise?"

"I promise…" and he leaned back to make eye contact before giving him a tender kiss. "I just have to make sure the Foundation can run without me, check on the neuro wing and get myself reassigned to Grimaldi Shipping here in LA. A month tops!"

"I wish I could go with you…" Noah sighed, "The thought of being here without you, even for a minute…"

"Hey! I'm expecting a few weekend visits, you hear?"

Noah smiled, "Try stopping me!"

"Well you had better mister! Otherwise you know my Mom will hunt you down!" He smiled and then added softly, "I'm going to miss you too you know? I wish there was some other way, but once this is all sorted then we can be together. For good!"

Luke's phone beeped and he walked over to the dresser to read the message, "Cab's here."

Noah closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

They walked to the apartment door together but before they reached it Noah grabbed Luke so violently he dropped his bag on the floor. Noah held him tight, "I can't do it! I can't do it, Luke!"

Luke pulled back and held both of Noah's tear stained cheeks, one in each hand, "Yes you can. You can because you belong to me and I belong to you! And nothing's going to change that, ever again! You hear? One month, Noah… then we will be back together… where we belong… okay?"

Noah was sobbing but he nodded.

"Can you do me a favour while I'm gone?"

"Anything."

"Could you unpack all those damn boxes already? Because I AM coming back… I like the weather too much not too!"

Noah laughed through the tears, "Okay."

Luke gave him one final deep kiss and then he was gone.

Noah stood alone taking in quick breaths for half an hour before he calmed down enough to make his gloomy journey into work. It was going to be a long day and he dreaded the thought of coming home.

...

Jeez but he hated these LA types! Like for example, right this minute he was staring at some rat of a dog all dressed up in a tutu! "Who does that?" he muttered to himself.

He was so amazed by the jewel encrusted creature he almost missed the blonde's exit from the building. There was a taxi parked right outside and the driver proceeded to help the kid place his travel bag in the trunk. Pretty boy looked like he was holding back tears. It was obvious the kid was on his way home.

He had already been told by his employer to follow him… so he did.

...

Noah threw his keys on the coffee table and slammed the door after a pretty gruelling day at work. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong and it wasn't helped by Noah's general mood. He felt like he had been walking around with a dark cloud hanging over his head. He had tried to shift it but he had this nagging pain inside that he just couldn't ignore.

Without switching on the lights, he staggered around the shadowy apartment, not sure what to do with himself. Finally he leaned his back up again the door and slid down to the floor, pulling his knees up and hugging them close. The emptiness hit him more then it ever had during the days before Luke's arrival. The absolute lack of Luke's essence was all he could feel and he couldn't stop small moans from escaping his lips as he noticed the knees of his trousers going dark with tears.

"Luke!" he said to the walls, "How am I supposed to do this?"

To try and steady himself… maintain his sanity, Noah thought back to Friday. It had been both the worst and the best night they'd spent together in Los Angeles.

...

_After the fight in the park they shakily returned home with the knowledge that neither of them had the strength to talk, even though they both knew the conversation wasn't over yet. Somehow they both understood this. Instead, the moment they entered the apartment, they headed into the bedroom where they silently helped each other remove all their soaked clothing. _

_Despite the fact that LA is never that cold, being outside in the downpour for so long meant both men stood shivering, naked, in front of each other. Luke turned to open the large built-in cupboard and removed a white towel from the perfectly folded stack inside. He knelt down on the carpet and started to dry Noah's feet; then his legs; his torso; his arms. Once standing, he walked slowly around Noah and carefully dried off every bead of water that made its way from Noah's hair to the small of his back. Every so often during this process their eyes would make heavy contact and breaths would shudder at the sheer eroticism of the act. _

_Then it was Noah's turn. He too used the towel to dry off Luke, sculpting it around every muscle of him, mesmerised by the magnificence of his well toned body. The relief he had felt in the park increased as he marvelled at Luke's presence. The whole situation with Mason had ended really badly, causing this issue with Oliver to be intensified for them both. The fear of what Luke might do in a fit of passion had hit Noah, and the worst memories from their past had flashed through his mind making him feel angry. Mostly that Luke appeared to have learnt nothing from the events back in Oakdale. God, but that felt like a lifetime ago! _

_But then, just when Noah was about to lose hope, he had felt something different within Luke. He could sense the shame and remorse radiating from him. And for the first time he believed that Luke really did understand. They were both… different. He was confident that Luke truly trusted his love for him and no longer feared his rejection. Luke finally got what Noah had always tried to tell him. _

_Once dried off both men instinctively took a step forward so that their bodies melded together. They stood like that for a while, skin on skin, arms wrapped firmly around each other, hands exploring backs, memorising the feeling of each other. Finally Noah manoeuvred Luke to the side of the bed and then gently lowered him down, his hand supporting the back of Luke's head, holding eye contact. Both were hungry for each other… both were a part of each other. Noah pressed his lips against Luke's, his tongue claiming… exploring Luke's mouth and when he came up for air he whispered, "I'm so in love with you…" _

_Luke smiled in response, pulling Noah's face down to meet his in another burning kiss. _

_The scent of Luke was enough to make Noah want to throw himself on him in pure abandonment of lust, but instead, he breathed deeply, and kissed Luke's face along the hairline of damp blonde waves and then once on each eyelid. At that Luke quickly rolled them over so that Noah found himself lying back on the bed with Luke above him. A subterranean quiver ran through the warm flesh of Noah's thighs and Luke, now kissing him up his neck, uttered a small sound… a slight moan… that caused a similar quiver to dart through Noah's belly. _

_Then they were lying on their sides, mouth on mouth, without any real notion of how they had moved there. The length of Luke's body pressed into Noah's and he was aware only of the heat of him… burning like fever. _

_Luke's palms were hot as they explored Noah's chest, "I can feel your heart." _

_"Tell me if it stops…" Noah whispered in response and Luke let out a small breathy laugh. _

_Then Luke's hands tightened on his chest and Noah felt him relax, opening his legs to him. A hand floated up from the dark and lay along his cheek, gentle… tender…. Luke kept it there as Noah took him, laid open in trust, while his other hand held firm on Noah's beating heart. Noah moved slowly, deeply, and when he felt Luke quiver he thought… his… his to touch and rouse, to call to him…. And when Noah finally cried out he shuddered in Luke's arms, pressing his forehead hard against his, trusting Luke with that moment when his strength turned so suddenly to helplessness. _

_..._

_Noah felt more drunk then ever before. Not groggy or sleepy though; alive to everything. He could smell his own sweat; he could smell Luke's. He closed his eyes and breathed, tightening his grip on Luke's shoulders as they lay in the aftermath of their love making… both of them wrapped in unity. _

_More then an hour passed while they lay there and finally Noah spoke first, "I want you to know that I've never once regretted meeting you." _

_"Noah…" But Noah cut him off by placing a finger on his lips, which Luke kissed softly. _

_"That moment… the moment I told you about… when I wished I'd never met you? It lasted only a second and… I hated myself even more… for ever thinking it!" _

_Luke rolled over onto his elbow and kissed Noah then. _

_Noah continued as they stared at each other, Luke playing with his hair, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now… I'd be fighting some war, terrified that my unit… that my father… would find out the truth about me… hiding myself! But instead I'm actually here! In LA! And I'm a director! I'm living my dream and it's all because of you! _

_"I can't take all the credit you know… You were the one that stood up to him." _

_"Yes, but you were the one who gave me the courage too. So… I… I need you to know that, even if we'd never found our way back to each other…" his voice stuck suddenly, "God that's a terrifying thought! But even then… I'd always be grateful for my time with you… I'm grateful for every single second I get to spend with you." _

_"I love you too, Noah." Luke replied, "And there's something I need to say too." _

_Noah nodded. _

_"About Oliver…" Noah shifted uncomfortably but Luke continued, "If you can be so understanding about Reid, then I can understand about Oliver… Okay?" _

_Noah sighed with release, "Okay." _

_"I'm not finished…" _

_"Go on…" _

_"I was never fair to you back then… because… it was like I resented… it was like I judged you for things you hadn't even done yet. For things I believed were inevitable… you know? Because why would you choose me? Why would this amazing person…" and at that he slowly rubbed his hand down the side of Noah's face, his brown eyes studying every part of it,"… want to spend the rest of his life with ME? And the truth is… you never gave me any reason to doubt your love for me. It was just my own stupid insecurities getting in the way." _

_"It's over now." _

_"Yes but I need to say… I'm sorry, Noah… I'm so sorry for everything! I was a spoilt brat and you deserved better from me."_

_"I received so much from you Luke! Really! You gave me love, confidence… a family! You made me feel safe. You helped me realise I could be myself. You were there throughout the blindness… despite how I treated you! I love you so much!" _

_"I love you too. I wish we could stay like this forever." And Luke settled down in the crook of Noah's arm, moving his hand to rest on his chest. _

_Noah waited as Luke seemed to be considering something and then after a few minutes he said, "I'm flying back on Monday morning." _

_Noah felt like he had just swallowed glass._

_"I have to go back, but it won't be for long, okay? This is where I want to be… right here with you… and I'll spend every waking hour working at getting back to you. Do you believe me?" _

_"Always." _

_..._

Noah's thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing and he struggled to squeeze it out from the pocket of his trousers, "Come on dammit!" At last it popped out. He glanced quickly at the caller ID before answering, "Lilly! Hi!"

"Noah! It's so good to hear your voice honey! How are you?"

"I'm okay thanks." he tried to hide the pain in his voice, "And you? How is everybody? Holden? The kids?"

"We're all good! All looking forward to a visit from you soon! Long overdue don't you think? We all miss you, you know? Especially the kids."

"I miss you too."

"Anyway, I was wondering if Luke was around? I really need to talk to him."

"What?" It took Noah a few moments to process what she had said.

"Luke? You know, my son? The guy you've been keeping prisoner in your apartment for a month?" She laughed slightly.

Noah on the other hand felt the walls closing in on him, "Um, Lilly? Luke left for Oakdale this morning…"

Lilly faltered, "Wha… I mean… are you sure?"

"You haven't seen him yet?"

"No. I've been trying his phone for hours but all I get is voicemail. I thought he may have decided to stay with you for another day…"

Noah felt the floor drop from under him. That bad feeling he had been carrying around was beginning to feel like small explosions going off somewhere deep inside him. "He left… this morning… Lilly… I… I… It was weird that he hadn't called, you know? After everything… but… I figured he may have had some issues being back in Oakdale and needed some time…" and then more to himself he muttered, "Oh my god! Where is he?"

His damp eyes scanned the apartment, the place feeling like a tomb, extremely small and airless. He ran one shaky hand through his hair.

Both he and Lilly had been silent for a while as the shock of what this could mean sank in. Finally Lilly said, "Okay. Look Noah! I'm sure there's a rational explanation for this. What did he say before he left? I mean… how did he seem?"

"He was… he was sad. We both were, you know? But… I mean, he was fine! He was handling the whole thing better then I was."

He knew that Lilly would be worried at this, knowing that it was totally out of character for Luke not to visit his family first thing on his arrival, but still she said, "You know, he probably stopped by GS first and got caught up in the frenzy… I mean he's been gone a while and there was only so much he could do from your apartment in LA."

"I guess…" Noah was not convinced.

"Don't worry sweetie… I'm sure he's just tackling that pile of paperwork on his desk and he's most likely lost track of time. I'll call GS now to find out if he's there, okay? And I'll call you right back."

"Okay…" And that's all he could get out. His voice was strangled with panic. Something was wrong. He knew it! He had known it all day but he'd chalked the feeling up to Luke's departure. He now realised it was much, much more than that!

...

Boy but the kid was a fighter! He thought there would be nothing to it, just grab him and go. But the kid had fought him tooth and nail and he was still holding an ice bag over a black eye as he drove. He thought maybe a rib was cracked too. Damn! Now, as he headed east to pick up his employer at the specified location, he was getting more than a little irritated by the profanity being issued from within the trunk of the BMW.

...

It didn't occur to him to switch on the lights. Once he realised Lilly was no longer on the phone he wondered around in a haze, feeling useless. He tried Luke's number and, as it rang, said a silent mantra over and over, "Pick up, pick up, pick up…"

"Hi, this is Luke Snyder. Thank you for your call but I'm busy right now…" God oh god!

Somehow he ended up in the bedroom and he spotted the shirt Luke had slept in, lying discarded in the laundry basket. Almost reverently he picked it up, held it to his face and breathed in the remainder of Luke's scent. He was definitely falling apart. He was sure of that.

He was holding his phone in his left hand and just at that moment it started to ring. He checked the display and almost died with relief, "Oh my god Luke! Where are you? I've been worried sick!"

"Hello Son."

No, no, no, no, no! Noah's legs buckled from under him and he collapsed in a heap on the floor. Luke's shirt was clutched to his stomach and the phone was glued to his ear. The entire room was spinning but he managed to choke, "Where is he?"

"Is that any way to greet your father, son? I thought I taught you better manners!"

"Please, please…" He gasped. He was totally losing it. He tried with all his might to hold it together. He HAD to. His father had just called him! On Luke's phone!

"Where's Luke Dad? Please…"

"The filth is fine and will remain fine so long as you behave! Understood?"

"Yes, yes! Anything!"

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

Noah scrambled for the bedside table and felt a stab when he spotted the strip of photo's he and Luke had taken in the booth only the day before. In the back of his mind he noted that Luke had torn off three of the picture squares to take with him. He quickly grabbed a pen and pad, saying a silent prayer of thanks that his boyfriend was in the habit of writing in bed. "Okay I'm ready…" and he wrote down the address his father gave him in an unstable scrawl.

"Understand Son! You come alone and you tell no one! "

"Don't hurt him Dad… please!"

"Just get here!"


	7. Separation 2

"Hey mister? Mister!"

It took Noah a while to realise that the cab had stopped and that the driver was talking to him. His ears were ringing and he felt like throwing up.

"Are you sure this is where you want me to drop you?" The driver asked incredulously, peering out the windscreen at the dark and derelict building ahead of them. From what could be seen via the pool of light from the car's headlamps, most if not all of the windows in the old apartment block were broken and weeds grew high around the perimeter of the property. The place had definitely seen better days.

Noah didn't respond. He couldn't. He was literally keeping himself together by a piece of cotton. Instead he paid the driver and climbed out of the car, holding the roof briefly to find his footing on rubber legs.

"Do you want me to wait?" The driver asked concerned.

Noah shook his head, his gaze never leaving the sinister looking building. He removed his hand so that the cab could drive off, before following his father's instructions and heading around to the back of the property.

Rubbish, glass and debris lay scattered everywhere causing Noah to trip up once or twice. But then he wasn't really watching his footing, his eyes searched for one thing, for one person only… Luke!

Just then his phone rang; piercing the quiet and making him jump. He checked the display and saw that it was Lilly. She had been calling every ten minutes since he'd left the apartment, but he couldn't risk talking to her. His father's instructions had been clear. Besides, he knew what she would say. Luke wasn't at Grimaldi Shipping headquarters because he was right here. He was here, somewhere in this building, and so was his father.

With trepidation he turned the phoned to mute.

It didn't take him long to find the basement door, since it was the only part of the building emitting a soft glow. Ignoring the "CONDEMNED DO NOT ENTER" sign he pushed open the door and it squeaked loudly making him cringe. Not that he had the element of surprise anyway… his father knew he was coming.

Steep steps led from the heavy iron door down under the building and the light grew brighter the further he descended. Finally the last step opened out into a large basement space filled with old discarded furniture and boxes. The place had a musty smell and he was sure he caught the aroma of something long dead, most likely a rat. Parts of the old ceiling tiles were peeling off where water had leaked through over the years and the sounds of dripping echoed throughout. Pipes and wires crisscrossed the walls and, at the end of the room he spotted a hefty wire meshed box, the kind put in place to prevent unqualified persons from reaching the main electricity supplies. Noah wondered briefly how his father had managed to get the lights working.

It was only as he moved cautiously closer that he saw him, secured within the wire caging and lying front down on a dirty camp bed, one arm and one leg dangling inertly off the side, his head turned in Noah's direction. His eyes closed.

"Luke!" he yelled as he ran up to the caging. "Luke, oh my god! Luke, can you hear me?"

His fingers hooked into the wire meshing of the cage gate and he noticed that it was securely fastened with a giant padlock. He shook at it, praying for a weak spot and then, realising there wasn't one, flew at the cage in a wild panic and rage. Loud grunts and moans of frustration and fear escaped his lips as he pushed and pulled on the entrance, willing it to open, "Please!" he screamed over and over, "Please, please, please!"

It wouldn't budge.

Eventually he stood back, wide eyes scanning the wire wall in front of him, staring at this conundrum. He was completely out of breath and the worry he felt at Luke's apparently lifeless body was consuming him. He knelt down on the floor as close to Luke's head as he could get. He watched him intently, desperate for any movement, a twitch or a sign of breath.

"Luke? Please move baby…. If you can hear me please… move just a bit." But there was nothing and the tears falling down his face were blurring his vision. He felt completely exhausted, lost and helpless, his right hand holding onto the wire meshing, desperate to touch him.

"Please be okay…"

...

Lilly was bordering on hysterical now. Just as she'd hung up the phone again, Holden burst through the front door, a look of horror on his face, "Lilly!"

"Holden! Oh Holden, thank god you're home! Luke's missing!"

A frown crossed Holden's brow, "Since when?"

"We're not sure, I just checked with GS and he didn't show up for work today. Noah told me he left for his flight this morning as planned, but he hasn't heard from Luke since then. And now I can't reach Noah either!"

The look on Holden's face caused her to pause, "What is it?"

He glanced up at her with terrified eyes, "I had a call a few minutes ago. It was the FBI. They wanted Noah's new phone number…"

"Noah? Why?"

"They wanted to warn him… Winston Mayer escaped last night. He's on the run."

Both of Lilly's hands went up to her face and instantly she knew, without a shadow of doubt, where the Colonel had headed the first chance he got… to Noah and subsequently to Luke. Quickly she dialled Noah's phone again, but she already knew that there would be no answer.

...

Noah was standing, his back to Luke, subconsciously shielding him. He was staring across the basement, his blue eyes locked with those of his father. Someone he had hoped never to see again. Standing next to him in a smart black suit, was a large burly looking man with a black eye.

"One of his henchmen." Noah thought in disgust. The African American approached him and promptly patted him down, removing the contents of his pockets, including his phone. He looked familiar but Noah wasn't sure from where.

After a few minutes his father crossed the space between them and to Noah's shock threw his arms around him in a tight hug. He flinched and his hands hung as his side. He didn't move. Finally his father pulled back and put a hand on each of Noah's shoulders, studying him before saying, "I've missed you, son. You look good!"

"Dad…"

"I've waited a long time for this Noah." His father quickly interrupted and started pacing around in small circles as he spoke, "I had to bring up the date a little, when I heard that this worm had squirmed his way back into your life."

He motioned with his head in Luke's general direction and Noah could feel anger boiling up deep inside him.

"You were doing so well my son! You KNOW I never really approved of this career choice of yours, but you seem to be good at it and you seem to have taken it seriously. I was proud to hear about that!" He stopped pacing suddenly and stared straight at Noah, his grey eyes searing into him, "So why? You finally got yourself out from under this one's spell and then you fall right back into it again! Why?"

Noah was stunned! He had no idea what to do…. How was this possible? How could his father actually be standing in front of him? This was a nightmare! It just HAD to be!

"But, no matter, we won't let it come between us again, will we?" The Colonel's mood changed from anger to contentment so quickly it made Noah feel disorientated and put him even more on edge. Winston patted Noah's shoulder. "The arrangements were already made, so I thought it really didn't matter if we were a little earlier then originally planned."

"Early for what?" Noah had to maintain his calm. He knew how unstable his father could be. He had personal experience of it! And from what he could tell, his father seemed to have fallen even deeper into his own world of dellusionment. Noah knew that any wrong move on his part could mean death for Luke.

"If he's not already dead." A pitiless voice said somewhere deep inside him. No, no! He wouldn't go there! Luke was fine. He HAD to be!

"You and me, Noah!" his father replied as though it was obvious. "It's time for us to end this feud…. We are going to leave this place my son. We are going to go far away, where we can be together, forever…"

Noah's heart dropped to his shoes as he tried to keep his voice level, "Okay. Okay Dad. Anything you want. I'll go with you but… but please… just please let Luke go."

His father snorted with disdain, "This waste of space will survive Noah… as long as you come with me quietly."

Every bad word about Luke that streamed from his father's mouth was like a punch in Noah's gut. But he couldn't rise to it. He couldn't do anything to anger the Colonel. There was no telling what the man would do but Noah couldn't just stand there! He had to at least try to help Luke. "I'll come with you Dad, but on one condition…"

"You are in no position to be handing me conditions!"

Again the sudden switch to rage. Noah was nervous at this but he persevered, taking the chance. "I want you to let me in there to check on Luke first. Otherwise I'm not going."

The Colonel looked as though he was going to refuse but then seemed to change his mind, "Unlock it Joshua…"

As soon as the lock was removed Noah bolted through the gate, flinging it hard so that it bounced back with a loud bang playing on his already frazzled nerves. He knelt down next the cot and pushed the blonde hair back from Luke's face. He felt warm and Noah sighed with relief, "Thank god", until he noticed that Luke was more than warm, he was boiling and sticky with sweat.

"Luke?" Nothing, no response.

"What's wrong with him?" Noah asked, turning to his father while still holding his hand on Luke's forehead, "He's burning up! What have you done?"

He could no longer keep the anger out of his voice.

"It's his fault!" was the response. "He attacked me! I really didn't have any choice. Lucky for him it's just a flesh wound. I'm trained to miss the vital organs… if required."

At that Noah felt his entire being start to shake and, filled with dread, he gently pushed Luke over, onto his back. He gasped loudly in horror at the blood soaked sheets Luke's body had been hiding from sight, "No!" he cried in anguish, placing his hands and face on Luke's cheeks, "No! Please! Luke? Luke!"  
He pulled Luke's shirt up and exposed the large gash in his side where the knife had pierced him. "Oh no! S**t! S**t! No!"

Tears streamed down his face and his hands felt like butter but by some grace his military upbringing clicked in and, shuddering, he tore a long strip from the bed sheet and wrapped it tightly around Luke's torso as best he could, praying it would be enough to stem the bleeding.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay!" he whispered in Luke's ear as he tied the sheets together, hoping that Luke could at least hear him. "I'm here! I'm going to take care of you…"

Suddenly he felt two huge hands grip him from behind as Joshua pulled him back and away from Luke, "No, no! Let go of me!" and he tried to cling to the cage entrance, "Luke! Luke!"

...

Once Joshua had secured him, kicking and screaming, into the front seat of the car, Noah watched in dismay as they carried Luke out together and threw him heavily into the trunk. Noah jumped with fright as he heard Luke's body thump in the back. He turned quickly to his father as he climbed into the driver's seat, while Joshua got in the rear, "Why are you taking Luke?"

"Insurance." He replied coldly.

"I'm coming with you aren't I? You don't need him!"

"Once we are out of the city we'll drop him off."

Noah studied him, trying to gauge him.

"Okay." Noah reasoned eventually, "Okay…" It was difficult to think, "If you have to bring him... could you… could you at least put him in the back seat? Please Dad?"

"That maggot is not riding up front with me! I'm getting tired of you Noah! You are to obey my orders and shut up right now, or I'll end him! You hear?"

Noah fought back the tears and replied. "Yes sir."

...

They drove for more than an hour through the busy lamp lit streets of LA and all Noah could think about was Luke suffering in the trunk of the car. He looked down and noticed that his hands were stained with Luke's blood. Luke's blood! His brain still didn't want to comprehend the reality of their situation. He threw his head back and sent silent messages of courage to him, hoping he would receive them.

Periodically, when he could no longer ignore the absolute terror he felt for Luke, he would try again to convince his father to drop him off somewhere. Noah desperately wanted to check on him. But each time he asked it seemed to anger the Colonel more and more, and Noah didn't know how hard he could push.

...

Luke could hear a sweet voice like a lullaby somewhere in the distance. He wanted to be near that voice, knowing it could help him feel better, so he fought his way through the darkness, following the melodic sound.

...

Occasionally Noah would look back and he would catch the dark eyes of the silent man in the back seat. Eventually something clicked into place and he said, "I've seen you before..."

The man said nothing.

"A few times at Cafe Latte across the street… and that was you at the pier yesterday… wasn't it? You've been following me…"

Still nothing.

"That's your job? To follow me around?"

The large man shrugged slightly and Noah's father said, "Joshua has been following you for quite sometime now."

Noah turned to him, streams of cold running through his blood, "How long?"

"I've had somebody follow you since I heard you lost your sight. I wanted to check on you." He looked over and smiled at him in a loving way that made those same streams turn to ice. "Joshua has been looking over you since you arrived in Los Angeles."

Noah said nothing, just shook his head. Two years! His father had had him followed for two whole years!

...

Eventually luke was at last able to open his heavy eyelids. He suffered a minor freak out when all he saw was more darkness, but then he remembered. He felt the motion, and he realised he must be back in the trunk of the silver BMW. He felt like he was on fire and the calming voice he had heard seemed to have stopped. His heart cried out in pain at the loss of it.

A piercing throb ran down the side of his body and he tentatively felt the makeshift bandage around his waist, wincing as his fingers found the wound. Well… at least it seemed the Colonel wanted him alive… for now.

He suddenly recalled that his attempt to neutralize the Colonel had gone horribly wrong. The instant he realised Colonel Mayer was behind the abduction he knew he was going to be used to bait Noah. He couldn't let that happen. He knew the Colonel was far more equipped for a fight than he, but at that moment all that had mattered was keeping Noah safe. He hadn't even seen the knife.

He was just wondering how long he'd been out for when he heard the beautiful voice again, only this time, instead of the peace it had brought him before, all he felt was dread and his conscious mind now recognised the suppressed alarm in the tone.

"Dad?" The voice was cautious, fearful. "Where are we going?"

"Noah!" he tried to call out but his throat was so dry that nothing happened. He could feel panic quickly building. Noah was in the car! His Noah! Noah was in the car with his psycho father!

"We're going to a better place son."

"What does that mean Dad?"

"Do you remember when you were nine we went fishing at that cabin up at Big Bear Lake? We had a really good time. Do you remember?"

"Yes. Is that where we're going? The cabin?"

"Yes Noah. That's where we end things. That's where we'll finally be together."

Luke felt his heart freeze. It had suddenly become difficult to breathe.

"Okay but Dad? We're almost out of LA now so… do you think we could just drop Luke off? Please Dad. You don't need him." And then quickly, trying to placate him, "WE don't need him."

The Colonel must have believed or have wanted to believe Noah because after a few minutes he said, "There's a roadside motel coming up in about ten minutes. We'll leave him there."

Luke's last thoughts before weakness and alarm claimed him again were, "Hell No! No freaking way! Not while he still had breath in his body!"


	8. Separation 3

The two FBI officers were both busy on their phones as Lilly and Holden looked on. Holden was struck by how fast they had arrived. He thought they must already have been stationed in Oakdale, perhaps expecting the Colonel to show up. It was obvious they hadn't known about Noah's move to Los Angeles.

Holden had his arm around Lilly and he could feel her shaking with shock. Finally one of the agents hung up and walked over to them.

"I can't believe you lot let him get away AGAIN!" Holden said before he could help himself.

"Apologies Mr Snyder. I realise this is very upsetting. It appears that Colonel Mayer has been planning this for some time, possibly for years. He had inside help."

"Someone in the hospital?"

The agent nodded, "We're not sure who yet, but it's the only way he could have escaped from there."

"And the boys?" Lilly asked.

"Sorry ma'am, we don't know where they are. We have it confirmed that your son never made his flight, and Mr Mayer's apartment was completely empty, except for..."

"What?" Holden pressed, "What is it?"

"One of our agents found an address for an abandoned building east of the city."

"And…"

"The building was empty on arrival but there were signs of recent activity in the basement area."

"What kind of signs?"

The agent hesitated but then continued, "I'm sorry to have to tell you but the local police found a large amount of blood at the scene."

Holden caught Lilly as she buckled.

...

It only took Joshua ten minutes to book a room at the Worlds Inn, but to Noah if felt like a lifetime. He was sweating with worry and it ran down the sides of his face, as he waited for the large man to return from the reception office.

He jerked up as soon as he saw Joshua making his way back to the car and he looked over to his father expectantly. His right hand had been cuffed to the door and he jiggled it in the hopes it would spur his father into unlocking it, but his father ignored him, stepped out the car and popped the trunk.

Noah turned around as much as he could and watched anxiously through the back window as his father said something to Joshua.

"Is he okay?" He yelled. "Is he alive?" But they ignored him.

The bigger man walked over to the closest of the motel rooms where he unlocked the door, propping it open with a chair from inside. He returned immediately to Noah's father and helped him lift Luke roughly from the car and carry him quickly through the door, using the nightly shadows as cover. Noah saw the light go on only once they had hidden Luke inside. Then Joshua returned to the car and removed a small travel bag from the trunk before closing it and returning inside.

Noah's heart was beating a mile a minute and all he could hear was Luke's voice from just that very morning saying "…we will be… together…." It was taking every ounce of his strength to maintain his composure. All he wanted to do was crumple in a sobbing mess, but getting Luke safe was vital. He absolutely HAD to hold it together.

He started to fear that he would never be let out, and that they would drive off to the cabin before he could check on Luke. For a while now he had been making small chocking sounds in an effort to prevent himself from hyperventilating.

Finally, after several minutes of hell, Joshua appeared like a shadow, opening the passenger door and releasing Noah from the handcuffs.

"Your father has decided to shower and…" But Noah wasn't listening, as soon as the cuffs fell away he pushed harshly past the man and darted into the motel room.

He found Luke lying on the bed. He looked terrible. He dripped with sweat and what had once been beautifully suntanned skin was now as pale as the sheets. Noah sat by him and took hold of one of his hands while the other felt his forehead. He noticed with some relief that Luke's temperature seemed to have come down slightly. Gently he leaned over and kissed his cheek, sniffing back the tears.

...

He woke up as soon as he sensed Noah near him. Noah's face came into view and Luke saw him trying to smile.

"Hey…" Noah comforted calmly, rubbing his thumb on Luke's temple, his shaky voice portraying his true state of mind, "Hey… It's so good to see your beautiful eyes." And he leaned in to kiss Luke softly on the mouth. "I've been so worried about you. How are you feeling?"

"Noah… your Dad…"

"Sh… I know… here…" And he opened a water bottle from the side of the bed and held up Luke's head softly, so that he could drink thirstily from it. Luke spattered as he drank too quickly wanting to speak to Noah, prompting Noah to say, "Slowly, slowly!" before returning the bottle to the night stand.

"I'm not letting you leave without me." Luke rasped with determination as soon as he could. It hurt to talk. He lifted his other hand to join the two already clasped together, trying to hold on to Noah as much as possible.

"You heard." Noah stated and Luke nodded faintly in response.

"He's… He's…" Luke was desperate to fight but he was still too weak.

"Rest… It's all okay." Noah squeezed his hand, "Please, just relax… Don't try to talk! Once we've been gone for half an hour my father will let me call for help. Somebody will come and find you."

Luke shook his head wildly in negation, frustration boiling up inside of him. How could he stop this? How was he supposed to stop this when he could scarcely move?

Noah's father picked that moment to emerge from the bathroom. He was dressed smartly in full military uniform causing both of them to gasp and grip hands even tighter. Luke felt like he was being strangled.

"We're leaving now." The Colonel gestured to Joshua and Luke's entire body went tense with fear.

"Just give me five minutes…" Noah begged, and the Colonel looked at him with annoyance, "I AM going with you Dad, okay?" And an understanding passed between Father and son. "Please… just five minutes!"

To Luke's surprise the Colonel nodded and stepped outside the room. Joshua remained standing by the open doorway.

Luke knew that his eyes portrayed his horror because, as Noah turned back to him, he uttered, "It's going to be all right."

"No… no it's not Noah! Please…" and he paused so that he could cough, flinching at the pain. "Please don't go with him. Stay here with me!"

"I have to go…" Noah looked down at their hands, linked together for the last time.

Realisation hit Luke and he said, "You know don't you? You know what he…"

"Yes." Noah replied quickly, before Luke could voice the chilling truth that they had both come to understand. Despite the fact that Noah was trying to hide it, Luke could see how frightened he really was, and that was bad enough, but along with that fright Luke saw something else that was a million times worse… resignation.

"You're not going to fight this? Are you?" he stammered in disbelief.

Noah said nothing, just looked up at him. His eyes communicated it all…

"NO!" Luke shouted as loud as his body would let him, not caring if it hurt. "I won't let you… I won't!"

"Please Luke…" Noah begged steadily, as the tears fell once more. He was so calm that it only served to unsettle Luke further.

"Don't do this!"

"Luke…"

"I'm so scared! I'm so scared, Noah! I can't do this again! Please… please don't make me go through losing you again! You promised… no more running… remember?"

"This is different…"

"How? How is it different?"

"This is about your life!" Noah stated louder.

"And what about YOUR life?"

Noah leaned in and pressed his cheek against Luke's so that he could whisper in his ear, "This IS different… I won't let him hurt you anymore. I'm SO sorry… I'll love you forever…" And he rubbed their tear stained cheeks together a few times before standing up and walking away.

Luke tried to hold onto his hand but he knew he wasn't strong enough… and so did Noah. Luke's arms dropped like a rag doll as soon as contact was lost and he felt his soul burning in desperation.

"Noah, no! No! Noah! I love you! Don't do this… Please!" When he tried to get up Joshua held him down, but it was unnecessary. He was completely devoid of energy and spots had started to appear before his eyes from the exertion. Still he fought and begged, "Stop! Let go of me! Let go! Noah! You promised!"

He gasped through the weeping, still screaming for Noah, fighting his bodies desire to pass out. Eventually, grabbing at any hope he could, he appealed directly to Joshua, "Why are you doing this? Don't you understand? He's not taking Noah so that they can BE together… he's taking Noah so that they can…" his voice caught, "… so that they can DIE together!" He saw something in Joshua's expression that spurred him on, "He's going to kill him! He's going to kill them both! Can't you see that?"

And with that the darkness took him.

...

As he walked away from him Noah's feet felt like lead. The absolute agony in Luke's pleading voice dug ditches in his stomach and it took everything he had not to run back in the room to comfort him. As soon as he was outside he climbed quickly into the car, slamming the door and putting both hands over his ears to drown out the screams.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He uttered over and over, thinking how much he wished he'd just let Luke leave that night a month ago, how much he wished he hadn't reignited their love for each other. Luke would have been so much better off, safe and sound in Oakdale with his family. The thought of what he was doing, of what his death would mean for Luke, physically tore at his soul, but he knew it was the right thing. If he stayed, if he fought his father, they would both die. And that was out of the question!

He looked up and watched as his father returned to the car, Joshua in tow.

Saying nothing the Colonel started the engine and they drove off to play out the fantasy he had created for them.

Life was being so incredibly unfair… to make him leave Luke just when he had found him again.

...

He had a heart. He knew he could be a right son of a bitch sometimes, but he also knew that he had a heart! He had been watching the kid for a year now after all! It would be completely inhuman if he didn't feel some affinity towards him. In fact, from what he had witnessed, he was a pretty decent guy. The kind of kid any man would be proud to call his own. Except of cause if you were a crazy, homophobic, control freak of a Colonel!

He had even enjoyed watching the young couple kiss and cuddle their way around town. There was a sweetness about them that was just too irresistible. Even for a bastard like himself.

So, he felt for them… He did!

If he had known what a manic Mayor was, he would never have accepted the job. He was willing to do just about anything if you paid him well enough… But murder? Leave him out of it! Having to stand by and witness the Luke kid's stabbing was bad enough. He had never seen a man look as cold as his employer had as he'd withdrawn that knife. Mayer seemed to get some perverse enjoyment out of watching the kid in pain.

He sat in contemplative silence as they continued the strained drive toward Big Bear Lake, his eyes regularly moving from father to son.

...

The flight to Los Angeles was sheer hell. The moment they had heard about the blood in the basement there was nothing that would have prevented both Holden and Lilly from leaving Oakdale. They were silent through most of the flight, both lost in their thoughts. Both terrified for the two boys they loved so much.


	9. Separation 4

The cabin looked exactly as Noah remembered it. It was strange to think of those good memories with his father, but he had long ago come to accept that this man with him now was no longer the man from his childhood. Somewhere along the way, the Colonel's mind and become warped and confused and, if it wasn't for all the pain he'd inflicted on Luke over the years, Noah could almost feel sorry for him.

He entered the cabin, noting the fireplace where they had roasted marshmallows and the kitchen, where his father had taught him how to gut and cook the fish they had caught during the day. He was sure that the small and rustic wooded table and chair set was the exact one from those days so long ago.

Staring back out the kitchen window he saw his father giving further instructions to Joshua, who climbed back into the BMW and drove away. They would no longer need the car after all. At that thought Noah promptly ran over to the kitchen sink and threw up. His whole body had started to shake as he retched.

When he turned around, wiping his mouth on his arm, he saw his father watching him from the door. "Take a seat son." And he moved one of the chairs out from under the table and placed it in the centre of the room, facing the kitchen.

Noah was too tired to argue anymore. He just wanted it done! He just wanted it over with! Luke was safe! Joshua had called the police to let them know where he was and that was all that mattered. He sat down immediately, looking at the floor.

"I've asked myself a thousand times why my son would betray me. Why he would call the police on his own father."

Noah looked up and noticed a length of rope in his father's hands, "I wasn't trying to betray you Dad… I was trying to help you."

"I needed to escape Noah! I needed to get away and I needed my son to come with me!"

"To where Dad? Where would we have gone? It wouldn't have changed anything. I'd still have been gay... and you'd still have been sick."

During this time his father had walked behind him and he didn't put up a fight as he was securely fastened to the chair. There was no point. His father would never stop. Whatever happened, it would all end tonight. His heart was racing.

"I'm sorry about the rope son, but I need to make sure you stay with me."

He walked out the front door, returned with a gas can and proceeded to douse the wooden walls of the cabin with petrol. Noah started to make small noises of fright when he realised the ultimate fate his father had planned for them. He tried to remain collected but it was becoming increasingly more difficult.

...

"Fresh towels?" She knocked again. Still no answer. Strange. She was told the man had only just checked in. Of cause she had received a stern warning when the manager discovered she hadn't finished prepping the rooms that morning. Damn! One day he would fire her for sure!

She tried one more knock then unlocked the door, only to let out a scream of horror when she discovered the bloody body on the bed!

...

Half an hour had past since Luke had woken up in the back of an ambulance. His strength had somewhat returned now that the paramedics had stitched him up… the antibiotics and painkillers were kicking in and he felt a little bit more like the old Luke. They told him it was a flesh wound but that he definitely needed hospital admittance. Luke simply refused and continued to ask what the hell was keeping the police.

As soon he heard the sirens he jumped out of the ambulance and hurried to tell the police about the cabin and Big Bear Lake. Of cause they tried to leave him behind, but after he insisted, "Either you take me along with you or I hotwire a car!" the deputy had thought it best they take him along.

During the drive they were informed that the Colonel had kept his promise to Noah, and had reported Luke's location. Luke was relieved that at least they should arrive at the cabin sooner than the Colonel would have originally calculated. Maybe this would buy them some time. He made a mental note to send the motel cleaner a thank you gift… if they somehow managed to survive the night!

They drove at breakneck speed; siren's blazing, through the entrance of the national park in search of the cabin. He had started to sweat again. He prayed every moment of the drive that they weren't too late.

Eventually, in the distance, they saw one cabin with its lights on and as the car slowed Luke spotted the Colonel through the window. He couldn't see Noah, but he saw the Colonel talking to somebody and he knew it must be him. A wave of relief rolled over him. Noah was still alive. He opened the door before the cruiser had even fully stopped, but as he started towards the building he watched wide eyed as the Colonel and then suddenly the entire cabin lit up in smouldering flames.

"Noah!" He screamed, and he tripped and fell on the grass. He scrambled back up but, before he could move forward, somebody had his elbows in a vice like grip, holding him back. "No, No! Let me go! Noah! Noah!"

"Luke! Luke! Stop!" and he recognised his father's voice, "Stop son! I'm sorry… It's too late… You can't go in there!"

Luke felt every part of him die and he sank to his knees in shock, staring wide eyed at the burning cabin in front of him, his father's hands on his shoulders. He had long since stopped breathing.

...

The FBI liaison officers had fetched them from the airport as planned and right away they had headed east towards a motel, where Holden and Lilly were told, Luke had been discovered. Their moment of relief was short lived however when they found out that Noah and his father were still at large. On route the agents had received yet another call informing them that Luke was on his way to a place called Big Bear Lake in a local police cruiser. Apparently he'd reported to the police of the Colonel's plans to end his life, along with Noah's.

The news had caused Lilly to cry out loud and Holden had spent some time calming her down. In the meantime the agents had changed course and were now heading to meet the police at the cabin in Big Bear Lake. By all accounts they were not far behind.

They hadn't driven through the park for long before they saw the flashing lights of the police cars ahead of them, and Holden turned when Lilly pointed, "There's Luke!"

As the car came to a standstill he sprinted up the grass verge just in time to grab Luke before he ran, unthinking, into the burning cabin. He could here Lilly screaming in the background, but he held Luke firmly back to prevent him from running into the flames. The heat blowing back on the wind was intense. His heart bled for Noah and his son.

...

Noah watched as his father continued his ministrations with the gas can. He could taste the fumes and his head was starting to spin. The back of his throat stung. He had long since allowed the tears to flow freely. Fear gripped his very being. Only the day before he and Luke were enjoying the beaches and now his father would end his life. How could the tables have turned so quickly?

"Please don't do this Dad!" He pleaded knowing it was of no use. Shocked he watched as his father doused himself, his military uniform darkening in the flammable liquid.

"There is no reason to be afraid, son." And Noah couldn't believe it as his father actually smiled at him. "Don't you see?"

"No Dad. Please!" He was weeping uncontrollably. "Please…"

"I tried Noah. I really tried. I tried to raise a good son. A decent person… I realise now that we cannot fix our relationship in this life. Too much has been damaged. But you are all I have Noah, so we need a clean start. This way we get to be together, as we should always have been."

"Dad I AM a decent person. And I've tried to be a good son to you, despite all the terrible things you've done!" It was so difficult to speak through all the fear and sobs and vapours.

"I WAS willing to wait for you, Noah. I planned to give you a year or two to live out your dream in LA. I've come to realise I was wrong about that. It's not everybody that can find success in such a fickle industry and I worried that it was a pipe dream for you. But YOU did it! You did it out of all the people who try and I am proud of you for that son."

He squeezed Noah's shoulder and walked to the kitchen counter, putting down the gas can. He turned to Noah and removed a box of matches from his pocket. "But mostly son? I was proud of you for cleaning up your act! For getting rid of that Snyder snake! For apparently becoming a man!"

"I AM a man Dad!"

But he wasn't listening, "Why Noah? Why did you let him back in? WHY?" His eyes glowed with anger as he removed a match from the box.

Finally Noah just snapped! "You know why!" He screamed.

His father shook his head.

Noah pressed on, "Yes you do! That's why you used him! You're a good soldier, Dad! Maybe even the BEST!" Noah's mind was working overtime. "You did what any good soldier would do! You found my weakness and you used it against me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You used him because you knew that I would do anything for him. You knew that he was the ONLY reason I would meet you anywhere! The ONLY reason I would go anywhere with you! And if you knew that… if you KNOW that… then… then you know the truth!"

"No!" His father shook his head, eyes wide.

"Yes!" Noah nodded his head, "You know that I love him! You know that I love him and that he loves me!" Noah laughed bitterly at the irony of it. "And that's why it's come to this… isn't it?"

His father stood stock still, staring at him, a look of confusion on his face.

"Because you've accepted it! Haven't you? You've finally accepted that I'm gay! And… and you know you can't change it! You know it's something you don't have any control over!" It was all becoming so clear to Noah. He was laughing in hysterical panic…

"Stop it!" His father's anger was enough to ignite the cabin. "Stop it right now! I'm ordering you!"

Noah stopped and then, shaking his head, and added softly, "So you'd rather die… you'd rather die then have a gay son! You want to die and you want to take me with you…"

For the first time in his entire life Noah saw a deep sadness cross his father's disappointed face. "Despite what you think, son, I have always loved you." And with that he simply struck a match and allowed it to fall to the ground…

"No!" Noah screamed and from that point on everything seemed to happen so fast.

His father's body took no more then a second to light up in flames and Noah watched in fascinated horror as the flaming figure screamed its way towards him. Suddenly from out of nowhere something large barrelled into him, pushing him over sideways in the chair and out of the way of his father, so that the Colonel stumbled and fell onto the hard wood floor instead. The flames ignited the petrol soaked walls of the cabin and Noah found himself surrounded by red and yellow heat. He coughed and sputtered, desperate for breath, expecting the flames to take him too, but instead he flinched as an axe fell somewhere near his head and he felt rather then saw the wooden chair smash to pieces. Two strong arms lifted him up from under his armpits and dragged him through the burning building and out the back door, into the fresh night air.

He heaved the moment they fell outside and landed in a pile on the grass. Cool oxygen streamed into his burning lungs as he felt his wrists being freed from the ropes. His eyes were streaming and he sat there choking up the thick black smoke. It felt like someone was hammering inside his head. He looked up amazed that somehow he was outside! Somehow he had escaped the blazing inferno that now lit up the night sky. His father's funeral pior.

"I'm leaving now… The police are here..."

Noah looked up and for the first time noticed Joshua towering above him. He followed the man's gaze and noted the distinctive blue and red flashes coming from the front of the cabin. He turned back to Joshua and rasped, shuddering, "Thank you…"

Joshua nodded, "You're a good kid."

And with that he disappeared into the surrounding woodland.

...

Holden and Lilly watched Luke in dismay. They had been unable to do anything to comfort him. He wouldn't allow anyone near him and the sounds of complete anguish coming from him were unbearable.

Lilly too was sobbing loudly in Holden's arms and every now and then she would utter, "Noah, oh my god, not Noah…"

...

Luke shook the hands off… he didn't want their comfort… he wanted to feel this loss… This was the loss of Noah! He wanted to feel the searing pain Noah must have felt in the heat of that fire. He wanted to suffer, but the hands were persistent as he continued to bat them back. Eventually they grabbed hold of his cheeks, holding his head steady and he could hear a voice calling his name. The voice sounded like Noah and suddenly Noah's face, Noah's eyes were in front of him and he thought how cruel, how cruel his mind was to do this to him now.

"Why? Why?" he gasped. He was taking short, sharp breaths.

But then he heard the voice say, "Luke! Luke! It's me! It's ME!" and he saw through the haze and for the first time he wondered if this apparition might be real. The head nodded at him. He took the soot covered face in his hands and it felt warm, solid and wet with tears. He patted his way down from the shoulders to the waist and finally, barely daring to hope, he squeaked, "Noah?"

Luke looked back up and Noah nodded at him before grabbing hold of him, wrapping around him. Luke knelt there shocked, arms at his sides for a few seconds, until finally he lifted them up and placed them tightly around Noah.

They collapsed together.

...

They watched as a figure seemed to appear, stumbling from out of the black smoke. Holden felt Lilly tense in his arms as she too noticed him. He was completely blackened by dirt and obviously on the point of absolute exhaustion but it was him!

"Noah!" He heard Lilly say and she began to move towards him but Holden instinctively held her back. They watched as he dropped to his knees in front of Luke. Luke seemed to take a few minutes to recognise him, or to accept his presence, before they fell weeping into each other's arms.

Holden took a deep breath and slowly let the air out…

...

Eventually Luke pushed Noah back to face him, "I thought you were inside!"

"I was…"

Luke shook his head in disbelief and unsteadily asked, "How?"

"It was Joshua."

Luke took a moment to breathe deeply in and out and then punched Noah hard in the shoulder so that he almost fell over backwards, "You left me!" He said, angrily.

"I'm sorry." Noah's eyes pleaded with him.

"God Noah! I thought you were dead!"

"So did I… for a minute there!"

Luke grabbed him and hugged him in close again and after a while Noah said into his hair, "I told you I don't like rollercoasters!"

Luke gave a weak laugh, quivering in his arms, "Same here, Noah! Same here!"


	10. Recovery

He woke with a start! He thought he might have screamed out loud but he wasn't sure. His heart was racing and he felt completely disorientated. He tried to remember where he was but his mind was clouded with thoughts of flames and burning bodies. He was leaning back on his arms, taking in quick jagged breaths. His eyes were stinging and his head was pounding.

He looked down at the sweat soaked gown he was wearing and realised he was sitting up in a hospital bed. He flew forward suddenly as a fit of wheezy coughs seemed to take control of him, burning his lungs. When he moved his hands from his mouth, they were covered in black particles. Quickly he grabbed a wipe from beside the bed.

He jumped slightly as a soft voice mumbled something to his right and when he turned his head his breath caught and his heart melted with love and relief at the amazing sight of Luke sleeping soundly in the single bed next to his. Moonlight from a nearby window fell directly on his face making him glow and his blonde eyelashes flickered every so often in his sleep.

"Luke." He said softly shaking his head. Noah had no memory past clinging to Luke in the smoke filled air of Big Bear Lake. He thought that at some point they must have passed out and been take to the hospital together.

Slowly he pulled back the sheet that was covering him and lifted himself off the bed. The floor felt cool and refreshing on his bare feet as he made his way over to Luke's bedside. As quietly as he could, he pulled up a small stool so that he could sit and watch him. He wanted to remain that way for the rest of his existence. Just sitting there, guarding over Luke while he slept. Safe!

Noah brought both of his hands up to cup his face and breathed into them in a shuddery breath. His father had nearly succeeded in separating them in the most permanent of ways and his body began to shiver as the reality of how close they had come to death washed over him.

Tentatively he reached out a hand and ran a finger softly down the side of Luke's face, stopping halfway to tuck a curl behind his ear before continuing down to his chin. Noah didn't want to wake him but he couldn't hold back from touching him, reassuring himself that he was real. He cocked his head to the right so that his face was level with Luke's and then ran his fingers lightly along the outline of Luke's lips, studying every feature.

...

When he opened his eyes he found himself face to face with Noah. Smiling, he realised Noah must have woken up during the night and climbed beside him on the single bed. Noah was in a fretful sleep, his breathing hoarse and laboured his head on the pillow. He was lying on his side on top of the sheet, with his left arm around Luke's waist. The pressure was making the stab wound throb, but Luke didn't care and he made no attempt to move Noah. He frowned wondering whether to wake him, but then decided a nervous sleep was better then no sleep and decided to leave him.

He recalled his alarm when Noah had suddenly passed out as they lay on the grass by the cabin. The relief he had felt at discovering Noah alive after fearing him dead was quickly replaced once again by panic. He had refused any medical care in the ambulance or at the hospital until he knew that Noah was okay. It was only then that he had allowed himself to relax. Lucinda had arranged the private twin room for them and he couldn't have been more grateful to her. He had watched Noah right up until the moment he could no longer keep his eyelids open.

Surprisingly, Noah had escaped with only minor burns to his body, despite being inside the cabin as it burst into flames. Besides the smoke inhalation, the worst of his injuries were from splinter wounds and scratches on his arms and legs. These were now bandaged up. Luke placed his right arm around Noah and leaned his head forward gently so that their brows were just touching and he could feel Noah's breath on his neck. So comforting. So alive!

Gradually he fell back to sleep.

...

"Hey… hey…" A soothing voice penetrated his nightmare and his eyes flew open. "Sh… sh… you're safe." And he was staring into the hazel of Luke's eyes as he whispered. "It was just a dream."

Slowly he felt himself calming down and he drew Luke a little closer towards him, causing him to flinch, "God, sorry!" he said, hastily lifting up his arm.

Luke reassuringly shook his head and reached up to pull Noah's arm back down and around him. "I'm fine, just keep holding me…"

They lay in silence for a while, communicating only through eye contact. Eventually Noah's hands were cupping Luke's face and he leaned in to place a desperate kiss on Luke's lips. He pulled back for a second and then went in for more, eventually finding Luke's tongue with his own and savouring every part of it. He broke away and pulled Luke's head in to him; so that Luke's cheek pressed up against his chest and he lifted his own head back and sighed deeply. "I thought I'd never get to do that again!"

Luke moved back, confusing Noah for a minute until he whispered, "Get under here with me…" And he pulled at the sheet so that Noah lifted his body up and crawled under it until they lay even closer together, bodies entwined.

Again they slept.

...

Noah's body convulsed violently, rocking Luke out of his sleep. Noah was turned away from him and his entire body was shaking and heaving rhythmically as he vomited over the side of his bed.

"Noah!" And he placed his hand on Noah's shoulder blade, leaning over to get a better look at him. "Oh my god, baby? Nurse! Nurse!" he shouted as he reached over the top of Noah's head to press the call button.

Noah was retching up a thick black mucus and to Luke's horror, blood. Just as he noticed this two nurses ran into the room. He looked over at them and pleaded, "There's blood! Please!"

"Move out the way Luke…" and the curly haired nurse called Maggie soothingly guided a reluctant and shell shocked Luke back into his own bed.

"Is he okay?" He asked her, the painful sounds of congested coughing still being emitted from the other side of the room.

"Just wait here please." She answered firmly, "And stay in the bed!"

Luke watched her join her colleague, where they spoke gently and calmly to Noah as he expelled the fire particles from his lungs. It seemed to go on for hours but eventually the gaps between the vomits grew fewer and fewer and the nurses were able to carefully manoeuvre an extremely weak and shattered Noah back into the bed. Maggie skilfully proceeded to give him a soothing bed bath while Nurse June cleaned up the floor. By the time they were finished he was fast asleep.

Luke cried silent tears as they inserted a needle in Noah's arm and installed a drip by his bedside. As they were about to leave, Maggie looked over at him and said, "Not to worry Luke, that was a normal reaction to smoke inhalation. That's why he needs this hospital observation. It's difficult to tell how much damage there is and it can take sometime for the body to heal itself."

Luke nodded. "Thank you."

"And don't fret over the drip. It's just for rehydration." Then she seemed to come to a realisation and she placed her hands on hips. "What were you doing back in his bed anyway? How many times do I have to tell you two? You need to have your own space in order to recover. You can't be squeezed together in a small bed like that!"

Luke's eyes must have been glassy with tears and fright as he gazed over to her because her tone softened as she said, "It's for your own good you know? The sooner you mend the sooner you get out of here…"

Luke nodded again as both nurses left the room. Of course the moment they were out the door he was back in Noah's bed, kissing his face and lovingly rubbing circles on his chest.

...

"Feeling better?" Noah asked as they lay on their backs, Luke in the crook of his arm. Using both hands, Noah was playing softly with the hospital bracelet around Luke's wrist, reading and re-reading the name printed neatly around it, "Luke Snyder, Luke Snyder, Luke Snyder."

"I'm fine."

"You really scared me, you know? When I saw you lying there and I…" His voice broke, "I couldn't get to you and I couldn't tell if you were alive or…"

"Sh, I'm fine. I promise…"

"What were you thinking of? Trying to attack my father like that? God Luke! You of all people know what he's…"and then correcting himself, "what he was capable of…"

"I wasn't thinking. I was just so angry. And so scared for you!"

"We've talked about this before?"

"What?"

"This business of you acting before you think!"

"I know. I'm sorry."

Noah brought Luke's precious hand to his lips and kissed slowly up each of the fingers, gently massaging his palm at the same time.

"I guess we're even then…" Luke suggested.

"What do you mean?"

"I jumped in without thinking, and you left me!"

"Luke…"

"No Noah! If you get to tell me off then I get to tell you off too! Leaving me like that was sh*ty!"

"Luke… He was going to kill me no matter what we did! There was no way I was going to let him take you too!

"Noah!"

"NO LUKE!" And he moved above Luke to give him a stern look. "You would have done the exact same thing so don't try to pretend otherwise!"

Luke stared up at him for a minute and then pulled him into a fervent kiss.

...

Noah had just returned from the bathroom when he noticed the missing cash. "Hang on… I've been robbed!"

"Hmm?" Luke responded.

"I'm missing $300! I had $400 dollars here and now there's only $100 left…"

"Really?"

"Luke? Did you take it?"

"What?"

"It had to be you Luke! There's nobody else in the room! And the nurses have already done their rounds for this morning! I mean I was only gone for five minutes!"

"I can't believe you would accuse me of theft Noah! Is that REALLY what you think of me?"

"At the moment… YES! How could you Luke? Now give it back!" And he struggled with Luke for a few seconds, finally managing to snatch $300 from him. "This was to get me back for taking the car, right?"

"It's your move!"

Noah smirked, rolled the die and moved the little silver car forward four spaces landing on Luke's Boardwalk hotel. "Bastard!"

Luke flashed an evil grin.

...

Luke and Noah had just finished eating their lunch when there was a knock at the door. They exchanged a quizzical glance before Luke responded. "Come in?"

Two men entered and Luke immediately recognised them as the plain clothed policemen who had tried to visit a few times before.

"He's already told you that he's not ready to talk about it!" Luke went straight into defensive mode.

"Luke, it's okay." Noah said softly reaching over the gap between their beds to squeeze his hand.

Luke turned just in time to see the look of apprehension on Noah's face, "Are you sure?"

"We realise this is difficult for you both," cut in the man who had previously introduced himself as Detective Gresham, "but we really need to close off this case."

"It's okay." Noah nodded.

Speaking softly and taking his time Noah laid out the whole series of events, from receiving the call his father made from Luke's phone; to finding Luke in the basement; the motel and finally the fire and his father's death.

Whenever things became difficult, he would stop for while and Luke would squeeze his hand in encouragement.

Although it made him sick to think of it, Luke couldn't help but wonder why the Colonel hadn't also soaked his son in the flammable substance. Perhaps he had thought it unnecessary. Luke shivered and turned his attention back to Noah.

"And this Joshua? Is there anything else you can tell us about him? Anything else you remember?"

Both men shook their heads.

"And your father never gave you a last name for Joshua?"

"No."

"Okay. I think we have all we need for now. Thank you for your time Mr Mayer… Mr Snyder."

They turned to go but Noah called out, "Um Detective?"

Gresham turned.

"If you catch Joshua… what happens to him?"

"That's up to the courts, son."

"He saved my life."

"I'm sure that will count in his favour. Thank you again." And they left.

...

Time didn't seem to exist in the small hospital room. Luke had no idea how many days he and Noah had been there, nor did he care. They measured time mostly via the rhythm of the hospital rota, which operated on rules all its own. The nurses seemed to have become fond of the two boys in room 116 and sometimes they would drop by just for a chat. Luke and Noah didn't mind as it kept them entertained and more importantly distracted them from the memories of what had happened.

And of course his parents would visit once a day. Luke thought back to Lilly's face the night of the fire. He'd never seen her so scared and the moment she'd been allowed in to visit them, she'd ignored him entirely to head straight over to Noah and grip the shocked man in a bear hug, kissing him all over his face. "You gave me the fright of my life, young man!"

So Luke wasn't sure what the time was at that moment, but he knew it was late. VERY late! His latest dream had consisted of a blazing Noah walking towards him from out of the cabin and he didn't want to fall back to sleep after that. Instead he was just lying there in the bed listening to the soft sounds of the hospital at night.

Then he heard another sound… a sniff and a sigh. He turned to look over at Noah in the other bed. He was curled up, his back to Luke. He'd been very quiet all day and it had worried Luke somewhat. Then slowly Noah's breath began to shudder more and more on each exhalation and Luke realised he was crying. The sight broke his heart and brought tears to his own eyes as he quietly stepped out of bed, holding his side briefly where the pain usually hit him, and tiptoed across to Noah.

He lifted the sheet up and crawled in to spoon behind Noah, softly inserting his left arm under his neck while reaching over him to grab hold of his hand. He squeezed it tightly and rubbed his thumb along the knuckles. He lightly kissed Noah's dark hair and then rested his face alongside Noah's ear.

Silently they wept together.

...

"Am I a woman?"

"No"

"Can you watch me on TV?"

Luke shook his head.

"Am I famous?"

"Not yet."

"Hmm… Do I have blonde hair?"

"Nope"

"Red?"

"No"

"So I'm a man, I'm not famous, but I might be one day and I don't have blonde or red hair? This is a hard one!"

Just then Nurse June walked in with a polite, "Good morning." She proceeded to check Noah's pulse and then looking at him asked, "Why do you have your name stuck to your forehead?"

"Ah man!" Luke complained.

"What?" Noah asked, removing and glancing at the yellow post-it, "Luke! You can't make me guess myself! That's not how the game works."

Luke laughed.

"Are you cheating?" Asked the nurse, removing the paper stuck to Luke's head and throwing him a wink, "I'd expect better from you… Hillary Clinton!"

And it was Noah's turn to burst into fits of laughter at the look on Luke's face.

...

"Do you want to know something funny about all of this?"

"Something about this is funny?"

They were lying in Noah's bed this time, wrapped tightly together, staring at the ceiling. Noah had woken up with an ear-splitting scream, shaking and sweating all over, prompting Nurse Maggie to burst through the door and treat him for hyperventilation. Now neither of them wanted to sleep.

"I got what I wanted in the end, didn't I?"

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

"All I ever wanted was for my dad to accept me… to accept my choices."

"I know." And Luke kissed the palm of Noah's hand.

"The thing is? In the end he did. He accepted everything, my career, you…"

Luke lifted himself up on his elbow so that he could look down on Noah.

"So I got what I always wanted… it's just… it's just…" And he sniffed slightly prompting Luke to kiss his forehead, "… it didn't make any difference. He may have accepted it but he would never have understood it. He would never have lived with it."

"How do you feel about that?"

Noah simply shrugged.

...

"Well!" Said Nurse Maggie as she completed her usual ministrations, "I heard a rumour that the two of you are out of here today…"

Luke had actually been cleared for release a few days before, but Lucinda had arranged for him to stay with Noah for the rest of his care. They couldn't stand to be separated… at least not for the moment. What this meant for the future Luke didn't know, but he wasn't going to worry about that until he had to.

"I guess June's mission to turn Noah can now officially be called a failure…" laughed Luke.

After only a few days in the hospital June had playfully indicated her mission to attract Noah with her charms. It had since become a running joke throughout their stay.

"Oh yes," Agreed Maggie, "But then she obviously hasn't spent as much time with you boys as I have! I don't think I've ever seen two people more connected! Something tells me it would be easier for her to turn Noah straight then it would be for her to break up the love you two have for each other!"

They both beamed at her.

"We really are going to miss having you boys around you know."

"I'm sure you will forgive me when I tell you that the feeling's not mutual!" Noah replied with a smile. "You guys have been amazing looking after us and everything but I for one can't wait to get out of here!

And it didn't take long for Luke to agree, "Same here!"


	11. Two Angels

It felt like an entire age had gone by, but finally Holden stood up, and Lilly stopped fussing around the apartment, and they made a move to leave.

Luke and Noah's eyes locked, as they had a hundred times since Luke's parents had driven them home. "At last!" they silently communicated.

"Call us if you need anything, okay?" She said with concern, giving both boys a kiss on the cheek. "Whatever it is! Day or night!"

"Yes Mom, we will." And he slipped his hand into Noah's.

"Promise me?"

"I promise!"

"Noah?"

"I promise too, Lilly." He squeezed Luke's hand and rubbed his thumb up and down Luke's index finger. Luke couldn't believe what feeling just that small gesture was causing him. "Thanks for everything and please don't worry. Have a safe trip back."

Within seconds of the door closing both men were shirtless and Luke had pushed Noah onto the floor, too impatient to move things into the bedroom. Noah pulled Luke impossibly close so that their chests rubbed together… so that they breathed together.

"I want you… oh god help me but I want you…" Luke's breath in his ear sent sparks flying through Noah's whole body and he quickly flipped Luke over and under him, wriggling out of his jeans and underwear as Luke did the same.

As he devoured Luke's mouth, Noah felt the blonde's eager hands float down his back to cup his thighs and then, to his surprise, roughly lift him up and down, not wanting to wait. The initial intrusion was startling… Luke's presence within him solid and intimate… their skins hot and slippery.

Luke pulled at Noah until his forehead rested in blonde waves, and held him there on a point, firm and steady, before suddenly making one slight movement with his hips that caused Noah to draw in his breath in a half-stifled gasp. "I missed you like this! I missed you so much!"

Luke lingered again, teasing him until the anticipation alone was driving Noah over the edge. Finally he would move again, wait, move, wait… Noah was in a blissful state somewhere between heaven and hell, the feeling so intense he thought he might explode.

Luke drew his hands slowly up and down Noah's back, cupping, curving, tracing the swell of Noah's hips, enjoying the feel of him, pushing Noah to the brink so that he almost fell and then sharply pulling him back. Noah's breathing increased, faster and faster and he gripped the curved muscles of Luke's shoulders, waiting… waiting for Luke to make his next move. He quivered and the breath flew from him in another loud gasp, "Luke…" he said. "Luke, please…"

Luke's hands came hard around Noah's waist, settling and slowing him, pressing him down until he groaned. Suddenly, with incredible force and strength Luke had Noah spun onto his back and was drifting over him with undisguised want and abandonment, the muscles in his arms taught as his hands pressed into the floor, either side of Noah's head. A deep groan escaped his lips as he released and Noah felt the rush between his thighs, shooting like a dart into the depths of this body, his own joints loosening at the same time, so that his hands slipped limp from Luke's shoulders as he collapsed in the warmth of him.

Resting his head against him, Noah felt boneless and suddenly incapable of coherent speech. The blood was pounding in his ears all the way through to his fingertips…

...

They made love in countless ways over the course of the afternoon and into the night, lost in a timeless world all their own… falling asleep… waking… making love… falling asleep… continuous like waves in the ocean.

Then during one of these moments of wakefulness Noah rubbed his eyes to find Luke missing from the bed. He glanced quickly at his alarm clock before leaving the bedroom to look for him… it was just past 3am.

As he made his way towards the lounge, Noah heard Luke's familiar voice…

_"…how are you going to make a film?"_

He entered the dark room to find Luke sitting on the floor in his boxers hugging his knees up into his chest, illuminated by the television screen.

_"Oh what… you mean because I'm blind?"_

Immediately Noah recognised the clip he had shot months ago, just before he was due to travel to Dallas with Reid… the trip that never happened.

_"Yeah… yeah… kinda!"_

He felt the familiar squeeze of his heart and his stomach tightened. Silently he settled himself behind Luke so that Luke sat between his legs. Noah startled him for a second, but then Luke relaxed and leaned back into him and Noah drew his arms up around him, his chin resting on Luke's shoulder as he supported him there. They continued to watch together.

_"Well, let me show you. You can just watch and be amazed."_

_"Okay"_

_"Okay… there! See yourself?"_

_"Mmm"_

_"Ready? Centred? Focused?" _

_"Mmm hmm"_

_"Okay… now what film festival is going to turn down a blind film maker?"_

_[Luke laughed] "You're amazing!"_

_"Hey, come on! Say something."_

_"Noah Mayer, you are the most incredible person I have ever met in my life and it is an honour to know you."_

Noah squeezed him tighter and Luke rubbed his arms.

_"Thank you "_

_"I mean it…"_

_"And I'm so happy you're in my life…"_ _[Another sad laugh from Luke as the camera suddenly faced the floor before losing focus. The screen went black]_

They sat in silence for a while before Noah spoke into his ear, "I can't tell you how many times I've watched that clip. The first time I saw it… I…" he took a deep breath as he remembered. "The sadness in your eyes just killed me. It still does, every time I watch it…"

Luke twisted slightly in his arms so that he could look back at him. He reached up and ran his finger through Noah's bed hair before holding the back of Noah's head and leaning up to kiss him softly on the lips.

When their mouths eventually parted Noah continued, "It hurt so much to see you like that… to know I was the reason. To know that I put that sadness there! I'm SO sorry, Luke! At the time, I knew how hard it was for you but… I… I couldn't SEE your pain… You know?"

Luke nodded.

"I was so stupid!"

"It doesn't matter…"

"Yes! It does!"

"It doesn't matter…" Luke repeated softly shaking his head, "All that matters is that we are here now."

And Noah breathed a deep sigh of relief, marvelling again at just how amazing Luke was. He bent down to meet Luke in a burning kiss.

And slowly the waves began to crash again.

...

"No, no, no! We're cutting the restaurant scene! It's all laid out in my notes…"

"Listen James, it's in the shipping manifesto, I read it there myself…"

"…the restaurant scene makes Nathan appear unsympathetic! We already discussed this when…" Noah was angrily pacing around the room speaking into his phone, drink in one hand.

Luke was seated at the dinner table, the top of which was strewn with his and Noah's paperwork, "…still in charge of Grimaldi Shipping right? That hasn't changed since I left, right? Because if it has I've yet to get the memo! Now for the last time I want you to…"

"Yes! I know I've been gone for a while but my notes are extremely detailed! Roger couldn't possibly be confused or get it wrong! He didn't agree with me so he took advantage of my absence and went over my head!" Luke looked up worryingly, trying to keep his attention on his own phone conversation, as Noah continued his loud tirade, "Now you go and tell him to cut that bloody scene or get the hell off my set! His choice!" And with that Noah hung up and flung the glass in his hand so that it shattered on the wall. "Son of a bitch!"

Luke jumped and watched as the cranberry juice ran down the white brickwork. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "Look James, I need to go." His eyes fixed on Noah. "Just find the manifesto and you'll have all the information you need… yes… yes I'll be back soon." He hung up.

Noah was watching him.

"This isn't working." Luke said.

"No." And his blue eyes were clouded with frustration… and desperation.

"We have to go back to work Noah."

"I know." He collapsed on the sofa and started fiddling with his hands.

Luke sat beside him and drew him into his chest, "It will be okay…"

"The last time you walked out that door my father…"

"Sh… your father's gone Noah. He can't hurt us anymore."

"I know but…"

"We can't go on like this Noah. I HAVE to go back. We both know that."

...

That hot and sticky Saturday afternoon there was a loud rap at the door. Noah was reading on the sofa and made a move to get up when Luke appeared from the Kitchen and said, "I'll get it babe." And he walked over to open the door.

"Oh my god! So it IS true!"

"Katie?" Luke's mouth gapped open.

Noah stood up in surprise as Katie marched past Luke, blond hair whipping around as she unfolded a piece of paper she held in her hand, "Dear Katie." She read. "I'm sure I could never express to you how sorry I am that I missed the memorial, bla, bla, bla! An email Luke? An email?"

She looked up and glared fire at Luke.

"Katie I…" he began, dumbfounded, but she cut him off.

"So guess what Luke?" Her voice was laced in sarcasm, "The day of Reid's memorial arrives… you remember Reid right? Well the day of his DEATH arrives and who's missing from said memorial? The one person who I thought wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Luke looked mortified.

"So there I am, silly me, telling everyone… poor Luke! Can't bring himself to attend the memorial… it's just way too painful for him. Only for an innocent little Natalie to tell me yesterday that her big brother is shacked up in LA with his ex… without a care in the world!"

"Okay now that's enough!" It was the last straw for Noah.

"Oh yes… and YOU!" She swept her hands down at him, "I suppose it was all your idea, right? I suppose you went out of your way to guilt trip Luke into staying here!"

"You are way out of line!"

"ME! You treat Luke like shit for MONTHS! And then what? Reid dies and you're back for the scraps?"

Before he could stop himself Luke had stepped forward and slapped her across her face.

The room went dead quiet as they all held a collective breath. She stood stunned, her hand on her cheek.

"God!" Luke said suddenly shaking with shock. He moved forward and reached out to her, tears in his eyes, "God Katie, I'm so sorry! Please!"

She moved away from him, glared back and forth at them before yelling, "You two can go to hell!" and storming out the door.

The two men shared a look of shocked disbelief and Noah let out a deep gasp, his heart aching at the gaze of despair in Luke's hazel eyes, their ears ringing from the slam of the door.

...

Noah stood outside the hotel room nervously working up some courage. Finally he thought now or never and knocked lightly on the door.

It was obvious by the look on Katie's face that she was less than please to see him there. "How did you find me?"

"I called Chris at Memorial…"

She moved to close the door on him but he blocked it with his shoe, "Please Katie, just give me five minutes."

"Why are you here?"

"For Luke…"

She cocked her head at him, "You don't deserve him, you know?"

Noah felt the familiar stab as she voiced what he already knew himself, "You're right. I don't. He's a far better person then I could ever hope to be. But despite what I did, despite everything, by some miracle he's forgiven me… And I have to hold onto that. It's all I have… He's all I have…"

She seemed to soften to him somewhat.

"God, Katie… I wish you could have seen him. I wish you could have seen him that day because then maybe… maybe you wouldn't be so hard on him."

She looked up at him.

"He was a mess! He cried for hours! He was so angry at himself for forgetting, you know? Really he was! And you can hate me if you want. You can blame me all you like but, please, just please make things right with him. You were the only other person to understand Reid. He needs you in his life… Please Katie."

...

When Luke opened the door it was to a very different Katie. She took one look at him and flung her arms around him, "I didn't know about the abduction… the hospital! When you didn't phone me I thought you didn't care anymore…" She pushed him back so that she could study his face, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, fine. Noah and I are both fine."

A shadow passed over her face.

"Will you come in?" He asked uncertainly and she stepped inside the apartment. As he shut the door he asked, "How did you find out? About the Colonel I mean?"

"Noah. He came to see me at my hotel room."

Luke broke into a soft smile.

"What?"

"He said he was going to the set. That he had an errand to run. I should have known…"

She nodded and his smile waivered as he read the unease on her face.

"Please try to understand Katie…"

"I'm here aren't I? I'm listening."

"Katie, when Reid first started to show an interest in me I was a mess! I was losing Noah! And he was… he IS… so much a part of my life! Of who I am. And I was confused… I was so lost without him! And suddenly Reid was there kissing me! This incredibly intelligent man who seemed to hate everybody… for some unfathomable reason wanted ME!"

"Are you trying to tell me that Reid was just a distraction?"

"Maybe at first. I found him interesting." And Luke smiled slightly, "He was like this extremely complicated puzzle that I just couldn't resist trying to solve. But then suddenly and to my complete shock, I realised that I loved him. And I did want what we had. I was ready to make a go of things with him."

"But?"

"But… now I can't help but wonder whether I might have wanted it for the wrong reasons."

"What do you mean?"

"The thought of not having Noah in my life scared me so much! I didn't know what to do with myself! And it was like I wanted him back as much as I didn't want him back. If that makes sense?"

She nodded.

"When he rejected me, he tore my heart out and I couldn't imagine going back to him and risking that again, but then on the other hand? Without him… there was nothing… nothing but this great big hole inside me. And Reid… Reid… I guess he gave me something to fill the hole."

Katie sighed.

"But Noah was always there… between us… I don't think I would ever really have let him go. Not totally. And I think he knew that… I think Reid knew."

"He loved you. Maybe he hoped things might change over time. You were obviously worth the risk." And for the first time she smiled.

"I understand why my being here upsets you Katie. Really I do. Reid was your friend and you loved him. But this isn't Noah's fault… or mine… or Reid's… this is just how it IS. I think its how it's always been.

"Do you think you and Reid would have lasted?"

"I don't know. How could I know that? I can't say what would have happened. All I can tell you is that it still hurts that he died and I still miss him."

"I miss him too…"

"The thing is, Katie? Right NOW? The only truth I know for sure is that Noah and I belong together… we always did and we always will."

Katie nodded. "One thing about Reid is that he knew the score. He always knew how things stood. He once called you two the gay Bob and Kim."

Luke smiled wide, "Really? He said that?" Then he hugged Katie to him and whispered "I did love him."

"I know." She replied.

...

Noah waited anxiously for two hours in Cafe Latte before returning to the apartment. As he walked in the door he was relieved to hear Luke and Katie talking and laughing in the kitchen. "Crisis averted" he thought to himself.

"Is that you babe?" He heard Luke call.

He didn't enter the kitchen right away, but stood tentatively in the doorway, not sure of what to do or say.

But Katie initiated things by hopping off her stool, walking up to him and giving him a tight hug. She kissed his cheek and said, "I'm sorry… I said some really terrible things to you and I had no right."

He shrugged. "Most of them were true."

"Coffee?" Luke asked him as Katie returned to her seat.

"Are you kidding? I just had like eight cups over the road!" They all laughed and then looking at Katie he asked, "How long are you planning to stay in LA?"

"I'm heading back tomorrow."

"Well then you must stay here tonight."

"Oh, that's kind but I don't want to put you guys out…"

"Nonsense!" Luke chimed in, "I want you here! You can stay in the guest room. Please?"

"Okay then." She replied.

Just then Noah's phone rang, "Hello? Jim, hi… aha… tonight?" The fear started to rise up inside him… if he was ready to go back to work then so was Luke and he struggled to face what that meant. "I don't know…" He looked over at Luke who must have been reading his thoughts because he smiled at him and nodded encouragingly. "Yes… okay I guess I can… I'll see you on set in an hour."

He hung up and Luke walked over to him. He hugged him and rubbed Noah's arm up and down. A silent discussion went on between them.

"Right then!" Noah stated, breaking out of their gaze, "I guess I need to shower, change and head to work. I'll most likely be home late but it will give you guys sometime to catch up." He kissed Luke once and left for the bedroom.

...

Luke was somewhere between the point of sleep and wakefulness when he felt the warm body crawl into the bed beside him. Smiling he rolled over and reached out his arms only to realise instantly that something was off. His eyes flew open to be met with brown instead of blue and both he and the girl yelped with shock before jumping to stand on either side of the bed.

"What the…!" Quickly he turned on the bedside lamp and gawked in disbelief, "Maddie?"

"Luke?"

And then together, "What are YOU doing here?"

Maddie stared wide eyed at him for a second, "Hang on… if you're here then… then… you and Noah are…" and she shook both her index fingers back and forth to indicate "together" before squealing with delight, stepping up onto the bed, walking wonkily across the mattress, and falling into Luke, her arms wrapped around his neck. She proceeded to kiss him all over.

"Luke is everything okay?" Katie asked as she peered into the room, "Maddie?"

...

Noah hated to admit it to himself, but being back on set had felt good. Really good! It almost made him feel normal again. After dealing with the costume problem Jim presented him on his arrival, he had spent the rest of his time reviewing progress and sorting out some minor issues. He spotted a few major problems that would need his attention but they would wait until Monday. Monday… when he officially returned back to work.

Noah unlocked the door expecting to find a dark and sleeping apartment, but instead the lights burned brightly and the place was wrapped in the sounds of cheerful chatter.

"Oh my god Luke but you are SO cute! I mean your hair is just like… urg… you know? Hot!" And she reached over to ruffle it, "You must be driving Noah crazy!"

"Maddie…"

But she let out another loud squeal of joy before Luke could continue and bear hugged him, "Maddie I can't breathe!"

She pulled back and beamed at him, "I still can't believe Noah didn't email to tell me you were here! I mean this is MEGA!"

"We've been kind of busy…"

"Yeah!" She giggled, "I bet ya have!"

Katie laughed out loud.

It was then that they noticed Noah standing, mouth agape, at the door and they all shouted in unison "Noah!"

Once he had recovered from his shock, he smiled wide as Maddie walked over to him, "Maddie! Oh my god! I'm so sorry I completely forgot you were coming!"

"Rubbish! You are SO forgiven! Especially as it seems you had good reason!" And she winked at him, giving him a hug before whispering in his ear, her tone suddenly serious, "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you." And he kissed her forehead, his eyes welling slightly at the sentiment.

"Okay then! Spill! I want all the details! How, when, why and for!"

"Well!" Luke interrupted playfully, walking over and pulling Maddie off Noah so that he could take her place, arm around Noah's waist, "We can start with Noah here explaining to me why Maddie dearest has a key to his flat! And why darling Maddie…" and he put his other arm around her shoulders, "…thinks nothing of crawling into bed with him?"

Noah quickly cleared his throat and, ignoring the question, asked, "Hot chocolate anyone?"

...

"It was because of Thanksgiving."

"What?" Luke asked with a teasing tone, "You and Maddie started sleeping together because of Thanksgiving?"

"Shut up!" And he humorously punched Luke in his shoulder making him laugh. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

Luke shifted slightly in the bed to make them both more comfortable. "Okay not another word! I swear!" And he zipped his fingers across his lips, "Good as gold!"

"Hmm..." Noah responded without much confidence. Luke staying quiet was not usually a likely event. "Anyway... I guess you know that Lilly called to invite me for Thanksgiving and... I wasn't sure... I mean... I couldn't. I just couldn't sit there at the table with you and your family and pretend that everything was okay. It should have been an amazing year for me right? I mean I had so many things to be thankful for! I had my sight back! I had a Hollywood career! But none of it mattered because I didn't have you."

...

_The flat had always felt empty but today the air was permeated with loneliness making him feel pathetic. _

_He lay flat on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, allowing the turning rotor blades to hypnotise him somewhat. He felt stupid for feeling upset. It wasn't the first Thanksgiving he had ever spent alone. It wasn't like his Dad was ever around to celebrate with him. He'd spent most of his childhood Thanksgivings alone, eating microwave meals and watching black and white films. Thanksgiving had never been particularly happy or merry. (Until Luke… and he felt the usual convulsions as his thoughts once again brushed the subject he was trying to distract himself from.) _

_A few of his work colleagues had invited him over to their respective family events, but there was something really depressing about these last minute invites. They made him feel like a charity case, which he didn't need or want. _

_He was just starting to wonder whether he had made a mistake refusing the Snyder's invite when he heard somebody knock on his door. _

_Now, that was strange! But what was stranger was the sight of the chocolate haired cutie, dimple smiling at him when he opened the door. She peered over his shoulder and into the apartment before saying, "Hm! Just as I thought! All alone!" And she marched past him with determination, duffle bag on her shoulders, shopping bags in her hands. _

_"Maddie? What are you doing here?" _

_"And a Happy Thanksgiving to you too Noah!" _

_"No, I mean… yes… Happy Thanksgiving, but…" And he gestured towards her as though to make out his point; that she was standing in his LA apartment. _

_"Well the thing is Mayer? We dated… so I kind of know you… and I knew… I just knew you would be locked away all on your lonesome today! So I thought I'd surprise you! So SURPRISE!" _

_Noah couldn't believe it! He was at a complete loss for words, so instead of speaking he walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. _

_"Oh goodie!" She smiled as they pulled away, "You're happy to see me! Shoo! I thought you might throw a fit!" _

_He laughed. _

_"Anyway to the kitchen, we have a turkey to cook!" _

_..._

_Bellies full and two black and whites later, the two friends sat curled up together on the sofa. _

_"Thank you, Maddie." Noah said sincerely. _

_"You're welcome." She smiled. _

_He could feel the tears starting and he didn't want to breakdown in front of her, but eventually he cracked, "I miss him! I miss him so much!" And she pulled his head into her so that he could cry as least some of the loneliness away._

_..._

"She's been amazing! Whenever I was at my worst she would somehow appear on my doorstep. I owe her a lot."

"I can't believe her!"

"What? That she was helping me?" Noah was confused.

"No! I can't believe she was visiting you in the same way she was visiting me?"

Noah turned over him so that they were face to face and gave him a quizzical expression.

"She visited me too Noah… this whole time. She never pressed the subject of Reid, or you or anything. She was just… there! "

"Wow!" Noah exclaimed as the full picture was revealed.

"Like you just said, she certainly is amazing!"

"Yes. An angel"

"But!"

"There's a but?"

"I still don't like the sound of this sleeping in your bed business!"

Noah laughed, "Well, did you know that there was one thing we didn't do in the bed…"

"Oh yes?" Luke arched his eyebrow, "What might that be?"

"This!" And he crashed down on top of him.

...

Whilst on her way to the bathroom Katie found Noah making breakfast in the kitchen. It was 5:35am, "Morning."

"Morning." He replied, "You're up early…"

"You too…"

"Yes well… sleep… it's kind of elusive at the moment. Coffee?"

"No thank you, I was just on my way to shower…" And then after a pause she said, "I'm sorry about that you know? About your father and everything."

"It's okay. I mean it's not like it was anything we didn't already know right? My father was crazy."

"Yes but, still… I'm sorry Noah."

"Thanks"

"And I'm sorry for jumping on your back about Luke. I'm just protective over Reid. It may not have seemed like it? But he wasn't as tough as he made out."

"I know." And then, "Look Katie… when I found out everything… about Luke? I was so angry at Reid for stealing him away from me… but the truth is… Reid didn't steal Luke… I lost him all on my own. It was just easier for me blame Reid then it was to be angry at myself. Because then I'd have to admit what I'd done… what I'd done to Luke."

"He never set out to split you guys up."

"No, he didn't have to split us up Katie… I already had. Reid was really good to me… really supportive. In his own way, if you know what I mean…"

"Oh yes! I do!" And they both laughed.

"He gave me my sight back so I don't have any bad feelings towards him. All I feel is gratitude."

She nodded. "It's been fun hanging out here with all of you. Don't get me wrong, I miss Jacob, but sometimes it nice to get a break from motherhood!"

He smiled, "You should come back sometime… stay a little longer and bring Chris and Jacob along."

"I'd like that. We can double date!"

She was just about to leave when she turned back and said, "Um Noah?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad we're friends." She flashed him a genuine smile.

And he returned it, "Same here."


	12. Thanksgiving 1

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be commencing our decent, please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelt. If you haven't already done so, please stow your carry-on luggage underneath the seat in front of you or in an overhead bin…"

Noah leaned around with his right hand to gently tickle Luke on his chin. Luke's nose twitched and he lifted his hand to scratch the spot where Noah had touched him before sleepily lifting his head from Noah's shoulder.

"We're here…" Noah said.

"Mmm… that was quick!"

Noah smiled at how adorable he was, "That will be because you slept the whole flight!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have been so tired if SOMEBODY hadn't kept me awake most of the night!"

Noah gave him a naughty smile, "I didn't hear you complaining!"

Luke laughed and leaned over the armrest to kiss him.

They were returning to Oakdale together. The idea had come to him after Noah had brought up the Thanksgiving he spent with Maddie. Luke decided that the brief but unavoidable separation might be made more bearable if he were to wait until the holiday to return to Oakdale, and that way Noah could fly with him. Of course Noah would have to return alone to LA in four days, but they felt it might be easier for them to part this way, at least as easy as was possible under the circumstances.

...

Holden met them at the arrival gate and Luke tried to think whether he had ever seen a bigger grin on his father's face. The man was positively glowing with happiness as he grabbed hold of each of the boys and they shared a group hug. "You look good!" He said surveying them, "Much better then the last time I saw you! That's for sure! You boys have no idea how much you scared your mother!"

Both Luke and Noah smiled internally, knowing that Holden always transferred his own true feelings and fears onto Lilly. That way he could maintain his mucho "I'm always calm and in control" demeanour.

They chatted amicably as Holden drove them in the pickup through the streets of Oakdale. Noah watched as the familiar and much loved landmarks past by the window. He really hadn't expected to feel the overwhelming sense of nostalgia that engulfed him. But then he shouldn't have been surprised… Oakdale was the place where his life had changed forever! Where he had been handed a blessing in the form of the amazing person riding alongside him, his hand squeezing his knee…

He knew it was silly but he felt a little nervous about seeing the Snyders after all this time. He wasn't sure how they all felt about his reappearance in Luke's life. He had hurt Luke badly after all, and he could understand if some of them still harboured resentment towards him.

Just as they started to drive the dirt road towards the farmhouse, Luke seemed to sense his fears because he turned to face him and mouthed, "I love you." Noah smiled and tightened the arm he held around Luke's shoulder.

...

Emma was just returning from the chicken coup with a basket of eggs, when she saw the truck appear from between the line of trees. Her heart leapt with joy! Finally, her boys had arrived!

"Oh my, oh may! But aren't the two of you a sight for sore eyes!" She placed the basket on the back of the truck and brought both boys into her to share a warm hug. Pushing them away she scrutinised them carefully, "Let me get a good look at you! Especially YOU!" And she turned to take hold of both of Noah's shoulders, "Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?" And she couldn't help but pat his cheeks before drawing the embarrassed but smiling boy back into her embrace.

Then she turned to Luke and tearing slightly said, "When I think of how we almost lost you again!" And then looking from one to the other, "Both of you!"

"Those prayers you sent us must have been pretty powerful, Grandma!" And Luke winked at her.

"Yes." She replied. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "Okay, well! There are a lot of people up at the house dying to see the two of you so let's get a move on! I've still got a load of cooking to do and you boys are just in time to cut the Hubbard squash…"

...

After just a few minutes Noah couldn't think what he had been so worried about. From the moment they entered the house they were received with nothing but hugs and kisses, full blown with love, the atmosphere festive, joyful and inviting. Most if not all of the Snyders expressed their delight that the two of them had found their way back to each other.

"Where they belong!" Lucinda announced loudly.

"Thank you so much for arranging the hospital room for us, Lucinda." Noah said after approaching her privately just before they sat for down for dinner. "I can't tell you what it meant… to have Luke there. I'm not sure we would have healed as fast otherwise."

"It's my very great pleasure Noah!" she smiled and patted him fondly on the shoulder. "We are just so relieved that both of you managed to survive. It must have been terrible for you … truly terrible!"

...

As always, Emma had simply outdone herself. The turkey was deliciously golden bronze, juicy and tender looking; the vegetables on offer looked scrumptious and delectable. Noah couldn't wait to get stuck into Emma's amazing sweet potatoes that positively steamed in the platter, surreptitiously placed right in front of him.

"I wonder who put those there?" Luke sarcastically whispered over to him. Noah simply smiled innocently with a "Who me?" expression on his face.

After prayers, when it came to Noah's turn to express what he was thankful for he said, "I know you all expect me to say that I'm thankful to have Luke back in my life, and…" he turned to his right so he could look Luke in the eyes and speak directly to him, "I couldn't even begin to express how thankful I am for that!" And then he turned back to look around the table, "But I'd also like to say that I'm so thankful for all of you! That you've accepted me back into your family after everything…" His voice dropped away.

A single tear fell down Luke's cheek. Noah's right hand was holding Luke's so he briefly released his left hand from Natalie's so that he could reach up and catch the tear. Luke smiled gently at him.

"Noah, baby…" Lilly said from the other side of the table, "You have always been a part of this family. That never changed. You will always be a Snyder in our eyes." And her smile was so full of love that Noah had to catch his breath.

And Faith, seeing his expression, stood up so that she could hug him and was quickly joined by Natalie. He kissed both girls and they sat back down, Natalie taking hold of his hand once more.

...

"Shit!" Exclaimed Luke, as he tried to warm his frozen feet under Noah's reluctant legs. "Has Oakdale ALWAYS been this cold?" And he pulled the comforter up to his ears.

Noah laughed. "Has somebody acclimatised a little too much to the sunshine?"

"Looks like it! Guess I'll have to go back! What do you think?"

Noah pulled him in closer, cold feet and all, kissed the top of his head and said, "It couldn't happen fast enough!"

"Can you believe how big the kids have gotten?"

"Right? Especially Ethan! He's quite the little talker! Kind of reminds me of somebody I know…"

"Hmm, mmm? And who might that be?"

"I just can't think… I'm sure it will come to me though!" Noah held his index finger on his mouth taking on a contemplative stance.

They laughed together for a minute.

"Actually it is unusually cold for this time of year. Grandma says the pond is already frozen over, can you believe that? God but I'm freezing!"

"I can think of a way to heat you up…"

"Oh yeah?" Luke asked expectantly.

And Noah turned to lay right on top of him, placing both hands on the sides of Luke's face and moving in for an exploitative kiss.

Then, lying there like that, Luke said, "I almost called you, you know?"

"Hmm?"

"Last Thanksgiving… when you didn't come…"

"You thought about me last Thanksgiving?" Noah was amazed.

"Yes... I thought about you Noah. I thought about you every day last year. Even when I didn't want to… I guess my subconscious mind was trying to tell my stubborn conscious mind something!"

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too Noah."

And at that, Noah kissed him with such a deep passion; Luke almost felt he would drown in it.

...

It happened later that night. Luke woke up when Noah bashed and kicked him in his sleep.

"No, stop! Stop!"

"Noah?" Luke reached out to hold his shoulders all the while thinking "Not again!"

The sheets were wet with sweat, despite the cold, and Noah's features contorted with terror, his entire body seemed to shiver uncontrollably. "Please! Don't! I don't want to…"

And just then he let out an agonising scream and suddenly his eyes were open but it was as if he didn't know where he was and he didn't see Luke.

"Noah! Wake up!" Luke said loudly. "Come on baby! Wake up!" And he sat up against the headboard, fighting to move Noah's body between his legs so that he could hug Noah's head into his chest, trying to sooth him by lightly stroking his hair. "Sh… Sh… come back to me Noah… Noah baby… come back…" And slowly he felt as Noah's awareness returned to the room and his breathing calmed.

A few minutes passed like that until Noah whispered, "Sorry…"

"It's okay… There's nothing to be sorry about. But Noah… they seem to be getting worse."

"I know. I don't get it either… Consciously I feel like I've dealt with what happened. I mean I'm at peace with it. So… I just don't know…"

Luke kissed the top of his head and whispered, "Don't worry about it now… Just try to go back to sleep."

As Noah drifted off, Luke couldn't help but think, for the one hundredth time, that something about this wasn't quite right.

...

"Hi Reid. Happy Thanksgiving. I know… I know… you don't do holidays excreta, excreta, but… I still wanted to come and say it to you." He sat down on the cold ground and stared out over the pond, the frozen water glittered in the winter sun. He picked a blade of dry grass and played with it in his hands as he spoke. "So… I guess you know by now that I'm back with Noah… and… I know in my heart that you are okay with it. I'm so in love with him Reid and… being with him, especially now… after everything that's happened, it feels so right! We're so much more right for each other then we ever were before! And I think a lot of that is because of you. So… thank you… I guess… I wanted to say thank you. You taught me so much… you taught both of us so much."

Feeling the icy wind on his face he wrapped his arms around his knees to keep warm. He sat listening to the early morning sounds of the farm, marvelling at how much he loved the place.

"And, Reid? I'm so sorry I forgot. But… you must know that I didn't forget YOU! I could never forget you… It's just… I wasn't paying attention to the dates! I know you were never one for being sentimental so I'm sure you forgave me the moment it happened, but… I wanted to let you know that I do miss you… I love you.

Just then he heard the crunch of feet and when he turned Noah was standing behind him.

"Hi babe." Luke smiled.

"Hey. Do you want some company or…" And Noah pointed back behind him at the way he had arrived.

"Come here…" and Luke stretched out his left arm in invitation for Noah to sit down next to him.

As soon as he was seated, Luke drew the arm around him and, heads touching, they sat in silence, enjoying the warmth from each other's bodies and the astounding view of the pond.


	13. Thanksgiving 2

While Emma was distracted by various family members in the parlour, Luke and Noah snuck into the kitchen.

"Okay…" Noah said reaching into the store cupboard, "What do you need?"

"Grab one onion, a red one, um mixed spice, cabbage… oh and cinnamon, the powder form, and red wine vinegar…" He listed the ingredients he needed while grabbing the bowls, spoons, pans etc from various places around the kitchen.

Noah placed all the essentials onto the island, "Done?"

"Yip, I think that's it for now…!"

Just then Emma decided to make her appearance and she stood stunned for a moment, hands on hips, before asking, "And just what do you boys think you are up to?"

Noah walked over and gently steered her back into the parlour, "You are going to relax this lunchtime and Luke is going to do the cooking…"

"Luke!" She protested, "No, Noah darling, I don't think so! Luke doesn't know a knife from a spoon!"

"He does now…" And then stopping to look at her he said, "He really wants to do this for you. Just trust me… he's wonderful at it! He's been making all our meals in LA." And he gave her the biggest puppy dog look he could muster.

"Oooh you! How am I supposed to say no to a face like that? Alright then!"

"Great!" And Noah kissed her cheek before retuning to the kitchen.

"Charmer!" she laughed to herself before wondering off to find Janet so that she could share this interesting new titbit of information.

...

While Luke kept himself busy in the kitchen, Noah decided to take another walk down to the pond. He had really missed this place and he wanted to drink it all in, savour it and maybe take back some essence of it when he returned to LA. He sniffed in the farm smells and stood with his eyes closed, immersing himself in Oakdale air.

Just then a loud scream pierced the quiet.

...

Noah had completely distracted Luke from his task. He had been chopping an onion when his attention was utterly stolen by the sight of Noah's statuesque figure standing still, head back, by the edge of the ice-covered pond. "Is he real?" A voice inside him asked and he felt butterflies travel from his toes to gather in his stomach. He was so beautiful… so breathtakingly beautiful…

Just then he was ripped from his thoughts by the faint sound of a cry and he watched as Noah sprinted off behind the trees on his right.

"What the hell?"

Like a flash he was running out the door, hurrying quickly after him.

...

His aeroplane is green. It has green circles on it. It's an army plane. He knows because his soldiers are also green and so is his tank. He wishes he had his soldiers at the farm today, but they are at home in his elephant trunk. His elephant trunk is funny!

His tank has a big gun! His plane has guns too but they are smaller ones. His plane is really cool and it actually FLIES! When he throws it, it can fly very far! Farther than anything else can go! Definitely! And when it flies it shoots at the bad gays, "Da, da, da, da, da! Da, da, da, da, da!" And then he has to run for ages to fetch it!

His aeroplane is the best present EVER! Noah came yesterday and gave it to him! He likes Noah! Sometimes if he says "please" first, then Noah will swing him round and round! And it makes him laugh and laugh and then his tummy hurts. And Noah hugs and kisses him a lot too! So he knows Noah loves him like Luke does! He likes that Noah loves him… Noah is so cool!

Luke has been gone for a long time. And Noah has been gone for a long, long, long, long time! He doesn't know where Noah went but Luke said it was a place where they make movies! And that is the COOLEST! But he is glad that Noah has come with Luke today. Luke said they could play a game later! Cool!

His plane has gone VERY far this time! WOW! But now Faith has started screaming! Why is she screaming like that? And then Natalie shouts, "Ethan!"

He can see Noah running down the hill and then Noah takes Faith by her shoulders. Why is Faith unhappy? Then Faith points at him and Noah looks very scared. When he looks around there are no bears or monsters anywhere! That's the only reason you should be scared like that. Right? Anyway he needs to fetch his aeroplane, but before he can...

"Ethan stop!" and when he turns Noah is bent over slightly and has his arms out to him. "Ethan buddy? Do you want play a game?"

Well, yes. He always wants to play games but he has to get his plane first, "My aeroplane…" he says and points at it.

"Ethan! Look at me buddy, okay? Don't move!" He feels very strange. He's not sure what this feeling is called but he just wants to fetch his plane and Noah is telling him not to move. So now he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't think Noah is mad at him. Noah doesn't look like his daddy does when he is mad. He just looks scared about something and he looks like he wants to cry. Is Noah sad about something?

"Ethan? If you keep very still and stay there? Then… then… I'll buy you a hundred aeroplanes kid! Okay?"

Then Noah is being very funny and making him laugh. Noah is pretending to be a snake! Like they do at school sometimes. He is wriggling closer and closer to him along the ground and he wants to play too so he laughs and he bounces down hard…

But then suddenly it's very cold! Very, very, very, very cold! And he doesn't like this. He doesn't want to play this game anymore. Also he can't move so he's dropping and he's drinking a lot of water. It's dark and he can't stop drinking the water.

His head really hurts now and he feels like he's going to blow up! Like when Miss Barker at the pool tells him to blow bubbles for as longs as he can under the water… Then eventually he can't anymore so he goes back up to the top. But this time he can't get back up because his arms won't work anymore. Why won't his arms work?

Suddenly his head is out of the water and he can hear people screaming, "Ethan! Ethan! Noah!"

But he's cold… so cold! And he wants Mommy!

...

Luke arrived at the pond just in time to see Noah reach the hole in the ice. "Noah!"

"He fell in Luke! Ethan fell in!" Faith was hysterical.

Just then Natalie arrived from the direction of the barn carrying a large bundle of rope that Luke assumed Noah must have instructed her to fetch. Hastily Luke snatched it from her and tied one end around his waist, "Faith, run up to the house and get Dad and Uncle Jack… Now!" He handed the other end of the rope to Natalie and said, "Hold onto this and give it to Dad when he gets here…"

During this time he watched terrified as Noah dropped into the water, came up for air and then disappeared under the ice once more. He tried to keep the fear from rising up. He had to remain calm no matter what.

As he reached the edge of the hole, Ethan's head emerged from under the water as Noah gripped the boy tightly under his armpits and lifted him up. Luke grabbed Ethan in the same place, and as he pulled his baby brother out of the freezing water, he felt as Noah's hands slipped away and back under the ice. He laid Ethan down gently next to him and desperately plunged his face and arms into the hole, searching the blackness for Noah. He spotted him and managed to grab him by his jacket, just before he floated away. He pulled hard and Noah gasped and spluttered as has his head reached the surface. Luke pulled him up through the hole as much as he could, but eventually Noah panted, "I'm okay, I'm okay… take Ethan!"

It went against all of Luke's natural instincts to leave Noah there in the icy water but he knew Noah was right. "I'll be right back, Okay? Hold on… just hold on!" And he pressed a kiss to Noah's panting and shaking head.

Rolling over, he lifted Ethan onto his stomach and held him there as Holden and Jack used the rope to pull them both safely over the ice. Jack grabbed Ethan from him and immediately started CPR while Lilly screamed in fear and panic, "Ethan! My baby, oh my god!"

But Luke didn't hesitate and was quickly but cautiously making his way back over the ice towards Noah. He could tell that Noah was on his last reserve of energy and every now and then he would slip a little further back into the water, causing Luke's heart to contract in panic. "Hold on, hold on…" he repeated over and over inside his head.

"Hey…" He said as he reached him.

"Hey, yourself…" Noah replied with a weak smile, his quivering lips an unhealthy purple colour. "You look warm…" And even in the desperateness of the situation Luke couldn't help but laugh out loud at that.

"Want to join me?" He asked; trying to keep up the good humour in the hopes it would distract Noah from the immediate danger they were both in.

"Definitely!" He stuttered as his teeth chattered together.

"Okay, then… Just keep talking to me, alright bubby?" And Luke reached out to grab Noah tightly under his arms and pull him around, so that his back was against the side of the hole. He immediately sensed Noah's relief at not having to hold on anymore and his entire body relaxed against the ice.

"Noah?" But there was no response and he suffered a major panic attack when he realised Noah must have passed out… "Please hold on… not much longer now, Okay?"

And using more strength then he ever knew he possessed he pulled Noah up and out of the ice. Using the same tactic he had with Ethan, he rolled onto his back and pulled Noah on top of him, so that his father and Jack could pull them both over the ice. As they slid slowly towards the edge of the pond, Luke hugged Noah tightly into him and pressed their cheeks firmly together, whispering to him, "Stay with me… Stay with me…"

...

Noah opened his eyes to realise he was tucked in bed on the farm. The best place in the world to wake up in! And then he corrected himself, maybe the second best place… just behind waking up anywhere with Luke.

He felt Luke's hand on his and when he looked down all he saw was the back of Luke's blonde head, as he slept, slumped over the bed, while seated in a chair.

Noah reached over with his free hand and ran his fingers through the blond locks. Luke shot up, and seeing Noah awake, leapt from the chair to sit on the bed and lean over so that he could kiss Noah all over his face in relief. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

"Luke?" And then he remembered. Ethan and the ice… "Ethan! Is he…"

"He's fine! He's fine baby! Thanks to you! I was so worried!"

"How long have I been out for?"

"All day! It's 10pm."

Just then the bedroom door opened and Lilly entered carrying a tray with two cups of coffee. "Noah! You're awake at last! We were starting to worry about you. The doctor said you would be fine, but he didn't say you would sleep for so long." And after placing the tray on the bedside table, she leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. "How can I ever thank you?"

"Anybody would have done it!" Noah smiled. "I'm just glad he's okay…"

Luke laughed then.

"What?"

"He's more than okay! He's ecstatic! He says you promised to buy him a hundred aeroplanes!"

...

Luke held Noah's hand right up until it was his turn to walk through the airport security gate. Both of them had tears in their eyes, but they had made a promise not to break down. They were going to make this as easy on each other as possible.

"A few weeks and it will be Christmas…" Luke reminded him.

"Yes! Thank goodness for that!" And then, "What are you getting me?"

"Is that all you care about at a moment like this?" Luke chastised, "I never took you for the materialistic type Mayor!"

"Well! Obviously there is yet a lot for us to learn about each other!" He smiled, "And I for one can't wait to get started."

Luke smiled at him and they kissed. "Same here…"


	14. Cheers and Shadows 1

The first night without Luke was the hardest. As the nightmares rocked him once more, Noah found himself encased in blackness… in a dead quiet that tore at his stomach, chocking him in fear.

Noah was only realising now just how much of a help it had been having Luke by his side to gently coax him awake. Missing Luke's comfort he was forced to crawl up in a quivering ball with a pillow hugged to his chest and it seemed to take hours for his body rhythms to return to normal.

Of course he realised after the first night that he now had a major problem. He wasn't getting enough sleep. He overslept and arrived late to work on more than one occasion and Melanie kept asking him whether he was feeling okay, noticing the black circles under his eyes. He hated it! He definitely didn't want his movie to suffer just because he couldn't get his damn head screwed on right.

The worst thing was not understanding the dreams. It was fairly obvious they were causing him a large level of distress, yet when he woke up he could remember nothing of them. He would go over and over the events at the cabin, weighing up how the thoughts affected him; but he was starting to wonder whether the two things were even related at all. And if they weren't, then what the hell was his problem?

...

Text Luke: I was just thinking about you. Again! How's your day going?

Text Noah: Not too good, but it would be a lot better if I could see your beautiful smile :-)

Text Luke: Well why don't you think of something to say to put a smile on my face then?

Text Noah: I bet you can guess what's on my mind right now?

Text Luke: Okay… yip… that did it :-) Actually I was just talking about you…

Text Noah: Stop talking about me to your friends ;-)

Text Luke: You know me so well!

Text Noah: Miss me yet? Apartment is empty without you…

Text Luke: From the moment you got on the plane! Oakdale is empty without you…

Text Noah: Had an AWESOME Thanksgiving with you! I owe you an Eskimo kiss…

Text Luke: I really had a good time too. Even if you are a little dorky ;)

Text Noah: Almost felt like old times…

Text Luke: Yes it did…

Text Noah: Oooh look… sunshine! Time for me to grab a towel and head to the beach. Too bad you are all the way over there and can't join me!

Text Luke: Brat! Love you bubby!

Text Noah: Miss you too… speak soon.

Text Luke: Bye xxx

...

_His head was spinning, he couldn't focus! After once being blind, not being able to focus was simply petrifying. He was also out of control! If there was one thing he hated more than anything else it was being out of control! Not being able to make his own decisions… not being in charge of his own choices. The way his father had made him feel his whole life. _

_He also felt sick! So sick! And for some reason, no matter how hard he fought he couldn't move. It was like he was held down… cemented as a dark shadow came closer and closer…_

"STOOOOPPPPPPP!" The scream left a burning sensation in his throat. Or had he been screaming for a while? He wasn't sure, but the blood was pounding in his head and he was suffering from the usual lack of oxygen, as he sat bolt upright in the bed.

But…

But he remembered! Okay, not everything… but he remembered some of this dream. Granted it still made absolutely no sense but it was a start… right?

...

"Hello?" The sleepy voice on the other end of the line sounded very far away.

"Luke?"

"Hey baby…"

"I'm sorry… I know I'm waking you up but…"

"Everything okay?"

"Um… yeah… yeah… I just really wanted to hear your voice…" S**t! Even he could hear the fear…

"Noah? Another nightmare?"

And Noah wanted to cry, "Yes, yes, help me! Please!" but instead he said, "Just a little one. Nothing to worry about... I miss you so much Luke."

"I miss you too. Um, Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?" The concern in Luke's voice caused a small crack in his heart, and he wondered if Luke heard it.

"Yes."

"Just two more days and I can pick you up from the airport…" Luke said, obviously not fooled.

"I can't wait!"

"Me neither…" They lay listening to each other's breathing for a while and then Luke asked, "Feeling better?"

"Yes. You go back to sleep."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Sweet dreams."

...

He hid with his back pressed up against the trunk of a tree. What were they thinking anyway? They could never out smart an army brat, schooled from the cradle in this kind of game. Carefully he snuck a peak around the front of the tree and sure enough he spotted them, their backs too him. They crouched behind a bank of snow, presumably waiting for him to walk past and right into their trap. He smiled and congratulated himself on his cunning. "Got ya!"

Quickly and light of foot he zapped across to hide behind the next closest of trees. His supply of ammo was neatly stowed in the pocket he'd created by pulling up the front of his jacket like a cradle. He had carefully prepared the tight white beauties just moments before.

As he crept softly up behind them, watching his footing to ensure he didn't step on any twigs, he heard Luke whisper to Ethan, "We've got him this time for sure! He won't know what hit him!"

"Yeah!" Ethan agreed, his little body shaking with excitement.

"Oh you think so do you?" And they both jumped screaming with good-humoured fright as they took off down the hill with Noah right on their heels, mercilessly pelting them both with snowballs.

Luke was fast, but he stumbled slightly allowing Noah the time he needed to grab the hood of his jacket, whipping him around so fast that they both fell and rolled laughing together down the snow covered hillside.

Breathing heavy from the exertion they came to an abrupt stop with Luke flat on his back and Noah above him. They stared at each other for a while, drinking in the euphoria of being back in each other's arms.

"I missed you so much." Luke's eyes shone brightly.

"Same here." And Noah removed Luke's right glove as well as his own so that he could interlace their fingers, wanting to feel him, needing to increase the connection. Still laughing, Noah rubbed their noses together and went in for a kiss, but before their lips could meet, he was swiftly knocked over on his side as Ethan barrelled into him screaming and giggling with joy.

"Later…" Luke mouthed to Noah, their fingers, still touching, feeling hot compared to the snow underneath them, and then, sitting up on his elbows, he said "Hey champ? What do you say we head back inside for some breakfast? Grandma promised pancakes!"

"Cool!" And Ethan hopped up with expectation, holding out his hands so that the men could take one each; and they crunched their way back to the farmhouse through that morning's freshly fallen snow.

"The snow makes everything seem so quiet…" Noah mused.

"I know, don't you just love it?"

As they rounded the bend towards the house their elbows flew up to protect their faces as they were abruptly bombarded with an onslaught of snowballs.

Faith and Natalie appeared over a snow bank and shouted; "Girls rule!" before giggling and running off towards the house, the boys in hot pursuit!

"Get them!" Ethan yelled.

...

While Luke took Ethan upstairs to change into dry clothes, Noah wandered into the parlour to find Lilly riffling through a box.

"Hi Lilly, do you need help with anything?"

She smiled up at him as he entered, "No thanks sweetie. I was just getting the ornaments ready for later.

"Oh yes." Noah replied, remembering the Snyder tradition of hanging individual ornaments to represent each member of the family.

She reached into the box and pulled out a miniature movie slate, holding it up for Noah to see, a smile crossing her lips. He felt his heart stop. The last Christmas he had spent with the Snyder's he had been blind, and Luke had helped him hang his special ornament on the tree. He remembered how Luke had described the ornament to him, but in his wildest imagination it hadn't been as beautiful as the one now dangling from Lilly's fingers, blue glitter sparkling as it caught the light.

He could still remember the jolt he felt as Luke held his hand… that unbelievable chemistry… so strong. At the time it had just been too much for him to handle and, as he had done over and over during those dark and dreadful days, he'd pushed the feelings away instead of embracing them.

Lilly stretched out and handed the ornament to him. He studied it intently as she said, "He hung it up for you last year…"

Noah looked up at her as he held his breath.

"He wouldn't have admitted it at the time but… I think he really wished you were here. He really missed you. We all did."

And he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Hey…" She stood up and took hold of his arms. "There's no reason to be sad. The two of you only have reason to be happy…"

He nodded. "I still can't believe how close I can to losing him. It just… it… it still hurts that I hurt him…"

"We all know that you would never deliberately hurt Luke. You were dealing with an unimaginable crisis and as much as we wanted to, none of us could have understood what the situation meant for you. Not really."

"Thank you."

"You're here now and that's all that counts. And this year you get to hang your own ornament!" He smiled as she hugged him. "Merry Christmas, Noah."

"Merry Christmas."

...

He was climbing the kitchen stairs when he bumped into Luke on his way back down, "I was just coming to find you…"

"Oh yes?" Luke's tone could only be described as silky and it sent flickers straight to Noah's groin. The blonde leaned back against the wall, lifted his right arm high and, as Noah gazed upward, jiggled the mistletoe hanging from his fingers.

Like magnets their bodies immediately squeezed together within the cramped walls of the tiny dark stairwell and Noah's heart rate instantly began to sky rocket… as was always the case when he was within close proximity to Luke.

Luke looped his arms around Noah's waist. Noah's right hand pressed into the wall, his arm brushing Luke's head as he lifted his left hand up to cup Luke's face, running his thumb up and down his cheek.

"You owe me a kiss, Mayor…" Luke uttered, fire in his eyes, and he leaned towards Noah expectantly.

Noah held his mouth mid-kiss, inches from Luke's lips, magnifying the anticipation, savouring it. Luke's breath shuddered as the sexual tension began to build and eventually the wait became too much, resulting in Luke's attempt to steal the kiss.

But Noah had other ideas and he promptly pulled his head back so that Luke just missed him and kissed the air instead. Luke's expression was one of surprise and then he smiled seductively.

Before Noah could blink his eyes, Luke had him flipped, his legs hooked, and his arms pinned either side of his head. The edge of a stone step dug into his lower back but he hardly noticed. Noah lifted an eyebrow, "What ya gonna do now?"

And, claiming what was his, Luke began to nibble Noah's bottom lip, slowly making his way up, demanding entrance to his mouth; pushing, licking and sucking his way in and then groaning with satisfaction when, at last, he felt Noah's smooth tongue wrap around his own. He released his grip on Noah's arms as he relaxed into him.

It didn't take long for Noah's hands to enter under Luke's shirt… for his fingers to slide beneath the belt of his jeans; and, as he touched skin, for his entire body to shiver with want. Desperately he mumbled, "Um Luke?"

"Mmm?" Luke was in the process of taking small bites out of his ear.

"You know…ahrg… you know I want you, right?"

"Mmm…" And Luke's hands were fumbling with Noah's belt buckle as their thighs rubbed together.

"But I really think… ah…ah… that's just… wow! Um… Luke?"

"Mmm?"

"We REALLY need to move this off the stairs! You know?"

Luke looked up at him; passion fuelled eyes taking a moment to clear before he nodded, "Right! Shit! The kids! Right!"

And, kissing and touching the whole way, they found their bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind them.

...

When Noah returned from his shower, Luke had already made his way downstairs. He had been recruited by Emma to help with Christmas dinner, now that she knew what a super chef he had become. Noah smiled at that. It was heart warming to think that Luke had found something he could share with his grandmother.

As he arrived downstairs he noticed that most of the Snyder's had already arrived and everyone was gathered in the kitchen. He was automatically wrapped in the gentle tenderness of family and friends already excitedly sharing a heartfelt Christmas.

The air was aromatic and spicy, rich in cinnamon and toasted almonds. Everyone was loud and animated as he did the round of hellos, hugs and kisses. His heart swelled at how much he loved these moments, moments only dreamed of as a child.

He walked over to Luke just as he pulled a roasted ham out of the oven and he reached over to pick off a burnt bit only to receive a harsh rap on the knuckles. Noah gave him a sheepish smile until Luke relented and cut a small piece of ham from the joint before feeding it into Noah's eager mouth.

"Mmmm." Noah said appreciatively, wrapping his arms around Luke's lower back.

"Good?"

"Amazing! Want to taste?"

And he leaned in to give Luke a honey laced kiss on his smiling lips.

"Come on guys! Get a room!" Joked Uncle Jack as he squeezed past them to get a beer from the fridge. "Beer anyone?" He yelled out to nobody in particular.

"Over here!" And Dusty caught the can as Jack hurled it across the room.

"Hey!" Chastised Emma, "Behave!"

Jack gave her a cheeky grin and walked over to see what Holden was up to.

Noah drank in Luke's loving gaze and savoured every second. He still couldn't believe it was possible to be this happy. Everything seemed so perfect… so right!

...

Although it was the nightmare that had initially scared the hell out of him, the fear from that was now slowly fading.

What he was left with, as he crouched shivering and sobbing in the corner, staring at Luke's sleeping form from across the room, was worse! Much, much worse! It was a kind of terror… of dread… And try as he might, he just couldn't shake the truth… the terrible knowledge…that he had backed into the corner to get away from HIM.


	15. Cheers and Shadows 2

When Luke woke up the following morning Noah was gone. He had looked forward to cuddling the morning away and so, disappointed, he rose to take a shower.

Moments later he searched for Noah in the kitchen but found it empty. He was just about to try the parlour when he spotted the top of Noah's head through the kitchen window. He was sitting in the conservatory, a far away look in his eyes. He didn't even seem to notice Luke as he took a seat next to him… he just kept staring out towards the pond.

"Noah?" Luke said in a singsong voice, using his index finger to push a curl back from Noah's forehead.

Noah jumped slightly, startling Luke, and a strange expression passed quickly over his features before being replaced by a half hearted smile.

"You okay? I missed you this morning… Why are you up so early?" And he reached out to put his arm around Noah's shoulders.

Immediately Noah stood up. He looked around as though lost… as though not sure of what he should be doing, and then, grabbing his coat from the stool beside him, said "Yes. I'm fine. I'm just going to go for a walk, okay?"

"Okay." Luke said confused, not enjoying his sudden inability to read him. "I'll come with you…" And he made a move to get up.

"No!" Noah answered too quickly and there was an awkward silence. "I mean… sorry… Would you mind if I went on my own? I just need a moment… Okay?"

All this time Noah hadn't once looked at him.

"Okay…" Luke replied uncertainly, all the while sure that things were anything but. He sat back down, his insides slowing tying themselves into tight knots as he watched Noah walk off towards the barn. He knew this feeling… oh yes… he knew this feeling all to well!

During the course of the morning Luke couldn't count the number of times he walked to the door, waiting to see Noah's form returning up the hill. The rest of the Snyder's started to rise, Emma cooked breakfast, games were being played and still… no sign of Noah.

"I'm sure he's fine, son." Holden said placing a hand on Luke's back. "It can be a little overwhelming you know? All this lot!"

"Dad… you have no idea how much I hope that's all it is…"

Holden sighed and patted the hand on Luke's back before returning indoors.

...

It was lunchtime before Noah finally returned to the house, taking his coat off and placing it over a chair as though nothing was wrong. Luke had just put his boots on to go and look for him.

"Noah! I've been worried sick! Where have you been?"

"Sorry… I guess I lost track of time."

"You lost track of time?" Luke asked exasperated, "Noah! You've been gone all morning!"

"Sorry Luke… I didn't mean to worry you, okay?"

Luke didn't want the rest of the day to be ruined so he made the decision to let it go. They only had a few precious days together before Noah returned to LA and he didn't want them to spend the time arguing. "Okay. I was worried, that's all. It's fine. Actually I was just headed into the parlour, do you want to come?"

Another strange glance, almost like a frown, crossed Noah's features and he looked around as though in panic, before saying, "I promised Natalie I'd help her paint, so…"

"Okay! THAT'S IT!" And various Snyder's raised their heads at the level of his voice. He didn't care! He grabbed Noah by his wrist and dragged him coatless out the door, through the snow, and down the hill where they could talk in private.

"Luke! Luke!" And when they finally halted by the side of the barn Noah yelled, "What are you doing? It's freezing!" He shook his arm free from Luke's grasp, "I'm going back inside!" And he turned to leave.

"Noah STOP! Please! Think about what you're doing!"

The Noah that loved Luke from the bottom of his being… that needed him… that burned for him… THAT Noah couldn't help but stop when he heard the anguished tone of Luke's voice, but as he slowly turned it was the old Noah that couldn't look up. His eyes were fixed to the frozen ground and his breathing was suddenly very shallow.

"What is it? Luke asked, tears rising up in his eyes. "Why can't you look at me? Why are you running?"

Noah tried to stop himself… he didn't want to cause Luke pain and he knew how Luke would take it… but he took an involuntary step backwards.

"Dammit Noah! Don't you dare do this to me again! You hear me? Don't you fucking dare!"

It was silent as Noah froze. Luke had never spoken to him that way before.

Luke tried not to let the old feelings from their past overwhelm him, but he could sense them banging at the door, demanding admittance. The old Luke would have let them in. But he wasn't that same person anymore and there was no way in hell he and Noah were going down this path again. Not if he had any say in it! Somehow he would get through to him and he wouldn't stop trying until he did.

"Please, Noah…"

"I can't…" still the jagged breaths on the edge of crying, the deep frustration…

"Why?" Another pause until Luke couldn't contain it anymore and he yelled, "WHY?"

"BECAUSE I'M SCARED!" And he shouted the words, making Luke jump. For the first time Noah looked up at him and Luke could see the desperation in his watery blue depths, "Okay? I'm scared!"

"Of what?" more agonising waiting. "WHAT Noah!"

"I felt like I had to get away…"

"From me?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" And then more quietly as he slowly broke down, shaking his head, "I don't know… I'm sorry… I'm not doing this to hurt you… I don't want to lose you…but… please…" and he stretched his arms out to Luke who could do nothing but walk into them and hold the man he loved close.

His heart was sinking more and more. His mind was running through a million different thoughts at once, but mostly he was thinking, "It's happening again! It's happening again!"

...

Moments later they found themselves in the barn, sitting side by side on a bale of hay with their backs up against the wall. The only sounds come from the horses as they neighed and stomped around the stalls. Luke thought briefly that he should feel cold, but actually all he felt was numb.

"So what now?" Noah asked, interlacing his fingers… releasing… interlacing his fingers…

Luke placed his hand over Noah's to stop the nervous fiddling and tried not to show his hurt as Noah flinched slightly. "Now you talk to me. I know it's hard for you, but if you don't…" He sadly shook his head not even capable of voicing it.

For a dreadful minute Luke thought Noah was going revert to form and refuse, and he almost died with relief when instead Noah said, "Okay… anything... I'll do anything… just…"

Luke sighed deeply and leaned his head sideways so that it rested against Noah's.

"Luke?" Noah's voice was breaking, "Can you just…? Just hold on, okay? Please… I am trying."

"I know." And he squeezed Noah's hand. He waited a few minutes to allow them both time to calm and then he said, "Okay… so… is it the dreams?"

Heads still together, he felt as Noah nodded.

"Do you remember anything? Or are they still a blank?"

"At first there was nothing but now…"

"What is it?" He kept a firm hold of Noah's hand and when he didn't answer he said, "Noah…" and he placed his fingers under Noah's chin to bring his head round to face him, "…stop trying to protect me. Talk to me. As long as you stay here with me, we'll be okay… We can face anything."

Noah nodded again.

"Okay, so what do you see in your dream?"

"I can't say. It's… it's more the way I feel in the dream and the sensation that somebody's there…"

"Your Dad?"

Noah shook his head. "That's just it. I don't think it's related."

"What do you mean?

"Luke, I don't think these dreams have anything to do with my father. At least not anymore…"

"Well what DO you think then?"

"The thing is… I don't think I want to know why I'm having the dreams. I just want them to go away. I just want to be happy with you." And then suddenly with frustration, "Dammit! Why do these things keep happening? Why can we never just be happy?"

Now that he was staring right at him, Noah saw for the first time the anxiety on Luke's face. His heart throbbed as he realised what his behaviour that day must have meant for him. "Shit! I'm so sorry! I'm here okay? I'm staying right here! I promise! I won't shut you out…"

And that made Luke feel a million times better. His Noah was back. And even if his words were sad and ominous THEY would be okay. They would face this problem together and that was the most important thing…

"I love you so much Luke. And this… US… it means more to me than anything! And I won't risk that again, okay?"

"Okay."

Noah held his shoulders and stared deeply into his eyes searching for any signs of doubt as he asked, "You believe me, right?"

"Yes."

And knowing Luke meant it Noah felt a heavy load fall from his shoulders. God! He had almost run away with himself! He had almost risked everything. He pressed a fierce and urgent kiss of pure and desperate passion on Luke's mouth, his arms frantically grabbing around him, holding him tightly… reclaiming him. His fingers found the pulsebeat in Luke's throat, hammering like his own, making him dizzy.

Drinking in the warm feeling of comfort, his hands went to Luke's shoulders and he held him slightly away, so that Luke was looking upwards into his face, "I want you, Luke." He said, sounding choked. He paused a moment, unsure what to say next. "I want you so much… I can hardly breathe. Will…" He swallowed then cleared his throat, "Will you…"

But the answer was already in Luke's eyes as they radiated the same need Noah felt deep within himself. Standing up Luke pulled him quickly into the first empty stall they could find, banging the wooden gate closed and pinning him back against it.

"I think…" Luke began as he fumbled loose the buckle of Noah's belt, looking up at him, pausing for an instant. He spoke with difficulty, controlling something so powerful that his hands shook with the effort, "I'll not… I can't… Noah, I can't be gentle."

Noah only had time to nod before their jeans were around their ankles and Luke was piercing and pounding at him. Noah, gasping and groaning, reached his hand up to hold onto the top of the stall door, while the other encouraged each powerful movement by pressing on the small of Luke's back, gripping him tighter and tighter.

This was not love making… this was a pure need to possess… to own… to hold onto…a reaffirmation. The stubbornness they both possessed in spades. That same stubbornness that had forced them apart over and over again; was now the glue holding them together. They would not fail! They refused to fail! They refused to be parted ever again… Together they held a middle finger up to fate.

Noah pulled against his grip and sucked in his breath with a faint "ah" as Luke pressed even deeper, pausing for just a second. Then quickly the movement went on, disregarding, on and on for minutes and as they both reached the precipice, seconds from toppling they heard a voice call, "Luke? Noah? Lunch!"

"Sh…" quivering Luke froze, covering his hand over Noah's mouth to silence his groans and pressing his own forehead firm into Noah's shirt to fight back the sounds that wanted to erupt from his own lips. Noah's short breaths were hot and heavy against the palm of his hand.

"Are you guys even in here?" They remained frozen, desperately fighting the natural urges bursting through them, threatening to give them away at any moment.

Finally, they heard Faith's crunching footsteps fading and there was no need for any further movement, they groaned and grunted into each other as they both released and rocked together.

...

The sun was just about to set when Holden entered the conservatory carrying two mugs, "Mama made hot chocolate." And he lifted one of the mugs towards Noah as an invitation for him to take one.

"Thanks." Noah smiled, gratefully cupping the warm mug between his cold fingers as he continued sitting on the bench watching the last of the suns rays disappear behind the pond.

"She's a wonderful woman!"

"Yes… yes… she is."

"Can I join you?" He asked indicating the space next to Noah.

"Please."

"Luke's bathing Ethan again I suppose?"

"Yes, Ethan seems to like that."

"I didn't really thank you properly you know… for what you did at Thanksgiving…"

"It was nothing."

"Now Noah! I'm sure you know how untrue that is!" And he patted Noah a few times on his back before sighing with deep satisfaction. "It's so great to have you back home, son!"

And Noah really had to fight back the tears at those words. Ever since that terrible day, that awful moment when he first realised he had lost Luke to Reid, it had become more and more difficult to rain in his emotions. Those feelings that he had once been an expert at burying deep inside, now simply refused to stay there and he would find himself crying as the smallest of things.

They sat in silence for a while. Finally Holden spoke again, "You know Luke? He's a lousy listener! Always has been! He hears but he doesn't often listen, you know?"

Noah looked over at him with interest.

"And words! Boy but that kid can talk for the woods!"

Noah couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that.

"And he's been known to let those words run away with him… I mean he doesn't always think before he speaks. He's yet to learn that sometimes, the best thing to do or say in a situation, is absolutely nothing!"

"I know." And then after a while Noah asked, "Holden? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to know that you shouldn't be afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Don't be afraid to make mistakes, Noah. You only end up paralyzing yourself because you don't want to screw up. You know? So instead you do nothing. And what does that solve? But if you allow yourself to make those mistake? You can learn from them. And yes… it can often be painful but… you know the saying… no pain, no gain. Do you get what I mean?"

"Yes. You're basically telling me not to let your son walk all over me!"

"Basically!" And they both laughed together before he said, "You two are made for each other… you'll work it out. Just… when you talk to him? Make sure he's listening, Okay? You both know what it means to lose each other."

"Thanks Holden." And Noah marvelled once again at the man so unlike his own father.

"You're welcome."

...

"Give it!" Luke giggled as he wrestled with Noah on the floor, trying to pry the remote control from his fingers. Ethan roared with laughter at the sight of them and then joined in to help his brother by grabbing the remote off Noah.

"Thanks for the support, kid!" Noah said to the smug boy who stood a metre from him, holding the prized remote in his little paws.

"Na, na!" The kid shouted before running off towards the kitchen.

"Great!" said Noah, "Now we can't watch either of the movies!" And he pulled himself up off the floor to sit more comfortably on the sofa.

Luke's stomach hurt from all the laughter as he said, "Fantastic! If I have to sit through one more of those crazy zombie movies you like so much I think I'll have to…" and he mimed hanging himself by cocking his head with his tongue hanging out and holding up the imaginary piece of rope.

"Anything's better then The Notebook… Jeez! Don't get me started on all the faults with that movie!"

"Don't you dare! It's perfect!"

"Well," replied Noah, "since we can't watch a film maybe I can give you your Christmas present?"

Luke's head zapped around, "You already gave me my Christmas present…"

"Oh… I gave you a present… but it wasn't your CHRISTMAS present!"

"Oooh! Give me, give me, give me! And Luke hopped up onto the sofa next to Noah like an excited puppy.

Smiling out the corner of his mouth Noah took a small golden box out of his pocket. He held it out to Luke and Luke went for it, only to have Noah snatch it quickly out of his reach, "And what do we say?"

"Pleeeaase!" He said, mimicking the way Ethan would ask for something.

"Good boy!" Noah replied and handed Luke the box. Luke eagerly removed the ribbon and opened the lid to be presented with a keyring The keyring was a tiny silver necktie and it held several different silver keys. "Okay… You got me! What is it?"

"It's your copy."

Luke lifted one eyebrow.

"It's your key to our new house."

"House?" Luke asked, not sure whether he heard right...

"Yip! It's about five miles from the beach; it has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one ensuite, a huge kitchen, and a garage…"

Luke's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

"And it's all ours…"

There was a moment of quiet as Luke was struck by the incredible commitment Noah was making for him, for them. Tears started to fall and Noah became concerned. "Luke? I know I've got all these issues… and… and we need to work through them. Oh god! It's the wrong time, isn't it? I blew it? Luke? Did I do the wrong thing?"

Luke took so long to answer that Noah began to regret his decision but then, "No… no Noah… You did exactly the right thing. It's the most incredible present I've ever had and god… I'm so in love with you Noah! I love you so much! And I want nothing more than to have a future with you…"

Noah breathed deeply with relief, revelling in the sunshine radiating from his smile, "Same here."


	16. Home

Noah was already tall enough to see over the tops of people's heads, but it didn't stop him from eagerly lifting up on his toes and craning his neck to scan the arriving passengers for Luke's telltale blonde mop.

"Expecting somebody?" A voice like the sun and the sea, like ice-cream and chocolate cake and velvet dreams encased him from the right and it took every last ounce of effort he could muster not to look in its direction.

"Yip. Just some guy..." He replied trying to sound nonchalant.

"A guy hey? You gay or something?"

"Or something…"

"So… Do you like this guy?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Noah watched as Luke rocked slightly on the balls of his feet, his hands in his pockets. So adorable! "Sort of…"

"You seem pretty excited for 'sort of'…"

"And what's your story?" Noah interrupted, changing things around.

"Just arrived. I'm expecting to be picked up by somebody…"

"Just somebody"

"He's pretty damn gorgeous actually!"

"You gay or something?"

"Or something…"

"What ya gonna do if this somebody doesn't pitch up?"

"Oh he'll show…"

"What makes you so sure?"

And at that Luke's warm hands cupped either side of his waist, pulling him around and sliding to his back, causing all kinds of shivers to run through Noah's core. Luke lifted his head as if to kiss him, but then moved quickly to the side to whisper in his ear, "Because he's already here!"

And Noah couldn't hold him tight enough, drawing in his distinctive smell, wallowing in his heat. "FINALLY!" he almost yelled as the tears started to fall, "You're here! You're really here!"

"Hey!" Luke smiled through his own tears, "Miss me or something?"

"Or something…" Noah sniffed, drawing back to look at him. "You look great!"

"So do you…"

They spent some time just looking at each other. Luke ran a finger down Noah's face and leaned in to kiss him softly. When they broke apart Noah said, "Let me take you home…"

"I'd like nothing better…only?"

"Only what?" Noah asked, suddenly confused.

"When we get there are you planning to carry me over the threshold?"

And Noah let out a loud laugh that drew the attention of a couple of passes by, "You really are such a sad romantic, Luke! You know that?"

"Sue me!" Was his reply as he winked and, arm in arm, they left the airport for their new home by the sea.

...

Luke wanted to see the house. He really did! But he couldn't seem to pry his lips from Noah's face and keep his hands from Noah's body as they stumbled together up the garden path to the front door.

Noah struggled with the keys as Luke nibbled his ear from behind and he dropped them a few times before finally managing to open the door. They fell through it and Noah used his back to close it after them, all the while soaking in Luke's greedy kisses.

It felt to Luke like Noah's hands were everywhere at once and he desperately fought with the buttons on Noah's shirt, trying to get them loose one by one, but finally giving up and tearing the shirt open so that buttons flew all over the room…

"Oops… He-llo!" A girl's voice pierced their bubble and, still clinging to each other, they both turned their heads at once, just in time to see Maddie bend back upright after ducking to avoid a flying button missile. She gave them a guilty smile and a little wave. "Hi guys…. Um… Surprise?"

Later, the three friends were enjoying dinner together on the decking in the backyard. In celebration of his return to Los Angeles, Luke had decided to christen the new barbeque Noah had installed. Although Maddie had managed to interrupt the christening of their new bedroom, she had more than made up for it by effectively stocking the kitchen with food supplies.

"So," Maddie piped up, "Now what?"

"Now what… what?" asked Luke.

"What are your plans now that you two are officially living together like an old married couple? What does the future hold for the great twosome that make up Luke and Noah?"

Luke and Noah shared a soft smile.

"Well?" Maddie demanded persistently.

"Ah darling Maddie…" Luke said standing and picking up the dirty plates after quickly placing a kiss on the top of her head, "…some things are private…"

"Come on! I thought I was a member of this little inner circle!" And she drew a couple of circles in the air with her fingers.

"Noah, remind me why you gave her a key to the house?" Luke joked.

Noah laughed at the expression on her face, "I tell you what! As soon as we make any major life changing decisions, you will be the first to know!"

She squealed, "You promise?"

And Noah crossed a finger over his heart making her beam.

As Luke entered the house she said, "It's so good to see you two so happy!"

"Thanks Maddie." And then after a while, "So how are things with you and… Bruce was it?"

For the past year Maddie had been living in Montana with a man she had met in college. They seemed to have moved quickly from dating to living together and Noah was intrigued to know more about the relationship, however whenever Maddie showed up in LA, she would skirt the issue. He often wondered what Bruce thought about her disappearing to visit friends all over the States, but he didn't feel it was his place to ask.

"Yes good… good." Was all he got out of her and then, "So what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Shopping…" Luke answered the question as he returned from the kitchen. "Noah and I need to buy a bed." And he gave Noah a naughty wink making him smile.

"But you already have a bed." Maddie said to Noah.

"Yes but it's pretty beat up. I bought it second hand when I first arrived and I only want the best for Luke."

"Awe…" Luke teased and hooked Noah's leg under the table with his own.

"Well then it's a good thing I'm here!" Maddie announced. "I'm the queen of shopping!"

...

Lying sweaty in each other's arms, still slightly breathless from their love making, Noah laid his head on Luke's chest and said, "I'm sorry I scared you back in Oakdale."

"I'm not."

"What?" And Noah lifted his head up to look at him.

"Noah if that some situation had come up a few years ago we wouldn't be lying in bed like we are now! We would have walked off in separate directions, so that we could throw separate tantrums in separate corners of Oakdale!"

Noah smiled softly knowing Luke was right.

"In a way, what happened was like, the best thing ever! Because it just proved how solid we really are. I feel so secure in us… in our love! More than I ever have before. When I thought you were about to push me away again, it was just the old insecurities rising up! You know? Old habits! If I had just stopped for a second and thought about it, I would have known right away that we were okay. We're different, you and I. We're a different Luke and Noah. When you walked off I should have just left you, because you would have come back. You were just looking for some alone time… and… and that's okay. I'm okay with that. Because now I know you're not running from me, you're just getting all your thoughts in order so that you can talk to me about them later. I get that now."

Noah nuzzled Luke's neck and said, "Are you really here?"

"Yes!" Luke responded.

"Are you sure? Let me check…" And he disappeared under the covers to confirm Luke's presence with his mouth, an action that cause Luke to spasm, raise his hips, and grip the bed sheets with both hands. "Oh god! I'm here! I'm definitely here!"

...

Luke flopped back on the bed and lay military style, arms flat at his sides. He barley felt the mattress move next to him as Noah joined him on the other side, assuming the same position.

"Why do we do this?" Luke contemplated, staring up at the florescent lights.

"What?" Noah replied.

"Why do we test a bed by lying on it like this?"

"You've lost me…"

"Well, I mean, who actually lies in bed like this? This really isn't how we should test a new bed."

Noah smiled, "Okay, I'll bite. How DO you propose people test the bed then?"

"Well," said Luke, rolling over, "first of all I need to roll over like this…"

"Mmm, hmm…"

"And then I need to lift my leg over yours like this…" and he hooked their legs together.

"Oh, I see... very interesting… this theory of yours... And what happens next?"

Luke's right hand stroked Noah's supple cheek, "And then…"

Noah's eyes closed as Luke leaned in to press a kiss on his waiting lips and they both laughed as they kissed, rolling together on the bed, testing it!

Just then the loud clearing of a throat brought them back to earth with a bump and, looking up, they were confronted with a rather unimpressed sales lady, her hands on her hips, "Sirs! I'm afraid that I will have to ask you to either stop this behaviour or please exit our store. Thank you!"

"Oh, Ma'am!" And Maddie appeared from around a shelf of photo frames, "Apologies, really! They mean no harm. I'll take care of this." And she shooed both men off the bed and towards the main exit before saying over your shoulder, "They're in love you see! They can't help themselves." And she shrugged innocently before following the boys out of the store.

...

Luke wandered into the lounge in search of Noah and found him sitting on a bench by a window. Checking the clock he saw it was only 1am and he shook his head sadly before coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around him. He lay his head on Noah's back briefly, before bringing it around to rest his chin on Noah's shoulder and asking, "Nightmare?"

Noah nodded grabbing Luke's arms and then shifting up so that Luke could join him on the bench.

Luke took Noah's fingers in his and studied the way their hands fitted together, "I wish there was something I could do…"

"You do something just by being here…"

"Why didn't you wake me?" Luke asked as he pushed a curl behind Noah's ear.

"You looked so beautiful! So happy and peaceful… I just wanted you to stay like that." And he smiled brightly at Luke, "I'm okay now. Really."

"Good." Said Luke and he kissed Noah slowly, softly and with intent. Just when they were almost totally wrapped up in it Luke pulled away, gently dragging a little of Noah's lip with him, "Want to give me a proper tour of the house?"

Noah walked Luke, hand in hand, around the various areas. Talking softly so as not to wake Maddie, he described his visions of breaking down that wall and painting this one. For his own part Luke didn't care where they lived! He was just happy to be where Noah was and he encased himself in Noah's enthusiasm for the house.

As they made their way down the passage Noah paused at the first bedroom, slightly smaller than the other two, and leaned up against the door frame.

"And this room? What do you envision in here?" Luke asked.

"Well…" And Noah had the sweetest far away smile on his face.

"Come on… you can say it!" And Luke wrapped his arms around Noah's waist, swaying slightly.

"Maybe… one day…"

And Luke decided to let him off the hook, knowing exactly what the man was thinking. He took Noah's hand and they continued their way down the passage.

As they passed the guestroom, Noah noticed that Maddie had fallen asleep while reading. Her nightlight was on and a book lay open on the bed next to her. Patting Luke's chest, he entered the room and quietly lifted the book from the bed, taking care to insert her bookmark, before closing it and placing it on the table beside her. He leaned in to kiss her forehead and was just about to turn off her light, when he spotted a strange mark on her shoulder blade, just showing under her nightshirt. Gently he used his index finger to push the material back slightly and took in a breath when he realised the mark was the start of a rather nasty looking bruise.

Sensing his reaction Luke whispered, "What is it?" and Noah gestured for him to come in. Luke's face showed concern as he leaned over to examine the bruise and he looked up at Noah, "What the hell?"

Noah shrugged, "Come, let her sleep. We'll ask her in the morning."

"Okay." Luke kissed Maddie once and, taking Noah's hand, followed him silently back to bed.

...

Noah was enjoying the view of Luke, lying nude in bed on his back, fast asleep. Noah followed the lines of muscles in his stomach from the sheet, enticingly hiding his manhood, to the curve of his shoulder blades. Noah lay on his stomach, leaning up on his elbows, and he reached over to run a finger from one of Luke's nipples down to his bellybutton.

"Perfect." He whispered.

Running his hand down Luke's side, Noah felt the familiar jolt of ache when it found the scar from the stab wound his father had so cruelly delivered just a few months before. When he thought of how painful it must have been he always had to hitch his breath. Now, he lay forward and kissed the damaged area before resting his head on the soft skin of Luke's stomach, holding a hand on each side of his waist.

At that, he felt Luke's hands in his hair and when he lifted his head Luke was staring down at him, smiling sweetly.

"Morning, love." Noah said.

"Morning, have you been up for long?"

"Not too long…" and Noah shifted up so that he could give Luke a morning kiss.

"Do you know what today is?" Luke asked.

"No, enlighten me…"

"Today is our first Sunday together in LA…"

Noah smiled.

"Do you remember? Our promise?"

He nodded, "Of course…" And they kissed.

...

They were sharing a mug of coffee in the kitchen when Maddie shuffled sleepily in. "Morning…" she yawned as she pulled out a stool.

"Morning sleepyhead, would you like some coffee?" Noah asked.

She nodded with a smile.

As Noah poured the coffee Luke caught his eyes and he motioned over to her. Noah gave him a look that expressed his discomfort at the situation and the looks continued between them until finally Maddie said, "Okay! What's up with you two?"

Noah handed her the coffee mug and Luke said, "Maddie, you're okay right?"

"What?" She asked confused.

"Well," Noah joined in, "You would tell us if you were in any kind of trouble, right?"

Maddie looked completely dumbfounded, "What the hell did you guys put in the coffee this morning? Of course I'm fine!"

"Okay, okay!" Noah said, holding up his hands. Then he leaned forward over the counter so that he was eye level with her, "But Maddie… You know we are here for you if you need us don't you?"

"Yes my boys, I know! And I love you both very much too! But I'm absolutely fine, okay? Right now I'm just looking forward to spending an amazing Sunday with you…"

And they laughed at her confidence grabbing hold of each other before announcing together, "Same here."


	17. Revelation 1

_His head was made of lead and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to lift it. He felt his stomach turn as the distinct smell of dried vomit wafted up his nostrils. He couldn't open his eyes either… a warm bright light was shining on his face. He thought it might be the sun. _

_Eventually he squinted one eye open and, ignoring the protest from his brain, noticed that he was indeed lying in a pool of sunlight streaming through a nearby window. He was also lying inches from a puddle of sick; spread eagled on his stomach on the floor… completely naked! _

_"What…" he tried to speak but his mouth was too dry and a small amount of bile seemed to rise up out of his stomach making him sputter, which did nothing to ease the pounding in his head._

...

"Luke?" Noah yelled as he rushed through the front door. "I'm here! Are you ready? I'm so late and the cab will…" And all thoughts flew from his mind, his legs turning to jelly, as Luke wandered into the lounge dashingly dressed in a black tuxedo, elegantly offset with a white shirt collar and powder grey waistcoat.

There was a long stretch of time when Noah stood staring, completely speechless.

"Are you going to stand there with your tongue hanging out all night, or are you going to shower and change for your big event?"

Luke's suave smile left Noah weak at the knees and he couldn't help but hurry over to grab at him, eyes scanning every inch of him, "You look… WOW!"

He bent Luke slightly back and kissed him intensely on the lips, coming up for air to say, "You have got to be the most sexy man on the planet!" before pushing him back up against the wall, one hand sneaking under the open jacket to find the warm hollow of his lower back, while the other gripped Luke's hand to the wall. "How the hell do you expect me to concentrate all night, with you looking like this?"

The temperature of the room seemed to have hit level highs and Noah was on the verge of losing himself entirely in the stylish gentleman before him, when said gentleman wriggled from his grasp to say, "Noah? Time?"

And he snapped out of it enough to remember he was already late, "Right! Yes! Damn! Okay!" He stole one more quick kiss, before rushing off towards the bedroom, Luke smiling after him.

...

_He must have lain there awake for an hour or two before he allowed himself the use of a few brain cells to wonder where he was. Slowly, tentatively, he rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling, the swirling patterns confirming that this was definitely not his apartment. _

_He tried to remember what had happened the night before, but his mind drew a complete blank. He remembered returning home, and then… he was… he thought about… Luke… _

_And he caught himself before the bile turned to vomit, as his heart shook in his chest. _

...

The cast and crew of Noah's movie filled up half of the restaurant that Melanie had booked for the wrap party. Women moved amongst the tuxedos in a magnificent swirl of dark and light, cotton and silk; and amicable conversation blended together with the subtle rock tunes being played throughout. The mood was one of good humour and relief that filming was finally completed and the editing stage would soon begin. As Luke and Noah approached the group everybody erupted in a loud round of applause, shouting their congratulations while several individuals stepped forward to slap Noah fondly on his back.

Holding Luke's hand Noah smiled gratefully at them all and finally held up his other hand to ask for quiet, "Please, please! Really!" he waited a few minutes for further quiet and then said, "Welcome, everyone, to this evening that we thought might never come!" a few light laughs of agreement could be heard in the crowd, "What a bitter-sweet occasion this is because, as we celebrate filming our final scenes, we must also say goodbye to many of our actors and crew. But they leave us in good shape, having helped lay the very foundations that will assist in making this film a success."

There was an appreciative murmur of agreement from the crowd, many of whom had begun to tear at Noah's words.

"We have become more than just a place of work. We're a family… a community and together we have managed to deal with all the slings and arrows that have assailed us during this whole process, and it has been an honour to work with each and every one of you. Making this film has been a dream of mine my whole life and I could never find the words that would even begin to describe my gratitude to you for giving me the chance!

As well as thanking you I'd just like to take a moment to thank this person standing on my right…" And Noah looked directly at a shocked Luke, "Luke, thank you so much for just being here! And only you know what that REALLY means!" He swallowed and spent some time simply staring at him. Luke, recovering, smiled tenderly at him.

"So…" and his attention returned to the people around them as he cleared his throat, "… so, although we say goodbye to many of you tonight, we look forward to being reunited at the premier! I hope you all have a fantastic time tonight! Thank you! Now go and party!"

The round of applause was deafening! Luke could hardly contain the pride he had for Noah. He had come such a long way from the word shy boy he had met years ago in a small television studio in Illinois.

...

_He had been drinking in the bar! So this is what a real hangover felt like! Wow but it was bad! He couldn't believe there were people that did this on a regular basis. He had been drunk before but never like this. He had never been the typical frat boy type… and of course when he was with Luke…_

_There it was again! One word to knife him right in the chest every time! God but it hurt! And he spent a few moments pushing the feelings back down, deep inside of him, hoping that this time, maybe, they might stay there… _

...

Of course Noah was the most popular guy in the room and everybody wanted a moment with him. To his credit, Noah tried as much as he could to involve Luke in the many conversations, but eventually Luke decided to take a wander around on his own. He met and spoke with a few of Noah's work colleagues, gaining insight into Noah's life over the past year. He was saddened slightly, as he realised just how much of it he had missed out on.

Just as he was musing on this he felt two arms hug his waist from behind, moving him side to side in time with the music, and a smooth voice whispered in his ear, "Want to dance?"

"With you… always…" and he turned into Noah's arms, his belly rocking with flutters as he stared into the deep blue sea of Noah's eyes, so filled with wonder and love for him. Yes! For HIM! Noah Mayor loved Luke Snyder! And the thought caused a huge smile to cross his lips as they swayed slowly together.

"Have I told you lately how absolutely in love with you I am?" Luke asked.

"Yes, but you can tell me some more!"

"You're so amazing, you know? I'm so proud of you!"

Noah's eyes were wet when he said, "I meant it… I'm so grateful that you're here! That you gave me another chance! I feel like I'm just the most blessed person in the world!" And they both leaned into a kiss, Luke feeling Noah smile as they did so. Noah's tongue touched his mouth in delicate invitation, and Luke bit his lower lip gently, in answer. "Do you think you can stay awake tonight?"

"As long as it takes," Luke assured him, "But hurry, okay?"

Noah flashed Luke the most incredible smile as he walked off, stunning in his tuxedo, to complete his rounds; making Luke's core shake with excitement for what was to come when they finally made it home that night.

...

_He sat up carefully and rested his forehead on his knees, hugging them in for a while, waiting for the wave of pain in his head to subside enough for him to make his next big movement. His entire body ached. Every part of him. He almost laughed at what a physical and emotional wreck he had become. It was almost funny! "That will teach you for opening up Mayor! That will teach you for thinking you could love Lu…" _

_And again the crunching pain in his gut! _

_As a distraction he looked around at the lounge he didn't recognise, "Where am I?"_

...

The crowd had thinned out, but not by enough to allow Noah the opportunity to leave and by midnight Luke was really starting to feel it! His day at Grimaldi Shipping had been a harsh one. He was still trying to pick up on the ins and outs of the LA style work environment, so different from Oakdale. He kept trying to stop yawns from escaping his mouth until, eventually, not wanting Noah's workmates to think he was bored, he decided to head outside for some fresh night air.

It happened as he walked through the bar area of the restaurant. To say that his heart hammered in his ears was an understatement for what he felt at that moment! The sight before him burned a hole through his retinas and he felt a strange prickle at the roots of his hair. He immediately, desperately tried to find another explanation for what he was seeing but he could only come to one agonising conclusion. Within seconds his body turned ice cold and he had a moment of rising panic, leaving him buffeted by a strong emotion he'd never felt before… one he never wanted to feel ever again!

He was only faintly aware of the young man who brushed past him on his way back to the bar, but by some grace he still had enough awareness about him to block his path and whisper the terrible information into his ear. The boy stared at him, and seeing the truth, walked back the way he had come.

He jumped as Noah came up from behind him and laughed, "Sorry! I really should stop doing that to you! Are you ready to go home?"

Luke wanted to speak, he knew he should. He wanted to say "Yes, let's go home." And he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible before he made a scene, but he was glued!

Noah was too busy talking to a young woman who had distracted him to notice Luke's demeanour but just in that moment, Oliver stepped forward to say, "Hi Noah. Sorry to interrupt. I didn't want to leave without saying congrats… You deserve it! You've worked really hard on this."

Noah turned to him and smiled, his arm still around Luke's shoulder, "Thanks Oliver, um, it's really kind of you." And then remembering himself he said, "Oh, sorry, Oliver this is my boyfriend, Luke."

"Hi Luke, nice to meet you." And Oliver smiled and held out his hand for Luke to shake, but Luke stood frozen, glaring at him, unresponsive. There was a confused silence between the three men as well as from those who were in close enough proximity to notice the way Luke so blatantly blanked Oliver.

"Luke?" Noah said in an expectant tone that demanded a reaction… that demanded he shake the man's hand immediately.

But Luke didn't move. He couldn't move.

"Um…" Oliver said into the awkward silence as he lowered his hand. People around them were staring and whispering amongst themselves. "Um, anyway Noah, like I said… ah… congrats!" and he walked away from them.

Luke still didn't react as Noah grabbed his elbow and dragged him through the curious eyes of his work colleagues and into the privacy of the men's room. All Luke could hear was the loud and awful click his brain had made the moment that giant puzzle piece, the missing piece, had fallen in slow motion from the sky to fit mockingly into place… suddenly revealing every horrific detail… suddenly making everything so sickeningly clear.

He had the sense that Noah was angry with him, was yelling at him, but he couldn't hear a word. His mind was utterly jammed, like a broken record, on what he had seen only a few moments before. The blood roared in his ears and he could feel his entire body slowly covering in a thin veil of sweat. He struggled to breathe and he thought he should sit down before he fell, but he felt immovable. He couldn't keep his eyes off Noah, they followed him around the room as Noah furiously gesticulated at him and marched back and forth, they watched him, guarded him, all the while knowing they could never protect him from this…


	18. Revelation 2

_He had passed out behind a brown leather couch, the back of which he now used to pull himself up. He leaned over it for a moment, trying to catch his breath, keeping his eyes tightly closed to minimise the hammering pain. When he thought it was safe, he opened them and, as they focused, was greeted by the vision of a dark haired man, lying asleep across the cushions… undeniably naked. _

...

When work first began on the film, there had been plenty of wild speculation over their quiet but firm Director's sexuality. He never gave anything away and he never flirted with anybody either, male or female. He was the perfect professional.

One thing was clear though, every gay guy and every straight girl in the studio that wasn't already married or attached wanted him… and perhaps a few that were attached dreamed of having him. He was gorgeous! And not in the run of the mill boy next door kind of way! He was the dark and broody type! His favourite! His mouth would water at just the thought of him!

So of course Noah Mayor had become a bit of a conquest… the golden prize so to speak… the crown jewel!

Finally at one staff party, after Jenny plied Noah with five bottles of beer and made her move, they discovered the delectable bit of news that he was indeed gay. He remembered almost punching the air with joy! So now, the girls left out of the game disappointed and defeated, the fight was just amongst the men!

Cracking the outer shell of Noah Mayor wasn't going to be easy, but the idea of having him and then rubbing everybody else's faces in it, was just too juicy to resist. He was ready to be patient and take his time but, as it turned out, fate was shining down on him and, while on a usual night out on the prowl, he spotted the Director, alone at a bar, downing several shots of tequila in one go! The Director had issues! Who knew?

Already on his own way down to oblivion, it didn't take much for Oliver to push him a little further along and, once Noah was ripe for the picking, to take him home.

And oh what a night! Of all his conquests this was by far his favourite. The man was like a god! Seriously! His body was firm and muscular, like an Olympic swimmer, perfect! He had simply savoured the guy all night! He remembered not wanting to sleep, not wanting it to end! But eventually the vodka took over and he passed out on the couch. When he woke up, the beautiful creature was gone.

Of course he waltzed into work with such a spring in his step, that it was immediately noticed by the usual gang of guilty gossipers. He announced proudly that he had bagged the Director!

The reaction was one of pure scepticism. "Where's the proof?" they had asked. But he didn't need any because, at just that moment, Noah walked past, and the look of embarrassment on his face was all the proof they needed.

Oh yes! Oliver Deagostino was KING!

But then, after lapping up the initial praise and congratulations from his work mates, Oliver began to get annoyed at the complete lack of acknowledgement from the man himself. The guy just carried on… pretended… like nothing had happened at all!

And now! Out of nowhere… this other man! This Luke! And it wouldn't do… it definitely wouldn't do!

Because Oliver wanted more!

...

_It took him just a second to recognise his colleague, another to notice the coffee table strewn with vodka bottles and condoms, and just one more to immediately draw the only awful conclusion he could, "Shit!" _

_Suddenly he was wide awake! "Shit!" And be backed up away from the couch. His heart was in his mouth! He looked around for escape but then felt terribly nauseas and so tried every door in the place until he found the bathroom. He leaned over the sink and gagged but nothing came up. _

_He stood panting and staring at the plug hole for a few minutes, gripping the sink, whispering, "What have I done? What have I done?" _

...

No words were spoken as the cab drove them from the restaurant to the house. Luke did nothing. Said nothing. And it just served to infuriate Noah even more. If Luke, of all people, had zero to say for himself… for his behaviour… then...

As the cab pulled up outside the house Noah turned to face Luke and said, "So? Nothing to say? Nothing at all?"

Nothing.

Noah slammed the car door, stormed into the house and threw his keys across the room in rage. Luke shuffled in behind, closing the door softly. Noah was just about to lay into him again when Luke finally spoke in a broken whisper, holding back tears, "I'm so sorry…" The words seemed to catch in his throat.

"YES! You've said that before, remember? Over and Over! I thought we sorted this? How could you do this? You embarrassed me in front of EVERYBODY Luke! My WORK colleagues! I've already told you why I slept with Oliver!" He couldn't believe it! The frustration boiled up inside of him. Every time he thought Luke had reigned in his unreasonable levels of jealousy…

"You never slept with Oliver, Noah…" Luke struggled to get the words out.

"Wha…?" He was stopped dead mid-tirade to stare at Luke confused.

"You never slept with him…" The words were almost a whisper but the anxiety behind them seemed to echo around the room.

"Yes Luke. I did! I told you I did!" He stated this confidently, but Luke's expression, the tone of his voice, was affecting something deep inside him… something strange… something he felt he should fight against... like a light switch in a darkened room, filled with horrors he didn't want to see…

"You never slept with Oliver, Noah, and I think…" He stopped for a second, his face pained, "I think you know that… I think you may always have known…you just…"

"No… no…" he shook his head with conviction, unsure of why he felt the overwhelming need to take a step back, but as he did he tripped slightly on the edge of the rug and had to grab hold of the back of a chair to steady himself. But his eyes remained fixed on Luke. He was shivering all of a sudden. Why? Why was he shivering?

"You never slept with Oliver… he…"

"NO!" Something made him scream the word and he bolted down the passage and into the bathroom. He slammed the door and locked it quickly standing there staring wide eyed at it, and then slowly backing away from it as though it were a rabid dog.

He was running… he knew he was running but he didn't care! He was going to run from this one, run! As fast and as far as he could…

He heard as Luke flattened himself against the other side of the door. "Noah… it's going to be okay… It's not your fault…"

"Go away! Please!" His throat was completely constricted as he begged and he struggled to draw in air, revelation seeping through him.

"Open the door, baby."

The pain in Luke's voice sent pins through Noah's chest. He shook his head from side to side. This wasn't happening! This wasn't happening! Not now! Not when everything was so perfect. The tears streamed down his cheeks, "Please Luke." He begged. "Please don't make me do this…" And he made loud wheezing sounds as he dropped on all fours to the cold tiled floor, trying to draw in oxygen.

He didn't hear the door break open, but suddenly Luke was holding a paper bag over his mouth, "That's it, that's it… Just get your breath back… slowly…slowly…" Luke was holding back sobs of his own, his breath shuddering as Noah felt his hand on the back of his head smoothing the black hair over and over.

Eventually Noah fell back so that he was leaning up against the side of the bath. He sat there for a while, Luke's hand still gently stroking his hair. Finally, as he looked up there was no more denying it, he read the devastating truth in Luke's tearful brown eyes and promptly keeled forward to vomit into the toilet.

...

_He didn't know what kind of sex he had had with this other man, he couldn't remember any of it, but he was sure of one thing… it had been rough! He had bled, he was sore and there were bruises all over his body. He looked up and caught his reflection in the mirror. _

_He had only ever slept with one man before and that was Luke. A single tear dropped down his cheek. ("Now you don't even have THAT anymore!") And with a guy who shared his first name with Reid's last, no less! How poetic was that! God, but fate really was having a field day with him! _

_"You idiot!" he yelled at the face in the mirror and then burst into hysterical laughter, falling back onto the floor in a mad mix of laughs and sobs that quickly turned into strangled gasps._

_It didn't take long for him to throw up over the side of the bath._

_"God Noah! Would you look at yourself? No wonder Luke dumped your sorry ass!" And then he piled a ton of revulsion on his own soul for even daring to think about Luke, all pure and perfect, in this ugly, disgusting situation. _

_Suddenly he felt exceptionally dirty… filthy. He scrambled into the shower and turned on the hot tap, not caring as the water burnt his skin red… He deserved it! He had never hated himself more than he did at that moment, and he slid down to the shower floor, water mingling with tears as he wept._

...

During the following hour and a half Luke could only describe Noah's state as catatonic. He didn't react as Luke carefully removed his tuxedo jacket, his waistcoat, his tie, and then finally undid the buttons on his shirt and slipped the cotton from his shoulders. Surprisingly he did sip down the water Luke held up to his lips, but other than that he continued to stare straight ahead of him as he sat, leaning up against the bathroom wall, his head resting on the cooling side of the sink.

His arms remained at his sides as Luke used a cool washcloth to wipe his lips and face, then his neck and torso. Luke knew he couldn't wash away the scars, and he wasn't sure whether he was completing the task for his sake or for Noah's, but it felt comforting… like a ritual and a right.

Eventually Luke leaned down to place an arm under his, pulling him up so that Noah tilted into him. Gently he walked the shell shocked man to their bedroom, sat him on the side of the bed and bent to take off each shoe and sock from his feet, before lifting him back up to standing so that he could remove his trousers. Noah looked back at the bed and it seemed to call him because, as soon as Luke was done, he lowered himself down into it and pulled the sheet up to cover his shoulders.

Luke sat by the side of the bed and watched as the lids to Noah's unseeing eyes slowly but surely closed and he finally fell asleep. Only then did Luke leave the house, stumbling quickly to the bottom of their dark back garden where, falling to his knees on the dew soaked grass, he let out the screams he had been holding back since that moment in the bar.

"Jesus…" he shuddered through shivering lips as soon as the final scream left him, and hugging his arms around himself he cried all the tears he held inside for the man he loved more than his own life.

...

_Oliver was no longer a human form to Noah's hazy brain. Oliver had become just a shape... a shadow… as he stalked over to him._

_Occasionally his mind would clear slightly but his vision was foggy, like it had been just after the brain surgery. He was shirtless and he had no idea why or how. He was backing awkwardly away from Oliver. "No… No, okay? I don't want to!" _

_He felt completely disoriented and confused and he was no longer sure whether his words made sense… his tongue seemed to have swelled twenty times its usual size and his stomach burned in pain. Fear gripped him as he felt control slipping through his fingers. _

_He had little feeling left in his legs and so toppled like a stack of cards blown over by the wind, as Oliver pushed him down. He landed hard behind the couch and winced with pain as his head knocked back onto the hardwood floor._

_"You're going to be my favourite," slurred Oliver as he took a swig from the vodka bottle, "I can just feel it!" And he wiped the drops from his mouth with the back of his arm. Oliver's eyes were clouded over with lust, drunk on power as he straddled his legs either side of a semi-conscious Noah, clumsily removing his own shirt and fumbling with his belt buckle. _

_As he bent down Noah tried to fight him away but the blood in his body felt thick and heavy, weighing down his arms… and Oliver easily removed the remainder of Noah's clothing before effortlessly rolling him over. _

_Somehow Noah scrabbled onto his hands and feet but he was promptly flattened when Oliver pressed a foot down on his back, only releasing it as he knelt, so that he could sit on the back of Noah's thighs and, bending over, lick his tongue all the way up the base of Noah's spine._

_"Mmm, nice!" The smile in his voice caused Noah to gag and he threw up, "Don't worry about it, honey… I like things dirty!"_

_"No! Stop!" Despite being trapped within a confused blur, Noah fought Oliver throughout the night with every tiny speck of strength he had left… but something was growing inside of him, stronger and stronger, holding him back, pulling him under and eventually he couldn't struggle anymore, and he just lay there paralysed while Oliver played… until gratefully, the world went dark._

...

The nightmare that woke Noah put him in the worst state of terror Luke had ever seen. Now that his conscious mind had caught up with his unconscious mind it was easy for the memories to find the door and open it. Noah sat with his back pressed up against the headboard, eyes wide, breathing hard and emitting small whimpers; each one killing Luke a little more. He would not allow Luke near him, batting his hands away and muttering incoherently. Luke was five minutes away from calling 911, when Noah finally quieted and then later whispered, almost like a plea, "Luke?"

Luke was immediately by his side on the bed, gratefully drawing a shaky Noah into his arms so that the back of Noah's head rested on his chest. Luke tried not to let him feel the terror threatening to consume him as he asked, "Did you remember?"

Noah nodded and then after a few minutes almost breathlessly said, "There were bruises on my wrists…"

"What?"

"When I woke up that morning… they were like… they were… fingers…"

Horrified Luke softly kissed the wrist on each of Noah's hands.

"How did you know?" Noah asked quietly.

Luke took a deep breath through his nose, "I saw him at the bar… I saw him put powder in some guys drink."

Noah closed his eyes.

"And Noah…" he shook his head as he remembered that moment, "… I knew instantly. It all made sense… the nightmares… and… I'm so sorry…" And he couldn't stop the flood then.

Noah opened his eyes and leaned up to put a kiss on the side of Luke's head, holding his lips there as he brought his hands up to hug Luke's head into him. And they rocked silently back and forth together.


	19. Revelation 3

The memories seemed to flood Noah like a broken dam, and Luke worried over him the entire night. But nothing could prepared him for the worry he felt that Friday morning, when he found Noah cooking pancakes for breakfast, for all the world like nothing had happened. And if it weren't for the dark circles under his eyes, Luke could almost believe it hadn't.

"Hungry?"

"Noah, what are you doing?" he asked carefully.

"Making breakfast! What does it look like?" Noah replied, as though Luke had just asked the most stupid question ever.

"Yes, but…"

"Come on, sit down!" Noah cut him off and pulled out a stool indicating to Luke that he should take it.

But Luke didn't sit. He wished he could play along. He wished he could help Noah hide in this veil of normality, but it he knew it wouldn't help.

"Babe…" he began, but Noah was quick and placed a kiss on his lips before he could continue, pulling him back and forcibly pushing him down onto the stool.

"One stack or two?" he asked.

Luke shook his head as his eyes welled up, "Noah…"

"I have blueberries two…" his voice was becoming desperate.

"Noah…"

"And Maple syrup…"

"Noah, stop dammit!" and then he stood quickly as Noah visibly sagged. He grabbed him, bending at the same time to turn off the stove. He removed the spatula from his fingers, throwing it in the sink, before walking him carefully to the lounge. He sat Noah down on the sofa, took his hands and said, "I know you want to, but we can't just pretend it didn't happen."

Noah sighed, "I just needed a moment… just some time..." And then, looking up and seeing the concern on Luke's face he was devastated, "I'm sorry… I'm scaring you aren't I? I'm fine. Really."

"I still can't believe this… I can't take this in…" Luke whispered and they leaned their heads together, squeezing fingers.

Ten minutes later Luke stood up suddenly and with purpose, marching over to pick up the phone.

"What are you doing?" Noah asked.

"I'm calling the police."

Noah rushed up and grabbed the phone, "No, no way!"

"We have to report this!"

"Report what, Luke? Where's the evidence? We're talking about something that happened months ago! It's my word against his!"

"But we can't let him get away with this."

"Luke…"

"No Noah! That kid he tried to drug last night couldn't have been more than seventeen!"

Luke watched as recognition dawned on Noah's features, "Jack. " And then softly, "He's one of the actors." And he walked to the couch, collapsing back down as he said, "Oh my god!"

"Noah, if I hadn't seen him…"

Noah nodded, "Can you just sit here with me for a while, please?"

Luke joined him and they held each other. "He's been completely normal, Luke." Noah said amazed. "Even after… the day after… he asked me how I was, not worried or anything… like you'd ask anyone… just completely normal. "

Luke held him tighter, swallowing back the stones in his throat.

"And we've been out… we've laughed and joked together… How did I not remember? It's mad, right?"

"Noah, we don't know what he gave you and the combination of that and… and I guess… I guess a part of you wanted to forget. And then everything that happened with your dad… the nightmares you had about the fire… they must have dug it all up somehow."

"I guess."

"What should we do now then? What do you want me to do?"

Noah thought for a while and then looked right at him, "We've got to call the police."

And Luke nodded with relief. He stood first and then held out is hand for Noah to take it. Noah took a deep breath and held the extended hand so that Luke could pull him up. They both walked over and stared at the phone.

Noah looked up, the fear clear in his eyes, "Will you do it?"

Luke nodded and dialled the number. Each button click sounded like a gunshot and Luke grabbed Noah's hand tightly as they waited for an answer… "Hello? Yes… My name's Luke, Luke Snyder… Yes, um… I want to report a…" He looked up into Noah's eyes as he realised the word he would have to voice. "I need to report a rape…" And Noah nodded at him before looking at the floor. "No, no it's not me. Um, how does it work? Do we need to come in or…?" Luke waited for the answer and then said, "Okay, yes… we'll be there soon." And he hung up the phone.

"We have to go in?" Noah asked shaking.

"I'm afraid so, but I'll stay with you okay? The whole time."

"Luke… you know if we go to the police that's it, don't you? Everything could go wrong again."

"Things have already gone wrong Noah…" Luke said reaching forward to take his hand. "Now we put them right! We put them right together!"

Noah nodded.

"You okay?" Luke checked.

"Yes."

Luke took a deep breath as Noah kissed his cheek before heading to the bedroom to change.

...

On arrival at the police station they were immediately sent to a specialised rape centre, located across the road. The room they were finally left to wait in looked like that of any doctor's office. The fact that it was decorated with a feminine edge was not lost on either of them.

Noah sat nervously on a couch, eyes following Luke as he paced back and forth, "I'm sorry Luke."

Luke stopped, "I told you Noah, this isn't your fault!"

"No, but I mean for putting you through this…"

Luke sat by his side, "Right now I'm just so proud of you. For being strong! For doing the right thing and reporting it, so that that son of a b***h can't do this to anybody else!"

Just then the door opened and a slight blonde women with a clipboard walked in, "Mr Mayor? I'm Terry Curtis." And she reached out her hand for Noah to shake as he stood politely, "You can call me Terry."

Noah looked at her sceptically, "And you're police, right?"

"I'm from the special rape unit, the officer that referred you here explained that to you right?"

Both men nodded.

"Sorry," Noah said pointing to Luke as he stood up, "This is Luke Snyder, my boyfriend."

"Oh, that's right, hello Mr Snyder…" And she shook hands with Luke as well. As they all sat down she said, "We will look after you here from now on."

"What does that mean?" Noah asked. "What's going to happen?"

"Do you mind if I call you Noah?" Noah shook his head. "Okay, well Noah, right now all you have to do is tell me what happened." Noah looked down. "Take as much time as you want." They sat in silence for a while and then, after a quick glance at Luke she said, "We could do this just you and me, if that would be easier."

Immediately Noah said, "No, no… I want Luke here!"

"Yes, "agreed Luke, "I want to be here." And he took hold of Noah's hand as they both turned to her.

"Okay." She smiled, pushing a flyaway from her face and quickly pinning it back. "So… when did this attack take place?"

"About a year ago…" Luke replied quickly.

Terry held up her hand and said, "If Noah could just tell me what happened himself?"

Luke nodded his apologies.

"Last February." Noah said, "I don't remember the exact date."

"And where did it take place?"

"Um… In his apartment… He lives downtown."

"And your attacker? Do you know him?"

"We… um… I know him. We work together."

"His name?"

Noah looked to Luke who nodded. "Oliver, Oliver Deagostino. He… he just used to flirt with me you know?" He said the words to Luke, as though talking to him directly and his brow creased, "Make little jokes and things. I didn't think anything of it."

"Okay, so, what happened exactly?" When Noah didn't answer but instead looked at his lap she gave him a push, "You were at his place, and so was he…"

"Um, no! Um, I was… I got drunk in a bar and… and he took me home."

"So you were drunk?"

"Yes he was, but he was also drugged!" piped in Luke.

"Please Mr Snyder, I must ask you not to interrupt!"

"But…"

"It's okay, Luke." Noah stopped him this time, "I can handle it." And he gave Luke a small kiss on his cheek. "Yes, I was drunk... um… I… I was pretty messed up that night." And Luke's breath shuddered next to him, prompting Noah to squeeze his hand in reassurance. "So that's partly the reason I've not come forward until now… because I didn't remember any of it. I woke up at his place and I thought I'd done a stupid thing! You know? I thought I'd had a one night stand… But then… last night…" he had started to shake slightly as the memories flooded him again and Luke put his arm around him in concern.

"What happened last night?" She asked.

"Can I?" Luke requested.

"Go ahead." She relented.

"Last night I saw Oliver sneak a powder into a guys drink at the bar. And when I told Noah about it… everything just made sense all of a sudden, you know? I mean Noah's not the kind of person to get drunk and sleep around. If you knew him…"

"Noah, do you remember the rape?" She cut Luke off, sensing that he was about to spiral into anger.

"Yes." It was a whisper, "Until last night I didn't, but I do now... I remember everything."

"I'm going to need you to talk me through it."

Both Luke and Noah shuddered.

...

An hour later, all the details laid out on the table, Luke could take no more. He stood up quickly and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaning sideways against the wall, biting his hand to prevent any noises Noah might hear from the other room. It was horrific! It was horrific! And he couldn't stand the thought that it had happened. That it had happened to Noah! His gentle, kind and sweet Noah who would never deliberately hurt anybody.

And suddenly Luke was angry! So angry that it felt like a fire had been lit in his belly! He stormed back into the room, where Noah and Terry still sat in silence. "I want him arrested! I want him arrested right now!"

"Please Mr Snyder… I realise this is difficult…"

"DIFFICULT? DIFFICULT? How many men has he done this to, hey? How many? And… and… where are they? Where are those men? Why has nobody come forward? Why? If somebody had come forward before then, then… then Noah…then…" And he stood there shaking his head from side to side, as tears cascaded down his cheeks.

Noah didn't move. He simply sat and watched Luke while shedding silent tears of his own. Finally he spoke to Terry, all the while keeping his eyes locked with Luke's, "What do we do now?"

"Well, it's been too long for a medical test to reveal anything. We have Mr Snyder's testimony but it doesn't prove that your particular drink was contaminated... it's circumstantial. And I'm afraid the fact that you were intoxicated won't go in your favour in court. So the next best thing would be the clothes you were wearing that night. Do you still have them?"

Blue eyes communicated silently with misty hazel, "Stay calm." they said, "Stay calm." While to Terry he said, "Yes, but… but I would have washed them."

"It's still worth having them tested. And do you know if you were seen at the bar? If anybody could have seen you?"

"I spoke to the barman for a while… but… it was so long ago I'd be surprised if he remembered me."

"Okay, just one more thing Noah… and it's not very nice I'm afraid, but you'll need to take an AIDS test."

Luke dropped, wide eyed, to the floor but Noah spoke quickly, still holding fast to his gaze, "It's okay. I took one months ago… after… I figured I should since I couldn't remember…"

The relief on Luke's face was palpable.

"Good." And she smiled at him, "That's good. Okay now the next thing you should do is…"

"Hold on!" Luke finally cut in from the floor, breaking the eye contact for the first time to look at Terry, "Why are you sitting there telling Noah what HE needs to do? Why don't you go out there and arrest the bastard who did this to him?"

"Mr Snyder," and then softly, "Luke, there are certain procedures that we have to follow…"

"I don't give a shit about your procedures! That animal needs to be locked up!"

She ignored the outburst to continue, "… and if we do this right, we follow the right procedures then, he will be."

"But you can't guarantee that? Can you?"

"We will do everything we can…"

"And what does that mean? A slap on the wrist?"

"Let US take care of this…"

Luke looked over at Noah desperately, completely lost and helpless, and Noah walked over to join him on the floor, comforting him, creating a tight ball of a hug, his lips touching the nape of Luke's neck.

"I'm so scared for you." Luke sobbed.

"I know." Noah whispered. "But I'll be okay. I promise. So long as I have you I'll be okay."

...

It was early evening by the time Luke and Noah finally arrived back home, both exhausted after a full day of emotional interviews piled on top of a sleepless night. The moment the door closed Luke took hold of both Noah's hands and drew him into a hug.

"I don't want to dwell on this Luke. I just want us to get back to normal, okay? Just you and me… like it's been."

"Okay." Luke said, trying to sound confident.

Just then they were interrupted when the phone rang. Luke squeezed Noah's hands, releasing one to rub down the side of Noah's face before walking over to pick up the phone, "Hello? Luke speaking."

"Hi Luke, it's your favourite friend here!"

"Hi, sweet. Did you make it home okay?"

"Yes I'm all safe and sound but DYING to know how the wrap party went? I can't believe I missed seeing the two of you dressed like penguins! Did you take pictures?"

"Um… Yes. It was… it was good."

"It was good? Then why do you sound like somebody kicked your dog…"

Luke looked over at Noah, asking a question with a look, and Noah nodded his assent before disappearing down the passage.

"Maddie…" he could hear the tears in his voice, "Maddie…"

So could she, "Luke? Are you okay? Is it Noah? Did something happen?"

And Luke told Maddie the entire story from the gruesome beginning.

...

Who the hell was this blonde man! Oliver was incensed! He couldn't understand where this person had come from! Noah didn't seem to socialise enough to have met somebody and clearly these two knew each other well, which made him wonder whether Noah had had a boyfriend all along. Although he didn't think so…

This was a major complication to his plan!

He had spent months since that wonderful night. waiting for the opportunity to have another go at Noah but he never caught Noah drinking more than one or two bottles of beer. And he certainly never saw him drinking alone again. He was definitely starting to lose his patients! He wanted him!

As a result he had spent hours agonising over the problem, knowing that he would have to change tactics in order to catch his prey. But just as fate had shown him the way on that magical night, he was once again given the answer when, one afternoon, a courier handed him, of all the people in the studio, the deeds and the key to Noah's brand new house. And of course, as soon as he possibly could, he'd made himself a copy.

...

Maddie shook from head to toe as she hung up the phone. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and looked around the small apartment feeling totally lost.

Noah. Noah was… Somebody… And Luke's voice… Her heart ached.

She found her feet at last and wandered into the lounge. She stood there for a minute, not even hearing the television as a noisy car chase scene flashed across the screen. Finally she felt her legs give way, but as she fell, Jonathan seemed to appear out of nowhere to catch her.

"Maddie? What is it?" He had to flip his head back as his ginger fringe flopped into his eyes.

She looked up at him as she leaned against his solid support, suddenly noticing him for the first time and she stuttered, "I need to go to LA."

"But Maddie… you just got back?"

"I need to go to LA RIGHT NOW!"

"Okay… Okay… Um. Let's just sit for a minute. Just get your breath back." And he led her gently to the armchair, quickly leaning over to grab the remote and switch the television to mute at the same time.

He knelt in front of her, one hand squeezing on her shoulder. "Maddie, you barely had enough cash to pay for your last ticket. Where will we find the money to buy another one?"

Maddie couldn't think. She didn't care about the money! She looked around desperately searching for a solution and then, eyes connecting with Jonathan's she said, "You can drive me…"

"What? To LA? Maddie, it's a twenty hour drive!"

"Please! Please Jonathan! I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I NEED to go! They NEED me!"

After some time he nodded before gesturing towards the bedroom, "What about…"

"Catherine can look out for him. She owes me a favour."

"When do you want to leave?"

"How long will it take you to pack?"


	20. Revelation 4

They lay asleep on their sides, noses just inches apart, and that was how Luke first saw him when he opened his eyes. It was so breathtaking that for minutes he held still, afraid that Noah might move position in his sleep, just content to lie and stare at him. By some miracle there had been just two episodes of night terror, and Luke had been able to calm him reasonably quickly with both. So now Noah looked a lot more rested, in fact he looked peaceful.

Finally, unable to resist it, Luke used his nose to trace a pattern over Noah's face. Nuzzling at his cheek, his eyes, his forehead, his nose. This roused Noah and, as Luke's path crossed his lips, they closed over the tip and sleepily sought out Luke's contours until they found the wet warmth of his mouth. At the same time Luke felt as Noah's hands run up his sides, under his shirt and over his back causing him to pull back, his face creased with concern.

It was a small movement but it was enough for Noah to notice and, reading his expression, to look suddenly crestfallen, "Don't do that Luke, please don't do that…"

"What?" he asked softly.

"Don't treat me differently. Not like this! Especially not like this!"

"I just…"

"I don't want you to be afraid to touch me. I can deal with what happened, but I can't deal with that…"

Luke nodded and moved in close to Noah, bringing his hand up to cup the back of his neck and kissing him fully on the mouth, his tongue pushing intensely towards the back of his throat in reassurance.

"It's Sunday…" Noah whispered as Luke came up briefly for air.

"Yes it is, and what do you want to do today?"

Noah's mouth was beside his ear, and the cavity filled with hot breath as he said, "I want you to touch me." And he stroked Luke's hair with both hands, smoothing the curls off his forehead.

Luke kissed the tip of his ear, then moved lower to draw the earlobe into his mouth twitching it with his tongue as he rolled over to lie above Noah's waiting body. His kisses followed the angles of Noah's jaw and under his chin, shadowed with sprouting stubble, to find the Adam's apple that moved as Noah swallowed from anticipation. As he kissed, his hand explored the shape of Noah's face and neck, his thumb rubbing up and down, following the pulse beat in his neck.

Finally Luke lifted himself off Noah and said, "Come, take this off…" and he pulled at Noah's white t-shirt, his favourite for sleeping in. Noah sat up in the bed so that he could pull the shirt off his head and throw it aside. "Lie down…" And, leaning up on one shoulder Luke reached out to touch Noah's chest. He could see the goose bumps ripple over his skin, and Noah shivered slightly as Luke drew a fingertip in a gentle circle round one nipple before tweaking it between two fingers. He ducked his head down and allowed his tongue to dart lightly over the other nipple and he was rewarded by a sharp intake of breath from his lover, whose left arm pressed slowly down Luke's back, making the tiny hairs at the base of his neck prickled with pleasure.

Finished his ministrations of the nipple, Luke continued his kisses in a downward course, stopping at Noah's navel. He savoured the feeling as Noah quivered under his tongue while at the same time making small and low guttural noises that left Luke almost weak with desire.

Maintaining the contact with his mouth, he sat on his knees to give himself the leverage to remove Noah's underwear and, as he did so, he licked quickly from the start of the pubic bone back up to the navel; then blew softly along the path of spittle hearing as Noah's breathing intensified. Luke manoeuvred himself between Noah's legs, and held them open by lying across one while pressing the other thigh with his hand. He spent a few minutes studying Noah's form, hard and ready for him, blowing on it, kissing around it, pressing his lips into the soft skin of Noah's inner thighs and breathing in the scent of him. Finally as his mouth took all of him, Noah arched his back, moaning loudly and reaching over to press his fingers into Luke's skull, encouraging the movement of Luke's head, almost directing him to the points of highest pleasure. After just a few moments Noah was left utterly weakened and panting as Luke rested his chin lightly on his pubic bone, staring adoringly up the length of him.

Noah continued to stroke the now sweat-drenched hair away from Luke's face and Luke turned his head to grab one hand and kiss his palm. Noah took him by both shoulders, urging him gently up and across the expanse of his naked flesh then, when he was high enough, pushing Luke's underwear down and cupping him; making it clear what he wanted.

Luke must have had worry written on his features because Noah took both cheeks in his hands and nodded with full eye contact, the blue in his eyes rich with desire, giving Luke the confidence he needed to ready him before lowering himself down into him, his own flesh heated with passion. And Luke fought with himself to stay controlled, so that he could move slowly, holding things back in a steady rhythm, reading the want in each other's eyes as they fixed their stare right up until Luke eventually sank down with a whimper, burnt and limbless, throbbing inside of him.

And just before they both nodded off Noah whispered, "Thank you."

...

Jonathan had started to snore softly in the seat next to her as she drove and she smiled over at him. He could really be so cute without even trying. His head leaned sideways against the windowpane and his mouth gaped open. His long mop of ginger curls messy around his shoulders. What a sweetheart!

Senseless the night before, Maddie had wanted to drive immediately to Los Angeles, but Jonathan had managed to convince her that it would be best they both had a good night's sleep, before attempting the long drive south. He knew that they would have to share the driving, and Maddie was in no state to do so safely. Reluctantly she had agreed.

Now after driving for hours she knew how right he had been. She had managed to get some sleep but her night had been restless, her heart broken for Noah. She still couldn't believe it! And to think he had been carrying the memories around for months, without even realising it! She didn't think she would ever forget the pain she had heard in Luke's voice.

As she came around a sharp bend in the road, she was forced to slow and finally to stop as the entire motorway clogged up with trucks and cars. The whole motorway was at a standstill.

"What the…" She whispered to herself. No please no! Not now! "Jonathan! Jonathan! Wake up!" She leaned over and shook his shoulder.

"Mmm?" he asked and then seemed to notice that the car wasn't moving and opened his eyes. "Damn!"

"I can't believe it! What do you think it is?" Just then she spotted a police man walking up the emergency lane. Quickly she wound down the window to call him over, "Officer! Officer!" and as he walked over and leaned on the roof of their car she asked, "Could you tell us what's going on please?"

"I'm afraid there's a pileup about 8 miles up the road. It's a bad one!"

"How long will we have to wait?" She could feel her heart sinking…

"I'm sorry miss but it's going to be a few hours at least." As he walked away she looked over sadly at Jonathan, who shook his head in sympathy for her.

...

Monday morning arrived and Luke spent the first hour trying to convince Noah to stay at home. When that failed he spent another hour insisting on accompanying Noah to work. But Noah was adamant! Oliver had taken something that didn't belong to him and Noah was damned if he was going to allow what happened to disrupt their life. He and Luke would both go to work as normal, and that was that!

Despite what Luke thought, Noah was not afraid of Oliver, all he felt was disgust and betrayal. He had treated Oliver as a friend, he had trusted him, and Oliver had taken that trust and twisted it in the worst way possible.

As he walked into work that morning, staff greeting him with smiles and thanking him for the amazing party, his eyes immediately fell on Oliver, standing in his usual position by the coffee machine, entertaining the surrounding people with tales of his weekend accomplishments. Noah's stomach tightened as he thought of the many times he had stood and laughed at Oliver's stories, not knowing then exactly how Oliver managed to be so popular amongst the male population of Los Angeles.

He stopped dead in front of the group and waited for Oliver to notice him.

"Noah!" He said excitedly and as he lifted an arm to pat Noah's shoulder, Noah took a marked step back. Oliver and the surrounding people looked at each other in surprise.

"Oliver," Noah said with authority, "I need to see you in my office."

A quizzical expression crossed Oliver's face.

"Now, please!" And Noah made it clear from his tone that he expected Oliver to follow him.

As they entered Noah's office Oliver said, "Can I help you with something?"

And Noah almost visibly blanched at the audacity of the guy. "I want you to collect your belongings and leave my set."

"What?" Asked Oliver, astonished, "Why?"

"You… know… why…" Noah said the words clearly, enunciating each one, making sure that Oliver understood him.

"Oh," he said, realisation dawning on his face, "I see…"

Noah was horrified when Oliver's reaction was to smile with pleasure. And he came to the sickening realisation that Oliver was glad… he was glad that Noah remembered… he was glad that Noah knew.

Noah said nothing more and Oliver, still smiling, turned and left him there… standing, panting, in the centre of his office.

Noah tried to keep his breathing steady by drawing the air in and out through his nose. He watched weak kneed from his doorway as Oliver collected a box, cleared all the contents from his desk, and headed for the exit. People around him kept asking what had happened and where he was going, but he said nothing to them.

Just as he reached the main exit, two uniformed police officers entered and Noah drew a quick intake of breath. Melanie strolled up to them and as she spoke to them she turned and pointed Oliver out. Oliver twisted his head to glare directly at Noah, and the look he had in his eyes, almost caused Noah to stagger. But Noah held firm as the officers said something to Oliver and finally escorted him out of the building.

All eyes were on Noah. He looked sadly around the room at his shocked staff, before closing the office door on them. He walked over to his desk and then suddenly had to lean forward and steady himself against it. Shakily he took his phone out of his jacket pocket and pressed the speed dial, "Luke? The police have taken him in."

...

As he left the police station after explaining that yes, he had slept with Noah Mayor and that yes, it was consensual, and that if they didn't believe him, to try and prove otherwise (which of course he knew they couldn't), he could barely contain his excitement. By turning him in, Noah had given him all the will power he needed to finally put his plan into action. And the extra challenge of this Luke just made the whole expedition all the more delighting.

...

As Luke hung up the phone the anger was threatening to consume him. He tore it from the wall socket and flung it with all his strength across the room where it shattered against the wall just inches from Noah's head as he walked through the front door.

"FUCK!" Luke screamed and then stood stock still when he realised how close he had come to hitting Noah. "Oh my god!"

"What the hell, Luke?"

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry it's just… God I want to kill him!"

Noah sighed, "Luke, the police are dealing with him…"

"No, Noah. No they're not. The whole day! The whole day they kept us there, asking you question after question and then they let that bastard go after just three hours?"

"Oh."

"Oh? That's it?"

"Luke we've done all we can…"

"Well I haven't! I'm not going to just stand by and let this happen! That guy is going down if it's the last thing I do!" He started marching around, lifting papers and books on the table and opening cupboards and drawers.

"Luke…"

"Where's my laptop?"

"Luke!"

"Have you seen it?" And he continued his hasty search of the room. "I'll check the internet. There will be information on there."

"Luke please! Please just stop! Okay? Please…!"

And Luke froze to look at him.

"I'm alright." Noah said. "I can deal with this. I hate it and it's not easy… but I can deal with it. I'm okay. So why… why aren't you?"

This question seemed to shock Luke for a moment, as though he hadn't considered it before. Then the tears began again and he shook his head, "Because it's all my fault! I should have been here! Why wasn't I here? I shouldn't have stayed away so long…" And he bit his lower lips in an attempt to stop yet more tears from falling.

Noah walked over and grabbed him, pulling Luke's head into his shoulder, strong emotions dragging at every part of him, "Hey… hey…" releasing his hand so that Luke could lift his head back as he said, "Look at me… Look at me Luke…" and as Luke looked up, cupping his chin, "You stayed away for as long as you needed to and I waited for you for as long as you needed me too. And that was right, Luke! It was the right thing! For both of us! And I won't have you blame yourself for this! You hear me?" He grabbed Luke's face in his hands and pulled their foreheads together as he whispered… "The only person to blame here… is Oliver!"

Then, looking to the side briefly, getting an idea, Noah pulled Luke across the room, stopping briefly to dim the light switch, before leaning over to press play on the nearby hi-fi system. He closed around Luke so that they could dance slowly together, Luke closing his eyes and resting his head on Noah's shoulder, wrapped up in each other's arms.

...

His body radiated excitement at the prospect of the night. He knew he was taking a risk. He had never gone for two at once before but he wasn't afraid… he was thrilled and he drank in the adrenaline, thriving on it.

Oliver always marvelled at his own levels of patients. He could always wait if he had to; in fact the waiting was part of the buzz, part of the hunt. So he stood in the darkness of a tree, watching them through the window as they danced together. How touching!

He watched as they kissed and as those kisses grew heavier and he watched as Luke drew Noah over to the couch, where they lay together. He watched as the soft petting become more intense, hands explored more intimately and he watched as Noah led Luke ahead of him, towards the back of the house, holding back his hair and kissing the side of his neck along the way.

This was the moment. He used his key slowly in the lock, making sure to keep the click nice and soft and he opened the door with care, closing it silently behind him. Stealthily he followed the unmistakable sounds of love making and he stood in the shadows of the passage… he stood and watched them, licking his lips.

Yes, Oliver was patient… he would wait his turn.


	21. Revelation 5

They slept naked except for their shorts, all enveloped together just as if they had been especially gift wrapped solely for him.

And there HE was! His Noah! He spent some time examining him, barely able to believe that the moment had come… after months of careful planning!

His favourite!

He reached out to follow; inches away from touching; the contours of Noah's thigh as it hugged almost as high as the waist of the other man. He nearly allowed his hand to smooth over the skin, but then remembered himself and quickly withdrew his eager fingers. All in good time…

...

Terry was on her eighth cup of coffee, looking over the dead end file of her twentieth case. She was bushed. No matter how many of these cases she had to deal with, it never got any easier.

She sighed and decided to call it a night. She was too tired to concentrate anyway and it would be catastrophic if she missed a vital clue because of it. Lifting her handbag from the back of her chair, she headed for the exit, greeting various people as she past.

Just as the glass doors slid open she heard, "Detective!" and she turned to see Lewis running urgently to catch her.

"Yes, what is it?"

"We've had a break in the Mayor case!"

...

His gaze was initially fixed only on the dark one… the one of his dreams… but then his eyes caught a glint of gold as the blonde turned over and it was as if he was seeing him for the first time. Well, well! Not bad! Not bad at all! Not usually his type but still, definitely not something to say no too… well defined… almost innocent looking.

This was going to be a good night! This was going to be the best night ever!

...

It had taken them five hours to drive the eight miles from where the traffic had first slowed to the pileup itself, then finally to hit the clear road up ahead of it. At some point Jonathan had taken over the driving, Maddie's vision blurred by frustrated tears. He had tried to keep the mood light, making stupid jokes, singing along to songs on the radio, in the vain hope that it would distract her. She had done her best to smile at him, but she knew the consequences of the delay meant they would have to stop for the night.

So they had spent the night in some seedy roadside motel that smelt of stale beer and cigarettes. He had asked Maddie to tell him what had her so spooked, but she'd thanked him for his support, saying it was a private matter and that she simply couldn't discuss it.

Whatever it was he knew it had to be bad for her to risk such an epic road trip.

She had apologised to him profusely during the course of the journey and he had reassured her that he was happy to help. In fact he was happy to do just about anything for Maddie! And he could think of worse things then spending two days in a car with her…

Unfortunately they had both been so exhausted that it was only Sunday afternoon by the time they had climbed back into the car and then of course, disaster decided to befall them yet again when his old beat up Chevy refused to start.

"No!" Maddie had yelled and then banged the dashboard a few times.

So it was only early Monday evening when they eventually and finally came upon the outer suburbs of Los Angeles. And a twenty hour journey drew closer to a conclusion more than forty-five hours later…

...

Oliver was a pleasure seeker, he had gotten his kicks in many a way before, but nothing… absolutely nothing… had energized him as much as watching his future two conquests in THAT way. Seeing them par take in intimacy while clueless to his secretive presence just metres away, knowing that he could be discovered at any second, gave Oliver a buzz like no other…

And he had enjoyed watching as they drifted off to sleep together and he enjoyed just watching them sleep. He had the entire night, so he allowed himself to draw this part out a little longer until finally and deliciously, he decided it was time.

He hadn't used this method very often. Colourless, odourless and tasteless, Rohypnol was the most obvious choice, the symptoms being close to those of a bad hangover. By morning most guys didn't even remember the night, or if they did, blamed it all conveniently on the alcohol. In fact, in most guys it caused a kind of euphoria and lack of inhibition that meant they simply didn't react much to his advances at all.

But Noah… and he breathed out deeply, closing his eyes, as he remembered that night.

However in situations like this, when the heat was on, when it was already too late to be discreet… when he had nothing to loose… then he could bring out the ether. Of course whenever he used it he knew he would have to leave town, but then flight was also part of the fun.

Using ether meant he had absolute control over the dosage. Use a lot, knock the guy out cold, use a little and keep him just lucid enough to fight a little.

And Oliver loved the fight!

...

_Noah was clearly drunk as he sat at the bar, a row of shooters stacked neatly in front of him. _

"There he is!" said Lewis, pointing Oliver out on the screen for Terry, just as he stepped into the camera view.

_Oliver stood and watched Noah for sometime before moving forward to take the stool next to him. It didn't take him long to move in closer and put his arm around Noah's shoulders. He said something to him and Noah smiled dizzily at him, before downing another shot._

"Okay, now here it is!" Lewis announced excitedly.

_Quickly, Oliver moved his hand to knock Noah's wallet onto the floor and, as Noah bent to retrieve it, expertly leaned over to share a white power out between the remaining shot glasses._

"Gotcha!" said Terry delighted. What a result! And to think the barman had only installed the security camera a week before, after a stabbing incident. "Lewis, do you think this is enough to get us a search warrant on his place?"

"Already requested, I should have one in the hour… Do you want to do this tonight?"

"Absolutely!"

...

When Noah's brain cleared enough to realise that he was securely bound, arms and legs, to a chair, he immediately began to struggle… the sensation dragging him back to that night in the cabin.

"Wake up!" He thought desperately, not wanting to be confronted once again with the image of his father burning to death, "Wake up!"

His eyes burst open when the other half of his brain worked out that he wasn't dreaming. He was tied to a chair in their lounge room. Fear gripped at him immediately, "Luke?" he called desperately.

"You know… he's rather lovely?"

Noah shook immediately at the calm voice, the same voice that had haunted his nightmares. Wide eyed he looked up through the haze to see Oliver at the end of the passage, leaning up against the frame of their bedroom door, gazing in the direction of their bed.

"No!" thought Noah, suddenly feeling ice cold and then struggling with the bonds he yelled, "You lay one hand on him and I swear I'll kill you! You hear me!"

Oliver didn't react at all, "Not my type you understand but… mmm… quite angelic! I can see why you like him."

Luke. Luke. Luke. His panicked mind flashed through a thousand thoughts in a minute, urgently trying to find a solution that would protect him…

"Now, now Noah," Oliver purred as he walked up the passageway towards him, "There's no need to be jealous. After all, it's you that I want."

He moved in fast, thrusting a knee between Noah's thighs and pushing his shoulders back, leaning his face in to lick Noah's cheek. Noah tried to sidle away from him, but there was little room to manoeuvre. He was pressed as far back against the chair as he could, bound hands gripping the legs.

No! No! Not again!

"What have you done to him?"

"I wouldn't worry… he'll be awake in about… hmmm..." and he looked at the clock on the wall, "ten minutes I'd say."

He grasped Noah's foot and ran a hand up his leg making him shiver in fear. And Noah watched as Oliver drank it in.

"You're sick! You know that?"

"So I've been told." Oliver smiled his best cat-like grin.

...

After knocking a few times they established that the guy wasn't home. Terry stepped well back so that the uniformed officers could break down the door. Once opened they swarmed inside to secure the space before giving her the okay to enter.

It was a sparsely decorated apartment, the type she had seen many times before in her line of work. It was the apartment of somebody on the move. A person who didn't hang around in one place for too long…

A thorough search eventually revealed Oliver's stash of drug supplies and other paraphernalia of a serial rapist, hidden behind the main water boiler. But this was nothing compared to the horror Lewis discovered on opening the main bedroom cupboard.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed just as she walked in the door.

"What is it?" she asked and he pulled the handle so that she could see the inside of the cupboard door, plastered top to bottom with photographs of naked men in various different positions, some frightening. Terry's heart beat harder as it became clear from the blank and lifeless stares of some of the men, that they were dealing with more than just a rapist.

"Jesus!" Lewis whispered next to her.

...

Luke had never known his eyes to feel so heavy, as if glued together. He tried to call Noah but he couldn't find his voice. Nothing seemed real, like he was floating in some kind of ethereal world.

When he finally did get them open he could barely see a thing and he couldn't move either. It felt as though his arms were tied down. He heard Noah's voice calling his name, but something was wrong. It was the tone of his voice. He sounded… frightened? And… angry?

He saw the shadow of a person enter the room and it stood, silent and terrifying, beside the bed. The shadow rested its hand on Luke's neck and immediately he cringed… he knew instinctively to fear it.

The shadow sat beside him and lifted his head between its hands before licking at Luke's lips. Luke wanted to pull back from it but he couldn't.

The shadow held his head for a moment and Luke felt that it was looking at him, right in the eyes. Finally it released him and sat waiting.

A while later, Luke's vision cleared enough for him to make out the features of Oliver as he sat quietly on the bed. Luke's breathing and heart rate immediately increased. He wanted to know about Noah. He wanted to know where Noah was… but he was so disorientated and he couldn't get a word out of his constricted throat.

Luke had no idea what Oliver was waiting for, but he was to tired to think about it… feeling sick from the pain in his head. After a time, Oliver reached out to smooth Luke's hair, very gently, over and over. There wasn't any sound except for Luke's hoarse breathing.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Oliver asked in an almost polite, caring tone. "It's okay if you want to struggle… I like it that way." And Luke experienced a few shattering minutes as Oliver ran his hand between his thighs, Luke completely powerless to stop him.

Oliver rose up and for the fist time Luke noticed the knife in his hand. Since being stabbed by the Colonel, Luke had developed a completely understandable fear of blades and his eyes must have shown this as Oliver's face shone with glee.

"Yes," he said, "I noticed your scar… I see that you are well acquainted with one of these…"

Luke closed his eyes and tried to swallow back the anxiety, desperate not to give into what Oliver wanted.

"You know? I never intended for this… It was just supposed to be Noah. He's kind of special… but then you know that, don't you?"

Luke's eyes widened in horror…

"Usually once I've had 'em that's it! I move on to the next one! But Noah! Wow! I just had to have him again."

Luke was beyond being able to control his emotions after that and the tears fell, despite his not wanting them too.

"I wasn't expecting you to be in the picture… But… since you're here…" and he crawled to lie above him.


	22. Revelation 6

Noah's blood ran cold as he watched Oliver turn and head down the passageway.

"I'll be back soon…"

For a while Noah had been silent, the drug swarming like mist through his head, his mouth utterly dry. But as Oliver left the room he found, from somewhere deep inside himself, the power to shout, "Luke! No! Leave him alone! Luke!" and then quieter as all the air flew from his lungs, "Luke… please…"

For a while his head hung down as he sobbed and then, images of Oliver with Luke flashing through his mind, mingling with memories of his own, caused a surge of adrenaline he'd never thought possible and he struggled violently in the chair, heaving, yanking, pulling at the ropes until the skin broke and bled.

His movements were so aggressive that eventually he caused the chair to topple sideways and he landed with a loud "Oof!", facing the front door, his eyes falling level with the shattered telephone Luke had thrown across the room only hours before. If not for the situation, he would have laughed at Luke's timing.

Suddenly he had to close his eyes as a wave of nausea hit him. Head down, breathing deeply, he told himself, "You are not going to pass out! Damn it!" And he fought back control, only the thought of what was going on in the bedroom keeping him conscious.

But eventually he had to accept his helplessness and the despair dragged at him like an anchor, pulling him down. He kept his eyes closed and tried to retreat to some dim place within, where there was nothing but an aching grey blankness and where Oliver's muffled voice, as he spoke to Luke, was no more then a faint drum. He had to do that… to cope…

...

Maddie and Jonathan pulled up to the house utterly depleted! They didn't even have the strength to remove their luggage from the car, deciding they would do that after a good nights sleep.

It was Jonathan that first caught the look of warning on Noah's face as Maddie unlocked and then opened the door; and he was fast enough to place a hand over her mouth to stifle her scream, as her eyes took in the terrible sight before her.

Hope rose at the sight of help. Noah wheezed and swallowed and then, trying to calm himself, his fear for Luke consuming him, made eye contact with Jonathan and gestured for him to approach, which of course he was already in the process of doing.

"He's in the bedroom…" Noah whispered as Jonathan struggled with his bonds. Noah watched Maddie as she stood by the door; eyes wide, her hands covering her mouth. "Get Maddie out of here… it's not safe for her… and call the police…"

As Jonathan removed Noah's bonds and helped him up he nodded and watched briefly as Noah crept towards the passageway before turning to shove a reluctant Maddie back outside.

...

Terry couldn't remove her amazed gaze from the discovery they had made on the inside of the second cupboard door. As well as photographs from his night with Noah, Oliver had pictures of Noah from newspaper clippings, nights out and from the studio. In some of them they even smiled together arm in arm like old friends. And some of them had clearly been taken from a distance. Most were of Noah in his swimsuit lying on the beach or swimming in the ocean…

"Guys gone from one offs to stalking…" she said to Lewis as he came back to stand next to her.

"I've put an arrest warrant out for him." He informed her.

"Good, better send someone over to keep an eye on Noah Mayer. I think he might be in danger."

"I'll get right on it."

...

"Get… your filthy hands… off of him!"

Oliver froze over Luke's body for a second, as though unable to believe his ears. As his head turned slowly towards Noah's direction, his right hand, shielded from Noah's view, left Luke's chest, sliding stealthily towards the knife he had earlier placed on the bedside table.

"Hello Noah," he said calmly, smiling as his hand fastened on the handle, "Welcome to the party."

Oliver moved his partly turned body so that the knife, now turned outward to point at Luke's pulsing throat, came into Noah's horrified view. "You might want to take a step back, Noah, unless of course you've had enough of this one?"

Luke's weak and fearful eyes locked with Noah's and Noah let out a long sigh of resignation taking one step back as instructed.

As the knife relaxed slightly off his throat Luke tried to sit up, but Oliver placed a hand on his chest and shoved him flat again, quickly replacing the blade.

"Luke!" And Noah held out both hands to let Oliver know he was playing by his rules, as well as to communicate to Luke so stay down.

Oliver gestured towards a bag near the door, "There are some handcuffs in the front pocket. I suggest you very slowly take them out and cuff yourself to the bedpost. Nicely does it…" and he pressed the knife a little harder into Luke's neck to solidify his point.

The smile had not left Oliver's features since Noah's appearance. Now it broadened, enough to show one gold tooth as Noah bent, unsteadily, to lift the cuffs from the bag.

"Well now, that's better." And his eyes followed Noah as he crossed the room. In the meantime he knelt up, his pressing hand leaving Luke's chest to undo the button and zip of his jeans, "I was busy when you arrived, honey. I hope you don't mind while I finish up here before I attend to you?"

Noah's face was red with a fury that even Luke felt he should shy away from. His temples seemed to pulsate and his hands shook as he struggled to control the bubbling emotions within.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, a strange ginger haired man arrived huffing in the doorway and his unexpected appearance startled Oliver, giving Luke time to drive his knee viciously into Oliver's chest, eliciting a bizarre yelp. At the same time Noah launched himself at him, driving his fist hard into Oliver's stomach.

Luke screamed slightly, to stop him, fearful of the knife still in Oliver's hand.

But Oliver didn't stand a chance. As he made a blind swipe at Noah with the knife, Noah simply jumped back, the blade missing him by inches. There was a dull crunching sound as Noah's other fist splintered the shocked Italian's nose and a fine spray of blood spattered Luke's chest and face. Oliver's eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped to the floor on the other side of the bed like a stone.

As fast as a flash Noah was over him, raining fist after fuming fist down on him, lost in hysteria. He felt someone try to pull him off, but he pushed back hard and didn't even look as something loud crashed behind him. He thought he would never be able to stop, the rage all consuming, but a desperate and plea full voice was calling his name and eventually it entered his consciousness, "Noah stop! Stop baby! Noah!" and as he turned his head, the look in Luke's petrified eyes, the abject terror at how Noah was behaving, immediately stalled him and he dropped heavily to the floor, letting out a wail of gut wrenching pain.

They all sat in a shocked silence for a few minutes, until Noah finally turned his head and noticed Jonathan on the floor, half covered in books that had fallen from the shelf, as he was thrown into it.

"Sorry…" Noah said with earnestness and then, eyes clearing, he crawled across the floor to grab the knife before stumbling up onto the bed to cut Luke loose of the ropes.

He pulled Luke up onto his knees and Luke tried to throw his shaky arms around him, but Noah pushed him back to look him over; checking every part of him, wiping Oliver's blood from his cheeks; until Luke grabbed his shoulders saying, "I'm not hurt! I'm not!" and Noah let out a sob and a shudder of breaths before grabbing hold of him and finally allowing his limbs to relax.

In the distance they could hear the sound of approaching police sirens.

...

They took the rest of the week off but on Wednesday Luke was called in for an emergency meeting and he reluctantly agreed to attend. Of course, as he had expected, the meeting ran over and he didn't return home until late that night.

The house was dark and empty. He assumed that Maddie must have taken Jonathan out for a night on the town. He knew Noah hadn't gone with them or he would have let Luke know. But he wasn't worried… Luke knew exactly where he was.

The night air was slightly chilled, so he quickly grabbed a light blanket from the linen closet before leaving the house. He walked the few miles downhill and removed his shoes at the edge of the sand, carrying them onto the beach, scanning the distance until he found the lone figure sitting in the darkness.

The air was wet and salty as the breeze blew soft droplets of water off the waves, and he was glad he brought the blanket when he noticed how Noah hugged his arms into himself and shivered slightly.

Noah sensed his presence and turned his neck just as Luke was laying the blanket around his shoulders, "Hey…" Noah said with a smile.

"Thought I'd find you here…"

"Sorry. I didn't realise how long I'd been out here for."

Luke sat sideways and waited for him to flatten his legs out so that he could lie on his back with his head in Noah's lap. Noah leaned back on one arm and briefly used the other to play with Luke's hair as it blew softly in the wind, before bending over to kiss him lightly on the forehead.

"You okay?" Luke asked.

"Yes," he replied, "You?" And he pressed the other hand back down into the sand.

Luke smiled up at him in answer.

"You look so sexy in that suit, you know? But not entirely beach appropriate!"

Luke chortled, "I was too impatient to change…"

"Impatient for what?"

"To see you of course! What else?"

Noah laughed, "I missed you too…" and he bent his head back down again, this time to place a probing kiss slightly upside down on his mouth, prompting Luke to move up onto his knees, so that their kiss turned the right way up and they could place their arms around each other. He skirted forward and crossed his legs over Noah's thighs so they were holding each other up in the seated position, all the while never once disconnecting their lips.

When they pulled apart Noah threw his head back for a moment and when he returned his gaze to Luke's he felt rather than saw the tears through the dimness.

"Hey," Luke said softly, pulling their foreheads together, "why did you tell me you're okay when you're not? Hmm?" And he cupped Noah's ears in his hands.

"I'm sorry I just… This whole thing has me really freaked."

"Well Noah it's understandable…"

"No! Not just because of what he did… I mean… that was bad yes but, I'm more afraid of what it means for us." And he pulled back to say, "I'm so afraid of losing you again… These things keep happening and I'm so scared that one day something will cause us to drift apart. And we won't even know its happening! Like we did before…"

"Noah! Even after that bastard…"and he paused not wanting to spoil the moment with talk of Oliver, "… we are still right here! Nothing has changed. I'm not going anywhere and I really hope you aren't planning to check out anytime soon…"

"No way..." Noah replied shaking his head.

"I love you. I always did, even back then when you thought I didn't. I'm sorry if I every made you think otherwise."

Noah hugged him and Luke continued, "We can't live the rest of our lives afraid Noah. Okay?"

Noah nodded and he clutched Luke in for warmth. Luke felt how Noah's breathing was uneven, and he knew his trembling was from fear as much as from cold.

"God you're warm." Noah snuggled closer, sighing, "It feels so good to hold you…" and his right hand spread out flat against Luke's back, caressing him slowly, feeling its way in the dark, the skin under the shirt answering with small vibrations.

And Luke felt as the fear began to vanish, bit by bit, and he smiled into Noah's neck.

...

"You guys! This colour is so gay!" Maddie announced.

They were all dressed in identical white jumpsuits, busily running paint rollers up and down three corners of the lounge room.

"It's not gay!" Luke exclaimed, "Its metallic sky blue…"

"It is kind of gay Luke!" Noah agreed.

"Oh come ON!" Luke exclaimed. "Anyway what does it matter? After all…" and he ran a hand down in front of himself clearly reminding them both that he was in fact, gay and it was therefore a mute point.

"Okay, okay!" Maddie relented. "So long as you like the colour, that's all that matters. You're the ones who have to live with it!"

"Oh yeah?" Luke asked and he quickly darted over to dab a spot of paint on her cheek, "Now so do you!"

She squealed and then chased after him around the room until he took shelter behind Noah's larger frame, laughing while he held Noah's sides and moved him from side to side to block Maddie out of the way..

"Hey!" Noah said, "You guys leave me out of this one! I'm getting enough of this stuff on me all by myself, thanks very much!"

"Okay truce!" Luke yelled.

"Fine! But behave yourself!" And she returned to her wall with mock annoyance.

Luke stretched up to kiss Noah on his nose, "Thanks for saving me babe…"

Noah smiled, "Anytime!"

"Hey guys?" Jonathan said from the doorway, wiping his hands on a yellow cloth, "I've fixed the leaky pipe in the kitchen and you had a small one in the bathroom. I've sorted that too."

"Thanks so much Jonathan, it's really nice of you." said Noah.

"It's no problem." He was just about to leave the room again when he said, "Oh, and I fixed your bathroom door too. Looks like it was kicked in or… something…" and his words cut off awkwardly as he noticed the look that past between to two guys.

But Luke smiled at him and said, "You're really handy to have around, you know? Are you sure you don't want to move in?"

"Thanks for the offer, but…" And Jonathan smiled as he left to find another job to do.

Remaining by Noah's side to help him paint his wall Luke asked, "So Maddie… What's with this Jonathan guy? I thought you were living with a Bruce?"

"Oh," said Maddie, "Jonathan's not my boyfriend… he's my son."

Of course both Luke and Noah completely froze mid-stroke at that, turning at the same time to stare at her until Noah said, "Okay! Now THIS is a story I've got to hear!"

And Luke, standing mouth agape could do nothing but agree, "Same here!"


	23. Maddie 1

_He loved taking the train. Sure, flying was definitely faster, but there was something deliciously archaic about the train. It reminded him of all those epic novels he loved to read and he could pretend to be a distinguished Victorian gentleman, the romantic hero. _

_Another great reason to take the train was the views! God but he loved to watch the countryside and cityscapes, the meadows and rivers and lakes as they past by the window. And he would dream of owning a farm and leaving the city boy behind to become a successful horse breeder. And he would have dogs, three, no four of them! And hopefully he would have a wife… one day. _

_But the best reason to take the train was the view it gave him of people. If there was one hobby he loved more than any other it was people watching. And unlike the plane, each time the train pulled into a station, a dance of musical chairs was played. People he had already studied and wondered about; the old lady with the flower hat; the man with the ridiculous moustache; the young couple holding hands; would all leave to be replaced by the tourist and his map; the little girl and her porcelain doll; or the business women and her briefcase. It fascinated him! _

_And it was while he was watching that he saw her standing on the platform as soon as the train pulled into the next station. She stood, a frustrated expression on her tiny face, next to a suitcase almost as big as she was. Subconsciously her appearance made him smile. _

_He watched as she opened the carriage door and then, backing up the stairs, tried to drag the enormous case with her. She heaved at it and managed to lift it up one step, but then slipped and dropped the handle, causing the case to tumble back onto the platform._

_"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She yelled, stamping her little foot and he was amazed that even irritated, her voice was like a song. _

_Quickly, seizing the opportunity to meet the little angel, he ran down the centre of the carriage and called, "Hang on! I'll get it for you!"_

_"Oh!" She smiled at him with relief. "Thank you so much! It's a curse to be this small! Believe me!"_

_"I don't know… it seems to suit you." He replied as he descended the stairs and lifted the heavy bag up into the carriage. _

_She looked at him surprised by the obviously suggestive compliment and then smiled shyly. _

_He returned the smile and placed the suitcase in the luggage rack by the door. "You okay to leave it here?"_

_"Yes, that's great! Thanks again."_

_"Um, don't get the wrong idea or anything, but the seat next to me is empty… if you're interested?"_

_The girl frowned her brown eyes at him, cocking her head slightly and then, deciding that he was harmless, nodded and followed him back to his seat. _

_Only after the train had pulled out of the station did he work up the courage to speak to her again. "Um, so, work or pleasure?"_

_"Sorry?"_

_"The trip? Are you on business or are you on holiday?"_

_"University, Wesleyan, I'm due back in two days."_

_"Oh! Me too!" he said excited, "Law degree…"_

_"Media and Journalism." She replied. _

_Just then a phone rang and she rooted around in her purse looking for it and then answered it, "Hello?... Hi!... Yes I'm on the train... Don't worry I'll be fine… Yes… I'm really sorry about this, you know?... I didn't want to leave you like this… I feel awful… I know… yes…" She laughed and it affected him in a way no other sound ever had before; as if it somehow managed to float right into the very depths of his soul and take up residence there. "Okay darling love you… see you soon…. Bye."_

_His heart suddenly sank… Of course she would already be taken! Girls like her didn't just sit on the shelf! He had to know so he asked, "Boyfriend?" _

_And he almost cheered out loud when she shook her head, "No. Actually he's my ex… we were going to share a flat in Oakdale, but Wesleyan said I had to complete my course with them or I'd lose all my credits so…" and she gestured at the train to indicate her reason for being on it. _

_"That's unusual, you know?"_

_"What is?" _

_"Staying friends with an ex, sharing a flat…"_

_"Oh well it's kind of a special case, he's gay."_

_"Oh." And he suddenly felt stupid for pressing her on such a personal issue. God but he was a complete idiot sometimes! "I'm sorry! It's none of my business…"_

_"That's okay! I get it a lot actually. I'm just fed up because he really needs me to be there for him right now and the stupid university won't let me transfer…"_

_"Sorry about that…" and he genuinely was when he saw the sadness behind her eyes. _

_Suddenly, to his horror, she began sniffing and then crying. _

_"You bastard!" he thought to himself, "Why couldn't you just keep your big mouth closed!"_

_Quickly he pulled a pack of tissues from his jacket pocket and handed her one. She took it gratefully and wiped her little button nose in such an adorable way that he actually felt his heart do a little leap inside his chest. _

_"I can't believe I'm blubbering in front of a complete stranger on a train…" she said finally, "I'm so sorry about that!"_

_"It's no problem."_ _And it really wasn't._

_"He was in a terrible accident you see… and he lost his eyesight and now… now he's too proud to let anybody help him! So I thought if I lived with him then I could be there for him and he might actually let me… you know?"_

_He didn't really but he nodded anyway. So long as he could make the delightful creature feel better he was happy. _

_..._

_He wasn't sure when they moved on from small talk to not being able to keep their hands off each other, but after 12 hours into the journey the two of them had their tongues down each other's throats and about a million volts of electricity seemed to run between them. He had never wanted a girl like he wanted this one… RIGHT NOW! _

_She obviously felt the same way when she whispered in his ear, "I've never done anything like this before but… ah… do you think?" _

_He looked into her eyes, melting at the depths of them, smouldering with passion and then nodded and pushed her with his body to indicate she should stand up. He led her quickly through carriage after carriage until they eventually came to the first class sleeper ones. He checked the small window of each, until he found one that was dark and empty and pushed her inside locking the door and pulling the small blind down. _

_Within seconds he was undoing the delicate buttons down the front of her tiny floral dress and pulling one sleeve down to reveal her bra strap. As he kissed her neck he slipped a finger under the elastic and pulled the strap down her shoulder and over her hand so that one small perky breast was revealed, and he hungrily bent down to draw the nipple tight between his lips, making her gasp. _

_There wasn't much space to manoeuvre within the carriage, but he spotted a small bedside table attached under the window and he pushed her over to it, lifting her up onto it so that her legs could hook around his waist. _

_Kissing her deeply on the mouth he felt as her hands pulled at the bottom of his shirt and he quickly moved back to help her lift it over his head. His skin tingled as she touched him and he returned his mouth to her yearning lips… _

_He felt his way up her thighs and as he pulled her underwear down, he noticed briefly the small trains pictured on them and he chuckled inside at how cute that was, not to mention ironic!_

_"Have you got a…" but just as the words left her breathy lips her eyes fell on his hands as he removed a condom from the wallet he drew out his pocket._

_"Always be prepared." He heard his father's voice say in this head and he smiled as he thought, "Thanks Dad!"_

_He squeezed closer and her breasts, full and soft, the one visible nipple hard, rose against him, her mouth opening under his. His hands drifted lower, grasping the swell of bare buttocks. The train rocked hard and they lost their balance briefly, grappling with each other in an effort to stay upright, but once steady he closed his eyes, breathing hard. He entered her gently at first, but she used her body to ask for more and they lost themselves in hard thrusts, both screaming their passion, drowning in the powerful feelings only this type of union could create… _

_When he woke up he was on the floor of the train staring up at a rather unimpressed train conductor. The girl was gone. He didn't even get her name._

**... **

"Hey, shift up…" Luke said.

Noah was lying on the garden sun bed, stargazing, and he shifted over slightly so that Luke could lie down in the crook of his arm. "You were on the phone for a long time?"

"It was Terry." Noah immediately tensed at that but Luke continued anyway, "We don't have to testify in court."

"What?"

"She says they have plenty of evidence from his apartment and our written statements will be enough."

Noah's relief was obvious, "Good. Then we don't have to attend the hearing at all?"

"No, but I'm still going too."

Noah sighed, "Why can't you just forget it?"

"Because I'm not like you Noah. I need to know that he gets what he deserves. I need to know that justice is served. And not just for you and for me, but for all those other people he hurt. I need to know that he's going away for good."

Noah nodded, "Okay then." And he kissed the top of Luke's head before interlacing their fingers. After a few minutes of silence he said, "I've been thinking…"

"Hmm?"

"How about a pool?"

Luke looked up at him without lifting his head, "You mean out here?"

"Yeah! I can't afford to put one in right away but maybe one day?"

"Well Noah, you know I could pay for a pool…"

"I know! But I want to contribute to it as well. So I'll start to save up for it, okay?"

Luke smiled, "Okay! I think it's a great idea! We can come back from work and hop right in for a swim…"

Noah squeezed him tighter and said, "I don't want the pool to swim…"

"Oh no?" Luke asked confused.

"Nope…" Noah smiled cheekily, "I just want to be able to sit here and watch while you swim!"

Luke punched him, "Pervert!"

And they laughed together.

Just then they noticed Jonathan and Maddie standing on the other side of the patio. They seemed to be having a heated conversation. She said something to him, shaking her head, and then turned to storm off into the house. Jonathan stood obviously devastated and then walked off sadly around the side of the building.

"Do you think they know?" Luke asked.

"That they're in love?" replied Noah, "I don't think so."

"Pretty weird situation really, isn't it?" asked Luke.

"Maybe we should step in…"

"I don't know, Noah, it's not really any of our business…"

"Yes, but Maddie's always been invested in our relationship… maybe we need to return the favour?"

"I still can't believe she got married without telling anyone! It's just not like her at all!"

"No, and I get the feeling we still don't have the full story…"

...

_The students were loud and animated as they packed up their books to head off to the next lecture. Maddie just finished writing down a thought in her notebook, before closing it and standing up._

_"Maddie?"_

_She sighed at the voice, "Hello Greg."_

_"Are you doing anything tonight?"_

_"Look Greg, I'm really sorry but I'm not interested in getting involved at the moment."_

_"But I don't understand, Maddie? One minute things looked like they might happen between us and the next thing they're not." After a while when she didn't answer but just continued to pack her rucksack he said, "Who is he?"_

_"He?" Maddie asked, not looking up._

_"Who are you seeing now?"_

_"Nobody!" Maddie said with conviction._

_"Don't give me that, I know you're seeing somebody."_

_But before the conversation could continue Professor Williams approached them from below. _

_"Hello Professor." Said Maddie and Greg nodded at him._

_"Where were you this morning Greg? We had an appointment at 08:30?" The Professor was obviously annoyed. _

_"I was working out with the team…" Greg replied nonchalantly. _

_"Well I hope it was a good workout because it just might be your last!"_

_"No way Professor Williams, we have a game next week!"_

_"Not if your last paper is anything to go on! You and I need to have a nice long talk, so I expect you in my office first thing tomorrow morning! Understood?"_

_Greg sighed but nodded his agreement and the professor returned to the front of the lecture hall to pack up this things. _

_"What a jerk!" Greg said to Maddie, "Want to hang?"_

_"No." Maddie replied, "No thanks." And she hooked her bag over her shoulder and followed the professor down the stairs. By the time she reached him the lecture hall was empty so she felt safe to say, "Bruce? There's something I need to talk to you about."_

_"I'm sorry Maddie," he said without looking up, "I don't have the time."_

_"But you've been saying that all week!" she said with desperation._

_"I'll call you, Okay?" and he leaned forward to kiss her on the mouth. _

_"No! It's not okay…" she moaned, but he walked off before she could say anything else. "Shoot!"_

_She didn't notice Greg watching from the corner._

**(I hope you are enjoying the LA Series so far… please let me know if you are…)**


	24. Maddie 2

Luke and Jonathan had long since fallen asleep in their various positions on the couches. Only Noah and Maddie stayed awake to watch the rest of "It Happened One Night", a classic they both enjoyed and often talked about.

Once the credits had finished rolling, Maddie, sitting on the floor in front of Noah, took his hand and kissed the palm before saying, "I'm so sorry Noah…" And she lifted her eyes to look into his, "… that it happened… that it happened to you…"

He leaned down and drew her into a hug, "Thanks Maddie. I'm fine. We're both going to be fine." He looked down at Luke's sleeping face as it rested on his stomach, and smiled softly.

She looked back up at him and, noticing his smile, said, "You guys have come such a long way, you know?"

"Oh I know! Believe me!" And as if to solidify that fact he ran his hand down Luke's arm, making Luke smile in his sleep. Some time passed in silence before he said, "I've never really thanked you properly for what you did for us last year. It really helped, you know?"

"I'm glad!"

"I'm going to miss you when you leave tomorrow. And Jonathan! He's a great guy…"

"Yes he is." She agreed looking over at the ginger curls as they fell over the arm of the single couch. "It was lovely of Luke to buy the plane tickets for us… and to arrange to have Jonathan's car shipped back… The thought of making THAT journey again… Oh my word!"

Noah laughed, "You have no idea how glad I am that you did!" and then more seriously, "I can't even think what would have happened if you guys hadn't shown up…"

She nodded and patted his knee.

Then after a few minutes Noah asked, "Maddie, you are happy, aren't you? With Bruce I mean?"

She waivered for a second and then said, "I love him."

Noah sighed at her, "That wasn't my question…" and he hesitated before saying, "He treats you right… right Maddie?"

She looked down sadly and fidgeted with the bottom of her nightshirt, "He does the best he can."

"Only, the other night I noticed that you have a nasty bruise…"

"Noah, it's not what you think… please… I don't want to talk about it okay?"

He didn't press any further. Something told him not to. But he knew one thing! He and Luke would be on a plane to Montana by the following weekend.

...

_Greg was seated on the other side of Bruce's desk._

_"Well Mr Wilson, congratulations! You scored perfectly on your paper…" And Bruce held up the paper where a large and circled red 'A' showed at the top of the page. _

_Greg was smug and said, "Well great!"_

_Bruce flung the paper at him, "You are a C minus student Mr Wilson! Do you think I don't know that? Who wrote this essay for you?"_

_"I didn't cheat! I studied!"_

_"Don't give me that bull! You are going to sit here right now and rewrite that paper! And then I can give you your well deserved 'F', which means probation and no more football!"_

_"You wouldn't dare flunk me!"_

_"Oh believe me! If you don't improve on your grades I will flunk you Mr Wilson!"_

_"Hey! I don't have to do anything you say! I'm number one on that team and there is no way the administration will let some stuck up Professor risk a winning team!_

_Bruce smiled at the confidence the kid had in himself, "Actually Mr Wilson, I've already had a word with the administration and they agreed that your academic level is more important than sport and they will stand by my decision if it comes to that…"_

_Greg's face fell and suddenly he was seething with anger, "You look here Professor! You will accept my 'A' graded paper!"_

_"Or what?"_

_"Or I will tell the Dean all about how you've been banging little miss perfect Maddie Coleman!"_

_Bruce felt his heart stop! This was his worst nightmare! He had spent an entire week of hell trying to stay away from her to protect her from just this! He had known it was wrong to start up the relationship but he had been powerless to stop it. He had fallen head over heals in love with Maddie from the moment she entered his lecture and tripped on the way up the stairs. She was so perfect and he would spend hours just dreaming about her. _

_So of course when she started to reciprocate his feelings he allowed the walls to come down and the two of them found themselves in a heated and forbidden affair, one he had thought only meant consequences for himself. However he had recently discovered that the penalty for a student and teacher relationship was far worse than just his getting fired… Maddie would be kicked out of school! And he couldn't risk that!_

_So, heartbroken, Bruce had begun to distance himself from Maddie. He knew he was hurting her and that she wouldn't understand, but it was the only way he could protect her. And NOW! Somehow this little snake had discovered the truth and was obviously more than ready to use it to blackmail his teacher. _

_Quickly Bruce stood up and opened his office door, indicating to Greg that he should leave. _

_But as Greg reached the door he beamed, "I saw you kiss her! So, what's my grade now professor?"_

_Bruce looked at him sternly, "Do you really think what you know will make any difference?"_

_Greg was just about to reply when Maddie appeared, "Can I talk to you now Professor Williams?"_

_"He's all yours" Greg smiled as he slid out the office and left. _

_"You promised you would call!" Maddie said and he pulled her into the office to shut the door. _

_"Maddie…" he looked at her sadly._

_"Why are you doing this? I thought… I thought you liked me…"_

_"Oh Maddie I do like you… I love you…you know that..."_

_"Then what?" she whispered moving forward to put her arms around his neck. _

_"We have to end it." He said, pulling away from her._

_She looked confused "Why?"_

_"Maddie, if this comes out. You and me? Then we are both finished! I'm out of a job and you'll be kicked out of school."_

_"But nobody will find out…" she began._

_"Greg already knows!"_

_"What?"_

_"He saw me kiss you yesterday…"_

_"Shit! I'm so sorry! Has he said anything?"_

_"At the moment he's using the information to get a good grade on his paper!"_

_"Oh sweety! I'm really sorry! I never meant to get you into trouble."_

_"It's not your fault! It's mine! Maddie you are thirty years my junior! I have no idea what I was thinking allowing this to happen! I must be out of my mind!" and he rubbed a hand against the side of his slightly greying temples. _

_"We fell in love Bruce, that's all. You can't help who you love. And I want to be with you! Properly! So if this all comes out then… fine! Then it's just you and me against the world. And I'm good with that if you are…"_

_And she was so gorgeous he could do nothing but smile at her, before taking her in his arms and planting a kiss on her beautiful mouth. "Marry me!" _

_"What?"_

_"Marry me! No pomp and ceremony! Just you and me!"_

_She stared up into his green eyes, (THOSE green eyes... there was something about THOSE green eyes), and felt the usual glow of warmth and safety the man made her feel and she thought, "Why not?"_

_"Okay!" She said, deciding to be crazy and impulsive for once, "Let's do it!"_

...

The police investigation of Oliver Deogostino was big news. Reporters clambered for information as more and more of his victims came forward, two of which worked with Noah at the studio. By tracking Oliver's movements over the past few years, the police had discovered two of the hidden bodies out of at least five murdered victims that they knew of. And the pressure was on.

Of course this made things extremely uncomfortable for Noah at the studio. Although details of the victims were never released by the police, it didn't take much for Noah's crew to put two and two together and he couldn't stand the way their eyes would follow him sympathetically around the studio, not to mention the way they spoke to him as though he were suddenly made of glass.

As a result Noah had a basic editing system set up at the dining table so that he could work from home, until the heat died down and people lost interest in the whole sordid story. And that was were he sat in complete concentration, earphones blocking out any sound but that of the scenes playing out on the screen, when Luke returned home from work.

Luke put his briefcase down by the door and moved around to the other end of the table. He stood there for quite some time before Noah looked up and jolted, surprised by the sight of him, a smile creeping across his face.

Quickly Luke put a finger to his lips and, with a mischievous grin, slowly started to remove his tie. Noah, earphones still on, raised one questioning eyebrow at him but didn't make any move to speak to him. Lifting the tie high for a few minutes, Luke threw it across the table and Noah caught it against his chest, laughing out loud in that cute way that drove Luke nuts.

Cocking his head shyly, Luke slowly began to unbutton his shirt and at the first sight of his chest hair Noah made a move to get up, but Luke quickly held up his hand to stop him. Smirking Noah sat back down, still listening to the music playing on his earphones… watchful.

Luke turned so that his back faced Noah, looked over his shoulder at him, and naughtily pulled the shirt down his back and then wiggled his hips seductively making Noah snort. The shirt fell to the floor.

Walking closer towards him, Luke locked bright eyes with Noah and started to undo the button and zip of his trousers. He could tell that Noah was fighting to keep the eye contact, even though his eyes were dying to look down. Eventually, as Luke bent back up from pulling the trousers off his legs, Noah could no longer help himself and he eyed out Luke's lower torso before following the swell of his chest and back up to his eyes. By now the want was written all over Noah's face and his chest heaved with desire.

Luke almost melted as Noah licked his lips and then bit his lower lip and Luke made a move to walk closer, exciting Noah even more and then, when just outside the range of his grasp, disappointing him by turning around and heading towards the passageway. Just before he left he room he removed his underwear, giving Noah the perfect view of his firm backside before disappearing down the passage.

Noah ripped off the earphones and flew down the passageway after him.

...

_Maddie was nervous as hell hosting this dinner! She really wanted to make a good impression. She and Bruce had only recently moved to Montana after he officially resigned from the university, before Greg could turn them in. _

_Maddie knew she would lose her school credits, but she figured she could find another school who would take her, even if she had to repeat some of the courses a second time. She had finally found safety and warmth and home with a man who was mature and could take care of her. _

_She expected to be edgy when she first opened the door to their tiny apartment, but, at the sight of the man standing on the other side, the two empty wine glasses she held entwined upside down in her hand dropped to the floor and shattered loudly. She froze and gasped, "Oh my god!"_

_She was dreaming! She was sure she must be, because standing at her front door was a man she had spent days, weeks, months trying to forget. A man she didn't even know, but one that had entered her phsyci in a way no other ever had before. _

_She had been so shocked that night… the night she had woken up half naked on the floor of a train, wrapped in the arms of this striking man who had literally swept her off her feet in a matter of a few hours. So she had run… She had left the train as soon as it pulled into the final stop. She realised too late that she had made a huge mistake. But she had no idea who the man was or how to find him._

_For weeks she had spent every spare moment she had sitting at the main university entrance, hoping to find him there. She had asked around, describing his distinctive look to fellow students, but nothing every came of it! He was lost to her forever! Or so she thought…_

_It was obvious that he too was shocked. He stood staring at her, his green eyes as large as saucers and neither of them could speak._

_Oblivious to the charge running between the couple, Bruce appeared from the bedroom and marched excitedly over to the door, "Jonathan!" and he flung his arms around the stunned younger man, squeezing him tight for a few minutes before pulling back to say, "I see you've met my lovely wife! Maddie, this is Jonathan, my son!"_

_Maddie fainted._


	25. Maddie 3

Luke lay over the bottom half of Noah's naked body, his cheek pressed into the small of his back, his left arm on one shoulder blade while the right stretched higher to rest on Noah's right bicep.

"Noah?" he said softly, tickling his skin.

"Hmm?"

"Are you awake?"

"No… mmph"

Luke smiled, "You can't sleep yet, we have to pack… Car's picking us up early tomorrow…"

Silence.

Luke crawled further up the lean body to rest his cheek against Noah's , "Baby?" he sang.

Sill nothing but the soft breaths of sleep. Luke lay listening to them for a while, enjoying the feel of Noah's back as it rose and fell against his chest, and then he turned his head to place a light kiss on Noah's lips causing him to make a few sucking sounds before he smiled slightly. Luke blew softly at the wisps of black hair framing his face.

"Wake up Noah!" Luke teased, pressing his cheek into the pillow by Noah's head.

"Hey…" Noah muttered as he opened his eyes.

"How do you feel?"

"Great… like I'm floating… you make me feel like I'm floating…" Luke laughed softly and Noah's right hand came up to stroke his face as his blue eyes studied him. "God I missed this…"

"What?"

"When I was blind? I missed your face… the way your forehead crinkles up when you concentrate… the way you frown at me when you don't get your own way… and your smile… god but I missed your smile… and it was like…" he suddenly looked sad as he remembered.

"Noah?" Luke frowned, rubbing his toes up and down one of Noah's feet.

"The longer things stayed dark, the more things faded… you know? And I would try to hold onto this image?" He spoke softly as he stroked his thumb over Luke's eyebrow as Luke watched him intently, "But it was fading… and it was like… like I was forgetting… and I was terrified to forget! I didn't want to forget… not ever!"

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry you had to go through that." His eyes were suddenly wet with unshed tears.

"No Luke! Sorry… I didn't mean to upset you… I just want you to understand. Sometimes I remember how it felt, you know? And then at moments like these…" and his smile sparkled, "It's just amazing! When I open my eyes to your face and I can SEE you… I want you to really know what that means to me… how much I love you…"

Luke nodded, smiled and kissed him deeply for a long time before coming back to his senses and saying, "I love you too…" and they lay in each other's company for a few more minutes before Luke said, "Come on! We need to pack before you fall asleep again…"

"Okay…" and as Luke rolled off him, he got up to sleepily pull on his boxers and grab a bag from the cupboard.

"Are you sure about this Noah?" he asked, as he rose up on his elbow and rested his head on his hand, watching him.

"Luke, Maddie's holding back on something… and if that guys hurting her in any way… then I need to make sure it stops. I mean you saw that bruise!"

"I just… don't you think Jonathan would have done something by now? He really seems to look out for her… "

"I know… I did wonder that, but the guy's his father… I mean… maybe he can't stand up to him? If there's one person who knows what that's like, it's me! I would just feel better if we checked this out for ourselves.

"Yes, okay, you're right." And he jumped up to help with the packing.

...

_Bruce came up from behind her, hooking one hand around her waist whilst handing her a cup of coffee with the other. As she took the cup he kissed the nape of her neck… "Mmm, you smell nice!"_

_"Thank you." And she turned to give him a quick kiss on the lips. She could feel Jonathan's eyes burning into them from across the room._

_"Sorry I have to leave so early today, but I want to get there in good time for my interview…"_

_"You'll be great!"_

_"Thanks darling." And he pulled her into a kiss that went on longer than she would have liked with Jonathan standing just metres away… _

_"Maddie?" Jonathan's strangled voice pierced through her as she stood in the crook of his father's arm. "Um, can I show you something in the kitchen? I just need your opinion…" His tone was so strained… so desperate that she was surprised Bruce didn't notice it as he pulled out of the kiss. _

_She looked up at Jonathan nervously and then turned to Bruce who by now was making his way to the door, "You two carry on… I'll see you in a few hours!"_

_"Bye." She barely got the word out before the door closed. Leaving her alone… with him…_

_"I'm jealous when you're with him…" That voice from somewhere behind her, sending shivers down her spine, making her want to cry out in frustration and at the same time…_

_"Don't do this to me Jonathan! I can't cope with it!"_

_"I can't help it! Maddie, I don't know a lot of things… I'm the clumsiest most stupid person in the world most of the time… but I know THIS… I love you!"_

_"Stop…"_ _He quickly manoeuvred in front of her, grabbing the tops of her arms as she tried to reach the bedroom door, "I loved you from the moment I first saw you on that platform… " She looked slowly up at him, her eyes pleading… "Do you want to know what else I'm sure of?"_

_She shook her head, "Please don't… please…"_

_"You love me too…"_

_"I'm married to your father, I love him… I can't do this to him…" but even as she said the words his hands were burning through the sleeves of her dress and the compulsion to lift her head up and kiss those lips… so close… so near to her own, was almost more powerful then she could control. _

_"You want it too… don't you? You're afraid we'll give in…"_

_Without conviction she whispered, "I think it's time for you to leave..."_

_"Maddie…" _

_"We've been through this over an over… We can't let it happen!" she tried to wriggle out of his tight grasp, but he wasn't giving in this time. She could feel the determination radiating off him. _

_"Kiss me…" His emerald eyes burned into her… THOSE green eyes! The same eyes he shared with his father. The same eyes, she had come to realise with dread, which must have attracted her to Bruce in the first place. _

_"No!"_

_"Kiss me!"_

_Against her will her lips touched his with a warmth, a fire she hadn't felt since that night in the train. _

_And she was his…_

...

Once the cab driver confirmed that they were only ten minutes from Maddie's address, Noah pulled out his phone to warn her of their arrival. They hadn't told her they were coming in the hopes of catching her off guard and maybe finding out the truth about her life with Bruce.

The phone seemed to ring for a long time.

"No answer?" Luke asked him.

Noah shrugged and was just about to hang up when he heard Maddie's voice say, "Hello?" She sounded alarmed, panicky.

"Maddie! Hi, it's Noah…" In the background he could hear the distinct sound of glass breaking and he thought he heard a man say something.

"Um… it's not really a good time right now… Hang on a second…"

"Maddie?"

Luke gave Noah a questioning look and Noah returned his stare with one of worry before he heard a tap on the other line, as though the phone had been placed down somewhere, "Maddie!"

Suddenly he heard her urgent and fearful voice say, "Bruce! Stop! Stop!" and Noah could hear an angry male voice yelling something at her.

Before the phone cut off he heard Maddie scream…

"Oh my god!"

"Noah? What is it?" Luke grabbed Noah's knee at the look of shock on his face.

"Can you go faster please?" Noah asked the cab driver leaning forward over the seat in front, "It's an emergency! I think our friend's in trouble!"

...

_He couldn't believe that after making all the effort to get up extra early for the interview, he'd gotten half way there to discover he had forgotten all his papers behind! He was irritated with himself, but at the same time he couldn't help smiling, realising it was because he had been so caught up with Maddie that morning. God but she was a stunner! _

_As he unlocked and opened the door he called, "Maddie? You wouldn't believe it but I forgot…" and the words stuck instantly in his throat as he spotted them… _

_"Maddie…" Her name flew breathless from his lips. The love he had for her, always brightly written on his features, now shone out with despair… his world suddenly completely shaken. They were always meant to be together… they belonged together… Right? _

_He stood utterly disarmed and helpless. He was losing her… The scene in front of him confirmed that… The way she looked at his son… HIS SON, who lay partly naked with her on the carpet of THEIR apartment, touching her, KISSING her… _

_He felt his heart explode with pain and, not able to look anymore, he turned and blindly fled out the door, his peripheral vision just catching sight of Maddie stumbling to get up and calling his name in agony, "BRUCE!"_

...

The elevator to the 10th floor of Maddie's apartment building was agonisingly slow… Four eyes, two brown, two blue, watched anxiously as each number lit up on the panel. Both had no idea what was happening or what to expect when they finally made it to their destination, they just knew that Maddie needed them and they restlessly shifted weight impatiently from left to right foot.

Noah was the first through the metal doors, pulling them open as though that would somehow make them move faster. He bolted out and quickly read the arrowed numbers on the wall to know which direction to run in. Luke followed hot on his heels.

The closer they got to the apartment, the louder the screams from within.

"Maddie?" Luke yelled.

"Maddie? Noah banged desperately on the door. "Maddie! Open up!"

"Bruce! You're hurting me! Please!" she sobbed from within.

Without a pause Noah backed up and flung himself at the apartment door. It budged but didn't open and so he tried again and again until the lock snapped and he fell into the room. Quickly clambering back on his feet, he spotted Maddie on the floor in the corner, her elbow covering her face while a large man loomed over her throwing blow after blow of punches.

"Son of a bitch!" Noah yelled, storming across the room, consumed in anger that this man dare lay his hands on Maddie. He threw an arm around the older man's neck and dug his hands hard into the man's skin, pulling his arm around his back and yanking him off the cowering and shivering Maddie.

Luke was instantly on the floor, trying to pull Maddie away from the fury Noah was venting, but she held out both her arms towards them, trying to get to them and screamed, "No! Noah, stop! Stop!"

After chocking the man almost senseless, knocking over chairs and tables, smashing vases and lamps, Noah turned him around and pushed him hard into the wall so that he dropped like a sack. He barely had time to recover before Noah was pounding a fist into his head, "How do you like it? Hey?"

"Noah! He doesn't understand…" Maddie continued to yell desperately and as Luke looked up towards the cowering man it became clear to him that something was off. The man lay without fighting back, in the foetal position, moaning like a wounded animal. "He doesn't understand…" she cried again, her voice cracking, prompting Luke to quickly race forward and pull Noah off.

The larger man lost his balance and fell back into Luke so that the two of them ended up entangled on the floor and Luke had to wrap both his arms around Noah's upper body, entrapping his arms, to calm him and keep him from raging forward again. He spoke from behind into Noah's ear, "Stop! He's down… He's down…"

And they both watched astonished as Maddie ran over to the man's side, tears streaming down her face, and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Its okay baby… Its okay…" she spoke as if to a small child and when the man looked up his face was wet and snot ran from his nose. He mumbled something unintelligible to her and she stroked his head. "I know he did sweetheart… I'm so sorry… Forgive me?" The man's eyes were huge with fear but he flung his arms around her and sobbed into her breast. "Okay…" she placated, "Okay…"

...

_He didn't know where he was driving… he just had to keep moving… just keep moving and keep his tormented mind off the scene he had witnessed. How long? How long had it been going on? Jonathan had only been in town for a few days! How could it have happened? He was sure when he married her that she loved him and only him. So how could she betray him so easily? How could both of them betray him? _

_He had been a fool! He had been a fool to think he could hold onto such a light! Such a young, beautiful, sweet light! _

_He pressed his foot to the peddle the moment he hit the motorway, the speed helped… helped him escape… Tears poured from his face and he gulped in air as he tried to breathe, his entire life left in crumbles. _

_A sudden explosion of agony blew him somewhere between unconsciousness and reality and he felt his stomach heave as his head crushed against the spinning steering wheel. Glass shattered from all directions and cut at his skin, his lungs bursting as he tried to draw in little gasps of cold air. Metal, dirt, glass and debris rolled and rolled for what felt like an eternity and then a gigantic splash heralded the water and his blurred vision just managed to make out the oily surface, now rising above the level of the window, before quickly covering his head._

...

"It happened more than a year ago now…" Maddie sighed, "Sometimes he can get a little rough when he's frustrated, but he doesn't mean to hurt anybody."

"Brain damage!" Noah repeated for the umpteenth time, not believing the terrible situation Maddie had found herself it. It was tragic beyond belief and his heart went out to her.

During their conversation Bruce had spent the time entertaining himself, first with a bag of chips and finally finding fascination in a wicker basket full of toys. He was obviously completely oblivious to the subject of their conversation and had long since forgotten the events of the previous hour.

"Jonathan did try to find me," Maddie continued as she played with a wet tissue in her hands, her eyes red from crying, "but two days after we met on the train he got called to Italy..."

"Italy?" Both men said at once.

"His mother lived there. She died and he had to go… to make arrangements…"

They looked at her sympathetically.

"And during that time I fell for Bruce. I realise now that I fell for Bruce because of the part of him that was Jonathan! And then when Jonathan arrived…" she looked down ashamed. "It was him! It was always him! I had substituted him for his father!" And she sniffed through her tears.

"Maddie you couldn't have known. It's not your fault…" And Luke sat next to her to place a kiss on her temple and put his arm around her. Almost instantly Noah saw some of the tension on her face fade, and he marvelled once again at Luke's amazing ability to make people feel better with just a word and a touch. It was something in his gentle nature, in the tone of his voice and the brightness of his face.

"Sometimes it gets too much, you know? So that's why I spent so much time visiting you guys, apart from the fact that you needed me to. It was a way to forget for a little while. Jonathan has been pressing me to move on. But… I can't… I just can't! It's all our fault… that Bruce is the way he is now… we destroyed his life! What right do we have to a life of our own?"

"Maddie," Noah said kindly, leaning forward from the coffee table he was seated on to take both her hands in his, "take it from two people who know what it means to waste time blaming each other for an accident that was nobody's fault…." And his eyes fell on Luke, who smiled at him, before returning to Maddie "Bruce loves you! And from all accounts he also loves his son…"

"He would want the two of you to be happy, instead of wasting your lives because of some misguided sense of obligation." Luke finished.

She stared across the room at Bruce as he played happily with a bag of marbles, she seemed to be musing their words over in her head… giving them careful consideration.

"Think about it sweetheart," Noah added, "Would Bruce… with the way he is now… be any worse off if you were to start a relationship with Jonathan?"

And it was at that point that Jonathan arrived home, surprised by the sight of Luke and Noah and the dishevelled apartment. He didn't make a move to enter, but rather stood in the frame of the door, dumbstruck. "Everything okay?" he asked with trepidation.

As Maddie stood up to cross the room, Noah took her place by Luke's side and they put their arms around each other smiling knowingly.

Reaching Jonathan Maddie said, "Everything's great!" and she smiled her most dazzling smile at him, "Everything's suddenly perfect!" and to his utter shock, she took his face in her hands and kissed him for all the world like it was the last kiss of her life. His arms instantly, instinctively embraced her and he too suddenly felt that all was perfect!

"You know you're kinda sexy when you're in rescue mode?" Luke whispered over to Noah as they watched the young couple.

"And you're kinda sexy when you're in comforting mode…" Noah countered.

"Suddenly I feel like it's time for us to go home…"

Noah squeezed his hand smiling, "Same here…"


	26. Precious Discovery 1

Gianni Di Alberto was not a nice guy. Luke had decided this from the moment their hands had shook that first meeting… Luke's first day at Grimaldi Shipping, Los Angeles. He was that typical, shady type of person that Damian had hired into the organisation… to do his dirty work. Luke had spent much of his time in the helm ridding the Oakdale branch of just the Gianni sort. Now he guessed it was time to do the same in LA. HIS Grimaldi Shipping would be run as a legitimate company!

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Luke the complete looks of dislike, resentment and disdain Gianni would fire at him, whenever he thought Luke's back was turned. But Luke was used to this! When he had first joined his father's company in Oakdale it had taken him more than a year to fully gain the respect of his legitimate work colleagues. People thought he had it easy when in reality he had to work twice as hard, so as not to be perceived as just the boss's son with the silver spoon. He wanted them to respect him for the job he did, not because of his bloodline.

So of course those colleagues in the business who were not legitimate were immediately and politely asked to leave their employment or in some cases were paid to walk. Luke hated having to deal with all the illegal dealings his father had been involved with… but really he had no choice. If he wanted to clean up the company he would have to get his hands dirty sometimes. But any illegal activity he dug up he would immediately report to Margo Hughes at the police department, and she was grateful to him for it.

Luke hadn't told Noah… he hadn't wanted to worry him… especially in his current state with the whole Oliver fiasco… but he knew somebody was watching him… following him. He hadn't seen anybody, but he just felt it. He knew it almost by instinct…

...

His mommy hated him. He knew this. She told him every day what a stupid, rude and ugly boy he was… he was a pain… and she wished he was dead. But he never thought she hated Ray too…

His shorts were wet as he sat in the puddle that had splashed from the bucket during the frenzy. It was starting to get dark but he couldn't stop crying… She said he couldn't go inside until he stopped crying. He was scared she would hit him again so he tried to stop, but he couldn't forget about Ray.

Groping forward he stretched out his hands so that they came into contact with the stiff, cold and wet fur of his dog. His bottom lip trembled and he lay his head on the dog's body, trying to forget… trying to forget the image of her holding Ray's head in the bucket of water.

...

"So where exactly are you taking me?" asked Luke.

"Some place special…"

They walked hand in hand down Santa Monica Boulevard after both finding themselves with a rare afternoon off work. As always the street was bustling with roadside shows and they ambled past a balloon artist who handed Luke a flower making him blush, to Noah's absolute amusement.

"Not funny!" Luke pouted, before handing the plastic sculpture to a little girl in a striped pink dress, who grinned with glee at the sight of it and ran off to show her parents.

"Well you are kind of cute Luke… I can't really blame him."

Further down the road a lone guitarist sat cross legged on a bench singing "Vincent" by Don McLean in a crisp and clear voice that caught their attention, and Luke slipped his arm around Noah's waist while they stood listening to him. Once the song ended they clapped along with a few other people and threw five dollars in the upturned hat.

"Oliver!" A mother called to her son and Luke felt the instant tension as Noah's hand squeezed harder into his. He looked up concerned and watched as Noah closed his eyes, shook his head, and then slowly began to relax again until eventually he turned to Luke with a smile. Luke smiled back and they continued their walk down the long street.

The panic attacks were becoming fewer and fewer and Noah seemed to have found various methods to calm himself out of them. As painful as it had been to discover the cause of Noah's nightmares and his feelings of anxiousness, it had also been the best thing for him. Small events and objects could still jolt his memory and send him flying back to that night in Oliver's apartment, but he was slowly learning how to bring himself back out of them. And Luke was proud of him. He was proud of the way Noah had handled the entire affair and he admired him for his strength.

To Luke's surprise Noah's destination seemed to be headed away from the main activity as he quickly cut right down a small avenue slightly hidden away. It was beautifully palm tree lined and gave them some respite from the hot Californian sun.

"We're here!" Noah announced as he stopped in front of a stately white Moorish-style building with a tiled courtyard and fountain outside. The large arch stretching over the sides of the building in a half moon pronounced the place as a classical movie theatre.

"It's an old movie house!"

"Yip! In top shape too! They play some revivals and art films but mostly they just stick to the classics. Come on!" Noah eagerly pulled Luke inside where he was immediately struck by the musty smell and the worn crushed burgundy walls.

"Top shape?" Luke asked, "Noah this place is a dump!"

"That's because you're seeing it though the eyes of a modern man!"

"I hate to break this to you Noah… but I am a modern man…" he smiled at the animation on Noah's face.

"Close your eyes…" and Noah hugged him in from behind before placing a hand over his eyes, swaying gently, "Now… it's 1968… you've just collected your rather dashing boyfriend (Luke snorted) from his stunning LA pad (a giggle that time), and you've arrived at THE premier movie theatre of the day! Okay?" Luke nodded, "Now when you open your eyes picture the place as though the past 40 years never happened! Ready?"

Luke nodded again, "Ready!"

"Now what do you see?" Asked Noah eagerly, removing his hand.

Turning around Luke grinned and said, "I see my rather dashing boyfriend!" And he pulled Noah into a sweet kiss.

The sweet kiss quickly turned into a scorching one and Noah had to push him back to say, "Okay yes, now that we've established that, stay focused and tell me what else you see…"

Luke smiled. He loved to make Noah impatient. "I see a beautiful interior…"

"Aha?"

"…with plush everything, a sweeping carpeted staircase and graceful lighting fixtures in a rainbow of subdued colours." He used his most posh voice.

"Ooh! You're good!" Noah quickly paid for two tickets and dragged Luke through the swinging doors and into the main heart of the theatre.

"And I see a crescent balcony with gilt edging. And fascinating murals are on all the walls."

"Murals? Really? What are they of?"

"Naked men…"

"YOU!" and Noah pushed him playfully as they laughed. "Where do you want to sit?"

"Up there of course!" Luke indicated the balcony.

"Perfect!" As they climbed the stairs Noah seemed to be headed right for the back.

"Are we actually going to be able to see anything from there?" asked Luke, looking back at the screen.

"Best seats in the house! Trust me!" Noah flashed him his most innocent smile but failed to extinguish Luke's suspicions.

Just as he thought, as soon as they were seated, the cinema lights dimmed and the old black and white movie reel spun on, he felt Noah's arm snake around his neck as the sneaky other hand crept it's way under his shirt to lie flat against the skin of his stomach. Simultaneously Noah's hot breath blew down his ear sending shivers up his spine and causing him to exhale loudly. "Ah… why do I get the feeling I'm being taken advantage of over here?"

Noah moved Luke's long hair back with this nose and bit the side of his neck mumbling, "Theatre's always empty on Wednesday afternoons…" He removed his hand from Luke's navel so that he could turn Luke's head in his direction and place a sensual kiss on Luke's mouth causing a small squeak to escape his lips. "That's why I always loved coming here… it was just me and the movie…"

"Mmm…and now?"

"Now it's just me…" kisses down his neck…

"Yes?"

"… and the movie…" hands on his skin…

"Aha?"

"… and a gorgeous blonde who drives me crazy…"

Despite being ridiculously turned on, Luke couldn't help but check the empty seats for people as Noah sank to the floor and began to undo the buttons on his jeans, staring up at him with intention.

"Noah… um… are you sure about this?" Just as he said the words he spotted the large shape of a broad back appear just below the balcony. It was too dark to see well but it was clear the figure was looking for someone.

Quickly Luke pulled at Noah's shoulders, breaking his concentration so that he looked up and, reading Luke's expression, followed his gaze to see the person himself. He whipped quickly back up into the chair while Luke buttoned up his jeans.

"Empty hey?" Luke whispered over at him…

Noah grinned and shrugged.

While Luke showed no outward sign of it, his eyes were glued on the figure. That same icy feeling spread through his veins…trepidation…

The man seemed to catch sight of them even in the bad light and then backed away, almost spookily, leaving Luke and Noah to wonder the entire length of the film, whether or not he was still down there.

...

"You better not still be snivelling child!" and she grabbed him by the ear to lift him up staring at him in the face, "I've got a customer in five minutes so you had better get a hold of yourself!"

The door bell rang and she turned to face the direction of the sound, "Shit, early! Come on!" She dragged him into the house and shoved him into her bedroom closet, his usual spot for moments like these. "If I hear just one sound from you tonight it will be the belt! Understood?"

He nodded and tried not to sniff as she closed the slatted door on him.

After a few minutes he heard the usual, "Come on in honey! Don't be shy! I think you'll understand that I must ask for the money up front?"

"Of course." Came the gravelled reply and he cowered slightly. If he was scared of his mother he was even more scared of men. He had learnt over his short life to steer well clear!

He watched as they began to undress and he knew it was about to start so he squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands over his ears. He needed to pee but he would be in trouble if he wet himself. She really hated that. He held it and tried not to think about Ray's body in the yard.

...

Melanie had finally found the time to accept one of Noah's endless invitations to dinner and she and her husband Jake were just taking their seats at the dining table. With Noah working from home they hadn't seen each other in ages, although they had spoken often over the phone. She thought he looked good… happy… considering…

Luke arrived from the kitchen carrying a large pot of beef stew and he gingerly placed it in the centre of the table. As he did so his hand slipped off the cloth and he yelped as his little finger burned against the side. Noah immediately grabbed his hand to check it but, seeing no damage he smiled and kissed the little finger before allowing Luke to continue serving their guests. Melanie couldn't help but think how cute they were.

"Wow! Smells amazing!" said Jake genuinely.

"Sure does!" agreed Melanie, sniffing in the incredible aromas, "Noah mentioned you were quite the cook!"

Luke grinned, "He exaggerates! Believe me!"

"Well you just let us be the judges of that!" she smiled back at him.

Before joining them at the table Noah asked, "Would you two like a drink? We have everything really…"

"I'd love a Martini, if there's one going…" replied Melanie.

"Jake?"

"Oh, Jack Daniels will be fine, thanks Noah!"

"Coming right up!"

Luke and Noah kept a selection of drinks in a cabinet next to the dining table, mostly for times like these when they were entertaining. Luke had instructed Noah to keep this under lock and key… just in case. He didn't think he would ever make the mistake of relapsing again, but he thought it was always best to at least remove the temptation.

"So Noah?" Melanie began as he unlocked the cabinet, "When do you think we'll see you back at the studio? It's just not the same without you around, you know?"

But Noah was silent. Luke immediately felt the tension radiating off of him and when he turned in his direction he noticed that Noah had frozen in front of the cabinet, a hand on each of the wooden doors. He stared at something inside.

"Noah?" he said gently and, sensing the start of a panic attack, started to get up.

Suddenly and to the shock of all three at the table, Noah's hand shot into the cabinet, removed a vodka bottle and flung it across the room where it ruptured liquid and glass against the wall. Noah was wide eyed and breathing heavily, staring at the spot where the bottle had hit. Melanie's hands had gone to her mouth to stifle a cry and Jake sat back in his chair looking stunned.

Finally Noah looked slowly around at them, locked eyes with Luke and, chest still heaving up and down said, "Sorry." Then he turned and made his unsteady way down the passage.

Luke, Melanie and Jake sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until Melanie asked, "It wasn't what I said, was it?"

Luke shook his head and found the strength so say, "He's still… sorry. Excuse me for a minute."

They nodded at him and he left to find Noah leaning over the sink in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. His blue eyes were pained. Sensing Luke there he said "Sometimes I wonder if it will ever stop!"

Luke said nothing, just walked over and held him until the shakes faded from his body.

After a few minutes Noah splashed some cold water on his face and they left, hand in hand, to try and salvage the evening with their friends.

...

It hadn't been easy finding them. He'd needed to stay clear at first, for fear the police might follow them. When he thought it was safe he'd returned to Noah's apartment and discovered it sold to new owners. Lately he had been staking out the studio but, for reasons he couldn't understand, Noah didn't seem to be attending work. He knew the boy well enough to know that this was totally out of character and he couldn't help but wonder at it.

Coming up short with these options he had focused his attention on Luke. Luke. That was all he had to go on… a name and a face. So of course he was surprised when his first search for online images immediately brought up the blonde's profile and even more surprised to discover that the kid owned an entire shipping conglomerate; ran a charitable foundation and had once been influential in the setting up of a top neurology wing at Oakdale Memorial Hospital.

He guessed that must have been where the two met… Oakdale.

Once he knew Luke's full name and place of business, he simply waited by the main entrance of the impressive blue glass building with views of the harbour. Eventually he was rewarded when he spotted the kid leaving the building, smiling widely as he chatted on his phone.

FINALLY!

Then all that remained was to follow Luke… and he led him directly to Noah…


	27. Precious Discovery 2

As Noah showed Melanie and Jake to their car, Luke entered the bedroom without switching on the light. He slowly pulled back the curtain so that he could eye out the man in the tan Alfa Romeo. The same man he had spotted watching the house the night before… the man who had stayed parked there the entire Saturday morning and afternoon… the one who was still parked there…

Suddenly his phone buzzed in his pocket, "Luke Snyder?" he answered.

"Gianni Di Alberto stays within your organisation." said an electronically disguised voice, "That was the deal we had with your father!"

"Who is this?" Luke demanded shaken, "Are you the one following me?"

But the line was dead.

He took another look outside and watched as Noah made his way back to the house. His heart beat solid in his chest at the sight of him. The last time he had dealt with this type of problem, Noah had been safe and sound in LA. Now they were stalking out the house, which meant they knew about Noah and that was just too risky for Luke.

Quickly he searched for a name on his phone.

"Hello Mr Snyder." said the confident voice.

"Julius? I need you right away. Are you available?"

"For the right fee…"

"We'll discuss that when you get here!" He gave the man the office address, "Do you remember the drill?"

"Old friend from college… I remember. I'll be on a flight tonight." And he hung up.

Just as Luke placed the phone on the dresser, Noah walked into the bedroom looking for him, "Hey? There you are… What are you doing in the dark?"

"Waiting for you…" he covered quickly. He hated keeping things from Noah, but he wanted to solve the issue without involving him. Noah already had enough to deal with.

Noah took Luke into his arms and they kissed gently. It seemed like they could never get enough of each other. The moment the two of them were in the same room the compulsion to touch was so strong it amazed Luke every time. He wondered how they had ever managed to be apart for so long.

"Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?" Luke asked, placing one hand on the location of Noah's heart. The heart… so important… so symbolic for Luke…

Noah's look was one Luke had come to know well. He was contemplating whether or not he was ready to talk. Luke knew it was important to Noah that he get his point across clearly, so instead of pushing him, Luke had learnt to be patient and wait for the time when Noah would come to him on his own… which he always did.

"I get frustrated," he began, obviously deciding that he did want to talk, "because just when I think I'm there… you know? I'll see something so mundane… like a stupid vodka bottle! And it makes me so angry! Because I want my life back! Especially this new life… My dream life… with you! I waited so long to hold you again… and… for a while I had even begun to think it might never happen!" and he subconsciously held Luke tighter at the thought, "Now that you are here I don't want him to ruin it!"

Luke's hand was still firm on Noah's chest and now he leaned in to kiss his lips tenderly. "You're doing great! I've been watching you… You ARE getting better Noah… you just have to give it some more time." They kissed again with more urgency. "And there is NO way he could ruin this! Not a chance Noah Mayer!"

Noah smiled at him and pulled him in closer, smoothing his hand under Luke's curls and cupping the back of his neck. "Did I tell you how great you look tonight?"

"Only about ten times, but I have a massive ego… so… give it to me!"

"You look so damn hot… too hot actually…" he stood back to study him critically and then moved in again, "How about we cool you down a bit by removing this shirt…" he had already started to unfasten the buttons down the front. He smoothed the material halfway down and then gripped Luke's shoulders to pull him forward into another searching kiss. Then as they kissed he slowly pulled the shirt the rest of the way until it fell to the floor. "Feeling cooler?" he asked, gazing into Luke's hazel eyes.

"No actually… I'm feeling hot… Very, very, hot!" And he smiled seductively.

"Hmm… really?" he replied with mock surprise and swept his hands down Luke's chest until they met the top of his trousers, which he gripped and used to pull Luke closer, fiddling at the button and zip, "Maybe it's these darn trousers you have on! Let me help you with them…" and he bent down to follow the black material to the floor.

Kneeling, he looked up at Luke and said, "Now? Any better?"

Luke gave a small sexy laugh, "Um… not really! It's kind of steamy in here all of a sudden…"

Noah's lips on his torso… Noah's touch around his ankles… up the back of his legs… was electric, sending waves of pleasure throughout his body. Especially when Noah's fingers slipped under the elastic of his boxers and cupped Luke's buttock cheeks as he finally removed the last of the clothing before taking him fully… taking the whole of him in one go… deep into his mouth, pulling softly… enticingly.

"Ah! God!" His breath quickened at the sudden and wet warmth of Noah's mouth.

Noah flicked his tongue and Luke was in ecstasy… He grabbed the back of Noah's head to steady himself as his legs started to lose all feeling… all the blood running to the hot centre of his core and, just when he thought he might die, he exploded with such a force, Noah had to stand up quickly to catch him and smoothly guide him to a lying position on the bed.

"Shit!" Luke exclaimed, "Ah… that was… ah… I'm just…" and he fought to get his breath back. In the meantime Noah was planting soft kisses over his collarbone and rubbing his hand down the side of Luke's body and finally down the outside of Luke's thigh. He shivered at the touch.

Noah stood up to remove his own clothing under Luke's eager gaze, maintaining contact by straddling Luke's legs as they hung off the side of the bed. He was stunning and his muscles rippled as he returned to lie beside Luke.

Noah's eyes followed the path of his fingers as they rubbed back up Luke's body… up his neck, to find entrance between Luke's lips and Luke sucked greedily at them, already wanting more. Noah's other hand pushed his hair back and Noah planted a kiss on his forehead and then used his saliva wet fingers to ready Luke as their mouths found each other and tongues joined in fire. Luke could taste himself on Noah's lips…

Luke groaned as Noah fondled him deeply and the combination of that and Noah's hot breath on his face was incredible. He hitched his breath and took Noah's face in his hands to stare intensely into his eyes, trying to convey his feelings… his love… losing himself in the blue…

Holding that gaze, Noah bit his lip with passion and moved over him, using his hands on the back of Luke's thighs to angle him and slowly starting to push. The pressure was amazing and they moaned simultaneously as he entered, Luke quickly encouraging him to move faster.

Noah held him around his ribs and Luke cried out loudly with each thrust. He was first to release and it didn't take Noah's body long to reply until they lay wrapped in a pounding, sweaty heap.

"Hot… so hot…" whispered Luke wrapping his arms around Noah's back. Noah smiled contently, smelling in the scent of his sweet blonde waves.

...

When he was very little she would put him to sleep inside the barrel of one of the huge washing machines in the laundry mat where she worked during the day. Twice the toddler had nearly been spun in the wash when, her attention elsewhere, a customer had inadvertently flung their dirty washing inside the supposedly available machine. On both occasions, by some miracle, he had been on duty, watching.

Mostly the boy was left to spend all day on the floor of the laundry mat, entertaining himself. He had no toys and nobody to play with except himself. Sometimes other children would come in with their mothers and spend time with him, but he was a suspicious child and they didn't seem to warm easily to him. It didn't help that he never uttered a word.

The boy spent a considerable amount of time drawing and, after many attempts to gain his trust, when he had first been given the privilege of seeing the creations; he was astonished at their accuracy for a child not yet four years old.

At the time he knew it was risky to make contact with the kid, but after months of watching his mother drag the poor little guy through the same mundane routine day after day, he had felt this strange and unfamiliar need to become at least somewhat of a friend.

So everyday he would make sure to bring a pile of laundry with him on the job, even if it was already clean, just so that he would have the excuse to spend a few moments with the sad little boy.

That had been a year ago and, whilst busy on his next assignment, he would often find his thoughts drifting to the boy. (Worrying about him?).

Now as he entered the laundry mat, free from employment, he wondered if the woman still worked there. Of course she did! And as per usual her child, now over a year older, sat cross legged on the floor, colour pencils in hand as he sketched an amazing scene of a dog running through green hills and sunshine.

He noted the detestable woman as she sat chatting with some other wh*re behind the counter. She was unconcerned by his interest in her son.

As the boy looked up at him he gave the kid the warmest smile he could, not really expecting the kid to remember him, but to his surprise the little face lit up like a candle for just a second before returning to it's usual blank stare. It would have been hard not to notice the new shiner blacking one beautiful blue eye.

God but that woman made him sick!

"Hello kid. I've been gone a long time, haven't I?"

The boy looked up at him with those cautious eyes and nodded.

"But I'm back now." He sat on the bench near to where the kid was sitting. "Can I see your drawing kid?"

The child handed him the scrap of paper and he realised it was the back of an old junk mail leaflet. "You don't have a notebook?"

He looked down at the floor and shook his head, dark curls bobbed on his head.

As he studied the picture the boy pointed to the orange dog he had drawn.

"Very nice." He said, "Is that your dog?"

He nodded flatly and there was a tremendous pain behind the blue eyes.

"What's his name?" The boy looked around and then pointed at a place on the picture.

"Sun? His name is Sun?"

The kid frowned and then turned to bend and grab a yellow pencil off the floor. As he held the paper on his knee, the kid pressed the pencil and carefully drew lines coming out of the round sun in the right hand corner of the picture. Once satisfied he dropped the pencil and pointed at the lines.

He smiled at how smart the kid was, "Ray? Like the sun's ray?"

The boy nodded sadly.

"Where is your dog?"

The boy bent down and opened an old shoe box, extracting another picture, this time completed on the back of a Chinese take-away leaflet. The picture was of a dog lying (asleep?) by a bucket of water. When he looked up he saw the boy trying to hold back tears and the kid looked nervously over to his mother.

Realising he said, "I'm sorry kid. How did he die?"

But he took the papers back and continued his drawing alone.

Any doubts he had about what he was about to do dissipated. Yes! He definitely needed to act!

...

"Brace yourself!" Ellie said from her desk as he walked past on route to his office.

"Julius?"

"In the flesh!" Ellie had moved to LA from Oakdale to remain as Luke's Personal Assistant. He was by far the best executive she could hope to work for and there was no way she was going to leave his side. As such she was one of the few people who knew about Julius and his involvement with Grimaldi Shipping. Of the few people who Luke truly trusted with his life, Ellie was one of them.

"Anybody asks…" he began.

"… he's an old college friend… I know." she never once took her eyes off her computer screen as she typed.

"You got here quickly…" Luke said as he entered the office.

The man wore his sandy hair slicked back and stood by the window in a dark blue suit and tie. He didn't remove his sunglasses even though they were inside, "I was wondering when I'd hear from you again Mr Snyder. I figured we hadn't even scraped the barrel with those perps apprehended in Oakdale. I take it you have discovered a few more?"

"It's worse then that. They're following me and they know where I live."

"Do you know what they want?"

"I recently fired a man called Gianni Di Alberto. A few nights ago I received a phone call telling me I must keep him in the organisation, as per the deal with my father."

"Interesting!"

"I want you to find out all you can about Di Alberto and anybody connected to him. I need to know what kind of arrangement my father had with them. And keep it low key! I don't want them to know I'm investigating…"

"Done."

Just as Julius left his office Luke's phone rang. It was Noah. "Hey bubby…"

"Hi! Are you still at the office?"

"Yip, I was just thinking of calling it a night…"

"Good! Can I take you out?"

As if Noah ever needed to ask, "Sounds great."

"Are you okay?" Noah sounded concerned all of a sudden.

"Yes I'm fine, why?"

"I don't know… just… lately you seem a bit…Look, we can talk about it when I pick you up!"

Luke smiled, "You're already on your way, aren't you?"

Noah laughed, "I'll see you in ten minutes."

"Okay, can't wait…"

"Um, Luke?"

"Yeah baby?"

"I love you…"

"Same here."

...

He had known Jasmine his whole life. Ten years older she had always taken care of him… watching him after school, cooking his dinner, protecting him from older boys. They were both from fatherless families and their mothers were best friends, working together serving food at a nearby restaurant. He had a great respect for her and he knew he could trust her with this.

She looked aslant at him as he stood on her doorstep, "Just exactly who's kid is it, JJ?"

"A friend's. Look Jasmine I just need to take care of something quickly. I just need you to watch him for a day or two."

She peered behind him where the small boy was hiding behind her friend's large trunk, gripping the material of his trousers for dear life. "Well okay then… so long as it's just for a few hours. What's his name?"

JJ was silent.

She arched her eyebrows at him, her suspicions already raised at the sight of the child's black eye, only increasing, "You're not in any kind of trouble are you?"

"Um, my friend didn't say what his name is. Also, you should know he doesn't speak."

"What?"

"Please Jasmine! This is important!"

"You realise that if it was anybody else asking me I'd tell them where to shove it?"

"I know! Thanks!" And he kissed her cheek before turning to kneel down to the child. "This is my friend Jasmine. I need you to wait here with her for a while, okay?"

The kid looked terrified, but when he looked up at Jasmine she smiled kindly at him and he seemed to calm at that. He nodded and walked past her into the apartment, settling himself down on the floor with the small suitcase they had purchased from a gas station on the way over. He opened it and extracted his art supplies to continue his latest drawing.

Jasmine eyed her JJ critically but nodded and watched him leave to go and complete his task.

...

Noah always felt sparks of excitement in his stomach at the thought of seeing Luke. He would think about Luke every hour of every day until they were reunited in the evening. The love he felt for Luke just seemed to be getting stronger and the problems that had plagued their previous relationship seemed to have all but vanished. He had an amazing evening planned for them…

He pulled up to the security gate at the Grimaldi Shipping parking lot and was surprised to find the booth empty. It was highly unusual and he was just pondering whether to call the reception desk when he was jolted by an ear-splitting bang that ruptured the air and burst his eardrums. Noah held his hands over his ears and watched in horror as the entire Grimaldi building exploded and collapsed, spraying blue glass, dust and flames. The windscreen of his car to shattered and he instinctively moved his head to the side and lifted his arms up to protect his face.

Shaken he slowly looked back at the remains of the smoking building… various business papers and debris floated down from the sky in the deafening silence that seemed to follow.

"Luke?" he whispered, a sickening dread washing over him, his eyes wide with fear.

**Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!**


	28. Precious Discovery 3

He sat frozen in the car seat barely blinking… gazing ahead at the scorched pile of flaming metal and concrete that had once been Luke's office.

Luke!

He was hardly breathing, merely pulling in short shots of air and gripping the steering wheel to try and steady his shaking hands.

"Luke…"

He knew what he was seeing… he knew what he was looking at, but he fought his brain from accepting it. Ten minutes! Just ten minutes ago he had spoken to Luke on the phone! Small moans started to escape his lips but he held the larger ones back with stubborn force. He wouldn't believe it! He couldn't!

He stared down at the door handle and thought, "Maybe if I open it… maybe if I step out of the car it will reverse things somehow." He knew how stupid that was but it didn't stop him from flinging the door open and shakily stepping out, stumbling almost to his knees and then pulling himself up by gripping the top of the door. Glass pellets tinkled as they spilled from his lap onto the tar under his feet.

He closed his eyes and steadied himself for a minute, but when he turned his head and opened them again, the sight of destruction remained unchanged.

"No." he said in a throaty whisper, "No." He stumbled forward towards the building, tripping on glass and debris as it crunched under his feet. He moved slowly at first and then faster until he was running… maybe Luke was still alive in there… maybe he was lying hurt inside… Luke, Luke, Luke…

The corner of his eye registered people… he saw people stumbling around the perimeter of the building as though emerging from the rear. A faint speck of hope rose inside of him as he staggered over, grabbing the first person he could, a woman, and asking, "Luke? Where's Luke?" But she was shell shocked and seemed to look right though him, shaking her head.

He pushed past her, grabbing at random people as he made his way through the throng of more than a hundred shocked beings, some crying, some holding fast to each other, some talking on phones. Each person he grabbed he would ask for Luke and always they would shake their heads.

"I don't know…"

"I'm sorry…"

"I can't help you…"

Fear and frustration ran through his blood, chocking his heart. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

"LUKE?" he screamed as soon as enough air entered his lungs, calling to him… praying for an answer. Please! Please! Please!

The thunderous blast had partly deafened him… it felt like he was listening to the world through cotton wool, making things seem unreal... almost like a dream sequence. He wished he would wake up!

"LUKE!" Blinded by tears and panic, he was on the verge of losing all senses when a man noticed him and pointed to the back of the wrecked building.

"That way." He mouthed.

"Is he hurt?" Noah asked, but the man was already making his escape with the rest of his co-workers.

And then Noah was running, a clumsy, exhausted, terror driven run, that went against the flow of the crowd, his fright forcing him to push various stunned office workers out of his way. "Please don't take him away!" he prayed, "Please!"

There were another hundred or so people standing in various groups at the back of the smouldering building. Even in his current state his military upbringing recognised these as muster points. They were letting small groups of people leave in drips, to prevent a panicked exit. In the distance he could hear the sound of approaching emergency vehicles.

His eyes scanned the crowd in desperation. It was getting dark and more and more difficult to make out peoples faces. It seemed like he could see everybody but the one person that mattered to him the most.

"LUKE?" he yelled again, the thought of losing him weakening his knees and making it difficult to concentrate.

But then, finally, he heard it, even through his muffled ears, that voice, that beautiful angelic voice that lit his dreams and calmed his soul, "Noah?"

He felt a familiar hand on his arm and he turned to see a shocked and obviously dazed Luke standing, ALIVE, before him. Noah let out a loud scream of relief before grabbing the man in a crushing hug, "Luke! My god! Oh my god!"

"Noah, baby." Luke pushed him back with worry, examining him while wiping his face with his hands, "Were you in the blast? You're bleeding!"

But Noah's relieved sobs left him totally unable to speak, all he could do, all he wanted to do, was hang onto Luke.

"Come." Luke said, guiding him, arm over his shoulder, back to the front of the building. Eventually they reached a number of ambulances' and Luke called out, "Help! He's been hurt…"

By now Noah was shaking his head, "No, I'm fine… I'm fine…"

But a paramedic was already pulling him off Luke and into a vehicle, "No, Luke…" he called, not wanting to break the contact.

Thankfully Luke hopped into the ambulance behind them and gripped his hand as the paramedic worked on cleaning the grey ash covering his skin. "Looks like it's just a few glass cuts. You have a few imbedded pieces that we will need to remove. Are you experiencing any other pains?"

Noah shook his head, "I'm fine… you should rather go and find more serious injuries."

"There aren't any." Luke said with confidence.

"What?" Noah asked amazed, unable to keep his eyes off of him.

"Someone dialled it in, and they waited for us to be clear of the building. It was empty, I'm sure." Then obviously still in shock he said, "I thought it was just a prank! Some stupid kid!" And he shook his head in disbelief.

Noah leaned over and hugged him firm, certain that he would never be able to let him go again.

...

He'd been parked outside their house for hours but there was still no sign of them. He'd tried the door on his arrival but he hadn't held much hope for an answer. The place was dark and silent. There was no point checking the studio or the shipping office… it was far too late… it was most likely they had gone out for the night.

He selected a Nat King Cole disc and slipped it into the car's CD player, pushing his seat back slightly and closing his eyes, allowing the melody to help calm his nerves and pass the time.

He just had to be patient… eventually they would show up.

...

She'd been watching the child for twelve hours and she was already hoping JJ didn't mean to leave him with her for long. He was a beautiful child but it didn't stop him from putting her on edge. Every so often she would catch him staring at her with piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right inside her, scrutinising her. But he would look away as soon as she turned to him. She wondered what animal had administered the blow to his face.

She tried to talk to him a few times but he never looked up from his drawing, in fact he never interacted with her at all, even when she called him to the table for dinner. In the end she had placed a plate of food on the coffee table near him and left him to it. He didn't go near it while she was in the room, but when she came back from cleaning the kitchen the plate was empty.

"Did you enjoy your dinner?" she asked, just to fill the strained silence between them.

Again he didn't look up, but he nodded slightly and she smiled a little. Seemed like all it took with this child was time.

Eventually the boy fell to sleep right where he sat on the floor and she lifted him gently and placed him on the sofa, pulling a light blanket over his tiny body and kissing his forehead.

She wondered again where he was from and just what JJ was up to.

...

Noah sat with Luke during the hours of police interviews regarding the bombing. He was silent throughout, except when giving his statement of events, but inside he was fuming. And Luke knew it too. He kept looking over at Noah, guilt ridden and worried. He knew he was in trouble.

As soon as they returned home, Noah turned on him, "Whatever it is you're doing to piss these people off… whatever it is? It stops! Right now!"

"Or you'll tan my hide and send me to my room?"

"Don't you do that!"

"Do what?"

"Joke about this! Dammit Luke! These people aren't playing around. They bombed your building for god's sake!" He stared at Luke as the reality of the situation hit him once again and exclaimed, "FUCK!" He found himself shaking again.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"You're sorry? People are sending you threats? Watching our house? And you didn't think I needed to know?"

"Noah…"

"I mean it Luke! It stops! I'm not going through this again!"

"Noah, when Damian left me the company I realised he had his fingers in more illegal pies then I even thought possible. The company is rife with these people! And if I want to clean it up then I have to stand against them. What else can I do?"

"And what's going to happen when you don't give them what they want? What if it's a bullet next time Luke?" His eyes started to tear as he continued, "Please." He begged, "Please don't do this to me. I'm scared shitless right now, okay? You're scaring me…" Then barely able to speak he said, "I thought I lost you tonight. I thought you were gone…"

Luke shook his head and went to him, "I'm sorry baby." And they held each other as Noah sobbed out his fright. Luke took Noah's face in his hands and kissed him lightly before saying, "I just didn't want to worry you for nothing. The last time this happened all I got was the threats. They never actually acted on them. I guess I thought this time it would be the same. I thought I could deal with this."

"Tell me you're going to leave it to the police this time. Please Luke!"

Luke was just about to answer when he caught sight of the same tan Alfa Romeo through the window. It was parked outside in the exact spot where he had seen it before. He pulled out of Noah's arms to peer at it out the window.

Noah was confused by Luke's sudden strange behaviour during a serious conversation, "Luke?"

"I don't fucking believe it!" Luke exclaimed all of a sudden, "Bastards! How dare they? After what they did today?"

"Luke?" Noah was getting frantic.

Luke marched towards the phone with Noah on his heel. Quickly he lifted the handset and dialled.

"What's going on?" Noah asked, "What's wrong?"

Luke held up his hand as somebody answered the other line and, to Noah's dread, reported a man parked outside, watching their house.

...

Julius found it surprisingly easy to ingratiate himself with the Di Alberto family. All he had to do was set up a fake persona over the internet, scatter a few rumours and call in a few favours with various other crime syndicate families. It didn't take much to make them believe he was the real deal. It was almost as if they wanted to believe it. A wealthy, cold hearted killer… the perfect business man.

Marco Di Alberto took an especial shine to Julius' smooth talking, great humour and obvious good connections. He was immediately itching to introduce him to his son Gianni, thinking perhaps that Julius might be a good roll model.

Julius detested Gianni instantly, but he took the man out to the nearest bar and got him drunk before suggesting, "Fancy finding some chicks? My treat!"

"Hell yes!"

He used the place a lot and the whores knew the score. "Hi boss" they said the moment he entered the bar with Gianni.

"You own this place?" Gianni asked with awe, while eyeing out the half naked honeys in various positions around the room, stripping on poles, serving drinks and entertaining other clients.

"Actually I own several!" Julius answered, telling the man exactly what he wanted to hear. "Pick one!"

Gianni selected a rather interesting looking girl who appeared half Eastern European, half Indian, with long, silky black hair that reached the small of her back. She had a fantastic figure Julius thought, not too fat, not too thin, with just the right size breasts.

"You may just be my new best friend!" Gianni exclaimed as he slipped his arm around the girl's tiny waist.

They ordered a couple of drinks and entered a nearby available booth, drawing the curtains and taking a seat on the plush red leather bench.

"You're Sierra right?" Julius asked.

"Yes sir." She replied. He didn't have a clue what her name was but the girls were well versed in what to do should he ever enter the establishment.

"Take off your top." commanded Gianni, jumping right in, almost salivating into his whiskey. She was wearing a transparent red bra and tight black shorts. "Raise your hands and turn around slowly." And she did as was expected of her. "Now come here!" She moved towards him, hands still raised high above her head. When she was very near to him, within his reach, he said, "Spread your legs."

He kept her standing in that pose for minutes, as he drank his whiskey and conversed with Julius about general life in Los Angeles. Julius noticed as the girl grew tired and decided to rescue her by saying, "I'm told you're a good dancer."

"Yes sir, I can dance very well." She replied, eyeing him gratefully.

"Dance for us."

They both enjoyed the erotic dance in silence and Julius noticed how Gianni grew more and more excited until eventually he said, "Come here and suck me off sweetheart!"

She complied, kneeling before him and undoing his trousers before getting to work on him. As she worked Julius took this moment to pass Gianni another drink before nonchalantly asking, "So, tell me about Luke Snyder…" "

That faggot! That little son of a bitch had me fired!"

By the end of the evening Julius had all the information he needed regarding the Di Alberto family and Grimaldi Shipping.

Jeez! This job was almost too easy!

...

Luke and Noah sat waiting in the police station. For a while Luke had been absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over one of the glass scratches on Noah's right arm. They had watched together as the police arrived the previous night to arrest the man in the Alfa Romeo. Noah didn't know what to make of the whole situation Luke had found himself in. It was like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. Whoever the people were, they had been put there by Damian, and Damian always meant bad news as far as Noah was concerned.

The detective who had interviewed them the previous day, a Detective Mullins, approached them, "Mr Mayer. Mr Snyder. Thank you for coming in so quickly." He shook their hands respectively.

"Anything we can do to help." replied Luke.

"Well, it's about the man we arrested last night. He won't give us a name however he says he knows you."

Luke and Noah exchanged a confused glace before the Detective continued, "He says he will give us a name but only if we agree to let him speak to you in private, Mr Mayer."

"Me?" Noah asked surprised.

"What?" said Luke, "Why Noah?" Immediately he was worried. It was one thing putting himself in the firing line for the sake of his company, but it was another getting Noah tangled up in the mess. "Why would he want to speak to Noah? It's my company!"

"That's what we need to find out Mr Snyder."

"Well no!" Luke exclaimed. "There is no way they are getting anywhere near Noah! If he wants to talk to anyone it will be me!"

"It's okay Luke." cut in Noah.

"Forget it!"

"Luke! I'm in the police station! What can he do to me here? And maybe we can find out some information on who's behind all of this…"

Luke observed him for a few minutes and then sighed deeply, "Okay," he turned to the detective, "if he has to go in then I'm going with him. That's the deal!"

Detective Mullins nodded, "Follow me please."

Mullins entered the room first and they waited outside while he spoke to the suspect. When he finally came out he nodded at them "He says he's fine with you being in there Mr Snyder. In fact he said that would be even better."

Again Luke and Noah couldn't help but exchange a questioning look. What the hell was going on?

The detective opened the door and it closed behind them as they entered the room. They stood together gazing in amazement at the man seated, handcuffed to the metal table in front of them.

"Hello kid…" he said simply.

"Hello Joshua…" Noah whispered in reply as Luke's hand found his.


	29. Precious Discovery 4

"Is this the right one?" Luke asked as Noah rechecked the scrap of paper Joshua had earlier scribbled a few details onto.

"Number nineteen, yes, I think so…"

Luke knocked on the apartment door and waited until it was opened by a striking African American woman.

She kept the chain on the door and peered at them through the crack, "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Um, hi." said Noah awkwardly, "Um, my name is Noah and this is Luke. Are you," he peered back at the paper searching, "Jasmine?"

"I am." She stated, eyeing them both with practised suspicion.

"Um, Joshua sent us?"

Her eyebrows raised at that and she asked, "Is this about the boy?"

"I'm sorry?" Noah looked briefly at Luke, "No, he asked us to collect a package from you?"

Deciding they were safe she said, "Hold on."

They waited as she closed the door to slip the chain and open it wider. Her expression portrayed her confusion, "Just where exactly is JJ?"

"JJ?" asked Luke.

"Sorry, I meant Joshua… where is he?"

Luke nodded at Noah before Noah answered, "Um, the police are holding him right now."

"Oh man!" exclaimed the woman, "I knew it! I knew he was up to no good! What are the charges this time?"

"Actually it's kind of our fault," explained Luke, "He's been following us for a day or two but we didn't know it was him and so we called the police. They arrested him last night."

"He said he gave you something to look after and he asked us to come and get it…" continued Noah, "He said it was important."

"Look," she sighed, "No offence or anything, but I don't know you two from Adam! How do I know Joshua sent you?"

Luke smiled. The pretty lady had gumption and a sultry aura that reminded him of a classic soul singer. "He said you would say that!"

She couldn't help but smile back at him. His grin was infectious. She was testing them but the blonde instantly put her at ease, and she had already decided she liked them.

"He said when he was seven he stole a bicycle from a kid up the road, and when you caught him with it, you forced him to give it back." Noah recited the tale just as Joshua had told it, "And then you made him carry the other boy's book bag to school for a week."

She sniggered, "Little shit! Always up to his eyeballs in trouble that one! But a good heart!" Then after just one more moment of checking them over she said, "Well, the thing is? Joshua didn't leave me any package…"

"Oh?" asked Luke, "he didn't?"

"No." but she stepped aside, "You had better come in."

...

Julius and Gianni followed Claudio into the bowels of the 40,000 ton Grimaldi cargo ship on which he worked. The monster was docked for seven days in the Port of Los Angeles.

"If you hear anybody coming you'll have to hide behind one of the crates." Claudio reminded them and they nodded.

Gianni was itching to show his new friend the ins and outs of their smuggling operation. "Damian Grimaldi allowed us to use his ships for a cut of 40% so long as we made sure he could be cleared of any wrong doing if customs ever discovered a shipment. So far we've been lucky. It's much easier to hide this stuff under the umbrella of a legitimate company."

They walked through row after row of gigantic paletted iron crates, until Claudio stopped and withdrew a small remote from his pocket. He pressed a button and one of the crates opened sideways like a door, revealing a hidden compartment crammed with smaller wooden boxes. Picking up an iron bar, Claudio used it to pry open one of these exposing the hidden arsenal of weapons destined for the Los Angeles underground.

"Impressive." Stated Julius, knowing how it would stroke Gianni's incredible ego to say so. "How do you get them to shore?"

"It's a slow process. Basically it's carried out one crate at a time over the week. A few bribes here and there go a long way."

Julius nodded. "Just ammo?"

"No, we have a large narcotics business too. It does really well. Only now…"

"What?"

"Well it seems Damian's spawn is a little goodie, goodie, and he's trying to put us out of business. I need to be working within the organisation if we are going to continue to pull this off."

"Oh you told me. Luke Snyder. What are you going do about it?"

Gianni sniffed, "We sent him a pretty strong message yesterday!"

"The bomb? That was you?" exclaimed Julius, feigning ignorance. Gianni was such a chump!

Gianni grinned with glee, happy to have impressed Julius, "He'll learn pretty quickly! This is LA! Not some hick town! He's messing with the big boys now!"

...

"No! Absolutely not! No way!"

"Luke…"

"Noah! It was bad enough you talked me into coming here to pick up a package! But this is a kid!"

The boy in question was curled up asleep in the centre of a giant pillow on the floor. He had apparently dropped off only a few minutes before their arrival.

"Yes but Joshua couldn't tell us it was a kid, could he? The police were listening to every word!" Noah spoke softly so as not to wake him.

"Babe! Do you even hear yourself? No matter what Joshua did for you, he's still a criminal and this… THIS!" he swept his hand in the direction of the boy, "This has got crime written all over it! We're talking about a CHILD here! We don't know anything about him?" and then in a whisper he said, "They don't even know his name!"

"I know! But Luke, Joshua saved my life! And now he's depending on us! I owe him. WE owe him. He said he would explain everything when he could."

Luke was incredulous, "You're trusting a guy who knocked me out and threw me into the back of a car? Or have you forgotten all that?"

"Of course not! I know what he's done! I know what he is… but still…"

"You are ACTUALLY considering this, aren't you? You actually want us to take him home! Don't you?"

Noah was silent but his expression spoke volumes.

Luke sighed deeply. "Please don't look at me like that." he moaned, "You know I can't say no to that face!"

"Then don't… I don't think Joshua would deliberately put us in harms way. I'm sure he has his reasons for asking us to do this. And until we know what they are, we need to help him out. Please?"

Luke looked over at the boy and sighed. "One week Noah! Then we talk to the police, Okay?"

Noah paused for a minute but finally nodded, "Okay."

...

He was afraid the first time he woke up in the lady's apartment. But then he remembered. Joshua said it was okay. Joshua would fetch him soon. Joshua had given him a case for his pencils and a notebook to draw in and that meant that Joshua was a good person. He was sure. And he liked Jasmine. She spoke nicely to him and gave him food. The food was so good!

BUT!

But now he was awake and he really didn't know where he was! He was in a HOUSE! And he could hear voices! And the voices sent tremors down his spine. MEN! An ice cold chill rushed through his body. He tiptoed across the carpet and peered out of the doorway. He could just make out the side of one man and he knew he couldn't escape that way. He wedged himself close up against the wall and followed the passageway. He couldn't stop shaking and the darkness made him feel sick, but he kept going.

"Luke?" He heard one man call from the room he had just left.

"Yeah?" Came the reply.

"Um, he's not here…"

"What?" asked the other voice, louder this time, "Well he must be somewhere… he didn't come past us so he has to be in this part of the house."

His heart beat faster.

"Okay. I'll look. Just wait here… I don't want to scare him."

He could hear the man searching the other rooms and finally arriving in the bedroom. "Hello?"

He moved and cursed himself for making a noise. Stupid! There was silence for a while and then he saw a soft glow of light piercing through the cracks in the closet door. It wasn't so dark anymore and he felt somewhat better.

"Hello kid."

He cocked his head slightly at the sound of the voice, like a puppy trying to make sense out of something unfamiliar. He knew the man was right on the other side of the closet door. He expected it to fly open at any moment and he braced himself for the violent beating he would no doubt receive. He held his arms over his head and waited. But nothing happened.

Instead the man said, "My name is Noah. You're not in any trouble. You don't need to be afraid, okay?"

He had made the mistake of listening to these sorts of promises before. Every time he had wanted to believe that the guy was good, but always it was just another lie. All they wanted to do was hurt him and he just wanted to be left alone.

But this man had a calming voice, "We're friends of Joshua. He had to go away for a while and he asked us to look after you."

Joshua. Joshua had never lied to him. Joshua was his friend. Joshua was kind and wouldn't leave him in danger. He felt sure of that.

"Listen," said the kind voice, "You can stay in the closet for as long as you like, okay? And you can come out whenever you want. We won't bother you unless you want us too. I'm leaving you some milk and cookies out here. So you just take them when you're ready. I'm going to go now, okay?"

He was surprised to actually hear the footsteps as they left the room. But that didn't mean he was going out!

...

Over the next two days the boy remained in the closet, coming out only when he needed the bathroom, and then only when he thought Luke and Noah were asleep.

They spent the nights in the spare bedroom, but neither of them could sleep, both too afraid the child would try and leave on his own. Thankfully he would eat the food laid out for him. In fact he seemed to eat everything up as though he'd never had food in his life. Noah wondered, with dread, just how true that was. But at least getting him to eat was one less thing they had to worry about.

Luke had been forced to run to the store to purchase spare clothes for both Noah and himself since the majority of their usual clothing was stored in the closet now occupied by the boy.

The extra stress of caring for the child was taking its toll on their work. Noah was far behind on his edits and the studio would call every half an hour for updates. Luke was in the throngs of finding a temporary office space fit for purpose and trying to control the rumours being spread in newspapers by the media. Not to mention spending hours on the phone convincing his parents that he and Noah were both alive and well and there was absolutely no need for them to hop on a flight to Los Angeles. He didn't tell them about the boy.

On day three, Jasmine arrived at the house to bring the child a small suitcase, which she explained contained his art supplies. To Noah's amazement the child actually opened the closet door to take the case from her. But he immediately shut it after himself.

"Well," Noah exclaimed to Jasmine, "I guess even that can be seen as progress!"

She winked at him.

"Hey?" said Noah through the door. "It must be kinda dark in there to draw. Why don't you come out into the light?" He waited but the door stayed shut. Jasmine watched as Noah pondered over something and then opened a dresser drawer to remove a flashlight. He checked it was working and then said, "I'll leave this flashlight here for you, okay? It will give you some more light in there."

Within seconds of placing the flashlight on the carpet the door opened and a tiny hand snatched it before slamming the door shut again.

Noah smiled.

...

"Hi." Luke said as he sat up against the closet door later that same afternoon, "I got you a book from the bookstore today. I thought maybe you might like a story? I loved it when my mom or dad would read to me when I was little. Of course the first book that caught my eye was this one." He lifted the book onto his knees and smiled, "Noah's Ark…" he began.

He read the story in the way his Grandma Emma would, all expressive with different character voices. Right after reading the last word on the page he asked, "Did you enjoy that story?" and he closed the book.

He didn't expect a reply of course, but just as he was about to stand up the closet door opened and the child, looking right at him, handed him a page torn out of a notebook. On it was drawn an unbelievable depiction of Noah and his Ark. All the animals were featured two-by-two, just as Luke had read.

Luke's heart did a double beat at the gesture. To receive this gift from such a child was like receiving manna from heaven. His heart swelled and he felt suddenly teary. Luke gazed back up and, as he did so he froze, his breath caught in his throat at the look of uncertainty in the boy's blue eyes. It was look he knew well! It was a look he had seen a thousand times before… only not on this face.

He felt suddenly paralysed; sure that he was seeing things. He had to be careful. This was an important moment for the boy… a huge step in accepting them. Whatever he was feeling at that moment they had to be quickly masked for the sake of the child.

Swallowing hard he passed the boy the book, forced a smile and asked, "Are you ready to come out of the closet?"

The boy frowned briefly but then nodded. He closed the lid on his small suitcase, pressing the locks into place, and then, taking it with him, the storybook hitched under his arm, he walked past Luke and out the bedroom.

Luke let out a shudder of breath! Something strange was going on! He took a moment to steady himself. As he entered the lounge he saw Noah watching the boy as he sat cross legged on the floor drawing. Noah smiled up at Luke and mouthed, "Congratulations…"

But Luke's mind was elsewhere. "Noah, I know you're working but there's something I forgot to do. Can you watch him for an hour or so?"

"Sure. Nothing serious I hope?"

"No, no…" he stopped to kiss Noah's on the forehead before making for the door.

...

"Boss?"

Marco Di Alberto sat at his enormous mahogany desk and gestured with three fingers for the man to enter. "How soon can you be ready to move against Snyder?"

"Whenever you need me too boss. Everything is in place."

"I've been trying Snyder's number for two whole days and he's not picking up! I don't like to be ignored. I'm not a patient person. Screw being patient! I got no time for it! I want him to squirm you understand? Let's make sure he gets the message this time."

"Yes Sir! How final a message are we talking here boss?"

"Just scare him… He owns that company! We need him on side. Even if we have to get his cooperation by force…"

"Done!"

...

Luke sat face to face with Joshua in the visitor's room. "Okay! I want you to tell me where you got that kid!"

"I took him."

"You took him? Holy shit! That's just great! So what you are trying to tell me is that Noah and I are harbouring a kidnapped child?"

"Depends how you look at it."

"Okay," said Luke with exasperation, "how should I look at this?"

"Boy's mother hurts him… She doesn't want him."

Luke stared at Joshua for a few minutes while he processed that. "Okay. Another question then… Where did you snatch him from?"

"Branson. Branson, Missouri."

Luke felt a strange reverberation throughout his entire body. No! It wasn't possible! Was it?

**Please comment if you are enjoying my stories… Thanks :-)**


	30. Precious Discovery 5

Luke said nothing to Joshua about the crazy thoughts running through his head. They were crazy, right? There was no possible way that Noah…? He needed time to think. He couldn't just voice these thoughts until he was certain…

Once he knew the boy was from Branson, he was completely incapable of carrying on any reasonable dialogue. His mind was exploding. He left Joshua and, instead of heading home, found an all night coffee bar and sat there drinking double shot espressos for a few hours, trying to clear his muddled mind. He would have to confront Noah but he wasn't sure how.

By the time he got back the house it was dark and quiet. Noah must have decided to take an early night. He was just placing his keys on the table when the light went on and he turned to see Noah leaning up against the door frame, shirtless in just his bottoms. He looked amazing, his hair all ruffled. He lifted his hand to stifle a yawn, "You're home at last… It's late."

"Sorry. It took longer then I expected. Did I wake you up?"

Noah leaned his head up against the wall and faked loud snoring.

"Okay, okay!" Laughed Luke as he walked towards him, "Go back to sleep baby…"

But as Luke drew closer Noah's left hand shot out and pulled Luke's right arm quickly behind his back as Noah's other arm crossed his chest, drawing him in. Luke could feel the rise and fall of Noah's breathing against his back. He drew in an audible breath just before Noah's lips found his in a soft kiss.

"How's the boy?" Luke asked as their lips separated but they stayed in each other's arms, mouths only inches apart.

Noah smiled. "He fell asleep on the floor so I carried him into the room. He was clutching that book you gave him. I couldn't pry it out of his fingers so I just let him sleep with it." Noah kissed him again, "Trust you to be the one to talk him out of the closet!"

Luke smiled at his little joke.

"It's because you make him feel safe…" Noah whispered, stroking his arm, "You make him feel like he's the most important person in the whole world."

"How do you know that?" Luke murmured back.

Noah's lips moved closer until their noses were touching, "Because that's how you make me feel." His blue eyes were blazing with power. "Every day..."

This time as they kissed, Noah pushed Luke gently around so that his back pressed up against the door frame while Noah's hands searched for skin.

Luke pulled away slightly, still wanting to have that conversation, but Noah's lips followed his, asking for more, and Luke, always powerless to resist the man, submitted instantly to him. This time it was Luke's turn to push Noah backwards against the frame and he lifted his arms around Noah's neck, allowing Noah to bend him slightly back. His hands feeing at the muscles in Luke's shoulder blades as they conversed with lips and tongues.

Luke nibbled Noah's lower lip as Noah pulled their hot bodies closer, pressing them harder together. Luke felt Noah's want through the fabric of his boxers and he knew that Noah could feel his too. Noah's kiss changed briefly, becoming gentler; lingering every now and then… a slight hesitation… as though memorising the feeling… increasing the intensity.

By this point Luke was completely lost in Noah, his stomach tingled at the strength of their emotional connection and he felt pretty sure he no longer had any lungs. The fireworks that were sparkling deep inside of him at the beginning of Noah's kisses were now full blown, blazing and beautiful lights. He loved this! He loved this feeling… this sensation that he had only ever experience with Noah. It filled every aspect of him with warmth, like drinking hot chocolate outside in the snow.

When Luke least expected it Noah reconnected their lips with such unbelievable passion that he actually sagged with the force of it. Then Noah pushed their foreheads together, whispering, "Can I take you to bed?"

The conversation would have to wait until morning because Luke could do nothing but nod.

...

Luke found it impossible to sleep so he went to check on the boy.

The child slept curled in a ball, hugging 'Noah's Ark' tightly against his little chest. He breathed softly through his mouth and squeaked slightly on each exhalation. Luke sat beside him on the bed and gently pulled the sheet up and over him, tucking him in. He stared down at the child, leaning his face close to his, studying every tiny feature. He gently stroked the fading blackness under one of the boy's eyes and shuddered at the thought of somebody striking him. He was so small. So beautiful.

Joshua said his mother hurt him… What kind of life had he led?

Luke cupped the child's head with his hand, smoothing the black curls back and his shivers turned into slight shakes. He let out a breath of air and shook his head. It was impossible! It was a coincidence! It had to be! But what if it wasn't? What if this abused little guy was…?

He kissed the boy's forehead and wandered back into the passageway, briefly leaning up against the wall, head flung back, eyes closed. He entered the kitchen and poured a glass of cold milk from the fridge, slugging it back thirstily. The full moon outside illuminated his path as he made his way back to bed. His mind whirling with contemplation…

How? When? Why?

His eyes immediately sought out Noah as he entered the room and he instantly recognised the dripping, heated skin and the shifting body for what it was. Quickly he crawled back onto the bed next to Noah and took hold of his hand while smoothing his cheek. He leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Noah… wake up baby… shhh… wake up slowly… it's just a dream… shhh…"

He was flung back as Noah sat bolt up right, breathing in one gulp of air and then gasping noisily, yelping with each intake. His body was rigid and solid with tension and his hands gripped the sheets in balled fists at his sides. His eyes were wide at first and then, once he began to come around, they closed tightly shut. He began to breathe through his nose and Luke knew this was the moment when he could touch him. He sat up on the bed next to him and placed an arm around his shoulders, gently at first, so as not to startle him, and then more firmly as he pulled Noah across so that he was lying in a curled up position with his dark head resting on Luke's lap. Luke bent over to kiss his forehead and then smoothed his hair, just as he had done with the boy only moments before.

"It's been a while since you had one like this." Luke said softly.

Noah sighed, "It wasn't Oliver… It was the bomb…"

Luke closed his eyes as the guilt flowed through him, "I'm so sorry bubby!"

"You're going to get out… right Luke?"

When Luke stayed silent Noah sat up to look at him. Luke's expression answered the question for him.

"I see…" he said, his breath shuddered and he moved to get up but Luke quickly grabbed his arm.

"Noah…"

"No Luke! It's fine! You've made it perfectly clear that you care more about that company then you do about me! About what this is doing to me! About what it would mean to me if you… if…" and, still freaked out by his dream, he broke down in sobs, bending over and weeping into his hands.

"Okay!" Luke spoke urgently and grabbed him pressing his cheek into Noah's back, leaning over him, rocking him. "I'm sorry." He spent a few minutes thinking as he felt the sobs shake Noah's body, "Look… I have to somehow clean up this company. But I'll stay out of it! Okay? I'll hire people in to sort it out. I already have one guy undercover within the syndicate."

"It won't stop them Luke." Noah said without unfolding, "You're the boss! You're the one they'll go after every time! Luke moved back so that Noah could sit up and look at him; "Please!" he took Luke's face in his hand and stared directly at him, "Please!"

Luke couldn't take the pain and panic in Noah's eyes. Pain he was causing because of his stubborn need to take back Grimaldi Shipping. He knew he couldn't refuse him. "Okay. I promise. Tomorrow I'll make arrangements to sell the company and…"

"Today!" Noah cut in still holding Luke's cheeks within is palms.

Luke nodded, "Okay. Today. I promise."

Noah kissed him fully on the lips and drew him into a hug. "Thank you!"

...

Having been up most of the night worrying about the child on one hand and his company on the other, Luke woke up to find Noah had already vacated the bed. He slipped on a shirt and wandered into the lounge to find Noah on the floor watching the boy as he coloured.

"…and what's your favourite colour?"

The boy pointed to a red pencil.

"Red, hey? Can I tell you a secret?"

The boy nodded. He was sucking at the straw of a juice box Noah must have given him. He seemed to be enraptured with this, because every now and again he would remove the straw and make a loud sigh of satisfaction. It reminded Luke so much of Ethan and he smiled.

"It's mine too!" Noah told him.

To Luke's amazement the child actually smiled for an instant. The first smile he had seen.

"You know?" continued Noah, softly, "Now that you know my name and Luke's name, do you think you can tell us yours?"

The boy frowned at him. It wasn't a frown of annoyance but rather of confusion, as though he misunderstood the question.

"Can you draw something that will help me guess your name?" Noah asked.

Again the look of utter bewilderment as he clung to the juice box…

Noah tried again, "What does your Mommy call you?"

The boy's eyes grew wide at that, fear etched every part of his little countenance and he backed up against the couch. Noah acted fast and said, "It's okay… Nobody will ever hurt you here, all right? We just would like to know what to call you…"

Again the boy frowned at Noah. It was clear that he didn't want to disappoint Noah but it was also clear he was unsure of Noah's expectations. Eventually he turned to a new page in his notebook and started to draw. Luke hoped the creation would lead to a clue as to who he might be. Joshua said he never knew the boy's name and hadn't had the time to find out.

"Morning…" Luke said, announcing himself, although he knew Noah had already sensed him there.

"Morning…" Noah's smile warmed his heart as it always did.

On his arrival the boy dropped the pencil he was holding and leapt up, grabbing the storybook from the floor by his side and holding it out to Luke with a look of excited expectation. The child's eyes unnerved him yet again and he fought not to let that show.

"Would you like me to read to you?"

Black curls bobbed as he nodded.

"I think he's been waiting all morning for you." said Noah, "I offered to read it to him but he obviously has a favourite!"

Luke took the book and sat on the couch. The boy plonked himself back on the floor and watched Luke eagerly.

"Hey?" asked Luke, "Why don't you sit up here with me?" he patted the space next to him, "Then you can see the pictures while I read."

That same look of uncertainty that Luke knew so well, crossed the child's face and briefly stopped his heart. The boy turned to Noah.

"Go on…" Noah nodded encouragingly. "It's okay…"

Tentatively the child stood. He looked back and forth between the two men and then walked slowly to the couch. He climbed up and sat half a metre away from Luke.

"I'm sure you can't see the pictures from way over there!" laughed Luke, "Come on… scoot over…"

For a moment they thought he might not do it, but eventually he crawled across and sat next to Luke, careful not to touch him.

Noah watched with a slight smile on his face as Luke read the story. The boy's expressions were incredible. It was a though he had never been told a story in all his life… as though he had never even seen a book. His face glowed with a sudden light that hadn't been there before. The blank stare was now expressive with wonder and enjoyment. Noah's heart swelled with love. There was just something about this kid…

Once the story ended Noah asked him, "Do you think you can finish your drawing for me while I make us some breakfast?"

The boy nodded and slipped off the couch, turning back to take the book from Luke and returning to his usual position on the floor.

"Wow!" mouth Luke, shaking his head.

Once they were both in the kitchen, out of earshot, Luke noticed the tears in Noah's eyes as he said, "Someone has really done a number on that kid! God it makes me so angry!"

Luke stroked his arm and nodded.

"Anyway, "Noah began, wiping his eyes, "You managed to work your magic and get him out of the closet, but do you think he could get him in a bath? He's been in those same clothes since he got here! And we really should take him outside for some air. It can't be good to be stuck in doors all this time!"

Luke cocked his head at him, grinning.

"What?" asked Noah, suddenly feeling self conscious.

"Nothing, you're just so adorable! I love you Noah Mayer!" Once again Luke decided to put their conversation off for a while. The moment just felt so wonderful and he wanted to enjoy it. "I'll see what I can do about the bath after we've eaten." He leaned up and kissed Noah before turning to start on breakfast.

...

Julius had spent yet another drunken night with Gianni. The man was a pig and the sooner he could end this job the better! Even the whores were threatening to ban the guy from the club.

"No amount of money!" they told him after one of the girl's ended up in the hospital.

Gianni was still drunk when he woke up on the floor of Julius' apartment rental. "Hey my pal!" he slurred when he caught sight of Julius sitting on the couch. "You're my best pal now, you know?" He stood up and swayed slightly before rushing forward to sit heavily next to Julius.

"Yes I know Gianni." Julius lit a cigarette and puffed slowly on it. It helped keep him calm. In his line of business he couldn't afford to lose his cool with anyone. As far as they were concerned he could be trusted with anything.

Gianni motioned for the naked girl seated in the corner chair to come over. She grimaced but did as she was told. He pulled her arm so that she lay face down over his knees and stroked her butt cheeks as he turned his wobbly head back to Julius. He decided to prove his loyalty to this newly discovered friend by saying, "Watch thisssss spaccccce!" He put a finger to his nose to indicate he was sharing a massive secret. He sniggered with excitement, slapping the girl hard on the behind, making her yelp.

Julius held his breath. This could be important. "What's that friend?"

Gianni smiled wickedly, "Thirty minutes from now that fairy will get it! If the bomb didn't scare him THIS will!" And he laughed hysterically.

Thirty minutes!

Julius needed a distraction. "I'm going to take a shower." He stood up slowly and calmly walked towards the bedroom. When Gianni looked away he quickly grabbed his phone from coffee table.

He didn't have much time!

...

They were still busy in the kitchen when the boy entered and handed Noah his completed drawing. Noah bent down to him, holding the drawing up where they could both see it. Luke leaned back against the counter, sipping from his coffee mug.

The picture was of a small boy with black hair and blue eyes.

"Is this a picture of you?" asked Noah.

The boy nodded pointing at it.

"Does this picture tell me your name?"

The boy bit his lower lip and stared at Noah with worry.

"It's okay…" Noah placated, "Nothing to worry about. It's a lovely picture! Can I keep it?"

Again the tiny head nodded and the little hand pointed at the drawing. Noah sighed and looked up at Luke who was shaking his head. Somehow the answer to the child's name was in the picture but neither of them could figure it out.

"Come on." Luke said, "Hop up on that stool! We're having pancakes!"

...

Three men in a black Mercedes sat waiting in a leafy suburb of Los Angeles. The windows were wound down and they could hear the ocean, a fact also heralded by the sound of seagulls.

"Get ready…" said the driver.

The two men, one in the passenger seat and one in the back removed the safety catches from their AK47s before carefully resting the barrels on the car window frames.


	31. Precious Discovery 6

It took quite some persuading to convince the kid that he needed a bath. The moment the suggestion was made to him he bolted back into Luke and Noah's closet. But if there was ever a person to encourage him it was Luke. He was so kind and patient and his voice so calming, so trustworthy… And it definitely helped to promise the kid a trip to the seaside…

However it was going to take both men sometime to get over the shock of the little body, littered with cuts, bruises and cigarette burns that a grown man would find painful. The boy winced as he sat in the hot water of the bath and Noah quickly poured in an antiseptic liquid, hoping it would help soothe some of the pain away.

At that point he had to leave the room for a moment. He bent his elbow to the wall and leaned his head on it, taking in deep breaths to hold back from crying. Who could do such a thing?

He returned and kneeled down beside Luke. Luke rubbed his back briefly and then both men did what they could to hide their horror and play happily with the boy as he bathed. Making a game out of it, splashing water at each other and blowing bubbles. The child never laughed, but his eyes would light up and they took that as indication he was okay.

Finally bathed and dressed in the brand new clothes Noah had picked up from the store the day before, they were ready for their walk outside. Before they left though Luke took Noah aside and whispered, "Noah, tomorrow we need to have a serious talk with Joshua. Tomorrow is one week."

He watched as Noah fought back tears.

"Please bubby. I don't want to upset you, but we can't keep him! Not like this! You know that, right? Joshua took him! And I'm willing to hear him out, but if I don't like what he has to say then I'm telling the police."

Noah couldn't speak but he nodded. He knew Luke was right. Whatever Joshua was up too it had to be illegal. And they didn't know the real story behind the child's injuries… Perhaps they weren't caused by his family at all… maybe his family were out there desperately trying to find him, worried to death for his safety. Since the boy had come to stay with them Noah had checked the internet everyday for missing children reports, but so far there had been none that matched his description.

"And Noah? There's something else! Something that's been on my mind since last night… I need to ask you something."

"What is it Luke?"

Noah watched as Luke stared intently at the boy.

"Not now…" he finally replied, "Later when we come back. When he's asleep."

As Luke started for the front door Noah grabbed his arm and said, "Luke, when we get back...?"

"I'm selling the company Noah. I promised you and I won't break that promise."

Noah smiled with gratitude and let go of his arm.

Luke gently stroked Noah's cheek for comfort and then headed for the door, jovially exclaiming "Come on boys! There's a whole beach waiting to be explored!"

He quickly grabbed his phone and house keys from the small table by the door. He noticed a few missed calls on the display but he decided to check them later.

...

_The houses were cheap city council ones, paint peeling from the walls. Just a kitchen, one room and a bathroom in most, although they did each have a tiny un-kept front and back yard... _

_It wasn't unusual for the hooker to take a sick day off work. She was often out all night, getting drunk and picking up tricks in bars. She would leave the boy with a neighbour, a man called Bill, who swore at the child and clipped him over the ear whenever the fancy took him. Joshua knew his babysitting duties were paid for with sex. He had once watched them going at it up against the man's shed in full view of the child and the neighbourhood._

_He watched now as the lonely boy played in the yard with an old ball that had long since lost its air and shape. He hated days like these because it meant he couldn't speak to the child, but then at least the boy wasn't cooped up inside all day. _

_His phone rang and he quickly placed the sandwich he had been eating on the passenger seat before wiping his hands, "Hello?"_

_"Joshua, its Colonel Mayer."_

_"Sir."_

_"I have a job for you. I need you to stop what you're doing and get on a plane to Los Angeles tonight. I've arrange for your e-ticket to be mailed to you."_

_His eyes found the kid. "How long will this job take sir?"_

_"Anything from a year to three… as long as it takes for me to get out of here... Your instructions will be mailed to you. Forget what you're doing. This is more important."_

_"Who's the mark?"_

_"My son, Noah." The phone went dead. _

_Joshua spent a few more minutes watching the boy before turning on the engine. "Bye kid. Good luck."_

...

They made their way down the front path to meet the sidewalk and headed in the direction of the beach. When they reached the road Noah bent down to talk to the boy, "Now this is a busy road, so I'd really like it if you would hold my hand, okay?"

The boy considered this for a moment and then reached out and obediently took hold of Noah's hand. Both men smiled. It seemed the boy was slowly growing in confidence around them and it felt good. It felt like a privilege to be trusted by a child who usually trusted no one.

"Let's go." Luke said as he hauled the rucksack containing their beach towels over one shoulder. He walked slightly ahead of Noah and the boy, enjoying the cooling sea breeze on his face. He had a lot on his mind but he decided to try and enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet before having to deal with any of them. It had been one stressful week.

They had only walked a few metres when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He almost left it but then remembered all the missed calls, and he couldn't help but wonder whether it was important. It wasn't really fair to cut off his employees after what they had endured that week. Sighing he removed the phone from his pocket, "Luke Snyder?" he answered.

It was a frantic Julius, "Snyder, I've been trying to reach you, dammit! You're in danger! They're planning something!"

Luke's heart started to beat harder, "Planning what?" he asked, "When?"

"I don't know! But whatever it is it's happening right now!"

It was Noah who first heard rather then saw the shots. For years growing up he had spent every Saturday on the target practise ground and he knew the sound of rapid fire as well as he knew the sound of the wind.

He looked up and saw the car heading for them… he watched as the bullets sprayed the sides of the parked cars, smashing window glass in all directions. Various garbage cans flew through the air, scattering their trash over neatly trimmed green lawns.

"Get down! Get down!" he screamed as he flew his body onto that of the child, banging him to the floor and holding his arms protectively over the boy's head.

Luke heard the popping sound but was less familiar with it then Noah, he turned his head at Noah's words, the phone still held to his ear, and watched in surprise as Noah and the boy fell to the ground. Realisation dawned on him just in time and he threw himself to the floor just as the bullets flew over his head shattering the windows of his neighbour's house.

Then at last the shooting stopped. The car came to a screeching holt for a few seconds, the engine revving loudly, before it sped away up the street.

The trembling started from Luke's shoulders and raced down his body in uncontrollable spasms, "Noah?" he screamed.

"Luke? I'm okay are you?"

"I'm fine… the boy?"

The small body lay motionless, flat on its face beneath Noah. Luke feared the worst and started towards them.

"Oh, no! Jesus, no!" Noah jumped to his knees.

"Noah?" Luke's sob filled voice shrieked from metres away, he couldn't move any faster. His body was tensed up and it felt like he was trying to run in treacle.

He watched as Noah wrenched the child around, sure that he was dead, but the boy seemed to come to life and began to flail and scream. Noah's head and shoulders absorbed the force of the pummelling. He didn't try to speak to him, and in time, the child settled down some, his panic turning to sobs and finally into tiny muffled whimpers. He clung with one hand to Noah's shirt while sucking the other hand's thumb and staring vacantly at the sky above him. Only then did Noah check him for injuries and, finding none, press his cheek against the boy's, rocking him and whispering, "Its okay baby. You're safe now! It's over."

By this point Luke had staggered over to them and dropped to the ground, flinging his arms around them both and kissing them on their heads and faces.

"I'm so sorry!" he cried completely terror stricken, "I'm so sorry!"

Noah looked up at him as all three of them trembled together "Who are these people, Luke?"

Luke shook his head. He had no answer.

...

_This was the closest he had ever gotten to his mark. There were a lot of people having fun on the pier that night and his concentration lapsed momentarily when a little girl knocked her candy cane into him, so he had to bend and rub the sticky pink stain from his trousers._

_When he stood back upright he knocked into somebody and grabbed the man's arms to steady himself. For just a minute they stared right into each other's eyes and he struggled to hide his worry as he realised it was Noah. A look of recognition passed over Noah's face and Joshua was sure he had blown his cover. But then Noah simply apologised and turned to leave, hand in hand with the blonde kid. _

_It was only once they stood together by the hotdog stand that Joshua breathed a sigh of relief. He was still in business. _

_But as the worry left him something else started to bug him..._

_He couldn't get Noah's blue eyes out of his head. Something was there! He had seen those eyes before... Something about them reached down into his soul and squeezed at his heart. He spent the rest of the night pondering what it could be… But it wasn't until the following night, when Noah turned to look at him in disgust from the front of the silver BMW, driven by this father, that the penny dropped. _

_He was the spitting image of the little boy Joshua had left behind in Branson, Missouri a year ago..._

...

The fuzziness in his head made it difficult for Luke to concentrate on the Detective's questions. They had tried to kill them. Him and Noah and the boy. He hadn't been able to stop shaking since that terrible moment he realised what had happened. The realisation of what he had nearly lost chocked him.

"It was a black Mercedes…" he heard Noah saying, "… I got the last three letters of the number plate."

Detective Mullins looked up at Noah with surprise.

"I grew up in the military." Noah explained. He held the boy tightly in the crook of his arm, patting his back and shaking his foot up and down to rock him. It was obvious the boy was terrified.

"I see." The man nodded, "Okay give me the letters…"

"Lima, Charlie, Foxtrot."

"That's great! Should help us to narrow it down… Hopefully the car wasn't stolen." Now that he had all the information he needed Detective Mullins seemed to notice the boy for the first time. "You never mentioned you had a son…"

Luke felt his heart freeze… No! Not yet! Quickly he said, "He's Noah's!"

Noah's eyebrows shot up at that. Luke gave him a look to indicate he should remain silent, "He usually lives with his mom. He's just visiting!"

The Detective stared at the boy for a moment and Luke held his breath. "Yes. I see." Luke exhaled deeply, "Well it would seem you two have been lucky! Very lucky! We'll look into this right away. In the meantime I'd like to put you both under police guard."

"What?" Noah exclaimed.

"That's not necessary." said Luke. It was the last thing they needed!

"I'm sure I don't need to remind you, that this is the second attack on your person within one week Mr Snyder! And on both occasion we are lucky no innocent bystanders were killed in the process! I must insist!"

Luke knew it was useless to resist. He nodded.

"It was a warning." Noah suddenly uttered.

"What?" Luke asked.

Noah looked up at the Detective, "They started shooting way before they were anywhere near us. They wanted us to see them first… They gave us time to get down."

"Are you sure?" The Detective asked.

"Those were AK47's, Detective. If they wanted us dead then we would be dead."

Luke stared at Noah and gulped.

"Thank you both for the information. You are free to leave. Please wait by the desk so that we can organise a tail for you."

...

_He knew he liked Noah after watching him for just a few days. He was always so kind and polite to people he met in stores or on the street. He treated everybody equally. Joshua wandered more than a few times over the year what would possess a father to put a tail on his own kid, but he found out soon enough the day Luke arrived in Noah's life. So the kid was gay and daddy didn't like it. _

_It was obvious the relationship between father and son had diminished and the Colonel was reduced to drastic measures to get Noah back. Joshua hadn't expected this to escalate as far as they had. He was shocked when the Colonel knifed the blonde right in front of him, as though his life was worthless. He was even more shocked at the cold disregard the man had for his own son's obvious pain. _

_It was pretty clear Noah was totally in love with the Luke kid. _

_Joshua was sure the Colonel was too intelligent not to see that for himself. So he wondered how the Colonel expected to keep Noah with him once they reached the cabin. He never imagined for a minute that the Colonel would harm his own child. Because it was also clear to Joshua that Noah meant the world to Colonel Mayer. _

_It wasn't until a weak Luke desperately clung to him from the motel room bed and begged for his help, that his eyes opened to the Colonel's sick suicide plot. He was already fond of Noah, but now Noah also reminded him of a sad little boy from a previous job, and Joshua knew in his heart that he had to act._

...

Noah carefully pulled the door but didn't totally close it. He took one more look at the sleeping child. He left the passageway light on just in case the child should wake up during the night, and he made his way back to the lounge where Luke stood in the dark staring out of the window at the police patrol car parked outside.

He drew Luke into a hug, their first real hug in hours and they remained like that for minutes, just grateful to still have each other. It felt so good to mingle the warmth of their bodies.

"I'm sorry, Noah." Luke eventually whispered into his chest.

"It's not your fault Luke. You couldn't have known how far these people would be willing to go." He held Luke by his shoulders and kissed his forehead before looking into his sad hazel eyes, "And you were trying to get out of it…"

"Yes, I just made that decision too late!" He shook his head.

Noah pulled Luke's back up against his chest and rested his chin on Luke's shoulder. "Do you think Karen and Sal next door will ever forgive us?"

Luke couldn't help but laugh! Their neighbours were not exactly happy with the gay couple next door. Not that Luke and Noah cared. Only now they had even more ammunition to bring up at the next neighbourhood watch committee meeting.

They stood in each others arms for a few more minutes until Luke took Noah's hand and pulled him over to sit on the couch.

"Noah?" he began.

"Yes Luke?"

"I really need to ask you something…"

"Okay, shoot…"

"God! Please don't use that word!" Luke exclaimed, his body still shook slightly from the day's events.

Noah smiled and squeezed his hands, "Okay, sorry. Go ahead…"

"I'm not sure how to ask you…"

"You know you can ask me anything…"

Luke bit his lower lip, "Promise you won't take this the wrong way, okay?"

"Okay." Noah said cautiously, wondering what issue, other then the fact he had a mark on his back, could have Luke so worried.

"When you were with Maddie…"

Noah's head shot up, where was THIS coming from?

"… did… did you ever cheat on her?"


	32. Precious Discovery 7

Noah stared wide eyed at Luke, sure he must have misheard, "WHAT?"

"I'm sorry." Luke got in quickly, "I wouldn't ask unless it was important. I need to know."

Noah pulled his hands roughly out of Luke's, "Why the hell would you ask me something like that? Where's this coming from all of a sudden?"

"Noah…"

"Why do you think I would have done something like that to her?"

"Well Noah, you kissed ME while you were with Maddie, so…"

"So I was sleeping around as well? That kiss was different Luke and you know it!"

Luke sighed deeply. This wasn't going as he had planned. "Look! You promised you wouldn't take this the wrong way! You said I could ask you anything."

"Oh no you don't! You can't trick me into giving you the go ahead just so that you can spring something like this on me afterwards!"

"Please." Luke tried to remain calm in the face of Noah's indignation and he nervously pressed on. "Please just trust me and answer the question."

Noah glared at him but eventually answered him, "NO! No… I didn't cheat on Maddie! But obviously that's the kind of person you think I am!"

Luke considered this for a moment and then rephrased his question. He knew he was upsetting Noah but he had no other way of finding out. "Okay… Okay…" he held both hands up. "You officially started seeing Maddie when we were in Branson for Gwen's gig, right?"

"Yes." He said it through gritted teeth.

Luke's mind was working fast, "So… so… okay? If you didn't cheat on Maddie, did you sleep with anybody else in Branson? Before the two of you were together?"

Noah jumped up from the couch, his face etched in shock, "LUKE?"

Luke remained seated, a sad look on his face. He didn't like having this effect on Noah… He wanted to grab him and apologise… but it was for his own good that he was asking.

Noah turned his back and ran his hand through his hair. Finally he took a deep breath as though calming himself and turned back to look down at Luke. He stared right at him, eye to eye, reading them as he had done thousands of times before. His faced softened at the worry and love in them and he said gently, "I know you wouldn't be asking me this if you didn't have a reason. I don't know where you are going with it, but… no… the answer is no. I never slept with anybody other then Maddie while we were in Branson."

Luke smiled wetly at him then stood up to hold him before kissing him on the lips with relief. "Thank you. Will you sit back down with me please?"

Noah allowed Luke to pull him down onto the couch, so that Noah lay against his chest and they interlaced their fingers. Luke took another deep breath and said, "In the past, when I've thought about what you must have looked like as a child… he's the image I had in my head! He's you Noah!"

"Who?"

"The kid. Sometimes when I look at that kid it's like I'm looking at you."

Noah turned his head up, "Oh my god! You thought he was mine, didn't you?"

"I wasn't sure so that's why I went to see Joshua last night. I told you he said that he snatched the kid?"

"Yeah…?"

"But I left out that he snatched the kid from Branson. And he seems about the right age so I thought maybe it was possible… I still…"

Noah turned his entire body around so that he lay straddling over Luke, staring right at him, "Luke. Trust me when I say this! There is absolutely no possible way that the child is mine. Okay?"

Luke smiled, "Okay. But you understand why I had to ask, don't you?"

Noah kissed him, "Yes. I understand. I was a little shocked! But I understand."

Luke pulled Noah's head against his chest and kissed the top of it. "I'm sorry I had to ask."

"It's okay."

"How did I ever get so lucky?"

"I'm the lucky one…"

...

He fell out the bed during the night and the fall brought back images of the day. Noah had knocked him into the ground. At first he had been angry! He thought Noah was hurting him and Noah had promised to never hurt him. But afterwards Luke and Noah had been really scared and they had hugged him and kissed him. Nobody had ever hugged and kissed him before and it felt… it felt safe. Noah wasn't trying to hurt him. Noah was keeping him safe from the bad men. They spoke about the bad men with the policeman.

He sat shivering on the floor. He was afraid the bad men would come and take him away. The light was on outside the room so he went to see if Luke and Noah were there. But it was very quiet. He held his hands behind his back as he crept towards their bedroom. He wasn't sure whether to go in. Maybe they would be mad at him and… But no! He didn't think that… he didn't think they would ever hurt him.

He was scared to be alone so he walked to the end of the bed and watched the two men sleeping. They lay on their backs and Noah was hugging Luke. He tried not to but he sneezed and then froze! Luke's eyes opened and spotted him. He held his breath, waiting for the backlash. Waiting for that look he had seen in the eyes of so many other men before… Every man he knew (except for Joshua) had a temper and, when angry, it was best to stay clear of them.

He felt the tears coming and he fought to hold them back. Crying usually got him in a lot more trouble. But he started to cry in spite of himself. He always cried when he was scared, and right now he was frightened of the bad men coming back. Noah said they could make them dead. He didn't want to be dead.

He started to back away from the bed, but Luke wasn't mad. Luke smiled at him and held out his arm, gesturing for him to climb on the bed. Luke had a nice smile.

"Come on." He whispered, "Jump up."

He started to suck on his thumb, unsure what to do. He stared for a long time at Luke but Luke didn't move from the bed, just stayed with his arm out, smiling. He wanted to go to them. He felt they would keep him safe if the bad men came so he slowly climbed up on the bed and crawled into the space between them. He put his head down on the sheet just below Luke's arm and crawled into a ball, sticking his thumb back in his mouth and staring up at Luke. Making sure he was ready to run quickly if Luke's mood should suddenly change.

But Luke pulled the sheet up to cover all three of them and then kissed his check muttering, "Sleep tight." And felt like he could relax.

Just before he fell asleep he thought how much he liked Luke and Noah. He wondered how long he could stay with them. He wondered where Joshua was.

...

The company lawyer looked tired and stressed as Luke showed him inside the house. The poor guy had been up nights dealing with the fallout of the bombing, trying to negotiate a reasonable insurance settlement for Luke. Gareth was by far the best lawyer, aside from Tom Hughes, that Luke had ever worked with. He knew everything there was to know about the law and not much slipped past him. In addition to that he was one hundred percent committed to Grimaldi Shipping and more importantly he was on Luke's side. He was just as keen as Luke was to clean up Damian's mess.

As they entered the lounge Noah stood up from his editing to greet him.

"Gareth, this is my partner Noah." Luke introduced as he closed the front door.

"Pleased to meet you, Gareth." As Noah spoke the boy froze where he sat on the floor and as Gareth moved forward to shake Noah's hand, he shot up and scurried down the passageway. They heard the closet door slam shut at the back of the house.

"Nice to meet you too, Noah." replied Gareth, staring down the passageway, as he shook Noah's hand.

"Don't worry about it." explained Noah, "He doesn't like strangers. It just takes him a while."

"Ah, I see." Smiled Gareth and then, changing the subject he said, "So, what the hell happened here? It looks like a war zone outside! Reporters are all over the place"

"Oh you know!" replied Luke, "First it was a bomb and then it was a couple of AK47's!"

"WHAT?" Gareth exclaimed.

"Yip! Yesterday! They shot at us from a car. And like the bomb they gave us notice too, so we're pretty sure it was just to scare us."

"Damn! These guys are serious, aren't they? So what's the next move? I expect this is why you called me over?" He rubbed his close cropped head.

Luke looked over at Noah. "I want you to put a plan into action."

"What kind of plan?"

"I want you to find a buyer for Grimaldi Shipping."

...

"Three men are wanted in connection with a drive-by shooting in this quiet middle-income street in Los Angeles." The dark haired reporter stood in front of a police cordon, behind which Julius could clearly make out the bullet ridden cars. Jesus! AK47's if he wasn't mistaken.

"The attack took place at 7:30am yesterday morning. Officers attending the scene are thought to have found three victims, two men and a child. It is believed that nobody was hurt or killed in the incident…"

Julius sighed in relief and sank back into the couch. Shit! That was way too close!

"The motive for the attack remains unclear and names of those involved have not yet been released. Police have provided this community with the enhanced support of trauma counsellors. Mayer Hawthorne has come under renewed criticism for failure to control the current increase in gang related activity in the city. He is due to release a statement later today."

Julius lifted the remote and the screen went blank. He had to get ready. He was meeting Gianni at his father's house that afternoon.

His phone rang and he shuddered when he saw the display. Now he would get it, "Sir?"

"Why am I finding out about this from a television news broadcast Julius? You should have called me yesterday!"

"Sir, I didn't have all the information..."

"I don't care shit for your excuses! Do you hear me? And where were you anyway? You are supposed to be looking out for him!"

"Sir, I tried to get hold of him but there just wasn't time…"

"I want you to keep me better informed, understood!"

"Of course, sir!"

"Now I can't have this. It's time we send this Di Alberto family a little message of our own! We'll teach them to mess with a Grimaldi heir! You know what to do?"

"Yes sir!"

...

Two hours later, finished with their discussions on the finer details of the plan, Gareth turned on the doorstep to face Luke, "I guess there's nothing I can say that will change your mind, right?"

"I'm sorry Gareth. I'm really grateful for all you've done for me and the company, but I don't want any part of this. They're threatening my family and I can't risk that. I couldn't live with myself if anything were to happen to them because of me."

"I understand Luke. But, I'll miss working with you! You're a good person! A much finer man then that father of yours ever was!"

Luke smiled at him, "Thank you."

Gareth gave him one last slap on the shoulder and left.

Luke found Noah in the bedroom staring into their closet where the boy had fallen asleep on the large pillow they had placed inside for him.

Noah looked up at Luke as he entered and smiled, "He's beautiful, isn't he?"

He definitely was. Sleeping on his tummy, with his head bent towards them, he looked like the very picture of contentment.

Luke smiled back, "Poor little guy must have been bored to death in there! He didn't have time to grab his pencils."

"Do you think he's okay? After yesterday I mean?" Noah asked.

"He didn't seem any different today. I'm sure he's fine." Luke had the feeling that Noah would stay there looking at the child forever if he could. Seeing Noah like this… peaceful… made him feel warm inside, but he also felt afraid. "Noah? We should talk."

"Later…"

Luke knew instantly that Noah was avoiding the issue, "No babe… I really think we should talk now. There's a lot…"

"Who would do this, hey? Who would neglect him like this?"

Luke pulled Noah around to face him, "That's what we need to talk about. What are we going to do with him?"

Noah's eyes filled with dread and Luke felt a stab in his heart, "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Babe… we can't get attached to this child. He doesn't belong to us. For a while I thought maybe he did, but you're sure he's not… so…"

Noah's breath shuddered and he was shaking his head as Luke held his arms.

"After lunch we talk to Joshua. We find out why he stole the boy. But, Noah, it can't be good… and that means we have to tell the authorities."

Noah turned from him to look back at the boy, speaking softly, almost as though he was in a trance, "He needs someone to love him…"

"Yes! You're right! He does! But that person might be out there desperately looking for him!"

Noah's voice was suddenly stern, laced with anger, "Whoever did this to him doesn't deserve to get him back…"

His tone sent a chill down Luke's spine, "We can't keep somebody else's kid, Noah!"

"Maybe… maybe he's our kid now…"

God! Noah was losing it. Luke grabbed his elbow and forced Noah to look at him again thinking that disconnecting him from the sight of the child, might help to bring him back to reality. "Maybe he's our kid now?" Luke repeated Noah's words, hoping he'd see how crazy they were, "Noah! We still don't even know his name!"

Noah's eyes were filled with desperation, "Then we'll name him… we'll give him a name, Luke…"

"NOAH!" The child started at the sound of Luke's raised voice but he didn't wake up.

"Shh, Luke! You'll wake him up!"

Luke closed his eyes for a minute, trying to gather his thoughts. He clung to Noah's hands and squeezed as he said, "Please! Please just listen to yourself!"

He opened his eyes when he heard Noah make an audible sound of pain. The tears streamed down his face and he fell suddenly to the floor. Luke dropped to his knees and took him into his arms.

"God Luke!" he cried, "I know you're right! But…"

Luke was sobbing too now, somehow the tiny, silent boy had slipped under the radar and into their hearts and now neither of them could imagine a life without him. "I get it, babe! Don't you know I love him too? But we have to do the right thing for him! And that means…"

"…it means we have to find his family." Noah finished.

Luke nodded and they sat holding each other on the floor by the boy's side as he slept. Noah rubbed his little hand between his thumb and forefinger.

...

"Yo Pops!" Gianni greeted his father as they entered Marco's impressive Tuscan styled office.

"Hello son! And Julius! Come here my boy." Marco kissed Julius once on each cheek before patting his face. "I hear you've been taking good care of my son Julius! Hopefully you have taught him a thing or two?"

As far as Julius was concerned this apparent crime family were a bunch of amateurs. The Tuscan villa was guarded by only four armed men. One of them lay with his throat cut on the floor of the kitchen. Another took a silent bullet in his heart as he supposedly guarded the front balcony. A quick snap of the neck from behind had taken care of numbers three and four. Easy!

And now this allegedly fearsome crime lord was completely at Julius' mercy. And he didn't even know it yet. Instead he welcomed Julius with open arms and a glass of ruby port.

"Oh don't worry, sir, I plan to take good care of your son." Julius cooed placing his glass on the closet surface near him.

"Yeah Pops! No worries! Julius treats me fine!"

Julius looked over at Gianni and grinned. "However there is one important lesson your son has yet to learn sir!"

"Oh yes? And what's that?" Marco sat at his desk and leaned comfortably back in his chair, his glass of port held high in his hand as he waited with expectation for the funny comment Julius would no doubt make.

Quick as lightening Julius withdrew his pistol and shot Marco neatly, just the once, right between the eyes. The chair had wheels and the force of the shot sent it flying back into the wall where Marco's head slumped on impact. The man's white collared shirt quickly stained with a mixture of port and blood.

"How to keep his big mouth shut!" Julius continued before turning the pistol on Gianni, whose eyes had popped out of his head as he squirmed back into the opposite wall. Julius smirked at him with disdain.

"Motherfucker!" Gianni screamed at him, "You'll pay! You'll pay for this!"

"Shut up or I'll kill you! I swear to god I'll kill you Gianni! And I'll enjoy it!"

Terrified Gianni cowered against the wall, eyes squinting upwards as Julius placed the pistol right on his forehead. "Listen really carefully, friend!" Julius threatened, "Looks like it's your lucky day! You are now the proud owner of a crime syndicate… Only this syndicate will keep its hands well away from Luke Snyder and his dealings..."

Gianni's eyes shot back to stare with hatred at Julius.

"Understood?"

It looked for a second like Gianni would refuse him but a quick shake of the gun seemed to convince him and he nodded.

Julius holstered the weapon and looked the other man up and down before leaving him as he fell shaking to the floor.


	33. Precious Discovery 8

Gianni kissed his father's ring before carefully removing it from the frigid finger and placing it on his own hand in a tradition passed down through generations of Di Alberto men. The coroner zipped up the black bag and wheeled the body away. He told the police he had come home to the carnage and he didn't know anybody with a motive to murder his father. A lie of course, but in his world you dealt with these issues yourself. You had your own form of justice. An eye for an eye!

Who the hell did that Luke Snyder think he was? Gianni was shocked and livid! He had been completely blindsided! He had no idea the little twerp had it in him to order a hit on the Di Alberto family! And there was no way he could be allowed to make them look like fools! Weak fools at that!

If the Grimaldi's wanted a war? A war they would get!

...

"You're looking good kid. Happier…"

"Joshua, why were you following us? Why didn't you just approach us?" Noah sat down at the holding room table as he spoke.

"Needed to be sure…"

"Sure of what?" asked Luke.

"Sure the cops weren't around, hoping I might show up…"

"I'm sorry about that by the way." Noah sighed, "Luke's been having a few problems with work and we've been on edge so we…"

"I understand." Joshua didn't look that good. Months on the run seemed to have taken its toll on him.

"I want you to know that I've made a statement in your favour. I told the police how you saved me. Hopefully it will help get you a leaner sentence."

Joshua nodded at him. "Where's the kid?"

"We left him with Jasmine." Luke explained, "He trusts her so…"

"Joshua, we need to know what's going on." Noah began, "Why did you kidnap him?"

"I was working a job in Branson the year before your father put me on your tail."

Noah shifted uncomfortably. He was grateful to Joshua for saving his life, and by doing so giving him his chance with Luke, but it still felt strange to think this man had watched and followed him for an entire year. It still felt creepy. And he suddenly realised that this was the most he had ever heard Joshua speak.

"I was to follow the kid's mother. Report what she was up to, but she never did anything but work, drink and whore around."

"And the boy?" asked Luke.

"He's nothing to her… less than a dog… just a waste of space… something in her way. She hits him a lot and she leaves him with unsavoury characters, neighbours and such."

Both men winced at that.

"But you left him with her to come to Los Angeles?" Noah asked. "If you cared so much why didn't you take him then?"

"Had nowhere to take him…"

"What do you mean?" Luke frowned at Joshua confused, "What make's now any different?"

"Because I began to think the boy might be yours…" he motioned his head towards Noah.

Luke gave Noah an "I told you so" look and Noah sighed loudly, "Oh for god's sake you two! The kid isn't mine, okay? I told you Luke, I never…" Then he froze for a minute as an idea came to him, "Joshua? Why did you think that? Why would you make that connection?"

"I didn't at first. But then while I was watching you I started to notice that some things were the same. It seemed possible and I thought I could help the boy."

"But WHY did you think it was possible? There must be more to it? You can't tell me you went to all this trouble, took such a risk off a hunch based totally on looks?"

"It was your father who hired me to watch the whore."

Luke's head whipped around to face Noah, eyes surprised.

Noah looked stunned. Then after a while he swallowed hard. "Luke?"

"Yes?"

"We weren't the only ones in Branson that summer… I met my father there. It was when he ordered me to join the army and refused to pay my tuition."

Luke gasped, "Then…?"

"Then it's possible that… I think… I think it's possible…" Luke stretched his hand across the table to squeeze Noah's as he spoke, "Oh my god! He might be my… my brother."

Luke spent a few minutes thinking that over and suddenly his forehead wrinkled, "It makes sense Noah… I mean it would explain the resemblance… but something's off…"

"What's that?"

"Noah if your father knew he had a young son in Branson, do you really think he would have just left it at that? Think about it? A baby son?"

"A son he could mould into the man I wasn't…" Noah finished. "You're right! If he was my brother then there's no way my father would have left him there! Especially with a prostitute! I mean that's the whole reason he killed MY mother!"

"I don't think your father knew about the child." Joshua suddenly stated. "I never told him. When I saw the resemblance in you and first started to think you could be the child's father, I did wonder whether that was the reason the Colonel had me follow her. But I know for sure it can't be. If he thought the child was his son or even his grandson, he would have wanted to take possession of him. That's the kind of man he was. But he never once asked anything about the boy. He never said anything about a child. His focus was totally on the mother."

"So then we don't know why my father was watching her?"

"No." Joshua agreed, "Perhaps she had something on him or she had something of his that he wanted back? But whatever it was he decided to let it go. Once he sent me to watch you he never mentioned her again."

At that point an officer entered the room to announce their time was up.

"Joshua," Noah asked quickly, "Can you write down the boy's address in Branson please?"

"Don't take the boy back! If you can find a way… then keep him with you. It's not a good life for him."

"Don't worry Joshua. We'll do our best for him." Luke said, "But we just want to check things out for ourselves. Most of all we need to confirm whether or not the boy is Noah's brother. And at least find out his name!"

Joshua nodded and quickly scrawled an address down on the paper Noah handed to him. "She works at a laundry mat ten minutes from her house and she's out most nights, except if a trick is meeting her at home."

"She brings customers to the house?" Noah asked, feeling sick inside.

"Don't underestimate what that boy has seen or the things done to him. Like I said… she doesn't care about him. He's better off far away from her."

Luke and Noah left the room feeling totally exhausted. Noah had a brother!

"There's no denying it Noah! That boy IS your brother! I'm sure of it!"

"Yes, I think so too. I think I always knew it deep down. But we still need to check things out in Branson."

"It's not going to be easy with…" and Luke gestured towards the two uniformed police officers who had been assigned to protect them.

"No. We might have to wait until this thing at your work is resolved. But that means…?" Noah was looking at him hopefully.

Luke smiled. "Yes! Okay! We keep the kid a little longer!"

Noah grabbed him in a bear hug, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" and he kissed him all over his face with glee.

Luke laughed out loud, "Think about it Noah! If it turns out to be true then we have a legal reason to fight for custody! Maybe there is a chance he IS ours after all?"

"I love you so much, Luke!" Noah kissed him deeply and gave him a gentle hug.

"Okay, time to go then."

They had driven to the police station in separate cars since Noah needed to drop off some discs at the studio.

"Are you heading straight home?" Noah asked.

"I have to meet somebody first, but then afterwards how about I pick the boy up and take him to the seaside like we promised him? Meet me at that ice-cream place at four?"

"Sounds perfect!" Noah's mood had really lifted since that morning. He might have a brother! The stunning little guy that they had come to love so much might be his brother! He knew he should be careful not to get his hopes up until they knew for sure, but he couldn't help it. He kissed Luke goodbye in the parking lot and turned the music up loud in the cab of his truck as he drove to work.

Perfect!

...

"So do you have any idea how many ships have these hidden compartments?" Luke asked Julius as he watched the man feed ducks by the side of the lake. They were seated on either end of a wooden bench. Luke was trying to get his head around all the information Julius had given him about the smuggling.

"About six I think. If it was all of them then they'd no longer need Gianni working from inside headquarters. Gianni has been responsible for the installation of these hiding places. They are making a tidy sum per shipment so the more ships they can sink their hooks into the better. Thus their insistence you rehire the bastard"

"Shit! Damn Damian!" He smacked his hands together in frustration then calmed and said, "Anyway it no longer matters. I'm selling the company."

"You don't need to do that." Julius stated.

"What?"

"You don't need to sell the company. You won't have any more issues from that family."

"You seem pretty sure. Why would you say that?"

"I always deliver what I promise, Mr Snyder. That's why I'm never out of work! Never mind the details… You no longer need to worry. I have asked the family to back off."

Luke was confused. "But why would they? Are you trying to tell me that they're giving up? Just like that? After everything they've pulled to frighten me into cooperation?"

"Let's just say they no longer wish to take on the Grimaldi family." Julius sniffed and passed a large piece of bread straight into the beak of a giant duck.

Luke didn't like the sound of that at all, "What the hell have you done?"

"I did what was needed Mr Snyder! This isn't a game! There is only one language these people understand and that's violence!"

Luke felt his stomach twist… Just what had this man done? And in HIS name! He prayed that what Julius told him was true and that the danger was over, but he had this nagging feeling that Julius might have made the situation a whole lot worse. "I'm still going to sell the company. I don't know how many of these syndicates are involved and I don't want any more to do with it."

"It's your choice what you do. My job here is done I believe."

Julius stood with one final nod and left Luke sitting on the bench.

...

Luke stood barefoot in the sand just within reach of the final wash of the waves. The child, clasping his left hand, would move forward towards the water with awe, and then quickly run back away from the approaching wave, gripping the bottom of Luke's shorts with his free hand and hiding behind him. It was adorable and Luke couldn't help laughing at him. "It won't hurt you, you know? I'm right here so you can let the water touch your toes."

The boy looked nervously up at him and then back at the water. He planted his little feet firmly and waited for the next wave. Luke felt sure he would run again, but this time he stood firm and allowed the water to approach. He watched with amazement as the water washed sand over his feet, sinking him slightly, and then he took Luke completely by surprise by flashing him the most striking smile! It was the same smile Luke saw on Noah's face every time they saw each other. Luke felt his heart flood with love for the tiny being that was slowing coming out of his shell. Everyday more and more personality would show itself to them, like a magic little flower bud slowly opening up in the wake of morning sunshine.

"You see?" Luke asked! "Fun, right? Maybe one day you will let me teach you how to swim like them?" He gestured toward a few young children sitting in the shallows and giggling as the water softly knocked them back into the sand.

The boy looked doubtful but nodded anyway.

Luke smiled at him, "Come on little man! Let's go for that ice-cream! Noah will be here soon."

He didn't smile again but Luke saw his eyes light up at the mention of Noah's name. Luke laughed, "Looks like you and me already have something in common!"

He was pleased to see that their usual booth on the balcony was free and he quickly grabbed it, lifting the boy up to sit opposite him. His head only just peered over the top of the table. Luke noticed the uniformed policeman take the booth two down from them. He was really starting to hate the shadow!

"Have you been to a restaurant before?" Luke asked and the tiny head shook in a no. "Well! You'll love it!"

He ordered a bowel of strawberry ice-cream, Noah's favourite. He figured the child would never finish a whole serving and Noah could have the remains when he arrived. The waitress winked flirtatiously at him and he smiled in response. "And could you bring an extra spoon for the ice-cream please?"

"We have special kiddie spoons!" she announced, "He can even take it home if he likes."

As she disappeared to fulfil their order, Luke checked his watch and wondered what was keeping Noah. Then he passed the time by watching as the child absorbed the sights and sounds around him. Luke felt sure the child was extraordinarily smart. He had recently begun to wonder whether the muteness was by choice. He would look into getting the child a speech therapist and then… He caught himself suddenly. He was already thinking about the child as though his living with them was a done deal. He really hoped they could come to some arrangement, but he was cautious to hope too much. They were only going to end up broken hearted if they lost him.

"Would you mind bringing me a coke please?" Luke asked the waitress as she brought over the ice-cream.

"Sure thing!" she smiled and placed the bowl in front of the amazed child.

As the first spoon of ice-cream passed his lips his eyes grew wide with enjoyment and delight and he started to shovel the pink substance into his mouth as though the bowl would be seized from him at any moment.

Luke bit his lower lip to stop from laughing, "Slowly my boy! Slowly! There's no hurry, you know? It's not going anywhere… It's for you so you just enjoy it, okay?"

The child paused with the spoon midway to his mouth, his face was smeared with the cream and he licked with satisfaction at the corners of his lips, making tiny sighing peeps. Luke had never seen a child in such a state of sheer enjoyment. He watched as the little guy did all he could to please Luke by slowing down, but he eyed Luke like a puppy guarding his dinner bowel.

A different waitress arrived with Luke's coke just as he spotted Noah running up the boardwalk. "Hey!" Luke smiled as Noah slid, panting, into the booth next to him and kissed him hello.

"Hi!" Noah laughed. "Wow!" he said, spotting the messy child, "Really enjoying that aren't you?"

"Yip! You could say that!" Luke laughed, "We had a nice time in the water too, didn't we?"

The boy seemed totally taken aback at being spoken to at all. He nodded and continued attacking his desert. Noah sat staring intently at him as though seeing him for the first time and Luke knew that in a way he was…

Eventually Noah turned to smile at Luke, "I ran here from the car! Sorry I took so long… I got caught up at the studio. God but I'm thirsty!"

"Here…!" Luke handed him his coke, "Drink this. I'll get another one."

Noah gulped the black drink down in seconds.

"You really were thirsty!" Luke exclaimed good humouredly. "Better order your own bowl of ice-cream too…"

"Yeah!" Noah agreed, "Doesn't look like this little one plans on sha…" his voice caught and he chocked.

Luke patted his back. "Hey? You okay?"

"Yes, fine, I just fel…" but he chocked again and this time he violently clutched at the table as his body tensed up.

"Noah? What is it?" Luke asked searching his features. "What's happening?"

Noah turned to him, his pupils visibly enlarged, his faced filled with terror.

"Luke?" He said the name through a cough that forced a white foam to squirt out between his lips and dribble down his chin.

"Noah?" Luke frantically grabbed at Noah's shoulders as his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell sideways into him; his entire body convulsing violently. His arms flailed and knocked the coke glass and it flew through the air smashing loudly on the concrete paving.

"NOAH?" Luke screamed, holding Noah's head "HELP! PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP!"


	34. Precious Discovery 9

Luke wondered if he could ever put into words the kind of panic he felt when Noah's life was at risk. The last time he had felt like this was the night Noah's father tried to kill his son. And before that when he had watched helpless as Noah fell from the university rooftop. And even before that, when he thought Noah might bleed to death from a gunshot wound received during that kidnapping.

It was a special breed of blind panic, a feeling of utter helplessness; that rushed over him in wave after wave of mind numbing pain and caused him to turn in on himself; so that at the moment the only movement he could muster came from his fingers, as they stroked the black curls of the child. Black curls so familiar… so similar to HIS, that if he were to close his eyes, he could almost imagine that they were. He sat solid and still, staring wide eyed ahead of him at the cold white hospital wall across the corridor. The boy was curled asleep in the seat next to him, the tiny head on his lap.

He had been distantly aware of a policeman's attempts to question him about the incident. 'The incident'. That's what they called it… as though it was just another event… just another every day occurrence. He had wanted to cry… he still wanted to cry… but the child was too afraid to go to strangers and Luke had to remain strong for him. He had to hold back his own fear to pacify the boy. Tell him Noah was fine. Noah wasn't feeling very well. The doctors would make Noah better and then they could all go home. He prayed fate wouldn't turn his words into lies.

The world suddenly seemed very small when all you could hear was the sound of your own breathing. He knew there must be other noises. It was a hospital for god's sake! But his body felt disused, dysfunctional. He didn't know how much longer he could contain his alarm. If it hadn't been for the child he would have lost it already.

His left hand suddenly started to shiver. He tensed up even more, fighting it back. No! Not yet! His heart pounded furiously and he wondered if he looked as frightened as he felt. It was as though somebody had planted a bomb in the middle of his life and now the timer was ringing. And all he could do was hope the doctors would cut the right wire and stop the detonation.

He jumped slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up blankly into the worried eyes of Maddie. He didn't even feel surprised to see her. Her lips formed his name but he couldn't hear her speak. He struggled to find his voice and eventually managed, "Can… you… take… him… please?"

As soon as the weight of the baby left his legs he stood up and made his staggered path away from them down the corridor. Every so often he would stop and press his hand up against the wall to steady himself, breathe and regain control, passing exam room after exam room until, eventually, he found an empty one where he collapsed to the floor, and momentarily freed from the responsibility of the child, released the horrendous scream that had been constricting his lungs since the moment Noah collapsed. He hugged his shins and buried his face against his knees as he expelled the tears and solid sobs that burnt his throat.

"No… No… No…" He repeated in tiny whispers whilst he rocked himself back and forth.

He felt strong, solid and warm arms wrap around him and he drank the comfort in, even thought he felt guilty for accepting it! "It's all my fault! It's all my fault!" he repeated.

"No… shh… it's not your fault Luke…"

Looking up he realised the arms belonged to Jonathan. "It was supposed to be me!" he sobbed, "It was my drink! It's ME they wanted! ME!" Then screaming, "WHY! WHY! WHY!"

He punched his hand into the hard hospital floor with each exclamation forcing Jonathan to grab at it, but Luke struggled with him until Jonathan yelled, "Stop! Stop, Luke! It won't help, okay? It won't help him!"

A passing nurse rushed into the room to check on the commotion and Jonathan asked, "Can you give him something, please?"

She quickly withdrew a syringe and bottle from her pocket, filled the vile, tapped it and expertly injected Luke as he continued to writhe. Finally Luke stopped fighting and his body went limp as he whimpered. Jonathan straddled him and held him tight until, in the end, the exhaustion overtook him and he fell to sleep.

...

If Luke kept his eyes closed then he was home. He was home wrapped up in their bed. And HE was right there, fast asleep next to him. He clung to that even as the smell of ammonia and medication mockingly wafted up his nose and the intercom loudly paged a Dr Roberts to Oncology. But eventually he had to allow the reality to sink in. A tear escaped his closed eye and he felt the tickle as it rolled down the dent of his nose to pool at the tip and finally drop off his face.

A small movement against his cheek was the final catalyst to this eyes opening and he found the small child curled on the bed beside him, the little fingers stroking softly at his face. The boy stared up at Luke soulfully with those blue eyes. Noah's eyes…

Luke smiled sadly at him and drew him into a hug, kissing the top of his tiny head.

"He woke up with your friend last night and we couldn't calm him." Luke startled at the voice and he turned to see a familiar face standing by his bedside. Nurse Maggie, the same nurse who had taken such good care of Noah and him after the episode with the Colonel, smiled sweetly at them. "Until we brought him in here that is. The moment he saw you, he curled up next to you on that bed and has been there, good as gold, ever since."

Luke swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. A few more tears dropped down his cheek, "Maggie?" he closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, needing desperately to know but at the same time too afraid to ask. "Please tell me he's okay…"

She stroked and then kissed his forehead, "He's going to be just fine…"

"AH," It came out of him in a loud relieved breath, "God!"

She allowed him to fall forward and rest his forehead on her shoulder as she peacefully rubbed his head. "They managed to pump most of the poison out of his system. He'll even be able to go home by this afternoon."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course you can. He should wake up soon. I hope you don't mind that I called your friend, Maddie? Her name was down as Noah's alternate next of kin. You were in such a state that I thought it best to phone her… just in case."

"It's amazing that you called her! I don't know what would have happened if they hadn't shown up last night so thanks! Are they still here?"

"They've been in the waiting room all night. She's worried sick."

Luke stood, sniffed and rubbed his eyes before turning to the boy and trying to smile as reassuringly as he could. "Come on." The child reached up to him and Luke lifted him up and carried him out of the room behind the nurse.

Maddie flew up from the waiting room chair at the sight of them, "Luke? Have you heard anything? Is he okay?"

Luke accepted her quick hug, "He's going to be fine. I'm just on my way to see him…"

"Oh thank god! I'm so sorry!"

Luke nodded, "Can you do me a massive favour and just watch him for a while?"

"Sure!" And then addressing the child she asked, "Hello. We didn't get properly introduced last night did we? My name's Maddie. What's your name?"

The boy buried his face into Luke's neck.

"Maddie is mine and Noah's very best of friend! Luke whispered in his ear, "And she is so lovely and kind and she won't hurt you, okay?" The child examined Luke's face and then turned to study Maddie. "How about you sit here at this table and draw? I'm sure the nice nurse here can find you some crayons…" Luke looked hopefully over at Maggie.

"Yes of course!" she replied and rooted around behind the nurse's station coming back with a pencil case which she handed to him. It took him a moment, but eventually he couldn't resist and he reached out to take the case from her. Luke sat him down and the nurse left a packet of printing paper next to him.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Luke assured him.

The boy nodded and immediately began to draw.

"Where's Jonathan?" He asked Maddie.

"He went for coffee. He should be back soon."

"Thanks… I'm really glad you're here! Both of you!"

She smiled, "You know we'll always be there for you guys! Now get going!"

Jonathan showed up with the coffee just in time to catch Luke following the nurse down the corridor towards Noah's room. "He looks a lot better!"

"Yes, Noah's going to be okay." She took the coffee cup from him, "Thanks."

"I see he settled the child in here as well. Did he say anything about who he is?"

"Shoot!" Maddie exclaimed.

"What is it?"

"He didn't tell me the boy's name!"

...

Luke knew Noah's room immediately because the police guard stood outside.

"Fat lot of use they turned out to be!" Luke thought bitterly.

He thanked Maggie for showing him the way and entered, closing the door softly behind him.

Noah slept peacefully. If a stranger were to see him, they would be none the wiser as to how close he had come to death. Luke marvelled with bitterness at the way he had yet again acted recklessly and thereby, unintentionally, put Noah's life in danger…

Luke shuddered as he walked over to the bedside. He pulled up a stool and sat resting his elbows on the bed, his hands clasped together as though in prayer. He pressed is lips up against his interlaced fingers and took a deep breath of relief, his eyes never once straying from Noah's face.

"Idiot!" He told himself as he cupped his mouth in his hand, "You're such an idiot!"

He sniffed profoundly and then gently, almost as though examining a delicate feather, he lifted Noah's left hand in his and brought the warm skin up to his rest against his lips, careful not to disturb the drip line feeding into the veins. He butterfly kissed the hand a few times as silent tears fell, "You know?" he began, rubbing the hand between his fingers, "I remember it clearly… even now… our first kiss? I remember how your lips felt… how they tasted..." He let out a breath as the memory brought feelings to the surface that almost overwhelmed him. "Until then, I never knew my heart could beat so hard and so fast. I never knew how much I could want somebody else. And I knew in that moment that no matter what happened, I'd love you forever… That I wanted to protect you forever…" he reached over to smooth Noah's hair and bent to kiss his forehead. He pressed his cheek to Noah's, "I love you Noah! God, but I just love you so much!"

"I love you too baby." replied a weak voice from under him.

Luke sagged into Noah and kissed the side of his neck before lifting up to soak in those blue eyes and kiss those rose lips, grasping at wisps of his hair. Noah smiled tiredly up at him and lifted his right hand to Luke's sad face.

"Hi." Breathed Luke, "Man, but you just gave me such a scare! How are you feeling?"

"Just tired…" They stared at each other for a moment until Noah looked around urgently, "Where's…?"

"He's fine…" Luke assured him quickly, "Maddie and Jonathan are here. He's outside with them."

Noah sighed and then frowned as he asked, "What was it?"

Luke looked down at their hands, "Poison…"

Noah's face fell as realisation hit him, "It was meant for you…"

Luke nodded but he couldn't hold back a flash of anger and determination that Noah knew well and he quickly protested, "Promise me Luke? Promise me now that you won't go looking for trouble because of this?"

"How can you ask that? This is my fault Noah! This is because of ME! I HAVE to do something!"

"No Luke! This is because of Damian! This is a situation that he put into play! You've already involved yourself too much! You're way over your head… Can't you see that? They're not just trying to frighten you anymore Luke! This time they tried to kill you! This time they wanted you dead!" Noah squeezed Luke's hand at the thought and then wondered aloud, "Why? What happened to make them change tactics so drastically?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't know… but…"

"What? What is it…" and when Luke paused, "Come on Luke! Now's not the time to be holding out on me, okay?"

"I saw Julius yesterday…"

"Who's that?"

"He's the man I hired to infiltrate the family suspected of orchestrating all of this. Yesterday he said something… it was odd…"

"What did he say?"

"He said I didn't need to worry about them anymore… that he'd taken care of it."

"Fuck, Luke! What the hell did he mean by that?"

Luke was fearfully tearing up again, "I'm sorry…"

"Tell the police! Tell them everything you know..." Noah's right hand grabbed at Luke's shoulder, "Please! I can't lose you…"

Luke collapsed over Noah and buried his sobbing face into Noah's neck, "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry… I never meant to put you through all of this!"

"Shh, please don't cry…" Noah smoothed Luke's back and pressed him close.

"I didn't… protect you!" Luke cried, "I should… have been… more careful…" He found it difficult to speak through the weeping, "It's my job! It's my job to keep you safe!"

Noah held him and let him weep. Their emotions were running too high at that moment for them to deal with the serious problem of how they could resolve the situation. Somehow Luke had gone from being a businessman this family needed something from; to some sort of threat to them… such a serious threat that they now had a hit out on him. After spending hours and hours watching mob and gangster stories, Noah never imaged in his wildest dreams that they'd end up living their own version of one.

Luke had just sat up and wiped his eyes when there was a knock at the door and a wiry man in police uniform stood in the doorway with an uneasy disposition. Behind him they could just make out yet another police officer waiting in the corridor.

"Mr Luke Snyder?" The man asked.

Luke and Noah exchanged a penetrating look.

"Yes, that's me. Can I help you?"

"Sir, I need to ask you to step outside please."

"What for?" asked Luke, stunned, "If this is about last night, I'm kind of busy right now…" and he gestured towards Noah, "Can it not wait until I'm finished?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I must insist."

"What is this about?" Noah queried.

The officer studied Noah's positing in the hospital bed before saying, "Mr Snyder, I really do suggest that we take this conversation outside of this room."

"Look officer! I don't know exactly why you're here, but anything you have to say, you can say in front of Noah."

The officer sighed, obviously feeling extremely uncomfortable. Finally he stepped further into the room, "I'm sorry to have to do this at such a distressing time, but I have a warrant for your arrest."

"What?" The word left Noah's lips like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"A warrant?" Luke repeated, "For me?"

"Why?" Noah was suddenly clinging hard to Luke's hand, an ominous feeling soaking through him.

"You are being arrested on suspicion of involvement in murder." Both Luke and Noah's mouths dropped open, "You have the right to remain silent." The officer moved fast and before either of them could blink his partner had joined him and Luke was being yanked up from the stool, "Anything you say can and will be used…"

"Murder? Wait!" Noah panicked as the rights were read out. His heart rate peaked within seconds and the monitor he was still connected to began to beep uncontrollably causing three nurses, one of which was Maggie, to tear into the room.

"What the hell do you men think you're doing?" Maggie chastised sternly as she eyed the police officer cuffing Luke's hands behind his back. "This is a hospital!"

"… Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?" the officer continued paying no attention to the angry nurse and seeming to accept Luke's dazed nod as agreement.

Luke and Noah's eyes stayed connected throughout… blue and hazel brimming with tears, fear and confusion.

In the meantime Maggie's colleagues were checking an alarmed Noah who could hardly believe what was happening.

"No!" He shouted, "You've got it all wrong! You've made a mistake!"

"Mr Mayer! You need to relax!" said one of the nurses, trying to keep Noah in the bed.

Luke, seeing his distress, turned to the officer and pleaded, "Can you give us a minute please? Just one minute?"

The officer surveyed the situation and obviously decided there was no harm in it because he motioned to his larger partner and they left the room. Luke, hands still secured behind his back… heart thumping in his chest… waited for Maggie to usher the nurses out of the room and leave them alone.

"Luke?" Noah's voice was breathy, "What…?"

Luke shook his head, "I don't know…"

"I won't let them take you like this! I won't!" Another tear joined those already shed.

Luke walked over to him and bent to kiss him deeply on the lips as Noah grabbed his face desperately.

"I love you…" Luke said, "Stay calm okay? It's a misunderstanding! So I'll go with them now and I'll clear things up at the station. Then I'll see you back at home later…"

Noah kissed him again, hard on the lips, just as the door opened and the officer stepped forward to take him.

"You need to stay strong for the boy, okay?" Luke reminded him.

"Okay, I promise. I love you!"

"Can we go out the back way please?" Luke asked the officer without looking away from Noah, "Our kid's out there and I don't want him to see me like this…"

The officer nodded and Noah was left to watch in powerless horror as Luke was escorted from the room.

**Please let me know what you think!**


	35. Precious Discovery 10

_He'd never misjudged a single situation in his entire professional life. He was always the one in control. Cool and collected… always the one with the upper hand. He was never wrong. _

_So what the hell happened?_

_Somewhere along the line he had been careless. Could it be, maybe even arrogant? Anyway you looked at it, the situation had been completely misjudged. _

_"Have you ever cleaned a fish?" The voice spat venom into his ear as his face was pressed onto the table. "You start with a sharp knife…" and the man's thumb ran along the blade of the cleaver placed in his line of sight, "…you start low by the tail… and then you split them open up to the head. And you let their guts just slide out…" A hand pulled at his hair and lifted his head up so that the cleaver could be held right against his neck. He was afraid to swallow in case the blade cut his Adam's apple. "What do you think it feels like? To still be alive and watch as your innards drop out your belly?" He was a soldier by nature… born brave… but even he quaked at that. "I'll let you find out… and just before you die… you can tell me!" _

_While he eyed the cleaver in disbelief, as it rose into the air, he realised he'd made a fatal error, one he would pay for in pain, blood and finally death._

...

The doctor refused to sign off Noah's release until his blood pressure stabilised, but it was one thing telling him he needed to relax, and quite another actually doing so when he had no idea what was happening with Luke. Noah wanted… no… needed… to have Luke in his sights. The mob wanted him dead for fuck's sake!

Eventually the nurses allowed Maddie and Jonathan to visit. The child clung unsure to Maddie's hand as they entered the room. His little frown of confusion relaxed instantaneously as he laid eyes on Noah in the bed. Before Maddie could even speak he was pulling forward eagerly so that she had to grip his hand to hold on to him.

"It's okay." Noah said "He can come up. I'm fine."

Released from her clasp the boy scrambled up on the bed to sit in the crook of Noah's arm. He stared expectantly up at him.

"Hi." said Noah, "I missed you. Did you miss me too?"

Maddie and Jonathan exchanged confused glances.

The small hand briefly touched Noah's mouth, the brow crinkled with concern.

"Oh…" Noah reassured him, "I was sick, wasn't I? But I'm all better now, okay?"

Again a little nod before he handed Noah the sheet of paper.

"What's this? Is this a picture for… me…?" The last of the words faded away softly as his eyes took in the drawing. The emotion he felt had no words. But if he had to describe it, he'd most likely call it a warming. As though he'd always had a bulb stored somewhere deep inside him and this amazing gesture, so simple, was all it took to turn on the light. He pressed his knuckles to his lips and felt how his breath staggered against them, felt how the tears started to come.

The last drawing the boy made of himself was now stuck to the kitchen fridge at home. But in that image he stood alone. In this new picture he was featured in the middle of the page and standing to his right, holding his hand, was a tall man with similar colouring and to his left, also hand in hand, another man with yellow hair and brown eyes… And unlike the picture on the fridge, in this drawing, the child was smiling.

"Wow!" Noah sniffed as he wiped at his eyes, "This is the most beautiful picture I've ever seen." And it really was. He kissed at the boy's forehead, "Thank you."

The baby blue eyes shone for a moment before the frown returned and his finger pointed to the man on the left.

"Um… I guess you're wondering where Luke's gone, ha?"

A tiny nod of the head…

Noah smiled as best he could, "He had to go and see some people but he'll be back soon. I bet he'll just love this picture you made! I'd say this is one for the fridge!"

This time Noah was rewarded with a tiny smile that, despite how bad and terrifying things were at that moment, actually made him feel better.

"We love you, kid. You know that?" and Noah kissed his forehead a second time.

"Noah?" Maddie spoke, breaking the spell between the man and child. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Thank you both so much for coming!"

"Noah what happened to…?"

She didn't finish the sentence but he knew what she was asking. He was sure Maggie would have told her what had happened. He shook his head, perplexed, "He's at the station now… I don't know…"

"And…?" Jonathan gestured towards the boy.

"It's a really long story…" He didn't want to say too much in front of the child and he was grateful when they both picked up on that. "Right now I just want to get out of here so that I can check on Luke but my blood pressure won't come down!"

"Noah your body's just been through an ordeal! You need to relax and give it time to heal."

"How can I do that Mad's? I have no idea what's happening right now!"

"Look," suggested Jonathan, "the poor boy has been here all night. Perhaps I should take him back to your place while you two catch up?"

"That would be brilliant if you could. Thanks!"

But the boy had other plans. He clung to Noah with a vicelike grip that surprised all of them. Noah tried to talk him into it, but he was determined to stay on the bed and eventually Noah gave in.

So it wasn't until the child grew tired and nodded off that the three friends were able to change the subject from general chat to the more serious issues at hand.

...

She checked again, but there was no doubt. The money wasn't there. This was the second missed payment. The son of a bitch had definitely cut her off! What the fuck did he think he was playing at anyway?

She logged off the internet cafe computer, finished the dregs of her coffee and paid the cashier, before storming outside for a cigarette.

The problem was he no longer took her threats seriously. He no longer seemed as obsessed over his reputation as he used to be. And it was that obsession she had played on for years. It was her meal ticket!

But now she hadn't heard from him in months and she no longer knew where he lived. She leaned back thoughtfully, lifting one foot against the glass facade of the cafe and inhaled deeply on the smoke. This was a major problem! No money meant no drugs! And without her daily fix… To top it all off she owed Kenny a tidy sum! And she knew what Kenny would do if he didn't get what was owed to him.

Suddenly a thought came to her. She dropped the cigarette butt and squashed it out with her foot before hastily returning to the 'Wash-'n-Go'. She hunted through the reception desk drawer looking for something she had stashed there months before.

"Come on!" she cried in frustration, "Where the hell is it?" and then "Aha! Got ya!"

"Hey Michelle! Where's your kid got to then? I ain't seen 'im around 'ere in a while!" Said a regular customer whose name she could never remember.

Why the hell would he want to know that! She certainly didn't give a damn so why should he? (She felt a faint pang, somewhere deep inside but she had learnt long ago to ignore it). In fact it had been a relief to find the brat missing! (She couldn't take care of him…). The older he got the more he started to drain on her… He cost too much money! And she needed the money!

"I sent him to a relative…" was her vague answer as she fumbled with the folded sheet of torn off newspaper she'd retrieved from the drawer. She stretched it flat on the table and searched the tiny photographs until she found the familiar face that had caught her eye a few months back. The reason she had kept the clipping at all.

"New Talent in Town" the article read. "This celebrity news reporter has his eagle eye trained on new talent Noah Mayer currently filming in downtown Los Angeles…"

Los Angeles!

...

The Detective came around the table to where Luke sat and leaned over him; placing three photographs down in front of him. "Julius Maite. Aged forty-eight. Body found in a rented apartment at five o'clock yesterday afternoon. Tortured to death."

He felt like throwing up. "Jesus!" His eyes were glued on the mutilated corpse in the pictures. His brain struggled to comprehend the situation. What had he gotten himself into? He was exhausted. All he wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed with Noah.

"Mr Snyder, I'm sure you're able to see things from my perspective. Yesterday morning I received an anonymous tip off that you hired a man who goes by the name of Julius to embed himself within one of LA's biggest crime syndicates; only for this man…" and he stabbed one of the photographs with his forefinger, "…this Julius… to later turn up dead?"

"You think I killed him?"

"No, Mr Snyder, I don't believe you did. That is not why you're here."

"Then…I'm sorry but I don't get it?"

"The pistol found inside Mr Maite's apartment is the same make and calibre used in the shooting of Marco Di Alberto."

"Gianni's father?" Things were just getting worse and worse. He rubbed his hands through his hair.

"That's correct. Four of his men were also found dead in the house."

"But I still don't understand… All you found was a pistol? Why does that mean Julius did it?"

"Until the ballistics report comes back we don't know that for sure, but the way in which Mr Maite was tortured is a special kind of death this family is notorious for. But of course we can't prove that."

Luke felt his stomach seize up, "But…" Suddenly things were starting to make sense. "Oh god! This is why? This is why they tried to poison me, isn't it? Because they think I ordered the hit?"

"Now you see where I'm at? You are a member of a large crime syndicate family… The Grimaldi family… an important member…"

"Detective, I don't consider myself a member of that family."

"And yet you head up their main shipping operation…?"

"Yes, but I would never arrange to have somebody killed!"

"Even after they allegedly bombed your office building and shot at you and your partner? You did hire this man, did you not…?"

"Yes! I'm not denying that!" Luke looked around the room in frustration. "Look! I wasn't raised a Grimaldi Detective. My biological father left me the company just before he tried to disappear and now he's in prison. I have never been directly involved in any illegal activity! The year before I came to LA I hired Julius to help me clean up the Oakdale branch. I'm trying to eradicate crime from the company not perpetrate it! Just speak to Margo Hughes at the Oakdale police station! She'll tell you! Julius was instrumental in cleaning up that branch and so I hired him to do the same in LA! But I never once instructed him to kill anybody! I wouldn't do that!"

The detective eyed him sceptically. He had to admit… he knew how to read people, and the kid didn't seem to be lying.

"I'm telling you the truth Detective!" As he said it his eyes were drawn outside the office window, through the hustle and bustle of the busy police station, where they immediately fell on Noah, who was in the process of questioning a female sergeant at the reception desk. He held the small child on his hips and turned to gaze in the direction of her finger, as she pointed to the Detective's office where Luke was being interrogated. Luke immediately shifted in his seat and raised his head feeling the familiar hammer in his soul as the worried blue eyes locked with his through the glass.

"Um, Detective? Is there anyway I can have a moment with him?" Luke asked.

The Detective looked over at Noah and shook his head, "I'm sorry but no. I can't have you conferring with anybody right now."

Luke's heart sank and he stared longingly through the glass. It was hard to be so close to him and not be able to hold him… talk to him, especially after what they had just been put through. "Could you at least go out there and explain the situation? He just got out of the hospital and I don't want him waiting around here for hours when he should be at home resting."

He watched through the glass as the Detective approached Noah and Noah listened intently. After a few exchanged words Noah's eyes began to brim with tears and he stared desperately back over at Luke.

"It's okay." Luke mouthed, "Go home. I love you."

Noah swallowed hard and appeared to think things over but then finally nodded at him. He raised his hand in a soft wave that Luke returned and he left the station with the child clinging to him like a baby monkey to its mother.

"Detective?" Luke asked him a moment later as he returned to the room, "Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch the person you love drink a glass of poison that was meant for you? I just want out of this thing!"

...

Luke and Noah loved him. He knew this. They told him every day what a clever, nice and handsome boy he was… he was special… and they were glad he was there. They kissed and hugged him too… and they gave him nice food and even ice-cream! He liked that… He wanted to stay with them always.

But Joshua had said he would come back for him. And Noah had also said Joshua would come back. And he didn't know what would happen after that. So now he was scared. He didn't want to go away.

Luke told him in the hospital that he would be right back but he didn't come back. So something was wrong, right? And then he was at the police station and the man said he couldn't come out to see them and Noah had cried. He didn't know why Luke had to stay there but he wished he would come home. He wanted Luke to come home.

He was crying now. He couldn't help it. But it was okay to cry… Noah wouldn't be mad…

...

Noah sat on the end of their bed and sighed. As tired as he was he had been completely unable to sleep. He'd tried phoning the police station for information on Luke but they wouldn't tell him anything. Not even how much longer they planned on keeping him.

"But have they even charged him with anything?"

"I'm sorry sir." came the standard reply, "We are unable to release that information."

Suddenly, as he sat there, the house began to feel exceedingly empty. He hated how it brought back memories of all those days without him. Those terrible days before Luke came back into his life… A part of him wanted to call Luke's family. Especially Lucinda! She'd know what to do! But he was pretty sure he knew how Luke would feel about that! They couldn't risk putting another person they loved in danger.

So instead he could do nothing but wait! Wait and pray that somehow the police would realise their error and let Luke go. They still needed to figure out what the deal was with the kid.

He could hear Maddie and Jonathan talking in the lounge and he thought back to what she had said in the hospital.

...

_"Noah, just be careful with this child."_

_"Maddie you don't…"_

_"I can see how attached you are Noah! But the fact that you have him could get you and Luke into a lot of trouble! Kidnapping is serious Noah! Prison serious!"_

_"I know Maddie! Luke and I have discussed this already. We know we have to find his mother… We just haven't had a chance with everything else we've had to deal with!"_

_"And if you do find her? What then?"_

_He knew she could see the sadness in his eyes. He tucked a curl behind the boy's ear as he slept and shook his head, "If he needs protection then we'll do what we can. The first priority will be confirming whether or not he's my brother."_

_"And if he's not and you have to give him back?"_

_"Please Maddie! I can't think about this right now! My head can't take it!"_

_"I'm just worried about the two of you. I don't want to see you get hurt."_

...

Now as he watched the child paging through his 'Noah's Ark' book on the floor of their bedroom he wondered just what it would mean if their theory was wrong and they had to give him back. The thought turned his stomach into a tangled mess.

The doorbell rang and he heard Maddie yell, "Coming!"

He heard the door open and Maddie saying, "Hello? Can I help you?"

He heard a reply. "Is there a Noah Mayer living here?"

At the sound of the woman's voice, the boy bolted upright and made a keening sound as he scrambled to Noah for protection. His eyes bore the look of a frightened puppy, pleading and helpless as he pulled with hands and feet to drag Noah into the closet. When Noah didn't move he flung his little arms around Noah's legs and buried his face between them. Noah tried to calm him down, but it was useless. The boy was utterly terrified…


	36. Precious Discovery 11

"Hey, hey…" Noah whispered, softly smoothing the small black head that was burying itself deeper and deeper between his legs.

Prying the child off was like pulling two pieces of Velcro apart. He grunted and instantly reattached himself at every attempt. Both of his thin little arms were securely wrapped around Noah's legs making it impossible for Noah to move anywhere. Noah finally managed to push him back by gently gripping hold of his shoulders and the boy glanced frightened between Noah and the doorway. He made tiny intense peeps through shallow breaths and Noah was frantic for him. He crouched down to his level, still holding his shoulders, as the little one fought to cling onto him once more.

"What is it?" Noah searched the little face for answers and saw only pure terror in the pleading blue eyes. The little hands dug with remarkable force into Noah's forearms. He could still hear Maddie and the strange woman talking in the other room but he was too focused on the child to work out what they were saying.

Over the short time they had known the boy he would always react negatively to strangers, but usually he would simply shrink away or hide in his special spot in their closet. Noah had witnessed a KIND of panic in the child… right after the shooting, but even that didn't compare to the anxiety this stranger's presence in the house seemed to cause him.

The boy's body cramped up even further as they heard Maddie say, "… hang on I'll just go and get him for you…", but it was the sight of his trousers turning dark with urine that kicked Noah's natural instincts into motion.

Swiftly he lifted the petrified child and placed him on his cushion in the closet. "It's okay… it's okay." He stroked the stricken face. "You stay in here. Stay quiet…"

He closed the closet doors and leaned his body against them. His heart was pounding. What was he doing? If she was here for the child then…?

Noah, there's somebody…" she stopped in the doorway when she saw his face, "Noah? What's wr…?" But he quickly lifted his finger to his mouth, his eyes beseeching her to be silent. He stepped forward and grabbed both of her hands, drawing her with urgency deeper into the bedroom.

"Promise me you won't mention the child…" He spoke so quickly that his words stumbled together.

"What?"

"If she asks, you don't know anything about the child, okay?"

"Oh my god, Noah? Is that why she's here?"

"I don't know. I just… I just have this really bad feeling! Please Maddie! I know it means I'm involving you in this but…" he was desperate all of a sudden and he didn't really understand all the reasons why, "I need you to trust me on this."

Maddie felt a shiver run through his hands to meet hers and she watched a single tear path its way down his cheek. She did the only thing she could do. She nodded and drew him into a hug.

"I know there's a possibility we'll lose him one day," he whispered in her ear softly, so as not to let the boy hear, "but not now, okay? Please… I couldn't handle it… not right now… not without Luke here…"

She pushed him back and cupped his cheeks, "We don't even know for sure why she's here. Let's go out there and find out what she wants. If it's the child then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and quickly visited the bathroom to wipe his eyes on a towel. One look in the mirror revealed them to be tired and bloodshot… but it would have to do.

Maddie was waiting by the doorway and she took his hand as they walked to face the woman together.

She was seated nervously on the edge of a chair facing Jonathan, who had gallantly filled the silence with idol chit chat and seemed more than a little relieved to see them.

Noah almost staggered at the sight of the stranger. He had only to look at her to know the truth. Her long greasy black locks, slightly wavy at the ends and her crystal blue eyes left him in no doubt. This was the baby's mother. Noah felt it in his bones. Huge pellets of anxiety dropped from his throat to his guts every time he swallowed and he held tightly onto Maddie's hand, trying to stem the shakes that threatened to give him away. God but he missed Luke!

The woman stood as they entered, her cheep gold hooped earrings swinging from her lobes. She wore a terribly short and skin tight white skirt that left nothing to the imagination. Her beige tights had seen better days and her singlet pink shirt was cut low down her front. She had a boyish figure with no breasts to speak of but the lack thereof was most likely due to her emaciated frame. It was obvious she was an addict. She was restless… edgy… and she had a nervous habit of shaking her left hand every few minutes. She also hadn't bothered to hide the needle bruises that trailed up her arm.

"Did that little angel really come from this?" He wondered with dread.

"Hello?" Noah swallowed and greeted cautiously. The external displayed casual interest while the internal fell slowly apart. "Can I… can I help you?"

She eyed him up and down, chewing loudly on a stick of gum, "You look just like 'im…"

Noah's heart froze, thinking she meant the child. No! No way! There was no way he could hand him over to this woman. "I'm sorry?"

"I knew who you were from your picture." She rummaged around in the tatty clutch purse, hooked over her bony shoulder, and withdrew a crumpled up bit of newspaper which she passed to him, tapping her finger on one spot.

Baffled, he took the paper from her and his eyes fell on a news article he had seen months before. An image of him smiled shyly up off the page from the tiny picture that accompanied the article.

"'Cause you look just like 'im!" she continued, her eyes surveying the surroundings, "Well, when he was younger that is…" She began to wander around the room and picked up a vase from a nearby table. She studied it intently before replacing it, "You've done well for yourself, haven't you? Fancy LA Director and everything!"

The other three adults in the room were all completely lost.

"Oooh!" She exclaimed, stopping by a table when her eyes fell on a framed photograph of him and Luke.

...

_The younger kids were buried on the floor under mounds of opened wrapping paper. Ethan was having a wonderful time playing Santa's little helper and handing the gifts from under the Christmas tree to their relevant recipients. _

_Faith would retrieve a parcel, check the tag, and then whisper the name of the recipient in Ethan's ear so that he could proudly deliver the gift in exchange for a kiss or a hug. Then he would stand by that person and eagerly await the parcels unwrapping. _

_Eventually he handed a shiny red rectangular box tied in a ribbon to Noah._

_"For me?" Noah asked him and he nodded excitedly. "Thank you so much! Do I get a hug as well?"_

_Ethan jumped up and squeezed Noah's neck before forcing himself into a gap between Luke and Noah on the couch. Noah read the tag to discover the gift was from Lilly. _

_"Thank you." He said to her and she smiled._

_"Do you want to help me?" Noah asked Ethan and the little guy could barely contain his happiness. He tugged at the ribbon and it dropped from the box. Then Ethan lifted the lid to reveal a sterling silver photo frame about the size of an A4 notebook. But it was the picture inside that rendered Noah completely speechless. Lilly had had the shot enlarged in black and white… and it was breathtaking._

_Noah had never seen the photo before. He didn't even know it existed. But he remembered the day like it was yesterday. It had been taken only a few weeks after Luke regained the use of his legs, when their relationship was still brand new. The first real romantic relationship either of them had ever had. They had accompanied Lilly on a walk through the forest that bordered Emma's farm. She'd taken her digital camera along and unbeknownst to them, she had secretly snapped a shot of them as they stood, hands clasped beneath the trees. It was a windy day and their hair blew in their faces, but they were oblivious to it. Their eyes were shut and their lips were locked in a tender kiss. _

_"I found it on my computer about a month or two after you left for LA." Lilly explained, "I thought once or twice about sending it to you but, at the time, I wasn't sure whether it was appropriate."_

_Noah knew he was crying. Luke took the frame from him to study it himself. He smiled softly at it and placed an arm around Noah before kissing his cheek. _

_"But I'm glad I didn't send it then," Lilly continued, "because giving it to you now…? It just seems like the perfect gift at the perfect time!" _

_And oh, it definitely was!_

...

Now this woman glared at the photograph and let out a fierce guttural laugh at the sight of it. "My, my! I bet Pops was just THRILLED by THIS! Am I right? God but I would have killed to see his face when he found out!" She surveyed all the other photos of Luke and Noah, along with many of their friends and family. "And he lives here too? Doesn't he? Lawdy… lawdy…! The great Winston Mayer… that fine upstanding guy… has a gay son!"

She was laughing in hysterics now and Noah, his nerves already shot, didn't think he could take much more of it. He was suffering from a deep seated nausea that weighed down his guts and he was starting to lose control. "Look! Would you mind telling us who you are and how we can help you please?"

"Yeah! I figured he'd never tell you about me! He left for the army and came back all hoity-toity… Thought he was God's gift or something! Too good for the likes of us that's for sure!"

"You knew my father from before he joined the army?"

Before Branson?

"Kid! I've known your father his whole life! He's my big brother!"

Noah's eyes grew to saucers!

"And don't that just make us family, or what?" And she walked over to slap Noah on the back like they were old friends.

"My father never mentioned he had a…"

"A sister? Well… as far as he was concerned he didn't! Paid me a tidy sum each month to deny we were even related at all!"

His cousin! The boy was his cousin!

"Oh my god! That means I have family out there? Real family?"

"Sorry kid… it's just me and 'im left! Ma and Pops died when I was fourteen." It didn't escape Noah's attention that she said nothing about a son. "We lived in a trailer so it's not like they left us a kingdom or nothing! Pa couldn't even spell bank account let alone hold one! So I've been working the streets ever since." It took her a few moments to collect herself, "The name's Michelle, Michelle Harris. I was married once see… for about a month!"

"And you came here to find… to find my Dad?" Noah asked.

"I'm looking for 'im. He owes me some money! I lost contact with 'im a few months back… Then I saw your picture and I figured you'd know where he was… But I'm willing to bet I'm wasting my time here, right? I'd bet a million bucks you're not on speaking terms, right?" And she lifted another photo of Luke and him to highlight her point.

"Even if we were I couldn't speak to him. I'm sorry but my father's dead. He died last year."

She had just replaced the frame back on the table and she froze at his words. She turned to him with an expression of complete disbelief, "What?"

"I'm really sorry."

"But… but… how? When?" Noah wasn't certain, but he thought he saw a flash of sadness in her eyes.

He felt like crawling in a ball and crying. He couldn't take much more. One section of his brain was desperate for news on Luke; the other was concerned for the terrified little boy, his cousin, who he'd just hidden in the closet. A third section tried to untangle the mystery of this woman, who he felt sure was the child's mother, and yet didn't seem to have come for him. In fact she didn't seem to know he was there at all. And that meant the last speck of brain power he had left simply couldn't handle anymore and definitely couldn't deal with dragging up the memories of his father's death.

And then besides all this going on in his head, his body was still racked with poison, his stomach felt like it was on fire half the time and a sleepless night of worry finally took it's toll… his legs gave out and he collapsed.

"Noah!" shrieked Maddie as she tried to grab him, "Jonathan!"

Jonathan was quickly on his feet, helping to grip Noah under his arms and moved him over to lie on the couch.

"I'm okay…" Noah said faintly, "I just… I was just a little..."

"I'll fetch you some water." And Maddie disappeared into the kitchen.

The woman watched flabbergasted. Eventually she followed Maddie and spoke from the kitchen doorway, "Can you at least tell me what happened? What happened to Winston?" She sounded frantic and desperate.

"I'm sorry," Maddie's voice replied. Noah heard as she opened the fridge and she took out the water bottle, "Can you give us a moment please? Noah's just been released from the hospital and this is a little too much for him right now."

"But I need to know!" Insisted the woman, "Why did he…"

Noah lifted his head from the couch as her sentence cut off. She was staring intently at something within the kitchen. "Is it just the two of them living here?" She asked.

Noah felt icicles forming around his heart. NO! The drawings! The drawings on the fridge! She would see the drawings and then she'd know! She'd know her son was in this house and she'd take him away from them. She'd take him away…

"Noah?" Jonathan griped one of his shoulders as he noticed the tension in the other man increase.

"It's just Luke and Noah here." Maddie replied, "Jonathan and I are visiting from Montana."

Jonathan stared with confusion in the direction of the kitchen but he said nothing.

Noah visibly relaxed and said a silent thank you to Maddie as the woman followed her back to the couch. Michelle hadn't said anything so she couldn't have noticed. Noah knew from Joshua that the woman treated the boy badly, but he still found it amazing how unconcerned she seemed by his disappearance. She definitely didn't strike him as a desperate mother with a missing child.

Michelle watched awkwardly as Noah drank the water Maddie handed to him, "I see you're sick okay? But I just need to know…"

"Colonel Mayer committed suicide last year. In a cabin a few miles outside of the city." Maddie answered so that Noah didn't have to.

"Suicide? But… but that's impossible! That man would never kill himself!"

"Well he did." Stated Noah finally, "I was there."

"Miss Harris, was it?" Maddie jumped in, concerned for Noah's wellbeing, "I'm really sorry for your loss, but as you can see this isn't a good time. Now if there's nothing else you need, I must ask you to please leave."

"Yes." She was shocked and so did little to protest as Maddie guided her outside. "Yes, okay. Good to finally meet you Noah."

Once the door closed behind her Noah gulped in air as though he'd just emerged from a long period under water and let out an exclamation, "SHIT! Oh my god!"

"Wow!" said Maddie, "Your aunt! But at least she was here about your father and not the boy."

"That was his mother…"

"What?

"It was her Mad's. I know it was! The boy's my cousin."

"Well if she is his mother, it's obvious she doesn't know you have the boy." observed Jonathan.

"No." agreed Noah, "No. She doesn't know. And she never will! The boy's never going back to THAT! Never!"

"No…ah…" It was said very quietly. So quiet in fact that he was the only one to hear it at all, the way most people had the ability to hear their name said on the wind or over a crowd of voices.

He turned to the sound and locked eyes with the child standing in the entrance to the passageway. He briefly pressed his face into his hands to hold back tears and quell the flood of emotions erupting within him at the sound of that tiny voice.

He spoke!

The child had spoken!

He rose from the couch and ignored Maddie's protestations to stumble over to him.

"Hey?" He said as cheerily as he could, "How about we get you out of these wet cloths and into a bath?"

"I can take care of him Noah. Why don't you rest?" asked Maddie kindly.

"No. I need to do this. Thanks."

He held out his hand and the child took it without hesitation, allowing Noah to lead him down the passageway to the bathroom.

...

**(Should I keep uploading this series?)**


	37. Precious Discovery 12

The boy said nothing more as Noah bathed him gently before putting him to bed. He tucked the slight body in tightly and kissed his forehead as the little eyes stared up at him.

"You sleep well, okay little man?"

The boy nodded, but as Noah rose to leave, the child grabbed his arm and pulled at him to stay.

"Okay, baby. I'll stay here until you fall asleep, alright? There's nothing to be scared of."

Again that familiar little nod.

"I liked it when you said my name today." Noah said cautiously. He didn't want to make too much of a fuss about it, but he also wanted the boy to know what it had meant to him. "Maybe one day you'll say my name again, hey?"

But already the child's eyelids were drooping shut and it took only a minute more before his breathing deepened and his features relaxed.

"Noah?" Jonathan whispered from the doorway, "You look terrible. Won't you please try to get some sleep? Luke will never forgive us if we let you make yourself sick!"

Noah nodded and joined him out in the passageway.

Jonathan looked in at the sleeping child, "What are you going to do?"

"Whatever it takes! I have to find a way to keep him here with me and Luke. It's where he belongs, I just know it!"

"But what about his mother?"

"You know as well as I do she's not out looking for the boy, or we would have heard about it by now! It would be in the local papers in Branson at least! But there's nothing… NOTHING! She doesn't care! She doesn't care about him at all! All she's interested in is where she can get quick cash for her next fix! I mean, you saw her for yourself Jon? What kind of mother has she been to him? The boy is terrified of her!"

"I know… But Noah, no matter how good your intentions are, what you and Luke are doing right now is illegal! And you could be in a lot of trouble! Maddie's really worried about the two of you. And so am I…" He stopped when she noticed Noah swaying. The guy was dead on his feet and over emotional. With this combination there would be no way to reason with him. Instead he patted his shoulder, "Go to bed, okay? Things will feel better in the morning."

Noah nodded. "Thanks. Sleep well."

Noah left him standing in the passage and made his way to the bedroom. He found his phone where he had earlier left it on the bed and checked to see if the police station had called. But there were no messages.

"Luke…" he whispered.

...

By the time she left Noah's place she needed a fix bad!

Michelle had been using since she was fourteen when her Pop's friend dosed her up, so that he could fuck her in the back of his car. He had paid her too, so that's how she learnt to get money. At first she wasn't a regular user… Just at parties… But then Ma and Pop's died and Winston pretty much withdrew, and she found that her appetite, especially for heroin, increased. Eventually she could no longer control when and where she used it. She basically needed it all the time.

Her Ma had left some jewellery, but it was cheap gold and didn't buy her much, so she began whoring a whole lot more than normal. Sometimes it seemed she could never earn enough to buy her the desired amount of the drug. She would break into houses to steal what she could, but even then she always seemed to be in debt to one pusher or another. Sometimes she could pay for it with sex but most of the time they wanted the money. She had been put into the hospital a few times because of it. She'd also been to jail for theft.

She met Paul Harris at a bar and they got high together. He had money and swept her off to Los Vegas for the weekend where they got hitched in some plastic chapel. She thought her ship had come in! They were high together in a five star hotel for a mouth before his parents found them and dragged him off to rehab. He had stolen their cold credit card to pay for his jaunt. That was the last she saw of him.

So by the time Winston returned from his army training she was already a mess and he wanted nothing more to do with her. She knew he paid her the quarterly amount to stay out of his life, but a part of her had always hoped that deep down, it was because he was worried for her. Because he felt in some small way responsible for his little sister. She hoped.

Then one day she noticed how her belly was swollen. She stood sideways to the cracked mirror on the trailer door, swaying because she was still high from her last fix, and frowned at it. She supposed she could be pregnant. She tried to use condoms but sometimes she was so out of it she'd forget, in a hurry to get the job done. Sometimes it was simply a case of the sooner she got paid the sooner she got high.

A trip to the Catholic charity hospital confirmed her fears. Shit! And she was too far along to abort.

They offered to arrange an adoption for the child however over time she had begun to like the idea of a baby. She thought maybe this would help her to feel less lonely. Help her to fix her life. By this point Winston had been paying her for years and she used the money to rent a small one bedroom house in Branson. One of the nuns at the hospital helped her get a respectable job at the laundry mat. The owners weren't happy that she started pregnant, but once she agreed to no maternity payment they hired her on the spot.

The baby came quick and fast on a rainy Tuesday night. She didn't know what to feel for the child. It wasn't as she had expected. He cried a lot. The nuns explained he was addicted to the drugs and would be sick for sometime. They kept him in the hospital at first to watch him, but then eventually they let her take him home. It was a nightmare! She felt guilty for not loving him, but she couldn't force herself to feel what wasn't there. He took up so much of her time and she needed to be out making money or she was behind on her drug payments.

The beginning was the worst because the nuns would check up on her. So she had to make sure he was clean and changed regularly. But eventually they stopped coming and she could let it slide a bit. Just bathing him when the smell became too much in the cramped quarters or to stop him from screaming.

Because of the baby she couldn't go out at night and she started to allow men into the house. She had always avoided this for fear they might one day come back and bother her, which of course some did. She hated the boy even more for this! The baby's bed was in her cupboard so that he wouldn't be seen when her customer's arrived. Sometimes he would start to cry and it would put the guys off! They didn't like that and some would hit her. Her resentment for the boy grew and grew with each passing day.

But it helped that he grew quieter as he grew older. He knew she would only hit him if he cried so mostly he was silent. He never spoke, which she took as a blessing. Once he was bigger she could leave him sometimes with Bill next door. He was a greasy old man but he would do it for sex. That left her free all night to find a trick, get paid and score.

Then last year she didn't get Winston's payment. It wasn't in her account as per usual. She thought that perhaps he had forgotten or made an error, but when she called his number it simply went to voicemail. She left all kinds of threats on there as well as plaintive pleas. Explaining how desperately she needed the money. Please, please, could he help her…? She was sick… very sick… and she needed the money for medicine!

Of course the landlord wasn't impressed when she didn't make her monthly rental and threatened to have her evicted.

"Please! I have a baby? You wouldn't throw a little baby out on the streets, would you?" She had begged him.

"One month! But if I don't get double payment next time you are out!"

One afternoon, a little before her payment date, the boy was gone. She searched angrily for him but he was nowhere to be found. She was actually worried at first. She was surprised by that. But then, she was glad. She felt free. She had her life back and she could do as she pleased.

She felt sure that Winston would make her a double payment on her next due date. So she waited for the day and checked, only to discover that he had definitely cut her off. This time when she called his number all she got was a message to say the service was disconnected.

And that was what had brought her to LA. She'd had to borrow the money for the flight and she shuddered to think how she would pay it back now that she knew Winston was dead.

She stumbled into an alleyway and quickly snorted some cocaine she had in her purse. Her supplies were really low and she was desperate to replenish them before they were finished. There was nothing worse than looking for money when she hadn't had her fix.

...

Noah couldn't remember a time when he'd been so exhausted. His eyes drooped as he removed his shirt and threw it into the laundry basket. He started to unbutton his jeans but he couldn't get the message from his brain to his fingers and eventually he dropped to the bathroom mat, leaning forward and closing his eyes. The tiredness made his body sway. Just a few more minutes sitting like this and he'd be able to change for bed. He yawned deeply.

He could have been asleep, he could have been sitting there asleep for hours, he wasn't sure… but it was while he sat there that he felt the weight of Luke's hands on his shoulders as he steadied himself to kneel behind Noah on the floor. Then his arms wrapped around Noah's neck and their cheeks pressed up against each other. Noah closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Luke's solid heartbeat on his back.

"Luke?" he gasped, afraid it was a dream. "Are you really back?"

Luke's hands gripped Noah's chest and he turned Noah's chin to face him so that he could kiss him. "You're trembling…"

The sound of his voice… the feel of his skin…

Noah pulled him closer and kissed him again. Both minds focused in on the join of their lips and Noah's hand grabbed hard onto Luke's forearm. Then he whispered, "I was so scared. I never want to be parted from you… I just want to be with you forever…"

"Noah…" Another kiss; and this time Noah pulled Luke around to lie across him, supporting Luke's head in his hand. Noah's chest burned as though it was their first kiss.

"I missed you so much!" Luke managed to say between breaths, just before Noah's mouth was on his again. And then Luke found himself lying on the floor with Noah's weight pressed on top of him, their tongues deeply engaged, hands finding contact with skin.

Suddenly able to push through the fatigue, Noah lifted himself up to study Luke. He used his fingers to lightly touch his forehead and then cheek and then neck.

"Your hair…" and he bent to kiss Luke's head, "Your eyes…" a kiss on each eye, "Your lips…" a finger smoothed across them, "Your body, your soul, your heart…" a deep, slow and passionate kiss that shook Luke to the core, "… are all mine! You hear me Luke? They're mine!" Noah pulled Luke suddenly up into a seated position and threw his arms around him, holding him tightly and rocking them back and forth. "Say it!" he said in Luke's ear.

"Yes."

"No! Say it! I want you to say it! I need to hear it!"

Luke gripped Noah's shoulders and stared in his eyes, "I'm yours, Noah! All yours!"

"Then let me own you…" It was a shy whisper and before Luke knew it Noah had his shirt off, then his trousers and was kissing his way up his arm. He drew Luke up on his lap and after some quick preparation Luke lowered down onto him, just like that, so that the two of them rowed back and forth together, faster and faster, using their knees as leverage, until Noah had to lean back on both hands during the force of the orgasm, giving Luke access to lick up his chest and bite at his neck.

Leaning back on one hand Noah used the other to grab behind Luke's blond hair and draw their mouths back together, before lowering the same hand to finish him off as they kissed; feeling Luke's body clench against his as he twitched inside of him.

"Noah…" Luke groaned and fell forward to rest his head in Noah's neck. "I love you bubby… so much…"

Noah laid back and pulled Luke over him, closing his eyes tight; his relief at having Luke back home was all consuming. Holding him close like that, after he'd been so unexpectedly taken away from him, felt like perfection.

"Luke…"

"Shh… I know we need to talk, but right now I just want to hold you… Okay?"

Noah nodded, "'kay." His voice was distant and fading.

Luke pulled Noah up and into the shower. They both jolted at the touch of the cold water before it slowly heated up and steamed around them. By this point Noah was a walking zombie. He leaned his body and head up against the cubical as Luke soaped him up and scrubbed him clean. He rubbed the bubbles into Noah's hair and lifted the shower head to rinse the soap off his head and body.

By the time it came to wash himself down, Luke had to do it one handed as the other held Noah up he was so drowsy. He turned off the water and towel dried the man and then himself. Noah stood half asleep on his feet as Luke guided him to the bed. He removed the covers and gently lowered Noah down. Their damp hair would wet the pillows but Luke was too exhausted to care. He crawled into the bed and turned naturally to spoon Noah close, so that their naked bodies coupled as one. It took only a minute before Luke joined him in a deep sleep.

...

She decided the alleyway was as good a place to sleep as any. She sat up against the wall of what turned out to be an Italian restaurant. The food smells made her a little queasy. She had an uneasy relationship with food. She resented having to spend money on it and so she kept it to a minimum. Besides, her customers liked her skinny.

She sniffed another dose of coke and closed her eyes. The coke was a poor substitute for heroin, but it was better than nothing.

Her mind drifted to Noah. Her nephew was certainly a handsome devil! Just like her Pops had been. And of course Winston had always been a looker!

Winston! She felt a sharp pain in her chest and coughed. She was surprised to find herself feeling a little sad about that. There was a time when they had been close… wasn't there?

No more money!

She jolted awake as she remembered her predicament! What the hell would she do from now on? She had to find another source of regular income and at that moment only one name was close enough to her. Only one name sprung to mind…

Noah!

...

**Please comment! I'm dying to know what you're thinking... It makes writing these stories worthwhile... :-)**


	38. Precious Discovery 13

She was made to leave her purse and coat at the reception desk, where they gave her a plastic disk with a number on it in exchange. She also had to endure the regulatory body search. This took place inside a white cubical by a young female guard who looked somewhat intimidated by her.

"If you're intimidated by me my girl, then you definitely shouldn't be working in a prison!"

The girl blushed and waved her through the metal detector.

"Look here please…" A burly male guard instructed, and she peered into the lens of a camera so that her picture could be filed. She was guided down a long corridor with white walls and grey floors until they reached a room guarded by a twenty-something boy.

"Either I'm getting older or the world's getting younger!" She thought to herself.

He stood up from the table as she entered the claustrophobic visitor room. He couldn't hide his surprise at seeing her. She guessed she was the last person he would ever have expected a visit from. He held himself with that usual arrogant air, despite the rather drab prison garb.

"Prisoner 666" she read off his lapel. "How appropriate!"

...

It was a shifting at the bottom of the bed that woke Luke. At first he thought it was Noah stretching his long legs out, but it felt heavier and when he lifted his head he realised the kid was sleeping over his feet. His tiny hands clutched the storybook tightly and Luke smiled.

"You really are here." Noah's croaky voice said from the side of him, "I was afraid to open my eyes in case I dreamt it."

Luke laid his head back on the pillow and gave him a light kiss.

"Mmm…" Noah responded with satisfaction, "You really are home…"

"Of course I am… It's Sunday, remember?"

Noah beamed at him.

"How are you feeling?" Luke asked, cupping his forehead, "I was so worried! All I wanted was for the stupid police to finish with their questions so that I could come and check on you!"

"Stomach still burns a little but I feel better now that you're here." Another kiss… "What happened?"

"Gareth got me out on bail."

Noah sighed, "Shit, Luke!"

"I know." He grabbed Noah's hand and started playing with his fingers. "It's such a damn mess!" Luke set about explaining the situation to him; the reason for his arrest; Julius; the Di Alberto's; and the fact that both the police and the crime family believed him to have ordered the hit on Marco. "I just can't believe it! They think I'm some Grimaldi mob boss or something!" And then quieter as he remembered, "You should have seen what they did to Julius!"

Noah squeezed his hand and they lay watching each other for a while.

"It's like you're writing your own version of the Godfather… Part four!"

Luke laughed, "Well, at least we can still joke about it!" Then he frowned, "God Noah!" he twisted some of Noah's hair between his fingers, suddenly serious, "When you collapsed from that poison…" He shook his head, "I'm so sorry!"

"It's not your fault Luke! You didn't realise how dangerous these guys were until it was too late."

"No, but if I had listened to you sooner…"

"…then what? They would have been just as determined to stop you from selling the company, as they have been to keep Gianni hired. The point is they wanted access to those ships!"

They spent another few moments in quiet contemplation.

"So what now?" asked Noah, "What's the next move?"

"Well… we know I didn't order the hit so I guess we need to find out who did."

"And how are we going to do that?"

"Damian."

"YOU'RE going to visit Damian?" Noah was surprised.

"No. Definitely not! I meant what I said when he was arrested. I never want to see him again. I've asked somebody else to do it for me."

"Who?"

But before Luke could reply the boy sat up, all wonky with sleep and gave them the biggest smile they had ever seen from him. He crawled right up to sit between them, leaning against the headboard with the book on his lap. Luke noticed a folded and crumpled sheet of paper had been stuck between the pages.

"Good morning bubby, what's this?" he asked the child, ruffling his hair, slightly sweaty and spiked from sleeping in one position.

The boy spread the paper open and Noah noticed it was another drawing of the three of them. This time they appeared to be eating breakfast. The boy pointed at the picture and said, "No…ah."

Luke's eyebrows shot up with surprise. Noah grinned at Luke's expression of shock and by this Luke gathered it wasn't the first time Noah had heard him speak.

Then the child surprised even Noah by pointing to the yellow haired depiction of Luke and saying, "Luke."

And he blessed Luke with a beautiful smile, obviously extremely pleased with himself.

"When?" Luke mouthed over the kid's head.

"Yesterday…" Noah whispered back.

"Wow"

"I know…" Noah's grin couldn't have been wider.

Luke turned back to the boy, his eyes welling up, and placed his arm around him. "Yes! That's right! You're very clever! And now who is this?" He pointed to the boy in the picture.

Noah held his breath.

The child lifted his little forefinger to his lips and sucked on it for a while, obviously deep in thought. He looked up at Luke and frowned. Then he stared back down at the picture and repeated, "Luke… Noah..."

Noah shook his head at Luke.

"Okay, yes, this is Noah and this is me, Luke. You're right. But who is this?" Again he pointed at the smaller figure in the picture.

"Boy!" the child stated with sudden excitement, as though he had just solved a scientific equation. He pointed his finger at the picture.

"Yes, that's right too." Luke agreed patiently, "But what is the boy's name?"

Again the frown as he studied the drawing intently. Finally a bulb seemed to light in his eyes and he said, "Child!"

Noah couldn't help laughing!

"I tell you! It's like trying to draw blood from a stone!" Luke exclaimed, joining Noah in the laugh.

And then something incredible happened. The child giggled too. Loud and clear… and his face lit up like a morning sunrise.

"Oh!" said Luke, "I see! You think you're being funny, don't you?" He gently tickled the child on his belly, making him bend up and laugh even louder. Both men soaked the sound in… It was amazing… the trust the child was developing in them.

"Ah Luke?" said Noah, "We kind of went to bed commando last night! Um, can you distract him while I put on some pants?"

Luke nodded and entertained the boy until they could swap roles so he could dress also. Then the three of them snuggled back down into the covers.

"Oh my god, Luke!" Noah exclaimed, suddenly remembering the night before, "Something wild happened yesterday! I'm still a little shocked and I don't really know what to make of it all…"

"What is it?" asked Luke, intrigued.

"I'll tell you later…" and he motioned towards the child.

...

"Hello Damian." She stood before him, impeccably dressed as usual, making him feel somewhat small in his blue prison overalls.

"Lucinda." He gestured for her to take a seat at the visiting table before doing so himself.

"You and I have to have a little talk." She began.

"If you wish… How can I be of assistance to you?"

"I would very much like you to explain to me how it is possible that my grandson should end up in police custody in Los Angeles?"

"What?"

"He was arrested last night on charges of involvement in multiple homicide. Now! You and I both know that Luke has not always been squeaky clean, but I think we can agree that murder is definitely off the table as far as he is concerned! Thankfully we were able to post bail! But in the meantime we have ourselves more than a slight problem. Don't we?"

"Has this got something to do with the bombing? I heard what happened but they told me Luke was okay…"

"THEY? They, Damian? Well now! I guess we come right to the crux of it, don't we? Just who are 'they', Damian?"

"Lucinda! When I gave Luke the company you didn't think the Grimaldi's would just walk off and leave him did you? They will have been watching him this whole time. And you can be sure they still are! I think you better tell me everything you know."

...

He sat Indian style on a purple cloud that floated just above the ground. He was doing what he always did… he drew… She could never understand the drawing. He would steal pens from her at every chance he got, and store them, like a squirrel in the corner of the cupboard. Eventually she had given in and stolen him a pack of coloured pencils from the local cash 'n carry. At least when he was busy with that he didn't sit staring at her all day.

The purple cloud started to change colour… to red, then green, then orange, then back to purple… It was making her dizzy.

"Where are you?" she yelled at him, wafting up and down on the cloud, but he ignored her to continue with the drawing.

She noticed that now he was no longer a flesh and bone boy, but was a drawing himself. The scribble lines, where he had been coloured in, clearly visible.

Something was nagging at her! It was like she should remember something. Like she knew something… but her drug fuelled mind couldn't place the two puzzle pieces together.

...

"Your cousin? Wow! That's crazy!" Exclaimed Luke after Noah explained about the visit from Michelle.

"Yeah, right? All those stories from the Colonel about how I was from this long, long lineage of army men… all a pack of lies! Either that or he was living in his own dream world for far longer then I realised."

"Well, are you sure? Are you sure she's his mother?"

"Definitely. She looks just like him. I mean she looks just like me! She just has to be the woman Joshua was tracking. It all makes sense."

"But she came here looking for your father and not the boy?"

Noah nodded. "You should see her Luke! She's a walking disaster! I can't think how that kid has survived this long…"

"So why was she looking for your Dad then?"

"Money. Apparently my father was sending her regular payments, but then of course they stopped when he died. She saw a picture of me in a newspaper article and decided to track me down. I guess hoping I'd lead her to the Colonel."

"So she's not even looking for him?" Luke stared across the room at the boy who was enraptured by some children's programme on the television.

"No. And now I don't know what to do… Should I tell her that he's here and that WE want him?"

"And do we?" asked Luke. "Do we want him?"

"Don't we?" Noah frowned.

Luke smiled at him, "I'm just teasing you Noah! Of course we want him!"

Noah smiled and kissed him, placing his arm around his shoulder and drawing him closer. "Thing is… if she doesn't care about him then she wouldn't mind us taking him, right? And maybe we can do this all legally?"

Luke was silent.

"What?" asked Noah, "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know. I guess… Maybe we should just check this out first, you know? Visit where he's been living… Maybe it's not right for us to just presume she's a bad mother because Joshua says so?"

"Luke! You saw all the marks on him… And you weren't here yesterday. You didn't see him when he heard her voice. He was terrified Luke! It's not the reaction of a child missing his mother!"

Luke's eyes were drawn back to the boy. His heart broke for the child. What was that like? What was it like to grow up without the love of your mother? His eyes locked with Noah's and he felt a pang when he remembered how Noah hadn't known a mother's love either. "Look, I know, okay? I know that most likely he has had a bad life. But we owe it to him to make sure we get all the information before taking such a big step."

Noah thought about it for a while and then nodded. "You're right. So we hold off telling Michelle we have her son at least until we can check out Branson?"

"Yes, but to check out Branson we first need to clear me of murder charges. And we'll do that by working with the police. The Detective has a plan… but… you're not going to like it."

Noah immediately went tense. "Luke…"

"They want me to contact Gianni. Talk to him…"

"WHAT? Are they crazy? That psychopathic guy tried to kill you Luke! He thinks you murdered his father!"

"Yes but the police are willing to wager that he'll want access to the ships more then he'll want revenge. They want to use me to set him up. Get enough evidence together to bring down the whole smuggling operation."

"Oh really? And what if they're wrong? I'm not going to let them gamble with your life, Luke! Forget it!"

Luke looked at his feet. He knew this was going to be a hard sell. "Noah, I'm going to do this. I've already decided."

Noah stepped back from him in disbelief, "Despite how I feel about it?"

"We are already in the middle of this babe. There is only one way for us to end it and that's to face it head on."

"Even if it means risking your life?"

Luke was silent as he faced the floor.

"Look at me Luke."

Luke lifted his head and shrank from the fear in Noah's eyes.

"You promised you wouldn't get involved like this!"

"Noah, the police will be monitoring me the whole time. I have to do this! And I think you know I don't have a choice here."

Eventually Noah could do nothing but agree and so he nodded, "What will I do if something happens to you?"

Luke stepped forward to hug him close, "I'll be fine. I promise."

Noah pushed him back with a look of utter determination, "Okay then! But if you're doing this then so am I!"

"What?"

"From now on I'm your personal bodyguard! You're not going anywhere without me!"

...

She was still wandering after the ever changing cloud that drifted just in front of her. When she stretched out her hands she could just touch the fluffy edge of it, and puffs of vapour would break off and float away. Each time she managed to touch the cloud his blue eyes would seer into her.

"Where are you?" She asked again

He held up his drawing so that she could see it. It was a strange drawing she thought. It didn't make sense.

"Why did you draw that?" She asked him, but he shrugged and went back to work.

Her vision started to grow misty and the cloud was suddenly much further away.

"Wait!" she yelled, "I'm not finished!" But hands were gripping at her arms and she thrashed to throw them off, "Let go! Let me go!" she screamed.

A voice seemed to fall from the sky like a god's and said, "Lady! Lady you can't sleep here! You are scaring away my customers!"

She opened her eyes as a rotund man lifted her to her feet and held her up against the brick wall. She couldn't think. Her head pained and she had started the shakes. She sniffed and stared at the guy, wiping the snot away with her arm, "Okay! Take your hands off! I'm leaving, okay?"

She stumbled from the alley and quickly rooted in her purse for the last of the coke. She sniffed it on the walk and hoped it would last long enough for her to find a quick favour.

Her mind swarmed with her predicament! There had to be a way to get some cash from Noah. He was her nephew after all! And family seemed important to him… so… so maybe… maybe he would take care of his old aunt. She would have to think long and hard about how she could manipulate him… but… but not now! Not while she had construction work taking place in her skull!

...

"So, this man, this Julius Maite, that Luke hired to help him clean up all your mess, worked for the Grimaldi's?"

"It is possible. Perhaps they made contact with Julius when Luke first hired him in Oakdale. So Luke thought Julius was working for him but really he was a mole for the Grimaldi's."

"Damian! Why oh why have you always found ways to drag Luke into all your intrigues and ridiculous mobster games?"

"Luke is my son! He deserved to take ownership of his birthright."

Lucinda scoffed at him.

"If I hadn't have given him the company when I did, the Grimaldi's would have found a way to take it from him. I would have cleaned up the company before Luke took over had I had the chance. But time was against me! Anyway I do not believe it was the Grimaldi's intention to harm him by ordering this hit. Most likely they were stamping their mark on this… this Di Alberto family. Making it clear that Luke was out of bounds."

"Well be that as it may, instead they have managed to put him into even more danger! Now the Di Alberto's think he's a Grimaldi and Luke is caught in the middle of some silly mob war… Not to mention the fact they almost killed Noah!"

"I love my son Lucinda. Despite what he thinks. Despite what any of you think! I don't want him in this situation any more then you do. I have come to realise that maybe it would have been best if I had stayed out of his life."

"What? Do my ears deserve me? Am I to understand you correctly? Is the great Damian Grimaldi finally able to admit he might not be the best influence in his son's life? Call the lawyers! Let's get this down on paper, shall we?"

"Okay. You can cut the sarcasm! Celebrate your little victory later! Right now we need to help Luke."

"And how, pray tell, do we do that?"

"My uncle would be the best place to start. He's the one with the most interest in Grimaldi Shipping."

"What is his name?"

"Anton. If you contact my lawyers in Craven Road, they'll give you all the information you need."

"I will do that." She said, standing. "In the meantime I want you to LEAVE LUKE ALONE! And I'm only going to come here to say that to you once! Poor boy has finally gotten back the man he loves and they deserve their chance at happiness… after everything they have been through! Without all your questionable dealings getting in their way!"

"Lucinda. I have only ever wished for Luke's happiness…"

"Well! You should have thought about that while you were deceiving him into believing his father was dead! Not just the once mind you, when you held back that critical information on Holden, but TWICE when you faked your own demise! OH! If only it hadn't been faked! Wouldn't we all just be so much better off?"

Damian smirked at her and maintained that smirk until the door closed behind her, before cussing in Italian under his breath.

...

After quite some distance she finally found her way out of suburbia and onto a road with shops on either side. She stood by one and examined herself in the glass. She didn't look her best but it would have to do.

Even in a strange neighbourhood… a strange city… she was an expert at tracking down the right spots. She could find them just as easy as a blood hound could sniff out a felon on the run. She stood on a corner that looked promising and sure enough a fancy car soon slowed and the passenger door opened.

"Can I help sweetheart?" She cooed.

"How much for a blow?"

"Seventy will do it!"

He laughed at her. "Forty. Take it or leave it!"

She glared at him, but she was desperate and she couldn't risk losing him. She needed a hit like yesterday! She got in and they drove off.

Only forty-five minutes later, job done, she had sourced her stash. She found another alley and set to work preparing the drug before feeding her favourite vein. She felt the divine substance take her. It was awesome! It was a weightless feeling of inner peace… Pure euphoria….

Then she sat up like a bolt… the picture was suddenly clear in her mind… just as she had seen it stuck to a fridge… just as the boy had held it up to her in her dream… a picture of two men and a child…

It was like her mind was suddenly clean and clear!

Noah!

Noah had her son!


	39. Precious Discovery 14

Michelle wasn't sure how she knew. She just did. But the whole situation was a complete mystery. Noah had seemed genuinely surprised to discover she was his aunt. She had been around liars and fraudsters for most of her life and she would know if he were faking it. She was sure he wasn't.

Almost from the moment she'd seen Noah she'd sensed some kind of hesitation from him... that he was holding something back… almost like a fear. She wondered whether he knew the child was hers. But when she'd revealed herself as family he HAD been shocked. There was no doubt in her mind about that.

And yet…

If he didn't know he had an aunt then how the f*ck had he ended up with the child? How could he have the child without realising the connection? And more importantly how had her child travelled almost two thousand miles across country to get there? If Noah had stumbled on her son by accident and now had him living with them in the house, then wouldn't he say something if he realised she was the mother? It all seemed like too much of a coincidence. Her mind was ticking away, coming up with ideas, coming up with solutions…

Suddenly a sly smile crossed her lips.

There was definitely something to be gained from this! She needed more information. She had a little time before her flight back to Branson…

It was possible this was the break she needed!

...

The puzzle was of a Lion and the child's eyes grew wide with amazement when Maddie handed him the brightly coloured box. His mouth gaped open in surprise and Maddie had to motion the box in his direction a few times before he took it.

"That's right, it's for you…" she assured him with her usual kind smile.

He climbed up on the couch and examined the picture on the box with wonder, running his finger along it. Then he shook the box and smiled when he heard the rattling sound from inside.

While Maddie and Noah said their goodbyes by the front door, Jonathan briefly took Luke aside, "I've left the kid a little gift outside on the decking. You can give it to him later. I figured two gifts at once might be a little overwhelming for him."

"Thanks! We didn't know how long he would be here and, with everything going on, there's been no chance to get him any playthings. So it's really great you guys thought of him!"

"No worries."

"And Jonathan…" he said, suddenly shy. "About what you did at the hospital…"

Jonathan squeezed Luke's shoulder, "Don't mention it!" He lifted his backpack and made for the door where Maddie waited patiently for him. They were both due back at work in Montana the following day.

"Thank you both so much for coming like you did." Noah said hugging them goodbye.

"Yeah!" agreed Luke. "It was a massive help!"

"Are you sure you two will be alright?" Maddie asked concerned, "I mean things are far from settled. I feel bad leaving you like this."

"Mad's! You two have your own lives to lead! You have Bruce to look after. We'll be fine from now on." Noah assured her.

"Okay, but if you need anything just let us know! And keep us posted."

"Lion!" the boy shouted at them the moment the front door closed on their friends.

Luke and Noah exchanged a knowing glance. Okay then? The child was only willing to talk to the two of them for the moment.

...

Adam Amadeo liked to think of himself as 'street smart'. He wasn't your usual mobster type. The type usually portrayed in Hollywood movies. If you were to pass him in the street you would think he came from some idyllic suburban family, blonde, handsome, well groomed and sharp as a razor's edge.

But you would be only partly right, for, although he was all these things, he had also been working for the Grimaldi family in New York for over ten years. And before that he was always involved in some illegal wrangling or another. He was always in trouble with the police as a kid. So despite his middle-class upbringing, he was a born criminal, pure and simple! He just about drove his pious Catholic mother to an early grave with all his antics.

"Why me?" She would often cry to the rooftops, gesticulating to her god, "Why Lord? Why give me such a wicked son as this?"

But his loyalties didn't lie with his mother. Sure she had raised him, but that was about it! Her way of showing love and affection was slamming a king sized bowl of pasta in his face. By the time he was thirteen he was the size of three grown men. He would have died young had it not been for Anton Grimaldi. Mr Grimaldi felt sorry for him and took him under his wing, introducing him to the gym and a healthy diet, before training him up to become a useful member of the family.

And that was how he thought of himself… as a Grimaldi and not as an Amadeo.

His good looks and slight frame often lead other men to underestimate him. He may not have seemed it, but he was efficient and fearless and most of all brutal! A wicked combination. And it was through his steely determination and intense loyalty that he had earned the respect of the remarkable man that was Anton Grimaldi.

So he loved the family… he really did! But this business of sitting around watching Luciano Grimaldi and company go about their daily routine had begun to grow stale. Until the bomb that is! And then the drive by shooting! And the poisoning was an interesting twist. Oh and he had so enjoyed the time they arrested some other guy for spying on the house. He still didn't know who that guy was!

His phone rang, "Mr Grimaldi?"

"Can you give me an update?" the deep, accented voice asked him.

"Their friends left a few minutes ago but besides that there has been no further activity. The cops are still watching the house."

"How many?"

"Two cruisers."

"Listen up Adam. I've just had an interesting phone conversation from Luciano's grandmother. Keep a close eye on them! I'm sure Gianni will make his next move soon…"

"Yes sir!" He hung up and smiled.

Things were hotting up at last and he had a front row seat for the ride.

...

After breakfast Noah was leaning up against the edge of an armchair, drinking from a coffee mug. He watched happily as Luke eagerly introduced the boy to what they assumed was his very first puzzle, because that was exactly his expression when Luke tipped the shapes out onto the coffee table… puzzled! They both sat on the carpet and Luke spread the pieces out, "You need to turn them all the right way up, so that you can view the picture on them, see?"

The boy was mesmerised by it and smart too, quickly following Luke's lead. It didn't take him long to catch on to the concept and he was soon searching out the connecting pieces with fascination.

"And so we build the lion like on the box." Luke continued.

"Lion!" The boy exclaimed with a broad smile making Luke laugh.

The sound of their giggles warmed Noah through and he thought how great it felt with just the three of them… how right…

Obviously he had always imagined Luke and he would marry and have kids someday. Even in the early days he had wanted that, eventually. But they were both still so young and having kids, however that was to come about, had always been a future kind of thing. They had only been back together for a few short months, and they were still trying to find their feet within the whirlwind of obstacles life had decided to throw their way.

Neither of them would ever have thought they would be thrust so quickly and so unexpectedly into a parental role. But now, watching the two people he loved play together, Noah realised how their relationship, their love for each other, had only been reinforced even further by their unspoken understanding that this small boy somehow belonged to them… that he had entered their lives for a reason and that they needed to do everything they could to keep him.

Luke's phone rang where it sat amongst the puzzle pieces on the table.

"Hello?" Luke scrambled for a few pieces as they fell to the floor when he answered. "Grandmother! Hi! Aha? Okay, just hang on a minute I'm going to put you on speaker so Noah can listen in." He clicked a button on his phone and placed the device back down on the table. "Okay, shoot!"

"Hello Noah…" Lucinda's strong voice emerged from the phone and the child glared at it with trepidation. Luke rubbed his back softly. The blue eyes calmed but stayed glued to the object.

"Hi Lucinda. How are you?" Noah replied.

"How am I? I think the question we should be asking is how are you, my boy? We are very lucky to even be speaking to you today! Both of you! This is quite a situation you've found yourselves in! All thanks to that miserable father of yours Luke."

"Did you get to see him?"

Noah looked up and Luke nodded at him. They hadn't yet been able to continue their conversation from earlier that morning.

"Oh yes! And you'll be very interested to know that he wasn't the one to order the hit on Di Alberto."

Noah and Luke exchanged another glance.

"He wasn't?" asked Luke surprised. "But if it wasn't him then who?"

"Well, he seems to think it might have something to with this uncle of his… an Anton Grimaldi. And after the phone conversation I have just had with the man, I'm inclined to agree. Apparently he is a major shareholder in your company, my darling."

"Yes he is. I know the name but he's always been a silent investor. Did he admit to it?"

"No, but I didn't get to my position in life without the skill of reading people. I'm sure he was involved. He was very interested to hear about your current predicament. And Damian is willing to wager that Anton didn't appreciate the way the Di Alberto's targeted a family member. Whether YOU think of yourself as a Grimaldi or not is neither here nor there as far as they are concerned. It is how they are perceived externally that matters to them. They cannot afford to lose face because of it."

"So they ordered the hit to stamp their mark." stated Noah in horror. "Damn! This has become way more then just being about the smuggling and access to ships! This is a full on battle for power…"

"I'm afraid so, Noah dear, with you and Luke caught right in the centre of it all."

...

The whole business with Luciano Grimaldi or Luke Snyder or whoever the hell he liked to call himself was so fucking out of control that Gianni was ready to kill!

Gianni had acted rashly when he ordered the hit on Luke Snyder. At the time he could barely control his rage at the death of his father and he had immediately sought a swift and quick revenge. He also needed to let the underworld know, as fast as possible, that his father's death would not go unpunished and that he would be as brutal a dictator as Marco had been. In their line of business they could not be made to look weak. It left them open to attack from other factions, keen to get a piece of the LA pie.

When his men had dragged a beaten and disorientated Julius to his feet he could still remember the rage that consumed him toward the man. Julius had humiliated him and by doing so had cast the Di Alberto family in a negative light. Julius had been right inside the heart of their organisation. Julius had been his friend! Men on the street were laughing at him and laughter meant disrespect! Which meant some men might be brave enough to challenge Di Alberto turf.

Gianni had killed before, but killing Julius had been the most satisfying ever!

Now that he had released some of his anger on Julius, he was actually glad his men had failed to kill off the queer. For one thing he loved the idea of Snyder tearing himself apart that his darling lover boy suffered in his stead. Bastard had probably wet his pants because of it! What a result! And for another, he now had the opportunity to personally pursue retribution.

...

The gift left by Jonathan in the back yard turned out to be a pretty decent soccer ball. The child was ecstatic. He could barely hold onto it, it was so big, but he hugged it close to his body and ran down on the grass where he dropped it to the ground and immediately kicked it about as hard as he could.

Noah hugged Luke from behind and they swayed softly together as they watched him play from their vantage point on the deck. "I realised something today…"

"What's that?" asked Luke.

"I haven't thought about Oliver Deagostino once since that boy arrived… Not until today when I was thinking about us."

Luke brought his hands up to grip Noah's forearm where it crossed his chest.

"The child's like the perfect counterpart to the pain left by Oliver. His presence is… soothing… and it's like he's somehow repaired the final cracks that had remained inside of me." Noah smiled as realisation hit him, "It doesn't even hurt so much to think about him anymore. It's really finally over, Luke!"

Luke turned into him with a smile and they kissed for a long moment before they continued to watch the child. Then after a few minutes he said, "He's so much better now, isn't he? He's like a shadow of the kid we picked up at Jasmine's. Don't you think?"

"Yeah! It's so great! He's not so scared to try things anymore. Like before… it was like he was scared to move… to breathe even! And he's so smart!"

"As much as we need to check out Branson, a part of me really doesn't want to know!"

"I know what you mean." Noah kissed Luke's cheek, "I'm going to do the dishes, want to play ball for a while?"

"You bet!" And Luke skipped off the deck to grab the wayward ball between his feet before kicking it over to the child. "Okay, catch it! That's right! Now kick it back over to me!"

Noah smiled and bit his lower lip before leaving them to it.

He had only just begun to wipe down the kitchen surfaces when the doorbell chimed. He noticed through the back window that Luke and the boy were still playing football in the yard. He thought briefly that it was starting to go dark and they should get the child ready for bed.

The child!" he thought as he dried his hands on a kitchen towel and made for the front door, "Finding out his name was definitely a priority!"

The person standing on his doorstep caused sweat to instantly bead on his forehead. He could feel the perspiration soak his armpits and his back. He couldn't find his voice… couldn't react at all. His hand trembled on the door handle.

"You lied to me…" It wasn't an accusation, just a statement.

He swallowed and felt his heart rate double.

**Please review ;-) **


	40. Precious Discovery 15

"Can you tell your dog to heal?" She sauntered past him through the doorway, bold as brass.

Still recovering, Noah hadn't initially noticed the police officer standing behind her. "It's okay officer." He managed to say, "She's my aunt."

Boy did that sound strange coming from his mouth. He shakily closed the door but didn't turn around. That same fear he had felt the day before, when he'd first laid eyes on her engulfed him, and he prayed Luke would decide to spend a few more minutes in the yard.

"He used to leave those things all over the house…"

"What?" Still he didn't turn.

"Those dumbass pictures he insists on drawing! I swear the child's got a problem or something!"

Noah's hand tightened on the doorknob. As well as the awful realisation that she knew, he could feel anger rising. He took the biggest breath of his life and turned to face her.

Although she was still in the same clothes as the day before, she looked better somehow, more in control. She was grinning at him.

"I'm sorry?" he tried, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

The smile faded from her lips and her eyes narrowed at him. "Don't take me for a fool Noah! I know I didn't finish school or noth'in but I ain't stupid! I saw the picture on the fridge yesterday! It affected me you know? But I only realised just now why that is!"

Before Noah could stop her she was marching towards the kitchen.

"No, wait!" he yelled in desperation, "You can't go in there!"

Please! He could already feel their fragile hold on the child slipping.

By the time he reached the kitchen she had the drawing in her hand, but she wasn't looking at it, instead her eyes were focused on the yard outside where Luke and the boy still played, oblivious to her presence. The boy giggled whenever Luke caught the ball and he would run after it as Luke kicked it away from him. Noah battled to hold onto his emotions. He wanted to run outside, bundle the three of them into this truck and speed of to who knew where. But there was no hiding him anymore.

Michelle had a strange expression on her face that Noah couldn't read. She cocked her head at the scene and pursed her lips. Then she seemed to shake the strange emotion off by flipping her long black hair back and sniffing loudly.

"So?" she finally said, glaring at him as he stood helpless before her, "How'd he get 'ere?"

"Do you care?" Noah stood firm. If he had to fight her on it then he would.

"'Course I care! That's my child isn't it?"

"Then why didn't you report him missing? If you care so damn much?"

She smiled at him. "People like you! People who have money? You make me laugh! You ain't got a clue how hard it is out there for the likes of me! Life ain't so simple!"

"It seems pretty simple to me." Noah replied, "Money doesn't even play a part in it! You either love him or you don't. And if you don't then you need to do the right thing by him and just let him go."

She paused for a moment, "You know? There's one thing I still don't get? You didn't now I was your aunt right?"

"No."

"So how come you've got my child?"

"Somebody gave him to us. I guess he knew the boy was my family in some way."

"And so you just took him in?" She asked in amazement, "Without knowing? Just like that?"

"Just like that." Noah nodded then asked, "What do you want, Michelle?"

"What do you think I want? I want my child back of course!"

Noah tried not to visibly tense at that. He had to make Michelle believe he was the one in control, all the while knowing she held all the cards. "I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell I'm giving that boy back to you. Not after the way he's been treated in the past." And then it slipped out before he could stop himself, "There's no way I'm letting him near a monster like you!"

She slapped him. She slapped him hard across his face and he stood stock still with shock at first, cupping his cheek. Then he stared defiantly at her, "Why did you REALLY come back, Michelle? And don't try to tell me it's because of your child. You obviously don't love him so what do you really want?"

Michelle stood before him with a look of chilling and calculating coldness. "If I leave the boy with you what happens to him?"

"We keep him. You sign his care over to us. It's the right thing to do Michelle. He has the chance of a better life. Can't you see that?"

She was silent for a while, thinking. Then she replied simply, "Okay…"

Noah wanted to relax with relief but something told him she wasn't finished.

"…on one condition…"

"What's that?" asked Noah with sinking dread.

"You pay me. You pay me once a month for the boy and he's yours."

"Forget it!" he was quick to respond and an intense feeling of disgust and fury flared up in him again, "I'm not going to PAY you for him, Michelle!" He spat the word 'pay' as he spoke. "He's not a commodity for you to trade… to make your drug money on! He's a human being god dammit!" His voice was now laced with indignation.

She shot a look to Noah that came as close to pure hatred as he had ever seen. "Just as bad as your Pops, right?"

Noah felt a stab at that. He'd never been compared to his father before. He was surprised at how much the words hurt, even coming from a witch like Michelle.

"What gives you the right to judge me?" She continued, "Do you live my life? Hey? You're just as high and mighty as Daddy! Thing is, legally I ain't the real criminal here, am I? It's you two that kidnapped my son! All I have to do is go and speak to those nice young police officer's parked right outside. Explain how my baby went missing and I found 'im here without my knowing it. The two of you would be behind bars within hours and you know it!"

"There is no way I'm giving you any money. You can forget it!"

"Okay then," she spoke sweetly, with an angelic smile, "I'll just be grabbing my son and we'll be off."

She made for the backdoor, her cheap stiletto heels sounding like hammers on the tiled floor. Noah ran to catch up, clearing the space in a few long strides but Michelle quickened her pace and her hand fell on the door handle…

"STOP!" Noah yelled, panting hard and holding his hands out, "Please… just… can't we just talk about this civilly?"

She turned towards him smugly. "I have to leave for Branson in a few hours. I don't have the luxury of being able to change my flight. So… here's the deal! I'll leave the boy here… "

Noah lifted his head and shuddered, his eyes noticed through the pane of the adjacent window that Luke and the boy seemed to have finished their game and were making their way up the yard. He knew how terrified the child would be to see her and panic began to set in.

"… for now… I'll give you boys the chance to think about my offer… you got twenty-four hours!"

"Okay. Okay then." Noah was willing to say just about anything to get her to leave, "But you have to go now."

"I will. I will. Keep your pants on! Jeez! But I'm going to need a little something to tie me over. I've got some men on my back in Branson."

Noah kept an eye on Luke and the child outside. He didn't want to give Michelle a cent. He knew he would be contradicting himself, but at that moment he couldn't risk the boy seeing her. "Okay, how much?"

"A grand should cover it!"

Noah left the kitchen, knowing that she would follow and he flew for his writing desk, pulling out some notes he'd stored there to pay a repair man. He thrust them at her, "Here!" and he pushed her toward the door. "Okay now leave… Please just go!"

"I'm going! I'm going! Is this any way to treat your aunty?"

He watched as she made her way down the path and then he remembered, "Wait!"

She paused and he ran down to meet her by the road. She looked surprised that he had followed her.

"His name? What's his name?" He was stunned by the look on her face. She was shocked by the question, as though she'd never been asked it before. "He has a name right?"

"'Course he does!"

"So what is it?"

She frowned at him, "Nun's gave him a name when he was born. I don't remember…"

Noah was certain he actually heard his heart break in two. He couldn't stand to be around her for another minute. "Just go!" he told her coldly.

He rubbed his face in his hands before making his way back up the path and into the house. Luke had just pressed play on a DVD for the boy when Noah entered. They locked eyes and Luke, reading his expression, immediately followed him in silence as Noah headed for the kitchen.

Noah stood transfixed by the drawing of a little boy on the fridge.

"Bubby?" Luke asked from the doorway, "What's the matter?"

"Child." He said nodding his head as though Luke had asked him a different question. His voice was flat.

"What?"

"That's what he drew for us… when we asked him… a child…"

"Noah?"

"Because that's… that's what she called him!" The hands come back up to his face and he wept loudly into them as the adrenaline of the moment left him. The picture blurred behind his tears.

Luke's arms were around him in a flash and Noah leaned into their warmth, resting his head on Luke's strong shoulder, wetting his shirt with his tears.

"Luke…"

"Shh… baby… I'm here… shh…"

...

He used to have to steal food from the general store or from the garbage. Sometimes a person would leave an unfinished sandwich at the laundry mat. He'd hide food in the cupboard so she wouldn't see. When she remembered to give him food it was usually salty biscuits and maybe if he was lucky there would be some cheese.

"Here child! Eat up!" she would say.

Sometimes in the morning he could finish her cornflakes if she left them in the bowl in the sink. He would push a kitchen chair against the counter and stand on it. Then he would eat the flakes over the sink, listening out for her in case she caught him. There were times when she took ages to leave and then the milk was sour by the time he got up there. But when there was food going he would always eat it, never knowing when the next meal might be. Anything was better then the way his tummy would ache when he didn't get any.

He pretty much thought about food all the time. The only time he could forget the growl in his stomach was when he was concentrating on a drawing. So he drew a lot!

But now he didn't have to hunt for food. Luke and Noah gave him food every day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner! And it was yummy! It was the best food ever! Some mornings Luke would even make pancakes! And once he even made him pancakes shaped like people! Luke could make anything!

He was going to stay with Luke and Noah. He knew because he heard Noah say so to Maddie and Jonathan. He heard Noah say he didn't have to go back to Mommy.

Mommy had come to the house! He had been scared that she would take him away. He didn't want to go back ever! But Noah and Maddie made her go away, so it was okay now.

This time Luke helped him in the bath. And then when he was in bed Luke read him 'Noah's Ark'. It was the best story! Really, really good! He had his own bed now! So he was a big boy now! Then Luke kissed him goodnight and Noah came to kiss him goodnight. Noah was sad so he hugged Noah's neck and told him, "Be okay, No-ah…"

"You bet we will be, kid!" And Noah kissed him again.

"I stay?" he asked.

But Noah looked very sad at that. Noah didn't answer him and that made him feel afraid.

"Sleep tight baby."

He thought he saw Noah crying as he left the room.

...

They left the child with Jasmine for the following day while they undertook the dangerous assignment requested by Detective Mullins. They met him in the men's toilet of a coffee bar, so that if any of the Di Alberto clan were following them, they wouldn't be suspicious. Luke made the call, the nerves making his hands shake. He was glad Noah was by his side to hold one of them.

The phone was hooked up to some fancy gadgets so that the police could listen in.

"IL Forno's, good morning? Would you like to make a reservation?" said a sweet sounding girl on the other end of the line.

IL Forno's was one of many Italian restaurants run by the Di Alberto family. This branch was a regular hangout for Gianni and the police had confirmed already that he was currently there checking on the books.

"Um, no." answered Luke, "I was wondering whether I could speak to Gianni Di Alberto, please? Is he available?"

The girl sounded flustered, obviously uncomfortable with the question, "Oh, um, it's most unusual for him to take calls on this number, um…"

"If you tell him it's Luke Snyder, I'm sure he will take the call."

"Um, okay, um, just hang on a minute." He heard her place the phone down on the counter and he could hear her voice in the background talking to another woman. Finally a door opened and closed and he heard heavy footsteps growing louder as they approached the phone.

"Who's this?" said a stern male voice. It wasn't Gianni.

"As I told the girl, it's Luke Snyder here. I need to talk to Gianni right now." He tried to sound like a person in charge.

"Hold on." More shuffling and conversation could be heard in the back ground. Finally the same man's voice said, "Okay, but not on the phone. How fast can you get here?"

"What? To the restaurant?" Luke clarified.

"Yes. He will see you now if you can make it here."

"Um," he looked over at the Detective who nodded, "Um, Okay. I won't be alone though. I'll have my partner with me."

"Fine! But just the two of you!" The phone went dead.

"Don't worry," the Detective reassured them when he saw the unease on both their faces, "It's the best place to meet him because he'd never try anything on his own property."

...

Noah had given her the exact information she had gone back to his house to hear. They didn't just have the boy staying with them… they wanted him. And that gave her a major advantage.

Yes, of course she knew Noah had vetoed the idea of paying her for the privilege of raising her son, but she felt sure he would come around. Eventually he wouldn't have a choice if he wanted to keep the kid.

She couldn't imagine what they wanted with the boy. He was just a pain in the ass. And he never spoke so it wasn't like you could play with him or anything. (The blonde man had played with him in the yard.) The moment had shocked her. The boy looked different somehow. It took her a while to figure it out but then she realised… he was laughing and he seemed… happy. She felt a tug of annoyance towards him. Wasn't he supposed to love HER? Wasn't he supposed to miss HER? She was no saint but she was still his mother. He should feel something, right? A kid so young?

Anyway she had quickly shrugged those feelings off. The main thing was that the two men seemed to have taken a shine to the boy and they wanted him. And they were LOADED! She thought she should find the person who had taken him. So that she could thank him. That person may just have saved her ass!

It was only right what she was requesting. It was only right that she get her share of the pie. It was only fair. After all, if Winston had taken better care of her when she was younger, like he should have done, then maybe she could have turned out like Noah. Maybe she could have been successful and living in a fancy house.

She rubbed her hands on her way to the laundry mat. She had enough cash on her at the moment to pay off the sharks and score a little dope… And she even had enough to take the night off!

After that she had herself a new cash cow… or bull… lined up. It wouldn't be long…

She wasn't about to give up on it! No siree!

...

Gianni was intrigued. The phone call from Luke Snyder had been totally unexpected. The little twerp wanted an audience with him. What? Was the guy really that stupid! He laughed to himself. He wondered what in the world the guy had to say to him and he was just wondering that when the restaurant door opened and Luke walked in with his dark haired boyfriend. They looked like two deer in headlamps as they were patted down by Gianni's men! Did this wimp really order a hit on his father?

As they approached the table he stood to shake their hands. He held Luke's hand a little longer and gripped hard, making him wince. Finally they were all seated and Gianni surveyed them silently.

"I guess you're wondering why we're here?" Luke began.

"You could say that." He replied.

"We've come to ask you to remove the hit you have on me."

Gianni eyed them for a moment and then laughed out loud. He was swiftly joined by his men and Luke and Noah's eyes roamed over the laughing hoard. Once he caught his breath back he said, "Why would I want to do that exactly?"

"Because you're making a mistake." It was Noah who spoke this time.

"Noah was it?" he asked. "So how are you Noah? Healthy?"

He wanted to leap from his chair with glee when he saw the expression of sheer aggression suddenly cross his ex-employer's face. It was obvious the poisoning had really hit a cord with Luke.

"I never wanted any of this Gianni!" Luke spat at him, "I know you think I ordered Julius to kill your father but you're wrong!"

"Oh really? So you didn't hire him then?"

"Yes, I hired him, but I never told him to kill your father. It was my uncle, Anton Grimaldi."

Gianni couldn't help but start at that news. He felt a shiver down his spine. Anton Grimaldi was a big wig in New York City. What they hell was he doing getting involved in the Los Angeles crime ring. The only answer he could think of was reputation. Gianni was messing with Grimaldi reputation and Anton was taking umbrage to that! Sh*t!

"We're here to make a deal with you." Luke broke him from his thoughts.

"And what might that be?"

"I will allow you back into the company and you can continue to have full access to the ships as you please."

"Okay. And what do you want in exchange?"

"We want you to lay off our family. We just want you to pull the hit and leave us in peace. We were never really a part of any of this!"

Gianni eyed him for a second longer, "Okay but if I agree to this then I want something else thrown in."

"Name it."

"I want ninety percent."

"You can have it all Gianni! I'm not interested in your drug money! All I want is your guarantee to leave us alone!"

Gianni smiled, "Well! How can a shrewd businessman like me say no to a sweet deal like that? You've got yourself an agreement Mr Snyder."

He saw them both visibly sigh. The two wets were complete amateurs.

So the issue about access to Grimaldi ships had really become second fiddle to the bigger issue at hand. Anton Grimaldi was trying to stake claim to Los Angeles turf. It must not have gone unnoticed by those on the street! As such Gianni had no choice but to make a loud statement! It had to be big and it had to be heard across the country. Los Angeles dockside belonged to the Di Alberto's.

Anton seemed protective of Luke Snyder so it would be perfect to use the couple to make his point. He just needed a little longer to plan it, so in the meantime, he would let Luke and Noah walk out of the restaurant thinking they were safe.

...

**Review please...**


	41. Precious Discovery 16

"Do you think Gianni meant it?"

"God, I hope so…"

"But?"

"I don't know. It just seems… it just seems a little too easy, you know?" Luke sighed and scratched his head as they sat end to end on the couch, sharing a bowl of potato chips between them.

"Well maybe the cops are right. Maybe he does care more about the smuggling business than he does about revenge. And now the police have the information Julius gave you. So they can watch them until they have enough evidence to bring down Gianni."

"Maybe…"

"But we're still left with no evidence to prove you didn't order the hit on Marco."

"No. But I think Detective Mullins believes me, so at least we have that right?"

"Well you're not exactly Donnie Brasco!"

Luke laughed, "No?" he asked, "Not even a younger Al Capone?"

Noah shook his head with a smile.

"Not even if I wear the hat?" asked Luke with mock disappointment.

Noah moved the bowl from the couch to the coffee table and crawled to lie over him, "I'm not sure whether the hat would turn you into Al Capone, but it would definitely make you look sexy!"

"Oh really? You like that idea, ha?"

The amorous kiss was confirmation that he did.

"I don't know." Mused Luke, once they'd pulled apart, "Maybe I should contact Anton Grimaldi? If he did order the hit then maybe he can help get me off."

"Yes, but that would mean getting yourself involved with the Grimaldi family. Is that what you want?"

"No, but it may just be my only option."

The phone rang, interrupting them and Noah jumped up to get it.

"Hello?" His face fell fast.

Luke sat up concerned.

"Look! I already told you Michelle! I'm not paying you! So that leaves you with two choices… Either you do the right thing and sign him over to us or we challenge your custody in court!"

Luke could hear the woman swearing down the phone line.

"Oh yeah?" yelled Noah, "Well you just do that then!" and he banged the phone down. "Sh*t!"

"What did she say?"

"She said our twenty-four hours is up and we either pay her or she's calling the cops."

"And what do you think?"

"I don't know. I think she really wants us to take the deal… pay her. So calling the cops kind of blows her chances, you know?"

"So, you don't think she will?"

"Only time will tell, won't it?"

Luke nodded and stood to hug him. "I'll call Gareth tonight just in case. Get him to look into our options as far as the child's concerned." and then checking his watch, "It's five o'clock already, we really should collect him from Jasmine's."

Noah made a move to fetch his keys but Luke grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a kiss. "On the other hand?" he said, "We could leave him for another hour…"

Noah rested his forearms on Luke's shoulders and caught his hands together behind Luke's head, "And why, pray tell, would we want to do that?"

"So that we can make love…" and Luke pushed Noah down onto the couch, "Right here!" He fell to pin him down.

"Right here?"

"Right…" a kiss "…here." He reiterated, and a hand pulled Noah's shirt free from where it was tucked into his jeans. "If we are going to do this thing… have a kid in the house? Then we'll have to learn to take advantage of moments like these…"

"Oh really?" And as Luke's fingers found his nipple he let out a loud groan. "AH!"

"Mm hmm…"

...

The following morning they were quickly wishing they hadn't been so complacent as far as Michelle was concerned.

Luke answered the doorbell and was greeted by a small and plump lady with a brown bob. She wore a long floral dress, buttons straining to stay closed around her wide hips, and thick black rimmed glasses that magnified her eyes, making her look somewhat bug like.

"Mr Noah Mayer?" She asked, examining the papers on the official looking clipboard she held against one arm.

"No, I'm Luke Snyder. Noah's my partner. Can I help you?"

"My name is Betty Hawke. I'm from Social Services." She handed Luke an identification card which he studied as his stomach fell to the floor, "I understand you have a child, a Nicholas Mayer, staying with you? I've come to pick him up."

Michelle followed through. She actually followed through on her threat.

"What?" Luke's head swam suddenly as though he were in a trance.

Nicholas. His name is Nicholas.

"I understand from Miss," she checked her notes, "…Miss Harris, that Mr Mayer took her son without her consent. Now if this is true Mr Snyder then you and Mr Mayer should consider yourselves lucky that she hasn't pressed charges."

Gathering himself Luke replied, "Lucky? We'd rather go to prison then send him back to that crazy woman, Ms Hawke. I mean you've met her right?"

She shook her head. "Mrs Harris called this in from Branson, Missouri where she resides. I have not yet interviewed her. I will do so when I hand over the child. We are booked on a flight this afternoon."

Luke's heart was racing. They weren't serious, were they?

"So you don't even know what she's like? You haven't even checked her out before coming here? Ms Hawke, you should have seen the state of the boy when he arrived here! She's not fit to care for him. Did you know she offered to sell him to us?"

"Be that as it may it is not up to you or me to make that decision. She is his legal guardian until the courts decide otherwise. Now we can log your complaint and a social worker will check it out. If they are unhappy with the child's environment or they think the child is in some kind of danger, then they will remove the child immediately."

"And how long is THAT going to take? What happens in the meantime? Are you telling me you'll just dump him back with her? So he has to endure that treatment because of some fucking red-tape?"

"I'm afraid it is not a perfect system, Mr Snyder, however it is the system and the rules are in place for a reason, to protect children from being unnecessarily taken from their homes."

"Ms Hawke, please. What about the children that NEED to be taken. That NEED to be taken right away?"

She sighed, "I'm sorry Mr Snyder. I realise this is difficult. You and Mr Mayer may feel that you are acting in the child's best interest, but this is the law. I have a directive telling me to take Nicholas today and if you stand in my way I will have to call the police in to help me action it."

Luke looked back over his shoulder at Noah who was listening to the whole conversation from the lounge. His face was lined with worry. He had obviously grabbed the child the moment the woman said 'Social Services' because he had the boy held protectively against his chest. Even from where he stood Luke could tell that his breathing was rapid. The boy, sensing trouble, clung to Noah. Not understanding what was happening, his tiny frame trembled.

Luke's mind whirled as it tried to come up with solutions.

"Please…" There was desperation in Luke's plea as he turned his head back to the visitor.

"Mr Snyder if the police ARE called in, then this will become a criminal matter regardless of whether Mrs Harris presses charges or not. You are treading on extremely thin ground already."

There was a two minute standoff between them. Luke stood determinedly, with his arms gripping the doorframe. He puffed his body up so that it filled the doorway.

"Please step aside Mr Snyder. It would be better for the child if you don't make this harder then it has to be!"

Finally Luke shuddered and accepted defeat. He stepped back so that she could enter the house.

As Noah came into her view, her seemingly large eyes zeroed in on the boy in his arms and Noah shook his head, "No."

She seemed genuinely remorseful for them, "I'm sorry Mr Mayer, but there really is nothing I can do."

He continued to shake his head and increased his hold on the child. Finally he did the only thing left to do… he ran.

He flew down the passageway with Luke and the woman close on his heel.

"Noah!" Luke yelled.

"Stop!" she called out.

...

Two men were parked in a black SUV, awaiting further instructions. They had been there for five hours already and they were starting to get fed up. They were itching to go! It was while they were on their ninth takeaway coffee that the phone finally rang.

"Everything's ready. Do it." came their instructions.

Without replying the phone was disconnected, their hoods were pulled down to hide their identities and the driver was pulling the car out into the road.

He checked the rear-view mirror through the slit in his ski mask and ensured that their colleagues were following in the cars behind. They were.

...

Noah slammed the bedroom door and turned the lock. He stared around the room, looking for an escape he knew didn't exist. Finally there was nothing left to do except sit on the floor and lean up against the bed, watching the door, holding the baby that he knew to be theirs. He was theirs.

"Nicholas." He said to the boy, trying to calm them both down. "That's your name. Did you know that?"

The little head shook against his neck but the boy didn't come out of his embrace.

For as long as Noah had known Luke he'd wanted him by his side. Even during those dark days when he'd pushed Luke away… he had wanted him. It had always been the thing he treasured more than anything! And he never thought he'd find something to treasure just as much! But this child? His blood? Noah would die for him….

Luke banged on the door, "Noah. Noah, open up!"

"Nicholas Mayer." he paused for a moment after saying the name out loud and then he smiled softly through his tears, "Nicky... Luke and I love you very much, okay?"

Nicky nodded. "And we want you to stay here with us so much!"

"Stay…"

"But…" Noah's voice caught in his throat, "But that lady outside, she has to take you back to your Mommy..."

"NOOOOO!" Usually so quiet the boy's scream shocked Noah causing him to slacken his hold, and as he did so the child scrambled free from his arms and into the closet. The door slammed after him.

"Noah?" Luke's worried voice asked from outside the door. He had stopped banging, presumably because he knew it would do no good. "Is he okay?"

"What do you think?" It was said in anger and Noah regretted the tone right away but he couldn't help feeling annoyed that Luke was so calm, even though he knew how hard Luke must have been fighting to stay that way.

"Please open the door. We knew this might happen. You know we can't keep him right now… But we will fight for him, okay? We won't give up! I promise!" Luke's voice had that wet quality that usually came when he held back tears.

"I know." Noah replied feeling bad. "It's just… I can't…"

"Please open the door."

Finally resigned to the inevitable Noah said, "Just give me a minute okay?"

On the other side of the door Luke looked pleadingly at the Social Worker. She checked her watch and then nodded. "Ten minutes."

"Noah, you have a few minutes. We'll wait out here, okay?"

Noah felt like he was in quicksand with no hope of rescue. How was he supposed to do this? Explain to a four year old why he was being taken back to hell.

In all the time the boy had been with them, neither of them had ever violated the child's privacy within the closet. They both understood it was his safe zone. A place he knew nobody could reach him if he didn't want them to. Not even Luke and Noah. So Noah didn't open the door. Instead he knocked lightly on it and asked, "Can I hide inside with you?"

Nothing.

"I'm just going to come inside with you and close the door, okay?" It was a lie and Noah hated himself for it.

The door opened a crack and Noah took that as invitation. When he opened the door fully Nicky stretched up to him, his large blue eyes expressive with confused emotion and Noah lifted him up. But he didn't enter the closet instead he increased his grip on the child and made for the bedroom door. The child screamed a bloodcurdling cry of anguish when he realised what Noah was doing. He struggled angrily to break free, to reach the closet that had served so well as a refuge many times before.

"I'm sorry." Noah whispered in his ear. "We'll come and get you as soon as we can. I promise. I promise baby, okay?"

He opened the door and stared at Luke who was sitting on the floor. Luke stood as he passed and the child caught sight of him over Noah's shoulder. Knowing where Noah was heading the boy held his little arms out to Luke, hoping Luke might save him from his fate. But Luke didn't move.

As Noah reached the social worker the child clung piteously to him; yearning clouded his eyes. His cries were like nails being driven through their souls and they had to fight their natural instinct to protect him. There was nothing they could do. They both knew that.

"This is a very nice lady. Her name is Betty. She won't hurt you." But your mother will. He swallowed at the thought and kissed the boy's head. He held the child for a long moment.

"Mr Mayer?" she asked.

He took a step back as she reached towards them, "Luke… I can't…"

Luke stepped beside him and held his arms out for the boy who fell trustingly into them. The awful look of terror on his sweet face caused Luke's heart to bleed for him.

"It's okay, baby. Shh…" He rocked the child gently for a while. The boy made loud gasping noises as he struggled to breathe through his sobs. "It's all going to be okay. We love you and we will fight to bring you home." That amazing quality he had. That amazing quality that made a person feel safe and loved… protected… immediately went to work on the boy and his lids closed as he relaxed. Exhaustion took him and he fell asleep on Luke's shoulder, making it easy for Luke to reluctantly hand the tiny body over to the woman's waiting arms.

As the front door closed behind her Luke placed his hands on Noah's back, but the moment they made contact Noah turned violently and shoved both hands hard against Luke's chest, pushing him back so that he stumbled against the couch.

"We should have fought harder!" he yelled and raced out the house through the glass sliding doors only to come to a halt on the top step of the decking.

Luke sank to the floor and sat against the back of the couch. The tears fell freely now as he kept his eyes glued to Noah's back.

Noah stood there for quite some time. His shoulders heaved up and down as he stared off into the distance. Finally they sagged and he turned to walk back inside, where he sat down next to Luke and drew the sobbing man into his chest.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"I know. It's okay."

...

Adam was now seriously bored! Jeez! How much longer? He knew Anton felt something was up and Anton was rarely wrong, but so far… NOTHING!

He sighed deeply and clicked a button on the car stereo so that the multi-changer flipped to a new CD. God! You really knew you'd been sitting in a car for too long when you'd overplayed ten CD's in your changer!

The front door to Luciano's house opened and he sat up, preparing himself in case they were leaving to go someplace. So far their visits had at least been interesting. He'd been extremely surprised the day before, when he'd followed them and watched them walk right into the lion's den, Gianni's restaurant. He wondered what they had discussed inside. So had Anton once he'd called the information in.

But it was just the fat woman who had entered the house a while ago. She had their kid with her. Probably a good thing if Anton was correct in his predictions. She placed the kid in a child seat in her car and drove off.

He yawned and prepared for another few hours of nothing….

...

"Thank you Gareth… Yes, anything you can do to help us would be appreciated… and if you can arrange the flights to Branson as soon as possible that would be great!"

Noah stood anxiously by Luke's side as he spoke. He couldn't seem to stop his body from shivering. He had tried to contact Michelle on the number she'd called him on but figured it must have been a payphone. It was the worst form of frustration, knowing she was bad for the boy and yet held all the power to keep him.

"Yes, "continued Luke, "If you could travel with us that would be even better. I'm sorry to ask, I know you're really busy setting up the new office and every…" He was startled out of the conversation by a distinctive popping sound... He lifted his eyes to the window.

"Luke… Luke… are you still there…" Noah could hear Gareth on the other end of the line, but his eyes were also drawn to the scene outside.

"Jesus!" Luke yelled.

It was like a scene from the many cop shows he had watched as a boy. The two police cruisers had their doors flung open. The four police officers cowered behind them under a rain of bullets descending from two parked Mercedes further up the road. Whenever they had a moment one or two of them would poke out of their hiding place and shoot a few rounds before ducking back for cover.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Noah in shock.

"The back!" Screamed Luke, dropping the phone and pushing Noah towards the kitchen, "Head for the back…"

They ran for the kitchen, skidding on the hardwood floor and heaved their bodies towards the kitchen door. Noah reached it first. He flung the door open only to be greeted by two gun wielding assailants with ski masks. Noah immediately moved in front of Luke holding out his arms.

"Just where the hell do you two think think you're going?"

**Don't make me beg :-) Please comment!**


	42. Precious Discovery 17

"He-llo!" Adam sang to himself as he slid down in the car seat.

His experienced eye recognised the pincer attack before it even happened. The four men in the two black Mercedes Benz cars quickly dealt with the police cruisers, leaving their occupants sprawled, dead and bloody over the roadside.

During the gunfight, while their colleagues kept the police busy, two men entered the house from the rear and escorted their stunned prey down the path, shoving them quickly and unceremoniously into the back of a black SUV.

Adam dialled his phone, "Boss!"

"What is it Adam?"

"They've grabbed your nephew and his friend! Just bundled them into a black SUV! I'm in pursuit as we speak!"

"Alive?"

"For now…"

"What about the cops?"

"Dead! All of them!"

"That little shit! What the hell is he playing at! Call me the minute you have a location!"

...

Despite being packed full of crates the cargo ship's hull had a strange echoing quality to it, making it feel as empty as Luke's stomach. Whatever happened he had to maintain a clear head, but to be honest he was terrified.

He wondered how Noah was feeling as they were frog marched together by two burly dark haired men with guns. Not only were THEY in quite a predicament, but they were fearful for Nicholas too. They worried about what Michelle would do to him. It was agony to even allow his brain to go there. He briefly brushed Noah's hand with this own, hoping it would give him some courage and they allowed their eyes to meet for just a second. It was amazing how much they could communicate with just a second's look… it was clear that Noah was just as apprehensive.

He supposed that as terrible as Michelle could be to the child at least she would never kill him. At least he hadn't been in the house when Gianni's men attacked. Luke wouldn't put it past them to hurt or even kill a child if he got in their way.

Hopefully somebody would have reported the gunfire at the house and the police would be on their trail. He just hoped.

He wondered how the hell things had come to this! One minute they had been deliriously happy, even after the whole issue with Oliver, and the next they were target's for one of LA's top crime families. He felt sick. It was all his stupid fault! And now Noah was in danger because of it!

"Finally!" said a stocky man with a rifle who stood waiting for them to show up. "Took you guys long enough!"

"What does Gianni want from us?" Luke blurted out. He had gotten no response from the other two men during the drive over and he was frantic for an explanation.

"Boss hasn't decided what to do with YOU yet!" the man replied, before eyeing Noah up and down, "Him? He's already dead!"

The prickle of quivers that ran up Luke's spine left him iced up with shock, "What?"

But the man ignored him. "Boss wants 'em in 'ere!" he said to their two escorts and Luke and Noah were pushed with some force into a strange cavity between two Grimaldi crates.

Both of them stumbled into the back of the space and fell to their knees; and before either of them could stand up a third crate was closing in on them.

"Wait!" Luke yelled, making for the rapidly decreasing crack of light, "What did you mean by that?"

But darkness descended as the crate slammed closed. It was pitch black and all they could hear was the sound of their own heavy breathing. He stifled surging panic, keeping his mind on track by counting his breaths. "Noah?"

"I'm over here…" His voice was shaky. Luke knew how much he feared absolute darkness.

Luke stretched his arms out and used them to search the air in the general direction of Noah's voice. Was this what life had been like for Noah when he was blind? Everyday like this! For months! Believing he would be that way forever… He ached at the thought of what it must have done to him mentally.

"Luke?"

Noah's voice brought him out of his thoughts. He continued to search until his fingers brushed the buttons on Noah's open shirt and he grabbed the material pulling the man over and into his arms. They shivered into each other. He could feel Noah's heart beating fearfully and his long arms returned Luke's desperate hug.

"I don't think we're going to make it through this, Luke."

Luke's mind raced to find an escape. "Yes! Yes we will! Just like we've made it through everything else!"

"And Nicky? We promised him! We promised him we'd fetch him! If we don't make it what's going to happen to him?" Luke felt the man jerk with a sob. "He'll end up in social care or worse!"

"Noah, the police will find us! We have to believe that!"

"How? How will they know where to look? Even if they knew we were on a ship how would they know which one? They're going to kill us before anybody even knows we're missing!"

"We can't think that! Whatever happens we have to keep calm. There's a way out of this… There just has to be!"

As they held each other in the blackness, Luke tried to remain outwardly strong for Noah's sake, but inside… inside three words repeated themselves over and over,

"He's already dead…"

...

Adam's phone rang just as he was pulling into a dockside parking space. A huge cargo ship was moored just to the side and he was only metres away from the parked SUV. He could see a couple of men halfway up the ship's gangplank.

"You there?" Anton asked as soon as Adam pressed answer on his phone.

"Yes, dockside. They've boarded one of your ships. There were no security checks when we entered. All the gates were up so I'm assuming they paid somebody off."

"Which ship?"

"It's the Maria of Madeira. She's a big one!"

"Yes I know it, she sailed in yesterday. Okay. Keep your eye on them! I'm sending backup your way."

"Yes Sir." He hung up and quickly holstered his weapon before grabbing a pistol he kept in the glove box and slipping into the holder attached to his ankle.

He exited his car and, keeping low, ran up the length of the ship to reach the gangplank, currently guarded by one armed man. He marvelled at how the entire ship and dockyard appeared deserted. He was sure that to achieve this, the Di Alberto's must have bribed the ship's captain, getting him to dismiss all hands for the day, as well as some shipping authority. It was incredible what could be achieved with money. If you were lucky enough to possess it…

The guard didn't notice his approach until Adam was right on top of him. An elbow to the man's face broke his nose, knocking him out, but before he fell to the ground, Adam swiftly grabbed his rifle before twisting the body around and pushed hard, so that is landed with a loud splash into the murky seawater below.

He needed to keep his presence quiet for as long as he could. At least until Anton's men arrived. He waited a few minutes, just in case somebody heard the splash and came to investigate, and then made his silent path up the gangplank. The two suits were hanging around a doorway. Quickly he ducked behind a white painted funnel. Cautiously he peered around the width of the funnel to watch as they disappeared through the doorway he assumed lead down into the bowels of the ship. Making sure the coast was clear he stealthily followed them.

...

It was at times like these that Betty really hated her job. The screams of panic and terror that erupted from the poor child, when he awoke to find himself surrounded by strangers and secured into the seat of an airplane, were enough to make a stone statue cry. He fought and struggled and kicked and bit her until she was black and blue. His little fists balled in anger… no not just anger... fury…

People on the plane began to question her authority over the child, convinced that she must have snatched him from his parents, which deep down she felt she had done. It had become quickly obvious to her that the two men loved the boy dearly and that they were trying to protect him. She had also witnessed the behaviour of enough children in her time to know the boy considered them as fathers. She felt sure that when she finally did arrive in Branson to hand over the boy to his mother, she would find a despicable woman, just as Mr Snyder had described her.

She could never understand those types of people. It was obvious they didn't want the responsibility of their children and yet they would fight tooth and nail to keep them. It was as though they counted their kids as possessions and, since most of them owned very little, were hell bent on holding on to them.

Betty was often left powerless. Sometimes the laws worked and sometimes they didn't. As much as congress and governments tried to force each and every case into a square box, it was impossible! She had learnt quickly over her career that each case was completely different.

So as she drove up to the tattered house in Branson, the boy still crying, though much quieter now, she sighed deeply before opening the car door and struggling up. She peered into the back seat and watched how the wide blue eyes stared straight ahead at the house before him. His tiny hands gripped the child seat in which he sat. This was not the right place for him. She knew it and yet procedure had to be followed.

The front door to the house opened and a skinny woman in a yellow sundress made her way down the wooden porch steps, "Baby?" she yelled, holding her hands up to her chest. "Is it you? Are you really home?"

Way to experienced to immediately buy into the woman's act of motherly concern, Betty leaned into the back seat and unfastened the straps from around the boy's body. He didn't fight her this time. It was clear he was too afraid to move.

As she pulled the boy free from the car, the woman grabbed him from her and hugged him tightly. "Oh thank you so much! Thank you for bringing back my little 'un!"

The tiny body was as tense as a plank of wood. Betty narrowed her eyes. "Mrs Harris, I presume?"

"Yes. That's me."

"I have a few questions for you and I'll need you to sign some papers."

"Of course. I understand. Please come in."

The house was simple, the furniture plain and over used, but it was spotless. It smelt like lemon and pots of daisies adorned the surfaces. A few of the kitchen cabinets were missing their doors, but the contents inside were neatly arranged. They looked well stocked with food supplies. The place was no more then a studio apartment disguised as a house and she could see the bed in the back behind a half closed sliding concertina door.

"Where does the boy sleep?" She enquired.

"Why with me of course. He always has. Since the day he was born."

Betty felt a pain for the two men who loved this little boy. It was going to prove harder then they thought to win custody. This woman was a sly one.

"Shall we sit down Mrs Harris? We have a lot to discuss."

...

It was boiling hot inside the black cavity between those crates. Luke had a roaring headache and was thirsty as hell. Both he and Noah were soaked with sweat, but it didn't stop them from clinging to each other in the gloom as they sat up against the harsh metal of the crate. He was feeling weaker and weaker with every minute that past. He had no idea how long they had been trapped in there but it felt like a lifetime, and he didn't know how much longer they would last. He had a terrible feeling they were running low on oxygen.

Noah hadn't moved for a while, "Noah?"

"Mmm"

"You still with me babe?"

"Yeah? How about you?"

"Oh, you know how much… I love the heat! I moved to LA because of it, didn't I?"

Noah laughed weakly at his side. "I thought… you… you moved to LA because you loved me…"

"That was," he chocked on his dry throat, "that was just an added bonus."

Noah suddenly tensed, "Someone's coming!"

Luke hadn't heard anything but he trusted Noah's senses, fine tuned during months of blindness.

Sure enough the third crate, the fake door to the smuggling cavity in which they lay, creaked open. Light quickly pierced the blackness and they both squinted under the cover of their elbows as their eyes adjusted to it. Before they could recover they were grabbed roughly by their shoulders and yanked back out into the main hull now filled with around eight of Gianni's men including the man himself.

Gianni stood before them with an air of smugness that made his usually puffed up face appear even more so.

"What the hell are you playing at Gianni?" Luke demanded, "I thought we had a deal!"

"You know nothing about the real world do you Snyder? So let me educate you a little. You and your Uncle have made a fool of me in front of my men, in front of my family and worse then that, in front of the streets!"

"That was my uncle! Not me!" insisted Luke.

"Oh, really?" Gianni countered. "So it wasn't you who fired me from Grimaldi Shipping? It wasn't you who hired Julius to play me like some chump! I am not a chump Mr Snyder! I made sure Julius learnt that lesson and now I think you're about to discover that for yourself!"

Luke could feel the dread deep in his bones. Things were not looking good.

"It makes no difference whether you ordered the hit on my father or not! What matters is reputation Mr Snyder! What matters is what other people believe to be the truth! That's the bread and butter of our organisation! So now I need to send your uncle a very strong message and we Di Alberto's just so happen to have a very special way of leaving our calling card!"

Images of Julius, bloody and broken, guts sprawling, flashed through Luke's mind and he struggled to control the tremors as realisation sank in. Was that to be their fate as well? He looked over at Noah and his heart went numb! "Gianni! Whatever your problem is, it's with me! Noah has nothing to do with it!"

"You're absolutely right!" He said it with a nasty level of condescension, as though Luke was doing him a huge favour by pointing it out. With just a nod of his head two of his men had Luke's arms pinned behind his back, while two more where dragging Noah a few metres away.

Luke had never heard of a person dying of worry but that was how he felt. Like the life was suddenly being sucked out of him.

"What?" Was his first response as his brain tried to comprehend what was happening, and then as comprehension dawned he screamed, "NO! NO! Please! STOP!"

From that moment on life was in slow motion.

Gianni's men shoved Noah to his knees. His eyes were wide with terror and he visibly held his breath as a gun was raised to his temple.

"Please!" Luke strained desperately against the hold on his arms. His throat burned from the pitch of his pleas. His heart was exploding. This wasn't happening! This wasn't happening! "What do you want Gianni? I'll give you anything! I'll do anything! Don't do this!" The level of panic in his voice rose with each emerging sentence. The gunman's arm extended and the hammer pulled back.

Luke's stricken eyes locked with Noah's. "I'll give you the company!"

Luke didn't even know where the words had come from. They were formed by some deep seated desperation rooted within him. But those five words… just five words… seemed to act like some kind of key in the strange workings of Gianni Di Alberto because, the instant they left Luke's lips, he held up his hand and the gun's hammer was mercifully re-cocked.

Noah's entire frame rocked up and down as he breathed hard from a potent mixture of fear and relief. The barrel of the gun was still pressed hard to his temple.

"What did you say?" Gianni asked.

"The company…" Luke gasped, "Grimaldi Shipping. I'll sign it over to you! All of it! Just don't hurt him!"

Di Alberto mused on this for a while, frowning. Then a slow smile stretched across his lips. "Hmm. I actually like that idea! I mean I'm sure killing a Grimaldi heir and blowing up a Grimaldi ship would definitely piss Anton off… AND it would send out a very serious message to my enemies, however, to gain ownership of a Grimaldi company?" He burst into fits of evil laughter as the idea took hold.

He clicked his fingers in Luke's general direction and the two men loosened their hold while the gunman by Noah lowered his arm, leaving an angry red circle on Noah's forehead. Luke dropped like a doll to the floor, wide eyed with astonishment.

"Jesus!" he exclaimed, his voice trembling and his body shaking with the shock of the moment. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. His glassy eyes were locked once more with Noah's stunned blue ones, both of them swam in relief that somehow, by some miracle; Luke had played a little game of high-stakes reverse psychology and, almost by accident, come up with the one thing that might just buy the time they needed.

"Put them back!" Gianni demanded, "It's going to take a few hours to get the paperwork drawn up!"

...

**Please let me know what you think...**


	43. Precious Discovery 18

Adam followed the men as far as the cargo hold, but quickly established he would not be able to go any further without being spotted. The two men hung around for a few hours, chatting, apparently waiting for something. Eventually Adam realised it was a someone rather than a something, because Gianni Di Alberto plus entourage arrived down the metal steps, under which Adam hid in the shadows.

He waited until the whole group had disappeared down the corridor between the crates before he came out to survey his surroundings.

A ladder led up to a viewing office just off to one side...

The crates were packed in twos, one on top of the other…

Maybe…

He approached the ladder and climbed up until he was slightly past the top level of the first set of crates. Then, spending time judging the distance, he took a deep breath and leaped from the ladder to land with too loud a bang against the side of the crate. His fingers just managed to catch hold of the top edge so that he hung there, his arms straining to hold his bulky weight.

"What was that?" He heard somebody shout from below and the sound of heavy footsteps came his way. He quickly heaved himself up and lay flat on the top of the crate, holding his breath to stay as silent as possible. He heard the footsteps right below him, but after checking the area out, who ever it was decided things were okay and finally left.

Crawling carefully, staying low, he made his way deeper into the hull of the ship. Eventually he heard voices and he worked his way towards them. He came upon the group of men below, just in time to witness them drag the two captives, dazed and confused from within a fake cavity. It wasn't the first smuggling cavity Adam had seen in his day, but he was impressed with the apparent automation of it. Cavities he had seen in the past always needed the fake crate to be manually pushed into place, requiring a considerable amount of strong manpower for the job. He watched as the man standing to Gianni's right dropped a black device into his coat pocket.

"The remote?" he wondered briefly.

His phone vibrated and he relayed his location to the arriving Grimaldi soldiers. They arrived in the same manner he had, only some of them lay positioned on the opposite stack of crates, signalling to him that they were ready. He did a quick head count. Six men.

The rifle Adam had taken from the guard outside hang loosely over his back. He moved it around and positioned it against his elbow, ready to shoot down at anybody that tried to execute Luciano Grimaldi. Of course unless they felt Luciano's life was in immediate danger they would not make their presence known. Just like animals in the wild, you only went into battle as a last resort.

He cared nothing for Luciano Grimaldi. In fact he detested the man for his complete lack of respect towards the Grimaldi name and family. But Di Alberto could not be allowed to kill off a Grimaldi heir in such a manner, no matter who that heir happened to be… it would look extremely bad!

He listened with interest to the conversation below. The boyfriend was a goner! He knew that from the start, but he in no way expected those words to come from Luciano's mouth…

"I'll give you the company!"

"Shit!" Adam whispered to himself. Was this kid trying to ruin them all for good? God but he was such an idiot! Giving Grimaldi Shipping over to the likes of Gianni was the worst thing Luciano could ever do to them. It was sinful! Unforgivable!

He pulled his phone and texted, "Boss! You better get more back up over here pronto! This is going to get messy!"

...

The heat inside the cavity was now at a level beyond unbearable. Their individual body temperatures soured. Luke was still struggling to breathe from the jolt of their experience with Gianni. The real Gianni! Not the man Luke had known, the man he had worked with day by day within Grimaldi Shipping HQ.

The gun had literally been seconds from firing. The gun had literally been seconds from ending a life that meant more to him than his own. He swallowed and increased his grip on Noah's hands as they once again sat up, side by side, against the metal of the crate.

"Luke… I love you" For sometime Noah had been silently leaning with his head on Luke's shoulder. As their hands entwined, fingers stroked and smoothed… trying to sooth… trying to comfort…

Luke's heart burned as he contemplated a prospect he didn't dare give a name to. "Don't Noah. Please don't start that. We'll be okay."

Noah was resolute, "Just listen… They're obviously going to kill me first. That seems a certainty."

"Noah…" Luke hated that tone of resignation in Noah's voice. It was the same tone he had used before he'd gone off to die by his own father's hand. It was a tone that had given Luke nightmares for days afterwards.

"Luke!" Noah insisted, fighting his denial. "What isn't certain is what they plan to do with you. So after… after they kill me…" Luke shook his head vigorously but Noah kept going, "…they might take you someplace else. Luke, if they do that, then you may get a chance to escape. And if you get that chance… then you MUST take it!"

"I can't think about this! Please stop…"

"You have to keep fighting… promise me you will. Promise me you won't give up if I die."

"How can I promise you something like that Noah? I can't…"

"It's not just about you and me anymore! You'll be the only one left for Nicky! You have to do it for him!"

"Please don't talk like this!"

"Luke! I need this okay? I need you to promise!"

Luke stayed silent for a very long time. He didn't want to face what was likely to happen, but he also knew this might be their only chance… this might be their only chance for goodbyes.

"Luke?"

"We ARE going to get out, but… okay… if it makes you feel better then… then I promise."

"Thank you!"

"And Noah?"

"Yes?"

"Same goes to you. I love you too."

Noah felt for Luke's face. He ran his fingers up and down Luke's features. Seeing him with touch… When he felt the wetness of a tear he used his thumb to rub it away before leaning up to kiss his lips.

They sat with their foreheads lightly touching, waiting together in darkness and fear.

...

He was afraid of his mommy. Very afraid.

SLAP!

The moment his mommy closed the door she turned to hit him. He wasn't even surprised. He stood frozen behind her as the Betty lady said her goodbyes and he knew it was coming. He knew it was coming the moment he saw the house… the moment he saw his mommy.

The next smack was very hard and he fell to the floor.

"Little bastard!" She screamed into his ear as tears of fear and pain streamed down his face. "Fuck! Don't start crying, you hear me! Shut up!"

She lifted him up by both his wrists, squeezing them until he squealed in agony and threw him so hard into the back of her cupboard that he hit his head on the railing and it stunned him into silence.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she closed the slatted door. Maybe that was the worst of her wrath. He watched her through the gaps in the slats as she drank from a long bottle. She lit a cigarette and dropped her head back, blowing the smoke out.

He bit his lower lip to stop weeping and he thought about Luke and Noah. When they held him he didn't ever want to let go. He wanted to stay in their arms forever.

Why? Why did the send him away with the lady? Was he bad?

...

They were both passed out from a combination of dehydration and exhaustion. Noah had slumped to his left and Luke lay with his head on Noah's right thigh. Noah was so weak he didn't respond to the arrival of Gianni's men until Luke was actually physically yanked off of him and into the bright light that spilled through the cavity opening. He expected to be taken too, but instead the fake crate began to close.

"No, wait!" he heard Luke say frantically.

Noah battled to function! His brain seemed to be processing information way too slowly and by the time he realised what was happening he had only managed to stumble as far as the door before it was slamming shut.

"LUKE!" he heard himself shout.

His own voice sounded far away, as though the real him was floating way above somewhere. And just like that Noah was left alone with two of his worst fears; separation from Luke and absolute darkness.

Keeping his hands firmly pressed to the iron door, he slid to the floor and then held his ear up to the metal. He closed his eyes, trying not to give in to the rising horror in his chest, and he concentrated hard; hoping his heightened sense of hearing might kick in and he could work out what was happening to Luke on the other side.

...

It was late by the time Betty left Michelle's house and arrived at the Branson Department of Social Services, where she would have to spend a few house filing her report.

"Betty Hawke from Los Angeles." She told the efficient looking receptionist, "I'm going to need a hot desk for the evening."

"Oh Ms Hawke! We've been expecting you! A desk has been provided on the second floor. Just take the elevator up and it will be the office on your right. IT have set it all up for you already."

"That's very kind. Thank you."

"But before you go there's a gentleman here to see you. He's been here for some time already."

Betty was intrigued, "Did he give a name?"

"Not to me, but he's in the waiting room down that corridor." And she pointed off to her right.

"Thank you." Betty lifted her briefcase and followed the green linoleum tiled floor until she found the door marked 'Waiting Room.'

There was only one man in the bright orange room, sitting cross legged on a chair, papers strewn all over the table. There were more papers placed on the lime green chairs either side of him and one document held his attention. He frowned deeply as he read it, tapping the end of a pen against the side of his head.

She cleared her throat to gain his attention, "Excuse me?"

He looked up sharply and then smiled a dashing array of white teeth at her, "You must be Ms Hawke?" And as she nodded he dropped the papers on his lap with those on the chair and stood to shake her hand, "My name's Gareth Kerr. I work as a lawyer for Grimaldi Shipping. My boss, Luke Snyder, asked for my help with this issue regarding Nicholas Mayer?"

She was impressed with the speed at which Luke Snyder had moved. At this rate maybe those men would stand a chance.

"Mr Kerr," she acknowledged, "I'm very pleased to meet you."

"Do you have a few minutes Ms Hawke?"

"Betty, please call me Betty, and yes, I'd be happy to chat."

"Well then! You must call me Gareth!"

She sat down, feeling a small spark of hope ignite deep within her.

"Betty, before I begin I must ask… what is your position on this issue?"

"If you're asking me whether I think the boy belongs in Los Angeles rather than in Branson then my answer would have to be, yes."

"Excellent." Again that dazzling and rather hypnotic smile, "Then we are already on the same page Ms Hawke. Now… I've been investigating this all day and I have put together some interesting pieces of information. Maybe if you and I put our files together we can come up with some kind of a solution?"

She adored the calm confidence that shone from every pour of the man and couldn't help but return his infectious smile, "I do hope so, Mr Kerr!

"Gareth" he corrected.

"Right! Gareth!"

She felt suddenly energised! Excited!

...

At first Luke struggled to get back to Noah, pulling against the hold of the brawny man behind him, but then eventually, when he could think for a second, he realised that, at least for the moment, Noah was safe inside that cavity.

A fold away table and chair had been set up and Luke was forced down to sit in front of Gianni and a new man in a suit and tie.

"This is my lawyer, Sam." Gianni explained, "Sam has been very busy arranging the relevant contracts for you to sign."

These contracts were thrust under Luke's nose and the paper shook as his unsteady fingers took them and placed them on the table. A black ballpoint pen followed and he took that too, wondering how he was going to hold it with the way he was shaking. He wiped his sweaty brow and forced his wet hair back from his face before paging lightly through the papers.

He couldn't prevent a sharp intake of breath when he recognised a counter signatory on the last sheet, one of his board members, Leonard Reedie!

"H..h…how did you g..g…get this?" He stuttered.

"Let's just say that Sam over here kindly requested of Mr Reedie that he sign the form and Mr Reedie was only too happy to oblige!"

Luke felt sick! "What did you do? Where is he?"

"If I was you I wouldn't waste time with stupid questions Mr Snyder! Your job is to sign that form."

"How do I know I can trust you? How do I know you won't kill us anyway? Even if I sign?"

"You don't." he replied with finality. "But if you are having any problems with the task I'm sure we can bring your little girlfriend out here to help you!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll sign it, dammit! Just leave him out of it!"

But as the tip of the pen hit the page all hell broke loose.

Bullets seemed to rain from heaven ricocheting off the metal crates and spraying blood and body tissue from those unfortunate enough not to get out of the way in time. Gianni's men dived for cover between the crates and immediately began to return fire, but they were not in the position of advantage, instead they were caught like rats in a maze and Grimaldi's men easily picked them off one by one from above.

Luke was so slow and confused by the long and hot confinement in the dark space of the smuggling cavity, that it took him a while before he registered the danger.

A voice from above sent an order that he found on one hand odd but on another totally expected, "Get down, Luciano!"


	44. Precious Discovery 19

He simply had no energy left and his body was completely devoid of fluid. Consequently it was amazing that he had enough sense left to know he couldn't move fast enough to dodge the flying carnage around him. Instead he plunged to the floor amongst the dead and dying and pulled the metal fold away table over himself as a shield. He heard and felt more than a few bullets hit this flimsy protection and said a prayer of thanks that Noah was safely out of the way! If they had brought him out as well… He couldn't even think it!

Off to his side lay Sam, the lawyer, his brown eyes were wide open, unseeing. Luke was momentarily surprised at how little blood trickled from the hole in his head. As macabre as the sight was, Luke couldn't seem to pull his stunned gaze away. It was easier to focus on this one dead man then to acknowledge the many surrounding him.

Unexpectedly, someone grabbed Luke from behind in a crushing bear hug, pinning his arms to his sides and lifting him off his feet. He struggled wildly as the table fell to the iron floor with a crash.

"Stand down Adam! Or the kid get's it!" It was Gianni's minty voice in his ear and Gianni's beefy arm around his chest. He was surprised by that. In his mind he had never thought of Gianni as large or strong, but he realised now, as he tried to pull Gianni's arm free from his body, that the man was both these things. He felt the barrel of a gun against his temple and immediately thought, "This is it! The end!" and then he calmed himself by focusing on one name, "Noah…"

"Drop it Gianni!" The man approaching them looked oddly out of place. He looked like he could be married to your sister or your neighbour. Like he could be your best friend, the guy you've known all your life. But his extended revolver spoke another story. It was pointing sure and straight at Gianni's head and his eyes were as focused and calm as a bird of prey.

"Ha! So that you can kill me afterwards? Forget it! As long as I have Damian's bastard you can't touch me! Think I don't know that?"

At some point during this standoff, Luke thought how lucky it was that he'd earlier noticed and retrieved a small dagger strapped to the dead lawyer's ankle. Gianni grunted, dropping his gun and reeling back, as the knife in Luke's flailing hand found his kneecap. Luke dived to the side as Gianni let go completely and staggered backwards, his hands gripping his knee around the protruding blade. He released a shocked scream of angry pain and his eyes widened as, too late, he realised his mistake. Adam fired and a red circle grew larger and larger on the front of Gianni's expensive white shirt. He fell to his knees, staring in horror at the bullet wound, before toppling over forward with a weighted thump to the floor.

Luke lay there frozen… unbelieving… in fact he couldn't remember a time he had shook so violently. He was sure that if it wasn't for his desire to see Noah off to safety, he would have lost his mind already, just from the sheer horror of the scenes of war taking place all around him. Eventually the man Gianni had called Adam, woke him from his momentary chill by yelling, "MOVE!"

The gunfight between both factions continued, each bang of a gun deafening with the echo that would follow it. Luke, adrenaline now pumping, made immediately for the fake crate, trying to pull the thing open.

"COME ON!" He yelled in desperation, knowing he would never have the strength to open it by hand but trying anyway.

"Luciano!" Adam pulled at Luke's shirt, trying to get him to move away, "You must leave now!"

"Forget it!" he replied smacking Adam's hand away, "I'm not going anywhere without Noah!"

The man swore in annoyance and went about searching the coat and trouser pockets of the surrounding bodies, all the while still trying to avoid being shot by the remaining Di Alberto men. Luke ignored him to continue his fruitless quest.

How did the damn thing work? How did it open?

"Here!" exclaimed Adam from somewhere nearby, apparently finding what he wanted.

"OPEN!" Luke screamed simultaneously and he was strangely reminded of a favourite storybook he had as a child… 'Aladdin'. Of course Adam had found the remote he'd earlier seen placed in a coat pocket, but to Luke it was as though he had uttered the magic word. The door began to move sideways and his heart leapt with joy until panic set in once again…

It jammed! Blocked by the weight of the dead bodies in its path…

"Noah!" he shouted through the tiny opened crack just before he hard a distinct whoosh right by his ear. Something knocked him to the side…

He let out an "Oomph!" as he fell on his behind over one of Di Alberto's injured men. The man made a grab for him and Luke jumped with fright as Adam fired a shot, killing him instantly.

"Luke! Are you okay?" Noah's voice contained heightened alarm from within the cavity.

Luke was at first too shocked to speak.

"LUKE!"

Noah's obvious anxiety brought him around and he quickly stood back up, "I'm fine. Just let me get you out of there!"

Adam was now at Luke's side on his knees, firing in the general direction of the shooter, "Hurry the fuck up Luciano! I don't want to end up dead because of your stupidity!"

Luke briefly clutched at Noah's fingers through the space, assuring him that he was alive, before leaving to begin the struggle of removing the bodies blocking the door. His arms were limp from exhaustion, the sweat beaded in hundreds of little pearls on his skin. It took him ages to heave the bodies out of the way, ducking bullets in the process, but eventually the metal structure opened enough for Noah to squeeze through. His face was dead white, unshaven and sheened with a hot sweat that had soaked his hair and shirt.

Before Luke could hold him, Noah grabbed at his elbows, turning him slightly sideways to examine his neck, "Oh my god Luke! You've been shot!"

Luke had noticed the sting in his neck but now, as he lifted his hand to it, he realised he was indeed bleeding. "It's okay! It's just a graze I think!" They caught each other's astonished looks and the two men shared a grateful hug. They were still alive and they had their chance! They had a chance together!

"Plenty of time for that later!" Adam cried out irritated, "Get moving!"

They ran like the wind towards the exit, and freedom, leaving the remaining mobsters to fight it out to the death. Even though it was a stiflingly hot and humid night, the fresh air hit Luke and Noah like a spring shower, instantly relieving the burn on their skin and the closeness of their lungs. Both men gasped in the fresh oxygen as though they had never breathed air, huffing and puffing from their exertion up the stairs to the deck above. Both spent a moment recovering in a spasm of coughs, bent over, hands on knees.

Adam was losing his patience, "Di Alberto had this ship rigged with explosives. I don't know who has the detonator so, unless you want to risk becoming shark food, I suggest we disembark ASAP!"

As they reached the gangplank they realised for the first time that they were being followed by around eight other men, all whose eyes surveyed the layout cautiously, weapons still raised and ready for any signs of further trouble.

They made for the parking lot where Adam grabbed Luke by the shoulder to swiftly change direction, "Come with me!"

But Luke pushed him back, "Just wait a minute! Who the fuck are you anyway?"

"Whoa! Chill man! I'm the guy that just saved your sorry ass, remember? My name's Adam. I work for your uncle. Who do you think called in the Grimaldi's to rescue you?"

"Don't make me laugh! They didn't come to rescue me! They came to keep a hold of their precious Grimaldi Shipping!"

Adam stood back for an instant and surveyed Luke critically, "You really are nothing like your father, are you?"

"No! And I thank my lucky stars everyday for that!" Luke assured him.

"You know? I really don't get you! I would kill to be you! You're a blood member of one of the richest most well known families in the world, the Grimaldi Family! Yet you deny them!"

"Yeah well, that wonderful family of which you speak has nearly gotten me and people I love killed on more than one occasion! Including THIS one! So excuse me if I choose to live a better life! If you love them so much, you can have them!"

As Luke turned to leave he noticed a BMW with blacked out windows parked across the slipway. The back window rolled down revealing an older version of Damian in the back seat. In fact it could almost have been Damian, if it weren't for the greying temples, extra wrinkles and higher cheekbones. Uncle and nephew locked eyes. Luke's defiant. Anton's questioning.

"Your uncle would like a short meeting with you." Adam informed him.

Luke sighed deeply. "Do me favour and just fuck off, okay? I don't want anything to do with you, my father or any other damn Grimaldi!"

Anton seemed to read Luke's answer from that distance and obviously decided to respect his wishes. He lifted his forefinger to his temple and nodded slightly, like a cowboy tipping his hat. Then the window wound up once more and the car drove off.

"Thank you for saving us." Luke said to Adam watching as the car grew smaller and smaller in the distance, "Whatever your reasons, we are grateful for that." And then he took hold of his boyfriend's hand and they began to walk away.

"Hey wait!" yelled Adam, "I'll drive you!"

But they walked on without responding to him.

"Hmm." he shrugged, "Each to their own…"

...

Luke had made him something amazing for breakfast. He called it pottage, no, pollage or something. It was thick and sweet from the honey poured on top and it warmed him all the way inside as he ate it. He had never had po.. poll... THAT before. His mouth watered as he thought about it.

But that was the last time he had had food. The Betty lady had offered him food on the airplane but he was sick then and he couldn't eat it. His Mommy was very angry and she was drinking, so he knew she wouldn't eat for a while. And when she didn't eat then neither did he. He was very hungry and very thirsty.

After a long time in the cupboard his tummy started to growl. He dealt with it that night by sleeping but when he woke up in the morning it was starting to hurt. He peered through the slats at the kitchen but his mommy was still there. She hadn't moved from the kitchen table, but she was now slumped over in her chair. He couldn't tell if she was asleep and he was too scared to test it so he stayed put for another period of time. Eventually he realised she hadn't moved so he thought she must be asleep. He had seen a box of biscuits in the cupboard above the sink. He knew if he ate them he'd get a beating, but by that point he would take the beating over the ache in his belly.

He decided to risk it. He carefully pushed the cupboard door open and tiptoed over to the kitchen. His shoes were loud on the floor so he sat down to tug them off, leaving them by the door. His socks were soft and quiet as he made his way past her, stopping to grab hold of a kitchen chair. He had to use all his strength to lift it and it banged slightly when he dropped it against the counter.

She stirred.

He froze.

He stood there in absolute terror. If she woke up and saw what he was doing she'd really hurt him. He knew that! But at that point the need to eat was stronger than the need to protect himself…

She remained asleep and he let out the breath he was holding. He climbed up on the chair and then knelt up on the counter to reach up for the enticing box of choc chip cookies. He twiddled his fingers against the cardboard to pull it closer and into his reach, but as he grabbed it he knew instantly that something was wrong. It was feather light, completely empty. He couldn't prevent a sound of anguish escaping and he quickly covered his mouth to muffle it.

Sure enough, every single box and tin within the cupboard was empty. He didn't know why his mommy had put them there, but he struggled to hold back the weeping as he stepped down from the counter, replaced the chair and returned morose to the bedroom cupboard, sniffing back his tears of frustration.

He got back just in time because there was a sudden banging at the front door. His mommy jumped and then rubbed her red eyes, "I'm coming! I'm coming! Jeez!"

The man took up the entire doorway! He was HUGE!

"Jimmy!" She said with a mixture of fear and surprise, "I wasn't expecting you today!"

"What are you talking about Michelle? I told you two days ago I'd be by for my money!"

"Well Jimmy… the thing is…"

"Don't be giving me excuses Michelle! I ain't leaving here today without it!"

"I had the Social people here yesterday Jimmy, and you know I can't be having any tricks over with them sniffing around! They'll take my kid off me otherwise!"

"So what are you saying?" He pushed her viciously into the door and held his giant hand round her neck. Her eyes bulged and she wheezed in her effort to suck in air.

"Look," she stumbled over her words, "I have a job tonight Jimmy! A good job! So I'll have the money in the morning okay? I promise!"

He eyed her up and down. "This is the last time Michelle, you hear? Next time you don't have the money ready when I say there will be trouble!"

She nodded wide eyed at him and he flung her back so that she fell to the kitchen floor, looking up at him. He snorted at her and left, banging the door behind him.

"Piece of shit!" she whispered under her breath. Then she spotted the kid staring at her from the bedroom. "What the f*ck you looking at, child! Jeez! Get lost will ya? Before I tan your hide!"

Knowing what would be best for him, he quickly slammed the cupboard door closed.

...

What they had thought was night when they finally escaped the craziness of the shipyard was in fact early morning. Noah flagged down the first police car they came across. It hadn't been too hard. He was sure they must have looked quite a sight, especially with Luke's clothes covered in the blood of more than one other person.

He explained to the officer who they were and that Luke had been shot and needed medical attention. Luke protested but Noah wasn't having any of it. The officer transported them to the hospital and then, as requested, contacted Detective Patrick Mullins.

Mullins arrived just as the nurse finished securing a bandage to Luke's neck. He looked unequivocally relieved to find them both alive and well after spending hours trying to track them down, convinced they had been abducted by the Di Alberto organisation. He escorted them down to the station, where they updated him on the entire series of events as they happened. He had many more questions, but both men were desperately in need of sleep and he could see that. He kept things as short as possible and then gave them some cash to get home.

Just before they reached the door Luke turned, "Oh! Detective? Would you have any problems with me flying to Branson later today or tomorrow? I won't be there long, just… there's something we need to do. It's a personal matter…"

The Detective seemed confused by this for a moment and then light dawned on his face, "Oh! Mr Snyder! I completely forgot! You wouldn't have heard the news this morning!"

"The news?" Luke's body instantly went tense.

"The DA threw out your case."

"What?" Luke and Noah said together.

"Yes, due to lack of evidence. Although we know you hired Julius, there is nothing to prove you actually ordered him to carry out the hit. There's nothing to prove Julius wasn't acting off his own bat. And of course I also testified in your defence, saying you have been extremely cooperative and in my professional opinion I don't believe you were involved."

Both Luke and Noah stood flabbergasted with their mouths hanging open. After weeks of bad news on top of bad news it finally seemed as thought the light was shining on them again. They looked at each other and smiled before laughing and hugging deeply, at least some of the tension stored within their bodies flying out the window!

"God, Detective! Thank you so much! That's brilliant news! You have no idea!" Luke beamed even in his tiredness.

The Detective smiled at them, "Anyway, that means you are free to travel anywhere you like whenever you want!"

"I could hug you right now Detective!" Noah expressed and the Detective laughed holding up his hands.

"Sorry," he joked, "I don't really swing that way! You'll have to stick with this one!" and he motioned in Luke's direction.

"Oh I will! You don't have to convince me of that!" Noah replied smiling and drawing Luke into another warm hug.

"Let's go home." Luke said over Noah's shoulder, patting his back to get him to release and then turning once more to the Detective, "Goodbye and thanks. Let me know if I can be of any further help with this whole mess! With Gianni dead I guess somebody else will take the helm of that family."

"Yes, most likely his cousin Gorro, but you don't need to worry about that Mr Snyder. Thanks to you we now know how the smuggling is going down and we should be able to seize their next shipment when it comes in. Then with your father's statements as well as your own…"

"Hang on!" Luke interrupted surprised, "My father?"

"Yes, he contacted us from prison. Said he would very much like to help get his son cleared and gave us quite a detailed statement. Hopefully we can bring this all to a swift conclusion for you Mr Snyder!"

Luke was silent for a moment as the information sank in. Damian had come through for him. Damian had given the police information that would incriminate him in the whole operation and most likely cost him even more jail time. And he did it to help Luke. He was grateful for the comfort that flowed through him as Noah knowingly took hold of his hand.

"Thanks." He said softly one more time and they left the police station.


	45. Precious Discovery 20

Betty was surprised that at four in the morning she were still sitting wide awake on the floor of Gareth's hotel room, scanning through the mountain of evidence they had accumulated. She would usually be in bed already, dead to the world! Yet here she was, not even tired! There was just something about this smooth talking, charismatic man who sat before her. She had spent the entire day mesmerised, watching with amazement as he zoomed around the Branson judicial system like an Energizer bunny.

She had always heard that people like him existed, but she had never actually met one before. She was sure he could charm the birds out of the trees if he called for it. She still didn't quite understand how he would do it, but somehow he would take all this information piled before her and get Nicholas Mayer removed from his mother. She just knew he would!

He moved like lightening to get things done!

For the first time in her career she actually felt like she was doing something useful. That all this hard work with Gareth would have a positive outcome! She believed they had a chance to make a huge difference in the life of this one little boy! Give him a chance at a better life! The kind of life she wished she could give to all the children she came across in her career.

"Okay Betty! You still awake?" He sat opposite her on the floor, still in his regulation suit and tie, but he had removed his shoes and socks and would periodically curl his toes into the plush carpet, especially when he was in deep thought.

"I'm still with you Gareth, yes." She smiled.

"Okay then, let's get what we have in some semblance of order. Now this isn't my line of speciality and it needs to be spot on, so I'm relying on your experience in these things! We only have one chance at this."

"Anything you need me to do, I'm ready!"

She was rewarded with a smile that gave her butterflies in her stomach and made her blush, "Now unfortunately I don't have an official statement from Luke and Noah about the condition of the child when he arrived in Los Angeles. The fact that I can't get hold of them doesn't bode well and won't look good in court! Now you and I know they love that boy, so I'm positive they have a good reason for going dark on us, but we need to keep this under wraps for the sake of the hearing. Understood?"

"Yes, I agree."

"Before I left Los Angeles I had the police draw up the written testimony of a Joshua Jackson. Now he's the guy that snatched the kid off his mother and handed him to Luke and Noah."

"I read it a few minutes ago! Yes! It's very insightful! Very detailed. A great piece of evidence in our favour! The fact that he was watching the boy for an entire year and witnessed first hand some of the treatment of this child will stand up well in court!"

"Right," Gareth continued, "Then we have your testimony and professional opinion on the condition of the child as well as his general behaviour. Thank you for that."

She beamed, "It's my very greatest pleasure!"

"Then our visit to the Catholic hospital yesterday was very interesting I'm sure you will agree. The child was born addicted to heroin and the nuns were watching the mother for some months because they were suspicious of her behaviour towards Nicholas. So we have their statement as well."

"And we also have Nicholas's medical records." Betty contributed, "I'm not even going to begin to ask how you managed to get your hands on these?" She raised her eyebrows at him in jest, as though admonishing a small boy. Then she reached to grasp hold of the blue file, flapping it in front of his face. "You had better hope the judge doesn't ask you either!"

"Oh don't worry, he wont."

She didn't know how he knew but she believed him, just as she was sure anybody he ever spoke to believed him. He could probably say the sky was purple and convince people of that fact.

He truly was a phenomenon to behold!

...

"It must be this one!" Luke was driving the rental car and Noah anxiously grabbed at his arm as they passed by the miserable little houses on Nixon Lane. Very few of them displayed numbers and those that did had their numbers painted on by hand across doors or walls. Broken windows were boarded up with plywood or even newspaper in some cases. Litter was strewn everywhere, as though the garbage collection van avoided making its rounds; afraid of the neighbourhood.

It was almost midnight by the time Luke and Noah finally landed in Branson and it had taken them some time to sign for the car and find the right street. They didn't even discuss whether it was a good idea to simply barge in there and take back the boy. They weren't really thinking at all. They were driven by a powerful force that would not accept leaving the child there for a moment longer! Whatever the consequence of that was, they would deal with in the light of day.

They had made it home from the police station at around lunchtime, both of them wanting nothing more than to immediately get on a plane to Branson. But they were physically and mentally finished. They managed to convince each other that a few hours sleep was essential if they were going to be of any use to Nicholas.

Gianni's men had confiscated both their cell phones so Luke used the house phone to call Gareth's office. His sweet secretary explained that Gareth had left for Branson the previous morning on the company Jet. When he couldn't get back in touch with Luke after their conversation he had taken it upon himself to travel alone. Luke sent up a message of thanks! The man was truly amazing! The secretary mentioned she hadn't spoken to him much since he had been there, it was apparent he was very busy, but she gave Luke the name and address of the hotel he was staying at.

So the two of them had boarded a commercial flight for Branson that evening and now Noah was carefully counting the houses as Luke drove down the street. He seemed sure that the white boarded house must be Michelle's. He climbed out before Luke had even pulled the hand break up and frowned as he heard the heavy metal music blasting at club level from within. He waited for Luke and took his hand, squeezing hard, before leading him up to the doorway.

A couple of firm knocks on the door yielded no result. Noah looked at Luke and he nodded as they made a silent agreement. He tried the door and it opened. Noah entered first, his eardrums bursting at the pitch of the music. The place looked like a bomb had hit it. The first thing he noticed was the sickening and acrid combination of smoke and alcohol smells that permeated the air. Along with that he was sure he smelled human aromas… faeces and fluid, maybe vomit.

His eyes scanned the sparse apartment, littered with strewn clothing and empty alcohol bottles, and immediately fell on the familiar sight of two tiny sneakers. The sneakers Luke had bought for Nicholas. They lay discarded by what he assumed was a screen door obscuring their view to the bedroom. A pitcher of daisies had been knocked from a surface and onto the floor and the tiny shoes looked so innocent sitting there amongst the trodden flowers. So out of place… But they meant that Nicky was definitely there… somewhere.

As sickening as he found the condition of the home, no, not home, house! There was no way this place was a home! As shocking as the sight was, it was nothing compared to what greeted them as he pulled open the concertina screen door.

Michelle was naked on hands and knees on the bed. A fat man, clearly years her senior was pounding into her from behind, while another stood at the side of the bed, hands on her shoulders, as she sucked him off. All three jumped as the door screeched violently open and they were faced with the full force of Noah's ferocity.

"What the fuck!" The old man exclaimed, "What is this?"

"GET OUT!" Noah's voice was precise and clear, even above the blaring music. His blue eyes remained glued, menacingly, on Michelle.

Luke felt a deep and sudden rush of fury. So far his image of Michelle had only been what Noah had told him, but this sight before him, Michelle in her environment, was so much worse! He searched out the source of the deafening music to mercifully turn it off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Michelle screamed with equal anger as she threw a faded and worn slip over her body. "You can't just storm in 'ere like this! This is MY house!"

The two men escaped, gripping their clothes to their chests and nervously keeping a wide berth from the storm that was Luke and Noah.

"Fuck you, Noah!" She stood up from the bed. "You just cost me my fee!"

"WHERE IS HE?"

"I needed that money!" she ignored his question. It was clear that she was drunk. Dark circles pervaded her eyes.

"WHERE IS HE, Michelle?" Noah's tone was one of intense warning.

"What the fuck am I going to do now, hey? I got a fucking payment due tomorrow! You gonna pay me then, bastard?" She held out her palm.

This seemed to be the last straw for Luke. He lunged for her, pushing her so hard against the wall by her shoulders that Noah heard the breath expel from her body. Luke was in protection mode and Noah stood ready to step in.

"Now you listen to me!" Luke seethed, "We have had enough shit today and we don't need more from you! Now I am not joking around! Where the hell is he?"

It was while Michelle sprouted something about breaking and entering, assault and her rights that Noah's eyes rested on the cupboard and he realised he already knew where Nicky was hiding.

"Luke." He had to say it again as Luke's attention was firmly fixed on Michelle. "Luke! The cupboard!"

Luke turned to look at him and then clarity dawned on his face and he nodded, but he didn't relax his hold on Michelle. He wasn't going to allow her to interfere.

Noah fought the urge to fling the cupboard door open. Instead he pulled the door gently and opened it as slowly as he dared.

And there he was.

Noah's relief at having found him was quickly replaced with rocks of ice in his stomach when he saw the state of him. Those same rocks formed into balls and filtered through this bloodstream to the rest of his body.

The child huddled, knees up, in the corner of the cupboard. The doors were slatted and Noah was instantly aware of Nicky's ability to see and hear everything going on in the room. He swallowed back the tears that threatened to overcome him as he wondered at all the things this child must have witnessed during his short life. And seeing this place, the place he had lived in, the conditions he had survived in, Noah fell even more in love with the tiny child before him. Nicky's eyes were squeezed closed and his face was buried between his thighs. He held his little hands up to cup his ears, squeezing so hard against the side of his face that Noah could see a redness beneath his fingers.

"Nicky." He approached cautiously and spoke softly.

The child shivered uncontrollably and shuffled back from Noah's presence. As Noah slipped in closer on his knees and Luke turned on the bedroom light, he noticed right away the dark hand shaped bruises around the child's wrists. He thought he felt his insides scramble! Those bruises were so like the ones he had discovered on his own wrists THAT morning. The morning after Oliver's attack. The thought that Nicky had suffered anything like what he had, made it difficult for him to breathe and suddenly he could no longer stop the tears.

"Nicky, baby. It's Noah." Very gently he cupped the tiny left arm and tried to pry one hand from the child's ear. It was stuck fast. "It's okay." He sniffed. "Nicky?"

The black curls fell sideways as the boy's grip seemed to relax slightly and his head cocked to one side. He listened cautiously, as though needing to be sure it was safe before daring to believe it.

"Open those beautiful blue eyes for me, baby. Come on now… Luke's here too. We're going to take you home, okay?" He started to break, "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

Luke left Michelle standing dumbstruck against the wall and knelt down beside Noah, placing a comforting hand on Noah's back and taking over. "Hello baby. It's Luke. Do you want to come home with us?"

Finally the boy peered at them out the corner of one eye. As recognition dawned, they opened wider and he lifted his head, staring at them both.

"I want pollage." He stated softly.

Luke laughed wetly, "You can have as much porridge as you like baby."

For a moment the boy simply surveyed them both, considering, and then finally he flung himself desperately into Noah's arms. Noah caught him tight against his chest and butterfly kissed him all over his face. "That's it… you're safe now…"

Luke reached out and rubbed the boy's bony back, crying now as much as Noah. He leaned over to push the child's hair from his face and both men gasped at the gash visible just below the hairline. A pattern of dried blood ran from the wound down the right side of his face and some of his hair was clotted with it.

Luke helped Noah to stand up with the child in his arms before turning to glare at Michelle. "What happened to his head?"

She had temporarily given up her fight, spellbound by the sight before her. Never had she heard the child respond to a person like that. Any person! He had spoken! She didn't even know he could! She felt something deep within her, something akin to jealousy. "How the hell should I know? He's always bumping into things! I can't watch him twenty-four-seven!"

Noah was about to speak but then realised he had nothing left to say to the monstrous person swaying unsteadily before him. He sadly shook his head before turning to leave, followed closely by Luke who stooped on the way out to pick up the child's shoes by the door.

She didn't try to stop them.

...

It was past midnight and they headed straight for the hotel and Gareth. They weren't sure what he could do to help under the circumstances, but they were pretty sure there would be hell to pay for their actions. But after what they had just witnessed neither of them cared.

The real fight for Nicholas would start in the morning.

The receptionist confirmed that Gareth had indeed checked in two days before. He had left his room key at the desk early the previous morning before leaving with a woman and he had returned alone at around nine pm.

"So he's still in the hotel?" asked Luke.

"Yes sir, he hasn't checked out yet."

Luke breathed a sigh of relief, "That's great! Can you give him a message in the morning please? Let him know Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer are here and we'll meet him in the lobby at eight am?" He waited while she scribbled down a note. "And we would like a room for the night please."

Nicholas had fallen asleep on Noah's lap in the car, but he woke up as they entered the hotel. It was pretty apparent to Luke the child was extremely weak so he ordered a food service the moment they arrived in their room.

"Hungry baby?" Noah asked him, rubbing his cheek and the child nodded drowsily.

They were keen he ate something before he fell back to sleep so they turned the television on to some cartoons to keep him occupied until the food arrived. In the meantime Noah poured him a glass of water which he drank down in seconds. His face lit up when he saw the bowl of steaming porridge Luke had ordered for him. Noah fed it to him mouthful by mouthful to hold him back from eating too fast. Almost immediately after the stodgy substance warmed him through his eyes flopped closed. Noah caught him just in time and laid him to sleep on the couch, squatting down beside him to kiss his forehead and watch him for a while.

Luke rubbed a hand on Noah's shoulder and passed him a damp washcloth so that he could wipe the dried blood from the child's face and hair.

"You okay, babe?" Luke asked as Noah finished off.

Noah stood up, still looking down at Nicky as he slept. "Now I am, yeah."

"Quite a day, hey?"

Noah looked at him. "That's a bit of an understatement!" He dropped the washcloth in the trashcan then clutched Luke's shoulders in his hands, reading his hazel eyes. "How are you doing? It can't be easy… with all you saw yesterday morning… It was horrific! How's the wound?" He gently patted the bandage on Luke's neck.

"I'll be fine." He leaned up to kiss Noah's cheek and Noah smiled sleepily at him. "How about we try to get some rest? Could be another crazy day for us tomorrow!"

"When isn't it ever crazy in our lives?" Noah shrugged.

They stripped down to their boxers and curled up facing each other in the bed, hands clasped in front of them.

"You said we would make it…" Noah whispered groggily after a while of lying there.

"Hmm?"

"You said we would make it out and we did."

"That's because as long as I had you there I felt like anything was possible! Anything IS possible as long as I have you…"

Noah smiled and clasped even more firmly on Luke's hands as his eyes started to close. Luke watched him absorbedly, feeling reassured by his presence after almost losing him yet again. He watched how Noah's eyelids fluttered and his lips vibrated slightly as he exhaled through them. It was comforting watching him sleep… relaxing… peaceful.

"I want you… I need you so much…" he whispered kissing the bound hands almost in perceptively, not wanting to wake him. "Don't ever leave me, okay?"

He took the contented moan Noah expelled as his answer before allowing his own eyes to close.


	46. Precious Discovery 21

_Gianni's men shoved Noah to his knees. His eyes were wide with terror and he visibly held his breath as a gun was raised to his temple. _

_"Please!" Luke strained desperately against the hold on his arms. His throat burned from the pitch of his pleas. His heart was exploding. This wasn't happening! This wasn't happening! "What do you want Gianni? I'll give you anything! I'll do anything! Don't do this!" The level of panic in his voice rose with each emerging sentence. _

_The gunman's arm extended… _

_The hammer pulled back… _

_The gun went off… _

_"NOAH!"_

Luke jerked awake! At first he searched the room in a blind panic, totally disorientated. He couldn't remember were he was. But as his eyes found Noah, sleeping peacefully in the bed next to him, he breathed out a deep 'O' of relief and rubbed the sweat soaked bangs out of his eyes. He glanced at the clock and then peered over the end of the hotel bed to check on Nicholas, still snoring softly in a ball on the couch, before nestling back down as close to Noah as he could get, enfolding him in his arms.

"Mmm," Noah whispered without opening his eyes, "That feels nice…"

"Morning." Luke answered back, trying to keep the shiver out of his voice while still gripping him tightly.

"What time is it?"

"Six thirty. We'll have to make a move soon."

"I guess we're in a lot of trouble, ha?" Noah asked, finally opening his eyes.

Luke smiled and felt himself calm at the sight of his baby blues. "Could be… Depends whether Michelle reports us or not I suppose."

"Yeah, well, we can pretty much bank on that!"

Luke laughed slightly and kissed him. "I'll shower first… Give you sometime to wake up…"

"Luke…?" Noah pulled him back slightly by his wrist as he made a move to get up, "What if we don't…?"

"Let's not go there for now. Not until we've spoken with Gareth… If there is a way we can sort this and keep Nicholas safe, Gareth will find it!"

...

In the light of day it was clear there was nothing special about the hotel. It was pretty standard as far as hotels went, boutique styled, intimate and cosy… sophisticated in decoration. Wide pillars were painted a chocolate brown to offset them against the stark white of the walls, and these obscured the vision, so that you could never really see what was coming until you had passed by or around them.

And it was because of this design feature that only Nicholas saw her at first. He was holding Luke's hand as they made their way to the Lobby and Luke felt the squeeze and the slight jerk as he walked forward but the child abruptly stopped. The boy's eyes had that look of trepidation that seemed to have become standard over the past few days, fearful, watchful, and he quickly gripped Luke around his leg, holding on for dear life.

Confused, they followed his gaze to find themselves face to face with Betty Hawke. She had appeared unexpectedly from behind one of the pillars. Noah went instantly tense, memories of another day surging through him. Protectively he snapped the child up into his arms and held him slightly away from her.

"No!" He declared. "I don't know how you found us so quickly but you can't have him!"

She seemed just as shocked to see them as they were to see her, "M..M…Mr Mayer…?"

"Whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it!" Noah continued.

"B...But…"

"I don't give a shit what the stupid law thinks or says!"

"I…" She kept trying desperately to interrupt but Noah wasn't having any of it.

"Ms Hawke! Let me make this perfectly clear! The only way this child is going anywhere near that so called mother of his, is over my dead body!" And then glaring daggers at her, "How could you leave him there? How could you leave him in that place! WITH HER!"

She stood before him with her mouth hanging open, completely lost as to what to do, but just then, from behind the same pillar, Gareth made his appearance, strolling for all the world like he was enjoying a day in the park.

"Well!" he said, surveying the four of them, "I have to say that if you had snatched that child two days ago I would most likely be spending the next hour admonishing you on your stupidity, but as it happens…"

"Gareth!" Luke interrupted. "Am I relieved to see you? Please! There must be some way you can stop this woman from taking Nicholas?"

"As a matter of fact the lovely Ms Hawke was just on her way to take Nicholas, but it looks like she's been fortunate enough to bump into you just in time."

"Wh…?" Luke's jaw dropped. His face fell with dejection, "Does that mean you can't help? There's no hope?"

Noah took a step back.

"God no!" A relaxed Gareth waved his hand at them, "Quite the opposite actually!"

"I've been trying to tell you!" Betty finally cut in. "I have a directive right here on my clipboard instructing me to collect Nicholas Mayer from 23 Nixon Lane, Branson, Missouri and deliver him into the temporary care of Mr Noah Mayer of 34 Beachcomber Avenue, Los Angeles!"

"SORRY?" Both men said in unison, mouths gaping open, unable to fathom this remarkable turn of events.

She smiled, enjoying herself, teasing them now, "It says so right here! Take a look for yourself!" And she shoved the clipboard in their direction, banging her finger down on the official looking pages attached.

Noah's left hand shook as he took the clipboard and scanned the documents, "Is this for real?" he gasped tentatively, barely daring to hope.

"Sure is!" Gareth smiled confidently. "Your luck was in! When I arrived in Branson I discovered the Judge is an old college professor of mine. I was his star pupil would you believe? Anyway he was so happy to see me that he granted me a hearing yesterday morning at nine am."

"Oh!" exclaimed Betty. "I was wondering how you managed to pull it together so quickly! It's not what you know it's who you know!" She laughed at her little joke."

Then with the help of Betty over here, we managed to put together enough evidence to prove that this child was in imminent danger and should be removed immediately. At least until such time as his case could be properly reviewed."

Noah was staring at Luke now, the beginnings of a smile on his lips, his eyes swimming with unshed tears, as though he was afraid to smile, because if he did he might wake up to find it was all a dream. His arm was still firmly wrapped around Nicky… locking the child to him… just in case.

"Then all that remained" Gareth continued, "was to explain that little Nicholas was loved and wanted by his cousin Noah and partner for the Judge to grant you, Noah" and he nodded at Noah, "temporary guardianship of the boy."

"And the judge didn't have a problem?" Luke asked, "You know? With the whole unmarried and not to mention gay thing?"

Gareth laughed, "Well! Actually you kind of lucked out there too! I have it on good authority that Judge Cranmore is himself gay. Anyway, whether true or not, he seemed more than understanding as far as the two of you are concerned. And Betty assured him you are both perfectly capable of providing the boy with a stable and loving home."

"Gareth…" Luke could barely speak, "I… I don't know what to say! You REALLY are the best lawyer I've ever had the pleasure of working with!"

"Well! Save your thanks for when we're totally out of the woods! It's only temporary custody for now, but at least it means Nicholas is safe while we work on that!"

"I still… I can't believe it! Just this morning we were wondering whether it was even possible and now… We can't tell you what this means!" Noah expressed.

Gareth held up his hands, "Just happy to help!"

"And Ms Hawke?" Noah said gently, taking her hand with his free one "I'm really sorry for…"

"Quite understandable young man!" She cupped his fingers in both her hands, "I'm just pleased to see him back where he belongs."

"Thank you!" And he leaned forward to kiss her cheek and Luke did the same, making her turn beet red.

Only then did Noah laugh, bouncing Nicky on his hip, "Hey! You hear that baby? You're coming home with us to live!"

Nicholas, still a little unsure, his mind unable to follow the adult conversation, smiled at Noah who kissed him before turning to kiss a grinning Luke fully on the lips.

They group hugged right there in the centre of the hotel lobby.

...

"Man but I'm sick of these places!" Noah thought as he searched the hospital corridor for the room number the reception nurse had given him.

He was back in Branson after just two days, leaving Luke to take care of Nicky. Betty had telephoned him. She had gone by Michelle's house right after bumping into them at the hotel. Even though Nicholas was now clear of his mother, Betty still had to serve Michelle with the legal directive and ensure she was aware of her rights. However, on entering the house she was greeted by Michelle's blackened and bloody body, half pummelled to death, lying sprawled on her bathroom floor.

"Just like a broken doll." Betty had described her.

Noah knocked on her hospital door with unease. He still wasn't a hundred percent sure visiting her was the right thing to do, or whether it would just incense her and make their pursuit of ultimate custody of Nicky more difficult. But he had explained to Luke that, despite everything, she was still Nicky's mother, and they owed it to him to at least try and help her. If after trying it yielded no results then so be it! At least when Nicky was old enough to understand, he would know they had done all they could.

"Come in." He heard her say.

He was instantly shocked by her appearance. She was unrecognisable. Half her face was swollen as were her lips. One eye was bloated shut and the lid was a pitch black. Her head was bandaged and both her legs were in plaster cast and elevated above the bed, as was her left arm.

"Oh my god, Michelle!"

After the initial shock at seeing him she blurted out, "You don't have to pretend to give a sh*t Noah! What you doing here anyways?" Even her voice was different as she tried to squeeze the words through engorged lips.

"I heard what happened. I'm… I'm sorry."

She laughed bitterly, "You're sorry? Whose fault do you think this is? Hey? You and your boyfriend screwed up my trick! I had no money to pay 'im!"

Noah sighed. It was going to be a hard task to help her. He decided to save them both the aggravation and get right to the point. "Michelle, I am not my father. I've come to tell you that, and to make sure you understand that I'm not going to pay you to stay out of our lives or leave Nicky alone or anything like that."

She grunted.

"But… but you ARE his mother… and… and that means something. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it will to him someday. And you're my aunt… and I thought I didn't have family so…"

"Oh come on already! Enough with the sentiment man! Jeez! Just spit it out!"

"Look!" He countered, trying not to let her get to him, "I'm willing to help you Michelle. If you want my help. But here's what I'm offering… I will pay for you attend rehab for as long as it takes to get you clean. And I will help you with studies and to get a job. I'll even pay the rent on your place on the condition that you are attending these things, until such time as you can manage on your own. But that's it! That's all I'm doing for you! Take it or leave it! It's your choice!"

He placed his card on the table beside her. "Here's my number. I had to get a new cell so it's changed. Call me. If you want to…"

He started to leave but stopped when he heard her say softly, "You know? I wanted 'im."

"What?" He turned back to her.

"The child! I did want 'im! I wanted to do right by 'im! Get clean and everything… I tried in the beginning… I REALLY tried! And it was the first time I tried at anything! But he was sick! Did you know?" Noah shook his head. "He was sick so he cried all the time! Wahhh, wahhh, wahhh!" she imitated, "All. The. Time! And that just made it harder to stay off the stuff, you know? My nerves were shot! Eventually the drugs are all that matter… You don't realize! You can't understand if you ain't me!"

He stared at the floor in contemplation of this. "Think about my offer." he said looking up, before leaving the room.

If he had stayed a moment longer he may have heard her mutter under her breath, "Maybe you ain't like your father after all…"

...

It looked as though her entire family was out in force. The barbeque area in the park was surrounded by aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters and children of all ages playing merrily together. The smoke from the large barbeque filled the air with delicious, mouth watering smells of jerk chicken and seasoned steak. A long wooden park table was covered with corn on the cob, salads and breads of all types. They couldn't wait to get stuck into lunch. It reminded Luke of a gathering at Snyder farm and it felt instantly good to be there.

As they came up upon the group, Luke carrying a tin of cornbread he had made the night before and Noah holding Nicky's hand, Jasmine stepped out from the crowd to greet them happily.

"Welcome!" She said, "I'm so please you could make it!"

"Thank you for inviting us!" answered Noah.

"And hello Nicholas." Jasmine smiled down at him and he shyly ducked behind Noah's long legs. But he knew her well by this point and there was no fear in the gesture. They all knew he would warm to her in time.

"Say hello Nicky." Noah encouraged, "Go on."

Nicky's eyes lifted to Noah's and then back to the floor.

"That's okay." said Jasmine, "Maybe later, hey?"

"Um, here, I made this for the day." Luke handed her the tin which she opened.

"Oh! My favourite! Cornbread always reminds me of my grandmother, may she rest in peace! An amazing lady! Thank you very much!"

"You have a big family!" Noah observed, scanning the park where a game of soccer was taking place.

"Yes." She agreed, "I'm one of the lucky ones. Never had kids myself but never needed any. I have so many nieces and nephews to keep me company! And of course this one might not be blood or a baby anymore but he keeps me the busiest." Her eye line fell somewhere behind them and she bent forward to draw an embarrassed Joshua past them to stand by her side.

The man didn't smile but his eyes shone as he shook their hands. "Hello."

"Hello Joshua." Noah replied.

"Thank you for posting bail."

"No, thank you!" Noah replied, looking down at Nicky to stress his point.

"Hello Nicholas." Joshua said to him, most likely not expecting the reaction he received, the child turned and ran, disappearing behind a tree. They all looked after him in surprise.

"What the…?" Ask Luke.

Noah patted Luke's shoulder, "I'll get it…"

He found Nicky sitting up against the tree with his legs drawn up.

"Why are you hiding?" Noah asked. "It's only Joshua. He's your friend, right?"

The little boy nodded his head and lifted his tear stained face.

Noah knelt down in front of him, hands on his little knees. "What's wrong baby? Why are you crying? Hmm?"

Nicky ducked his head, hiding his face in his lap and said something that was muffled by his shirt.

"I didn't hear you Nicky, what did you say?"

His blue eyes lifted pleadingly into Noah's, "I don't want to go with Joshua…"

Noah frowned, "Why would you think that?"

"You said! You said Joshua would come get me."

Noah smiled. "You think we came here to give you to Joshua? Is that what you think?"

He nodded and bit his lower lip, in exactly the same way Noah always did.

"Nicky, listen to me, okay?" And he lifted Nicky's head by placing a finger under his chin. "From now on you belong with me and Luke. You stay with us, okay? We love you baby! Okay?"

"Pinkie swear?" he held up his tiny finger the way Luke had taught him and Noah hooked it with a smile.

"I promise."

Instantly the little body relaxed and the boy nodded, before wrapping his arms around Noah's neck.

"Come on silly!" Noah said, lifting him up, "Let's go and have some fun!"

"Yeah!" Nicky responded, much more joyfully.

As they returned to the group he smiled widely at Joshua and said, "Joshua!"

Joshua's normally stoic face, which had never shown Luke or Noah much in the way of emotion, contained such a look of shocked surprise that both men and Jasmine couldn't help but laugh at him.

"You speak?" Joshua exclaimed and that made Nicholas chuckle.

"Yes silly!" he sang.

They all laughed, even Joshua.

...

A little while later, after lunch, Noah found Luke sitting alone on the log of an old tree. He sat down next him and squeezed his knee, eliciting a warm smile. Nicky was just finishing off a gigantic wedge of water melon on the grass a few yards ahead of them.

"Everything okay?" Luke asked him.

"Fine." Noah smiled, "Perfect actually. I just saw you from way over there and I was wondering what you were thinking about?"

Luke's eyes were back on the boy. "I just spoke to Detective Mullins on the phone."

Noah stiffened.

"They finally managed to uncover a Di Alberto stash on one of my ships! They're investigating as we speak."

"Well, that's good, right?"

"Yeah."

After a while of watching the activity of the barbeque and leaving Luke to his thoughts Noah said, "I keep waiting you know?"

"Waiting?"

"For you to tell me about the nightmares? Or did you think I hadn't noticed?"

"No. I figured you had. I just hoped they'd go away before you asked me about them."

Noah rubbed his thigh, "What's on your mind Luke?"

"I've decided. I'm still going to sell the company. Especially now! Now that we have him…" He gestured towards Nicky. "He's been hurt enough because of it!"

Noah nodded. "I know it's not easy for you. I know you enjoyed that job, even with all its problems."

"He's what matters now. He's ours and he's precious and he deserves to be protected. That means keeping anything labelled Grimaldi out of our lives. I just wish we could have got to him sooner! Spared him some of that…"

Noah kissed his cheek, "I know, but look at him, Luke! He's going to be just fine!" Noah turned Luke's face to his, "We're going to be just fine!"

Luke smiled and Nicky took that moment to hop up on Noah's lap.

A small and pretty girl, with colourfully beaded braids, shyly approached them. She wore a ribbon bedecked blue dress and held a stuffed monkey under her arm. She stood swaying in front of them before working up the courage and saying, "Hi."

"Hi!" replied Luke, "What's your name?"

"Ruby." She replied quietly.

"Wow! Really? That's a very beautiful name, Ruby. My name's Luke and this is Noah and this little monkey is Nicky."

Ruby giggled gently, "He's not a monkey! He's a boy, silly!" Then to Nicholas, "Want to play?"

Nicholas, not used to these approaches, hid his face under Noah's arm.

"You can play with my monkey if you want." The girl was nothing if not persistent. Nicky looked up and took the stuffed toy she offered to him.

"Well!" Exclaimed Luke, "Nicky might not want to play but I do!" And he started to count down with his hands over his eyes, "Ten, nine, eight…"

Ruby yelped with glee and sprinted off to hide. Other children in the vicinity quickly cottoned on to the game and also scurried off to hide up trees and under tables. "…three, two, one, coming ready or not!" And Luke leapt from the log to start his search of the area. "In here!" He jumped low to look into the hole of a large tree. "Hmm, nothing…"

Nicky in the meantime was watching this game with interest. Eventually he moved from smiling to laughing hysterically as Luke found child after child hiding around the park.

"I love Luke!" Nicholas suddenly exclaimed giggling hard, in that innocent way only a child could.

Noah pulled him closer. "Same here, Nicky…" and he kissed the back of his tiny head, his heart full and at peace, smiling softly as he watched Luke race around with the other children, "Same here…"


	47. Oakdale 1

_HE entered the lavish bedroom like HE always did. Expressionless. Silent. HIS golden eyes surveyed the room with the usual disinterest and HE sniffed once before running HIS hand through HIS shiny hair. It was a hot day and Troy's mouth watered at the way HIS work shirt clung seductively to HIS back, highlighting the thick set of his shoulder blades. He loved the way the ends of HIS curls were damp against HIS neck. _

_"I only have an hour before my next meeting so…" HE spoke matter-of-factly as HE turned and simultaneously pulled at the shirt that was neatly tucked into his trousers, periodically revealing tantalising areas of stomach skin and muscle and hair. Troy burned to touch HIM. _

_Troy nodded without emotion. HE knew the drill. No talking. Just action. HE removed his t-shirt and unbuckled the belt, his jeans instantly sagging around his skinny waistline. HE knew he'd lost weight. Lately it had become difficult to eat. Actually it had slowly become difficult to do anything except suffer the throb in the pit of his stomach and the ache in HIS heart. HE had fallen. Oh yes! HE had fallen hard. And now all he could do was wait for these moments, few and far between, but necessary, like breathing! Usually HE could just buy what HE needed, but money couldn't get HIM this… money couldn't buy HIM. _

_Troy watched spellbound as the man of his dreams freed the last button of HIS blue collared shirt and HE was just about to pull the material from HIS back when Troy held up his hands and said, "Let me."_

_The blonde eyed him for a moment, frowning, but then relented and waited, inert, arms at his sides, for Troy to reverently remove the shirt sleeves. As he moved around HIS back Troy came face to face with HIM and pure desire shot through him like a bullet. He wanted to kiss this man. He wanted to lay a kiss on those soft lips more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life, but he didn't. He never had. By now he knew the rules… unspoken… unwritten on any surface he knew of, but existing just the same. _

_"You're really tense." Troy whispered, swallowing hard. He was always afraid to make the wrong move. Say the wrong thing. If he did the blonde would leave. HE'd left before. "Lie down and I'll give you a massage."_

_There was a hare's breath when he thought he'd made a mistake, but then he let the air go when the blonde lay, muscled back up, on the black satin sheets of Troy's king size bed. Troy almost tripped as he rushed to join HIM, rubbing his hands together with a blob of Vaseline from the jar by the bed and then smoothing them first up each of HIS thighs then pushing up between HIS legs ever so slightly, the blonde's gasp his reward; and then to HIS back, running his thumbs up HIS spine to HIS shoulder blades. Then, knees straddling HIM, he went expertly to work at the knots in HIS back, paying careful attention to each tense spot, pressing his fingers hard with practised precision. He had performed this act countless of times before. He had used this skill to seduce countless men and women. But none of them, not a one, had ever left him feeling like this. _

_Lost. _

_Confused. _

_Alone. _

_But he only had himself to blame. He had been the one to seduce HIM. He had sought HIM out, pursued HIM relentlessly, never letting up, sensing the danger within HIM, the buried emotions HE was trying to escape from. The buried emotions Troy used to his advantage. He had promised HIM this world with no feelings. Just two friends (where they even that?) and an occasional bout of pure unadulterated lust. He had made of the relationship what it was now. _

_The sounds eliciting from the other man as he rubbed HIS back were driving Troy crazy, making him hard and ready. So during his ministrations he leaned over with his left arm to draw the blond back by HIS right shoulder, just enough to make room for his right hand to slide surreptitiously from the man's back to HIS belly and down to find the hardness below, the body weight pressing his kneading hand down into the mattress. He was rewarded with a guttural groan. He spent some time there blindly exploring, breathing deeply, enjoying himself. His eyes fell to the tight behind… God but he just wanted to pound right in there… but he held back, wanting to extend the short time he'd be allowed with HIM. _

_He knelt up so that he could pull the man onto his back and then he dipped his head to start licking at HIM, using his tongue on that most sensitive of spots whilst gently moving his hand up and down. The blonde moaned and arched his back and Troy slowly pushed his mouth downwards and then back up, gradually increasing the pace and rhythm._

_"Shit! Shit!" HE moaned over and over, thrashing about and squeezing handfuls of sheet and mattress between HIS fingers. Then Troy felt his hands on his hair, pulling the long brown strands in fistfuls till it hurt. It hurt so good! _

_Then the moans became words,"Stop… Stop…"_

_Troy obliged, knowing it was time. HE had spoken. Troy knew what HE wanted. The reason HE came at all. But Troy was determined. He had made up his mind that this time it would be different. So as the body under him attempted to roll back around he hooked it firmly between his thighs._

_"Let go!" Realising Troy's intent, the brown eyes burned a fiery red of warning._

_Troy looked at HIM, trying to gauge HIM. But there was no relenting in the eyes. HE was serious. Sighing Troy gave in, slackening his grip and the blonde turned around, like HE always did. Kneeling up on the sheets and placing both hands flat against the cold wall in front of HIM… waiting. Waiting for a cold and unfeeling fuck from behind by a person HE didn't care about. No eye contact during the act. Another of the rules. _

_Troy fumbled with the condom, then placing one hand on the waiting shoulder blade pushed hard, burying his way inside in one swift moment and then grabbing the solid waist with his other hand, quickly building up steam. _

_HIS beautiful moans, music to Troy's ears, filled the space of his bedroom and Troy took the opportunity to grasp HIM around his waist and bite into the soft flesh of HIS neck. As he surrendered, Troy felt the shockwave travel through HIS amazing body. He felt his own legs buckle under him as he exploded inside HIM and they both fell forward. _

_They lay panting for a few minutes. He savoured those minutes, smelling in the scent of HIM, knowing they wouldn't last. And just as expected the man left the sweat soaked bed to shower and change._

_As HE headed for the door Troy said, "Will I see you tomorrow?"_

_HE stopped, never once looking back, HIS hand already on the doorknob, "I don't think so." _

_Troy lay prone on the bed, watching HIM leave…_

...

Nicky was a chatterbox.

It was as if Luke and Noah had pulled a plug and now all the words he'd stored up in his little body came flooding out in strings of often unintelligible sentences.

"Remind me again why we encouraged the talking?" Luke would sometimes joke, especially after a manic day at the temporary Grimaldi Shipping offices.

"When will Luke be home?" Nicky would ask Noah every hour of every day.

"Later" or "Soon" would be Noah's standard response.

"Yes but WHEN?"

It always made Noah laugh. The child had absolutely no concept of time and so it was a question Noah had no hope of ever answering, at least not for a couple of years. Time was simply an impossible concept to explain to a four year old when to him ten minutes could feel like ten days.

But finally they would hear Luke's car drive up, the headlights briefly illuminating the room and Nicky would wait by the door like an expectant kitten.

"LUKE!" he'd yell, flying into the exhausted man, gripping around his knees and almost knocking him over in his enthusiasm. "Did you know I saw Smurfs today? Did you know they're BLUE? They're funny!" A giggle and Luke would just open his mouth to speak and then, "Where've you been? I waited and waited! Noah helped me paint! We made a rainbow! Wanna see?"

After a couple of responses along the lines of "Really?" and "You did?" and "I was working baby" Luke would make it over to the couch, where he'd collapse in a heap and expel an audible "Oof" as the child unintentionally kicked or punched his belly in an effort to clamber on top of him.

Generally Noah would watch this daily exchange from his workspace at the dining table, waiting for Nicky to calm down enough to allow him his turn. And only then could he walk over and bend to kiss Luke with a gentle, "Hi."

But Noah knew there was also an anxiety in the waiting. He knew Nicky never fully trusted that Luke would return. In fact the anxiety was there no matter which of them went out, even if it was just to run a five minute errand. They knew that eventually he would settle and be more confident, but in the meantime Noah had resumed working from home, putting off returning to full time at the studio. It was an impossible combination, work and a four year old, and he knew it couldn't last for long. A better solution would have to found.

Betty had been by a few times to make her regulatory reports, and she had already suggested they enrol Nicky in some kind of toddler play group as soon as possible.

"He will have to start kindergarten in less than a year's time and he isn't used to being around strangers or other children." She had warned.

Luke and Noah were wary. At the moment there were only four people Nicky would even talk to, the other two being Jasmine and Joshua. He didn't seem to know how to respond to other children from what they could tell. Luke and Noah were afraid for him. They didn't want him to end up lonely because he couldn't make friends his own age. But they also knew how terrified he would be if they ever left him with strangers.

Noah was just musing over this problem for the one hundredth time when Luke interrupted his thoughts by saying, "I really think this child needs a haircut!"

Noah laughed, "Yip! You may be right! He's starting to look less like me and more like you!"

"Shut up!" Luke sniggered good naturedly, smoothing Nicky's long black curls back with both his hands.

Kneeling across Luke's thighs, Nicky looked suddenly scandalised, "Jasmine says you must never say shut up!"

"She does?" Luke asked.

"Yip! And she says you must never call someone stupid!"

"Well! Jasmine's one smart lady, don't you think?"

"Yip! And I'm smart too!"

Luke laughed, "Yes you are."

"And Noah's smart and Luke's smart also!"

"What about Joshua?"

Nicky's tiny forehead crinkled in concentration, "Um, Joshua's BIG!"

Noah laughed from the other side of the room, "You don't think Joshua's smart?" he asked.

"I guess. He doesn't talk much." Nicky's eyes fell on the knot in Luke's tie and his tiny fingers started to fumble at it.

Noah joined them on the couch and said, "Well I think he's very smart. I think he's very smart because he brought you to us."

Nicky's smile was gorgeous, "OH YEAH! Yes he is very smart!"

"So what do you think kid?" asked Luke, bringing them all back to the first topic of conversation. "Do we get you a haircut?"

Nicky, not having a clue what a haircut was, simply shrugged as he continued to play with Luke's tie, "I don't know? What is it?" Then he did what came natural to all children his age, he imitated Luke's previous gesture and pushed Luke's long bangs back and out of his eyes.

"Well, maybe we can ask my mom to do it while we're visiting the farm." Luke suggested, more to Noah than to Nicky, "She always cuts mine. That's if Nicholas here let's her!" And he leaned in nose to nose with the child pulling a funny face and making him chuckle.

Noah could have cried they were so cute. He was looking forward to the week away in Oakdale even if he was a little nervous about introducing Nicky to them.

"What do you think they'll say?" he asked Luke tentatively. "About…" and he gestured towards Nicky.

Luke shrugged. "No idea! But I figured it best not to try to explain it over the phone. When they see us together they'll understand better I think."

"I hope so."

Luke smiled at him, "Do you know what I'm hoping?"

Noah laid his head back on the couch as he looked at him, "What's that?"

"I'm hopping we'll be able to sneak some A.L.O.N.E. time while we're there! God but I REALLY miss you!"

Noah cupped his cheek and grinned, "Me too!"

Nicky, watching this exchange with interest, frowned at them in confusion, "But he's right here silly Luke!"

...

_The first time was in his office. _

_Troy had snuck in unannounced and locked the door behind him. _

_"What are you doing?" _

_"Looking for you?" He used his most practised silken voice. "I could hear you thinking about me all the way from my bedroom…"_

_The man's hazel eyes fixed on him and Troy saw it there. That look he'd seen before. That look that spurred him on. Lust. Desire. Pure sexuality trying to break free! He leaned back against the man's desk where HE was seated, studying some boring piece of paperwork. He crossed his feet in a relaxed stance and eyed the blonde meaningfully up and down. Seduction was his middle name and he knew how to get what he wanted. He could tell the blonde was already hot and bothered by his presence… horny as hell! _

_From their first meeting Troy had sensed it there. A rage! A fiery beast seething under the surface. Angry at… Troy didn't know what. But yes… this guy was pissed off about something alright and was just fit to bursting with frustration. Frustration Troy was working to turn into lust. _

_Surprisingly the guy didn't move as Troy leaned forward, feeling the heat emanating from his skin. "Sometimes it's just sex…" he whispered in his ear before taking the lobe in his teeth and biting down until he heard the gasp of air from his conquest. The man's hands had turned white as he gripped the handles of his chair. "Why don't you just let it all go?"_

_Something about those words got to him and the blonde stood quickly, pushing Troy back into the table and standing over him, his breathing was hard and erratic and Troy could see the pain, the fight going on in his eyes as he tried to control urges that went against the old fashioned ethics he had set for himself. _

_"Do it!" Troy encouraged, but the man backed away, right back against the wall._

_"I want you to go." he said._

_But Troy just smiled, walking over to him, removing his shirt on the way and revealing the hard nipples beneath. He didn't fail to catch the man's glance downward, licking his lips. Yip, this guy was horny as hell! _

_Troy moved closer and the blonde's breath grew heavier with each approaching step. He looked so damned hot that Troy wanted nothing more than to bend him over and do him right there and then. But this one required patients. Carefully, Troy ran his hand up the inside of his leg making him wince with the longing to burst from his trousers, suddenly feeling very tight. Breathing into his ear, Troy unzipped them, releasing the hardness and touching him ever so slightly, but enough to make him harder still. _

_Dropping Troy wrapped his mouth around him, taking most of him in, sucking with practised ease. He can feel the other body responding to him, he can hear the breaths and groans from above. The man made no move to touch him and he didn't try to encourage it. First he would release the angry beast he sensed within and then that same beast would seek him out for more… maybe later… but it would come._

...

Lucinda was the last person to receive her hello hug and kiss from Luke as they stood in the farm kitchen, where she'd just spent an hour waiting with Emma, Lilly and Holden for him and Noah to arrive by hire car. They were perplexed by Luke's request that the four of them, and only the four of them, meet them in this strange manner.

"I can't imagine why you had to go and hire a car Luke." Lilly exclaimed again, "I mean you know one of us would be happy to collect you from the airport?"

"Yes I know Mom but…"

"And where's Noah?" she looked either side of him, as though she expected Noah to suddenly materialise out of thin air, "I thought you two were coming together?" She was visibly disappointed.

"We did, he's right outside."

"What?" asked Emma, "Well, what's the boy doing out there? Why doesn't he come inside?"

"Luke," Lilly frowned, "You two aren't having problems again are you?"

Holden's forehead crinkled along with hers.

"No! No! Mom, Dad, all of you…" and he eyed the four of them, Lilly, Holden, Emma and Lucinda, one by one, "It's just, we have somebody we'd like you to meet."

"Well now I AM intrigued!" stated Lucinda, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, wait a moment." Luke hurried out the door and reappeared a moment later with Noah in tow. Clinging to him was a handsome but rather reluctant young boy.

"Everyone, this is Nicholas. Nicholas Mayer." Luke's grin stretched proudly from ear to ear.

"Hi." Noah greeted them carefully.

Lilly looked like she was about to faint, so Holden grabbed her elbows. Both Emma and Lucinda stared mouths agape.

Lucinda's hand came up to cover her mouth, "Well!" she said, walking forward to closely examine the boy. "Well! I'll be damned! Are you telling me that Noah's a father?" She directed the question at Luke, but then turned to Noah slightly accusatory, scaring him a little, "Did you neglect to tell us you had a son?"

"Grandma!" Luke exclaimed, "He's not Noah's son! He's his cousin."

Lucinda looked instantly embarrassed while a peak over her shoulder revealed a rather relieved looking Lilly.

"Oh, my apologies Noah!" Lucinda begged, "I should know you better then that, shouldn't I?" She patted his shoulder.

"It's okay!" Noah assured her, "Even Luke thought that at first."

Luke turned a bright red at that and Lucinda laughed, "I'm sure it must have shocked the life out of him! But I must say the child does share a striking resemblance. It's almost uncanny!"

Luke leaned in closer to Nicky, who had his face pressed against Noah's chest, "Nicholas, this is Grandma Lucinda."

"Very pleased to meet you young man."

"And this" Luke continued, motioning to Noah that he should follow him, "this is Grandma Emma. This is her farmhouse."

"Welcome sweetheart! And aren't you just the cutest button?"

Nicky stared wide eyed at her, not really sure how to react.

"And these two lovely people are my Mommy and Daddy, but you can call them Gran and Grandpa if you like."

Both Holden and Lilly's eyebrows raised instantly in suspicion.

"Well," Holden finally spoke from the kitchen table where he'd helped Lilly take a seat, "If you're going to turn us into instant grandparents then I think we need to hear the rest of this story."

"Noah?" Lilly asked, confusion written all over her face, "Whose child is this?"

"Well, legally, at the moment, he's mine."

"But spiritually he's ours." Luke smiled at them.

"WHAT?" Lucinda and Emma exclaimed in unison.

"It's… it's… a… a really long story." Noah stuttered, "The thing is we… we…" he looked over to Luke for help, brow furrowed as he struggled for words.

"The thing is," Luke walked over and placed an arm around Noah. He caught Noah's hand in his own, squeezing his fingers gently, "we love him and we're fighting for custody. That's all you really need to know right now, we'll explain the rest later." And he made sure they knew he didn't want to speak in front of the boy.

Noah eyed him with appreciation.

There was a long silence in the kitchen while the news was absorbed and then finally, with a sigh, Lilly stood, staring at the three of them. Her son's handsome shoulders moved in the smallest of shrugs and a cheek dimpled near the corner of his mouth, the way it had always done, ever since he was a small boy himself. She shook her head in defeat and laughed kissing both men and smiling at the child, "Hello Nicholas! Welcome to the family."

...

_Just as Troy knew he would, the blonde came to him the second time. Troy opened mansion's front door, wondering who it could be. People they knew usually used the side entrance. _

_The man burned with an energy of pure determination and desire. Troy held back a knowing smile, not wanting to change the charge of the mood. _

_The blonde stood before him on the doorstep, his chest rose and fell, as though he had run there. Their eyes were locked in a lustful fire and Troy knew he had won! _

_With a force from the gods he was flung upon, pushed across the entrance hall and hard into the opposite wall, almost causing an antique painting to crash from the walls. Eyes locked, the blonde began to remove Troy's clothing. Troy caught his hands to stop him. The blonde fought him but Troy held firm. _

_"Not here! We have housekeepers. Follow me." And he led the man by his wrist up the stairs to his room, stopping on the way to close the front door._

...

There was really only one fancy restaurant in Oakdale. At least it was what the locals would consider fancy. Anyway it was pretty expensive as far as the other restaurants in the area went. It was the kind of place you visited to celebrate some special event, a birthday or engagement. The restaurant was situated above a row of boutique shops. Glass fronted and elevated as it was, it had a wonderful view over Old Town.

And it was under this restaurant that Luke walked later that same night. Holden had left to drop Lilly and Lucinda off at home, Lilly promising to bring the kids around to meet Nicholas in the morning, and Emma was already in bed when Nicholas developed a stomach ailment. Not wanting to wake Emma to ask for children's medication, Luke had driven to Old Town to drop by the twenty-four hour chemist.

So Luke held the white paper chemist bag to his chest as he skipped quickly through town on his way back to the hire car, and he just happened to glance up at the restaurant, noting it must be closing time, since the waiters were in the process of upturning chairs onto table tops.

And that was when their eyes met.

Luke started. The other man was not a waiter. Luke knew this. He was the owner's son. Sometimes he would watch the restaurant when the usual Manger was sick or away on holiday. Not because he had to but because he wanted to. Luke thought he liked the company. The man's eyes showed at first surprise then shock… pain… and then changed to something Luke struggled to understand but it was close to… loathing perhaps? Or anger?

Luke for his part flushed an instant red and did the only thing he could in that situation. He smiled uncomfortably and lifted his free hand in a half wave… a kind of guilty hello.

The man's response was to slam the chair he was in the process of lifting hard onto the table before him and then to disappear into the heart of the restaurant where Luke could no longer see him.

Luke stared at his shoes for a moment, grappling with memory. Then he shook the thoughts off, continuing on his way back to Noah and Nicky.

It didn't matter. None of that mattered anymore…

...

**Just a reminder to review please... **


	48. Oakdale 2

They walked hand in hand through the morning chill, following the well manicured path of Emma's lower garden. It was reasonably mild for late winter and although there were no flowers, the green plants stood firm and proud against the winter sunshine.

Nicholas had had them up since dawn. Waking up in a strange place, he had been momentarily spooked and Luke was made to bolt down the passage, following his screams.

"Hey baby? What's the matter?" The child had sniffed several times at him from underneath the comforter, swallowing sobs, his eyes swollen and red from fear. Luke sat beside him on the bed and hugged him close. "We're at the farm, remember? We're sleeping right next door, okay? So if you wake up you can come and find us. Nobody will hurt you here. Okay baby?"

Nicholas nodded, his mood already much improved, "I'm hungry!"

Luke laughed! The boy's appetite was always astounding.

"Well!" he said, "I can already smell Grandma Emma's oatmeal porridge cooking downstairs! Let's get dressed and then after breakfast maybe Noah will come with us for a walk. What do you say?"

"Yeah!"

Now, bellies full, the three of them strolled in step and in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Nicholas broke his hold on Luke's hand to skip up ahead periodically hopping on a log or large stone and jumping off with a cry of "Wee!"

Luke could hear the whisper of Noah's jeans beside him, feel the humid warmth of his body and smell the musky scent of him… That scent that made Luke want to drag him from his thoughts onto the grass, un-belt him and pull the clinging shirt from his body, so that he could press his own chest to his and lie half-naked with him amongst the flowerbeds.

If Nicholas wasn't around he might have done.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Noah, suddenly forcing Luke back to the present.

His eyes met Noah's with a crooked smile.

Noah's laugh was deep and masculine, "You know you have IT written all over your face right now?"

Luke grasped Noah tight and he breathed in deep then pressed himself hard into him. Laughing suddenly, purely from sheer happiness, he leaned up and kissed Noah thoroughly, his hands carefully exploring the outlines of Noah's rear, snugly confined in denim. He squeezed gently, making Noah squirm against him.

The air rapidly became charged. Electric, like summer lightening.

"You'd better watch what you're doing to me Snyder!" Noah mumbled; their mouths still glued together, "It might be a while before Nicky's comfortable enough with your family for us to slip away."

Luke let out a groan of disappointment and disentangled himself from Noah's body. "Urg! You know I love that kid but this is a killer!"

Noah smiled at him, "Yeah! Reminds me of the days when we had to follow Emma's rules! Remember?"

"This is SO much worse!"

"Really? Why's that?"

Luke took both of Noah's hands in his, kissed the top of them and locked his gaze, "Because now I really know what I'm missing!"

Noah gave him a soft smile that melted his heart.

"Lookit!" Nicholas suddenly interrupted from below, "I found this river!" and he gestured at the bendy stream behind him with pride.

"That's great!" Noah agreed as Luke slipped both his arms around his waist and rested his head on his chest. "Just be careful okay, those stones can be slippery!"

They watched, entangled in each other's arms, as Nicholas crossed the stepping stones with concentration, hopping from one to another across the shallow waters of the stream. Standing on a particularly mossy one, his foot slipped and landed with a loud splash into the stream. He looked up at them all doe eyed, lifted a finger to his lips and yelped, "Oops!"

"Good thing we put the gumboots on him!" Noah laughed and enjoyed the vibration of Luke's body as he laughed along with him.

"Those rocks can be tricky little buggers if you don't watch your step son!" Holden stood on the other side of the stream, a saddle hooked over his arm.

Nicky stared at him with his usual look of uncertainty but there was something about the older man that seemed to spark his interest. He turned to Luke and Noah and pointed towards Holden.

"What is it Nicky?" Noah asked, but he knew the child wouldn't speak with Holden around.

Nicholas pointed again, crinkling his forehead as he returned to glance at Holden.

"Is it this?" Holden asked, lifting the saddle slightly. "It's for Admiral. I was just about to take him for his morning exercise. Would you like to come?"

Seeing his perplexed expression Noah said, "Admiral's a horse sweetheart. Do you want to go and see him? There are lots of other horses too?"

Nicholas made his shy way back towards them, hopping from stone to stone and landing on the soft muddy bank. He looked back and forth between Holden and the two men and finally he nodded. But he didn't make a move to approach Holden.

Noah smiled in that sweet way that made Luke's stomach flutter, "Do you want me to go with you?"

Nicholas beamed wide and nodded with excitement.

"Coming?" Noah asked, turning to Luke.

"I need to call Gareth, but you go, I'll see you back at the house in an hour or two."

"Okay." Noah kissed his check then half ran down the slopping bank to join Nicholas. "Let's go kid!"

Luke watched contented, hands in his pockets, as Nicholas and Noah made their way over the stream and joined Holden on his way to the barn. The child turned briefly and waved and Luke returned the gesture, his heart beating hard with the love he felt for them.

...

_He licked the salt from his thumb, knocked back the shot, and squeezed the lemon quickly between his teeth, sucking in the juices. He stared back into the crowd of people in the club but it wasn't working. He could still hear the whispered breath, the beloved words and he could still see the gentle smile and dark hair as images flashed through his mind in time to the strobe lighting on the dance floor. _

_"Stop!" he pleaded to his own brain through clenched teeth, his drink fuelled body swaying, making his stomach burn. Turning back to the barman he shouted over the music, pointing at the empty shot glass, "ANOTHER!"_

_"ARE YOU SURE?" The guy yelled back, "THAT'LL BE YOUR EIGHTH ONE!" _

_"ANOTHER!" He shouted firmly. _

_"OKAY! ONE MORE! THEN I'M CUTTING YOU OFF!"_

_"Whatever!" he muttered to himself and then slipped on the stool, catching his elbows on the ends of the bar and using them to pull himself up again. His feet felt like rubber. He shook his head and slapped some cash on the counter before swallowing the next shot, not bothering with the salt and lemon this time. _

_Knowing his time was up… at this bar at least… he made his way through the thick and hot crowd of dancing bodies, heading for the exit. However on the way he felt two firm hands wrap around his waist and a man's hardness rub up against his thigh from behind. The man, whoever he was, began to gyrate their hips together in time to the music. He closed his eyes and allowed his body to fall back into the chest behind him. The music drifted through his consciousness and he started to forget, he could feel himself on the edge of the oblivion for which he was so desperately seeking, so close and then… the man behind him took hold of his chin and tried to move his head around for a kiss._

_"NOOOO!" He flung himself loose and turned to punch the guy squarely in his jaw! _

_The man, holding his swollen face in one hand looked at him in shock, "What the fuck man? What the hell was that for?" _

_Then two men were pulling him backwards through the throng of amazed onlookers and out into the street. _

_"Don't come back until you've sobered up!" One of them warned, while the other took up residence, arms folded, in the doorway. _

_"FINE!" he screamed at them. What did he care anyway! He made his stumbled path down the side alley, but the further he got form the crowd and the music the more the memories started to inch their way back in. _

_"ARRRHHHGGG!" He punched the brick wall hard. "SHIT!" He screamed at the pain, hugging his injured hand against his stomach. He fell forward and leant with the top of his head against the wall. Then he threw up. He was vaguely aware of the blood but it was good. Maybe it would kill him! _

_He felt another memory attack coming on. He needed to find Troy right way. _

_"TROY!" he yelled. Where they hell was he? Didn't they come together? He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember anything except the thing he wanted to forget… the damn past!_

_That face, that smile, that touch, that voice… _

_"TROY!" he roared again, making the young couple passing him in the alley scuttle for their lives. _

_"I'm over here…" He squinted up the alleyway and spotted Troy leaning up against the wall under a lamppost, smoking a cigarette in that elegant manor he'd learned from years growing up amongst the elite classes. _

_He collapsed into the guy, ripping the cigarette from his fingers and throwing it away somewhere behind him before fumbling awkwardly at the guy's jeans. _

_"Here?" Troy asked astounded. _

_He was beyond caring where they did it. He forced his knee up between Troy's legs making his urgency clear and Troy flung him forward, so that his cheek kissed the rough brick of the adjoining building. He heard Troy's zipper open and closed his eyes, waiting for him to take over. The flashes were still there but they were receding, they would momentarily be replaced by pure lust. It was a temporary fix, he knew from experience, but he couldn't suffer anymore and the alcohol wasn't working. _

_"Come on!" He urged, "Hurry up!"_

_He was just helping Troy to undo his belt when he heard a well known authoritative female voice he both loved and feared._

_"Do you mind telling me just what is going on here?"_

_As Troy instantly backed away from him with fright, he was left with the blurred vision of her before him. His head bobbed at her and he let it fall back against the brick to help steady it. His legs gave out and he slumped to the floor, back up against the wall, eyes closed. _

...

"Yes okay." Luke spoke into his phone and lifted his head as Lucinda entered the kitchen door. He mouthed hello and she smiled at him as he continued his conversation. "I can't thank you enough! That's brilliant news, really! So, we'll sort everything out when I get back from Oakdale?"

Lucinda removed her coat and, struggling to find a free hook by the door, opted for a kitchen chair to hang it on instead.

"Oh he's fine. Great actually! He's really chatty and he keeps us on our toes… listen Gareth, I must go… yes… yes I will… thanks again! I know I've said it before, but you really are the best! Okay, bye."

As he hung up he immediately stood up from his chair to kiss Lucinda on her cheek, "Morning Grandmother."

"Morning darling. I hope I didn't just interrupt an important phone call?"

"Oh no, we were done talking anyway. That was Gareth Buckley, the lawyer I told you about last night. He's found a buyer for Grimaldi Shipping!"

"That's wonderful darling." Then she frowned. "Now are you sure this is what you really want to do?"

"Yes! I for one can't wait to get as far away from the Grimaldi's as possible!"

"Oh well, I can't say I don't blame you my boy! After everything you went through with that Di Alberto lot! Thank goodness Damian finally decided to do the right thing for a change!"

Luke looked suddenly subdued and sullen.

Lucinda patted his shoulder, "I see he still gets to you, doesn't he?"

Luke shrugged, "He's my father. I guess he always will." Then suddenly brightening up he stated, "Anyway, you're up early!"

"Early? More like I never went to bed!"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been up half the night worried to death about you and your young man and this child!" She sat down warily on a kitchen chair.

Luke and Noah had laid down the entire series of events to Lilly, Holden, Lucinda and Emma the night before, as soon as Nicholas was asleep upstairs. Luke's parents were at first furious at them, as well as at Lucinda, for not letting them know the danger they were both in. But finally, after they calmed down, they were just relieved that their two boys were safe and sound and that the threat had passed.

Now Luke sighed at Lucinda, "Grandmother, I know it must seem sudden…"

"Sudden!" she interrupted, "Luke! God knows the two of you love each other, but you have also broken up on more than a few occasions!"

Luke sat to join her at the table, "You're worried we'll break up?"

"This is a CHILD Luke! Not a puppy!"

"I know that!" Her slight tone of condescension annoyed Luke.

"You and Noah have only been back together for a few months… I just… I just want to make sure you understand the magnitude of what you're undertaking."

"Grandmother," Luke's tone was stern, at least as stern as he would ever dare to use on her, "I appreciate that you care and I understand your concerns. But you're acting like this isn't something we've discussed or thought about. We know what it means to look after a child. Hell I've been around small children for most of my adult life, what with Faith, Natalie and now Ethan! I know how hard it is sometimes. But, please believe me when I say this… Noah and I are together for good. It's… it's different this time."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

She eyed him knowingly, "So you're completely honest with each other?"

"Yes of course! What are you getting at?"

"So he knows then does he? He knows about last year? You told him?"

Luke deflated instantly and flopped back in the chair. He stared at his hands for a few minutes and then said softly, "You think I should?"

"Luke, if it was just you and Noah, I'd tell you do to what feels right. But now, with the child? Yes. Yes I think you should tell him."

Luke was contemplative for some time.

"What is it darling?" she asked softly, "Do you think he won't understand?"

"No… no… that's not it. I KNOW he'll understand." He seemed suddenly like the small boy she remembered from years ago.

"Then?" she questioned.

He took a deep breath and looked up at her with his dark puppy eyes, "I just don't want him to think less of me…"

She stretched over the table and gripped his hand in hers, squeezing hard, "Oh honey! Honey! If he loves you like I know he does, then he never could! He never could sweetheart."

She watched as a single tear dropped down his beautiful cheek.

...

_Troy sat dejected on a bench in Old Town, leaning forward on his knees as he watched the revellers pass him by unnoticed. He watched as they laughed together, enjoying the usual Saturday night bar crawls. It had always seemed to him that the world was so much happier than he. It had always seemed that way, every since he could remember. _

_"Shit!" he muttered under his breath. _

_He had waited more than a week for contact! Damn that woman! Damn her for showing up and stealing his precious moment away! Now he didn't know how long he'd have to wait to see HIM again._

_..._

**Do you like The LA Series? Please let me know if you do... Thanks :-)**


	49. Oakdale 3

As Luke approached the barn he saw Noah emerging from within, smiling to himself as he made his way up the hill towards the farmhouse. His black hair was slightly longer than he normally wore it and it blew around his forehead in waves as the wind hit the curls. His skin was olive from the LA sunshine and he was far more muscular than when they'd first met, if that was even possible. He was wearing that blue shirt that clung at just the right places and brought out his eyes.

The sight of the tall, straight-bodied guy was breathtaking and made Luke stop dead in his tracks. He felt a sudden rush of fear and apprehension as he considered the discussion he knew he'd have to have with him. He knew it would shock him; that he'd be displeased, but he wasn't so much afraid of his reaction, (knowing that they were strong enough to deal with anything), as he was with revealing his limitations. Revealing that he wasn't always the strong, solid and dependable guy Noah took him for. Revealing just how weak he'd been. How weak he could be.

But Lucinda was right, as always. With Nicholas in the picture things had changed and Noah had a right to know everything. He had a right to know what was possible… And if Luke was lucky enough to have Noah's love and trust then he had a right to know the full history of the person he was with. Luke had promised to share everything with him after all… so he would tell him later that night.

Noah saw him and white teeth flashed as he made his way over, "Hi good looking!" he greeted.

"Hey yourself!" replied Luke, "I know we said we'd meet back at the house but I was missing you both so I thought I'd pop down."

"Did you speak to Gareth?"

"Yes! He found a buyer!"

"Really? So Fast? That's brilliant!" Noah drew Luke towards him by his hips, his eyes sparkling like sapphires, his smile broad; and Luke saw in that moment just how happy Noah was, so happy that it radiated from him, almost making him glow. He thought back over their years together and he couldn't remember a time when Noah had looked so at ease with himself and the world. He was so stunning in this blissful state that Luke almost teared at the sight of it. It was all Luke had ever wished for, for him.

Shaking himself from these thoughts he replied, "I know! The guys a machine! Seriously!" And then studying him for a moment longer Luke commented, "You're looking especially cheerful right now…"

"Well…" Noah began to sway them gently from side to side, "I have the distinct impression we won't have to wait as long as we thought for you… know… what…"

Luke's eyebrow raised, "Really?" he smiled, Noah's mood had long since washed away any nerves he had before, "What makes you say that, ha?"

Noah nibbled his ear briefly and then whispered, "Follow me…" then he moved away, grabbing hold of Luke's hand and pulling him in the direction of the barn. Then at the large double doorway he manoeuvred Luke's body in front of his and wrapped his arms around him from behind, "Shh… be very quiet, okay?" he whispered.

Luke nodded with a grin as Noah prodded him forward and into the barn where they hid behind a stall door. Then Luke heard it.

"Do horses only eat carrots?" It was Nicholas.

Luke started with surprise. Noah was standing there with him so who…? He turned his head up to Noah, asking a question with an expression, but Noah just smiled that knowing smile, still holding Luke against his chest.

"Oh no!" Holden replied, "Horses eat lots of things. They eat grain and hay and grass. They love fruit and vegetables. And Painter over here… well… she's kind of partial to sugar cubes herself!"

"Me too!" Came the excited voice, "I'm also pat… parc… pa.."

"Partial." Holden helped.

"I'm also par-cal to sugar cubes!" And they heard both Holden and Nicholas giggling together.

Then they heard Holden ask "So, do you think you're ready to try riding Nash? He's just a pony so he's about the right size for you I'd think."

"Sure!" Nicholas's reply was surprisingly confident for a child only recently introduced to horses and Luke swelled with pride for him. It was so good to hear him enjoying himself. Feeling safe despite their lake of presence.

"Wow!" Luke whispered to Noah.

Noah squeezed him tight from behind, "Isn't it? Holden's so amazing! He had Nicky talking to him in no time! I guess that's where you get it from?"

"Get what?"

"I don't know. I can't explain it. It's the way you make a person feel… safe you know? Secure. I guess Holden has that same gift. Anyway, I slipped away and Nicky hasn't even noticed so…"

"So maybe later he won't mind if we leave him with Dad?"

"Exactly, Mr Snyder… Exactly!"

Luke lifted his head and kissed him then, a deep, explorative kiss, filled with promise of things to come. "Did I ever mention how much I like the way you think Mayer?"

...

_Troy threw the cell phone into the fireplace where it sparked and sizzled in the flames effectively destroying not only the device but also the undesirable message from his father. _

_"Son. Your Father here. Your Mother and I have decided to stay another month on the cruise so we won't be home Sunday as planned. But Geoffrey is taking care of the household so I'm sure you're well taken care of and have plenty…" _

_That was as far as the message got before the phone hit the fire. _

_"BASTARD!" He looked around and lifted an expensive Chinese vase that he knew his mother was particularly fond of and then he flung it hard on the white marble floor, where it seemed to disappear as it shattered into so many tiny shards. They cut at his feet but he barely felt them he was so enraged._

_He was twenty. It was his birthday and they left him again! Everybody he loved left him. Even HE… _

_A month! A whole month HE had been gone! And now his parents… _

_Troy gripped his hands into tight fists as he fought against the pain and loneliness. Loneliness he had felt his entire life. He let out an earth shattering scream of frustration. _

_Feeling no better he headed for his father's study and private stash of alcohol, leaving a trail of bloody footprints in his wake. _

...

Lilly arrived early that afternoon with Faith, Natalie and Ethan. As they walked up the drive Nicholas eyed them suspiciously through the gap between Noah's legs, clinging on to Noah's jeans the way he was prone to do when uncomfortable.

Ethan, spotting the two men, let out a loud squeal of joy that made Nicholas jump as the other boy sped at full speed towards them yelling, "LUKE! NOAH!"

Nicholas's hands tightened on the back of Noah's legs, almost painfully, as he clawed at them for safety.

Luke ran to meet Ethan half way, stooping down just in time to catch the little guy and spin him around, making his screams of delight even louder. He giggled hard and eventually yelled, "STOOOOPPP! Stop Luke! I'm get-ting dizzeeeeee!"

"Oh you ARE?" Luke teased, "Well maybe THIS will help!" and he threw the laughing child up into the air catching him by his legs so that he swung upside down, his strawberry blonde hair just grazing the gravel driveway.

"Oh don't Luke!" Lilly chastised playfully, "I just washed his hair this morning!"

Nicholas fixed Ethan with a stony glare as Luke lowered him to the ground. Then to Nicholas's horror the other boy made his happy way over to where Noah stood. He lifted his arms up and Noah picked him up, kissing him on his cheek, "Hello Ethan! Aren't you getting big? I swear you're almost a man now!"

"Ah Ah!" Ethan shook his head in negation, "I'm never growing up! I'm going to be little forever!"

"Oh!" Noah replied, remembering Ethan's favourite storybook, "You mean like Peter Pan?"

"Yes! And then I can fly to Neverland!"

"You'll have to find a fairy first!"

"Can I tell you something?" Ethan asked conspiratorially.

"Anything!" Noah assured him.

Ethan leaned forward and whispered something into Noah's ear making him laugh out loud, but before their conversation could continue it was cut short when Faith and Natalie leant forward to kiss Noah hello.

As he watched these exchanges, Nicholas grew vehemently angry. He didn't understand where this Ethan had come from. Luke and Noah loved him and only him! They said so all the time! So why did they play with Ethan like they played with him. Why did they kiss Ethan and spin him around and throw him in the air and hug him and… It disturbed Nicholas a lot.

"Nicky?" It was Noah. "You okay kid?"

Nicholas lifted his eyes to meet Noah's, intensely aware of the other child's head bobbing just to the left as Noah held him.

"You must be Nicholas?" Faith asked and Nicholas buried his face between Noah's legs.

With Noah busy with Ethan, Luke took over, bending down to open his arms to the child and then lifting him up for his sisters to see. Nicholas presented Ethan with an air of superiority as he sat self satisfied on Luke's hip. "Mine" his expression warned.

"These are my very special sisters, Faith and Natalie. And this little guy over here is my brother Ethan. I think you guys can be really good friends. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" Ethan exclaimed excited at the prospect of a child his own age.

Nicholas frowned deeply at him with undisguised resentment.

...

HE was in town!

Troy was watching HIM as HE held a conversation with some woman in the middle of the square. They looked as though they had just bumped into each other. It was early evening and Troy knew this was the route HE usually took from HIS office to HIS car. He heard HIM say something about an emergency conference call during the course of their discussion, but it was windy and so he didn't catch every word.

Troy leaned back against the wall of the alleyway down which he knew the man would come. It was the first time he had seen HIM up close since that night. That night in the street that got spoilt when they'd been interrupted. He didn't realise it then, but that would be the last time his fingers would touch HIS skin. HE looked amazing too! The same and yet so different. HE was suntanned and his expression was brighter, more relaxed. HE was smiling a lot more. Troy felt that familiar desire race through him, his heart pounded in anticipation. Not long now.

Troy waited.

...

As Noah made his way through Old Town he was still basking in the enjoyment of one of the best days of his life…

From waking up with Luke and Nicky, to their walk; Holden's tour of the barn and horses and Nicky opening up to him; to an amazing afternoon with the Snyder family. Not to mention Emma's delicious food.

He was in such a state of ecstatic bliss he hardly recognised himself from the sad and withdrawn person he had been only a few months before. He could hardly believe how lucky he was. He had Luke back and their love was stronger than ever. They had Nicky who could make them laugh and cry all at the same time. They were blest with amazing friends and family who they loved and who, in turn, loved them. They had left their problems in the past and had moved forward together. It finally felt like they had truly arrived… as though life couldn't possibly get any better.

It was only a shame that their evening card game had been cut short when Luke received a call from Grimaldi Shipping HQ requesting his presence at an emergency conference. He'd apologised profusely but Noah assured him it was okay. They still had the week ahead of them and one business call couldn't ruin that!

Noah was buzzing as evening grew darker on the farm and, when Lilly left with the kids, he was still far too wired to settle down. Nicky had long since been tucked up in bed. His little body, worn out from a day of outdoor activity, had taken all of one minute to nod off, his soft black curls falling around his face on the huge feather stuffed pillow.

Expecting that it would be at least another hour before Luke returned to the farm, Noah needed an urgent distraction! He asked Emma whether he could pick up some groceries for her from the Twenty-Four Seven on the skirts of Old Town. Holden, hands greasy as he busily fixed an engine part at the kitchen table, lifted himself from the seat and said, "You can use my truck if Mama doesn't mind fishing the keys out my back pocket."

So now Noah, breath expelling in long white puffs from the cold, made his way from the store with four heavy shopping bags full of food requested by Emma's hastily scribbled grocery list. He hoped he had everything she needed.

He couldn't wait to get back to the farm, wondering whether Luke would be back yet. He knew there was something Luke wanted to talk to him about. He'd seemed quite secretive about it, not wanting to give Noah any clues as to what it was about. Noah was intrigued because Luke seemed a little edgy about it and Noah couldn't think what it could be.

He rounded a corner and then felt a flutter of pleasure when he immediately recognised Luke. Even from such a far distance he knew it was him. Not only did he feel it, but he knew the stocky frame just as well as he knew how to breathe.

Luke stood at the end of an alleyway, the lamplight illuminating his golden hair, and just like a beacon, Noah's feet were immediately drawn towards the glow of it. He was so fixated on Luke he didn't notice the other man who stood before him. If he had noticed then he might have had a moments warning… He might have perceived the proximity of the man's body to Luke's… He might have seen the way Luke's back pressed hard up against the alley wall… He might have felt the tension in the air…

If he had noticed the other man his reaction might not have been what it was, because in that split second, every one of his senses… ever sense apart from sight… broke like shattered glass, as the man leaned forward to place an amorous kiss on Luke's soft lips.

...

**Please let me know what you think :-)**


	50. Oakdale 4

_"Noah! I don't love Reid! I love you!" Luke said it with such conviction that Noah could almost believe it. But there was one thing that hurt, one thought that really hurt… __"Did you sleep with him?"_

_"No!"_

_But Luke had been lying to him. Luke had been lying to him for how long? Weeks? Months? And it wasn't the first time he'd lied. So how could Noah believe him now? "Luke! Tell me the truth, you owe me that much! When you were in Texas together for his law suit?"_

_"No, not then! Not after"_

_"Not yet?" Bitterness seethed through the question._

_"Not ever! Noah, please! Try to understand! You were pushing me away so much! And yeah… I was really hurt and I was really confused and I was very, very angry with you…"_

_"And Reid was just there, right?" He couldn't help it. He knew he was spiralling out of control but the jealousy, the sick thought of him and Reid… He felt like punching someone…_

_"URG!" Luke exclaimed with frustration, "Look! Forget about him!" and then in his most dismissive tone, "It hasn't gone anywhere…"_

_Noah wasn't buying any of it, "But you admit that you're attracted to him?"_

_"Yes, but it…"_

_"I feel like SUCH an idiot!" He tried not to let Luke hear the pain in that statement, but it filtered through anyway. This wasn't right! This wasn't how the afternoon was supposed to have gone._

_"Noah, don't!" It was clear that Luke didn't want to hurt him. Wasn't trying to hurt him… But Noah's resentment was all consuming by this point._

_"You know, I should have pieced this together, but maybe I was in denial or… or maybe I was BLIND!" he said it spitefully, knowing how Luke would feel the sting of it, "You know I could always use THAT as an excuse?" _

_Luke tried to pull them back, tried to bring them down from the anger that was building so rapidly around the table, "We can get back what we had! I know we can!" _

_Noah cringed at how unsure he sounded, "You really think so?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Because I don't! Okay? I'm not going to be your safe choice, your fallback guy! You feel guilty? Good! You should!" He needed to get out of there!_

_"No!" there was panic behind his words and in his eyes as he shot up from his stool after Noah made to leave, "Noah, Noah please, don't go!"_

_"We're finished Luke, okay? We are done!"_

_"Okay well let me…" he looked around frantically trying to find a solution, trying to find a way to keep Noah near, "…let me drive you home. We can talk in the car…" He gripped at his coat like a safety blanket. _

_"There's nothing more to talk about, okay? I don't want your help… or your pity! I have my sight now… I don't need you…"_

_He hadn't meant it… Of course he hadn't! The words had left his lips in uncontrollable streams. They flowed free along with his rage… at Luke, at Reid, at the whole appalling situation, at the injustice of it all. But mostly, mostly he was angry at himself! For being such a complete idiot! All that time… Right in front of him… Laughing and flirting at private jokes and him, completely unawares, still holding on to a hope… the only thing keeping him going…_

_Of course he needed Luke! He needed Luke like he needed air and water and sustenance… Luke was all he had! His everything! The accident had taken everything! And why? For what reason? It was just all so pointless!_

_It wasn't the kiss that was destroying him now; though that in itself was knifing him through the gut; it was the confusion. It was that look of abject confusion on Luke's face. A look he had maybe carried for longer than Noah knew. But it was a look that Noah could now actually SEE! _

_Luke… the strong one… the open one… the guy that had fought tooth and nail for them from the very beginning… THAT guy had lost faith. And it was this that weighed heavily on Noah's chest as he stormed from the bar and wondered aimlessly towards town. Well, maybe it wasn't so aimless, because here, in front of him, was a quaint wooden park bench. To anybody else walking through Old Town that was all it was… But to Noah it was a ceramic jar filled with memories… all wonderful. And now, he had been careless, and the jar had cracked, spilling his precious memories down a dark drain of despair..._ _He found himself squatting as he lost all feeling in his legs, his hands gripped an arm of the bench, then reverently smoothed up and down the polished wood. _

_He fought hard! He fought with everything he had, trying to use all the tricks he'd learned his entire life, but there was nothing for it! _

_"Luke…"_

_A cry erupted from his throat, followed by a sob and then he was gone… _

_The tears fell like rain and he let them…_

...

That was it, he realised now! That was the moment the crying started. Before that day he could hold back tears if he had to. His father had taught him well. But from that moment on tears would flow freely and he couldn't control them anymore. The giant wall of protection he had spent a lifetime building, crumbled right in that second.

And here he was again! That old memory of pain mingling like oily paint with this new one… Back again in this same place… Full circle…

Only this time there were no tears. He was physically incapable of crying. He could do nothing! He had no recollection of how he had reached the bench, but he sat there solid and unmoving, sure that if he did move, it would be the end of him.

The moment they kissed he'd swallowed a scream, only the fear of being discovered keeping him silent. He couldn't hear anything, but the grocery bags must have made a noise as the dropped to the ground… THEY must have heard it! But Noah hadn't hung around to find out… He ran from that place and somehow… now… he was here…

...

He immediately pushed Troy back by his shoulders so that the man stumbled into the opposite wall. He heard something break further down the alley but his mind was completely focused on what had just happened, "What the fuck are you doing? You're lucky I'm not the same person I was a year ago or you're be on the floor right now!"

"I know!" Troy's green eyes flashed with defiance. "But I don't care! It would have been worth it!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Shit Troy, you know how I…"

"How you feel about the kissing! Yes, believe me I do!"

"What is your problem?"

"What's my problem?" he said it sardonically and then yelled, "WHAT'S MY PROBLEM?" as though it was obvious and the man in front of him was a complete fool. "You left! You just left! Without a word! And I was here waiting for you to come! I had to hear from your grandmother that you'd left town!"

He was perplexed. "Troy… I didn't know I owed you anything. I mean, we weren't in a relationship. We were a one night stand that went on for too long! That's what you said, remember?" and then imitating Troy's most laid back voice, "It's just sex! Let's just have fun and enjoy ourselves! No strings attached!"

"I know that! I know what I said!"

"So then what is it?" Troy looked at his feet and so he tried again, "What?"

"I fucking love you okay?" He felt his eyes widen in shock as Troy spoke, "I fell in love with you! That's what! And you just left me!"

He immediately softened. He suddenly felt like such a shit. "God. I didn't know." He shook his head sadly. "Dammit Troy, I was a mess! And you knew that! I mean you used it to get me to sleep with you!"

"Yeah well... It's not like I fell on purpose or anything!" There was a moment of uncomfortable silence between them. Then Troy asked "So, where did you go anyway?"

He leaned back against the wall and felt that deep disappointment. "I was in rehab."

"What?"

"I'm a recovering alcoholic Troy! Wasn't it obvious? I relapsed! That's the only reason I slept with you. I wasn't myself, okay? It was the drink…" But that wasn't just it. He spent some time mulling things over. If he had hurt Troy during that terrible time, then maybe he owed Troy the whole truth too. "It wasn't just the drink… I was trying to forget somebody."

"The doctor?"

He bit his lower lip and shook his head. "That's what I thought at first but, no, that's what I wanted to believe. Because that was easier… But it wasn't the truth… I was trying to forget my first love... My current love."

Troy looked suddenly shattered. "You're with somebody?"

Luke nodded, "I'm really sorry Troy. If I hurt you I didn't do it on purpose. It was a rebound kind of thing for me. I was so lost and I was trying to forget him. And that's no excuse… I should never have been with you in the first place. But, Troy, I never promised you anything, right? I mean, I never led you on."

Troy wanted to be angry at Luke but he couldn't, because the truth was he had known all along. "No." Then after a moment, "So that's who you were so angry at all that time? Your ex?"

"It was more the circumstance I was angry at then my ex per say but, yes, there was a lot of hurt and anger inside of me then. I handled the whole thing really badly!"

"And now?"

Luke answered easily, "Now I'm happy. More happy than I've ever known."

Troy nodded. "Okay then. I know you're mad about the kiss, but I'm glad I did it. At least I have that."

"Will you be okay, Troy?"

Troy looked so sad, "Yes. I mean it's not the first time somebody's left me right? I should be used to it by now."

He had nothing he could say to that. He knew what a lonely person Troy was.

Before they parted Troy asked, "Do you think we can be friends?" There was so much hope in his expression.

"I'd like that." He nodded.

...

The numbness was wearing off and Noah began to panic. He had the distinct sensation of the skin crawling, as though covered in insects. He could feel his chest slowly swelling, constricting his breath so that his mouth released short puffs of mist in the icy air. He was suffering a feeling of acute claustrophobia, even out in the open as he was.

There was an increasing lump in his throat as he clung to the numbness, desperate not to feel it! Desperate not to feel the same pain that had consumed him for an entire year! He was shivering but not from the cold.

They were happy right? He hadn't just imagined it? Or was he really that selfish? Was he so wrapped up in his own feelings of bliss that he hadn't noticed Luke wasn't feeling the same?

He couldn't… He couldn't manage it... He couldn't live without Luke… He knew that! He'd tried once before and yet… and yet he loved him too much to bind Luke to him, if that wasn't what Luke wanted… it that wouldn't make him happy.

...

Luke checked his watch for the umpteenth time and then repeated the action with his phone. Still no message from Noah and it was getting seriously late now! Luke had no idea what could be keeping him and a tangled knot of worry was growing in his gut.

"Anything?" Holden asked, coming into the kitchen to find Luke seated at the table, lightly tapping his phone on the surface.

"No, nothing! I don't get it! Are you sure he didn't say anything to you?"

"Sorry." Holden shrugged, "Just that he was going for groceries and could I keep an eye on Nicky. He borrowed my truck."

Luke stood suddenly and grabbed his jacket, "I'm going to look for him."

"Son! I'm sure he's fine!"

"Then why isn't he answering his phone, Dad? I need to go! I'm going crazy just sitting here! Can you please just watch Nicholas for a little longer?"

Holden nodded.

After leaving the farm he drove around town for a while, checking all the places he thought Noah might go. Finally he spotted Holden's truck parked near the entrance to Old Town. He drew the car up next to it and checked the cab. Empty. He sighed, looking around the deserted parking lot before making his way into town.

He spotted Noah quite quickly, sitting still on their bench in the square. "Noah?"

Noah sat for some moments his face half turned away. When he finally looked up the expression of desolation on his face shocked Luke to the core and he fell immediately to the ground in front of him.

"Baby?" He spoke softly and took Noah's hand, but it was as if Noah hadn't registered him there. "You're as white as a sheet! And you're shaking! Are you sick?"

When there was no response Luke squeezed Noah's hand, trying to bring him out of the strange place he seemed to be in, "Please? You're really scaring me! What is it Noah?"

His voice was so constricted as to sound almost painful. As though he had spikes in his throat, "I'm afraid."

Luke frowned with worry, completely mystified as to what was happening and slowly becoming frantic at the state of him, "Afraid? Afraid of what, baby?"

Noah looked right at him, but his blue eyes were glazed over, as though answering Luke from within a dream, "Of you…"


	51. Oakdale 5

Luke was completely lost and totally frantic.

"Afraid? Noah? Okay… Um…" he took Noah's other hand, flushed with concern, "I'm not following you."

Suddenly Noah seemed to notice him there. His eyes darted across Luke's face and his right hand lifted to sweep lightly down his cheek.

"You're so beautiful." His voice chocked.

"Noah?"

"It's okay Luke. You can tell me." He nodded his assurance, "I won't make it hard… hard for you." His breathing was erratic, "I won't stand in your way…" He closed his eyes as the words left his lips, struggling with something far stronger than he was.

"Oh god… god… what's happening?" Luke searched Noah's countenance trying to make eye contact but failing. Noah seemed afraid to lock eyes. As though if he did that he wouldn't be able to go on…

"I just want you to be happy." His bottom lip quivered and his eyes welled with more tears.

"I am happy…" Luke whispered frowning.

But it was as if Noah wasn't hearing him, "Don't you understand Luke? I would give you the world if I could but I only have me! I only have me to give you… so… so it's okay… It's okay if that's not enough…"

"Not enough?"

"It's okay if you've found someone else. I saw… I saw…"

Luke felt his heart plummet as things suddenly became clear, "Oh my god! Shit! Noah… Baby…"

He moved from squatting to kneeling by Noah's legs and then pulled him down, encasing him in his arms. Noah slumped into him, shivering and then returned Luke's hug with a desperation, clinging to him. "Have you been sitting here this whole time?" he shook his head as he asked the question, "I'm so sorry! You saw?" He felt Noah nod. "It's not what you think! HE kissed ME!"

Noah moved back so that he could see him and Luke nodded.

"Look at me!" He grabbed both sides of Noah's face, "Just look at me! What do you see?"

Three tears dropped from the corner of Noah's right eye and for the first time since Luke's arrival their eyes locked. "I see love." There was utter relief in Noah's tone.

Luke nodded wetly at him again and pulled him back into the hug, "He kissed me! I didn't want it! I wasn't expecting it! And the moment he did I pushed him back! Okay?"

"Really?"

There was so much hope in the question, Luke's heart cracked for him. "Bubby! You're enough! You're more than enough! You're everything! Okay? You and Nicholas are everything!"

Luke felt it then, a lightening of spirit, as though some indefinable burden had dropped away from Noah's firm frame. He relaxed into Luke. Luke couldn't help it, but he let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh that angered Noah and he pushed Luke, so that he fell backward to the ground, "Don't you laugh! Don't you dare laugh!"

"Oh I'm not!" Luke maintained whilst trying to keep a straight face. "Man, but I love you!"

"Stop it!" Noah was definitely back!

"I love you baby but sometimes you really are stupid! You know that?"

Noah glared at him, but Luke caught the slight lift at the corner of his mouth as he fought a smile. There was silence for quite sometime whilst they surveyed each other, Luke still sprawled across the ground; Noah, tear stained, still slumped on the bench.

Finally Noah spoke first, "Nicky says you should never call somebody stupid…"

Luke laughed, "He's right. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." He still hadn't smiled but the humour was there.

...

All Troy knew was that he needed HIM! He had managed to get by over the past few months believing that HE would one day return to Oakdale from wherever it was he had gone and then they could regain what they had. Okay, so maybe it wasn't much, but Troy could at least work on that.

Of course Troy had known he was being used at the time. But everybody used him! Hell! Half the time he was the one encouraging it! But there were times, snippets, especially in the beginning when they first met, when HE and Troy would spend time talking. And HE really listened! HE was the first person who ever really listened to Troy. HE was the first person Troy told of his loneliness… The way his parents were never around whilst he was growing up. The way they sent him to boarding school and collage abroad so that they didn't have to care about him. So that they didn't have to raise him… Their only child…

HE seemed so concerned and it was comforting. HE made Troy feel safe and wanted for the first time ever… Even if it was only during those few brief moments. Moments, Troy now realised, when HE must have been more sober.

HE never spoke much about his own life. HE told Troy about the doctor that died, but HE had never mentioned this other man. Troy wondered about him. Wondered what he was like. What qualities he had that Troy didn't, to deserve this man. This amazing person…

...

Luke felt his feelings were too complex for him to try to explain them. He could only hope that Noah knew him well enough to understand without him having too.

In the silence that followed the small interlude of humour, Luke decided that now was the time to talk. He sat carefully on the other end of the bench, all the time keeping an eye on Noah. He could see how Noah's hands still shook vigorously and he cursed himself for taking so long to lay things out for him. If he had told Noah sooner he could have spared him this shock.

"Okay."

Noah looked up as Luke spoke.

"So…" Luke took a deep breath, "So, last year Grandmother found me in an alley. I was…" he hung his head with the embarrassment of it and pressed on, "I was about three minutes away from having sex in full view of the public." The words rumbled out of his mouth in quick succession as he tried to get it over with.

Noah's eyebrows rose in shocked disbelief, "What?"

Luke let out another shuddered breath and braced himself. "It might be best if you just let me speak, okay? Just let me get it all out."

Noah nodded cautiously.

"I was drunk."

Noah's mouth opened and he cupped it with both hands, closing his eyes as the news sank in. It there was one thing Noah was acutely aware of it was how bad things could get when Luke drank.

Luke persisted, "I was drunk and I barely even knew my own name."

It was Noah's turn to take a deep breath, "Why?"

"Because I..." and he whispered the last part, "I wanted to forget…"

Noah fiddled his fingers together and stared at them, "Reid?"

"No Noah, not Reid… I wanted to forget you…"

...

_With the help of her driver they eventually managed to manoeuvre her intoxicated grandson into the back of the car, where he promptly decided to throw up behind the seat. Somehow, even in his current state, he still seemed to respect her, and in general he obeyed her commands as the driver walked him unsteadily into the house. _

_"This is your house…" Luke observed confused, leaning up against the hallway._

_"Yes!" She stated angrily. "Maybe we can resolve this thing without your mother finding out!" She thanked her driver and closed the front door after assuring him they'd be fine. Then she rounded on Luke. "Just what on earth were you thinking of?"_

_Luke started and then slipped slightly against the wall, bracing himself on a side table._

_"Just LOOK at the state of you! What if Lilly had seen you Luke? Or god forbid Faith or Natalie? What you were doing in that alley… I mean… I just don't know!" She threw up her arms._

_That statement had an immediate effect on Luke. The defiance in his eyes turned suddenly to shame, and to what Lucinda thought looked something like self loathing, and then he slumped even more. _

_"How long Luke? How long have you been drinking like this? You know what it means for you to drink! For heaven's sake! Are you trying to kill yourself?"_

_"Yes." He whispered and dropped to a seated position, crying now. "Yes! That would be better! That would be better than…" his words fell away as he shook his head. _

_To Lucinda's horror she realised he meant it. She realised just how far and hard her grandson had fallen off the proverbial wagon. She sat at the writing desk he was currently bracing his head up against, "Darling? Why? Why are you giving up like this? It's not like you!" She balled her hands into fists before him. "You're a fighter! Just like your old Grandmother over here!"_

_"It's just… I'm so tired. I'm so tired Grandmother."_

_"Of what?"_

_"Of missing him." There was absolute agony behind his words._

_"Oh I see. I get it now. This is about your young man. The doctor?"_

_Luke shook his head with resignation, "I wish! I wish this was about Reid! And I hate myself for saying this but… but Reid's dead! So I wish this was about him, because that would be so much easier to deal with! And I know how selfish that is!"_

_Then she realised. "It's Noah? Isn't it? It's Noah you're missing so much."_

_Luke closed his eyes as he nodded and he wiped his nose against his hand, sniffing loudly. _

_"Oh honey! Finally! Finally you're admitting you still love him! We all know that!"_

_"I never denied it Grandmother. I've always loved him. I will always love him."_

_She smiled, "Luke! If you love him so much what are you doing here? He's only a plane ride away."_

_"I can't…"_

_"Why ever not?"_

_She saw him struggling for the right words, but she knew they would come. That was just the way Luke was… How he had always been. He could never keep his thoughts to himself. He always had to share his feelings with somebody. She was sure this was how he had ended up back on the bottle. For some reason he had tried to keep these feelings bottled up inside. _

_"Because… because at least this way I can believe he still loves me. I can think he's in LA waiting for me."_

_"Maybe he is darling…"_

_"But what if he's not? What if I go and he… what if I go and he's moved on… and he pushes me away…. I can't take that again. I'm in HELL! Don't you see? I want him back so badly but I'm terrified of him! Because he's the only one that can hurt me like this! The only one who ever could!"_

_"Sweetheart…" she tried to help, tried to comfort him but the gates were open and so she allowed him to continue unaided. _

_"And it took me so long to accept I'd lost him! To allow myself to move on with Reid. But I mean LOOK AT ME! THIS!" he gestured towards himself, "THIS is what HE does to me! This is how much he can hurt me! And I can't do it anymore Grandmother! I can't hurt like this anymore… its killing me… I just want to forget! Don't you understand? I just want to forget him…"_

_"Oh Sweetheart!" She moved gingerly onto the floor by his side. She was getting on in life and it was no longer an easy feat to find oneself sitting on the floor. She hooked her arm around him and allowed him to flop into her bosom. _

_"Please…" he begged, "What do I do? I've tried everything!"_

_She stroked his head just as she had done when he was a small boy after he had tripped and fallen, "There really is only one thing you can do darling. You need to confront this. You need to stop running away. You need to get on a plane and find him and resolve this thing once and for all. Whatever that means! You have to be brave enough to face whatever the outcome of that is." _

_He sagged defeated against her as her words sank in. _

_"Don't you understand Luke? The two of you share a bond! And it's a bond that has survived everything that's happened! That's special honey! That's not something you walk away from. I'm willing to wager all I have he's out there in LA, hurting just as much… missing you just as much. But you can't go and claim him back in this state! First we need to get you sobered up! Don't you worry…" she patted his arm, "Your Grandma's got your back okay kid?"_

_She felt him nod and she smiled. Yes! She would sort this! _

...

"Even after I left rehab, I had to find an excuse to fly to LA." Luke continued after telling Noah the story of that night, "I convinced myself that it was just a business trip and had nothing to do with you! Just so that I didn't talk myself out of going…"

"Fuck Luke!"

"Mom and Dad don't know anything about it. Just Grandmother... And now you. But I wasn't trying to hide anything from you." Luke assured him. "You have to know that. It's just… there was never a right time. Everything got a little crazy over the past few months. And then I guess… Things have been so great between us, that I just forgot about it. Or maybe I wanted to forget… "

"And this guy? The one she found you with?"

Luke sighed. He knew they'd have to broach this subject. "It's the same guy who kissed me tonight. His name is Troy Jenson. Grandmother introduced us. She's friends with his father. He returned home from collage last year and he came onto me. At first I ignored him and denied the advances but, the more I drank the harder it became to push him back and… and eventually I gave in."

Noah closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "You slept with him." It wasn't a question.

"Yes. A few times… But you should know that it meant nothing. I felt nothing for him."

"It's not like you…" Noah said.

"I know. I… I used him Noah and I feel terrible about that because… because I realise now that I hurt him. He told me tonight that he fell in love with me." He could see all the emotions flittering across Noah's face at his words. But Luke would get it all out. He had to believe they were strong enough.

"Why did you do it?"

Luke shook his head. "Cleaning up the company kept me busy at first. I concentrated totally on that to keep my mind off feeling anything! Then suddenly everything at work was great! Sorted! And I found myself with all this time to think and…" he shrugged, assuming Noah would piece the rest together from what he'd already heard. Instead he returned to the issue of Troy, "I never told you, but… you were the main reason I never slept with Reid."

"What?"

"Because in those moments with him, as much as I loved him, I couldn't get you out of my head. So when I said we were waiting… that's what we were waiting for. For me to forget you… But during those days last year, part of the reason I returned to the bottle was because I realised I could never forget you! There wasn't anything that could break the bond between us."

"Even though you wanted to, right? You wanted to break it…"

"For a while there, yes I did. I tried hard to make that happen."

"Because I hurt you."

"Yes."

Noah nodded.

"So when I slept with Troy is was just sex. That's all it was. At least for me. He never asked anything more of me so, tonight, when he told me how he felt, it was a complete shock and then suddenly he was kissing me and…" He stopped, realising it didn't matter, "I'm sorry you saw that! I wanted you to know. I was going to tell you everything tonight."

Noah turned to him, "That's what you wanted to talk about?"

Luke nodded. "I wanted you to know everything about me. Why do you think I was so insistent about locking the liquor cabinet at home? I'm not planning to relapse but, it's happened before so…"

Noah was staring ahead of him again, still rubbing his hands together nervously.

"You need to know it could happen, especially now… with Nicholas around…"

Noah nodded but he remained silent and Luke waited.

"I… I need to think…" Noah whispered finally.

"You need some space. I know." Luke got up to leave but then turned and said, "Noah?"

Noah looked up at him with emotion filled eyes.

"I just need you to know something. Even if he came back? Reid I mean? Even if Reid somehow came back today. I would be happy… so happy…" Noah looked away again but Luke continued, "...but I could never leave you! Not now! Not ever! Not even for him… Please. Please believe me…" and he prayed Noah would, "I love you Noah… I don't want to lose you… I don't want to lose us! Our family! It's everything! So I'm asking… please… don't take too long to come back to me… Okay?"

He turned and started the short walk back to his car, hanging his head in contemplation. In his heart he felt sure they would be okay. They had come too far not to be. But there was still that small part of him; the part that was always afraid of losing Noah; that tried to push through those negative thoughts.

But then, halfway to his car, he felt a warm presence fall into step beside him and Noah's hand took his and their fingers interlaced. Nothing more was said but he felt the relief wash over him as they made their way back to Emma's farm, together.


	52. Oakdale 6

They didn't talk much that night either. It was clear to Luke that Noah was still deep in thought. But all that mattered to Luke was that he was there. He hadn't run off and to Luke's amazement he wasn't asking for space, just for time to sort through his feelings. Luke could give him that. Luke could give him all the time he needed, so long as Noah was right there with him.

After checking in on Nicholas, Noah climbed under the covers beside Luke, immediately filling the icy sheets with warmth. He lay flat on his back, one hand under his head, staring with contemplation at the ceiling. Luke turned his head and studied him for a moment and then leaned over to turn off the lamp. Not wanting to intrude on him, Luke curled in a ball facing away, giving Noah his space even though he hadn't asked for it. Not expecting it, he felt Noah's arms wrap over him and his hand rest on his chest. And then Noah's body pressed up against Luke's back and Luke lay awake, barely breathing, afraid Noah would move away if he did. He stayed awake until he heard the quiet telltale snores and then he cried silently, periodically kissing Noah's knuckles after taking Noah's hand in his. The tears were not from sadness though; instead they were from his sheer contentment, so grateful to have this amazing person in his life again.

They would be fine.

From now on they would be fine no matter what came their way.

...

When Luke opened his eyes that morning the first thing he saw was the clock by the bed.

"Shit!" he whispered. The display read 10:00.

"Looks like we slept in…"

Luke rolled over towards the voice and smiled at Noah's face lying deep within the imprint on his pillow.

Noah yawned and returned the smile, gently running a finger along Luke's fringe. Then, his expression suddenly more serious, he said "I'm sorry."

Luke frowned, "You're sorry? For what?"

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. It scares me to think… That you felt like you wanted to die… Because I hurt you…"

"Oh! No Noah! Please! I was the idiot okay? I'm the one who screwed up! I put myself through all that! If I had just followed you to LA sooner, then none of that would even have happened. Right?"

Noah nodded. "Right… Because I WAS waiting for you… Of course I was…"

Luke smiled and then moved tentatively forward for a kiss. He hesitated, not sure if he was pushing Noah further than he was ready to go, but to his joy Noah completed the gesture and their tongues were quickly linking together, so much so that Luke began to lose himself, he realised something and he pulled back, "Wait! Something's going on here!"

Noah frowned at him, "I was kinda hoping something was…"

"No!" Luke laughed, "Not that! I MEAN it's ten AM! Isn't there somebody missing?"

Noah laughed. "He's with Holden. I heard his voice this morning and when I looked out the window they were chopping wood outside."

"Oh I LOVE that man! I guess he must have read the expressions on our faces when we came home last night."

"Yeah. He must have got to Nicky before Nicky got to us!"

Luke was grateful. After all the emotion of the evening they had really needed their sleep and he had to admit he felt a whole lot better for it.

"You are okay right? About Troy and the drinking and everything?" He had to ask. He had to know Noah was coping.

Noah's response was to roll over on top of him, "I hate that you were drinking again! And," he closed his eyes and pursed his lips for just a second, "the thought of you with this other guy… just… I'm not going to lie, okay? That hurts! But… but we weren't together, so I can hardly hold it against you, right?" He shifted even closer into Luke's body and smoothed Luke's hair back with both hands, "Last night, all that time that I sat on that bench, all I could think about was how the hell I was going to let you go."

"Oh baby."

"So now I'm just relieved because… Luke I told you! I need you in my life and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as that's what you want also."

"I do! You know I do!"

"I'm not going to loose you just because of my stupid pride or hang ups! Like I said when we started this thing in LA, we are going to deal with these things, even when it's hard. I just want to be with you… That's all that matters…"

"I just want to be with you too…" Luke stroked his hands down Noah's back and then decided he wanted to feel some skin so he slipped them under the bottom of his shirt, running his hands from Noah's belly to his chest and then wrapping them all the way under his arms and around to the smooth shoulder blades.

"How long do you think we have?" Noah asked; his eyes suddenly that royal blue that usually indicated his desire level.

Luke was just about to answer when they heard the undeniable pitter-patter of tiny feet growing louder as they made their way along the wooden floorboards of the passage.

"Not long by the sounds of things!" Luke laughed.

"Later then?" Noah asked quickly, "I need this. I think we both do." Luke nodded.

Nicholas burst through the door, his face flushed red from his run up the yard and through the house, "LUKE! NOAH!" and Noah rolled off Luke just in time for Nicholas to bounce between them on the bed.

"Hey baby!" Noah greeted him.

The small child smelled of the outdoors and had a smear of dust across one cheek. "Luke? Did you know Granddad cuts down the trees? And then he… he… what do ya call it?" he cocked his head and held his hands upside down on either side of him.

"Chops?"

"Yeah that! He chops them up and then he puts the wood by the fire and then he builds fires!"

"And what's this?" Noah asked, noticing a piece of white cardboard in his hand.

Nicholas became all coy and handed it to him, "I made it for you!" And he grinned broadly.

It wasn't the usual Nicholas style drawing they were so used to being presented with. Instead somebody had helped him glues twigs, grass and leaves to make up a larger image of a flower. Even from this it was easy to see Nicholas's natural artistic talent. It was astonishingly good for a child his age and it gave much insight into how meticulously he viewed the world.

"It's amazing Nicky." Noah complimented.

"I did this part and this and this…" he pointed at various parts of the picture, "and Granddad he did make this…"

"Wow baby!" Luke hugged him, not missing Nicholas's use of the word Granddad, "Thank you. We'll take this one home for the fridge okay?"

"YEAH!"

...

Completing the grocery shopping at night was definitely quicker than during the day, especially when every third person you came across was somebody you knew from way back when.

"Noah Mayer? Is that you?"

"Noah! So good to see you back pal!"

"Java hasn't been the same without you!"

But he didn't mind. It felt good. He didn't realise how much he had missed the small community feel. You just didn't get that in the big city. It was even the same old lady Pat behind the till, her hair now totally gray and a few more wrinkles added to her kind continence.

When he and Luke had first lived together in Oakdale, they were like fish out of water when it came to anything along the lines of household chores. They didn't have a clue how to cook or what cleaning products they needed and Patricia, feeling sorry for them, had leant them a helping hand. And then she would laugh at them whenever they'd come in for a frozen pizza because their latest meal was blackened ash.

"I'd ask what brings you back to Oakdale son, but I bet I already know the answer to that, don't I? And she winked at him. "I bet it has something to do with a certain blonde cutie called Luke?"

Noah blushed and then suddenly jumped as something loud crashed behind him and he turned to find a man in the queue had dropped a bottle of wine on the floor. It had shattered and the red liquid quickly covered the tiled floor. Noah was amazed neither of them had any stains on their clothing.

The attractive man was staring wide eyed at him with an odd kind of expression that made Noah feel extremely uncomfortable. He felt like he was being checked out.

...

He was stunning. Dark featured with silky black hair slightly curling in just the right places. Long legs held a tall, powerful and full-formed body. Of course he would be stunning! Troy wasn't surprised. The person HE would fall for would have to be perfect! Wouldn't he?

But this man was kind too Troy thought. He could see the softness in the crystal blue of his eyes and Troy wanted to cry. Right there in the middle of the store in front on him.

This guy!

Loved by HIM!

...

"Sorry." The strange man seemed to say it out of habit, rather than because he meant it.

"No problem." Noah replied.

In the meantime two clerks had arrived to clean up the glass and the mess and Noah returned his attention to Pat, who had since then finished scanning the items through the till.

"That'll be 47.50 there, Noah."

Noah patted his pockets and realised to his annoyance that he'd left his wallet in his other jeans.

"Problem?" asked Pat.

"I'm really sorry! I'm going to have to come back another time. I've gone and left my cash at home! I can't believe it! Do you know this is the second time I've tried to do the shopping?"

"I'll get it." Noah turned in surprise to the man behind him, who was already handing a fifty dollar bill over to Patricia.

"No, no really!" Noah said quickly, "You don't have to do that!" But Pat was already ringing up the change.

"Please." Insisted the man, "It's the least I can do after dropping wine all over you."

"But I don't have any on me. Really! I can't accept."

"Okay look." The man replied, grabbing a pen from the till and scribbling his details on a brown paper bag, "Here's my name and number. You can pay me back if that makes you feel better! At least let me cover it for now."

Without looking at it, Noah took the paper, frowning in confusion at the stranger. Then finally he decided to accept the gesture as the typical friendliness of a small town and smiled at him. "Well. It's very kind of you! Thanks so much."

"Don't mention it." The man was still eyeing him up and down and, despite the seemingly kind act, had not once smiled at Noah.

Noah folded and slipped the brown bag in his pocket; grabbed the handles of the shopping bags and made for the exit; pausing once to say, "Thanks again!"

...

Noah. That was his name. Biblical also, a perfect match to HIS.

Troy found himself distraught. He didn't bother fetching another bottle of wine, instead he left the store and watched the broad and beautiful back of that man as he walked away, returning no doubt to HIS bed and to HIS life…

Troy didn't hate him. It wasn't his fault! That was just the way of it for Troy and the life he knew. Everybody used him. Everybody left. He was unlovable.

He knew that now for certain.

...

After packing the bags in the back of Holden's truck, Noah couldn't help but be curious, so he reached into this pocket to pull out the paper bag. When he read the name scrawled neatly below the numbers he swallowed hard and his hands began to shake. That was him! That was Troy Jenson!"

He sprinted back into Old Town looking for him and finally saw the skinny man walking in the opposite direction.

"Hey Wait!" Noah yelled.

The man spun around.

"You're Troy?" Noah asked as soon as he reached him.

He seemed surprised. "You know? You know about me and...?"

"And Luke? Yes. He told me. So you knew who I was…? I mean in the shop?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, it didn't really seem the place." He rubbed his hand on the back of his head.

"Yeah." Noah agreed, seeing his point, "I guess you're right. Anyway, um, I'm Noah. Thanks again… for the groceries…"

"No problem." As Troy turned to continue on his way something dawned on Noah.

"Hang on! Jenson? I think I remember your parents… They used to come into Java for coffee."

"Yeah, sounds like them."

"Your family owns The Village restaurant right?"

"Yip, along with other things…" He seemed bored with the line of questioning.

"Wow. I didn't even know they had a son."

"Yeah well, neither do they half the time!" Troy shrugged. "I've been in one boarding school or another my whole life."

"Oh, I see. Okay, well. See you around."

"Yeah."

Noah watched the back of him as he strolled nonchalantly on his way. He felt a thick tightening in his stomach at the thought that this man had been with Luke. REALLY been with him… He let out a steady stream of air and tried to ignore the images conjured up by his imagination, "Get a grip, Mayer!" he whispered to himself, "None of that matters!"

...

Holden had erected a blue and yellow stripped hammock at the very bottom of Emma's garden. It was posted between the sturdy trunks of two impressive oak trees, trees that most likely stood there centuries before the farm.

Luke had found a kind of solace there. After helping Holden with a few chores around the farm, and with Noah off in Old Town picking up the groceries he'd neglected to bring home the night before, Luke was snoozing within the dipped fabric, having tired of reading his book.

Lilly had brought the kids around for Sunday lunch and the girls were all busy in the kitchen, giggling and cooking together. Ethan, confident child that he was, had long since run off to his favourite spots around the farm and Luke would occasionally check on Nicholas, who was busying himself nearby with leaf rubbing, the way Holden had shown him.

Luke thought he must have nodded off for a few minutes before he heard Ethan's unmistakable voice, loud and strong as usual, yelling, "Look Nicky! Look what I found!"

He opened his eyes and shaded them from the winter sun that temporarily blinded him. He watched as the excited Ethan ran up the hill towards a less than enthusiastic Nicholas. Luke had to admit that he was concerned with Nicholas's disinterest in his brother. The two of them were only a year's difference in age and both he and Noah had hoped that spending time with Ethan might help the child develop his seriously lacking social skills. But Nicholas continued to stay glued to Luke and Noah and, besides Holden, he hadn't said a word to any other family member, least of all Ethan.

He watched as Ethan reached Nicholas and noted how he cupped his hands gently together and then lifted one hand up to show Nicholas what was inside. Nicholas stared down at the object, Luke couldn't make out what it was but Ethan said, "It's an egg! It's an egg from a bird! I found it!"

Then Nicholas did something that made Luke jump up quickly from the hammock and head in their direction. The child grabbed Ethan's egg laden hand and slapped it against the other child's chest, thereby destroying the small and fragile object so that the yolk inside dripped down the front of Ethan's t-shirt and through his little fingers.

Ethan didn't often cry, but after he recovered from the shock of the gesture, the child burst into loud wails and tears. He ran towards Luke the moment he saw him and Luke knelt down to meet him.

He hiccupped back the sobs, holding his sticky hand out in front of him and trying to speak, "Nic… Nic… Nicky…"

"I saw baby. Come here champ." And he gave his brother a hug. "Sometimes Nicholas doesn't understand okay?"

He was lost. How could he explain Nicholas to a child who in almost every way had the perfect up-bringing? He had parents who loved him, siblings who adored him, and grandparents who doted on him. He didn't know what it meant to be slapped and bruised and neglected. He could never understand at the tender age of five why another child would do anything like this to him.

"I just wanted to show him! Why did he break it? I wanted you to help me… I wanted you to help me put it back in the nest."

"I know sweetheart. But don't you worry okay? Usually when they're on the ground like that it's because the mommy bird knows it's never gonna hatch, Okay? So she usually kicks it out the nest. Okay?"

That seemed to make him feel better. Ethan loved nature and could never stand the thought of an animal in pain.

As Luke hugged Ethan to him again he looked up to catch Nicholas standing stock still, his drawings at his feet, his arms clenched in tiny fists by his sides with an expression of utmost hatred on his usually sweet face. Hatred directed at Ethan, Luke knew. His heart froze sadly! They had a problem! Noah and he had a serious problem!


	53. Oakdale 7

Nicholas enjoyed making Ethan cry. He didn't want Ethan around!

He certainly didn't enjoy the way Ethan ran straight to Luke! And Luke looked at him, Nicholas, like… like…

Then Luke HELD Ethan…

Why did they love Ethan more than him?

It made Nicholas feel… feel…

He didn't know what it was. He had never felt anger before, only fear. And he could feel fear now too... He was scared. He was scared because Luke and Noah loved Ethan. He could tell… And what if Luke and Noah got tired of him and then they sent him back? What if they sent him back to his mommy and they took Ethan instead of him? Thinking about his mommy made him shiver, so he rocked himself, but he couldn't stop remembering and then he…

"Nicky?" Noah's concerned voice broke through his thoughts. Noah had come back! He was walking quickly towards him with bags in his hands and then Nicholas remembered he went to the store. Noah carefully placed the bags on the grass and knelt down beside him, "What is it? What is it baby?"

But he couldn't speak, he was still shivering and he felt very cold, so he just kept on rocking.

"Noah?" He heard Luke arrive, "What's happened?"

"I don't know…" Noah sounded very worried. Nicholas wondered why. He could feel one of Noah's hands on his back and one on his forehead. "He's boiling and shivering and he's wet himself."

Nicholas lifted his terrified eyes into Luke's as Luke lowered himself, to join them on the grass. Luke was going to be mad at him. He knew. Luke would be mad because he broke Ethan's egg. And Luke loved Ethan more than him!

"How long has he been like this?" Noah asked.

"Um… I don't know…"

"Think Luke! When was the last time you saw him?" Noah sounded angry and that scared Nicholas. Noah was never angry.

"About twenty minutes ago I guess. Look Noah, something happened… with Ethan… and I was sorting that so…"

"You're supposed to be watching him! You know what he's like!" Noah was yelling so Nicholas put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his shoulders. Stop! Stop yelling! Don't be mad! Don't hit me…

"Noah..."

"Ethan HAS parents Luke! He's not your responsibility! Nicky is! I can't believe this!"

"You're being crazy!"

"Oh! Oh right? Crazy? LOOK at him!" And then Noah did look and he seemed even more shocked than before, "God, I'm sorry. Sorry baby. Hey?" Noah was gripping his hands now, trying to move them from his ears but he didn't want to. He didn't want to hear the yelling. Noah stared right at him, his eyes were very scared. "Nicky? I'm not shouting anymore now okay? Nobody's angry. I'm sorry… Okay?"

Nicholas realised he was crying and things were quiet now so he let Noah take him. It felt so good with his cheek on Noah's shirt. It was warm and safe. He felt better.

"Let's get you cleaned up buddy…" Noah said in that soft voice.

As they walked towards the house Nicholas heard Luke saying, "Noah?"

But Noah didn't stop or turn around.

...

Luke was sitting at the kitchen table when Noah came downstairs, after putting a much improved Nicholas to bed. A nap before lunch would do him good. He wondered where everybody else had gone. The kitchen was empty, but he could hear pots bubbling and gurgling and, despite the situation, the smell of the roast lamb in the oven made his stomach rumble, reminding him it was lunchtime.

"So," Luke asked, "Were you really that mad at me about Nicholas or was it THIS that had you so upset?" And he held up the brown paper bag with Troy's details written on it.

"Where'd you find that?"

"I unpacked the grocery bags while you were upstairs."

Noah recalled how he'd simply dropped the paper bag to go after Troy. It must have landed on top of the groceries. He rubbed his eyes with his palms and sighed. He had overreacted! He knew that. And Luke was right. Meeting Troy had stirred up some deep seated feelings. His nerves were already on edge when he'd found Nicky in that state. The unexpected situation had just intensified them making it easy for him to lash out. He was trying to be strong and not let IT get to him, but the thought of IT? Even though he and Luke were broken up at the time he still felt betrayed in some way. He knew how ridiculous it was, but he couldn't seem to stop it.

Luke stood up and walked over to him and Noah leaned against the doorframe, still standing on the bottom two stairs.

Luke's hazel eyes were staring at him intently.

"I'm sorry," Noah admitted. "I guess…"

"Did you go looking for him?"

"What? No!" Noah walked past Luke and into the kitchen.

"Then why did he give you his number?"

"He was in the queue at the store. I didn't have my wallet so he offered to pay, and then I realised who he was when he wrote his name down."

"Shit! That must have been a shock for you." and then gently, "Are you okay?"

Luke was so concerned for him that Noah immediately softened further. "It was fine. I just acknowledged who he was and who I was and then he left. It's just…" he rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he struggled for the words, letting out the shuddered breath he had been trying to hide, "Do you have any idea how relieved I was when you told me you never slept with Reid? And I'm sorry because…" he sighed and griped the back of a kitchen chair for support. It was always hard for him to get these kinds of things out, especially when he felt he might hurt Luke in the process, "I know it's something you really regretted. The main thing you regretted you never had with him."

Luke nodded. Noah saw that familiar shadow of pain pass over his face. It always did when they spoke about Reid. He felt bad bringing up the issue because he knew what it meant for Luke, but at the same time he couldn't explain his feelings without doing so.

"The thought of you with anybody…" He slowly let out a breath of air, "It drives me crazy! So when I saw Troy it just… there were all these thoughts of you with him… I'm sorry!" He shook his head, knowing how stupid he must sound to Luke, "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like I did. I know you love Nicky! And of course Ethan's your brother so you should help him if he needs it! I was just being a stupid jealous boyfriend!"

"Partner." Luke corrected.

"What?"

"You're way more than just a boyfriend Noah! You and me are partners! And that means it's okay if sometimes we get frustrated with each other. It's not the end of the world Noah! We won't always agree and we might fight sometimes. We might yell at each other! But… that's what a partnership is, right? So long as when everything is said and done, we can come to a standstill, like we're doing right now, and we can tell each other how we're feeling."

Noah lowered his head and then smiled lightly up at him. God, he'd always known it, but Luke was incredible.

"It's okay, Noah. It's okay for you to feel upset. Hell! You KNOW what I'm like when I get jealous! If anything you're handling the whole situation way better than I would!"

Noah laughed, "Maybe we're just as bad as each other!"

"And you can tell me…" Luke continued, "I'm not going to run away!"

"I know."

"So?" he stuck his hands in his pocked and swayed from side to side, something he did when he was being sheepish, and he smiled that cute and totally irresistible smile out the corner of his mouth, "Do you think I could… maybe… get a hug?"

Noah laughed as a few tears fell, "I'd love to hug you…"

So he did.

...

Luke came up behind Noah and gently massaged his shoulders as he sat at the kitchen table, recovering from the story Luke had just told about Nicky.

"So what do we do?" he asked sadly.

Luke leaned down and kissed the top of his head, before resuming the pressure on Noah's back and neck. "Maybe we need to call someone in…"

"You mean a shrink?"

"Yeah. A child Psychologist. Maybe Betty knows someone we can use."

"And in the meantime?"

Luke dug his elbow into a particularly tight spot near to Noah's spine making him wince and groan with that combination of pain and relief. Noah waited for him to speak. He laughed to himself thinking how strange it was that he could almost hear Luke's mind turning.

Finally Luke spoke, "Maybe we should try to talk to him first. Explain things to him. Nicholas has this acute and vivid awareness of everything around him! Have you noticed?"

Noah nodded. He had noticed. It was clear in the artwork he presented.

Luke continued, "I think… I think it might be like a survival mechanism that he's developed over his life. You know? Like he had to be aware of his environment to stay safe."

Noah slumped and shook his head sadly. Yes, that made sense.

"I think you're right." He told Luke. "It's the same with how he hears and sees everything and then sometimes I think he gets scared like this because…"

"…because he misinterprets the information." Luke completed.

"Yes."

Luke sighed and came around to sit opposite Noah in another chair, placing a hand on each of Noah's knees and leaning on him slightly, "Poor kid."

Just then Emma and Lilly popped their heads through the back door.

"Is it safe?" asked Lilly jokingly. She could already see the two of them were no longer at loggerheads. Both Luke and Noah laughed.

"For now…" Noah smiled.

"Well that is good news!" exclaimed Emma, already putting on her gloves to check on the oven roast, "I've got some seriously hungry mouths to feed out there!"

"Come on you…" said Luke, pulling Noah up on his feet and steering him outside where the family had decided to dine alfresco that afternoon. Emma kept commenting on how mild it was for the time of year, so although it was far from warm, it was reasonably comfortable for them all to enjoy the fresh and dry air of near spring.

"Is Nicky still asleep?" asked Ethan, bitterly disappointed. He had long since forgotten the incident in the garden, as only a small child could, and he was still eagerly trying to win Nicky's friendship.

"Yes he is buddy." Luke replied, rubbing his hands through Ethan's hair before taking his seat at the table.

"Will he play with me later maybe?" Ethan asked, hopefully.

"We'll see baby." Luke replied. "I hope so."

Noah locked worried eyes with Luke from across the table. Luke stretched out his hand and Noah instantly took it to share a quick squeeze of comfort before Emma started the prayer.

...

"Be careful Nicky! Don't fall okay?" Noah called after him as he began to climb the makeshift ladder that, years before, Holden had nailed with large iron bolts, now slightly rusted, neatly into the trunk of the tree. The blocks of cedar wood that formed the rungs of the ladder, ran up the tree at an angle until they reached the solid wooden platform erected above. Adorning the platform was a crude hut-like shelter proudly displaying a rather battered and tatty Jolly Roger flag, tied via string to an old broom handle. It blew softly in the light wind.

Noah wondered at how he'd never noticed it before. He supposed it took a child's viewpoint to discover something like that.

"It's The Walrus!" Luke stated proudly, as they stood watching Nicky's slow progress upward.

"The what?" Noah asked laughing.

"You know?" explained Luke, as if it were obvious, "From Treasure Island? The story?" And then using his interpretation of a pirate's accent he said, "…so it was with the old Walrus, Flint's old ship, as I've seen a-muck with the red blood and fit to sink with gold!"

Noah laughed loudly at him, in that way only Luke could ever make him, "You are ridiculous sometimes!"

Luke snorted. "Dad built it for me when I was eight I think… I sailed far and wide in that pirate ship, let me tell you!"

"You did, ha?" And then seeing Nicky slip slightly he yelled, "Carefully baby! There's no hurry to reach the top!"

The child climbed each rung tentatively, but seemed determined to reach his goal. The tree-house was miles from the farm. The three of them had taken a walk after Nicky had finished eating his lunch, just to give the child some space from the family. Now as he watched this child, Noah couldn't help but imagine the boy Luke, dropping his bags in the farmhouse and running first thing to his little escape in the woods. Playing long hours purely through the use of his wild imagination! An imagination he would later use to write amazing stories. Noah found himself wondering about that. It seemed a long time since Luke had written anything.

"Luke?"

"Mmm?"

"Why don't you write anymore?"

Luke looked surprised by the question. "That's funny?"

"What is?"

"I was just wondering that myself! I used to sit up there for hours writing. I loved it! It just seemed to come naturally to me."

"Well, you're great at it, so… why did you stop?"

"I don't know really." Luke contemplated, "I guess when I started the Foundation I had less time for it. And then I had Grimaldi Shipping and then the Neuro Wing. So…"

"Well," Noah suggested, his eyes firmly fixed on Nicky, "With Grimaldi Shipping on the way to being sold, maybe you should think about it again."

"What? Become a writer?"

Noah nodded.

"You mean full time?"

Noah's attention returned fully to Luke, "Well, yes, why not? You always wanted to be one! And if you don't become an author maybe you can get a job at a paper. Be a reporter instead?"

Luke bit his lower lip in thought, a kind of dreamy smile on his face.

"I can tell you like the idea…" Noah teased.

Luke looked across at him bending a twig he was playing with in his hands, and finally smiled fully. "Well you do know me better than anyone. I'll think about it!"

"Good!" said Noah, happily. "I'm glad."

Just then they were interrupted when Nicky yelled, "Lookit! I did it! I climb-ded up!"

Sure enough he was now atop the platform, beaming from head to toe in pride for his achievement. Luke and Noah both laughed and then clapped and cheered loudly for him.

"Bravo!" yelled Luke through his cupped hands.

"That's brilliant, Nicky!" Noah agreed. "Aren't you a big boy?"

"That's easy!" Stated a self assured voice beside them, making both of them jump. It was Ethan. Apparently he had followed the threesome on their stroll. "I can do that too, watch how fast, okay?"

Luke and Noah nodded at him with smiles on their faces.

Ethan strode up to the tree in what was clearly an imitation of his father. He gripped the first rung of the ladder and then whipped his way up the trunk like a cat, reaching the top with practiced ease. He stood next to Nicky with his hands firmly placed on his hips, now obviously imitating Peter Pan, glowing with smugness.

"Wow Ethan!" Luke agreed. "That was really fast!"

"Oh yes!" Agreed Noah, clapping his hands, "Well done! I'm sure nobody is quicker than you." Ethan giggled then, loudly

And both Luke and Noah saw it happening…

They lunged forward screaming, "No!" simultaneously, as Nicky placed both palms flat on Ethan's back and pushed with all his might, sending the other child plummeting with a scream to the still frozen ground below.


	54. Oakdale 8

They both heard his bone break. It sounded just like a twig snapping underfoot; only it was slightly more solid. At first Ethan was silent with shock, he laid stock still on the floor, so that both men thought the worst, and then he released a soul crushing wail of pain, sitting up and holding his damaged arm against his little chest. As Luke ran desperately to Ethan's aide, Noah gazed up at Nicholas, staring with shocked astonishment back at him, his tiny mouth gapped open in surprise.

"Nicholas? Get down from there! You get down from there right NOW! You hear me?"

The child started suddenly, utter confusion quickly crossing his wrinkled brow. "Nicholas! I am not kidding!"

As the child made his slow way back down the tree, Noah joined Luke on the floor with Ethan. "Hey Eth... Let me see, okay?"

Ethan was less than enthusiastic about allowing either of them near the source of his suffering but he sniffed bravely and allowed Noah to carefully draw the arm out.

"Oh Luke! It's definitely broken."

Quickly he checked on the rest of Ethan, smoothing along his head and legs and torso. Finding no further damage he rounded on Nicholas; who by this stage had made it to the ground and was standing just a few yards behind them.

"Why would you do this Nicky? You never do this! You hear me? You never hurt somebody!"

Nicholas's eyes were large and bright blue against the sun. At the tone of Noah's voice he started to shake and the bottom eyelids filled with tears that formed as droplets on his long lashes. His chin quivered.

Noah immediately turned back to Luke and a sobbing Ethan.

"Mommy! I want Mommy!" Ethan kept repeating.

"I know baby." Noah assured him, "We're going to find Mommy right now…"

Luke seemed dumbstruck, completely frozen from the fear of his brother's fall… of how bad it could have been. Noah, also shocked, saw the panic in his features and reached out to hold his shoulder, "Its okay babe! He'll be fine. Can you help me get him back to the house? He'll need to go to the hospital."

Luke was unresponsive at first but then Noah yelled, "Luke!" and he snapped quickly out of it, nodding and gently pulling his brother up and into his arms.

As Noah got back to his feet, Luke scanned the surroundings and then frowned, "Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's Nicholas?" A new kind of panic laced his voice.

Noah stared suddenly horrified at the space where Nicholas had stood just a moment before.

He was gone.

...

Troy must have walked or driven by the store a hundred times or more. Obviously he knew it was there and what they sold, but he'd never given the dark and drab looking shop much thought. Why would he when he had no reason to be there? Before now that was…

He was surprised to find the shop open. He wondered who would visit the place on a Sunday and then almost laughed manically at himself. Well, he was there wasn't he?

It took him some time to work up the resolve to enter, but eventually he pushed open the glass fronted door and an old fashioned bell tinkled prettily above him. He thought what a juxtaposition that was… the sound of a fairy bell in such a place…

The moment his eyes fell on the merchandise he realised it wouldn't be a simple job to purchase one. There were thousands to choose from, all different shapes, sizes, colours…

"Can I help you?" The bearded man behind the counter looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks. He wore jeans and a faded navy t-shirt that was cut too small, so that his substantial paunch spilled out over his belt. His hair was greased back, but not purposefully… having most likely never seen sight of shampoo in the man's entire lifetime. Troy couldn't tell how long that might have been.

"Urm… yeah… I guess?" He stammered nervously. He wondered what the owner or clerk or whatever he was thought about the people who entered the store. Troy thought he must wonder about his cliental. He must wonder why they would need to buy a…

"You here to buy? Or you just looking?" The man seemed annoyed by Troy's lack of speediness. "I ain't got all day, ya know?"

Troy frowned and looked around. He was the only customer so he couldn't think what the man was so busy doing.

"Um… to buy." He replied eventually.

"Okay… What kind are ya looking for?"

...

"Nicky?" Noah called loudly, frantically scanning the horizon hopping to catch sight of his red hooded coat in the distance or along the tree line. He briefly wandered in the direction he thought the child must have gone, desperately searching through the tree trunks.

"Nicky!" he tried again, but there was no response except the call of birds and the rustling of the wind through the leaves. He turned back and locked eyes with Luke from the distance, shaking his head as both of them realised the situation. They were miles from the farmhouse and this was a thickly wooded forest that ran right around the boundaries of Oakdale.

"Nicky!" It was Luke calling this time.

"Don't panic! Don't panic." Noah whispered to himself as he made his way back over to Luke.

"Noah?" he asked fearfully.

"I know... Um! Look, you need to get Ethan back to the house! He needs a doctor. Then bring a search party, okay? I don't have my phone, so… um…" he looked around thinking wildly, "I'll come back here in exactly two hours whether I find him or not! Meet me okay? And bring my phone!"

Luke's eyes were welling up! The shock and pain for his brother now mingling with fear for Nicholas, and where he might have gone too.

"Hurry!" Noah said sternly, bringing him back to the other urgent task at hand. First Luke had to take care of Ethan, and then he could help Noah find Nicholas. He rubbed Luke's cheek quickly, nodding at him, trying to assure him in that moment that everything would be okay.

"I'll find him!" He wished he had sounded more hopeful.

He watched as Luke made a steady pace back through the clearing and up the hill. He had a long way to go and Ethan was no longer a light weight to carry. Ice crystals had already begun to settle on Noah's insides. Again he scanned the expanse of the forest. Only a few minutes ago the place had represented peace and tranquillity, but now it seemed massive and dark and deadly.

This forest of live and ancient oaks that had swallowed their child…

...

Troy held the object in the palm of his hand. It was weightier than he had expected. His hand shook slightly with fearful anticipation of what he had planned.

"Perfect choice for what you want!" The man insisted. "It's really all you need."

Troy nodded, "Okay, I'll take it!"

"Great! I'll box it up for you." Troy handed it back and the man set to work creating a neat package for him to carry, "Oh, and you'll need some of these." He reached under the counter and placed a smaller box down. "That'll be $400 on the money!"

Troy hesitated for just one minute before taking out his wallet.

...

"Mom! Dad! Help!" Luke was yelling before he'd even reached the kitchen door. His arms were breaking from the weight of carrying Ethan all the way home and he was afraid he'd drop him.

Holden was first out, "Luke? What is it?" Then seeing his younger son's grimace of agony immediately grabbed him out of Luke's arms, "Oh my god! What happened?"

Before Luke could answer Lilly's cry of alarm interrupted them, "Ethan?"

"Mommy!" Ethan cried, lifting his good arm out to her, but Holden bolted past and into the kitchen under the shocked gaze of Emma and the girls.

"Clear that table will you girls?" Holden asked and they quickly scurried to make room, so that Holden could lay Ethan down on the surface. Natalie slipped a cushion under his little head and gently stroked his hair. Thus placed, Holden went about examining the damaged arm.

"Nicholas push-ted me!" cried Ethan. A person might have expected Ethan's tone to be accusatory, but it wasn't in Ethan's nature to scorn anyone or anything. He was merely stating the fact of it.

"What?" asked Lilly, directing the question to Luke.

"He didn't mean it!" Luke insisted, shaking his head, "He pushed him like little kids sometimes push each other… in frustration, you know? But… it's just… it's just that when he did they were up in the tree house so…" He started to sag with the panic and he leaned on the kitchen counter, "God! Oh god! What must the little guy be thinking?"

"Luke? Son?" Holden left Lilly and Ethan to grip Luke by his shoulders, "Calm down, okay? You are no use to Ethan or us if you fall apart! He's broken his arm and that's bad, but he'll be fine, okay? There's no reason to panic!"

"No Dad! You don't understand! He's gone?"

"Who is?"

"Nicholas! We were so busy with Ethan and when we turned to go he was gone! Oh shit!" his hands cupped his face as the fear hit him again.

"Where's Noah?"

"Oh dear Lord!" Emma exclaimed from somewhere beside them.

"He stayed. He stayed to look for him, but I had to bring Ethan."

"You did the right thing! Lilly?" She didn't answer him at first, her attention completely on Ethan, whispering a mother's words of comfort "Lilly!" he repeated louder and she looked up at him, "Do you think you can manage taking Ethan to the hospital alone, so I can help with Nicky?"

She nodded and set immediately to work looking for her car keys, "Come and help me carry him Faith." she instructed.

As they reached the door she kissed Luke's cheek, "Call me with updates, please! And don't worry your Dad will find him!"

Both Luke and Holden nodded as they left. Then Holden turned to Luke, trying to give him some strength. "I know! Okay? I know you're scared for him, but we'll find him! He's little! He won't get far!"

Luke nodded again through his fear and tears as Holden lifted the nearest phone to arrange a search party.

...

Troy took time making his preparations. Making up his own ritual as he went. He had chosen his favourite room in the house, the parlour room, where they would usually entertain their guests. It was bright and airy in there, with an almost constant surreal quality due to the skylight. The sunlight would dance across the furniture and make the dust particles in the air visible to the naked eye. They sparkled as they floated by. The room was almost like he imagined heaven to be.

His father was in Germany on a business trip. His mother was in France visiting a relative. He had given all the staff the night off. In fact he'd ordered them out of the house. So it was just him.

He laid the items of this intent carefully, reverently before him on the coffee table, bedecked with a white table cloth. He set them just so. He took pride in the act, like he had take pride in his appearance only an hour before, scrubbing himself clean in the shower and dressing in the suit he'd asked Geoffrey to lay out for him. He'd had his hair cut later that day. He'd never had short hair before, but it looked good he thought. It made him looked distinguished. Older.

But now... now it was time to see HIM.

...

Panic chilled Noah's bones just at the wind chilled the exposed skin of his face and hands. It had picked up since midday and grown distinctly icier. In his terror Noah might not have noticed if he wasn't distinctly aware of what it meant. They had to find Nicholas before nightfall; it was going to be cold. Very cold!

"Oh god! Please don't let this be happening!" he thought, "Please! Where is he?"

He had thoroughly searched the thicket and woods in the area where he thought Nicholas might be hiding. Then he had slowly backtracked up and down, up and down, further into the deep forest. His heart hurt it was hammering so hard and his voice was hoarse from calling out to Nicholas; begging him to answer, apologising, expressing his love, but nothing…

He knew he'd have to make his way back to the tree house soon, but he dreaded seeing the look on Luke's face when he turned up empty handed.

"Nicky? Please baby?" he screamed again, praying he would appear from behind one of the large trees, safe and well.

But there was no Nicholas.

...

Holden had gathered a search party reasonably quickly. An emergency procedure was already in place between all farmers in the area in case of forest fire or animal sickness; and all Holden had to do was contact the main radio watch tower to call it in. Within minutes they caught the headlights of his neighbours' trucks making their speedy way up the long farm road.

But despite how quick a reaction they received, the wait for them to arrive and be coordinated felt like agony to Luke. He had already vomited against the side of the house, thoughts of Nicholas falling down a crevice or being swept away by a current plaguing his mind, driving him crazy. He prayed, harder than he had ever prayed before, that Noah would suddenly arrive, carrying the child safely home. His eyes scanned often in that direction, but there was no sight of them. No relief.

He felt Emma's hand on his back, rubbing in circles like she always did to comfort her grandchildren, "Chin up now. The child WILL be found! I just know it!"

And he smiled gratefully at her for at least trying to sound positive. But Emma couldn't lie, and the worry was ingrained deep within the lines on her face.

Finally Luke couldn't take anymore and he matched back inside to find Holden and a couple of the other farmers leaning over a map they'd lain out on the kitchen table. Luke noticed how Holden had flagged the location of the tree house and then drawn around that to indicate a search zone he thought reasonable for a lost child that young.

"Dad… Dad!" he interrupted as Holden issued instructions, "We have to get moving so that we can rendezvous with Noah! Please! Maybe he's found him!"

"It's okay Luke," Holden said calmly, "we're all ready to go now." Then to the men in the room, "Everyone has a search location, flashlight and phone, right?"

There were a couple of nods, grunts and words of affirmation.

"Thank you so much!" Holden said finally, "We really appreciate your help!"

Luke was already bolting back out the kitchen door. He looked back to make sure his father was following and then, not watching his step, knocked hard into somebody coming the other way. Luke rocked on his feet almost losing his balance but staying upright by grabbing onto the arms of the other man.

"Sorry!" Luke exclaimed, turning in the same instance, "I'm really sor…!" But his words cut short at the look of stark intent in the eyes of the other man who held Luke steady by his elbows.

It was Troy.


	55. Oakdale 9

Troy had never seen HIM this way. HE was pale and, as Troy continued to hold firm to HIS elbows, it was clear HE was shivering violently. HIS russet eyes were dark with alarm. There was so much emotion! More emotion than HE had ever shown to Troy!

This wasn't what he had expected, this situation. There were people EVERYWHERE! The kitchen swarmed with them and many more were milling around outside.

"Troy?" HE was confused. It was obvious Troy was the last person HE had expected to see and Troy felt a pang deep in his gut when a look of displeasure crossed HIS angelic features. "What are you doing here?" It was accusatory, annoyed.

"You said we could be friends… so?" he knew how lame he sounded.

"Look Troy, I'm sorry! Now really isn't a good time." HE was trying to move past him, trying to disconnect HIS elbows from Troy's grasp.

"Wait!" yelled Troy, his tone was pathetic and he knew it. "Um... What's the matter? Has something happened?"

HE sighed heavily, "Look Troy! I really don't have time for this right now! Our son is missing."

He felt his legs lose all sense of strength and he willed himself not to fall down in a devastated heap on the floor in front of HIM. A child! They had a child together! It was far worse than he had imagined. HE really was gone for good!

"Troy, could you let go please?"

Troy came out of his sub-consciousness and back into the room. Reluctantly he let go, "Yes! Sorry…" He was staring, he knew, but he couldn't help it. "Can I help? I'd really like to help?"

"We could use all the help we can get, son!" he knew the older man speaking was HIS father. He shuffled them both out of the doorway so that the rest of the men could exit and start the search for the missing child.

Standing in the conservatory as the men rushed past, Troy looked at HIM expectantly, waiting for permission. He wouldn't stay if HE didn't want it. And Troy's heart glowed when HE nodded. Troy smiled at him, "I'll help you find him. How old is he?" Troy was surprised he could still speak.

"He's four. He's got black hair and he's wearing a red hooded coat. His name is… his name is…" HE was wild with panic, "We have to find him! We have to find him before it get's dark! It's too cold! It's too cold for him to be out all night." HIS breathing was becoming laboured, "Oh god! Oh god! Please!"

HE was breaking down! Troy stood amazed. HE was like a different person to the guy he'd seduced the year before. That guy had been withdrawn, closed up, impassive; like HE didn't feel anything or care about anything. Oh there WAS pain! Troy had seen that! It was the one emotion HE couldn't seem to hide. But Troy had never seen this kind of behaviour out of HIM.

Troy wanted to kick a hole in the kitchen door! It was this Noah! It was this Noah and this new life that HE had found! It was Noah and this child that HE loved, that motivated HIM! That brought him to life.

Suddenly he took a chance to hold HIM, even if it was briefly, and he slid his hands under HIS arms and around HIS back. At first HE didn't react, but then finally HE returned the hug, merely to have something to hang onto, to prevent HIM from falling to the ground. HE sobbed into Troy's coat and Troy closed his eyes, soaking it up, trying to savour it. Then, all too soon, HIS father pulled them apart and took over the hug.

"Dad!" HE cried in misery.

"Come on Luke! Come on Son! You need to stay strong okay?" And he pulled back to smooth his son's blonde hair back and kiss his forehead.

HE nodded at his father, hitching back the sobs and then standing stronger, more resolute, as though his father's hug was all HE had needed to get HIS head back in gear.

...

He wished he could come out, but he saw… Noah had been angry. Noah had been angry like Mommy and her friends… He was scared. What would Noah and Luke do to him? Maybe they had loved him because they didn't know what a bad boy he was! His Mommy knew! She always told him so! But now they knew and so did he! He was a very bad boy! They were angry because he hurt Ethan. And he knew Granddad would be mad too!

And they loved Ethan more than him.

He was sure that if he came out he would get a hiding. And then they would send him back to Mommy because he was a pain. He knew he was because Mommy had told him so! And she would REALLY hurt him! She would be REALLY mad that he left with Luke and Noah! He knew!

It was very cold and dark now and he leaned his head against the wood. He was tired but he was scared to sleep in case they came! If they came then he would run away again! But otherwise he would stay there! He would never come out! He would live there forever! He would really miss Luke and Noah! He wished he was with them now. He wished they were hugging him now and telling him they loved him. He was sorry! He didn't mean to hurt Ethan! He didn't know Ethan would fall…

He wanted Luke and Noah…

...

Most of the search party had arrived at the tree house by the time Luke, Holden and Troy were making their way down the hill. Luke scanned the crowd eagerly for signs of Noah, still hoping that he might have found the boy. But then he caught sight of him staggering out of the woods to the left, walking sullenly, shoulders slumped, towards the group.

Luke let out a gasp of sadness as the three of them headed towards him. Their eyes locked in shared dread.

Noah shook his head, "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

Noah brought his shaky hands up to cup his nose and mouth and Luke stared out over the expanse of forest.

"Noah, I'll need you to tell me where you've already looked, okay?" asked Holden placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "So we don't waste time searching the same spot twice."

Noah was out of breath and in an obvious state of distress but he nodded, "Um… he looked back the way he had come and then pointed, "I've been right across that bit of tree line… right up to that large bolder over there… do you see it?"

Holden nodded.

"I went up and down for about ten miles and… nothing and…." The hands went back to his face as he sobbed and fell to the grass, shuddering uncontrollably, "Where is he? Where? I shouldn't have yelled at him! I shouldn't have! It's all my fault!"

Luke was crying now too, but he didn't move to comfort him, because at that moment Holden knelt in front of Noah and put a hand on each of his shoulders. He spoke over Noah's bowed head, "Now son! There is no way that this is your fault."

"It is! He's not like other children!"

"Yes! Yes he is!" Holden answered quickly and sternly.

Noah looked up at him, frowning.

"Noah! The boy did something wrong and you told him off… and there is nothing wrong with that! That's how he learns what's right and what's wrong! By listening to you and to Luke and by following your example! You did the right thing! Okay? What the boy lacks is assurance… trust… that you won't leave him…!"

Noah still didn't look convinced but he nodded.

"Now I want you and Luke to stay here okay?"

"What?" Both Noah and Luke answered simultaneously.

"The two of you are a mess and you're no use to us in this state. We have enough people searching!" He stood back up and pointed towards the woodland where they could hear the cries of people calling for Nicholas and would occasionally catch a flashlight through the trunks and leaves.

Just then Jack strode down the hill accompanied by Dusty and Parker. "Sorry it took so long for us to get here! We were fishing a few miles outside of Oakdale. Any luck?" he asked, surveying the scene.

"We're still looking! Thanks for coming!"

"Of course!" said Dusty, "As if we wouldn't!" and then he knelt down beside Noah with a hand on his shoulder, "How you hanging in their kid?" But it was a question he didn't expect an answer to, he could see for himself. "We'll find him! Try not to worry." He patted Noah's back twice more and then stood to turn to Luke, "Luke?"

"I'm okay, thanks Dusty." He replied softly.

"Right then!" Said Jack, "Let's get out there!"

Luke sat beside Noah on the grass as they watched the Snyder men join the search. After a few minutes Noah leaned sideways into Luke, who wrapped his head with his arms and laid his forehead on the nape of his neck. They stayed that way listening to the cries in the forest, frozen together in fear for their child.

Standing behind them in silence, and completely forgotten, stood Troy.

He was now even more certain about what had to be done.

...

After three hours of searching and still no sign of Nicholas, Holden had begun to fear the worst. It was freezing cold, and although the child was warmly dressed, he wouldn't know to fall asleep someplace sheltered. Eventually Holden knew it was time to call in the police.

With much difficulty he had convinced Luke and Noah to return with him to the farmhouse. Luke's strange friend followed behind. Holden didn't know him, but he thought perhaps he could be there for the two of them.

Emma had immediately wrapped all three boys in blankets and poured mugs of coffee for each of them. Troy sipped his and watched them over the top of this mug. Neither man took a sip of theirs. Both stared at their mugs, silent, locked deep within their own thoughts.

Sometime during the night Lilly and the girls returned to the farm with Ethan, fast asleep in her arms, his broken arm in a plaster cast. Lilly had kissed both Luke and Noah gently, before taking Ethan to bed, her heart breaking for them, and her soul terrified for the small little boy lost in the woods.

By the following midday, the search party had grown two fold with the addition of Margo's police officers. They had tried to use tracking dogs to locate the child during the night, but the dogs had merely caught the first scent from the direction of the farm. They seemed unable to locate another track.

Luke and Noah had not moved from the kitchen table. It was a terrible weight… the feeling like you should be doing something but having no idea what to do! A feeling of absolute helplessness.

But they knew Holden was right! They were unable to think rationally in their current state and could end up risking the search instead of aiding it. They hadn't spoken much either. They would periodically hold hands or lay a head on each other's shoulders, but speaking terrified them. Neither of them wanted to vocalise the terrible knowledge that the night before had possibly been too cold for a child to have survived outdoors! If they spoke, they might feed off each other's panic and completely lose themselves in it.

Neither of them even cared that Troy sat there at the table with them. Saying nothing. Just watching.

...

Ethan had woken up early in good spirits despite the events of the day before. His arm was no longer painful and Faith had drawn a flower on his plaster cast, suddenly turning the thing into something of a novelty. He had run around for a while, asking people to sign it, but when he came to Luke and Noah he was stopped dead by their expressions.

"Are you sad?" He asked innocently surveying the table where Luke, Noah and Troy still sat.

Luke nodded.

"How come?"

"Come Ethan!" Natalie entered the room just in time to rescue them, "Let's leave Luke and Noah alone for a while, okay?"

"Okay." He accepted half-heartedly.

"Why don't you run down to the barn and say hello to the horses?" she asked, giving him a task she knew would last at least until breakfast, and, at the same time, would give everyone and their fraught nerves a break.

But then at breakfast, returned from the barn, Ethan seemed suddenly sullen and sad.

"Come on Ethan," Lilly pushed, "Finish your food please!"

Ethan sighed and stared at his plate, leaning his head on his good arm. His eyes wondered over the people at the table… his sisters, his brother, Noah and this other man he didn't know. Nobody else was eating theirs so he didn't see why he should.

"And elbow off the table!" Lilly chastised. She was sick with worry over Nicholas, not to mention the state of Luke and Noah; and she just didn't have the patients for Ethan, who was for some reason choosing this exhausting moment to misbehave.

"Is Nicky in trouble?" He asked suddenly.

The adults, deadly tired from a sleepless night, exchanged looks around the table and it was silently conveyed that Lilly should answer.

"No baby."

Ethan crinkled up his nose, deep in thought.

"'Cause I'm not mad he pushed me..."

"We know baby..."

"If Daddy finds Nicky, is he going back to his mommy?"

Noah took in a deep shuddered breath that prompted Luke to place his arm around him.

Lilly almost lost it then, "Ethan! Stop asking silly questions and finish your breakfast!"

"I'm not hungry!" He complained, sticking his fork in a slice of sausage and toying with it. He considered something for a while and then asked, "Can I take some apples to the horses?"

Lilly sighed. She glanced over at Luke and Noah, her poor boys just barley holding it together, and then decided to let him go. He could eat later if he grew hungry.

"Okay." She said, "But just this once you hear? This business of skipping meals stops!"

"Yay!" He hopped off the stool, took the paper bag of apples from his mother and scooted off out the door.

...

Troy left after lunch. He had seemed reluctant to go, as though he had something he wanted to say.

"Is there something else Troy?" Asked Luke, he didn't mean to sound irritated, but he just had too much on his mind. And it was definitely awkward having Troy around… It felt like an intrusion.

Troy seemed about to leave but then turned back. "I know this is a bad time for you… what with your child missing and…"

Luke could feel his stomach turning. Was this guy serious? Nicholas was missing! Was he really going to do this now?

"I came by last night because I wanted to say," Troy continued, "that you're a really great guy! The best guy! And I know it didn't mean much to you but, I'm really grateful for the time you gave me… I just wanted to say that."

Luke nodded. "You're a great guy too Troy! Like I said before, I am sorry… And thank you… for your help tonight."

Troy held up his hand, "I'm glad you're happy. I mean… Noah… he seems like a really nice guy."

"He is…"

"Okay, well, I guess this is goodbye then."

Luke watched as he drove off, feeling bad that he hoped never to see him again. Troy was an okay person, and perhaps in another life they could have been friends, but now all Troy was, was a reminder of a terrible time. A reminder he definitely hadn't needed at that particular moment.

He sniffed and re-entered the house to find Noah.

...

Thankfully Ethan had stayed relatively out of their hair. Except for a few trips in and out of the house, he'd not bothered them at all. He seemed pretty preoccupied with something.

"I can't believe this is happening!" Noah said, not for the first time.

Just then Ethan was about to make another trip out of the house, carrying what looked like a box of toy cars when Lilly caught him and said, "Oh no you don't! You haven't eaten a thing all day mister! She grabbed the box and placed it on the kitchen counter, before lifting him up and sitting him at the table with Luke and Noah.

"Ah man!" he moaned, banging his hands on the table making both men jump.

"Ethan!" Luke chastised, "Please, buddy!"

Then Luke turned his head oddly to the side, at almost a ninety degree angle. His face wrinkled into a frown.

"Luke?" asked Noah, their feelings so in tune that he immediately sensed a strange charge emanating from him. He started as Luke's hand suddenly shot out and grabbed at Ethan's broken arm.

"OUCH!" Ethan moaned, "LUUUKKKE!"

Luke's eyes widened, "Ethan!" His tone was serious, "Where is he?"

Ethan's face fell suddenly and he hunched up his shoulders and slid down in his chair.

"Luke?" Noah asked again, this time with more urgency.

Luke drew Ethan's arm within Noah's eyesight and there, beautifully drawn on white plaster cast, was the picture of a horse grazing grass on a hillside.


	56. Oakdale 10

_It was quick and easy to reach the main barn from the back door of the farmhouse. It was just a short walk down the hill after all. But Ethan would always take the long route… __First he would sprint to the garden wall, each time trying to be faster than the last. Then he would climb up his Grandma Emma's flower trellis (further challenged this time by his broken arm, but thoroughly impressed with himself for making it) so that he could walk, arms extended for balance, along the top of the wall… right to the very end of the upper garden, where the wall stepped away to allow him safe access back to the ground. A green wooden arch, which in summer would usually be covered in white climbing roses, would lead him into the much wilder lower garden, the only manicured bit being the path that led down to the stream. _

_If you followed this path the whole way down you would eventually come to a small stone bridge, allowing you to cross the stream without getting your feet wet or muddy. But of course this was far too simple for Ethan. Instead he would veer to the right and use the stepping stones to hope across. He never fell in! He was an expert! _

_Once on the other side, the farmland would open out before him, dusky and brilliant in the morning light. And then he would march with deliberation across the final few yards to the barn. _

_He loved to visit the horses in the morning! They were always so excited to see somebody, knowing they were about to be fed either their breakfast or a treat of some sort. This made them ultra affectionate. _

_"Cupboard love…" Grandma Emma would say. _

_He made his way from stall to stall, petting each eager head, doling out treats, and whispering to them the way his father did, until eventually coming upon his own pony, Nash. _

_"Hi Nashie!" and he giggled as the pony nuzzled his neck. "Urg! That tickles horsie!" _

_He lifted his good left hand and stroked Nash right from the tan diamond between his eyes to the tip of his nose. The pony sneezed and Ethan laughed again, "Bless you! You hungry boy?" _

_Nash seemed to nod in agreement and Ethan grabbed a carrot from the bag by the stall door. He held out his hand and the pony took it, making loud crunching noises of satisfaction. _

_But then some other noise caught Ethan's attention. It was a strange rustling sound, nothing like the usual barn sounds. Not the kind of noise a horse's hoof would make. It was coming from his dad's old storage cupboard at the other end of the barn. He wondered if it could be one of the farm cats and, naturally curious, he walked over to investigate._

_He flung open the cupboard doors, expecting an animal to come flying out, but was instead confronted by Nicholas, cowering in the corner with a terrified stare _

_"NICKY!" He exclaimed with loud surprise. "AWWWW! You are in BIG trouble! Evewybody's looking for you! EVEWYBODY! Even Uncle Jack! And he's a policeman!" _

_The other boy was shaking and Ethan wondered why he looked so scared. _

_"Why you hiding?"_

_Nicholas hesitantly lifted his finger and pointed at the cast on Ethan's arm. _

_"Sowwy." He said softly. _

_Excited to finally get any reaction out of Nicholas, Ethan brightened up with a radiant smile, "That's 'kay! This pas-tor-cast is real cool! And people wroted on it and Faith draw-ded a flower, see!" He shoved his arm right under Nicholas's nose. _

_Still nervous by the other boy's sudden presence, but feeling lonely and insecure, Nicholas leaned forward to peer down at the tiny picture and he smiled softly. He lifted his head and saw only friendship in the other boy's eyes. He saw suddenly that Ethan had kind eyes like Luke. They were the same colour as chocolate ice-cream. _

_"Did you sleep in the barn all night?" asked Ethan in a half whisper of amazement._

_Nicky nodded._

_Ethan considered this for a minute and then grinned, "Cool! That's so cool! Mommy would never let me do that!"_

_"Luke and Noah are mad at me." He stated sadly. _

_"Ye-ah." said Ethan drawing out the sound uncertainly and with a shrug, "I guess?" They HAD both been acting very strange that morning. Although Ethan could swear they seemed more sad than angry. _

_"I don't want to go back to Mommy."_

_"You don't?" Ethan was confused by this. He always wanted to go back to his mommy. He clambered into the tight cupboard space to sit opposite him. "Why not?"_

_"Mommy hits me hard. And her friends hit me…" His lower lip quivered at the thought of it. _

_Ethan frowned, "And Luke and Noah are sending you back there?" It didn't sound like something they would do, but then adults were always difficult to understand. He couldn't imagine why Nicholas's mommy would hit him. _

_"Can I stay here?" Nicholas asked hopefully._

_"Where?" asked Ethan, his eyes widening, "In the BARN?"_

_"Yeah…"_

_"What? Forever?" _

_Nicholas nodded and Ethan looked about. "Well… I guess…" then his face glowed with excitement, "We can pretend this is Neverland! And we're the lost boys!"_

_"Whose those?" Nicholas had no idea what Ethan was saying._

_"I'll bring the book, 'kay? And… you'll need some stuff! Wait here! I'll bring it!" He shifted out of the cupboard. This was a fun game, he thought._

_"Please don't tell!" Nicholas begged._

_Ethan put his cast arm over his heart, held up two fingers with the other hand and vowed, "Scouts honour!" Just as he'd seen some kids do in a movie._

_Nicholas didn't know what that meant either, but it sounded official, so he took it as a promise. _

_"Can you bring my colours?" Nicholas asked shyly. He needed them. They would help keep his mind off things._

_"Sure!"_

_"Can I draw on your arm?"_

_"Yeah! Cool! I'll be back soon! And I'll bring food, 'kay?"_

_"'kay." Nicholas brightened at the mention of food and was suddenly feeling much better. _

_Luke and Noah loved Ethan more than they loved him, but now he loved Ethan too. _

...

Why couldn't it be him? Just once, why couldn't he be the one? Why was he always watching from the outside as other people obtained happiness?

And no doubt they WERE happy. Even with their devastation over the missing boy, Troy could see their connection. It was full and true and solid. And it was unbreakable. It had rendered him immobile in its simplicity and beauty. All he could do was sit there staring… spellbound.

He should have been out helping with the search. Maybe it was a chance to play the hero. If he found the boy wouldn't HE be grateful? But then what was the point? He could never replace this Noah in HIS life. He saw that and he accepted it.

So, as usual, the world went on around him while he stood still, immobile, changeless and loveless.

The evening had not gone as planned. He had wanted longer with HIM… he had wanted to say more. But now he found himself entering the house, sleepwalking really. He started when he remembered and ran panicked into the parlour. He sighed heavily with relief to find his preparations as he'd left them, undisturbed and then he remembered telling the staff not to come in that day either.

That was a good afterthought.

...

Of course they should have known, Noah thought. They should have known he was smart enough to follow their trail back to the farmhouse. He was observant. They had just been saying that, that very same day. But he was obviously more aware than either of them had ever given him credit for. Four years of age and he had made his own way back! That entire distance! It was amazing!

Faster than the speed of lightening, both men were on their feet, kitchen chairs flying, and running for the barn. They flung the door open and there, feeding an apple to Nash, stood the child they'd taken for dead.

"NICKY!" Noah exclaimed in a mixture of pure relief and frazzled nerves, while Luke leaned against the barn door in reprieve.

Nicholas jumped, paused frozen on the spot staring at them, and then darted quickly for the cupboard, closing the door behind him in his regulatory fashion.

They approached slowly. Noah let out a long breath. He willed himself not to fling the cupboard doors open, grab the child, and hold him close for all eternity. He held back, lowering himself to the floor and leaning up against it.

"I'm sorry I yelled baby, okay? Nobody's angry at you. We were just so scared last night when you went missing… Will you come out?"

He stared up at Luke when there was no response from inside.

"We would never send you back, baby." Luke tried, "We love you! We told you before that you will stay with us forever."

"Yeah!" Agreed Noah, "I pinkie swore, remember? And you can't break a pinkie promise!"

The door that Noah wasn't leaning against squeaked slowly open and a small, uncertain, tear-stained face came into view. His little chest hopped up and down with each gentle sniff of grief.

Holding back his own tears, Noah smiled sympathetically at him. "Baby? You WERE very naughty to push Ethan and hurt his arm like that. And I WAS angry with you, okay?"

Nicky looked down at his hands and bit his lower lip.

"But just because I'm angry at you, it doesn't mean I don't love you baby! It doesn't mean I'd ever hurt you or want you gone! You understand?"

"But you love Ethan…" he whispered almost beyond hearing.

"Yes we do love Ethan, baby, but… we don't love Ethan anymore or any less than we love you. You are both special to us, okay? People can love more than one person. I love Luke, right? And I love you. So it's okay if we also love Ethan, isn't it? We can love you both!"

Nicholas almost nodded.

"Baby? If you do something wrong I'm going to tell you! So that next time you know not to do it again! But Nicky… look at me…" Nicholas didn't budge, "Look at me Nicky!"

He lifted his guilt-ridden eyes to Noah.

"I want you to pinkie swear that you will never, NEVER, run away from us again! Okay?" and Noah held up his crooked little finger, waiting.

There was no hesitation, Nicholas stepped out the cupboard and gripped his finger around Noah's.

Noah opened his arms out to him, "Now can I have a hug?" and Nicholas wrapped his arms around Noah's neck, allowing Noah to pull him in.

"Ah, kid!" Noah sobbed as the tears fell, and Luke squatted down before them to take them both into his own arms. There were not words for the relief they felt for this precious discovery, back with them, safe and sound…. where he belonged.

...

Noah had taken Nicholas upstairs to bath and put him to bed. The child was shell shocked and especially overwhelmed by all the cheering and relief they'd received as Noah carried the tiny guy, clinging to him for all he was worth, from the barn to the house. Luke stayed downstairs to call off the search, contacting his father first with the good news.

"Oh! That's fantastic son!" Luke could actually hear the tension leave his father's exhausted voice.

Just before he hung up Luke said, "Dad!"

"Yes son?"

"I love you..."

Now, finally, all the volunteers had been thanked and sent on their way and Margo's police report had been completed and signed off. The Snyder family couldn't remember the last time they'd all been so drained. And they spent a few minutes together, just gathering themselves, before Jack rose; prompting the departure of Dusty and Parker also.

"Thanks so much Uncle Jack! Dusty! Parker! You guys are always there when I need you! Really, you're amazing!"

"Don't mention it!" smiled his gentle cousin Parker and they shared a quick and friendly hug.

"Well, thank the Lord that's all over with!" declared Emma once they had gone. "I tell you now! I was sure I would die of fright!"

"Me too!" agreed Luke. "Thanks everyone… um… do you mind if I…" and he pointed up the stairs.

"Of course not, Luke!" His mother assured him, "It's understandable. Get yourself to bed!"

Holden nodded and smiled at his son.

So Luke found Noah sitting on the edge of Nicholas's bed, staring down at his sleeping face for all the world like he would never leave.

He turned his head as Luke entered and sighed sweetly at him, "I'm not sure I can leave this room tonight!" As he said it he placed his hand on Nicholas's chest as though monitoring his breathing.

"Well!" said Luke, "Grandmother did try to warn me how hard parenting can be! Boy was she right! God, but I don't think I've ever been so scared!"

"Me neither." Noah swayed slightly.

Luke crossed the room to draw Noah's head so that it rested against his stomach and Noah encased his arms around Luke's waist. Luke kissed the crown of his head and Noah looked up at him, his chin resting just above Luke's navel.

"Luke?" he asked, suddenly remembering.

"Yeah?"

"What was Troy doing here?"

"I have no idea!" Luke said truthfully, "Does it matter?"

"No." Noah replied simply, "No, it doesn't matter at all! All that matters is this…"

Their eyes searched each others, reading thoughts only they could hear. And Luke bent over to kiss Noah meaningfully, "Come," he said. "Come to bed. Everything will be better in the morning."

Noah hesitated, turning to look back on the sleeping child. Luke turned too, moving from Noah's embrace to kiss Nicholas on the cheek and pat the comforter warmly around him. Then he moved towards the door, stopping to reach his hand out to Noah.

"Come." He repeated. "He's safe. Let him sleep."

Noah smiled softly and took Luke's offered hand, standing and allowing Luke to lead him to their room next door. They dressed quietly for bed and then snuggled down tightly blanketed together, nose to nose, eye to eye. Luke watched as Noah's blinks became longer, until he leaned over to steal one final soft kiss from Luke, before drifting off into a well earned sleep.

...

Troy drank down the entire bottle in one smooth gulp. It would help he thought. It would help when the time came.

He sat back in the couch and he waited.

He waited for them to take effect.

...

It was three AM and Luke found himself in the kitchen heating up milk. He felt a little stupid. He hadn't needed warm milk and cookies since he was a small child. But that was how he had felt the whole time Nicholas was missing, leaning on his parents like he did growing up. Just utterly helpless… If Noah hadn't been by his side, he most likely wouldn't have made it.

Now of course, however much he needed it, he was completely unable to sleep. He removed the pot and carefully poured the frothy liquid into a mug, sticking one choc-chip cookie in his mouth and grabbing another with his free hand. He wandered into the sitting room, thinking a little television might help him nod off, and had just placed his treat on the coffee table when his cell phone rang. He forgot he had left it on the sideboard during the excitement of Nicholas's discovery.

He frowned when he looked at the 'withheld' number on the display. Who would call at such an hour? He answered with trepidation, expecting the worse. Any call this early in the morning had to be bad news.

"Hello?"

"I made a mistake…" a quiet voice said.

"What?"

"I'm so scared right now… so tired."

"Troy? Is that you?" The blood started to drain from Luke's face at the strange tone of his voice, "Are you okay?"

Suddenly the voice brightened up, swapping from depressive to calm in less than a second, "Yeah! Yes fine." And then back to that odd quality that worried Luke, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I messed up…"

"Troy? Are you drunk?" Luke was suddenly angry, "Why are you calling me? Do you have any idea what the time is?"

"I don't usually do this, you know?"

"Do what? You're not making any sense!"

"I don't usually fall for them like this!" Luke realised that Troy wasn't really listening to him at all, "I'm sorry I pushed you into it… when you didn't want it! I'm sorry I fell…"

The line went dead.

"Troy!"

He stared down at the phone. His heart started to hammer. Something wasn't right. Luke left the sitting room and headed for the kitchen where he quickly snatched the car keys from the table. He paused for sometime by the back stairs, staring up to where Noah and Nicholas lay sleeping, considering…

Then he left out the back door, before he changed his mind.

...

**If you have enjoyed this series so far please let me know... I'm very intersted to find out who is reading this...**


	57. Oakdale 11

Troy had changed.

The man Lucinda introduced Luke to just the year before had been confident, self-assured… even arrogant. Not this timid, quiet, introvert of a person he had become. He had changed, and not for the better, and Luke couldn't help but feel as though he was responsible for it.

Luke was imprisoned within an emotional whirlwind during those days. It was Troy's game. He would push and push until even a man like Luke, a man who treasured the act between two people, could no longer hold back. Every man and every woman had these natural carnal needs. Eventually anybody would give in; you just needed to work out which buttons to push. And Troy, attractive, fun-loving, with seemingly little expectations, was an expert at that! Luke knew!

Yet, at some point over their last few meetings together, the tables had turned. Troy was the one to became nervous, unsure, withdrawn. He would wait for Luke, obedient almost; waiting for Luke's instruction on what to do next… fearful. At the time Luke was falling apart, almost always drunk and definitely incapable of recognising that Troy had fallen for him. That very slowly, in the process of destroying himself, he was destroying Troy as well.

And worse than that, after rehab and therapy, when, although his heart still ached for Noah, Luke almost felt like himself again, he'd left Troy. He'd walked away and not looked back once! He hadn't wanted to look back. That part of his life was over and it was time to settle things with the man he loved. The past didn't matter.

So now if Troy was having difficulties, as Luke suspected he was, then Luke felt he owed it to him to help. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he would try none the less.

...

Luke was nonchalantly walking away from him, hands in his pockets, engulfed by a green C.G.I. background.

"Luke?" he called. But there was no response; Luke just continued to walk away.

Noah followed but he never seemed to be able to catch up.

"Luke?" he yelled again, "Now isn't the time to go missing on me!"

At this, Luke turned around and the look on his face caused Noah to start awake and sit up in the bed. A dream! It was just a dream. He sighed when he saw the familiar walls of the farm. But then hitched a breath to find the space next to him empty…

No need to worry. Luke had most likely headed downstairs for a drink. Noah rolled out of bed, yawning and scratching his stomach through his shirt. He walked barefoot down the passage, trying to remember where all the squeaky floorboards were, so as not to wake Emma or Holden.

He checked in on Nicholas, still fast asleep in the bed. He couldn't resist running a hand along his rosy cheek and kissing him once more. Just to make sure he was really back. Then he made for the kitchen.

He was almost at the bottom of the staircase, when he called softly, "Luke?"

The kitchen light was on but he wasn't there. Noah noticed a familiar smell in the air and checked the hob. Sure enough he found the tell tale signs of warm milk and cookies.

"Insomnia…" Noah whispered to himself, knowingly. "Only one place he'll be then…"

He grabbed a quick glass of water before strolling into the sitting room, where he knew he'd find Luke watching television. But he almost dropped the water when all he was confronted with was an empty room; the untouched milk and half eaten cookies abandoned on the coffee table.

"Luke?" he called, but he knew Luke wasn't there.

"What the hell?" he said softly to himself.

Starting to worry, he headed out the back door and right away noticed the empty space where the hire car had been.

"Dammit Luke!" he complained, heading back upstairs to find his cell phone, "Now's not the time to go missing on me!"

He paused as the de je vu hit him! His dream! His concern was quickly changing into something else.

...

Luke stood at a front door he'd never expected to enter again. So many unwanted memories were associated with this house. That feeling of sickness that had plagued him during those days. That feeling that wouldn't go away not matter what he did. It sat in the pit of his stomach constantly gnawing on him, torturous, an invariable feeling of anxiousness.

That everything was wrong.

That something was missing.

And admitting to himself what that something was, admitting the feeling was not in any way related to Reid's death, was not an option! So he drank and he slept with Troy! Trying to wipe out those thoughts…

The thing was, the more he drank and the more sex he had with Troy, the worse he felt and the more he hated himself. And the more he remembered the wonderful times he'd had before… with Noah.

He shook his head of those memories, breathed deeply, and rang the bell. He waited for a minute but nobody came so he rang again. He was just about to walk around the side of the house when the door opened and his mouth gapped at the sight of Troy. He stood there in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. His eyes were misty and glazed over. He looked terrible.

"It's you!" he said in amazement.

Luke swallowed, "Troy? Are you okay?"

"Come in!" Troy said, completely ignoring Luke's question.

Luke hesitated for a second, but then entered past Troy and into the entrance hall of the massive house.

"Are you alone?" Luke asked.

Before he had even turned Troy was on him, pushing him back against the front door and forcing yet another unwanted kiss.

"Get… off!" Luke yelled angrily. He pushed hard, but Troy was gripping his upper arms this time and he barely budged.

Luke glared razors into his green eyes, "I mean it Troy! I mean what I say! You know that! GET OFF!"

Troy's fixed eyes waivered suddenly at the tone of Luke's voice, and, as if he realised what he was doing, he backed off. Luke stepped quickly away from him, leaving at least four yards of space between them.

Troy looked worried, afraid even, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Will you stay? I didn't mean it!"

Luke was about to answer when his eyes happened to sweep over the dining table in the adjacent room and there on the surface, was an open pill bottle, the lid laying right next to it. He stared in terror back at Troy, as he realised what this could mean.

"You okay?" asked Troy, noticing the change in Luke's demeanour.

Luke stammered, unsure of how to handle the situation, "Yeah! I'm fine… it's just…" He cocked his head at the other man and then opted for the direct approach. After all, if what he was thinking was true then time was of the essence. "Okay... um… Troy? Did you swallow any pills?"

Troy looked back through the open door of the dining room and realised what Luke had seen. He grew even more edgy, "Okay… I know what you're thinking…"

"Troy?"

"I'm sorry!" his voice started to shudder; "I always mess up don't I?" Then out of the blue he screamed, "WHY DO I ALWAYS MESS UP?" And to Luke's horror he turned and slammed his head hard into the wall, once, twice… until Luke pulled him back.

"Troy! STOP! Stop this!"

Suddenly the other man, blood running down his face from the gash in his forehead, leant on him and then clung to him, crying, heaving in sobs, "Don't go! Please don't go! Please don't leave me!"

"Okay." Luke felt way out of his realm of emotional experience. He had no idea how to help Troy and so he promised, "Just calm down, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry…" Troy said again, still holding onto Luke's arms by his elbows, but his voice was much calmer.

"Troy." Luke knew he had to buy some time. He quickly assessed Troy's condition. He was obviously drugged but he didn't seem to be in any immediate danger from it. Luke spoke in the softest voice he could. In a tone he would often use with Nicholas. "Why don't you take a shower, put some clothes on and I'll drive you to the hospital, okay?"

But Troy shook his head, "It's alright. I threw up anyway."

"Still! You took a whole bottle Troy! Please…" Luke begged.

Lucky for Luke Troy was still in the habit of listening to him and he nodded all confused and lost. He didn't seem at all present but rather trapped in some sequence taking place in his mind. Luke turned him and Troy allowed himself to be steered up the staircase and into his en suite bathroom.

"Now I want you to get ready for me, okay?" Luke asked hopefully. "If I wait downstairs, will you manage it?"

Troy nodded, "You'll wait?"

"I promise."

"Okay then." And he started to remove his boxers, prompting Luke to make a quick exit downstairs.

Having bought himself some time, Luke quickly dialled Noah's number. It seemed to ring for ages, "Come on… Come on… pick up! Wake up Noah!"

Then finally a frantic voice answered, "Hello? Luke?"

"Yes it's me!"

"Luke what's going on? Where are you?"

"I'm at Troy's house on Lemmington Way, number seven! I can't really talk right now but he's… he's going crazy and now I can't leave. He's completely weird!"

"Weird, how?" Noah asked.

"I mean like BRIAN Wheatley weird!"

"You mean Brian trying to kill himself, weird?"

"Yes! I think he's already swallowed a whole load of pills!"

"Jesus!"

"He says he threw them up, but I just don't know… "

"HANG UP!" Troy appeared suddenly from nowhere. Wearing just a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms, he came storming into the entry hall with purpose, brandishing a handgun by his side. Luke froze.

"Please hang up the phone! I can't let you stop me!" he cried sorrowfully.

"Troy? What are you doing?" Luke asked cautiously.

"Luke? What's going on?" He heard Noah say in his ear.

"PLEASE!" Troy said anguished, "Please hang up!"

...

Noah was a little out of breath from running up the stairs to find his phone when he realised Luke was missing. But as he'd arrived in the bedroom, Luke was already ringing him. Now Noah staggered as the phone cut dead. He tried to call back but there was no answer. Quickly he pulled on his jeans and then stormed into Holden's room, switching on the light so that Holden squinted up at him. He never thought he'd be happy that Lilly and Holden hadn't quite moved their relationship onto Holden moving back into the house yet. At that moment he was more than grateful to have Holden sleeping at the farm.

"Noah?" He asked worriedly,"What is it? Is it Nicky?"

"No!" Noah could hardly speak through his sudden fear, "It's Luke! Something's wrong! Something's very wrong!"

"Where is he?"

"Can you get dressed and come with… He might need backup. I'll explain in car, okay?"

Holden didn't hesitate, he shot out of bed to change as quickly as he could and the two of them sped off from the farm in the direction of Lemmington Way.

...

"I'm sorry!" Said Troy, really meaning it, "I heard you call him and I didn't know what else to do!"

"It's okay Troy." Luke tried to sound as relaxed as possible but it was difficult, "It's fine. I'm fine and you're fine… so why don't you just put that down and we can talk. Would you like that? We can just talk."

Troy looked down at the gun in his hand as though he didn't know how it got there, "This was in the parlour…" He said softly to himself, drifting briefly off somewhere and then he remembered Luke's words, "We can talk?"

"Yeah." Luke insisted.

"Like we used to?"

Luke couldn't remember much about the few conversations they'd had but he wasn't about to admit that now, instead he nodded.

"I can't put it down…" He said with a mixture of regret and frustration.

"Why not?" asked Luke.

"Because then you'll leave! You always leave! And I know… I know this time you won't come back!"

"Troy. I can't be what you want me to be. I can only be your friend."

"Friend? I can't be your friend! I fucking love you!" And he sobbed violently a few times, drawing in a strong breath and lifting his gun totting hand to rest against his head.

Luke cried tears for him. What had he done? What had done to this man? "I'm so sorry! Please believe me! I'm so sorry, Troy."

"You're the only person that matters to me."

"Then why would you put me in danger?"

Troy looked shocked by that. Then he stared again at the gun in his hand.

"This?" he asked as though Luke would have meant something else, "No… no… I don't… I bought this yesterday… I'd never hurt you! This is for me! Because it will never be me! It will never be me so what's the point? Why should I hang around just so that people can leave me?"

Luke's felt his face fall. He felt sick for this devastated man.

"Don't look at me like that!" Troy said sternly, "I don't want your sympathy or your pity! Oh poor lost, pathetic Troy, right?"

"That's not what I'm…"

"Shut up! Don't even bother! You'd be lying!"

Luke kept quiet, thinking that maybe in this situation it would be best. In the back of his mind he wished to god he hadn't called Noah. The last thing he needed was Troy turning his anger and frustration about life onto him.

At least not while he held a gun in his hand…

...

Noah didn't even bother with the bell, he immediately tried the front door, but it was locked.

"LUKE?" He yelled and he banged on the door and pressed the buzzer a few times. He locked worried eyes with Holden, who left to try and find another way in.

"LUKE!" Noah tried again.

Then he recognised Luke's voice yelling back, "Don't come in! He has a gun!"

"Why would you TELL them that?" He heard Troy moan like a small child. "WHY?"

"I'm sorry Troy." Luke's trembling voice answered, "Please stop this! Please!"

Noah had called Margo on the way over and she appeared suddenly by his side.

"Stand back, Noah!" she said as two of her officers used a battering ram to break down the door. Noah was first to burst through it, before Margo could stop him.

"Put the gun done!" Margo ordered, following Noah inside and pointing her own weapon at Troy. The two officers stood just behind her, also with guns drawn.

"Or you'll shoot me?" Ask Troy, lifting his gun to his head, "Do it! It'll save me the trouble of doing it myself!"

"Come on kid." Margo pleaded softly, "You don't want to do this."

"YES I DO!" he insisted, "I had it all planned out but you've all messed it up! It's all messed now!" Tears streamed down his face.

Just at that point Holden arrived from the back of the house and startled Troy so that he lifted the gun closer to his head. Noah held out his hand, indicating to Holden to stand clear.

"Troy." Said Noah softly, his kind eyes fixed on him, "Put the gun down."

"WHY? I would think you'd want me dead! I'd think you'd hate me. I mean I HAD HIM you know?"

Holden started, looking over at Luke in surprise. Noah couldn't help but grimace at the words. It stabbed deep, there was no denying it. But he knew the desperate man was just lashing out.

"I even HAD HIM right here in the hall! I HAD HIM real good!"

"Troy!" Luke yelled angrily, "That's enough!"

Troy looked like a child that had been told off and he immediately slunk back from his verbal attack.

"I didn't mean it!" he said to Luke, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

"I know." Luke placated, "I know you didn't."

"It's just he doesn't know… he doesn't know what it feels like! He doesn't understand!"

"Yes I do." Noah replied.

Troy whipped back to Noah, "In this world there is only one person you're supposed to be with! HE understands me! HE get's me! HE's who I'm supposed to be with! You get that?"

Noah didn't reply. He was still recovering from the sting of the unpleasant detail Troy had just revealed to him.

"But you see…" Troy continued, "The thing is… HE's not supposed to be with me! HE's supposed to be with you! I see that! I know! It's obvious! Its fate! And you can't fight fate! So where does that leave me, hey? Where?"

Noah looked down and then back up at Troy. Leaning over he pushed down on Margo's extended arms, asking with his eyes that she lower her weapon. She hesitated but then relented, maybe thinking Noah could help.

"Troy." Noah said slowly, "I know you think I can't understand..."

"You can't!" he insisted.

"Yes, I can. I know what it's like! Okay? I know what it's like to feel alone and deserted. I felt that my entire life! I didn't have a mother and my father was never around! We moved so much I never had any friends for long."

Troy seemed to respond to something in Noah's words. Some kind of pain or emotion passed over his face and both Luke and Noah saw it.

"And," Noah continued, "I know what it's like to love Luke and not have him. I lost him once. So…" he closed his eyes, remembering old feelings, "So, I get it. I know you love him. I can see that. But if you love him, that means I also know you don't want to hurt him."

"I'd never hurt him!" Troy insisted absolutely, the gun slowly beginning to lower.

"You're hurting him now, Troy."

Troy frowned. "What?"

"Look at him… Troy, look at Luke."

Troy looked across to where Luke stood, tears streaked Luke's cheeks and his eyes bore a deep sadness.

"You're hurting him now Troy! And if you kill yourself? He'll never be able to live with that! So you WILL hurt him. You will hurt him badly Troy."

Troy's welled up eyes stared deeply into Luke's and he started to shake his head from side to side, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then put down the gun." Luke whispered. "Please put down the gun."

Troy was at war with himself. It was clear he was making his choice, one way or the other. Then he stared intently at Luke and said clearly, "I love you."

Luke nodded and smiled softly.

Troy looked back at Noah, "He always loved you, you know? I always knew it."

"I know." Noah replied to Troy but looked right at Luke as he said it. Then he returned his attention back to Troy, who bent over and placed the gun on the tiled floor.

Everyone in the room let out a collective breath and Luke walked forward to take Troy into a comforting hug. The police officer's quickly moved forward to secure Troy's weapon.

Luke locked eyes with Noah over the other man's shoulder and a deep level of understanding passed between them.

"Thank you." Luke mouthed and Noah nodded, smiling a little.

...

**Thanks for reading! Please comment!**


	58. Oakdale 12

The morning following the discovery of Nicholas in the barn, Lilly dropped Ethan off at the farm before heading to work and Nicholas stuck to him like glue. He was fascinated by the slightly older child, responding to Ethan's natural ebullience and eagerly playing out the roles Ethan set for him. Ethan for his part thought Nicholas's presence fabulous! Especially when he discovered that not only was Nicholas a quick learner but he also had a propensity to do exactly as Ethan instructed, thus appealing to his constant desire to be leader where playing games was concerned.

"Okay now you be Hook!" Ethan would say thrusting the wooden sword into Nicholas's hand and stretching the eye patch over his head. At first Nicholas just followed suit, having no idea what it all meant, but then later that morning Ethan pressured his Grandma into reading them the entire story of 'Peter Pan'; much to Nicholas's sheer delight! By the end of the story gentle Emma had broken through the child's armour and he was chatting away to her merrily, competing with Ethan for her attentions.

And by the afternoon the children were replaying entire scenes out of the story.

"Look-it Noah! Look-it!" He kept yelling excitedly, totally blown away by this new experience Ethan offered him, and Noah would smile and wave at him.

He stood on the grass watching them play, joyful at the sight of Nicholas finally behaving as a young boy should. It was a good sign that he would manage to cope at school, now that he realised how much fun other kids could be. And with Nicholas at school, Noah could finally turn his attention back to his thoroughly neglected film. He was amazed at how patient his backers had been with him. They assured him that everything would be fine. They weren't surprised he was burnt out after a full year of working almost twenty-four seven. He had a brilliant crew of people behind him that would keep the ship afloat until their Captain was ready to return.

He must have been day dreaming about this for some time when he felt a hand pat his shoulder and turned to find Holden standing beside him sipping from a mug of coffee. He had that distinct farm smell that testified to how hard he'd already been working around the property that morning.

"Looks like he's doing much better!" Holden said, smiling as he watched Ethan balancing along the garden wall, with a smaller Nicholas trailing not far behind in imitation of him.

"Yes… yes he is. In large part thanks to Ethan!" agreed Noah. "I'm sorry by the way. Ethan's arm…"

"Hey!" insisted Holden raising his free hand in placation, "No need. As far as Nicky's concerned, you and Luke are all he has in this world. It stands to reason he'd feel the need to protect that. Especially after the life he's had."

Noah nodded.

"He still has to realise he's got a whole family waiting to love him, when he's ready to accept that love. Kind of reminds me of another kid I once knew…"

Noah smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"And… by the looks of things," Holden nodded towards Ethan and Nicholas, now bending over and examining something with a stick, "he's well on his way to doing that!"

Noah could already feel the warm tears pooling at the back of his eyes. Holden's quiet and firm nature always seemed to have this effect on him.

"Um, Holden?" Noah began, nervous when speaking to Holden, always desperate to leave him with a good impression.

"Yes Noah?"

"Yesterday… what you said… about the yelling? I know you're right. I know everything you said is true, but with Nicky it's just… it's hard. You know? It's hard when he's so…"

"Cute?" Holden asked with a crooked all knowing smile that Noah couldn't help but laugh at. "It is hard Noah. It's hard for every father because you only ever want to see a smile on their little faces. But it's part and parcel of the job I'm afraid! And in the end it's the right thing to do."

Noah nodded again but before he could say anything Holden asked, "Luke still at the hospital with Troy?"

"Yeah. He must be totally wiped. He's been there all night and all morning now. "

"You okay with that?"

Noah looked sideways at him thoughtfully and then smiled, "Yes. Yes I am."

"I'm proud of you, son."

The statement was so unexpected that it almost blew Noah over. He felt something move deep within and he had to swallow so as not to allow those already forming pools to overflow.

"P… Proud?" He finally stuttered.

"The way you were with Troy last night…" again Holden patted him on the back, "Not every man could do something like that, you know? You handled yourself like a real gentleman. It was an honour to watch you and I just wanted to say how proud I am of you."

His own father had never used those words without some ulterior motive; at least he had never used them and truly meant them. So really, as far as Noah was concerned, no parental figure in his life had ever said anything like that to him before.

"Thank you." He replied almost in a whisper, suddenly finding it difficult to speak.

They stood in silence for a while longer, just watching the boys tackle their next challenge together and then Holden said, "Well! Best get back to the grindstone! I just came in for a quick cup of Joe! It's real chilly out today!"

Once Holden was out of earshot Noah let out a shuddered breath, his heart glowing from the effect of Holden's fatherly touch.

...

Lucinda arrived at the farm just after lunch. John had whisked her off on a romantic getaway, but she had returned as quickly as possible when she heard the news that Nicholas was missing. But of course the crisis was over by the time she walked through the front door of the farm and into the dining room.

Sprawled across the entire length of Emma's dining table was a large white sheet of paper covered in tiny coloured hand prints. And Noah, Ethan and Nicholas were all gathered around busily finger painting this incredibly messing piece of art.

Noah smiled as she entered, "Lucinda! I'd hug you hello but…" he held up two blue hands to make his point.

Lucinda laughed, "Well! Doesn't this appear entertaining?"

Nicholas, who had previously been avidly at work on his corner of the paper, now slunk back shyly and watched her suspiciously.

Ethan on the other hand hopped off his stool and went running for her, "Grandmother!" he yelled.

She backed quickly away and Noah blocked his path just in time, laughing, "Ethan! Not with those mucky fingers, buddy!"

"Thank you Noah, that was extremely gallant of you." Lucinda nodded with her head.

"I broke-ed my arm! See?" Exclaimed Ethan as though breaking a limb was the most exciting thing to happen to a person.

"Well! I see that young man!"

"Want to write on it?"

"Later my darling."

"Ethan." Noah interrupted, "You sit here and paint with Nicky, okay? And NO paint on the furniture you hear? Just the paper!"

"Okay!" Ethan agreed and climbed back up on the stool next to Nicholas. "Come on Nicky! Draw!"

Noah smiled and then followed behind Lucinda as she entered the kitchen, where he headed straight for the tap to wash the paint off his hands.

"I see that things have returned pretty much too normal. I was extremely relieved to hear you found him! Neither of them look any worse for the wear." Lucinda stated.

"Yes, they're fine. Great actually! Seems Nicky's found a friend in Ethan."

"Well that is good!"

She proceeded to remove her coat and place it and her bag on a nearby hook.

"So, he never talks then?" she asked conversationally.

"Oh he talks!" laughed Noah, as he dried his hands on a kitchen towel, "Trust me! He definitely talks! Enjoy the silence while you have it!"

Lucinda smiled, her eyes crinkling in amusement as she realised Noah was joking. "And where is my other lovely grandson?"

Noah faltered just long enough for her to notice.

"Why do I get the feeling something's up?" She raised a questioning eyebrow at him, but he was saved from having to answer when Luke came through the back door looking like death warmed over.

He didn't even seem to notice Lucinda; he turned immediately to his right and drew Noah into a hug.

"Hi baby." Noah whispered into his tousled hair, "You look terrible!"

"Thanks!" Luke mumbled into Noah's shirt as Noah stroked his head.

"How's Troy?"

"Troy?" Lucinda asked, "What's happened?"

Luke pulled out of Noah's embrace and turned to see her there, "Oh, sorry Grandmother! I didn't realise you were here."

"Never mind that!" she exclaimed, "What's happened to the Jenson boy?"

Luke proceeded to lay out the events of the night before.

"Well that's just dreadful! But I can't say I'm surprised!"

"Sorry?" Luke and Noah said together.

"Well darling! The whole reason I ever introduced you to Troy was because I found that poor depressed kid cooped up in that mansion all alone, with not a friend in the world! I thought the two of you would hit it off…"

Noah couldn't help clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"Oh, well, yes! Of course I didn't foresee anything like this happening!"

"Anyway," Noah repeated his question to Luke, "How is he?"

"I hope he'll be fine. They're going to keep him in for a few days, watch him and try to help him out of the funk he's in. It's just… I feel totally shit about it all!" and then remembering Lucinda's presence he quickly said, "Sorry Grandmother."

"Luke," said Noah, spinning him round and cupping his face, "It's not your fault! He made some bad choices too, you know?"

Luke nodded, "Anyway… I need a shower and a bed like yesterday!"

Noah smiled at him, "Want me to come?"

Luke squinted his eyes with consideration and then whispered into Noah's ear so that his Grandmother couldn't hear, "If you come, how will I sleep?"

Noah laughed deeply in response and Luke kissed him gently before saying goodbye to Lucinda and making his tired journey up the stairs.

...

Noah had crawled into bed with a sleeping Luke at around nine-thirty after a sudden attack of exhaustion, only to be woken up at just after one by a strange clicking sound.

He was just processing the information that Luke was missing from the bed when he heard another click and realised it was the sound of a stone hitting glass. Frowning in confusion, he stepped out of bed and pulled back the curtain to investigate.

His thoughts were immediately interrupted as he glanced downwards and gasped, suddenly finding his mind empting at the sight of Luke, riding bareback on a black stallion Noah knew was called Tanner. He thought strangely that if it had been the 1800's he would have described Luke as resplendent! He looked incredible in jeans and coat astride the animal. The man smiled radiantly up at him as the horse shifted eagerly under him.

"What the?" Noah mouthed through the glass pane.

Luke beckoned with his hand.

"Down?" Noah mouthed again, pointing downwards with both his index fingers, "You want me to come down, now?"

Luke nodded still smiling.

Noah shook his head in wonderment at Luke's sudden insanity, but he played along none the less. Smiling, he quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt and made his way downstairs, stopping just once to check on Nicholas, who slept soundly.

He met Luke under the window, pulling his coat on as he walked.

"What on earth are you doing Luke?" Noah asked with playful admonishment, reaching up to stroke the horse's head, "It's the middle of the night?"

Luke shushed him and whispered, "Get up here!"

He motioned his head and patted the horse behind him.

"On the horse?"

Luke nodded with a "well duh" expression and Noah couldn't help but grin at him.

"Okay…" he sang, "But I have to warn you I can't promise I'll behave."

"I'm kinda counting on that!" Luke replied cheekily.

Noah climbed up the nearby wooden fence and hopped on the horse behind Luke, grasping the other man around his waist.

"Tsk Tsk," Luke clicked to the horse, turning him and heading downward in the direction of the forest.

"And just where exactly are you taking me?" Noah couldn't help but ask.

"Do you trust me?" was his answer.

Noah grinned and Luke looked back just in time to catch it.

"I'm going to take that goofy expression as a yes Mr Mayer."

"Yes." Noah finally answered and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek into Luke's warm back.

...

**Thanks for Reading! A bit of a transitional chapter but I hope you liked it anyway!**


	59. Oakdale 13

Noah's breath was hot on the skin of Luke's neck. His hands lay flat against Luke's belly, radiating heat, making all the muscles in his torso quiver at the touch. To Luke, his smell was pungently narcotic, a drug to every sense of him.

The soft thud of the horse's hooves became almost hypnotic and Luke could feel Noah snoozing against his back. The path had long since led them into the woods, where the cluster of tall Oaks stood proudly to attention like rows of disciplined soldiers greeting the return of their sergeant.

Here and there spots of moon and starlight broke through the canopy above creating dreamlike pools of haze underfoot; lighting their way like natural torches and, periodically, an icy wind would whip through the trees with a flutter and scraping of leaves and branches, forcing both men to draw up their shoulders and huddle closer for warmth.

The only other sound besides those of the forest and the clip clop of hooves was the occasional satisfied snort of the horse.

As they ventured deeper into the forest Noah lifted his head, becoming aware of sparks of shimmering light emerging between breaks in the trunks up ahead. Luke smiled and continued to lead the horse in that direction, the lights becoming brighter and brighter until eventually they broke through the underbrush and into a small clearing, where a tiny log cabin sat against the backdrop of trees.

Luke had been there ahead of time. He'd filled a number of brown paper bags with soil, firmly plugging the centre of each one with long white candles, thus creating his own makeshift lanterns. They were mesmerising in the simplicity of their design and formed a path to the door of the cabin.

"Wow, Luke, this is…"

"Shh..." And Luke turned on the horse to place a few fingers to Noah's mouth, "No talking…" He drew his hands slowly and softly along Noah's lips watching captivated. Noah was just about to fall deeply into Luke's eyes, dark in the light of night, when Luke turned and hopped off the horse pulling the animal forward and tying the reigns to a nearby tree.

"Good boy!" he placated, slipping a carrot from his pocket and handing it to Tanner as Noah slid down. On the ground under the tree a rough and large army style blanket laid waiting and Luke used it to cover the back and rump of the horse.

Noah turned to Luke who smiled at him and took his hand, drawing him up the candlelit path to the door of the cabin. Noah paused before entering, lifting Luke's chin, and kissing him quick and deep leaving him dizzy, feeling drunk, as though he'd just finished off an entire bottle of spirits by himself. When Noah drew back Luke opened the door and pulled him inside.

The interior of the cabin was small with just a bed and fireplace. Luke had earlier made the bed up with fresh linen and decorated a few surfaces with more of the homemade lanterns.

"What is this place?" Noah asked in amazement as they both removed their coats.

"Dad built it when he was sixteen." Luke stretched out his hand to take Noah's coat and he draped it along with his own over the only chair in the room. "It was his escape from the family, you know? The way teenagers sometimes want their own space."

And as Luke hugged him Noah whispered "It's perfect..."

...

_Luke's grandmother's farm was awesome! There were no words to describe the openness, the homeliness of the place. It made him feel like he belonged there, even though he had never set foot on the property before._

_Noah felt like he was dosed up on some euphoric drug and now he was dreaming. He put it down to the heat of the night and the cooling swim in the crystal clear water of the pond. _

_And then there was Luke! _

_He knew Luke had feelings for him and he should probably give the guy space, but he found it impossible to stay away. He wanted to be Luke's friend. Luke was just so easy. And he was surprised at how, suddenly and unexpectedly given this opportunity to spend time alone with him, he felt like they had known each other since birth. He'd already told Luke things he never told anybody before. It felt oddly right to tell him. He knew somehow that Luke would understand, wouldn't judge (would provide comfort?)._

_And he had just discovered how much Luke could make him laugh. He'd had few moments in his life when he'd laughed so much his stomach actually burned in pain, but Luke's joke's were quick and their conversations seemed naturally laced in friendly banter. He felt relaxed around Luke. _

_He felt like he could be himself. _

_He was having fun! He hadn't had so much fun with another person for… actually he couldn't remember ever having so much fun._

_"That was awesome!" Noah sang as they ran back into the kitchen still in suimsuits, wet and refreshed from their swim, "Who need's A.C. when you have your own pond?"_

_"Yeah!" Agreed Luke, "But it makes me really hungry! But luckily my grandmother keeps this fridge stocked!" and he patted the top of it like it was the best thing in existence. _

_He opened the door and began to extract item after item, "Look, look! Secret recipe chicken wings," and he pointed at those after placing them on the counter, "Very good! Three bean salad! Corn! Um, fresh tomatoes!" He closed the fridge with one hand, "Honeydew melon!" and he gave the round object a quick pat, "What looks good?"_

_Noah laughed at his enthusiasm, "Um, all of it!"_

_As Luke walked back around the counter Noah suddenly became aware of how much water they had traipsed into the house (and how much water dripped down his chest?)._

_"Hey dude!" he exclaimed throwing Luke a towel, "We're making a flood in here!"_

_"Awww! That doesn't matter!" insisted Luke throwing the towel back to him without a care in the world. _

_"Oh yeah?" Noah asked and teasingly whipped Luke with it. _

_"Whaw!" exclaimed Luke good naturedly quickly grabbing the other end of the towel and trying to wrestle it back. _

_They play fought back and forth laughing, until Luke put all his back into it, so much so that his pull on the towel brought Noah stumbling forward and he landed chest to chest with Luke. _

_Time literally stood still, as though they'd been suddenly thrown into a jar of paraldehyde…_

_Noah wanted… Luke was so… and he felt so… he wanted to… he wanted to… _

...

Luke had this way of looking up and down from Noah's eyes to his lips and back again that always caused a heat to build up in Noah's lower half. This heat would double ten fold when, inevitably, Luke's mouth would drop open and his chest would start to bob up and down as he breathed through it. It was a rich but subtle movement… so unbelievably seductive it always amazed Noah how Luke didn't even know he was doing it.

Usually by this point Luke would almost in perceptively bend his head to the right so that when Noah moved in for a kiss his lips would fit perfectly against those supple ones and Luke's mouth would already be invitingly open for Noah to lap up his tongue. These kisses never started slow! By the time Noah's mouth met Luke's he would be so hot for the other man he'd loose all control and the kiss would be explosive.

Usually under these circumstances things would escalate quickly to love making, but not this time. With obvious difficulty Luke pulled back from Noah leaving him paused in mid-kiss, his eyes still closed. He opened them disappointed and confused by the sudden loss. Luke smiled at him, stealing his breath.

"Sit down." Luke pulled him over to the bed and Noah sat, watching as he set to work lighting the kindling in the fireplace. He crouched before the tiny pile of smouldering wood, a wisp of smoke rising up like incense. Once he had the kindling well lit, he began to gently lay fresh sticks on the fire, building it patiently until it was hot enough to begin adding the larger logs. A burning twig snapped with heat, spurting sparks into the air like fireflies, which drifted down, blinking out before they touched the floor.

The atmosphere felt suddenly full of magic and enchantment.

Luke stood then and stretched himself, powerful shoulders rising dark against the candlelight behind him. As he removed his shirt, Noah watched as his arm muscles flexed with that certain grace and power only Luke seemed to possess. Noah found himself breathless at the striking sight of him, his blonde hair gleaming smooth in the firelight.

Passion burned deep inside him as Luke approached, hands extended, and Noah interlaced them instinctively. As he did Luke pulled him up to standing and then reached down to slide his hands under his shirt, sliding them up and across his shoulders until he trembled with desire. Luke's hands came flat against Noah's chest, feeling for the indentations around his nipples. Noah stood, hardly breathing as Luke knelt down to unbuckle the belt around his hips, undo the button and the zip of his jeans, and pull the starchy blue fabric from Noah's legs.

Noah bent down to lift Luke upwards so that he could kiss him. It was a long and lingering kiss and eventually Noah couldn't resist allowing his hands to roam down Luke's firm upper body, until his fingers found a way to free Luke from his own pair of jeans. While he stepped out of them, Noah whipped his shirt off and then pulled the blonde onto the bed so that they lay naked, skin to skin beside the flames.

He let out a deep breath of want as Luke pulled him firmly to him, crushing him suddenly against his chest; and he could feel that Luke was more than ready for him too; that powerful love and attraction between them, driving them forward.

Their legs twined comfortably together and Noah ran his hand up through Luke's hair, distracted suddenly as the strands shifted beautiful and golden under his fingers. He felt Luke's eyes on him as his hand stroked his chin but he was unable to look away from Luke's hair and he bent to sniff at the honey scented waves before eventually lifting his head to stare deeply into the chocolate brown of Luke's eyes. He watched as the firelight danced in their depths and felt the electric touch of Luke's hand as it slipped down from his navel to take hold of his throbbing hardness, making him sigh and jerk slightly.

They spent ages like that, smelling, touching, adoring; delicately kissing every inch of flesh, until Noah held Luke by his hips and rolled slowly on top of him. As his lips took Luke's, sucking Luke's tongue into his mouth, Noah stretched his right hand down and used his fingers on him so that Luke moaned into the kiss, breathing hard through his nose as Noah explored every cavity of him. God it felt good! It felt so good being close to Luke, smelling that distinct scent of him… wanting him… having him…

Noah's mouth left Luke's to find the deep and soft hollow between his neck and shoulder, which he nuzzled as he entered him with a deep and resonant groan of pleasure, closing the boundary of air between them. He waited there, licking, nibbling and kissing at the smooth skin of Luke's lower lip, relishing that moment of joining for as long as he was able.

"I love you!" he whispered into Luke's ear, his own auditory canal filled with the delightful sound of Luke's panting as he waited, patiently, for Noah to start moving inside of him. Noah felt as Luke's hands, flesh-hot against his skin, explored his back and buttocks, squeezing and periodically pushing down on him, encouraging their bodily connection even closer together.

After a few more moments simply enjoying the feel of Luke around him, Noah moved out, almost fully and then slowly re-entered, expelling another breath and being rewarded by a loud and pleasurable "arhg" from Luke.

It was a slow, dreamy and peaceful form of love making; weighted heavy in breath and feeling. There had been few of these moments since the arrival of Nicholas, who would often wake at night in search of them, and for that reason they wanted to savour it. The act for them was far more about their closeness and their love for each other then their need for natural sexual release. Luke's body was Noah's as much as Noah's was Luke's.

Noah felt Luke's foot curl around his leg, locking them together even more tightly, so that when they finally erupted, it was as a single heartbeat.

The fire crackled softly to itself, casting red and yellow lights on the wooden walls of the cabin. They lay in silent peace, hands gently stroking skin, no longer sure whose limbs were whose, laying in tangled drowsiness.

...

Sometime near morning; the fire now reduced but still providing them with a warm glow and two or three of the candles still flickering; Noah woke with a deep intake of satisfied air. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and lifted himself on one elbow, resting his chin against his hand, so that he could watch Luke sleeping. His eyes roamed around the cabin. The sun had not quite risen but there was now natural light available and Noah could make out far more than he could during the night.

One of the things he noticed up behind them made him chuckle. It was a glass sweet jar that sat on a small shelf above the headboard and he stretched up to pull the item down to the bed. Luke stirred at the movement and opened his eyes, yawning up at Noah with the back of one hand over his mouth.

"Hi!" he croaked with his morning voice.

"Morning baby…" Noah replied, bending over the jar between them to kiss Luke on the lips. "Thank you for last night. It was amazing. You're amazing."

"You deserved it! I couldn't ask for a more perfect person than you, Noah. You've been so patient about everything."

They kissed again and Luke became aware of the jar in Noah's hands. He laughed when he saw it. "I see you found Natalie's present."

"Yes I did." smiled Noah, "It looked a little out of place and I couldn't resist checking it out!"

"Liar! You just fancied yourself some morning candy right!"

Noah giggled in the back of his throat, "Okay… you got me!"

The jar was filled to the brim with pastel coloured alphabet candy. Luke shifted up in the bed, leaning against the headboard. He pulled the large jar over to himself and popped the lid.

"Not a very healthy breakfast!" Noah admitted with a laugh, staring at Luke from his propped up position on his elbow.

Luke fed him one and then grinned with a sudden look of mischievousness, "How's your spelling?"

"What?"

"Spell…" Luke instructed and he withdrew a letter from the jar.

"I" said Noah.

Luke nodded, letting Noah know he was playing the game correctly. Then he dipped back into the jar, searching, and one by one withdrew the letters as Noah spelled them out.

"L…"

"O…" Noah giggled again.

"V…"

"E…" Noah felt his smile broaden with each letter Luke removed.

"Y…"

"O…"

Luke shook the jar vigorously and pulled out the next letter.

"U…"

The withdrawn candy lay in a pile on the bedding between them and during the course of the spelling Noah would pop one in his mouth, crunching the tiny objects between his teeth.

"I love you too Luke." He laughed, his eyes sparkling with relaxed joy and contentment.

Luke leaned over and treated himself to a sticky and sickly sweet kiss from Noah.

"Mmm!" Luke hummed, "You taste real good!"

Noah licked his lips as Luke moved back to his seated position. They stared deeply at each other for some time and then Luke's expression changed, becoming suddenly more serious… contemplative… and Noah instantly took note. He was just about to ask about it when Luke extracted another letter and held it up.

"M…" Noah chanted like a child in school, smiling as the game started again.

"A…" he continued.

Luke rooted around in the jar for a few minutes, turning it on its side to find the next letter he wanted and then eventually he held up a blue one.

"R..." at this letter Noah faulted slightly as his heart began to beat harder. He lifted his eyes to meet Luke's with a question and swallowed visibly as he read the answer in their depths. By the time Luke lifted the next letter Noah was no longer looking at the candy in his hand, he didn't need too, Luke's eyes, burning with a powerful intensity, said everything.

"R…" his voice had become a whisper.

Luke was slower to reveal the next letter.

"Y…" Noah released a slight hitch as he drew breath.

Luke's eyes remained fixed and serious and he nodded slightly, holding up the next letter.

"M…" Noah struggled now, he started to cry, his breath shuddering but his eyes never once wavering from Luke's.

"E…" As he said the last letter he finally allowed his eyes to lower and he stared intently at the mixed up pile of letters between them. A violent shot of air escaped his lungs.

He felt sure he would die from the level of raw emotion flowing through him. He felt suddenly and strangely exposed, chilled and vulnerable; stripped in one go of the warmth and assurance he had felt just a moment before. He moved slowly and sat up in the bed, hugging his knees slightly to stay upright.

"I want you Noah." Luke said from behind him. "I love you."

Noah shook his head, unable to speak, struck dumb by the intense feelings that constricted his throat. Luke's question was a paradox. Noah found himself both desperately happy and yet also desperately afraid.

"Noah?"

He felt Luke's hand stroke gently down his back and it gave him strength to say, "I was always so self sufficient, you know? So independent… before I met you..." He used the nail of one thumb to scratch at the dry skin of the other as he gathered his thoughts, "Now I can't stand the thought of being alone. It terrifies me..."

He heard Luke gather up the candy from the bed and return it to the jar so that he could replace the vessel back on the shelf above the bed. Then he felt as Luke shifted up behind him, straddling him with his legs and wrapping around him like a warm cloak, resting his chin on Noah's shoulder. He was so close that Noah could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He was solid… so alive… so real, his hair curling gold against bare skin. The back of his hand touched Noah's cheek, firm and comforting and Noah moved his head against it. But he continued to tremble. Luke had held him like this before… and he'd still lost him.

Finally Luke spoke softly, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Noah sobbed at that, leaning back into him and drawing Luke's arms tighter around him.

"Noah, I'm just letting you know what I want. And it's okay… it's okay if you're not ready to answer yet. But when you are, then… then you know I'm waiting for that answer. Okay?"

Noah felt Luke lie back and pull him down with him, until his head lay in the crook of Luke's arm. He felt Luke's thumb rubbing small circles against his temple, light as the touch of air and he grabbed Luke's other hand in his.

Tears ran softly down his cheeks as he asked, "You won't leave me? Right?"

He felt as Luke shook his head and squeezed his hand tight. "We're broken people when we're apart Noah… We belong together."

"I do know that." Noah said and his voice shook. "Don't you get it? That's WHY I'm so afraid. I can't be half a person again Luke! I couldn't stand it!"

"Then marry me." Luke replied calmly.

They lay in silence for a while, Noah reflecting on their past and present, coming to the only conclusion he could… there was no future without Luke.

"These are those old feelings I'm having again, aren't they?"

"Yes." There was a smile in Luke's voice.

Noah rolled around to face him. Their eyes were locked in fiery contemplation and finally Noah smiled back softly.

"Yes." He said and there was no hesitation in his voice. "Yes, I want to marry you."

Luke kissed him then for what might have been a long time or no time at all.

When they parted they started to laugh, until they were hysterical and Noah spread his hands over Luke's cheeks, eyes watering from crying and laughing at the same time, "I definitely want to marry you!"

Luke kissed him quickly again before replying contentedly, "Same here…"

...

**Thanks for Reading. Please let me know what you think!**


	60. Natalie 1

____

____

_"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Noah exclaimed from the cab of his truck as he peered through the sheet of rain and swishing windscreen wipers to examine the tailback of red lights blocking his route home. It was slightly past rush-hour but there were still enough cars on the road to create quite a backup. _

_Noah sighed and checked his wristwatch. He had finally managed to leave the studio at a reasonable hour to spend some much needed time at home and now this had to happen. _

_Luke was pulling back from Grimaldi Shipping; giving the new management team time to take the helm. As a result he was working more and more from home, which meant he could watch Nicholas and Noah could return full time to the studio. A complete switch of roles to what they had done before their holiday break in Oakdale. Noah smiled as he remembered it. _

_Engaged._

_He laughed softly to himself. He loved that word and it instantly elevated his mood even after his marathon editing session and the pile of traffic ahead of him. _

_"Oh well." He thought "Nothing for it but to sit it out." _

_He pressed #1 on his hands-free and waited._

_"This is Luke Snyder, I can't come to the phone right now…" Noah hung up. There was no point leaving a message. Luke would assume he was still at work… he wouldn't be worried. _

_He turned the radio up and hummed along to the tune, slowing inching his truck forward, whenever the break lights on the car in front allowed him too._

_..._

**_From: Joshua Carmody __Sent: Thur 03/01/2012 _**

**_To: Natalie Snyder __  
__Cc:__  
__Subject: Hey!_**

_Dear Nat,_

_I have to write this quick because I've been banned from using the computer. _

_I'm grounded FOR LIFE! _

_I've never seen my folks so mad! I mean it was just a little weed! Jeez! _

_Anyways I'm sorry because it means I won't be at summer camp this year. And I was really looking forward to it! Damn! _

_Just wanted to let you know in case you looked for me! _

_Mom just drove up so I have to get offline fast! _

_Josh_

_**This message and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this message in error please delete it and any files transmitted with it.**_

...

"Mr Snyder…"

"Oh, it's Luke… please!"

"Okay then… Luke..." The charming man smiled genuinely at him, "I'd just like to take a moment to thank you for coming in for this meeting at a time when, I understand, you're having family difficulties?"

Luke's hand squeezed a little tighter around the pen he was holding and he felt himself stiffen. He eyed the six men and two women at the board table. He hadn't expected this. He hadn't expected them to bring this up in the middle of a business meeting! He was barely holding on as it was. Quivering spasms, starting small, but gradually building in momentum, ran from the very centre of him.

"Um, it's no problem." He stammered, trying to keep his cool, just as he became aware of the sweat droplets building on this skin, "Um. I told you I'd be available to help you take over the company in anyway I could."

Noah was right! Attending this meeting at the request of the new owners had been a huge mistake!

"Luke?"

As much as he tried he couldn't keep his mind off of IT. He couldn't concentrate on the details being discussed. Voices droned on like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons Nicholas seemed to like so much.

"Luke?"

He realised the entire board table were all looking at him. How long had they been waiting for an answer?

"Um, I'm sorry, um, what was the question?"

Kieran, the man taking on Luke's role as CEO, frowned in confusion at Luke's obvious discomfort and lack of interest, "What are your thoughts on New York?"

He felt suddenly faint and his throat was dry. He leaned forward to pour himself a glass of water from the crystal decanters before him, but he couldn't reach from a seated position and as he stood he felt all the blood leave his body.

Things went black.

"Luke? Luke, wake up! Wake up, Luke!"

He opened his eyes to find his PA, Ellie's face staring worriedly down on him, her palm on his cheek.

"Oh my god, Luke! Are you okay? You just collapsed!"

He looked around and realised he was lying flat out on the floor by his chair. The rest of the board members stood around him dumbstruck.

"Are you okay?" Asked Ellie again, "Should I call an ambulance?"

Luke sat up and smiled at her, "No Ellie, thank you. I just fainted. I didn't really eat today. I'm so sorry!" he said to the people around him, "I can't think…"

"Not to worry Luke." Said Kieran, "It's clear you're not up to this meeting and it's completely understandable under the circumstances."

Luke really wished he would stop saying things like that.

"Can you walk?" Asked Ellie.

He pulled himself up half with her help, half by gripping the table and then he allowed Ellie to escort him back to his office.

"Thanks." He sighed as he sat back behind his desk, holding a hand to his forehead and sipping at the water she handed him.

Before he knew it she was using his phone.

"Who are you calling?" he asked, "I told you I don't need an ambulance."

"Hello, Noah?" He heard her say, "It's Ellie here… I'm fine thank you but… oh no… no… don't panic… it's just… he kind of fainted…"

"I'm just fine!" Luke exclaimed, annoyed that she had involved Noah.

"Hang on." She handed him the handset, "He wants to talk to you."

"I bet he does!" Groaned Luke, "Hello?"

"Luke!" Noah's voice was urgent, "What happened?"

"Ellie is making a big deal about nothing!" Luke insisted, "I just fainted in the meeting. I didn't have time to eat today."

"Dammit Luke! I told you not to go to that meeting!"

"Okay! Okay! Calm down! I'm fine!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, really… I'm fine. There's no need to worry, okay?"

"Okay, but you know I'm still picking you up?"

"Noah! I can drive!"

"I'm picking you up!"

"What about Nicholas?"

"I'll just have to bring him along of course! I'll be there in a few minutes."

He didn't wait for Luke to argue, the phone cut off.

____

_..._

_Lilly had just popped home to pick up her mail on her way back to the Lakeview, when she found thirteen year old Natalie slumped at the breakfast bar in an obvious funk. _

_"Hey sweetie! Back from school already?"_

_"Yeah…" She dropped her head onto her elbows and blew a wisp of dark hair out of her face._

_"But it's Tuesday? Don't you have cheerleading today?"_

_"It was cancelled… Coach broke her toe…" She picked up her phone from the table without lifting her chin from her arm and checked the display before sighing heavily, in that way only a teenager could. _

_"Something troubling you baby?" Lilly was actually due in a meeting and needed to go, but she got the distinct impression Natalie wasn't exactly happy._

_"No one's around!"_

_"Well, what do you mean?"_

_"I mean I've tried to get in touch with somebody and NO ONE is answering me! I've texted EVERYBODY on my phone!"_

_Lilly felt for her. She was such a sociable child, so different from her sister Faith, who could entertain herself for hours with just a book. Natalie seemed to need companionship on a constant basis. As much as she differed from Luke in her appearance; somehow being the only one of Lilly's children with hair so dark it was almost black; in personality, she was so strikingly similar to him._

_She knew that Natalie loved hanging out with her family, but it could also be such a chore for her, especially since she often ended up as babysitter for Ethan. _

_"Well," tried Lilly, "who did you leave these messages with? Did you ask them to meet you?"_

_"I didn't exactly ask if anyone wanted to get together. I just texted "hi" to a few of them… But NO ONE responded!"_

_Lilly chuckled. Obviously in the teenage world the word "hi" was laced with meaning beyond the obvious. It seemed to imply "what are you doing" and "do you want to get together"… _

_She pulled her daughter's hair up in a ponytail behind her head and suggested, "Why don't you phone one of them and actually ask them over? Maybe they don't realise you want company."_

_"I guess…" _

_Lilly frowned. Her efforts to improve on Natalie's mood didn't seem to have made any difference. And it wasn't just today. Natalie had been like this for at least a week or more._

_"What is it baby?" Lilly pleaded, "You seem so sad lately."_

_"Can I go stay with Luke and Noah for a few days?"_

_The question came out of nowhere and was so left wing of the original topic that Lilly was taken aback._

_"What?" she asked._

_"Well Spring holidays are coming up and it would just be nice, you know? To get out of here for once…"_

_Lilly considered this for a while. She was old enough to fly alone and Lilly really couldn't think of any reason so say no, besides the fact that she would miss her terribly. Even if it was just for a week… _

_She leaned over and kissed the top of her head, "I'll have to talk to your father first…"_

_"But I can go?" Excitement and hope filled her voice and she perked up immediately._

_Lilly laughed, "If your Dad agrees and Luke and Noah are okay with it, then I don't see why not." _

_Her daughter flew her skinny arms around her neck, and in-between kisses on Lilly's cheek yelled, "Thank you… thank you… thank you!" _

_..._

_Eventually Noah reached the point where the main road ended and the four lanes narrowed into three and then into two, becoming surprisingly narrow for a few miles before branching off in different suburban directions. He cursed slightly when he realised this meant the problem was emanating from this two lane road and he was most likely in for an even longer wait to get home._

_"Why tonight of all nights!" he grumbled to himself. _

_Finally after another twenty minutes of slow tail backing he caught the lights of the emergency vehicles up ahead._

_"Not long now and then I'm home!" he thought._

_As he drew closer he couldn't see any smashed cars and wondered what the problem was. But it all became clear as he passed. He could see that the paramedics were just in the process of lifting a gurney into the ambulance so he knew they had a casualty. But then his eyes briefly caught the sight of a bent bicycle tyre. _

_"Another biker!" he thought. "Poor guy!" _

_..._

**_From: Natalie Snyder __Sent: Tues 03/13/2012_**

**_To: Joshua Carmody_**  
**_Cc:_**  
**_Subject: Re: Hey!_**

_Dear Josh,_

_I hope you get this!_

_I'm coming! :-)_

_Spring break!_

_Love Nat xxx_

_**This message and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this message in error please delete it and any files transmitted with it.**_

_..._

_Noah pulled his truck into the garage next to Luke's car. In that moment he did perceive that something was different, but he was too tired to bother working out what it was. _

_As he entered the house, drenched from the rain, all was dark and dead quiet. He frowned. That was odd. It was only nine PM. _

_"Luke?" he called softly, not wanting to wake Nicholas. "Nat?"_

_Silence._

_He dropped his bag by the door and hung his key on the hook, yawning broadly. He checked on Nicholas as he made his way down the passage and found him to be sound asleep with one leg hanging off the side of the bed. Noah chuckled and lifted the limb back up on the sheets. The child stirred and shifted into a tight ball, sticking his thumb in his mouth and sucking gently in his sleep. Noah pulled the top sheet over him and kissed him._

_"Sleep tight, baby." He whispered with a smile. _

_He stretched his arms in the air as he made his way to the second bedroom where he expected to find Natalie, either on the computer or listening to music. He knocked a few times and when he didn't get an answer softly opened the door._

_"Nat? You awake?"_

_The room was empty, the bed un-slept in. _

_Noah stared at the vacant darkness for a few minutes trying to work out where she could be. The kitchen light hadn't been on, he was sure. And anyway, wouldn't she have answered him if she was there?_

_Sure there was a logical explanation he finally made it to their bedroom, where he found Luke pass out on the bed. _

_"So early?" He said to himself. _

_He sat down next to Luke and shook him slightly, "Luke?"_

_"Hmm?" His hair was all tousled and spiky, as though he'd fallen asleep with it damp._

_"Luke, baby? Wake up."_

_"Nooooo!"_

_Noah bent over and Eskimo kissed him, "You're already asleep?"_

_"What?" Finally Luke opened his eyes and seeing Noah turned to look at the clock by the bed. "Oh my god! I only meant to rest my head at six! I can't believe I fell asleep!"_

_Noah laughed, "Well! Maybe you needed it!"_

_"Yeah… I guess Nicholas finally managed to talk me into slumber!" he stroked Noah's arm, "You're all wet. Is it raining?"_

_"Absolutely bucketing it down!" Noah said smiling at him as he stood to begin removing his work clothes, "So, where's Natalie?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Nat? Did you let her go out after all?"_

_Luke's eyes grew wide and he shot up and out the door so fast Noah had to do a double take..._

_"Luke?" Noah followed Luke into the guest bedroom and found him looking flabbergasted at the empty room._

_"She didn't!" He stated angrily._

_"Didn't what?"_

_"It was the same damn issue! She kept going on and on at me about letting her go out tonight and I told her explicitly no!" _

_"And she went anyway…" he said as though it was obvious she would. "Shit Luke! Where would she go?"_

_Luke rushed past him back to there room where he grabbed his mobile off the bedside table, quickly ringing her number. He locked eyes with Noah, now standing in the doorway. _

_"Nothing!" he hung up._

_"Well, don't panic, okay?" said Noah. "I'm sure she's fine! I'm going to kill her when she get's back but I'm sure she's okay! I mean, how would she get anywhere? She wouldn't dare take the car again and…"_

_Noah's sentence cut short as a terrible thought came to him. Images flashed through his mind and his stomach did a summersault._

_"Noah?" Luke sensed the change in him._

_Noah sped to the lounge, grabbing his keys off the hook and rushing back out into the rain. Frantically he pressed the button that would open the garage door, praying privately that he was mistaken. But he was already in the grip of a sick feeling… _

_"Come on!" he yelled as it moved too slowly._

_By then Luke had caught up with him, "What is it?"_

_As Noah turned on the garage light his fear was realised. The wall where Luke's bicycle usually hung elevated by special hooks; was empty… His heart was suddenly beating with a force that shook him like the skin of a drum. _

_He hadn't been thinking it! Why would he? But if he had looked, if he had really looked, then he would have known for sure what his subconscious already did. Luke's bicycle had white ribbons tied to the handle. Ribbons that were punched with tiny stars… Ribbons that Luke hated, but that Nicholas had made for him and insisted he tie to his bike. _

_Those ribbons had lain muddy in the wet grass, illuminated briefly by the headlights of his truck, still attached to the mangled bicycle by the side of the road. _

...

**Let me know what you think ;-)**


	61. Natalie 2

Luke's head was still throbbing and he sent Ellie to find him some aspirin while he waited for Noah to fetch him.

Actually he also sent her so that he could be alone in his office for a few minutes. Well it wasn't really his office anymore, was it? Grimaldi shipping was sold! That was at least one less thing to worry about in his life, even though he was still on the GS payroll as a consultant to the new CEO. He didn't want to just up and leave his staff without making sure the new owners treated them fairly.

When they'd phoned in the morning to ask whether he could attend the meeting he'd been okay; better than he'd felt in a while; and he thought the meeting might help in some way. Keep his mind off things. But it was now blatantly obvious that he wasn't currently up for working.

He sighed with relief as he rested his head on his elbows and bent over his desk. He was glad Ellie had left. Her fussing was partly contributing to the throbbing pain. At moments like these… when his brain replayed that night over and over, relentlessly, whether he wanted it to or not, he needed quiet. He needed to close his eyes and drift into sleep…

...

_"Nat… Nat!" Luke hooked his sister's arm to stop her from leaving. _

_He didn't know where she thought she would go… they didn't live near a bus stop and she would have to walk for miles to get anywhere. _

_"No! I'm going and you can't stop me!"_

_"Nat please! Why are you being this way? You always used to listen to me? I'm just trying to understand okay?"_

_"No, you're trying to boss me around! But you're not my father, Luke! And I don't have to do what you say!"_

_"No, you're right. I'm not your father, but I AM your older brother and Mom and Dad have trusted me and Noah to take care of you! What would I tell them if I allowed you to go out on your own and something happened to you?"_

_"Nothing's going to happen!" she moaned in the certainty of a teen completely naive to the real world. _

_"Would you at least tell me where you're so set on going?"_

_"Questions! Questions! That's all I get from you Luke! It's like you have to know everything about my life!"_

_"Yes, I do want to know Nat! If I knew then maybe I could understand what's going on in your crazy head! You are not going out and that is final! After what you pulled with my car you're lucky I haven't sent you home already! Now I don't want to hear another word about it!"_

_She eyed him steely but he didn't flinch and eventually she shouted, "FINE!" right in his face, before storming off to the guest room and slamming the door._

_Poor little Nicholas had long since found solace in Luke and Noah's closet. He didn't often hide in there anymore, but he still had problems when there was any yelling in the house. _

_It was his bath time so Luke coaxed him out by letting him run the water and prepare the bath. A new novelty in his life… As Nicholas chatted away non-stop, Luke soaped him up and washed him down and then allowed him ten minutes to play with his plastic ships, before lifting him out, drying him off and carrying him, towel wrapped to his room. _

_Luke couldn't help but sigh when he passed the closed door of the guest bedroom._

_"You won't ever give me this much trouble when you're thirteen, will you kid?" he asked Nicholas._

_"Oh no! I'm a good boy, Noah says!"_

_Luke smiled at him, "Yes you are!" And he kissed him whilst using the towel to dry him off._

_"Will you read me Peter Pan?" Nicholas begged as he lifted his arms to help Luke dress him._

_"Yes baby." Luke was actually not in any mood to entertain Nicholas, but he was lucky… Nicholas drifted off before Luke had even finished the second page. _

_Luke felt remarkably tired. He spent some time having a relaxing and soothing shower, bringing his frustrations at Natalie's behaviour down to a minimum. He wondered whether he should call his mom for advice, but he didn't want to worry her. He threw on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a red shirt and tried knocking on Natalie's door._

_"Go away!" _

_He sighed once more and went back to the bedroom to lie down on the bed, thinking briefly that he should have dried his hair first. It was six PM. _

...

"Luke?" Ellie was at a loss.

Luke sat frozen, staring ahead of him as though his soul had somehow left his body behind in the chair. His face was masked, hiding all thoughts. There was no sound coming from him. Not even that of breath. He looked like a ghost and it scared her.

"Luke?" She tried again, "I have the aspirin."

She placed the bottle on the table and poured him another glass of water from the jug on his desk. Her heart went out to her lovely boss who was so broken up over his little sister.

She was thankful that Noah was on his way. He'd know what to do.

...

_Natalie Snyder had been in love with Josh Carmody for three whole years and during that period she had seen him just three times each year at summer camp. _

_The first time she saw him it was from a distance. He glided out of the mess hall and stood for a moment on the steps, basking in the sunlight, smiling with his two friends. He had a Hollywood smile with the whitest teeth she'd ever seen on anybody before; lightly-tanned skin that set off his blue eyes to perfection and a soft wave of brown hair. _

_Natalie had instantly felt the butterflies in her stomach. He winded her. He was the most perfect boy she had ever laid eyes on. There was not a single boy at camp that could hold a candle to the boy standing with confidence on that step. _

_For three days Natalie had devoured him with her eyes, burning his image into her memory so that she could dream of him when she eventually returned home to Oakdale. She told none of her friends about her feelings. They were her private thoughts and she kept them locked within her heart. Then on the fourth day of camp she was messing about with some friends on the wooden dock by the lake and she dropped her favourite necklace into the water._

_"Oh no!" she cried, "My necklace!"_

_But before she could even get upset about it, the boy she'd been admiring from a distance dived elegantly into the water, not even making a splash, and retrieved her possession from the sandy floor of the lake. He broke through the surface of the water like a dolphin, like he'd been born swimming; and he effortlessly pulled himself up onto the dock, turning to sit with this feet dangling in the water. Droplets were running down his cheeks and clung to his hair and skin, making him shine like some kind of aqua knight. _

_She was besotted. _

_"Thank you!" she exclaimed as he lifted up his hand so that she could take her necklace from him. She felt his finger brush hers and a warmth spread up her cheeks. _

_"No worries!" he smiled, dashingly at her._

_"Um, I'm Natalie…"_

_"Josh! Pleased to meet you Natalie!" _

_Josh! What a beautiful name! And his voice… Wow! _

_From that moment on Natalie and Josh were inseparable. They would explore the camp together; team up with each other in the social games; eat together. They would talk for hours, even sneaking out past curfew to find a quiet spot in the woods or by the lake. She was ten years old and he was thirteen, but the age difference didn't seem to matter and the two of them became fast friends. _

_Natalie was devastated when camp ended, but she was happy when Josh kept in touch with her throughout the rest of the year, sending her regular e-mails about his life in Los Angeles. It seemed so glamorous and exciting… and she always felt like such a loser when all she could describe in return was the same old same of Oakdale. _

_The following year she was eleven and much, much older and more sophisticated than she was at ten, she thought. And she felt sure that Josh would see her as potential girlfriend material. She spent ages preparing for summer camp. She had her mom take her shopping for new clothes in an effort to try and look beautiful for him, praying that he would notice her as a girl rather than just as a friend. _

_But that summer camp passed as before. The two of them spent every moment together, but no matter where she placed herself within his periphery, Josh made no attempt to hold her hand or kiss her or anything. Although she was disappointed, it didn't stop her from having another awesome time with him, and she was once again left glum at the end of the adventure when it was time to part. _

_The following year she was twelve and even older and far more grown up! But it seemed that the older she got the more he started to treat her as a child. He was fifteen by this stage and spent a lot more of that summer with his friends. He would still hang with Natalie. He would still partner with her in games and walk with her in the woods. He seemed to enjoy her conversation, but Natalie definitely noticed his desire to spend more time apart. _

_So now she had just sat for half an hour staring blurry eyed at the computer screen reading and re-reading Josh's e-mail to say he wouldn't be at summer camp that year. And she was THIRTEEN! So it was definitely her year! He would definitely have noticed her and seen her for the woman she was becoming. And now? Now he wouldn't be there? She was devastated! There was no point in even going to summer camp if Josh wasn't there!_

_And already she was formulating a plan! She quickly searched an online map for the location of his address. It was only two suburbs away from Luke and Noah's house. _

_Her plan would enable her to see Josh in just a few weeks time! _

...

Day one of Natalie's arrival in LA had been nothing short of perfect. They collected the excited and bubbly girl from the airport, Nicholas dominating the conversation with questions about Ethan.

"Did Ethan come too?"

"Where's Ethan?"

"What's Ethan doing?"

He seemed happy to accept Natalie as a temporary substitute, but made sure to let them know that the lack of Ethan wasn't exactly what he had in mind then they mentioned a family visit. Luke and Noah could only smile at each other.

Natalie seemed extremely happy to be there. Whenever Nicholas gave her the chance, she chatted amicably with them about school and her friends and caught them up on the general goings on in Oakdale.

"Oh and I think Dad's planning to move back into the house!"

"Really?" Asked Luke as he came to a stop at a red light. "Why's that?"

"Oh… you know! It's those little things he does like… the other day he mentioned repainting the hall. And then he wanted to install a new kitchen!"

Luke laughed, "Yip! It does sound like he's nesting doesn't it?"

"Or maybe he's just trying to do something nice for your mom?" Noah suggested, not wanting the two of them to get their hopes up only to have them smashed once again, when their parent's romance didn't go to their timetable.

"You're such a pessimist!" teased Luke. "Anyway, it doesn't really matter what they do, hey Nat? So long as they are both happy."

"Yes." She agreed. "And they definitely are!"

She was also very excited about the engagement and laid out a number of ideas she'd had since the moment they'd sat the family down and told them all the good news. Lilly had screamed and then cried. Holden smiled that soft smile of his and shook both their hands. Emma teared up and rewarded each boy with a kiss on both cheeks. The girls were the most excited. They begged to help in the preparations.

Now Luke could only laugh at Natalie as she railed off the numerous thoughts she'd had.

"Nat!" Noah reminded, "We haven't even set a date yet! We really aren't in any kind of hurry, but as soon as we do, we'll let you know, okay?"

"Yeah! Okay! But do you like any of my ideas!"

Both men laughed out loud at her gusto.

After a quick lunch at home to drop off her bags, they'd taken Natalie and Ethan into the city to explore some of the Hollywood tourist attractions… Universal Studios, The Walk of Fame, Sunset Boulevard.

Natalie was spellbound by LA but especially by its people. She stared at and studied almost every person they past, as though she'd never seen such beautiful and fascinating creatures in her life. She would stop to talk to anybody who was willing to give her the time of day, and she didn't seem to care who they were. She'd speak to a homeless guy in a doorway just as quick as she's try to speak to some snooty Beverly Hills type. She didn't care! It was the company she enjoyed.

Of course they ended their tour at the beach, playing games on the pier and going on the fairground rides. Well, Luke and Natalie rode them. Noah was content to stay on terra firma with Nicholas eating cotton candy and laughing at the looks on Luke and Natalie's faces.

They spent the whole day and evening laughing and joking together, generally just having fun.

So it wasn't until the second day of Natalie's visit that the trouble started...

Natalie, a free spirit, used to floating around Oakdale as her fancy and whim took her, was quickly brought down to earth, when she discovered her older brother had no intention of giving her the same freedoms in LA.

At first she started with light hearted begging, obviously sure she would sweet talk Luke and Noah into giving her what she wanted but by day four she was livid with indignation.

...

_"It's not fair!" Natalie yelled as they were gathered in the lounge. _

_"This isn't Oakdale, Nat! You're not used to big cities and there is absolutely no way you are going out there alone! Forget it!" Luke yelled back. He was at the end of his tether with her. _

_"I'm not a baby anymore Luke! I can take care of myself!"_

_"You're not an adult either. Look Natalie, I'm sorry, if there is someplace you would like to visit, Noah and I will gladly take you there, but we will be with you and that is final!"_

_"I can't believe you!" she spat, "All those times you moaned about Dad not giving you any freedom and now look! You turn around and do the same thing to me! You're worse than Dad and I HATE you!" _

_She stormed outside, slamming the front door so that the walls shook._

_Luke reopened the door after her and yelled, "Yeah? Well I'm glad you think I'm like Dad! Because he was right!" before slamming the door closed again and yelling, "Urg!" _

_Noah, who had sat watching this exchange from the couch couldn't stop himself from chuckling._

_Oh!" Luke responded to him, "I'm glad you think this is so funny!"_

_"I'm sorry! It's just she's so damn stubborn and determined. She reminds me of a miniature version of the old you! It's kinda cute!"_

_"You better watch it mister or I'll march right over there to give you a hiding!"_

_"Ooh is that a promise?" he smiled and winked suggestively, eliciting a grin from Luke. _

_But the grin quickly fell when they heard the unmistakable sound of his car starting in the garage. _

_"She wouldn't!" Luke exclaimed. _

_They heard the car back fast down the drive. _

_"Oh! I think she has!" _

_Noah shot up out the couch and followed Luke who was already on route through the door. _

_They ran outside just in time to see the car make it halfway down the road before it shot forwards and rammed right into a streetlamp, coming to an abrupt stop._


	62. Natalie 3

"_Natalie!" Luke screamed, running desperately towards the car. But they could already tell she wasn't hurt as she stumbled out of the driver's seat looking extremely horrified. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_"I'm sorry!" she cried. __She had a small bleeding cut below her hairline, but was otherwise just shocked. __"I'm so sorry, Luke! I was so mad! And I wanted to go out so badly!"_

_Luke grabbed her elbow roughly, "Are you out of your MIND! You could have killed yourself! Or even worse… somebody else!"_

_"Luke!" Noah put his hands on Luke's shoulders and pulled him back. "She's in shock. Calm down." __Luke's anger dissipated slightly and he pulled the sobbing Natalie into a relieved hug._

_"It doesn't look like anyone saw anything and there's just a slight dent on the bumper." Noah said, "I'll drive the car back into the garage and then we won't have any issues with her driving underage, Okay?" __Luke nodded and walked the sobbing child back to the house. __A few minutes Later Noah found them waiting in silence in the kitchen. It was obvious they'd had words. Luke was leaning up against the counter with his arms folded and Natalie sat slouched at the breakfast bar, sniffing back tiny weeps but looking just as defiant. __Noah silently indicated to Luke to stay where he was and held out his hand for Natalie. She looked up at him and eventually took it shakily, allowing Noah to lead her into the bathroom. Wordlessly he sat her on the toilet, grabbing cotton wool buds from the cupboard and gently lifting her chin, pushing her hair back so that he could set to work cleaning the cut on her head._

_"You're not mad at me?" Natalie asked finally._

_"I am angry Natalie. What you did was very dangerous."_

_"Then why don't you yell at me like Luke did?"_

_Noah dumped the dirty bud into the bin and grabbed another, dipping it in antiseptic before continuing his ministrations. __"Let's just say I've had some experience with overly impulsive Snyder's…" Noah smiled knowingly, releasing some of the tension, and Natalie laughed wetly._

"_If there's one thing I've learned from dealing with your brother, it's that yelling doesn't help! It just makes you Snyder's all the more determined!" __Noah applied a band-aide to her cut and then kissed her forehead._

_"There." He said. __"I'm sorry, Noah." she whispered, staring at her hands._

_"I'm just glad you're okay."_

_"Do you think Luke will forgive me?"_

_Noah Smiled, "Get out there and apologise for the damage you did to his car. That would be a good place to start."_ ...

Natalie was the victim of a hit and run.

Despite numerous police appeals for information and although a number of drivers reported seeing a car parked in the vicinity where she was found, it had rained torrentially that night and visibility had been next to nothing. Nobody was able to give a vivid enough description of the vehicle. Some drivers had seen a biker that night but nobody had seen Natalie go down. The police had nothing to go on.

Of course this sent Luke on one of his crusades. He was furious and spat about his dissatisfaction for the law that always seemed to give criminals the upper hand. In an attempt to placate him somewhat, Noah had spent hours with him combing the area of the incident in the hopes they'd find something the police might have missed. But the rain had washed away any evidence of tire tracks or skid marks. The case was getting colder with each passing day.

To say Noah was worried about Luke was an understatement. The man would one minute be in complete denial about the seriousness of the situation; like today when he'd insisted on attending the meeting at Grimaldi Shipping; and in another minute he'd be in pieces, clinging onto Noah and tearing himself up with the guilt he felt for not paying more attention the night Natalie had sipped out the house.

He seemed to be suffering from an acute kind of nausea and so he ate almost nothing; and what he did eat seldom stayed down. He grew paler and more listless with each passing day, showing little interest in anything. He slept very little too, afraid to dream.

Sometimes it felt like Luke wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. Pretend and go on with life as per normal. But that was impossible, Noah knew.

"Noah!" Ellie was obviously more than relieved to see him, "Thank god! I didn't know what to do!"

Luke was at his desk when Noah entered the office with Nicholas.

"Luke?" He called softly.

There was no response from him.

...

_Natalie didn't dare try to phone Josh. She knew he was grounded so the only why she was going to see him was by directly visiting his house, hoping she could sweet talk his mother into letting her in. _

_Her biggest problem was Luke! He was being so unfair! Treating her like some little kid! She couldn't believe it! Of course there was no way in hell she was going to tell Luke about Josh! How embarrassing would THAT be! And she just knew he's tease her for all eternity. _

_"Josh and Nat, sitting in a tree, blah!" _

_She'd thought about telling Noah but then changed her mind when she realised he'd just tell Luke. She knew they didn't keep secrets from each other. And besides, what if Josh rejected her? It would be the worst thing if Josh rejected her and they both got to know about it! _

_NO! She was keeping this to herself. Then when she and Josh were an official couple, she could announce the happy news and surprise everybody. And everybody would realise how grown up she was. _

_Just then Luke knocked on the door. _

_"Go away!" she yelled at him. _

_Jeez! Why did he have to pry so much into her life? Why couldn't they just LEAVE HER ALONE!_

_Then a thought came to her. Earlier that day she'd taken Nicholas for a ride on Luke's bike…_

_Luke's bike!_

...

Luke had drawn into himself, the skin tightening across his cheekbones. He was completely drained of colour. But this wasn't the first time Noah had found him this way. It was becoming more and more frequent. Noah's heart went cold. It was almost routine now.

A few days before, Noah had received a phone call from a security officer in the mall to say he'd found his number on an emergency card inside of Luke's wallet and could he come quickly.

Noah had arrived frantically to find Luke in a complete stupor, sitting on the side of an indoor fountain, Nicholas at his feet. A shop owner explained how he'd noticed Luke sitting there, unmoving, for more than half an hour and he'd eventually become concerned for the child. On approaching Luke he had received no reaction from him whatsoever. He'd questioned Nicholas, who of course was terrified, sitting on the floor clinging to Luke's leg. A few of the other shop owners and customer's tried to help, but Luke didn't budge. Thinking quickly the security guard had searched Luke's pockets, finding his wallet.

Bending down Noah had gripped Luke's shoulders, shaking him slightly, calling his name and eventually Luke had noticed him.

"Noah?" he'd said frowning, "What are you doing here?"

"Luke, baby…" Noah had replied holding back tears, "You've been sitting here for an hour."

Of course Luke had been horrified. "Oh my god! Nicholas! I'm so sorry!"

They had since sadly agreed that for the time being he would not be left alone with Nicholas.

Now Noah studied Luke carefully. He sat Nicholas in the visitor chair, grateful the child had sensed the need to remain silent and edged his way around the desk, dropping to one knee beside Luke and lifting his hand to pull Luke's face to look at him.

Luke stared straight through him for a moment and then blinked, once, twice, then rapidly, shaking off whatever feeling had gripped him in that trance. As though Noah's touch, his presence, was all he needed to wake.

"Hi." He said with a loving smile, like everything was normal and he hadn't just left the world for a while.

"Hey." replied Noah, trying to keep the concern from his voice. He swallowed hard and asked, "You ready to go home?"

Luke looked around the office looking lost but then he seemed to remember where he was and nodded, standing to follow Noah.

Noah lifted Nicholas in his arms and held Luke's hand as the three of them headed for the exit, thanking a concerned Ellie on the way.

...

_"Hello? Are you on the information desk? I'm trying to locate my sister? I believe she may have been run down tonight on a bicycle?" __His voice was cracking and Noah leaned over from the driver's side to squeeze his knee as he drove as fast as he could towards the East Los Angeles Doctor's Hospital. A place where they'd both been treated before. It was the closest and they felt sure the ambulance would head there first. He was grateful for the break in the rain. By the time they'd passed the accident spot most of the cleanup crew had left and those that remained had no information about the victim. Noah had left them his card so that the police working on the case could contact him. __"Hello? No! Please don't put me on hold!" Luke slammed his hand into the dash and Noah's eyes lifted to the rear-view mirror, where he saw Nicholas jump in his car seat in the back._

_"It's okay Nicky." He said. "Luke's just worried about Natalie, okay?" __Luke looked back and saw the fearful expression, "Sorry baby!" he said before turning back to Noah, "They sound really busy! What do we do?" he faced the road ahead, "What do we do?" and then "She's dead isn't she?" __Noah looked at him and decided to pull over for a moment._

_"What are you doing?" Luke yelled hysterical now, "Why are you stopping?"_

_Without speaking, Noah climbed out of the car and walked around to the passenger door, opening it, leaning over Luke to unclip his seatbelt, and pulling him up out the seat and into a standing hug. __Luke broke down instantly, "What do I tell Mom and Dad?" __His tears soaked through Noah's shirt as Noah kept an eye on Nicholas through the car window. The child was obviously confused, having been ripped out of bed in the middle of the night, but Noah thought he was handling things okay. He wished he could say the same for himself. He was holding on only because Luke needed him to. He was still recovering from the look on Luke's face when he'd revealed what he knew. __"God, Noah! What if she's…?" __"Luke, we don't know anything yet baby, okay? Let's not think the worst until we have more information."_

_The air smelled of the storm and cars rushed past them. __Luke pulled back, "But I can't GET any information!" he shook his head at Noah, "Shit! Shit! Why would she do this, hey? Dammit! Why would she sneak out like that?" __Noah held him again and they stood that way for a few minutes while he waited for Luke to calm down some. At least as much as he could under the circumstances. __"Come." Noah said, hand on his cheek "Let's get to the hospital. We'll have more luck there I'm sure! Maybe Nurse Maggie or June are on duty? They'll help!"__Luke nodded and Noah kissed his forehead before returning to the driver's seat and starting the car.__It started to rain again._...

The sound of something banging woke Noah from his sleep.

"Wow!" he exclaimed softly as he watched the rivers of water running down the glass of the window, as the rain pelted against it. He and Luke had covered the day shift and were exhausted by the time they'd turned in. It was an early night for them, around seven PM. Checking the clock now revealed it to be just after ten-thirty. He rolled over to cuddle Luke and then jerked fully awake when his arm landed on sheet instead of body. Luke was gone.

"Luke?" he called, in case he was in the bathroom.

It was then that he became aware of the banging that had originally woken him. He stood up and walked down the passage, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. All was dark and quiet, except…

The front door was wide open and flinging back and forth in the wind.

Noah's instincts immediately went on high alert.

"Luke!" he called out of the door and into the rainy night. It was really pouring outside. It was the same as THAT night. Noah felt that familiar stab of anguish in the pit of his stomach and had to shake it off to continue his search for Luke.

Luke's coat and shoes were still by the door and a second check on the bedroom convinced Noah that Luke hadn't changed his clothes.

Had he just walked out into the night?

Noah felt all the blood draining from his body and his muscles knot together.

How long ago was that?

Alarm bells were ringing loudly in his head, demanding urgent action and he lurched quickly into panic, his hands and stomach clenching as he fought to control rational thought. He needed the ability to think. He had to hold onto that at all costs.

Following instinct alone he rushed to pull on his jeans. He ran into Nicholas's room, and gently as possible lifted him up.

Nicholas let out a groan of complaint.

"I'm sorry baby. Shh. Shh."

He threw a raincoat over the child and ran through the rain to the garage, gently securing Nicholas in his car seat, where he promptly fell back to sleep.

As Noah reversed onto the road he paused before driving forward.

"Relax." He said to himself, "Clam down!"

He had Nicholas in the car. He couldn't afford to allow his worry over Luke cause him to drive like a maniac.

He had a feeling about where he would find Luke and sure enough as he drove up to the spot where Natalie had been run down, his lights illuminated the white of Luke's sleep shirt and shorts.

Noah left on the headlights before quickly reaching Luke's side.

"Oh my god! Luke?"

No response.

Luke stood rigid in one spot, drenched by the rain, shivering. His feet were bleeding from the long shoeless walk. His eyes held a look of abject horror, wide and unseeing. His cracked lips were muttering something over and over. It was clear he was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness.

Very slowly, very gently, Noah placed a hand on his shoulder, "Baby?"

Suddenly and unexpectedly Luke sank his head in his hands, fingers digging hard into his temples and he let out a wail of pain so loud that it pierced the night just as it pierced Noah's heart. His strength seemed to wane and Noah caught him so that they both fell to their knees on the sodden grass.

Luke cried, he sobbed as Noah held him on the side of the road, crying harder than Noah had even known him too. Noah cried along with him until eventually Luke gripped his arms and pushed him back. Now wide awake and eyes as clear as glass, he breathed in short, sharp gasps. He said something but no sound came out.

"What baby?" Noah asked, "What is it?"

The next words Luke spoke came out in a strangled whisper.

"It was me… Noah! It was me…"

...

**Please let me know what you think! I love all comments! :-)**


	63. Natalie 4

Noah drove his family home, his heart in his throat. After those words left his lips Noah didn't encourage Luke to continue and Luke didn't offer any more information. Even under these conditions they both knew Nicholas had to come first.

Back in the house, Noah left Luke sitting on the bed like a zombie while he attended to Nicholas as quickly as he could. Somehow the child had slept through the whole event and it didn't take more than five minutes to tuck him in.

He stood staring at a devastated Luke from the doorway for a while, tying to work out what to do. His attention fell once again to Luke's feet and so he crossed the room to the en-suite and ran the bath water. While it filled he gently led the man he loved into the bathroom. He took his own wet clothes off first and then helped Luke with his and held his hand as he stepped into the bath. Luke, although not mentally present, seemed to know what was expected of him, without Noah having to instruct him.

The water steamed as Noah slipped in behind Luke and Luke automatically lay back against him. Noah gripped him tight. Luke was still shivering despite being substantially warmed up, but Noah knew the shakes weren't from being cold.

He leaned forward and pulled Luke's leg up so that it rested against that of his other thigh and then spent time paying special attention to the ball of his foot, applying pressure and soaping it up to clean out the cuts Luke had received during his walk. Then he swapped the legs to repeat the process on the other foot.

All Noah could think to do in that moment was to be there for him. It was the least he could do for the man he loved. Occasionally, as he worked, he would place soft kisses on Luke's shoulder blade, until once finished they simply lay there for a while.

Repetitively Noah would cup some water in his hand and pour it soothingly over the parts of Luke's chest and upper arms exposed to the air. After each distribution he'd run his hand down the side of Luke's face. Luke lay, cheek to chest, with his eyes closed, still breathing quite heavily in and out, but Noah could feel his heart rate decreasing.

"Noah…" he began again once calmer.

"Shh. Just lie here for a while longer." Noah said it because he thought it was what Luke needed, but also because he dreaded what Luke had to say.

So it wasn't until later when, dried, dressed, and back in bed, Luke painfully, difficultly, tearfully, spun out the series of events as he had come to remember them…

...

_An angry crack of thunder and lightening woke Luke. He quickly realised he'd drifted off and, sure enough, when he checked the clock, the display read 18:30. His hair was still slightly damp from his shower and he yawned as he sat with his feet over the side of the bed, pushing the unruly strands off his face. _

_Walking down the passage he noticed that Natalie's door was still closed, so before attempting to tackle the teenage wrath once more, he quickly checked in on Nicholas. He thought it was a good thing the child had eaten early that night. Natalie had kept him busy all day and he grew hungry quickly, so Luke had relented and fed him his dinner. Of course afterwards his little body automatically decided it was bedtime and now he slept soundly. Luke was grateful. He was shattered. _

_He contemplated cooking dinner, but he knew Noah wouldn't be back until late and he'd just be using it as a way to prolong the inevitable. He spent a moment psyching himself up for Natalie's onslaught and then knocked at the door. _

_This time she would talk to him whether she wanted to or not. _

_He waited but nothing happened. _

_"Natalie?" he called._

_The silent treatment, hey? Typical teenaged response!_

_"Nat!" he said again, with a little more gusto, "I'd like you to come out and talk to me about this please!"_

_Still no response. _

_"Nat, I mean it!"_

_Nothing._

_"Okay, I'm coming in!" _

_He pushed the door with authority. He needed Natalie to understand that he might be her brother, but he was still the one in charge. His determination was quickly deflated however, when he found the room empty._

_He knew instantly that she had defied his wishes and left the house regardless._

_"FUCK!" he screamed with frustration, and then remembered Nicholas and silently chastised himself. He listened for the child's voice but the house remained silent. _

_He shouldn't have fallen asleep! He should have given her time to calm down first! Now she'd seized the opportunity to slip away and he had no idea where she'd go!_

_"Calm down!" he told himself, "Think rationally! You were only asleep for half an hour and she's on foot, which means she can't be that far ahead."_

_He grabbed his car keys, slipped on his shoes and headed for the door, not bothering to change from his sleepwear. He didn't have time to waste. He considered leaving Nicholas, figuring she couldn't have walked more than a ten minute drive away and that if it took any longer he could come back for him. But something wouldn't let him. What if the boy woke up and found the house empty. He'd be afraid. So instead Luke wrapped the child in a sheet and left the house. _

_It was only when he saw the empty spot on the garage wall that he even considered the bicycle. Of course! Isn't that what he'd have done at that age! He felt like kicking himself! She was so like him! He should have been able to anticipate her!_

_Nicholas woke up just as Luke was securing him in the car and then complained groggily of being thirsty. The typical bad timing of a young child. Luke ran back into the house to collect a juice box for him, piercing the tiny foil dot with a straw on his way back to the car, before handing it to him._

_"Thank you." Nicholas said politely, Noah's knack at teaching him manners seemingly paying off. _

_It was as he pulled out of their road that the heaven's opened with a thick sheet of heavy rain that pounded on the roof of the car. He turned on his headlights and wind-wipers, but they were almost useless against the onslaught of water; greatly reducing his visibility of the road ahead. Large puddles and flows were quickly turning the roads into rivers and he had to slow down considerably. _

_"Damn!" he thought to himself as he imagined his sister soaked through. "Stupid child!"_

_The road suddenly seemed to empty of cars. He assumed because most people had pulled over to wait it out. He on the other hand was driving with a purpose and needed to find Natalie as soon as possible. _

_"Oh nooooo!" he heard Nicholas exclaim from the back of the car._

_He checked the mirror instantly, instinctively, to see what had happened. _

_"My juice!" He said sadly, stretching his fingers towards the floor of the car as if he thought he could reach it if he struggled hard enough. _

_It was only a fleeting moment that Luke took to look up at that mirror… just a second… but when his eyes returned to the road he was momentarily blinded by the dazzling lights of a large HGV delivery truck. The monster vehicle was so wide it spilled over into the oncoming lane. The lane Luke was in. The truck let out a loud and long hoot of protest making him jump._

_"Shit!" Luke exclaimed, quickly veering the car left just in time to avoid it. Still blinded, he felt the car shake as half its tires hit the gravel on the roadside, and it was as he turned back onto the road that he heard the distinctive thud, like the sound a large stone makes when it flips up and hits the hubcap of one wheel. In fact that was what any other person would have taken it for, but this was Luke and this wasn't the first time Luke had hit a person. He'd run his cousin Jade down once. So he knew. He knew that sound. You never forgot it. _

_And not only that… He had briefly seen an indefinable object flash before his eyes and heard as it hit the roof of the car._

_He slammed on the breaks and they squeaked in protest before the car jerked to a holt._

_No! No! No! Please no! Please tell me I didn't just hit someone! Please! Please! Please!_

_He sat staring wide eyed at the road ahead gripping the steering wheel and it was Nicholas who brought him round. _

_"Luke? I drop-ted my juice!" _

_Trying to steady his breathing Luke unclipped his seatbelt and stretched behind the passenger seat to grab the box and give it back to him._

_"Thank you." Nicholas said again before innocently resuming his sipping, his eyes drooping as he slowly began to fall back to sleep. _

_"Snap out of it Snyder!" he thought, "it was an accident and the person might need help!"_

_Quickly he flew open the car door and ran behind the vehicle, searching through the rain and darkness for the person he felt certain he'd hit. _

_"Hello!" he yelled. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Hello! Anybody here?"_

_He stood beside a slight depression on the side of the road. It was pitch black, he was soaked through, and he couldn't make out a thing._

_"Hello?" he called again. _

_But it was the sky and not a person that answered him in a deep and rumbling growl. A bright flash of lightening lit the space before him, illuminating clearly the outline of trees and bushes, a fence, and a crumpled bicycle with ribbons tied to the handlebars. His bicycle! _

_Things went black again and that was when his brain stopped working. He couldn't deal with this! There was no way! There was absolutely no way this was true! There was no way this was real. It was a dream! He had fallen asleep at six and this was a really, really bad nightmare, and when he woke up everything would be okay. He just needed to retrace his steps. He just needed to rewind the series of events and then, then they wouldn't have happened, right? _

_So Luke drove back home. He parked the car, hung the car key on the hook, put Nicholas to bed, threw away the juice box, removed his shoes, and went back to sleep. Like a robot, inhumane and therefore unable to feel anything and most of all with the ability to delete its memory bank. _

...

One of the effects of a disturbed sleep pattern is that the person stops dreaming coherently. Any dreams that occur are merely fragments and flashes, restless flickers in the dark, a protection… a protection from the truth. But after three weeks without sleep, Luke's troubled mind finally forced him to replay the full story of that night. His mind would no longer allow him to pause at six o'clock. And that's what he had been doing Noah now realised. All this time since the accident… freezing at six o'clock…

...

_Noah bent over and Eskimo kissed him, "You're already asleep?"_

_"What?" Finally Luke opened his eyes and seeing Noah turned to look at the clock by the bed. "Oh my god! I only meant to rest my head at six! I can't believe I fell asleep!"_

...

Ever since that night Luke's mind had been relentlessly attacking him, fighting his urgent desire to stay ignorant… Because to remember meant realising he'd left his sister on the side of road. He hadn't even waited around to find her. He saw the bicycle and that was all he could deal with.

Noah stood outside the closed garage door. He'd left Luke, finally released from the repetitive torture on his brain, sleeping fretfully inside the house.

Noah placed a hand on his own chest and felt as his heartbeat stuttered and the muscles in his throat moved in a convulsive swallow as he pressed the remote button in his hand.

He waited shakily for the garage door to open. The rain had stopped and large droplets fell from the door as it rose. He turned on the light and stood looking at the car. Afraid to move forward. Part of him still held onto the hope that Luke had dreamt it. That he was so cut up over Natalie he'd made this crazy story up in his head.

For three whole weeks Luke and he had driven this car around, back and forth, back and forth, and never once did they notice! Why would they? Why under these circumstances of anguish and pain, pressure, tension, uncertainty, would either of them have noticed?

But it could no longer be denied, especially as Noah squatted before the front of the car and distinctly made out the extra dents above those caused by Natalie herself from driving Luke's car into a streetlamp. His hands traced the marks and then came up to cup his face. Tears fell. He released a long breath, his heartache for Luke drowning him.

He stood and ran his hand over the door frame, lifting up slightly on his toes so that he could examine the roof of the car. Sure enough, there in the very centre, was a small dent and a scrape, where the bike had hit.

What now? What would happen now?

...

When his father returned from telling his mother, Luke broke the silence and asked, "Dad?"

His voice was chocked with the need for acceptance and understanding from his father.

"Your mother wants to see you…" his tone was flat.

Eyeing Holden, Noah asked Luke, "Do you need me to come with you?"

Luke shook his head sadly and Noah kissed his cheek, stepping out the door to watch him walk down the long corridor.

When he returned to the room Holden was staring out the window with his back to Noah.

"Holden…" he said, feeling almost angry and definitely disappointed by Holden's behaviour towards Luke, "It's BECAUSE he loves her so much that he did it…"

Holden faced him then, his eyes were just short of spilling the tears, "I know son." He stepped forward and gently cupped Noah's head, "I know." He pulled Noah against his shoulder, "Come here, it's all going to be okay…"

...

Lilly stood as Luke opened the door and the look on her face made him want to run.

"Oh my god, Luke?" she asked, "What have you done?"

...

**Please comment! :-) **


	64. Natalie 5

He spotted them as they drove up, right where her brother said they would be. It was a lovely day for it, not too hot and not too cold.

"There they are." He pointed, as his mother parked the car.

They walked down the grass hill towards the family gathered near the bottom and he knew her brother instantly. It wasn't that they looked the same; rather that they both had that smile that spread from ear to ear.

"You must be Josh?" Luke said, shaking his hand.

"Yeah! Thanks for springing me for the day." Josh joked, "This is my jailer, Marion."

His mother laughed and jolted him slightly, "You!" then she reached out to shake Luke's hand, "Pleased to meet you Mr Snyder, Marion Carmody, but please, call me Marion."

"It's Luke, pleased to meet you. Thanks for making an acceptation for Josh. It mean's a lot."

"Not at all." She said, suddenly more sullen, "It's a terrible thing that happened to your sister. Just terrible..."

Josh saw then the pain in his face.

"Yes." He agreed, "But we move on from it, slowly we move on…"

...

_Luke, standing at the sink, let out a slight and breathy sound of pain through this teeth, just as Noah was stepping out of the shower. _

_He wrapped a towel around his waist, tucking it over a few times to keep it from falling down, and then drew Luke's face towards him, lifting it up slightly by this chin. It was just a small nick but still, a tiny bead of blood mingled with the white of the shaving foam, turning it pink in colour. _

_"Here," Noah said, taking the razor from his hand. "Let me do it." And he manoeuvred Luke so that he was seated on the edge of the bath, before shaking the razor in the sink of water, holding Luke behind his head with one hand and carefully shaving a path upwards, from under Luke's chin to where his bottom lip began. _

_He'd never shaved another person before, but he figured it couldn't be that different from shaving himself and, in fact, as he continued he realised that, if anything, it was easier. _

_They remained in silence as Noah worked. Occasionally Luke's sad brown eyes would meet his and Noah could see the fear and trepidation there. In just a few hours Luke would have to explain everything to his parents. He'd have to tell them how he'd run their daughter off the road and then abandoned her there. _

_Not that that was how Noah saw things. He knew Luke had suffered a mental breakdown that night. It was obvious. But it was how Luke felt and those feelings were making his hands too shaky to shave himself. _

_"There." Said Noah, trying to sound light hearted as he cleaned off the end of the razor in the sink for the last time, "Not too bad if I'm allowed to say so myself!" _

_Luke felt his face and smiled, "It's great, thanks." _

_"That's what fiancés are for…" _

_Noah pulled Luke's towel from the rack and used it to gently clean the remaining foam from his face, before neatly re-hanging it. _

_"They're never going to forgive me for this, are they?" he asked dejected. "God! I can't even forgive myself!" _

_Noah hugged Luke's head to his stomach, "Of course they will! Don't beat yourself up over this, okay? It was an accident." _

_He felt him nod and then Luke said softly, "You're handling this really well." _

_"To be honest with you I'm relieved!" _

_Luke frowned at him. _

_"I've been going crazy with worry these past weeks. Not knowing what was happening to you… Now that we know, we can try to sort it, right?" _

_"I'm not sure we can sort this, Noah." _

_"One step at a time, hey? First… time to shower…" Noah instructed, "Need help?" _

_"No. I can handle it." Luke replied standing. _

_"Okay, I'll get dressed in the meantime." _

_Noah kissed Luke long and deep on the mouth. It was a kiss of reassurance that no matter what happened with his parents, he wasn't going anywhere. _

_"I love you." He said before he left the room._

...

It had taken quite a bit of persuading to get Nicholas to stay seated in the swing. The child didn't understand it and was nervous to be left hanging there. But eventually, starting slowly, Noah pushed him softly back and forth, and as he felt the wind in his face he smiled. After a few more pushes Noah asked him whether he wanted to try going higher and soon the child was encouraging this himself.

"Higher Noah! Higher!" he yelled through his giggles. "Look-it Grandma! Look!"

"I see baby! Wow!" Lilly replied as she lounged back on the picnic blanket Holden had laid down for her.

As he continued to push Nicholas, Noah noticed Luke looking up the hill and, following his gaze, saw the boy and his mother walking down towards them. He smiled to himself. Luke was hoping all morning that they would come.

_..._

_Luke's relationship with Natalie had always been a special one. Of course he loved Faith and Ethan like crazy and shared a special and unique connection with both of them; but with Natalie the understanding ran deeper. They shared the same spirit and energy and sensed this of each other. So Luke was Natalie's back up. Whenever she wanted something from her parents she'd always recruit Luke to her side, knowing that he had a stronger knack for persuasion than she. And Luke always understood her. He knew what her internal motives were. Those thoughts and feelings the other family members couldn't comprehend. Because Luke thought like her… _

_So it had hit Luke. It had hit Luke hard to discover that, as he'd matured, he'd also lost this ability. He couldn't understand or anticipate the teenaged Natalie as he had the child. And perhaps this was why the accident happened. _

_This, as well as other things went through his mind as his mother walked towards him. He took a step back in fear of her retaliation and anger. He'd been unable to tell her. Noah had stayed with him as he spoke to Holden. That had been hard enough! But he simply couldn't stand to see the look on his mother's face and so he'd begged his shaken father to speak to Lilly. They had waited for him to tell Lilly in private. _

_He expected her to hit him. He almost wanted it. Although he knew the pain of a slap would be nothing compared to the pain he felt for his actions. He deserved whatever came his way. _

_But it didn't come, instead Lilly threw her arms around him, "You repressed all this? This is why you've been so lost? Oh my god! My poor baby! This is why? This is why you've been so sick these past days?"_

_"I'm… I'm… so… sorry Mom." He struggled to say, "I just… I just…" _

_As he tried to get the words out his tearful eyes fell over Lilly's shoulder and onto the tiny body in the bed. He could barely see Natalie for all the machinery they had her wired up to. Instead of finishing the sentence to his mother, he moved away from her to Natalie's bedside and took his sister's small hand in his. _

_For three weeks they had been sharing visitor shifts with Lilly and Holden and already he'd spent hours in the room with her, holding her hand, talking to her, reading to her, worrying. And in all those hours he never once would have imagined or believed that he was the one responsible. _

_"It just couldn't be me, you know Nat?" With one finger he pushed her fringe back, "I couldn't be the one that… that hurt you… I couldn't accept that! I can't explain what happened… it… it was like I wanted to change it somehow! I couldn't let it be true!"_

_He felt Lilly's hands on his shoulders and his forehead collapsed into the sheets by Natalie's arm as he sobbed, "Oh my god! What have I done?"_

"_Sweetheart…" Lilly said softly, "It's not your fault. It was a terrible accident! A terrible twist of fate..."_

_"But I LEFT her there Mom! What kind of person am I? How could I just leave her there? What if my leaving her meant she lost those precious minutes that will help her live? Precious minutes that will help her wake up. Oh please! Please wake up Nat!"_

_"Luke. You were in shock. Anybody would have been. You blacked it out and it's not your fault, okay? It's just how your mind chose to deal with it."_

_"How can you not hate me?"_

_"Luke. You are my son and I love you! I've known you your whole life, remember? And I know that under normal circumstances you would never to anything to deliberately hurt her! I know how much you love your sister, baby! I know, okay?" _

_Luke nodded tearfully. _

_"Anyway…" and a soft smile played on her lips, "We had some good news this morning… just before you and Noah showed up."_

_Luke looked up at her. God but she looked tired. The underside of her eyes were black from sleepless nights of worry. _

_"The doctor's think she's waking up and she's not showing any signs of brain damage so far."_

_"She's waking up?" His heart lifted slightly, soaking in the hope. _

_"Yes, baby, she is. They're taking her off the machines in an hour."_

_He leapt back up and hugged her so hard she had to push him back to breathe. She held his head in her hands and said, "She's going to be fine baby. Everything's going to be okay."_

...

"It's because I'm ugly isn't it?" she said dejectedly, scratching at the cast on her left arm.

Josh's first thought at seeing her was that she looked good, all things considered. If it wasn't for the scratches on her face and the cast on her arm, nobody would have known she'd lain unconscious for three weeks.

She'd been so happy to see him too! He could tell. Her faced had simply beamed in joy at the surprise her brother had arranged for her.

"Oh Luke! Thank you!"

"It's the least I could do Nat!" Then drawing her to one side but still speaking loud enough for Josh to catch it he said, "Just fill me in next time, okay?"

"O-kay…" she'd drawn out in agreement. And Josh saw the love her brother held for her as he kissed the top of her head.

Now he felt terrible as he sat and listened to the effort Natalie had made just to see him again. Because she wanted to date him? He wasn't sure how to handle the situation.

"Josh?" she asked interrupting his thoughts and bringing him back to her question, "I'm ugly, right?"

"No!" he replied to her, "That's definitely not it! Do you know how many of my friends at camp thought you were cute?"

"Oh yeah?" she asked sceptically, "Then why didn't any of them ever ask me to be their girlfriend?"

Josh sighed as he realised what he'd put his friend through, "I guess because they thought I was interested in you…"

"But you're not…" she looked as though she'd burst into tears.

"Um, damn… How do I…? Um Natalie… I really like you! SO much! And I didn't want to lose your friendship so… It's not you it's me…"

"Oh my god!" Natalie almost yelled indignantly, "That is so LAME! At least tell the truth and say I'm ugly and you'd never date me!"

"Nat… I guess I should have told you sooner but… the thing is… I'm not sure what you'll think… how you'll react… I didn't want to lose you as a friend…

...

_He was the new guy at camp. He was older at seventeen and this was his first camp. There was something about the guy. He had this aura around him, he shone almost. Josh felt confused. He couldn't stop staring at him and as a result he caught the boy's eyes a few times. The boy knew he was looking._

_Then one day Josh was jostled in the food line and he came face to face with him. He was the same height, gentle blond hair, liquid blue eyes. (What?) He had asked Josh something but Josh was dumbstruck._

_"Huh?" _

_"Do you want to go for a walk?"_

_If this guy had asked Josh to jump from a cliff he would have done it, he was lead by something deep inside of him he didn't quite understand. _

_As they left the camp for the camouflage of the woods, the boy took and squeezed Josh's hand. He kept thinking he should be shocked! He should pull away! But he couldn't! He liked the feeling. He felt wanted… It was almost like electricity… It was instant and he glowed red as he felt himself growing hard within his corduroys. (What the hell?)_

_The other boy looked around, but most of the kids were at lunch and they were alone. He turned to face Josh and Josh became suddenly aware of a tree trunk against his back. The boy was looking at him with such intensity like he wanted to… (What did he want?) _

_Josh fought at first as the stronger boy embraced him, trapping him up against the tree, but then he relented when the guy pulled back and looked at him, thumbing his cheek gently and then leaning forwards to kiss him. Josh struggled to get into the kiss at first. His breath shuddered with feeling from the moment the older boy's lips met his. This wasn't his first kiss. He'd had plenty of kisses with girls. _

_But… but this was…! _

_The boy's wonderful tongue went down Josh's throat and his hand reached down to the bulge in Josh's corduroys and around to his buttocks. _

_He could feel the bark of the tree against his back. It burned slightly but just added to the wonderful feelings he was experiencing. This felt so right! This felt like the thing he'd been looking for. _

_Without further resistance Josh's hands found the muscles in the other boy's back. _

...

She snorted like a piglet when she giggled. It was adorable and infectious and under usual circumstances it never failed to set him off too, but at that moment her hilarity was aimed directly at him. It was hard. She was the first person he'd ever told and it was hard to tell her this thing about himself! And here she was laughing at him like he was some huge joke!

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She kept saying between snorts as she tried to compose herself into something more serious and understanding. The tears rolled down her cheeks from the laughter. "So let me get this straight!" and that just set her off again.

To be honest Josh was starting to get angry at her. He couldn't believe that she'd do this to him.

"You thought… you thought…" She giggled some more, "You thought I wouldn't understand?" And there was a huge emphasis on the 'I'.

"Okay now look!" he said annoyed. "I get that it's a HUGE joke for some people, but this is my LIFE we're talking about! I thought I might lose your friendship, but really Natalie, you're being so UNCOOL!"

"Okay… okay…" she said calming down a little. She waited a few more minutes, took a deep breath and said, "Josh?"

"WHAT!"

"How long have we been sitting here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how long have we been sitting here watching my family enjoying a picnic in the park?"

"I don't know! What kind of question is that?"

"Try taking a closer look dummy!"

He had no idea what she was on about but he scanned the park. Her parents were playing ball with two younger children, laughing and clapping whenever one of them caught it.

"Cute kids." He said.

"My brother and my nephew." She replied.

"Luke has a son?"

"Well, yes… I guess… it's complicated. Keep looking…"

He saw her sister Faith who he remembered from camp. She was reading under the shade of a large tree, one leg tucked on top of the other swinging up and down. He thought it was amazing how much older she looked since the last time he'd seen her. She'd stopped attending camp at least two years before.

Then he started! His eyes widened as they fell on Luke with some other, taller man locked in a tender hug, smiling at each other, staring deeply, lovingly, into each other's eyes and occasionally leaning in for a kiss.

"Oh." Was the only thing he could think of to say.

"Oh's right!" snorted Natalie once more.

And then, seeing the joke, realising how much time he had wasted trying to hide his true self from a girl who's own brother was gay, Josh burst into fits of laughter and the two of them rolled around together on the grass.

...

_"So all of this was over a boy?" Luke asked as he sat at her bedside._

_"Yeah. He likes me! I know he does! He just doesn't know it yet! But he's special, you know? He's not just any boy…"_

_"No obviously not."_

_"I should have told you before… I know that now." Then when she saw Luke's face turn sad she took his hand, "It's okay Luke. I don't blame you! I was stupid to leave like that! I should never have done it!"_

_"I'm so sorry Nattie!"_

_"I'm sorry too… but, hey, look!" she held her arms out to her sides, cast and all, "I'm just fabulous!" _

_Luke laughed lightly, "Yes you are! You're the best!" _

...

Luke found Noah sitting with his back up against the trunk of a tree. Noah patted the space next him in invitation and Luke smiled. As he sat, he slipped his arm around Noah's waist. It had been ten whole minutes since their last kiss and he longed for more.

Noah's eyes were locked with his, reading his desire, and he raised Luke's hand to his lips and kissed the inside of his wrist. Luke watched mesmerised. Bit by bit he made his way up the bare flesh of Luke's arm, his kisses light as a feather. Eventually Noah's mouth reached his neck, his breath warm; his chin resting on Luke's shoulder. Luke's hand, now perfectly positioned, cupped Noah's ear as Noah's kisses reached his jaw, his cheek and finally his mouth. A soft and gentle kiss.

Noah pulled back, smiled and then kissed Luke again, this time a little harder, until they broke off and enfolded their arms around each other. Noah stroked his hair tenderly and it felt amazing. Then, still holding Luke close, Noah kissed his ear, whispering, "You okay?"

Luke smiled, "More than okay…" and he rubbed his cheek against Noah's.

Another kiss began then another and another, harder and more urgent, more insistent until the touch of lips turned to the touch of tongues and desire began to peek for both of them.

When they pulled apart Luke laughed, "Something tells me I might get lucky tonight!"

"Could be." Noah's face was dappled with sparkling sunlight as he looked up at the canopy of leaves above them. His white shirt was a stark contrast to the almost neon green of the park grass. He opened a soda he had next to him and drank, offering it to Luke and watched as Luke doused his thirst as well. When the bottle left his lips Noah stretched over to wipe away a droplet on the side of his lips. They could have talked, but instead they gazed unblinking into each other's eyes until Luke couldn't resist leaning in for another kiss.

There were many moments he'd known with Noah that he'd wished he could parcel in a box and keep for life, opening it up to look at them whenever he wanted. This was one of them. Moments like these when they felt so perfectly aligned.

"Noah?"

"Hmm"

"I'm really glad we're getting married."

"Me too."

"Do you want to know what I think after all of this?"

"What's that?"

"I think it's time for us to get off our lazy butts and start planning a wedding!"

"Oh, same here! Definitely, same here!"

...

**Let me know how you liked Natalie! **


	65. Another Step 1

_It was like one of those strange dreams a person has sometimes. When your mom's your dad or your sister deliverers one hundred baked buns on your doorstep. Just muddled and completely out of context… wrong… __But this wasn't a dream. Here he was, Noah's best man! Noah's wedding! To a girl! All completely wrong! _

_It wasn't fair! He and Noah were just starting to get to know one another as a real couple, without the added stress of Noah's dad or his paralysis or having to hide their true selves. For a while it had seemed like they had the whole world ahead of them, waiting to be explored… _

_And now this? _

_Sure it was a sham marriage… Everyone there knew it, except the minister of course, but somehow his heart wasn't getting the message. It burned in his chest, his stomach in knots so tight he struggled to breathe. He couldn't kick the feeling that somehow, by doing this, he and Noah were on a slippery slope to potential relationship failure. This feeling just magnified as the ceremony officially started and Ameera appeared, looking every bit the bride she was pretending to be. _

_"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today with these witnesses to join Ameera Ali Aziz and Noah Mayer in matrimony…"_

_God! This was happening! This whole crazy thing was really happening! _

_"…not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly…"_

_Yeah! Right! He wondered how Noah was feeling. Terrified most likely. _

_"And to this holy estate, these two persons present, now come to be joined and if any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." _

_'Forever' sounded so loud to Luke! It stood out of the sentence, screaming its presence. And Luke wanted to object! He wanted to express the millions of reasons why Noah and Ameera should not get married, but he was bound… bound by fate to carry on in silence. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them only as the minister continued. _

_"Who supports this couple in their marriage?"_

_"We do." He spoke automatically along with this family. Following the pre-agreed script, the group lie they would all tell and play a part in. _

_"I understand that Noah has prepared a special reading?" The minister asked. _

_Luke watched as Noah removed the sheet of paper from his pocket. The paper Luke had given him._

_"Love is a gift that lacks meaning until it is shared. I see in you the love that I am truly blessed to know, the life that I'm sure…" Noah seemed unable to stop himself and he looked back at Luke, "we'll be blest to have together."_

_Luke felt his heart clench at the look on Noah's face. It was a look of regret. A look of defeat… _

_Those were his words! Noah's words to him! Stolen, however unintentionally, by this young woman at his side. A young, scared girl who needed their help to live. Who needed them to make this sacrifice so that her life could be saved…_

_"Noah Mayer, do you take Ameera Ali Aziz to be your wedded wife? Will you love her, comfort, honour her and respect her? Will you share all life has to offer, your hopes and dreams, your achievements and disappointments with her, from this day forward? If so, please say I will._

_"I will."_

_The small words were like two bullets through his skull. _

_"Ameera Ali Aziz, do you take Noah Mayer to be your wedded husband? Will you love him, comfort, honour him and respect him? Will you share all life has to offer, your hopes and dreams, your achievements and disappointments with him, from this day forward? If so, please say I will."_

_"I will."_

_Luke wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. He didn't even think she truly understood how painful this whole event was for them. How could she, when she could barely understand their relationship at all? And how could he hate her, when her very survival depended on this marriage. _

_"What token of your love do you offer?"_

_Their eyes locked as their fingers touched over the rings. He had known for some time that he held extraordinarily strong feelings for this guy, but he was only now truly coming to understand how strong right in that moment. So much was said in that look. Noah's eyes pleaded for forgiveness and for understanding, and at the same time were sorrowful. Hurting Luke was the last thing Noah wanted to do; Luke knew from just that look and drew strength from it. He felt a little better. _

_The minister droned on, the entire event feeling agonisingly slow, "As we are gathered here today in celebration of the marriage of Noah Mayer and Ameera Ali Aziz, we ask that these rings and their marriage be blessed with peace, love and prosperity in all things. Noah, take this ring and place it on Ameera's finger and repeat after me. With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."_

_Every time Noah spoke, his voice would reach deep down into Luke's soul. "With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."_

_"Ameera, take this ring and place it on Noah's finger and repeat after me." The minister instructed, "With his ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."_

_"With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."_

_"Noah Mayer and Ameera Ali Aziz have made a commitment to each other in marriage. An invaluable part of their new life together will be the love, support and encouragement of the family and friends in attendance here today. And now, under the authority vested in me by the state of Illinois, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." _

_Kiss? Hell no! But to his relief Noah leaned forward and placed a gentle and unassuming peck on Ameera's cheek. _

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, Mr and Mrs Noah Mayer."_

...

"Noah?"

The bulk, totally covered by comforter and pillows stirred slightly.

Luke, sitting up against the head of the bed leaned over to shake him, "Noah, can you wake up for a second?"

"What?" came a confused voice from somewhere within. Finally his dark and scruffy head emerged from the folds of material and he looked about, disoriented. Then, noticing the clock he said, "Luke? It's just after three-thirty! What are you doing up?"

"Sorry bubby… I just need to ask you something, okay?"

Noah yawned broadly but nodded, "Make it quick!"

"How badly, no scratch that, how important is it to you that we hold the wedding on the farm?"

"You woke me up at this time to ask me that? Couldn't it wait until morning?" It was at that moment that Noah noticed the notebook Luke had rested up against his raised knees and the pen in his hand. "Please tell me you're not planning the wedding in the middle of the night?"

Luke looked sheepishly down as the pages before him, "I couldn't sleep so I thought I might as well make use of the time."

Noah sighed and pulled himself up so that he was seated beside Luke, before placing his arm around him. "What is it Luke? Are you worried about Gareth's visit tomorrow?"

"Yeah, a little."

"It will be okay. Gareth's a good lawyer. He'll get you the best deal. You know that."

"Oh Noah! I'm not concerned so much about that. Whatever the state decides should be my punishment I deserve it! It's just, if I have to serve a sentence…"

"Luke! That's not going to happen! Any judge will be able to comprehend that you weren't yourself that night! It was your sister for god's sake! That's hard for anybody! Even the court Psychiatrist said it was an understanable reaction."

"But Noah, it's a possibility... and if that's the case, if I have to go to prison, then I'll do it. I'll take whatever comes my way, but it's just, I'll really miss you and Nicholas, you know?"

"I know." They rested their heads together, "Same here."

"And I want to be able to set a date for this wedding! And we can't do that until we know my fate so… in the meantime… I'm going to make sure that all the planning and preparation is ready to go as soon as we can get a date in the diary. I don't want to wait anymore!"

"Me neither." Noah stroked his hair with one hand, up the back of his head and then reached with his fingers to let them glide down, entwining his locks and then tracing his shoulder. His blue eyes gazed at him, not breaking the look, and then, very deliberately, he leaned forward to kiss him. Soft lips pressed firm against his mouth inducing another flood of memory...

...

_The door was locked. Sealing them in. Alone… free… at last!_

_And it was Noah that pulled him in. It was Noah initiating things. Noah's face that was lit with a fiery seduction Luke had never seen before. And Noah's hand was at the back of his head while they kissed. _

_"Do I seem scared to you now?" Noah asked as they pulled apart._

_"No." Luke felt himself smile, "No… not really…" _

_And his shirt was gone, before he'd even noticed Noah's hands grabbing at the hem of it. Both their eyes were soaking up everything, chests heaving and Noah's face awash with burning desire. _

_Luke allowed himself to be led..._

_Pretty soon they were a mass of arms and legs and flesh on the double bed. Luke felt Noah's hands like a heat all over his back, his chest, curling up around his neck, and from nowhere, suddenly shirtless himself. Luke stopped kissing him and lifted his head back to gaze at the wonder that lay beneath him. Noah's skin was smooth and perfectly contoured, his jeans open at the fly, revealing a tantalising hint of underwear. _

_Luke looked. He devoured every inch of Noah with his eyes. He was so beautiful that Luke, feeling suddenly chocked with want, could barely swallow. And then suddenly, Noah, his love, his sweet, was rolling him over and tugging at his belt and removing his jeans while his eyes roamed over his chest. _

_And soon Luke found himself naked. _

_They kissed again; Noah's mouth was hungry against his. It was a frenzied, delirious passion; a wild and reckless abandon. After such a long wait, they were desperate for each other. There was a breathless pause as Noah looked Luke in the eye and then moved downwards, his gentle touch the most exquisite sensation of Luke's life, happening… happening right in this moment. _

_"Stop!" Luke begged, his fingers finding Noah's head. He was on the brink already and tried to hold back by steadying his breathing. _

_Noah stood then. By the side of the bed. And right there, before Luke's eyes, removed the last shred of his clothing, standing there all naked like some Egyptian king, before climbing back on top of him and pressing the tightness of their stomachs together. _

_It was the first time Luke had ever really touched, kneaded, clasped the skin of him and he marvelled at its softness, it's rich scent of animal lust. Stoking Noah's skin with the tips of his fingers, Luke leaned upwards, licking a path and delicately tasted the salty sweat of his chest. _

_This time it was Noah's turn to plead, "Stop! Luke, stop!" Noah's eyes rolled and his eyelids fluttered as he came back to earth, "God, I'm so close." He pressed his forehead against Luke's and whispered, "We need to slow down." Then he collapsed to the side of him, so that they lay side by side._

_"I don't know if I can." Luke managed to shudder._

_Noah kissed him again but this time slower, more leisurely, not quite with the crazy passion of before. _

_"Noah," Luke whispered shyly, "I think you should be the one…"_

_Noah placed a finger on his lips and nodded. "You're stunning." he said, pushing Luke to lie back again. _

_Luke felt his nerves rising. He had read how this could be painful, but was amazed by how much he still wanted it. Everything seemed to have slowed down and Luke found himself gazing up in dumbstruck awe at the incredible and divine man above him; his hair a brown halo and his skin aglow; who wanted him… _

_They were the most perfect blend of love and passion. It pulsed through them like blood and life. Luke stretched out his body and lifted his legs in submission to Noah. _

_He watched as Noah made preparations, drawing on a condom, lubricating it before kissing him again and saying, "I've never done this… like this… so… I don't want hurt you, okay?"_

_Luke nodded._

_"Let me know if you need me to stop…"_

_"Okay." It was a breathy whisper from a quivering body. _

_Luke felt Noah's fingers enter him, one by one. With each intrusion he let out a gasp of surprise. He had messed about with this on his own before, but it was a completely different experience when another person did it. Noah's face was always against his, forehead to forehead, cheek to cheek, breath in ear or mouth upon mouth. And then that moment… The moment Luke could never, ever have dreamt possible, the moment when Noah started to make love to him for the first time. Gazing all the while deep into his eyes, Noah entered slowly all the way up, and it hurt. It hurt a lot._

_"You okay?" Noah asked worried at the cry of pain eliciting from Luke. He wiped a tear from Luke's eyes. It was a tear from pain but also from intense love. _

_"It hurts a little." He managed to stammer, but as Noah made a move to withdraw he gripped his legs around this thighs, "No! Stay! Stay! Just wait a bit." His breath was solid and quick and soon the pain started to transform into a pleasure he could never describe in words. "Okay." He said. _

_Noah nuzzled his neck lovingly before withdrawing and plunging gently back in, gasping himself and struggling to hold back. But he didn't need to because, at that instant, a rip-tide of ecstasy washed over Luke and he moved beneath him. It was a natural instinct that Noah instantly seemed to understand and pretty soon they were moving together with more vigour. _

_It didn't last long, Luke experianced the most intense feeling of his life build and build until he could no longer control it and the wetness spilled between them just as he felt Noah spasm within him and heard his cry of release. _

_They looked and they smiled, with pleasure, with relief and with gratitude. _

_"Incredible," Luke said, "Just incredible."_

_As he withdrew, Noah tugged at the comforter on Luke's bed, wrapping the folds over them so that they could lie there, revelling in their love, smiling in the knowledge that they were immune in that moment to anything but the sensation of each other. _

...

"I keep thinking about the past." Luke said quietly, moving closer into the crook of Noah's arm. "Do you remember the first time we made love?"

"Like it was yesterday."

Noah didn't question him further and Luke was grateful.

He took a moment before spilling what he had needed to say since he'd woken Noah up, "Noah… I don't want to get married on the farm."

Noah took a deep breath and then knowingly asked, "Ameera?"

Luke nodded, "And not only that but, I don't know, I guess Reid's ashes are there and… I just want it to be us! You know? I want a place that's just for us!"

"I like that idea." Noah whispered back, "Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"No. I was hoping you might."

"It will come to us, don't worry."

Luke smiled at him, rubbing their noses together. "Thanks for understanding…"

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too."

"Now… do you think I could maybe go back to sleep?"

Luke laughed. "Yes, but can I cuddle you?"

"As if you need to ask…"

Luke placed his notebook and pen on the bedside table as Noah wriggled back down into the bed, and he turned off the light before spooning Noah from behind, suddenly feeling like he could sleep well that night.


	66. Another Step 2

There were some mornings, like this one, when Luke would wake up to find Nicholas standing by the side of the bed; sheet in one hand trailing along behind him and a thumb stuck firmly in his mouth; patiently waiting for either Luke or Noah to open their eyes and notice him.

"Morning…" Luke smiled, placing a finger on his mouth to indicate silence and gently removing Noah's hand from his waist so as not to wake him. He rolled noiselessly out of bed and lifted Nicholas in his arms; drawing the wads of sheet up with him so that he didn't trip on it; and leaving the room, making sure to close the door softly behind them.

"What do you want for breakfast today, hey buddy?"

"'ancakes." He said through his thumb.

"Well, since it is Saturday I guess we can have pancakes…"

Nicholas smiled and then wriggled excitedly to get out of Luke's grasp and head, no doubt, for the kitchen.

"Wait a second, what do you say we put some clothes on you first, hey?"

"No!" he giggled, deciding this was a fun game of his own to play with Luke.

"But you can't go the whole day in your PJ's little guy!"

Nicholas shook his head, "No…" he wriggled free shouting, "you can't catch me!" He took off for the door. He was faster than Luke expected.

"Hey?" Luke yelled softly, still anxious not to wake Noah.

By the time he got to the door the little tyrant was already entering the living room. He turned and gave Luke a cheeky but utterly adorable grin before disappearing from view. Luke arrived in an apparently vacant living room just in time to see a chair wobble a bit.

Nicholas was hiding under the dining table.

"Hmm… obviously been learning a thing or two from Ethan" Luke thought to himself and then playfully exclaimed, "Where, oh, where has my little man gone? I wonder if he's in HERE?"

With dramatic, exaggerated movements he opened the kitchen door to peer inside; then checked behind the curtains and under the rug. "Well! That's a shame! If only I could get that little guy changed and then we could eat some lovely pancakes!"

A gurgling giggle erupted from the shadows beneath the table.

"I guess I'll have to eat those pancakes all by myself!"

He heard the chair move and another giggle and when he spun around he clasped his face with both hands and faked surprised, "There you are! I've been looking everywhere!"

Nicholas laughed again and brought both his fists up to his mouth in a gesture of pure merriment, but as Luke moved forward to lift him, it became clear that he was far from finished playing. He shot off again and Luke had to run after him, skidding round the corner and back down the passage and ramming headfirst into Noah coming the other way.

"Whoa!" Noah exclaimed, spinning around. "Give a guy a break! I just woke up you know?"

"Luke is chasing me!" Nicholas exclaimed in excitement, gripping the back of Noah's legs.

"But he can't catch you, can he?" asked Noah, "You're way too fast for him, aren't you?"

"Oh yes!" Nicholas agreed, nodding his head.

"That may be so…" said Noah, "But I can!" And he caught the hysterical Nicholas in both his hands swinging him up in a playful hug and planting hundreds of tiny kisses in the child's neck making his squirm with glee, before leaning over to kiss Luke, "Good morning gorgeous…"

"Hi." Luke smiled.

"You seem pretty chirpy and energised for a guy who spent half the night playing wedding planner?"

"I'm drunk on love!" Luke replied, really believing it. He bent his head in an exaggerated way to the side and swayed into Noah for a kiss.

The soft smile on Noah's face as they pulled apart was one of Luke's favourites and warmed him through.

"It's so good to see you happy again…" his blue eyes sparkled.

Luke pushed a curl behind Noah's ear, "It's because of you…"

They shared a quiet moment, simply standing there in the passage, soaking it all in, before Noah made the first move.

"Come on buddy!" he said to Nicholas, "Let's get you changed!"

"Okay! Then we're having pancakes!" Nicholas replied.

"Pancakes hey? Yum!"

"Yes! With sy-wip!"

Luke watched happily from the doorway as Noah picked out some clothing for him.

...

Noah smiled at Luke as the blonde sauntered into the living room freshly showered and changed in his regulatory weekend uniform of blue jeans and t-shirt; this time the red one with the two blue stripes around the waist. It reminded Noah of the shirts Luke used to wear in collage and he just wanted to walk on over and kiss him right there and then. And he would have done, if he wasn't still in the middle of a marathon telephone session with Maddie.

She had been an absolute rock throughout the entire Natalie ordeal. When Noah had been climbing the walls with worry over Luke's erratic behaviour, Natalie's condition and Nicholas's everyday needs and care; she would sit on the other end of the phone as he poured his heart out to her, and she had been a valuable sounding board.

She had just finished catching him up on her news of Jonathan and Bruce and general life in Montana, including her new job at the local newspaper, where they had already given her the advice column. She sounded happy and that made Noah glow inside. She deserved it.

"Hey Maddie?" Noah interrupted her, "Luke just walked in… can you wait a sec while I switch to loudspeaker?"

"Sure?" she replied, confused. Noah had never done that before, "Okay…"

Noah gestured for Luke to come over and before switching the phone whispered, "You ready for this?"

Luke grinned at him, "Hit it!"

"Hi Maddie, you there?" Noah tested after placing the phone on the dining table. "Yes, I'm still here. Are you there too Luke?"

"Yeah! Hey!"

"Hey yourself! You sound much better…"

"Yeah… well… you know… I have Noah to help me through these things, right?"

"Right!" she agreed and then giggled in that infectious way she had.

"Anyway Mads?" Noah began, "There's a reason I've put you on speaker."

"And what's that? You guys going to sing me a rendition of The Star Spangled Banner?"

"Oh my god Maddie!" Luke exclaimed, "You should know better! You've heard me sing remember?"

"Oh yes! Forget it then."

They all laughed.

"So, what's up?" she asked.

"Well," began Noah, looking over at Luke to check whether he should continue. Luke nodded with a smile and gripped Noah around his waist so that they swayed slightly on their feet, "I wanted to ask you a very important question…"

"Okay! Jeez! Will you get on with it! I'm dying over here!"

They laughed at her inpatients.

"I was wondering whether you would consider being my Bestman?"

The scream of delight that ensued from the phone was so sharp Noah feared the glasses in the cabinet might shatter and both he and Luke were forced to hold their hands up over their ears.

With everything that happened so shortly after their return from Oakdale, they'd told nobody but the family of their engagement. Now, ready to return to normal life, they knew Maddie would have to be the first person told, unless they both wanted to die a slow and painful death.

The laughing and screaming and general hilarity continued for sometime. They heard her running around the flat telling Jonathan and then Bruce and then they were sure they heard her open the window before shouting, "Luke and Noah are getting married!"

"Congratulations guys!" They heard Jonathan shout.

"Maddie?" Noah laughed as he tried to get her attention. They kept repeating her name until eventually she came back round to the phone.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! You guys? That's just the best news!" And suddenly she sounded all chocked up and it brought tears to both their eyes, "I'm so proud of you! It's just right, you know? It's just how things should be! I'm just so happy for you…"

"So is that a 'yes' then?" Asked Noah.

"Yes! Definitely! I'd be honoured to be your Bestperson Noah!"

...

That entire morning had been so intimate… so special and full of love and togetherness that Luke forgot.

But the moment he opened the door to Gareth he knew it was bad news. Gareth was an exceptional lawyer. Luke had watched him perform legal miracles time and time again, but even he wasn't above the law. Eventually even a man like Gareth could reach his limitations. And Luke knew that look on his face.

"I did the best I could." He sighed from the doorstep.

"Okay." Luke replied in preparation for what was to come. He could feel his blood turning icy as he sat opposite Gareth on the couch. A quick look at Noah, standing cross-armed by the dining table, revealed he was feeling the same.

"You're banned from driving for one year and…" It was obvious he didn't want to continue.

"And?" asked Noah.

"Now you guys should remember that the minimum sentence for a hit and run is six months."

"They've given me a sentence." Luke wasn't surprised. He simply nodded. He had expected it.

"Yes."

"W… what?" Noah staggered back in disbelief and Luke felt for him. Noah had been so sure that he would get off with a misdemeanour, but Luke knew a lot of that was wishful thinking on his part.

"How long?" Luke asked.

"Three months."

Both men froze.

"But…" Noah began, looking suddenly like he might pass out, "but it was an accident! Surely they must know that?"

"They do." Gareth nodded regretfully.

"Then…" he looked around in desperation, "There must be something, Gareth? Please! There must be something you can do?" The panic set in on Noah's face.

Luke remained seated with resignation on the couch.

Gareth was obviously uncomfortable, "Guys… as far as the law's concerned, anybody under those conditions would experience a rush of adrenaline and fear that might make them want to flee, but the legislation has to be clear here, and under no circumstances can a person be given allowance to leave the scene, especially in cases where injury or death are involved. There has to be a deterrent to that, otherwise the law is opening itself up to some really dangerous territory."

"Setting a president…" Luke said, nodding quietly, more to himself.

"Exactly!"

Looking up and seeing the expression on Noah's face Luke said, "Noah, it's okay… I expected this. I can do this…"

But by this point Noah was furious, "Really? Well good for you Luke! That's just great! But while you might be able to, I can't!"

Luke cocked his sad eyes at him, biting his lower lip.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, hey? Am I supposed to just sit here while you…" his voice cracked and started to visibly shake, "Three months Luke! THREE? FUCK!" and he lifted the closet object, which just happened to be a photo frame, and threw it across the room. The glass broke instantly. It was the photo Lily had given him for Christmas and his shoulders sagged even more when he realised what he'd done. Anger dissolving into despair, he walked over, knelt down and began to unsteadily pick up the glass shards from the floor, sniffing and rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. "Shit."

Luke left the couch to join him on the floor, stroking his shoulder and cupping Noah's hands in own, encouraging him to drop the glass shards and lean into him, "I'm sorry bubby."

"It's not your fault, Luke. I don't blame you, okay?"

"I know."

Noah sighed, "Look what I did…" he shook his head.

"Hey… it's just the glass… it can be replaced."

They held each other head to head for a while and eventually Noah said, "How are we going to explain this to Nicky?"

Luke shook his head mournfully, "The truth. We tell him the truth. Like we always do…"

"I'm really sorry guys." For a moment they had both forgotten he was in the room.

They stood together.

"You did your best Gareth. I know that…" Luke smiled, approaching him and patting his shoulder fondly.

"I'm just going to clean this up." Noah said, disappearing into the kitchen to find the dustbuster, but Luke knew it was also because he didn't want Gareth to see him crying.

"So," Luke continued, "What happens now?"

Gareth set his briefcase on the dining table, opened it and retrieved an official looking A4 sized envelope, which he handed to Luke. "Well if you choose to accept the plea bargain then these are your instructions, where to go, what time, what to take with you."

The envelope felt oddly hot in Luke's shaky fingers.

"Which prison?" The word tasted bitter in his mouth. He hadn't wanted to upset Noah by admitting it, but he knew it would come to this. He broke the law, however unintentionally and he was prepared to deal with the consequences of that. He was far more fearful of what it meant for Noah and Nicholas than he was for himself. He heard the kitchen tap running and water splashing as Noah washed his face.

"It's not a prison." Gareth corrected, "It's a detention centre for petty crime, for inmates who aren't dangerous or a security risk. It's really low level and you should be fine there. And Noah can visit you once a week."

"When do I go in?" Luke whispered.

"Two days time."

"WHAT?" It was Noah, just returning from the kitchen. His eyes were bloodshot.

"Again, I'm really sorry…" Gareth stuttered.

"Stop! Just stop saying that, okay? I know you're sorry… Everybody's just SO sorry!"

"Noah…" Luke tried to placate.

"No! No!" he shook his head, "This is completely CRAZY! They spring this on us and then give us two days to prepare?"

Luke was quickly by his side, removing the vacuum from his hands and pulling him in for a hug. "The sooner I go in, the sooner I come out!"

"I know you need me to be the strong one here," Noah sobbed, "but I can't do this! Not this! Anything but this!"

"Noah," said Gareth, "we're lucky we even managed to convince the judge to accept a plea bargain! Usually it would be a trial and most likely a six month sentence."

Noah sighed heavily, "I'm sorry Gareth. I know you've done your best! I don't mean to imply… it's just… it's Luke!"

Gareth held up his hand. "I understand how hard it must be for you but if it's any consolation, I don't intend to stop here. I can't promise anything but, with good behaviour, I might be able to get Luke released after a month."

Noah pushed Luke back to approach Gareth hopefully, "How sure are you?"

"Maybe forty percent..."

"But the likelihood is he will have to serve the full sentence, right?"

"Noah, it was difficult enough to reduce it to three months. I don't want to promise you something I can't deliver. But just know that I will do the best I can."

Noah nodded, sucking on his lower lip and struggling to hold back the tears.

He peered around Noah to Luke, "So do I tell them we're accepting?"

Luke nodded.

"Okay. I'll leave you guys alone. Call me if you need anything."

"We will. Thanks Gareth." Luke showed him out the door and then turned to find Noah drooping in the couch, head in hands.

He sat beside him and Noah immediately clasped his head, drawing their faces together and rubbing his up and down Luke's cheek before pulling back and pressing their foreheads together. Luke's hands rose to grip Noah's wrists.

"Parted again…" Noah whispered. "God but fate really does hate us doesn't she?"

"No… no baby, she doesn't… She brought us together, right?"

They hugged until Nicholas appeared from the bedroom, finished with his latest masterpiece and eager to share it with Luke and Noah. They made room for him on the couch and Luke smoothed his soft curls from his face, leaning in to kiss the top of his head.

Three months.

...

**Thanks for reading! Please comment! :-)**


	67. Another Step 3

Luke was fast asleep, stretched out on the couch flat on his back, his head resting in Noah's lap. He'd lain there earlier to wind down and read his book, while Noah worked his way through a stack of memos and documents from his editing team. It hadn't taken him long to nod off. He had been up most of the night again, although he'd tried to hide his fretfulness from Noah, so it was no surprise he was so exhausted.

Nicky sat cross legged on the floor, frowning in concentration as he worked on his latest puzzle, this time a gift from Joshua.

Noah had long since lost interest in reading his papers. He had been watching Luke sleep for half an hour, feeling sick with anxiety. He knew that within the greater scheme of things Luke had come off lightly, that things could have been so much worse, (like a six month sentence in some hardcore prison cell), but Noah couldn't help the way he felt. It was his instinct to do something… change things… save him, but there was nothing he could do. There was nothing TO do but sit back and watch it happen, praying Luke would be okay.

And Noah dreaded to even imagine it. Thirteen long and empty weeks lay before them. Twelve long nights alone in an empty bed trying not to think of Luke locked away in a cell. Over the course of the agonising year before, living without Luke had become Noah's worst nightmare… his phobia.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts it took him a while to notice Luke looking up at him, studying him carefully.

The brown eyes smiled softly as he stared down into them.

Noah shook his head.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Maybe we should speak to Lucinda? Maybe she knows somebody who can help."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Noah, you heard what Gareth said. I don't want to be the one responsible for setting some kind of legal loophole that allows guilty people to walk free from something like this. I did it Noah!"

"Yes, but…"

"No buts! There can be no buts Noah! And you know why! I'm going to serve the sentence passed to me and really, a part of me kind of needs to do it."

Noah sighed painfully. "You can be so god damn stubborn sometimes!"

"Hey," Luke said rubbing his arm, "We'll get through it."

There was a slight shake of Noah's head and his voice was almost a whisper, "I can't…"

"We'll get through it!" He said again with absolute conviction.

"I feel so stupid! I mean… you're the one that has to go into that place! You're the one who'll have to live it… Why are you so okay with this?"

Luke laughed a little, "Are you kidding? I'm scared Shitless! I mean, I don't know what to expect! What it will be like… But there's nothing we can do about it. I'll miss you guys so much. That's going to be the hardest thing! But it's three months! It's really nothing at all! And then afterwards? Afterwards I've got the most amazing day of my life to look forward too."

Noah leaned down to nuzzle him slightly.

"If anything's going to get me through," Luke continued, "it's knowing that you are waiting to marry me on the other side! That will get me through anything!"

"You know?" Noah said, squeezing his thigh, "If they'd let me come with you I would!"

"I wish you could too…"

"I need you to promise me something, okay?"

"What's that?"

"Please… please don't go being all gung-ho about the whole gay thing!"

Luke gave him an 'as if I would' kind of look, "Noah, I'm not going to hide who I am."

"I know it's in your nature to be all loud and proud, but… I don't think prison is the best place for it… I'm just asking you not to get people's backs up because they piss you off or something… just…" he grabbed and clutched Luke's hand, "just come back to me safely, okay?"

"Noah! It's not prison! It's a detention centre! Gareth said it will be fine."

"Yes, but just in case! Please, Luke? For me?"

"Okay." He sighed good naturedly in the way Noah knew he usually did when he was trying to appease him but didn't really agree.

"Promise?"

"I promise that I won't advertise the fact that I'm gay, but I'm not going to deny it either."

"That's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"

"Yip."

And Noah couldn't resist kissing him after he grinned cheekily.

"I'm mad about your crazy head you know that?"

"I know! It can't be helped… I'm just lovable that way."

...

Tuesday morning arrived before they knew it and Noah found Nicholas on the floor by the front door, trying hard to put his sneakers on by himself.

"You need some help buddy?"

"I can do it…"

Noah doubted it, since he was trying to squeeze his left foot into his right shoe, but he left him to it. It was sweet. Nicholas was trying to stay out of their way, not really fully understanding such an adult issue as a whole, but smart enough to realise that Luke and Noah were pretty upset about it.

Noah let out a long breath to steady himself. He was determined not to fall apart. This was hard enough for Luke without having him having to deal with his partner's emotions as well.

He popped into the kitchen to quickly tidy their dirty breakfast dishes and when done, he paused on his way out the door watching as Luke emerged from the passage.

He wasn't taking much with him, just a small sports bag, and he dropped this by the door before kneeling to give Nicholas a hand.

"Looks like you've got the wrong shoe on that foot. Let me show you."

As he swapped the shoes Nicholas leaned back on his hands and said, "Luke, when you came back there will be a wedding."

"Yes baby there will. What is marriage, do you know?"

"Um…" he bit on the end of his finger for a moment, "You get married and have a baby."

Luke laughed. "Yeah, I guess, but there's more to it than just having a baby."

"You live in a house?"

"Yes that's part of it too."

"Are you and Noah getting married?"

"Ah ha."

Nicholas frowned as he considered this. "But you already live in a house?"

Noah smiled. God but that kid was smart!

"Yes we do, but we still want to get married…"

"Why?"

"So that we can promise to love each other forever..."

Again the soft wrinkled brow of consideration, "But you already love Noah. You said."

"Yes that's right I do. But this is like… it's kidda like a pinky promise."

The little face brightened with sudden understanding, "OH! Then it can't ever be broken!"

"So logical." Noah thought.

"Yes. It can't ever be broken. And someday you'll get married too." He tied the final of Nicholas's sneakers and griped his ankles fondly. "Would you like that?"  
Nicholas shook his head.

"No? You don't like the idea of being married forever?"

"But I want to be here forever…" he looked suddenly very worried.

"No baby. One day you'll want to go off and make a new family of your own."

"But I can still live with you?"

Luke noticed Noah and Noah smiled at him before approaching Nicholas and lifting him up. "You can live with us for as long as you like Nicky. We're your family forever, okay? No matter what happens."

Nicholas nodded, happy with this conclusion to the very confusing conversation he was having with Luke.

"Ready?" Luke asked, standing and picking up his bag.

"No." Noah replied sadly, "But I guess we don't have a choice, do we?"

Luke smiled reassuringly at him and opened to door to exit his home, his family and his life for three months.

...

**_Draft story by Luke Snyder _**

**_Prologue (unedited) _**

_So, somehow, I find myself in a place I would never have thought I'd ever see the inside of. I'm a ward of the state, serving a three month sentence for a hit and run I'm only now slowly starting to forgive myself for. And strangely, except for the separation from my family, I don't mind being here. It's oddly cathartic for me, because I wanted to be punished! My partner, my parents, my friends, the police, the lawyers, everybody! Even my sister! They were all totally sympathetic and understanding. But it didn't stop me from blaming myself and I was angry. I was angry at the driver who hit my sister and left her there. I wanted THAT driver to pay! And THAT driver turned out to be me. _

_And it isn't prison! Nowhere close! Sure there are bars on the windows and cell-like rooms, but it's cheerily painted and they even have framed pictures on the walls. Inmates are pretty much free to do as they please during the day so long as they follow the rules and strict timetable. It's how I imagine boarding school to be like._

_And so I've decided to dedicate my time in here to writing. And what better subject to tackle than my three months inside. _

...

The week dragged. Everything dragged. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours and those hours seemed to stretch out, making one day feel like a year.

Not even the busy editing sessions at the studio were working to keep his mind off Luke.

They had spent that month apart before. The month when Luke had returned to Oakdale to tie off loose ends before moving full time to Los Angeles, but that was nothing in comparison to this. At least he could speak to Luke on the phone or visit whenever he wanted. This time he was stuck with radio silence for an entire week.

So now he shifted restlessly from foot to foot as they waited for Luke in the visiting area. They were surrounded by other people but Noah didn't even see them. His eyes were fixed on the door through which Luke would appear in any minute.

"Where's he?" Nicky kept asking impatiently.

The poor child had cried every night for Luke. He was terrified that Luke would never return home. It was almost impossible to explain to him that Luke was coming back. Noah knew that if a week felt long for him, it would feel like a lifetime to a child.

Luke was given conjugal privileges as part of his sentence. In fact California. they discovered. was the only state that allowed such visits for same sex couples. But Noah and Luke declined for two reasons. One, they couldn't imagine making love in a prison, there was just something seedy, something so wrong about that and it never sat right with them at all. And for another they had Nicholas to think about. When Noah visited, he definitely wanted to see Nicholas too and there was no way that Noah could stay overnight. As a result the decision was to suffer through it and instead Gareth managed to arrange all day visitations on Sundays. That would have to be enough to see them through. As least they hoped it would be.

Of course, had the sentence been longer, that would have been a different story.

Finally Noah saw a flash of blonde just peaking above the opaque strip of glass along the wall of the room and Luke appeared in the doorway. He felt his heart leap.

Nicholas ran to him, "LUUUUKKKEE!"

"Hey!" Luke laughed swinging the child around and kissing his cheek.

"Luke we waited and waited!" Nicholas chastised.

"You did?"

"Yeah! We waited FOREVER! Where've you been?"

"I've been here baby."

"Why?"

"Because I made a mistake and I hurt Natalie. Remember?"

"Yes but it was an ac-di-dent."

"An accident."

"Yeah that!"

"I know. I'll be home real soon, okay?"

"Today?"

"No, not yet."

Finally his hazel eyes, eyes Noah had been deprived of for six whole days, fastened on his.

"Hi, baby." He smiled.

Noah looked around, desperate to hold him but suddenly acutely aware of the inmates surrounding them, and not sure of Luke's situation in the place. Luke, always reading his thoughts, placed Nicky on the bench and gently smoothed his arms around him. One arm around his neck, the other around his waste and Noah breathed in the sent of him, pressing his eyes against Luke's neck and holding him tightly.

"I missed you so much, bubby." Luke breathed.

"Same here."

"Luke I was in the park!" Nicky exclaimed, tugging at his shirt for attention.

They broke apart and Luke quickly wiped the tears out his eyes before Nicholas saw them.

"You did hey?" He sat on the bench and lifted Nicholas to his knee, "You want to tell me about it?"

For a while they sat and caught up on the week, until eventually Nicholas began to tire of the conversation and Noah pulled his pad and pencils from his bag so that he could draw for a while.

"So," Noah smiled reaching up to briefly stroke Luke's chin, "You look well enough. Prison blues suit you…"

Luke nodded and laughed, "It's really fine Noah. It's not dangerous at all."

Noah let out a breath of relief, "That's good."

"Well actually… I have something for you." He pulled a folded piece of white paper from his pocket and opened it out so that Noah could see the typed print on it.

Noah took it as Luke offered it to him, "What is it?"

"It's the start…"

"Of what?"

"My book!"

A grin of pleasure stretched across Noah's face, "You're writing?"

"Well, yeah! I thought I might as well! Nothing else to do… It's probably not any good but…"

Noah smiled, Luke was always his greatest critic, "I'm sure it's wonderful like everything you write! What's it about?"

"This!" And Luke stretched his arms across the room. "Life, you know… in detention. This way I'll have something new written every week for you to read at home and at the same time you get to hear what it's like, what I'm doing, who I'm meeting…"

"Wow!"

"You can take a small piece of me home with you each time! You like?"

"I love!" He kissed Luke then, savouring the feel of his lips against his.

"That's good!" Luke said, "because," and he dipped his hand back into this pocket to pull out another slip of paper, "Here's the start of a chapter…"

Noah laughed. "Thank you!"

...

_**Draft Story by Luke Snyder **_

_**Draft Chapter (unedited) **_

_Most of the men in the detention centre are just your average Joe Blog. Men just like me, who at a point in their normal lives made a major judgement in error and ended up incarcerated as a result. __But of all the men I've met here, my cellmate really is the Everyman. _

_Kevin Howard is that friendly service type guy, who you'd happily leave alone in your house while he carried out his work. The guy you'd sit and chat with while he was on his coffee break. Just as ordinary as ordinary can get. An all round nice guy who reminds me of a childhood friend of mine. __He had already served six months of a five year sentence for robbery, making my sentence seem like child's play in comparison. He was suspicious of me at first. I have the impression things hadn't gone very well between him and his previous cellmate, (a subject he refuses to expand on), and hence he got saddled with the new guy, namely me. __We got to talking quite quickly though. I can tell that he was once the friendly happy-go-lucky type but that whatever went wrong in his life has really done a number on him. And of course we eventually got to the subject of why were both there. _

_"You accidently hit your sister with a car?" _

_I nodded. _

_"Shit! That's hardcore man! Is she okay?" _

_"Yes. Thank god! I can't imagine what I would have done if I'd actually killed her!" _

_"But it was an accident right, so why are you in here?" _

_I shrugged, "Something came over me that night. When I realised what I'd done I blanked it out." _

_"Blanked it out?" _

_"It's hard to explain, but I couldn't deal with it. It was like I thought I was dreaming, you know? And if I just went back home and fell back to sleep, then that's all it was... a bad nightmare!" _

_"And that's what you did?" _

_"Yeah. It took three weeks before I remembered what really happened." _

_I saw his mind working and then the light dawn, "Oh! So it was a hit and run?" _

_"I'm afraid so!"_

_"Harsh man!"__We chatted along those lines for a while longer. __At the time I thought it odd that I didn't feel at all uncomfortable talking to him about it. I suppose it was just nice to make a friend in here. _

_Eventually we exhausted that topic and of course I turned the tables and asked him the same question, "So, you? I know it was robbery, right? You don't seem the type." _

_His story would rock me to the core. _

_**Note to Noah: To be continued next week... (Love you bubby) **__**  
**__  
_...


	68. Another Step 4

"Luke you can't do that to me!" was the first thing Noah said to him on their next Sunday visit, once Nicholas had settled down

"Do what?" Luke asked, faking ignorance.

"You can't leave the story hanging like that! I spent the whole week wondering what the hell," he withdrew the now crumpled and well read sheet of paper from his pocket, "and I quote, 'rocked me to the core'!"

"Well bubby, I have to do SOMETHING to keep you coming back to this boring place every week…"

"Luke!" and he spoke with a grin from ear to ear at the sight of him, "You know very well that there is NOTHING in this big old wide world that would keep me from coming to see you! God! I'm going mad without you!" he gripped Luke in a half hug, impeded by Nicholas who sat happily on Luke's other hip and committed the act he had been dreaming of every night for a week. He planted a firm kiss on his lips.

"Mmm…" Luke hummed and Noah quickly found himself regretting the decision regarding the conjugal visits.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, you know that?" he asked running his hand down Luke's free arm.

"You too." Luke's eyes positively glowed with the pleasure of seeing them.

"Luke! I made-ded a sandcastle!"

"That's great Nicky! Was it big?"

"Yes the biggest! I made doors from shells!"

"And who lives in your castle?"

Nicholas frowned at him, "Nobody, it's sand silly!"

They laughed.

"I think you need to ask Noah to read you some fairytales!" Luke informed him.  
"So?" Noah interrupted expectantly and impatiently, "Where is it?"

"What?"

"You KNOW what! Come on, cough it up!" he pleaded.

Luke smirked and withdrew the newest section of his story from his pocket snatching it back teasingly as Noah went for it, and then finally handing it to him in exchange for a peck on the cheek.

"So are you going to tell me, or do I have to wait until I'm home to read this first?" He hesitated when he saw a definite flash of sadness cross Luke's eyes and he frowned, "What is it baby?"

But the smile was back, "I'm okay. It's just been on my mind, that's all. Read it and we can talk next week."

...

**Draft Story by Luke Snyder **

****

******Draft Chapter Continued (unedited)**

It had been another long day at the job centre for Kevin. Compared to most it had been fairly successful. He'd managed to get three interviews lined up, but of course that didn't guarantee anything especially with the current competition for jobs in the market place. The fresh pile of red envelopes that spilled from the mailbox as he opened it, just served to reconfirm the predicament he and Sam were in. His stomach tied into further knots at the sight of them.

He had originally started his working life as a lifeguard on Venice beach and that was where he met the red haired and freckled Samantha. She was working at an all night diner and he treated her after she received a nasty jelly fish sting. It was love at first sight. She was amazing! Bright and bubbly! To her the world was only filled with delights and she savoured every one of them!

After they were married a year later he realised pretty quick that his meagre pay package wouldn't get them very far. Other than sports there was only one thing he was ever good at during his school years and that was carpentry. So he went back to school at nights, learning to study the trade until eventually he became fully qualified and self employed. He worked mainly on private homes, obtaining jobs through word of mouth. He was a hard worker and produced excellent results. People liked him and in time he had a steady stream of jobs lined up.

Times had been good to them and soon he and Samantha had saved enough to put down a deposit on their little LA apartment. It wasn't much, but it was theirs, their dream start up home, paid for by their own sweat. Granted it was still a little over what they could afford, but the mortgage advisor assured them that they would be fine. His salary paid for the flat and her waitressing paid for bills and food. He neglected to mention they'd have nothing left for savings...

"The good days are only set to get better." The man behind the bank desk had brightly told them.

They were young and naive and they believe him. And for a while it was totally worth it, even if it meant they had to forego their occasional nights out.

And then Mia was born.

Mia was Daddy's girl from the moment she opened her bright blue eyes to frown curiously up at him. She stole his heart and his breath and he spent every spare moment he had bonding with her. She was a pure gift from heaven.

"There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for Mia." He told me, a faraway look in his eyes and it was at that point that I saw the deep pain in them. This man was carrying a major heartache. I could tell.

Mia was two when things started to turn. Banks were failing and so were businesses. The more people that got laid off, the more of his jobs that got cancelled. Nobody needed a carpenter in a recession.

Eventually he had to admit he wasn't bringing in enough to cover their living expenses and after a month on baked beans he joined the job queue, hoping there was still at least one construction firm out there hiring.

Another month went by and nothing! He even tried to get his old lifesaving job back, but he was out of shape and anyway, they weren't hiring.

Then they were struck another devastating blow.

Samantha was asked to leave the restaurant. They could no longer afford their night shift staff. People didn't eat out in a recession. She tried to find other work, but doors were quickly slamming shut as purses tightened.

Pretty soon things were spiralling outside of his control. With no savings to see them through the hardship, the debt collectors were quick to come calling. They tried to ignore them but large and scary looking men banged on their door day and night, sometimes breaking in and each time walking off with another piece of carefully and lovingly chosen furniture. It was devastating and took an obvious toll on their relationship.

"We started to fight all the time! She started to drink too! I had never seen her like that, you know? She was so unhappy, really depressed. Worse than that, I felt nervous leaving her alone with Mia... She was just so unpredictable! But I didn't have any choice."

"I'm sorry." I told him, I felt terrible for him.

...

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and it was as if in mockery.

He stood at the foot of their freshly made bed staring at the side where Luke would usually sleep, trying to imagine him there, his hair spilling around his head like a golden halo. A deep throbbing ache in his chest had been there since he'd woken that morning, and he'd tried to ignore it by frantically spring cleaning the entire apartment.

He'd stayed home from work. He just couldn't face another day of smiling and conversing with colleagues, pretending everything was okay, whilst his insides felt like shattered glass. Those smiles were soul destroying because they were lies. He wasn't okay! And, he realised now, he really wasn't coping. In fact he was on the verge of totally losing it.

He sat on the floor by the foot of the bed and scrunched his knees up. He had the pages of Luke's latest instalment in his hand. He hadn't finished reading it. Nicholas and work and general exhaustion had gotten in the way. But maybe those were just excuses.

The week before Luke's story had really helped. It had focused Noah's mind on this other man's life rather than on their reality. But this week it just hurt. It hurt to read lines Luke had written, in that style so undeniably him. It just intensified that gut-wrenching loss he felt. Lately the smallest thing could spark off the ache of absence, and tears would just spring to his eyes uncontrollably, like right in that second.

The empty days were getting harder as well as longer and he wished he could simply sleep the week away until Sunday. Sunday was now the only day that mattered. He thanked god for Nicholas. Despite everything the boy could still make him smile and even laugh at times. The child kept him getting up in the morning. He loved that kid!

Jasmine had been watching Nicholas during the days while Noah was at work. She had offered to help them when she learned of their predicament and it was a huge relief to them, knowing he was with somebody he knew and was comfortable with, but Noah had kept him home today too and the child appeared now in the doorway, swaying with his arms behind his back.

Noah didn't even bother trying to hide his pain from him. He couldn't even though he wanted to. The emotions had found a way to break through.

Nicholas entered the room and slipped down the side of the bed to sit beside him and Noah placed his arms around his shoulders, naturally, without even being fully aware he was doing it.

"You miss Luke, Noah?" he asked, looking back up at him with sad blue eyes.

Noah nodded, trying to smile, unable to trust his voice.

"Luke will be home soon." Nicholas said, softly petting Noah's knee as he paraphrased what Noah had both told him a few times over the weeks.

"I know, baby." Noah kissed the top of his head and the two of them sat in silence for a while before taking a walk down to the beach.

...

**Draft Story by Luke Snyder **

**Draft Chapter Continued (unedited) **

A few years ago I was given an inheritance that allowed me to set up my Foundation. The Foundation focuses mainly on underprivileged or sick children as well as on gay rights issues that are close to my heat, and so I've heard plenty of unemployment stories before, but never one like this. And straight from the sufferer's mouth too. As one of the lucky few people in the world who has never had to worry about money, it's a real eye opener for me to hear a real life account told from the mouth of a real person like Kevin.

So Kevin returned home earlier that usual that night, opened the mailbox to the depressing sight of unpaid bills and made his way inside. He had only just placed the mail and his keys on the side table when he heard the bang. He'd never heard gunfire before but he'd watched enough movies to know what it was, and it had come from upstairs.

"I screamed their names! You know? Sam? Mia?" he told me, "My first thoughts were that we had an intruder in the flat!"

Once he reached the landing he frantically checked the nursery, their bedroom and then flung the bathroom door open.

"I can't..." he chocked, it was obviously difficult for him. "I can't tell you what it was like. The horror of it!"

His wife's blood and brain matter had splattered across the white bathroom tiles and onto the opposite wall. She lay face down, crumpled on the floor in a pool of blood, the gun in her had and a hole in her head. Her summer dress was soaking wet and clung to her skin.

But worse than anything was Mia, floating face up in the bath...

**Note to Noah: It was terrible! You should have seen him after he told me this! I feel so bad. It's made me realise how lucky we really are! See you next week. (Love you bubby...)  
**

...

"Shit!" Noah said to himself as he lay across the couch, only now starting to understand the sadness he saw in Luke's eyes, "Poor guy! You're right Luke," he said to the empty room, "we really are lucky!"

He sat up and yawned into his hands. It was late and he'd picked up the story after watching a black and white movie. Now he wondered if he'd be able to sleep at all. His mind was caught up in the horror of this stranger's life. He wouldn't even allow his thoughts to go there… to imagine himself in that position, finding Luke and Nicholas… No! That would definitely be the end of him.

He couldn't help but wonder what the guy had done to end up in detention.

"Well, I guess that will be answered next week." He muttered, standing up and stretching before making his way down the passage to bed.

He hadn't lain there long before he saw the bedroom door open and felt the mattress move as Nicholas crawled into bed with him. He didn't disturb Noah, just rolled into his regulatory ball and closed his eyes. Noah leaned forward to kiss his cheek and then lay on his back, one hand behind his head; the other smoothing Nicholas's curls gently around his finger. He stared fixedly at the ceiling.

...

Unbeknownst to Noah, in a single bunk bed, in a cell across town, Luke was doing the exact same thing. Except instead of Nicholas's hair, his fingers toyed with a t-shirt of Noah's he'd taken with him. Noah had worn it the day before Luke's incarceration. It still held his scent and he held it up to his face and breathed in deeply before focusing on a spot of dirt on the ceiling. At least he thought it was dirt but he supposed it could have been a squashed bug.

It was silent in the centre except for the occasional echoing cough from an inmate, or footsteps from the guards outside. Kevin was making soft snoring sounds in the bunk above him. Luke wondered how the guy had gotten over his loss enough to enable him to sleep without nightmares from the past. He held a huge level of respect for the man.

He thought about Noah, trying to formulate a clear picture of his face in his head. He started with the broad forehead crisscrossed with black fringe, then moved onto the eyes. Those amazing crystal blue eyes that never failed to melt his heart. Then… and he smiled to himself… then onto his noble nose and beautiful, oh so kissable lips.

He sighed deeply, feeling tired and listless. He wondered if their connection was strong enough for him to send Noah a message telepathically. He closed his eyes and focused in on the image of Noah's face in his head. A shiver, delicious and warm, comforting, washed over him and he mentally sent the message out into the universe.

...

Unbeknownst to Luke, in their double bed, in their home across town, Noah's body shivered in response.

...

**Thanks for reading... please comment...**


	69. Another Step 5

_It was a glorious day… __Or maybe the weather had been glorious that entire week but it was only now that his mind was clear enough to notice it. In fact, Noah couldn't remember the last time he'd stood back to look at a day and really enjoyed it, but he was sure that whenever that day was, Luke had been there. _

_It was as though they had both been asleep to the rest of the world over the past months, waiting for this moment… when they'd wake each other up again._

_They sat side by side on his couch, watching a movie, but not really paying attention, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. They should have been outside enjoying the day, but they were scared to pop the fragile bubble they'd built up around themselves over the course of the night. They were afraid to let the rest of the world in. _

_Noah toyed with an elastic band he'd picked up earlier and Luke shifted his hands on his lap. Every so often he would raise his head and catch Luke smiling softly, but also uncertainly at him. He returned each smile, just as apprehensively. _

_After waking up together on the floor of his apartment, they'd shifted around each other nervously. They were unsure of where to go next. They didn't know what to say. It was awkward. _

_Noah had spent a year in fear… terrified that he had lost Luke forever and wondering how he would go on with the hole in his heart. So now it was a different kind of fear. They both wanted to start again, that was clear, but they were terrified of making a mistake, of saying or doing the wrong thing. _

_After the movie Noah got up quickly and headed for the Kitchen. It was in avoidance, so that they didn't have to talk and bring up all the issues between them, issues that had broken them up before. But before he could reach the door Luke called, "Noah?"_

_He didn't turn to face him at first. He felt his back rise and fall as he took a few steady breaths, readying himself for Luke's words, whatever they might be. _  
_When he turned to face him the worry in Luke's eyes broke his heart and he resolved to do whatever it took to strengthen the shattered trust between them. He would never hurt Luke again! _

_The man he adored, the man he loved so much, stood to approach him and Noah shifted uncertainly, his heart pounding in excited but anxious expectation. Luke stood as close as he dared and their bodies seem to sway towards each other, as though magnetised to do so. Their mouths were suddenly inches apart, their bodies moments from touching. _

_"I'm sorry." Luke whispered._

_"I'm sorry too." Noah gazed into this eyes, trying hard to convey with gesture what he was unable to say in words, all the trapped emotion now spilling out of him. _

_Luke cupped the back of Noah's neck and drew his head forward, his eyes blazing with a certain tenderness, and when their lips met Noah was sure he felt their feet levitated off the floor. _

_Their kiss the night before had been hard, brutal and pained beyond belief. And they had shared a few soft and short pecks that morning when they woke up…_

_But this! _

_This was their first kiss. This kiss was one of unity. It was a kiss of greeting, of sorrow over parting, of love, of hope, and most of all of forgiveness. It was a promise and the beginning of the new them! They both felt it, that desire pulsing through them and the resolve each of them had that this time, this time they would succeed! _

_And Noah felt even surer of this when Luke's arms enveloped him, wrapped around him and Luke whispered his name in his ear. _

...

Noah had been reviewing their past a lot since Luke's departure. The separation brought back so many memories and feelings, both good and bad.

"You okay?" Luke asked him at their next meeting, obviously seeing right through his facade.

"Sure." Noah was determined to present a strong front to Luke during their visits. He didn't want Luke to know how badly he was handling the whole forced separation thing.

But Nicholas brought that facade crumbling down when he innocently said, "Noah was crying."

The boy nodded conspiratorially at Luke. They sat in a row along a bench outside in the centre's exercise yard; with Luke between them.

Noah averted his eyes.

"You know?" commented Luke, "When I ask you how you are I'm kinda relying on you not to lie to me…"

"I'm not!"

Luke frowned at him.

"No Luke, really! I'm fine. He just caught me at a bad moment that's all. I'm allowed to have those from time to time, right? Cause if not then you're expecting a lot more of me than I can give, okay?"

Luke cocked worried eyes at him.

"Please don't worry." He shook his head, annoyed that he'd upset Luke.

"You sure?" Luke asked pushing at his hair as the wind blew a few locks across his eyes.

"Yes!"

By this point Nicholas had started kicking a ball about the yard.

"Cause if not then we should talk about it…"

"Why? So that we go around in circles and still come out at the same conclusion?" His voice was shaky and laced with a thin layer of anger. Regret clouded him when he saw Luke's reaction and he quickly back peddled taking his hand "I'm sorry. I just really hate this."

Over the course of their exchange Luke's eyes had slowly become glassy, "Well, since we're being honest, I'm not doing much better." Noah's eyes met his then. "I've tried to be brave about all this but I REALLY want to go home! I REALLY miss you."

"We REALLY want you home." He stroked the side of Luke's hand with his thumb.

"And I feel so guilty about that!"

"Guilty?" Noah asked, "Why?"

"Because, being in here, I realise just how lenient that judge was! There are guys in here who only get to see family once a month! If they're lucky!"

"Shit!" Noah exclaimed, barely able to imagine seeing Luke so seldom, "That's tough!"

They sat in a heartbreaking silence while they contemplated this and watched Nicholas as he played

"Despite everything," Noah suddenly said, "I am proud of you, you know? For the way you handled all this."

"I just wish there was more I could do to help make it easier for you babe." Luke whispered.

Noah smiled, "Your story helps. You got any more for me?"

"Yeah." He handed the latest folded update to Noah.

"It's really awful." Noah said then, "What happened to Kevin?"

"I know! Can you imagine it?"

"NO! That's one thing I don't ever what to imagine, thank you! It's bad enough thinking of you locked away in here!"

Luke stroked his face and then stared seriously into his eyes, "Listen, there's something I need you to do for me…"

"Anything… What is it?"

"Read that first. I've written some instructions at the end."

...

_**Draft Story by Luke Snyder** _

_**Draft Chapter Continued (unedited)** _

_I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his head and the things he must have screamed; the pain and shock and fear he must have experienced in those seconds, but his trained instinct immediately took over. He pushed his sorrow for Samantha aside, he knew there was nothing he could do for her, and he dived for his daughter, lifting her desperately from the cold bath water and immediately starting CPR. _

_"When I took her out and I felt a pulse?" He shook his head, "The relief! But I swear that for a moment during that CPR, I thought I'd lost her. I stopped for a second and then she coughed and it all came up and I held her to me as she cried... I can still hear those cries sometimes." He wiped tears from his eyes. "And I often think, god! I just happened to be home early that day! Any later and she'd be gone too! And then I also think... a few minutes earlier... even if I hadn't stopped to collect the mail... I could have saved Sam too! Just so many 'what ifs', you know?" _

_"Yes." I replied. I knew all about those kinds of 'what ifs'. _

_I feel honoured and privileged that he told me such a personal and tragic story, but of course that wasn't the end of it. _

_"I was a mess. I missed Sam so damn much, I can't tell you! Even though those last few months had been difficult with her I never stopped loving her. I still love her. She wasn't in her right mind, you know? She didn't mean it." _

_I know. If anybody can understand about losing your mind it's me!" _

_Kevin nodded, seeing my point. _

_The death of his wife hit him hard. He blamed himself for not being able to provide properly for his family. He hated himself and then added to that was the pressure of single fatherhood. He was unemployed, already knee deep in debt, and he had to take out a loan to pay for the funeral. _

_Pretty soon the bank was threatening to repossess the apartment and he had images of them living homeless on the streets. But then, from out of the blue, he was thrown a temporary lifeline... _

_"One of my old customers, a rich guy from the Hills, asked me to complete some floor and window work for him and when I asked for payment up front he agreed. That meant I was able to keep hold of our home for another month." _

_"Where was Mia while you were working?" I asked, curiously. _

_"With my mom" She's our only relative. I never knew my dad and Sam was an orphan. A free spirit! She spent her life moving from foster home to foster home. She never settled anywhere until she met me." _

_It was while he was working on this house that he knocked over a wooden box on the mantle and inside there was a slip of paper with a code on it. He didn't think anything of it at the time, but Kevin had stumbled on the hidden combination to his customer's main security safe. Then one day, while working on the window from the outside, he spotted the man opening the safe and saw a large wad of cash inside. He was an honest man and the idea of taking the money didn't come to him right way. It was only a week or two later, after another terrible night with a hungry and miserable Mia and yet more bills in his mailbox that poor Kevin grew desperate enough to do it. _

_"And you got caught." It wasn't a question. It was obvious after all. _

_"It only took the cops two days to piece it all together. By then I had fled the state with Mia, but they still trekked me down. Let's face it! I'm no career criminal! I've never even had a speeding fine before! Besides, I regretted it pretty quickly once we were on the road. I just did it, you know? I never really thought it through. And I realised it was no life for a small child!" _

_"And your daughter? I asked, "She's with your mother now?" _

_"Yes she is, but..." _

_"But?" _

_"For the first few months she was sending me regular reports on Mia. So I knew how she was doing. I didn't want her to see me in here."_

_"I understand." I nodded. My partner and I had discussed the very same issue in regards to our son Nicholas, in the end deciding that the truth was best. But it was a different and personal thing for every inmate with kids. ___

"But I haven't heard a word from her for over a month and I'm just about going insane!"

"A month?" I asked, feeling my stomach clench for him. That was a long time with no news on the wellbeing of your child.

"I've tried to find her. I have no idea where she is."

"Have you asked your lawyer to try?"

"Yes. He checked out Mom's apartment but it's abandoned. It's like she just took off or something. I don't really want to involve anybody officially! I'm afraid they'll put her into care! Sam... she wouldn't have wanted that! Not after her upbringing! And my mom, she's not well. She had me late in life so she's elderly. If Mia goes into care she'll vanish! I've heard stories, you know?"

I nodded. I did know.

"I've got friends out there trying to find her but, so far... nothing!"

"Maybe I can help?" I offered.

He looked at me sceptically, "Luke, thank you and everything, but... I hate to break it to you... you're kind of in the same predicament as me!"

I smiled, "Yes I am! But Noah's not!"

"Who's Noah?"

"Well, to me he's the most fabulous person alive, but to you he's a complete stranger who can get to my Foundation. Maybe they can locate your daughter for you!"

"Really?" He looked at me so hopefully, "He'd do that?"

"If I asked him too, yes, I'm sure he would. Besides, he's a sucker for a happy ending!"

"That's amazing! If he would, I mean!"

**_Note to Noah: I know that after reading this you won't mind that I offered your help... Detail's of his mother, her address etc are below... Please ask the Foundation to track her down... (Love you bubby...)_**

...

Noah yawned and his eyes felt heavy as they waited together for Luke. He was totally wiped but there was no way he'd let that interfere with this precious visit with Luke.

"Four weeks!" he thought. One long month that had felt like a year and still another two to go! Gareth was trying to pin a time with a judge who would be willing to review Luke's case, but they had yet to hear any good news from him.

"Come on Luke!" Nicholas sighed loudly, kicking his feet back and forth under the chair he was seated on.

Noah stood by the table and smiled tiredly at him. The boy had been amazing over the past crazy week, despite all that had happened. It had certainly been a strange, eventful and challenging few days since their last visit with Luke. He guessed they would have a lot to talk about.

Then Noah felt himself getting nervous all of a sudden. He wasn't sure what Luke's reaction would be, but there hadn't been much of a choice and it was a decision Noah had to make quickly. It was the right decision, he knew that in his heart, but it was a pretty major thing to throw at Luke out of the blue like this and he just hoped Luke would understand.

"Nicky? Remember what we said, okay? You can't say anything to Luke until I talk to him."

"Yes." He moaned disappointed that he couldn't be the one to share the news, "Okay…"

As Luke arrived, his face shining with the joy he always held on seeing them, Nicholas ran for him and Luke kissed him a few times, chatting away merrily with him. Any worries Noah was harbouring evaporated instantly. Luke would be okay with it. Of course he would!

"Morning sweet." Luke smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him hello and then noticing for the first time the second child standing to Noah's right and holding tightly onto his hand. He frowned confused, "and who's this?"

Noah bent over to lift her up and she hid her petite face in his neck. He gently pushed her long straight auburn hair from her face and behind her pixie-like ear so that Luke could see her properly and said, "Luke, this is Mia. Mia, this is Luke."

Luke's coffee eyes instantly shot back up to lock with his and, after reading his thoughts, filled with a stark mixture of wonderment and tears.

...

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter - please comment!**


	70. Another Step 6

"You really are a very special and amazing man!" Luke exclaimed, placing his arm around Noah's waist as they sat outside on the bench and laying his head on Noah's shoulder.

They watched as Nicholas and Mia chased each other around the yard, squealing with laughter.

"You should see how cute Nicky is with her!" Noah said, pressing Luke's knee, "He really has taken her under his wing. I think he understands she's like a kindred spirit, or something."

"How?" Luke asked, "I still can't believe I'm sitting here looking at Kevin's Mia! Where did you find her?"

...

_Noah and Nicholas were on a plane and in Oakdale by Monday afternoon. Luke was right. If Noah was to have any hope in finding Mia he'd need the full resources of the Foundation at his disposal._ _His plan was to leave Nicholas at the farm with Emma for the day and head to the Foundation offices, but before doing so they stopped by Al's for a bite to eat. _

_They were just on their way to finding a free booth when Noah heard somebody call his name. "Noah? Is that you?"_

_He turned and to his surprise found both Casey and Alison sitting at a table behind him. _

_"Oh my god, you guys!" Noah exclaimed, "I can't believe it!"_

_Alison beamed at him, "What are you doing in Oakdale? I thought you were still in LA?"_

_"Look who's talking! You two were in France the last time I heard!"_

_"Yeah!" Casey began, "France and Italy and Germany and Sweden…"_

_Alison laughed, "Even Australia!"_

_"Wow!" Noah exclaimed. "You're really getting around!" _

_"You look really good Noah!" Alison said then._

_"You too!" Noah replied. Alison had cut her hair really short and it suited her small featured face, while Casey on the other hand was sporting a hairstyle which would rival any of Luke's many choices. Blonde tresses reached almost shoulder length and he reminded Noah of the surfers on LA's beaches. _

_And then Casey noticed Nicholas peering at him from behind Noah's legs. "Hello? Who are you?"_

_"Oh!" Noah exclaimed, "This is Nicky. My son…"_

_As he said it Alison spat out a mouth full of diet coke, "WHAT?"_

_Both of them peered at Nicholas with interest. _

_"Whoa bro!" Casey expressed, "Back up a bit! YOU have a kid? I mean, when? Where's he been all this time?_

_Noah laughed, he was starting to get used to this kind of reaction. "He's not my biological son! He's actually my cousin."_

_"Geez Noah!" Casey exclaimed, "He looks just like ya!" _

_"Yeah, weird hey?" _

_"Looks like we have a lot to catch up on! Wanna join us for lunch?" Casey asked._

_"Yes great, we'd love to!" Noah replied lifting Nicholas up into the booth next to Alison and taking a seat opposite him beside Casey, "Actually I'm REALLY glad I bumped into you because I've been trying to get in touch with you both for weeks!"_

_"Really?" Casey asked, "Everything okay?"_

_"Oh yes. Just, I needed your latest address…"_

_"What for?" Alison asked before biting on a fry. _

_"So that I can invite you both to the wedding…"_

_Both of their mouths fell open in shock._

_"Oh my god Noah! You're getting married?" Alison beamed, "That's amazing! You met somebody? I have to say I never thought you'd get over Luke!"_

_"Oh, no, I didn't?"_

_"Didn't what?" Alison asked._

_"I didn't get over Luke. I didn't have too."_

_Casey jolted, "You mean…"_

_Noah shrugged, "Aha!"_

_Alison squealed with delight and leant over the table to grab Noah's head and kiss him once on each cheek, while Casey grinned at him and patted him on the shoulder._

_"Wow! It's amazing! How you two always manage to find a way back to each other!"_

_"Yeah. I'm really lucky!"_

_"Congrats man! I'm happy for you!"_

_"We both are!" agreed Alison. _

_"So where is that joker?" Casey asked._

_"Luke is in the jail…" Nicholas suddenly stated out of the blue, "He's coming home real soon!" _

_Noah was caught off guard. It usually took Nicholas a lot longer to speak around strangers. Noah supposed the playful vibe that Alison and Casey both exuded must have put him at ease. _

_"Okay! It's just one shock after another with you today!" Alison said, "Surely not?"_

_"I'm afraid so…" Noah sighed sadly at them and then spent the next hour filling them in on the past few months since Luke's arrival in Los Angeles. _

_"Man! Sorry dude… that sucks! So now you're here looking for some con's daughter?" Casey asked._

_"Yip." Noah answered with a sigh, "I'm hoping Luke's Foundation has the answers."_

_"Her name's Mia!" Nicholas informed them, "She doesn't have a mommy."_

_Noah smiled at him, "That's right baby, she doesn't." _

_"So she's like me!"_

_"In a way, yes, she is."_

_He had explained the situation as best he could to Nicholas during the flight over, but Nicholas had his own method of working things through. _

_"What are you going to do when you find her?" Alison asked._

_"I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime I've really gotta go! I was so lucky to run into you guys! How long are you visiting Oakdale for?"_

_"Just another month or two..." Casey explained, "Then we're off to Africa!"_

_"Africa hey? If you don't mind me asking, what are you guys doing for money?"_

_"Oh that!" Casey waved it away as though it was the last thing that bothered them, "We work were we can. Hospitals are always looking for nurses like Alison and I'm always able to find bar work or whatever!"_

_"Plus, Casey's writing a book!" Alison informed him proudly._

_"Really?" Noah asked,_

_"Yeah, sort of!" Casey agreed, "It's about our travels."_

_"Sounds great! You'll have to fill me in sometime." Then throwing cash on the table to pay for their lunch he stood to go, "Okay, well, it's been so good to see you guys and I wish we had more time but you have my number so make sure you send me a working e-mail address… then I can let you know about the wedding!"_

_"You bet! That's one wedding we definitely want to see!" Alison smiled and as Nicholas took Noah's hand she said, "See you Nicky."_

_"Bye." He said shyly and waved as they exited the diner. _

_..._

"Wow!" said Luke, "Casey and Alison! What were the chances?"

"I guess fate was making sure they came to our wedding?"

"Oh, so you're starting to forgive fate a little, are you?"

"Maybe…" Noah smiled and spent a minute kissing him softly.

"So was the foundation any use?" Luke asked; eager to hear the rest of Noah's story.

"The foundation and Judy! Actually it was Judy who found her!"

"God bless that woman!" Luke grinned.

Noah hesitated before continuing and it was enough for Luke to notice.

"What is it?" he asked, his face falling as he felt the vibe off Noah.

"I'm sorry Luke. It's not all good news."

...

_"Noah Mayer! Oh my word! When the receptionist said you were down here I was sure it was a joke!"_

_Noah smiled at her, "Hi Judy!"_

_"It's great to see you my boy! And looking so gorgeous too! Where's that wonderful man of yours?"_

_"Oh, he's still in Los Angeles." Noah replied, not going into details. _

_The main office of the Luke Snyder Foundation looked exactly as it had the last time he was there. Although he couldn't remember exactly when that was… He thought perhaps it must have been around the Brian Wheatley days, because shortly after that he'd begun work on his collage movie, and the rest was history._

_"Well, what can I do for you Noah?" Judy asked kindly. _

_"Luke and I are trying to trace a lost child. I was wondering if I could use the Foundation computers to track her?"_

_"Of course! And I'll even help you!"_

_"Really? That would be great! Are you sure I'm not interrupting your work or anything?"_

_"Lost child hey?" she asked and he nodded. "Well, seems right along my line of work!"_

_Noah smiled and followed her towards the elevators. _

_Three hours later and Noah's eyes were beginning to tire from the strain of staring at the computer screen. They had come across a few stories that could have been Mia but nothing concrete. He was running out of time. He'd have to leave soon if they were going to catch their flight home that night. _

_Then Judy exclaimed, "Hello!"_

_"Did you find something?" Noah asked hopefully._

_"Actually I think I might have done! Here, check this out! It's a police report from a few months ago! An elderly woman died after having a heart attack on a park bench. She had no identification on her."_

_"You think it was Mrs Howard?"_

_"Could be, the park is only a few blocks from her apartment…"_

_"Oh god…" Noah whispered, hoping it wasn't true. Poor Kevin had surely been through enough! _

_"Anyway," Judy continued, "I thought maybe they went out together for a walk and then this happened and the child wondered off."_

_"Yes," Agreed Noah, "Sounds possible."_

_"So I dug around some more and I found another police report from later that same evening, of a small child found abandoned a few blocks from the park."_

_"A few blocks!" Noah exclaimed, trying to imagine a three and half year old making her way through the busy streets of Los Angeles unnoticed. "Jesus!"_

_"I know!" Judy replied shaking her head, "Crazy right?"_

_"That's got to be her! Where is she now?"_

_"According to the report she's in a children's home… here," she handed him a sheet of paper, "I printed out the address for you."_

_"Thank you!" _

_"Well, let's hope it's her anyway! But in the meantime I'll keep looking."_

_"Thanks Judy!"_ _Noah had a feeling about the printout in his hand. It seemed to make sense. _

_He quickly headed back to the farm to collect Nicholas and catch their flight home. _

_..._

"Luke?" Noah paused in his story when he saw a tear drop down Luke's cheek.

Luke was leaning forwards on the bench with an arm on each knee, hands clasped in front of him, "How am I supposed to tell Kevin his mother's dead?"

"I know. I'm sorry. But at least you can counter that by letting him know that Mia is okay."

Luke sniffed, "It's just. The poor guy's been through so much! He doesn't deserve to be in a place like this! Not at all!"

"Well," shrugged Noah, "Neither do you. It's like you said yourself… they can't bend the law just for a few isolated cases. The best they can do is let those people involved serve lighter sentences."

"I guess." Luke agreed. "So that's where you found her? The children's home?"

_..._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"Hello?"_

_"Um, sorry…"_

_Noah tried, in vane, to gain the attention of any of the busy staff members buzzing two and fro within the Holy Childhood Children's Home._ _Finally a flustered looking person arrived behind the reception desk, where two phones had been ringing non-stop since Noah's arrival. _

_"Hello…" Noah began._

_But the woman held up her hand to silence him and quickly scanned her eyes down a long list of names on her desk before pressing the button on a microphone and announcing, "Dr Epstein, paging Dr Epstein, please make your way to reception, thank you."_

Noah was jolsted out of the way as three nuns ran past him.

_"Yes!" She said, suddenly directing her attention to Noah and surprising him the process._

_"Oh! Um! I'm looking for a child."_

_"Yes, yes… are you adoption or foster?"_

_"Sorry?"_

_"Are you picking up an adopted child or are you a foster carer?"_

_"Neither. I'm just looking for the child of a friend of mine. I believe she might be here."_

_The woman sighed deeply, "Okay! Look, can you just wait through there…"_

_"There?" Noah asked, pointing to the room he thought she wanted him to go to._

_"Yes!" she sounded exasperated, "I'll send somebody over to you!" and with that she vanished again. _

_Noah tentatively entered through the doorway and found himself in some kind of waiting area. A few children ran about, playing with toys from shelving along the one wall. Noah found a corner and stood there waiting for… he wasn't sure what he was waiting for…_

_Despite the effort to brighten the place up with painted cartoon murals etc, the building had a depressive institutional feel to it. _

_After half an hour of waiting Noah started to loose his patients and was just about to go in search of the receptionist again when a nun approached him._

_"Excuse me sir, I'm told you're looking for a child?" she asked._

_"Yes Sister, thank you. My name is Noah Mayer. The child is a small girl that was brought here a few months ago. She was found in the city. Her name is Mia, if that helps."_

_"Mia! Yes! Are you family?" she asked hopefully._

_Noah's heart leapt! It was her! It was Mia! "No, I'm not, but I know where her father is."_

_"Oh wonderful! That's wonderful! Every night that child cries for her daddy! Every night! We were really lost as to what to do with her."_

_"Sorry?"_

_"Well, she couldn't tell us her last name and without knowing who she is we can't foster her, so she's stuck here in the home. We try, but it's not the best place to spend your childhood. We would much rather find suitable homes for our children. In fact I don't think we've ever had a child stay with us this long!"_

_"Um Sister…"_

_"Sister Charity"__  
_  
_"Sister Charity."_ _Noah smiled, "Do you think I could see Mia?"_

_She hesitated, "I'm afraid not. If you're not family or an official of some kind then we can't allow that, you understand."_

_"Yes." Noah nodded, "What would you need to allow me to see her?"_

_"First of all it would be helpful if you tell me her story."_

_Noah spent time explaining the situation._

_"Oh dear!" she sighed shaking her head, "That's not good. So her father is her only relative?"_

_"I'm afraid so. Look… Sister… I'm already fostering my cousin, so I'm on the system as a foster father… Do you think that maybe we could arrange to have her signed over to me?"_

_He knew he was being impulsive, but he really couldn't think of another solution, and he was afraid Mia would disappear into the system if he didn't act quickly. _

_"That could take months I'm afraid…"_

_"But why? I mean you said yourself she would be better off in a real home. There must be something we can do…" as he said it something came to him and he quickly whipped out his phone._

_..._

"Who did you call?" Luke asked, frowning.

"Can't you guess? Betty of course!"

_..._

_It wasn't until Thursday that Noah was finally able to see Mia, thanks to the astounding effort made by Betty. She used every contact and friend at her disposal to convince the system that the child would definitely be better off under Noah's guardianship than left in the children's home or fostered out to strangers. And Luke and Noah knew her father, which meant Mia would still have a connection to him and he could take her back into his care on his release from detention. _

_Sister Charity showed Noah and Nicholas to a room where a tiny girl sat at a child sized table, playing with a ragdoll. Noah indicated to Sister Charity that she was no longer required and, when alone with Mia, approached her carefully. Nicholas sat opposite Mia at the table, shyly watching her with interest. _

_"Mia?" Noah asked softly, squatting down beside her. _

_She lifted her freckled nose up at him and examined him through sea green eyes._

_"Hi." Noah said, "My name is Noah and this is Nicky."_

_Nicholas gave her his biggest smile. He had been so excited to finally meet the little girl Noah had told him some much about that week. _

_"Is that your doll?" Noah tried._

_She shook her head._

_"No?" he asked._

_"My dolly is at my house."_

_"Oh. I see."_

_"Can I go home now?"_

_"No. I'm sorry Mia, you can't. Not to your old home anyway?"_

_"But why? I want Daddy!" she stated sadly._

_"Your daddy can't be with you right now, okay? But he's a friend of mine," she looked up at him expectantly, "and he wants us to take care of you while he's away."_

_"He does?"_

_"You can live with us!" said Nicholas gleefully. "Luke and Noah look after us."_

_"Would you like that Mia? Would you like to come and live in our house while we wait for your daddy to fetch you?"_

_She studied him for a long time. He could see her little mind trying to take it all in._

_"You'll have your own room and we'll get you a new dolly, okay?"_

_"Just for me?" He realised then that in the home she most likely didn't have many of her own possessions._

_"Yes, baby. We'll get toys just for you."_

_"Yes! And I have toys too!" said Nicholas. "You can play with them if you want."_

_"And we'll take you to visit your daddy, okay?"_

_"Daddy?" her eyes positively shone at that and a huge and beautiful smile crossed her lips. _

_They spent an hour together in that room, laughing and playing games until Noah felt she was relaxed enough._

_"So Mia, will come home with me and Nicky?"_

_She nodded brightly and then to Noah's surprise jumped up and hugged him round his neck._

_"Okay then guys!" Noah said, sniffing back the overwhelming feeling he received from that hug, "Let's go home!"_

...

"So… are you sure you're okay with this?" Noah asked Luke hesitantly, "I mean it's a huge responsibility to take her in and I didn't really discuss it with you beforehand."

Luke looked at him in amazement, "Are you kidding? I'm the one that should be asking YOU that question! I mean! Of course I would have wanted this, but to think… that you would do this too… God! Every time I think there's nothing you could do to make me love you more, you go and do something so loving and thoughtful like this!"

"And Kevin? Will he okay with it?"

"He'll be shocked I think! And I'll have to prepare him for the whole gay thing! I'm not sure he knows about that! But I think the main thing for him is that she's not in a home."

Noah smiled at him through tears.

"Thank you bubby…" Luke sniffed.

"Two kids!" Noah laughed softly, scratching Luke's back, "Last year I was all alone and now look at us!"

Luke looked over at him and smiled.

...

**Please remember to comment! :-)**


	71. Another Step 7

Luke checked his watch for the umpteenth time and sighed, falling back onto his bed. He watched the second hand tick around and around the face, feeling an old stirring, and then turned his wrist to unbuckle the strap and smooth his thumb over the cold silver back, feeling the indentation of words there...

...

_The paper rustled and the bow fell to the ground as he ripped at it, impatient to find out what gift Noah had chosen for him. Once the paper was removed he was left with a festive looking box. He carefully lifted the lid and brushed the red lining paper aside to reveal a beautiful watch with a dark leather strap. _

_"Wait!" said Noah observing Luke's smile and speaking before Luke could even say anything, "I know a watch isn't the most inventive of gifts but I just… I just figured it was something we both needed a little of lately… time! It's engraved, turn it over…"_

_Luke read the engraving and then couldn't help but flash Noah a shy smile, "Worth the wait…" his voice faulted a little, "How many times have we said that too each other?" he asked with endearment. _

_Noah's expression of sheer embarrassment made Luke smile even more. He was so cute. The way that Noah didn't even realise how desirable he was just made Luke want him even more. They shifted slightly closer together on the bench._

_"I thought it fit…" Noah said nervous that it was too much, "I mean… maybe it's a little cheesy?"_

_"Cheesy?" Luke thought, barely able to hold himself back from grabbing Noah in a bear hug, right then and there… For days he had been wondering whether Noah would even consider taking him back after what he did, and now here he was… He was sure that Noah didn't really understand the depth of his feelings yet… But Luke would show him… If Noah allowed him to… _

_Everything had to be slowly, slowly with this guy..._

_"No… No Noah…" he said instead, trying to convey his sincerity, "this is perfect. I love it. Thank you. Can I put it on now?"_

_"Sure!" _

_He fumbled one handed with the strap, trying to buckle it up, only for it to slip open again, "Ooh!"_

_They both laughed nervously and then Noah leaned over, "Here, here, let me help you…" _

_Luke couldn't help but feel the effect of Noah's sudden closeness to him. The feel of his fingers as they swept across his wrist… They shared one of THOSE moments. A moment when their eyes met and they both read the same thoughts there. A moment when the air felt charged and he could physically feel his heart hammering in excitement… _

_He was completely loosing himself in the sight of Noah, when Noah glanced up and said, "Hey look…"_

_Luke followed his gaze and spotted it too, "Mistletoe…" he sang, suggestively, amazed that it was Noah who had pointed it out. Could it be a hint that Noah wanted a kiss just as badly as he did?_

_When he turned back to him, Noah was smiling contently._

_"Remember last Christmas, in Emma's kitchen?" Noah asked as their eyes met in a solid gaze._

_"Yes!" Luke thought, "He does want it too…"_

_Suddenly he felt brave enough to continue._

_"Yeah. We were standing under the mistletoe" he softened his voice to a near whisper "and that was the first time that I told you I was in love with you…"_

_And again Noah looked away embarrassed, hard on himself, "And I said same here…"_

_Luke couldn't help but laugh at him but at the same time he worked hard to maintain that eye contact, the contact he felt sure would lead them to a kiss. "And it was very, very romantic!" _

_Noah nodded slightly, biting his lower lip anxiously._

_"And here we are," Luke continued, "a year later and… it's still true Noah… I am still so in love with you."_

_A relieved smile crossed Noah's lips, "Same here." _

_And that answer was all Luke needed to hear. He laughed slightly as they both leaned towards each other. Their lips met in one of the softest kisses they had ever shared. Days of missing Noah meant his lonely heart broke free and took flight as he felt Noah's fingers tickle at his neck. _

...

Luke had woken up early that Sunday feeling particularly moody and twitchy. He found himself with three hours to wait until Noah, Nicholas and now Mia arrived for their weekly visit and the first two hours passed with a snail-like slowness that made him want to bang his head against the wall. He was seriously done with the detention centre!

Kevin's reaction to the news that the guardianship of Mia had been signed over to Noah, without his consent, was mixed. At first he'd hugged Luke with joy, relieved to at least know what had happened to her, only to then suddenly switch to being downright angry. But Luke soon realised that this was more to do with grief over his mother's death than the issue of Mia.

By Tuesday he'd calmed down somewhat and couldn't hold back from talking to Luke anymore. It was obvious that he was desperate to hear Luke's news on Mia and to know more about Luke's friend Noah, who she was now living with.

Of course they then hit a whole new level of uncomfortable when Luke informed him that Noah was not just a friend but his partner and soon to be husband and that they lived in Los Angeles with their fostered son, who was actually Noah's cousin.

"So, Mia will live with you and this other man and your son?"

"Yeah. I get how this isn't what most people consider the norm but we're a happy family and there's loads of love to share. She'll be fine with us. She'll have a brother and aunts and uncles and grandparents to spoil her."

"Look Luke. I don't want to insult you or anything… I mean I don't have a problem with gays… it's just… I guess…"

"You never pictured your daughter living with gays?"

"Well, yeah! It's just different."

"You're right, it is different, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. It doesn't mean she can't be just as happy. Look Kevin, I understand your reservations, I really do, but you've gotten to know me over the past month and I think we've become friends, right?"

"Yes, of course! Luke you've been amazing! You're so easy to talk to and you found Mia like you said you would!"

"And you trust me?"

Kevin thought for a bit, "Yes, I do."

"Basically what I'm saying is that you have two choices. Either you accept our offer to take Mia until you're released and have the peace of mind that she's well taken care of, or we hand her back to the state and she ends up god knows where!"

Kevin observed Luke thoughtfully. His eyes were pained and Luke would understand his sorrow.

"Look, Noah's bringing her to see you on Thursday. At least meet with him before you decide."

Kevin agreed and Noah visited with Mia as planned. Luke wasn't allowed at that meeting but Kevin positively beamed on his return to the cell later that day, so he knew that Kevin had came to terms with things. Kevin held nothing but praise for Noah.

Now, as Luke lay on his bed, waiting for his family's arrival and wishing the time away; he mused on the subject of his life in general. He lazily twirled his wristwatch in his hand, reading and re-reading the inscription on the back, the words at this moment holding a whole new level of irony, "Worth the wait".

...

_"Oh! So, this is why?" He had that self satisfied tone he usually used when he'd made some major discovery and thought himself rather clever for it. _

_"What?" Luke wasn't paying much attention as he busily searched his closet for a jacket smart and clean enough to attend the Hospital Benefit in. Reid, being Reid, had sprung the invite on him with just an hour to spare, and now he was frantically trying to dress himself appropriately. _

_"We're waiting because you're still waiting?" _

_"Huh?" Luke spun around, still only dressed in a towel, to find Reid dangling his wristwatch by its leather strap. He'd taken it off and left it on the dresser while he took a quick shower. _

_Reid cocked an eyebrow at him._

_Luke sighed, "Reid! Come on! It was a gift!" _

_"Ah… now, depends entirely on how you look at it. A wristwatch is a gift, but a wristwatch inscribed with sweet nothings implying forever… THAT is more than a gift! And it's more than a gift that you're still wearing. So am I really that insane to ask?" _

_"Okay, well if it bothers you that much I won't wear it anymore then! It's not like I need to keep time when you make me late for every function anyway!" _

_"It doesn't bother me at all." _

_Luke scowled at him, "Then why did you bring it up?" _

_Reid sauntered over, reached out to pull his arm up and proceeded to fasten the watch to his wrist, before tapping his shoulder, "Just saying…" He gave Luke one of his all knowing stares before saying, "I'll wait for you downstairs…Hurry up! We're going to be late!" _

_Luke stood for a moment after Reid left, the finger of his right hand running small circles over the glass face of the watch. He quickly made a move to take it off, but stopped halfway, surprised suddenly at how strongly he felt unable to do so. _

_"It's just a watch Snyder!" he told himself, but he attended the function that night with the watch still firmly fastened around his wrist. _

...

"You knew even then Reid… didn't you?" he said softly.

"Ha? Sorry?" Kevin asked from the bunk above, where he lay reading his book. "Oh, nothing… I was just thinking out loud…"

"First sign of madness you know?" Kevin chuckled. He seemed to be a lot happier than he had been at the beginning of the week.

Before Luke could respond, one of the guards, a large man named Julio Rigley, appeared in the doorway, "Snyder, you have a visitor."

Luke blinked and then checked the watch, "But it's an hour early?"

The guard said nothing, merely shrugged in a 'nothing to do with me' kind of way.

Luke wasn't about to argue. If he was going to be granted an extra hour of visitation he certainly wasn't going to waste time asking why.

"See you later Kevin." He greeted, as he hopped up and at the same time refastened the watch to his arm.

Kevin looked up from his book to wave. Luke thought he had a strange expression on his face but he couldn't make it out. "See ya Luke… give Mia my love…" and then just as Luke reached the door, "Thanks for everything man…"

As they walked the usual route towards the visitation area, the guard suddenly took an unexpected right turn, making Luke stop dead in his tracks, unsure of whether to follow.

"This way Snyder…" The guard demanded.

"But…" Luke looked down the passage towards the door that led to the usual visitation room, "Where are we going?"

Again the guard shrugged, "Just following orders."

Luke felt a little apprehensive. He may have been there for only a month, but he was already moulded to the routine of the institution and he felt strangely out of sorts by this change in the norm.

Finally they came to a locked security door and the guard had to use an electronic pass to allow them through. It beeped loudly and, once they entered the next passageway, Luke recognised it as the main inmate reception area he'd first arrived in.

"Collect your stuff at the booth over there and you can use these cubicles to change." The guard instructed.

Luke frowned confused, "I'm sorry?"

But the guard was back through the security door before he had a chance to question him.

"What the hell?" Luke wondered. Everything about what was happening to him in that moment led him to the conclusion that he was being released, but he couldn't allow himself to believe that. Surely he would know if that were the case?

The man in the booth handed him a clipboard that displayed a list of the items Luke had left with them on his arrival.

"Sign here…" the man pointed to a spot on the paper.

Luke did as he was told, taking the package containing his belongings, and making his way to a cubical to change as instructed. It felt strange to be out of the blue jumpsuit and back into his normal blue jeans and t-shirt… Strange in a very, very good way!

Standing waiting for him as he exited the cubical was Gareth.

"Free at last! Free at last!" Gareth sung.

"You're joking!" Luke exclaimed, his stomach fluttering.

"No." Gareth replied, "If I were joking then I wouldn't have bothered coming all the way down here! And you, my friend, would most definitely not be standing there in your civvies!"

"Just like this?" Luke asked.

"Just like this!" Gareth smiled.

"Oh my god!" Luke said, softly at first but then laughing, "Does Noah know?"

Gareth nodded.

"OH MY GOD!" He grabbed Gareth and hugged him hard, patting his back with glee. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Gareth, struggling to breathe, laughed too and said, "My very great pleasure, now shall we get out of here?"

"Are you kidding? Lead the way!"

Luke couldn't wait to fling his arms around Noah outside of the detention centre. FREE! He expected to see them waiting for him right outside the main door but the space was vacant. As they reached the parking area, he scanned the horizon looking for him but instead of Noah, his eyes fell on Holden.

"Dad?" Luke smiled in shocked surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey son!" They shared a deep hug.

"You did it!" Holden said. "You made it through… I'm really proud of you son!"

"Thanks Dad!" He broke from their embraced and checked around once more, and then couldn't take anymore, "Not to sound ungrateful or anything… I mean… I'm REALLY glad to see both of you… where's Noah?"

"Well." Holden announced with a smile, "According to that handsome dark haired boy I've come to know and love, you told him you wanted to get married, and I quote 'the very moment' you got out."

"NO!" Luke shouted, cottoning on but barely believing it possible.

"Yes!" Holden laughed.

"Today?"

"Today!"

The eyes of both father and son welled up with tears and they shared a happy, laughter full hug.

...

Growing up Noah never once imagined getting married or what his wedding would be like. Of course he would later realise it was because getting married wasn't what he wanted, or rather being with someone of the opposite sex, wasn't what he wanted.

So it was with some relief, after Gareth told him the good news of Luke's impending release, that he discovered Luke had left his wedding notebook in the drawer of the bedside table. This gave Noah some kind of plan to go on and at least the wedding would be somewhat how Luke had intended.

It took great effort to contact and arrange transport for the people on Luke's extensive list. Obviously, being short notice, they wouldn't get everybody, but Noah was sure the most important people would move heaven and earth to be there.

He also had to rope Kevin into the plan. That Thursday he'd asked him to pack Luke's belongings after he was collected him from the centre. Kevin was only too happy to oblige although he did mention he would miss Luke's company. He also joked about how hard it would be to keep the surprise to himself!

And of course there was one aspect of the wedding they had still to settle on. One aspect that Luke had been stuck on… location. And it was only after visiting the spot every night since Luke's incarceration that Noah realised how perfect it would be.

There was also one thing clear from Luke's notes… He didn't want some flash, fancy wedding. He wanted something big, for sure, because Luke was all about family, and Noah knew he could never imagine getting married without as many of his family and friends there to share it with them. But Luke also wanted something simple, and relaxed. Easy going, just like they were…

As Noah stood shifting nervously in full view of all of their friends and family, anxiously awaiting Luke's arrival, he hoped Luke would like what he'd decided on.

...


	72. Another Step 8

It was strange to return home to an empty house after a month of incarceration. With the house so silent the walls seemed to echo the stories of the past weeks, and Luke couldn't help but wonder at the times he'd missed out on. If he listened carefully he could almost hear their voices, Nicholas and Noah eating and playing together, laughing, watching television; and then just the past week, dealing with the introduction of a little girl into their lives… He felt a strong pang of loss at that…

But it didn't take him long to shake it off. True, this wasn't exactly how he had pictured his homecoming, but he had a feeling this day was going to turn out to be a trillion times better than he could ever have imagined.

He was home and in a few hours Noah and he would be married. This event that he had dreamed about from the moment he first realised he was in love with the dark haired guy was actually coming true.

Luke had always known that he wanted to share his life with somebody. His large and close-knit family had instilled in him the values of marriage.

Yes, he also knew the dangers. He had watched his parents break up and get back together enough times to know about all those! But he always believed the advantages greatly outweighed any disadvantages.

And he believed in THEM.

His body tingled in apprehension at just the thought of seeing Noah but it positively quivered at the thought of marrying him.

"Welcome home Luke!" Holden announced, "Noah left your outfit on your bed. Let's get cleaned up. I'll use the guest bedroom to change in."

"I don't suppose you plan on giving me a hint about where we're going?" Luke pleaded, dying to know.

"Not a hope!" Holden called over his shoulder as he disappeared into the kitchen.

Luke nodded and whispered to himself, "Thought as much…"

He made his way down the passage to their room, catching his breath on entering. It was clear that Noah had spent some time preparing the room for their first night as a married couple and their first love making session in what felt like a century. Large crystal bowls of floating white flowers and candles, waiting to be lit, were carefully placed around the room; some on the floor, one on the windowsill, another beside the bed and one atop the dresser.

The bed had been carefully made up (with Noah's classic military neatness) in a brand new red comforter set with black, red and white accent cushions and, laid out in preparation for Luke, was his wedding outfit.

It was not a typical wedding suit and not at all what he was expecting to find.

A smile curled up one side of his mouth, "What are you up to Noah?"

Laid neatly on the bed was a casual pair of white linen trousers with a matching white Cuban Guayabera shirt, contrasting starkly with the red bedding on which they lay. Noah had left a red rose atop the outfit with a small tag attached to the stem. He lifted the flower to open the note.

"Beautiful Luke, will you marry me? If the answer is yes, put this on... I'll be waiting…"

Luke sat down heavily on the bed beside the outfit. He placed a hand on the fabric, tracing his fingers along the delicate white embroidered pattern that ran from shoulder to seam, just to reassure himself that it was there… that it was real! He re-read the note and touched a finger on those three little words that had come to mean so much, 'I'll be waiting…"

His father appeared at the doorway, a towel in his hand as he made his way to the guest bathroom. He leaned against the frame watching his son with interest, "Okay?"

Luke nodded quickly, too filled with emotion to speak.

"Well! Stop wasting time young man! Hop to it! You can't keep him waiting forever…"

As his father left the room Luke thought how wrong his father was… He suddenly understood in that moment that Noah would wait for him… Noah had always waited for him... Noah would wait for him forever…

...

His palms were sweaty and his knees were weak with anticipation.

With every passing moment another butterfly fluttered into his stomach to join the thousands already assembled there. He was so nervous he was sure he'd bitten a hole right through his bottom lip. He knew they wouldn't have to wait much longer. Gareth had arrived from the detention centre an hour and a half before to report that Holden and Luke had made it to the house. By now they should both have been dressed and ready to leave. He wondered if Luke was feeling as anxious as he was. He thought most likely not… Luke was so much braver than he…

He felt a small hand take his and looked down into the smiling freckled face of little Mia, gorgeous in her green floral summer dress, a tropical flower behind one ear, the sunlight accenting the diamond red strands in her hair. He was still coming to know the little girl, but there was one thing the past week had convinced him of… the child was born from the sun itself. The way her smile lit up her face would cause even the cruellest of men to crumble at her mercy. Everything about her spoke of sunshine, surf, ice-cream and happiness. And she had an uncanny knack, like right in that moment, of knowing exactly when a person needed a little TLC.

"Noah?" The tentative voice came from Natalie. The past month had been difficult for her too.

"Hey Nat."

"I just wanted to say… I mean…" she looked down at her feet and smoothed her hands nervously down her blue pastel bridesmaid dress.

"Nat?" He waited for her to look up at him. "I don't blame you and neither does Luke. It was just one of those things, okay?"

"But you've had to be apart for so long! I was so stupid! If I hadn't run off that night then none of it would have happened!"

Noah pressed a kiss to her head and held her hand, "Nobody's to blame. It was a terrible accident and it's all over and done with now, okay?"

She looked up at him sadly.

"Smile will you? This is a happy day!"

And she did, before hugging him, "I love you Noah! I already think of you as my big brother but I'm so glad I get to call you that legally now!"

When she stepped back Noah gave her the most reassuring smile he could manage through his nerves and asked, "Can you do me a favour and watch out for Mia today? I'm worried she'll get lost amongst all these people!"

"Of course." She reached out to take Mia's hand, "Come Mia, let's wait over here…"

"Is that them?" he heard Lily ask.

Sure enough, some distance away, he made out two figures just coming into view and as always, his heart knew instantly what his eyes could not yet make out… it was Luke.

...

They had been lucky with the weather. It was a beautiful day, not too hot with a cool and soft breeze blowing off the water. Luke guessed where they were going when, instead of heading for the car, Holden walked off in the direction of the beach.

The outfit suddenly made sense.

They both removed their shoes as they reached the sand and left them amongst the piles of other pairs they assumed must belong to the wedding guests. The small beach cal-de-sac at the end of the road was positively packed with cars parked haphazardly wherever there was space.

The sight that greeted them as the sparkling ocean came into view, caused Luke to inhale such a deep breath of air, he thought he might pass out from it. At the bottom of the dune, right at the spot where they often sat together night after night, talking, kissing, hugging, holding hands; was a throng of friends and family, standing on two sides to form a makeshift isle between them. Thoughtful as always, Noah had made sure there were a few fold-up chairs placed in the front and under the shade for those guests who required them, but the majority of people stood barefoot on the sand.

His eager eyes swept over the shuffling crowd and quickly found the tall figure standing, in an outfit very similar to his own, with a man Luke assumed must be the minister. They stood sheltered from the sun beneath a small white gazebo like structure, decorated on each corner with bright and colourful tropical flowers. Even from that distance Luke could tell how nervous Noah was. He had this way of standing with his hands clenched in front of him and he would shift from one foot to the other. He could already feel the magnetism they shared urging his feet forwards and closer towards him.

Luke smelt the lamb on a spit before he saw it, but way off behind the wedding party a number of men and women were busily preparing for the wedding reception. A temporary wooden dance floor had been set up upon the sand and a number of round dinner tables dotted the space, each covered in a white tablecloth, offset with a sea blue runner.

An endlessly long table ran along the beach filled with all kinds of food to go along with the lamb; so that they could all enjoy a barbeque like atmosphere after the ceremony.

It took a moment before he realised that a photographer was already taking pictures of him and his father arriving at the wedding, and he could see a few other people with cameras dotted around the scene. It didn't look as if Noah had forgotten a thing!

As his eyes returned to Noah he saw the man bend down to two tiny figures by his side and point upwards. The instant the boys caught sight of Luke they sped off in his direction as fast as they could, racing each other up the dune and kicking sand up in their wake. They looked adorable in tiny versions of the same out outfit Luke and Noah wore, except their trousers were beige rather than white.

The children flew up the dune, their arms already wide and expectant, "LUUUUKKKKKEEEE!"

"Hey!" Luke laughed and bent to catch Ethan who, being older, reached him first. Luke swirled him around and then dropped him just in time to catch Nicholas as he arrived for his turn. "Look how handsome you guys are!"

"Noah's been waiting for you!" Nicholas chastised, his arms wrapped firmly around Luke's neck.

"Yes." Luke agreed softly, allowing his eyes to once more fall on Noah in the distance, "Noah's always been waiting for me, hasn't he?"

Holden smiled, reading the double meaning in Luke's words.

"Yes! And us too! And Grandma! And Mia also! EVERYBODY!"

"Well, let's not keep him waiting any longer!"

With Nicholas on one hip and Ethan between them, clasping their hands, Luke and Holden made their way down the dune towards the waiting guests.

Towards Noah.

...

_The rest of the family had drifted off to bed, leaving Luke and Noah alone in the kitchen. Luke thanked God for the support of his family. Without them they'd never have been able to pull it all off. He knew how much they would need their help in the future too. _

_Noah was contemplating the marriage certificate in his hand. _

_"Pretty official looking…" Luke tried to joke, although he didn't find anything about the whole business to be funny. He knew he wouldn't be doing Noah any favours by acting like a spoilt brat about it all. He had promised to support him. Noah marrying Ameera was a joint decision they had made together, and that was how they would bare the consequence… together… _

_"Signed, sealed and delivered by the state of Illinois…" Noah replied, also trying to sound light hearted but instead sounding like a trapped puppy, "No turning back now…" _

_Luke moved to stand closer._

_"This might be silly but, I still hope that one day we'll have one of those with our names on it." That day now seemed even further away than it ever had before._

_"You and me both."_

_Luke smile as a spark of hope flickered, "You promise?"_

_"I do!" and their laugh together was full and real as they fell into each other's arms. _

_Where they both felt they belonged. _

...

Holden held back as he and Luke finally reached the waiting guests. They watched as Ethan ran up through the isle of people to find Lily standing near the front.

"Why are you stopping?" Luke asked his father.

Holden smiled softly for a moment and then nodded before continuing to walk his son up between the two rows of onlookers, one hand between Luke's shoulder blades and stopping once they reached the end, "I guess this is it!"

"I guess so." Luke was already beaming from ear to ear, his eyes having been glued to Noah's the whole walk up the isle, but he smiled even more when he briefly glanced away to see the look on his father's face, "Thanks Dad."

Holden cupped his cheeks and drew his head forward to kiss his forehead, "I love you son."

"I love you too Dad."

As his father took Nicholas from him and stepped to the side next to Lily, Luke moved forward to quickly kiss her once on both cheeks, "Love you too Mom."

She proceeded to burst into a puddle of tears that rendered her speechless and she indicated with her hand that he should continue.

She didn't have to tell him twice, he turned and noticed for the first time that Maddie was standing to Noah's left and waiting for Luke on the right was his brother, Aaron. His mind flashed to the first thing he wrote in his notebook.

Bestman: Aaron

"Hey brother." Aaron smiled, and Luke admired how handsome he looked, his dark hair scrapped back, wearing a Guayabera with a brown embroidered pattern.

"I have a question for you…." Luke began.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Will you be my Bestman big brother?" Luke laughed.

"Don't you know it?" Aaron smiled and they shared a quick hug.

"Thanks for coming." Luke whispered.

"Wouldn't have missed it for anything!"

He kissed a tearful Maddie hello and then turned, finally able to focus his full attention on Noah.

"Hi." He sighed as he stepped to Noah's right side before the minister.

Noah's smile was as broad as his own as he answered, "Hello."

...

**Please review... thanks...**


	73. Another Step 9

The sound of ocean waves crashing on the sand formed a natural melodic atmosphere and the sand felt warm under his feet as he dug his toes in as an anchorage.

"Our beach…"

Noah nodded, "OUR beach."

"Noah…" Luke shook his head and gestured at their surroundings, his skin forming goose bumps, "This is just… it's… in my wildest dreams I could never…" and then he flopped his arms to his sides, giving up when he couldn't think of any words to aptly describe it, "It's perfect!"

"I know we haven't had a rehearsal," Noah said softly, "but, I figured we'd know what to do once we came to it…"

"I think so too…" Luke bit his bottom lip and couldn't keep his eyes from sweeping up and down the fine-looking man in front of him. The embroidery on Noah's white Guayabera was blue, matching his eyes and highlighting his tanned skin. The shirt seemed to accent all the right areas, hinting at the promise of what lay beneath, "You look incredible!"

"So do you. They were Nat's idea. The shirts I mean…"

Noah was studying him with an expression of complete infatuation.

Luke shook his head yet again, "I keep thinking I should pinch myself because I'm sure I'm dreaming!"

Noah laughed and then pursed his lips, in the way he usually did whenever he was happy, "No… you're not dreaming. This is really happening…"

Luke sighed loudly as nerves and emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He felt suddenly glued into place, and they were content to simply smile and stare at each other in wonderment.

"Excuse me?" the minister interrupted, after it seemed they had lost themselves for a few moments, "Are we ready to begin?"

"Oh, yes!" Noah said, forcing himself to look briefly away from Luke and acknowledge the minister. A few of the wedding guests giggled.

But Noah looked far from ready. That want Luke was reading in his eyes seemed to be consuming him, and just as the minister opened his mouth to start the nuptials Noah stuttered, "Wait! Sorry! Before you… I just need too..." and he stepped forward in a flash, to pull Luke into a vice-like hug.

They giggled until they were crying with delight. Noah pulled back to look Luke over and then kissed him lightly a few times all over his face, thumbing the tears from his cheeks in the process. It had been a full week since they'd held each other and his touch vibrated through Luke's body.

"You're free!"

"We're getting married!" Luke countered and they laughed again.

By this point the guests had joined in, infected by their gaiety.

Noah hugged him so tight and for so long and Luke wanted nothing more than to stay in that warm embrace forever; so it was with some difficultly that he finally uttered, "Um Noah…" He gestured with a nod to the left, "What do you say we let this nice man marry us off?"

Noah blinked and then quickly stood back, arms at his sides, "Oh, yes! Sorry!" he said directly to the minister and then addressing their guests, "Sorry everyone! Yes, please go on…"

Luke felt like he would never be able to stop smiling. Noah was adorable beyond belief and it was obvious their guest thought so too as they laughed allowed at him.

"Not at all!" the jolly man replied, "It's what weddings are all about…!"

They locked ardent eyes.

"Let us begin."

Luke released a slow breath and, except for the sound of waves and the occasional seagull, a warm silence fell.

"Dearly beloved, we come together today to join Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer in marriage, reminding them that it is an estate desired and cherished by all generations."

"It's happening!" Luke thought to himself, "Oh my god! This is actually happening!" He thought about how miserable he'd been that morning, facing yet another predictable day in the stuffy centre, only to now find himself on a beach, savouring the salty air, surrounded by the people he loved and about to marry the man of his dreams.

He smiled as Nicholas decided to stand between them and lean back into Noah's legs, peering up at Luke admiringly. Noah bent briefly so that his hands rested on Nicholas's chest and the boy gripped up at Noah's arms. He stayed there for a time and then ran off to stand with Ethan by Holden's side.

"…with a love that will not waver and an abiding faith in one another, they will now make their vows, as we, their witnesses, friends and family, promise to support them, as they begin the weaving of their lives in an endless togetherness."

As the minister continued, Luke smiled out into the crowd of cheerful faces; he couldn't believe how many people had made the effort to attend on such short notice. Both Grandmothers were seated right up front, John accompanying Lucinda as expected and Emma balancing little Eliza on her knee. Emma dabbed a tissue to her eyes periodically and even Lucinda appeared to have shed a tear or two.

Behind them Luke spotted Casey and Alison, who both waved when he looked their way. Noah must have introduced them to Jonathan, because he stood smiling to their right, trying to keep his attention on the wedding rather than on Maddie, looking stunning in her blue dress. And to their left Luke was ecstatic to see that his cousin Jade had also made it to the wedding.

His eyes recognised other familiar Oakdale faces too. Jack and Carly had made it with Parker, JJ and Sage. Dusty and Janet stood close by with their baby son and to their right stood Lucy and his Aunt Sierra, who he hadn't seen for some time.

He also noted many of Noah's colleagues from work, including Melanie and her husband Jake. He spotted Jasmine and her new man, who Luke had yet to meet and Betty and Gareth.

And of course his immediate family stood right up front, Lily and Holden, now officially together since Holden had moved back into the house. His sisters, Faith and Natalie were both bridesmaids for the wedding. Natalie stood with young Josh and held Mia in her arms. The little girl smiled shyly at him when he waved to her. And then Luke's heart jumped for joy when he realised that even Abigail had made it!

He didn't have time to note everybody, but he knew there would be plenty of time for that during the reception party, so he returned his attention to Noah and the minister.

"Luke and Noah have chosen to pledge their own promises to each other. Noah? Would you like to begin?"

Noah nodded, took a deep and unsteady breath, and instead of addressing Luke, looked out over their friends and family and spoke directly to them, "I insisted that when we did this Luke should stand on my right. And we had a little scrap about it… you know? Because then he started to tease me about wanting to be the girl in this relationship!"

Luke snorted and there was an eruption of laughter and a few wolf whistles from their guests. Noah's cheeks turned beetroot red but he persevered, "But there's a reason why I wanted things this way..."

The crowd was quick to quiet again, anxious not to miss one word of what Noah was saying. Luke cocked his head, trying to anticipate him. Noah had yet to look back in his direction.

"It's because I'm right handed and…" he lifted his palm up to show them, "this is my strongest hand so" he reached out to interlace Luke's waiting fingers in his own, his eyes firmly fixed on their joining, "when I take his in mine, I know I'm gripping on with as much force as possible, so that I never have to let him go and I can pass my strength onto him…"

Their gripped hands were radiating an energy and power that swept through Luke in waves of comfort and joy. He felt a few tears tickle a path down his cheeks and he wiped them away with his free hand. He held his breath as the blue eyes finally rose to meet his in a soft gaze.

"…and hopefully this way I can show him, however symbolically, that I will always be here for him, no matter what. Right here! Holding his hand! Right where I want to be…"

"Awe!" exclaimed a few people and Luke looked around shyly, long enough to notice how almost everyone was either in tears or on the verge of them.

Noah gazed directly at him with a stare so piercing Luke froze in place. "Luke, we both know I'm not great with words… Whenever I speak I get no where near to expressing what's going on in my heart, but I'm going to try my best right now okay?"

"Okay…" Luke whispered in a shuddery breath, completely spellbound by him.

"From the first moment I saw you, when you slapped that pile of paperwork in my arms, I was fascinated by you." Luke laughed a little as he remembered and there were a few giggles from the crowd too, notably from Maddie, "My true heart was closed. I had locked that part of myself down so tight… but… somehow you had the key. You didn't even have to try and you walked right though that closed door and wound up inside here." His left hand came up flat against his chest.

They shared a moment as Noah allowed the words to settle.

"And now this love between us," he took a breath as he sobbed slightly, "this love that you give me so freely, so willingly… has become my home, my safe place and I can't even remember what life was like before you. I promise to be the man who deserves your love…" his voice fell to a whisper "…and I'll never take it for granted…"

Again Noah paused as he fought to compose himself before continuing, "You're my hero, Luke… my best friend and I… today… I give myself to you completely… "

Luke was shuddering as Noah took hold of his other hand, "Luke, I promise that I will love, honour and cherish you for as long as I live, if you'll have me..."

By this point Luke was a blubbering mess, and was starting to wish he'd been asked to go first. He wondered how he was going to get one word out, let alone top the amazing vows Noah had just made to him.

Not great with words?

"Thank you Noah." said the minister, "Now Luke? Would you like to begin?"

Luke nodded, trying to stem the tears and find his voice. He held up a hand to ask for a minute and heard as a number of people took advantage of the pause to blow their noses. Which prompted him, "Um…" he began, "Does anyone have a spare tissue?"

Noah was also welling up but it didn't stop him from sniggering at Luke. It was Lily that stepped forward to help and they had to wait as he composed himself.

"Thanks Mom!"

A hard lump had formed in his throat and he had to linger a while longer. Then, when he felt ready, he turned to address their guests, just as Noah had done a few moments before.

"How do I top that?"

He drank in the love he saw in the faces surrounding them as they laughed at how he, Luke Snyder, appeared to be the one lost for words.

Finally he spoke again…

"When people start to date for the first time they might think they're in love." He shook his head, "but most of them aren't. Most people don't end up with the first person they date or the second or the third even. First dates are like trial runs for the main event, you know?"

A few people nodded their agreement.

"But when Noah and I first met, fate had other plans for us… We weren't destined to share a mere childhood fling… oh no! We were in love pretty much from the start… and… and we were so young! Yet we found ourselves with this unbelievably powerful love between us. We didn't know what to do with it half the time! It was all consuming … overwhelming! And I think… I think… sometimes we just weren't experienced enough or sure enough within ourselves to deal with that level of emotion…"

Noah looked down at the sand, listening intently as Luke spoke to the crowd.

"There's a song I heard once and I'm paraphrasing the band's lyrics here because I think these words might help to explain what I'm trying to say." He paused as he tried to gather his thoughts. He wanted it to come out right… "Back when we first met… the potential of Noah and me was like a book, elegantly bound, but in a language we couldn't yet understand to read."

He gazed back up at Noah and retook his shaky hands, waiting until Noah recovered enough to look back up at him.

"But we know how to read that book now… don't we bubby?"

Noah nodded into his gaze and released a wet laugh, "Yes."

"So here we are…"

Noah visibly swallowed back the nerves and it reminded Luke so much of those first tentative times together that he felt sure his heart would explode with the affection he held for him.

"Things haven't always been easy between us… There've been times when we've almost called the whole thing off… almost given up… But this feeling when the two of us are together… this feeling has always been there, even during the times when we were apart. It's the one thing that has never changed, has never faltered and it's never been broken… no matter how bad things got… not even for a minute."

"And it's why we're still here…" Noah agreed.

Luke smiled softly at him.

"Yes... So, I could stand here and promise to love you and honour you and cherish you… but I don't need too… because being with you is an honour and a pleasure and a privilege that I am just the luckiest person on earth to have." He found himself laughing out loud, "And sometimes I still can't believe it!"

Noah sighed softly, "Me neither…"

"I do love you and I do honour you and I do cherish you and that will never change. That's forever. That's the easiest promise I could ever make…"

It was Noah's turn to cry. Always better at hiding his feelings in front of people than Luke, it was only a few tears that fell, but Luke could see the depth of his feeling behind the eyes, made bluer as he stood with the ocean behind him.

"Thank you Luke." The minister continued, "Now, Noah? Do you take Luke to be your husband? Do you promise to love him from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and to protect him always? If so, please say I do."

Noah face was washed with amazement at the words he was finally able to say, his hands squeezing tighter into Luke's, "I do."

"Luke, do you take Noah to be your husband? Do you promise to love him from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and to protect him always? If so, please say I do."

Luke couldn't stop himself from laughing allowed again, "Definitely! Definitely… I do!"

"May I have the rings please?" Aaron stepped forward, placed one hand on Luke's shoulder and reached over with the other to pass the rings to the minster.

Taking a closer look, Luke's eyes widened, "You found them?"

"You didn't exactly hide them very well!" Noah teased.

"Yes I did! The problem is you're so nosey and I can't hide anything from you!"

"You got that right!"

Luke caught his father grinning at the two of them and he smiled back. Silly banter had always played such a huge roll in their relationship and it felt right they should share a few playful words during their vows.

The minister held up his arms, a platinum band in each hand, "These rings are a symbol of the promise made between these two people before me, a promise that binds them together in an eternal commitment."

He handed one ring to Noah and Luke let out a breathy laugh as Noah began to slip it on his finger, "Luke, I give you this ring, as a token and a pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

"You really DID read my notebook, didn't you?"

"Every word."

The ring felt cool and beautiful on his hand.

The minster leaned over to hand him the final ring and it was his turn to slip a ring on Noah's hand, "Noah, I give you this ring, as a token and a pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

They couldn't stop grinning at each other as they realised the moment of truth had finally arrived.

"You have declared your consent and your vows before God, state, family and friends. People gathered here, Luke and Noah have given themselves to each other and I can formally announce them as husbands for life. Please show your appreciation by the clapping of hands."

His family would later say that the cheering and eruption of applause was deafening, even outside as they were, but right then, Luke couldn't hear it. In that moment they were totally alone together, wrapped in an overwhelming warmth and love for each other, and revelling in the joy that they were actually… finally… married.

Noah cupped Luke's neck, fixing him with a steady blue gaze and Luke reached up to cup Noah's in the same way. They leaned forward, chests heaving in emotion, to share their first kiss as a married couple. The shudder that went through Luke went through Noah, as though they shared one flesh. It was a sweet, slow and gentle kiss that lasted for as long as they both wanted it too. For in that moment, nothing and nobody mattered but them.

When they finally came up for air, still holding each other gently by the neck, Luke declared, "I'm so incredibly happy..."

It took a while before they noticed the shower of rose petals raining down on them, thrown from the hands of their family and friends gathered round.

Noah's smile reached his ears and he brushed back a few of Luke's bangs that had blown there in the sea breeze, staring at him as though memorizing his face, "Same here."

**I hope you enjoyed Another Step...**


	74. Finding Light 1

One day.

They had been married for just one day.

Maybe Noah was right…

Maybe fate did hate them…

...

_They fell through the bedroom door, arms grappling at one another in a heady mix of laughter, tears, lust, passion and kisses. But as they reached their final destination their kisses slowed, becoming more sultry and controlled. More concentrated. _

_After a few minutes that way Noah gently left his side to find the matches._

_Luke waited in the semi-darkness, shoulders heaving, for Noah to finish lighting the candles around the room. After he'd seen to the final one, Luke thought how striking the image of Noah, as he lifted the still lit match and gently blew it out. He looked up to notice Luke watching him and smiled that gorgeous 'we're about to make love' smile that Luke always found so erotic. Luke smiled back. _

_..._

As he sat waiting, thinking, remembering, holding onto those memories, he twisted the ring on his finger around and around with his other hand. His eyes were fixed on the cheap plastic clock on the wall, watching as the seconds ticked loudly past, echoing in his head.

His fear, which at first had glued him to the chair, had earlier begun to simmer and steam and then to bubble until now he was ready to explode, just like a volcanic eruption only worse.

_..._

_Noah dropped the used match back into the tiny box and returned to the corner of the room to leave the matches in the top drawer of the dresser. _

_Each floating candle would bob periodically as tiny movements in the house caused the water in the crystal bowls to ripple slightly and the light from each would danced across the walls and ceiling and most noticeably off the bodies of the only two people in the room. _

_Luke's eyes rested on the bed romantically dressed and ready for them on their first married night together. _

_Married! He still couldn't believe it…_

_..._

Tick, Tick, Tick…

Endless ticking, each one like a hammer to his brain and his heart…

He swallowed back the panic, trying to find refuge, a haven, in calming thoughts of him…

...

_He lifted his hand to admire the ring on his finger and inhaled loudly as Noah's right hand slipped around his waist from behind, continuing on its course, deftly undoing two buttons on his shirt and sliding inside to lie flat against his abs. His other hand ran up Luke's out stretched arm, his fingers spent a moment studying the ring there, before interlacing his and pulling both hands back to press against Luke's chest. His body pressed up against Luke's and his left hand moved to cup the back of Luke's neck, smoothing upwards to push back his long hair, clearing a path, so that his lips could follow behind… As Noah kissed his way up Luke's spine; sending shockwaves through every part of him, he in- turn wrapped his arm behind them, cupping and pressing the back of Noah's thigh._

_..._

"…tried to reason with him…"

"…angry. He was forced to leave…"

"...a deliberate blow…"

The words of the police officer's explanation jumbled together in his brain, adding fuel to the fire so that when the explosion finally did happen he was up and out of his seat, out the door, before anybody knew what had happened.

He heard Casey's chair squeak across the floor as he bolted after him, shouting his name, but his feet pounded hard and determined along the hospital corridor, he didn't stop…

…and neither did his thoughts…

_..._

_Luke's breathing increased even more as Noah's hand bent his head to the side so that his lips could find the back of his ear. He licked a path from top to bottom before sometimes biting and sometimes sucking at his lobe. _

_"I love you, Luke." _

_Luke shivered as the hot whisper travelled through him and he arched his back into Noah, closing his eyes and lifting his head to the ceiling so that Noah's lips could find easy access to his throat while his fingers rested gently under Luke's chin. _

_..._

He flew out of the cab…

He heard the driver shout after he left without paying but he didn't care…

He was beyond caring…

He ran up the stairs two at a time in search of the answers…

_..._

_As Luke enjoyed the heady scent of him, Noah's right hand travelled higher and slowly squeezed at his nipple… it felt incredible and Luke kept still, allowing Noah to do as he pleased, drowning in pure sensation. _

_Just this soft touch from him… these gentle kisses… were making Luke want to release. After weeks without him, his body was positively crying out for Noah. _

_"Hmmph!" He couldn't help expelling the groan as Noah's mouth found his lips and his tongue entered in a deep wet kiss from behind. Luke wanted to keep things slow. He wanted this to last. But his body seemed to have other plans and was demanding quick satisfaction. He fought against it but, in doing so, only managed to increase the intensity of the moment. _

_"It feels like the first time… doesn't it?" Luke whispered, referring to the absolute need he felt in that moment. _

_Noah smiled in agreement. _

_"There's… something I… never told… you before…" Noah's voice was gravelly between the kisses._

_"A ha?" Luke asked, "What's that?"_

_Noah turned Luke's entire body around to face him and placed his palm on Luke's cheek. Candlelight danced across his face, "You definitely look better with your clothes off than on…" _

_This suggestive comment caused a wave of excitement through Luke from his head to this toes and he giggled, "Oh yeah?" He reached up to start undoing the buttons on Noah's shirt, "You think so, ha?"_

_Noah's mouth back on his was answer enough, "You… taste… so... good!" Noah's fingers were still playing with the nipple beneath his shirt and he groaned loudly as Noah's other hand found his crotch. "I… want to… taste… all of you…"_

_Luke's breath hitched as the remaining buttons down his shirt came undone and the white garment fell to the floor. _

_Noah stood back, sweeping his eyes over Luke admiringly._

_Luke blushed, "Will you stop that? You're making me feel self conscious…"_

_Noah grinned at him and then roughly pulled Luke's naked chest to press hard against his own, "You're perfect Luke. You have no reason to feel embarrassed. Not ever…"_

_Luke took that moment to pull Noah's already open shirt off his back, "Since you mention it, neither do you…" he kissed a path across Noah's chest and heard him pant as his tongue encircled one nipple. _

_"Wait… later… first…" He pulled Luke's linen trousers down, eying him once, kissing him and then surprising him by pushing him hotly back onto the bed, "…first we deal with you!" _

_Luke's laughing was quickly replaced by groaning as Noah's entire mouth enclosed over him._

_"Noah…" he pleaded, "Noah, Noah, Noah…"_

_Finally Noah lifted his head._

_Luke gasped at him, "I don't want to finish too early."_

_Noah smiled, "Luke baby… We have all night and all day tomorrow…"_

_Luke laughed, "ALL day?"_

_"Unless you have something you'd rather be doing?"_

_"Um… let me think…" he raised his eyes to the ceiling, "…hmm, do I have something better to do then spend all night and all day in bed with my stunning husband… um… NO!"_

_Noah fixed his gaze for a few tantalising minutes, with an expression so beautiful Luke could never describe it in words. _

_"Husband…" he whispered, trying the word out on his lips as they formed in a supple smile. _

_"Husband." Luke nodded and then cackled out loud._

_Noah Laughed too. _

_Pretty soon they were rolling about together in pure and uncontrollable hysterics. Just as one felt he could stop the other would start up again until their bellies burned and tears fell from their eyes. Totally out of breath from laughter, Noah eventually rose higher to kiss Luke's mouth, tonguing his lower lip, before dropping, kiss by tender kiss, to continue his pervious pleasuring… _

_"Mmm…"_

...

Oh, how happy they had been…

He burst through the police station doors with such a loud force and radiating such a rage that several nearby officers instantly moved towards him. The whole station came to an abrupt and silent standstill as all eyes fell on him. He couldn't have cared less.

"WHERE IS HE?" Luke demanded, puffing and heaving with adrenaline. He made to start searching every room in the place but his path was promptly blocked by a couple of burly looking police officers.

"Sir? Calm down please." One of them said calmly.

But Luke was beyond the point of rational behaviour or remaining calm or being polite.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE!" he demanded wildly.

"Sir." The officer continued with practised professionalism, "We would like to help you but you need to calm down. If you don't calm down then we will be forced to restrain you."

Casey, having followed closely behind Luke's cab, arrived through the door and quickly grabbed at Luke's shoulders, trying to pull him back. "Come on man! Don't do this!"

"Mr Snyder?"

The blockade of officer's parted at the sound of the authoritative voice and Luke recognised Detective Mullins making his way over to them.

"I want to see him." Luke insisted quickly, violently shaking off Casey's hold.

"Mr Snyder…" he sighed sadly at the man in front of him, "Luke…"

"I need to ask him why! I need to know!"

"He's not here."

"What?" Luke felt his heart plummet, "What do you mean he's not here?"

"We released him an hour ago…"

"WHAT?" The anger peaked again.

"He's very remorseful Luke and we had no reason to…"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence… Luke had turned and was already heading with disgusted purpose out the door, Casey following hot on his heal, wondering how the hell he was supposed to stop his devastated friend from losing it completely. Man this seriously sucked!

"Luke!" The Detective yelled after him, "Don't go doing something stupid…"

...

_The skin of Luke's back was warm and smooth. It pulsed and shimmered as he rubbed his palm slowly up and down the hollow arch of it. He smelled fresh; soapy and clean after their quick shower session. _

_Luke had collapsed front side down on the bed the moment they got back to the room, promptly falling into a blissful sleep, his damp hair spilling across the sheet. His cheek was all scrunched up as it pressed into the bed and Noah chuckled at him. _

_His hand moved from Luke's lower back to the firm round peaches of his behind, smooth as a rock in the sea, which he kneaded slightly, making Luke's toes curl in his sleep and he muttered sweetly shifting slightly closer. Seeking Noah out even in slumber… _

_Noah studied the downy texture at the back of his thigh and continued south until he found one squeaky clean foot which he gripped, pressing his thumb firmly into the undersides, massaging him there. _

_Luke stirred, lips curling into a perfectly satisfied smile._

_Noah flicked his tongue on the tip of Luke's little toe and then closed his mouth over it, suckling gently; softly grazing his teeth along the underside of it. Luke arched his back upwards and moaned in response, the fist of his left hand clumping the nearest pillow. _

_As he tenderly moved the sucking to the next toe along, Noah allowed his hands to slide over his calf, tickling at his ankles. He lifted up for a breath and pressed his cheek into the foot's arch, feeling the heart beat there. It was fast and increasing. He kissed the tip of each toe and the top of the foot and crawled up the bed to lie over him, pressing his weight into him as he massaged at his arms. _

_Luke loved sleepy sex. Noah had learnt that pretty fast when they first lived together in Oakdale. And to be honest Noah loved it that he did… _

_Holding the power of seduction in his hands…_

_Luke's total trust in him… _

_His complete surrender…_

_Lying in a willing nakedness…_

_Safe in love…_

_Noah nuzzled at his ear, lapping at him, and couldn't help but notice how juicy his lips looked; all puckered up to one side of the sheet. He rubbed his fingers along the plumpness there and Luke sleepily kissed the ends of them. He pressed his brow into him, smelling the freshness of him, pawing delectably at him, caressing his recently shaven jaw line. His body began to tremble, his heart skipped a beat and his breath caught. He closed his eyes, savouring the feel of the man beneath him._

_"I want to lose myself in you…" he whispered, lubricating one finger and stretching down to insert it up into him, enjoying Luke's sharp intake of breath. _

_Luke hummed and rolled under him and Noah rubbed himself up against his thigh in readiness. _

_"God but you're just… you're just everything, baby!" Noah gasped as he pushed all off himself inside of him. _  
_"Aurg!" Luke exclaimed, groaning into the sheet and breathing heavily all of a sudden. _

_This was the feeling he loved, Noah knew, when his drowsy body didn't expect it and was swiftly shocked awake in one single sweep of Noah's hips. _

_Noah bit at his silky neck, withdrawing and pushing down hard, then reaching to find Luke's hardness under them and repeating the action. _

_"Aah!" Luke exclaimed, "Ha! Ha!"_

_Noah stayed firm inside of him, bit his ear and whispered, "Shh…" to calm him. He licked the tip of his ear and sucked at his jaw, waiting for Luke to relax again, giving him time to get used to it._

_"I love you baby…"_

_Luke purred in response and his body, sweating now, shiny, was less tense, gyrating in response to Noah's invasion there. _

_"God you feel so good! Do you have any idea how much I missed you?"_

_"Yes," he replied, responding to Noah's hand as it interlaced his own from above, "Because I missed you… ah… I missed you just as much…"_

_Noah turned Luke's head around as far as it would go and kissed him hard, their tongues met in fire and they devoured each other, crying out intermittently as he continued to thrust. _

...

The driver refused to travel any further without payment and Luke didn't actually have any cash on him. He'd rushed out the house in such a state he'd left his wallet, still in the drawer it was placed in before he left for the detention centre.

Realising the crazy man was taking him on a run around town without money; the driver promptly stopped and demanded he exit the vehicle.

Luke swore and screamed at him, saying things he would come to regret on reflection, but compelled by a fury he'd never experienced before and quite frankly didn't know how to control. Because this anger was fear fuelled…

He was only a couple of blocks away from his intended destination so he didn't waste time arguing. He took off running… houses, trash cans, flower beds, cars all flashed past him and he lost himself in the rhythm of the sidewalk paving stones, reaching the house in record time and not even out of breath.

Casey, having pursued him in a separate cab was there and swiftly moved in his way, grabbing at his arms, "Luke!" He shouted, "Stop this! Please! It won't help! You hear me?"

"NO!" Luke screamed back, "NOTHING can help him! But you know what Casey? It will help me! It will help me a lot!"

He caught the orange flash of his target's shirt over Casey's shoulder. The man, having seen them out the window of his house had decided it safer to flee and was sprinting across the lawn for the safety of his car. Luke was vaguely aware of his tearful wife watching from the doorway.

"HEY!" Luke yelled at him, shocking Casey with his strength as he was flung to the ground, as though he weighed nothing at all. "Stop!"

Luke ran for him, stretching out his arm to grab his shirt, but he was quicker. He jumped in the car and started the engine as Luke banged him the window.

"I'm sorry!" The man yelled terror stricken, before speeding off down the street, almost hitting a pedestrian on the way.

Luke wobbled (the chase up) and fell to his knees, watching the car until it turned out of sight.

The anger transformed rapidly into tears…

...

**Hope you like it :-)**


	75. Finding Light 2

It was the man's wife who paid both the cabs for the trip over. She also paid one to take them back to the hospital. She didn't say anything to the distraught young man on his knees in her flowerbeds or to his friend standing by his side, looking helpless. What could she say?

"Luke?" Casey tried as he closed the car door and they drove off.

Luke shook his head and was grateful that Casey didn't push him to talk.

He couldn't talk…

As he watched Los Angeles flash past the cab window he bit into his fist, replaying, as he had done over and over for hours, the events of the night before... trying to work through things, find a reason…

Trying not to dwell on that moment when Noah had shoved him…

Trying not to fear it…

...

_It was Noah who first responded to the doorbell. _

_Luke lay serenely in the afterglow from another sweaty and passionate session that had left him spent and vaporized. His hair was tousled and framed his peaceful face. His mouth was slightly open and his lips were still moist. There was nothing but relaxed satisfaction etched on his brow._

_He was stunning. _

_His husband._

_They had spent the entire day inside together creating their own piece of heaven. He hoped that one day he and Luke would be able to go away on a proper Honeymoon, but in the meantime the past day of continued love making and togetherness had been simply magical. _

_Nicholas and Mia were with Holden and Lily and the rest of the family in a hotel not far from their house. He was grateful they had offered to watch the kids for a day so that they could spend some badly needed and well earned time together; but Noah had to admit that he was looking forward to seeing them in the morning. The house suddenly seemed so quiet without all their little squeals and giggles. And he knew that Luke was also desperate to spend time with Nicholas and keen to get to know little Mia. Noah grinned to himself suddenly, thinking about how easily Mia, with just one smile, was going to wrap Luke around her little finger. _

_He was just starting to drift off himself when he heard the doorbell chime. He stretched up to check the alarm clock and it read 02:24._

_"What the fuck?" he whispered, immediately expecting the worst. What else could it be at this time of the morning, especially when everybody they knew had been told to stay clear of the loved up couple. _

_The bell rang again and this time it stirred Luke awake. _

_"Noah?" he mumbled confused._

_"Shh, go back to sleep, must be the wrong house or something."_

_He left the bed naked and searched the dark floor for his sweatpants and shirt, accidently kicking one of the crystal bowls over and wetting the floor._

_"Shit!"_

_He dressed on his way down the passage to the door. _

_Considering the time, Noah was cautious, turning on the outside light and peering through the peephole. He jerked his head back in surprise when he recognised the person standing outside and unlocked the door to the tear and snot stained mess that greeted him._

_"I'm so sorry." He sniffed pathetically._

_"Noah?" Luke called softly, rubbing his eyes as he made his sleepy way to the lounge, "Who is it?"_

_The kid's face was devastated when he saw the shirtless Luke and he started to shake his head, "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have come here… it was a mistake… I…I… I'm sorry…"_

_He started to back away down the garden path._

_"No, wait!" Noah reached out to him, "It's okay Josh."_

_The frightened boy considered him for a moment, looking just like a deer caught in the headlights._

_"Josh, it's okay. Come in."_

_Noah gestured with his hand and finally Josh limped into the house. As he past him, Noah noticed how much the kid was shaking and he couldn't get over the sight of him. He looked like he had gone three rounds in a boxing ring and come out the loser. His eye was black and swollen shut. He stood there by the entrance looking small and uncertain. Noah closed the door and gently placed a hand on each of Josh's shoulders making him jump in fright. _

_"You're safe. Come sit down over here…" _

_Luke was staring at them with wide-eyed amazement and confusion as Noah lowered the boy onto the couch, sitting on the coffee table to face him. Their eyes met and Luke nodded at Noah, immediately reading his thoughts and disappearing into the kitchen to find an icepack._

_"I'm so sorry!" Josh said again, "I was walking around the city and… and I didn't know where to go… and this man scared me in an alley and then… then… I thought… I thought maybe if I came here…"_

_It was then that Noah noticed Josh was barefoot and his feet looked painfully black and swollen. _

_"Okay Josh, just calm down. Try to catch your breath." Noah reached up and grabbed the icepack as Luke handed it to him, "Here, hold this to your eye. It will help bring down the swelling."_

_"Here Josh," Luke handed him a glass of water and an aspirin, which he took gratefully and drank in one quick gulp. Luke took the glass back from him, quickly threw on a shirt he'd grabbed from the clean laundry, and sat down on the coffee table next to Noah. _

_"Who did this?" Noah asked, pulling Josh's hand back to move the icepack slightly so that he could survey the damaged eye more closely. He frowned with concern, "Who did this to you?"_

_"It was your wedding…" he said in a small ache filled voice, "I thought… I thought if you two could do it… You know?"_

_Luke and Noah didn't know what he was talking about so they kept quiet and Noah gently pressed the icepack back into place. _

_"I told them." His voice was small, like a child's._

_"Told who what Josh?" Luke asked._

_"After your wedding, I spent the night thinking about it… how happy you are and how your family is so okay with everything…" he sniffed, "…and so yesterday I told them."_

_Noah cocked his head sadly at Luke and Luke reached over to find his hand and squeeze it. _

_..._

_Attending Luke and Noah's wedding with Natalie had awakened a strength and a want within Josh that he never knew existed. He lay awake all that night, counting the stars through his window and thinking about how happy those two men were together; how much they loved each other and how much they were loved by their friends and family. And he especially thought about how being gay didn't even seem to come into the equation as far as they were concerned. _

_It was amazing!_

_They were amazing!_

_They made him feel inspired!_

_He didn't know exactly how his father would react but he did have some idea. His father would hold barbeques at the house and he and his friends would crack nasty gay jokes every so often. And his father always changed the channel if a gay couple featured in a programme. It was his father's attitude towards gays that scared Josh into staying quiet. _

_He certainly couldn't imagine his father ever walking him down the isle to marry another man, the way Luke's father had. _

_He wasn't sure about his mother either. He had a very close relationship with her, and she didn't seem to mind him attending a gay wedding, so he thought perhaps out of the two, she would be the one to support him. He hoped so anyway. _

_He bunked school and spent the day going over how he would tell them. Formulating the words in his head… _

_At supper that night he sat at the table listening to his father talk about his work day and his mother talk about hers, listening to his little sisters arguing as usual. It was a normal everyday family dinner and he wondered whether his actions would change that forever. But he had to do it, because he definitely didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a lie. He definitely wanted what Luke and Noah had one day. That was one thing he knew for certain. _

_He waited until his father was seated in his easy chair reading the newspaper, and his mother was reading her book on the couch, before standing nervously before them. _

_"Mom? Dad?" _

_They both looked up and noticed him there for the first time._

_"Yes Josh?" His mother asked._

_"Um… you got a minute?"_

_His parent's glanced with confusion at each other, and Josh thought he must have looked guilty or something because his father asked, "You're not in more trouble over weed, are you boy?"_

_Josh bit his lower lip and shook his head, "No Dad. I'm not in any trouble."_

_"Well? Spit it out then?"_

_Josh looked from one to the other and suddenly realised that this was going to be a whole lot harder than he at first thought. This was the biggest thing he would ever have to tell them, he knew. His throat felt extremely dry and he wrung his fingers together in front of him. _

_"I can't tell you."_

_"What can't you tell us, Josh?" his mother asked kindly and he was grateful to her for that. _

_"No. I mean I don't know HOW to tell you."_

_"What's this about?" his father asked, obviously getting annoyed by Josh's hesitancy and keen to return to his normal nightly routine and his paper._

_Josh considered pulling out, but then thought back to the wedding and planted his feet. Standing firm he said, "There's something I've known for a while now and I've not been able to tell you."_

_"Why not?" his mother asked._

_"I was too scared."_

_Both his parents frowned at him. He stood staring back at them as one leg started to shake and he had to steady his breathing._

_"Mom. Dad…" it was so hard. He couldn't get the words out but he was resolved to doing it. Finally he whispered, "I'm gay."_

_"What?" his father asked after a long and silent pause, "What did you say?"_

_"I'm gay Dad." He said it with as much conviction as his tiny voice would allow. _

_"Don't talk rubbish! Where the hell would you get such a crazy idea?"_

_His mother sat in shock, her mouth gapped open._

_"It's not a crazy idea. It's the truth. I'm gay and I needed to tell you." _

_"But…" whispered his mother, "but Natalie?" _

_"She's just a friend Mom. She knows I'm gay." _

_"Now you listen to me, son!" he was caught off guard by the tone of warning from his father, "You are NOT gay! Somebody has led you to think that you are!" _

_Josh shook his head, "No Dad…"__  
_  
_"It's that girl's brother isn't it? It was that fucking sham of a marriage you went to yesterday!" His voice was sharp and cold as he turned to his wife, "I told you! I told you he shouldn't go! Now look! Are you happy? Now the kid's decided he's gay too! WONDERFUL!" _

_Josh felt suddenly like he was drowning, trying to fight against the current, theoretically holding his arms out for one of them to pull him aboard… hoping for it… desperate for their approval... _

_"Miles please…" his wife pleaded, but the man's anger was growing quickly._

_"Dad, Luke and Noah have nothing to do with this. I knew I was gay before I even met them!"_

_Josh didn't know what to do or say. Everything was happening so fast. His father's anger was building so quickly…_

_"You are NOT gay! Stop saying that!" by now the man had flown up from his chair and was looming over him. _

_"Dad… Dad please?"_

_"Miles, can't you see how hard this is for him…"_

_"Shut up Marion!"_

_Both Marion and Josh shuddered in disbelief at his father's reaction. Neither of them had ever seen him like this. _

_"Dad… I can't hide anymore… please understand…"_

_"The only thing I understand is that some sick perverts have twisted my son's head!"_

_"I'm gay!"_

_"Shut the fuck up, okay? You're talking shit and I want you to stop this right now! I'm warning you!"_

_Josh was shaking like a leaf. His father had never sworn at or in front of him before. From the corner of his eye he could see his two sisters cowering by the door, crying with fear at the anger blasting from every pour of their father. Even his mother was a timid heap of sniffles on the couch. Josh started to sob and couldn't hold back the tears. _

_This was wrong. This was all wrong._

_"There is no WAY that you are gay! There is NO possible WAY that I have a gay son! Do you understand me?" He waited for Josh to answer, obviously expecting Josh to agree, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" _

_But that strength Josh had found within himself took hold once more and he knew he would have to fight on this. It was either fight or live a life of agony. "This is why I didn't tell you guys! I knew you would act this way. Do you think it's easy for me? I spent the whole day worrying about this! But you HAVE to know the truth! You have to know it Dad! I AM GAY!"_

_The blow to his eye was so hard and unexpected, it knocked the wind out of him and he collapsed easily to the floor. He thought that would be it but his father seemed suddenly possessed and to his shock the man continued to pummel him; hitting him with blow after painful blow until finally stepping back in a breathless huff of fury. _

_Josh wasn't sure what hurt most, the physical violence or the emotional disregard._

_He could hear his mother and his sisters screaming in terror. _

_"GET OUT!" Miles yelled and then pulled Josh harshly up off the floor by his arm, ignoring his wife's plaintive pleading and dragging his son over to the door; chucking him out of the house, "Don't you ever think of coming back here unless it's to apologise for upsetting your family in this cruel way! Until you can behave like a proper man I don't' want to see you again! YOU GOT THAT? You come back here straight, otherwise I'll KILL YOU!" _

_Josh flinched in terrorised shock as the white door to his home slammed right in his face. _

_..._

_"I told them I'm gay." He shook his head and sobbed at the memory of it, "He was so angry! I've never seen him so angry."_

_The child broke down, his back jerking with the sobs and Luke moved immediately to the couch to hug him into his chest. _

_"I… didn't… know… where else… where else to go!"_

_"It's okay." Luke said, gently stroking his head._

_"I thought you… you would know… you would understand…"_

_"We do."_ Oh yes they did!

_"He hates me! He said he'd kill me! He's never done that before…" His voice cracked in pain, "He's strict but he's never hit me before…"_

_They sat with him for a while until Noah showed him to the bathroom so that he could shower, loaning him a pair of Luke's sweatpants and one of his own shirts. Noah sat on the end of their bed, waiting for him to finish. The child was clearly emotionally and physically exhausted and Noah put him to bed in the guestroom._

_"You can stay here for now, okay Josh? Don't worry." Noah told him before he fell asleep._

_"Thank you." He whispered._

_The kid's story was all too familiar to him and Noah's heart broke for him as he closed the bedroom door. He wondered what they could possibly do to make things right again. _

_He ran both hands through his hair as he made it back to the lounge where Luke was waiting on the couch. Luke took one look at him and quickly approached to wrap him in a close hug. _

_"Kind of brings it all back, doesn't it?" he asked sadly, rubbing his hands up and down the small of Noah's back. _

_"Yeah." Noah sniffed, "Sometimes, especially when it's just us, I forget, you know? I forget how hard it was... how scared I was of him… How much I wanted him to love me."_

_"Poor kid." Luke sighed as he gripped Noah tighter. _

_"How many are out there Luke?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I mean, how many like Josh? How many kids are out there afraid of who they really are?"_

_"I know."_

_"We're really lucky aren't we?"_

_He felt Luke smile against his chest, "Well! I don't know about you... stuck with me! But I know I sure am!"_

_Noah laughed and then grew serious once more, "I'm going to talk to them."_

_"What?"_

_"Tomorrow. You can stay here with Josh, wait for your folks to bring the kids home, and I'll go over to his house."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_Noah nodded, "Yeah, I feel like… I feel like I'm meant to do this. Do you understand?"_

_Luke pulled back from his chest so that he could kiss him, "I do. I love you."_

_"And I am lucky Luke. I'm more than lucky... I'm blessed!"_

...

**Don't forget to let me know what you think please... :-)**


	76. Finding Light 3

It was with some difficulty that Casey brought the troubled Luke back to the hospital and the warmth of his parent's embrace. After just a few minutes in the cab Luke was all set to turn the car around and start searching the streets of LA for the man's vehicle. So it was a huge relief to Casey when his friend finally agreed to give up.

His father held him as he wept.

"I need answers!"

"I know son."

"They just let him go Dad! And I tried to stop him but he drove off…"

"Okay. Shh now…"

"What if…?"

"That won't happen." Holden cut him off, "The two of you are strong."

"It's so unfair! It's so unfair!"

Holden simply soothed him with words and touch as a tearful Lily rubbed his shoulder.

Half an hour later he was sat back in the same chair as before, faced with more endless waiting.

"Mom?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are the kids okay? Do you know?"

"They're fine. Maddie and Alison have everything under control."

He nodded.

...

Noah's previously deep and heavenly sleep; where he'd dreamed of the wedding and especially of the wedding night; playing the scenes like a movie over and over in his head; was slowly threatening conclusion.

And he definitely didn't want to wake up! He wasn't sure why, but he knew there was something awful waiting for him on the other side of dreaming and he didn't want to go there… not for anything!

...

_They woke up in a tangled and bright hot heat that spilled from the window heralding the new day. Noah groaned and then chastised himself for forgetting to close the blinds during their frenzied love making. _

_Luke shifted beneath him as his stomach emitted a loud and angry growl._

_"I guess it's breakfast time, ha?" Noah grinned into Luke's hair, placing his hand flat over Luke's navel and allowing the tips of his fingers to just slip under the band of his sleep shorts. _

_"Mmm..." Luke sighed tickling his back "Sounds great! Although we might find it's actually lunchtime."_

_Noah laughed in agreement and they spent a few more minutes finding the energy to get up. They considered showering but decided they were too hungry. Instead Noah slipped on some sweatpants and they made a sluggish and shirtless path, never once breaking hold of each other, to the kitchen. _

_Noah was first to the fridge, disappearing from Luke's view as he opened the door and then reappearing with an evil grin on his face._

_Luke frowned at him suspiciously, "What?"_

_He closed the fridge door, leaning his back up against it and holding up a small pink pot, "Only ONE strawberry yogurt left!"_

_"Well THAT'S clearly mine!" Luke immediately argued, "I'm the one that always has yogurt in the morning!"_

_"I don't know Luke." Noah muttered matter-of-factly, "I kind of fancy it this morning…"_

_Luke returned a playful expression that warned, "You do and you die." _

_He watched with faked disapproval as Noah seductively pulled back the foil and sexily licked the lid._ _"You wouldn't dare!" He demanded and Noah loved how Luke's body was already beginning to respond to the erotic sight of him standing there shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, licking the silver lid with the tip of his tongue. _

_Enjoying himself, he opened a drawer and extracted a shiny teaspoon._

_"Oh COME ON!" Luke exclaimed, hands on hips, "Give a guy a break over here! I've been eating prison food for a whole month!" _

_Noah cocked his head at Luke, smiled and dipped the spoon into the tasty pink substance, bringing it up to his mouth and twisting it inside, so that the spoon slipped out his lips upside down._

_"Mmm, yum…" he teased, making a great show of sucking the thick yogurt from his bottom lip. _

_"THAT'S IT!" Luke laughed and launched at him. _

_But Noah was expecting it and sprinted off for the lounge, taking refuge behind the couch. As soon as Luke made a move in one direction, Noah would laugh and make a move in the other, careful to keep the couch between them as a shield. _

_Trying to keep a straight face Luke exclaimed, "Now you listen here mister…"_

_But Noah stuck another spoonful in his mouth with a grin, before Luke had a chance to finish his sentence._

_"You've just had your final mouthful!" Luke smiled and shocked Noah by stepping right over the couch and flinging himself at him, wrapping his arms around his waist with force and tackling him to the floor in a giggling heap._

_Luke kissed his strawberry yogurt filled mouth and the slippery creaminess allowed their tongues to smooth together in a new kind of deliciousness. _

_The touch of Luke's skin was soft and slippery and his scent bore a sweet hint of sweat and honey shampoo and sex. As thoughts of that drifted into his head Noah became distinctly aware of his and Luke's eagerness for yet another session. They just couldn't get enough of each other. He was deliriously happy. _

_As a cool breeze blew through the open window above them their eyes met with a pleading urgency, their hunger forgotten. Luke began to work on his lips, probing gently as though by doing so he could literally extract the essence from Noah's body. In his current state of pleasure Noah began to consider that this might actually be possible. He felt drenched in longing and need, especially as their heated tongues met in the midst of a hot and quickening breath. They greedily attached themselves together. _

_"Noah…" he murmured, just for the delight of saying his name, enjoying a brief kissing session somewhere in the hollow of his throat._

_"Hmm…" Noah was in bliss as Luke's voice played like music through his heart. _

_He felt his sweatpants quickly disappear along with Luke's shorts, and skin meshed with skin as Luke's weight pressed Noah's body into the floor. Luke moved atop him with ease, the want and hunger prevalent in the brown depths of his eyes, flecked with sunlight. He lowered himself gently, kissing Noah as he filled him. Noah groaned, revelling in the feeling, and reaching up to stroke the stray strands from his forehead, his fingers becoming entangled. _

_Luke's slow rhythm began to give way to urgent and demanding drives of passion and Noah arched his back as each blow threw him deeper into ecstasy. He was screaming and soaked and in an oblivion and he growled out Luke's name from the back of his throat. Their bodies demanded more and Noah urged him on, feeling that shiver building to a release that made him gasp for breath. Luke wasn't done so Noah leaned further upwards to taste a firm nipple between his lips, he bit down on it and Luke's cry was breathtaking as Noah welcomed the weight of him crushing down, hot and burning, into his waiting arms. _

_The small tub of yogurt that had started it all lay forgotten, contents spilling on the hardwood floor. _

...

Tick, tick, tick…

They all jumped up from their seats when Maggie appeared in the doorway a few hours later, "He's awake."

"Oh thank god!" Lily exclaimed.

"How did it go?"

"It's best you ask the doctor that Luke. He's not available right now but I'll let you know when he is, okay?"

Luke nodded at her.

"He's asking for you."

Luke looked up hopefully. Noah had asked for him? Maybe… just maybe…

He closed the door to Noah's room quietly behind him and waited there, uncertain whether to approach him. The sight of him, helpless, back in another hospital bed, set the tears off again.

Noah knew he was there but he sat head bent downwards for a long while, and Luke could hear him trying to steady his breathing. Tear tracks ran in droplets down his face. Finally he sighed deeply and lifted his hand to his head before holding it out towards Luke.

Luke was quick to cross the room and take it in a firm hold, kissing his fingers in gratitude, desperately in need of his reassuring touch. He sat on the visitor stool and they stayed silent together as he continually kissed and pressed Noah's hand to his face. Both were too overwhelmed, too shocked and heartbroken to speak and Noah didn't lift his head.

Luke wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, and he wasn't sure how to act, what to do, but eventually he had to ask.

He spoke softly into the backs of Noah's fingers, still held up to his lips, "Noah, can I… I would really like to… I really need to lie with you right now… would that be okay?" His voice shook with fear.

"Why are you asking me?" As Noah phrased the question he felt up Luke's face, his fingers finding the tearstained cheeks, Luke's hand never leaving his. He frowned as he wiped at the wetness there with his thumb, "Please don't be scared… because I'm terrified right now and… I want you here, Luke…"

Luke couldn't hold back a loud sob.

"You have no idea how much I feel like I should tell you to go…"

"Please don't…"

Noah shook his head, "…but I can't, even if it's what I should do… even if it's selfish to keep you here… Will you hold me?"

Noah shifted up so that Luke could climb up beside him and they cuddled together. He pressed his cheek into Luke's chest, his voice was trembling and small, "I'm sorry I pushed you…"

Luke merely nodded and then asked, "Can you tell me what happened? The cops gave me a run down, but…"

...

_It took Noah some time before he worked up the courage to ring the doorbell. From what Josh had told him, his normally stoic father had completely lost it at the news that his son was gay. He hoped it had just been a one off wild reaction and that after a night to sleep on it, he might have by now acknowledge his treatment of Josh and maybe softened. _

_"Noah?" Marion looked gaunt and drawn. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her nose red, and she carried a used tissue in her hand._

_"Good morning Marion."_

_"Um…" she looked about ready to fall apart and, on seeing him, pulled the door closed to just a crack and spoke in a lowered voice, "…now's not really a good time… so… if you don't mind…" and she began to close the door._

_"It's about Josh…" he said in a hurry and she pulled the door open again._

_"Josh?" she asked hopefully, "You know where he is?"_

_"Yes. He's at our house, Marion, he's a mess."_

_"Oh thank god! I was so scared to think of him out all night like that!"_

_"Marion," Noah had to ask, "Why didn't you look for him?"_

_Before she could answer she looked back into the house as both of them heard the shuffling of footsteps coming nearer, "You shouldn't have come here. You should go."_

_"I was hoping I could talk to you and your husband."_

_She shook her head in sudden panic, "I'm sorry… that's …it's just not possible…"_

_"Marion… this is about your son!"_

_She was just about to answer when he heard a gruff man's voice say, "Who's at the door?"_

_"It's nobody. The wrong house…" _

_But just as she began to make up a story Noah made eye contact with the dusty haired man behind her. _

_"You!" He yanked his wife out the way. He was clearly drunk and it was obvious that he too had been crying, "You're one of them aren't you! Your one of the fags that's poured a load of crap into my kid's head and now he's sprouting all this garbage at us!" _

_"Mr Carmody, your son needs you to listen to him."_

_"Don't you fucking tell me what my son needs! What he needs is to keep the hell away from the likes of you!" _

_"He's not trying to hurt you on purpose. Please Mr Carmody; understand how hard it was for him to tell you."_

_"OH YES! I'm sure! Really brave to stand up in front of his family and tell us he's proud to call himself a pervert!"_

_"Miles!" Marion begged her face apologetic. _

_Noah tried to ignore the remarks even as they stung, "Sir, your son just wants to tell you who he is…"_

_"How dare you? How dare you come to MY house and try to tell me I don't know my own son! I do! I know him! And my son IS NOT GAY!"_

_Noah saw it then… THAT look… It tore at his insides because all of a sudden it wasn't Josh's father standing before him, but his own. And right then and there, Noah realised there was nothing he could do. He had to accept defeat before he had even really begun to fight. If he hadn't been able to change his father then what hope would he ever have of changing somebody else's. Especially when that person was as drunk and far gone as this man appeared to be. _

_"I'm sorry you feel that way sir. You're right, this isn't my business. I'm sorry I wasted your time…" he nodded once at Josh's mother, "Your son's staying with us… if you decide you do want to talk…" _

_"Damn right it's not your business!" Miles kept yelling in slurred sentences, even as Noah had left the front door and started his way down the garden path, "Giving him ideas! Turning him away from his family! Fucking with his head!"_

_Each sentence the man uttered increased in anger and volume and was like a rat gnawing at his heart, forcing up memories from his past he had thought long gone. _

_He stopped briefly to send Luke a text and was just about to insert the phone back into his pocket when he heard Marion cry out, "Look out!"_

_But he didn't have a second to even process the thought before his head exploded. He was briefly aware of hard paving stone under his hands and spiky grass on his cheek, before he blacked out. _

...

"When you didn't come back I knew something was wrong." Luke said in a raspy voice, "You were only a few minutes away. My folks kept saying not to worry and Casey and Alison dropped by to say goodbye and they tried to convince me you were fine but I knew… I just knew… I felt it…"

Noah's entire body shook as he cried and dug himself closer into Luke.

"I'm so sorry bubby…"

...

_Luke heard his cries of pain the moment he and Casey flew through the elevator doors and it was just as if someone had suddenly stuck a hand down his throat to pull his insides up through his mouth. He felt sick and had to stop for a moment just to breathe. _

_"Luke!" It was Nurse Maggie, running towards him from the direction of the cries. She had called him from the hospital when she recognised Noah, "Thank god you're here at last! We need to sedate him… they need to operate quickly… but we can't unless he quiets… Maybe you can help…"_

_"What happened?" he asked desperately. _

_She shook her head, "I don't know the full story but," she sighed and placed a kind hand on his shoulder, "…he was hit from behind…"_

_"What?"_

_"…he came around just now and… and Luke… I'm so sorry but… he can't see…"_

_Luke stumbled and she caught him in her strong arms with the help of an equally shocked Casey. Suddenly the fear and panic and sheer pain he could hear in those cries were all too familiar to him. Scenes from the past flashed in quick and painful succession across the backs of his retinas threatening to throw him into a state of utter chaos. _

...

_"I can't see… I can't see anything!"_

_"I want to be by myself…"_

_"Please! I don't want your help or anyone's!"_

_"…everything's different. We can ever go back…"_

_"...every time I hear you speak or you touch me it just all comes back in this flood…"_

_"You can't do this for me Luke!"_

...

_"NO!" Luke wept, "Please! Tell me no!" _

_His hand came up to his mouth and he looked around for a moment completely lost, searching for answers he knew he'd never find there, before another anguished cry from Noah sent him hurtling for the room. _

_His horrified eyes fell on the blood soaked sheets of the bed but Noah wasn't in it, instead he was on the floor in the corner, hugging his knees up against himself, sobbing and gasping in sheer disbelief and terror. He was extremely pale and his head had been temporarily bandaged, most likely by the paramedics. Blood had soaked the gauze clean through, so that it matted his hair and dripped down his face and neck. _

_The nurses kept calling his name, trying to get through to him, but as soon as one got near he would shake her off. His weeping blue eyes were wide and blank and sightless. _

_"Noah!" Luke yelled in a strangled cry. He crossed the room in just three long strides and dropped beside him, reaching out instinctively to comfort him._

_"Don't touch me!" Noah screamed in panicked anger as he shoved, violently throwing Luke backwards into a nearby stool which crashed to the floor with a loud bang. _

_Noah froze, sensing him there, realising suddenly that it was Luke he'd pushed away. He shook his head from side to side, crying out in devastation. Tears poured and he turned away from them all, pressing his side and head up to the wall, hugging his knees, and wrapping into a shivering ball. It wasn't that he had calmed but rather that he had deflated exhausted and weak from loss of blood. He didn't move as a nurse quickly administered a shot to his arm, eventually rendering him unconscious. _

_"Noah…" Luke whispered from a hitching breath. Still prone on the floor he reached out to touch Noah's hand and he continued to touch it, right up to the point they lifted him onto a gurney and took him away. _

_Left alone in the room, he crawled up against the cold wall, crying noisy sobs into his fists as he survey the blood stained bed and floor and wall. He wondered at how life could choose to be so completely merciless. He didn't notice Casey slide down the wall next to him until his arm came around him, encouraging him to rest his head on the comforting shoulder offered by him._

_It was then that the anger began building..._

...

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed! It's appreciated! :-)**


	77. Finding Light 4

"She's got such a beautiful smile." Noah said softly, almost to himself, wringing his hands together above the coarse hospital blanket.

Luke had just re-entered the room after seeing the doctor out and telling Casey and his parents not to wait around. They left after he promised to send them regular updates.

"What's that?" He asked trying to sound relaxed even though he wasn't.

He settled himself back on the visitor stool and stroked Noah's arm to let him know where he was.

"Mia…"

"Yeah?"

"God!" he shook his head and a tear dropped from the corner of his eye, "I wanted to see your face when she smiled at you like that… I really wanted to see it..."

"Noah…"

"And Nicky? And his drawings…? And… and you…? FUCK!" Both his hands flew up to grip his head.

There was a long, silent and pained pause in which Luke could do nothing, say nothing, but sit and watch him sadly.

Finally he had to try something so he took Noah's hand in his, "Noah, the doctor said…"

"…the doctor said it may well be temporary…" Noah interrupted bitterly, before Luke could continue, "…isn't that just the standard response?"

"Noah…"

"Isn't that what they said the last time?"

Luke could understand his frustration and especially his fear, "Baby, until the swelling comes down we still have some hope, okay?"

Noah nodded but Luke felt the nod was more for his sake then that Noah actually agreed with him.

"Luke…?" Noah said in a small voice, squeezing his eyes together. When he opened them again Luke could tell he was struggling to say whatever it was that he needed too.

Luke hated it; the sudden feeling of distance between them. That loss of vital eye contact, where so much of their communication took place…

"If this is permanent…"

"Please don't…" Without the eye contact, it was the tone Luke instantly picked up on.

"I'm not going to tell you to leave me." Noah said quickly, "I said I'd never hurt you like that again and I meant it."

Luke sighed in relief but it was short lived.

"But there's no miracle doctor this time, Luke. There is no Reid. So I'm not going to tell you to leave, but… but if this is permanent… then I am going to ask you too."

Luke felt his stomach clench and he held tighter to Noah's hand, shaking his head, "No…"

"Please, Luke!"

"NO!"

His voice was so stern that Noah actually jumped and he closed his eyes briefly, continually shaking his head, knowing Luke well enough not to try arguing. But he did whisper, "I don't want this for you…"

"I know you don't, but you feel this?" he placed Noah's fingers over the ring on his hand and watched as Noah bit down on his lip, trying to hold back from crying, "Bound together by this… forever… no matter what…you got that?"

Noah didn't reply, just hitched a breath.

"Okay?" Luke demanded.

"Okay…" it was a tiny whisper, almost outside the realm of hearing.

"Besides," Luke continued, "It's my choice to make... like you said… And it's a pretty easy one at that…"

...

_"Okay everybody! Attention please!"_

_The talking and laughing continued._

_"Listen to Dad!" he yelled again. _

_Finally he stuck two fingers in his hand and wolf-whistled loudly, the way he usually did to call the horses in. Those at the same table as him, including Luke and Noah, grimaced at the sound and held their hands up to their ears, laughing. _

_The crowd began to quiet. _

_"I'd just like to say a few words and then everybody can go back to being all raucous." _

_Dessert was almost over and people were ready to get up and start the dancing; so it took some time for Holden to get the quiet he had asked for. But he didn't mind. He stood there at the table, smiling that soft smile, taking in the sight of his family and their friends enjoying themselves as the Californian sun slowly started to set, and the fairy lights surrounding the dance floor came on like so many tiny fireflies. _

_Finally he had their attention._

_"Luke! I'm just amazed! I can't even believe I'm standing here right now!"_

_Luke smiled shyly at him and Noah watched him adoringly. _

_"One minute you were this tiny little blonde terror, running around, climbing trees… falling out of trees!" Holden raised eyebrows at him._

_Luke laughed and so did a few other Snyders. Noah thought there must be a story there he'd not heard before and made a mental note to ask Luke about it later. _

_"One minute you were playing with those small plastic horses, do you remember them?"_

_Luke nodded._

_"…and the next you were riding a real one way better than me! One minute you were driving toy dinky cars through little tunnels dug in sand and the next minute I was teaching you how to drive my truck."_

_Lily reached up to take Holden's hand as she sensed him getting emotional. _

_"And Luke, my son, every single memory I have of you is sweet and never forgotten. You've come so far and I'm proud of the fine and caring man you are. And I'm proud of the way you face challenges in life."_

_"Thanks Dad." _

_"But I tell you! It doesn't matter how old you get, I will always see that stubborn little kid in there!"_

_Luke laughed again, "And you'll always tell him off! I know!"_

_Again the crowd of onlookers laughed._

_"And I'm so happy to be here, watching you marry the man that you love. The person we have all come to love, as a brother, a nephew, a friend and for me and for Lily… a son."_

_He looked to Noah then, and Noah thought his heart might stop when he recognised the love in his father-in-law's face. _

_"Noah. We are so blessed to know you, son. You never cease to amaze us with your courage, your strength, your honesty and your fortitude. And I couldn't be happier to see you marry Luke, because with you I know he's loved. And you make him happy! I mean… would you just look at him! He glows when you're around!"_

_"Here here!" came a shout from one of the other tables and a few people giggled as Noah blushed._

_Holden seemed to get serious then, "Now, two days ago you called me and asked me a question, do you remember?"_

_Noah's eyes widened and he nodded nervously._

_"And I didn't really give you an answer, did I?"_

_Noah shook his head slowly, half smiling, eyes welling up._

_"And I hope you don't think that it's because I didn't like the idea. It's just that your question touched me so deeply that I had to cut you off… so that I could recover. Because as I'm sure you've come to know I'm not really one for public displays of emotion… I guess we have that in common…" _

_Lily smiled at her husband._

_"So, son, I was wondering whether you'd like to ask me that question again, in front of Luke and the family?"_

_Noah felt completely taken aback. He locked eyes with Luke who returned his gaze quizzically. He hadn't foreseen this at all and he was shaking as he stood up reaching out to take Luke's hand for courage._

_"Holden," he began, his voice laced in nerves, "when I marry Luke," he smiled looking down at those deep brown eyes, "now that I AM married to Luke," he laughed slightly and then faced Holden once more to finish his question, "do I have your permission to change my name to Snyder?"_

_There was a collective gasp from all._

...

"Mr Mayer? Excuse me sir?"

He didn't want to wake up dammit! He didn't want to leave those memories behind!

"I'm sorry to wake you sir, but it's time for your bath."

"No…"

It hit him. Just as it always did the moment he opened his eyes from that beautiful dreaming to nothing but darkness! The depression was on the verge of drowning him when…

"Mr Mayer?"

"It's Snyder." He replied without thinking and was jolted by it. It was a reflex. Natural and unconscious. It surprised him.

"I'm sorry sir?"

"My name, it's Noah Snyder. I'm changing it."

He felt something move deep within him. It was warm and safe and constant and he felt a smile come to the corner of his lips.

"I see, well… Mr Snyder…?"

"But you can call me Noah…" the smile grew bigger.

He heard her laugh, "Okay then, Noah, my name is Sarah and now that we've settled all that, do you need help with your bath?"

"Um. If you can just show me around the room, I can do it."

"Of course. Let me help you up."

...

Luke hadn't wanted to leave Noah at all, but eventually he had to admit that he was exhausted. They both knew they'd been away from the kids for far too long, especially Nicholas who could still get extremely anxious without at least one of them nearby.

The house was dark and quiet when he entered and he found Casey and Alison; Maddie and Jonathan sleeping on separate mattresses on the lounge floor. He knew his parents were back at the hotel with Natalie, Faith and Ethan. He sent up a silent prayer of thanks for their amazing friends.

Mia and Nicholas were curled up together, top to tail, on the couch. Mia gripped a stuffed yellow rabbit and her pink shirt had ridden up to under her arms, so Luke gently pulled it back down and drew the sheet up around her. Nicholas had his thumb stuck in its usual position in his mouth. He slept curled on his side and his hair was all ruffled and spiky, just like Noah's tended to be in sleep. But he looked contented and that was the main thing. Luke smoothed his cheek and kissed him gently before quietly tiptoeing towards the passage.

He was just wondering whether he could risk a shower without waking them when he felt a chilled wind blowing at his hair and noticed that the sliding doors were open a crack. Sitting outside on the top step of the decking, his legs drawn up towards him, was a solitary shadow. Luke felt the sudden need to chastise himself. He had been so concerned about and focused on Noah that he had completely forgotten about poor Josh, and the personal hell he was going through.

"Hey…" Luke said as he stepped outside.

Josh jumped about a mile into the air at the sound of his voice, turning to Luke and immediately searching for an escape, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! They said you wouldn't be back tonight… I'll go...!"

He made a move towards the door but Luke just put a finger to his lips, indicating he should keep it down, and gently slid the glass closed.

"Go where?" he asked.

The kid looked terrified, hanging his head and staring at the floor as though he wished it would open up and swallow him whole.

"Josh?" Luke waited until the boy lifted his eyes to meet his, "Where are you going?"

"I shouldn't have come here! If I hadn't come then…"

"Then what?"

"Noah…"

Luke sighed and took a seat on the wooden step, patting the space next to him, "Sit down."

He did, but not as close as Luke had indicated.

"Do you know what I think, Josh?"

The boy shook his head.

"I think that regardless of whether you had come here or not, at some point, Noah and me would have found out, and Noah would still have gone to see your dad."

Josh frowned at him.

"It's just the way he is." Luke looked out over the yard at the quarter moon, peaceful and still in the breezy air. Finally he said, "You can stay here as long as you want. Okay?"

Josh nodded in amazement as Luke stood to leave.

As he opened the door he whispered, "It's not your fault. I don't blame you and neither does he."

...

"Luke! Luke!" Small hands were digging into his ribs.

He opened one eye to find Nicholas grinning and cocking his head at him.

"Sorry." He turned his head towards Maddie, who stood in his doorway shaking her head, "I tried to keep it from them for as long as I could."

Luke smiled at her to let her know it was okay and then sat up on this elbows to peer down the bed and catch the green glint of Mia's eyes. She stood there looked extremely unsure and worried.

"Hello Mia. Why don't you get up on the bed like Nicholas?"

She shook her head.

"No? Okay then."

He allowed his head to plop back on the pillow and then grabbed Nicholas in a hug.

"Come here you!" The child screamed in delight.

"Are you back forever Luke?"

"Yes baby."

"Yay!" He bounced on his knees.

Luke watched Mia as she quietly patted over to the bathroom and pushed the door open, searching inside, looking for Noah.

"Where's Noah, Luke?" Nicholas asked.

"He's coming home soon baby…"

"Is he in the jail now?" Luke almost laughed at that, marvelling at how much better Nicholas made him feel.

"No, he's not."

"Alison made breakfast when you're ready." Maddie said.

"Thanks, I'll be there in a minute."

She nodded at him with a small smile.

Just after Maddie left he heard a small sob and almost wept himself at the sight of little Mia, hanging her head and crying her little heart out. He realised how scared she was. It was Noah she had bonded with since the children's home and she had only a vague awareness of the part Luke would play in her life.

He climbed out of the bed and walked over to her, squatting down to her level and lifting her chin up to him. He smiled at her, kissed the top of her head and hugged her into him. At first she was limp but after a minute she lifted her hands up and allowed him to comfort her.

"I want Noah." She sniffed.

"I know you do sweetie. And Noah really wants to be here too… and he will be soon, okay? Everything's going to be fine, I promise."

Once she was calmer he sent the kids to the kitchen in search of food while he changed and a few minutes later found everyone gathered around the table. Alison had lain on a feast of eggs and bacon and toast and even waffles.

"Wow!" Luke exclaimed, "Alison! I never knew you could cook like this!"

"Yeah well! You learn pretty quick when you're trying to save money on the road. And one of us had to! This one can't tell the difference between a knife and a spoon!"

Luke smiled, "Well even if he can't cook it, I know from past experience that he definitely knows how to eat it!"

"HEY!" Casey complained good naturedly and everyone laughed at him.

"Josh awake?" Luke asked them.

"Not yet, but I think he's had trouble sleeping, poor kid. How are you doing Luke?" Alison walked over to him and gave him a quick hug.

"It's not really me with the problem now is it?"

"No… I can't believe it! I can't even imagine what is must be like for him… For both of you…"

There was a silence while they all contemplated the situation and then Maddie broke that by pulling up a chair and steering Luke to sit down.

"Come on! Eat up! You're no use to him weak from hunger!"

There was another silence, this one a little uncomfortable.

"So!" Luke exclaimed, "Casey and Alison? What the hell happened? I was surprised to get that postcard from France! I thought you two were off to college?"

"Oh yeah that…" sniggered Casey. "Well! We registered for classes… Gwen and Will even put us up and everything!"

"They were sorry they couldn't make the wedding!" Alison quickly chimed in, "Gwen's about ready to pop that new baby!"

"Anyway…!" Casey snatched back the attention playfully, "We entered this on campus competition where we had to squeeze as many people as possible into a car…"

"…it's AMAZING how many you can get in there!" Alison cut in again and everyone laughed.

"So we won! Alison and me! And the prize was this trip to Spain! It was only two weeks so we decided to jet… you know? I mean how many chances do you get to do something like that in life?"

"Oh my god guys! It was incredible!" Alison exclaimed, "We just fell in love. And then we thought, hey… we're still young, one year wouldn't hurt! So we just never came back! We just kept going! Until a few weeks ago of course!"

Luke smiled at them, "So you're planning to start college this year then?"

"Yip!" Casey agreed as he bit down on a slice of toast. "We did plan on doing Africa but now that we're back we've realised how much we missed the States."

"That's so romantic!" said Maddie dreamily, even though she'd already heard the story the night before.

They sat together and ate for a while, deliberately skirting the subject of Noah and trying to keep things as cheerful as possible. Luke was grateful for their effort but he found it difficult to eat and even more to lift his spirits. He ended up staring at his plate and cutting his egg into a million pieces.

"The idea is to actually EAT the food Luke…" Jonathan joked.

Just then his phone rang and Alison handed it to him as she walked around serving up orange juice.

"Hello?"

"Hello Luke, Detective Mullins here."

Luke scowled, "If you're phoning to apologies for letting Carmody go you're too late!"

"Luke, I understand how you feel about that. I really do. But the man admitted to what he did, he's prepared to face the consequences, he's remorseful and we have no reason or time to hold somebody like that. He's not a flight risk."

"Not a flight risk? He's gone Detective! He drove off that very night!"

"He's right here."

"What?"

"He's just turned himself back into the station. He said he fled because he was scared of what you would do. He said you were very angry."

Luke laughed bitterly, "Angry? Darn right I was angry!"

"He's asking to see you."

Luke wasn't expecting that and didn't know what to say.

"He does want to speak to you Luke, but he wants me to be there."

Luke shook his head. The coward!

"Luke? You still there?"

"Yes, I'll be there in and hour…"

As he hung up he heard a tentative but determined voice behind him say, "I'm going with you."

Josh stood in the doorway his eyes burning with feeling.

...

"Well now!" John exclaimed with a wide smile, watching as Lucinda swept across the floor of the Lakeview dining room towards him, "Don't you just brighten the room with your very presence?"

"Says a fine and dashing figure of a man such as yourself!" She replied, dropping her shawl and waiting while he kissed her cheek, before sitting on the chair he held out for her.

"I'm so pleased you had the time for lunch today my sweet! I'm sure you said you were going to slow down on the whole working thing!"

Lucinda smiled, "Well, you obviously don't know me as well as you think then… This IS me slowed down."

They both laughed.

The waitress interrupted them to hand Lucinda a menu and then John asked gravely, "Any news on Noah?"

"Yes. It's true I'm afraid."

"Oh Lord! That really is too bad…"

"As if those two boys haven't been through enough already! And right after the wedding like this! And, of course, as you know we've lost young Dr Oliver. I just wish there was something…" her sentence fell away as her vision settled on someone.

"Lu?"

But Lucinda was far away, remembering a gala event where she had been introduced to the man seated at a table not far from her. The man was a surgeon at Oakdale Memorial and, at the time, had expressed his delight at the amazing opportunity he'd been given to observe and learn from the operations conducted by the renowned Dr Reid Oliver. A man who absolutely never had the time or patients to pass on his skills; and certainly had never before allowed himself to be observed by anybody who wasn't his superior.

"John!" she exclaimed with excitement.

"Yes darling?"

"I think I may have found salvation!"

...

**Thanks for reading...**


	78. Finding Light 5

"Hello?" he sounded tired but upbeat Luke thought.

"Hey bubby, it's me."

"Hi. I thought you'd be here by now."

"I know. Sorry. There's something I have to do first… it shouldn't take long and I'll be there right after, okay?"

"Okay. Um… Luke?"

"Yeah."

There was a pause and Luke waited for him to find his voice.

"I missed you last night and… I wanted to say… I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Yesterday… what I said…? I won't hold it against you if one day it's all too much and you WANT to leave…"

"I'll never leave you…"

"…but I don't want you too. I never wanted you too. I need you. I'm sorry I said it."

"Oh Noah…" He wished he could reach through the phone and hold the man to him.

"I love you and… as long as you WANT to love me back… I'm going to let you."

"You know? I feel like a ten ton weight has just been lifted off me."

"I'm sorry. It's just because I want the best for you… you know?"

"Don't be sorry. Just… thank you…" He was so chocked up with emotion he barely got the last two words out.

"Okay. Well. You'll be here later?" There was hope in that voice. There was hope!

"You bet!"

Luke closed his phone and stood before the police station door, taking a moment to recover. He let out a shot of breath and then smiled through his tears. Finally! He got it! Noah finally understood!

"Luke? You okay?" Josh asked, nervously fidgeting beside him.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good. Are you ready for this?"

"Not really, but I think I need to do it."

Luke nodded at him with a comforting smile. "You can go first… or do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I can manage. Thanks Luke. And I mean for everything! I'm just so sorry. I can't believe what he's done! You know? I mean my dad's a good guy! He's never…"

"Josh! I want you to stop apologising to me, okay? You are not your father! You are not responsible for his choices or his actions! Do you understand me?" His voice was firm.

Josh nodded tearing slightly.

They entered the police station and a couple of officers, recognising Luke, immediately stepped forward in case of an incident, but Detective Mullins was waiting for them and indicated they should stand down.

"Hello Luke and you must be Josh?"

The boy nodded.

"I'll need a statement from you Josh… if you think you can manage it today."

"Anything." Josh stated seriously.

"Where is he?" Luke asked, anxious to get the visit over with so that he could get back to Noah.

"Now Luke, if you don't keep your temper at bay in there I'll pull you out. Got that?"

"I'm not going in first anyway. Josh wants to see his dad."

"Okay, well then, Luke you wait here… Josh, follow me."

Luke nodded encouragingly at him as he followed behind the detective shuffling his feet and staring at the floor, suddenly looking a lot less determined than he had that morning. They reached the interview room and the detective was about to open it when Josh stopped and looked back at Luke.

"What is it Josh?"

He shook on one leg for a minute, "Will you… can you come in with me?"

Luke smiled, "Sure."

"If you're going in, I'm going in…" The detective warned.

"You okay with that Josh?" Luke asked him.

"Yeah." He muttered.

"Right. Let's do this then."

...

Luke raced into Noah's room and almost searched every square foot of it, even under the bed, before sanity set in and he stopped to take a breath. Where is he?

There were missed calls from the hospital when he and Josh left the police station and when he called; the nurse said Noah had been rushed into surgery. That was all he heard before he was running for a cab, Josh hot on his heels.

"Nurse!" he yelled, exiting the room past a shocked Josh. "Somebody?"

Where were they all? The place seemed devoid of hospital staff!

"Luke?"

He turned and his eyes widened at the sight of Lucinda and John coming towards him.

"Grandmother?"

"We tried to phone you Luke. I am so sorry."

"Sorry?" His heart stopped beating and he shook his head, "No…"

"Oh darling!" Lucinda cut in, grabbing his shoulders, suddenly realising what he thought she meant, "Noah's fine sweetheart!"

"Oh…" It was a breath and he keeled over for a minute before standing upright again. "Do you mind not doing that to me? I don't think my heart can take much more!"

"I apologise dear."

"Where is he then?"

"Well!" said John, "It's a good thing your grandmother is a resourceful woman, Luke! It seems we were just in time!"

"Just in time for what? Would somebody please explain to me why Noah's back in surgery?"

"We tried to get hold of you Luke but your phone kept going to voicemail."

"I know! Damn! I was at the police station talking to Miles Carmody."

They stared at him blankly but then decided not to question how that went under the circumstances.

"Come to the waiting room, and I'll explain everything to you…" Lucinda said gently, leading Luke by his shoulders.

Josh followed silently from behind.

"John was treating me to lunch at the Lakeview late yesterday afternoon and I ran into a Doctor I met more than a year ago. At that time he was Chief of Neurology at Oakdale Memorial and I remembered we had had a short discussion on Dr Oliver…"

"On Reid?"

"Yes. I told him how you were the one to bring Dr Oliver to Oakdale and that he was looking into curing Noah of his blindness. Anyway, he thanked me for my wonderful grandson," she smiled at him proudly, "and told me that he was being allowed to sit in on Dr Oliver's operations."

Luke's eyes widened as he realised where she was going, "Did he sit in on Noah's operation?"

"Yes sweetheart, he did! Noah's and other patients' too… and he learnt a lot! The moment he heard what had happened he told me we only had a short period of time to help Noah."

"What?"

"Apparently he needs to work with the swelling and if we wait for the swelling to come down it may be too late!"

"So you brought him here?"

"Yes, of course I did. He's in the theatre with Noah as we speak."

"And… and… can he help?" The question was extremely tentitive.

"He thinks so. He seems sure."

"Oh my god! I'm almost too scared to get my hopes up."

She hugged him.

"Thank you! Thank you so much Grandmother!"

As they waited for news on Noah, Luke's eyes fell on Josh, seated quietly in the corner, contemplating the state of his life. The meeting with his father had been interesting to say the least, and Luke wasn't really sure what to make of it.

_... _

_Miles was obviously shocked as his son walked in, accompanied by Luke and Detective Mullins._

_"Josh…" he whispered. _

_"What have you done Dad?"_

_His father looked away from him and back at Mullins, "This wasn't part of the deal! I said I would speak to THAT!" he nodded toward but didn't look at Luke, "That was the agreement!"_

_"My name is Luke." _

_The man glared at him and Luke could see the hatred there as Miles fought to keep it at bay._

_Luke, for his part, was fighting his own battle as he held that gaze. He couldn't help the feeling of de je vu; like he'd been in this situation before. There were so many things he wanted to say to this man, so many questions he had, but he didn't want to take this moment away from Josh. It was his right! He had earned it! _

_"Josh asked me whether he could come with and I said he could."_

_"Why did you do this Dad?"_

_It seemed his father could not look at him instead he stared at his hands as they lay interlocked on the table before him. He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry I did it. I wanted to hurt him…"_

_Luke clenched his fists together but remained silent._

_"…but I never meant to blind him… I… I was drunk and angry…"_

_"He was walking away!" Josh reminded him._

_"I know." He shook his head, "I just had all these images in my head of you and him and…"_

_"What?" Luke exclaimed, not able to keep quiet at that._

_The man glared that hatred back at him. "Well! We all know what you sickos get up to, don't we!"_

_Luke made a move towards him but Detective Mullins was quick to pull him back, "Luke! I'm warning you! Keep your cool or you're out of here!"_

_Luke's breathing was hard and heavy but he nodded and stood firm. "You see this?" he asked, holding up his hand to show the man his wedding ring and ignored the way the man scoffed at him. Fighting to keep the shudder out of this voice he continued, "This means love and commitment and it's the same as any other union in this world! How dare you? How dare you sit there after what YOU did and pass judgment on us? You almost killed him! And now he's blind! Possibly for the rest of his life!"_

_The man shrank back some, "Yeah well I am sorry for that okay? I wouldn't wish that on anyone!"_

_"He's been blind before Dad." Josh whispered. _

_"What?" The man's eyebrows rose._

_"Noah. He was blind before and he got his eyesight back! And you've take that away form him! I've looked up to you my whole life Dad! I've listened to you and I've admired you and now you do THIS?"_

_Luke was surprised when the man actually started crying at the words from his son._

_"Can you even imagine that Dad? To be blinded a second time? And… and he was only trying to help me! He was trying to help US Dad!" Josh sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "He doesn't even know us! He didn't owe us anything and he STILL tried to help!" _

_His father shook his head, "There is no excuse! I'm ashamed for what I did. I shouldn't have done it and I'll take my punishment for that. But… but that doesn't change anything for me! I can't accept this life you are choosing! It's disgusting and it's WRONG! If you want back into this family you have to start behaving right!"_

_"Oh like YOU Dad? Forget it! You're asking me to deny who I am, just so that you don't have to feel embarrassed at the Country Club!"_

_"You will NOT talk to me that way! You hear me! I am still your father?"_

_"Are you? Are you really MY father? Or does that only apply to the non-existent straight version of me? The perfect kid you've made up in your head?"_

_"Josh! You're just a kid and you're at the age when people start having all these strange feelings and…"_

_"STOP! Stop trying to make out like this is some kind of phase with me! Nobody put these ideas into my head! I KNOW who I am! I'm Josh Carmody. I like swimming and surfing and tennis and I'm good at school and I'm gay. And you can't change that!"_

_"Now you look! It's time that you learnt some respect and started to behave like a man!"_

_"Oh I have respect Dad. Only it's not for you! It's for Luke and for Noah, because when I needed a father it wasn't you who stepped up! It was them! And they've had their lives messed up because of it!" He took a deep and chocked breath, "I love you Dad. I do. But from this moment on you are no longer my father… My father's dead." _

_With that, Josh turned and left the room. _

_Miles stood and made to go after him but Detective Mullins blocked his path and shook his head. _

_"This is all your fault!" The man spat at Luke. "You lost me my son!"_

_Luke felt suddenly sorry for the sad man before him. A man losing his son all for the sake of some misguided idea. _

_"You didn't need my help for that, Mr Carmody. You did a fine job all by yourself. I hope you realise that one day! For your sake as well as for his, I really hope you do. And until then, so long as he doesn't have a home with you, he'll always have one with us."_

_Even though, on first entering the room he so much to say, Luke felt suddenly deflated. What was the point? It wouldn't change anything. He sighed and followed Josh out of the room. _

...

When Noah opened his eyes it was dark. He was slowly getting used that again; no longer waking up in a blind panic before remembering. But that didn't mean he was okay with it! Far from it! He wanted to cry and scream and throw things and hit someone, just like the last time. Because it was that same anger and frustration boiling inside him…

But Luke…

Luke and how he felt about Luke was different this time. It was Luke's right to love him, Noah, the way he chose to. It wasn't Noah's right to take that away from him. And he realised that this time. That despite not wanting Luke to have to care for him for the rest of his life, what he wanted didn't matter. If he loved Luke he had to allow Luke to love him. Anything else would hurt him. And Noah would never hurt Luke again.

And there was an enormous comfort in that and it was this comfort that was keeping the anger at bay. It was giving him hope and making him feel secure, even with a shaky future. He was thinking about this and then remembered Lucinda and Dr Coleson; who had come all the way from Oakdale to help him by using Reid's methods. And he felt a sudden stab of disappointment because he was awake and it was still black… only… he moved his head slightly and noticed a haze, a faint wobbling of lines within the darkness that weren't there before. Not light so much as a form or a shape.

He patted the bed beside him, looking for the call button but instead finding the warmth of a hand and then feeling up that arm to find the hair, that texture he knew so well.

"Luke?" he spoke but it came out as a dry and raspy whisper and he realised how thirsty he was. "Water…"

He also realised that he didn't have much energy in that exploring hand. He patted the cheek he found softly and felt him stir beneath his fingers.

"Luke…?"

"Noah!" he shouted the name and Noah heard his body shoot upwards.

"Water please…"

"Oh, yes! Sorry baby… I fell asleep… here you go."

He felt Luke's hand lift the back of his head and the straw tickle his lips. He drank thirstily and groaned as Luke took it way.

"Just a little bit. Doctor's orders!"

"Damn doctors! Think they know… everything!"

Luke laughed and it filled his soul.

"How you feeling bubby?"

"WONDERFUL!" he felt instantly bad for the sarcasm. He made a note to try and stop using Luke as a battering board.

"Still dark?"

Noah frowned, not sure whether to mention the lines. He didn't want to get Luke's hopes up. He still wasn't sure they were actually there. "Yeah…sorry… I didn't mean too be all…"

"It's okay…"

He searched out Luke's hand with his own and Luke helped by grabbing his.

"I'm glad you're here." Noah whispered sleepily.

"Me too."

...

**Hope you liked it...**


	79. Finding Light 6

"Your eyes are bwoken Noah?"

He felt the small hands gently run down his forehead and feather his eyelids. He shifted back into the couch to give Nicholas more room.

"Yes baby, they are."

"Why?" Mia asked from the other side of him, sitting in the crook of his arm and gripping his forefinger with her hand.

"I hurt my head and now I can't see baby." He kept breathing in short sharp shots to keep his emotions at bay. He didn't want them to be afraid for him. He didn't want them to see how scared he was.

"What's it mean?" Nicholas asked, confused.

"Well," said Noah, "Close your eyes."

There was a silence.

"Are they closed?" Noah asked and received an "Aha" from Nicholas and a "Yes" from Mia. "What do you see?"

"Nothing." Nicholas said.

"It's dark." agreed Mia.

"Well that's what it means. That's all I see even when my eyes are open."

He heard the little gasps from both of them.

"All the time?" whispered little Mia. Noah could hear the fearfulness in her voice.

"Yes baby."

"But… but how do you eat and get dressed and stuff?" Nicholas asked.

"I have to learn to do all that stuff without my eyes Nicky."

"But HOW can you?"

"Well maybe you guys can help me?"

"I will!" offered Mia.

"Thank you, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head.

"But… but when can you see again?" asked Nicholas worriedly.

"We don't know. We have to wait to see if the doctor has fixed me or not."

"And then you can see?"

"We hope so, baby." His voice cracked. He would give anything to see their faces and the sudden thought that he might never do again hit him like a ten ton truck. Luckily Luke sensed his sudden mood and moved in to rescue him.

"Come on you two… Let's give Noah some rest, okay."

"Nooooo!" Nicholas moaned, not wanting to leave Noah's side.

"If we want Noah to be fixed then we must let him sleep, okay? Besides its lunch time… and I made lasagne!"

"YUM!" Score! If he ever needed Nicholas's attention he just needed to mention food. It worked every time! The child jumped down from the coach and headed straight for the kitchen, Mia on his heels.

"Thanks." Noah whispered and allowed the tears to fall. Luke leaned over the back of the couch to squeeze him from behind, kissing his cheek.

"LUKE! LUNCH!" Nicholas demanded from the kitchen.

They both laughed and Luke kissed him once more before leaving to feed the children.

...

"Luke?"

The bedroom was rich in smells of all kinds; sweet and spicy, aromatic, perfumed; and Noah could also make out a few essential oils; lavender, rose, cinnamon, sandalwood and saffron.

Noah frowned in confusion. Just a few minutes ago Luke had asked him if he needed help taking a shower and he'd declined. In fact he was amazed at how many things he could still do without his sight. It seemed to come back to him naturally, scaring him a little, but at the same time helping him, because at least he didn't have to feel like he was totally reliant on Luke for everything. So whenever Noah thought he could manage alone he would, hoping to give Luke a break; time when he could watch TV or work on his book or play with the kids.

Maddie and Jonathan had returned home to Bruce; and Holden and Lily were forced to take the kids back to Oakdale for school, so Noah was grateful that Casey and Alison had agreed to hang around. He wasn't sure how they would have coped alone with two young children and a teenager. The process of dealing with all the emotions that came with adapting to his blindness was a painful one in itself.

He'd left the bathroom expecting to find the room empty, but instead he immediately sensed Luke there.

"Luke?" he asked again, adjusting the towel around his waist so that it hung a little tighter.

He was confused when Luke didn't responded.

"What's going on?"

Suddenly he was aware of the body standing inches from his. He could hear his breathing and feel his breath reach his cheek.

"I thought I'd give you a sensory experience." Luke whispered.

Noah smiled, "Did you order in an entire Asian Spice Market?"

Luke snorted and Noah could hear him struggling to hold back his laughter, "Not the WHOLE market… maybe just one or two things…"

"Aha, and what does this experience entail?"

"Well… first you need to open your mouth."

Noah frowned in suspicion, "What for?"

"Don't you trust me?"

Noah cleared his throat in jest.

"Ah come on! Humour me…"

"Where's everyone else?"

"Josh is at school, Alison has taken Nicholas to the beach and Casey has taken Mia to visit with Kevin."

"Oh right. It's Thursday."

"Yip… now do as you're told and open your mouth…"

Noah did and felt a freezing cold spoon enter through his lips. He closed them over an icy ball of strawberry ice-cream, his favourite.

"Yum." He said.

"You see! Not bad, right?"

He drew breath as Luke's hand stroked down his right arm on his way to a corner of the room. He heard him rooting around.

"Luke?"

"Just stay right there…"

He heard the click of the play button and the sounds of a rainforest came on; all waterfalls and birds and wind in the leaves. Very peaceful and calming… He closed his eyes for a second and allowed himself to float there in his head, while all the different smells in the room started making him feel giddy.

Finally he felt Luke's hand, cold, presumably from the ice-cream, smooth down his back as he made his way to stand before Noah once more.

"Okay," he whispered, "now try this one..."

Noah immediately opened his mouth expecting to eat something else but Luke said. "Wait."

His mouth closed.

"First… smell…"

He breathed in deeply through his nose and was rewarded with the rich cocoa aroma of dark chocolate with a hint of cherry. He eagerly parted his lips to receive the treat he knew Luke held in his fingers, but instead Luke's lips met his and the chocolate and cherry mixture poured into Noah's mouth along with that distinctive taste of Luke. The combination instantly sent a very urgent and distinct message to his crotch and he expelled a deep whimper, especially as Luke's hands came up to press into his chest and then curl around his neck.

He gripped Luke's elbows as they kissed and then quickly and unexpectedly, Luke stepped back from him.

"Sorry." He said, sounding uncertain, "When I did this I wasn't trying too… You just looked so… I didn't mean we had too…"

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and get back over here!"

He heard Luke smile. He wasn't sure how that was possible but he did. Luke's arms were quickly back around him and the next kiss was heartfelt, but then he broke away again.

"Hey?" Noah complained.

"Just wait a sec…" He sounded like he'd had an eureka moment.

There was a shuffling coming from around the closet area and when Luke returned he placed a strip of fabric in Noah's hands. Noah felt up and down the length of it and immediately recognised it to be a tie.

"I want you to blindfold me…"

Noah felt goose bumps forming. "Are you sure?"

"I want to feel what you're feeling…"

It was incredible how fine tuned the tone of Luke's voice was now that his sense of hearing was heightened… Noah could hear every sound from him, half breathless, half chocked between laughter and passion. He felt up his arms, along the smooth hard curve of his shoulders, finding his neck and looping the tie around his head, feeling gently up his face to position the fabric with Luke's help and securing the tie on the side of his head.

Luke took his hands in his and began to move backwards, drawing Noah with him towards the dresser where Noah suspected he had placed all his sensory items. One of Luke's hands left his and Noah felt the other pat up his body, searching for his chin to find the position of his mouth so that the other hand could return to tease a slice of melon between his lips; which Luke followed with his tongue. Luke was gentle as he touched and explored him, his mouth on a nipple, in his ear, on his neck. Noah felt in him that sudden and amazing surge of power and he lost all sense of time.

And so it began…

There were deep seated and secret aromas he'd never noticed when they'd made love before, but with the blindness these were heightened and left him begging, craving more. After a thousand and one different taste kisses laced with vanilla ice-cream, chocolate mouse, toffee, Noah licked the last of the velvet sugar off his lover's lips, his heart skipping a beat at every touch and knees weakening on each flick of Luke's tongue to his.

Instead of fearing the darkness, they were losing themselves in it, using it to experience a different kind of sexual encounter and growing more and more excited by it, reaching a new level of enlightenment. Noah sensed Luke's grace and his beauty by listening to his gentle moans, and drowning in his addictive vapour and feeling him, every bump and curve and angle, tight and wanton against him. Using his hands to see; sliding his palms flat against Luke's chest and belly, around his waste, cupping his buttocks, drawing them down over the bulge of his thigh to the back of his knee's and smelling him out, until smell changed to taste which he licked greedily off the tip of Luke's manhood. Luke's groans filled his ear drums and spurred him on, and Noah felt him twitch and throb in the depths of his mouth. His hitching breath sounding so much louder than ever before…

And these were just the sensations Noah was experiencing in the giving, what he was receiving in return was driving his brain into a mental state of pure euphoria… Never knowing where Luke's hands or lips would next fall and exploding in rippling shivers each time Luke's fingers grasped, tickled, smoothed his skin, cupped him, squeezed, rubbed, pulled at him; physically shaking and releasing a guttural moan as Luke's wet tongue explored inside of him.

Later, as the spasms slowly died away, Luke lay half turned to him, sticky with flavours they'd licked off each other, wordless, comforting; hearts thumping the same rhythm. Noah pressed his nakedness against him, burying into his hair. He clung to him and he wept into their love and it felt good.

...

Noah slammed the breadbin open, grabbed the bread, threw it down on the counter top and slammed the breadbin closed again. He had no real reason to be annoyed by it, he knew that. It was such a little thing and done for all the right reasons, but he hated it just the same.

Luke was attending a meeting to finalise the last aspect of the Grimaldi Shipping sale and so it was left to Noah to make lunch for himself and the kids. When he entered the kitchen it became quickly clear that Luke had placed everything he would need to make lunch on the kitchen counter, within easy access.

"Dammit Luke!" he huffed.

He paused and took a deep breath and resolved to calm down about it. It was done out of love and concern and he would just have to talk to Luke about it; so that he didn't do the same thing the next time. And there would be a next time, wouldn't there? And another, and another… It had been a week since his operation and, except for those occasional lines across his eyes; sight remained an elusive thing…

"This is forever isn't it?" a tiny voice kept uttering in his brain.

He sighed and pulled the plate Luke had left closer towards him, felt around for where he'd dumped the bread and removed two slices, placing them on the plate. It was as he made a move to find the butter that he swung too quickly and knocked something off the counter. It sounded like glass and it definitely broke as it hit the floor.

"FUCK!" he yelled in frustration and then felt like kicking himself when he remembered the kids watching a DVD in the lounge next door. He rubbed his face with both his hands and felt his way along the countertop to the sink, opening the cupboard under it to find the dustpan and brush. He squatted down and carefully felt around the floor until his fingers found the squidgy mess and broken glass. He started to locate the larger shards first, dumping them in the pan, he continued this slow progress until, suddenly, he felt a hand on his, taking the pan from him.

He heard the brush sweeping the floor and the contents empty into the bin, before he was steered to a kitchen stool and urged to sit.

"Was it ham you wanted?"

Usually Noah would protest, but this was the first time during the week that Josh had interacted with him at all, beside the occasion greetings of hello. Whenever they were in the same room Noah knew Josh was there just from the sheer force of nervous energy radiating from the kid. He'd spoken to Luke about it, and they'd decided to let him be. He would deal with things in his own time.

So, although receiving this kind of help in any form was usually a no-no for Noah, he made no attempt to stop him. "Ham, yes please."

He listened to Josh butter the bread and open up the ham.

"Um, do you have mayo usually?"

"Yeah. And pickles but I guess I'll have to forego those this time!" he smiled to encourage Josh to continue.

"Unless you like the taste of glass and dust in your food..." Josh joked.

Noah laughed, "Just a little ham, cheese and mayo will be great thanks."

"Okay."

Noah remained quiet as Josh worked. Again he could feel that apprehension and shame from the kid.

"I admire you a lot, you know Josh?"

There was silence as Josh froze in the middle of his task.

"I never did what you did."

"What did I do?"

"I never stood up and told my dad I was gay the way you did. I hid who I was for a long time… and I was older than you are now before I could even admit it to myself. I never had your courage."

"I doubt that!"

"Yeah well… it's the truth."

"So, where is he then? Your dad?"

"He's dead."

He heard Josh shift uncomfortably, "Oh, I'm sorry…"

Noah smiled, "That's okay."

"Did… did he know? Did he know you were gay by the end?"

"Eventually, but I never told him."

"How'd he find out?"

Noah laughed slightly, remembering what had been one of the best and worst moments of his life.

...

_"So your dad thinks you and Maddie are back together again?" Luke didn't sound at all impressed as he matched into the WAOK office to file some tapes away._

_Noah followed, keen he not get the wrong idea, "I didn't mean to lie to him and I swear that when he comes back I'll straighten everything out, but… when Maddie told me to just let him go, I suddenly felt this weight lift off me! It's like I can breathe again! And… I can be… I don't know…"_

_Luke smiled at him, "Yourself?"_

_"Yeah." He felt his mood slip a little at that, "I wish I could feel like this all the time…" _

_"Well, you can and… I'm not trying to pressure you or anything but once your dad does come back and if you do decide to come out to him… this… this feeling… this freedom just… not hiding… that will be normal…"_

_Wow! Was this amazing guy for real?_

_"I owe you."_

_His dimpled smile and sudden shyness was utterly adorable, "No you don't."_

_The way their eyes kept locking…_

_Noah couldn't stop staring at him and a compulsion was building. He wondered whether he dared go there…_

_Luke was starting to notice and was fidgeting nervously under his gaze, "Um, look, I gotta, I gotta study for this Lit exam…" he grabbed for his books and Noah found himself stopping him by gripping around his wrist. His skin felt so good…_

_Luke looked up with those beautiful eyes and their gaze locked again. _

_And Noah didn't care about his dad anymore. He didn't care about anything but the desire he felt to kiss that mouth that was already waiting slightly open for him. Their lips met quickly and Luke's hands came up to his head and he felt a million volts spark through him. He pulled in closer and touched him back…_ _… but a heavy presence filled the room and broke them instantly apart. Luke flung back away from him and Noah turned horrified to face his father…_

_"Dad? I thought you were out of town?" Shit! Way to go Noah! Now he knows you were just waiting for him to leave Oakdale!_

_His father's face was devastated and he leaned into the doorway in shock, "Oh I wish I was!" he shook his head, "I'd give anything not to see what I just did…" _

...

"Wow!" Josh exclaimed, "Awkward!"

"Tell me about it! But that wasn't the worst of it! My father attacked Luke and he ended up paralysed from the waist down…"

"Luke?" he was shocked.

Noah nodded, "He was in a wheelchair for months. We didn't know if he would ever walk again."

"Man! I can't believe it!"

"I couldn't either! I spent a long time blaming myself for that Josh! A very long time!"

"But it wasn't your fault Noah! It was your dad that hurt Luke."

Noah smiled and nodded. "Just like this isn't your fault?" He pointed towards his eyes. "You're no more to blame for your father's actions than I was for mine. Okay?" There was another silent pause, "Josh?"

The boy sighed deeply, "Okay."

"So, we're good, right?"

The kid sniffed, "Yeah and… I wanted to say thanks… you know? For trying… with my dad…"

"I just wish it had helped."

"It means a lot that you tried." Josh pushed the finished sandwich towards him, "Enjoy!"

"Noah, I'm hungry!" Nicholas exclaimed, suddenly entering the room.

"Watch where he walks will you Josh?" Noah asked quickly, worried about glass shards that might still be on the floor.

"It's okay Noah, he has his slippers on…"

"Come up here!" Noah patted his lap and waited until he felt Nicholas's hand on his thigh before lifting him up. "Josh has made us a nice lunch, have a bite."

"Mmm! I like this!" Nicholas said through a mouthful of sandwich, making both Josh and Noah laugh at him.

Noah took a bite as Nicholas held it to his lips, "Yum!" he agreed.

...

**Please comment :-)**


	80. Finding Light 7

Some days were better then others. Luke was amazed at how well Noah was handing the blindness; and considering it was the second time around, when a person could be even angrier at life, he was doing great.

His reaction the last time was to push those people away in his misguided desire to protect them, but he had definitely learnt from that mistake. This time he pulled Luke to him and let those feelings out… allowed Luke to be there for him. And as a result, he was coping far better than ever before, as was Luke.

But there were still times when he would lash out and then he'd spend at least a day in deep depression, chastising himself for it. And it didn't matter how many times Luke told him it was alright, that he was allowed to get mad and break things and yell, that Luke wouldn't love him any less because of it. It was just in Noah's nature to be concerned about how his blindness was affecting the people he loved.

"Okay, we're done!" said Dr Coleson, scribbling something on his chart and popping his pen in his coat pocket.

"So?" asked Luke hopefully, "Any change?"

Noah sat stiff on the exam table, dreading the reply.

"Well, as you both know, I'm no Dr Reid Oliver, but… from what I learnt during my short time with him, this procedure should have worked."

"But…?" asked Noah.

"I don't really have another 'but'. As far as I can tell there's no reason why you shouldn't have regained your sight. However there is still some redness at the back of your eyes, which I believe could be the cause. It may just be a matter of time."

"Okay." Noah whispered, obviously trying not to get too frustrated at this.

"Do you have any other questions before I return to Oakdale?"

"No, thank you for flying down today."

"It's my pleasure and I'll be back in a week."

Luke saw him to the door and Noah searched beside him for his cane before hopping off the table.

"It's all thanks to you, you know?"

"What do you mean?" asked Luke.

"That we even have a small spec of hope right now."

"I don't follow…"

"Well, if it hadn't been for you, Reid would never have gone to Oakdale to operate on me. And it was because of you… because of what you taught him… the effect you had on him… that Reid found the patients to pass on some of his skill to Dr Coleson. He never would have done that if he hadn't met you…"

Luke squeezed his shoulder, "I like to believe he would have."

"Yeah? You just keep believing that Luke!" Naoh responded cheekily.

They both laughed.

"I've kinda been putting off telling work…" Noah said, "…I kept hoping I wouldn't have too. They've called you know? Wanting to know when I'd be back…"

"Noah, you can still finish that movie!"

"How?"

"Babe the filming is done! You know those clips like the back of your hand! You can finish editing that movie without your sight! I know you can!"

"I'm so afraid…" he whispered, trying to keep strong.

Luke hugged him as he began to break down, "I know, but I believe in you."

Noah nodded into his shoulder.

...

Mia had developed a fascination for the daily arrival of post. Despite the fact that she couldn't tell time, she seemed to know exactly when the postman was due, and she would wait by the window, peering out to catch a glimpse of the uniformed man making his way up the street.

"He's here! He's here!" she'd scream with excitement and then wait for somebody to open the door.

"Good morning Mia!" The man would greet with a smile, "How are you today?"

"Hi." She'd reply shyly, hands gripping the sides of her dress as she swayed gently. "Do you have letters?"

"Do I? Well! I don't know… Shall we take a look then?" And she'd nod and stick a finger in her mouth, watching, peering over the top as he searched though his bag of letters and parcels and pulled out the stack for their address.

"Oh yes! Here they are Miss!" He'd announce and then hand the pile to her in a very official manner.

Then one day, after following through with this same procedure and after handing her the usual pile of letters and bills, he made a move as if to tie up his bag and then stopped suddenly. "But wait a minute! What's this?"

Mia's eyes widened as she watched him.

"Looks like there's a letter in here for… Mia…?"

She gasped in surprise, "For me?"

He pulled out a pink envelope with daisies on it and she took it like it was gold.

"Well pretty lady! That's my delivery for the day! See you tomorrow!" He tipped his hat to her and Luke mouthed a hidden thank you to him. He winked and left as Luke closed the door behind him.

She stood there holding the stack of regular letters in one hand and her own pink one in the other.

"You got a letter Mia?" asked Nicholas, having watched her exchange with the postman from the lounge floor, where he was busily building a city of toy blocks and cars.

Without looking away from the letter, Mia stretched her hand up to give Luke the main post before turning on her heals and sprinting off down the passage.

"Noah! Noah! I got a letter! Noah!"

"Noah!" Nicholas yelled too, following her with just as much excitement, "Noah! Mia got-ted a letter!"

Luke shook his head and smiled whispering, "Favouritism."

He browsed through the stack in his hands. Most of the envelopes were clearly bills but one of them stood out immediately. It was stamped "LA Daily News." He frowned at it, wondering what it could be about, expecting some advertisement for subscription, but when he read the letter he could barely contain his surprise.

...

_Dear Mr Snyder_

_As you can imagine we receive all kinds of letters, books and articles from readers on a daily basis, and it would be impossible for me to read them all. In fact it is rare that those I do get time to read actually grab me or compel me to reply._

_However, I would like to thank you for sending me the segments of your writing. I found them to be exceedingly enjoyable, emotional and truthful. You have a very distinctive style, so much so that I believe you have the makings of a fine reporter._

_As it would seem that your aim is to become an author, I don't imagine you would be interested in a reporting position here at LA Daily News, but I am writing to offer you one._

_If you find my proposition interesting, I would be most please to make your acquaintance at your earliest convenience. Please find my contact details below._

_I do hope to hear from you._

_Yours sincerely_

...

It was signed J.S Dimbleby, Editor-in-Chief.

By this point Luke had lost all feeling in his legs and had dropped down onto a chair by the dining table. His hands were actually shaking.

"Luke, are you in here?"

He looked up and watched as Noah felt his way through the door, followed by the kids; Mia still holding her letter tightly between her fingers. "Mia got a letter and she needs help to read it."

"She's not the only one that got a letter." Luke said softly his eyes glued to Noah.

"No?"

Since Luke knew Noah couldn't see the look on his face; couldn't see all the amazement and love in his eyes, he got up, walked over to him and kissed him hard on the lips.

"Okay!" Noah laughed as they broke apart, "Wow! What was that for?"

"For being incredible!"

Picking up on the chocked sound in Luke's voice Noah felt up his face frowning with worry, "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"You sent transcripts of my book to the Daily News?"

Noah looked tentative, obviously not sure whether Luke was happy about it, "Yes. I sent it to all the newspapers. I thought they should know how amazing you are."

Luke shook his head and bit his lower lip.

"Did you get a reply?" Noah asked.

"Noah!"

"What? What is it? Come on Luke I'm DYING over here!"

Luke hugged him, "They want to train me as a reporter."

There was laughter in his voice. It was like a dream.

"What?" Noah squeezed him tighter.

"I have a letter from the Editor! He wants to meet me! He wants to offer me a job on the paper!"

Noah laughed and said, "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you!"

"You deserve it!"

"Well… it's not a done deal yet but… god I'd love that job!"

"Luke!" Nicholas asked, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, getting impatient, "Read Mia's letter, Luke… please!"

"Oh yes!" said Noah remembering, "Mia got a letter!"

"I saw!" Said Luke, giving Noah one last peck on the mouth before taking Mia by the hand and sitting with her on the couch, "Well, open it up and I'll read it to you, okay?"

Mia clumsily tore the envelope off and pulled out the matching pink writing paper.

"Dear Mia," Luke read, "I have been watching you from my place up in the sky with the stars. You are a very special little girl that brightens the life of one postman everyday when he delivers the mail to your door. I wanted to write a letter to you, Mia, to say thank you for being so wonderful." He smiled at her, "Lots of love from the Man in the Moon."

"The Man in the MOON!" yelled Nicholas excitedly, "WOW!"

"That's amazing baby!" agreed Noah, taking a seat in the opposite armchair. "I've never heard of anybody getting an actual letter from him!"

Mia stared down at the letter in awe, lifted her eyes to Luke and beamed at him with such an incredible smile he thought his heart might stop.

When he didn't, couldn't, say anything for quite some time Noah asked, "Luke?"

Luke let out a breathy laugh as Mia jumped from his lap to join Nicholas on the floor with all the cars.

"She just smiled at me…"

That was all he needed to say, he could tell Noah understood exactly how he felt because he nodded with a soft smile of his own.

...

"Neeowww!" squealed Josh, imitating the sound of an aeroplane as he ran through the house with Nicholas sitting atop his shoulders, ducking low under the doorways to avoid knocking the child's head.

Nicholas screamed with laughter as he clawed onto the top of Josh's head to keep from falling off.

"Oh no!" Josh announced, "Enemy aircraft approaching! Quick right turn!"

"Ahhhhh!" yelped Nicholas.

Josh started to jolt back and forward, "Mayday, Mayday, we've been hit! Pilot ejecting!"

Josh gripped Nicholas under his arms and lifted him quickly, throwing him up towards the ceiling so that he landed with a bounce on the couch, collapsing on him and blowing raspberries into his tummy. The child's face was flushed and his eyes wet from the laughter.

"STOP!" he giggled, "JOSH! STOP! IT TICKLES!"

"Hey you guys! Keep it down will you? Mia's sleeping!" Noah smiled from the armchair, where he had been listening to music.

Luke sat typing at the dining room table.

"Sorry." Josh whispered, out of breath.

"Yeah sowwy!" Nicholas imitated.

Since staying with Luke and Noah, Josh found himself becoming more and more attached to the little guy. At first Nicholas had been very suspicious of his presence in the house, always standing a few feet away, but always somehow interested in the older boy. Josh could feel his little eyes studying his every move.

Eventually, especially after Casey and Alison finally left for Oakdale, Nicholas started to ask Josh questions about the things he did. Like when he waxed up his surfboard (stolen out of his father's garage one day when he knew they wouldn't be there). But now Nicholas followed him all over the house, talking to him incessantly and Josh enjoyed playing with him. Although there were times when he just wanted some peace... The kid certainly knew how to talk!

The doorbell rang and Josh shot up, "I'll get it!"

"Yeah! We'll get it!" Nicholas repeated and Josh laughed at how cute he was, copying the way he walked to the door.

It was his mother.

He wasn't sure how he felt on seeing her. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since the night he left the house. She hadn't made any effort to visit him, nor had she even phoned to find out how he was. And that hurt. He and his mother had always been close, sharing everything. But he guessed this was one thing she didn't want to share.

"Hello Josh."

His heart was frozen, "What are you doing here?"

Nicholas immediately backed away, nervous at the tone of Josh's voice.

"I'd like a moment of your time. If that's okay?" she asked.

"It's a little late isn't it?"

She shook her head, "Josh please don't be like this."

"Where's Dad?"

"He doesn't know I'm here…"

Josh snorted with disdain, "Figures! And he's not going to know, right? Because you certainly aren't going to stand up to him and tell him what a complete asshole he is!"

"Josh!" it was Noah from behind him, "Don't talk to your mother that way."

"Well I didn't ask her to come here, did I?" Josh was suddenly angry. Noah was supposed to be on HIS side.

Luke approached the door, "Hello Marion. Would you like to come in?"

"Luke!" Josh began.

"Josh, this is our house and your mother is welcome here."

Josh frowned and Luke sighed at him.

"Hey?" he said more gently, squeezing his shoulder, "She's trying. Give her a break."

Josh looked back to his mother and couldn't deny the pain in her eyes so he nodded.

She came in slowly, her eyes instantly falling on Noah and filling with tears, "I'm so… I can't even say it because it's just meaningless…"

Noah nodded in acknowledgement, standing up from his chair.

"His hearing is on Wednesday." She told them, nervously pushing her blonde hair behind one ear. "The lawyer expects… since he doesn't have a past record… that he'll get a year with probation. Thank you for not pressing charges."

"WHAT!" Josh exclaimed, feeling his blood start to boil, "You didn't press charges?"

"Josh…" Noah said softly.

"Why not? Why didn't you? After what the bastard did you're letting him off?"

"Your family has been hurt enough Josh. This isn't just about him."

"But…"

"Your father has a whole family to support. Do you really want to take that away from your mom? From your sisters?"

Josh sighed, of course he didn't.

"It's already going to be a hard year on them; we don't need to make it worse. What your father did is wrong and he's going to pay the price for it. Enough of a price… Okay?"

"Okay." He said softly.

"Can we talk?" his mother half begged.

"I really don't have anything to say to you."

"Okay, but I have stuff to say to you… to ask you…"

Josh glared at her but didn't counter her.

"Come on kids; let's go for a walk to the beach!" Luke announced.

"Yeah!" Nicholas exclaimed and they spent a few minutes putting on shoes. Luke handed Noah his cane and they left the house.

The door closed and Josh started to feel claustrophobic.

"Shall we sit?" his mother asked, pointing to the couch. Josh sat on one end and his mother took the other, her hands in her lap. It was then that Josh noticed the overnight bag she had with her.

She caught him looking. "Oh… I brought some of your things… I thought it only right… um… I guess Luke and Noah have been buying you clothes?"

Josh nodded, "Yeah, they've been great. Amazing actually."

She nodded sadly.

"So…?" Josh asked, "Do YOU believe me? Do you believe that I'm gay?"

"I'm sorry for the way things happened… when you told us… I've never seen your father like that! And… if I'm truthful… it's difficult Josh… for me…"

"Oh? And it's just a walk in the park for me?"

"No… of course not! Your father and I, we… we grew up believing..."

"That it's wrong?"

She looked at him sadly.

"I thought you might understand Mom. I mean… you don't seem to mind Luke and Noah…"

She sniffed, "It's different… it's not YOU! I just always imagined you getting married and having a few kids…"

"I can still do all that Mom! Just look at Luke and Noah! They love each other… I mean REALLY love each other and their kids…"

She shook her head and sighed, "I just don't understand this…"

"At least accept it then… accept me… accept it when I say that I can't change it…"

"I want you to come home."

She had just avoided his plea and he knew it. He felt a stab through his gut but he decided to hide it.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Your father's going to prison. That's a certainty. While he's there, I'd like you to come home please. It's where you belong."

"Does he know you're asking me?"

Her eyes were pleading as she shook her head.

"It's not going to suddenly go away, you know Mom? You think that by the time Dad gets out, I'll have changed my mind and we can go back to being the perfect family, right?"

She couldn't hold back her tears then. He watched her through tears of his own.

"I think for now I'd like to stay here with Luke and Noah. At least until you can accept me for who I am. Thanks for the clothes. Can I drop by sometime for my other things?"

Her breath shuddered as she nodded. She took a tissue from her bag, blew her nose and rose to leave.

She turned to him on the doorstep, "I do love you."

"No you don't. Not the REAL me…"

"Maybe when you come by we can at least spend some time together? I really do want to understand…"

"Maybe."

"Okay. Will you tell Luke and Noah I said thank you? And I'll phone to talk to them about your upkeep. I can send them money. And if you need anything…"

"Sure."

His heart was breaking but he didn't want her to see it. It felt like she was selling him off, but then she surprised him but hugging him and kissing his cheek and he felt a small flicker of hope that maybe one day should would come round.

...

Luke wasn't sure what Nicholas and Mia were up to, but they'd been whispering together at Noah's feet for more than an hour, obviously busily drawing something. He was surprised, because Nicholas didn't usually share his drawings. Mia could look at them, but she was not permitted to scribble on the same page he was busy with, because in his opinion Mia didn't know how to draw.

"Hmm we have ourselves an art critic as well as an artist!" Noah had teased the first time they witnessed Nicholas telling Mia to keep to her own picture.

Luke was merrily ticking away on his laptop and smiling to himself. He knew that rhythm meant he was on a roll… his creative juices were flowing. He was extremely excited to meet with Mr Dimbleby from the newspaper the following day. He really hoped it worked out. And it was all thanks to his amazing husband.

"Noah we made you a picture…" said Mia suddenly climbing up on Noah's right side.

"You did?" and Luke turned just in time to catch the look of sadness on his face, which he quickly masked for the sake of the kids.

"Yes!" Nicholas scrambled up his other leg and pressed the page into his hand.

Noah breathed deeply, obviously feeling that usual sense of loss at his inability to see the picture presented to him with so much care and love.

"Well, can you tell me what it is? Can you help me to see it?"

"I draw-ded Grandma Emma and she's feeding the chickens…"

"Lovely!" Said Noah, "What else?"

"Grandma Emma's basket has eggs and flowers in it…"

"Aha?"

"And there's birds!" said Mia.

"Wow! You drew a lot in this picture, didn't you?"

"Yeah and I draw-ded a horse too! And there are trees and under the trees Mia draw-ded…"

"…a rabbit…" Noah almost whispered the word.

Luke had since stopped paying full attention to their dialogue, so it took him a moment to process and make sense of what he was sure he just heard. His head shot up in Noah's direction and the blue eyes were staring right at him, clear, blinking against the brightness, welling up and shining.

"Noah?" Luke asked, hoping, praying he wasn't imagining it…

"It was like a curtain… like a curtain opening…" Noah smiled that amazing smile from within a deep breath and started to sob with happiness.

Luke flew across the room, knelt before them all and drew Noah into an overjoyed hug, "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

He pulled back and read those eyes that had been closed to him for too long, "Welcome back bubby."

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

"Yes!"

"Well you are! You are one hell of a sight for sore eyes!"

They laughed and hugged again.

"Hey!" laughed Nicholas, getting squashed into the chair under Noah's arm.

"Sorry Nicky!" Luke said pulling back.

"What's happening?" asked a confused Mia.

"Mia!" Noah said, taking her small chin in his fingers and studying her face before kissing her forehead. Then he turned to Nicholas and laughed, "Nicky!" He looked down at the paper still in his hands, "This is a stunning picture! This is one to keep forever!"

Nicholas frowned at Noah, completely unable to comprehend what had gotten the two men so excited.

"I can see you baby!" Noah told him.

"You can see?" asked Mia.

"Yes! I can… and you are all so beautiful!" he laughed again, "God, I'm so happy!"

Luke laughed back, kissed him and uttered, "Oh, Noah! Same here!"

...

**Please let me know what you thought of his story.**

**Look out for a new instalment in the LA Series to follow...**


	81. Young Minds 1

"Before we get down to business I must apologise, Mr Snyder." The rotund Englishman said; placing his napkin on his lap and leaning back to allow the waitress to deliver his plate of eggs and bacon.

"Apologise?"

"Well, at the time of writing you that letter, I had no idea that you were already CEO of a large shipping conglomerate. At your age that's particularly impressive going. Had I known I would most likely not have insulted you by offering you a menial reporting position?"

Luke smiled at him, "Well, first of all it's Luke, and secondly, I'm no longer CEO of Grimaldi Shipping… I sold the company recently."

"Yes, I read about that too."

"And it's not like I worked my way up. My father left the company to me."

"But still, word is you ran an impressive ship. And I've also read up on your Foundation Mr… sorry," he smiled back, "Luke… The organisation does good work."

Mr Dimbleby took up the salt shaker and proceeded to dowse his food until Luke was sure it had turned white.

"Yes, yes it does," Luke agreed, "and I'm very proud of that, but… again… I don't have much involvement anymore. At least not since I moved to Los Angeles. I was considering expanding some of the Foundation works out into LA, but at the moment HQ is based in Oakdale, Illinois and pretty much runs itself so…"

"Why did you sell your company Luke? If you don't mind my asking?"

Luke paused and loosened his tie nervously, not sure how much to tell him, "Let's just say I was getting in deeper then I wanted to and felt it was time to move on."

"Ah, yes. These things can take over one's life. I understand from your writing that you have a young family to take care of. Well then! I take it you decided to turn your intelligence to writing a book instead? I must say you certainly have a talent for it!"

"Thank you Mr Dimbleby…"

"It's Jarvis."

"Thank you, Jarvis, it means a lot coming from you and you'd be right, I do want to finish this book, but truthfully, when I received your letter… I couldn't have been happier…"

"Sorry?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"It's been my dream to write since I can remember, and to write as a reporter would give me the chance to deal with social issues that interest me."

"Ah… you mean similar to the work you did with your Foundation?"

"You could say that. I feel like it's a job where I could potentially make a difference, you know? Have some kind of impact on the world."

The man's belly wobbled as he laughed cordially, "Well! I don't know how much difference can be made but I do see your point."

"I have the desire to seek out the truth, Jarvis… It's inbuilt in me." Luke assured him, "I think this job would be a perfect outlet for me, and safer than becoming a police detective!" Luke laughed then, "I think Noah would just about kill me himself if I went and joined the academy!"

The round man eyed him critically for a moment and then, obviously deciding Luke was serious said, "Well! I must say I am pleased! It's not often I come across a unique style such as yours! I feel like I've claimed somewhat of a coup."

Luke laughed, "Um thanks! But I doubt that!"

"No, no, my dear boy! Don't put yourself down! You'll be a famous reporter in no time, you mark my words!"

...

Noah found Luke vacuuming the kids' bedroom to a Green Day album he hadn't listened to in a while.

At least Noah assumed it was Green Day because Luke was singing _American Idiot_at the top of his lungs. And badly too. Noah cringed even as he smiled, enjoying the way Luke bobbed to the music playing through his headphones.

Luke had obviously decided to give the room a complete seeing too, because the top drawer to the dresser was still open and all Nicholas's t-shirts were sprawled over the sheet-less bed. Noah could hear the washing machine whirring away in the kitchen and assumed Luke must have washed the bedding.

Luke wasn't exactly neat. Not to Noah's standards anyway. And Luke wasn't the clean as you go type of guy, always leaving his wet towels on the bathroom floor, or the peanut butter jar open on the counter. However, every now and then, Luke would get this strange urge to spring clean and then he'd go all out! Every corner, every drawer, ever piece of linen would received a once over.

Noah believed it helped some kind of thought process, because right afterward Luke would usually get a burst of creative energy and Noah would find him busy on his laptop.

As Luke bent low to skirt the vacuum's head under the dresser, Noah raised his eyebrows in appreciation of his firm backside. But as Luke came back up to standing he managed to knock his head on the underside of the open drawer with the quite malicious sound of a melon splitting.

The loud vacuuming came to an un-ceremonial conclusion and Luke's hand shot up to rub the now tender section of his head.

"Sh*t!" he exclaimed, staggering backward slightly, eyes squeezed shut with the stinging pain.

"Careful." Noah said laughing. "I'm not sure you can afford to loose any more brain cells, you know?"

Luke opened one eye and regarded Noah. "Oh, my head's just fine thanks for asking. I should get MY vision back sometime next week!"

"Now, now," Noah soothed, "It would take a sledgehammer to dent that skull of yours! Let me take a look."

Noah pushed Luke's fingers aside and pulled his head down, feeling gently through the thick hair. There was a small bruised and raised spot, but no blood.

Noah kissed the spot fleetingly and patted him on the head good-humouredly.

"You won't die." He told Luke. "Not from that, anyway!"

Luke smiled sideways at him out the corner of his mouth. "Are you trying to suggest that I have a habit of getting myself into trouble, Mayer?"

"It's Snyder. And that's not what I said at all." Noah grinned. "But just in case you don't have a whole lot of time left, I suggest you finish the cleanup! Then I don't have to do it after you've departed this world."

"Ha! Ha!" Luke mocked, "You'd miss me like hell and you know it!"

"Oh, I don't know." Noah released a fake yawn as though he were bored, "It could actually be nice not to have to listen to your snoring all night..."

"I do not snore!" Luke exclaimed indignantly; hands on his hips as he faked annoyance. "If anybody has bad bedroom habits it's you! Which one of us always hogs the comforter?"

Noah laughed, "Aw. Thing is Luke baby?" Noah moved in to encircle Luke in his arms, "You're so damn hot you don't need a comforter."

And he kissed Luke just as the blonde's lips began to curl up into a smile.

"Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing here anyway?" Luke asked as they broke from their leisurely kiss, but not from holding each other.

"I was missing you." Noah replied. "I thought I'd come home for lunch today. I didn't expect lunch to include a show and dance routine."

"Shut up!" Luke punched his shoulder.

"Well, why don't you finish up in here and I'll make you and the kids something to eat, okay? I have an hour before I have to be back at the studio."

"Sure." Luke grinned, "Sounds like a plan."

"Where are they anyway?" Noah asked him.

"Playing out back. That sandpit Dad set up for them works a treat! It gives me at least an hour and a half of peace during the day!"

Noah smiled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "You make such a good little house wife! Pity you'll soon be re-joining the rat race. I was enjoying domesticated Luke. Especially the apron!"

"You're cutting it really fine with the jokes today, Mayer!"

"It's Snyder! And how DID your meeting with Mr Dimbleby go this morning, anyway?"

"Real good," Luke told him, "I'll tell you all about it when we eat. Which reminds me…?"

Luke walked over to the closet, opened it, squatted down and drew out a wooden storage box located on the bottom shelf. Opening it revealed an array of different food stuffs, mostly harbouring various forms of hairy mould. The smell was seriously intense.

"Oh no!" Noah exclaimed frustrated, "Again?"

Luke sighed. "The thing is I don't think he does it because he's hungry; I think he does it out of habit."

They had discovered Nicholas's propensity for hiding food early on, immediately coming to understand it was a latent survival mechanism from his previous life. But for a while, the problem appeared to have been resolved.

Now it seemed Nicholas had started it up again.

Noah let out a breath of air. It always hurt to think of their little guy starving in that house, stealing food from wherever he could find it. So much so that even now, fully fed each day, Nicholas still felt the need to secure himself in this way. Just in case.

"What should we do?" Luke asked.

"Well," Noah suggested, "I know we spoke about it before, but maybe he does need therapy."

Luke nodded. "I had hoped it wouldn't come to that."

"Me too." Noah agreed sadly. "But nothing we've done seems to have helped so maybe we need to try plan B."

Luke placed the lid back on the box and stood up.

"I guess he's just been so much better since he first arrived, you know?" He said sadly, "Sometimes I just forget."

"Yeah… He is better Luke, but… There are things we still don't know…"

"Things we don't really want to know?"

Noah nodded. "But not wanting to know and needing to know are two different issues."

Luke hugged him in for a moment and then patted his back, "Come on you! Hop to it or you won't have enough time to eat lunch with us!"

Noah smiled, "You okay?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

They kissed and Noah left toward the kitchen, promptly finding himself bombarded by two tiny bodies arriving all sandy from the outside.

"Hey you two!" Noah chastised, "What have I told you about trekking sand into the house? You need to make sure it's all gone before you come inside, okay?"

"We wanted to see you!" Mia smiled and Noah just shook his head. He was such a weakling!

He lifted Mia into his arms and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"Come on troops! I'm making lunch!" Noah announced.

"Can we have waffles?" Ask Nicholas hopefully.

"I don't think so buddy! We definitely need to eat something healthier than waffles for lunch, okay?"

"Okay." Nicholas sang, slightly disappointed.

But Noah already knew that Nicholas would happily tuck into anything he was given.

...

_Josh's best friend Benoit had been living in Los Angeles for a year, after his father was transferred from Paris, where Benoit was born. _

_Benoit spoke with a soft, silky accent; graveling his r's, sustaining his e's and morphing his i's; that drove Josh crazy from the very first day they met. Unfortunately for Josh, it also drove the girls crazy and made Benoit into quite the ladies' man. _

_On more than a few occasions, Josh had been roped into keeping watch while Benoit got off with some or other girl behind the gym._

_Amazingly, the girls didn't seem to mind that Benoit wasn't exclusive, they still wanted his attentions; drawn to him like pretty butterflies to a blazing flame. In fact, being European seemed to give him some kind of licence to ignore the usual socially acceptable etiquette. _

_Benoit also had a way of speaking to elders, especially teachers, with an indescribable pretentiousness that never failed to have Josh in stitches, but which consequently landed Benoit in detention pretty much every Friday afternoon; the threat of expulsion the only thing that ensured Benoit attend. It was Benoit's opinion that the American schooling system was far too strict and held students back from their own self discovery and expression. _

_"Répressif!" he'd mutter occasionally under his breath. _

_And Benoit liked to smoke. Or more exactly, Benoit liked to smoke weed. _

_And Josh liked to smoke weed with him, even though the last time he got caught with the stuff on him he'd been threatened with suspension from school. And it had cost him his yearly trip to camp! The only time he got to escape the confines of his parent's strict expectations._

_Josh was willing to take that risk because, the thing was, whenever Benoit got high he also got friendly and; although it was clear he much preferred the female sex; he wasn't one to sniff at the occasional kiss from his best friend. _

_The first time it happened Benoit took Josh totally by surprise. They'd lit a small fire on the beach one night, smoked a couple of joints, and ended up in the water; playfully dunking each other and chasing each other through the surf._

_Josh couldn't help but notice how smooth and well toned his body was. Benoit played tennis for three hours nearly every day to achieve that. The salt water adorned their bodies like jewels as they glistened in the firelight. _

_They reached their towels and collapsed out of breath and laughing. Weed always made them giggle like two school girls._

_"Hey?" Benoit said pointing up at the stars, "That ghroup of stargrs, they look like pénis!"_

_Josh twisted the angle of his head to stare up at them and then bust out laughing until his stomach hurt. When he turned his head to the side he drew breath; his face was only a few inches from Benoit's. Benoit smiled and then leaned forward and kissed Josh. _

_There was no tongue or anything, and for all Josh knew these occasional kisses were just friendly pecks of affection from Benoit's uninhibited point of view. But Josh didn't care. As far as he was concerned Benoit was pure perfection. And he searched for those soft kisses like he would search for water in the desert, if he were ever stuck in one. _

_And it was for this reason that Josh, emotions all over the place where this boy was concerned, never questioned it. _

_When Benoit suggested they move on from weed to trying a couple of ecstasy pills, Josh, a bubbling coldren couldn't think of a reason not to agree._

...

"Still not back?" A sleepy Noah enquired as he entered the sitting room to find Luke worriedly pushing back the curtain; checking out the window and twisting his cell in his hand.

Luke sighed through his nose, "No. Look baby, you have to be up for work in the morning. Go back to sleep! I'll sort this."

Noah would have done if he could, but the tight knot he felt in his gut and the look of worry mirrored in Luke's amber eyes made sleep unlikely.

Ignoring Luke's comment he asked, "Did you try calling him again?"

"Yes. I've called a hundred times and he's still not picked up. I hate to say it Noah, but I'm getting really worried."

Noah approached him and hugged him close from behind.

"Hey…" he said, planting a kiss on the side of Luke's neck. "I'm sure he's fine."

"I wish you sounded more confident!" Luke replied. "Noah, we really have to set some ground rules for this kid. So far we've just let him do his own thing and, I guess, I don't want him…"

"…thinking he can do what he likes." Noah finished.

"Yeah. I mean, he's a really good kid. He's responsible and bright. I don't think we have to worry, but, if he doesn't know what the boundaries are he might try testing them."

"Like tonight..."

Luke nodded and swayed into Noah's embrace.

...

Josh was really trying to be quiet, he really was! But he had the distinct feeling that he was making one hell of a noise.

He struggled with his key in the lock and then stumbled back into the door so that it slammed shut.

"Shhh!" he exclaimed at the guilty block of wood, "Be quiet!"

And then he giggled a little at the idea of having a conversation with a door.

He took a moment to gather himself, and left the relative stability of the door to move his unsteady legs forward and toward the guest bedroom; which had since become his.

Everything was going just great, minus the spinning, when the pesky rug jumped out in front of him and tripped him up. He went flying forward and fell bent over the back of the couch.

It was only then that he noticed the small lamp on the side table was on. He blinked at it for a second and when he turned his head jerked quickly back up to standing.

He wobbled.

Luke and Noah were fast asleep on the couch, all curled up together and holding on so that neither of them fell off. Luke's head looked kind of funny. It was bent at a strange angle against the armrest and Josh released a snort of laughter before he could stop himself.

The force of that snort sent him off balance and he would have fallen over had his left hand not already been gripping the top of the couch for stability.

"Oops!" he exclaimed loudly and then his right hand few up to cover his big mouth. But it was too late; Luke stirred and opened his eyes.

"Josh?" he croakily asked, sitting up slightly and rubbing the back of his sore neck.

"Sorry." Josh expressed guiltily.

Josh watched as Luke carefully pulled himself free from Noah's embrace; Noah shifted in his sleep but he didn't wake up. Luke stood and gently lifted Noah's head so that he could push a cushion under it and make Noah more comfortable.

Then Luke rubbed his face firmly in both hands and lifted his eyes to regard the state Josh was in.

He sighed deeply before whispering, "Come with me."

Josh followed Luke into the kitchen, where Luke indicated he should take a seat. Then, as Josh settled himself on a stool, Luke withdrew the cold water bottle from the fridge and proceeded to pour Josh a large glass of it.

"Drink this." Luke instructed.

Josh shook his head. He felt decidedly ill and didn't particularly want anything.

"I'm not asking you." Luke said firmly and Josh saw then how angry he was.

Deciding it was safer to follow orders at this point, Josh took a few swigs.

"All of it." Luke insisted.

"I can't!" Josh moaned.

"Josh, if you don't drink that, you're going to wake up tomorrow and wish you were dead. That's if you make it that long, because I could just about kill you myself right now!"

"Luke…"

"Do you have any idea how worried we've been? It's 4am Josh! Noah has work tomorrow and he's been up half the night with me!"

"I'm sorry," Josh insisted through a slur, "I didn't think you would…"

"What?" Luke asked him, "Care?"

Josh hung his head and swayed.

Luke folded his arms and sighed. "Look… there's no point trying to talk about this now. Get to bed. But tomorrow you and me are going to be having a very long discussion, okay?"

Josh nodded, and just to show his cooperation struggled to finish the last few drops of water out the glass.

As Josh reached the passage on his way to bed, he turned just in time to catch sight of Luke kissing Noah awake.

"Baby?" Luke whispered gently.

"Hmm? Josh?" Noah asked urgently.

Josh heard the note of concern in Noah's voice and guilt crept up his neck.

"He's back and very drunk." Luke informed him.

"What?" Noah asked.

"Don't worry, he's fine." Luke assured him, "I sent him to bed. Do you want to stay sleeping here or do you want to come with me?"

"Go with you of course."

And despite felling terrible, Josh couldn't help but smile when Luke did and he turned to leave before Luke and Noah noticed he was there.

...

**Chapter 2 coming soon... **

**Please comment! Thanks! :-)**


	82. Young Minds 2

_The effects of ecstasy were far superior to the effects of weed in Benoit's opinion, and Josh had to agree. _

_Colours flashed in intense and vibrant lights as pupils dilated in a perfect state of blissfulness. E made everything seem more beautiful somehow. Josh could almost believe he was wholly loved by one and all. It made Josh feel euphoric and hyper. He wanted to talk to everybody and be around people. _

_And of course it made Benoit all the more lovable. _

_For a while Benoit was content to swallow the occasional ecstasy tablet purchased off some or other kid from school, but eventually that wasn't enough and he wanted to do it more often. _

_Josh was indifferent. He enjoyed taking the substance, but really he only did it because Benoit wanted to. _

_But the more popular Benoit became, the more parties they were invited to. And ecstasy plus parties equalled a whole new level of experience. _

_And Benoit loved to experience anything and everything. _

_Of course, deciding to turn the use of ecstasy tablets into a more regular thing meant Benoit, and consequently Josh, needed to find a much better source than school could offer. _

_They needed to find a real dealer. _

_Against Josh's better judgement, they headed to the north of the San Fernando Valley one day after school. To a particular area where everyone knew drugs were rife. _

_"This is a really bad idea, Benoit." Josh repeated for the one hundredth time. _

_They stood in the packed and sweaty bus, swaying as they each gripped a leather strap protruding from the roof. _

_"It is aventure!" Benoit exclaimed in his usual offhand manner, "Profiter!" _

_"What?" Asked Josh with a frown. _

_"Zis fun… you know? Enjoy!" _

_"Yeah, sure!" Josh muttered sarcastically, "Until we get shot or, worse, until our parent's find out! You know my Dad will kill me if he even finds out I left the district! Never mind the," he leaned forward to whisper, "drugs…" _

_Benoit just grinned at him, "Exciting, no?" _

_And pretty soon, shaking his head, Josh was grinning right back. He couldn't help it. Benoit just had that affect on him. _

_They got off the bus at a particularly dubious looking street. _

_Josh had never felt more out of place in his life! He knew how obvious they were and it felt like every eye in the area was trained on them as they walked. _

_Hookers lined the crossroads and bums leaned against walls and sat in corners. Litter blew across the street and stray dogs barked as they passed. _

_"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto!" Josh exclaimed with a whistle. _

_"Ce?" asked Benoit with a frown. _

_"Never mind!" Josh replied, "Private joke!" _

_It didn't take long for Benoit to spot a group of around twelve youths, some their age and some older, hanging out in a children's play park. The gang didn't seem to be formed along the typical ethnic lines. They were a healthy mix of black, white, Hispanic and Italian extraction… _

_Benoit patted Josh's elbow to get his attention and gestured toward the gang's general direction. _

_Unfortunately his gesture didn't go unnoticed by the youths and they immediately headed toward them with menacing gait. _

_"Shit!" Josh muttered under his breath. _

_"You lost or something?" The tall white boy who spoke may have been the leader. He certainly looked older than the others, who had formed a tight circle around them. _

_"Yeah Dean-boy! They definitely lost," a younger boy said, flicking a finger at Josh's jacket, "These homies are a long way from the boulevard!" _

_"We are looking for, euh, ze E?" Benoit calmly explained. _

_Josh was seriously ready to wet himself. _

_"What the Fuck?" one of the younger kids exclaimed, and several of the gang burst out laughing. _

_"Were the hell you come from?" asked another. _

_"He's French." explained Josh. Wasn't it obvious? "We're looking to buy some ecstasy?" _

_"E, ha?" the leader called Dean asked, his dark green eyes burning into Josh, checking him out. _

_"If good zen maygbe we make it régulier? We do za enterprise?" Benoit suggested. _

_A couple of the youths sniggered once more, obviously finding Benoit's strange accent highly amusing. They were seriously starting to piss Josh off! _

_"Hey, Nick," the leader called over his shoulder, "got any E's for Pepe Le Pew over here?" _

_That sent the boys over the edge and many of them began to cry from laughter. _

_"Hey!" yelled Josh angrily, "Shut the fuck up!" _

_Josh lunged for one guy his size but Benoit held him back. And good thing too as the gang were fast to stand in front of their friend; lifting themselves to full height and glaring with warning at the attacking Josh. _

_"Cool! Cool!" Benoit said both to Josh and the gang. "All okay, yes?" _

_The gang seemed to relax and Benoit let go of his hold on Josh. _

_"We 'ave a, what do you call, a deal?" _

_Josh stared in amazement at his friend's calm demeanour. Nothing seemed to faze the guy. _

_"How much you want?" Dean asked._

_"'ow much you 'ave?" countered Benoit. _

_One of the other boys, probably Nick, came forward after the tall boy gestured to him. He reached into his jean pocket and produced a Jiffy bag of tiny white pills. _

_"'ow much?" Benoit enquired, as though buying illegal substances on the side of the road was the most natural thing on earth. _

_"50 for the lot." The leader replied. _

_"40." Benoit countered. _

_The other boy eyed Benoit for a moment and then nodded. "You want to try it first?" _

_"No." Benoit shook his head, "If eet not any good we not buy again…" _

_"It's good." The boy assured him. _

_And it was. _

_Each bag purchased from Dean, the dealer, lasted them about two weeks and then they'd have to scrape together the money to buy more. They would earn a few dollars selling the occasional pill themselves, but otherwise relied upon the allowances from their Dads._

...

It took Noah a few sleepy slaps of his hand to find and silence the damnable alarm clock.

He would now pay the price for the restless night he'd shared with Luke, anxiously waiting for Josh.

But at least Josh was home safe. Whether he was exactly sound remained to be seen, but if Luke's description of him was anything to go by, Noah doubted it.

He thought he'd lain there for only five minutes, but it was half an hour later when Luke shook him awake.

"Noah. You've overslept bubby…"

"Hmm?" He pulled himself up on his elbows with effort, squeezing the bridge of his nose between two fingers. The alarm clock, which now lay on the floor, definitely didn't show the time he was expecting.

"Shit!"

"Don't worry," Luke laughed, "I'll make you a quick breakfast while you shower and then you should still make it on time. Just!"

Noah jumped up quickly and clumsily headed for the bathroom, but then paused halfway to turn around and return to the bed. He crawled over to where Luke lay and gave him a kiss.

"Thanks." He said, "You're the best!"

"Anything for you." Luke smiled.

Noah Eskimo kissed him and then went to shower.

...

_The heroin use started by accident. _

_The first shot of heroin happened a week after Josh returned from camp, where he'd shared his first real kiss and petting session with an actual guy! _

_His attraction to Benoit had not yet fully formed in his mind and scared him a little. He didn't know what those feelings were or why he liked Benoit's occasion kisses. Especially since everything he was taught told him he shouldn't. _

_Matt, gorgeous, older and more experience, changed all that. Granted Matt didn't fascinate Josh with the same intensity as Benoit did, but Matt was the person to convince Josh once and for all that he was definitely gay. _

_The thing with Matt was just for fun. Josh didn't develop any real feelings for the guy and they parted that summer as friends; promising to stay in touch. _

_It was Benoit Josh really wanted. _

_And it was for this reason that he was willing to sneak off with Benoit late one night to meet Dean on their latest E-run, as Benoit liked to call it._

_Going down to that neighbourhood during the day was one thing! Going at night was downright stupid as far as Josh was concerned. But yet again, he fell head over heals for Benoit's charms and thus found himself in a dark alleyway digging cash out of his pocket to hand over to Dean. As soon as the cash hit Dean's hands the sound of a siren pierced the night and blue lights flashed over the brick walls of the adjoining building, scaring the life out of them._

_"Fuck! Here!" Dean shoved a bag into Josh's hand and took off down the alley, scaling the wire fence at the end with practised ease. _

_"Come on!" shouted Benoit, grabbing at Josh's collar and dragging him along behind him into a scrambled run._

_As they rounded a corner they saw their bus just pulling up. _

_With shouts of, "Stop!" and the sounds of loud running footsteps behind them, they both leapt onto the bus just as the doors closed and the vehicle pulled out onto the road._

_Bent over, heaving from their crazed run, both boys burst out laughing. _

_"Shit Benoit!" Josh exclaimed, "That was too close! You're going to get me into so much crap one day!"_

_"Ah! You love eet!" Benoit smiled, "Did 'e give you ze stuff?"_

_"Yeah." Josh replied patting his pocket, "I have it._

_What he had, however, was not the packet of little white pills but rather a generous helping of a sand-like substance Josh would later use the internet to identify as heroin. _

_Of course, Benoit was only too keen to try it. _

...

When Mia first arrived to live with them, it had been Noah's intention to convert the second guest room into a space for her. And initially he'd tried to have Mia sleep there. But inevitably he'd wake up in the morning to find Mia curled at Nicholas's feet.

So, when Josh arrived needing a place to stay, Noah gave him the guest room and replaced the single bed in Nicholas's room with two children sized beds instead. And these arrangements seemed to suit all.

Now on his way toward the kitchen and the delectable smells of breakfast, Noah did a quick check on the babies, even though he knew Luke would have done so already.

Really, Noah just liked to watch them sleep.

Nicholas almost always slept on his side in a ball like a kitten. And invariably one thumb would have found his mouth so that periodically his little cheeks would puff in and out as he sucked.

Noah frowned as he ran a thumb along his black hairline. They had arranged for Nicholas to see a child psychiatrist recommended by Betty. And even though Mia seemed outwardly okay, they decided to send her along too.

They didn't know what effect the loss of her family had had on her. And they thought it was most likely a good idea, just to make sure she was okay mentally.

Tiny Mia liked to sleep either on her back or flat on her tummy as she was now. And her long red-blonde eyelashes would flicker, as she dreamed. Noah would have paid money to know what those dreams were.

With that thought in his head, Noah left the room, leaving the door open a crack and knocked lightly on Josh's door, knowing it was time for him to get up for school.

"Josh?" he asked, carefully pushing the door open.

The dark and musky room had the unmistakable heat and aroma of a heavy night out. Josh wasn't there and an instantly recognizable gagging sound sent Noah in the direction of the guest bathroom.

He knocked, "You okay in there buddy?"

When Noah received nothing but a loud groan or grunt in response he decided to leave Josh to it.

"Better out than in!" he thought to himself as he padded up the passage.

"Josh is throwing up." He informed Luke as he entered the kitchen.

"Yeah well! No surprise there, right?" Luke responded, flipping Noah's eggs over for a second and quickly lifting them onto a plate to hand to him.

"Thanks." Noah said, kissing his cheek before taking a seat at the breakfast bar and reaching for a slice of toast from the rack. "Where was he all night anyway?"

"No idea!" Luke responded, "But if he thinks this will get him off school he has a nothing thing coming!"

"Ooh, harsh Snyder!" Noah joked, "Maybe Nat's right! Maybe you are turning into Holden!"

That remark earned him a slap on the back of his head.

"Ouch! Hey!" Noah complained rubbing the spot. "Come on babe! Josh is a good kid most of the time. And it's not like YOU never got drunk?"

Luke gave him a look like he couldn't believe Noah would bring that up.

"Okay." Noah held up both his hands as a sign of peace, "Sorry."

Luke scowled at him, "You're right, I did get drunk! I even have a drinking problem, but I always knew it was wrong, Noah! I never flaunted it in front of my parents as though it were no big deal!"

"Maybe not, but you forget something… We aren't his parents."

"No," Luke agreed, "but at the moment he's under our care so it's pretty much the same thing."

"Ah… so you would rather he hid it from us then?"

Luke sighed, "I'd rather he didn't do it at all."

Luke's frustrated expression got to Noah.

"I know," Noah agreed more seriously, sympathetic towards Luke obvious worry over the subject.

Luke joined him at the breakfast bar and they ate in silence for a while, contemplating the situation.

Then Noah had a thought, "You don't think he drove home, do you?"

Luke shook his head. "No, I checked. The car's not there. Somebody must have dropped him off."

"When did this happen hey?" Noah asked suddenly.

"What?" Luke asked.

"Only in our early twenties and already responsible for a fully grown teenager?"

As annoyed as Luke was with Josh's recent behaviour he couldn't help laughing at that.

"I know, right?" he agreed. "One kid and then two kids and now three?"

"We'll have started a school soon." Noah laughed.

"Well, you know what?" Luke asked standing and walking around to where Noah sat.

"What's that?" Noah replied, taking a bite out of his toast.

Luke kissed the top of his head, "I wouldn't change it for anything!"

Noah smiled as he chewed.

...

In the end Luke allowed Josh to stay home from school, but only after the kid followed Noah halfway down the drive and then threw up in a bed of roses.

Noah looked at Luke pleadingly, feeling extremely sorry for the kid and Luke relented.

"Fine!" he said, "Get back inside Josh."

The look of relief on Josh's face was palpable as he guiltily passed Luke through the front door.

Noah smiled and blew Luke a goodbye kiss and Luke shook his head at him, but he returned the smile. The guy was so sweet.

Back in the house he found Josh had landed half on and half off his bed. His eyes were closed, but Luke didn't think he was asleep, just protecting his shattered and dehydrated brain from the painful effects of bright sunlight.

"Come on then." Luke said, softer now than he'd been all morning.

He helped Josh move further up the bed, positioning him on his back until he was comfortable. It was as Josh lifted his arm to shield his eyes that Luke noticed the bruising behind his right elbow.

"Hey Josh?"

"Hmph?"

"What happened to your arm?"

Josh opened one eye and checked the spot Luke was stroking with one finger.

"Oh, um, blood donation…" Josh replied.

Luke laughed, "Please tell me you DID NOT donate blood after drinking!"

"No, no." Josh assured him. "It was before. They came to the school."

"Well, it's nice to know you're doing your civic duty and not just acting like an idiot!"

Josh opened both eyes as Luke drew the curtains to his room closed.

"I'm really sorry Luke, okay?" he said urnestly.

Luke looked at him.

"Really!" Josh assured him. "We won the tennis tournament against City College! We were just celebrating and I kind of over did it."

"Kind of?" Luke smiled.

"Okay, I over did it!" Josh agreed, "It won't happen again. I promise."

Luke sat next to him on the bed and patted his arm, "Good. We were really worried, Josh."

"I know."

"All I ask is that you let one of us know if you're going to be home late."

"I will, I promise."

"And Josh?" Luke asked.

"Yeah?"

"No late nights during the week, okay?"

There was a pause but eventually Josh said, "Sure." Luke smiled again, "Okay good. I'm going to make you some dry toast and fetch you some water. It will help."

"Thanks." Josh muttered.

The boy was quickly nodding off.

...

**Love all the comments so keep 'im coming! :-)**


	83. Young Minds 3

_A mammoth knot of anxiety sat heavy in the pit of his stomach as he stood before the door to the house he'd grown up in; the closure of which was a sign of rejection and banishment. _

_Banished. _

_Sniffing he swallowed hard and stared at his feet, noticing for the first time that he wasn't wearing any shoes. He could hear his parents screaming at each other from inside the house, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. The whole building seemed to emanate tension. _

_He had to hold himself back from banging on the door, begging for forgiveness and promising to be the perfect son they wanted. If only they would stop fighting. If only they could go back to normal. _

_But he knew he couldn't do that. Their version of normal was a lie. _

_He sat down with a thud on the step; his back up against the door, and he rested his head on the frame, staring out into the neighbourhood at the normality of houses and cars and trees. They were just the same as always, but his life wasn't._

_He gripped his ankles in his hands and lowered his head between his knees. _

_His eye was really starting to throb from the punch his father gave him. He still couldn't believe his father actually hit him. _

_He cried then. _

_He sobbed miserably on the step for ages, hoping, wanting to believe that at any second one of them would let him back in. Surely they wouldn't be okay with him disappearing into the city this late at night._

_Surely they couldn't hate him forever? _

_Eventually he reached a point when he couldn't cry anymore. He wiped his snotty nose on his cords and stood up, looking around as though the answer to his problems would suddenly appear before him. _

_He didn't have his phone or any money. _

_His instinct was to head straight for Benoit's house. And he would have done except for the fact that Benoit wasn't there. His father had jetted them back to Paris for two weeks to visit with his mother. _

_Josh couldn't reach out to any of his other friends. They'd want to know what happened and then he'd have to tell them he was gay. He wasn't ready for that! Especially not now, after this reaction from his own family! _

_He started to walk aimlessly. _

_..._

Luke had been staring at the flashing curser on a blank screen for over fifteen minutes, but he felt uninspired to write just then.

The afternoon session with the therapist had left both kids in a strange solemnest that bothered Luke somewhat. He thought therapy was supposed to help? Not take two usually happy children and turn them into depressed zombies.

The therapist explained that children tended to deal with things day by day, as they came about, using the past to help navigate new experiences. Any unusual behaviours, such as Nicholas's issues with food, could be attributed to negative experiences from their past.

As much as a person would want a child to be happy and to shield a child from those past negative memories, it was never a good idea to allow them to bury them entirely. These would only arise from their latent state in later life, often causing heartache, depression or other mental illness.

It was important they forced the children into confronting those past negatives, until they were comfortable talking about them.

"It's natural for a child to believe adults when those adults call him or her stupid or blame the child for their own adult shortfalls." The therapist explained, "Children look to adults for guidance. We need to make sure these kids know that what happened to them wasn't their fault."

Luke's thoughts were interrupted then by a loud shriek from down the passage. He jumped off his chair and made his way toward it.

"No!" Nicholas was screaming from the bedroom and Luke could hear tiny grunts off of Mia.

"What's going on?" Luke asked, just entering the room in time to see Nicholas topple backward as Mia lost her grip on the book they held between them.

"It's my book! It's mine!" Nicholas insisted passionately from his position on the floor.

Mia burst out crying.

It was his book to be fair but it was also immediately clear to Luke that he only wanted it because Mia had decided to play with it.

"What's the matter Nicky?" he asked, "You always share with Mia?"

"It's my book!" he restated, with a look of stubbornness so like Noah's, Luke struggled not to laugh.

"Yes Nicky. It is your book, but is there any reason why Mia can't read it?"

"I want… to read… the Noah book!" Mia hiccupped through her tears.

Oh.

Since Luke first gave him the book, 'Noah's Ark' had become Nicholas's prized possession; which he usually kept under the pillow on his bed.

Mia must have made the mistake of removing the book from there.

"I see." said Luke, "It's the special book, ha?"

Nicholas nodded defiantly.

"Okay." Luke thought for a moment, looking from one child to the next, "Let's say I was to sit here and read the story to both of you? Would that work?"

Nicholas regarded him for a moment and then turned his blue eyes on Mia.

"Come on now Nicky." Luke couched, "Say sorry to Mia and we can have a nice read of the story."

Nicholas stood, brushed himself down and tentatively handed the book up to Luke.

"Sowwy." He told Mia and then climbed up onto the bed, hanging his feet over the edge in preparation to be read to.

Luke smiled and sat beside him, kissing the top of his head and reaching around him just as Mia clambered up onto his knee.

"Okay, let's start then. Noah's Ark."

In all the times he'd read the story to Nicholas, the boy had never once seemed concerned for all the people and animals who didn't get to shelter from the flood in the safety of the boat.

So long as those in the boat made it he was happy.

But for some unknown reason the question came to the boy then, and although he was pretty satisfied with Luke's explanation, Mia was not.

"But why?" Mia asked again, worry wrinkling her forehead.

"Because there was only space on the boat for the two by twos." Luke tried to explain.

"But all the other people got left-ted in the water?" she moaned.

"I'm afraid so baby."

She frowned down at the book.

"Because they were bad?" she asked softly.

"I guess so, yes."

Her little hand came up to scratch her nose at this and then she said something that made Luke's blood run cold.

"Mommy left me in the water."

His throat tightened.

They had often wondered how much she remembered, but this was the first mention she had ever made of the time her suicidal mother tried to drown her in the bath. In fact this was the first time, other than occasional mention of her father that Mia ever spoke of her old life. Perhaps the therapy session that morning had stirred those memories.

"Was I bad?" The little girl continued, oblivious to the effect she was having on the man beside her.

"No baby." He kissed her cheek in reassurance and tried to keep the tremor from his voice.

"Mia's mommy left her in the water?" asked Nicholas curiously.

Luke noted the lack of disbelief in Nicholas's query. This was a child after all, who's own understanding of a mother was one of violence and neglect.

"Mia's mommy was very sick, Nicky." Luke explained before smiling at Mia sympathetically, "She didn't mean to hurt you baby. Okay?"

Mia looked back down at the book and silently fiddled with the page corners.

"Do you want to tell me," Luke asked hesitantly, "…about your mommy?"

She shook her head, slipped off his lap and proceeded to play with the small doll's house in the corner of the room; carefully keeping her back to him.

Luke didn't try to push her. He left her to it, occupied Nicholas with a puzzle and returned to his writing.

An hour later, the screen was still blank.

_..._

_While he was in suburbia being barefoot was okay. He could stay on the cool grass of the well manicured lawns. It was only as he reached the highway that the lack of shoes started to become a problem. Stones and bits of broken glass cut painfully at his feet. He had to sit down a few times to pull them out. _

_Without actually formulating the route in his head, somehow, hours later, Josh found himself in the San Fernando Valley. He blinked away the blinders he'd had on during the entire journey; half walked and half achieved by sneaking on the bus without paying. _

_He was surprised to find himself there. _

_It was just… _

_He felt like…_

_It would help him escape… _

_The lamp lit street was as busy as ever. Nobody slept this side of town. He headed for the usual alleyway, looking for somebody who could help him out. _

_He didn't find Dean, but he did find one of the other kids whose name he didn't know._

_"Lost again princess?" The boy asked him, leaning back against the side of a building. His dark eyes immediately took in Josh's appearance, "Someone steal your kicks or somethin?"_

_Josh ignored the comment, "I'm looking for Dean." _

_He tried to sound confident, even though inside he was about to explode from suppressed emotion. Emotion he didn't want to feel. _

_He swallowed away another large lump and asked, "Is he around?" _

_The drug would give him a few minutes peace. _

_If he could only persuade Dean. _

_"Looking to score?" _

_The other voice came up unexpectedly behind him and he couldn't help the way his body jumped. The kid seemed to have formed from the shadows. _

_Josh's nervousness was not going undetected by the first boy. _

_He turned and recognised the other kid as Nick. _

_"Yeah," he answered, "You have any?"_

_"E?" Nick was chewing on a stick of gum._

_Josh shook his head in the negative._

_"H?" The kid asked, his lips curing into a knowing smile. _

_Josh ignored his smirk and nodded._

_"Yeah. I got some." Nick informed him, "But you still owe me from the last pick up."_

_"What?" Asked Josh confused. They had definitely paid Dean the last time. _

_"Your friend was here last week asking for a spot. We don't normally do that but you's good customers. He said you guys would pay on your next pick up. So show me the dough and I'll show you the stuff. You know how it works." _

_Suddenly Josh had a nasty feeling things were about to get tricky._

_"Um." Josh said, "I was kinda hoping you would spot ME."_

_"What the fuck?" The kid against the wall stood up straight then._

_"This some kind of joke?" Nick asked; his voice suddenly changing form cordial to menacing. _

_"Look." explained Josh, "I didn't know he came down here alone. "I didn't know about the spot, okay?"_

_"Talk shit!" Nick exclaimed, "You think we stupid or somethin?"_

_Josh shook his head to assure them he did not think that._

_"You think we don't know all the tricks? He comes down first and then you comes down and then we never sees payment?" _

_Josh didn't like the way this was going and even less so when two more of the gang suddenly appeared behind Nick. _

_Where did they come from?_

_"Well." Josh tried to reason. "I've had a really bad night as you can see and I don't have any money. So, either you can spot me and get paid next time or you get nothing."_

_It was a mistake._

_"Turn him over!" Nick demanded and before Josh knew it he was struggling and sheltering his head on the ground as the gang held him down and turned out his pockets. _

_"Nada Nick!" One member exclaimed, "The kids got nothin!" _

_"You fuck! What the fuck is this?" Nick kicked Josh hard in the ribs and it seemed to spark frenzy amongst the others. The tips of hard shoes dug into him from all angles as he screamed for mercy. _

_"Hey!" It was an authoritative voice that he recognised. "Stop!"_

_Blessed relief came and the kicking stopped. He looked up over his arm and recognised Dean above him. The older boy held out his hand and pulled a shaky Josh to his feet._

_"What the hell's going on here?" Dean asked._

_"The kid ain't got payment Dean-Boy!" Nick explained, "Not for last week's spot! And now he's here demanding more!" _

_"That true?" Dean asked Josh and Josh could only nod. "I see. Well, Josh, ain't it?"_

_Josh nodded, shivering._

_"Your friend owes us for last week and until that's settled there's no spot for you, you dig?"_

_Josh nodded again. He just wanted to get out of there._

_"So you go home and dip into that collage trust fund of yours and pay me next time, Okay?"_

_Another nod._

_Dean reached into his coat pocket and produced a few coins. _

_"Here." He said. "Take the bus back home and don't be coming down here with no dough, you hear?" _

_..._

"Wow." Noah whispered after Luke had just finished filling him in on the incident with Mia. "Poor baby. I can't even bring myself to think about her..."

"I know." Luke agreed sadly.

"So, what did the therapist say?" Noah asked.

"Not much really." Luke said, massaging Noah's foot in both his hands, "Mostly she just explained the basic psychology of children and then she spent a few minutes with each of them. I guess she needs time before she can make any kind of real assessment."

They sat on either end of the couch as they talked. Noah had one leg resting across Luke's knees.

"And Nicky?" Noah asked; wincing as Luke found a particularly tight spot near his big toe, "Was he okay with her?"

"Well, not really. She wanted to see them both on their own, but Nicholas point blank refused of course."

Noah smiled gently.

"Mia was okay with it." Luke continued, "The doctor spent quite a bit of time with her alone. That's why I don't know whether Mia bringing it all up today had something to do with the therapy."

"Well," Noah suggested, "I guess we need to ask Dr. Mishra next time."

"Yeah. Anyway, I was there for Nicky's session and he didn't say a word to her."

Noah laughed. "He will! You know it just takes him some time to get used to strangers."

"I still can't believe this, you know?" Luke said.

"What's that?"

Luke shifted up until they were sitting side by side and swept his eyes over Noah's face.

"Last year," Luke continued, resting his left elbow on the edge of the sofa and reaching up to twist Noah's fringe around his finger. "When I was missing you so much and trying to pretend that I wasn't dreaming of a life with you…" He laughed slightly and then marvelled at how he was now able to laugh about something that had once been so painful. "…I never in a million years imagined that only a few months later I'd be married to you and we'd have three kids!"

Noah laughed too grabbing at Luke's hand and kissing his fingers, "I know! If somebody had said that to me then; I'd have had them committed!"

"We were such a mess!" Luke said.

"Not anymore." Noah smiled.

"No." Luke leaned over to kiss him gently, "Now we're perfect."

_..._

_As Josh rode the bus minutes later he wondered at how he wasn't thinking about the fact that he was homeless or about close call he'd just had. All he could think about was the lack of heroin. _

_Damn Benoit! _

_He must have wanted something to take back to Paris with him! _

_Shit! _

_Other people riding the bus shied away from him. _

_Josh felt suddenly very alone and the closer the bus got to home, the more he remembered that he couldn't go there and those feelings he had been keeping at bay since he left the house, were sneaking their way back to the surface. _

_If only he could call Natalie. At least she was one person in the world he could talk to. _

_And then, as that thought came to him, he realised there were two other people he could potentially talk to._

_Pretty soon he found himself in front of Luke and Noah's house. He hesitated but eventually worked up the courage, having no other options available. He rang the buzzer twice knowing they would be asleep. _

_He waited and when there was no answer he began to panic. He was sure Natalie said they weren't going away on honeymoon. He rang again, this time holding the buzzer down a little longer._

_He jumped when the outside light came on and the door opened to a bedraggled and tired looking Noah, his dark eyebrows raised in surprise to see Josh on his doorstep._

_Suddenly Josh wished he hadn't done this._

_"I'm so sorry." He sniffed pathetically._

_Then he heard Luke call Noah's name and saw him arriving shirtless from the direction of the bedroom. _

_"Shit!" he thought to himself, "These guys have just gotten married! Way to ruin it for them, Josh!"_

_"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have come here… it was a mistake… I… I… I'm sorry…"_

_As he made to leave, Noah held out a hand to him, "No wait!"_

_The gesture was so simple but yet so welcoming that Josh almost ran into his arms. _

_"It's okay Josh." Noah's voice was kind and concerned. _

_He felt so lost and alone and as much as he knew he should go, as much as he knew his problems weren't theirs, he was desperate to stay._

_"Josh," Noah continued." It's okay. Come in." _

_Josh would later feel bad at allowing Luke and Noah to believe his father caused all of his injuries, but there was no way he could tell them about the San Fernando Valley._

_And he definitely couldn't tell them how scared he was of the realisation that, for the first time ever, he really, really, NEEDED a hit._

...

**Thanks everyone! :-)**


	84. Young Minds 4

_Noah was hurt._

_Noah was on his way to the hospital and it was all his fault!_

_Josh had already destroyed his own family and now he had pitched up uninvited into their lives and done the same to them!_

_And his father!_

_His own father, always considered by many to be the level-headed one, had slammed Noah with Josh's baseball bat. _

_It was impossible to believe and yet it was the truth!_

_It was his little sister who told him. She called Luke's number using Josh's mobile phone. He'd left it in it's charger by the side of the bed. _

_"Josh?" she screamed, terrified. "Daddy's done something really bad! The police took him!"_

_He couldn't face it! His body, especially his hands shook, and he panicked because of it. _

_Knowing what he did about Noah, he convinced Luke he needed to fetch some books from school, and hightailed out of there as fast as he could run. _

_He didn't want to be there! _

_He couldn't be the one to tell Luke and he definitely didn't want to see the look on Luke's face when he found out!_

_Benoit's locker usually held a supply of weed, and it didn't let Josh down when he finally made it to the school. He grabbed the bag and fled. _

_Having nowhere to go, he returned to the house and waited outside until he saw Luke and his friend Casey storm out and drive off in Casey's beat-up old Ford. _

_Even from that distance he saw the fear on Luke's face and it made him sick. He vomited beside a nearby tree. _

_Returning to the house he had to sit and endure the pain of Noah's friend, Maddie, explaining what had happened, pretending he didn't already know. _

_And then worse the later news that Noah was blinded by the attack. _

_The stress made the need for a hit even more intense, but Maddie and Alison wouldn't leave him alone long enough to smoke his stash. He had to wait an entire day of agony with them, helping to entertain Nicholas and Mia, until finally, the following evening; the two woman, Jonathan and the children, fell asleep during a movie marathon. _

_Josh slipped outside the sliding glass door to sit on the patio and roll a smoke. He needed to think. Luke would be back in the morning and then he'd be on the streets for sure! There was no way Luke would allow him to stay after what his father had done to Noah. _

_"Hey…" _

_The sound of Luke's voice made him jump almost giving him heart failure. Luckily he had had the foresight to hold on tightly to the supplies in his hands. He hid them in his fists._

_Fearing not only that Luke would discover his reason for being outside, but also the inevitable retaliation from a man who's husband was now in the hospital because of Josh, he sought immediate escape._

_"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he tried to assure Luke. "They said you wouldn't be back tonight… I'll go…!"_

_But Luke slid the door closed and stood in his path. _

_"Here it comes!" Josh thought, and a part of him hoped Luke would punch him. He deserved it._

_But Luke didn't hit him, instead he asked, "Go where?"_

_Josh wanted to die. Right then and there! He felt the weed staining his palms as his fingernails dug into his skin. _

_"Josh?" Luke was waiting for him and when Josh lifted his eyes Luke asked, "Where are you going?"_

_Their exchange from that point on hit Josh with such a force of guilt and relief that he found it difficult to formulate words. Luke wanted him to stay. Luke and Noah didn't blame him. _

_Josh was once again struck by how incredible these two men were. _

_And here he was, repaying their kindness by smoking it up in their back yard! He was suddenly intensely relieved he hadn't had time to light the joint. Luke would have smelt it and then it would have been all over for Josh! _

_He felt ashamed. _

_After Luke left him there, sitting on that top wooden step, Josh made a promise never to do any drug again! With great effort he chucked the weed under a berry bush and spent that night in a deep, almost painful and sleepless sweat. _

_..._

The main office of the LA Daily Newspaper was situated in the middle of Woodland Hills in LA's diverse San Fernando Valley. The newspaper had a circulation area which included eastern Ventura County and northern Los Angeles County.

The office building itself was a strange layered, square and white concrete structure, reminding Luke somewhat of a parking arcade.

Since the newspaper boasted a history of more than 90 years, it was no surprise that the institution's facade should appear so dated.

The inside fared no better. Built in the years before businesses cottoned on to the benefits of an open-plan working environment, the LA Daily Newspaper was a rabbit's warren of small, medium and large office rooms and passage ways.

Fortunately, sometime during the 70's, some or other company president saw the desperate need for a proper functioning newsroom and thoughtfully had an extension built onto the original structure.

And it was to this extremely busy and frantic section of the building that Luke was ushered on his first day at work.

The bird-like receptionist left him standing there before he could stop her. He glanced around feeling suddenly very conspicuous.

"Luke!" he turned to find Jarvis Dimbleby swerving a path through and around his busy co-workers.

Luke smiled, relieved to finally find a familiar face amongst all the chaos. "Hello Jarvis."

Jarvis patted Luke fondly on his back, "You're just in time for the daily team briefing my boy! Follow me."

They entered a rather large and imposing boardroom, decorated with framed portraits of past editors as well as one of Jarvis himself.

A number of people, both male and female, milled around a coffee machine and selection of donuts set to one side of the room.

"Help yourself to a snack and then take a seat, Luke." Jarvis instructed. "Anywhere will do."

Being far to nervous to try eating anything, Luke chose instead to seat himself quietly halfway up the table. That way he would have a good view of his future colleagues.

Jarvis began clapping his hands, "Come on everybody, stop dilly-dallying! Get seated so we can begin."

There was a loud kafuffle of scraping seats and hurriedly finished conversation until eventually all eyes were waiting expectantly for Jarvis to begin.

"Okay! Good morning everybody! Before we begin I'd just like to welcome our newest member of staff."

All eyes feel on Luke, but it was the eyes of the woman seated opposite him that most caught his attention. She seemed to be scrutinising him with much more interest than all the rest.

"This is Luke Snyder, he will be starting as a junior reporter today. I hope you will make him feel welcome, show him the ropes and all that!"

"Luke Snyder?" the dark-haired woman asked, leaning forward to get a better view of him. "As in Grimaldi?"

Luke raised a surprised eyebrow at her.

"You are, Luciano Grimaldi, am I right?"

There was a collective gasp from a few people seated around the table.

"Now Jenna…?" Jarvis began but the women was like a fox on a scent.

"I'm sure you must have some idea as to the cause of the mob war on a Grimaldi ship not so long ago?"

Luke frowned at her.

"And I'm convinced your office bombing was somehow linked to all that too… Am I getting warmer?"

Luke suddenly recognised the women who had so relentlessly pursued him for an interview back then. He was about to speak but before he could Jarvis took control.

"I apologise for Jenna, Luke. She is our star reporter and has a specialist interest in the various gangster families in LA. But let's get to business..."

As Jarvis addressed each of his reporters in turn, so that he might be briefed on their various stories, Luke locked eye contact with Jenna and when the meeting adjourned and Jarvis escorted Luke into his private office, Luke turned angrily on him.

"Is this why you hired me?"

"I'm sorry?" Jarvis asked.

"Did you bring me onboard in the hopes I'd spill the dirt on what happened with GS?"

"Of course not, Luke! Like I told you before, I had no idea you were a Grimaldi until after I sent you that letter."

Luke spent a moment surveying the larger man. He didn't appear to be lying.

"Well," Luke stipulated. "Just so it's clear? I won't be answering any questions with regards to that chapter in my life."

Jarvis cocked his head at Luke and Luke could see that reporter curiosity flashing in his green eyes. Luke knew he was asking a lot of Jarvis. The GS story would be a huge scoop if Luke was to give them the missing answers other newspapers had spent months trying to ascertain.

Finally Jarvis relented, "Fine. Though it's a tough one for me, you understand? Would make one hell of a story! And I can't promise that Jenna wont try to wear you down."

"Well," replied Luke. "She can try but she won't get anywhere."

...

"Giddy-up horsie! Giddy-up!" Mia giggled loudly pulling on the belt Josh held between his teeth. The kids had him on hands and knees giving them both a ride around the living room floor.

Nicholas held Mia tightly around her waist, after reluctantly agreeing to give her control of the reigns.

Josh neighed and snorted loudly, much to their amusement and sped up as instructed by Mia.

The children screeched with delight and bounced up and down on his back.

"Ouch you two!" Josh complained. "Go easy!"

"Hey!" Complained Nicholas. "Horses don't talk!"

"Oh yeah?" Josh asked.

"Yeah!" Nicholas insisted.

"Yeah!" Agreed Mia.

"How do you know?" Josh asked.

Nicholas took a moment thinking about that one. "Because they never say anything."

"But," Josh countered with a smile. "…you never used to say anything to me either and you could talk."

Nicholas hopped off Josh's back at that and walked around to lower his face to Josh's, so their noses were touching. Nicholas's eyes went all squint and Josh laughed.

"But horses are animals silly!" the child stated seriously.

"He's right, you know?" Luke said, just entering the room to catch the end of the conversation.

"See!" said Nicholas with satisfaction at being proven right. If Luke said it was so, then it was so.

"Okay." Josh relented, standing as Mia also hopped off his back. "You win little guy!"

"He always seems to." Luke laughed. "Must run in the Mayer DNA or something!"

"What's D…D…?"

"DNA." Josh said.

"What's DNA?" Nicholas asked with his usual curiosity.

"It's the stuff we are made of."

Nicholas frowned, "What are we made of?"

"Mostly water." Josh informed him.

A look of amazement crossed Nicholas's face, but before he could ask anymore questions Noah arrived.

"Bath time kiddies!"

"Oh no!" Nicholas moaned.

Noah scooped him up with a smile, making the boy laugh. "Oh yes! Because you are stinky!"

"You are stinky!" Nicholas laughed back.

Noah made a great show of sniffing loudly at Nicholas's stomach.

"Nope!" Noah exclaimed, "It's definitely a stinky Nicky smell!"

"Can we have bubbles?" Nicholas chimed.

"Yes I think there is some bubble-bath there for you two munch-kins!"

"Noah did you know people are made-ded of water?"

"Really?" Still holding Nicholas, Noah turned to make his way down the passage. "Come on Mia!" he called, expecting that she would follow.

"No thank you." She replied quietly.

During their conversation she had seated herself on the floor and was paging through a book on puppies.

Noah stopped in his path and turned to watch her, frowning with a deep worry that made Josh wonder.

"Mia? It's bath time now." Noah said sternly.

Josh watched Mia with interest. Since he'd been living in the house he'd never seen her refuse Noah anything.

"Mia?" Luke tried, standing up from the table where he had sat to write. "We all have to bath baby, okay?"

Luke gave Noah a look that Josh couldn't read, but Noah left with Nicholas to start the bath and Luke approached Mia slowly.

"What's the matter?" Luke asked. "Why don't you want to bath tonight?"

Mia just shrugged.

Luke regarded her for some time and the child ignored him, just continued to page through the book.

"Mia." Luke had obviously decided to try the strict approach. "I want you to be a good girl and come with me to the bathroom now please."

To Josh's amazement there was absolutely no response from Mia.

Eventually Luke simply stepped forward and lifted her up, starting for the passage. But Mia let off such a blood-curdling scream of fear that it even brought Noah running back to the room.

Luke set her down and hugged her into him.

"Okay." He said softly. "Okay baby. It's alright. I'm sorry. Shh."

Josh watched as Luke's sad eyes locked with Noah's over the child's head. He wondered what they were communicating between themselves.

Luke nodded at Noah that he had the situation under control and Noah returned to finish Nicholas's bath.

Luke and Noah were definitely dealing with some issues with both Mia and Nicholas. Josh didn't know what they were, but he'd noticed a slight change in both of the kids.

"Okay Mia." Luke said gently, kissing her hair. "No bath tonight then, okay?"

Her little head nodded.

Josh wondered why Luke had given in so easily.

"We're just going to go to your room and get you ready for bed.

Mia nodded and Luke made to carry her off, but before he left he turned to Josh. "Noah and I might take a walk to the beach later tonight. Can you just listen out for them in case they wake up?"

"Sure." Josh nodded.

"Thanks." Luke smiled. "It's nice having you around Josh."

The familiar sense of guilt gripped Josh once more.

...

Noah placed a hand on Luke's hair, feeling it's softness and depth. His hair was like summer, like sunshine, golden apples and clear water.

Noah's eyes met his and his submerged hand lay motionless in the thickness of his curls.

He dropped his gaze to Luke's mouth, at his lips and wanted to bask in the warmth and comfort he could feel bubbling inside of him.

He kiss Luke then and pulled away with a smile, taking his hand and leading him further along the darkened sand.

They strolled alongside the ocean for a time and finally settled down on a dune that fell almost directly into the water.

Without a word, Noah turned Luke's head to kiss him once more. In the darkness it always seemed such a perfectly appropriate thing to be doing; to be inside each other's arms, kissing.

Even when he was blind he had seen those familiar flares of colour behind his eyes whenever their lips met; small bursts of orange and red.

The stress of the night's events with Mia began to ease for both of them and as usual Noah felt the strength of their connection. He was possessed of the perfect knowledge that he had, all of his life, been meant for Luke.

It was an undeniable truth Noah had known since the first time they'd declared their love for each other. And this truth was that inside, beyond the skin and his skeletal structure; deep inside, Luke had more valid a claim on his identity than he did. Luke owned him totally!

At times like these, when they felt so at one with each other, they never spoke.

They simply spent the time wrapped in the sea breeze and then eventually made a path back towards the house; quite quickly and purposefully.

Quietly, careful not to wake the sleeping children, they'd slipped into their bedroom, locking the door and leaving the lights off.

He and Luke watched each other undress, then he pressed kisses of praise all over Luke's body, feeling giddier and drunker by the minute, wanting to go on feeling drunk and naked for the rest of his life.

He revelled in Luke's satisfied murmurs and the tender way Luke held his face between his hands and kissed him into the sex, inducing Noah to follow his lead.

Luke, this beautiful man, his perfect other half.

Noah loved the satisfaction he got from being able to give Luke pleasure in bed. They were lovely, Noah thought, shivering sleepily inside Luke's arms. Even after everything, they were still perfectly lovely.

They fortified themselves for the storm they both felt coming. They would shelter each other and the kids.

...

**Love the comments! :-)**


	85. Young Minds 5

"Jarvis wants to print my stories from the detention centre." Luke said to Noah, finally getting to sit down on the couch after another hectic day at the paper. "As installments. He thinks it would make for a good general interest piece."

"And?" Noah asked, one hand absentmindedly reaching over stroking at Luke's thigh.

"And I'm still thinking about it," Luke said, leaning over to give Noah a light, quick kiss.

It wasn't enough for Noah. He shifted across and kissed Luke back, a little longer, and a little less lightly.

"I think you should do it." Noah hummed, inching in still closer, "You can still have it published as a book after the fact."

Luke eased his hands under Noah's t-shirt, covered his breast with his palms, and kissed him again, importantly, deeply; skillfully and ardently running his fingers over all the right places. Noah groaned with pleasure.

"I don't know." Luke said as they moved to lie flat across the couch together. "I guess I'm still nervous people won't like it."

Noah's nose was buried deep within his neck by this point and he had to extract himself to say, "Jarvis liked it! And he's an expert! So will you please stop with the self doubt thing?"

Luke smiled, "I love you bub-."

Noah silenced him from above with another warm kiss and Luke sighed pleasurably, relaxing totally under his weight; feeling completely absorbed by him.

"Have you had any more trouble from the Jenna lady?" Noah asked as he came up for breath.

Luke shook his head, running his fingers through the curls at the tops of Noah's ears, "No. I think Jarvis has warned her off. But I catch her looking at me sometimes so I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she strikes."

"Well, when she does she'll have met her match I'm sure!" Noah giggled.

Luke snorted.

He closed his eyes and felt as Noah's hand sought the side of his face, lingering there with a feather's touch, while he lipped his way under Luke's chin.

When Noah's kisses stopped for a while Luke opened his eyes to see the blue eyes close to his, examining him with intense concentration.

"What are you doing?" Luke asked with a grin.

"Just looking." Noah replied with a contented smile. "Because I can."

Luke was immediately struck by a sudden and desperate need to make love; unable to stand the thought of waiting another second.

Right now, that minute, he wanted to make love!

Impossible. Of course he would have to wait, what with Mia and Nicholas wide awake and playing just outside in the yard; their high pitched giggles periodically reminding both men of their close proximity.

But god! How he desired this other man! Forever but definitely RIGHT NOW!

He lifted one of Noah's hands and studied his lovely long fingers, overly aware of the way Noah's thumb grazed this skin, catching every now and then on Luke's wedding band.

"How many hours before the kids are asleep?" he asked Noah with wanton eyes.

Noah laughed and blew a hot breath into Luke's ear making him gasp.

"Noah!" He groaned, frustrated.

His smile flourishing, Noah lifted back up to gaze deeply at Luke.

"You a little horny, Snyder?" He teased, grounding his hips.

"You… ah… know it!" Luke complained, gripping Noah around his waist, "And you also know how much I hate having to wait!"

Luke leaned up and kissed him and Noah put his hand on his face and kissed him back.

He was just in the process of tweaking Noah's right nipple with they heard a key turn in the front door and they both shot up quickly to sitting; grinning naughtily at each other as Noah adjusted his shirt.

Josh walked in none the wiser and smiled at both of them, closing the door behind him.

"Hey." he greeted.

"Hi Josh," Luke answered, "We thought you'd be at least another hour."

"Yeah, um," Josh said, seeming to stubble over his words for some reason, "Um, Coach wasn't… feeling too good… so we finished early.

He dumped his bag at the dining table and turned to lean back against it, watching them timidly.

"Nat's been trying to get hold of you." Luke told him, "She says she hasn't spoken to you in a while."

"Oh." Josh sniffed, "Um… something must be wrong with my phone… okay, I'll call her."

"Everything okay?" Noah asked, twisting around and leaning is arm across the back of the couch to look at him; obviously also sensing the same hesitancy in Josh that Luke was.

Since the night Josh had returned home drunk, the two of them had tried to keep a closer eye on him; getting Josh to check in with them more regularly without encroaching too much on his privacy.

"Oh yeah! Thanks! I'm great." He assured them.

"Have you heard from your Mom?" Luke asked, wondering if this was why Josh seemed out of sorts.

"No, but I thought maybe I'd go by there tomorrow or something. I need to talk to her about my allowance and I think my car's due a service too."

"Great idea!" Luke said. "It's good for you to find time to spend with her. She will come around you know? It took my mom a while before she accepted I was gay. But once she did she became my most ardent supporter! So don't give up on yours okay?"

Josh nodded with a small smile.

"Luke's right!" Noah said, "Your mother is trying to understand! And that's at least a first step!"

Josh's face fell somewhat. "I know I've been staying here longer than you expected. But is that okay? I mean... I can get Mom to pay for a hotel or something if you want me to go…"

"No! Not at all!" Luke said with a reassuring smile. "We told you… You can stay for as long as you need. We just want things to work out for you, that's all. Because they're your family and it's where you belong."

Josh nodded again and then, pointing toward the door said, "I was going to go for a quick swim in the sea if that's okay."

Noah's head did an immediate lift at that and his eyes locked with Luke's. "Um, you couldn't take Nicky and Mia down for an hour or two, could you?"

Luke almost whooped with joy and it was Noah who played it cool.  
There was a considerable pause from Josh.

"Um." Josh looked suddenly uncomfortable. "Um… yeah… yeah of course I can."

"They'll love it." Noah said. "Thanks Josh. Are you sure? It's okay if you don't think you can't manage with both of them on your own."

Luke surreptitiously kicked Noah to shut up and accept the opportunity chance had just offered them on a plate. He could tell that Josh was a little confused by the grin Noah couldn't hide.

"Um," Josh said, "No. It's fine. I got it!"

It took just twenty minutes to get the kids into their swimsuits, sun-creamed up and out the door before the two of them were throwing each other's clothes over the back of their shoulders.

"I'm not entirely convinced Josh was that keen on babysitting for us today!" Noah laughed as Luke pawed at him while they stood in the centre of the living room.

"Yip, I feel bad guilt-tripping him into it too." Luke agreed, "But desperate times and all that…"

He was all at once drawn to the shape of Noah's mouth and to the long line of his throat; up which he licked like he would an ice lolly.

Noah drew in his breath sharply, staring unblinking at him.

"Ah, but I love the way you feel!" Luke sighed, his hands cupping Noah's buttocks and gently squeezing.

Noah lowered his head and opened his mouth on Luke's nipple, his tongue darting against it's nib. It made Luke shiver, took his breath altogether and caused his eyes to close. Light shimmered behind his eyelids.

Then he was dragging Noah toward the bedroom and entering to almost violently throw the man down to the mattress.

"Wow!" Noah breathed, "You really ARE hot for it, aren't you?"

"Shut up and kiss me!" Luke exclaimed diving down after him.

Noah promptly rolled Luke over and pressed a kiss to his lips, stroking one hand up and down Luke's right arm. Noah's hand slid up to Luke's throat and his mouth was wet and open to him.

The excitement collected, gathering, and Luke wound his arms around Noah's neck, kissing him eagerly.

Noah caressed him, his hand circling and teasing at Luke's nipples as he kissed him hard.

When Noah's mouth left his, Luke was taking short, shallow breaths, blindly stroking at him. Noah was quivering at the touch.

Luke wanted him, had to have him and he flipped Noah again onto his back to press his face into Noah's belly, his hand moving up once more between Noah's thighs.

But Noah was dominating this one.

Before he could blink, Luke found himself flipped back over and was unable to stop his incessant groaning at the pulsing ache generated when Noah's fingers created a sudden and tremendous heat as they pushed up inside of him. So when Noah climbed over him, he spread his thighs, willingly.

Noah came at him so fast, so hard that it was almost a shock and his body resisted at first, tensed. Noah sensed it by the growl the blonde released and slowed.

Luke willed himself to relax, waiting as that moment of readiness grew ever closer. He wrapped his legs around Noah's waist, gripping tighter, clinging, arching against him.

"Luke… Luke…"

Their bodies were hot and aching, and Luke felt so sensitised that his insides seemed to twist. The heat between his thighs as Noah increased his speed seemed to spiral and he felt Noah empty deep inside with a musical moan of his name that sent him shuddering right after.

Noah lay spent and heavy on him. Luke, whimpered slightly and held him there, keeping Noah too him for as long as possible. When Noah finally withdrew he kissed Luke and rested his head on Luke's stomach.

They panted for some time.

"Thank you Josh!" Luke exclaimed loudly and they both laughed together.

They gently ran fingers over each other as the lay there, until finally they forced themselves to leave the comfort of the bed to clean up before Josh bought the children back home.

...

_Josh knew when he was told to go to the headmaster's office that something very serious had happened. They never called you down unless it was for a very good reason. He went along the corridor frantically trying to imagine what it could be about. _

_The only thing he could think was that somebody had seen him smoking by the school's tool shed and had reported it. _

_Was that even possible?_

_No one had seen him, he was sure. He had a good vantage point from there and he would definitely have known if they had. It was why he picked that spot to begin with. _

_He kept his stash wrapped in a piece of cellophane, secured with a rubber band, down in a dry, hidden spot inside an old flower pot. Even Benoit wasn't aware of this! _

_He didn't go there often enough to be conspicuous, although he could have done with a smoke far more often. He didn't want to be found out after all. _

_Firstly because it would put him in a precarious position as far as Luke and Noah were concerned. He really didn't want to be a disappointment to them._

_And secondly, if they found out then he would have to find a way to stop. And however much he wanted too, however much he tried, he didn't know how too._

_No, he was sure it wasn't the smoking that had caused the summons. _

_He hurried along the corridor whilst quickly tucking in his shirt as he went. _

_Maybe something had happened to one of his sisters. Maybe it was Lynnie. She was forever falling over or walking into doors. He hoped that wasn't the case but it could be the reason. _

_Or had something happened to his mom or his dad? He felt sick at the thought of anything bad happening to either one of them. Yes. He had to admit that, as angry as he was at his father; he still hoped he would make it through his jail sentence unharmed. _

_"Stop this shit!" he told himself. "Just calm the fuck down!"_

_When he reached the headmaster's office the secretary stood and opened the door for him, ushering him inside._

_"They are waiting for you." She said, her face giving him no clue as to the reasons for his presence. _

_Josh said, "Thank you," and took a step inside, to be confronted by not only the headmaster, Mr Hart; standing authoritatively behind his desk; but also by his tennis coach, the long haired Mr Trent, who sat in one of the two available guest chairs. _

_"Come in, Josh. Sit down, son." The headmaster said gently. He was a strange looking little man, Josh had always thought. Like a bold eagle with a shiny head and sharp eye._

_Well, at least he didn't sound angry. _

_Josh placed himself edgily on the other chair in front of the desk, unable to take his eyes off of Mr Hart. Both teachers gazed at him, wearing peculiar expressions. _

_"I'm going to cut right to the chase, Josh." Mr Hart began. "You have always been an exceptional student and brilliant sportsman. And so I felt I would address you on this issue first. Give you a chance to improve before contacting your mother."_

_"What issue is that, sir?" Josh asked with a gulp, although he already knew where this conversation was going._

_"We are becoming more than a little concerned at your last few test results, Josh. They were not like you at all. A 'C-' in English? And only a 'D' in Biology? Really we expect a lot more from you, son. You are certainly capable of it."_

_"Your academic scores are not the only thing slipping Josh." Piped in Coach Trent. "So is your tennis! You were number one in the district! What's happened?"_

_Josh lowered his head and nervously fiddled with his fingers on his lap. _

_"Josh?" Mr Hart said, obviously expecting a reply. "You understand that we cannot allow you to participate in sporting activity unless you reach your required grade point average?"_

_Josh nodded. "I'm sorry." He said simply, "I'll try harder."_

_"Is there anything wrong, son?" Coach Trent asked kindly. The man had coached him for five years and they knew each other well. _

_"No sir." He assured them. "There have been a few issues…"_

_"Ah, yes." The headmaster nodded. "We are aware of the situation with your father, Josh. But you cannot let it destroy your future. You have so much potential."_

_"Yes." Josh said. "I understand, sir. I will improve. I promise."_

_"Great!" The headmaster smiled, "I really don't want to have to call your mother in. Do you understand?"_

_"Yes." Josh assured him, "Yes, definitely."_

_"Okay. You are free to go."_

_"Thank you sir." He stood, nodding at the other man, "Coach Trent." And then turned to leave._

_"Oh and Josh," Mr Hart called, "Good luck at the swim-meet on Saturday. You are competing are you not?"_

_"Yes. Yes, thank you very much sir."_

_..._

They thought something was wrong when, after an hour and a half, Josh still hadn't returned with the kids.

His cell was sitting on the dining table so they couldn't call him.

Eventually, while Luke finished up cooking dinner, Noah ran down to the beach to find them. He searched for as many miles as he believed it was possible for Josh to have walked with two small children. They were nowhere to be seen.

By this point his heart was beating a little harder and he tried to assure himself that everything was fine. The children were with Josh, what kind of hard could they come too? Most likely they had walked another path home.

He literally sprinted back to the house only to find Luke waiting anxiously for him outside the door.

"What is it?" Noah puffed, out of breath both from the run and from a growing fear.

Luke's eyes were wide with concern, "They're at the hospital!"

...

_All the rest of that day and over the course of the afternoon, the stress became too much and before tennis practise was over he made an excuse to Coach Trent about needing time to work on an assignment and left early. _

_He stood by the shed and smoked a quick joint. He stuck a small supply into his pocket for later and headed for home, resolving to hit the beach and smoke again once there. He just wanted to switch off for a while. Then he'd be okay. He could come back stronger the next day and focus hard on his school work. _

_He definitely didn't want Mr Hart bothering his mother! His relationship with her was rocky enough already!_

_When he got home he stood far back from where Luke and Noah sat on the couch. Their presence had taken him by surprise. It was unusual for them both to be back from work so early. Usually by the time he got home from sports Jasmine would still be around watching Nicholas and Mia. She had agreed to look after them during the day ever since Luke started to work at the newspaper. At least until some other childcare arrangement could be made. _

_But it appeared Jasmine had already left for home. _

_He kicked himself and prayed that Luke and Noah wouldn't smell the weed on him. _

_When Noah asked him to take the kids to the beach he wanted to say no. He knew he should. But he couldn't give a reason. He had none. He had to take the kids swimming or they would know something was up. _

_While the two men readied the children, and feeling slightly better now, less heady, he got up to go into the bathroom and splashed hot water on his face. _

_Lately looking at himself in the misty bathroom mirror was like attempting to see himself through a layer of gauze. No matter how hard he tried to clean it, the surface remained misted. He closed his eyes and steadied himself by gripping either side of the cold ceramic basin. _

_He left the house with the beach bag slung over one shoulder and a child holding each of his hands. _

_..._

He wiped his eyes and nose and stopped crying, his breathing ragged, trying to decide what to do.

He sat on an upturned bucket between two of the hospital's large garbage dumpsters. Occasionally a supply truck would pass, but all in all nobody seemed to notice him there.

The hospital would have called Luke by now.

"Jesus, Mia!" he whispered, his hands were shaking wildly.

With difficulty Josh lit a fresh joint and let his eyes fix on some indefinite point in space, staring at nothing. His mind, just for a moment, was mercifully empty.

**Thanks! Let me know your thoughts! :-)**


	86. Young Minds 6

Mia was dead.

Josh was sure of it.

She'd felt so cold; so frozen in his arms.

He would be told soon that she was dead.

His hands were slimy and slick with sweat, and yet the drug had focused his mind suddenly; as sharp as a knife.

Inside his head, behind his eyes, he was already playing the scene of the doctor telling Luke and Noah and he could hear them screaming and screaming. He placed both his hands over his ears and cried.

It was his fault! He was cursed. Everywhere he went he just produced heartache for the people he cared about. Thing's weren't getting better since he came out. They were just getting worse!

He knew he would have to leave. He couldn't risk causing any more harm to the two men who had taken him in, no questions asked. And the two children who had come to mean as much to him as his sisters did.

Josh felt the panic rippling through his body once more. He couldn't avoid the feeling that he'd lost himself for good and for always and that the self he'd known would never be coming back. Or, even more frightening was the thought that this Josh was in fact his true self. And he was this hateful, infectious person, this failure.

"I'm scared." He thought suddenly, shivering deep in his bones, "I'm so scared."

...

Luke, round-eyed, breathing noisily through his mouth, was staring fixedly at the nurse over the top of the reception counter. There were several seconds of dreadful silence while she searched her database and then the nurse smiled looking up at them.

"3rd floor, ward D."

The men were already at the elevator on the word "ward", Noah pressing the button frantically, as though doing so could actually make the elevator arrive quicker.

Luke hissed when a man stepped in after them and pressed the button for the second floor. Another delay. He gritted his teeth but felt better as Noah took his hand and squeezed.

The elevator door opened and they raced down the 3rd floor corridor, colliding smack-bang into a chubby but cheerful looking nurse.

"Josh?" Luke gasped out of breath. "Please. With two babies, Nicholas and Mia? Are they here?"

The nurse was at first taken aback by the state the two men were in but then she smiled. "Oh yes, they are."

"Are they okay?" Noah asked, "Are they hurt?"

"What happened?" Luke chimed in.

"Okay, now calm down." The nurse said gently, "I think you should come with me."

She led them calmly down the long corridor, stopping for a minute to insert a chart she was holding into its placement on the wall and then opening a nearby door.

A strange and loud clacking noise was the first thing they heard before the unmistakable giggles of childish laughter.

Both Nicholas and Mia were lying flat on the floor on their stomachs in what was clearly a children's playroom. A mounted television played cartoons with the sound down, but the two children were presently occupied with a game of "Hungry Hippo", merrily slamming at the buttons controlling each of their hippos. The small coloured balls bounced around the centre as the two children attempted to get their respective hippo to swallow the most balls.

"I win!" laughed Mia.

"Okay." Nicholas conceded, "Let's go again! But I want the red one!"

Both men seemed to blend into one as they held each other up in relief.

"I swear this parenting thing is going to kill me one day!" Noah gasped and Luke shuddered against him as he laughed the knot out of his gut.

"They are both perfectly fine as you can see." said the nurse. "Mia came in with a bad panic attack. But she got over that reasonably quickly and Nicholas has been fine. So long as we left him with Josh or on his own he has played happily in here."

"Oh!" Sighed Luke, "Thank god! We weren't told anything over the phone!"

"Where is Josh?" Noah asked wanting details on what had happened to Mia.

The nurse looked around the room puzzled.

"That's odd." She said. "He was desperate for news on little Mia but I haven't seen him for a while now. Maybe he went out for some air. In which case, he won't know that the scare is over. Poor boy was beside himself!"

At that point Mia noticed them and gave them one of her dazzling smiles. She hopped up and immediately ran into the outstretched arms of the person who happened to be the closest and that was Luke.

Nicholas wasn't far behind and Noah scooped him up.

"Mia felled in the water!" Nicholas informed them importantly.

"She did?" Luke exclaimed; looking over at Noah as the reason for the panic attack became clear. "And then what happened?"

"Josh… he jump-ted in and swam-med her out! And Mia was very scared! Hey Mia?"

Mia nodded, playing shyly with the collar on Luke's shirt.

"But we're all okay now, right?" Noah asked, specifically looking at Mia and reaching over to stroke her face as much as to reassure himself as to placate her.

Mia nodded and Nicholas said, "Yes! Can we go home now? I'm hungry!"

Both men laughed.

"Well!" Luke said, "There's something we didn't already suspect!"

Noah hugged Nicholas too him and sighed deeply in renewed relief.

"Where's Josh?" Noah asked them.

"Josh went outside." Mia said.

"Most likely totally freaked!" Luke said.

Noah returned his gaze, concerned.

Then, since he was still under a driving ban, Luke said, "Noah you take these two home. I'll look for Josh. We'll follow in a cab."

Noah nodded and leaned over the kids' heads to give Luke a kiss. He took Mia from Luke and balanced her on his free hip, "I'll have dinner ready for you guys when you get in."

...

_Mia had extremely straight and long ginger hair that reached right to her lower back. And on their walk toward the beach, Josh stopped when he noticed her struggling every time the wind blew the strands into her tiny face. _

_It was a good excuse to rest for a moment and try to clear his vision, which had steadily become increasingly foggy. He dug into the bag Noah had given him to find one of her hair-bands._

"_Let's tie that back for you Mia. Then you can see where you're going." He told her and she nodded, waiting patiently while he looped the blue elastic around her hair a few times. "Better?" he asked her._

_She smiled in response and he hooked the bag back over his shoulder and took hold of their hands once more._

"_Josh?" Nicholas asked. _

"_Ah ha?"_

"_Why don't boys have long hair?" He scratched his nose in the familiar way he did whenever he had something on his mind._

"_Well, some do." Josh said. "I mean, Luke's hair is pretty long, isn't it?"_

"_Yeah." Nicholas nodded, "But not as long as Mia's or Jasmine's."_

"_Well," Josh tried, his mind not really working and finding it difficult to think up reasons that would make sense to a four year old. "I guess it's so we can tell girls and boys apart. So we can know for sure if somebody is a boy or a girl."_

"_But a boy can have long hair?" Nicholas asked._

_Josh stooped down toward him for a second, "Nicky, it's okay for a person to do whatever they want. So long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. So if a boy wants to have long hair, then that's okay. Same as if a girl wants to cut her hair short."_

_Josh swallowed hard as he heard those words leave his lips. If only he could stick to them himself!_

_Nicholas nodded and they continued their walk down the road until they reached the start of the beach, where Josh helped them to remove their sandals before placing the shoes in the shoulder bag. _

"_Do you like girls?" Nicholas asked taking Josh a little by surprise._

_Mia giggled._

"_Um," Josh sniffed, "Yes, I like girls." It was an honest answer. He did like girls, just not like THAT. "What about you? Do you like girls?"_

_Nicholas considered this for a while, "No."_

"_You don't?" Josh asked, smiling all of a sudden. "Why not?"_

"'_Cause I don't!" Nicholas stated resolutely. _

_Josh laughed, "You don't think you'd like to kiss a girl?"_

_Mia laughed out load this time and Nicholas scowled at her._

"_No." Nicholas said, shaking his head with certainty. "Yuck!"_

_They sauntered onto the beach, no longer having to hold hands. Periodically the kids would find something of interest, a shell or a shiny stone, which they'd show to him and then discard in search of the next treasure. _

"_What about Mia?" Josh asked him. "She's a girl."_

_Nicholas smiled, "'Cause Mia's my friend!"_

"_Yeah." Mia said softly in agreement. _

"_Oh!" Josh took a deep breath and wavered for a second, suddenly feeling dizzy. _

_He was afraid to go into the shallows with them in his current state but they were expecting a swim. _

_He looked ahead of them and spotted the tiny fishing pier where somebody had left a row boat tide to the dock. "Hey guys? How about we go for a ride in that boat over there? Would that be fun?"_

"_YAY!" Nicholas shouted, seeing the boat and taking off for the pier, leaving tiny footprints in his wake. _

"_Wait for us on the pier buddy, okay?" Josh shouted, lifting Mia and keeping his eyes on Nicholas. _

_Mia surprised him then with a gentle peck on the cheek, "I love you Josh." She said shyly._

_Josh took in two quick breaths as emotion chocked him. He was feeling guiltier by the minute. This family, every member in it, trusted him wholeheartedly and there he was, stoned! Useless! _

_He smiled back at her, "I love you too, Mia. Let's go before Nicky gets into trouble!"_

"_Yes!" Mia agreed, "Nicky is very naughty! Jasmine says so all the time!"_

_Josh laughed, "She does, hey?"_

_They reached Nicholas and he popped Mia down before getting into the boat first. It rocked considerably under him and he fell forward, a hand on each side as he steadied it, the wooden boards of its design blurring under him. _

_He waited for the nausea to pass and then held out his arms for Mia. She jumped into them and he managed to get her seated in the boat without any problems._

"_Now just stay still, okay?" He said to her before holding his arms out for Nicholas in the same way. _

_Nicholas dived for him with a lot less grace and threw the entire boat off balance. Under usual circumstances it would have been nothing for Josh to catch him. But his limps were numb and his brain slow to react. So, although Josh managed to hold onto Nicholas, the boat toppled dangerously to one side and mercilessly didn't overturn. _

_However it was a hard enough jolt to send the light weight of Mia flying over the side and into the cool blue of the ocean with a quiet plop._

"_Mia!" Josh screamed. _

_She had already vanished under a ripple of water and sea bubbles.._

_In the back of his mind Josh was confused. He knew Mia could swim. Why didn't she surface?_

_He half threw Nicholas back up to the dock._

"_STAY!" He yelled and then dived in after her, grateful that on this day the water was clear and he could see her right away. He grabbed at her and swiftly pulled her to the surface, swimming back to the stairs of the dock with Mia resting on his chest. The way he'd been taught at school._

_She felt stiff as a rock._

_His heart pulsated as he drew her up the stairs and dropped onto the pier. She wasn't breathing. She had such a look of utter terror on her face that Josh lost his breath._

"_Mia!" He stuttered, patting her frozen cheek. "Oh no - Oh no! Please! Oh my god!" _

"_Here!" A voice said and he turned to find a lifeguard kneeling beside him. The man must have seen them from the beach._

_Josh fell back and let the man take over. Grateful for it. _

_..._

Noah checked his phone again but there was still no message or sign of Luke. He tried calling but again Luke didn't pick up. Most likely he was frantic at not having found Josh at the hospital.

They knew what had happened. Josh was afraid Mia had drowned and had run off in guilt, unable to face it.

Suddenly a car's lights flashed and he opened the front door just in time to see Luke hop out of a cab. He raised his eyebrows in question but Luke shook his head. He looked completely frazzled as he shut the car door and made his way up the path.

Noah slumped. It looked like another long night of worry for the two of them.

"Where would he go?" Noah asked as soon as Luke was in ear shot.

"No idea!" Luke replied, hugging Noah in, "I'm sorry I didn't call, my cell died."

"Oh. I wondered." Noah squeezed him back. "Come inside, I kept your food warm for you."

"Kid's asleep?" Luke asked as they entered and Noah closed the front door.

"Yeah." Noah replied, rubbing at his neck, "Actually, as hungry as they were, I had some difficulty feeding them. The poor little guys were so tuckered out! It's a pig-night for them!"

"Pig-night" was Noah's nickname for the evenings where they let the children go to sleep without a bath.

"Well, it is way past their bedtime!"

Noah sighed, "Josh wanted to take them out on a boat."

Luke turned to him, "What?"

"I guess the boat was there and he thought they might like it. Mia must have fallen in and usually she would have been fine, but…"

"…but Josh doesn't know about her recent fear of deep water!" Luke finished.

Noah nodded, entering the kitchen to grab Luke's plate from the oven and raising his voice so Luke could hear him from in there, "I guess she must have gotten a fright and simply sank to the bottom."

Luke sat heavily at the dining table and waited while Noah placed the plate before him, one hand kneading his shoulder.

"Mmm!" Luke breathed, "That feels good, thanks."

"Don't worry." Noah said, "I'm sure he'll come back once he hears that Mia is okay."

"I feel kinda responsible really." Luke sniffed.

"What?" Noah asked.

"Well, convincing him to take them when he really didn't want to." He lifted his knife and fork but just stared at the food.

"Yeah, but he's really good with them! It was an accident."

"I know, but it's just… We should have told him Noah. About their pasts, you know? If he's watching them he should know about their quirks. So should Jasmine for that matter!"

Noah thought it over for a moment and then nodded, recognising their error himself.

"Hey." He wrapped both arms around Luke's neck and leaned forward, propping himself on Luke's shoulders, "We're still learning here ourselves! Don't be too hard on us, okay?"

Luke laughed. "I love it when you talk about us in the singular!"

Noah smiled and kissed the top of his head, releasing him and patting his shoulder twice, "Eat up! And I don't want to see any left over you hear!"

...

The large green house was dark and for a moment Josh wandered whether anybody was home. But as he came around the side and into the backyard he saw with relief that the light was on in Benoit's bedroom.

Scooping, he picked up a few pebbles from the path and began pelting the window with them, until he saw the face of his friend appear behind the pane.

The French boy's expression changed at once from confusion to recognition and Josh waved up at him. Benoit indicated he should head for the back door.

As soon as Benoit opened the door Josh blurted, "I fucked up! I really fucked up!"

"Mon ami!" Benoit exclaimed, seeing the disquiet on Josh's face. He stepped forward and placed an arm around his shaking friend.

The moment Josh felt Benoit's touch he began to weep.

"Ah, non, je n'aime pas… this, this sadness…" I don't like this sadness, Josh was able to interpret. "What 'as 'appened?"

Josh waited until they were securely hidden behind Benoit's bedroom door before blurting out the entire story. He rattled on and on, barely taking a breath between words and sobs. Trying to speak over the utter panic he felt.

"She's dead! I know she is. She's dead and I did it! Because I was high! And now they'll never forgive me! I've messed up everything! And Mia! Oh god, Mia! What have I done? They'll never trust me again and I'll be-"

Benoit silenced him then with a kiss. A full kiss on his mouth that was unlike any of the kisses Josh had received from his friend before. Because instead of breaking off, Benoit deepened the kiss, using his lips to pry Josh's mouth open and seeking out Josh's tongue with his own.

Josh's head bobbed back once as Benoit's lips left his. If he was struggling to breathe before, it was now for different reasons. Benoit had rendered him suddenly and utterly speechless. His mind went blank.

"Ill est okay." Benoit whispered gently, stroking a hand down Josh's tear-stained face. He stood and turned off the main light switch at the door, so that the only illumination came from the small lamp on the bedside table.

Benoit approached Josh and, standing before him, lit a joint he must have grabbed from atop the dresser. He held it to Josh's lips. Josh inhaled the smoke deeply, his eyes resting on the contours of Benoit's chest, as he gripped the edge of the bed in his hands.

Benoit took a drag himself and bent over to hold Josh's chin between his fingers, pressing their lips back together and blowing the narcotic smoke into Josh's mouth.

Already Josh could feel the particles reaching his blood and streaming quickly through his body as his heart rate elevated. He was beginning to feel more relaxed and forget his fears.

They finished sharing the joint before Benoit pulled Josh up by one hand and moved him to the top of the bed where he pushed his friend down, removed Josh's shoes and laid him out under the covers.

"What?" Josh frowned at him in confusion, suddenly feeling totally detached from the world.

"Relax. I will 'elp you."

Benoit searched a nearby shoe holder for a specific sneaker, from which he withdrew a bag of blue circular tablets Josh had never seen before. He extracted two and returned to lie next to Josh.

They faced each other and Benoit placed a pill on his tongue, leaning in for another kiss and transferred the small blue roundness over to Josh. Josh swallowed and opened his eyes to stare longingly into Benoit's and watch as the boy swallowed the second pill himself.

"I 'elp you forget." Benoit said softly and drew Josh toward him so that Josh's cheek rested against his chest and their legs intertwined. "Sleep, mon ami…"

Josh closed his eyes, enjoying the way his head rose and fell to the breath in Benoit's chest.

He had a vague thought that he needed to tell Luke and Noah something but he gave up.

He let the drug take him.

**I hope you like this one! **


	87. Young Minds 7

The Charterhouse school was nestled neatly within twenty-one acres of well manicured grounds, a true testament to both its age as well as to the relative prosperity of the parents; who paid large sums every year to send their children there.

The institution had a strong academic record, but its real fame lay within the sporting achievements of its pupils, especially in swimming, athletics and tennis; all of which Josh was an active participant in.

On any given day the playing fields were abuzz with children eagerly involved in inter-school or inter-house activities.

It was still early and only a few pupils had arrived for the day. They milled around outside the school gates or under trees, books sprawled across knees.

Luke whistled as the cab dropped him off in front of the ornate gates. It certainly was one impressive looking school.

He walked the garden path up to the main grey brick building, following the signs for the reception area.

"May I help you?" asked the pretty receptionist with a shy smile, obviously taken with Luke's boyish good looks.

Luke smiled back at her. "I'd like to see the Headmaster if that's possible. I don't have an appointment but it's important."

"I see." She said, checking her computer screen. "Your name please?"

"Luke Snyder."

She smiled again and lifted her handset, pressing one button and waiting for an answer from the other end.

"Mr. Hart? I have a Mr. Luke Snyder here to see you, it's regarding…" she cupped the receiver with her hand and looked up at Luke with raised eyebrows.

"I'm here about a pupil. Josh Carmody?"

She dropped her hand and said, "It's about Josh Carmody. Right, yes, I'll send him in." She hung up. "You can go right on in. He can see you now."

"Thank you." Luke said.

He turned to open the door toward which she indicated. The name tag of Mr. Robert Hart was fixed to it in gold leaf metal.

Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it was definitely not the tiny, bold-headed man before him.

"Mr Hart?" he asked.

"That would be me! Yes." The man replied, sticking out his arm to shake Luke's hand.

"Luke Snyder."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Snyder. You are here about Josh?"

"Yes. I'm not sure how much you know about Josh's current situation."

"Oh, I make it my business to know everything about our pupils Mr. Snyder. I am aware that Josh has been living with you and your partner since his father was incarcerated. Terrible business!"

"Yes."

"And how is your partner?" The man asked.

"Husband." Luke smiled, "And he's fine, thank you. Great actually."

"Well that's at least something, isn't it?" The amicable man replied. "Please take a seat."

The headmaster sat in his chair behind the desk and waited for Luke to get comfortable in one of the visitor seats.

"So," he asked. "How can I help you?"

"I'm actually not sure whether you can. You see, Josh went missing last night."

The headmaster's dark eyebrows rose instantly.

"Something happened." Luke explained. "Totally not Josh's fault. But we think, with his current mindset, that he has the wrong idea. Anyway we haven't been able to locate him since yesterday and he left his cell at our house. So we can't contact him at all. As you can imagine we are extremely worried."

"Yes I'm sure!" Mr. Hart nodded in agreement. "I have to say, Mr. Snyder, that I myself have noticed quite a change in Josh over the past few weeks, as have a number of our teachers."

Luke frowned, "Really? We didn't know Josh very well before all of this happened, so we have nothing to compare his behaviour to. From what we can tell he's a very responsible, well balanced kid. Except for the other night when he…"

"Yes?"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. It was a one off. But what do you mean by changes?"

"Well. It started small at first. Just slip ups in tests and essays that weren't normal for a pupil of Josh's skill. But now his grades have been slipping at a faster rate. And he appears to have lost interest in his extra curricular activities, where he has always excelled."

Luke looked down at his hands for a moment and then looking back up asked, "Why do you think it's happening?"

The headmaster shook his head sadly. "Children are amazing creatures Mr. Snyder, as I'm sure you must know, since you have taken this one in as if your own. And they can bring much joy! But they can also be cruel."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked worriedly.

"I'm afraid things haven't been easy for Josh at school since the news of his father broke. Or more specifically, since the reason for this father's arrest became known."

Luke felt his heart drop. "Oh."

"Boys and girls he thought were his friends, who have in fact been his friends for many years, suddenly abandoned him. He's been quite isolated I would say. We have tried to help him, but he chooses to suffer in silence. I think he is afraid of disappointing people."

The guilt Luke felt at that moment gripped him like a million tentacles rising up and pulling him under. He should have seen this! He of all people knew what this was like. Josh was just a younger version of himself.

"Why am I only hearing about this now?" Luke asked.

Mr. Hart nodded. "Perhaps we should have told you or Mrs. Carmody sooner. However we do like to give our children a chance to resolve things on their own first. It builds a sense of responsibility you understand."

Luke nodded and took a deep breath, frustrated with himself.

"Don't take it personally." Mr. Hart said, as though reading Luke's thoughts. "Teenager's are notoriously good at hiding their true feelings. Especially from those they are aiming to impress."

"Mr Hart?" Luke asked, "Do you have any idea where he might have gone? If he didn't stay at ours last night and he can't go home."

Mr. Hart thought for a moment and then smiled, "Well, he does have one friend who has stood by him through all this. A foreign student by the name of Benoit Dubois. He's a very popular kid at school and seems totally unfazed by the fact Josh is gay. In fact, he tends to be totally unfazed by just about anything at all!"

"Do you think he might have gone to this kid's house?"

"It's likely, yes."

Luke rose, "Okay. Thank you for your help Mr. Hart."

"Not at all" The little man replied, coming back around his desk to shake Luke's hand.

"Is there any way I could get the contact details for Benoit?" Luke asked.

The headmaster pursed his lips in sympathy, "I'm afraid not. We aren't permitted to give out such information. If you like I can get my secretary to call his father for you."

Luke nodded, "That would be great!"

"Okay. Leave your number with Cynthia and she can call you with any news."

Luke turned to leave, "Thank you again."

"Don't mention it!"

As Luke passed the office window he noticed a familiar symbol below them in the yard. It was painted on the side of a white van, and two individuals in whites coats were setting up for a busy day. Usually he wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it rang a faint bell in his head.

Luke paused for a moment frowning and then asked, "Do they come here often then?"

"Sorry?" Asked Mr. Hart.

"The Blood Bank. Do they often do blood drives here?"

The headmaster almost had to stand on tip-toes to look down through the window at what Luke was indicating toward but he smiled when he saw the van.

"Not really." He said. "About once a year I'd say. Why?"

Luke turned from the headmaster to look back out the window. "So they haven't been here since last year? Is that what you're saying?"

"That's correct. Is something the matter?"

Luke shook his head. "No. No. A misunderstanding I think."

...

_Josh awoke during the night in the hot and sweaty grip of pure fear! Only he couldn't remember what he was so afraid of. _

_He gasped desperately for air and panicked further when he discovered he couldn't get any, as though his head were sealed inside a plastic bag. He clawed at his throat, willing the air past the stone lodged halfway down his windpipe._

_Benoit's face appeared before him and he felt the other boy's hands cup his cheeks. But he couldn't hear a word his friend was saying. The blood roared in his ears. _

_Suddenly he was alone again, sure he would die. But Benoit returned, this time with a paper bag, which he held over Josh's nose and mouth. _

_Benoit was repeating something over and over and finally Josh heard him, "Respirer… Respirer… Calme..."_

_Josh's head felt light but he got his voice back, "What?"_

_Benoit shook his head as he tried to recall the English word. _

"_Um, breathe!" He said eventually, lowering the bag away from Josh's face. _

_Josh smiled groggily at him. _

"_You are better?" Benoit asked. Again he held Josh by the head and checked him over. "Your eyes are very big, you know? How do you say?" He shrugged and gave up when he couldn't think of the expression._

_Josh frowned suddenly. Although he was more than happy to be swimming in Benoit's manufactured haze, he couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible had happened. _

_Something happened on the beach._

"_Hey!" Benoit's soothing voice brought him back to the bedroom. "I 'ave a little some-ting…"_

_He pulled out a sock drawer and taped on the back were the supplies for a heroin fix._

"_When'd you get that?" Josh asked and squeezed his eyes firmly shut as a wave of pain shot through his head. _

"_You 'ave the sore 'ead…" Benoit stated knowingly. "…from these..." He lifted up the bag of blue pills to show Josh what he meant. "This will 'elp."_

_Josh watched as Benoit sat cross-legged on the floor and set to work preparing the drug. It didn't take long before the two of them were enjoying the fruits of his labour. _

_Within five minutes Josh was relishing the sensation of warmth, as though a soft blanket had been wrapped around him. He fell back into the carpet beside Benoit and sank into the floor._

_Josh stared up at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. He was in utter contentment. The drug pulsated throughout his body. He was completely comfortable and, best of all, completely happy. _

_..._

Although Noah knew he absolutely HAD to get this one scene edited by the end of the day, he was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. He leaned back against the chair and rubbed his burning eyes, yawning.

He had decided to work from home. There was no way he'd be able to handle the studio in his current state!

He really needed to sleep for an hour or two, but he'd already tried that with no success.

He was eager to find out what Luke had learnt at the school. Perhaps he had found Josh already. Noah quickly checked his phone but there was no message.

Poor kid was mostly likely terrified.

Stretching he stood and entered the kitchen, opening the fridge and staring at the contents, waiting for something inside to speak to him and let him know what he felt like eating. His stomach growled but the thought of actually putting food in his mouth made him feel sick. He knew it was anxiety making him this way.

Instead of food he grabbed a juice box, apple flavoured. There was only one pineapple box left and he knew there would be hell to pay from Nicholas if he drank it!

He smiled at that as he left the kitchen to return to his editing software.

He had tentatively and with Luke's encouragement edited the first half of this particular scene weeks back while he was still blind.

He knew he didn't have the faith in himself that Luke did, but now that he'd re-watched the work he completed without his sight, he was surprised to discover it was actually rather good. Better almost. As though all the pent up emotion he held, the frustration, sadness and anger, translated into the way he cut the frames.

The scene was particularly moving; a son losing his adoptive mother to cancer. And once they added the final sound and music tracks too, it would be fantastic! He was rather proud of it. He wondered often whether he could reconnect to those feelings that had helped create it. Although those feelings weren't ones he particularly wanted to delve into everyday.

He smiled as he realised once again just how well Luke knew him.

At that moment his husband entered the front door.

"Was he there?" Noah asked immediately.

Luke shook his head, "No, I didn't find Josh but I did find out some interesting information."

"Take a seat…" Noah suggested. "I'll grab you a soda, you look exhausted."

Luke waited for Noah on the couch and took a long swig of the soda Noah handed to him.

"Thanks." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Then, as Noah sat beside him, Luke laid out all Mr. Hart had told him.

"So all this time Josh has been struggling at school and we didn't even know it?" Noah asked, horrified.

"I'm afraid so."

Noah sighed. "And the school has no idea where he might have gone?"

"Well," Luke began but his phone rang before he could continue. He checked the display.

"It's the school." He told Noah and then answered the cell, "Hello? Yes, this is … Hi… Ah ha… Okay… Thanks." He hung up.

"Well?" Noah asked.

"They offered to call the father of Josh's best friend, Benoit."

"And did they?"

"Yes but he says he hasn't seen Josh."

Noah squeezed Luke's hand at the look on his face. It was obvious Luke had been hoping this would lead to something.

"They won't give me this Benoit kid's home address." He rubbed at the join between his brown eyes.

Noah thought for a moment. "Well, maybe Nat knows where he lives."

Luke considered this and without saying anything called Natalie on his cell.

"Hello Nat? Yes, yes, I know! It's the brother who never calls! Gotcha!"

Noah's heart warmed at the sudden grin from Luke. It was hard not to smile when Luke did.

"Listen Nat?" Luke continued, the smile vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. "Have you heard anything from Josh lately?"

Noah could hear Natalie's voice on the other end of the line but not what she was saying.

"So he's been kind of distant with you lately, ha? Do you know why?"

Again there was a wait as Natalie replied to Luke's question.

"Okay. Look… he didn't come home last night. Has he ever spoken to you about a friend called Benoit?"

Luke's eyes widened.

"You have! That's great! Do you remember the address? No? Oh… You do? Okay, I'll give you a few minutes and then I'll check for it. Great! Thanks Nat. And don't worry, okay? We'll find him."

He hung up.

"So?" Asked Noah anxiously.

"She's been to Benoit's house, but just the once. She says she can't remember the street but she thinks she can find it on a map. She's going to pinpoint a route and e-mail it to me. Then I can head over there."

"And hopefully find Josh!"

Luke cuddled into Noah and they waited that way, periodically checking Luke's cell for the e-mail from Natalie.

"She says she's been really worried about him." Luke said softly against Noah's chest.

"Worried about what?" Noah asked.

"Well, it's just… she says he's been different and… the school said the same thing. That he's been distant. Like he's switched off or something."

"Well, Luke, the kid's had a rough time of it. He may seem okay on the outside but I mean, who knows what's going on in his head."

Luke nodded as he checked his phone once more and finally found the e-mail.

"Got it!" He typed back to this sister and then immediately dialled for a cab to pick him up.

"You don't need to do that, I can drive you." Noah suggested.

"Don't be stupid! You have work to do and you know it!"

Noah sighed. He really didn't like leaving Luke to deal with the situation, but he'd already stretched his brownie points with the film's backers as far as he dared.

"Okay." Noah agreed reluctantly. "But call me if you need help, okay?"

"I will." Luke leaned up and kissed him before leaving to wait for the cab outside.

...

"Mia! Jesus Christ, Mia!" Josh shot up off the floor, stumbling over Benoit to find his shoes.

"What is eet?" Benoit moaned, blocking the light with his lower arm, annoyed at having been woken up.

"Oh my god, what's the matter with me?" Josh muttered repeatedly as he struggled to get on his shoes. "Oh my god! I just left her there! And Nicky? Oh my god! I left them at the hospital all alone!"

He simply couldn't get the shoelace tied, his fingers fumbled madly as his clear mind suddenly remembered everything.

In his drugged out haze he'd found his way to Benoit's knowing that Benoit would do what he did best. He'd help Josh forget.

"Luke and Noah must be going out of their minds! Shit!" He cried. "Shit! What the hell is the matter with me? I'm such a fucking loser!"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and an older man's voice asked, "Benoit, puis-je tu parler un instant?"

Benoit jumped a mile in the air in fright. "Un moment!"

He set to work hiding any evidence of their drug taking and quickly sprayed the room in manly deodorant before opening the door.

His father was about to speak again when he noticed Josh sitting on the side of the bed, still in the middle of tying his shoelaces.

"You are 'ere, Josh?" His English was a lot better than his sons.

Josh blinked confused.

"Your…" The man paused, obviously confused by the relationship, "I tink it is your brother that is downstairs. I did not know that you were 'ere so he wanted to speak to my son. But you are so…"

Josh finally swallowed that lump he'd had in his throat all night. He took a shuddered breath as the full realisation of his actions shook him once more. There was no escape this time. He had to face it.

He nodded at the older Carmody and with slumped shoulders made his way down the long corridor that led to the main marbled staircase, a part of him amazed that Luke had found him so quickly.

Josh met Luke at the bottom of the stairs and Luke sighed deeply at the sight of him.

"I'm so sorry… Mia… I… She…" Josh chocked as he began weeping in despair.

To his surprise, instead of reprimands he felt Luke embrace him as he said, "She's alright."

Josh pulled back to look Luke in the face and Luke gripped Josh's shoulders strongly.

"Josh, she's alright." Luke nodded with certainty at him.

"She's not dead?" Josh asked.

Luke shook his head and pulled Josh to him once more. "It was an accident. It wasn't your fault Josh. If anything it was ours."

"No!" said an internal voice inside of Josh, "You can't blame yourselves! You don't know the whole truth!"

Josh pulled out of Luke's embrace and walked slightly away from him, staring out of a nearby window. "Is she at your house?"

"Yes." Luke answered behind him.

"Good." Josh said softly, feeling fresh air finally reach the bottom of his lungs. He absentmindedly rubbed at his arm, as the fresh bruises there began to throb. "That's so good."

"Look, Josh?" Luke continued. "We should have told you before but Mia has a fear of deep water."

"What?"

"It was her phobia that made her freeze. You got her out of the water in plenty of time. She didn't even swallow any."

"If only you knew why she fell in the water in the first place!" Josh thought but didn't dare say.

"We've been really worried about you, you know?" Luke said softly. "I even went by your school. That's how I managed to track you down."

"I think it's better if I leave." Josh said with great effort.

"Leave?" Luke asked, gently gripping Josh's shoulder and turning him around.

Josh didn't dare look up at him afraid that Luke would read the dreadful truth there and see him for the person he really was. "I don't think I should stay with you. I don't want to hurt anybody."

He couldn't see the expression on Luke's face but Josh knew he was frowning with confusion, "Hurt anybody? Why would you think...? Josh?"

Josh shuffled his feet nervously and resisted as Luke tried to lift his chin.

"Josh?" Luke persisted until finally Josh was looking right at the man. "Why would you think that?"

Josh shook his head, a few more tears falling.

"Hey?" Luke smiled, "We love having you around! Nicky and Mia love having you around! We want you to stay, okay?"

Josh cringed inside as he realised he would never be able to leave without a valid reason. Luke and Noah would never accept it.

"Besides," Luke said with humour, drawing the reluctant Luke back into a hug, "You make for one cheap babysitter!"

Even in his current state, Josh couldn't help emitting a small laugh at that.

After a few minutes Luke pulled out of the hug and patted him on the back with a smile. "What do you say we head home? We can pick up some burgers for lunch. Noah's there too."

Josh nodded.

He would find a way to stop.

He had never meant to fall so deep into a rut of drug taking. He had never thought for one second that he would ever become addicted to the stuff. It was just for fun! He thought that when he wanted to stop he would just stop and that would be the end of it.

But that was at a time when he'd been on top of the world. Smart, popular at school, praised for his sporting ability; the perfect upbringing within the protection of a loving family.

All that was gone!

Within the blink of an eye!

Or within two words uttered one night with confidence to his parents, "I'm gay."

...

**Please let me know if you are reading this... I'd love to hear from you!**

**Thanks :-)**


	88. Young Minds 8

Noah listened to the water running in the guest shower and felt like he could breathe properly again. Josh was home safe.

He had to admit though, that a part of him was still worried. When Luke and Josh finally arrived home around lunchtime, Josh looked terrible. And he seemed extremely withdrawn. Not at all like the kid they had first met that first day in the park. God, but that day felt like years ago.

Noah couldn't help shake the feeling that Josh was more than just tired. Luke and Noah planned to talk to Josh about everything as soon as the kids were asleep. They needed to know exactly what happened to Mia and they also wanted to ask him about school. It was suddenly clear to both of them that Josh wasn't adjusting well to the cards life had thrown him.

Noah wished there was something either of them could say to help Josh, but he knew in reality, the only person who could truly heal Josh was his mother. And she wasn't yet ready to do so.

He watched Nicholas and Mia playing on the lounge floor in their pajamas for a few minutes, frowning and ticking his pen on the table next to his editing software.

Then he stood and stretched slightly, his long legs stiff from being seated most of the day.

"Come on you two, time for bed."

To his surprise there were no arguments tonight. Both children packed the cars back into the wicker basket, as Noah had taught them to do, and pattered off to their beds.

Luke had left the window in their bedroom open, and the evening breeze had turned the room rather cold. Noah could already see the goose-bumps rising on Mia's arms as she climbed into her florally decorated bed.

"Cold tonight, hey baby?" He smiled and she nodded.

He opened the wardrobe and pulled at two blue blankets, one for each of them, and as he did so a couple of old biscuits fell to the floor.

Noah sighed and turned to find Nicholas eyeing him guiltily.

"Nicky?" Noah chastised.

Nicholas gave Noah his most sheepish expression.

Noah tucked Mia in first, spreading the extra blanket over her.

"Comfortable?" He asked.

"Yes." She confirmed.

"Okay, night then. Love you." He kissed her cheek and she closed her eyes.

Then he did the same for Nicholas, tucking the fabric tightly around him and smoothing back his hair to kiss his forehead.

"Nicky, you know we will always give you food. Right?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Then why baby? Hmm? Why do you keep hiding food?"

Nicholas shrugged, "I don't know."

Noah was sure Nicholas didn't understand his habit any more than they did.

"Nicky, whenever you feel like you need to hide food, I want you to tell me first, okay?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Really?" Noah asked him. "You think you can do that?"

"I don't know." He replied innocently and Noah shook his head with a slight smile.

"I love you baby. Sleep tight." He kissed him again and then stooped to pick up the biscuits and crumbs off the floor.

He found Luke in the kitchen wiping down the counter.

"Hey." Luke smiled.

"Hi." Noah replied, holding out his hand to show Luke his latest find.

Luke shook his head, "Did you ask him?"

"Yeah." Noah replied throwing the biscuits in the trash and wiping his hands clean on a kitchen towel. "It was the same thing. He doesn't know."

Luke came up behind him and hugged him round his waist, sticking his chin between his shoulder blades.

"Don't worry too much." Luke said. "Essentially they're both happy. That's the most important thing. I'm sure the therapy will sort out the rest."

"Yes." Noah agreed, turning around and wrapping his arms around Luke. "Assuming Nicky ever decides to actually talk to Dr. Mishra."

Luke smiled. "He will."

"Well, I hope so! Otherwise we are paying for some extremely expensive sessions of silence."

"Um, guys?" The tentative voice came from the kitchen doorway, interrupting them. It was Josh.

He stood before them in sleep shorts and a Rolling Stones t-shirt, with his arms folded protectively across his chest, looking every bit the teenager.

Luke turned from Noah's embrace to lean back against the counter alongside him.

"Hey Josh." Luke smiled, "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." He replied, shifting around nervously. "Yes. Um… Can I…?"

Noah frowned sensing his nerves, "What is it?"

The boy's blue eyes began to well up and he seemed fearful.

"Josh?" Luke asked approaching him and placing a comforting hand on his arm.

Josh kept his arms crossed tight.

"I think I need help." Josh whispered, so softly that only Luke heard him.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

Luke turned his head back to look at Noah who shrugged.

"It was my fault." Josh said.

When both men didn't respond, merely frowned at him in confusion, Josh continued, "Mia? It was all my fault."

Luke exhaled, "No, Josh. It was an accident."

"NO!" Josh yelled it, making them both jump in surprise. "Please…" Josh begged in a far softer tone. "I didn't want to take them swimming. I thought at least in the boat…" He stared down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

Then he took a deep breath, "I was high."

"Sorry?" Noah asked, already feeling his stomach plummet.

"I was high. So… so when Nicky jumped I lost balance and that's why she fell in. Because I was high." His breath shuddered.

Both Luke and Noah were shaking their heads in disbelief, but now that Josh had said it, it was like a dam wall had busted opened.

"And lately it's like I'm always high… and… and I can't stop. I've tried. I throw it out but somehow I just end up with more. Like the harder I try to stop the more I want it. And… and…" He stared at them both wide-eyed with fear. "It was only ever for fun. It was only ever supposed to be for fun."

Noah was flabbergasted. He stared at the boy he was seeing clearly for the first time and his heart sank. All the signs pointed toward it and they had totally missed it!

"Please don't hate me." Josh said, body shaking and tears spilling. "You guys… your family… it's all I've got left… and… and it's not even mine! How pathetic is that?"

Noah watched a shocked Luke rub his hands down his face before sighing painfully, "Oh Josh…"

Luke shook his head and stepped forward to pull Josh's head down to his shoulder. The boy collapsed into him, clinging to him.

And Noah was suddenly steaming. He could feel the anger rising. He wanted to scream at Josh! Ask him whether he truly knew what he could have cost them! But he used all his resolve to hold back.

The kid had just shown them once again how much guts he had. No matter how hard, Josh had told them the truth. And the last thing Josh needed in that moment was to be punished for it.

"Come with me." Luke said. "Let's sit down for a minute. Noah?" Luke looked back at Noah knowingly, eyes willing him to calm, and Noah understood instantly.

"Warm milk coming up." He said and swallowed hard.

As they left the kitchen he turned to grip the side of the counter and lean forward. He felt suddenly afraid, for Josh, as well as for them.

He felt totally out of his depth.

...

_Luke knew coming out was a mistake. _

"_God it's so hot tonight." Aida said, walking by Luke and staring up at the stars. _

_Shit!_

"_Yeah." He said, hands in pockets, with absolutely no enthusiasm what-so-ever. _

_Damn Kevin! If only he could say no to the guy! But whenever Kevin smiled that cheeky grin it made Luke feel all gooey inside, and Kevin would undoubtedly get his way! That was how their relationship had always been. Only now Luke knew why that was! _

_Luke was attracted to his best friend. _

_Kevin, his best freind since forever, had insisted on this double date, and then ditched Luke to explore the abandoned building with his latest flame. And all Luke could do was watch Kevin go and wait outside with a GIRL! All the while burning inside with jealousy at the thought of what Kevin was doing…_

"_I love the summer don't you?" The girl was saying. "No school, no rules, you can do what you want… when you want." _

_She gave him a look that left him in no doubt as to what she wanted. _

_SHIT!_

_His only hope was to remain nonchalant and removed._

"_I guess." He responded, bobbing his head._

"_Kevin said you weren't much of a talker, but I don't mind."_

_That was it!_

"_Look Aida!" he exclaimed. "This place is a dump! Let me go grab Kevin and we can head back to Java."_

"_Hey no, Luke, wait!" She called. "It's okay, we don't have to leave. Kevin warned me you're not into girls."_

_What? Luke felt like screaming._

"_Kevin's a jerk." He stated through gritted teeth. _

_Because at that moment Kevin really was a jerk!_

"_So?" she asked. "Do you like girls? Because Kevin seemed to think you were more in the market for a woman?"_

_Luke frowned at her. "What are you talking about?"_

"_Um, Jade Taylor?" _

_Luke shrugged. "Well? What about Jade?"_

"_Look," Aida said, almost desperately. "I know she's older but I've got just as much experience. Maybe more!"_

_Luke felt sick._

_Look!" he said frustrated. "Let's just wait in the car."_

"_You're still not over her?" The girl asked, exasperated._

"_No!" Luke said, "That's not it!"_

"_I saw you two around a lot." Aida told him. "Things looked pretty hot…"_

"_Look!" Luke interrupted her, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second. "I don't want to talk about Jade, okay?"_

_He matched away from her so that he didn't have to look her in the eye. So that she wouldn't see the truth. There was and had never been a Jade and him. Jade had agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend so that Luke didn't have to come out and admit he was gay to his friends. _

"_Luke? I've been into you for a really long time." She said to his back._

_He turned. He didn't want to hurt this girl, but what was he supposed to do?_

"_Okay, look." He sighed, "It's not you. I'm just… You know I'm not in the mood to party right now…"_

_That was it. He wasn't taking this any further. They were going back to the car where they could wait for Kevin to finish doing whatever it was they were doing that Luke didn't want to think about._

_But then –_

"_Well," Aida turned on her seduction, "…lucky for you, I brought a little something to help get you in the mood." _

_Like a true temptress, she held out a bottle of clear, crystal vodka that had already started calling his name. _

"_Here." She offered. "You first"_

_There was no way he could resist it. His nerves were totally on edge, he was uncomfortable, unhappy and that little bottle would make it all go away. And if his kidney failed and he died, who the hell cared? _

_He spent sometime staring at the bottle in her hand._

"_Shame to waste it?" She smiled and then took a swig right in front of him._

_He swallowed in time to her gulp. His mouth ran dry. And suddenly there was nothing in the world more tempting than that bottle._

"_You sure?" she asked._

"_No." He shook his head with determination. "Thanks."_

_Once he said it he thought he'd be okay. He was even proud of himself. She was screwing the top back on the bottle and that was where it would stay. _

_But then she started on him again._

"_I didn't mean to get too personal about Jade."_

"_Oh… that's… that's, okay." He took a deep breath and smiled, "Look, if I seem a little weird right now? It's just… I got a lot of stuff going on."_

"_Like what?" she asked._

"_Well, my mom's in the hospital." _

"_I heard. I'm sorry. Is it bad?"_

_Bad? He'd pushed his pregnant mother down the stairs so that now she lay in a coma!_

"_Yeah." He muttered. _

"_Look," She was now feeling sympathetic. "We don't have to party if you don't want to. We can just hang out and talk."_

_Talk. That he could do._

"_So," she continued, walking over and taking a seat on an old wall. "What happened? To your mom?"_

"_Um, she fell." Luke replied, leaning back beside her against the same wall._

"_Is she going to be okay?"_

_The girl kept twisting the cap of the vodka bottle on and off, on and off. _

_Luke shrugged, "I don't know."_

_They sat for a moment and then suddenly Kevin burst through the front door of the old house._

"_Hey!" he said, looking relieved. "I'm glad you're not tied up!"_

_Tied up?_

"_Come here!" He gestured for Luke to follow him and pulled him over and away from Aida. _

"_Man, what's wrong?" Luke was concerned by the look on Kevin's face._

"_I'm short on supplies." _

"_What are you talking about?" Luke was completely lost._

"_Party hats! Condoms?"_

_Luke closed his eyes. This wasn't happening to him!_

"_Give me your wallet!" Kevin instructed._

_Luke just wanted to go home! _

"_No Kevin! I don't have any condoms!" Duh!_

_Kevin didn't believe him, "Just let me… can you give me one?" he moaned._

_Luke laughed in frustration, "Kevin, why would I lie to you?"_

_Kevin looked devastated._

"_Look!" Luke said, "Let's just call it a night! You can come back here later when you're more prepared."_

"_Ah forget it!" Kevin said, waving his hand, "It's never stopped me anyway."_

"_Kevin!" Luke said, horrified. "You can't go have sex with that…"_

"_Hey!" Kevin interrupted, holding Luke by one shoulder. "Always finish what you started! Now, what's taking so long with Aida? She's hot!"_

_Luke shook his head with another deep sigh. _

"_Be a man, Snyder!" Kevin insisted, "Conquer her!"_

_Kevin didn't wait for an answer from Luke, he turned to go. "Okay, you guys have fun! Ah… just… ah… don't come knocking!"_

_He vanished back inside the house. Be a man? Wasn't he one?_

_Aida laughed out loud. "I know he's a pig but he's a fun pig…"_

_She got up and sauntered over to Luke, looking him up and down. She was just placing the cap back on the vodka bottle when Luke stopped her._

"_Hey wait…" _

_She frowned at him confused, "Don't you want to talk some more?"_

_Luke shook his head, "No!" He snatched the bottle from her. "I want to have some fun!"_

_Those first five, six, seven swigs were the most delicious of his life. _

_Fuck it! Fuck everything!_

_Pretty soon he and Aida were a giggling bundle sitting up against the garden wall. She wasn't so bad. Once you got to know her. _

"_Kevin doesn't go for the cheap stuff!" he laughed. _

"_You mean his folks don't!" She countered and Luke nodded with a smile. _

"_Feeling better?" she asked._

_He nodded. "I'm feeling great!"_

"_I wish we were at your family's pond right now! It would be so nice to cool off!"_

"_Well," said Luke. "Maybe next time…"_

"_Really?" she asked. But Luke was too drunk to notice her peeked optimism._

"_Sure. Why not?" He said it softly and, without meaning too, seductively._

_She got totally the wrong idea and kissed him. He was shocked but at first considered kissing back. He tried to. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy it, but… _

_He was instantly uncomfortable and he drew back, staring at the ground, utterly embarrassed. _

_She was too drunk to notice. _

"_That was nice." She said and immediately went in for more, touching a hand to his chin._

_He didn't mean to but he battered her hand away, "Hey, Aida, don't."_

_She laughed at first, "But I thought you wanted to have fun?"_

_He was already scrambling to his feet, his brain spinning from booze and emotion. _

"_Just!" he said, almost roughly, "I said no!"_

_She was getting angry now, he could tell. _

"_What is your problem?" Her voice was rising._

_But so was his. He was panicking now and his instinct was to run._

"_Okay, just back off!" he yelled. "Okay?"_

_He could hear Kevin's voice in his head, "She's hot! Be a man, Snyder! Conquer!" _

_He took one last look at Aida. Long enough for her to cry, "Luke!"_

_Then he took off. _

"_Luke, wait!" she yelled after him, "Where are you going?"_

_He sprinted faster than he had ever run, stumbled into his car and drove away, leaving his friends without transport! _

_But at that moment, he was in a personal hell! The boy he loved was fucking some girl while that girl's friend tried to kiss him. And he couldn't respond! He couldn't because…_

_So many thoughts spun through his mind as he drove erratically away, and all negative. All about what a failure he was! What a disappointment to his family! A coward and loser! _

_He didn't see the road. All he saw was the image of his mother falling down those stairs. The image of his mother in the hospital. _

_He didn't hear anything either… just the words Kevin had said, "She's hot! Be a man, Snyder! Conquer!" _

_And then Aida, voicing the one most powerful thing in his life at that point… "What is your problem?"_

"_I'm the problem!" he thought. "I'm the biggest fucking problem there is!" _

_Suddenly he needed another dose of booze. The feelings were coming back and he needed to suppress them. Luckily, in his haste, he'd brought the booze bottle with him and he swerved over the road as he unscrewed the lid. _

_He didn't care! He didn't care about anything or anybody! _

_He drank down from the bottle as fast as he could swallow. _

_As he enjoyed the way the bitterness shook his brain he must have veered over so slightly into the on-coming lane, because a car passing hooted loudly in protest._

_Luke jumped and quickly looked back to the road, gripping the bottle against the steering wheel, relieved that nothing worse had happened. But not freaked enough to stop drinking._

_He kept going. The more he drank the better he felt, but eventually the bottle was empty and he moaned in protest. _

_His phone beeped, interrupting him and he lifted it from the seat._

"_Now what?" He moaned, clicking the numbers and squinting down at the display. _

_There were messages. Urgent messages from his father! His mother was in trouble! _

"_Oh my god! MOM!"_

_As he panicked he dropped the phone to the car floor. He needed it! There were more messages on it! _

_He dug around under his seat, totally ignoring the road and veering directly into oncoming traffic. A car hooted and he looked up just in time to serve out of the way, but his car flew off the road and down a deep gully. _

_Glass and plastic shattered all around him and trees rushed past the windows. At some point his head slammed into the steering wheel. _

_He passed out instantly._

_... _

"Shit Luke!" Josh exclaimed, "Were you badly hurt?"

"No, thank god! I managed to walk away from that! But I could really have hurt somebody that night! Any of those people who had been on the road."

"Wow." Josh sighed, flopping back into the couch in shock.

"Sound familiar?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

Josh nodded and at that point Noah entered with a try holding three mugs of steaming and sweet warmed milk. None of them spoke a word as Noah carefully placed the try on the coffee table.

He handed the first mug to Luke, first rubbing and then kissing the top of his head. Luke reached up to grip and squeezed his arm, smiling up at him.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Luke that Noah took a particularly long time to make the warm milk. He knew Noah had most likely waited for him to finish his story before coming in.

Noah returned to the tray to fetch Josh's mug. He handed it to him.

As their eyes met, Josh said, "I really am sorry."

Noah nodded. "We're all okay. What's important now is that we get you off this stuff!"

"How?" Josh asked, honestly.

Luke was continually amazed by the child. He had tried to deal with the drug addiction alone purely to spare them any more trouble. But at heart, he was exceptionally honest. Now that they knew, Luke hoped this honesty would be his salvation.

"Well." Luke smiled. "You've already taken the first step in telling us. Helps a bit already doesn't it?"

Josh nodded as Noah took his place beside Luke, cupping his mug with both hands.

"It will be okay, Josh. You'll see. We'll do this together."

"Thanks." He took another swig of his milk and they sat in silence for a while.

"So that's why you keep the liquor cabinet locked, ha?" Josh asked all of a sudden.

"Noticed did you?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow.

Josh realised what he was implying and shook his head vigorously, "No! Not like that… I mean… shit!"

Noah softened.

And Josh laughed. "I noticed whenever you have guests. That's all."

Luke saw then that despite his sudden joviality, Josh was shivering quite extensively.

"It's going to be a tough night, Josh."

Josh looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'll sit with you, okay? All night and all week if that's what it takes."

"I'll try." Josh said softly.

"Good." Noah was the one to answer that time. He stood. "But first, Josh, I'm going to search your room, okay? Will I find anything?"

Josh looked down guiltily.

"Josh?" Noah asked, waiting for Josh to look back up at him. "It's a clean slate tonight. Just give me what you have."

They spent a few minutes together in Josh's room as the boy handed over what little supply of weed and ecstasy he had on him. His hands shook as he gave them to Noah.

"Josh." Noah's voice was stern. "You are never, ever, again to bring this kind of thing into the house! We can't have it! Not with two small children."

Josh gulped and nodded.

"And Josh? We care about you… we really do! But if I find of this crap in the house again, you're out! Do you understand?"

Even Luke drew breath at that. He knew Noah was right, but he also knew how hard it was to quite an addiction. He prayed things wouldn't come to that.

Noah stuck out his hand and Josh shook it, gratefully accepting Noah's forgiving hug as he drew him in.

...

Nicholas smiled broadly as he lifted the far to heavy bat over his tiny shoulder, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth and his baseball cap sitting back-to-front on his head the way Noah remembered Luke once wearing his.

T-shirts formed the four bases and Josh's rucksack made for a less than convincing home base. But they didn't care.

Having already had her turn, Mia waited excitedly at first base. She bent over with hands on knees and swayed side to side; imitating the players as she'd seen them on television. Her eyes focused determinedly on Nicholas.

Josh was pitching and Luke scrunched low behind Nicholas as catcher.

A number of eager kids had joined them in the game and they waited in the fielding positions. Others waited patiently behind Nicholas for their turn at bat.

It was a beautiful day. The ocean sparkled aquamarine in the afternoon sun. The tide was out and they'd found a relatively flat section near the surf, where the previously wet sand had baked in the sun to form a shell-like crust, that broke underfoot as they played.

Noah manoeuvred Nicholas up to the plate and stepped back, smiling at Luke who returned the gesture with a wink. Noah felt his knees weaken.

"Behave…" he mouthed, his cheeks heating up.

Josh moved in closer, as he had done previously with Mia, so that he could lob the ball in softly, giving Nicholas a chance to at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Nicholas swung clumsily, spinning right around and missing the ball by a long way off.

"Oops!" he squeaked, disappointed.

"Let me help you with that buddy." Noah tried not to laugh at him. He bent over behind Nicholas to help him hold the bat in the ready.

The next pitch came and together Noah and Nicholas, swung, hitting a soft ground ball.

Of course Josh could easily have reached the ball and pitched Nicholas out, but instead he pretended to trip.

"Run Nicky!" Mia yelled with excitement, forgetting entirely that she needed to dash herself.

The accumulated boys and girls on her team screamed at her to run, waving wildly towards second base with their arms.

Nicholas scampered down the baseline, chest sticking proudly out, positively beaming with happiness at having hit the ball.

Finally Mia realised her teammates were yelling at her to go and she blinked once before scuttling off toward second, one of the older fielders helping her along.

Both kids made it to their respective bases just as Josh casually stooped, grinning, to pick up the wayward ball.

"Well done, Nicky!" The team encouraged.

The next child to bat looked around 8 years old and Josh moved backward to lob a more advanced ball his way.

The child hit a fly-ball but none of the fielders were in range to catch it, so the 8 year old sped off toward first, yelling at Nicholas to sprint.

He didn't have to tell Nicholas twice, always keen Nicholas took off flying for second and Mia did likewise for third.

None of the fielders were anywhere near to collecting the ball and the batting team started to scream with excitement.

"Run home!" They yelled, "All of you, RUN HOME!"

Mia's little legs were quickly losing steam by fourth base, but she powered on and managed to hit home with a scream of exhausted laughter. She was closely followed by a panting Nicholas and finally by the older child.

As each kid stepped over 'home plate', the other players lifted them on their shoulders and clapped loudly for all three of them.

Josh came up and held out his arms for Nicholas to jump into.

"I think we have ourselves a future Hank Aaron!"

"Who's that?" Nicholas asked, still smiling from ear to ear.

"I'll tell you one day!" Josh laughed, hugging him.

"Okay everyone!" Noah yelled, "Time to pack up and go home I think."

"Aw, no!" Cried the disappointed group.

"Sorry you lot!" Luke laughed, taking Mia from one of the older boys, "It's almost time for dinner!"

The crowd of children dispersed, some stopping to politely thank them for the game.

"That was fun!" Josh said.

"Yeah." Luke replied patting him on the back. "You're really great with small kids, you know that?"

"I guess it's from having two younger sisters." Josh replied.

They spent a few minutes collecting their things and then started the walk up the beach toward the path that would lead them home. Noah, carrying most of the gear, dragged behind with Nicholas and Mia, leaving Luke and Josh to walk side by side up the gentle dune.

"It's been almost two weeks now, right? How are you, Josh?" Luke asked.

"Good."

"Yeah? You sure?"

"Yes. I'm good. Really."

Luke smiled, "Good. Just… if you ever get that urge… just talk to me, okay?"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

They hadn't noticed but Nicholas had since caught up with the two of them.

"No, Josh!" he exclaimed with exasperation, "That's not how you do it!"

Josh smiled down at him as they walked through the sand, "Do what?"

"That's not how you make a promise." Nicholas stated seriously.

Luke laughed.

"Oh?" Josh enquired, "How do I do it then? You tell me."

"You hold your finger up like this." He stuck his little finger up in the air, slightly curled in a 'C' shape.

Josh copied him, "Okay, now what?"

"Now you catch…" walking backward ahead of them, he hooked Josh's finger with his own.

"Okay." Josh nodded, "Got it!"

"Now you do it!" Nicholas indicated toward Luke.

Josh smiled shyly as he hooked pinkies with Luke.

"Now say it." Nicholas instructed.

"I promise." Josh blushed.

...

**Thanks all! **


	89. Young Minds 9

"It will be fine." Noah assured Josh, noticing how much he stiffened as the doorbell sounded.

Josh sighed deeply for a moment and then stood to open the door to his mother.

"Hey Mom." He said.

"Hello, son." She gave him a weak smile.

"Come in." He stood back and as she entered Noah walked over to take her coat.

"Hello Marion. How are you?"

"Good." She said simply, gripping up suddenly at the handbag that hung from her shoulder, as though using it for comfort of some kind.

"Please take a seat." Noah said as he hung up her coat. "Would you like a drink?"

"No… no thank you, Noah."

They sat in a heavy and awkward silence for a few minutes until eventually Marion spoke up again.

"I just wanted to say, Noah. I'm really glad your sight came back."

Noah smiled at her and nodded.

"Um, how are you?"

"I'm fine Marion. Absolutely fine. Thanks for asking."

She seemed to be looking anywhere but at Noah or her son.

"Where is Luke, today?"

"Oh, he wanted to be here, but he had to work. Um, Marion, there's a reason I called and asked you over."

She looked at him then.

"There's something you should know. Something Josh needs to tell you."

Josh shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He hadn't wanted to tell Marion about the drug thing at all. He had begged Luke and Noah not to make him do it. But they were adamant. As his mother, she had the right to know.

"Josh?" prompted Noah.

Josh looked at him with pleading eyes and Noah smiled his assurance.

"It's best she knows Josh."

"Knows what?" asked Marion, getting concerned.

Josh licked his bottom lip and, looking down at the carpet said, "Mom, I haven't been myself lately… with everything. And… I've been a little lost I guess and…"

He paused for a while prompting Marion to asked, "Yes?"

He looked up at her beseechingly, "Thing's got really messy with… with Dad and… you and I..." He sighed with frustration, trying to find the words that would make her understand. "You know how I got grounded because of the weed?"

She nodded at him.

"Well… I mean I used to just smoke now and then. Because it was fun. But… when everything happened… it was…"

His mother was frowning now. "Josh, what are you trying to say?"

"I moved on from weed and then suddenly it was like an escape and… now… I've become addicted."

His mother's hands flopped limp into her lap and her eyes widened. "What?"

"Marion." Noah said then. "He's been doing really well. He hasn't touched the stuff in weeks. He'll be okay, but we just thought you should know. You should at least know he has the potential."

"I see." Her reply was strange; almost deadpan and dreamlike.

"Josh was really brave to come to us and ask for help with this, Marion."

She nodded again, still not looking at either of them.

"It's over Mom, okay? It won't happen again."

"Right, well," she stood, "Um… I have to go and pick your sister up from swimming so… I'll see you soon."

Josh cocked his head sadly at her.

Noah rose to follow her to the door.

"Marion?" He said. "Is that all you're going to say to him?"

Her eyes were like glass as she returned Noah's gaze. She turned from the door to look back at Josh where he sat in the armchair.

"I'll see you soon, Josh."

He didn't reply, just nodded at his mother.

Noah opened the door and she walked out, without saying another word.

As Noah closed the door Josh said, "You see...? She doesn't even care."

When Noah turned he caught the strangest expression on Josh's face. It was almost like apathy.

Josh stood, walked down the passage, entered his room and closed the door behind him.

...

Luke didn't like Jenna.

He didn't like her almost manly face, her foxy smile, or the way her eyes met his; so direct, so openly honest, that it felt she was hiding something even when she wasn't.

He'd feel her eyes on him whenever he walked past her desk. But when he'd look over she'd look away.

Eventually the waiting became intolerable. He wished she would just spring her trap and get it over with, so that they could both move on and he could do his job; without having to keep his guard up all the time.

Finally he decided that the best course of action would be for him to make the first move.

"Morning Jenna."

She looked up from her screen, unable to hide the slight glint of surprise at his approach. But her usual mask of control quickly covered it.

Luke smiled his brightest smile at her.

"Morning." She replied, suspiciously. "Can I help you with something?"

"Oh no, nothing." Luke sweetly said. "I just wanted to bring you these."

He handed her a box of deluxe chocolates. She looked down at the box with a distrustful frown.

"Simon said they're your favourites." Luke continued.

Simon was the handyman, so Luke wasn't sure how reliable this information was.

Her eyes rose to meet his and her face remained passive. "Why?"

"I thought it might help to… you know… break the ice between us?"

She glared at him. "Getting mad takes up too much of my time and my energy. I'm a busy woman, Luke."

"Why would you be mad at me for giving you a box of chocolates?" Luke innocently asked. "I thought all woman liked chocolates?"

"Except when the giving is a cover for manipulation." She replied. "Besides which, you insult me by assuming I'm anything like other women."

"I don't know what you mean and I'd never assume that." Luke smiled.

"Look Luke, or Luciano, or whatever the hell your name is today!"

She leaned forward in her chair and punctuated each of her words.

"I – don't – like – you. I'm not going to like you so you might as well just give it up right now and save us both some precious writing time. If you want to do something nice for me, forget the chocolates. The best thing you can do for me is stay out of my orbit."

"But…"

Jenna's eyes returned to her computer screen and she shooed him away with one floppy dismissive hand. "Go on genius! You're a reporter now! Go write!"

"Okay now look!" Luke was getting seriously annoyed. He hated not being liked.

She sighed with contempt at him but he powered on.

"I'm trying here." He stated. "This is like my dream job and I want to be successful at it. I want to work hard and prove my place here. But you're making things really difficult for me!"

"Difficult?" She asked and then snorted condescendingly. "You don't know the meaning of the word."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I've got little patients or time to waste on a little rich boy playing out his next fantasy at the expense of everybody else!"

Luke's mouth gapped open. How dare she?

"I'm sorry?" he asked, the words dripping with disbelief.

"You heard me!" She continued, standing now. "You swan in here like you own the place. You're holding back vital information on a really big story. One that could make this newspaper some serious money. But for some strange reason I'm not allowed to be the reporter I am and ask you about it. And less than a week after joining, Jarvis is already offering you your own editorial?"

"Just what the hell are you getting at?" Luke protested.

Her eyes squinted at him. "How much did the privilege cost you, Luke? Talk about fucking teachers pet and all that!"

Luke was too shocked to speak. He couldn't believe what this woman was accusing him of.

"Do you know how long I had to work before I was even allowed to write outside of the entertainment's section?" She raised herself out of her chair at the same time as she raised her voice. "Do you?"

Luke shook his head.

"Three years! Three years of begging that man to move me into serious journalism. Where I happen to belong, by the way!"

"And you're saying I don't?" Luke countered.

She didn't get to reply because at the point Jarvis popped his head out of his office and called, "Luke? You got a minute?"

"Teacher wants you." Jenna said with a sly smile, returning to her work.

Luke wanted to say, "This isn't over." But then thought better of it.

He walked away, hating the feeling like she had somehow won that round.

"Close the door Luke, take a seat." Jarvis indicated to the guest chair opposite his desk and waited for Luke to get comfortable. "I'm sorry I've not had the time to see you as yet but I've been rather tied up as I'm sure you can understand."

Luke smiled and nodded.

"Anyway, have you given any thought to my suggestion that we print your detention centre stories?"

"I have." Luke replied.

"And?"

"And I think it's a good idea. It would be a great springboard for me."

Jarvis smiled widely. "Yes it will! And I think the public will eat it up with a spoon. I'm willing to bet there will be people who buy the paper just to read it."

"Wait!" Luke interrupted, "How often do you want to print one?"

"Daily, of course." He replied.

"Oh, no." Said Luke, shaking his head, "Jarvis I don't see how I could do that. At the moment I spend an hour interviewing inmates every Thursday while Mia visits with her dad. Then I have to have time to put their stories down on paper. And they have to be good, you know? I want them to be right, not rushed."

Jarvis nodded. "I see. So what are you suggesting, Luke. Weekly?"

"Possibly, or maybe even monthly, if you think that would work."

Jarvis considered this for a moment. "How many stories have you written? I've read four of them, I believe."

"I've written eight so far"

Jarvis nodded. "Okay then. If you'd be willing we can start with what you wrote about yourself.

Luke thought about this for a moment. He had always planned to include this part in the book. It was important. It was the thread that bound all the stories together. So he nodded his agreement.

"Great! We'll start printing from next week! And in the meantime, is there anything else you were considering?"

"Yes actually." Luke told him. "I'd like to research an article on drug and alcohol addiction amongst teenagers? I have personal experience in this issue and I'd like to find out how prolific it is amongst middle and upper-income kids. You know? Kids you wouldn't expect because they come from stable homes."

"Hmm, sounds interesting."

"I want to find out how easy it is for these kids to get the drugs and where they're coming from. Perhaps even track down the supply."

Again Jarvis spent a few minutes thinking over Luke's story idea.

"I like it." He said eventually. "You have the green light."

Luke smiled. "Thanks Jarvis."

"Absolutely my boy! Now if you would excuse me I have a conference call in five minutes."

Luke stood to leave but then turned back, "Jarvis, can I ask why you seem to be giving me so much freedom to choose what I want to do?"

"Luke, I've been doing this job for a very long time. Some reporters need to be shown the way; given a direction. But there are others, the rare few; that are best left alone to find their own path. That's where the best writing comes out I find!"

Luke felt warmed inside by this. He was realising for the first time that Jarvis really did believe in him.

...

It was lunchtime. He was sure it must be because his tummy was talking and that usually meant it was breakfast, lunch or dinner time.

But it was during the day so it was lunchtime.

Lego was fun. You pushed all the little bricks together and you made something. Josh was good at Lego. He could build ANYTHING. Once he even made a robot.

Sometimes Josh took care of him. Sometimes Luke and Noah had to go to work and then Jasmine would take care of him. But today it was Josh.

Nicholas wanted to go with Noah because Mia was going. And that wasn't fair! But then Noah said Josh would take care of him and that was cool! Josh was so cool!

And Josh was very clever and he knew everything! And Josh could surf! That was really cool!

But Josh wasn't really playing with the Lego today. He was watching the TV even though it wasn't on.

"Build, Josh!" Nicholas told him. "Build."

Josh looked down at his blocks and he built for a little while, but then he stopped again.

"Look what I did make!" Nicholas told him, lifting up his creation which immediately fell apart as he did so.

"That's great, Nicky." Josh stared at him for a while. He had a strange look on his face and Nicholas didn't like it. He felt like he'd seen a big person with that look before. "Hey, um, Nicky?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Do you think you could maybe play Lego on your own for a little while?"

"Why?"

"I… I need to do something. Can you just stay here until I get back?"

Nicholas didn't like the sound of that at all.

"But I'm hungry." He moaned.

"It's not time to eat yet, okay. You just play here and do as I say."

Josh left him then, disappearing to his room.

Nicholas chewed on a block for a while, frowning.

That's not what was supposed to happen. Josh was supposed to play with him and then give him lunch.

He was confused but he tried to be a good boy and play on his own for a while. Then he got bored so he went to find Josh.

Josh's door wasn't closed so he pushed it open.

The sight before him elevated him instantly from that house in Los Angeles to another house in Branson, Missouri.

...

_His mommy is trying to catch him. She's angry, REALLY angry. He hadn't meant to but he'd knocked her hand and she'd spilled the stuff on the spoon and now she's chasing him. _

_She grabs his arm and he covers his face with the other and his knees begin to shake._

_Smack! Smack!_

_The first blow knocks his arm away so that the second one gets him above the right eye. The hit burns his skin. _

_Her rancid breath is in his face._

_Suddenly she reaches over and lifts his head by his right ear. _

"_I fucking hate you, child!" she screams into it. "Look what you did you little fuck?"_

_His lips tremble and he crawls up as tightly into a ball as he can, so that the blows hurt less. _

"_Why the fuck can't you listen?" she spits, swaying on her legs like a tree in the wind, while she continues to rain blows on him. _

_..._

Josh was on the floor with a needle in his arm.

Nicholas didn't like this! He didn't like Josh doing this! His mommy would do this and then she would yell and scream and hit him.

Josh looked up and his eyes were misty and faraway. For a moment Josh's face became his mommy's and then back again.

Nicholas started to shake and he couldn't breath.

"Dammit Nicky!" Josh screamed at him, "Why the fuck can't you just listen! Get out! Get out now!"

Nicholas stepped back with shock and he tripped over his feet and fell onto his backside with a thump. He started to shiver and cry with fright and then sniffing, scampered terrified to Luke and Noah's room to hide in the closet.

Josh wouldn't find him here. He curled into a ball and sucked his thumb, tasting his tears.

Alone, frightened and hungry he shivered in the dark.

...

**Thanks for all the support with this story! It means a lot!**


	90. Young Minds 10

Noah and Mia went swimming at the local public pool.

He felt bad leaving Nicholas at home, but he wanted to dedicate the time totally to Mia, and he knew how much Nicholas would demand his attention at the pool, even with Josh around to help distract him.

It was just a shame that Luke had to work that Saturday, but Luke hadn't managed to see Jarvis all week and they needed to talk about his stories.

At first Noah thought his plan wouldn't succeed.

Mia sat on the side of the pool; pink water-wings making her arms extend sideways; with her feet dangling in the water.

It was a blazing hot day and he was counting on that.

"Wow, it's so nice and cool in the water!" he said as he came up for air and pushed his wet hair back. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"

He flicked a few shiny droplets at her.

She shook her head, auburn ponytails swinging with determination.

"No?" Noah asked. "It's gonna get real hot while you sit there."

"No." she replied, crinkling up her freckled nose.

He left her then.

He swam away from her up the length of the pool to the deep end. He hated doing that because he knew what would happen.

Sure enough she burst out crying, squealing loudly and holding her hands out toward him, begging with her bright eyes that he return to her.

"Noah!" she whimpered, standing up and hopping from foot to foot.

This was his chance. Noah swam quickly back and, after finding his feet in the shallow end, lifted his arms up to her.

As he had hoped, her fear at the separation temporarily outweighed her fear of the water and she fell into him, wrapping her hands around his neck and sniffing into his shoulder.

"It's okay Mia. You know I'll never leave you."

He smiled at her and tucked a stray piece of fringe back behind her ear.

"Better now?" he asked.

She nodded and he dipped a little lower, so that the water reached just under her arms.

"Hey." He said to her with a warm smile. "Look where you are?"

She looked and on seeing the water scrambled panicked; clinging tightly to him and making small squeaks.

"It's okay." He said, holding firm in the centre of the pool. "Nothing bad will happen, Mia. I will look after you, okay?"

She struggled for a little while and then gave up, turning and laying her head on his shoulder. He shushed her over and over, gently cupping the pool water and letting it trickle over her shoulders.

"It's nice and cool in the water, hey baby?"

He did as Dr Mishra had suggested to him the day before at Mia's session.

He continued to talk to Mia; about arbitrary things; pointing out other children swimming or playing on the side of the pool. Anything to distract her from feeling the fear.

To his delight it was working. After about ten minutes her small body began to relax against him. Her arms grew lose around him and she looked about more; examining the environment, slowly forgetting to be afraid of the water.

Eventually he took a chance and bobbed up and down slightly. She tensed, but only for a second and then she laughed.

"Was that nice?" he asked.

She nodded so he did it again and this time she giggled.

"Want to swim by yourself?" he asked her. But it was clear she wasn't ready for that because she gripped vice-like to his arm. "Okay… okay… not today then."

He smiled and kissed her.

"Little by little." He thought.

...

Mia walked through the front door ahead of him and promptly fell to the floor to take off her shoes; a job she had not yet mastered. So after lifting the rucksack from his shoulders and leaving it on the floor, it wasn't long before Noah was squatting down to help her.

"Josh?" he called as he did so.

"Hey." Josh appeared in the passage doorway and leaned against the frame.

His clothes were dishevelled; his hair was on end and he was rubbing his eyes. As Noah stood Josh hid a wide yawn behind the back of his hand.

Noah's eyes moved from Josh to the pile of Lego on the sitting room floor and back again.

Josh's eyes too noted the abandoned Lego and a look of dread passed over his face.

"Have you been sleeping, Josh?" Noah felt suspicion creep claw-like up the back of his neck.

Mia pushed past Noah and ran to play on the floor with the multicoloured blocks.

Josh visibly gulped.

"Where's Nicky?" A nasty and alarming feeling was washing over Noah.

"I…" Josh shook his head and bit his lip.

Noah dashed to check in the kitchen, taking a moment to peer out the window, in case Nicholas had somehow let himself into the backyard.

Finding no sign of him Noah rushed back to the sitting room just in time to see Josh return up the passage after checking all the rooms.

He shook frightened eyes at Noah.

"Where is he?" Noah asked.

"He was right here…" Josh insisted, "I… I don't know?"

"When? When was he right here?"

Josh looked up at the wall clock and Noah saw his look of alarm.

"Josh?" Noah asked, horrified. "Just how long have you been asleep for?"

"Noah…"

"HOW LONG?" he yelled.

"About three and a half hours…"

Noah wheezed for breath. "NICKY!" He shouted, loud enough to wake the neighbourhood.

Mia froze, Lego in hand, and stared wide-eyed at him.

Noah looked around frantically, not sure what to do next.

He decided to check the rooms himself.

As he moved to pass the shocked Josh, Josh ran a hand through his air and, as his arm lifted, revealed something that made Noah's heart stop.

He grabbed at the arm and tried to twist it over. Josh fought against him at first, but then realised it was no use and relented.

Noah's eyes squeezed shut when he saw the bruising. He'd seen only one other arm like that before in his life and it belonged to Michelle Harris, Nicholas's drug addict of a mother.

When Noah opened his eyes they met with the shamed blue of Josh's and he shook his head.

Later.

First he had to find Nicholas.

He released Josh's arm and whipped down the passage, checking the first place that came to mind. He flung the closet door open and then sank to his knees.

The egg-shape of Nicholas was there. He was fast asleep. Noah cupped his mouth in his hands and struggled to regulate his breathing back to normal.

Then he stood and, leaving Nicholas for the moment, closed the closet door to turn and address Josh; who he knew was standing behind him.

"Noah…" Josh attempted to explain.

Noah pointed out the door and, shoulders slumped, the boy made his way to the living room.

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since Nicky's felt the need to hide in there?" Noah asked Josh's back.

Josh shook his head. They had told him the story of Nicholas's life, so Noah knew Josh understood what he was saying.

"Where did you get it?" Noah demanded, his nostrils flaring and his body trembling with barely controlled rage.

Josh turned, looking every bit like a lost puppy.

When he didn't respond immediately Noah raised his voice and spoke slowly and clearly, "Where – did – you – get – it?"

Sensing the tension in the room, Mia began to sob.

Josh turned his head to her. Looking back to Noah guiltily, he whispered, "I always had it."

"What?" Noah asked, expecting the kid to speak up.

"I'm sorry." Josh admitted. "I always had it."

Noah couldn't look at him just then. He turned and pressed his hands into the wall, leaning hard into it for a moment; trying to control himself. He breathed deeply through his nose. Once he felt calmer he lowered her arms and turned.

Josh hadn't moved, but his body shook.

"Are you telling me," Noah asked, "that weeks ago when I asked you to hand over your stash, you held this back?"

Josh's gaze fell to the floor.

"ANSWER ME!" Noah screamed.

Mia was crying loudly now, terrified at the sight of Noah so angry.

Josh nodded.

There was a long and pregnant pause where Noah simply glared at Josh.

"GET OUT!"

Josh lifted his eyes to Noah, perhaps checking to see how serious he was.

But Noah stood there; legs wide and planted; hands fisted at his sides. His face was boiled with anger.

"Don't make me physically throw you out, Josh. Please don't make me do that." He was speaking through his teeth, fuming before Josh with visible ferocity.

Josh turned and left, closing another front door behind him.

...

When Luke arrived home he found the boy sitting on the top doorstep. His head lay hidden deep within his arms, as they folded atop his knees.

At the sound of Luke's footsteps Josh looked up.

Luke didn't know it was possible for one look to portray sorrow, apology, regret and pleading all at once. But that was the look Josh gave him then.

"What happened?" Luke asked, although he already thought he knew.

Josh looked downward for a moment and when he looked back, unable to speak, he turned his arm to show the underside to Luke.

"Oh, Josh." Luke sighed, seeing the tell-tale bruises.

Josh launched himself into a muddled and frenzied explanation of what had happened.

Luke rubbed his forehead for a minute, staring at the boy until Josh finished and slumped forward again.

"Dammit, Josh! With Nicky in the house?"

Josh could only lower his eyes once more.

Luke knew he should feel anger, and he did. Only it wasn't all directed at Josh. For Luke, the greater of his anger was levelled toward the bastard drug barons that sold the crap in the first place. Not to mention the celebrities who glamorised drug-taking like it was no big deal.

"I yelled at Nicky." Josh snivelled, "I couldn't help… I couldn't…"

Luke watched the tearful boy for a moment longer and then briefly squeezed his shoulder as he passed to open the front door.

"I know." Luke sighed. "I'll talk to Noah, okay? Just don't go anywhere…"

He entered the house and closed the door behind him.

...

Luke found Noah sitting in the dark on the floor, leaning up against the closet. Periodically he would heave a deep sigh. His arms rested on bent knees as he observed the two sleeping bodies in their beds.

Luke gently smiled at him from the doorway and Noah exhaled noisily when he saw him.

"Safe to come in?" Luke joked.

Noah snorted and patted the spot beside him.

Luke slid down the closet door to land next to his husband; taking up the same seated position as him.

"They okay?" Luke asked, nodding toward the children.

Noah scratched the underside of one wrist as he nodded. "I don't know exactly what happened with Josh. But I think Nicky pretty much forgot about it the moment he saw dinner."

Luke laughed and took hold of Noah's hand, kissing it gently.

"So," Luke asked, "how much longer were you planning on leaving Josh out there for?"

In his most stern voice Noah replied, "Who says I wasn't going to leave him out there for good?"

Luke giggled, "Please… you're way too soft for that!"

Noah grunted again and they sat together for a moment.

"I figured another two hours should do it." Noah finally admitted.

Smiling again, Luke laid his head on Noah's shoulder and Noah reciprocated by resting his head against Luke's.

Their hands went from being held to being interlaced above Noah's knees.

"It's actually my fault."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked incredulously.

"The meeting with Marion didn't go well." Noah explained, "In fact it was awful! And this morning, something told me not to leave Josh. He had this look, you know?"

"Noah… you couldn't have…"

"I failed Josh." Noah cut him off. "I should have stayed to discuss what happened with his mom. And I failed Nicky by leaving them alone.

"But it was just a feeling, Noah." Luke insisted, "Those kinds of feelings are often wrong."

"Yeah! Except when they're not and you screw up big time because you choose to ignore them!"

Noah released his hand from Luke's and rubbed the flats of his palms together dismissively, sealing his words as truth.

"Only you could blame yourself!" Luke sighed, cupping and squeezing one of his knees. "It was always going to happen."

"What?"

"A relapse." Luke explained, "I expected it would. I just didn't know when."

Noah turned his head to look at Luke, "Well you could have told me about that, you know?"

"Sorry." Luke apologised. "You're right. I guess I hoped I was wrong. Everything seemed to be going so smoothly for a while."

Noah took Luke's hand back and rubbed his thumb up and down Luke's forefinger.

"So, what do we do now?" he asked.

"We start again." Luke replied. "And we keep trying until he's clean. The main thing is to make sure he knows we haven't given up on him. Like you never gave up on me…"

"No I didn't, but I did deliver a dose of tough love by temporarily leaving you… That tactic isn't going to work in this case. If we leave Josh out there he's going to march right off to look for the stuff."

Luke nodded. "'fraid so."

"We'll have to really watch him this time, you know?"

"I know."

"And we can't leave him alone with Nicky or Mia again."

Luke nodded.

Noah locked eyes with him for a moment. Then he sighed and stood up, "I'll go and get him."

Luke smiled at the taller man.

Noah shook his head down at Luke. "You're right, you know? I am too soft!"

Noah started for the door but stopped when Luke called, "Hey?"

He looked back and Luke's smile was beautiful as he said, "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah." Noah replied, and left to rescue Josh, hoping they weren't making a mistake by letting the kid back into their home.

**Thanks for the comments!**


	91. Young Minds 11

Winded and with no notion of what else to do, Josh remained on Luke and Noah's doorstep; shivering even though it was far from cold.

Banished again!

His only hope at this point was Luke.

But even Luke might struggle against the wrath Josh had witnessed in Noah's eyes. He never even knew Noah had the capacity to get that angry.

Fuck! He had really screwed up this time!

The longer he sat there; and as the door remained closed; he began to ask himself the question.

"Why would they let you back in? Why should they, after all you've done? You're nothing to them! You're nothing but a fat liability! They're better off without you around!"

As he realised this he got up to leave. He'd taken only a few steps from the front door when he was bathed in light and it opened.

Noah stood in the doorway and Josh couldn't help feeling a surge of hope.

But then Noah dashed that hope by saying, "If you're going somewhere, you should have your shoes."

He held Josh's Nike sneakers out toward him.

Josh depressively sagged and nodded, accepting his fate. He was just grateful that unlike the last time, he wouldn't have to leave barefoot.

Where would he go this time anyway? Benoit's was the obvious choice. But how long could he stay there for?

Cautiously, without eye contact, he approached Noah and took the shoes from him. He sat back down on the step to put them on.

Noah silently watched him.

When Josh was finished he stood, but before he could go anywhere, Noah had closed the door and was walking past him toward the road. He reached the pavement, stopped and looked back.

"I can't guarantee I won't shout." Noah told him, "And in case I shout, we have to do this away from the house."

Josh gapped at him for a moment.

"So?" Noah asked, "Are you coming or not?"

Barely believing it, Josh made his way down the garden path toward Noah and the older man fell in step with him, steering them in the direction of the beach.

No words were exchanged on the walk down to the sand; nor whilst they removed their shoes and started strolling along the deserted shoreline, following some long abandoned footprints.

Eventually Noah came to a stop and took a seat in the sand, drawing his knees up and looking out over the moonlit water.

Josh did the same and they sat for a while, listening to the sound of the waves and the wind until Noah said, "Okay… I'm calm… I'm listening."

Josh took a deep breath. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

They didn't look at each other. Both of them merely continued to gaze out over the shifting water.

"I kept seeing it in my head." Josh continued. "All packaged up, laying there where I hid it… And I kept replaying the picture of myself preparing it and taking it in. Over and over I'd see myself do it, until it was everything."

Noah sighed.

"Up until this morning I hadn't had the urge for it. I mean the hit's been there all this time and I didn't use it." Josh assured him, sensing Noah start to tense again. "But… the thing is… I knew that… for one moment… just for one fucking moment…" Josh's voice broke as he continued with passion, "… it would stop me be from feeling like shit!"

Josh sobbed loudly into his hands then. His shoulders heaved.

"I thought why should I even try when she…?"

Josh squeezed his hands together as he thought over what he was about to say.

How?" Josh asked, "How can she just stop caring like that?"

"She hasn't Josh." Noah's voice was soft and full of concern. "Your mother's been through a lot too. She's lost her husband. She's lost you. And maybe she's only just keeping herself together; functioning just enough to take care of the house and your sisters. Maybe she simply can't handle another problem..."

"I am a problem." Josh said with certainty, nodding his head.

"No!" Noah drew Josh into his body, an arm around his shoulder. "That's not what I'm saying! How many times have I told you how much I admire your courage? You have a great strength inside of you… and it's rare that strength! Trust me… I know! You aren't a problem, but this addiction is. And it has to stop!"

Wiping away a few tears, Josh nodded. "I did stop, you know? I mean, until today I really did stop. I just… today I couldn't…"

"It's okay." Noah told him. "I believe you."

"I'll try really hard this time, I promise."

Noah briefly closed his eyes and drew a long breath, expelling it slowly through his nose.

"Josh, there is no second chance." Noah said sadly. "I'm sorry. I can't give you that. If it were just Luke and me, that would be one thing. But Nicky has already had to live through this kind of shit in his life and I won't risk exposing him to it again. He deserves to be protected."

"You're still kicking me out?" Josh asked in a small voice.

Noah patted his knee. "For now… But just out of the house, not out of our lives. We will be here for you whenever you need us. We will help you through this. But…"

Josh looked up at Noah.

"…but we're going to book you into a rehab clinic for 90 days."

Josh looked down at his toes, nerves swallowing him up all of a sudden.

"Luke and I… we don't know what we're doing… and the specialists at the clinic do. So… that's what I'm offering you here Josh. It's all I can do right now."

Josh nodded and swallowed hard.

"The place won't hold you prisoner or anything! So that means you can come and stay with us on weekends… if you want."

He continued to nod, accepting his fate.

"I'm scared."

Noah squeezed his shoulders again. "I know you are. But this isn't a rejection, Josh. I want you to know that. This is purely about the babies. Once you're totally clean, if you still need a place to stay, then you can come back. Alright?"

Josh nodded. "I'm sorry about Nicky."

"I think it's Nicky you need to apologise too."

"I will. I'd never hurt them, you know?"

Noah smiled. "I know."

...

"It's not a chicken! It's a duck!"

Of course Dr. Mishra knew this. Nicholas was certainly talented when it came to drawing. But Nicholas was of high intellect and she felt sure, if she pressed hard and for long enough, eventually he would talk to her out of pure irritation.

"If it was a chicken," Nicholas tutored, oblivious to the fact he'd just been tricked into speaking. "Then it would have funny sticky-uppy thing on it's head."

The child stuck his hand up on top his own head to illustrate this.

"Oh!" Dr. Mishra said. "Really? I didn't know."

Nicholas shook his head in childish disdain; throwing his tiny arms up as though he'd given up teaching her the ways of the world since she was incapable of learning anything.

She smiled, pretending to study his drawing once more. He certainly was an interesting little guy.

"Well I really love your picture of the park, Nicky. It's amazing."

"When's Noah coming back?" he asked, ignoring her statement and looking longingly at the door through which Noah had left only a few minutes before.

"He'll be back."

"When?"

"Nicky, do you get worried Noah won't come back?"

The blue eyes grew decidedly suspicious at that question. "He is coming back."

It was almost a threat, she thought. As though Nicholas was saying, "He'd better come back or there'll be hell to pay!"

She nodded, "Yes, he is."

He studied her for a moment and then lay flat on his stomach, picking up a coloured pen and setting to work on a new drawing.

"What about Josh?" She asked, seeing whether she could steer him down a different path.

The pen stopped moving and he stared down at the paper.

"Nicky?" she asked again.

"Josh didn't come back."

"Why not?"

Nicholas sat up on his backside and scratched his nose, "Luke says Josh is sick in the hop-i-tal."

Again she could see his little mind working as he frowned to himself.

Nicholas stared back at the door. "Josh got mad."

Dr. Mishra held her breath, waiting to hear what he would say next.

"Josh got mad like Mommy."

And there it was!

She didn't push anymore. She kept silent and watched as he eventually returned to his drawing.

By a stroke of fate they had made two breakthroughs that day. Nicholas spoke to her for the first time, and he mentioned his mother.

Slowly and with more sessions, the rest would come.

...

Kneeling in her floral swimsuit, Mia would carefully consider of each bucket of sand. She'd load the blue bucket using the matching spade carefully, pile of sand by pile of sand, until the bucket was full. Then she would carefully pat the sand down, nice and tight like Luke had shown her.

She'd tip the bucket, shake it gently and then slowly lift it up.

But no matter how careful she was, the top of her castle would always get grazed by the edge of the bucket causing it to collapse on one side.

And Luke thought her funny, because even if she did eventually master the art enough to create the perfect shape, she was building her structure way too close to the shore, and a dying wave would eventually wash past her feet to steel the castle away.

Still, she was obviously enjoying the challenge and he and Noah enjoyed watching her.

He lifted his eyes to the ocean and searched to find Josh and Nicholas playing in the water.

Josh stood waste deep and the ocean was calm, so he had Nicholas lying flat out on his surfboard. He would hold the board steady and wait for the heavy set of waves to pass, before sending the overjoyed Nicholas riding along on a softer, gentler wave.

"I think it's time to get him his own board." Noah said, sitting by Luke's side on the large beach towel, "He really loves it out there."

Luke smiled and nodded, before using his thumb to wipe a blob of mayo from the corner of Noah's lips.

"Mmm," Noah said, nodding and taking the final bite of his chicken mayonnaise sandwich. "Thanks."

"He looks good, doesn't he?" Luke asked.

"Hmm?"

"Josh? I mean, I know he's only been gone for a week, but he looks better somehow."

Noah waited until he'd swallowed his mouthful before saying, "I really hope so, Luke."

Luke sighed, turning his gaze from Noah and back to Josh.

"I kinda miss having him around." He said.

"I know."

"Three months! It's a long time, you know? Especially for a kid."

"Well, the school agreed to take him back as soon has he's done, and the centre are schooling him in the meantime. He has everything he needs there."

"Just no parents and no us."

Noah stared at Luke until Luke looked back at him.

"Are you having second thoughts about this?" Noah asked.

Luke shrugged. "I guess I'm just remembering what it was like for me. And how I'd read something negative into everything my parents did to try and help. And I can't help but wonder what Josh really thinks about us sending him away. I don't want him to feel deserted or betrayed in any way."

Noah wiped his hands on a strip of paper towel so he could rub circles on Luke's shirtless back.

"Look, I know I'm looking at this from a completely different perspective from you. And I realise that I can never fully understand what it's like. But, I really believe we've done the right thing here."

Luke's plaintive brown eyes met his and Noah reached behind his neck to pull their foreheads together.

"Luke, the kids are safe and Josh is in a place that can really help him. In more ways than we can hope to at home."

Luke nodded, "I know. But what if it's not enough?"

"What do you mean?" Noah drew his head back.

"What happens if we try everything and we still can't help him? I mean, the person has to want it, right? A point must be reached where it all comes down to Josh. "

Noah nodded and then he too let his gaze fall on the two boys frolicking in the water, for all the world like their greatest problem in life was what to have for dinner. From the outside they just looked like two happy brothers, but inside; inside they both harboured a painful past.

"I guess we just have to hope, Luke." He replied. "And we try to make Josh understand who he is to us. He needs to know just how much we care…"

"…love, Noah. How much we love him." Luke smiled.

Noah's eyes shined in response to the smile, "He needs to know that we will love him, whatever happens."

...

Being in rehab was one of the scariest things Josh had ever had to go through. He shared a room with eight other boys, sleeping on bunk-beds. Each boy would suffer withdrawals at different times, which meant sleep was hard to come by.

When it was his turn to suffer, the lack of privacy would make Josh bite the pillow in his attempt not to be heard, not to appear weak.

He hated it.

He missed his early morning surfing and his daily chats with Nicholas. He missed Mia's amazing smile. But most of all he missed Luke and Noah.

He wasn't angry at them. Josh understood why they sent him away. And like Noah said, it wasn't as if he didn't get to see them on weekends.

But he hated rehab.

To get through the week, he had put his head down and kept mainly to himself, losing himself in his schoolbooks. Consequently he had already managed to ostracise himself and the other boys teased him constantly.

Josh couldn't help but wonder what had happened to his old self. Where had the self assured, confident and successful guy gone? It was like he'd had a complete personality transplant.

When the family picked him up from rehab on the Friday night, he'd put on his bravest face. He wouldn't make this difficult for them. He wouldn't admit how hard he was finding it. If he had to get through these 90 days for their sake, then he'd do it. His reward would mean he could move back in with them.

But as much as he loved living with them, what he really wanted more than anything was for his mother to accept him for who he truly was. More and more it felt like that would never happen.

The phone rang just as he came up the passage after his shower. Luke was tickling Mia on the carpet and Nicholas was trying to jump in on the act, squealing alongside Mia.

It was Noah who picked up the phone.

"Hello Marion." He said and his eyes locked with Josh's. "How are you? Good, I'm glad… Yes, he's right here."

Josh vehemently shook his head and hands to indicate he didn't wish to speak to her, but Noah continued to hold the phone out toward him.

Josh blew an annoyed whoosh of air from his nose and took the phone.

"Hello?"

Both Luke and Noah were keeping an eye on him as they entertained the kids.

"Hello, Josh." His mother said.

"Hi."

"Um, I just wanted to ask how the week went." She began, "Noah told me they checked you into a rehab clinic?"

"Yes. It was fine."

"That's good. It's good, Josh."

"Thanks."

"Anyway," she continued. "Next Saturday we're having a family lunch. Uncle Ed and Aunt Fay will be visiting from Texas with your cousins…"

"That's nice."

"Yes and, I guess I wanted to know whether you would come?"

Josh lifted at this. She wanted him to go? She wanted him to attend a function where family would be present? Did that mean what he hoped it meant? Was she ready to accept him?

"You want me to go?" Josh asked.

"If you can make it, it would mean a lot to me, son. I… I really want you here. It won't be the same without you."

Josh smiled even as a few tears fell.

Luke and Noah were both looking at him questioningly.

"Okay, Mom. I'd really love to go."

"Good." She replied. "So… I'll see you next weekend. Saturday at 12:00."

"Yes."

"Bye then."

"Goodbye."

He hung up and looked at the receiver in his hands for a few moments. Then he beamed at Luke and Noah.

"Well?" asked Luke, smiling back. "It's good news I take it?"

"Yeah! She invited me for a family lunch."

"Really?" asked Noah.

"Yes!" he laughed. "That's good, right? I mean if she's willing to have me there with the whole family… that must mean something, right?"

"Sounds like it!" Luke agreed, also getting excited and hopping up off the floor to give him a quick hug.

"That's great, Josh. Another step, hey?" Noah said.

Josh nodded with happiness. Suddenly things were looking up.

"Well, what do you say we celebrate with some choc-chip ice-cream?" Luke asked.

As if the word 'ice-cream' were a coded message for 'get up and run to the kitchen', Nicholas disappeared in that direction before either one of the older men had made a move themselves.

They all laughed and Josh lifted Mia up on one hip as they followed him.


	92. Young Minds 12

After spending an entire day at the Charterhouse School, Luke sat at the dinner table assiduously typing up his written notes.

The headmaster of Josh's school, Mr Hart, had given him permission to interview students on condition he protected their identities and refrained from mentioning the school by name.

Excited by the response he received, and since it was nearing the end of the day anyway, Luke had returned home to write, rather than to the noisy press office and the prying eyes of Jenna.

"Okay if I leave now, Luke?" asked Jasmine, just arriving from the passage after giving both children their bath.

Nicholas and Mia, dressed in their pajamas, ran ahead of her and plopped themselves down ready to watch a DVD.

Luke smiled, "Yeah, no problem. Thanks Jasmine."

"Are you sure? You look pretty busy. I don't mind waiting for Noah."

"Thanks, but he'll be back soon. It's fine! There's no point both of us being here."

Jasmine finished loading up a DVD for the kids, before kissing them both goodbye and fetching her bag from the coat hook by the door.

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

"Bye Jas and thanks."

Once she was gone Luke immediately returned to his work, tuning out the sounds of the animated film playing in the background.

It was astonishing how many of the kids from Josh's school were willing to admit to him that they used, or had at least tried some or other illegal substance. They were almost keen to tell him, as though this elevated their status and made them feel 'cool' in someway.

It just reinforced his feeling that the entertainment industry had a lot to answer for. These kids were experimenting because that was what their idols did. Because they'd been made to believe it was no big deal.

These kids had stable upbringings. They weren't trying to escape from neglect or abuse. Most of these kids would enjoy the heady effects of drug-taking and then stop as soon as they reached adulthood.

But for a few of these kids, those who for some reason found their almost perfect lives shattered, the drugs would become friends and take hold completely.

Kids like Josh.

Despite the subject on Luke's mind, the sound of Noah's truck pulling into the drive made him smile and both Mia and Nicholas immediately jumped up to run and wait by the door.

"Noah!" Nicholas called excitedly gripping the poor man around both legs before he'd even crossed the doorstep.

Noah stumbled slightly and had to hold on to the doorframe to keep from falling over.

"Whoa, hang on you two! Let me get inside the house!" Noah laughed and both children moved back to allow him in the door. "Okay, which one first."

"Me, me, me!" Both kids bounced up and down with a hand in the air.

Noah looked from one to the other as though seriously contemplating which to pick up first. Finally he smiled. "Okay, both then!"

Noah squatted down low and caught a child in each arm, easily lifting both of them at the same time.

"Kiss?" he asked them.

Nicholas grabbed Noah's cheeks and kissed him on the lips and Mia stretched her neck up to get him on the chin.

"How are my two favourite people?"

"Hey!" Luke protested, walking over.

Noah smiled and leaned in toward him, "I'm sorry, three favourite people…"

Luke kissed him on the lips. "We're all good thanks. And it would seem that somebody's in a good mood, hey?"

Noah laughed, "That obvious is it?"

"Noah, you wanna watch Wall-E with us?" a hopeful Mia asked.

"Well, baby, that does sound like fun, but you know what sounds like even more fun?"

"What?" Nicholas asked, sensing a surprise coming on.

"Going out for burgers!"

"YEAH!" Both children shrieked with excitement and began to wriggle to get down and prepare to leave.

"Burgers ha?" Luke asked, hands on hips. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh nothing." Noah replied as he coolly breezed passed Luke, "I just thought we should go out and… you know… celebrate?"

"NO!" Luke exclaimed, eyes widening.

Noah stopped on his course and turned back to Luke nodding, "Yip."

"NOAH!" Luke launched himself at the man, kissing every available part of his face as Noah laughed, "You finished?"

"Yeah! The editing is done! Now it's just sound and music and we have ourselves a movie!"

"That's amazing!" Luke exclaimed, "You're amazing! You said it was gong to take at least another month!"

"I know," Noah said, holding Luke around his waist. "But once I put my head down the movie kind of edited itself. I mean the backers still have to approve what I've done…"

"Oh they will!"

"…but, yeah! My first L.A. movie is almost complete!"

Luke leaned up and they shared a long and lingering kiss.

"I'm so proud of you, bubby!" Luke said into his neck.

"Thanks." Noah smiled.

"NOAH!" Nicholas was already trying to pull on his sneakers.

He left Luke after one more quick kiss, and then set to work getting the children ready to go out.

"What about you?" Noah asked as he tied the laces on Nicholas's sneaker. "How was your day at the school?"

"Incredible, actually!" Luke replied squatting down next to him to help Mia with her shoes. "I got some amazing information from the kids. It was scary how willing they were to talk. And one particular dealer… Dean… well, his name was mentioned more than once! He operates out of the San Fernando Valley, not far from the Daily News HQ actually."

Luke looked up and Noah had stopped what he was doing to frown at him.

Luke raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"I really hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking!" Noah chided.

"What?" Luke asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Luke!" Noah's tone was suddenly stern. It was a tone both the kids knew well and they instantly took note of him. "I want you to promise right now that you aren't going to go down there to find this Dean person!"

"Noah, I…"

"I mean it!"

Luke stood and turned to unhook Mia's jacket. When he turned back again Noah was standing right behind him.

Luke sighed, "Noah. If I want to do this job right, then there may be times when I need to be in the thick of it."

"In the thick of it?" Noah asked incredulously. "Just what do you mean by that, Luke? Interviewing drug dealers on their turf? Getting yourself shot or knifed?"

Luke shook his head, "Come on, Noah! You're exaggerating!"

"Oh, really? So it's perfectly safe then? You want to write an article about the dangers of drug abuse and addiction and you think the guys selling the stuff and just gonna welcome you with open arms?"

"No of course not, but…"

"Luke…? I'm asking you, please! Please, don't do this. For me!" And then Noah gestured toward Mia and Nicholas; impatiently waiting to leave but standing quiet, sensing the sudden tension between the two men. "And for them…"

Luke looked over at the kids for a minute and then sighed. "Unfair, Mayer…"

"It's Snyder…" Noah's eyes were full of earnestness, "and it's got nothing to do with fair." He stepped forward and palmed Luke's left cheek. "It's about the fact that we love you and we would kinda like you to stick around. Please."

Luke relented, rolling his eyes and nodding. "Fine. I don't like it, but fine."

Noah smiled and gently kissed him, "Thank you."

Luke sighed but he smiled and said, "Okay! Let's go get us some burgers!"

"YES!" Nicholas yelled bolting out of the door the moment Luke opened it.

As Luke jumped in the passenger seat of the car, his mind was already whirling with plans on how he would change Noah's mind.

...

Before knocking on the door of the house he'd called home all his life, Josh checked his reflection in the window, smoothing back his hair and checking the collar of his white buttoned up shirt.

He looked back and realised that Noah hadn't driven off yet. Noah smiled and waved at him from the cab of his truck.

Josh had his own car, but Noah had insisted on dropping him off. Josh knew it was only because Noah wanted to make sure things weren't going to blow up from the start.

Josh took a deep breath, checked his black jeans to make sure they were free of any dust or hair and knocked.

His mother came to the door dressed in a modest floral skirt and pale pink blouse. Her blonde hair was tied up tight in a bun at the back of her head. A few hairs had escaped the confines of her clips and hung; accenting her cheeks.

She smiled when she saw him. It wasn't the smile he remembered growing up. That smile had pride and love in it and her eyes would shine or light up at the sight of him. Now, even with the smile, her eyes appeared dead.

Josh swallowed and chose to ignore that. She had extended the invitation and if that was all he was going to get for now, then he'd take it. And he'd pray the rest would follow.

"Hello, Mom." He shyly smiled.

She seemed unsure of what to do next, but eventually she stepped forward, placing one tentative hand on his shoulder and leaning over to kiss his cheek.

Josh looked behind him and watched as Noah drove off in his truck, satisfied that all was well with Josh and his mother.

"Come in." She said. "Your aunt and uncle haven't arrived yet. They should be here within half an hour. I thought it would be nice if we were all here when they arrived."

"Yeah." Josh agreed and walked past her into the house.

Whenever he visited, which wasn't often, the house would always feel as strange to him as it was familiar and his stomach would tighten slightly at the memory of that fateful night when his father had kicked him out.

Nothing in the layout of the home had changed. The furniture was still in the same position as when he left and smiling faces beamed from family photographs, lovingly displayed in expensive guided frames. The house was as it had always been, but the family that lived there was broken, maybe for good.

"Josh!" His ten year old sister, Lynnie, was obviously excited to see him. She came bounding down the stairs and flew into his arms, making him laugh and lifting his spirits.

"Hey, Sis!"

His other sister, Daisy, was only seven and stood safely back from him.

"Hello, Daisy. Don't I get a hug?"

When she shook her head he had to hide his disappointment. But she was little, and he felt sure he could win her over during the course of the day.

"I miss you guys!" he said.

"We miss you too." Lynnie told him.

"So, Josh," His mother asked, "how about you help me in the kitchen? It will be just like old times."

"I'd love too." Josh replied, and followed her into the large family kitchen where he could already smell the roast chicken and vegetables cooking in the oven. He thought then just how much he had missed his mother's home meals, even though Luke was one hell of a chef himself.

"I was hoping I could get you to man the kitchen while I look after the guests." Marion mentioned. "Would you be able to do that?"

"Sure." Josh replied.

"And, I thought maybe you could make that banana loaf you used to bake. Remember?"

He smiled. "Sure, Mom."

The doorbell sounded and she nervously rang her hands together, before quickly checking her reflection in the oven door and hurrying to the parlor where Lynnie had already let the guests inside.

Josh followed Marion and watched as she greeted her brother Ed and his wife Fay. Behind them were his two cousin's Molly, who was nine and Buddy who was eleven.

"Oh my!" His aunt exclaimed, seeing Josh standing by the kitchen door. "If it ain't our little Josh! My but you're turnin' into one handsome young man! Ain't he Ed? Come over here and give your auntie a kiss, ya little devil."

He did and had his cheeks pinched and a wet kiss placed right on his lips. But he smiled sweetly at her.

"Hello Uncle Ed, I hope you're well." he put his hand out and his uncle shook it.

"Josh". He said, "Good ta see ya boy! Still top of your game at school?"

"I'm working on it." Josh replied.

Josh spent a few moments saying hello to his little cousins before they ran off upstairs to play with his sisters. In the meantime, Marion had made the guests comfortable on the couches.

"Josh is doing the cooking today." His mother said.

"Really?" He aunt replied.

"Well, not really." Josh said, "Mom put everyth…"

"Yes!" Marion quickly interrupted. "Don't be modest Josh! He's an excellent cook! You'll see! And he's even making us his famous banana loaf."

Josh gave his mother a confused stare. He wasn't sure why she was letting him take the credit for the entire meal, but he thought perhaps she was trying to make him feel welcome.

"Shouldn't you go and check on things, Josh?" She asked.

Josh nodded. "Yes, okay."

He found himself in the kitchen for most of the day.

Whenever he would venture into the sitting room to join the adult conversation, Marion would find a reason for him to return to the kitchen. He began to wonder whether she was doing it on purpose, but he couldn't think why.

His aunt and uncle didn't seem to be in the least bit worried that he was gay and hadn't once mentioned his father or their situation. They didn't seem to have any problem with him being there.

Eventually Josh decided to give his mother the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was just trying to give him a sense of achievement.

He spent ages making sure the table was set just right. He used all the best cutlery and dishes and carefully folded each napkin within a silver ring, setting them neatly across an accompanying side plate.

Finally he had everything ready and decided to let the adults know that dinner could be served.

Because he entered the sitting room from the dining area rather than from the kitchen, they didn't see him coming and continued with whatever conversation they were on.

"So," he heard his uncle say. "How long do you think Miles will be out in India for?"

This statement brought Josh to an instant standstill.

India?

"Oh," his mother replied and he could hear her nervousness even if his aunt and uncle were missing it, "um… I'm not sure. Perhaps a year, maybe less."

She looked up then and was startled to see Josh standing there. A strange expression, almost like panic, swept over her face but she covered it quickly and smiled at him.

His uncle followed his sister's gaze to look back at Josh. "Can't be easy for ya, son? Havin' your Dad gone away so long? Makes you the man of the house, right?"

Josh was beginning to wonder whether he had heard right.

"Yes." He replied, for want of anything else to say.

"Well I'm sure he's awful proud of ya!" his aunt exclaimed. "Such a gorgeous boy! Ya must have the little ladies climbin' through hoops for your attentions!"

Little ladies?"

Josh's eyes locked with his mother's and all he saw was a profound fear there. He started to shake his head at her. He could feel the blood rushing from his head and his heart pounding.

The carpet under his feet felt a mile away. He felt the breath in his own lungs rise and fall and finally constrict. There were no boundaries to his body. It might have been water or lava under his feet for all he could feel.

"Is something the matter, son?" his uncle asked with a look of concern.

Josh glanced from his mother to her brother and his wife and felt suddenly sickened. Without saying a word, he turned and left through the front door.

"Josh! Josh, wait!"

Marion came running down the garden path to grab at his elbow, which he violently yanked from her grasp.

"They don't know! They don't know anything! They don't know about Dad! They… they don't know about me! They think I still live you, don't they?"

Tears clouded his mother's eyes and she shook her head over and over.

"Josh," wrinkles deepening as she pleaded. "They won't understand! Hell, I don't understand!"

Suddenly Josh thought he might fall into a sobbing mass on the ground.

"You're never gonna, are you?" he painfully asked.

She sniffed and hugged her arms into herself.

"No." she quietly admitted. "I don't think I can. I don't think I can ever accept it. And I know they never will…"

Josh struggled to breathe, but he took in as much air as he could. "That's why you invited me, right?"

"Josh…"

"Not because you're accepting me… Not even because you really wanted me here… but… because you didn't want them to ask any questions! Right? I'm like your cover or something!"

"Please…"

Heartbroken, he wiped the tears from his eyes. "Goodbye, Mom."

"No!" she yelled, running around in front of him. "Josh. Please stay. What am I supposed to tell them?"

He stared at her, not recognising the woman who had raised him. "You do what you've been doing so well up till now, Mom… you lie!"

Josh pushed her aside and began a stumbled and shocked walk down the street.

He walked for miles, directionless and in a haze of tears and pain. He cried until his stomach ached with it and it caused him to stop every now and again, bent over with a hacking cough. His hands trembled and he felt chilled right through to his bones.

Josh struggled with the problem that was his life. Was this it then? Was he supposed to live the rest of his days as a family outcast? Dependent on the charity of Luke and Noah?

"Why can't she be there for me? Why can't she try to understand? Why can't they still be like a regular family? Why can't they be normal?" His brain screamed.

He stopped on the sidewalk to recover from another coughing fit, sucking in a deep breath and squeezing his eyes closed. He wheezed as he struggled to take in enough air to calm his racing heart. Josh clenched his fists, as the tremendous pressure, the crumbling hope he'd stored up all week burst inside his soul.

"'ey, Josh? Ees that you?"

He looked up through a river of tears to meet the comforting promise of Benoit's eyes, staring at him from the window of his maroon BMW; a present from his father.

"What 'as 'appened to you?"

Quickly Josh wiped at his face, trying to clean up as best he could so that he didn't appear to be a total wimp in front of his friend.

Benoit sighed at the state of him.

"Get in!" he motioned toward the passenger seat of the car and Josh saw the lock pop up in invitation.

It didn't take Josh long to accept.

...

**Thanks for all the amazing comments! **


	93. Young Minds 13

Luke continued to watch Noah's concentrated brow for as long as he could stand it, but eventually he released a loud and exasperated sigh.

Noah looked up at Luke through his lashes, "What?"

"Are you going to move anytime soon or are we going to be playing this game all week?" Luke pouted.

"Hey!" Noah said with mock annoyance from his side of the sofa. "While he was teaching you to play, did Reid ever happen to tell you you're way too impatient for the game of chess?"

"No he didn't…" Luke replied. Then after a long pause, "He said I was too impulsive, actually."

Noah smiled his agreement and moved his black pawn up one square.

Luke sniggered merrily to himself as his white knight took Noah's offered pawn.

"What's so funny?" a suspicious Noah asked him.

"First rule of chess Noah… Never give any pieces away for free!"

"I didn't!" Noah insisted. "That move was part of my cunning plan, actually…"

"Oh really?" Luke raised an eyebrow at him.

Noah laughed. "Who made up that rule anyway, you or Reid?"

As he spoke, Noah decided to move his remaining bishop diagonally left.

"That rule's mine actually." Luke replied. "But this one…" Luke moved his castle over one square. "…this rule is Reid's! Check mate!"

He grinned cheekily at Noah.

"It's not fair you know." Noah grumbled flicking his king over. "I wasn't trained by a grand master!"

"All it takes is practise. Wanna go again?"

"And lose again? No thank you! But…"

"But…?"

"There is something I would like to do…" He lifted his blue eyes to focus in on Luke.

Luke knew that deliberate look well and his body instantly started to tingle. "Oh, yeah?"

Noah crawled over the sofa toward him. The chess board which had lain between them went flying onto the floor, along with most of the pieces and Luke laughed at the chaos Noah was creating.

"This…" Noah said with a grin. On arms and legs he dipped his head for a second and then pressed their lips together. Luke felt his tongue pass over something solid and he quizzically drew back.

He lifted his thumb and finger to his mouth and withdrew the saliva soaked pawn Noah had so seductively passed over to him.

"Only you would find a way to make chess sexy." Luke laughed, grabbing at Noah's neck and drawing him closer so that he fell backward on top of the remaining chess pieces; with his head in Luke's lap.

Noah smiled up at him and cupped his cheek.

Luke was just bending over for another taste of him when his cell phone buzzed.

They both sighed.

"Hold that thought." Luke instructed and Noah lifted his upper body to allow Luke loose from the sofa.

Luke searched the various surfaces for his phone and found it on the dining table.

"Hello?" he said without checking the display.

"Luke? It's Josh."

It was instantly clear that the boy was upset.

"Hey? Are you okay?"

Noah must have seen the look on Luke's face because he got up to approach him.

"Not really… Can you come get me?"

Luke sadly shook his head at Noah while getting directions to Josh's location.

"Okay, kid. Sit tight, we'll be there as soon as we can."

...

Benoit found a relatively quiet lookout point along Mulholland drive. There were a few other vehicles parked there; tourists mostly; enjoying the magnificent eagle-eye view over Los Angeles.

Wanting privacy, he parked as far from the other cars as possible.

Josh hadn't said a word on the drive up, he'd just stared at the world passing by the window, sniffing.

Occasionally Benoit would look over at him, frowning, but he remained silent, sensing that this was what Josh wanted.

The car stopped and Josh didn't hesitate to climb out. He slammed the door and shuffled over to the barrier fringing the edge of the road; which dropped steeply down a rocky outcrop.

He clenched his fists at his sides; his head turning slowly a full 180 as his eyes took in the expanse of the view; and then he released a scream of frustration so loud it caused an entire flock of blackbirds to take flight from the trees in a flutter of wings.

He screamed at the resulting echoes for at least a minute more and then stood breathless, chest heaving in and out. He looked back toward the car, where Benoit sat on the hood, already smoking a joint and watching him with interest.

"You are... what do zay call it…? Crazy fucked up!" A calm Benoit stated.

A tearstained Josh stared at his friend for a heartbeat and then burst out laughing, keeling over and clenching his stomach in hysterics. Benoit joined in, grinning madly, and they loudly laughed for some time; until Josh eventually joined Benoit on the hood of the car.

"Fuck it!" Josh said, pulling his feet up and hugging in his knees.

They sat in silence for a while.

Benoit drew on his joint. He let out puffs of smoke from the corners of his mouth, white wisps that curled past his head and briefly fogged his features before disappearing into the cool afternoon breeze.

Josh sat alongside Benoit feeling suddenly very much alive, excited, finding the fresh air and his friend's relaxed company exhilarating; even through the omnipresent and tempting smell of smoke.

Suddenly all of life's possibilities spread out before him in a tantalizing array of limitless prospects. He was free! He was, he realised, completely out from under parental control and could do what he wanted.

How many other teens could say that?

Maybe he'd join the Marines and sail around the world with them…

Benoit took one more puff of his joint and then passed the stub over to Josh, but Josh shook his head.

"You no want?" Benoit asked, surprised.

"I can't, man." Josh said, lying back on the hood of the car. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to! A lot! But, I was really lucky, you know? That Luke and Noah took me in. And they're counting on me…"

Benoit nodded his understanding. "I miss you at ze school."

Josh smiled. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For sticking with me..."

Benoit shrugged like it was no big deal. "You are fun guy…"

Josh rolled onto his elbow and admired his friend. He leaned over and kissed Benoit. The kiss felt great and he wanted more, it wasn't enough this time. He wanted to feel Benoit's arms around him. He wanted Benoit to make everything all right again. But as Josh made a move to get closer to him, the other boy pushed him back.

"I like ze girls, Josh… yes?"

Benoit was looking deeply into his eyes and Josh saw he meant it. Benoit smiled at him.

"You are nice… ze kiss… it nice, but it just kisses… yes?" Benoit tried to explain.

Josh didn't understand what he meant by that but he nodded none-the-less lying back down beside him. He was disappointed but not surprised. He'd always suspected as much anyway.

Benoit lit another joint and then lay back beside Josh staring up at the puffy clouds that seemed to be gravitating together into darker grey masses that would later result in rain.

"I wish I could be more like you, Benoit." Josh whispered.

They lay on the car for hours, just talking, passing the time with random conversation and carefully staying clear of the topic which had brought them there.

Instead, Benoit launched into a lengthy, bewildering storytelling, partially in English, partially in French, which Josh could scarcely comprehend. He was sure he was interpreting the story incorrectly, but he kept nodding, listening and enjoying the rise and fall of Benoit's accent none the less.

"So, tomorrow we go."

"Sorry?" Josh's thought's had drifted off into a thankful kind of nothingness for a minute and he hadn't been concentrating on what Benoit was saying.

"We go home… tomorrow."

"Who does?" Josh asked.

"I zay… my papa et maman zey concilier? Zey, together again… Papa and me, we move back to Paris… tomorrow."

Josh shot up to a seated position. "You're leaving?"

Benoit lay with one hand behind his head while the other held the joint in place so that he could draw enticingly on it. He looked up at Josh and nodded.

"You're leaving. For good. Tomorrow. And you only thought to tell me this now?" Josh asked annoyed and then realised something. "Hang on! You ran into me by accident just now… so were you EVER going to tell me? Or were you just going to leave? Like that! Without a word!"

Benoit seemed surprised by Josh's sudden outburst.

"You know me…" he said matter-of-factly, "I do what 'appens next…"

"Yeah!" Josh spat, "Whatever! Thanks for nothing!" He jumped off the hood of the car. "Fuck you, Benoit!"

Josh turned and began the long walk back down to central Los Angeles.

"'ey?" he heard Benoit call. "Where are you going?"

Josh didn't turn around. He left Benoit parked there and sped up his gait. Once he knew he had rounded the bend and was out of sight he allowed the shakes to take over.

He couldn't feel his legs anymore so he took a seat on a boulder behind some bushes. That way if Benoit followed in his car, he wouldn't see Josh from the road.

Benoit, beautiful Benoit, his last remaining friend… gone for good.

Josh wanted a hit then. It was a good thing he was up in the hills or he would have headed right for Dean and his supplies.

Instead he rooted in his jeans for his phone and pressed dial.

It rang for a while and he panicked thinking there'd be no answer, but then he heard the friendly, "Hello?"

"Luke? It's Josh."

"Hey? Are you okay?"

"Not really… Can you come get me?"

...

In the end Noah went alone to fetch Josh. Nicholas and Mia were having an afternoon nap and Luke was still under a driving ban.

He found the boy standing in the rain, tossing stones down into the valley below. Josh's stressed face turned into pure relief at the sight of Noah's truck.

"Hey." Noah greeted as Josh stepped up into the cab and closed the door. "How did you end up why out here?"

Josh reached back to pull the seatbelt round his body and click it into place.

"Can we not talk about it?" He asked, pushing the wet strands of hair out of his face.

"Sure." Noah nodded and they drove home in silence.

Luke was feeding the kids their dinner by the time they walked in the door.

"Hello, Josh!" Nicholas yelled excitedly, making a move to leave his chair.

"Oh, no you don't!" Luke exclaimed. "After dinner, okay buddy?"

Nicholas nodded. "Josh, we're having sausage!"

"That's great, Nicky." Josh replied, obviously trying to muscle enthusiasm up from a place where he didn't feel it. "Eat up, okay?"

Nicholas nodded as he eagerly stuck the sausage-clad fork in his mouth and happily chewed.

"Yum!" Mia exclaimed beside Nicholas as Luke cut her sausage into small pieces.

Once the kids were occupied with their meals, Luke approached Josh and gave him a hug. "You okay?"

Luke froze for a minute, staring at Noah over Josh's back. He pulled out of the hug, gripping Josh by his elbows and looking him in the eyes.

"Josh, have you been smoking weed?"

Josh looked horrified, stepping back and lifting his collar to smell himself. He shook his head wildly at them. "No! I swear! Benoit was smoking! I didn't have any! You can ask him!"

"Benoit?" Noah asked. "Your French friend?"

Josh nodded.

"He wasn't with you when I picked you up?"

"No." Josh said, walking past Luke and then turning to face them. "He picked me up on the side of the road this afternoon after…"

"…after?" a worried Luke asked.

Josh's eye's welled with tears and he shook his head. "Please. I don't want to talk about it."

"Josh?" Luke approached him and hugged the boy again. "Josh? What happened at lunch, today?"

"It was completely fucked up!" Josh exclaimed and then remembered the children and pulled out of the embrace to slap a hand over his mouth.

"Sorry." He said.

"It's okay." Noah replied. "Why don't you take a seat? I'll make us all a drink and we can talk this through. It's obvious you're upset."

After Nicholas and Mia had finished eating and were occupied with a pile of toys, Josh set about telling them the afternoon's events.

"So, do you still want to tell me she'll come around?" Josh asked, sniffing.

Luke countered that with a story of his own.

...

_Luke was done! He was done with the lying and he was done with the pretending and he was definitely sick to the stomach from the pressure of hiding. Things were totally out of control. _

_He was drinking past the point of return. And to his horror, he was finding the effects of alcohol more and more appealing and difficult to resist. _

_And, Jade, who for a while had pretended to be his girlfriend, was now throwing herself at his father in her desperate attempt to remain in the Snyder home. _

_He should never have accepted help from this girl who had lied about being his Aunt Rose's daughter and was a proven thief. _

_No matter what happened. Not matter the result. He had to come out! Right now! He had to tell his parents the truth! _

_He paced the carpet of the sitting room nervously awaiting this father, who at that very moment was telling Jade to leave for good. _

_Luke started speaking as soon as Holden walked through the front door. "Dad… Dad, I am so sorry! This is all my fault."_

"_You are not responsible for Jade's actions."_

"_No, I am. I am!" Luke insisted. "I'm the only reason that she's here! This whole thing is just so…!" He turned away and then back again. "I can't believe she tried to kiss you!"_

_Sensing that his son was in some kind of state of crisis, Holden tried to talk down the kiss with Jade. _

"_You know what?" he said, "People… I don't know… they… they do crazy things just after breakups." Holden dismissed that and asked with concern, "How about you? I mean, this was your first real relationship... Must be tough on you? It's probably Jade's first real relationship as well."_

"_Dad, the only thing that's tough on Jade is finding another place to live. There was no breakup."_

"_Sure looks like a breakup to me."_

"_Yeah, but that's all it was… was looks. There was no breakup because there was no relationship." _

_Holden frowned at him. "Okay… so… maybe Jade wasn't the one. You learn from experience. There will be other girls…"_

"_No Dad." Luke sighed, "There won't. This whole thing with Jade was a scam."_

"_You mean how she got here?" Holden asked._

"_I mean… everything between us." Luke could feel his heart pounding as the moment grew closer. "We weren't in love." _

"_Well maybe it wasn't that kind of love."_

"_We never slept together. There was nothing between us!" Luke said the last two sentences over his father, sensing that his father was perhaps, in some way, trying to prevent his words. _

"_You told your Mom and me that…"_

"_I know. I lied." _

_They stood staring at each other. Each waiting for the other to continue. _

_Finally Luke did, "So, you gonna ask?"_

_There was a pause as Holden tried to collect his thoughts. "You said that you had something to tell me, so I assume you will."_

_Luke began to understand. _

"_But I don't need to… do I?" he asked his father. "'Cause… 'cause you already know…"_

"_I don't know anything." Holden replied. "I've wondered… about a lot of things…" _

_Luke shook his head. "But you never asked… because you didn't want to know… and I understand that."_

"_Well good because I don't. I love you. You're my son. That never changes."_

_Luke felt his palms getting sweaty. "Yeah?"_

_Luke so needed to believe his father meant what he said. _

"_Yeah." Holden's answer was sure and steadfast. "It's just you and me. Tell me…"_

_Luke smiled at him. "Look at you! You're just standing there! Always so patient." _

_His breath shuddered. _

_Holden nodded, "That never changes." _

"_Well, you say that now, but…"_

"_No. I mean it." Holden insisted. "There's nothing that you can't tell me."_

_Luke nodded his head a few times. "Okay. Okay. The reason that Jade will be the only girlfriend I ever have is because…"_

"_Ah, that is not true." His heavily pregnant mother entered the room._

"_Wha…?"_

"_I'm sorry to interrupt but, I can't sit still at that!" Lily exclaimed, walking over to where her two boys stood. "Jade is not the only girl in the world, Honey!"_

"_Lily…" Holden said, trying to rescue the situation. "Luke and Jade broke up…" _

"_Oh…" Lily replied. "That's good."_

"…_and he was about to tell us…"_

"_Oh I know…" she said with her usual caring nature, gripping him by his elbows. "Honey… I know… I see it. I see you're hurting. But you'll heal. That girl was not right for you." _

_Luke felt like crying. "Yeah, but Mom, no girl would ever be…"_

"_Oh, I know… I know it feels like that right now…" she continued, oblivious to how hard she was making the moment for him. "…that you'll never find somebody that means that much to you. But that's not true. You're a wonderful guy…"_

"_Mom! Mom!" He kept trying to gain her attention but she wasn't listening. _

"_I know! I'm sorry. I'm biased…"_

_Eventually Luke had to raise his voice, "Mom, please stop!" _

"…_I apologise but, you're smart and sensitive and caring… and you're so handsome! And girls are going to be falling all over you…"_

"_Lily!" Holden tried to interrupt where Luke had failed. "We were in the middle of something…"_

_Lily looked disappointed that she wasn't wanted. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry…"_

_Luke felt terrible. "No…"_

"…_I didn't mean to interrupt you two…"_

"_No Mom, it's okay. Please! Please stay."_

"_Is that what you want?" Holden asked. _

"_Yeah. Yeah. Let me just… let me just do this once." Luke was amazed at how hard this was. _

"_What's going on?" Lily asked, looking between the two of them and for the first time sensing the tension in the air. _

"_Luke has something that he needs to tell us." Holden explained. _

_This was his moment. Luke took a deep breath. "I've done some pretty rotten things in the last few months and I've made your lives so much harder than they needed to be." _

"_Honey, I am fine." His mother insisted. _

"_I know. I mean I hope so." His throat kept closing up on him, making it difficult to speak. "I'm counting on that because I'm just so tired of lying." _

"_About?" Lily asked._

"_About me. About who I am." Then after a pause, "I'm gay." When Lily's face fell Luke quickly jumped in. "I'm sorry Mom. I'm so sorry."_

"_You're gay?" she whispered, checking she had heard him right._

"_Yeah." Luke whispered back. _

_There was a long pause between the three of them which eventually became too much for Luke and he said, "Please say something!" _

_But to his horror, his mother remained silent, turned her back and walked away from him. He felt panic rise up inside. _

"_Luke," his father tried to explain away his mother's behaviour. "I think your Mom just needs a little time."_

"_Dad, this is not going to go away! This a part of who I am!"_

"_Luke, nobody is..."_

"_And Mom, it's not like I just woke up this morning and decided to be gay. This is something I've been carrying around for years! And… now that it's out… I've got to talk! I've got to talk! It hurts too much to just keep it in like it's some kind of contagious disease or something! I lied because I didn't want to hurt you, but I ended up hurting you anyways and I hurt myself too. And… I guess I was just so afraid… I was so afraid of seeing this look on your face and… and the disappointment in Dad's eyes! And not just for today, but for the rest of my life!" _

_He was babbling, he knew he was, but now the plug had been pulled and he needed to say all the things he'd stored up in his heart for years! _

"_Luke…" his father placated, "…don't be getting any assumptions here…"_

"_No, no… I know what she's feeling. She doesn't have to say a word. I know she hates me."_

_Luke wanted her to refute his words. He wanted her to speak up. But she turned her back to him once more. _

"_Please say something!" he pleaded with her. _

_She faced him._

"_I don't… I really have no idea what to say…" she mumbled, staring at him as though seeing him for the first time. _

"_Lily? Holden softly said. "I know that this is a lot to take in…"_

"_Did you know about this?" she accused him._

"_I… I suspected…" he admitted. "But I didn't know for sure and then, with Jade in the picture…"_

"_That's right!" Lily exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. "Jade!" She turned to her son. "I… I found you two in bed together… Wha… what was that about?"_

_Luke shook his head. "The whole thing with Jade was just… just for effect…" _

"_So… so you had sex with that girl just to cover up this truth that you're so sure about?" she asked._

"_No, Mom. I never had sex with Jade. I've never had sex with any girl."_

_The thin thread of hope she had clung to then snapped, so she changed tactics. _

"_That just proves it!" she said. "You don't have any experience to base this on. Honey, you are too young to know what you want! You can't be sure." _

"_I am sure." _

"_What about that massive crush you had on Meredith last summer?"_

"_Oh Mom, we were just friends!" Luke insisted._

"_What about all the other girls that come in and out of this house?"_

"_They're friends. Not girlfriends. I never thought about them in the way other guys did. I guess… Look, Mom. I can't even remember not ever feeling gay." _

"_Ag! This has been a very difficult year for everyone, especially for you. You were sick. Your grandmother's been ill. Your father and I got back together again. It's normal to be confused." _

"_I'm not confused." _

"_I think we need to give Luke the benefit of the doubt here." Holden's voice had warning in it, as he tried to protect his son by getting her to see what she was doing to him._

"_This is a decision that will affect the rest of his life!" She exclaimed as though Holden didn't already know that. _

"_Mom…This is not a decision." Luke tried to explain._

"_This is something that he's been living with for a very long time." Holden told her. _

"_This is very new for me!" she said almost with anger. "Excuse me!" _

"_Mom, please, just don't be angry." Luke begged. _

"_I'm not angry. I'm so sad. For you! I look at you and I just see my seven year old little boy running around this house… He used to tell me everything! About what happened at school, about what happened with his friends! You used to tell me all your secrets… What happened?"_

"_Mom, don't make this about you." _

"_No!" she exclaimed, "This is not about…! Well, it is about me! And it's about you and your sisters and your father! It's about us and your family!" _

"_No, Mom!" Luke as adamant now, "This is about me! This about MY life!" _

"_He's right." Holden was trying to keep his voice even. _

_Lily ran a hand over her forehead and laughed in frustration._

"_So you're just… you're just willing to accept this?" she asked her husband. _

"_He's our son." Holden reminded her. "This is who he is and you need to respect that truth." _

"_How can you be so calm about this?" she asked Holden. "Don't you have any feelings about it at all?" _

"_Of course I do."_

"_You're standing there like the voice of reason and I'm falling apart." _

"_Mom!"_

"_Luke!" his father held a hand out to him. "I think your Mom has a right to her feelings." _

"_Don't talk for me, please!" she spat._

"_Lily! I think that Luke needs to know that you still love him and accept him."_

_To her credit she paused for only a moment._

"_Of course I love you." She expressed to Luke._

_But before she could continue Jade walked in the room. Lily took one look at her and flew in her direction. _

"_Ah, yes!" Lily yelled. "I was wondering when you'd show up!"_

"_What are you doing here?" Luke asked Jade; standing between her and his mother. _

"_I wanna help." Jade told him._

"_You can't help! Go!"_

"_No!" Lily insisted. "I want Jade to stay! How long has she known? Has she known since the first day she was here? I want to hear what Jade has to say about all of this!"_

"_I already explained about Jade." Luke told her._

"_No!" Lily yelled again. "I want to hear it from her!"_

"_Lily! I think Jade should leave." Holden said, trying to defuse the situation. _

"_Are you okay?" Jade asked Luke, and for a moment Luke thought he saw genuine concern. _

"_I'm fine and my Dad's right!" Luke told her. "Please, go!"_

"_I'm just trying to help!" She indignantly told him._

"_By getting Luke to lie to us?" Lily asked._

"_I didn't think you were ready to hear the truth." Jade counted. _

"_Oh stop it Jade!" Luke shouted at her, annoyed. "The only thing you care about is having a roof over your head." _

"_And I was willing to work for it!" She explained. "I spent hours with the girls when you were in the hospital! Doing the laundry…"_

"_Oh Please!" Lily shouted. "The only thing I remember about you is you being naked in my son's room with a sheet wrapped around you."_

"_I know…" Luke said, standing once more in front of Jade and addressing his mother directly. "…and I never should have gone alone with that! I'm sorry!" _

"_So this is all my fault?" Jade bellowed. "Holden, you were they one who pushed me to be with him! To play the girlfriend!" Then to Luke. "He practically begged me to make you straight!" _

"_Shut up!" Luke warned, gripping her elbows._

_The situation was getting way out of control._

"_Face it, Lily!" Jade told her. "The biggest liar in this room isn't me or Luke! It's your own husband!"_

"_What is she talking about?" Lily asked him._

"_Does the name Kevin Davies sound familiar?" Jade asked._

"_Get out!" Luke barked. _

"_Yip! That's right! Luke had a big-old man crush on Kevin…"_

"_Stop it, Jade!" Holden instructed._

_But Jade was on a roll. "Yeah! And Holden grilled me about it and practically begged me to hang out with Luke." _

"_That is not true." Luke stated with confidence._

"_Yes!" Holden admitted. "I encouraged it. So, if we are going to get everything out in the open, let's start with me. I confided in Jade because I thought that Luke was hiding something from us." _

_Lily glared at him. "So you gave this so called relationship your blessing?"_

"_No!" But then Holden relented. "Yes, I did. The day you found them together. The truth is I was… I was relieved." _

"_And it never occurred to you to come and talk to me about any of this?" Lily asked him._

"_Lily, I tried but you were upset. I didn't want to worry you with the baby and…"_

"_Please don't use my health as an excuse!" _

"_It's not an excuse!"_

_Luke felt his world falling apart. "Please don't argue." _

"_Luke, it's time that we just deal with life as it is and not how we want it to be." Holden commanded. "And this is a family matter." He said directly to Jade. "You're not a member of this family so you need to leave." _

_He took Jade by her shoulder and escorted her from the room, leaving Luke and Lily in an awkward silence._

"_I know you might not believe me," Luke told her eventually, "but I never meant to hurt you or Dad." _

_Lily took a deep breath. "Jade lied to us… about Rose. You knew she was a thief and you turned to her. You didn't turn to your parents." _

"_I didn't know what else to do."_

"_I look at you and all the moments I envisioned for you… all the moments I could see in your future… this is definitely not one that has crossed my mind! I have to tell you that!"_

"_Maybe it has and you just pushed it away like Dad did?" he asked hopefully._

"_I guess that's possible. I don't know… There are so many things that I'm just not sure about…" _

"_Like what?" _

_But Luke wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that. _

"_Like who you are…"_

_His heart stung. "I'm still me, Mom. That hasn't changed. I know… I know it might feel like it but it…"_

"_Okay… We are going to be honest today, right? That's what… This is what today's supposed to be about… So I have to be really honest with you… For the first time in your life, I don't know how to be your mother!"_

_Because he knew she wouldn't stop him, and with a deep pain that he'd never known before, Luke walked away from his mother and left her alone in the room._

_..._

"Just like you I thought for sure she would never accept it." Luke said. "But she did."

Josh smiled at him. "I'm glad for you Luke. But your telling of that story is completely different from mine. Your father was okay with it! And your mother still said she loved you. She didn't stand by and watch you get beat up and kicked out of the house! She didn't ignore you for weeks! I mean… it was a shock for her! Of course it was! But..."

"Look, Josh, I know our situations are different." Luke agreed. "I get that. But Marion is a good person. I can't believe she'd just forget her oldest child… her son!"

"You didn't see her face." Josh looked down at his hands. "She's different with me… It's not like before. She looks right through me now."

Luke and Noah shared a sad glance.

"Thank you guys… for everything." Josh continued. "I know you're telling me this because you want to give me some hope but… It hurts too much to hope and then have her throw it back in my face… and…after today I know. At least I now know for sure! She will never take me back as I am. It's time I accept that."

Noah made as if to say something, because he felt he should, but then realised he had nothing to say; nothing that would help this kid come to terms with his circumstance.

And so it was Luke who came up with the words of comfort. Of course, Noah thought, it would be.

"Well, whatever happens, we love you… and we're happy to have you around. You know that right?"

Josh nodded. "I think you should take me back to rehab in the morning… I can't promise I won't…"

"It's okay." Luke smiled. "I understand."

"Thanks."

Josh stood and left for his room but turned halfway to say, "Um, just so you know… I love you guys too."

...

Sunday morning Noah quickly demolished a slice of toast so that he could finish before Nicholas tried to lift the glass of orange juice by himself.

"Wait, wait!" he said, grabbing the glass just in time. "That's Luke's orange juice, Nicky."

"I'm thirsty!"

"If you get thirsty then you ask me for a drink, okay?" Noah opened the fridge, grabbed a juice box, and punched the hole with the straw before handing it over to Nicholas.

"Thank you." Nicholas beamed.

"What do you want, Mia? Apple?"

Mia nodded as she ate her porridge. "Yes please."

"Noah!" he heard Luke bellow from down the passage.

"Okay, eat nicely you two! I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay." They both sang.

Noah padded barefoot down the passage and found a very wet and naked Luke hiding behind their bedroom door. Noah's eyebrow lifted questioningly. "A bit early for a striptease isn't it?"

"Ha! Ha!" Luke replied. "I forgot to get a fresh towel from the hall closet before I got in the shower."

"Hmm." Noah said, trying to peer around the door.

"Noah, stop it!" Luke laughed.

"Maybe I should make a habit of hiding the towels! I certainly enjoy the resulting view!"

"Noah! Please! One of the kids could show up at any moment!"

Noah relented at that, sighing. "I know… such a shame!"

He grabbed a towel and chucked it back over his shoulder for Luke to catch, then used his foot to close the closet door.

"Now get a move on! Your breakfast is getting cold!"

"Is Josh up yet?"

"No, but he dresses pretty quick. Give him a few more minutes to sleep and then bang on the door. That usually does it."

He returned to the kitchen to find that Mia had emptied half of the syrup bottle into her porridge. She didn't seem the least bit concerned with this problem. If anything she seemed to highly enjoy the extra sweet porridge before her.

"Oh, no you don't!" Noah laughed. "Mia! What have I told you about touching the syrup?"

"You said don't touch the syrup."

He shook his head at her. "Well, I'm sorry baby, but you can't eat porridge like this."

"But I like it!" she sweetly smiled, sticky liquid running down her chin.

"I'm sure you do! But I don't want you bouncing off the walls all day!"

"What?" asked Nicholas, curiously. "How does she bounce?"

"It's an expression." Noah explained, using a wipe to clean Mia's face and hands.

"What's an ex… expleshon?"

Noah sighed and ruffled Nicholas's head, "It's when I say one thing to mean another."

Nicholas frowned in confusion. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry, buddy, one day you will understand… okay?"

"When?"

"When you are big and have your own children."

He cleaned up the mess Mia made and poured her another ladle of porridge from the pot on the stove.

"How about I add the syrup this time, Sweet?"

She nodded and watched as he dripped the syrup and placed the bowl in front of her.

"Now eat up! We're going to drop Josh off at school and then we're going to the park!"

"Yay!" Nicholas cheered. "Is Josh coming?"

"No, Nicky. I just said Josh is going to school."

"Man!" he complained but he didn't say any more about it.

Luke arrived, dressed, and grabbed himself some toast, quickly adding a blob of peanut butter before taking a bite.

"Coffee?" Noah asked, even though he knew what the answer would be.

As his mouth was stuffed, Luke nodded and Noah turned to pour him a cup.

After his first sip, Luke said, "I knocked on Josh's door so he should be getting a move on."

Okay, can you finish up with the kids while I change?"

"Sure." Luke smiled and kissed Noah on the cheek before taking a seat with the children.

Noah took only fifteen minutes to shower and dress.

He made his way back down the passage and could see Luke already putting shoes on the kids.

He stopped by Josh's door and knocked.

"Josh?"

There was no answer so he tried again, louder this time. "Josh? It's almost time to go."

Again there was no reply so he opened the door and entered.

The curtains were drawn and the room was pretty dark.

Josh lay asleep on his back, right on the edge of the double bed; one arm flung off the side. A sheet covered his lower half and, because it had been a muggy night, he'd removed his shirt to stay cool. It lay in a crumpled ball by the bed.

"Josh?" Noah gently called, reaching over to shake him by his shoulder.

The jolt of that touch sent his arm flying back like he'd been stung. The air left his lungs and every part of his skin felt suddenly inflicted with pins and needles.

His widening eyes moved from the bed to the side table where a candle, needle, spoon and other evidence lay abandoned.

Quickly, he felt for a pulse, praying for one. He held the cold wrist between his fingers but it was no use. He already knew that. He didn't need to check to know.

He stood frozen as blood pounded in his ears and panic threatened to overwhelm him. He stood staring at the sight before him and reacted only when he heard Luke call his name.

"Noah?"

Luke, oh no…

Pulling himself upright, stiffening, he left the room, closing the door and briefly leaning back into it, gasping for air.

He began the short walk to the sitting room but something had happened to his knees. He felt as though he would sink down with ever step, and yet somehow stayed upright. The world struck him as suddenly so disjointed.

He wasn't sure how he reached the entrance to the passage but as he did, he couldn't hold himself up and so leaned into the frame. He watched his family happily preparing to leave for the day, realising that this moment would change things forever.

Luke looked up at him then.

Noah thought he was holding himself together quite well, considering the circumstances but the look on Luke's face spoke otherwise.

The man immediately approached him. "Baby, what's the matter?"

The moment Luke was in range Noah's need for him took control and he grabbed at him, clutching Luke to his chest and squeezing tightly.

"Noah?" Luke's voice was heavy with worry, "What's the matter?"

Noah's chin rested on Luke's shoulder as he watched the kids playing by the front door. He fought to find his voice and finally managed to croak in Luke's ear. "Josh is…"

"Noah?" Luke was trying to pull out of the hold but Noah wouldn't let him.

"Josh isn't ready so… you go..." it hurt when he swallowed. "Order a cab… take the kids and go."

Luke did pull back then and Noah tried to look away. But it was no use. Eventually their eyes locked for a minute and it was all Luke needed. His face dissolved into fright and denial and he immediately tried to squeeze out of Noah's iron grasp to get down the passage.

"No!" Noah begged, clinging to him, speaking softly into his ear, "Please… please, Luke, please... please…"

Luke stopped fighting him for just a moment, dropping into the embrace and holding Noah back just as tightly.

"You don't have to." Noah whispered, pressing his cheek up against Luke's. "I'll handle it. You can leave… I'll handle everything…Please…"

But Luke pushed really hard at that and Noah lost his grip on the man. As Luke broke free and moved down the passage Noah knew what would happen and his instinct immediately kicked in.

"Hey guys?" he called, trying desperately to keep a steady voice. "We're not ready yet so why don't you play in the yard for a minute.

"Okay!" They both joyfully replied and ran through the glass door as Noah opened it.

As soon as Mia's tiny foot crossed the threshold, Noah slammed the glass sliding door closed behind them. He was just in time. Luke's earth shattering howl of anguish carried up the passage and stabbed at Noah's heart.

"NO! OH MY GOD, NO! JESUS!"

Noah cried then. He leaned back against the glass door, one hand still holding fast to the handle the other covering his mouth to block a scream of his own. Tears ran down his cheeks and he slid ever so slightly toward the floor; only just keeping himself up.

Then he felt sick. He scrambled for the kitchen and threw up in the sink, coughing and spattering through tears and snot and bile.

As Luke's screams subsided so did Noah's sobs and he quickly washed out his face and mouth before stumbling back down the passage.

It was during this walk that he began the careful construction of an iron box, deep within his soul. And he pushed his own feelings down into it, forcing them inside until he could close the lid and lock it shut.

The box shook and shuddered, threatening to break open, his heart clenching at the sight of Luke, kneeling by the bed. But by now his eyes were dry and his mind was focussed on one thing – Take care of Luke.

Luke had Josh pulled over him, so the boy's head rested on his shoulder and his brown curls cascaded down Luke's back. Josh's bare arms hung on either side of Luke, as Luke held him there, rocking back and forth, repeating one word over and over in a muttered breath, "Why? Why? Why? Why?"

Noah crumbled forward, fell to his knees, and wrapped both Luke and Josh in his arms.

...

**I'm really hoping there isn't going to be a Seajellybaby murder by Nukies after this one...**


	94. Young Minds 14

It was impossible to believe.

As Noah sat mummified at the dinner table, he must have said 'um' and 'I don't know' to at least a dozen questions the police officer by his side was asking him.

And everything seemed so clamorous. He could hear every footstep, every breath and the heartbeat of every single one of the policemen and paramedics that swarmed through their home like invading bees.

It was as though somebody had pressed the slow-mo button in his brain and now everybody else seemed to be moving at double-speed, whizzing and whooshing past him in flurries of white coats and silver badges.

And he would forever remember Luke's face as it was. He'd seen that look only twice before since the day they met. Once when they believed Holden had died in a car accident and again when Reid was taken.

Luke had this way of looking at him with a frightening starkness; an unblinking pair of eyes moving over his face, asking for relief Noah couldn't provide.

However much he wanted too.

And that was how Luke was looking at him now from across the room, as he sat in an armchair while a paramedic treated him for shock.

"Take this away, Noah." Luke's eyes begged, "Save me."

And their eyes continued to lock as the body-bag was wheeled between them and out through the front door.

He saw Luke falter then, a slight trembling of the lower lip that signalled the start of panic.

"Mr Snyder?" The officer was saying, having asked a question of Noah to which he had yet to respond.

Noah whispered a hurried 'excuse me' to the officer, as he flew across the room to scoop the devastated Luke in his trembling arms.

"It's okay… Shh… I'm here…"

And then finally, only a few hours later, he shut the front door to the world and it was just the two of them. And it was so silent, as if the walls too were grieving.

He sat where Luke sat, on the other side of the sofa and they both simply stared ahead. There was this terrible feeling like he should be doing something… anything… but there was nothing to be done.

Josh was gone.

"Jasmine says she'll keep the kids for as long as we need."

Luke nodded almost imperceptivity.

"And your folks should be in the air by now, so…"

"I can't believe this is happening."

"I know."

Glassy-eyed Luke looked right at him. "Is it our fault?"

Noah shook his head with insistence. "No. We did everything we could, Luke."

"We SENT him away!" he replied, almost with horror.

Noah sighed. "Luke, Josh understood why we did that. I know he did."

Luke looked away again, but nodded.

"Do you think he…" his voice broke, "…Do you think he did it on purpose?"

Again Noah shook his head, "I don't know, baby."

Still watching Luke, Noah saw the sobs starting and lifted the man to rest across the sofa with Luke's head in his lap. Mechanically, Noah began to stroke his hair, soothing him.

Within himself Noah felt like an android. Human-less. Devoid of feeling. Wooden.

He was acutely aware of the fact that the thin layer of numbness covering the iron box inside was the only thing keeping him from screaming out loud.

He stared straight ahead at the wall, trying to accept this reality.

He couldn't stop replying the last sight he'd had of Josh. The boy had been smiling at them. He had seemed okay. They could never have imagined he was about to pull the door closed on his entire life.

For Noah, at that moment, there didn't seem to be any tears to shed. Noah thought of never again seeing Josh, hearing his voice, his laughter, and he felt an empty aching inside - just a hollow pain but still no tears.

As he slipped further into a kind of silent solidness, Luke's crying gained in volume, his entire frame shuddering and his tears wetting through Noah's jeans to the skin of his thighs.

Luke's grief, unlike his own, was so visible. So much so that he seemed, within only a few hours, to have aged. His eyes were circled with sorrow and his being soaked in it.

Dry-eyed and terrified, Noah grew angry, unreasonably angry. All that time of working so hard to help Josh, all come to nothing. It was ended. Snuffed out like the last candle on a cold night.

A stupid waste of a beautiful life… Just so senseless!

Eventually, exhausted, Luke fell asleep and Noah carefully stood, arranging a few cushions under his blonde head.

He entered the room that had become Josh's for his short stay with them and sat on the bed. The bed Josh would never sleep in again. The bed he died in. And that was the thought that finally broke through to Noah.

He threw himself down, burying his face in the pillows to silence the sobs, the tears making wet patches, the pillow turning hot under his face. Eventually he couldn't breathe, so he turned his head to the side, arms wrapped tightly around a cushion.

He felt odd. Like he had somehow regressed to an older version of himself - the Noah that couldn't let Luke see him this way. He needed to deal with his feelings and his tears in private. Luke would want to console him; make the pain less, make it all better somehow. And, Noah knew, Luke would do that at the expense of himself; which in Noah's world was out of the question.

An intense pain seemed to sit suddenly squarely on his chest, like a rock.

"Noah?" He heard Luke's plaintive call from the bedroom doorway and he chastised himself for leaving like he did. Of course Luke wouldn't have slept for long. Neither of them would sleep well for a long, long time.

"It's okay." Luke continued. "I won't break. It's okay if you need to cry."

Ignoring those words, and still looking away from him, Noah sat up and wiped dry his eyes before approaching Luke and hugging him tight for a moment.

"Come and sleep with me." Noah whispered but Luke shook his head against Noah's chest.

"I can't." he croaked.

"Just for a little while." Noah drew back to hold Luke's face in his hands, "Please Luke. You really need it. You should see yourself!"

Noah stepped back from him and put his hand out to lift a damp strand of hair from Luke's face, "Come…"

He reached out and Luke took his hand, allowing himself to be drawn to their bedroom. As they dropped into the bed together, Noah's arm stretched protectively over Luke.

"Let's close our eyes and sleep now." He kissed against Luke's neck.

...

Luke thought something was ringing but then realised it was his phone buzzing that had woken him. He moaned and turned out of Noah's arms, squinting and clumsily slapping his hand over the side table until he located the offending object.

"Hello?"

"Luke?"

As he heard his father's voice a terrible understanding slapped him across the face and for a moment he couldn't breathe.

"Luke? Are you there?"

Josh… Did he dream it?

"Luke?"

"Yeah." He managed to say. He felt disorientated.

"We rang the bell a few times but there was no reply. We're standing outside."

They were outside. And that meant… He released a deep and shuddered breath, trying to get a hold of himself.

For a moment, just a moment, he'd thought… maybe… a dream…

"Luke? Are you guys even home?" His father's worried voice asked in his ear.

Noah stirred and Luke looked over at him. He was sleeping peacefully… for now…

Feeling temporarily disabled and unable to act, Luke opened his mouth and reached an arm to wake Noah. But then stopped and looked away, unable to trust himself...

If he spoke then the feelings inside might come out shrieking, filling the room with shameful, childish and selfish pleas to have Noah turn everything right again. And he couldn't keep doing that to him. Not when he knew Noah hurt just as much, stoically dealing with the loss internally as was his way.

But Noah couldn't hide the pain from Luke entirely. They knew each other too well.

Just as he was beginning to realise he had emotional support waiting outside the front door, he also realised he'd hung up the phone. He dug deep to find the strength that would drag him away from Noah and up the passage.

Past Josh's room.

Josh.

Another ring of the doorbell snapped him out of it. He didn't want Noah to wake up.

He left for the sitting room, stumbling slightly down the passage, and opened the door to Holden and Lily.

"Dad…" he trembled and broke instantly, falling into his father's arms, feeling like a small child all of a sudden. He didn't care.

"I'm so sorry, baby." His mother's comforting hand gently stroked his shoulder. "Noah explained on the phone. The poor man… He sounded so…"

Eventually Luke managed to pull back from the strong arms of his father to step aside so that they could enter the house.

Lily kissed his cheek as she passed. "How is Noah?"

Luke shook his head, closing the door. "You know Noah… exercising an iron control over himself, so that I don't have to look after him."

Lily gently sighed her disapproval, "Well, we both know he can't keep that up. He'll need you when it gets too much."

"I know…" then fighting tears again, "I just hope I can be strong enough… Mom… this… this really hurts!" he sniffed and ran his hands through his hair.

Lily put the grocery bag she held in one hand down on the floor so that she could wrap her son in her arms. "I know, baby. I can't even imagine…"

"It's a terrible thing…" Holden softly added. "Natalie went away with her friend Ashley this weekend so we haven't been able to tell her yet."

"Oh…" Luke whispered. Heavy with pain he'd completely forgotten about his little sister. "Poor Nat…"

"Well, don't you worry about that now!" Lily said, distracting him. "Mom and Dad are here and we'll take care of you two boys as well as your sister when the time comes… for as long as you need us."

"Thanks, Mom. What time is it anyway?"

"Just after lunch." Holden replied.

"Have you guys eaten anything?" Lily asked.

Luke shook his head. "I can't. Not now. I'm just really tired"

Holden stared at his son in sympathy, "Why don't you get back to bed. You're both going to need your rest."

Luke rubbed his face in his hands. "I don't even know if anybody's told his mother…"

"I called her." Lily softly said. "I figured you two might have had too much going on."

"…today has just been…"

"It's understandable." Holden said.

"How did she seem?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Did she seem upset at all?"

"Luke… Josh was her son. Of course she was upset!"

Luke nodded. "'kay, um, I'm going back to Noah. Thanks for coming. It means… We really…"

Lily smiled at him and stopped his faltering words with a quick kiss on his lips.

He was half asleep before he even made it to the bed. He curled up behind the sleeping Noah and snuggled as close to him as he could get.

...

It was a nightmare that woke him. His eyes burst open and he had to suppress a coughing fit once he realised he was holding his breath.

He lay still, shivering, and eventually turned his head to find Luke asleep next to him.

They were above the covers; Luke's arm crossing Noah's upper torso.

Noah used the vision of Luke's face to calm himself. He lay for sometime in a silent denial until Luke's lids lifted revealing bloodshot brown orbs.

Flashes of pain and loss seared between them and Noah could feel his insides contracting, shaking and threatening.

Quickly, he kissed Luke on the cheek and withdrew from his arms to head for their bathroom. He closed and locked the door, leaning back into it and gritting his teeth.

He felt bad leaving Luke like that but if he stayed then…

He would not succumb! He would not!

He fell forward, gripping the sink and staring steadfastly at his reflection in the mirror. He could see the tears forming, pooling traitorously at the corners of this eyes until finally falling, full and heavy down his cheeks.

His body began to quake with the will to break down, deep seated shudders that began in his belly and ran in waves up his spine.

Dripping with defiance he opened the cold tap and ran his entire head under the icy flow, gasping for breath amidst the streams running past his nose and mouth.

"Noah? Are you okay?"

Noah jerked up, shaking the droplets from his hair, and turned off the tap.

"I'm fine." He said, watching in the mirror as his Adam's apple bobbed at the lie, "I'll be out in a minute."

It was more than a minute. He removed all his clothing and stepped into the shower, running the water cold and standing there resolutely.

He dried with military precision, wrapping the towel around his waste and stooping to pick up his discarded clothes, pausing by the door to dump them neatly into the laundry basket.

When he opened the bathroom door Luke was no longer in the bedroom and he sighed with relief. He had a few more moments to get himself in check.

He spent some time deciding what to wear, following a well rehearsed routine, and doing anything to occupy his mind. In the end he dressed comfortably in cargo shorts and a t-shirt.

He used the dryer on his hair, styling it neatly.

Finally he was dressed and found himself with nothing left to distract him.

He followed the low voices he could hear coming from the sitting room, feeling a sharp ache as he passed Josh's door.

He could smell food cooking and realised then that he was actually quite hungry. They hadn't eaten since breakfast and even then he'd only managed to grab a slice of toast.

It must have been Lily in the kitchen because only Luke and Holden were in the sitting room. He was surprised he'd slept through their arrival.

Father and son sat together on the couch, talking in low voices.

"Son," Holden was saying his hand on Luke's shoulder, "you of all people know what it means to live with addiction. You know how tempting it is to return to the drink when things get hard. And Josh was only a kid!"

"I know, Dad." Luke replied. "It's just… When Noah brought him home it was like he was resigned. I mean, it was like he'd accepted the situation with Marion and he was going to try and get past it. I don't even know where he got the stuff from! Noah and I have been searching his room almost religiously since the last time he relapsed. And, he wasn't high when he came home. He definitely wasn't…"

"We may never know the answers, Luke. We can't know what he was thinking."

"Yeah, but I need…"

Noah stood silently back, observing their exchange as they continued to talk together, reluctant to interfere with the coded sort of communication Luke had with his father.

Eventually it was Lily who revealed his presence there.

"Noah!" She exclaimed, instantly approaching him to give him a warm hug. She drew back and rubbed his arms. He soaked in her touch.

"Hello, Lily." Noah tried to smile but all he could manage was the slight lifting of one corner of his mouth. "Thank you for coming. Both of you."

"Oh as if we wouldn't!" Lily told him. "Now come along, I want both of you seated at the table so I can get some food down you."

Neither complained as all three men made a move for the table. However they were brought to a halt when the doorbell rang.

It was Holden who opened the door and at first they couldn't see who was there.

"Yes?" Holden asked, "Can I help you?"

"Bonjour Sir, I am looking for Josh?"

Holden hesitated and looked back at Luke and Noah, stepping aside to reveal their visitor.

"You must be Benoit?" Noah asked him.

The kid nodded. A flash of confusion crossed his features as he took in the drawn appearance of both Luke and Noah.

"I need to see Josh?" he asked hesitantly, "'e 'as someting that is mine."

Luke's head whipped up at that.

"What?" Luke asked, approaching his father's side by the door.

"Pardon?"

Luke's left hand came to rest on the door, "What property of yours does he have?"

A hint of nervousness crossed the boy's features at the accusation in Luke's tone and he took a step backward, "Eet is okay. I will ask Josh."

"You can't." Luke said sharply.

"I go tonight… I ask to speak to Josh now, yes?"

"No." Luke replied. "You can't ask now or ever again."

Benoit frowned in confusion.

"Josh is dead."

"Ce?" the boy shook his head, his eyes widening.

"He got it from you, didn't he?" Luke asked, anger quickly escalating and red patches appearing on his neck.

"I do not know… what you mean…? Josh is…"

"That's right you little bastard! Josh is dead! And it's your fault! Isn't it?"

"Luke!" Noah spoke up from behind him, seeing the obvious distress Benoit was in.

"I sorry." Benoit replied, mouth and eyes gapping open in shock, "I… I go now…"

He turned and started for the road but Luke, wanting answers, tore after him.

...

**Phew! I'm still alive after the last chapter... LOL!**


	95. Young Minds 15

"Oh no you don't!" Luke yelled, grabbing Benoit roughly by his wrist and spinning the frightened boy around. "He's dead, Benoit! Dead! From some crap that YOU gave him!"

"N…n..no!" the boy stammered.

By now Holden and Noah had caught up with Luke and were trying to break his grip on the boy.

"Luke, stop!" Noah cried, "Stop! Can't you see how scared he is?"

"I don't fucking care! He knows something, Noah!"

Luke was still gripping tightly to Benoit's wrist.

"You aren't leaving until you tell us the truth!" Luke said turning back to the boy, "Do you understand?"

Benoit shook visibly and began to cry.

"It is joke… yes?" he begged.

"No joke, Benoit!" Luke said, "Josh really is gone! Please. We need to understand what happened, okay?"

Sniffing, Benoit nodded and Luke cautiously let go of the boy's arm, ready to grab him again should he try to flee.

"I show you…" Benoit whispered and then gestured down the sidewalk for them to follow him.

Luke looked in the direction he indicated, wondering where Benoit needed to take them.

But Luke nodded and they followed Benoit down the sidewalk, leaving Lily watching them from the front door.

A few yards down the road they came across a maroon BMW and Benoit took them around to the passenger door.

The car window had been smashed.

Luke heard Noah gasp.

"Yesterday I find Josh, um, very misérable… 'ow do you say?"

"Unhappy." Luke nodded.

"Oui. We drive up… et… I give Josh my lunettes de soleil…"

"Sorry what?" Noah asked.

"His sunglasses." Luke translated. "Then what?"

"I tell 'im to put in ze compartiment…" he fisted his hand palm up and then gestured with a downwards opening motion that Holden eventually interpreted.

"You mean the glove compartment?"

The boy nodded.

"I 'as ze H there…"

"Heroin?" Noah swallowed.

The guilt-ridden boy nodded again.

"Josh didn't 'ave anything… no smoke… but 'e get angry and 'e go. But today I find my car…"

Benoit gestured toward the broken window.

Luke nodded, looking back over his shoulder at Noah in comprehension.

"He was tempted…" Noah said.

"… and he saw the stuff there when he put Benoit's sunglasses away." Luke finished. "He must have snuck out during the night to steal it."

Noah bit his lip, letting out a small shuddered breath as his eyes watered. He nodded in agreement.

"'e didn't know…" Benoit said in shock.

"He didn't know what?" Holden asked, Luke and Noah now both too choked up to speak.

"I sorry…" Benoit sobbed. "Eet is stronger… eet is not like before."

"What are you saying?" Luke asked, although he already understood.

"You use much less…" the boy replied. It was obvious from his face that Benoit was devastated, but Luke couldn't find the energy to feel sorry for him.

"Oh God! He used too much…" Both hands flew up to cup Luke's nose and mouth as he breathed deeply into them; suddenly understanding once and for all that Josh never meant to take his own life…

Holden rubbed a flat hand against Noah's back as his son's husband stumbled slightly.

Luke ran his hands through his hair and looked back up at the boy.

"I think you should go now." He said, turning and taking Noah's hand. They walked together back to the house.

As they left Luke was just able to hear Holden comforting the distraught boy as Benoit broke down.

...

It wasn't raining.

If it had been raining Noah would have considered it too much of a movie cliché and spat at the world, burying himself under the covers and refusing to leave the house.

But it hadn't rained.

He also knew this thought was a lie. Noah knew he would never abandon Luke to attend the funeral without him.

Even though his head screamed and his heart ached he would draw on those reserves of strength, deep wells he'd dug over a lifetime for just this purpose. His father would be proud.

He didn't say anything to Luke or to anybody as he arrived from the bedroom dressed in his suit.

In fact he hadn't said much at all since it happened.

Luke, to his credit, had tried to open those doors of communication, but Noah simply couldn't. Not yet. Not while things were still so raw.

He would be what Luke needed him to be. That was what mattered.

"Are we ready?" Lilly asked, taking charge and heading toward the door in her black dress and heels. She looked beautiful, Noah thought.

Holden stood to follow her, holding out his hand for Natalie, who had travelled down from Oakdale for the funeral.

Natalie observed Noah sadly from her position in the armchair, before sighing and following her parents.

Noah was glued to the passage doorway. He couldn't feel his legs much less will them to move, but he did feel Luke's hand take his.

He looked down at their fingers intertwined, but he couldn't bring himself to look up at Luke.

He couldn't see the pain there. It would be his undoing.

Lately he'd been having strange dreams in which he told Luke how much pain he was in. How the loss cut through him with each passing day. And Luke's angelic face would begin to crack and to crumble like a building during an earthquake.

In the dreams, Noah would frantically try to stop Luke's face from being destroyed and he'd put his hands out crying, "It doesn't matter! I didn't mean it! I'll be fine, I promise!"

But it was always too late by then and he'd be left standing with handfuls of a powdery stuff that had been his husband's face.

Luke knew. Luke sensed his thoughts and that was why he now said nothing. He simply began walking toward the front door, tugging Noah along beside him.

Noah angrily burst through the front door of Marion's house shouting her name to the surprise and shock of the funeral guests gathered there.

Marion's mother looked small and pale, her eyes hollow and her lips trembling with grief, as she sat in a corner surrounded by her family and friends.

Before two large male relatives could step forward to hold Noah off; Luke and Holden arrived from outside, each taking an arm and pulling Noah back.

"Come!" Luke gritted, trying to lock eyes with his incensed husband. "Noah!"

Marion was shaking like a leaf as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Just what the hell is the meaning of this?" A bearded man with a Texan drawl asked, moving to stand between Noah and Marion.

Noah ignored both the man and the hands of Luke and his father as they fought to pull him back, speaking directly to Marion.

"You gave us the wrong time for the funeral!"

Marion sobbed, looking to the floor and a woman placed an arm around her.

"We missed his funeral, for God's sake Marion!" Noah yelled at her, pain breaking through to crack his voice.

"Okay now!" Another man said, "I don't know who you people are but this really isn't the time or place. I think it would be best if you left."

"Oh, really?" Noah asked him, "Why? So that she can continue to lie to you? To all of you!"

The people in the room began to softly mutter together at Noah's words.

"What are you implying?" The bearded man asked, taking another step closer to Noah.

"Wait!" It was Marion. She shot up from the chair and all eyes turned to her as she spoke directly to Luke and Noah. "I would like to speak to you two alone please."

"Marion?" The man asked her.

"It's okay, Ed." She assured him, "I'll be fine."

She began to walk away and stopped to gesture that they should follow. They left Holden waiting in the sitting room as she led them to a home office. She closed the door behind them.

"You can't even deny it, can you Marion?" Noah immediately asked her. "You didn't want us there because you didn't want to have to explain why two gay men would be attending your son's funeral. You wanted to continue the lie just as you lied to your family that day with Josh."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was weak as she shook her head and the look in her eyes was so like an expression he'd seen from Josh that Noah's stomach burned at the sight of it.

"What you did to Josh was hateful!" Noah continued. "But what you just did to us was pure evil, Marion!"

"Noah." Luke chastised. "Take it easy, okay?"

"They don't even know, do they?" Noah asked after taking a moment to calm himself. "They don't even know the truth about how he died. You couldn't even give your son that?"

"Give my son what?" Marion asked. "If I tell those people out there that Josh believed he was gay then they will leave and pretend that my baby never existed! This way, at least he dies as he was… remembered… my little boy. Smart and fun-loving and…"

"Perfect?" Luke interrupted.

Her eyes darted up to meet Luke's. "You can't possibly understand. In my family this is…"

Noah looked to the floor for a minute before returning her gaze, glaring at her. "It's your fault he's dead."

"Noah!" Luke exclaimed in disbelief at this husband's harsh words.

Marion staggered as though she'd been stabbed.

"He deserved so much better for a mother than you!" Noah shook his head at her in disgust. "He had a right to be respected, Marion! He had a right to speak out about who he was! And today, of all days, you still couldn't put it aside and give Josh what he needed from you. You couldn't even acknowledge him in death…"

The woman seemed to be shrinking before them under the pressure of her loss and the lies she'd spun to keep her family secret.

Noah felt Luke's gentle hand on his arm and the touch caused him to deflate. He felt suddenly so tired and devoid of energy, realising that nothing he could say to this woman would make the slightest difference.

"Came away, Babe." Luke whispered. "This isn't helping."

Noah looked at him and nodded.

"Let's go say goodbye to Josh." Luke said.

They left Marion just after she fell sobbing to the floor. The guests parted to let them through, watching them leave, curious as to what their conversation with Marion had entailed.

...

They could see Lily holding Natalie to her chest as mother and daughter waited.

When they'd first arrived at the church to be told they'd missed the service, Noah had taken off and Luke and Holden had been forced to chase after him. Lily and Natalie were left to spend the time by Josh's grave.

Noah had remained seemingly stoic throughout the drive back and the walk up to the gravesite. He held Luke around his shoulder as Luke openly cried. But outwardly Noah showed little emotion himself.

But as they grew closer and they saw how the arrangement of flowers on Josh's stone had already wilted in the sun, Noah suddenly began to have difficulty breathing. His chest heaved like bellows. And Holden could see the internal fight going on as Noah tried desperately to reign himself in.

Luke noted this instantly and immediately clasped both of Noah's hands.

"Come." Luke said, finding a way to distract him. "Let's clear these old flowers away and we can make room for the fresh ones. It will look good as new in no time."

"He's truly something our son, isn't he?" Lilly observed from Holden's side, watching as the two men and Natalie worked silently at fixing up the flowers.

Holden nodded, "They really do bring out the best in each other."

To Holden, Luke's nature wasn't difficult to define. Luke had an immediacy and a strength. He allowed Noah to fuss over him, as though he knew Noah needed to do it, and he was willing to give Noah that as his outlet for the grief.

And Luke was so vocal in his pain. He wasn't afraid to let those around him know how he felt.

Noah, on the other hand, knew exactly what Luke needed him to say or do in ways Holden and Lilly had never been able to. And Noah would never hesitate to be the rock that he felt Luke needed.

His only mistake was to always underestimate just how strong Luke was.

Luke, Holden knew, found Noah's composure more unsettling than a hysterical grief-stricken display would be. Luke wished sometimes that Noah would cry and release the tension that was making him so rigid.

Holden had to admit that he too found Noah's lack of tears faintly ominous.

Just how long could a person bottle that level of feeling inside before they exploded?

Eventually they all stood silently at the grave, each holding on to the other.

"Josh," Luke began first, "we are standing here and I can't believe that you're gone. We can still feel you in the house. We can feel you in every room. And it helps." Luke nodded and cleared his throat. "But now we know it's time…"

Luke waited as Natalie sobbed slightly.

"…it's time to let you go."

Luke took a shuddered breath.

"We didn't know you for that long, but, I have to tell you, kid, it… it really felt like you were a part of our family. The way you could make us all laugh and smile and the love you had for Nicholas and Mia…"

Holden noted how Noah's arm tightened around Luke.

"And that's because you have a generous heart. I just wish… I really wish you had come to us that night… Woken us up so that we could have helped… I know you didn't feel loved by your parents, but I want you to know that we loved you. We're going to miss you so much."

Noah sniffed before he began to also say a few words.

"I keep thinking I'm going to wake up. And I keep thinking how I can't say goodbye to you. I don't know how to say goodbye. 16. Just 16, with so much to offer!"

Noah's body shook slightly and it was suddenly as though Luke were holding him up.

"I admired so much about you; your incredible strength and compassion, but most of all your bravery. The way you would stand up for yourself, even with all you risked in doing so. I wish I had half your guts when I was your age. And I'm sorry… I am so sorry that we couldn't get you to see yourself as we did. We'll never forget you, Josh. We'll never forget what you came to mean to us. We love you."

As Noah finished Luke stretched up to kiss Noah on his cheek.

...

**Thanks! :-)**


	96. Young Minds 16

The first day Luke Snyder didn't show up for work, Jenna counted her blessings and celebrated with a large slice of chocolate cake from the bakery over the street.

The second day Luke Snyder didn't show up for work, Jenna wondered about it. But again, she didn't care enough to ask any questions. It was a jam donut that day.

It was only when the guy didn't show up for the third day that she became faintly curious.

As far as she was concerned the young man was just playing out some childhood fantasy.

But she couldn't deny to herself that she had seen a spark of fire in his eyes when he spoke about the job. She thought for sure that he wouldn't miss three days of work for no reason.

Especially as the first instalment of his Detention Centre series had just been printed that very day.

"Hey, Arnold?" she asked the first fellow reporter to pass her desk. "What's up with Snyder?"

The man looked over at Luke's chair as though noticing for the first time that it was empty.

He turned back to her and shrugged, "No idea."

"Hmm." She hummed to herself, chewing on two Jelly Babies at the same time in thoughtful contemplation.

"The kid he had staying with him died."

She hadn't even noticed that Simon, the handyman, was up on a ladder busily changing a light bulb behind her.

"What kid?" she asked.

"Some kid." Simon said, as he screwed in the bulb. "I think Luke said he was 16. They took him in after his parents booted him out 'cause he was gay."

Jenna frowned. "How did he die?"

"Heard it was an overdose. They found him dead in his bed."

"_They_ found him?" She asked.

"Yip. Luke and his husband. Must have been awful, poor kid! Damn waste if you ask me!"

As Simon folded up his ladder and moved away, Jenna tapped thoughtfully at the folded copy of the newspaper on her desk.

Eventually she opened the pages, turned to the Editorial section, and for the first time, began to read words written by Luke Snyder.

"So," she read, "somehow, I find myself in a place I would never have thought I'd ever see the inside of…"

...

Jasmine brought Nicholas and Mia home on the Monday morning; the day after their confrontation with Benoit.

Holden and Lily sat silently to one side as Luke and Noah undertook the difficult task of explaining the situation to them.

Mia had dealt with loss before. She understood that death was forever and that Josh was never coming home. She cried softly into the crook of Noah's arm.

Nicholas on the other hand, took longer to accept it.

A week later he was still asking, "Is he at the hopi-tal?"

"No, Baby. He's not. He's gone." Luke said.

"But when's he coming back?"

Noah sighed, "He can't ever come back Nicky. I'm sorry."

"He's dead like Mommy." Mia said.

"Yes Sweet. That's right." Noah smoothed the top of her head as she sat at the breakfast bar.

"But where did he go?" Nicholas asked as his nose wrinkled in confusion.

Eventually, as the realisation sank in that Josh had left without saying goodbye, Nicholas's reaction was anger. He stormed into Josh's room and pulled the place apart as much as a four-year-old could.

The drawers were opened and Josh's clothing was flung on the floor and stomped all over. The bedding was pulled off the bed and twisted in knots. Josh's schoolbooks were flung around the room, pages torn.

Luke found Nicholas in a sodden mess on the floor; curdling cries racking his tiny frame and making him breathless.

"Josh didn't leave on purpose, Baby? He didn't mean it." Luke whispered through tears as he comforted Nicholas.

The day after the funeral they took the children to lay flowers on Josh's grave and said a proper goodbye. After that both Nicholas and Mia grew withdrawn and sad, waking up frequently in the night and crawling into Luke and Noah's bed for comfort.

Dr. Mishra told them not to worry, that it was a normal response to loss for children so young.

"They'll bounce back sooner than you realise." She assured them. "Children are resilient like that."

Struggling to accept the situation themselves, let alone be strong for the two children, Luke and Noah began to rely heavily on Lily and Holden; more than grateful for their reassuring presence in the house.

When things got too much Luke's parents would take the kids for ice-cream, to the zoo or the beach; giving Luke and Noah some much needed time to reflect on things together.

Or rather Luke did the reflecting.

Luke used the time to express his denial, his anger, his depression and his sadness; crying openly into Noah's arms and gradually working his way toward acceptance.

Noah was there for him, talking him softly down from these moments, stroking his hair, kissing his head; being Luke's strength.

But other than this, Noah continued to keep his own thoughts and fears to himself, refusing to lumber Luke with any of them; concerned only for Luke and the kids and not for himself.

Truthfully, Luke could feel a dark and familiar anger rising up inside.

That old frustration came alive when Noah chose to endure his pain in silence; when Noah refused to see how it hurt Luke to watch Noah suffer and not be allowed access to help.

...

Luke took a swig of extra strong coffee and returned the mug to the coaster by the side of his laptop.

He ran one hand through his hair and began typing.

"_For many people the belief that reporters should remain objective means a kind of detachment, free from opinion or bias. _

_But in my view objectivity in this context does not mean detachment… it means respect; that is, the ability not to distort or to falsify things. Respect for the story being told. _

_Telling the story as it is."_

Luke reread the last line and then deleted '_Telling the story as it is._' He stared at the flashing curser for a second and then continued to write.

"_It means telling the truth. _

_Expecting a journalist to remain emotionally uninvolved in a story is, in my opinion, expecting the impossible. Human beings cannot simply detach themselves from the world they live in. _

_It would be impossible to come up with stories about things that reflect no interest, thought, or opinion of the person who writes it. _

_And on this particular article I most definitely cannot remain objective for the simple reason that I am directly involved – Emotionally involved. _

_This article was originally supposed to be about hope. It was supposed to be the story of one teenager's triumph over his drug addiction. _

_Instead it has become a warning. _

_Both for the kids who are still playing with the various mind-bending drugs out there; and for their caregivers… _

_A forewarning of things to come," _

Luke had to stop.

He closed his eyes for a minute and steadied his breath.

Writing this article was hard. It was bringing up so many feelings of regret he still harboured about Josh. Those nagging questions about whether they did enough to help him.

But at the same time he felt it was his way to honour Josh. Writing was allowing him to play some role in the aftermath of Josh's death; to keep his memory alive in a way that might deter or help others in the same situation.

Writing was definitely making him appreciate the time and memories they had with Josh; it was quickly becoming his emotional outlet for the grief.

After another sip of coffee he set back to work.

"_There are many stories like this out there; too many. _

_But this story focuses on one particular teenager. _

_I've spoken to many people who knew this boy. Their words tell me he was an incredibly vibrant person; an outgoing soul who warmed every room with his remarkable smile and amazing laugh. He was top of his class in academics and an avid sportsman, winning many titles for his school. He was popular, with a string of friends. _

_This kid had it all. _

_But the version of the teenager I've described above was the version I never had the opportunity to meet. _

_Sure, I would see flashes of him. I felt that warmth and I heard that laugh of which they speak. But by the time this teen came to live under our care, he was only a shadow of the boy he had once been._

_Because this boy did something brave. He stood up and he uttered the three words some parents dread to hear, "I am gay." _

_And for that he lost his home, his family, most of his friends and eventually – his life. _

_And a fun activity he dabbled in because 'that's what teenagers do', turned into a nightmare." _

Luke's mind was buried deep within his article, his fingers flying almost angrily over the keyboard; when Noah came up from behind him to squeeze the back of his neck and kiss the top of his head.

The quick warmth of Noah's hand was a shock to his slightly cooler body and he shivered at the touch; tilting his head back to give Noah an upside-down smile.

As Noah massaged his neck, Luke continued to write.

"_I shouldn't have been so stunned when I found out about his addiction. I became an alcoholic in my teens. I battled addiction for years. _

_When viewed individually, his behaviours could have been chalked up to normal teenaged angst. But when presented collectively, they told an entirely different story. _

_I should have seen it!_

_The teenager of whom I write wanted to change. He came to us asking for help and we gave that to him as best we could. But we are not experts and eventually we enrolled him in a rehab clinic, hoping they could help him. _

_However, two weeks into the programme he came home for the weekend and now he's dead; after taking a stronger form of heroin than his body could cope with." _

Luke stopped again, staring at the screen.

"It's really late." Noah told him, interrupting his thoughts once more as he bent to kiss the side of Luke's neck.

Luke's eyes fell to the lower right corner of his computer screen where the white numerals showed the time to be 02:34.

"You mean early." Luke replied, surprised that he'd been writing for so long. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Noah shook his head. "Your typing didn't wake me, but your absence did."

Noah sat down at the dining chair next to him, one hand on Luke's knee.

"Let me just get this down." Luke told him and returned to the screen.

Noah nodded and sat watching Luke work.

"_Josh Carmody, 16, died of an overdose, in his bed in the early hours of a Sunday morning; after sneaking out to steal the heroin from the glove compartment of his friend's BMW. _

_My family is devastated by what has happened. We still have to remind ourselves that he's never coming back. _

_Now, as hard as it is, the reporter in me has to take over so that this tale can have an ending. I have to ask the question:_

_What exactly happened to Josh Carmody?_

_Well - It starts with marijuana; then processes to a pill and finally ends with a needle. That's the same progression I've heard from all the many bereaved families who have lost loved ones to heroin abuse." _

"Are you okay?" Noah asked, concerned by Luke's expressions.

"Yeah, you know what I'm like." Luke explained, stopping his typing to rub his tired eyes. "There are all these words and ideas in my head and I'm desperate to get them down before I forget everything."

"I'm just worried about you." Noah nodded. "You haven't really slept much the past few days, Luke. It can't be good."

"I've tried sleeping. I'm too angry right now. I feel like smashing something and… the writing is the only thing that calms me."

Noah took Luke's hand in his and kissed the top of it.

"If I told you I need you there so that I can sleep, would that make you come to bed with?"

Luke smiled gently, staring deeply at him and swallowing with difficulty as he recognised the intense pain Noah was still trying to hide from him.

Luke stretched out a hand and ran fingers down Noah's face. Noah closed his eyes and kissed Luke's fingertips as they brushed past his lips.

"How about you, hmm, Bubby?" Luke asked him softly. "You okay?"

When Noah's eyes opened Luke watched how they blinked a few times in quick succession; how his breath shuddered slightly as he held the emotion back.

"I just want you to come to bed." He told Luke.

Luke looked down at the floor and sighed. It was frustrating - Noah's lack of communication of his feelings - and Luke couldn't help but be worried for him.

"Okay." Luke said, letting the unspoken words pass between them once again. "Just give me one more minute."

"_This dangerous and highly addictive drug is quickly making sinister inroads into the lives of our suburban teenagers. The drug pushers are invading. They want their drugs in every high school - in every city, town and village. _

_About two years ago, Los Angeles law enforcement investigations began to turn up heroin reports. _

_Large shipments of the drug seemed to come out of nowhere. And the main target was high schools._

_Over the past two years the percentage of teenagers from middle to upper income homes overdosing on this drug has risen by more than…"_

Luke leaned across the table to check his notes.

"…_8%. And in most cases, it's reported that the teenagers turned to heroin after abusing other substances such as ecstasy and cocaine. _

_For some this message is already too late – they are so hooked that even the fear of death isn't strong enough to overrule the need for the drug" _

Luke stopped and read over the last few lines again. Something was missing; something important -The tie between Josh, the school and the dealers.

"Done," Luke smiled at Noah.

He saved his work and shutdown the laptop before following Noah into their room, slipping under the covers and holding him tightly.

"I need to interview the dealers." He thought as he watched Noah fall asleep.

...

The first day that Luke returned to the office was more excruciating for Noah than he thought it would be.

The studio had been sending copies of his movie's sound edits to the house, and Noah would work on them while Luke typed away at his article.

Luke's editor, Jarvis, had been by the house to pay his respects and to let them know that the first instalment of Luke's Detention Series was receiving rave reviews. The newspaper was inundated with people wanting to know when the next instalment would be printed.

Noah hugged Luke tight as they read the comments together. "I knew you could do it!"

Holden and Lily were both thrilled for him too.

But Luke had decided he wanted to try going back to the office.

Holden and Lily took the kids out to give Noah some quiet but instead of helping he began to slip into a kind of panic. His ears were blocked and his body was sweating. He was sure he would explode and he needed to get out.

Noah left the house and, after driving around aimlessly for a while, found himself parked across the street from Luke's office.

He just needed to see Luke for a moment so he went inside.

He could tell that the receptionist was rather stressed and busy, but she looked at him with sympathy and personally escorted him to the main newsroom and showed him Luke's desk.

It was empty.

He turned to ask the receptionist where Luke was but she had already left. Noah found himself standing in the middle of the busy office, feeling lost.

"If you're looking for Luke Snyder, he's not here."

Noah turned to find a dark-haired woman studying him from behind her desk as she munched on a Hershey bar.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Is there a sign on my desk that says 'Information'?"

Noah lowered his eyes at her.

"This can only be Jenna." He thought.

"No, it doesn't." Noah told her, "But you spoke to me first so I thought you might know more."

"Everything."

"Sorry?" Noah asked her.

"I know everything, actually." Her expression was deadpan and Noah wondered whether she was serious.

"Okay." He said cautiously.

"Are you his husband?" she asked as comprehension crossed her brow.

"Yes I am."

"I heard about you taking in that kid. I heard what happened." That was all she said, but Noah was sure he saw sadness pass over her eyes.

Then just as quickly as Noah thought he saw some sympathy, the bitchiness was back, "If I tell you what I know, will you go away?"

"Sure."

"Great." She replied. "He was here this morning, typed for about a minute and then mumbled something about drug dealers…"

"Then what?" Noah asked, anxiety creeping up on him.

"Then he left."

"On no…" He whispered with dread.

He looked around and spotting Jarvis through the glass window of his office.

Noah burst through Jarvis's door without knocking. A reporter was seated in the guest chair and he jumped with fright at the sudden entrance.

"Please tell me Luke hasn't gone looking for this Dean guy!" Noah yelled at Jarvis.

"Now, Noah… he didn't want to worry you…" The Englishman began.

"Worry me? Shit! Where? Where has he gone?"

Jarvis sighed. "He called to say he was headed down to a neighbourhood called Santa Clarita…"

Noah didn't wait for him to finish; he was out the office and in his truck within minutes; following the directions given by the satellite navigation system.

He tried to ring Luke's phone but, of course, there was no reply.

"Damn you, Luke!"

Once in Santa Clarita he asked a few passersby whether they knew of a street kid named Dean. Eventually he found a young man who gave Noah directions to a particular alleyway where Dean's 'crew' were known to hang out.

The alley was across a large playground, so he left his truck to walk over the park.

There was nobody about but as he rounded the corner into the alleyway he found a man's body curled, motionless on the ground.

"LUKE!" Noah screamed rushing forward and falling on his knees to examine him.

...

**Thanks all :)**


	97. Young Minds 17

The events surrounding Josh's death had seriously put Noah's nerves on edge. So much so that when he saw Luke lying on the ground, blonde hair stained in blood; his panic immediately made him think the worst case scenario.

But, despite how things seemed to Noah, Luke was not motionless. He was actually in the process of sitting up. Whoever had attacked him had only recently left the scene.

"LUKE!" Noah screamed, rushing forward and falling on his knees to examine him.

"Noah? What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" an indignant Noah replied, checking the cut down Luke's left cheek before lifting the hem of his husband's shirt to examine the dark bruises already appearing on his abdomen. "Would you fucking _look_ at yourself?"

But Luke wasn't paying any attention to the frightened Noah. His entire body was heaving with dark fury; his face red with it. Ignoring Noah's attempts to check his health, Luke was urgently patting down his pockets.

"Shit!" he exclaimed. "They stole my phone! Give me yours!"

"What?"

"Your phone, Noah. I need to make a call."

"Like hell you do!" Noah yelled at him. "What we _need_ to do is get the fuck out of here! I can't believe you would do this when I explicitly asked you not to!"

Luke looked at him then with an expression of intense seriousness Noah had never seen before.

"GIVE-ME-YOUR-PHONE!" There was such a deep level of ferocity in Luke's tone that Noah temporarily froze; unable to make head or tale out of Luke's strange behaviour. "NOW, Noah!"

Noah leaned back from him in shock.

Luke wavered at the look on Noah's face and breathed heavily a few times though his nose, forcing himself to soften some.

"I'm sorry." he eventually said through his teeth. "It's really important… Please."

Scowling at Luke, an angry Noah pulled out his cell phone and slammed the device down into Luke's hand.

Wearily watching Noah, Luke flipped it open, checked Noah's contacts until he found the name he needed, and pressing dial.

"No, sorry Grandmother, it's not Noah… it's me, I'm just using Noah's phone."

Lucinda sprouted the usual phone call pleasantries until an impatient Luke cut her off, "Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt but I need an urgent favour."

Luke waited as Lucinda asked him what the favour might be. Noah was curious himself.

"Do you think you could get me a visitation pass for Statesville Prison? For tomorrow? I urgently need to see Damian."

A stunned Noah heard the exclamations and expletives coming through the phone. Luke held the device from his ear and waited for her to finish.

"Yes… look… Grandmother… I totally understand what you are saying. And if there was any other way then, believe me, I'd do it. But I need to speak with him myself. So can you pull some strings?"

Again he waited as Lucinda answered him.

"Yes, as soon as you can. Thank you Grandmother. I'll be on a plane to Oakdale tonight."

...

_He intended to keep his promise to Noah._

_His plan was to interview Benoit Dubois in the hopes that he would provide enough information on the specific heroin that had taken Josh's life. _

_However he arrived at the Dubois home to find it empty. A SOLD sign was erected outside. _

_Questioning the neighbours revealed that Benoit and his father had moved back to Paris permanently the day of Josh's death. Only a few hours after they confronted Benoit outside their house…_

_So that really only left Luke with one final option. _

_Against his better judgment, and risking Noah's wrath, he called Jarvis and asked for permission to visit the Santa Clarita area in search of the famous Dean. _

_Luke was sure it was likely that Dean was the dealer of the very drug that took Josh's life. Especially since most of the kids he had interviewed from Josh's school seemed to get their supplies from him._

_With a guilty heart, Luke broke through the invisible protection barrier set by Noah, and went in search of Dean. _

...

Luke's right knee bobbed nervously up and down as he waited in the visitation room.

God, but he hated these places!

He tried to still his leg, but the motion appeared to be subconscious; and it would start again just as soon as it had stopped.

He knew what his actions were doing to Noah. Luke had seen the look on his husband's face as he packed a small overnight back and left the house.

It had been difficult to get any sleep alone in bed at the farm. But then he guessed home would have been no better. It would have meant enduring the agonising silent treatment Noah had decided to lay on him.

Noah hadn't said a single word to him since they left the alley and Luke was on a plane to Oakdale within just a few hours of that. Consequently Luke hadn't had the opportunity to explain himself.

Luke had his reasons for doing what he did.

"Boy, do I have my reasons!"

First thing that morning he'd used Emma's phone to try contacting Noah, but Noah wasn't fooled and he didn't pick up.

"Fine," Luke thought. "I broke a promise and you're gonna to punish me for it. I get that!"

But he longed to hear Noah's voice, angry or otherwise. Luke just… needed him.

So now he sat waiting to see Damian. The one person he had vowed never to look upon again.

He shook with nerves.

His last encounter with his father had been an emotional one. Damian, flustered and fearful, had dumped him suddenly with the control of a global shipping business and then split. No explanation! Nothing!

At the time, Luke had believed that Damian was a changed man. He truly believed that his father was done with the dirty mind games he always used to control people.

So it just about killed Luke to find out that Damian had married his mother, knowing full well there was a chance Holden was still alive. Not to mention the string of lies Damian had told to cover his tracks; including faking his own death.

Damian had betrayed his trust for the last time and Luke had resolved to strip the man out of his life once and for all.

Except he couldn't… not totally… not while he was CEO of Grimaldi Shipping, desperately trying to rid the company of it's many double dealings and dirty employees.

Not to mention almost getting himself and Noah killed in the process.

Noah.

At the thought of his husband, Luke felt that anxious knot in the pit of his stomach tighten. He hated it when things were rocky between them.

With difficulty, he returned his thoughts to the issue at hand.

Selling Grimaldi Shipping had been the best decision Luke could ever have made. For a while, their lives had been totally Grimaldi free.

Until now…

He slightly jumped as the door to the visitation room opened and he felt a wave of nausea hit him at the sight of his father standing there. If he hadn't been sitting he would have taken a step back.

Damian's face always lit up at the sight of his son, but today it positively glowed with delight.

"Luciano!" he exclaimed with happiness and surprise. "It is so good to see you my son. I thought that…"

"You thought right." Luke gripped the sides of the table before him in his attempt to hide the shudders he could feel travelling throughout his body.

He steeled himself and held his father's gaze. He narrowed his eyes in warning, as the guard unlocked the cuffs from one of Damian's wrists and secured it to a loop in the iron table.

Damian waited until the guard had taken up his position by the door.

"Then you did not come here to visit with me?" he asked, a look of disappointment replacing the delight.

"No." Luke replied with contempt. "If I had any choice I wouldn't be here at all."

"I'd be with Noah, begging his forgiveness." The thought sent a sudden and sharp pain of want shooting up his body. He would give anything to have Noah by his side at that moment.

Damian's gaze fell on Luke's wedding ring and he nodded toward it. "I never had the opportunity to congratulate you and Noah on your marriage. I sent you a gift."

"I send it back."

"You must be very happy…"

"I'm not here to talk about my life." Luke cut him off. "You are no longer a part of that. Sit!"

Damian watched Luke with interest for just a moment and then, with a terse nod, took a seat opposite him.

"What has happened to your face?" he asked, noticing for the first time the large and nasty scratch down Luke's left cheek.

"I'm surprised you don't already know." Luke replied, his voice dripping with accusation.

An unusually confused Damian frowned at him. "What are you saying?"

_..._

_He tried to shake off the sense of danger as he approached the group of young boy's loitering around the entrance to an off-street ally. _

_He shaded his eyes against the bright afternoon sunlight. He was breathing heavily and his face felt hot. _

_He heard footsteps and whirled about to find a further three youths following him from behind, enclosing him within a circle of gang members. _

_An African American boy emerged from within the group and stood before Luke. _

_Luke took a deep breath and swallowed his sense of apprehension; choking down his fear._

"_For Josh." He thought. _

"_I'm looking for Dean." Luke said coolly._

_The young man, who couldn't have been more than in his teens, didn't give away any kind of emotion. His eyes were dark with venom. _

_Luke could barely keep himself from taking an involuntary step backward._

"_You a cop." the boy said. It wasn't a question. The voice wasn't loud. In fact it barely lifted above the sound of the busy street behind them, but Luke had no difficulty in hearing him; so tense was the atmosphere. _

"_I'm not a cop and I'm not here to cause any trouble. I just need to have a word with Dean."_

_Pairs of eyes rested distrustfully on him. _

"_What do you want with 'im?" The boy's tone was distinctly unfriendly. _

_Luke took another deep breath, "I have some questions about a boy who may, at one time, have bought some stuff from Dean."_

"_What boy?" _

"_Josh."_

_One of the other kids gave a loud snort; but the boy addressing Luke didn't move. _

"_Let's say we knows this Josh… whatcha want to know?"_

_Luke felt a stab of pain and closed his eyes tight for a minute. _

"_Josh was… a friend of mine. He's… he died."_

_Something changed in the eyes of the boy standing before him. Luke didn't know what it was, but it made Luke half raise his hands and steady his stance in preparation to protect himself._

"_He's definitely a cop, Nick!" said another boy from the gang, moving closer._

_Luke glanced over at this other boy and became even more alarmed to see this kid's big, bony knuckles clenched in readiness. _

_The situation was not going well._

"_I am not a cop." Luke reiterated. _

"_A reporter then?" yet another boy asked. "That's even worse!"_

_Something in Luke's expression at those words gave him away and before he could blink he was being pushed and pulled deeper within the privacy of the alley. _

"_Look… I just have a few questions about how Josh died."_

_Nick hit him then, just under his ribs._

_Taken completely by surprise, Luke doubled and staggered back, gasping from the blow; feeling the force of it all the way through to his spine. _

_It made the anger within him boil... _

"_Hold back!" Nick told his friends, "This one's mine!"_

"_Stop!" Luke demanded, trying to get enough breath to talk. "Stop right now!"_

_Nick hit him again, this time on the side of his face. It was a glancing blow, but a ring on the boy's finger scraped the skin and left Luke's cheek throbbing. _

_Luke pulled back, apprehension turning to fury. The little shit!_

_Nick swung at him again, but missed as Luke ducked and bolted to one side. Luke took a giant step backward; the blood drumming in his ears. He crouched, hands up and ready to fight. _

_He saw the kid's right punch, ducked and countered, felt his fist brush the cotton of the boy's shirt as it past Nick's side and then Nick's left, the punch Luke didn't see, took him in the eye. _

_Flashing stars and streaks of light exploded through the side of his head, and his eyes began to water as he launched himself at Nick, roaring. _

_He was fighting for his life now, he realised. And that meant he was fighting for Noah and the kids. _

_He hit the boy; he actually felt his fist hit flesh that time, but it was pointless. As soon as Nick was disabled the rest of the crew launched themselves at Luke, holding him prisoner by his arms and taking turns to punch or kick him in the gut. _

"_WHAT THE FUCK is going on!" a new voice joined the frenzy of the others and the kicking instantly stopped. _

_Luke hung, gasping for breath and knees scrapping the ground between two gang members. They continued to hold him up by his arms. His head weighed a ton and he was unable to look up._

"_He's here about that Josh kid, Dean!" Luke heard Nick explain. "You know… that one that OD'd?" _

"_I told you lot before! You can't do this on our turf! You'll get us lifted!" Dean yelled. Then Luke heard him sigh as he accepted the situation was already out of control. "Cop?"_

"_Nope… we think he's a reporter!" _

"_Let me see 'im!"_

_A hand grabbed Luke's hair and jerked his head up so that Dean could see his face. Green eyes glittered only inches away, and Luke felt the boy's breath blow hot on his face as he was closely examined._

"_Holy SHIT! You stupid fucks!" Dean exclaimed suddenly. "Let 'im go!"_

"_What?" _

"_You heard me! I said LET-HIM-GO!"_

_The hands under his upper arms released their grip and Luke fell hard to the floor. _

"_Jesus! You people got no fucking sense! This is Damian Grimaldi's kid!"_

"_No way!" another boy exclaimed._

"_You sure?" a suddenly fearful Nick asked._

"_Split! All of ya! Split and don't gather for two days!"_

_Luke heard the sound of retreating footsteps and lay on the floor with the strangest feeling like he'd just swallowed a large bolder! _

_Damian!_

_When he was sure the coast was clear he coughed a few times and made the move to get up. _

_The pain in his body was nothing compared to the pain in his heart._

_He had to call Lucinda! _

_Then he heard a beautiful but distressed voice call his name, "LUKE!"_

...

Luke left Damian seated in that room in a flurry of suppressed feelings that threatened to burst from within.

He would not give Damian the satisfaction of seeing how his presence affected him. He said what he needed to say and left as quickly as possible; overwhelmed by the same rage that had driven him across states to see the man in the first place.

It was eating him up from the insides out.

And more rage was piled onto to it now that he realised just how easily his father could still get to him.

The moment he was out the door and stumbling along the long corridor to the prison security hall he could feel the teardrops already stinging the cut on his cheek.

"Hold yourself together!" he desperately told himself. "You will not breakdown in the middle of a prison! You will not!"

He was on the verge of doing just that, dizzy and overly emotional, when he rounded the corner to be suddenly and unexpectedly confronted by Noah's piercing blue gaze.

Luke heart beat faster and his breath shuddered as he struggled to understand how it was possible Noah could be there. His eyes widened. He was seeing things!

But then Noah spoke.

"I am so angry with you, right now." He said, voice cracked, "But there was no way I could let you do this by yourself."

Three large sobs instantly escaped Luke's burning throat; so relieved he was to have Noah there.

Noah sighed. "Come here."

Luke fell quivering and grateful into Noah's warm arms; tears wetting through the man's shirt as he allowed the anger to dissipate into the true source of it all – a deep, all consuming and agonising pain.

...

"_Two words." Luke said, once he had Damian's full attention. "Santa Clarita."_

_Damian's eyebrows rose but otherwise he displayed no sign of understanding. _

"_Is that supposed to mean something to me?"_

"_Well it should." Luke accused him, "Since it's the place out of which you're running your fucking heroin supply!" _

_Damian's head jerked. "What has happened?"_

_Luke snorted. "And you don't even bother to deny it?"_

"_Luciano, if somebody has threatened you because of me then they shall be dealt with. After the last time I have made myself very clear on that point!"_

_Luke shook his head in repulsion. "If you were planning on protecting me from getting hurt then you're a little late!"_

_Damian frowned, looking down at his finger as it tapped the iron table in consideration._

"_That boy you were caring for…" he waved his hand about as he tried to remember the name. "Josh? This has something to do this his death."_

"_I shouldn't be surprised that you already know." Luke told him. "Just how many spies DO you have positioned in my life, Damian?"_

"_Luciano… I am only looking out for your best interests. I am only concerned for your wellbeing."_

"_Oh really? You didn't seem so concerned a year ago when you left me to mop up all your lies!"_

"_Luciana that was…"_

"_Save it! I already told you! I'm not here to go over the past or to discuss my personal life with you! The only reason I am here is because Josh is dead. And as far, as I'm concerned, that's on your head!"_

"_You cannot blame me for that!"_

"_So you're not running heroin out of Santa Clarita then?"_

_Damian's silence was all Luke needed to hear. _

"_How are you doing it?" Luke asked. "How are you smuggling it in?"_

"_The ships." Damian simply answered, as though it were obvious. _

_Luke jerked with surprise, feeling air leave his lungs. "What ships?"_

"_Grimaldi Shipping ships, what else?_

_Luke felt another knot forming in his gut. _

"_But I sold G.S." _

_Damian smiled. _

"_Son? Forgive me, but you didn't honestly believe I would let you sell a company that generations of Grimaldi's worked tirelessly to build? Especially to some outside competitor?"_

_Luke clenched his jaw in an effort to hold back tears. "Are you saying I sold G.S. to you?"_

"_Through a subsidiary." Damian nodded. "Yes. It saddens me that you chose to rid yourself of your birthright. But yes, for all intents and purposes, Grimaldi Shipping is back under my control."_

_Luke couldn't even formulate words to fit his repugnance of Damian. _

"_So is that it, Luciano? You came here to find out about the drugs?"_

"_No." Luke said. "I'm here to ask you to stop. If you ever loved me…"_

"_Of course I love you. You are my son."_

"_Then you do this one thing for me!" Luke rose as the emotion elevated him, "You do one fucking good thing in your whole miserable existence and you stop importing that shit into this country. You stop feeding it to children!" _

...

"They knew who I was, Noah."

As Luke finished filling him in, Noah softly, reverently, drew the flat of his hand back and forth the length of Luke's denim clad thigh, across his belly to rest over his breast.

Luke shivered, settling down further into Noah's lap as they lay together, gently rocking on the farm's porch swing.

"Are you still mad at me?" Luke asked.

"Yes."

"I had to do it. For Josh."

He felt Noah's sigh as it travelled up his body and though his lips.

"What would I have done, Luke? If you weren't a Grimaldi?" Noah asked him. "I wouldn't have found you yesterday in that alley. I wouldn't have found you at all. There would have been days, weeks, months even; of not knowing. Living without answers until you eventually turned up dead somewhere; most likely fished out of the river with a rock tied to your legs."

"I was so…"

"You don't think!" Noah interrupted him. "You don't think when you become driven like this. You don't consider what it would mean for us if we lost you. Especially like that."

The more he spoke the more Luke could feel the reverberations through his body.

"I know." He eventually conceded. "I'm sorry, Bubby."

Luke held him tighter, trying to reassure him; calm him out of the fear Luke sensed raging inside the other man. He turned in Noah's arms to place kisses on this cheek and ear, and wove his fingers through his thick black hair.

As he felt Noah's pent up pain, Luke's hands began to tremble and he shuddered into tears.

Noah's hand rose up over the back of his head, stroking and as he did, Luke pressed his face into Noah's neck.

"My family did this." Luke eventually managed to say. "My family killed Josh."

"Your family may have played a part in this, Luke." He heard Noah say. "Not you. This isn't your fault, okay?"

Luke nodded and then lifted his head to come face to face with the troubled blue eyes.

"I'm sorry. I keep doing this to you and…"

Noah started to shake his head.

"… it's not fair. You know the last thing I would ever want is to cause you any more pain. You know that right?"

As per usual Noah didn't speak. He bit his lower lip and nodded his understanding.

Luke wanted so much to comfort him back. So he did the only thing he could in that moment, he pressed their lips together and moved his tongue into Noah's mouth.

Noah held Luke's face between his hands, tracing the graze down Luke's cheek.

Luke let his hand find the bulge in Noah's jeans, allowing his fingers explore him.

When the pressure and heat became too much they left to go upstairs, locking the bedroom door, and falling into bed together.

Noah's hands found Luke's zip, pulled it down and slipped inside Luke's underwear.

The pleasure was immediate and consuming, inducing Luke to let his thighs fall open. Noah kissed him hard as his investigating fingers took Luke's breath away and made his belly quiver.

But Luke wanted this moment to be about Noah and not himself, so he rolled over, pressing Noah's back into the bedding and placing gentle kisses over his eyes, nose and mouth; all the while rubbing his thigh between Noah's legs.

Luke kissed him everywhere, his hand roving over Noah's body; bearing his weight down on him. His mouth found Noah's neck and shoulders and lingered over each of his nipples.

He listened intently to Noah's sighs and groans, reading him; trying to give him as much pleasure as possible.

He bent over Noah and replaced his stroking hand with his mouth, hearing him sigh into the sensation. The more Luke sucked at him, the hotter Noah's flesh became, until Noah couldn't hold out any longer and he shuddered into Luke's mouth.

Luke rose over his body once more, smoothing back Noah's hair, feeling up him once more before kneeling between his thighs and pushing with utmost tenderness inside.

Noah's head turned, his eyes opened and he arched up against him whispering something Luke couldn't quite make out.

Luke began to move slowly, feeling such emotion for him and whispering, "I love you, Noah."

Luke opened his eyes just in time to see a rending pain pass Noah's eyes as he wiped a tell-tale teardrop from his cheek.

They made love with a slow deliberateness, finding their release soully in the need to comfort each other.

**...**

**This one took me a while to piece together... I hope you liked it...**


	98. Young Minds 18

_He stood for some time just staring at the door, his jaw quivering. _

_Eventually he bit the bullet and just flung it open. _

_He didn't know what he expected to find. He thought he knew what he had seen in Noah's terror stricken eyes but…_

_It was peaceful. _

_He approached the bed one slow step at a time until he was staring down at the boy. _

_Josh was asleep. He was asleep, that's all. _

_Relief washed over him and he turned to yell out to Noah; tell Noah everything was fine. He'd made a mistake._

_But the words stuck in his throat as Josh's hand shot out to grab at his wrist, his blue eyes were open wide and he was howling. _

_..._

Luke was ripped from his sleep by Mia's high pitched wail and a loud knocking at the door.

At first he was disoriented.

He was on the right hand side of the bed instead of his usual left and he kicked the slumbering Noah in his frantic attempt to scramble to his feet.

Taking a moment he sat up and looked around at the familiar yet unfamiliar bedroom. Eventually it came back to him that they were at the farm.

Flying out of the bed, he bolted for the door in his desperation to get to the distort Mia he could hear on the other side. But he caught a flash of his naked self in the standalone mirror and remembered in that split second to put on some pants.

Dressed, he unlocked and opened the door to find his father standing there with the screaming child in his arms.

Mia immediately stretched her arms out for Luke, hitching her little breath as she struggled to breathe through her panic.

"Sorry, Dad," Luke said, taking Mia from his arms and adjusting her pink nightgown as he did so. "We fell asleep and forgot to leave our door open for them."

"It's okay, Luke." Holden assured him, smiling at how quickly Mia relaxed now that she was with Luke. "I had hoped to give you and Noah a lie in, but I couldn't get her to calm at all."

Mia's head lay on Luke's shoulder and her screams had mercifully been pacified by the thumb she stuck in her mouth.

"She woke up in a strange place, that's all." Luke said, stroking her back.

He kissed the top of Mia's head, "Did you get a fright, baby?"

She nodded into his chest.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to come and sleep in our bed for a while?"

Again she nodded, without once taking the thumb from her mouth.

"Thanks, Dad."

Holden smiled, "Don't mention it. And no need to worry about Nicky. He's already playing outside with Ethan. He was up at the crack of dawn with me."

Luke laughed. "He loves being with you."

"You okay son? You look a little…"

"Just a nightmare." Luke assured him.

Holden nodded sadly at him.

"Okay, well, I've got a few things to do around the farm. Work has sure piled up since I've been away in L.A. So I'll catch you guys later."

"We'll be out to help you soon, Dad."

"Oh no you won't." Holden stated. "Absolutely not. You two need a break and that's what you'll get while you're both here. The fresh country air will do you some good. As will Ma's choc-chip cookies I'm willing to wager!"

Luke smiled at his father and relented with a nod.

"See you later then, Dad."

He closed the door with his foot and turned to find that Noah had slept through the whole conversation.

"Noah shleeping…" Mia informed him from behind her thumb.

"Yes he is, so we need to stay nice and quiet, okay?"

He placed her on the bed and she crawled into the crook of Noah's arm, lying there and staring up at the ceiling. Luke lay down beside her and rolled over on his side.

He pushed a strand of hair from her face and whispered, "Where are we Mia?"

She yawned and gazed up at him making him smile. She was gorgeous.

"I don't know." She answered.

"Yeah you do. I bet Nicky told you…"

"There's horses."

"That's right! Did Nicky tell you that?"

She nodded, big eyes starting to droop as she began to nod off behind a yawn.

"What else did Nicky say?"

"Pol..age." she barley got the word out before Luke heard Noah's attempt to conceal a snort.

He had obviously woken up during their conversation.

"Hey." Luke smiled at him.

"Hi." Noah returned and then rolled over to see Mia better.

She lifted Noah's hand into her little fingers and started playing with it.

"You still mad?" Luke sheepishly asked, raising hopeful eyes at Noah.

His husband shook his head. "You did a really stupid thing, Luke."

"I know."

"Noah I was scared." Mia interrupted, dropping Noah's hand to suck back on her thumb.

"What?"

"When she woke up." Luke explained.

"Oh." Noah said. "Well, I'll tell you a secret… Want to hear it?"

She nodded enthusiastically.

"This is the one place in the whole world where you never have to be alone or frightened. There are only good things here. It's like magic!"

She smiled. "Like Dis-thney?"

They both laughed.

"Yeah." Noah replied. "I guess so."

He looked up and shared a lengthily gaze with Luke.

Luke wished he could say that Noah was content. And maybe in that moment he was. His voice was soft and even, and his face calm. But Luke seemed to see the surface of a dark pool reflected in those baby blues; the water ruffled as though something heavy had just sunk below.

Unable to see Noah's silent pain for a moment longer, Luke Looked away and asked the little girl, "What shall we do today, Mia?"

"Go schwimming."

Luke and Noah exchanged a quiet laugh and Luke resolved to give Noah more time. Eventually the man would let it out. He would have to.

"It's a little cold to go swimming, Baby." Luke told her. "We're not at the beach right now."

"I want to be a mermaid."

"I guess we can safely say you sorted the water thing out?" Luke suggested.

Noah nodded; a slight tinge of relief on his brow.

"At least some things are coming right," Luke thought watching him.

"We can't go swimming at the moment, Mia," Noah told her, "but how would you like to ride a pony?"

She couldn't even get a word out - just ecstatic panting sounds - she was so excited.

"Because I'm sure if you asked Granddad really nicely he'll show you how to ride one."

"And I happen to know a very nice pony called Nash who would love to meet a pretty little lady like you." Luke finished.

"Yay!" she exclaimed.

Suddenly no longer tired, she hopped up on her knees between them before diving at Noah and sitting on his chest. "Can we go now?"

Getting his breath back, Noah laughed, "Not right away, Mia, okay? First we-"

Thunderous footfalls sounded and two blurred shapes whizzed into the room and flew onto the bed in uproarious giggles.

"Grandma Emma made pol-age!" Nicholas exclaimed right in Luke's face. "Can we eat now? Can we? Can we?"

"Yes," Luke told him, "but first we have to get you guys cleaned up! What HAVE you been doing?"

Both boys were caked in dirt, from their toes all the way to the tops of their heads.

"We're searching for buried treast-ture." Ethan proudly informed his brother.

Noah laughed, rubbing at on of Ethan's smudged cheeks. Luke's heart soured at a sound he hadn't heard in days.

"Where were you guys looking?" Noah asked. "The pigsty?"

Mia giggled but both boys looked at Noah as though he were an idiot.

"There are no pigs here, silly!" Nicholas exclaimed.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Noah said, "I'm pretty sure I'm looking at two right now!"

Noah launched at them both; grabbing one under each arm and holding them there was he tickled them.

They squealed loudly.

"Yip. Definitely sounds like two piglets to me… What do you think Mia?"

Collapsing with laughter Mia joined in with the tickling.

"Funny piggy's!" she agreed.

And even though the boys were covering the sheets, Noah and Mia in dirt, Luke left them too it.

It felt so good, after such a period of sadness, to be able to laugh, even for just a moment.

...

Damian's prison cell was about 6 by 8 feet with brick walls and one solid and barred door that locked from the outside.

Unlike most other prisoners on Ward D, Damian shared his cell with nobody. It was amazing what money could get you if you just found the right outstretched hand.

His only window overlooked the prison exercise yard, and his cell was a high enough above the prison walls to have a view of the surrounding countryside and tree plantations.

On certain days, when the wind blew in from the east, the prison became infested with the acrid smell of the nearby paper factory. Today was one of those days.

The smell was like a manifestation of what he felt inside after his meeting with Luke the day before.

He dropped his prison issued sweats to take a quick leak in the stainless steel lavatory. He sighed in relief, leaning with one hand against the cold brickwork.

As he turned from washing his hands, his eyes focused on the only photograph in the room. It was carefully stuck on the wall by his bed, pride of place.

The three of them stood in the yard outside the Oakdale house. It was a beautiful summer's day and Lily had that soft smile on her face. The one Damian loved which she only ever wore around Luke. Her "proud smile" as Damian had always referred to it.

Damian had one arm wrapped around Lily's neck, possessively gripping her opposite shoulder, while his other arm was around Luke. Luke smiled that cheeky grin.

"My family," Damian thought, "as we should always have been."

He felt that familiar pang of regret for the years he'd lost with his son, and for the mistakes he'd made. Mistakes that meant he was now forever more cursed with being an outsider to Luke's life.

And as if his son didn't already hate him enough, this had to happen! Now Damian had to add drug dealing to his list of crimes.

Making sure the prison guard for Ward D was at least ten minutes away from passing on his rounds; Damian pulled out a loose brick from the wall to retrieve the cell phone he had hidden away in there.

Just another of the perks to having the right connections and enough ready cash.

He pressed the speed dial and waited for an answer.

"This is Damian Grimaldi." He told the person who answered. "I wish to speak with my uncle."

"I'm sorry." Came the reply, "Mr. Grimaldi cannot be disturbed during his brandy and cigar hour. If you like, you can-."

"I will not bloody call back later! Do you know who this is?"

"Yes Sir." the nervous voice answered. "I am terribly sorry, Sir. But Mr. Grimaldi is quite clear on this issue."

Damian drew a deep breath.

"Unless you want to find yourself dead in a ditch somewhere, I suggest you do as I say and get my uncle on the phone!"

There was a marked silence.

"SUBITO!"

That was all it took. Damian heard the running of footsteps; a door open and his uncle's angry voice swearing any number of threats in Italian at his poor assistant.

But eventually his uncle relented and took the call.

"Da-da!"

Damian cringed. God, he hated being called that!

"What a pleasure to hear from you, son."

"Hello, Uncle." Damian replied, matching Anton's fake cordiality.

"To what do I owe this great pleasure?"

"I'm calling to ask an important question, Uncle."

"Of course, anything."

Damian could hear the distinct tinkle of ice in a glass as it was swirled around in his uncle's hand.

"When exactly did the Grimaldi's turn to drug smuggling? And, before you answer that, why was this instruction undertaken without my knowledge or consent?"

"I am head of this family, Damian. Sometimes you forget that." Then Anton softened, "Come now Da-da. These are tough times we are in. There is a recession! Didn't your father ever teach you anything? Adapt or die!"

"Even at the expense of innocent children?"

"The strong have always survived on the blood of the weak. Since time immemorial…"

Damian breathed deeply and then flinched slightly at the realisation that there was a time he would have agreed.

But that was a long, long time ago and so much had happened in his life since then. Beliefs such as those had lost him not only Lily, the love of his life, but now Luke as well.

It was Lily who had taught him the art of true love, but it was his son who helped him see the human damage his actions could cause.

"Prison has softened you Damian."

"We will no longer be shipping heroin into the U.S." Damian said simply, ignoring Anton's attempt to insult him.

"I would watch my tone if I were you." His uncle answered coolly. "If I say we are importing heroin then we are importing heroin. Lo sono il boss! Understood?"

"Not with my ships you are not."

"What?"

"I am being quite clear, Uncle. Grimaldi Shipping is my company, and I will have every last cavity of every one of my ships checked before they hit the port."

"You dare to stand-"Anton began but was promptly interrupted.

"Luciano was attacked two days ago by your thugs."

"That is impossible."

"Yet it is the truth."

"I tell you it cannot be!" Anton insisted. "Anyone working for me has express instructions on that matter. Your son has always been protected Da-da. As a Grimaldi heir! As is right! You know that! Or have you forgotten all the men killed defending Luciano only a few months ago?"

"I have not forgotten. But somebody has made a grave mistake, and I would like whoever it was punished and removed."

Before Anton could reply, the sound of footsteps forced Damian to end the call and quickly return the phone to it's hiding place.

"Officer…" he cordially greeted as the guard walked past his cell.

Damian sat on the bed. His son's wishes would be fulfilled.

But Luke would never know the truth about Anton.

Damian's son was impulsive. Maybe even more impetuous than he, if that was even possible.

If Luke knew the truth, he would head straight on the warpath to Anton's door.

And nephew or not… heir or not… Anton would kill Luke if pushed too far.

Yes, Damian would take the blame for the smuggling. After all, what difference did it make? Luke was never going to forgive him anyway.

As he ran a finger down Luke's form in the photograph on his wall, Damian accepted this as the ultimate truth.

...

Nicholas loved to be on Grandma Emma's farm. Mostly because that was where Ethan was too; and they could run and talk to the horses and pick wild flowers and go without shoes.

Emma would gather them around the kitchen table for meals and say, "Eat up boys! You want to grow big and strong like Luke and Noah, don't you?"

Now he ran barefoot after Ethan through the field and splashed across the shallow stream to the other side. He promptly began picking spring wildflowers and bundling them together in a bunch, perhaps to hand triumphantly to Lily later.

Ethan wondered around the meadow, occasionally finding a bug of interest and gently tweezing it between his fingers before dropping it into his glass jam jar. He liked to lift the jar up to examine the small beasts from below.

Nicholas was like a wild child on the farm, running here and there with Ethan.

He was nothing like that shy boy they had first brought to the farm; the one that refused to leave their side or talk to anybody… least of all Ethan.

This version was prone to the usual scrapes and bruises and occasional stunning collisions with open doors; lumps on the forehead and cut fingers, as any other normal boy child.

And it felt wonderful, Noah thought. Even if Nicholas still felt the need once in a while to hide food, or withhold speech from strangers, it didn't matter. This version of Nicholas proved that. He was their greatest success.

"Awesome!" he heard Nicholas exclaim loudly, exotic blue eyes glinting as he studied the contents of Ethan's jar.

A jolt like lightning hit Noah then.

"That's what Josh says." Nicholas told Ethan. "When something's cool, then you say awesome!"

"Awesome!" Ethan copied.

As he was instantly reminded of the child they couldn't save, Noah sniffed and hid a shudder from Luke.

They sat on a blanket in the shade of an old oak tree. Luke was watching Mia as she balanced along a dead log, jumping off the end and running around it to climb back up and start again.

But as the depth of Noah's emotion once again rattled that iron box inside, Luke immediately turned to him, looking at him with an expression of such worry that guilt gripped at Noah.

So now it was pain and guilt he forced at bay.

"Okay?" Luke asked, sweetly rubbing his arm. "You look pale."

Holden was nearby, stooped low, working on repairing the wiring of the perimeter fence. But at Luke's question his head turned and he caught Noah's gaze as it drifted from Luke's.

Holden stopped working and stood.

Noah wanted to look away, but it was as though Holden had an invisible hold over him. Every time he managed to avert his eyes, they would snap back to Holden's.

It was the deep warmth; the kindness and concern that emanated from the older man that was breaking Noah in two.

Noah could feel a screw turning inside, the lock on his iron box cracking.

Everything whooshed toward him; trees, grass, sky, faces, water; as though the world were turning in on itself and Noah was the epicentre swallowing it all. He felt sick and was wrapped within this strange, yet strong, urge to get up.

So he did. He stood and took a few steps.

It was a mistake.

He was asleep. A warm, deep and wonderful sleep.

"Noah?"

He was having the strangest dream that he lay in a field of buttercups.

"Baby?"

Luke's voice near his ear.

"Noah, Baby, wake up."

"Ha?" he asked, confused.

"Noah, you passed out."

His vision cleared and the blur of colours merged into Luke's apprehensive face. Noah lifted a hand to Luke's head.

"I'm fine." Noah told him. "I'm okay."

He sat up and looked into the six shocked eyes of their children, all standing in a row and staring at him. Noah smiled reassuringly at them all.

"Sorry." He said again.

"How're you feeling, son?" Holden asked and Noah turned his head to find his father-in-law on the other side of him.

"Really guys!" Noah insisted. "I don't know what happened. I just got really dizzy there for a moment. But I feel okay, now."

"Let's get you back on the blanket." Luke suggested.

Noah allowed them to help him to the blanket and he sat back down, looking up at the canopy of leaves.

"Here." Holden passed him a water bottle and Noah took a grateful few swigs.

"Thanks." He said when he was done.

He looked up at Luke's troubled expression and smiled. "Luke… please… I'm fine."

Luke nodded.

"Listen guys." Holden said then. "I've been thinking. It's been years since I had a proper vacation."

"What are you saying?" asked Luke.

But Noah already knew what the older man was about to say. Holden was looking right at him again.

"I'm coming back to L.A. with you guys. I think you could use my help with the kids and I could use a break from the farm."

"Wow, Dad, are you sure?" Luke asked. "Because you don't have to, you know? We can manage."

"I want to."

"Who's going to run things around here then?" Luke asked.

"Well, I've been training Hank Butcher's son up and I think it would be okay to leave the farm in Pip's hands. It will be a good learning experience for him."

All the while that Holden spoke to Luke his eyes never once left Noah.

Noah bit down on his bottom lip. He had to admit that he feared Holden's presence in L.A. just as much as he was glad to have it.

"It'll be great to have you around, Dad." Luke smiled. "Won't it, Bubby?"

Noah nodded as he swallowed a large lump in his throat.

...

**This is a bit of a transitional chapter…**

**Thanks to all those who've e-mailed to let me know you are enjoying this... it means a lot!**


	99. Young Minds 19

Ever since she first began her job at the L.A. Daily News Jenna would occasionally sneak out of the fifth floor window onto the metal fire escape outside; where she'd spend a few minutes smoking a cigarette.

It was her special spot that nobody knew about.

At least nobody did until now.

"Seriously?" she asked as she stooped through the window to stand on the ledge. "Is there no place in this office that you don't frequent?

Luke didn't turn around. "I was just leaving so there's no need to get all bitchy on me, okay?"

It would have been hard to miss how his voice crackled like a scrunched up chip packet. She watched as he lifted one arm to his face and realised quickly that he had been crying.

That familiar feeling of discomfort wafted over her. She hated outward displays of emotion, especially those around the topic of death. They put her on edge. In fact Luke Snyder put her on edge in general. He made her… feel.

"And before you reel me over the Steadman article, you can have it." He told her. "I don't have the time or the head to write it, anyway."

"I choose my own articles, thank you very much. I don't want it."

"Why?" Luke turned to her. His eyes were red. "Is it because Jarvis gave it to me and now I'm offering it to you? That's really juvenile you know?"

Inside she felt a stirring she'd been feeling lately whenever she thought about, saw or spoke to Luke Snyder. Ever since she found out about that kid he took in. She didn't like it!

"Yes. I do know. Still don't care." She cupped one hand over the end of the cigarette in her mouth while using the other hand to flick her lighter. She had to click it a few times, but eventually the flame lit and she drew in a puff of calming smoke. Pure bliss!

"You know, I'm really…" he drew a deep breath of exasperation. She was used to getting those from people. "Things aren't exactly going great me for right now… I know you don't like me. I get that. But, please, could you be nice just for a little while?"

That thing stirred inside of Jenna again and she reacted instinctively to deny that she felt it.

"I thought you said you were leaving."

Luke shook his head with a sarcastic, breathy laugh. "I think I've finally worked you out."

"Oh really?"

"You don't treat me this way because Jarvis likes me; or I was given an editorial quicker than you… This is something else…"

"I'm just dying to know what your keen reporter sense tells you."

"You have a problem working with me because I'm gay."

She laughed, surprising not only Luke but herself. She didn't often find anything hysterically funny, but this just took the biscuit!

"God!" Luke exclaimed, gesturing with his arms. "And now she laughs at me? You think this is some kind of joke or something?"

"Well… I mean… it is…" Jenna chuckled, "You think I'm a homophobe..."

"It's the only thing that makes sense."

"Hmm… I think my girlfriend of two years might disagree with you."

Luke's eyes bulged. "What?"

"You heard."

Luke shook his head. "You're lying."

Smiling, she dug into her back pocked and produced the small key she used to lock the pedestal for her desk. The rainbow flag key ring spoke volumes for her.

"Wait!" Luke exclaimed. "If the gay things not the problem then what is?"

She sighed before inhaling another breath of smoke.

"Maybe," she said speaking slowly, "and I know it's difficult for you to understand, but maybe, I just don't like you."

Luke frowned for a moment. It was almost a pout and against her wishes she felt another laugh wanting to break free. Mercilessly she managed to maintain her apathetic exterior.

"Why?" he asked.

The question took her back. She wasn't expecting it. People usually just gave up and left… which was what she wanted. Nobody had ever asked her to provide reasons before.

"I don't owe you an explanation, Luke."

"Fine!" he brushed past her on his way back inside.

The fact that she had irritated him didn't give Jenna the usual sense of satisfaction. She felt the strangest need to correct it.

"You know," she said quickly before he could leave, "there are ways of getting the information you need without running in all gun-ho and getting yourself killed."

Jenna hadn't the foggiest notion what made her sprout those words. Or she did but she wasn't willing to admit it.

"And it's illegal." She continued. "You keep doing that and you'll be finding out what the inside of a _real_ prison looks like!"

Luke stopped, mid-bend, arm braced against the top of the window frame. At Jenna's words he stepped back outside and turned to stare at her.

Then he smiled; a huge and brilliant smile of victory.

"Shit!" she thought. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"You read my stuff." a gleeful Luke announced.

Deny, deny, deny.

"Don't be ridiculous." She replied, already knowing it was too late.

"Yes you did." He laughed. "You read my stuff and… you liked it!"

"Okay, fine! I liked it! So what?"

He was looking at her so strangely now; really studying her; as though realising something for the first time.

"What?" she asked when an entire age past without either of them moving.

"Oh nothing." Luke replied, a kind of sad yet happy smile on his face. It was almost like he was reminiscing.

"Yes, there is something! Spill!"

"It's just… I can't shake the feeling that if I were into girls… you'd be my type."

She gagged on her next puff of smoke, spattering and coughing up phlegm.

Laughing once again Luke turned to leave.

"Thanks, Jenna. I was feeling really down only a few minutes ago and you've totally cheered me up!"

With that he was gone.

...

Noah gave a shuddered sigh and Luke dropped the book he was reading on the nightstand, turned off the light and rolled toward Noah, curving himself to fit against him.

"Can't sleep?" he asked softly.

Noah nodded his head.

"Do you wanna hear something funny?" Luke asked into the curls at the nape of Noah's neck.

There was a telling clearing of throat before Noah replied.

"What's that?"

Luke lifted up on one elbow. "Turn to me."

He heard Noah swallow; felt it through the hand he had rested flat against Noah's chest; and Noah made no move.

"Okay." Luke whispered, resolving to continue his story anyway. "I know why Jenna get's to me."

That worked, Noah turned his head round to look up at Luke.

"You do?"

Luke nodded and hummed his yes. "Think. Who does she remind you of?"

Noah's forehead creased into a frown as he considered this, then after a few minutes the man smiled widely up at Luke; who returned it with a beaming smile of his own.

"Reid." They both said at the same time and laughed a little.

"I love to hear you laugh." Luke told him, running his thumb down Noah's cheek.

"Same here."

After a short kiss Noah turned from him again and Luke settled to lie back down.

He rubbed Noah's stomach lightly and let his fingers curve around the wide arch of his ribs.

Noah sighed again and searched the sheets for Luke's hand so that he could squeeze it.

Luke lay there for a while, listening to Noah's breathing.

"Won't you talk to me, Babe?" He softly pleaded into the back of Noah's neck, placing small kisses there. He traced the smooth hollow in the centre of Noah's chest with his finger. "You'll feel so much better… I promise."

Holding his breath for some kind of reaction from him, Luke lifted himself up on his elbow and leaned over to get a better view of Noah's face. But his husband had fallen into a deep sleep.

"You're really scaring me." Luke whispered, gently kissing his temple.

Luke watched Noah for a few more moments, finally deciding that he was too wired to sleep himself. He climbed out of the bed and made his way down the passage. When he came to Josh's door, he couldn't stop himself from entering.

He sat on the end of the bed and closed his eyes. Sometimes when he did this it was like he could feel Josh in the room with him. It made him feel better.

When he opened them again, his father was standing in the doorway.

"Hey Dad."

"How you holding up, kid?"

"I think we both know it's not me we have to worry about."

Holden entered the room and sat beside Luke on the bed. His warmth was comforting.

"Is he sleeping?"

Luke nodded. "Finally. He doesn't sleep much but when he does it's the deepest I've even known him to."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yes, of course I have. But I don't want to press. I'm afraid too. It's just…"

"…past experience?"

Luke nodded.

"I know what he's like. I don't want him to clam up any more than he already has. I guess I'm hoping all he needs is a little more time. But it's been weeks now. I'm really worried, to be honest. It kills me that I can't help."

Holden rubbed Luke's back.

"I know, Son. But I think you're doing the right thing here. I think we have to wait for Noah to let it go… when he's ready to."

...

Kevin Howard paced another length of his cell, a weekly ritual that took place every Thursday morning. He was surprised there wasn't an indentation cracked into the floor.

He quickly checked his appearance in the mirror for the umpteenth time and sighed; impatient to see his daughter.

Mia – beautiful Mia.

He stood by the door to his cell, waiting for it to open. It wouldn't be long now.

Looking down and his eye caught the papers sitting on his desk. They made him wonder whether he would see Luke today. Kevin really needed to speak with Luke but for the past few weeks their friend Jasmine had been bringing Mia for her visits.

When Jasmine told him what had happened his heart bled for Luke and Noah. Two such amazing people didn't deserve to have so terrible a tragedy befall them; especially two guys still so young, yet with so much responsibility.

The key clanked in the lock breaking Kevin out of his thoughts.

"Ready?" The guard asked.

"You know me, Doug. I'm up and ready before the crow sings to see my little angel."

He followed the guard down the familiar corridor toward the visitation yard, but instead of heading to the usual door, the guard took a right.

"Raining today." Doug quickly explained.

Whenever it rained, visitation took place in a great hall off one side of the detention centre. It wasn't ideal since it was smaller, and the younger children tended to get bored quickly.

This wasn't good for parents dying to spend precious time with their kids, as sometimes it meant the children would be taken home sooner than they ought to.

This hadn't happened with Mia yet. She was such a good child and she was growing up so quickly. Every time he saw her she was inches taller; her cheeks more filled out and her dialogue greatly improved.

There were moments… many of them… when Mia looked so much like Samantha it physically hurt him to look at her. But then she'd flash that amazing smile and all would be made right again.

She was, in his opinion, the most gorgeous creature ever created. And she was his. He still had to pinch himself sometimes to believe it.

He had missed out on so much.

He couldn't wait for the day when they would be properly reunited to live their lives together as they should have done before he ruined it all.

He spotted her right away; hair glowing cherry red like a beacon amongst the other children. She saw him then too and ran for him; that incredible smile plastered across her tiny face.

"DADDEEEEEEEEE"

"Hey, my pumpkin!" he laughed, catching her in his arms and planting as may kisses on her face as she was on his.

"Daddy! Daddy! I ride-ded a pony!"

"You did?" he gave her his most amazed expression.

"Yes!" she giggled. "And it was called Nash!

"A pony called Nash, ha? And where did you meet this pony?"

As he spoke he saw Luke sitting in a plastic stool right up against the wall and away from the crowd of other inmates and their families.

It was instantly noticeable that Luke had recently walked the path of grief. Kevin knew that look well. He had seen it stare back at him from the mirror for months after Samantha died.

A Mia continued chatting to him about some farm she went to and a lady called Grandma Emma, Kevin was happy.

He was ecstatically happy! But he knew what this happiness would mean for Luke and his husband.

"Hey Luke."

Luke stood on Kevin's approach, his usually sunny smile much dimmed. They hugged briefly.

"Hi, Kevin."

"Look, Luke!" Mia announced, beaming at them both. "My Daddy!"

"Aren't you lucky?" Luke asked her. "Did you tell him we went to the farm?"

"Ah ha!"

They sat with her on Kevin's lap for quite some time; Kevin watching how much Luke enjoyed Mia's conversation and how amazing Luke was with his daughter.

Kevin thanked God every moment for the day Luke Snyder became his cellmate.

As per routine, Mia eventually became tired of conversation and wanted to play with the other children. Usually Kevin would join her and they'd spend the time privately together while Luke interviewed an inmate for his book.

But today, Kevin remained by Luke's side, prompting Luke to look up at him in surprise.

"Aren't you going with her?" he asked.

"I will in a minute. I have something to tell you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. But first I just wanted to say how sorry I am Luke. For your loss."

Luke smiled and nodded. "Thanks Kevin. I know you understand."

"Yes."

They sat and watched Mia playing dolls with another little girl nearby.

"She's so happy, Luke. You guys have done wonders for her."

Luke smiled. "Yes, she is. Oh, did Jasmine tell you she's back in the water?"

Kevin nodded. "Again all thanks to you and Noah. I have a lot to thank you guys for."

Luke laughed. "I gotta tell you Kevin, it's me that should thank you. She's a joy! We love having her."

Kevin sighed then and Luke frowned at his worried expression.

"What is it Kev?"

"Luke, it's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. I would have told you sooner but then this terrible thing happened to you and you didn't come round for a few weeks."

"Yes? Just tell me."

"I didn't want to tell Jasmine and have her relay the message. I wanted to tell you in person. I owe you that."

"Kevin, you're making me nervous. What are you saying?"

Kevin took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry Luke, I know this is REALLY bad timing… but… I've been granted early release."

...

**The support for this story has been amazing! I'm really blessed! Thanks you guys...**

**Please comment... I'm desperate to know what you think if you have been following the series...**


	100. Young Minds 20

Noah sat on the very edge of the bed in just his shorts. He had been sitting there for at least 30 minutes, hands by his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists, staring at nothing in particular.

"_Noah, I don't know how to tell you this_…"

He could hear Luke and the kids laughing and playing at the other side of the house.

Seven hours.

"_Kevin was granted parole_…"

In just seven hours Kevin Howard would arrive to take back his daughter… their daughter.

Small and painful puffs of air kept escaping his lips as the fissures he had tried so hard to close broke open further still. He was finding it more and more difficult to hold them off.

"_I know it's sooner than we expected…_"

It didn't help that Luke kept pushing him to talk. He couldn't talk, didn't Luke understand that? Josh's death had started this in him, but it had become about so much more…

Tension gripped him as he squeezed the bridge of his nose between his hands. His head throbbed.

"_She was never going to live with us forever. We always knew that._"

A framed photograph of them on their wedding day caught his eye. Luke had recently placed a number of these prints in various locations around the house. This one sat in a silver frame beside their bed. In it, Nicholas and Mia smiled broadly in their arms; eyes sparkling.

The perfect family.

An intense feeling of anger gripped him then and he swung his hand at the photo frame. It hurtled across the room, landing silently on the carpet.

A loud moan threatened to escape his lips but he breathed rapidly to soften it. He couldn't risk Luke hearing him. If Luke came into the bedroom now, Noah would break. He knew that for certain.

Feeling the need to quickly retreat he rushed for the bathroom, locking the door, and turning on the shower until it was steaming hot.

Removing his shorts he stepped inside and stood directly under the spray, pressing both his hands to the wall and ducking down his head. He used the sound of the water to muffle his cries as the water hit the nape of his neck and poured down his back and hunched shoulders.

"_It doesn't matter where Mia goes_," Luke had said, "_As long as she's happy and taken care of._"

Noah fought. He used ever technique he'd ever gleaned to please his father. He never thought he would ever go back to using them. But he had to find a way to stay focused.

"_We both know the best place for her is with her father._"

It was only when his skin began to ripple that he turned off the tap.

As he stepped out the shower his feet became entangled in Luke's wet towel and he almost tripped over. As usual the blonde had simply left it lying on the floor instead of placing it in the hamper.

Noah began to notice other things. How Luke had left the cap off the tube of toothpaste; how bottles of hair products were left on the sink; how strands of Luke's hair clogged the drain.

All these things were normal. But today they grated on Noah in a way he could barely understand.

The bedroom was no better.

Luke's notes lay in crumpled balls all over the floor by the bed, where he'd thrown them the night before during a brainstorming session.

Clothing Luke decided not to wear had been tossed carelessly onto the unmade bed and left there.

Noah flung open the closet and quickly picked out an outfit. Dressed he stormed into the sitting room to confront Luke.

But before he could do so he promptly tripped over one of Nicholas's roller-skates just as he stepped into the living room.

Luke and the kids were using the coffee table to create cards with glitter glue, spilling the sticky substance everywhere.

They all looked up as Noah stumbled, just managing to keep himself from toppling over by grabbing the top of an armchair.

"You okay?" a light-hearted Luke asked from his position on the couch.

But Noah ignored him, too focused on noticing every detail of how disorganised the house was.

Toys and coloured pencils littered the floor and surfaces.

Used cups and plates were left on the dining table and Noah was sure they'd been there for days.

"Honestly Luke." He seethed. "I know things have been hard lately but do we have to live in a dump?"

"What?" Luke asked, confused by Noah's sudden and unexpected anger.

"What?" Noah mimicked. "There is shit EVERYWHRE, Luke! Are you blind? I can barely fucking move around here!"

"Noah…"

Luke slowly began to get up, worry etched on his brow.

Noah never swore around the children but at that moment he didn't even care.

Ignoring Luke, Noah began to clear the dirty dishes from the table, storming into the kitchen and slamming them into the sink, paying no heed to how they smashed into broken shards as he did so.

"Noah, take it easy." Luke was by his side in seconds; trying to grab hold of him.

"It's really simple, Luke!" Noah yelled, shaking himself loose from Luke's hold, bearing him over by the sheer unexpectedness and ferocity of movement. "All you have to do it pick it up and put it in the sink!"

As a stunned Luke quickly hopped back to his feet, Noah completed another trip to the kitchen, making sure to create as much noise as possible.

Mia began to cry; scared by Noah's strange behaviour. Nicholas took off to stand outside on the decking, staring back at them with wide eyes and with hands covering his ears.

"Noah, you need to stop…"

"Don't fucking tell me what I need, Luke! What I need, what would be great, is for some fucking help around here!"

"God, Noah. Would you just stop?"

"Stop what exactly?"

"Stop pretending that what's happening to you now has anything to do with how clean the fucking house is."

They glared at each other for what seemed like ages.

"Josh died, Noah."

"I know that. What's that got to do with it?"

"Everything."

"Look, Luke… Would you stop bringing this up? I don't know what you want from me…"

"What I want is to see you collapsed into a snivelling ball on the floor."

Luke's callous words hit Noah deeply.

"What I want," Luke continued, "is to see you cry like a human being, God dammit!"

What followed was a scream of suppressed emotion that hurtled from Noah's body and found its release in one sweep of his arm along the tabletop. With no thought, he let the momentum of his anger carry him. Mugs, plates and cutlery smashed to the floor.

He heard his own voice roaring outrage, cringed at it, but couldn't stop.

A terrified Mia screamed even louder, intensifying the extreme stress that coursed through his veins.

Noah reached for a chair, swung it high in the air and brought it down with savage force upon the table. He lifted the shattered remains to repeat the action when…

"NOAH!"

At Holden's authoritative voice Noah staggered, retching, drawing in an audible breath of air. He dropped the chair and fell backward into the wall, using it to prop himself up.

For a long moment the room hung, suspended in shocked silence except for Mia's whimpering.

Noah didn't move and he couldn't prevent the sounds that escaped his lips after that.

He had no idea what was happening to him. He felt completely out of control, stripped of his usual self-possession.

"Noah?" Tears seeped from Luke's startled eyes.

"Luke, take the kids outside." Holden had just arrived back from a trip to the store and was standing in the front doorway.

"But Dad, I…"

"Luke." Holden's voice was firm as he repeated, "Take the kids outside."

Luke looked between Noah and his father and relented. He lifted the crying Mia into his arms, gathering her to him, rocking her back and forth and softly muttering her name as he left to join Nicholas on the decking outside.

Luke turned and his frightened eyes caught Noah's gaze and dug at Noah's remorseful heart. Eventually Luke slid the sliding door closed and took the kids to the end of the yard.

"I can't… I can't…" Noah muttered, shaking his head as he fought the sudden weakness that invaded his muscles; turning them to water. A blanket of shame fell over him.

How could he allow Holden to witness him act in such an appalling way.

"What's going on, Son?" As he spoke Holden closed the front door and approached his wrecked son-in-law.

Noah immediately straightened, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, fighting to collect himself.

"I'm sick of living like this!" Noah exclaimed, desperately trying to shelve those feelings back where they belonged; deny them; hide them. "He never cleans up after himself. I constantly have to run around behind him…"

Holden shook his head at Noah.

"Why don't you tell me what's really going on?"

Noah's breath shuddered. "That is what's going on."

"No it's not."

"It is!"

"Come on, Kid. Luke is outside and anything you're afraid might hurt him can't hurt me, okay?"

Noah's legs shook and Holden leapt to his side, one hand squeezing his shoulder and guiding him over so they could sit on the couch together.

"Aren't you tired?" The older man asked, "Don't you feel the need to talk?"

"I found him in the bedroom, you know?" Just like that Noah did speak, surprising himself.

"I know. Luke told me."

"He looked like he was sleeping."

Holden nodded.

"I tried to protect Luke from having to see him that way but you know how Luke…"

Suddenly Noah couldn't stop talking, nor could he stop crying

He went on and on, about Josh, about Luke, about himself, expressing a deep sense of loss and failure.

He wondered how Holden was so calm. How he was able to simply sit there and tolerate such a disgusting display of pure weakness.

But Noah was totally powerless to stop, even though he knew he was behaving like a complete madman.

"When he get's an idea in his head nobody can stop him." He told Holden. "Not even me! And he ploughs into danger… it's almost like he looks for it on purpose."

Noah got up off the couch, feeling a cold chill on his shoulder where Holden's comforting hand had just been.

But he had to get up. He had to move.

"I love him. You know I do. Most days I'm ecstatically happy. But then the rest of the time he makes me so… so…"

Noah paced back and forth; throwing up his arms and sprouting words into the air, spraying spit and tears everywhere.

"…I'm terrified of him…"

Then he returned to the couch, arms wrapped around his knees while still more words and more tears flooded out.

"…I can't lose them…"

Then up and down again, over and over, walking a path into the carpet and indenting the couch; his senses in chaos.

The past came up too. His father, his mother, Luke injured, Luke leaving him and loving another; a cold and lonely year spent in L.A. without anything but his own troubled mind.

"Do you have any idea what last year was like?" he stressed through tears.

And back to Josh.; that beautiful kid lost to them forever.

Until eventually he reached the larger of his fears – that one by one the bricks of their incredible new life were crumbling around him and he was incapable of stopping it.

"No matter what I do! First Josh and now Mia?"

Would Nicholas be next?

Until finally it was their relationship, their love for each other to go – destroyed forever?

"How do I stop it?" Noah asked, pleading with his eyes for answers. "It doesn't make sense."

"No." Holden said for the first time since Noah started his tirade. "It doesn't. It most likely never will."

Noah stood there holding Holden's gaze.

"Sometimes life really doesn't make sense, Noah."

Noah slumped. "It's not fair when we've had to fight so hard."

"No, it's not. But that's just how it is. Until you can truly accept that you can't direct how things will turn out… how people will act in any given situation… then you'll never really be settled, Son. Not in the way I know you want to be. You have to learn to let go of the control…"

"How can I even think to risk that? I could lose them if I do… I can't…I need… I need…"

A perplexed and lost Noah looked desperately around the room.

"Sit down." Holden patted the space beside him. "Sit down and I'll tell you what you need."

Noah sat as hope filled him. Did Holden hold all the answers?

"You need a Dad's hug."

Before Noah knew it Holden was pulling him into his arms, holding him there.

"If you continue as you are…" Holden told him, "as you've done for all your life… holding everything in; you'll end up a mental hospital. It isn't normal, Noah. It isn't human to keep it all penned up like you do. No matter what your father taught you."

"Please…" Noah tried to pull out of the embrace, even as he wanted to fall forever into it. "Holden…"

"Don't fight it, son… just let it all go."

Holden continued to grip hold of the squirming Noah.

"Hol-den…"

The lock on that internal iron box clicked and the lid flung open.

Noah snapped.

The emotion escaped; flowing from him in waves; the feelings pushing up to the surface, demanding to be heard.

And heard they were.

Noah released a series of surging wails into Holden's shirt, shoulders shaking as he cried; his stomach muscles knotted.

He didn't see how his cries brought Luke to the other side of the glass door or how Holden hold up a hand to keep Luke back.

"It's okay to cry. It's okay to let it out." Holden squeezed at Noah's upper arm all the while watching his son over the back of Noah's shoulder. "And when you do we'll be here to catch you. That's what family is all about. When will you understand that you don't have to do things all by yourself anymore, Kid? Even if you feel you can't talk to Luke, you have a whole army of people ready to love and to help you. It's not weak to ask for help. We won't think less of you for it."

There was no going back now. There was simply no stopping it. Noah could barely breathe through the sobs and howls that escaped him.

"But you should trust in Luke. You won't hurt him by letting go, okay? I promise you that. In relationships you share the pain and by doing so lessen it."

For minutes Holden held him there until gesturing for an anxious Luke to enter. Somehow, seamlessly, father and son exchanged places.

It was Luke's body, his smell and his warmth that soaked through to Noah's soul now; Luke's fingers that smoothed the back of his head.

"I'm sorry." He gasped, "I'm so sorry."

Luke didn't speak; he didn't try to pacify Noah. He simply held him, letting every last ounce of pent-up pain find its escape from his husband's wracked body.

Nobody ever questioned it, but from that day onward, without prompting, Noah began to refer to Holden as Dad.

...

"Better?"

Noah turned from the bedroom dresser and smiled at how Luke had his head cocked to one side; a beautiful grin settling on his lips.

"I love you, Luke. You're not just my husband, you're my best friend. You know me better than anybody in the world."

"I do." Luke replied, approaching him until he was close enough to rub his hands up and down Noah's arms.

"You proved it these past few weeks. I'm sorry. I was just so scared I'd hurt you."

Luke shook this head and began to speak but Noah interrupted him.

"I let all the fears clog my mind again and… you were so patient."

"I know!" Luke joked, lightening the mood. "I don't know what happened."

They both laughed until the front doorbell rang. The smiles on both their faces faded as they locked eyes.

"You ready?" Luke asked.

"No."

"Noah, she belongs with…"

"Oh I know that Luke! I'm so happy for her. I want this for her. It just… it doesn't make it any easier."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"We need to make sure she's not afraid of the change."

"Yes, but that's why Kevin plans to stick around in L.A. We can see her whenever we want."

Holden appeared at the bedroom door. "Luke, Noah, you want me to get that?"

"No Dad, we got it."

They continued to stare at each other for a moment and then left hand in hand to open the front door together.

But to their shock it wasn't Kevin Howard who stood waiting outside on their doorstep.

It was Michelle Harris.

...

**I'm not sure I like how this turned out. I'm not sure it gets what I'm aiming for...**

**Anyway thanks for reading.**


	101. Young Minds 21

After everything they'd been through that morning and everything they still had to face that day, finding Michelle 'fucking' Harris on their doorstep was the last thing they needed.

Noah's fingers pressed painfully into the top of Luke's hand as the man's entire body tensed in fright. He flung around, blue eyes madly searching the room behind them.

"Hey…" Luke softly called to him, tugging his hand to bring him back around, "Hey…"

As soon as he had Noah facing him, Luke released his hold on Noah's hand so that he could bring both palms up to his pale cheeks. He worked at getting Noah to focus in on him rather than fly off in an unnecessary panic.

"It's okay. Look at me Noah."

The anxious sapphires met Luke's eyes. For a while they held each other's gaze, thoughts and feelings shifting back and forth between them. Where's Nicky? Why is she here? What does she want?

"He's out in the yard." Luke told him and instantly felt some of the tension dissipate from Noah's tall frame. "It's okay."

Luke nodded at Noah in reassurance and only when Noah nodded back did he remove his hands from Noah's cheeks.

Needing to maintain contact both for Noah's sake as well as his own, Luke took hold of his hand once more.

Relieved to hear that Nicholas was safely out of the way, Noah moved through the door with such speed that the woman on the doorstep had to take a step backward and Luke stumbled as he was pulled along behind him.

"Dammit, Michelle!" Noah seethed. "What are you doing here? You can't just show up here like this! What if Nicky saw you?"

Luke tried to put on a brave face but he knew Noah's stomach must be churning just the same as his. It wasn't so much that Michelle was standing on their doorstep; it was that she looked good.

In fact, she looked so good that it had taken Luke a moment to recognise her when they first opened the door.

Gone was the too tight mini skirt and faded, stained shirt in favour of a classic red and green floral summer dress.

No longer the stick thin instinct-like person she had been; Michelle had put on a healthy amount of weight.

Instead of hollowed cheeks and shadowed eyes, her face was full and rosy; her eyes sparking sea blue. Those Mayer good looks, the silky black hair contrasting starkly with smooth skin and red lips, shone from her now.

Luke felt his skin crawl with guilt at how he internally cursed Michelle's obvious turnaround. She made him feel so insecure and exposed.

The judge had given Noah temporary guardianship of Nicholas based on the drug addiction that made Michelle incapable of properly caring of her son. With that obstacle removed what chance would they have to keep the child if Michelle decided she wanted him back?

"Hello," she said now. Even her voice was different; kinder, sincere. "I didn't come to cause no trouble, okay?"

"Why did you come?"

"I…" she ducked her head, timid under Noah's intense glare, "I wanna see 'im."

"No chance!" Noah's reply was quick and definite.

The three of them stood in silence for a minute while Michelle processed this.

"Could ya at least hear me out before you decide?"

"No."

She sighed.

"I'm not the person I was… And that's down to you… You gave me a chance. And you know about me… you get the clinic reports, right? I'm doing real well at school and I'm clean now. I gotta job and I moved out of Branson. I left that life behind."

"Yes." Noah replied. "I know. And that's great… really it is. But it doesn't change the past, Michelle. It doesn't change what you put that baby through and I'll be damned if I let you within one yard of him."

To Luke's surprise her blue eyes began to tear over; her pained and regretful expression so much like her nephew's… like her son's… that Luke had to suppress the urge to step forward and comfort her.

"Do ya know what it was like?" she asked. "That first time when the shit cleared from my mind… when I got what…" her voice cracked. "I know what I did, okay? I didn't know then because the drug had me, but I know now."

Luke sighed and Noah watched him as he asked, "What do you want?"

"I told ya! I just wanna see 'im one time. I just wanna see my baby one time when I'm not all doped up! It's not much to ask, is it?"

Luke watched Noah's expression and saw the conflict there. It was the same conflict Luke felt at that moment.

Just how long did it take for an addict to turn into the monster that this woman had once been?

Would the same thing have happened to Josh if they hadn't taken him in that night? And had they not found a way to forgive him for what happened with the children? Josh had tried really hard to turn his life around? They had both witnessed him struggle until the pressure became too much and eventually killed him.

Wasn't Michelle just another Josh? Another Reg Addington? Didn't Michelle deserve the same understanding? Hadn't she earned at least some level of forgiveness?

"Even if we could let you see him, Michelle, the boy's terrified of you." As he spoke Noah began to shiver.

The trembles travelled up Luke's arm prompting him to squeeze at Noah's fingers.

"'e doesn't have to know I'm 'ere."

"What?" Luke asked.

"Like I says… I just wanna see 'im. Through the window even, like before when I was 'ere…"

Noah's hand left Luke's so that he could rub his temples with each of his palms. A vein pulsed with the built up tension still residing there.

Luke ached for him. He knew that Noah had come a long way that morning, but that old habits die hard and a part of Noah would always fight to remain controlled.

"'e doesn't 'ave to know I'm 'ere…" Her nervous voice was so incredibly hopeful, a mother's voice.

Noah's turned his head to Luke, "How do you feel about it?"

Luke blinked a few times. What he felt was the need to pull Noah inside and shut the door in the woman's face, but instead he stepped back into the house where Holden stood watching them from the middle of the room.

His father's temperate strength was of immense comfort and Luke sent up another silent prayer of thanks for the man's amazing foresight. Holden knew he would be needed but Luke guessed he couldn't have known how much.

"Dad, could you go outside and make sure the kids stay there please?"

"Sure."

He waited until Holden had closed the glass sliding door before pulling the front door open all the way in invitation to Michelle.

But Noah continued to stand in her way. Luke could feel every drop of his apprehension.

"Bubby?"

Noah looked back into the house at him and Luke almost broke at the fear he read there.

"It will be okay."

Noah thickly swallowed as he looked back to Michelle. He stood there a moment longer and finally stepping aside to allow her entry.

But before she could pass he shot an arm out to block her way, "You make one wrong move and I'm throwing you out. Understood?"

She sadly nodded at him and he removed his hand to allow her entry.

...

Noah stayed close on Michelle's heals as she followed Luke to the kitchen. His senses were on high alert.

What would they do? What would they do if she was here to claim back her son?

What would they do if they lost Nicholas too?

There were no words to describe the snake-like dread that was slowly coiling its way around his heart.

This was exactly what he'd been talking to Holden about just that very morning. This was that terrible, mind-crunching feeling that things were falling apart around him; that he was quickly losing this life he needed so badly.

Michelle audibly gasped as she approached the window and caught her first glimpse of Nicholas.

Holden, Mia and Nicholas were readying themselves to race down the length of the yard.

Little Nicholas looked to Holden on his left and then to Mia on his right. Satisfied that they were all ready he yelled, "Marks, set…"

Holden took off running, already halfway down the yard when Nicholas yelled at him. "No Grandad!"

His small hands rested on his hips.

"What?" Holden asked innocently.

"Not yet!" Nicholas proclaimed. "You have to wait for 'go', silly!"

"Oh!" Holden laughed, "I didn't know. I'm sorry, let's try this again."

Holden made his way back toward the kids, briefly catching Noah's eyes through the kitchen window and smiling his reassurance.

As Noah forced himself to look away from the scene he was just in time to see two teardrops fall down his aunt's cheek.

"He's so beautiful." She whispered and Noah wasn't sure whether she was talking more to them or to herself. "How did I never see how beautiful he is?"

Just as Noah's breath hitched he felt Luke's warm hand run down his back to rest in the hollow above his jeans. It was only then that Noah realised he too was crying. He used the back of his hand to rub his eyes dry.

"He's really smart." Noah told her. "He loves books. He loves to be read too. And he's an amazing artist. He draws and makes things all the time." Noah's voice broke periodically and he had to pause for a moment. "He… um… he…"

"…he sees things or rather he notices things nobody else does." Luke continued. "He sees the world differently we think."

She nodded and smiled gratefully at them both.

"We…" Noah tried but was again forestalled by a rush of intense emotion. "We love him."

"I know that." She said. "That's why… um… Noah I… I'm sorry about…"

Noah's heart had already plummeted at "I'm sorry" but before she could continue her sentence the doorbell rang.

"Kevin." Luke starkly announced, freezing them both for an instant.

Michelle's appearance had, for a small while, distracted them from the main event of the day.

Both men turned their head to watch little Mia trying to keep up with Nicholas as they sped once more down the yard.

"Oh." Noah breathed.

"What's going on?" A confused Michelle watched the little girl playing outside with her son.

"Michelle, we need you to wait in here." Luke told her. "Please don't come out. He… Nicky… it would really scare him, okay? We need you to understand that."

"I know." She nodded.

By now Noah was leaning on the counter.

"Come on, Bubby." Luke gently told him, one hand coming to rest on his shoulder blade. "It's a good thing, remember?"

Noah nodded, but before he moved he turned on the kitchen tap and doused his face with water.

The impatient doorbell chimed again and Noah turned to follow Luke from the kitchen, making sure to close the door behind them.

...

Kevin stuck the large stuffed elephant under his arm so that he would wipe both his sweaty palms down his jeans. He'd never felt more nervous in his life, not even on his wedding day.

"You can do this." He told himself.

Taking a moment to steady himself; he pressed the doorbell to Luke and Noah's modest L.A. home.

There was no answer at first and he moved over to the window, blocking the light with his hands to peer inside. The sitting room was empty.

Feeling a small stroke of apprehension he returned to the front door and pressed the bell again, feeling sure that they would be home. Luke knew when he was coming.

He was right, the door opened and his insides twisted at the looks on both Luke and Noah's faces. This was truly a difficult situation for them and he felt guilt for causing them pain after all they had done for Mia.

Despite his fears Luke smiled warming at the sight of his friend and drew Kevin into a friendly embrace, patting his back.

"Welcome jailbird! You look great!"

"Hi Luke." Kevin smiled and when Luke released him turned to shake Noah's hand. "Hi Noah."

"Hi Kevin. Welcome. Come on in."

Kevin walked into the house after them, taking a moment to notice the various photo frames that adorned the surfaces; many of the pictures featuring Mia. She smiled that sunshine smile of hers, looking every bit as happy as Kevin knew she was under Luke and Noah's care.

In one of the pictures Mia sat on the shoulders of an older boy, while Nicholas held the boy's hand. Kevin lifted this frame in his hands and softly smiled at the picture in it.

"This is Josh?" he asked and both men nodded.

Kevin replaced the frame almost reverently in its place on the shelf.

"Your house is really nice. It's exactly what I expected of you guys; simple and comfortable."

A childish giggle erupted from the yard and Kevin couldn't help but turn his head that way.

He walked forward until he could watch the children through the glass door. They were playing with an older man in the yard. Mia and Nicholas were building a sandcastle in the sandpit. Nicholas kindly handed her the coloured shells to decorate the sandy sides. The close connection between his daughter and this other child was instantly obvious.

He looked back at the two men standing apprehensively by the front door. On the floor by their feet was a small pink suitcase with white flowers; Mia's belongings all packed and ready for her to leave with her father.

"May I?" He asked them, gesturing at the sliding door.

He couldn't miss how Noah briefly closed his eyes and bit his lower lip before he nodded.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Mia excitedly yelped as her father appeared on the deck.

"Hey, Sunshine!" Kevin laughed, his heart warming with love.

He scrunched down to catch her as she ran up the wooden steps to meet him and kissed her on both her cheeks. Holding her hand he stood to greet the older man in the yard.

"Hello, I'm Kevin."

"Pleased to meet you, Kevin." The man had kind eyes. "I'm Holden, Luke's father."

"Oh, right." Kevin smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet the man who raised such an amazing person. I can't tell you what Luke's support has meant to me."

"I've read his story so I have some idea." Holden replied. "I have to tell you that you are one lucky guy. This little one is a pure angel if ever I've come across one!"

"Thank you, I know."

Kevin smiled down at an impatient Mia; who during this adult conversation had been pulling on his hand for attention repeating, "Daddy, Daddy… come… come… Daddy… come see…"

She was so excited both men laughed and Kevin followed her. She dragged him by the hand back into the house, following Nicholas who marched ahead of them.

"Look!" Mia announced to Luke and Noah when she caught sight of them. They still hadn't found the strength to leave their position by the front door. Noah's arms were wrapped around Luke and Luke rested his head back against Noah's shoulder. "Look! It's Daddy."

Barely hiding the raw emotion grasping hold of them, both men smiled at her as the small procession passed.

Kevin found himself led by the hand down the passage and into one of the three bedrooms.

"Look-it Daddy!" She announced, sweeping her hand at the room before jumping on the bed."

Kevin swept his eyes around the children's bedroom; observing on one side the boyish toys belonging to Nicholas, and on the other all the pink and floral décor any little girl would adore.

"This is your room?" He asked, as Nicholas jumped up to join his daughter on her bed.

Mia brightly nodded. "Ah ha! This is my bed! See… pretty flowers and but-flies."

She pressed her forefinger down on the tiny prints adorning the material on her bed.

"I see."

"And that's Nicky's bed."

"That's really cool." He told the boy, who shyly ducked behind Mia.

She hopped off the bed and showed him a large dolls house set up in one corner.

"This is my house." She said, opening the side and revealing the miniature rooms and dolls inside. "And this is where my dresses are…" she pointed at the closet.

"That's amazing, baby." He told her, a large lump forming in his throat as she confirmed all that he had been feeling the previous night and during the trip over.

He turned from his daughter to find Nicholas pointing at him, or rather, pointing at the toy he still held under his arm.

"Oh!" he remembered, "I brought this for you, Mia."

He handed her the large elephant and Nicholas jumped off the bed to examine it with her.

"WOW!" she exclaimed and hopped back and forth on her feet with excitement.

"And I have something for you too, Nicky."

He reached into his pocket and withdrawing the micro-truck he'd purchased from the gas station on the way over.

The boy was tentative.

"It's okay," he assured him. "It's for you."

Nicholas smiled and took the car. "Thank you."

The boy looked so much like Noah. He wondered whether Nicholas was Noah's real son and filed the question away to ask Luke at a later date.

Both children laughed and ran out of the room yelling, "Luke! Noah! Look! Look!"

He arrived to find the kids showing their new toys to the two men by the door. Luke's father stood to one side, out of the way of the events as they were unfolding.

"Okay… well… we have a bus to catch Baby. We'll have to go in a few minutes." Kevin announced. "It's time to say goodbye."

Her face changed then, a deep frown of confusion.

"Luke and Noah coming?"

Kevin shook his head. "No Baby, just you and me."

"And Nicky?"

"No, Baby."

Shaking visibly, Luke lowered to her height and held both her arms.

Her tiny face crinkled with worry.

"We spoke about this, remember Mia? We packed your suitcase so that Daddy could come and fetch you…"

"So we can live toge-ver again?"

"Yes."

"So we all go toge-ver?"

Chocked with emotion Noah suddenly took off out the back door and stood with his back to them, jerking back and forth. Luke watched him sadly holding back tears and Holden left to put his arm around his son-in-law.

Kevin watched as Holden told Noah something and Noah nodded, arms crossed tightly in front of him.

"You and your Dad are going to leave together, Sweetheart." Luke continued.

"When's Mia coming back?" Nicholas asked from beside her.

Noah spoke this time as he and Holden returned to the room, "Nicky, Mia will only come back…"

"…on Monday." Kevin finished.

Noah turned slowly to him, eyes wide.

Kevin approached his daughter and crouched just as Luke was doing. He eyed his tortured friend for a minute and then turned to Mia.

"You and me are going to spend a lovely weekend together, and then I'll bring you _home_ in a few days."

There was an emphasis on the word 'home' that actually caused Noah to release a slight squeak.

Luke's lower lip dropped open and trembled as he struggled to breathe.

"That's if those arrangements suit you guys?" Kevin asked him, holding a steady and sure gaze.

Luke slowly stood at the same time as Kevin lifted Mia in his arms.

"I was up all night thinking about it. And seeing her here today..." Kevin stopped and took a deep breath, looking at his daughter and stroking a strand of hair from her face. "She has a home here... a family. She's really happy and I can't upset that, at least not yet. Not until I have some place stable for her. I need so much. I mean my Mom left me some money, but it's not much. I don't even have a job or anywhere permanent to live yet."

Noah dropped heavily into a dining chair, staring at Kevin as though he were afraid to believe what he was hearing.

"Are you saying…" he asked.

Kevin nodded. "I'm asking… I need to do what's best for her, not what I wish could be. Will you guys keep her here… with you?"

Both men were left speechless.

"I think we can safely say it's a yes." Holden told Kevin.

Luke held out his arms and Mia fell immediately into them. He hugged her close and took her over to where Noah sat. Noah stood on shaky legs, stared at the two of them for a moment and then enfolding them both, burying his face into Luke's neck; broad shoulders slumping in relief.

With wet eyes Noah pulled back and kissed the side of Mia's face.

"Bye Baby." And then he laughed. "Have fun with Daddy and we'll see you soon."

She grinned at him and blew him a kiss, something she had recently learnt off of Luke.

Both Luke and Noah laughed wetly and Luke hugged her, swaying slightly, before returning her to Kevin.

"Thank you." He managed to whisper.

Tearing up himself, Kevin took back his daughter, picked up her case and said, "Say goodbye to Nicky, Mia."

"Bye Nicky!" Mia smiled, still clinging to the stuffed elephant.

"Bye Mia." Nicholas waved.

Luke opened the front door and Kevin walked through it, stopping once to say goodbye to Holden.

"Goodbye Kevin. Enjoy your weekend."

The door closed and Luke slumped up against it, falling to the floor in a puddle of tears.

"Why you crying Luke?" a worried Nicholas asked, holding his new toy car with both hands.

Noah moved quickly across the room to join Luke on the floor and they hugged tightly.

"Did that just happen?" Noah asked.

"I think so." Luke replied, laughing through relieved tears.

"Why are you crying?" Nicholas asked again.

They broke apart and smiled at the little boy who stood before them.

"Because we love you and Mia so much Nicky… Do you know that?"

"Yeah silly!" he laughed and dived at them hugging one arm around each of them as Luke ruffled his hair.

"Um, guys?" Holden asked. "What about your other visitor?"

As they hugged Nicholas to them, the eyes of both Luke and Noah fell on the closed kitchen door.

**Thanks for reading... Please comment... thanks... :-)**


	102. Young Minds 22

Noah found Michelle sitting at the breakfast bar. In one shaky hand she held a lit cigarette, smoke wafting lazily toward the ceiling, while the other hand smoothed a crumpled stack of stapled pages resting on the table top. It was clear the papers, whatever they were, had once have been folded into four.

For want of an ashtray she had taken one of the clean plates from beside the sink and was using that instead.

Noah closed the door behind him.

"We don't smoke in this house."

"Sorry." She quickly stubbed it out on the plate. "Managed to quit everythin' but the smoking. It's worse when I gets nervous."

Noah nodded. It was obvious Michelle was just as ill at ease as he was.

"Can I ask you somethin'?

"Depends."

"Will ya tell me how Winston died?"

Expecting a question about Nicholas, Noah was completely thrown. He didn't want to go over that terrible moment in his life but she was looking at him so expectantly.

He sighed. "Do you drink coffee?"

"Don't everyone?"

Noah walked across the room and opened one of the top cupboards, extracting a fresh filter and spending a moment choosing which blend of coffee he wanted. He had bags of Java's best. He and Luke would always pick some up whenever they visited Oakdale.

Java's fine blends were something he had really missed when he first moved to L.A. Before Luke…

...

_When his cell rang all of a sudden it seemed louder to Noah than it actually was. _

_He was in the middle of drying his hands after washing the dinner dishes and the sound of the phone made him nervously drop the towel to the floor. _

_The display read 'Number Withheld' but he felt a familiar pull and his hand shuddered as he lifted the phone from the kitchen counter. _

"_Luke?"_

_For a moment there was no reply, just the sound of breathing on the other end of the line._

_Then, "Hey…"_

_One word - just one tiny word of greeting to make Noah's heart do a back-flip. One week, two days, seven hours and ten minutes had passed since he'd forced himself to turn around and leave a heartbroken Luke standing alone in the WOAK office. Since he'd last heard his voice…_

"_Hi." Noah replied. _

"_This is a new phone. How did you know it was me?"_

_Noah heard the sad smile in his voice; could clearly picture that particular look on his face._

"_The way I always know…" _

_He heard Luke shuffling around; heard him clear his throat._

"_So… um… you all settled?"_

_(Settled? No I'm not settled! I miss you! Don't you miss me?)_

"_Kind of."_

"_Thought I'd call to check you got my parcel?"_

"_What?"_

_Then Noah remembered something he'd forgotten about. He turned to eye the mysterious box that had arrived early that morning. _

_Lately nothing much caught his attention and he'd merely dismissed the parcel, abandoning it on the kitchen table with the rest of the mail; where it sat ignored all day._

"_Oh." He said now; approaching it. "This is from you?"_

_He heard Luke chuckle. _

"_Well… I can't see through the phone Bub-" Luke's voice cut off instantly in a quick withdrawal of breath. There was a shocked silence before Luke said, "…I mean, Noah. Sorry… Old habit."_

_Noah gripped the phone to his ear. It wasn't just the slip, it was also the way Luke had said his name. _

"_That's okay." _

"_Well," Luke continued, "tell me what was in that parcel and I'll tell you if it's the one I sent."_

"_I don't know what's in it." Noah told him. "I haven't opened it yet. Hold on a second."_

_Reluctantly he parted the phone from his ear and placed it down on the table so that he could use both hands to tear at the brown paper the box was wrapped in. _

_Even as the first teardrops fell Noah softly smiled and tittered when he opened the lid to view the contents. The box was filled to the brim with various bags of every blend of coffee Java had available. _

"_How did you know I was missing this stuff?" He asked Luke with amazement. _

"_The way I always know…" Luke's reply was quick, spilling from his lips as though he had no control over the words; the result of which was a lengthy and uncomfortable silence. _

"_So…" Noah asked him, eventually working up the courage, "is that why you called…? The package?" _

_More silence from the other end of the call. _

_(Please talk to me.)_

"_Luke? Are you wanting…?"_

"_I have to go. Enjoy the coffee… I'll call again soon…"_

_The click as Luke hung up was a deafening answer to Noah's unasked question. _

_..._

Noah was temporarily distracted by the memory and stood smiling at the cupboard contents. Despite the distance between them that year, Luke had kept him fully stocked with a regular supply from Java.

"Noah?" Michelle asked, confused by his sudden inactivity and bringing him back to the present.

"This is a good one." He told her, shaking himself out of it and extracting the Costa Rican blend. "Not too strong and not too weak… with a nutty texture. Luke prefers the Brazilian, but I find that one a little too dark. The only reason he can handle it is because he insists on adding spoonfuls of instant hot chocolate."

She smiled at him as he made nervous conversation. He almost dropped the bag. It was his father's smile.

"You okay?"

He nodded and turned to prepare the coffee.

"So, you gonna tell me then?" she asked.

Noah continued with the coffee preparation, using the time to get his thoughts in order.

"He didn't like it." Noah told her, turning around and leaning back into the counter as he waited for the coffee to brew. "You were right about that."

"Didn't like what?"

"Me and…" he nodded toward the door, "Luke…"

She snorted and nodded at the same time. "Didn't stack up to his perfect moral code, right?"

Noah sadly shook his head.

"Could 'ave been 'cause of me, you know?"

"What could?" Noah asked.

"Could 'ave been my lifestyle shocked 'im… made 'im less accepting?"

"I doubt it, Michelle. He was as he was. Nothing made him that way. I'm done with giving him excuses."

She waited while he filled two mugs with coffee and handed one to her.

"Mmm, delish!" she exclaimed after one sip.

Noah leaned back up against the counter, ankle nervously tapping on the lower cupboard door. Watching her over the top of his mug, he took a large sip himself before briefly closed his eyes to the warming sensation.

"So 'e tried to stop it I take it?" She prompted, "He tried to stop your thing with Luke?"

Sighing once more, Noah left the counter to take up a stool beside her. Then slowly, starting from his first meeting with Luke, he laid out the series of events that led to his father's final demise in the cabin east of Los Angeles.

"Shit!" she exclaimed with sadness. "I always knew 'e 'ad a screw lose but… shit!"

They sat in a companionable quiet, finishing up their second mug of coffee each. It wasn't until they heard Nicholas's cheery giggle that the tension returned to the room.

Michelle stood to approach the window and watched as Luke swung the child upside down, swinging him back up and chucking him high in the air before catching him again.

Noah came up behind her.

"You done real good with 'im." She said.

"We will have to fight you Michelle."

She frowned as she turned to him. "What?"

"Did you hear what went down just now?"

"With the girl?"

Noah nodded.

"Yeah, I 'eard."

"If that man turned around today and said he was taking his daughter back… I wouldn't hesitate one minute in returning her to him. However much that would hurt. Because although in here," he held a hand to the area of his heart, "she's our daughter… mine and Luke's… we want what's best for her. Even if that's not us."

She nodded at him.

"But that little boy out there? You hurt him, Michelle. In so many ways. You can't have him back now. It's too late. Too much damage has been done and he's too young to understand the drug thing. Maybe one day, when he's older, we can ask if he wants to meet you."

He turned to lock eyes with Luke as his husband opened the back door and come in from the yard, leaving Holden to occupy Nicholas outside with a ball.

"That's not why I came." Michelle said, continuing their conversation despite Luke's interruption.

She looked between Luke and Noah for a moment and then returned to fetch the sheets of paper she'd left atop the breakfast bar.

Her eyes flit across the document as she approached them and she took a deep breath before handing the pages over to them.

"I ain't cut out to be a mom." She shrugged. "I weren't then and I ain't now…"

"What is this?" Luke asked as he took the pages from Noah's hands and scanned the front cover.

"I asked the lawyer at the clinic to help me. It's a petition…"

"For what?" a cautious Noah asked.

"I'm signin' 'way my rights to the child. I'm askin' the judge to give 'im to you. Guess it will 'ave to go to court still and everythin' but…"

Noah stepped forward, sure he was hearing wrong. "You're giving me parental rights to Nicky?"

Her gaze fell once more on her son, this child she barely recognised anymore.

"'e's your son. Maybe 'e always was… I never did anything right by 'im… At least this is somethin' worthwhile."

Without another word she grabbed her handbag from the counter, turned and left.

They waited until they heard the front door close before they released the shared breath they were holding.

...

Sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee, Luke finished reading the legal document Michelle had signed.

When he looked up Noah was still standing by the sink, watching Holden and Nicky through the window. He hadn't moved the whole time, neither had they spoken.

Leaving the papers on the counter, Luke approached him from behind and hugged him back into his body, pressing his forehead into the nape of Noah's neck.

Noah released a breath and stroked up and down Luke's arms.

Luke followed Noah's gaze just in time to catch his father mouth "ice-cream" at them and indicate he was taken Nicholas for a walk.

As Noah nodded and Holden disappeared with Nicholas, Luke placed a few kisses on the back of Noah's neck. He moved his lips slowly under Noah's ear and pulled Noah around to face him as he continued his course down the length of Noah's jaw.

As their lips met, Luke pressed his body closer, brushing tellingly against the quick swelling in Noah's board shorts.

Reading Luke's thoughts like a book, Noah pushed forward tightly against Luke, deepening their kiss and groaning as Luke brought one hand down to smoothly squeeze his erection.

Driven by a sudden need for closeness, for that connection that was purely them, they stumbled and crawled and gasped, losing items of clothing until Luke had Noah standing, buttocks pressed against the counter; naked with hair spiked up from Luke's fondling. Handsome… Perfect…

It hurt to swallow when Luke caught a look pass through Noah's eyes. A dark intensity filled them and Luke saw the danger before he could prepare himself for it.

In a quick swoop Luke was roughly flung stomach first over the sink as Noah came at him with one quick, deep and possessive plunge; all of Noah's fears and insecurities from the past few weeks finding final release in this one act.

Luke released a thunderous scream of pain and looked for something to grip onto. One hand found the cool tap while the other balled into a first.

"Fuck!" he panted, grimacing and banging his fist into the sink. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

A long, painful, beautiful moment of symbiotic connection past. He managed to breathe in only when Noah's tight hold on him slacked slightly. But the relief was short lived as Noah delivered three more heavy and violent thrusts that burned deeply.

"Noah! Noah!"

Noah silenced Luke's entire mouth with his hand, stilling full within him once more. "Shh… I'm sorry…"

Panting, Noah turned Luke's head so that their eyes could lock and Luke could see the depth of his feeling; his love, his fears, his anger, his loss, his desire, his relief… everything…

Luke understood then - Noah needed this.

He cupped Noah's cheek and kissed him, finding his tongue for a moment and then relaxing, dropping forward in submission, opening up to him.

Reaching past Luke, Noah doused his palm with liquid hand-wash and used it to lubricate between them as best he could while already joined as they were.

Finished, Luke felt Noah's hands reach down and around to stoke at him and the level of Luke's desire reached a fever pitch just as Noah began to move once more.

But it wasn't slow.

Noah drove into Luke with a relentless force Luke had never known from him before. It was a powerful and unseen compulsion Noah needed an outlet for – needed Luke for.

Luke bore it, turning to catch Noah just as he shuddered and quaked; both dropping in sweat to the tiled floor and holding onto each other.

As he came back down to earth Noah turned Luke's face to his, gazing with worry at him.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

Luke shook his head. "Not too much."

Noah gently kissed him once on each eye, on his nose and then caught Luke's lips in his own.

"I'm sorry."

Then Luke arched back into the crook of Noah's arm, as Noah tenderly, slowly, brought him to the brink by hand, blowing hot kisses into his ear as they finally let go of the grief and their warm tears blended together.

...

**Hope you enjoyed it...**


	103. Young Minds 23

As the heat from the sex dissipated the kitchen tiles began to feel cold on their skin, so they manoeuvred as much of their clothing under themselves as possible; neither ready to part bodies just yet.

Noah stretched his arm right under Luke's neck and around his back to cup his right shoulder while his other hand caressed smoothly up and down Luke's arm, keeping him warm.

He turned his head and buried his face into Luke's hair, sniffing deeply.

"Your hair smells _so_ good. Last year I started using your brand of shampoo… Did I tell you that?"

"No."

"I saw it in the store and…" he didn't need to finish.

Luke bent his neck to study Noah's profile as the blue gaze fell intently on him. He noted how the lines of grief that had been so long etched into his brow had faded; at least a little.

Over the past few weeks, whenever Luke had seen those lines, he'd hid an overwhelming desire to place his palm over them and smooth them over. As though the act might somehow, magically, erase Noah's hurt altogether.

"Your skin looks smoother."

"Yeah?"

"And your eyes are clear."

"They weren't before?"

Luke shook his head. "They haven't been for a while."

Noah kissed Luke's temple.

"You look so much better," Luke continued, "now that you got all that shit out."

"I feel better."

"Good."

"I know I've said it before but, your Dad's amazing."

Still tracing patterns over the contours of Noah's face, Luke searched his eyes, "Do you think… maybe… someday you'll be able to tell me some of the things you told him?"

Noah broke the eye contact blinking a few times and staring up at the ceiling. He brought his left arm up to rest wrist-up across his forehead.

As he considered Luke's question, Luke reached up with his hand to meet Noah's extended fingers in a gentle tickle of digits.

"Truthfully," Noah said equably from under his arm, "Some of the things I feel… it's like…"

Luke could sense Noah growing impatient with himself when the words refused to formulate.

"It's okay, Bubby. Take your time."

"I wish so much I could tell you…" again the words fell away in a frustrated sigh.

Noah laid his hot cheek against the roughness of Luke's stubble; left to grow out after the crazy morning they'd had.

"I want to tell you everything, Luke. I want you to know everything that's going on in my head."

"But Noah I DO know..." Luke shifted up on his elbow, moved Noah's arm from his face so that he could focus down on him, "You forget that I know all your tricks. I know well how you hide behind this mask of calmness. But it doesn't work with me. You can't protect me that way because I already know everything you're thinking."

Noah nodded.

"And for a while… I mean since I've been in L.A., since we got back together, you've been so much better at talking to me. Why not this time?"

Noah stroked one finger down Luke's cheek.

"Because this time..." he took a deep breath, "…you were in so much pain. The way I feel about you… the depth of what I feel for you… sometimes I can't find my voice to speak. It get's all chocked up inside. This time it wasn't just my feelings to come out… your feelings were involved too. And it's my job to take away your pain not add to it."

Luke rested his cheek on Noah's chest, fingers running through the hairs there. He linked their hands and kissed Noah lightly on his knuckles.

"Maybe you can start with just one thing. And we can deal with the issues one by one… But you do need to tell me when you're sad in future. I don't want to _ever_ again see you go through anything like what I witnessed this morning. The way you bottled everything up hurt worse and scared me more than anything you could ever tell me."

"I know… I'm sorry…"

"And the chair was pretty badly hurt too."

There was a pause before both men burst out laughing; Noah thinking how only Luke could find a way to joke in such a moment. He squeezed the man tightly and kissed him once more. They settled back down into each other's arms and lay there in silence for a while.

Eventually Noah said, "Most of that was fear…"

"Fear?"

"Yeah… that… I guess that I might be losing this." He indicated at the room but Luke knew what he meant. "My whole life, I've only ever been happy when I'm with you. So I fear the happiness sometimes, because I already know what it means to lose it…"

"I think we've been doing a pretty good job of staying together." Luke smiled.

"Yes, we have."

"And, as it turns out… we have two less things to worry about now."

"Yes." Noah laughed, the realisation hitting him then too. "What a day, hey?"

Luke rolled over him and pressed his lips hard into Noah's. When he came back up Noah was smiling comfortably at him and Luke shook his head, grinning.

"What?" Noah beamed.

"You're awesome!"

Noah laughed deeply at Luke's use of Josh's favourite word, "They're ours, Luke."

Luke nodded.

"We get to keep them both!"

Again Luke nodded, unable to stop smiling either.

Whatever the expected disasters and alarms of the day's events, like all good stories it had at least had a happy ending. Noah was more content than Luke had seen him in weeks, they were closer than ever, and the children were theirs. At least for the time being.

...

There had been many nights like this since Holden returned with the boys to their home in Los Angeles. Always a night owl, Holden would read his novel into the early morning until thirsty, he'd take a quick stroll to the kitchen.

Almost every time he would find his son-in-law sitting alone at the breakfast bar, staring at the coffee mug in his hands.

It was this mantle of sadness that hung like a misty fog over the boy that had convinced Holden he would be needed. Whatever the emotions this kid was holding inside, he would never burden Luke with them. He needed somebody who could stand aloof from the situation of Josh's death.

Noah's eyes were shadowed with exhaustion and strain; his mouth set in a grim line. As a father, Holden's heart ached for him.

He knew it was only a matter of time before Noah snapped. He just had to wait him out.

But after their return to Los Angeles, Noah estranged himself from Holden, remaining cautious and reserved; exchanging only the occasional small talk or polite necessities.

Holden knew Noah sensed his reason for being there. The boy was afraid; terrified of the storm raging within him; frightened to reveal it to anybody and feeling weaker by the day; less and less able to hold it together.

So two nights after Noah's breakdown and the discovery that the boys would be able to keep both Nicholas and Mia, when he thought things had finally improved for Noah, Holden was surprised to find the boy in the process of brewing a pot of coffee.

"Hey? Can't sleep?"

Noah turned; eyes twinkling; a genuine smile playing on his lips, "I was sleeping just great until Nicky decided to craw into the bed. He shifted me over so much I fell out!"

Holden laughed, "Ah yes! I remember those days!"

"Anyway, I'm awake now so I thought I'd have a cup. Would you like one too… Dad?"

Holden must have worn a look of utmost surprise on his face, because Noah rewarded him with a shy lopsided grin that made Holden want to grab the kid in a tight bear hug.

But he knew Noah better than that. So instead, his heart warmed totally through, Holden stepped forward to give the kid an affectionate pat of approval on his shoulder.

"I would love a cup… son."

They smiled wetly at each other for a moment until Noah cleared his throat and turned to continue making the coffee.

"So," Noah asked, "how much longer to you plan to visit with us here?"

He turned back to Holden, who had since settled himself on a stool.

"Not that I'm in any hurry to see you go." Noah finished.

Still overwhelmed with emotion from Noah's declaration, Holden had to wait a moment before he could find a steady voice.

"Well, I think I'm satisfied that you boys can take things from here, so most likely in a day or two. I'm really missing Lily and the kids. But it's been worth it to see you both looking happy again."

Noah nodded, "Yeah. It's been one hell of a tough ride, this one. I'm… I just… thank you. For being here…"

"That's what Dad's are for."

...

"Oh my God! Are you really THAT stupid? I mean it's like somebody said it was chilly outside and you brought a bowl!"

Are your parents siblings? Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you'd only had enough oxygen at birth?"

As Jenna insulted her lasted work experience student, Luke found himself grinning at her and enjoying the spectacle. Even though his usual instinct screamed at him to step in and rescue the poor kid.

"Go!" she yelled at the guy, "I haven't got all day! And do it right next time!"

Once her trembling victim had departed, Luke watched as Jenna read over the article the young student had given her and saw a slight curl on the side of her mouth.

"Not bad." She said to herself. "He's getting better…"

For the first time she glanced up to notice Luke grinning at her.

"What?"

Luke shook his head. "Nothing."

"If it's nothing then why do you have that brainless smirk on your face?"

Luke leaned back in his chair.

"It's just… I really like you Jenna."

If it were possible for Jenna to look shocked, that was the reaction Luke's words elicited.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I like you."

"Shut up!"

"What?" Luke laughed, "It's true."

"Yeah, well I'd prefer it if you didn't."

"Can't help it, I'm afraid." An entertained Luke told her, "I've totally worked you out."

"You have, ha? Do enlighten me with your wisdom oh great one…"

"Your cynicism and social ineptitude is just a tool you use to hide the truth…"

"Oh really, and what is the truth?"

"That deep down, under all those insults, you really care… a lot…"

Luke took great pleasure from the flash of insecurity that statement awarded him. But he didn't get to hear her reply because at just that moment her phone rang. She picked it up with such force that it almost went flying but she managed to catch it mid-air.

"Hello?"

She swivelled in her chair so she could turn her back to Luke, who still sat smiling knowingly at her.

With that moment of entertainment over, Luke picked up his own cell to dial Noah.

"Hey!" came Noah's easy answer in Luke's ear. "I was just thinking about you!"

"Hi, Baby. Thought I'd check in before I head out for some lunch. Have you finished with those sound bites you were working on? I know they were giving you a bit of a headache."

"Yip, all done. I really want to see you right now."

"Me too."

"You do?"

"Yes of course! I always want to see you, you know that!"

"Well good, because… look up…"

Confused Luke glanced upward and spotted Noah making his precarious way through the long and very busy newsroom.

As always when he saw Noah unexpectedly Luke had to draw breath at his beauty. His height was physically impressive and perfectly accented by a narrow waist and broad shoulders; sculptured muscles. Noah always looked better in person than in Luke's head.

People always stopped to watch him walk by in the street, in shopping malls and even here, in Luke's office. Both men and women couldn't fail to notice him. And what made this even sexier to Luke, was how Noah wasn't even aware of it.

Noah dropped the phone from his ear and grinned from ear to ear as soon as Luke's eyes found his.

This astounding man was all his!

Luke stood to walk over and meet Noah part of the way.

"Hello!" Luke laughed as he was swept up in Noah's eager arms.

"Okay if I take my handsome Hubby out for a bite to eat?"

"Well," Luke pretended, "I don't know… I'm real busy with this deadline and all…"

Noah punched his shoulder.

"Bastard!"

"Ouch!" Luke laughed. "Of cause I want to have lunch with you, Bozo!"

Noah kissed him as they giggled together.

"Excuse me!" Jenna interrupted walking over. "This is a place of work. Not a couple's shin-ding!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Luke sang.

"Noah!" They all turned to find Jarvis making his way over.

"Hello, Jarvis." Noah shook the man's hand and then turned serious. "Look, I'm really sorry about the other day…"

"Oh, don't mention it my boy!" Jarvis exclaimed, "From what I heard you had every reason to be worried. I'm sorry that Luke was put in such a precarious position."

"Actually Luke has a habit of putting himself in those positions, isn't that right?"

Noah flicked a finger at Luke's neck.

"Hey!" Luke moaned; hand coming up to cover the sore spot. "Stop hitting me!"

"You can rest assured that Luke and I have had a very lengthy and stern discussion on this topic." Jarvis said. "He won't be doing anything so reckless again!"

Noah shook his head. "I mean no disrespect, but if I can't get him to stop being 'so reckless', then what hope do you have?"

"That's why you should leave the job to the experts." Jenna piped in, holding out a sheet of paper for Luke. "Here. That was my source on the phone. He's picked up some info on your drug situation. Seems the heroin supply is drying up. Your uncle has had to pull out."

Luke took the page from her frowning. "You mean my father?"

"Damian is already in prison. He wouldn't start drug running now! He's smart. You of all people should know that."

Luke read a few lines from her notes. "You're saying Damian isn't behind the heroin smuggling?"

"That's what I said! Don't you listen? It's all Anton's gig. Word is Damian reported the heroin running to the authorities to make sure they check his ships before they sail into port. Anton is one pissed off bunny at the moment!"

Luke looked up at Noah. "Why would Damian let me believe he was behind it all?"

Noah smiled. "Because he knows you like I do."

"Ha?"

"He knew you'd storm off to confront Anton. So he dealt with it himself. He was protecting you."

Luke shook his head as the realisation set in. "Fuck if I'll ever understand that man."

"Well in this case I understand him perfectly. He wanted to keep this," Noah took Luke protectively into his arms, "precious body safe! Same as me!"

"So now you can finish up your story without getting yourself killed. That's how _real_ reporters work, Mr. Snyder!" Jenna said. "You'll have to do better if you want to be a serious journalist like me."

Before Luke could thank her for her contribution or comment on her disdain, she had left them and returned to her computer screen.

No wanting this new development involving his father to influence the great mood he was in, Luke chuckled. "Come on gorgeous! You promised me lunch!"

...

There was a patch of yellow long grass just below the site of Josh's grave which had been left to grow wild and attract butterflies and birds. A light breeze blew peacefully through the strands, making them wave and roll prettily back and forth.

Noah sat on a green gingham blanket, watching Kevin, Nicholas and Mia playing with a skipping rope on the nearby tarred cal-de-sac. Kevin held one end, while Nicholas held the other, and Mia had a good go of jumping over the rope between them. Noah thought she was quite good at it for her age.

Nicholas laughed as he sang, "Shimmy shimmy, coco pop, shimmy shimmy, pow!"

Noah wasn't sure, but he thought it must have been Jasmine who taught them the skipping song.

The picnic had been such a good idea. They had packed drinks, sandwiches and cakes in a hamper and set out with the kids to spend time together in the one place where they could feel close to Josh.

Slowly, day by day, they were all coming to terms with Josh's death; an event that had shook them like no other and still caused Noah to jerk in shock sometimes.

The almost debilitating pain in his heart was now reduced to a dull thump when he thought of Josh. And when he remembered the boy now, it wasn't that moment of finding him in the bed, but rather his smile and sense of humour that Noah thought about.

Luke also seemed much recovered from the event. He cried less now and smiled a whole lot more. And it had become easier to talk about the loss together; easier to enjoy moments like these. So a picnic in a graveyard seemed natural and good and felt right.

The late afternoon son shone down on them warmly, but not too hot and Noah enjoyed a few moments eating the occasional strawberry.

He smiled affectionately at Luke who stood up the hill by the side of Josh's grave, lightly running his fingers over the granite tombstone as he conversed silently with the boy.

As his teeth cut the last strawberry in half, Noah rubbed his thumb across his lower lip, catching the red juices that threatened to dribble down his chin and spoil his white t-shirt.

Quickly wiping his hands on a strip of paper towel, Noah hopped up and made his way toward Luke. He was halfway up the steep incline when a certain plot caught his eye and brought him to a stop.

It was a double grave with two identical stones; the kind married couples usually selected so they could be laid to rest together, forever.

But it wasn't the shared grave that had caught Noah's attention so much as the inscriptions.

He jumped slightly when Luke's hand ran suddenly down his back.

"Sorry." Luke smiled. "You were really deep in thought. What's up?"

Noah smiled back. "Look at this. One stone says Friends in life, while the other says Friends in death."

The name on one grave read Brock Evans, 4 June 1911 – 18 January 2006. There was nothing unusual about that, except for the fact that the name on the twin tomb read Randy Pearce.

Luke's arms wrapped around Noah and he felt the warmth of Luke's cheek press into his back.

"Do you think…?" Noah asked.

"Well, it makes sense doesn't it? A shared grave and everything… They would have been in their prime during the late thirties, early forties, I guess. Not an easy time to be a committed gay couple."

"No." Noah whispered softly, turning to pull Luke into a one armed hug, his eyes remaining fixed on the double grave. "Do you think they loved each other as much as we do?"

"I like to think so, yes." Luke gripped Noah tightly around his waist, head resting on his shoulder.

"We're blessed really, aren't we?" Noah observed, "You _know_ how hard it was for the both of us to admit who we really are to the world. But at least in this day and age we have the freedom to be married and build a family together. Can you imagine how hard it must have been for Brock and Randy; not even free to hold hands when they walked down the street?"

"I know."

"I can't even imagine being around you for one second and not being able to touch you."

"And there are still guys and girls in other parts of the world, hell, even in parts of THIS country, who can't admit they're gay for fear of reprisals."

"Randy died in 2005, just a few months before Brock." Noah continued, "I wonder how long they were together for."

"I hope that they were together for as long as we're gonna be…" Luke said, wrapping his arms around Noah's neck.

As Noah replied with his standard response, a kiss already in motion, he couldn't have known that by the end of that very same month, Luke would have vanished.

"Same here."

...

**Please comment on this chapter and/or on the story as a whole! I'm really grateful for all the support I received on this one! It's been incredible! Thank you!**


	104. Vumilia 1

"He's dead you know?"

Noah had just turned to walk away with disgust, unable to stand listening to another hurtful word pass the man's purse lips.

But after that statement, uttered so nonchalantly, like it was nothing, like Luke meant nothing, Noah's legs came to an abrupt stop even as he willed them forward. His feet stumbled slightly on the uneven earth as the air flew from his lungs.

"That's why you're here, isn't it?" the man continued. "That blonde?"

Even turned away as he was, Noah could feel the man's malicious smile and hateful eyes burning into his back. A shiver ran up his spine.

He wanted to turn around. He wanted to stride back over there and beat the truth from him; find out what he knew about Luke. But he couldn't. Not here. Not under all these watchful eyes; hundreds of them in of support and loving, this man…

Noah knew he would be arrested and then what use was he to Luke?

He wouldn't react any more than he had already. He wouldn't give this monster the satisfaction.

Without even looking back Noah forced his traitorous legs forward until he was alone and out of sight between the walls of two makeshift buildings.

He leaned forward into the rough grey brick, pressing his head to his fisted knuckles; trying to breath.

"Get a grip! It's not true! You'd know if it were true! You'd feel it!"

...

_Noah sensed Luke was down so he decided to try acting extra chipper in the hopes his boyfriend would find it so cute he couldn't help but cheer up._

_Luke didn't wait a moment to take a sip of his coffee._

_Hey!" Noah warned, "Careful! That's a little hot…!" _

_Of course Luke spilt hot coffee over his hand and the table as he jerked from the burn in his mouth._

"_Oh, I am such a cluts!" Luke exclaimed. Already irritable in general, this incident just seemed to annoy him even more. _

"_Hey," Noah placated, laughing slightly and helping Luke as best he could by passing him a paper napkin, "you really do need a break."_

_As they both wiped up the table a man Noah didn't know walked up to them. _

"_Hey!" he said amicably, "Luke Snyder! Where have you been?"_

"_Hey, Reg." Luke replied, standing up and shaking the man's hand. "Sorry I didn't make it to the committee meeting! I've been crazy busy!" He gestured at Noah, "Look, this is, um, my boyfriend, Noah."_

_As Noah stood to shake his hand he introduced himself, "Reg Addington. Pleased to meet you." Then turning back to Luke he smiled knowingly, "Now I see where you've been, um, spending your time. Good going!" _

_By now Noah was blushing. _

"_Now!" Reg continued, "We still need you on the social committee though!"_

_Noah was pleased when Luke immediately explained. It always amazed him how Luke never failed to include him in any given conversation; always making sure to fill Noah in on the blanks. _

"_Yeah. Reg is the president of the O.U.G.L.B.T. committee." Luke explained._

_As Noah nodded Reg said, "And, um, otherwise known as The Alphabet Soup. Although we are thinking about adding a 'Q'"_

"_For queer?" Luke frowned._

"_For questioning." _

_They all laughed and then giggled even more when Luke replied, "Oh, well… some of us are through that phase!"_

"_And that's a good thing!" Reg agreed. His dark eyes lit up all of a sudden and he said, "Oh! Are you guys free this weekend? Tony's parents have a house up on the lake and a bunch of guys from the Alliance are gonna be there… Should be a blast! There's an extra bedroom… If you two are interested?"_

"_Um." Luke looked over at Noah, obviously trying to gage him quickly, but when he couldn't get a clear reading he asked, "Can we get back to you?"_

"_Yeah, sure!" Reg assured him. "Call my cell. It's gonna be a blast and it would be great if you could be there." He gave Noah a quick squeeze on his arm as way of goodbye and said, "Just let me know."_

_They waved him off and then both retook their seats at the table. _

"_So…" Luke asked, looking unsure. "Do you think we should go?"_

"_Hell yes!" Noah thought, his imagination conjuring up images of a naked Luke sprawled across black satin sheets._

_But playing it cool Noah said, "Could be just what you need, you know? Time ta chill out… relax?"_

"_A nice relaxing weekend at the lake-house." Luke theorised, "Get to meet some other gay couples… Socialise…"_

"_Sounds really great, doesn't it?" Noah asked, internally hoping Luke would agree. Then to sweeten the deal he took a chance and suggestively uttered, "Especially the part about… sharing a bedroom?"_

"_You hate sleeping on my Grandma's couch, don't you?"_

"_Way to go Mayer!" he thought. "Now Luke thinks this is because you're sick of the farm!"_

"_Emma's been really good to me. Your family's great!" he assured Luke, "I love living on the farm! But, you know, it does cut down on our alone time?"_

"_Well, there's going to be other people at this party, this weekend?"_

_Noah realised then that Luke had gotten what he meant all along and was just avoiding the real issue. "You know what I mean." _

_Luke pulled a face that Noah couldn't read._

"_What?" he asked._

"_I don't… I don't know! I don't know! It's weird! I…" he looked Noah over and then moved in closer so that nobody could overhear him, "You know how much I want to be with you?"_

"_Me too."_

"_I was in the wheelchair and I didn't have use of all my moving parts. And now I'm better. And things are just so messed up with my parents."_

_Noah was starting to feel like an ass. All he had thought about was getting Luke in the sack without giving any thought to his current state of mind. He felt like punching himself._

"_Hey." He softly said, "If you don't want to go right now because you're worried about your dad, I completely get that. Okay? We can do this some other time. I want this to feel right."_

_To make sure Luke knew he meant it he reached across the table to hold his hand._

"_This isn't about my feelings for you." Luke told him. "I love you. And I really, really, want to be together."_

"_I think about it all the time." Noah admitted, "I mean, sneaking kisses on the porch, and holding hands while walking around the pond, is great; but you can't blame a guy for wanting more."_

"_I want it to." Luke whispered, moving in still closer, "So bad." The way Luke said that caused a jolt in Noah's groin and he almost groaned out loud. Then Luke's whole demeanour changed back to how it had been all day, "But there's just so much going on with my father right now."_

"_I know, um, you're right. Your family has to come first. Um… it's cool."_

_..._

Noah shifted uncomfortably on the sticky leather seat as he thought back to how disappointed he had been. At the time he had really believed a trip away from Oakdale would do Luke some good. Luke had been so wound up about the state of his family, and that was understandable, but Noah missed him; wanted him… in every way.

Noah marvelled now at how a chance and seemingly insignificant encounter with Reg that day, so long ago, could years later have brought them here, this far from home.

"_He's dead you know?"_

As much as he tried to ignore it that man's words kept replying in his head.

Two days had past since Noah met the person he was certain had something to do with Luke's disappearance. He'd spent every waking moment since then speaking to people and picking up information here and there; following Luke's trail through the city.

It wasn't difficult. A white man with blonde hair didn't go unnoticed.

Noah's white cotton shirt was soaked through and stuck to his skin with sweat. His hair was damp with it; slick against his forehead as droplets ran down his temple and tickled the tips of his ears.

The smell of hot unwashed bodies and various food items was as stifling as the heat. One passenger held two live chickens on her lap. Occasionally the birds would panic and let off loud shrieks, trying to flap their wings and causing a commotion in the confined space. Requiring energy fellow passengers simply didn't have to give.

Despite the open windows there was not a breath of wind; nothing but clouds of dry, grey dust blowing inside.

They'd only covered two hours of a five hour journey and it was already unbearable, especially as he'd found himself on the side where the sun beat down relentlessly.

As a distraction Noah continued thinking back to when they had first met Tony.

It was around the time that Holden was in trouble with the law because of Dusty. He and Luke had been…

...

"_Who were you calling?" Noah asked as he sat down after meeting up with Luke in Old Town. _

"_My Dad. He says it's okay if we want to go to the lake-house this weekend."_

"_But I thought you didn't want to go?"_

"_I changed my mind."_

"_Why?"_

"_I don't know. It might be fun, you know? Meet some other gay couples. Make some new friends. Be alone together."_

_Worried that Luke was doing this for him rather than for himself Noah said, "Yeah, but, if you want to wait…"_

"_Why would I?"_

"_Because it's going to be a party. You know? A house full of guys. It might not be the most romantic..."_

"_Anytime alone with you is romantic to me."_

"_Me too!" Noah smiled, getting excited. "This is really going to be great! Um, I mean, I'm looking forward to it."_

_Luke laughed, seemingly pleased at having given Noah something he wanted. "I could kinda tell that it was a big deal to you…"_

"_Was it that obvious?"_

"_Kinda."_

"_Are you sure it's okay with your parents?" Noah asked._

"_Well, my dad said it was. He seemed a little distracted. I mean not saying I blame him…"_

_Luke looked dejected down at the floor._

"_Yeah… He is going through a lot…"_

_Luke sighed as he thought once again about his father. "It must be rough. I really hope things between my mom and my dad are going to be okay."_

_They sat sharing a giant bagel together and then spent the few minutes before their next classes just watching the pedestrians and chatting about this and that. _

"_Are you still worried about your father?" Noah asked, placing one hand on Luke's shoulder and the other on his arm. _

"_I will be, until he's cleared." Luke said, stroking his chin. "But, a weekend away will do us some good!"_

"_Definitely!" They both stood up and then Noah saw their soon-to-be host walking up with another man he'd never seen before. "Oh, hey, Reg!"_

_Reg smiled and acknowledged them both with a friendly bob of his head, reaching out to shake Noah's hand. _

"_Hey Reg," Luke began, "we decided that we will go to that party this weekend. If that's cool?"_

"_Oh, fantastic!" Reg exclaimed. "Luke, you remember my boyfriend Tony?"_

"_Yeah, hi…" Luke shook Tony by the hand._

"_And this is Luke's boyfriend, Noah…" _

"_Nice to meet you Noah…" Tony said, shaking Noah's hand in greeting._

"_Good to meet you." Noah said, "Well I have to pick up some more equipment for my film-making class, but," and then turning to Luke, "um, I'll meet you back here?"_

"_Yeah, sure."_

_He waved them all off, "See you guys later."_

_..._

The sound of the engine's loud coughing and spluttering knocked Noah back into the present.

The white Volkswagen van looked at least twenty years old; rimmed as it was in dark red rust.

As it reached the summit of each steep hill, Noah was sure the van would run out of steam, but the driver kept his foot flat on the floor in first gear and they sailed over the top; flying down the other side at a startling speed.

The vaguely tarred roads had ended a few miles back and the van now bumped and skidded through deep gullies and pot-holes; trying to avoid stray dogs, playing children and domesticated animals of all shapes and sizes.

To prevent his head from slamming into the roof, Noah gripped the top frame of the open window with one hand and the edge of the leather seat with the other.

...

_Just as Noah always met Luke in Old Town for lunch, he met him in the evening so that they could go home together. _

_Noah was late and Luke was already there waiting for him, standing as Noah approached._

"_Five minute student film and it's like I'm shooting the hobbit!" Noah said as way of explanation for his tardiness. He suddenly had a thought and searched through his rucksack. "I think I'm missing a light…"_

"_So… um" Luke moved in close but Noah was busy looking for the missing light and didn't notice at first, "What did you think of Tony?"_

_Totally distracted Noah replied, "He seemed nice."_

"_Yeah? He seemed REAL interested in you." _

_When Noah look up Luke's head was right by his and an electric energy sparked between, them making Noah feel suddenly hot. "What do you mean?"_

"_What I mean is that I think you're his type." Luke said seductively, "Like he wants to see you naked in the hot-tub."_

_Noah smiled, "Well, in his dreams."_

_Luke looked away then, "I guess that's just part of the scene, you know? Guys showing off in the Jacuzzi."_

"_Well, not me."_

"_Me either!" Luke assured him. "Sounds like there's going to be drugs at the party."_

"_Is that a deal breaker?"_

"_Well," Luke shrugged, "I told them we just say no to drugs." He smiled at his own joke. "And who knows you know? If it means we can be alone together… it might be worth it."_

_As much as he was trying to sound sure, Noah heard the insecurity in his voice. _

"_Yeah! Yeah!" Noah said, trying to brighten him up, "We can leave the party boys in the hot-tub and we'll grab some time alone…"_

"_Yeah! Excellent. Sounds like a plan." Luke nodded._

"_I'm there." _

_..._

The van was packed with people; dangerously overloaded so the suspension sat low on the ground and scrapped occasionally along the numerous humps in the road; if it could be called a road at all.

Just like an inner-city bus in Los Angeles, this van would stop periodically along the journey; dropping off or picking up passengers. And it seemed it didn't matter how full the vehicle was, if there was a paying passenger on the roadside, the driver would find the space.

The locals seemed to have an intricate network of hand signals to indicate to the taxis the direction in which they were going. If the taxi was going that way it would stop, otherwise it would drive past.

Again Noah stared out of the window at the distant banana and eucalyptus forests. They never did make it to the party at the lake-house that summer.

...

_He found Luke studying at the farm's kitchen table._

"_Hey, how's it going?"_

"_Arg!" he exclaimed in frustration, turning in his chair and getting up to meet Noah in the middle of the room, "I'm glad my Fyodor Dostoevsky paper's due before the weekend!" _

"_What?" Noah smiled, "Don't want any crime and punishment at the party?"_

_Luke laughed at his bad attempt at a joke and Noah bit his lower lip at how adorable that laugh was. _

"_Actually," Luke began but Noah was about to say something too and as Luke said, "Do we… do we really have to go," Noah blurted out, "I don't want to go."_

_They both laughed at how in tune they were._

"_I'm not really into that kind of party." Luke tried to explain. "I thought that… maybe you were?"_

"_Are you kidding?" Noah replied. "I want to be with you… but… not like that."_

_Luke released a sigh of relief and keenly gripped Noah by the arms, "Well, okay, the thing is I do." His voice became more sultry, "I do really, really, really want to be with you! Alone. But I mean like… REALLY… alone…"_

_Noah nodded his agreement, "We have time. When things settle down with your family… We'll know when it feels right."_

_Luke was grinning at him, "You're amazing! It's like… that…" he held one hand to his head, "You can read my mind." He looked right into Noah's eyes then. "What am I thinking?"_

_Noah looked toward the ceiling pretending to get into Luke's thoughts. "Moonlight walk around the pond?"_

"_I'm there." _

_..._

Thinking about that walk around the pond, they past a vast dam. It was rare to see water in such a dry place.

To say the landscape was beautiful was an understatement and under normal circumstances Noah would already have been marking out scenes in his head, using the locations in intricate ways. This country was a director's dream!

But Noah couldn't focus. Not in this heat. Not without Luke.


	105. Vumilia 2

The rather stout woman next to him had fallen asleep. Her head kept dropping forward and then she'd jerk up at the feeling of falling, only to drift off again. A few times Noah had been forced to shake his shoulder when her head threatened to settle comfortably there.

He gripped the window frame hard as the van jolted over another deep rut in the road.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

Noah never really got to know Tony as well as Luke did. He only met him once or twice. But he remembered their second meeting well.

...

_Noah wrapped up another night by wiping down the counter at Java; as was his routine. _

_He wasn't feeling great. _

_Not that he had felt great for sometime, but today was particularly bad._

_As had been the case for most of his life, he'd once again found himself feeling lost and alone. _

_And confused. _

_He was so fucking confused about everything._

_And this would be the last night he closed up Java. In the morning he'd leave for Chicago where he'd enlist; just as his father always wanted. _

_Then maybe, just maybe, he could actually achieve something worthwhile in his life! Find some sort of stability. _

_He could stop being such a fucking failure!_

_His father was right about one thing… the army could be the answer to all his prayers. His thoughts were a mess, his life in turmoil and he actually longed for the rules and regulation of army life; the only life he had ever known._

_Except for a few stolen months with Luke. _

_Should he even tell Luke? Should he say goodbye before he went? They weren't together anymore so…_

_But Luke wouldn't understand._

_Java was empty which meant Noah could close early, but as he turned toward the main entrance he was faced with a last minute customer. _

_He sighed internally and waited expectantly for the dark haired man to order a drink._

_But then to his surprise the customer said, "Hey? Noah, right?"_

_Noah frowned. This person seemed to know him._

"_Yeah. How did you know?" Then Noah laughed slightly as he realised, "Duh! The name tag, right?"_

_The handsome man laughed too. "Actually we met last winter. You and Luke were going to come to the house party." He smiled cheekily, "We, um, we missed you in the hot tub."_

"_Right!" Noah remembered. It was Reg's boyfriend, Tony. _

_Trying to hide his actual state of mind behind smiles and a relaxed stance; one hand in his pocket; Noah said, "Sorry. I… I zoned out. Yeah, um, what can I get you?"_

"_Um, double espresso to go. I need some emergency caffeine."_

"_Yeah, I know how you feel!" Noah turned to the cafeteria and began preparing the coffee. "It's been a long day for me too and…" he pointed at Tony, "…you are my last customer." _

"_Oh!" Tony sounded suddenly excited, "Well! Good timing!"_

_As Noah adjusted the filter he couldn't help but think there was a double meaning in that statement. Tony appeared to be flirting with him, but Noah wasn't sure._

"_So, how's it going?"A friendly Tony asked._

_Lately Noah really hated that question. Whenever he answered it he was lying. He turned to the counter to find a mug. "You know… hanging in there." _

_Noah had to purse his lips as a wave of emotion passed over him. _

"_Just trying to keep myself in circulation," Tony told him conversationally. "You probably heard but I broke up with Reg."_

_Noah nodded with sympathy._

"_He was in it for the long-haul…" Tony continued, "…and I'm just not ready for that yet. He needs to find somebody to get really serious about."_

_Listening to Tony, Noah couldn't help but make comparisons to his situation with Luke, and even though his heart ached at the very idea of Luke so much as looking at another man, he replied, "Maybe he will."_

_It would be better if Luke found somebody else; somebody deserving; especially considering he was leaving in the morning anyway. Luke was better off without a fucked up boyfriend like Noah weighing him down. _

"_So," Tony said, oblivious to the thoughts raging through Noah's head, "I'm adjusting to the single life; trying to keep busy." _

_Then Tony perked up all of a sudden. "Like tonight! There's a benefit at Yo's. Cyndi Lauper's singing! I was going to check it out… You?"_

_Noah was taken off guard. Did Tony just ask him out?_

"_Um, I'm not really big on going to bars by myself, so..."_

"_Oh, me neither, dude!" Tony interrupted. "Why don't we go together? It will be fun."_

_Tony WAS asking him out. Noah felt way out of his depth and didn't know how to react. _

_Actually he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. But instead he found himself saying, "Um, yeah, sure, why not?"_

_Tony drank his espresso while he waited for Noah to finish closing up and then the two of them began the short walk over to Yo's. _

"_So, Noah?" Tony asked, popping a mint in his mouth to mask the coffee smell, "What's the deal with you and Luke? I heard you broke up?"_

"_Um." Noah wasn't feeling very comfortable at all. Something about the whole situation was just off. He tried to tell himself he wasn't on a date, "Do you mind if we don't talk about it?"_

_Tony waved his arms in apology, "Oh yeah! Sorry. None of my business."_

_Deciding it was too late to back out of the night; Noah thought he'd at least try to enjoy it._

"_How about we don't talk about the past, Tony? I could really use a night without thinking about all that stuff, ya know? Let's just enjoy ourselves without all that stress for once."_

"_Best idea you could have had, dude!" Tony laughed; patting Noah on the back as he pushed open the door of Yo's and waited for Noah to enter ahead of him. "Come on! I'll buy you a drink."_

_They wondered over to the bar and Tony ordered two beers. _

"_Should be a good night." Noah told him, for want of something to say._

"_Yeah, I love Cyndi! She's always been a great spokesperson for gay rights." _

"_Yeah." Noah took a swig of his beer. It actually tasted fantastic. It had been a long time since he'd had a real drink. Before long he was almost down to the last few sips. _

_Tony was standing closer to him than he would have liked, but he didn't want to create any bad feeling, so he decided not to say anything. _

_They made small talk, mostly about collage and their courses. Noah was surprised to discover that Tony was studying to become a doctor and had a special interest in tropical diseases and viruses._

"_Wow, Tony!" An impressed Noah exclaimed, "I would never have thought a party animal like you would be studying such an impressive degree! How do you find the time for collage and parties?" _

"_Where there's a will there's a way, my friend!"_

"_Hey Oakdale!" A man holding a microphone had appeared suddenly on the stage._

_But Noah was finding Tony's conversation extremely interesting. And it had been so long since he'd had company of any kind that he found himself hanging on every word. He was already on his second beer and the brown liquid had mellowed him out. _

_A year before, Tony told Noah, he started a collage outreach programme for worldwide poverty. He really genuinely cared about people in need and Noah found him refreshing. _

_He realised his first impression of the guy had been totally off base. Tony was bright and full of ideas; eager to make a difference in the word; especially in the areas of inequality and injustice. _

"_As soon as I have my doctorate I plan to practice medicine abroad. Try to help some of the poorer communities in this world."_

"_Any idea where you'd go?" Noah asked. _

"_Not yet… Where I'm needed most I suspect." _

"_Are you guys ready for Cyndi to bring you to the brink?" the night's host continued. _

_The crowd cheered again in response._

"_Alright, then put your hands together for Cyndi Lauper!"_

"_Hey!" Cyndi yelled into the mic, pumping her arm into the air. "Come on!"_

_The music started loudly and their conversation had to end. For the first time since arriving, Tony and Noah turned to watch the stage. Noah started his third beer and allowed himself to just relax and go with the flow. He moved in time with the music, slow at first, until Cyndi walked right up to where they were standing and sang directly for them. _

_Eventually Noah was smiling and throwing his arms into the air and clapping, dancing just as hard as anybody else there; riding on Cyndi's infectious energy._

_He smiled at Tony as Cyndi left to return to the front of the crowd where she disappeared from view for a moment before reappearing back up on the stage._

_She didn't stay there for long. Before Noah knew it she was back by his side, almost like she was deliberately singling him out from the crowd. She grabbed his hand, held his arm high and had him twirl around and dance with her. _

_It was a little more public than he was used to and he was embarrassed, but the drink had loosened his usual inhibitions and he just went with it. _

_That strategy seemed to be working. In fact, he could almost say he was enjoying him-_

_The thought fell away, his throat ran dry and his heart stopped. _

_Luke stood at the front of the stage; his presence, as always, magnetic and glowing. _

_Cyndi walked a path through the crowd, parting them just as Moses must have parted the Red Sea and headed right for Luke. She danced with Luke exactly as she had danced with Noah and Noah realised she must know. Luke must have been there to interview her for the collage paper and he must have told her._

_Otherwise this was just too much of a coincidence. _

_Anger rose inside. Luke! Trying to manipulate the situation again. Trying to control things!_

_Well fuck it! He wasn't going to let it get to him. He was going to show Luke just how fine he was!_

_This time when Cyndi reached him, he danced as he'd never danced before; waving both arms in the air and smiling widely at the singer as well as at Tony. _

_But as soon as she moved away and he saw the desolation on Luke's face; the smile on his faded. This hurt dammit! Why did it hurt so much? He wanted this right? He had asked Luke for the separation; the break._

_So what the hell?_

_The song ended and he clapped his appreciation for Cyndi's performance but his soul was already being pulled back into that dark place he'd been wallowing in for weeks. _

"_Come on!" Cyndi yelled, waving at her fans. "You rock! Thank you. Thank you for supporting the cause tonight and ending some discrimination here, through some partying and some music. Thank you. "_

_As the crowd cheered and Cyndi prepared for her next song, Noah caught sight of Luke trying to fight his through the crowd toward where Noah was standing._

_Quickly he turned to Tony, "You wanna get out of here? Go someplace else?"_

"_Yeah, sure!"_

_Noah realised his words might give Tony the wrong idea, but he really didn't care. _

_He couldn't cope with another painful scene with Luke; watching those beautiful brown eyes fill with disappointment and heartache when Noah couldn't be enough for him. _

_How could Noah ever be enough for that amazing person? Luke had to learn this lesson one day and the sooner the better. Somewhere out there was a man worthy of his love. Noah would only let him down; just like he let everybody else down. _

_Tony followed Noah eagerly from the club and they found themselves in the back alley. _

"_Hey," Tony asked, "You wanna take a hit with me?"_

_Noah's attention was on the door, keeping watch in case Luke followed them._

"_Sorry?"_

"_I got some coke on me if you fancy doing some lines. Could spice up the night, ya know?"_

_Noah frowned. They knew Tony was into drugs. It was part of the reason they'd pulled out of going to the house party that time. But Noah never imagined he'd ever be offered any._

"_Um. Tony, I'm sorry, but I don't really approve of the whole drug scene…"_

_Tony sighed. "You too? God! Does nobody know how to party anymore? Reg has a problem with it too. It's why we broke up."_

_Noah looked at the ground. He didn't dislike Tony. In fact, during the night Tony had given him every reason to like him. But he couldn't marry the image of Tony the soon-to-be doctor with Tony the drug taking party animal._

"_Doesn't matter," Tony grinned. "We can still have fun, right?"_

_Before Noah knew it, Tony had him pinned to the wall and was coming in for a kiss. Quickly he sidestepped. "Sorry. I can't."_

_Tony moved back to study Noah intently, "Still got it real bad for that blonde, right?"_

_Noah looked away and bit down on his lower lip. It was a good trick; one of the best for holding back tears._

_Yes. Yes he still 'had it bad.'_

"_Look, Tony. You're a real nice guy and everything, but I'm not interested… like that."_

_Tony held up his hands in friendly dismissal. "Hey! No hard feelings dude! Truthfully I'm not really over Reg either… I just thought we could help each other ease some of the loneliness, ya know? You can't blame a guy for trying! But if you ever change your mind, came find me, 'kay?" Tony looked back at the club and then shrugged. "Mind if I split? I think I'm done here for the night."_

_Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't mind at all."_

_As Tony disappeared, Noah heard the familiar strings of 'True Colours' playing. He was about to walk home but something wouldn't let him. The song was hypnotising and the urge to turn around and re-enter the bar strong._

_When he pushed through the door something unexpected happened._

_It was as though the crowd had vanished._

_As far as he was concerned he stood alone before that stage. _

_He was instantly struck by a sight so beautiful as to take his breath away._

_Mesmerised he stood staring at the calm light enveloping Cyndi. All he heard were the words she sang directly for Luke; who stood up on that stage with her; looking gorgeous and sad and vulnerable in his blue t-shirt. _

_An overwhelming need to hold Luke took Noah over._

_Noah felt the full force of that love he had been trying for weeks to ignore. It hit him hard and his breath shuddered as the words to the song came crashing down on him. _

_Luke knew him. Luke had seen his 'true colours' and that's way Noah was running now. Because if he wanted to be with Luke then he needed the courage to open up completely; to really let Luke see the true Noah. _

_He'd have to risk Luke seeing just what a fucked up mess he really was. _

_And Noah had never let anybody get that close before. Never! _

_What if Luke didn't like what he saw? What if Luke stopped loving him back? _

_That's why he ran. Running was what he'd done his entire life to stay safe and sane. And running was what he'd done to keep his father's love. _

_But now he realised that the way he felt for Luke was the only thing he was sure of in all of the confusion. _

"_I want you." He thought, watching as the sweet pain on Luke's face stretched and flowed over his cheeks; creasing his forehead. "Why am I doing this to you? I'm such an idiot!" _

_Every now and then, Luke would smile. It was the most incredibly sad smile Noah had ever seen and Noah knew in that moment, that he would love Luke forever._

_It was the truth. No matter what. Always._

_It was time to stop being so fucking scared._

_His feet had him standing behind Luke before his head even made the decision. He cupped_

_Luke on the shoulder; registered the surprise as the blonde turned to find him there._

"_We need to talk." Noah yelled through the noise._

_Luke followed him out the club through the clapping crowd, until they were standing outside in front of a poster advertising Cyndi's appearance. _

_Noah was shaking. He was so afraid. But he knew that if he didn't do this he would lose Luke forever. And that was more frightening than this conversation could ever be._

"_So," Luke began; the jealousy evident on his face. "What happened to Tony?"_

"_I don't care." Noah really didn't. "I didn't want to be with him. The only one I want to be with… is you…"_

_Smiling hopefully but with obvious cautiousness and surprise, Luke asked, "What made you change your mind?"_

"_You were right all along, Luke. We do belong together. I'm sorry things got so messed up!"_

_As he said it their bodies unconsciously pulled closer together. He could feel the heat radiating from Luke; the want and desire that was always so prevalent and strong between them. _

"_All I want," Noah said, taking a chance by drawing one hand around the back of Luke's neck and pulling him toward a kiss, "is this."_

_Desperate to feel that connection Luke pushed against Noah's lips and Noah had to reach his other hand to Luke's head to steady him._

_..._

The last time Noah ever saw Tony was at Reg's funeral. The guy had been inconsolable; blaming himself for introducing his boyfriend to the recreational drugs that killed him.

The bus once again jolted Noah from his thoughts as a loud bang brought the vehicle to a standstill. A back tyre had burst and they didn't have a spare.

"What happens now?" Noah asked his companion, hopping out of the van.

"We wait." He replied. "'Nother taxi come with wheel."

Noah nodded and took the opportunity to stretch his legs.

Most of the other passengers found a spot under the shade of the numerous thorn trees that dotted the landscape, but Noah settled himself down on the crumbled remains of a concrete bridge; expanding over a dried up riverbed.

As it happened they didn't have to wait for long. Pretty soon another white taxi van had pulled over and produced a spare tire.

As the driver set to work repairing the vehicle, Noah squeezed his cell phone from his pocket.

Only one bar. He pressed speed dial 2. It rang just twice before he received an answer.

"Son! Is that that you?"

He shuddered at the worry in Holden's voice; evident even with the bad connection.

Noah wished he had something good to tell him.

"Hi Dad."

"Did you find him?"

"Sorry. But I got a good lead that's taking me out of the city. They tell me I'll find him at this remote village, but nobody seems sure. Still… I have to check it out."

"Okay. Just be careful, Noah! The last thing we need is the both of you missing!"

"I will. I wanted to call now because my guide says I won't get any cell signal once we leave the city outskirts. You may not hear from me for a while but I'll call as soon as I can."

"You make sure to do that!"

The van pulled back onto the road and the passengers began to scramble back on board.

For some reason, maybe because he was seen as a guest in their country, the people insisted on giving Noah a window seat. They gestured at him to climb on board.

"Hang on a second, Dad."

As soon as he and the rest of the people were seated and the van had continued on its way, Noah lifted the phone back to his ear and asked, "Dad? How's Nicky and Mia?"

There was a pause that put Noah on edge.

"Mia's fine. Nicky…? He's a little… It's just… It's hard for him. It's hard to explain you'll be back; especially after what happened with Josh."

"I know. I hate this but we don't have a choice. Tell them we love them."

"I will and we…"

The line cut out. He checked the cell's display to find a 'No Service' message flashing back at him.

He sighed. It had been good to hear a familiar voice.

"_He's dead you know?"_

Noah squeezed his eyes together to flush the voice from his head. He hadn't told Holden what the man had said. How could he?

He stared out the window, turning his face from prying eyes and allowing the tears to fall.

...

**Please comment! They make me :-)**


	106. Vumilia 3

_There was no possible way for Noah to feel more proud of Luke. His chest puffed with it. His heart swelled with it. _

"_It's a story that we hear over and over again," Luke began, speaking from the podium to the hundreds of businessmen, politicians and charities who had turned up to the Luke Snyder Foundation Annual Dinner. "A kid is forced from his home and all of a sudden finds himself without resources, without support and having to create a whole new life for himself from scratch."_

_Usually the dinner was held in Chicago. But considering the events that had lead to the Foundation's latest project, Luke had orchestrated a quick re-organisation so that the dinner could take place in Los Angeles. _

_Noah sat up front at one of the many round dinner tables in the room that night. Beside him was Luke's empty seat, while on his right sat Lucinda. _

_They were joined at their table by six of Lucinda's most influential business contacts. The hotel conference room was filled to bursting with people ready and willing to take out their wallets for a good cause. _

"_He looks like he was born to be up there, doesn't he?" Lucinda asked, leaning forward to whisper loudly into Noah's ear and placing a hand on his shoulder. _

"_He sure does." Noah replied with a warm smile. _

_As Luke spoke, the auctioneer stood to one side, patiently waiting for his turn to take over and begin the fund raising proceedings. _

"_Good evening everybody. For those who don't know me, my name is Luke Snyder and this is your Foundation." He waited for the round of applause to die down before continuing. "You are the people we rely on to keep the many amazing projects we invest in running to their full capacity."_

_Another smaller round of applause gave Luke a moment to drink a sip of water from the glass on the podium; a sure sign to Noah that Luke wasn't as relaxed up there as he appeared to be. _

_But even nervous Luke looked amazing. His new shorter style, slightly darker at the scalp until becoming gradually blonder toward the tips of his curls, suited him for this occasion; made him more the man and less the boy. _

_Like all the men at the event, Luke wore a suit (his dark blue) and tie, carrying the look off like a pro; despite the fact Noah knew how much he hated that kind of attire. _

_A relaxed pair of jeans and t-shirt (preferably striped)… that was Noah's Luke Snyder. Noah softly smiled to himself. _

"_I started this foundation about three years ago with the help of my husband, Noah." He smiled so lovingly down at Noah that Noah forgot to breathe. "The foundation focuses on a wide range of issues but it plays particular role in the gay community. I had some difficulty coming out as a gay teenager, as did Noah, as do most gay teenagers out there. I felt the need to create an organisation to especially help these teens. Teens like Josh."_

_Noah watched as Luke ducked his head to the floor, gathering his emotions. Noah's own heart throbbed painfully and as if sensing his sudden sadness, Lucinda reached for his hand on the table and gave it a light squeeze. _

"_The Josh Carmody Centre will be a place where all children in need, gay or straight, can find love, acceptance, support, free schooling and medical care. It will be a place with a totally open door policy that will keep at least some of these kids off the street and hopefully away from the very real danger of drugs and prostitution. It's a place were, I hope, we can help deal with the emotional conflicts that these kids are faced with every day." _

_Noah's eyes fell on the enlarged headshot of a smiling Josh, which had been neatly placed at the foot of the podium... _

_He wasn't sure of her reasons; perhaps guilt, perhaps because she harboured some sense of gratitude for what they had done for her son; but Marion Carmody had sent them an envelope containing various photographs of Josh. _

_The photographs were accompanied by just a folded sheet of paper with a handwritten scrawl that read, "Thought you might like to have these." _

_Noah sniffed back another wave of feeling and turned his attention back to Luke; who had since set about telling his audience Josh's story. _

_Luke's words were heavy with emotion and sadness, but also with an acceptance and a determination that Josh's death would not be in vain. _

_Luke's tone was laced in the love he had for the boy. Noah's eyes filled with tears as Luke's voice cracked while he spoke. He marvelled once more at Luke's ability to share his emotions so openly with people… even strangers. _

_It was how Luke was able to gather people to his causes; get them on side. It was a true gift and partly what made the foundation such a success. _

"_Thank you for coming." Luke finished up, "I'm astounded every year by the support we receive and I'll leave you in the competent hands of our auctioneer, Mr Judd over here. I'll say just two words before I go… dig deep!" _

_The audience laughed, standing up and erupting in a thunderous applause which Luke shyly acknowledged before jumping off the stage and right into Noah's waiting arms. _

"_God, I love you!" Noah shouted above the noise. He leaned in and demurely kissed Luke's cheek, only too aware of the number of eyes on them in that moment. _

_He began to pull back, but Luke would have none of it. He drew Noah close and kissed him long and deep; directly on the lips; in front of the whole room. _

_Noah could feel the blush creeping up from below his collar but he smiled into the kiss; amused my Luke's sheer audacity._

"_What?" Luke teased, cupping Noah's neck and rubbing his thumbs over the hot redness in Noah's cheeks, "Are you embarrassed to kiss me in front of all these nice people?" _

_Noah pursed his lips as he smiled. He leaned in closer, arms embracing Luke's entire torso and bringing their bodies flush together, "I'm only ever proud to kiss you!" _

_Noah released one arm so that he could hook a slender finger under Luke's chin, tilting his face upward and descending his grinning lips into a dazzling kiss, absolutely drenched in as much love as he could muster. _

"_Wow!" Luke breathed as their lips parted, clinging to Noah like he would never let go; swaying slightly. _

_By now the auctioneer had started proceedings and most of the guests, bar those at their table, had turned their attention back to the stage. _

_Completely drunk on his pride for the man in his arms Noah decided to do something totally… not Noah. He hugged Luke to him and whispered in his ear, "I'm going to the bathroom…"_

_Luke nodded with a soft smile; briefly tousled Noah's hair and turned to shake hands and receive praise from Lucinda and her friends._

_Out of sight, Noah waited five minutes and then sent one of the waiters to tell Luke he had a phone call. _

_He watched as Luke excused himself from the table and then, like a cat waiting to pounce on a passing mouse, waited until Luke made his way toward the reception desk. Noah darted out in a flash, quickly pulling the shocked Luke into the nearby cloakroom by the hem of his suit jacket._

"_Hey!" Luke exclaimed, "What the…!"_

_But as he fell forward against Noah's chest and Noah leaned past him to lock the door behind them, Luke released a groan and what should have been, "hell?" came out instead as a sultry, "hell-o?" _

"_You messed up my hair!" Noah sternly accused, lifting one eyebrow in expectation of an apology. _

"_Oh yeah?" Luke asked, a cheeky smirk sweeping his lips, "Whatcha gonna do about it?"_

_Noah quickly flipped Luke around so that he could press him hard into the wall. Luke emitted a surprised and breathy squeak and then drew in a deep gulp as Noah's lips hovered within inches of his. _

_Luke started to move in for a kiss but Noah's hands flew up to grip the sides of Luke's head, holding him back, teasing him with the promise of it. _

_Allowing his lower lip to just graze against Luke's as he spoke, Noah lowered his voice, in the why he knew Luke liked, and said, "I'm gonna make you beg for mercy." _

_Noah almost lost it right there in his pants at the look of intense pleasure that ghosted across Luke's hazel eyes. _

"_Here?" Luke asked._

"_Right. Here." Noah replied._

_Luke licked his lips and lifted his brow, "What if somebody comes wanting their coat?"_

"_Luke?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Shut up."_

_Luke tried to say something in response but Noah expected that and dove in for a kiss, tongues fighting for control, teeth grazing over bottom lips._

_As he kissed, Noah made short work of Luke's belt, button and zip and was already sliding the pants and underwear down past Luke's knees, leaving the wetness of Luke's mouth to follow his trousers to a kneeling position on the floor._

"_No-ah!" Luke moaned in pleasure, throwing his head back and gripping Noah's shoulder as Noah latched himself onto Luke's growing erection, sucking hard. _

"_God Noah! Ah!" Luke moaned again, falling back against the wall, as Noah's talented fingers massaged from beneath. _

_Moving his hands to cup Luke's buttocks Noah drew back, looking up at Luke, "Better keep it down, Luke. The reception is just past that door."_

_Noah had to suppress a laugh at the 'are you out of your mind' kind of look Luke gave him._

"_How the hell do you expect me to keep it quiet while you're doing…" Luke looked down the swollen object of Noah's attentions, "… that?"_

"_I don't know." Noah smirked, "Bite down on something?"_

_A very sharp tingle of expectation jolted through Noah at the look of mischievous intent that suddenly coloured Luke's face. _

_That look usually meant Luke had come up with an idea. A VERY good idea. _

_Wriggling out from Noah's arms, Luke promptly laid himself down on the carpeted floor between the two rails of coats. _

"_Come here!" he demanded._

_Smiling Noah crawled over the top of him coming down for a kiss that was blocked by Luke placing a forefinger on Noah's lips._

"_The. Other. Way." Luke's eyes sparkled with purpose._

_Frowning, it took Noah a moment to comprehend Luke's instruction. But when he realised what Luke was planning he gulped, eyes widening. _

"_That certainly is one way of keeping your mouth shut…" Noah mused._

_Luke grinned._

"_Pretty dirty idea you've got there, Snyder…"_

"_Says the guy initiating sex in a cloakroom!" Luke countered. _

_Luke pushed at the laughing Noah, encouraging him to swap around, straddling Luke so they were top and tailed. _

_With an eyeful of Luke in all his glory, Noah quickly became once again distracted, immediately taking all of him in his mouth, finding that in this position he could use gravity as a tool to bring his mouth down in full force. _

"_Wait…urgh… wait!" Luke kept panting during groans "Let me…get…ah… shit… first…"_

_Noah paused until he felt the flush of cool air as Luke finally managed to fumble Noah's trousers down from such an awkward angle. _

_Luke's hands came up, hooking around Noah's waste and gripping flat on his back. Luke used Noah's body to pull himself up until he found Noah's hardness with his own mouth._

_The sudden and intense feeling down under forced a loud moan from Noah which he quickly silenced by once again engulfing Luke's length between his lips._

_The two of them worked in unison, using a combination of licking, giggling, moaning, wriggling and gyrating, to quickly bring each other to climax; their final moans quieted by a mouthful of each other._

_..._

"Rafiki yangu?"

"Hmph." Noah moaned, clinging to sleep and his memory; where he was just settling down into Luke's arms, laying his ear flat against the hollow of Luke's shoulder blade.

"Rafiki yangu? You must wake!"

He'd been so deep in sleep Noah hadn't noticed the van had come to a stop.

"What?"

"We cannot cross…"

Noah blinked his eyes open, squinting against the sharp rays of sun bouncing off the vehicle's window pain.

"Can't cross?" he asked.

His friend frowned, shaking his head seriously, "Last week was lots of rain, the bridge has been washed away, rafiki yangu."

Noah looked around and realised that he and Kigongo were alone in the van. Peering past his new found friend and through the front windscreen of the van he saw the problem for himself. He squeezed out of the seat and bent to step through the van's sliding side door.

The rest of the van's passengers were once again entertaining each other under any spot of shade they could find; some sharing food or drink. It seemed that these types of delays were part of the norm.

Noah walked to the front of the van to survey the deep ravine before him. At the moment there was only a trickle of water flowing over smooth rocks far below, but it was clear from the debris along the edges that at some point the water had overflowed. And it was this flooding that had washed the bridge away, making the road impassable.

"What does this mean for getting there?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"There is another way."

Noah sighed in relief but tension rose again when he turned to see the expression on his friend's face.

"What?" Noah asked. "What is it?"

"I am sorry rafiki yangu. It will mean at least a day extra. Maybe more… depends on the road…"

Noah's heart plummeted. "No." He shook his head. "No! I can't. Okay? I can't wait that long!"

Kigongo shook his head in sympathy. "It is the only way."

Noah turned to survey the damaged bridge once more; eyes following the road in the distance as it disappeared around a sharp bend. His palms came up to cup his burning and sweaty forehead.

"URG!" he exclaimed in frustration and his scream echoed back to them from deep within the ravine.

Closing his eyes he tried not to panic.

"Vumilia rafiki. Vumilia." He felt Kigongo's hand pat his back but he gained no comfort from it.

"I can't wait that long." He whispered, already knowing he didn't have a choice.


	107. Vumilia 4

_Luke looked up from his laptop and smiled as Noah entered from the kitchen with a tray carrying two mugs of coffee and a plate of Grandma Emma's oatmeal raison cookies. _

_Noah almost dropped the entire thing at the sight of him. _

"_What?" Luke asked, noticing Noah's slight stumble._

"_You look amazing." _

_He really did. _

_They'd returned home from the foundation dinner only a few minutes before, but already Luke had removed his offending tie and was sitting at the dining table with his shirt unbuttoned almost to the navel. Noah had a clear and tempting view of his husband's fine blonde chest hair and one enticing nipple. _

_Luke's hair was ruffled and messy. The gel he'd used to tame it had long since worn off and the longer front bangs were darting around the sides of this face. _

_But it wasn't just this that was making him look sexy as hell. It was also the way he was sitting; lounged back, legs open wide, with one foot elevated up on the empty chair beside him. _

"_Thanks." Luke smiled, accepting the compliment, "you don't look so bad yourself." _

_Noah placed the tray on the table and straddled Luke's elevated leg so that he could sit on the chair beside him. _

"_Whatcha doing?" he asked in a singsong voice, loosening his own tie before stretching forward to rub both his hands up and down Luke's shin. _

_Luke stretched his arms briefly up in the air and then turned his attention back to the computer screen. _

"_Just checking my e-mails and stuff. Catching up on my online life."_

_Noah chuckled, "Your online life?"_

"_Yeah! You know?" he answered like it was obvious. "You have your real life and then you have your virtual life; where you make friends with other online people and share your common interests." _

_Noah pressed his lips together in his attempt not to laugh but Luke noticed it._

"_What?" Luke playfully asked._

"_You're such a geek!"_

_Luke chuckled and bent forward to give Noah a light punch. "Whatever you say Mr. Classical Movies!"_

_Grinning, Noah reached over for a mug of coffee and handed it to Luke before lifting the second mug for himself. _

_Luke clicked a few times on the mouse and then read something off the screen as he lifted the mug to his lips for a sip. _

"_What is it?" Noah asked, noticing a slight frown on his brow._

_Luke took another swig of coffee and then placed the cup down on a coaster next to his laptop. _

"_Do you remember Tony?"_

"_Tony?" Noah tried to conjure up a face to match the name but with no success. "I don't think so."_

"_Yeah you do!" Luke insisted. "Okay… What if I were to say Cyndi Lauper." _

"_Oh! Reg's Tony?"_

"_Yes, Tony de Franca, the guy you went on a date with."_

"_Luke. It was not a date."_

_Luke tilted his head at Noah and lifted his eyebrows to indicate his opinion to the contrary. _

_Noah sighed. "Okay. Fine. Maybe it was a date. But by the time I realised that, it was too late for me to pull out."_

"_Humph."_

"_Hey! I was really new to all that relationship signal shit back then! Besides, I only went because I couldn't stop thinking about a certain somebody..."_

"_Don't worry about it, Bubby. I totally forgave you the moment you ditched him to kiss me."_

_They smiled as they stared at each other, sharing the memory of that moment. _

"_So," Noah asked, breaking the contact to reach over for a cookie. "What about Tony?"_

_As he took a bite he watched Luke clicking around the screen. _

"_I don't know." Luke said, frowning once again. "It's just, I haven't heard from him in a while and I've noticed lately that he hasn't updated his Facebook status either. It's just not like him."_

"_I didn't know you guys were such good friends." _

_Luke looked up and then seemed to realise something. _

"_Oh!" he said, "You wouldn't know about that."_

"_About what?"_

_Luke looked past Noah and then bobbed his head at the coach, "Let's get more comfortable."_

_Noah nodded and stood, reaching for his coffee mug with one hand and the plate of cookies with the other. _

_They made their way over to the coach and arranged their drinks and snacks on the coffee table._

_Luke sat first and then gestured with both his hands, "Come here."_

_Noah smiled and lay back into the crook of Luke's arm, munching another cookie._

"_Okay," Luke began. "The last time I saw Tony with you was at Reg's funeral. Do you remember?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And I tried to contact him a few times after that, to see how he was. But he never responded and so eventually I gave up."_

_Noah nodded, remembering how crazy those days after Reg's death had been. Luke had run off on one of his crusades, determined to catch the culprits who had sold Reg the dangerous pills that ended his life. _

_And, as usual, Noah had been left to fly along behind him, trying to make sure his boyfriend didn't get himself killed in the process. _

"_And that's one thing that hasn't changed." Noah briefly thought. _

"_Anyway," Luke continued…_

_..._

_Luke had just read the same report for the third time. Not because he had to; not because he didn't understand it the first time around; not because it was the most riveting piece of business literature he'd ever read. But totally and utterly just to keep his mind from drifting off the rail he'd managed to keep himself travelling along for months. _

_But this work train was slowing. His mission to rid the Oakdale branch of Grimaldi Shipping from corruption had been a success and now the business was running smoothly. His office door, which previously had opened and closed a hundred times a day; now remained mostly shut. His phone, which had rung non-stop in the beginning, remained stubbornly silent._

_And that meant his mind was free. _

_He couldn't allow that to happen. He had to keep busy. He had to keep occupied. He had to forget. _

_Otherwise he'd think about… it. _

_Sighing he sprung up from his seat, grabbed his car keys and coat and headed out of the office without even letting anybody know where he was going._

_He drove nowhere, just around in circles really. And when that didn't work he tried cranking up the radio and singing along to the music at the top of his lungs. _

_But that definitely didn't work. The words to the songs simply served to jog more memories._

_He found himself outside the hospital; walking the path around the side to where the new neuro extension had been added and seating himself down in the small garden courtyard. The bench on which he sat faced a plaque on the wall. _

"_This stone contains the ashes of Dr. Reid Oliver, genius and hero."_

_Luke fixed his eyes on that stone, but it wasn't helping. Being there wasn't helping. Talking to Reid wasn't helping. _

"_Because it's not Reid that you miss."_

_NO!_

_He bolted from that place, driving aimlessly for at least another hour; leaving the Oakdale limits, where every turn just reminded him of… it… and finding himself parked outside a roadside bar. _

_His fingers were interlaced in front of him as he leaned forward over the steering wheel. His teeth gnawed one thumbnail down to the quick; until it was painful and bleeding. _

_But his eyes were focussed, staring at the door to the bar. _

"…_don't you get that?" a deep and wrecked voice broke through, "I'm still in love with you… __I'm still in love with you__… __I'm still in love with you__…" _

"_Stop! Please stop!" he yelled, banging his arms down hard and cupping his face in his hands. _

_A terrible realisation was snaking its pitiless way through Luke's heart._

_He was alone and Noah was gone. _

_Before the blink of an eye he'd slammed the car door behind him, entered the bar and ordered vodka… neat… on the rocks. _

_It had been a long time since he'd tasted it. A very long time since he'd wanted to. He knew where this road went. He'd travelled it before. He knew he should call somebody. _

_His dad. _

_His grandmother. _

_His sponsor. _

_But he wanted to forget! And that's what drink did for him. _

_They wouldn't understand. They'd tell him to go to L.A. and he couldn't. He couldn't! _

_He was too afraid. _

_The cool liquid was running down this throat before he knew it. He dropped the glass loudly on the bar, his breath shuddered, his body shivered. _

_The barman arrived, fastidiously drying the inside of a wine glass._

"_Another?" he asked Luke. _

_Wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, Luke could only nod in response. _

_And so it began. _

_Halfway through a bottle Luke felt a hand slap around his shoulder and he stumbled on his stool as the unsteady figure beside him righted itself up._

"_Luke! My old buddy! My pal!"_

_Already quite hammered Luke had to gaze closely at the man for a few minutes before he realised who it was._

"_Tony?"_

"_Hey! Hey!" Tony hiccupped, "Long time… no… see… and all that."_

_They spent the rest of the afternoon finishing that bottle, discussing how unfair the world was; before making quick work of one more bottle and deciding to take a walk through the park. _

_It was all going great! Luke was having a blast with Tony. He was a really fun guy to be around. He certainly knew how to let loose and party. They laughed as they walked, telling stupid jokes and pushing at each other, jumping on each other's backs and carrying each other around. _

_And best of all Luke didn't once think about… it._

_At one point he was laughing so much he could hardly breathe. He playfully pushed Tony back because he needed a moment to catch some air._

_But when he turned to face the lake and he realised exactly where they were, everything became suddenly too much; started crashing in on him. _

_His jolts of laughter turned suddenly into sobs and he dropped to his knees, cries raking through him._

"_Hey, Lukie?" came Tony's slurred but caring voice and Luke felt himself being wrapped up in warm arms. "Shh. It's okay, buddy. You're okay."_

"_I think I make a big mistake." Luke blubbered. "I made a mistake!"_

...

"_Where were you?" Noah asked, threading his fingers through Luke's._

"_Can't you guess?"_

_Noah thought for a moment and then nodded, "By the lake…?"_

"_Yeah. Where I took you that first day Reid let you out of the hospital. I drank because I wanted to forget, but the drinking couldn't mask the memories some places hold… you know? Not when they're that strong."_

"_I know." Noah squeezed Luke's hand then. "So… what happened next?"_

_Luke shrugged, "I talked to Tony. I told him everything. The accident. Our breakup. Reid. I told him about that day by the lake. About how confused I was and how I tried to explain to you about Reid…"_

"_Wait!" Noah sat up sharply and turned to look at him, leaning his arm on the top of the couch. "You took me out there to tell me about Reid?"_

_Luke nodded._

_Noah looked away for a moment as he processed what he had just heard._

"_All this time," he eventually said, "I always wondered how you managed to keep something so important from me."_

"_I couldn't keep it from you." Luke said. "I always wanted to tell you. It's not natural for me to lie to you. I didn't want to keep anything from you; least of all that! It was Reid who didn't want me to tell you."_

"_He didn't?"_

"_Noah you must understand Reid. It wasn't because of what was happening between me and him. Really it wasn't. It was only because he was worried it would hinder your recovery." _

_Noah shook his head, staring down at the beautiful man that was now his husband. _

"_That's what you were trying to tell me? And I totally wasn't getting it. I made the whole thing so much harder for you, didn't I? Because… because I'd never have believed that…"_

_Luke nodded "…that I'd be thinking about… that I'd be considering… someone else…" _

_Noah dropped his head down to Luke's; forehead to forehead. _

"_That's because you're mine. You belong to me… you always did."_

_He kissed Luke's cheek and then nested down into Luke's neck; pressing his body as close as he could get; needing to re-claim him somehow. _

"_Before you woke up from that surgery I thought it was certain. I thought I'd reached the point where I could move on… with someone else. But then you woke up and you looked at me… You SAW me with those amazing blue eyes and… and… it was YOU…"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_It was MY Noah. And the more you healed, the stronger you got, the more I'd see those flashes of you; like you were waking up from some dark slumber. MY Noah, who I loved and who I'd missed since the day he fell from a rooftop. I was suddenly so confused that day because I had thought MY Noah gone for good. I lost him. I grieved for him. I got over him."_

_Noah hugged even tighter into Luke at that._

"_At least I thought I had." Luke continued, rubbing an affectionate hand down Noah's upper arm. "And I was trying to explain that all to you by the lake that day. I wanted you to understand that I still loved you but that I wasn't sure what I wanted any more. I wanted you to know. I wanted to talk to you about it. Clear up some of the confusion. But then you scared the hell out of me by having that migraine attack and you pushed me away again and…" _

"_It means a lot that you tried to tell me." Noah said into Luke's shirt. "Even if I now understand why you never did." _

_Noah lifted up to look down at Luke and they shared a tender kiss. All this was in the past and long forgiven between them. _

_Luke sighed deeply, "Anyway… we've gotten sidetracked! I got to talking with Tony… Drunken talk mind you but still… And I discovered that Tony was pretty lonely and messed up too. He'd pushed all his old friends out of his life after Reg died. He was drinking heavily. He blamed himself because he was the one always pressuring Reg to relax and experiment."_

"_Wow. Poor Tony… It was obvious at the funeral how upset he was."_

_Luke nodded. "We decided to meet up the following evening."_

"_You went on a date?"_

"_It wasn't a date."_

_It was Noah's turn to lift up and give Luke the frown of disbelief. _

_Luke couldn't help snorting. "Noah! It wasn't a date. Okay? I've never thought of Tony in that way before. He's always just been a friend."_

"_Mmm Hmm." Noah hummed; lying back down in Luke's arms. _

"_Anyway,"" Luke continued, "we began to see a lot of each other after that. Obviously, with both of us messed up and drinking, it could hardly have been called the healthiest of friendships. We just cheered each other on to drink more really. Then I met Troy and all that stuff happened with my grandmother and rehab."_

"_So, did you ever see Tony again?" Noah asked._

_Luke nodded. "Just after I got back from rehab. I ran into him at Java. He wasn't alone."_

"_Oh really?" Noah could tell from the tone of Luke's voice that Tony was with a love interest._

"_His name was…" Luke paused as he tried to remember. "It was foreign so I can't remember. He was as doctor as well. Tony looked good, you know? Really happy. I think this guy was good for him. Sorted him out."_

"_That's great."_

"_Yeah. He said he was going to Africa with this guy. That they planned to treat Aids infected babies. And since then Tony has always e-mailed me and we've kept in touch. Plus Tony is a prolific Facebook user so it's hard not to know what he's up to."_

"_Until now?" Noah suggested._

"_Well actually since before our wedding. I just find it strange. He never even said anything about that. The wedding, I mean. It's like he just disappeared or something."_

"_Are you worried?"_

_Luke sighed. "I guess not. Maybe he just moved on with his life."_

"_He's not the only one who did." Noah turned over just in time to catch the contented smile on Luke's face. "I love you Luke Snyder." _

_Noah came down for a kiss, following through with kisses down his neck and a nibble of one earlobe. _

_He heard Luke's breath hitch. _

"_I'd really like to take you for a shower..." _

"_Oh?" Luke exclaimed, "Cloakroom wasn't enough for ya?"_

"_Not. Nearly. Enough." Noah said between kisses down the inside of Luke's unbuttoned shirt. "I could never get enough of you…" _

_Luke groaned as Noah shifted his thigh between Luke's legs and rubbed up at him. _

"_Feels to me that you need some seeing too yourself…" _

"_God, Noah…you're so… hot…when… you're…ah…"_

_Noah silenced him with a tongue laced kiss, before lifting just slightly, noses touching, "You should have known this was going to happen the moment you buttoned down that shirt and sat there looking that this!"_

_Luke smiled._

"_You did it on purpose, admit it!"_

"_It's working, isn't it?" Luke laughed. _

"_What do you think?" Noah asked, grunting deeply into Luke's hair. "Come with me. I wanna finish what we started in that cloakroom."_

_Luke whimpered as Noah's body lifted off of his even as he knew the loss was only temporary. _

_Noah held out his hand and Luke allowed Noah to lift him up off the coach. Noah headed down the passage, tugging Luke along behind him, tiptoeing past the kid's room and heading into their bathroom. _

"_Get these off." Noah said, impatiently tugging at the last of the button's on Luke's shirt and then, while Luke worked to undo them, unbuckling Luke's belt, unzipping him and stepping back to watch Luke undress; smiling at his husband's perfect nakedness. _

"_Stop ogling me and take those clothes off." Luke beamed._

"_Get the water going and I will."_

_Luke stepped into the shower and ran the water while Noah removed his own clothes, following Luke into the steam._

_He wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, chest to back, and kissed the rise of his neck. Noah leaned past him to grab the shampoo bottle and squeezed a small blob on Luke's blond hair; before lathering it up._

"_Did I tell you how much I love this new hairstyle?"_

"_You do, ha?"_

_Luke turned and Noah nodded at him as he continued to lather up Luke's hair. Luke briefly parted to pour shampoo into his hand so that he could return the favour for Noah, also lifting his hands up and lathering up Noah's black waves. _

_They both stood for a moment under the full force of the shower and Noah enjoyed the view as the bubbles from the shampoo ran down the groove of Luke's back, pooling for a moment at the start of his buttocks before flowing clean to the floor. _

_Noah was incredibly turned on by the visual and could no longer wait so he again enfolded his arms around Luke, grabbing hold of him with both hands and beginning to stroke, using the last drops of soap to help. _

_Luke moaned, falling forward, hands pressing into the shower tiles. _

_Noah turned him and knelt down, pulling all of him in. _

"_AAAH!" Luke threw back his head, leaning back into the shower wall; hands finding the back of Noah's head and pushing down. Noah hummed, feeling Luke respond to the sound and twitch madly._

_Luke's eyes widened as Noah reached behind and inserted fingers as he continued to bob his head. _

_Satisfied that Luke was ready, Noah slid back up to standing. _

_Enclosing Luke in his arms he kissed him first before flipping him around and wrapping his arms tightly around Luke's slippery waist. Luke bent forward to the wall and Noah pushed in. _

_Slowly, Luke began to move; rocking slightly back into Noah. They both moaned and Noah kissed the back of Luke's neck, licking and nipping at him. Noah picked up his speed, bouncing Luke; panting. Luke's head rolled back onto Noah's shoulder as Noah continuously buried himself in Luke's heat. _

_Noah almost released too soon when Luke turned to look back at him. The blonde's face was flushed with passion and lust._

_Keeping that eye contact for as long as they could, Noah ploughed on, simultaneously working his hand around Luke's hardness, trying to keep in time with each thrust. _

_Eventually Luke had to let his head fall forward again. Noah shut his eyes, feeling that intense pressure build and build, he tried to keep it down, mindful of the children asleep in the house, but with Luke bucking back into him and making those sounds, then constricting against Noah, he couldn't. _

_Noah reached for Luke's hand, which Luke gladly gave him, squeezing it as the final shake and moan past through him. _

_..._

"You love this man very much."

Noah broke his gaze which had been fixed in the hypnotising flames of the large outdoor fire around which they sat.

He wasn't sure how long Kikongo had been watching him for, but he knew that the conversation had died ages ago.

"More than I think he knows."

"You will be happy? If we find him?"

Noah's fists clenched. "I'm not sure Kikongo. I'm not sure how I'll feel."

He tilted his head and observed the millions of stars up above. It was far more stars than he had ever seen. This was a different sky from his childhood. A whole different world; so far removed from what he was used to.

He ached for home and for Luke.


	108. Vumilia 5

_Noah licked a blob of white icing from his thumb, patted Nicholas's head on the way past, and grabbed a cloth to wipe his hands as he headed to answer the door. _

"_HEY!" he laughed the moment he saw that beaming smile and the tiny arms already stretching for him. He reached out to take Mia from Kevin, who grunted with relief; since he was already overloaded with her bags and stuffed toys. "How's my favourite girl?"_

_She nodded in answer and twirled a forefinger around the patterns in his t-shirt. _

"_Hi Kev. Come on in."_

"_Thanks." Kevin said, pushing past Noah and heading immediately to the bedroom to drop off Mia's things._

_Noah bounced the little girl on his hip making her squeal._

"_So? Did you have a fun time with Daddy?" _

"_Yes we went on the choo choo."_

_Noah frowned and laughed, "The what, baby?"_

"_Oh, the train." Kevin told him, returning down the passage. "There was a miniature railway down the coast and we went for a ride."_

"_Wow!" Noah exclaimed, "You did? Was that fun?"_

"_Yes and it went very far."_

"_Aren't you a lucky girl? Your Daddy spoils you, doesn't he?"_

_She nodded. "Where's Nicky?"_

_Noah kissed her forehead. "Actually you've come just in time! We made cupcakes this morning and they're all ready to be decorated!"_

_As was her way she immediately began to pant with excitement and wriggle to be let free to the ground. Noah bent to put her down and she scurried quickly toward the kitchen._

"_WAIT!" Noah yelled and she stopped and turned. Noah smiled at her. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to Daddy first?"_

"_Oh yeah!" she agreed, running into her father's waiting arms and kissing him. "Goodbye Daddy!"_

"_Bye Sweet! See you soon."_

_Back on her feet she ran into the kitchen where they heard the childish conversation with Nicholas begin. _

"_She really loves that little guy." Kevin smiled, shaking his head. "It's all she talks about. Nicky this and Nicky that!" _

_Noah chuckled, "Yeah, Nicky's the same. They really are like two peas in a pod!" _

"_Maybe one weekend I can take them both?" Kevin suggested. "Give you and Luke some time to yourselves."_

"_If you'd like to that would be great! Nicky would love it! Thanks Kev."_

"_No problem."_

"_But only if you're sure! He can be a bit of a handful sometimes!"_

_Kevin smiled, "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."_

"_Would you like a drink or something?" Noah offered._

"_No, actually I can't stay. I have a job interview today."_

"_You do? That's great!"_

"_Yeah! So hold thumbs, okay?" _

_Noah walked Kevin to the door. _

"_Oh!" Kevin said before leaving. "Would you like my newspaper? I'm done reading it."_

_He handed Noah the broadsheet he'd been carrying under his arm._

"_Great!" Noah smiled. _

"_Okay then, well, see you soon." Kevin said._

_Noah shook hands with Kevin._

"_Good luck with that interview."_

_He watched until Kevin had driven away and then returned to the kitchen, chuckling at the mess the kids were making of their cupcakes; pink, yellow and blue icing everywhere and sprinkles spilled. He didn't care. They loved it and it kept them occupied for a few hours. _

_He dropped the newspaper on the counter and began preparing the morning coffee. _

"_Hey, baby!" He heard Luke say, "Welcome home." _

_He turned just in time to see Luke kiss the top of Mia's head and Nicholas's temple._

"_Luke!" She said, "We are making cupcakes."_

_Luke laughed at the pool of cake and sticky icing before him._

"_I see that! Good job!"_

_He was still in his sleepwear, not quite yet fully awake._

"_Finally up then, sleepyhead?" Noah asked._

"_Sorry." Luke said, "I know how you hate when I sleep in."_

"_That's okay, baby." Noah replied. "You were up late working on the project. Did you make some headway?"_

_Luke walked over to kiss Noah good morning._

"_We did actually. I think we've decided on the property we want to buy."_

"_Cool! Which one?"_

"_We think we like that big house up on the hill. It's got loads of land so we could organise outdoor projects too."_

"_Yes! I love that old house! And I guess it's going cheap since it needs some work done on it."_

_Luke nodded, noticing the newspaper on the counter and pulling it over to browse the headlines. "I also want to make sure it's access friendly. I want the centre to be open to all teens! And that includes those who are wheelchair bound."_

_Noah smiled at him; standing there all sleepy and unkempt; his hair sticking up at odd angles. _

"_Coffee?" He asked after a few minutes._

"_Definitely!" Luke exclaimed. He took the paper and joined their gummy children at the breakfast bar; making himself comfortable before opening the first page and settling down to some reading. _

"_Hey! Kevin's got a job interview today!" Noah told him as he set the water to percolate. _

"_That's great! I hope it works out for him. That man could sure use a break."_

"_Yeah." Noah agreed._

_His eyes drifted over to Nicholas who had more chocolate icing smeared across his face than he had on his cupcake._

"_Nicky?"_

_The big blue eyes, filled with wonderment and enjoyment, lifted to meet Noah's._

"_No more eating the icing, okay? I think you've had more than enough."_

_Luke snorted from behind the paper. _

"_Okay." Nicholas sang._

"_You just make those cakes look pretty. No more eating. And that goes for both of you. Mia? Okay?"_

_She nodded without looking up from her task of sticking jellybeans around the perimeter of her cake. _

_As the rich coffee smell began to mingle with that of the sweet baking, Noah spent some time wiping up the counters and stacking the dishwasher with all the dirty baking trays and spoons he and Nicholas had used that morning._

_The cafeteria beeped and he poured out two mugs of Java's finest. _

"_Here you go bab-" _

_Noah's words cut off as he tilted his head, reading off the back of the newspaper._

_Luke's face appeared from around the other side as he waited for Noah to hand him his mug, "Earth to Noah?"_

_Noah jerked up, blinking. He locked eyes with Luke for a moment and a million 'what if's' ran wild through his head. _

"_What is it?" Asked Luke._

_Recovering quickly, Noah grabbed the paper from his hands and replaced it with the mug of coffee._

"_Hey!" Luke complained. "I was reading that!"_

"_You can read it later." Noah lied, "Drink your coffee and socialise with your family for a bit. We didn't get any attention from you at all night last night!"_

"_Yeah!" Nicolas agreed._

_Luke laughed, "All right, all right! I can tell when I'm being ganged up on!" _

_Noah watched with relief as he turned his attention to the children, grabbing a fresh cupcake and starting to decorate one._

_Noah was shaking slightly. He needed time to think. _

"_Um. I'll just be a minute."_

_He left them and hurried for their bathroom; locking the door, closing the toilet seat to sit down. _

_The newspaper vibrated as he opened and turned it around to the article he'd seen earlier._

_..._

_Hunt For Missing American Doctor_

_An American doctor was recently reported by friends as missing in the African country of Uganda. He was half-way through working a mission placement treating Aids patients at a clinic in the capital city of Kampala._

_Virology specialist, Dr. Tony de Franca (pictured right), left the Christa Medical Centre with his colleague Dr. Kizza Nakalinzi on the 6__th__ March. Neither man has been seen since._

_According to friends it was not unusual for the two men to travel away together, but it is unusual for them not to inform the Medical Centre where both volunteer._

_Fellow colleagues at the centre "are very sorry to hear this news and are hopeful for a positive outcome."_

_American Embassy officials are extremely concerned by the apparent way in which the doctors have "simply vanished."_

"_We are still very open minded about what has happened to Tony and his friend. We have been speaking to his acquaintances here in Kampala and will do everything in our power to find them."_

_..._

"_Shit!" Noah whispered to himself, looking up from the photograph of a smiling Tony in his white medical coat. _

"_Noah? Did you drown in there or something?"_

_He shot up at the sound of Luke's voice, but then remembered he'd locked the door. He stared down at the article and back up at the door behind which the love of his life stood. _

"_No. Sorry. Must have been something I ate. I'll be out in a minute."_

"_Okay. Don't take too long." Luke replied, "Nicky wants to show you his masterpiece! It's quite a sight."_

_Maybe it was wrong. Maybe Luke had a right to know about his friend. But Noah tore the article from the page and stuffed it into his back pocket. For effect he flushed the toilet and turned on the sink tap to quickly wash his hands, drying them on a towel. _

_He took two deep breaths and grabbed the paper, "I'm coming."_

_He opened the door to find Luke waiting for him on the other side._

"_Poor, baby." Luke grinned, taking Noah into a hug._

_Noah breathed in. Luke still smelled warmly of sleep._

"_Not feeling well?" Luke asked._

"_I'm fine now." He held Luke to him, the newspaper getting scrunched up against Luke's back and reminding Noah of what he was doing. "Luke?"_

"_Mmm?"_

"_You know I'd to anything to protect you."_

_Luke pushed Noah back, frowning at him. "Is something wrong?"_

_Pulling himself together Noah beamed at him, "Course not! Everything is the way it should be."_

_He kissed Luke long but lightly on the lips._

"_Can I read my paper now?" Luke asked._

"_You mean MY paper?" Noah raised an eyebrow at him._

"_Please? I'm a reporter! It's my job to know what's going on in the world!"_

_At that Noah froze for a second thinking over those words and just how true they were in Luke's case. He ran a hand down Luke's cheek. "Sure you can read it. I have to get the kids cleaned up anyway."_

_He passed the now crumpled pages to Luke and Luke followed him down the passage._

"_Geez Noah! Look what you've done to the thing!" _

_Giggling Luke lounged back in an armchair and resumed his reading. _

"_Hang on!" He exclaimed before Noah could make it to the Kitchen, "There's a big hole in this page. Did you tear something out?"_

_Noah stood with his back to Luke, knowing Luke would see the lie otherwise. "Um, no. It was Kevin's paper. Perhaps there was a job advert or something."_

"_Oh." _

_Satisfied with that answer Luke settled down and Noah left him for the kitchen._

"_Noah, there are no more cakes." Nicholas said._

"_All done?" Noah smiled._

_They both nodded, proudly displaying their cakes before them._

"_Let's have a look then."_

_As talented as Nicholas was when it came to drawing and crafts, cake decorating was definitely not his thing. The cakes looked anything but appetising. _

"_Mmm, they look yummy! Thanks for helping me."_

_Then he noticed that the two of them were already tucking into one cupcake each._

"_Hey you guys! Didn't I say no more?"_

"_Luke said." Nicholas was quick to chime in._

"_Yeah!" he heard Luke confirm from the other room. "Luke said!"_

_Noah shook his head. "Oh well! You've eaten so much already I suppose one more won't make much difference. Why don't you take them outside on the decking so I can clean up in here?"_

"_Okay." They both sang jumping off their stools._

"_Hang on a minute, little man." Noah caught him on the go so that he could use a damp cloth to wipe all the brown and blue icing from his face. "Okay, go."_

_They disappeared into the lounge and out through the glass doors. _

_Noah watched them through the window as they sat together on the top step, licking at the icing on their cakes. _

_He felt the torn off pages in his pocket and bit his lower lip. To keep this information from Luke, to essentially lie to him, would tear Noah up, but he would do it. _

_Their family had only just gotten back to some sense of normality._

_His eyes never left the children. _

_It was the right thing to do._

_..._

Noah took a break from helping the other men load suitcases into the back of the van.

He wiped the sweat from his brow on the bottom of his t-shirt. He was glad he only brought the small rucksack containing two clean shirts with him. He couldn't imagine messing around with a suitcase under these conditions.

The tiny village they had stopped in to spend the night barely had a store let alone a hotel so he and Kikongo had slept outside under the stars on makeshift reed mats, along with the rest of the van's passengers.

That morning they had bathed as best they could in the small trickle of water in the nearby river. Noah had filled his water bottle there too. He wasn't sure how safe it was to drink, but he figured he was better off drinking some water rather than none at all.

"Ambapo ni mke wako?"

Noah blinked away the sweat from his eyes to find one of the more rotund female passengers smiling and pointing at him.

He shrugged, having no idea what she had just asked him.

She tightened the colourful wrap she had around her head before gesturing toward his stomach area.

He looked down, wondering whether he'd spilled some of his breakfast on his t-shirt. Finding nothing there he looked up and frowned at her.

"Ambapo ni mke wako?" She repeated, taking hold of his hand and holding it out. "Ambapo ni mke wako?"

"She is seeing the ring." Kikongo explained, giving Noah an expression that clearly indicated he should be mindful of his reply. "She is asking where is… your wife."

Noah sucked in a breath and looked to the floor. He knew what Luke would have answered.

"She is back home." It was so difficult to say, so unnatural, that Noah almost whispered it.

Kikongo nodded his approval at Noah and then turned to translate Noah's reply to the nosey lady.

She smiled and nodded that she understood. "Je, kuwa na watoto wengi?"

"She asks whether you have many children."

Noah felt his heart breaking.

"Two." He said. "We have two children."

As they scrambled back on board the unbearable van to continue their journey north, Noah rubbed the ring on his finger, silently apologising to Luke for his necessary denial of them.


	109. Vumilia 6

"It is amazing to me…"

"What is?"

Kikongo nodded toward Noah's wedding ring. Noah looked up from the ring and into the younger man's eyes and saw so much conflict there; sadness and intense heartache.

Noah knew they couldn't openly discuss it so he simply acknowledged Kikongo's statement with an understanding smile.

"You were okay?" Kikongo asked, waiting a moment for the van to travel over a few humps in the road before continuing, "You were okay that he came?"

"You mean that he came here?" Noah asked.

Kikongo nodded.

"No." Noah answered. "No. I wasn't okay."

...

"_This isn't my house." Nicholas was quick to point out, frowning from his car-seat at the strange white building as Noah pulled up to the curb._

"_Nope," Noah agreed. "This is where Luke works. I thought we could surprise him and pick him up today. Then he doesn't have to take a cab home again. You know how much he's always complaining about those cabs."_

"_Phew!" Mia imitated the action that Luke always made by squeezing the bridge of her nose. "Stinky!"_

_Nicholas burst into a fit of giggles. _

_Noah walked around the car to open Mia's door which faced the road, stretching over to unbuckle her. _

"_Okay?" he asked once he'd pulled her from the seat._

_She nodded._

_Holding her, he walked around the bumper to open Nicholas's door and bent to help Nicholas with his seatbelt._

"_I can do it." Nicholas reminded Noah with exasperation._

"_Oh yes!" Noah apologised with a hidden smile, "I forgot."_

_He patiently waited for Nicholas to struggle with his buckle, eventually getting the button to release so that he could hop out of the car; proud at his ability to perform this very adult task unaided._

_Noah took his hand and Nicholas walked beside him as they made their way indoors. _

"_Noah?" _

"_Yes, Nicky?" _

"_Why doesn't Luke drive a car?"_

"_He's not allowed to baby, remember? Because of Nat? The police said Luke can't drive for a year."_

"_How long's a year?" Mia asked from his hip._

"_A very long time." Noah told her._

"_Then after a year he can drive?" _

"_Yes Nicky. One day he can pick you up from school."_

"_Will Jasmine be at my school?" Nicholas asked._

"_No, baby" _

"_Will you be at my school?"_

"_No, I'll be at work."_

"_Will Luke be at my school?"_

"_Luke will be here."_

_Nicholas frowned, "Who will take care of me?"_

"_You'll have some very special teachers to watch you."_

_Noah could tell by the truculent look on Nicholas's face that he was far from pleased with that idea. But he figured the middle of Luke's office probably wasn't the best time to discuss it. _

_Instead he addressed the receptionist, who spent a moment cooing over the kids before smiling in recognition and ushering them inside._

_By now Noah knew the route to the large newsroom and he headed that way, rounding a sharp corner to bump bodily into Jenna coming the other way. _

"_Ouch!" she exclaimed, "Watch where you're going, will ya? God gave you eyes… use them…"_

_Nicholas disappeared behind Noah's legs, clutching on and peering around at the apparently irate woman. _

"_Hello Jenna." Noah smiled. "Sorry. I didn't see you."_

"_Yeah well, you should learn to slow down!"_

"_I was excited to see Luke."_

_For the first time she noticed the children. _

"_This isn't a kindergarten you know?"_

_Noah smiled. Luke was so right! Jenna was exactly like Reid. _

"_I know." He replied, "But I picked the kids up from their babysitter and I thought I'd swing around to surprise him with a lift home."_

"_Hmph…Wonderful for you both I'm sure! Well you've just wasted a trip."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Luke left over an hour ago." _

_Noah frowned, "But it's only half five?" _

_Noah wondered why Luke didn't call if he was getting off early. But then smiled to himself. _

"_What's so funny?" Jenna asked suspiciously._

"_Oh nothing. I think perhaps Luke decided to surprise us, just as we decided to surprise him."_

_Jenna shut her eyes and shook her head uttering, "My brain's about to explode." _

_She deeply sighed as though trying to clear her thoughts of sugar before opening her eyes to say, "I'm not sure that's the case. He spent an hour tapping away at the internet muttering to himself; then another talking to Jarvis. Then he flew out of here like a bat outta hell." _

"_He didn't say where he went?"_

"_Nope, but Jarvis should know. Maybe you should ask him."_

_She pushed past Noah and left them standing in the passage._

"_Noah?"_

"_Yes Mia?"_

"_Why is the funny lady mad?"_

_Noah laughed. "She's not mad, Sweetheart. She's always like that."_

_Mia scrunched up her nose in confusion but didn't ask any more questions about it. _

_Wondering about his husband, Noah continued down the corridor with the aim of reaching Luke's desk. He wanted to call Luke on his cell, but he needed to put Mia down first. _

_It was clear by the state of his workstation that Luke had left in a hurry. A newspaper was spread open across his keyboard and a half drunk mug of coffee sat cold on a coaster nearby. Luke hadn't even shut down his desktop computer. _

_Noah checked Jarvis's office from a distance and noticed it was empty. _

"_Excuse me?" He asked a pretty young blonde lady as she passed, "Is Jarvis around?"_

"_Sorry, he isn't. He left for a dinner conference a while ago."_

"_Okay, thanks."_

_He let her go and shrugged. It was probably nothing. _

_He tried Luke's cell but it went straight to voicemail. _

"_Where's Luke?" Nicholas asked, quickly becoming impatient from all the waiting around._

"_Sorry, Nicky. It looks like Luke already went home."_

"_Can we go home now?" Mia asked. _

"_I'm hungry." Nicholas complained._

"_I know. This hasn't worked out very well, has it?" Noah agreed. "Okay, come on lets go."_

_Nicholas had crawled up onto Luke's office chair and was swinging around on it. He bounced off and Noah moved behind the desk to re-take his hand. As he did so his eyes caught a photo in the opened newspaper. _

_His heart began to pummel. It was the exact same picture of Tony he had seen a few days before. _

"_Oh no." he whispered, falling into the chair with Mia on his lap._

_Of course the likelihood had always been that Luke would eventually find out. It was near impossible for Noah to hide it from him, especially when Luke worked in a newsroom. But Noah had hoped. _

"_Still no sign of two missing doctors." He read. _

_The article didn't give much more information than the last one he'd seen. But Noah knew it was enough to peak Luke's interest. _

"_Noahhhhh!" Nicholas moaned, shifting now on his feet. _

_But Noah wasn't listening. He swallowed hard and folded up the newspaper to reveal Luke's keyboard and mouse. A few clicks brought up the standard computer lock requiring a password. _

_Noah thought for just five seconds, wet his bottom lip and typed in the same password Luke used on his laptop, "N.0.A.H.=.L.0.V.E."_

_The screen burst into life. The internet was up and the page confirmed Noah's worst fears. _

_Uganda – Pearl of Africa. _

"_Can we go home now?" Mia asked for the second time and Noah snapped out of his brief trance. He ran a hand over her head and smiled at her. _

"_Course we can. Come on."_

_By some strange impulse he took the folded newspaper with them. _

_He drove home in silence. The kids, in tune to his mood, spoke only to each other; for which Noah was grateful. _

_He could almost hear Holden's voice in his head. "Don't try to control the situation."_

_He deeply sighed. Then what was he supposed to do? Just sit back and watch while Luke… _

_Noah wasn't even sure of how Luke would handle the news of Tony's disappearance, but he had a pretty good idea. _

_As they walked through the front door of the house Noah felt relief flood over him. He immediately knew Luke was home because of the distinct aroma of coffee wafting in from the kitchen. _

"_Luke?" He called._

"_Bedroom!" he heard Luke reply. _

_The children had disappeared into the house as Noah, newspaper tucked under his arm, made his way down the passage. _

_The sight before him stopped his legs from functioning and he came to an abrupt halt in the main bedroom doorway. _

_There was no Luke. He could hear Luke shuffling around in the ensuite. But on the bed was an open, half packed suitcase. _

_Noah closed his eyes and made his way to sit beside the infernal object. _

_Faced with proof of Luke's pending departure Noah was hit with a deep sense of depression. _

_He needed Luke. He needed to see Luke at dinner after a day's work. He depended on Luke's company and his solid, heartening presence; the smooth and warm strength of him in bed each night; waking up to his tousled, smiling kisses in the morning. The thought of his absence… any absence… was like a bleak, black cloud descending. _

_Luke appeared, toiletry bag in hand, head down as he examined the contents. _

"_Hey Babe?" he asked all flustered. "Have you seen my aftershave anywhere?"_

_When Noah didn't respond Luke finally looked up; questioning and worried brown locking with Noah's deep blues. _

"_I went by your office." Noah told him. "To pick you up…"_

"_Sorry, something's happened."_

_Noah lifted up the paper. _

"_You're flying to Uganda to look for Tony, aren't you?"_

_Luke didn't answer. He didn't need to. _

_A long silence followed, both men simply staring. A stand-off. _

_Dropping the paper on the bed beside him, Noah stood and left the room, ignoring Luke's plaintive tone as he drew out the nickname, "Bubby?"_

_Noah opened the sliding door and stepped outside, coming to stand on the edge of the decking; something he often did when he needed to clear his head. The fresh air helped. So did the view. The sun was setting and the sky burned a beautiful red and purple. _

_He felt Luke's presence behind him, but he didn't turn. _

"_Jarvis gave me permission to go. I can search for Tony and at the same time write a story about it." _

"_Well whoop-dee-doo for you Luke!" Noah replied, anger flaring._

"_Noah, we knew this job might require that I travel." _

_Noah turned. "Are you serious?"_

_Luke cocked his head in that way he always did when he knew Noah was mad at him and didn't know what to say to calm him. _

_That look just made Noah angrier. _

"_To Chicago, Luke! Or New York! And that would have been bad enough, let me tell you! But AFRICA?" _

"_I have to go."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because there's more to this story than what meets the eye."_

"_What's THAT supposed to mean?"_

"_I'm not sure yet. It's just a hunch. I'm hoping I'm wrong. The other doctor? Kizza? That's the man I met at Java. That's the man Tony was dating."_

"_So?" _

"_So, don't you think it's a little strange? Both of them disappearing like that?"_

_Realising that Luke was determined to follow through with his plan, Noah resorted to the only weapon he had left - he begged._

"_Please don't go. Don't leave." _

_Luke sighed. "Noah…"_

"_I knew when you took this job that you might have to travel. Yes. I knew that. But I'm not ready. I need you to stay. I'm begging you to stay."_

"_I can't." _

"_You always do this."_

"_I have to."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because even though me and Tony were drinking together… even though that was wrong… he was there for me when I needed somebody. He was a good friend. And I need to know what happened to him. I owe him that."_

"_What about what you owe me? And Nicky and Mia?" _

_Something about Luke's demeanour seemed off to Noah but he couldn't quite put his finger on it._

"_What aren't you telling me?" Noah asked, eventually realising there must be more to it for Luke to leave his family. _

_Luke's eyes shifted sideways a few times as he thought quickly, "It's only for one week."_

_Noah's senses suddenly peaked to high alert. Did Luke just avoid his question? "Why do I get the feeling you're holding something back?"_

_Luke's eyes grew suddenly dark and sad. "I have to finish packing. The cab will be here in an hour."_

_To Noah's shock Luke returned to the bedroom leaving him standing on the decking with what felt like a hole in his gut. _

"_Noah?"_

"_Noah?"_

"_Noah?"_

_He blinked. He wasn't sure how long Nicholas had been calling his name but the child stood before him looking utterly confused. _

"_Is it dinner time, Nicky?"_

_His little face bloomed with a smile and Noah followed him into the kitchen where he set to work heating up leftover meatloaf from the night before. He couldn't face cooking. He felt sick. _

_The children had just finished eating and were about to get up when Luke entered. _

"_Hang on you two… I want to talk to you." Luke said._

_Without a word Noah returned to his usual spot on the decking, crossing his arms and occasionally looking back over his shoulder while Luke explained to the kids that he was leaving and would be back soon. _

_As expected Nicholas fired three million questions at Luke. _

"_Where are you going?"_

"_When you coming back?"_

"_Why you going?"_

_Noah involuntarily jumped as a horn sounded from the front of the house. He looked back and watched as Luke kissed each of the kids. _

_Luke checked through the front window before making his way into the bedroom to collect his suitcase; placing it by the door._

_As Luke looked his way Noah quickly turned his back again. He heard Luke's footsteps as they approached._

"_Aren't you going to say goodbye?"_

_Hugging his numb arms to his chest Noah said nothing._

"_I love you Bubby. Leaving you guys is the last thing I want to do. But it's one week! And it's… it's me! It's how I am. And you know it."_

_Noah could feel his resolve crumbling but he stood his ground; strained and bloodless._

"_I'll see you soon." _

_Noah heard the front door close but he knew he couldn't let Luke leave like that. He waited only a few minutes before flying through the lounge and flinging the door open._

"_LUKE!"_

_But there was no need to yell. Luke was already waiting for him on the other side of the door. Noah drew him into a crushing hug. _

"_I hate you!" Noah said, snuggling his head under Luke's chin. _

"_I know. But I'll call you every day. I promise." _

_Luke stroked his back, gentle fingers tracing the bumps of Noah's spine. As they drew apart Luke took Noah's face in his hands. _

"_Just promise me you'll be careful."_

"_It will all be fine. You'll see."_

_Luke kissed him thoroughly, temporarily depriving Noah of oxygen in his need to convey all his feelings in that one gesture. _

_Noah could feel Luke's heart beating against his ribs and wanted nothing more than to stay that way forever, just standing there and breathing the same air; both in the same place, the same continent. _

_Noah clung to him for a few more seconds, or until the cab hooted impatiently, and then did what he knew Luke needed from him. _

_Noah let him go. _

_..._

"Why did you agree then?" Kikongo asked.

"I didn't really agree. Rather I just accepted."

"I see."

"He wouldn't have been happy. He would have been restless. Helping people… it's just who he is."

Kikongo nodded.

They rode along in silence for a few kilometres, Noah contemplating the situation he had discovered since arriving.

"Maybe it will happen one day, Kikongo."

The other man frowned in confusion.

"The ring?" Noah reminded him.

Kikongo shook his head, "Not in my life time. Not while these foreign ministers keep coming to preach."

Noah shivered as he recalled his first day in Kampala.

There was a question that Noah wanted to ask but had been afraid too. However he had to know.

"Kikongo? Can I ask you?"

"Ask me anything, rafiki yangu."

"If I ask you… will you tell me the truth?"

"Of course."

Noah took a deep breath, "Is Luke alive?"

Noah saw the hesitancy before Kikongo managed to hide it and his heart dipped. Noah looked down at his hands; bit his lip.

"Please tell me the truth." He whispered.

His friend paused for what seemed a long time before he answered. "I believe it is strongly likely he is not."

Noah kept his head bent forward. He closed his eyes, felt the tears track down his cheek and nodded.

"But rafiki yangu," the man said, covertly taking Noah's hand and squeezing it. "I will not leave your side until we know."

"Thank you."

...

**Thanks all!**


	110. Vumilia 7

_Luke phoned Noah the moment he landed, but he'd been too eager and forgotten the time zone. Noah was half asleep and, despite arguing to the contrary, far too tired to hold a coherent conversation._

_So their first real phone call took place later the next day._

_Luke was excited to recount his tales about the interesting sights and sounds of Kampala, Uganda. He spoke about the hotel where he was staying and the people he'd met._

_"Do you know they introduce themselves surname first? Some kind of tribal thing…"_

_Noah began to relax about the whole situation. He decided that he had totally overreacted about Luke going on the trip. It was just for one week, after all._

_As much as he hated being parted from Luke, a lot of that merely stemmed from past fears._

_Of course he couldn't expect that they spend every single day together. Of course there would be times when they might have to sleep apart. But spiritually they were always together. Nothing could change that. Nothing ever had._

_During his second phone call home, Luke told Noah about the local reporters he'd met and the detailed information he'd received about the day of Tony and Kizza's disappearance._

_His conversation was still fairly light hearted then. He seemed distracted by and interested in this strange and new environment; immersing himself in the local culture._

_Noah found it infectious and enjoyed listening to the 'little boy' excitement in Luke's voice._

_"They are so traditional. I met an actual warrior! He wears this strange green headdress to identify himself to others. It's really amazing, Noah! You'd love it here! Hot as hell though! Think mid-summer California and times it by three!"_

_"Well," Noah joked, "At least I can still expect to get my tanned beach-bum back!"_

_It was only really by his third phone call home that Luke began to sound withdrawn; sad, almost defeated._

_"Luke, are you okay? You don't sound right?" A worried Noah asked._

_"I'm fine. I found out some stuff today that's thrown me for a bit of a loop."_

_"What kind of stuff?"_

_"Let's not get into that, okay? I will tell you, but I just can't right now. It's all I'm eating, drinking and sleeping at the moment! I just want to hear about good things; about you and the kids. I miss you."_

_Then came the forth phone call home._

_"I've not been able to find any trace of Tony. I've searched his apartment and spoken to a few of his friends and I don't like what I'm hearing."_

_"What are they saying?" Noah asked._

_"That the reporters writing the news items in the States aren't being told the full story. The Ugandan government are controlling the information. Things have been difficult for Tony. Things are difficult."_

_"What do you mean, Luke?"_

_"I read some things online before I left and now I'm beginning to realise just how true they are. I met this man today; a minister. He's starting a hou-"_

_Noah could hear a door banging in the background and somebody in the same room with Luke started speaking. Noah couldn't make out this stranger's words but he could tell by the tone it was urgent._

_"Look Bubby, I have to go."_

_"Who's that with you?" Noah asked. "Luke, is everything okay?"_

_"Yes. I'm sure everything's fine. There just som-"_

_More banging._

_"Luke?"_

_More of their low voices speaking quickly; fearfully, but not clear enough to understand._

_"Luke?"_

_"I love you."_

_Noah drew breath at the sudden worry in Luke's tone._

_"Whatever happens, Noah. I love you so much."_

_"What?"_

_The line cut off and Noah frenetically tried to redial._

_But that would be the last time he'd hear from Luke._

_He immediately informed Jarvis and; when Luke didn't call him the following day; the American Embassy and the Association for Missing Persons. They all told him the same thing._

_"Sit tight. We'll investigate. Collect him from the airport as planned."_

_But, just as Noah suspected; after already receiving confirmation from Luke's hotel that he hadn't checked out; Luke didn't land at LAX International aboard flight EBB 217._

_That was when Noah went into full blown panic mode._

_On his way home to pack, with none of the avenues he'd pursued providing any kind of solid information, he called Holden._

_"Noah! What a nice surprise! I didn't expect to hear from you guys so soon. How's Luke? How was his trip?"_

_Noah was in the frantic process of throwing clothes into a bag, he held the phone to his ear by bending his head to his shoulder._

_"I don't know…" His reply was breathless._

_"Sorry?" Holden asked._

_"I don't have much time." He stopped what he was doing to catch the phone in his hand, "I'll be flying up to Oakdale in a few hours and I need to leave the kids at the farm. Can you speak to Emma for me?"_

_"Noah? Has something happened?"_

_"I'm so sorry, Dad. Please forgive me. I didn't want to worry you unless I was sure."_

_"Worry me?"_

_"I haven't heard from Luke in two days. And he didn't arrive home on the flight."_

_"What?"_

_"I'm flying to Kampala tomorrow morning. It was the first flight I could get."_

_"Oh my God, Noah! Where is he?"_

_"I don't know." His voice was breaking and so was he. "Look. I'm barely holding it together right now so… um… I'm going to hang up because I need to get moving… and… and…"_

_"Okay." Holden's voice immediately come down a few octaves and calmed. "It's okay. Look, I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure there's a reason for all of this."_

_"I'm going to hang up right now. I'll see you in a few hours. We can talk then."_

_"Okay, son. Stay strong. We'll be waiting at the farm."_

_..._

_Luke was right. It was beyond hot. The heat seemed to hang like a curtain about the place._

_It hit Noah like a brick wall the moment he stepped from the air conditioned comfort of the plane._

_The air was dry and dusty. So much so that he could taste the sand in his mouth, smell the earth on the warm wind._

_He saw Jenna waiting for him in arrivals._

_"Did you snail pace your way off the plane? You landed two hours ago!" She complained._

_Noah was in no mood for it._

_"Jenna. Luke is missing. So you can be sure I didn't 'snail pace' as you put it. They asked me about a dozen questions in customs and then took forever offloading the luggage."_

_"Well then let's stop wasting time and go."_

_Jenna was with an elderly black man with greying temples and a peeked black cap._

_"This is Ojore. He'll be our driver."_

_Noah nodded._

_"This way please." said Ojore in deeply accented English._

_As they followed the driver to the car Noah asked, "How long have you been out here for?"_

_"Jarvis sent me two days ago." Jenna replied, "As soon as he got your phone call asking about Luke. So thanks for that by the way! This place is a right royal shithole!"_

_Noah chose to ignore her annoyance. Truthfully he didn't have the energy for it. He was just pleased to have finally landed so that he could start the search for Luke._

_Besides, he was certain that there was nobody, not even Jarvis, who could make Jenna do something she didn't want to. Noah knew that Jenna was hiding her concern._

_They reached the car, a grey BMW, and the driver opened the passenger door for both Noah and Jenna to sit in the backseat._

_"The embassy is already aware as you know." Jenna was saying, "They are extremely concerned that the disappearance of another American citizen will look bad for them, so they're keeping Luke's situation under wraps."_

_Noah rubbed his face in his hands as they left the airport and drove onto the main motorway._

_"What exactly is going on, Jenna? Luke said he found something out."_

_Her eyes darkened. "How tired are you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_She shook her head in annoyance. "I mean do you want to go straight to the hotel or do you want to find out what it is that Luke discovered?"_

_Noah locked determined eyes with hers. "What do you think?"_

_..._

_The car dropped them off near the outskirts of the city after driving as far as it was possible. There were people everywhere._

_Great hordes of men, women and children, all dressed in white, were making their way toward a large park area, clogging up the roads; singing and dancing as they went._

_"What's going on?" Noah asked._

_"There's a religious rally today."_

_They both climbed out into the dry heat, Noah looking about at the faces of the people passing._

_"Come on." Jenna said to him over the roof of the vehicle, before bending down to the open window, "Will you wait here for us, Ojore?"_

_The driver nodded, pushing his seat back and getting comfortable._

_Noah followed Jenna, walking as fast as the crowd allowed them two. The air was thick with the smell of a thousand sweating bodies._

_"Three months ago the Ugandan government passed a legal bill based almost solely and completely on the ridiculous ranting of a Simon Laarman." Jenna had to shout to be heard over the throng surrounding them. "He arrived in this country and took his program to all the schools and businesses that would listen to him."_

_It was difficult going. The multitude was thick and determined, anxious to get to the heart of the proceedings._

_Noah was pushed and shoved as he walked, trying hard to hear Jenna above the noise; as well as to keep up with her._

_The closer they got to the epicentre of activity the more Noah became aware of an American voice being broadcast over loud speakers._

_"Unfortunately the idiots running this train crash of a country actually did and do listen to him." Jenna was saying._

_"And what was this program about?" Noah yelled across to Jenna as they walked, "What's this got to do with Tony and Luke?"_

_Before Jenna could answer he heard the first clear sentence from the loud speakers._

_"I am here today to bring you God. I am here today to baptize you and your children in the name of the Holy Father…."_

_After every sentence the American man spoke, another man would translate his words directly into native Swahili and the crowd would cheer._

_In the distance Noah made out a raised platform on which a bearded middle-aged white man stood; looking kind and respectable in cotton dress pants and white button down shirt. He looked like he'd just stepped out of an American soap opera; all suave and sophisticated. He looked like a man to be trusted._

_"Why are we here? And who is that?" Noah asked, but when he looked around he realised he had somehow lost Jenna in the crowd._

_He wasn't worried. He knew were the car was parked. So instead of wasting time he dug into his pocket and took out the small photograph he had of Luke._

_He spent a moment smoothing his thumb over the familiar features, before walking from person to person; asking as best he could whether they knew him or had seen him._

_He received many suspicious and quizzical looks off of people, but nobody showed any sign of recognising Luke._

_It was clear that Noah was making a bit of a spectacle. As the only white male there, besides the minister, he wasn't exactly blending in with the crowd, instead they all seemed extremely interested in him._

_A sinister looking young man in a red knitted beanie leaned nonchalantly against a dying tree, watching Noah curiously._

_"Hello?" Noah smiled._

_The man did not smile back. He grimaced as though Noah's voice had stung him and then spat on the grass beside him. He pushed past Noah and headed toward the front of the crowd; treating people quite roughly along the way._

_Noah hadn't really been paying much attention to the fire and brimstone speech coming from the stage until he heard, "But I am also here to warn you! I am here today to tell you of the devil's work. It has a name and it's called The Gay Movement."_

_Noah's head whipped around and his eyes glued onto the figure. Suddenly he was all ears and he willed that the man doing the translation would to do so quickly._

_"This is an evil institution. The goal of The Gay Movement is to defeat the marriage-based society, and replace it with a culture of sexual promiscuity and insanity."_

_Noah felt instantly sick and even more so as the crowd that surrounded him cheered and sang their approval._

_He looked down protectively at the ring on his finger, twisting it around just to reassure himself that it was real; that he hadn't just walked into some twilight zone where his life never existed._

_Noah had grown so comfortable. So certain of his identity as a gay man; so sure of his love for Luke, for their marriage and their children._

_It had been a long, long time since he'd felt this way; since he'd feared it._

_"We need to pray people! We need to band together and prevent the spread of this vile and evil spirit; this dark demon."_

_As the Swahili translation wafted over the crowd, Noah lost the feeling in his legs. His eyes left the stage to roam over the endless crowd and suddenly he felt extremely exposed and worse, totally alone._

_This was it! This was what Luke knew!_

_"This spirit of lawlessness and anarchy has already taken over parts of my country and it will try to take over yours too. We must stop it at all costs."_

_The crowd applauded and stamped their feet._

_"I have moved my family here to launch a house of prayer right in the heart of Africa. Right here is where we will start our own movement!" The minister gesticulated wildly with his hands. "And together my friends, God's followers will do his work and we will rid the world of this dominion of darkness. Let us pray."_

_It was almost hypnotic the way the entire crowd of white fell to their knees in the prayer position, some listening to the translation from the stage, other's muttering to themselves; saying prayers of their own._

_With the throng of people on their knees, Noah had a clear sight of the stage and he watched as the young man of earlier climbed up onto the platform to whisper into the minister's ear._

_Noah was glued to the spot as the man's bitter green eyes scanned the masses until they came to a jarring stop, hard and hate-filled, as soon as they located Noah; the only person still standing. The only white person. The only person not in white._

_"We must band these demons together, we must root them out. We must cast out homosexual spirits!"_

_Noah couldn't breath. This crazy person; this fiend who seemed to have the locals in some kind of trance was addressing those words directly to him._

_"It's frightening, I know! It's a scary, scary thing we face! But, my people, I am here to lead you to victory!"_

_As Laarman finished up his sermon, the crowd began to sing, voices raised and determined, filling the space. Noah watched wide eyed as the man jumped from the edge of the platform and began approaching him. The crowd parted willingly for him to pass._

_"You're right," Noah shakily said as soon as the man was in earshot. "The devil is here. I'm looking right at him"_

_Laarman opened his mouth to reply but Noah turned to walk away with disgust, unable to stand listening to another hurtful word pass the man's purse lips._

_"He's dead you know?"_

_But after that statement, uttered so nonchalantly, like it was nothing, like Luke meant nothing, Noah's legs came to an abrupt stop even as he willed them forward. His feet stumbled slightly on the uneven earth as the air flew from his lungs._

_"That's why you're here, isn't it?" the man continued. "That blonde?"_

_Even turned away as he was, Noah could feel the man's malicious smile and hateful eyes burning into his back. A shiver ran up his spine._

_He wanted to turn around. He wanted to stride back over there and beat the truth from him; find out what he knew about Luke. But he couldn't. Not here. Not under all these watchful eyes; hundreds of them in support of and loving, this man…_

_Noah knew he would be arrested and then what use was he to Luke?_

_He wouldn't react any more than he already had. He wouldn't give this monster the satisfaction._

_Without even looking back Noah forced his traitorous legs forward until he was alone and out of sight between the walls of two makeshift buildings._

_He leaned forward into the rough grey brick, pressing his head to his fisted knuckles; trying to breath._

_"Get a grip! It's not true! You'd know if it were true! You'd feel it!"_

_He coughed and expelled the contents of his stomach, retching and struggling for breath._

_A hand grabbed his shoulder and he jolted back, afraid. He realised suddenly that he was terribly afraid._

_A young man stood before him, holding out his hands as a sign of peace. "You are Noah, yes?"_

_Immediately hope flooded through him._

_"YES! Yes I'm Noah!" he grabbed at the man's arms, "Luke? Do you know where Luke is?"_

_The man lowered his eyes like he didn't dare look at Noah._

_"My name is Kigongo. You must come with me. I will tell you all I know. But it is not safe for you here."_

_Noah hesitated for just one minute wondering whether he aught to trust this stranger. "My friend…"_

_"Your lady friend is already waiting." Kigongo assured him, "Come."_

_The man knew his name and that gave Noah some courage. He nodded and followed the Kigongo back through the crowd and away from Minister Simon Laarman's icy glare._

**Please let me know what you think of this.**


	111. Vumilia 8

_They had to __fight their way out, moving against the flow of the swelling crowd pushing its way in. _

_Noah's head was swimming with unanswered questions and he felt faint from the fright, the heat and the lingering taste of bitter vomit in his mouth. _

_Finally the crowd thinned and they reached the road. Noah tripped over a rough clump of grass and Kigongo caught hi__m as he fell, helping him up but quickly parting from him; afraid of the curious onlookers all around them. _

"_Come." He said._

_Noah's vision was blurred and he wiped at his eyes, trying to find his footing and clear his mind. He followed Kigongo further down the road until he spotted Jenna leaning, arms folded, against the bonnet of the grey BMW. _

"_You were supposed to stick with me, you idiot!" she complained, offering him a bottle of water._

_Two thirsty, confused and shaky to formulate a come-back, Noah grabbed at the bottle. He took a sip, swirled out his mouth and spat. He leaned forward over the hood of the car and took a deep breath before bringing the plastic bottle back up to his lips and swallowing the entire content._

"_You should not have brought him here." Kigongo complained to Jenna._

"_He needed to know. He needed to see it for himself."_

"_But now that man knows he is here! That man has seen him!" Kigongo turned from Jenna to face Noah, "And you did not help. You should not have spoken to him! You should not have done. This is very bad. Very, very bad."_

_Noah shook his pained head at them; it throbbed like it was being squeezed together by two iron clamps. "Please? Can you just tell me what happened to Luke?"_

_Kigongo's eyes shaded in sympathy, "Not here. We cannot discuss this here or with the driver. Get in. I will take you to where it is safe."_

_They drove in silence back toward the bustling city of Kampala; Laarman's words playing over and over in Noah's exhausted brain; relentless and burning. _

_He was starting to panic. His body was shivering despite his effort to control it. He needed answers but had to trust this stranger riding in the front seat alongside their driver. _

_After travelling some way along an inner city byway, the driver took a right turnoff and the car made its way through a busy market area; bustling with hawkers selling wares of all types neatly laid out on mats and tables and their customers' eagerly viewing them. _

_But Noah wasn't seeing any of it. His eyes watched the road ahead, eager for the car to come to its destination; wherever that was. _

_Occasionally Jenna would catch his eye from the seat beside him and not even she could hide the trepidation. _

_Finally, after another thirty minutes, the car pulled up beside a derelict looking building in an obviously less than desirable part of the city. _

"_You can leave us here, Ojore." Jenna instructed the driver, "Take the suitcase and check Mr. Mayer into his room please. Then come back in three hours to collect us. You have my number."_

"_Yes Ma'am."_

_Noah__ slammed the car door closed and looked up at the building Kigongo was heading for. _

"_This is where we're going?"_

_Kigongo seemed to be surveying their surroundings, looking for something._

"_Who are you looking for?"_

"_Come." The man said and they had no choice but to follow. _

_They entered the obviously deserted building, but didn't stay there. They walked right through to the other side, through a broken door and into a back alley way. _

_Kigongo lead them down the alley and back into another rundown old warehouse style building. _

"_Kigongo!" Jenna moaned, "What the hell?"_

"_Shh, just come!" he ordered._

_They did as he told them, following him from building to building until they finally came across another main road. __Kigongo took time to check up and down the street before crossing and disappearing down a pair of basement steps. _

"_It's a precaution!" Jenna realised. "He's making sure we lose anybody that might have followed us."_

"_Wait!" Noah exclaimed, grabbing out for her arm and pulling her back, "Why would they?"_

_But Kigongo called them urgently from the darkness below and Noah let it slide… for the moment. _

_The__y descended the stairs and entered a dark and dingy room illuminated only by the single light of a swinging bulb. Noah was immediately hit by the intense smell of mould and damp. In the corner another door led to what he assumed must be a bathroom, because he could hear a tap dripping._

_Once everybody was inside, Kigongo placed a white handkerchief on the outside door handle, before pulling it closed. _

"_W… what is this place?" Noah asked, sinking immediately into the nearest chair when his legs refused to provide any more support. _

_Kigongo joined him, pulling up a flimsy wooden box to sit opposite him._

"_This is one of many safe meeting places."_

"_Meeting places?" Jenna asked._

_Kigongo cleared his throat and looked around embarrassed and that was all they needed for things to become clear._

"_Urg, gross!" Jenna exclaimed, "HERE?"_

_She looked down at a__ battered and dirty mattress lying on the floor and Noah followed her gaze, suddenly feeling sick once more._

"_It is illegal to be gay. If__ you are caught you die! When you love," Kigongo's brown eyes met with Noah's, "sometimes you take that risk. You take it even if it is here."_

_Noah felt tears wel__ling as he asked, "Is this the Bill that was passed?"_

_Kigongo nodded._

_Noah looked up at Jenna who leaned back against the door, "And Luke? He knew about this. He knew before he left… didn't he?"_

"_I checked the history on his computer as soon as Jarvis told me what was going on. Yes. He knew. But I doubt he understood the extent of it."_

"_What are the main points? Of the Bill?" Noah closed his eyes against another sharp pain in his head._

"_Death penalty for gay people. Extradition of gay Ugandans from foreign countries."_

_Noah's eyes rose to meet Jenna's and he saw her sadness. The first real emotion he'd ever seen from her._

"_They even," she continued, "have set prison sentences for families who don't report their gay family members."_

"_This is madness__…" Noah whispered, "Because of Laarman? Because of what he teaches?"_

_Kigongo nodded. __"He teaches about this terrible thing… this hell. He teaches about demons… about terrible, terrible things. And these are not worldly people; they are not exposed to such things… They already believe in spirits and witches and magic. If this man says that the gay is an evil spirit… they will believe him. Because he is Western and educated and seems good."_

"_And Luke met him."_

_Kigongo nodded._

"_And I'm guessing he couldn't keep his big mouth shut?"_

_For the first time since he'd pulled Noah from between those two ransacked buildings, Kigongo's lips curled in the hint of a smile. "Your man… he will not hide from a fight. I cannot decide if he is brave or stupid."_

"_No." Noah agreed, "You and me both." He rubbed his aching temples. "Where is Luke?"_

_Kigongo nodded, "I will tell you from the beginning."_

_..._

_Taban did the right__ thing. Kigongo understood. Taban was in pain and couldn't hold out. Anybody would have broken. _

_It __took the removal of his first finger for Taban to admit he'd had homosexual relations. By the third finger Taban could no longer protect Kigongo and admitted it all._

_Once they had the information they needed, Taban was strung up by the neck from the nearest tree branch and his body left there as a warning to others._

_It was different for Kigongo. Once the police located him hiding in the bushes, they already had Taban's testimony that Kigongo was gay. They had no need to torture Kigongo for information. He was already guilty._

_Crying, naked, beaten, begging for mercy on his knees amid the crowd of jeering onlookers, a rubber car tyre holding his arms tight to his sides, Laarman came to stand before him._

"_Behold the demon." Laarman took the time to look over the entire crowd and to give his translator the chance to interoperate. "Scary isn't it? How he looks just like you and me… But do not be fooled my people! It is a trick evil uses to hide amongst us and convert innocents to their cause! Feel not for this man my people! For he is not human like you and me. What we do here today is right! And it will be one of many before this fight is over."_

_Kigongo's sobs chocked loudly as he watched Laarman lift the gas can and proceed to douse his naked body in burning fuel. _

_By this point Kigongo__ was a jittering mess. Words poured from his lips in Swahili that he was sure no longer made sense to the onlookers. But he knew he cried out for his mother more than once. _

_He muttered in__coherently as the fear overtook him and he imagined how it would feel. How the fire would feel. How long it would take before he was dead. How the tyre would melt to his skin._

_He watched as Laarman flicked the lid of a cheap plastic lighter. He watched as the man's thumb twirled the silver ball to ignite the tiny flame._

_Vaguely__, even through his distress and perhaps because he was praying for rescue, Kigongo became aware of a commotion in the crowd. He turned his eyes from the flame in Laarman's hand to the crowd beyond them. _

_Laarman was still preaching, quoting directly from the Bible now and hadn't noticed it himself._

_The crowd seemed to swell as a small group of people pushed its way through them. He heard somebody shout out in Swahili, "Wait! Do not interfere! Stop! Stop!" _

"_Now it is time to rid the world of one more devil!"__ Laarman continued. _

_Kigongo's eyes widened as Laarman's flame laden hand lifted in the beginnings of a throw. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his body tensing in anticipation of the excruciating pain he was sure would come._

_But it didn't. _

_When Kigongo dared to reopen his fuel stung eyes Laarman was no longer standing right before him. _

_The preacher stood further away and facing him; fists clenched at his sides with a face like thunder; was a white man of extraordinary beauty. _

_To Kigongo, __this man with the golden hair was surely one of the angels of which Laarman so loved to preach._

"…_I don't give a fuck about the law!" The angel was saying, "You want to kill this man, then you have to go through me."_

"_And just who in the hell are you?" Laarman sneered._

"_My name is Luke Snyder and I'm a reporter for the L.A. Daily News. And I'm going to make it my number one mission to inform the rest of the world about what it is you are doing here!"_

"_And just what is it that you think I'm doing?" _

_Although Laarman's words remained confident, Kigongo saw the sudden worry in the man's eyes. _

"_Playing on the fears of innocent people in order to further your own agenda; __lying to them, getting them to turn on each other…"_

"_I speak only the truth! Surely you must agree with me? Surely you, as a man cannot abide the sinful…" The minister cocked his head as he looked at Luke, "Unless you are one of them."_

_The angel was incredible. He showed no fear in confronting Laarman who had great power in the country. One word from Laarman and he could have this Luke Snyder arrested. _

_The angel smiled. It was a smile like sunshine. _

_It was a smile that blackened Laarman's face as he boiled with rage. "This is not America! The same rules don't apply here! In Uganda, rubbish like you gets what it deserves." _

_Kigongo's heart stopped as Laarman returned to his side. But the minister did not flick the lighter. _

"_This is what happens to demons like you who try to change the natural order."_

"_There is only one demon here," Luke replied, "and it's not me. It's definitely not him."_

_The angel's eyes came to lock with Kigongo and he nodded. Kigongo felt suddenly at peace, safe. Hope filled him that this man might actually be able to save him. _

"_The law has decided on this man's crime and punishment. If you interfere I will have no choice but to command you be arrested."_

"_Oh you could do that." Luke agreed. "But I can tell you… the world's press might have a thing or two to say about some small time minister playing judge and executioner in an African country. I will bring down such a media frenzy on your ass you'll have to spend the rest of your life under an assumed name…"_

_The minister jolted, looking around at the many people there to witness the execution. __He hesitated, not wanting to give in but pushed into a corner. Finally he turned to his translator, "Translate this…"_

_The man nodded and Laarman found a large boulder to stand on. _

"_People! It would seem that we have made a grave error."_

_The translation was made and the crowd groaned, sensing that they were not going to see the punishment completed._

"_I have received news that this man is innocent and as such we must show mercy and let him free."_

_He said no more to his admirers. Laarman hopped off the rock and glared knives at the blonde. "This isn't over."_

_Laarman turned to leave but was stopped when Luke demanded, __"I want him cut down too." _

_Kigongo sobbed with relief at Luke's words. _

_The minster followed Luke's gaze to the body of Taban still swinging in the warm wind. He watched Luke for a moment and then said in Swahili, "Do it!"_

_Nobody moved until Laarman had reached his motorcade and been driven away._

_Kigongo felt his body go limp and start to shake uncontrollably. The angel knelt by his side and held his gaze with eyes the colour of African clay. _

"_It's okay." Luke nodded, "It's over." _

_Luke gripped the underside of the tyre and tried to pry it free but it was wedged pretty tight. _

"_Lutalo!" he called, "Help me with this."_

_Kigongo gasped when he saw the famous Ugandan reporter appear from the crowd and bend to help Luke remove the tyre over the top of his head._

_Exhausted__, Kigongo fell flat to the floor and from nowhere a blanket was produced to cover his nudity. _

"_That was stupid!" Lutalo spat, but Luke did not respond._

_Luke's hand felt warm and comforting on his shoulder._

"_Thank you." Kigongo whispered in English._

"_What?" The angel moved in closer to hear Kigongo clearly._

"_Thank you." He said again and Luke smiled. _

"_You're welcome." _

_Another reporter who Kigongo recognised brought Luke a bottle of water which Luke held to Kigongo's lips._

"_Drink slowly." _

_Kigongo coughed and sputtered as his desperate body demanded more water, quicker. _

"_Slow." The white man said gently. _

_Kigongo locked eyes with Luke to keep himself centred and tried again, finally managing to drink the refreshing liquid down. _

_Feeling stronger, he began to sit up._

"_Wait." Luke said, holding him down, "Where are you trying to go?"_

"_Taban." His voice shuddered as he pleaded._

_Luke looked over to beneath the tree where two of the Ugandan policemen had left the body after cutting it down. _

_When he turned his gaze back to Kigongo his eyes were filled with deep sympathy and understanding. Luke squeezed Kigongo's shoulder, then threaded his arm around him to help him up and over to where Taban lay. _

_Seeing him finally and totally… like this… the reality that Kigongo had been holding at bay dawned on him. Taban was dead. Gone. Forever. _

_Luke's arm tightened around him as Kigongo let out a wail of pain. He dropped tearfully beside Taban and drew him into his arms, kissing his forehead and whispering his name. _

_..._

"_He saved my life, rafiki yangu." Kigongo said, stretching forward to take Noah's hands. "So now I am here for you. I will help you."_

_Unable to speak, tears tracking his cheek, Noah nodded. _

"_You are of all he speaks."_

_Noah looked up and Kigongo smiled._

"_That is how I knew it was you. He talks of you with… I do not know the word in your language… like he is happy…" Kigongo looked up as he tried to remember the English counterpart to his word, "It is kiburi… um… PRIDE! Pride!" _

_Kigongo beamed as he found the word __and Noah smiled softly back. _

"_Where is he?"_

_The smile left Kigongo's face. _

"_I'm sorry. I do not know. I believe the police must have taken him."_

"_Taken him where?"_

"_I will do my best to help you find out."_

_Noah fell back into the chair as he realised, after waiting all that time in the car, the walk to the hideout and sitting through Kigongo's story, that at the end of it all, Kigongo was just as in the dark as they were. _

_Kigongo seemed to read his thoughts. "__I have to keep low. The police will arrest me again if they see me."_

"_Then what were you doing at the rally?" Jenna asked._

_Kigongo looked to the floor and sighed. When he lifted his head his eyes had changed from kindness to a dark vengeance. He lifted his shirt to reveal the gun he had stowed in his jean pocket. _

"_Jesus!" Jenna yelled from the door. _

"_He killed Taban. And he will kill others. He must die."_

"_I'm not sure that's enough." Jenna said._

_Both men looked her way._

"_Laarman's already managed to get the Bill passed as law." She explained. "He's already started this cancer. If he dies, somebody else will just take his place."_

"_I'm afraid Jenna's right, Kigongo." Noah told him, "I think this is a war that needs to be fought externally first. We need to get the word out. People outside this country need to know what's going on here. We need to pressure the international governments to do something."_

_It was Noah's turn to take Kigongo's hands in his own. _

"_I'm sorry for all you lost. But don't let him change you. Don't become what he is by doing this." Noah pointed at the gun. _

_Kigongo nodded. "Luke said you were wise."_

"_We'll find a way Kigongo. I promise we will not give up. But before we do, we have to find Luke."_

_..._

**Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts!**


	112. Vumilia 9

_The unrelenting heat turned the bitter flavour of the home-made local beer into pure heaven. _

_Noah felt endlessly thirsty and took three deep gulps from the cool metal cup, wiping the foam from his lips with the back of his hand. _

_But despite how much he drank it did nothing to ease his body's dehydration. _

_They'd spent almost two days tracking down the Ugandan reporters Kigongo had last seen Luke with. It hadn't been easy. Mistrust and caution meant those in the know weren't willing to simply give up any reporter's location. _

_The incident of Kigongo's rescue meant the men had to lie low after Luke inadvertently turned them all into accomplices. _

_Not that the large man drinking with Noah in the smoky bar seemed to mind. In fact, if anything he seemed in awe of Luke's unwavering force and bravery. _

_At that moment it was of little comfort to Noah _

_Tracking Zesiro down had been nothing short of miraculous, with people seemingly terrified of the Ugandan police. But having the man whose life Luke saved with them certainly seemed to open the necessary doors. _

_Eventually, and after local help to loose their police tail, a smiling woman in bright red garb had brought Noah, Jenna and Kigongo here. _

_Here, Kigongo explained, was a home brewery where the hostess made and sold her own beer. It was illegal but none of the locals would ever give the police the locations of these illicit establishments. Life in Uganda was hard enough without having to pay a premium for imported beer in the legal bars and clubs of the city. Those places were for tourists and the elite. _

_As a result it was also proving as a fine hideout for the Ugandan reporter who, Kigongo had explained, was one of four to be there the day of his rescue; the others being Magomu, Najja and the unofficial leader of the group Lutalo. _

_From Zesiro they had so far learned that of the reporters only one, Najja, was gay. The rest were sympathetic to the cause. Together they had launched an unsuccessful writing campaign in an attempt to stop the legal Bill from passing. _

_The four of them were already under scrutiny by the Ugandan officials when Luke arrived to unwittingly make their situation even more precarious. _

_Noah's hope was that this was it. Finally, here, in this place, he'd find out where Luke was. _

_Having barely eaten or slept since his arrival, Noah found his body swaying unsteadily on the stool. _

"_You are okay?" Kigongo asked._

_Noah shook his head, wanting to ask the question on his lips but struggling to coordinate his sleep deprived brain with this mouth. _

_Jenna saved him the trouble. "Where is Luke Snyder? Do you know?"_

_Zesiro puffed once on his rolled cigarette, his bloodshot eyes gleaming by the dim light streaming through holes in the planks of wood that built up the shelter. _

_He nodded._

_..._

"_This is too, too, too bad!" _

_Lutalo stuck his head over his shoulder from his position in the front seat of the beat up old Opal to scan the road behind them. _

_But as far as Zesiro could tell they were not being followed. _

"_You should not have done that! You should not!" Lutalo repeated yet again._

_Zesiro had never seen anything like it. The white man was crazy! _

"_Look Lutalo, I'm sorry, okay?" Luke replied, "But it worked didn't it?"_

"_Yes but now it is not just him they will be looking for. It is us too. All of us!"_

_The man with the yellow hair was holding the rescued and totally devastated Kigongo against his chest. Magomu and Najja were squeezed up on the other side of them; Lutalo in the front passenger seat. _

_Zesiro thought for a moment that it was good he had been chosen to drive. He wasn't exactly small and they may not have all fit in the tiny car otherwise. _

_The taller Magomu was already finding the ride to be difficult. His knees pushed up into the back of Zesiro's seat and he had to bend his neck forward slightly to accommodate his head. _

"_What do we do now?" Luke asked._

"_First we must find a safe place where we can take this man." Lutalo replied. "He cannot go home." Then looking around at his colleagues Lutalo realised the full extent of the problem. "None of us can go home now. It is too dangerous."_

_Lutalo seemed to think for a moment and then he leaned over and gave Zesiro the address of one of his informers in Swahili. _

_They rode for a while without speaking; the only sound an occasional sob from the traumatised Kigongo. _

_One thing Zesiro knew for sure, Kigongo was by far the luckiest man he'd ever seen. The man was a flick of a lighter away from death. The car positively reeked of fuel in reminder of this. _

_Suddenly another sob seemed to join that of Kigongo. A look in the rear-view mirror revealed a tearful Luke, holding and stroking Kigongo's head; staring out the window and biting his fist. _

_When Luke turned his head back to Kigongo he said, "I'm sorry."_

_Confused Kigongo raised his head to catch Luke's eyes. _

"_I'm sorry we didn't come sooner. I'm sorry we didn't save him too."_

_Zesiro felt his mouth drop open. Here was a man who had done what no other man up until that point had dared to do; would ever dare to do! _

_This Luke Snyder from America had stood up against the most powerful and influential man in Uganda; a dangerous man who would stop at nothing to achieve his goals for the country. Yet here he was, sad, truthfully sad, and feeling that his amazing rescue of the poor man in his arms was not enough. _

_Zesiro shook his head as Kigongo immediately gripped Luke's hand and squeezed, silently imparting what they already knew. It was not Luke's fault that Taban had died. It was another tragedy in a long list that seemed to grow daily despite their efforts. _

"_Malaika." Kigongo swallowed, nodding his head at Luke._

"_What?" Luke asked._

"_Angel." Lutalo translated. "He is calling you angel."_

_..._

_Two hours later they found themselves ensconced within the tiny house of Lutalo's latest informer; a lesbian woman called, Abbo, living with her two small sons on the outskirts of the city. _

_Forced into an arranged married at the age of 14, the 17 year old was not all that upset when her 40 year old husband died suddenly of heart failure. _

_Now a widow, she was not exactly a catch for second marriage and as a hidden lesbian that was just fine by her. She had her boys and that was all she needed for the moment. _

_That and her burning desire to change the situation for people like herself. _

_Zesiro watched as Abbo gently sponged the much improved Kigongo in a tin bath out in the yard; her small brood of chickens pecking at the floor by her feet. _

_He looked up to see Luke approaching as he continually circumvented the tiny outdoor area. He was busy on a phone call._

"_Let's not get into that, okay?" Zesiro heard Luke say as he drew closer to where Zesiro and Lutalo sat. "I will tell you, but I just can't right now. It's all I'm eating, drinking and sleeping at the moment! I just want to hear about good things; about you and the kids. I miss you."_

_Luke's voice trailed off as he once again headed toward the back of the yard to complete another lap. The white man did this a few times, smiling sadly as he listened to news from his home. _

_Finally finished with the call, Luke sat beside Lutalo on the small bench by Abbo's back door, arms resting on his knees, hands gripped together in front of him. The white man's forehead was creased with thought. _

_Magomu and Najja had left them earlier to bury Taban; whose lifeless body they'd taken from the execution site in the trunk of the car. _

_Kigongo had protested, wanting to go with them, but Latulo promised him the men would bury Taban with the dignity he deserved. _

_The whole thing made Zesiro feel sick. _

"_You must stay where it is safe." Latulo had told Kigongo, one hand on the man's petrol stained shoulder. _

_Now the three of them sat in silence in the burning sunshine; contemplating the situation in which they had found themselves. _

"_I'm sorry." Luke said. "I didn't mean to land you all in it."_

"_Ag!" Lutalo dismissed waving his hands, "We were already on the watch list. It was only a matter of time."_

"_You are married?" Zesiro asked him, noticing for the first time the wedding ring on Luke's hand. "That was your wife on the phone?"_

"_I am married." Luke told them. "But that was not my wife. That was my husband, Noah."_

"_Aisee! No!" Zesiro shook his head, unable to believe it, "This cannot be."_

"_I have heard of this." Lutalo said. "It happens in America. I have read it."_

"_Shoo!" Zesiro uttered. "Shoo, shoo, shoo!"_

"_Not everywhere." Luke corrected._

_Zesiro looked up at the man. _

"_It's only possible in some states." Luke explained. "But I gotta tell you… I thought we had it bad in the US! I had no idea this stuff was happening here!"_

"_Yes." Lutalo said, his eyes turning dark and focussing back on Kigongo shivering in the tub. "It is very bad. And it is getting worse."_

_Luke nodded at Lutalo's words. "What can I do? How can I help?"_

_Zesiro saw a familiar light flash in Lutalo's eyes. His friend had a plan._

"_Tonight we will tell you everything. We will give you all the information we have; names, dates, photographs, everything."_

_Luke nodded._

"_There is nothing we can do with the evidence we have collected. We have all lost our jobs. We have no way to release this information. But you, you could do it."_

"_You want me to write?" Luke asked. _

_Lutalo nodded. _

"_I will." Luke told him, "But I can't do it here. I'm sorry. I can't stay here. If it was just me to think about then I would. But I have to think about Noah and our children. I will help you as much as I can from the States. I promise. I won't give up."_

"_I agree." Lutalo said. "You will best serve us outside of the country. Where is your passport?"_

"_Back at the hotel."_

"_Tomorrow we will get it."_

_Zesiro started at this. "Are you sure? They will be watching that place."_

"_There is no other way. We must get this man out of the country."_

"_He cannot fly out of Kampala." Zesiro reminded him, "They will stop him at the airport."_

_Lutalo sighed and looked down at the ground and then back up at Luke. "Zesiro is right. We must smuggle you over the border and into Kenya. You can fly from there."_

"_Okay." Luke agreed. "But I must make sure to keep the information you give me safe. I can't risk carrying that on me. Before we head to the hotel, we'll need to stop at a post office. I'll courier the information to somebody I trust."_

_..._

_They spent a pleasant night together, the four Ugandan reporters, Kigongo, Abbo and Luke. _

_Luke spoke much about his life in America and especially about his husband, Noah. And together they worked into the early hours piecing together an information pack for Luke to smuggle out of Uganda. _

_For the first time in months Zesiro felt the sparks of hope. This plan could work. Having a foreign reporter aware of the situation and fighting their corner was extremely valuable. _

_The following day they drove Luke to the nearest post office where he had the pack sent via secure courier to somebody in America. Zesiro hoped the man's faith in this person was not misplaced. _

_This suddenly felt like their only chance to make a difference. _

_They parked a long way from the hotel. Zesiro had earlier purchased three hooded tops for himself, Lutalo and Luke; deliberately buying a larger size for Luke in the hopes of completely concealing his skin and hair colour. _

_They snuck so hooded into the hotel through the laundry room, paying each of the hotel maids to keep quiet, and by some miracle made it to Luke's room without being spotted. _

_It was clear they would not be able to take all of Luke's belongings, and instead had brought a small rucksack along; so that Luke could pack just the essentials. _

_Luke entered his combination on the hotel safe and withdrew his passport, slipping it into the back pocket of his jeans. Quickly he chose a few bits of clothing from the larger open suitcase and stuffed them into the bag. _

_Then he made a call on his phone. _

"_I've not been able to find any trace of Tony." Luke told his husband in America. "I've searched his apartment and spoken to a few of his friends and I don't like what I'm hearing."_

_As he spoke, Luke continued to rummage around the room for things to take with him. _

"…_the reporters writing the news items in the States aren't being told the full story. The Ugandan government are controlling the information. Things have been difficult for Tony. Things are difficult."_

_Zesiro sensed that Luke was trying to explain the situation to his husband without causing concern. _

_As Luke continued his conversation, Zesiro heard voices and footfalls in the hall outside. _

"…_He's starting a hou-"_

_Luke's sentence was cut off by a deafening knock at the door. _

"_The police are here." Lutalo said in a low but urgent voice after checking through the door's peephole. "You need to hang up now."_

"_Look Bubby, I have to go." Luke was staring wide-eyed at the door. "Yes. I'm sure everything's fine. There's just som-"_

_This time the knocks were more insistent and Zesiro saw fear cross the man's face. _

"_I love you." _

_Luke's eyes didn't once leave the door. _

"_Whatever happens, Noah. I love you so much."_

_He hung up and slipped the phone into his pocket._

"_Quick." Luke said softly, "They are here for me, not you. Get out on the balcony and stay there."_

_Zesiro started to shake his head in protest but Lutalo seemed to agree with Luke._

"_There's no point all of us being arrested." Luke assured him. "Please."_

_Zesiro saw the determination in Luke's eyes and he nodded. Quickly he and Lutalo slipped onto the balcony, closing the glass door behind them and pressing their backs into the wall either side of it. _

_The police had no need to bust the door down. Luke opened it for them. _

_The police sergeant entered with two officers and looked Luke up and down. "You are Luke Snyder?"_

_Luke nodded, "I am."_

_The sergeant swept his eyes over the hotel room. "You are alone?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I am here to inform you that you are under arrest."_

"_On what charges?"_

"_Possession of illegal substances."_

_Zesiro took a chance and peered into the room, just in time to see one of the police officers drop a few bricks of cocaine into Luke's open suitcase. _

_Luke glared at the man and then smiled. "So, this is how he wants to play it?"_

_The other officer took Luke by his arm and ushered him out of the room. The rest of them followed. _

_..._

_As soon as they had heard Zesiro's story Noah decided it was too dangerous for Jenna to remain in Uganda. With the way people seemed to vanish in the city, Noah wanted to make sure at least one of them got back out again._

_The plan was for Zesiro and other Ugandan reporters forced underground, either due to their sexual preferences or because they were sympathetic, to field smuggled information and photographs out to Jenna in Los Angeles. _

_Hopefully the articles she wrote there would be picked up by national newspapers and eventually catch the attention of the world press. _

_The more noise they could make the better. If Luke was alive he'd be more likely to stay that way if the government feared retaliation from International pressure. _

"_If?" Noah thought. _

_Whenever that tiny word crossed his mind he'd close his eyes and concentrate hard until he was sure he could feel him. _

"_When." Noah whispered, unconsciously expressing the word to replace the 'if'. _

"_Sorry?" Zesiro asked._

"_Nothing." Noah replied. "Where are Lutalo and the others?" _

"_They went in search of Luke. There is rumour of a place where they take the homosexual people."_

"_A place?" Jenna asked._

"_You mean like a prison?" Noah followed._

_Zesiro nodded sadly. "It is about five hours north of Kampala."_

"_Can you contact them? Your friends? Ask about Luke?"_

"_There are no phones. There is no mobile signal outside Kampala. This is Africa."_

"_Then I need to go there. How do I get there?"_

"_The only way is by taxi. There is a taxi in the morning."_

"_I will go with you, rafiki yangu." Kigongo said. "You will need a person who can speak Swahili."_

_Noah nodded. _

_..._

Noah slung the rucksack over his shoulder and followed Kigongo up the hut-lined street of the small village where the van had stopped for the night.

Each hut was thatched with a small projection across the front so that its owner might sit beneath it in sun or rain.

If Luke had passed through here or was indeed being held in the local prison only an hour north of their current location, then somebody in such a small African town would know about it.

Whether his conviction that Luke was nearby was the result of hope or stubbornness Noah didn't care. He clung to it like a drowning sailor to a floating plank of wood. He had not yet allowed himself to imagine what he would do otherwise.

Kigongo had fast found a place where they could spend the night and he led Noah to one such dwelling.

The man was tired and told Noah he planned to turn in for the night. It was then that Noah felt a wave of guilt. He had been so set on finding Luke and wrapped up in his own torment he'd not noticed how the situation was taking its toll on Kigongo. The poor man had barely had the time to grieve the loss of his partner when Noah and the two of them had set out on this quest.

So Noah left Kigongo with their things to explore the village alone. He was eager to search out any kind of information he could find about Luke and the other reporters.

The village had no electricity and as such the only light came from the stars above. But Noah didn't mind. The darkness was acting as a kind of cloak; shielding him from prying eyes.

After a short walk he stopped in the middle of the street and wiped his sweating face. He breathed heavily, wondering what his first move should be; though if he didn't find something to eat soon, he was going to fall flat on his face in the road.

He didn't need to ask for directions to the local drinking hole. He could already hear the raucous laughter and music usually associated with such places.

He headed that way, expecting to at least find food and something to drink.

What he didn't expect to find there was Luke himself.


	113. Vumilia 10

He was there.

It was so incredible, so utterly unbelievable that for a moment Noah's knees locked and he could do nothing but watch his husband from a distance, fatigue making his body sway slightly.

Luke was sitting in jeans and a dirty white t-shirt on an upturned log by a large roaring open fire. His hair sparkled in the firelight and he was laughing; engaged in conversation with a young man whose smile Noah wanted to violently wipe off.

It was the action of Luke lifting a tankard to his lips that eventually caused the unfreezing of Noah's knees as an indescribably huge rage bubbled quickly to the surface.

He started toward Luke and the man with whom Luke was conversing looked up with a surprised frown.

The other patrons, sitting on stools beside the outdoor bar or around the fire, forgot their drinks to witness the taller white man stomp into their midst.

Luke turned startled, and stared blankly at the slightly bearded stranger; until recognition flashed in his eyes, then elation, and a huge smile spread across his face.

"You?" Luke asked the question out of sheer shock mixed with joy, unable to comprehend the situation and then, realising the truth the happiness quickly faded.

"FUCK YOU!" Noah lunged forward and got hold of Luke by the wrist, "What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

Luke's face had turned a strange grey, his eyes wide and round. He jerked back, trying to free his wrist, but there was no way Noah was letting him go.

He yanked Luke up, causing him to drop his tankard in the fire with a loud hiss and whirled him around; pushing him forward in an attempt to get them both away from the current set of curious onlookers.

By now the music and singing had stopped and there was an instant stir among the crowd.

The group of men near to where Luke had been sitting began to move forward and Noah realised he had to get away.

The thought came too late. Two of the men grabbed at him and flung him backward while two more stood in front of Luke; protecting him from what they saw as a direct attack.

It was only then that Luke found his voice.

"Wait!" he yelled.

But the testosterone was already flowing and the men didn't hear him. Before Noah knew it he was the recipient of a powerful punch to the stomach that left him winded. The two men holding him let go and he buckled over, coughing onto the floor.

"Wait!" Luke yelled, more urgently this time. He raced around the men to stand with his arms out over Noah, "It's okay. It's alright. I know him."

His friends dropped back but continued to watch Noah with mistrust and dubiousness.

"You want to go with THIS man?" One of them asked Luke, dismissing Noah as though he was some stray dog that had turned up off the street. Luke made a small sound that may have been laughter with a hint of panic. He turned and looked down at Noah, "Yes, Lutalo," he said. "Yes, I want to go with him."

The other man shrugged and held up both his hands; letting them pass.

Reaching forward Luke dug his fingers hard into the back of Noah's wrist; startling Noah with the sudden pain of it. Luke whirled around and dragged Noah up and along behind him.

Once they were out of sight, the grip on Noah's wrist became a vice-hold on his arm, the pain of which may have been enjoyable if it was done solely out of happiness to see him.

But Noah could tell that Luke's anger had risen to the same level as his own. And that just made him all the more furious.

"What the fuck are you…?" Noah hissed through his teeth. "Days looking for you and… and you're DRINKING?"

Luke blinked at him confused and then pushed Noah back. "I wasn't drinking! For your information that was ginger-beer! Give me some credit!"

Noah snorted and gave Luke as good a glare as he was getting.

"We can't talk here." Luke quickly replied with frustration, scanning the area around them. He turned and continued to pull Noah further down the dirt road, out of the town, eventually finding hidden shelter under the dry drooping leaves of a dying willow tree.

It was dark and nobody would be able to see them in there.

Luke whirled instantly on him. "What are you doing here for God's sake?"

"What do you think I'm doing here, Luke?" he yelled back, "I'm looking for you! You fucking overly impulsive idiot!"

Noah took Luke quickly by the shoulders, pulling him flush to his chest and kissed him hard.

Fear, anger, and the sheer relief of finding him were amalgamated into a solid jolt of desire, and he found himself shaking with it. So was Luke. Suddenly Luke was clinging to him, trembling in his arms.

"It's okay." Noah whispered, feeling his fear, burying his face into Luke's hair. "It's okay."

Luke jerked suddenly upright and out of Noah's grasp.

"OKAY?" he gasped; horror in his voice, "It's not okay! FUCK! You're HERE!"

"And where the hell else would I be, with you tearing off into fucking nowhere and risking your stupid neck?"

Luke was visibly shaking.

"Why did you keep it from me?" Noah demanded. "Why didn't you tell me what you knew about Uganda before you left?"

"Because you wouldn't have let me come, that's why! You would have tried to stop me and…"

Noah hit him, a full fisted punch that caught Luke hard across the cheekbone.

"FUCK YOU!" Noah screamed for the second time.

Holding his cheek Luke's head turned back with shock to face the seething Noah.

Then his eyes burned fire and he flung himself forward with a groan of anger, pushing Noah backwards into the trunk of the tree. His forearm crossing Noah's heaving chest.

"Don't you hit me! EVER!"

Noah wanted to hit him again, that sickening mix of love, anger and fear fuelling him. Instead he grabbed a handful of Luke's hair and funnelled the energy into kissing him as hard as he could.

Luke squirmed and struggled against him, making angry strangled noises, but Noah didn't stop. Eventually, groaning, Luke was kissing him back and they sank to their knees together. Luke's arms came round his neck as Noah pressed him down into the leaf-matted ground beneath the tree.

They shared a long and desperate kiss until they were crying; choking and gasping; tears running down their faces as they clutched at each other.

"Why?" Luke sobbed, "Why did you have to follow?"

"You know why… It's not just your life you're risking anymore. Why can't you ever see that Luke?"

"Noah… I had to come. I wanted so much to write this story. Tony was missing and there were all these reports of people dying."

Noah pushed Luke back so that they were once again separated.

"And is that what you want? Ha Luke? You want to die?"

"I thought it would be okay."

Noah laughed sardonically, "They know about you… I followed a trail of gossip to get here!"

"They won't do anything."

"How do you know?"

"Because, they already have the eyes of the world on them with Tony's disappearance. They won't want to risk another white tourist missing…"

"That's a pretty big gamble you're taking Luke."

"I never meant for things to end up like this. I just came to write my story and leave. I promise. But when the guys took me to witness an execution I couldn't just sit by and do nothing. I have to do what I can to expose this to the world."

Lying flat on his back, Noah brought his arm up over his tired eyes. "Do you remember you once told me that some of things you love about me are also the things you hate?"

The blonde head nodded.

Noah looked sideways at Luke, "Well, ditto Snyder…"

"I know. I know it was a mistake to come."

"You must have known Luke. You must have known I'd come. That I'd follow you here when you stopped calling…"

"I hoped you wouldn't… I hoped you'd put Nicky and Mia before us."

Noah drew breath and his eyes widened in realisation.

Luke sadly nodded, "I can't go back via Kampala and they've confiscated my passport anyway. Lutalo's gonna to take me over the border and into Kenya. You have to go back alone Bubby."

Noah shook his head and swallowed hard, "Not without you. Don't make me do it! Don't ask me too!"

"You have to. For the kids."

It was a reality Noah didn't want to accept; couldn't accept, but he was just about to nod his agreement when he realised something, "I don't think I can go back to Kampala anymore than you can."

Luke sat up, "What do you mean?"

"Laarman? I kinda called him the devil to his face."

Luke's hand came up to his mouth and he slowly shook his head, but he smiled slightly at the thought.

Noah reached up and traced a tender path down Luke's jaw before speaking through strangled breaths, "He said you were dead."

"Oh Bubby…" Luke whispered; eyes filled with tears, "Shit. That fucking bastard!"

"I knew you weren't. I felt it."

Luke fell on top of Noah then, grabbing his face with both hands and pressing their foreheads together.

Noah slid his palm up the back of Luke's neck, fingers curling round the nape, a thumb searching the reassuring pulse of his heart. It was racing as was his own. He tugged lightly with his hand, drawing Luke down. Luke came, arms trembling and giving way beneath him.

"Did they hurt you?"

Luke shook his head and Noah sighed.

"How did you know?" Luke asked.

"I told you. I followed a trail of gossip to find you. I just didn't expect to find you here. We thought you'd be at the prison."

Noah snaked both arms around him and drew Luke in tight, revelling in the warm and alive weight of him. He snuggled his neck closer so that he could feel the full force of Luke's breath on his skin. He lay back in the dust, bruised, sweaty, starving, dehydrated but relieved beyond all description.

They stayed there long enough for the crickets, temporarily silenced by the noise of their argument, to resume their gentle songs.

Sniffing, Luke sat up to look down at Noah, really studying him. "Looks like you haven't seen a razor in a while."

Noah laughed as Luke reached down to feel the hair on his jaw. Noah hadn't had time or the will power to shave since he'd arrived in Uganda.

"You like?"

"I could get used to it." Luke replied. He sighed and lay back down to tighten his hold on Noah. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to come after me but… Noah… right now I'm so glad you're here."

Noah kissed his temple, "So am I. I'm sorry I punched you."

"I deserved it."

Noah reached under the hem of Luke's shirt and searched out bare skin which rippled into goose-bumps under his touch. He pulled Luke close, ran his hands over bare back and shoulders, burying his face into Luke's hair and neck, exploring, desperately needing more.

"Luke?" he asked, it was almost like begging.

Luke pulled back and rubbed at Noah's cheek, "I know. Me too. But we can't here."

As if to prove Luke's point they heard the footsteps and voices of a group of people walking the path past the willow under which they were hidden. They both scrambled back up against the trunk, trying to remain as quiet as possible. Their faces were so close and their eyes burned together.

"We shouldn't even be talking here like this." Luke whispered, "It's too dangerous."

Noah nodded, "Where? I have to have to you."

Their lips met in heated fire and Luke groaned as they parted. "Lutalo organised a hut for me. But we can't be seen. Follow close, okay?"

"Always." Noah replied and Luke smiled at him, eyes shining.

There were still so many unanswered questions, so much to talk about, but their need for each other in that moment overrode all else.

...

Luke's hut was some distance from the willow tree. But Lutalo had been smart and picked a location on the outskirts of the village that was dark and quiet. They reached it by ducking quickly from shadow to shadow, hiding behind walls, trees and buildings; avoiding people at all cost.

They stood beside the walls of one hut and Luke pointed over the dirt road.

"It's that one."

There was a fire burning in a metal drum nearby and for the first time since the bar, Noah could really see Luke's face clearly, the leaves from a nearby tree created strange patterns on his cheek.

Noah looked about to make sure they were alone and took Luke's hand in his, palm to palm. His breath hitched and he swallowed when Luke smiled out the corner of his mouth. Luke brought their linked hands down together and leaned up to kiss Noah gently on the lips.

Noah raised Luke's hand to his mouth and kissed it, on the knuckle of his fourth finger where the gold ring blinked, solid and real in the dim light.

Luke pulled him quickly over the road stopping to unlock the crude bolt on the door with a small key from his pocket.

The circular, stone-built hut wasn't much on the inside. Thatched like all the buildings in the village it consisted of a straw mat, a handmade table and a box of cooking utensils which Noah then realised must take place on the tiny fireplace in the middle of the room.

With no windows, Noah was pleased the fire was not currently burning. He hated to imagine how hot and acrid the place must become otherwise.

Luke left him by the door and felt his way through the room until he located a small kerosene lamp. It didn't provide much light, but it was better than nothing and if there was one thing Noah was sure of… he wanted to see Luke; every part of him.

Luke searched a crude wooden box under the table and Noah wondered what he was looking for until Luke smiled and pulled out a tub of Vaseline.

"Good thing I saw this in here earlier."

He smiled and Noah smiled back.

"Do you know what I thought when I saw it?" Luke asked.

Noah shook his head as Luke placed the tub within easy reach of the mat on the floor.

"I thought about you and how much I wanted you. All of you… inside of me…. And… as if by some kind of strange African magic… here you are."

As soon as Luke was close enough Noah began to undress him, eyes urgently inspecting for damage. Seeing none, Noah's fingers curved and flattened over Luke's chest, checking again… just to be sure; before coming to rest on his nipples and circling them in a way that made the blonde gasp for breath and Noah's eyes shoot up to meet his.

"Do you have any idea what 'rafiki yangu' means?" Noah asked.

Luke had moved forward now and his small laugh brushed Noah's skin, making him shiver even in the heat.

"Why?" Luke asked, pulling back to smile his dazzling smile.

"Kigongo." Luke's eyebrows lifted with surprise as Noah continued, "Kigongo keeps calling me that."

"You found Kigongo?" Luke smiled with amazement.

Noah nodded. "Actually, he found me. He's here."

Luke blinked. "He's HERE? You mean here… here…?"

"Yes. He was determined to help me find you. He was pretty beat when we got here so he turned in for the night."

"Wow!" Luke laughed, shaking his head just as Noah bent, finding his mouth on the first try.

"So?" he murmured against the wide, sweet curve of Luke's lips. His hands slid down to Luke's hips, cupping. "What does it mean?"

Luke shuddered against him, the jitter of his laughter passing from his lips to Noah's and into Noah's soul like sustenance.

Luke's hands worked at undoing the buttons down Noah's shirt, pushing the cotton from his shoulders until the shirt lay in creases on the clay floor of the hut. His hands quickly began working on releasing Noah from his jeans

"It means 'my friend'."

Noah smiled at that and then felt the heat rise as Luke dropped his own jeans and stood completely naked before him.

Noah slid his arms around him and pulled Luke closely against him; having to pause for breath; before slipping his tongue between the man's lips. His taste was intoxicating and he lost track of his senses, breathing Luke's breath.

Noah could feel the sexual tension in every part of Luke's body and Noah felt a strong surge; wanting Luke madly.

Luke kissed him deeply. Noah responded with a desperate affection, hungry for his touch. Oh God, he loved Luke to distraction.

Losing control Noah hoisted Luke up, the blonde grunted with surprise but didn't fight it. Noah just about slammed Luke down onto the straw mat brushing his nose over Luke's stomach and inhaling deeply.

Quickly, urgently, he flipped the lid on the Vaseline and smothered two fingers with it just as Luke was putting a hand on the back of Noah's head. But Noah needed no encouragement to take him into his mouth.

Luke was hot and tasted gamey; smelling like sweat and dry grass and the smoke from the fire. Running his tongue down Luke's length, Noah worked his mouth back and forth, sucking and spreading spit over him.

Luke grunted and stroked Noah's face, meshing his fingers in his hair, sometimes so tightly it hurt. Keeping his mouth in place, Noah pushed the two lubricated fingers inside of Luke.

"Jesus!" Luke exclaimed, his hip lifting slightly. "I missed this! I missed you baby."

Luke thrust into his mouth, his skin brushing against Noah's chin. A drop of salty liquid slid onto Noah's tongue and he knew Luke was close, so he withdrew both his mouth and his hand to press kisses up Luke's navel to his chest and eventually finding his willing mouth.

Luke's hands were already pressing the small of his back, urging him down until Noah was filling him with a laud moan of pleasure. He was so hard and swollen that the slightest movement from Luke was sending exquisite sensations raging through his pelvis.

Not able to wait, his previous state of exhaustion momentarily forgotten, he started pounding and the climax began to build quickly. He squeezed his hands under them, cupping Luke's buttocks, to pull himself even deeper inside.

"Fuck!" Noah grunted, leaving one hand where it was and interlacing the fingers of the other with Luke's; squeezing tight.

His pelvis rammed up tight against Luke as he emptied himself inside. Breathing hard, he bent over Luke, taking his weight on his hands, while the contractions of Luke's own orgasm bled him of every last drop of pleasure.

It was a moment before either of them could move, but once Noah came back around he pulled himself back up to nibble at Luke's lips; Luke's hands twirling Noah's hair.

Only when he had to did Noah withdraw.

"I love you." He whispered into Luke's ear. "God, Luke, I love you…"

"Stay with me." Luke said, snuggling close.

"All my life."


	114. Vumilia 11

Noah had fallen asleep. He had no idea for how long, but it was the best sleep he'd had in days.

For now, the worry over Luke was greatly lessoned.

For a second he thought he'd dreamt it, but then he opened his eyes to Luke's. They said nothing for quite some time; just lay peacefully welded together.

Noah was the first to move, his hand pressing lightly down the centre of Luke's chest, making Luke sigh contently. He bent his head upward to kiss Luke, sweet and slow, feeling how relaxed Luke's mouth was under his.

He nuzzled his forehead into Luke's shoulder, breathing in the raw, ripe scent of him, of them.

"How long was I sleeping for?" Noah asked; his nose still buried within the contours of Luke's neck.

Luke stuck a palm under his head and looked up at the thatched ceiling, "About an hour I guess."

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Some."

"You're worried that I'm here, aren't you?"

Luke nodded. "Worried… and… happy."

"Same here. There's no place I want to be but with you. Always with you."

It was Luke's turn to lean in for a kiss. He lightly nipped at the corners of Noah's lips. Then he moved suddenly, spinning over and pressing the heat of his body on top of Noah.

Noah shuddered under the feel of him.

"Show me."

Luke brought Noah's hand down and pressed it between his legs, murmuring against Noah's mouth until Noah was completely overcome and rolling them heavily over; nudging Luke's legs apart with his knee.

Luke cried out and bit hard into the skin of his shoulder when Noah took him again; reigniting that pleasant burn that was still present there.

...

It was still dark when they were woken up by the terrible crowing of a nearby rooster. Noah felt like he was floating somehow; still tired and disorientated from emotion and the effort of the past few days.

Luke shifted next to him, groping around in his sleep until he found Noah's waist and turning to curve himself behind him; belly to buttock.

There was no possible way for Noah to describe the frightening depth of the intimacy between them. There were no words for the ache of tenderness he always felt when Luke cried out and quaked in his arms; the protectiveness he felt.

Moments like these; when the outside world would vanish like smoke from a fire; had a certain power to them he could never hope to explain. And no matter what was going on in their lives he would revel in it; soak it in; store the memory away.

Because with Luke he could never be sure it wouldn't be their last.

He was just thinking these things when Luke kissed the back of his neck and then rose to leave.

"Wait," Noah grabbed at Luke's wrist to pull him back down, "Where are you going?"

Luke smiled, "I'll be right back."

He glanced deeply into Luke's eyes.

"I promise."

Noah's chin curled upward, his brow furrowed, "Better…"

Luke kissed his frowning forehead; relit the kerosene lamp; and stood up to cross the small round room.

Opposite them there was a large iron jug and a matching wash basin. He brought the wash basin over to the side of the mat on which Noah lay and returned to fetch the Jug. In Luke's nakedness it was to Noah as though he was watching an oil painting come to life.

Noah lifted himself up on his side, head elevated by his elbow and watched as Luke poured water from the jug into the basin. A yellow sponge inside the basin floated to the top.

"What are you doing?"

Luke laughed. "It's the African version of a bath."

"Oh." Noah nodded, realising. Of course with no indoor plumbing they would have to either wash in the river, which at the moment was a mere trickle, or like this.

Luke lifted a small ceramic saucer from the wooden table. On this was a large bottle-green shapeless lump of what Noah assumed was soap.

His assumption was correct. Luke lifted the sponge up, waiting for the larger drops to fall before squeezing out the excess water. He anointed it with the soap which awakened the crisp and clean scent of herbs and began to run it over Noah's body; obviously enjoying Noah's damp and smooth curves.

"This is… different…" Noah smiled with interest.

Luke laughed and brought the sponge down onto the warm skin of Noah's stomach, gently soaping him up. He was careful to use very little water, so that the mat remained dry.

Noah closed his eyes and sighed at the amazing coolness and enjoyed the texture of the sponge as it softly tickled his skin clean.

"I love your body." Luke whispered and when Noah opened his eyes he realised Luke was trancelike; speaking his thoughts aloud.

Noah closed his eyes again, relaxing and leaving Luke to his work. He felt the sponge travel over his chest, his neck and under his chin; providing welcomed relief from the heat of the air. He heard as Luke dipped the sponge into the basin and rang it out, before continuing the cleaning process by running it down Noah's one arm and then the other; paying careful attention to the armpits.

The air was so hot that Luke didn't need a towel. Noah's skin would dry almost as soon as Luke was done in that area.

Finished with the upper body, Luke turned his attention to Noah's legs; Noah laughing as Luke tickled his inner thigh.

Luke joined in and stopped for a minute to press a smiling kiss to Noah's lips.

"Love you."

"Same here."

Noah took in a shape breath as the cloth lowered to the dark hair below and Luke spent some time cleaning him up there.

They took the task in turns, enjoying the closeness of each other; speaking little even though they both knew there was plenty to say.

Done with their baths and believing they still had some alone time before they had to let the real world in; Luke clasped Noah down to his chest and thoughtfully rubbed his thumb in circles over the palm of Noah's hand.

"I know you so well." Noah whispered; halfway between wakefulness and sleep, "That morning I knew…" He snuggled closer into Luke's hair, growing drowsier. "I just knew something like this was going to happen."

"Okay," Luke said softly, also giving way to the tiredness, "I admit it. You were right."

Fogged with sleep Luke's voice fell away and Noah sighed contently as he drifted off, but a moment later he was yanked from bliss as Luke's voice sliced through his consciousness.

"You mean the afternoon right?"

"Hm?"

Luke shifted suddenly, leaving Noah's arms empty and glaring down at him with suspicion.

"You said morning. But you mean the afternoon at my office, right?"

"Ah… I…"

"You. Mean. The. Afternoon. At. My. Office. RIGHT, Noah?"

"It was…" Too late Noah realised his mistake. Immediately he wanted to lie. To say he had made meant the afternoon but he couldn't and wouldn't lie to Luke. Not like that. Not after a direct question.

But by taking so long to answer he gave Luke all he needed to know anyway.

"You knew." Luke said; voice just above a disbelieving whisper but sounding loud to Noah's guilty ears. "You KNEW about Tony. Didn't you?"

Luke was sitting right up now, anger clear as day.

"No," Noah began, trying to regain control of this sudden and unexpected situation, "I mean… yes… but-"

"How long had you known?"

Noah sat up and brought his knees up to his chest. "I found out a week before."

Luke's eyes bulged, "And you never thought to say anything?"

Luke stood up and snatched at his pile of clothes on the floor.

"Hold on." Noah begged, "Luke… I can explain…"

"Sure, explain! I want to hear how you explain this!"

Luke was furious, but he did stop his rummaging for clothes long enough to hear Noah out.

"Okay, okay." Noah stood up too. "I did see a news article. But I-" He took a deep breath, searching desperately for the words that might help Luke to understand. "-I knew there was nothing you could do but that you'd still try."

"What are you talking about?" Luke asked him, pulling his white t-shirt back from inside-out and jerking it over his head. "Of course there was something I could do. I could write. And maybe that's a small thing, but it's something I. CAN. DO!"

"Yes, Luke." Noah nodded. "You can write. And maybe that does help in some way, but… but you cannot single handily save every gay person in this country. It's too much a part of culture here. You can't change any of that in an instant; certainly not by putting yourself at risk to write one small news story."

"You don't know that for sure. If there are enough of us writing then…?" But deep down Luke knew the truth and Noah could hear the pain in his voice; that huge part of him that just wanted the world to be a fair and safe place. The part that Noah had always loved and hated with equal measure.

"Listen, Luke. If I had seen that article and thought for one second that there was anything we could do for Tony and Kizza then…" he sighed, not knowing what he would have done. "It wasn't easy for me to keep that from you. But I didn't want you to go."

Noah's eyes found Luke's.

"I didn't want you to go. I didn't know what or even if there was any danger in you coming here or if you'd eve come. I just knew it didn't feel right. And… God! I couldn't, Luke… I couldn't risk you getting hurt."

Luke stood stiff a few feet from Noah; still only half dressed in his t-shirt and breathing heavily.

"It wasn't your place to make that choice for me." Noah watched as Luke clenched his teeth. "No matter what you thought." Luke shook his head, "You knew I was worried about Tony and you found out at least some information on what happened to him. You found out something so important – Noah, how could you keep that from me?"

The tone of betrayal in Luke's voice was too much for Noah.

"Damn it! I was afraid, Luke! Afraid that if I told you, you'd do just what you have done!" Noah chocked on a sudden sob, "You'd leave me! You'd try to come and find the answers for yourself. And now look at us! Look at what happens, Luke! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME! Now both of us are stuck here in the godforsaken place full of people who hate us!"

Emotion seemed to catch up to Noah then in a single blast. Quickly he set to work finding his own clothes from the floor, tugging on his jeans as he continued his tirade.

"Days," he yelled, "of sweat and terror! Days of worry and fruitless searching!" He pulled his shirt over his head, marched over to Luke and shoved him hard, catching him off balance to that he landed with his naked backside to the floor. "Days of wondering whether you were dead or the police were hurting you! Only to find you singing and laughing in some bar in the middle of nowhere!"

It was Luke's turn to look guilty and it was clear that he was uncharacteristically speechless.

"Did you even think about me at all?"

Luke whispered something which might have been "every day" but Noah was done with listening to him. He struggled into his shoes.

"Did you even once think about what I was going through? No phone calls; not at your hotel; no-one's seen you and you don't fucking show up on your flight?"

"Noah, I-"

"And don't try to tell me it's because there's no phone signal out here! If you cared enough you would have found a way to send me a message!" He hated that he could hear his own tears in his voice, "Just one fucking message, Luke!"

With that he whirled away, reaching for the door and jerking it open before Luke could stop him. He stood hesitant for a moment, silhouetted in the doorway, dark strands of hair blowing in the wind; reluctant after everything to leave Luke but at the same time so angry he thought he must.

He left as soon as he heard Luke call his name.

...

Somehow he found himself seated under the same willow tree as the night before. It looked completely different in the early morning light, but he could still make out the patterns in the ground where they had lain.

"Hello."

The voice made him jump. He looked up and recognised the man Luke had been speaking to by the fire the night before.

"You are Noah."

Noah nodded, "How did you work that out?"

"You mean besides the yelling I just heard?"

"You heard that?"

"Just the end. You were very loud."

Noah nodded, turning his attention back to his hands which were busy shredding a blade of grass.

"I met with Kigongo in the village. He was very worried about you."

Noah sighed, berating himself for forgetting about his friend.

"It is okay. Kigongo explained who you are and I told him you went with Luke."

"Thank you."

"May I sit?"

Noah nodded and the man took a seated stance next to him on the dried up willow leaves.

"My name is Lutalo."

"I know." Noah smiled. He'd already worked that out.

"Hungry?" For the first time Noah noticed the folded cloth in Lutalo's hands. "I have food."

Lutalo placed the cloth on the ground between them, un-wrapping it to reveal several bread rolls and some cheese, obviously all homemade.

Noah didn't even wait to respond, he dived at a bread roll and stuffed it in his mouth, barely chewing and feeling a burn as the two large chunks dropped down his throat.

"Thank you." He tried to say with his mouth full. Until he'd seen the food, he'd actually forgotten just how hungry he was.

They ate in a companionable silence for a while. Lutalo allowing Noah to still the hunger pangs which Noah now realised were part of the reason for his elevated anger and irritation toward Luke.

"It is impressive. The risk you have taken to find him. That is a strong love I think."

Noah sniffed and nodded, wiping the crumbs from his fingers on the sides of his jeans.

"So now you have found him… you are just going to leave? As his friend I must ask you to stay and not be so angry."

Noah laughed almost bitterly. "I can't leave him. And he knows that. That's why you're the one out here begging me to stay and he's still over there at the hut."

Lutalo smiled and nodded, seeing Noah's point.

"He could not call you, you know."

Noah turned to face him again.

"He could not call you. He has been with the police all this time. We only rescued him yesterday."

"Rescued him?"

"He was very sad. He knew you would worry. He wanted to contact you but I told him we would send word today and I asked him to come to the bar. Because he was not happy. He was telling me stories about you… it is the only time he smiles like that… with the shimo."

Lutalo pressed both forefingers into his cheek.

"Dimples?"

"Yes! That is the word…"

Noah couldn't help a slight smile as he stood then, shaking the leaves from his behind.

"What did you mean just now, Lutalo? What did you mean when you said you rescued him?"

Lutalo was just about to reply when a third voice interrupted them by frantically calling, "Lutalo? Lutalo? Je hapa?"

At first Lutalo held a hand out over Noah's chest as a sign for him not to move. But finally he seemed to recognise the voice and he stepped out from the cover of the willow tree.

"Mimi hapa." He called and a young boy with a green bandana arrived.

The child was flustered and totally out of breath.

"Police hapa!" He said earnestly pointing back toward the village. "Wanatafuta kila mahali!"

Noah did not like the look that statement in Swahili put on Lutalo's face. "What is it? What did he say?"

Lutalo took one look at him, thinking quickly, "Come!"

Noah followed Lutalo and the boy back toward Luke's hut; not through the town; the way Luke and Noah had travelled the night before; but around the outskirts of the village, hidden by some heavy thorn-bush growth.

They heard the commotion before they even reached the hut. Voices were yelling, dogs were barking, people were screaming and they could hear doors being banged in.

Terrified Noah began to run faster, until he was passing Lutalo. He reached the hut just in time to see two police officers dragging a struggling and handcuffed Luke and shoving him into the back of their cruiser. Another officer pulled on the lead of a vicious looking dog which kept straining inches from reaching the skin of Luke's arm.

"Luke!" Noah shouted and made to run forward, but heavy arms pulled him back into the shelter of the bush. He fought and struggled desperately. Realising that Lutalo had now been joined by another of his friends. Both men and the boy worked to hold him down. He knew Lutalo was talking to him but at first he couldn't hear a word of it. His ears were roaring with fear.

"You cannot!" Noah finally realised Lutalo was saying. "I'm sorry! They must not see you here!"

Gasping but stopping in his struggles, Noah turned his head and, through a gap in the bushes, watched wide-eyed as the car, with Luke inside, drove out of sight.

**Please comment…**


	115. Vumilia 12

Free from the vice hold of Lutalo and his friend, Noah rapidly scrambled up, his feet skidding a few times on the tiny round stones beneath them. He stumbled as he pushed through the gap in the bushes.

Oblivious to how the nasty thorns had cut harshly into his bare skin, he ran up the potholed dirt road that passed the small group of huts on its way north and out of the village.

Reaching the spot where the car had been, his blue eyes glued to the horizon where the vehicle had only just disappeared from sight.

Noah was aware of the loud squeaks escaping his lips with each desperate gasp, but it was the only sound he seemed capable of. Fatigue, hunger, thirst and sweat all forgotten; heart struggling.

His body shivered in shock and bewilderment until eventually he uttered, "This… isn't… happening."

He looked around crazily; first at the busted in doorway of Luke's hut and then at the small crowd of curious villagers slowly gathering to see what all the noise was about.

"This… isn't… happening."

His eyes fell on Kigongo as he appeared from within the small group of people.

"Will they hurt him?" he pleaded.

But Kigongo was incapable of replying. He merely returned Noah's stare with a look of abject sorrow and sympathy.

Feeling he would not get reassurance from that camp, Noah whipped around to find Lutalo; his friend and the small boy sadly watching him.

"Will they hurt him?" he asked again, louder this time.

Lutalo, ever the leader; honest and stronger than the others; replied in the simplest of ways, "Yes. This time he will die I think."

His eyes were as sincere as Noah had ever seen on a man.

Thoughts jumbled; impossible to think; impossible to react. Suddenly he had the strongest urge to get out of there; out from under the glare of strangers' eyes.

Noah turned and entered the hut, closing the broken door as best he could to shield himself; hide even.

Standing in the centre of the room, surveying the mat where just hours before he had held Luke in his arms, Noah's befuddled brain began to wonder if he'd dreamt it.

"They're going to kill him."

The thought come so sudden to him, even as he'd struggled within those few moments to deny them. He knew it was true. Luke had escaped; made them look bad. They would seek revenge in the worst way.

But as quickly as these notions hit his consciousness he hammered them back down. He hammered all the negative thoughts back down, just as he had done from the first moment back in L.A. when he realised Luke might be in trouble.

He denied those feelings. He did the one thing Holden was working so hard to help him stop doing. But in this case he needed to or he would fall apart.

He managed it too. He began to get his breath back; he began to steady his racing heart; he began to believe that what he knew to be true was not so.

But this idea quickly crumbled again when Luke himself revealed a message that could not be denied.

Glinting on the table under the light of the paraffin lamp, where Luke knew Noah would find it, was Luke's wedding ring.

As Noah took a step toward it his knees buckled from under him. He was left kneeling before the table like a pilgrim before some precious shrine. He released an anguished cry which he was sure they heard from outside. But blessedly nobody disturbed him.

"No… please…" His voice was a mere whisper.

Don't give up.

He shakily reached out for the small object but could not make himself take it; his hand hovering there.

If he took it was he accepting Luke's defeat?

Because it was clear this wasn't left as a message of hope; this was a goodbye.

"Please…"

His index finger circled the cold circumference of the ring; round and around as he rocked back and forth on his knees.

Like some unending nightmare, Luke was stripped from him again. And all those fears he contained within himself; the fears he'd carried daily; that were a part of his love for Luke; were storming and raging through him.

His hand clawed over the ring; entrapping it in his palm and bringing the precious object up closer to his lips; pressing as he drew in air through his teeth.

Sobs began to wrack his body and he willed them away. He didn't have a whole lot of time, he knew, but he couldn't seem to get himself together.

His eyes moved to the side, catching something else left by Luke. Noah snatched the small saucer closer and stared down at it.

"NO!" he defiantly announced.

Opening up his hand he once again revealed the platinum band; still trying to reorder his mind and come up with a solution.

He didn't have one, but there was one thing he was totally committed to.

"It's not over!"

He gently slipped Luke's ring onto his finger until it came to rest against his own.

Kissing both the rings and speaking with his lips upon them, he whispered, "I'm not giving up. You hear me, Luke. I'm coming!"

He stood and marched back outside.

Left sitting on the table was the bar of soap on which, using the end of a match stick, Luke had hastily scrapped two words, "I'm sorry."

...

_Lutalo was proud of this Luke. He didn't know the man. They had only just met. Yet he could say for certain that he was proud of him. _

_The moment the police left the hotel room with Luke; there was no question that they would follow. They sprinted out the back of the hotel and around to the front, just in time to watch them load Luke into a cruiser and set off. _

_Thinking quickly, Lutalo jacked the nearest car, a white Ford Fiesta, and they sped off after them; watching as they park and dragged Luke inside the nearest police station. _

_He and Zesiro sat outside in the car for sometime. After three hours Lutalo went inside to see if he could hear anything, but there was no sign of any activity within the station. _

_They decided to return to base and find Magomu and Najja; regroup and discuss what they would do. Of all the reporters who had campaigned for the cause, Zesiro was the most well known by the police; easily recognisable due to his gargantuan size. _

_As such, Lutalo was adamant that Zesiro lay low and he took Magomu and Najja with him to the police station. _

_They sat parked outside for what seemed like a lifetime, eating and sleeping there. Keeping watch. Eventually, four officers reappeared with an exhausted looking Luke in tow. They shoved him back into a parked police cruiser and set off through the city streets heading north. _

_Lutalo and his two friends were hot on their tail and Najja telephoned Zesiro to fill him in as soon as they realised they would be driving out of Kampala. _

_In less than one week this Luke had proved himself a valuable ally in their fight. It was a war Lutalo and his reporter friends had toiled for over seven years, ever since the first whisper of anti-homosexual legislation began to pass from one government official's ear to the next. Quiet at first; like a wisp of wind passing by. But gradually growing in strength and speed; waiting for a change in direction to transform into a gale._

_And that typhoon came in the form of a man called Simon Laarman. _

"_A man?" Lutalo angrily shook his head as he thought to himself, his eyes fixed on the bumpy road ahead; hands squeezing irately around the steering wheel. "No. This is no man. A person who could convince a country's leaders to murder and torture its people is not a man!"_

_They had been following the police cruiser for more than a day. They had followed it non-stop until it came across the washed away bridge and had to change course. _

"_Is this good or bad?" Najja asked him in their native tongue._

"_Good my friend." Lutalo replied, smiling out the corner of his mouth. "This means they must stop for the night."_

_Najja nodded following Lutalo's train of thought._

_Sure enough their chance came in the early dawn. Being camped so far out in the empty veld as they were, not a building in sight, the officers felt confident to let their guard down. _

_One officer accompanied Luke behind the camouflage of some bushes; unlocking the cuffs around Luke's wrists so that he could relieve himself. The officer turned his back to Luke and zipped down his own trousers to begin urinating under the shade of the bush. _

_After all, there was nowhere for Luke to run too and he would not survive the desert like heat this far out from civilisation._

_What the officer hadn't calculated on was Lutalo's small group, lying in wait just for this opportunity. _

_Pressing his finger to his lips and ignoring the surprised eyebrow lift from Luke; Lutalo crept up behind the officer and smacked him hard against the side of his head with a large rock he'd picked up from the ground. _

_With the officer down, Luke and Lutalo sprinted as fast as their legs would take them over the rough terrain; eventually over a small rise where the stolen white car came into view. _

_Luke smiled and quickly greeted Magomu and Najja who were obviously both surprised and relieved to see Luke alive and well. _

_They sped off back down the hill away from where the officers had camped for the night. _

_Instead of carrying on south and back in the direction of Kampala, Lutalo swiftly altered their path north once more and toward a small town he knew well. It was the place of his birth. _

_..._

_As he walked, Lutalo bit into an orange; sucking out the sweet juices before spitting the ruffage onto the road side. _

_He arrived just in time to witness the recently awoken Luke exit the door of the hut, squinting at the bright light of the setting sun and rubbing the back of his neck._

"_You are awake." Lutalo said as way of greeting._

_Luke nodded, "Was I out for long? Man I was beat!"_

"_Long time; six hours maybe."_

_Luke regarded him seriously, "Thank you."_

"_It was nothing. You saved us at the hotel."_

"_Yes, but… you didn't have to come after me and I'm grateful you did."_

_Lutalo could only smile at the man. _

_Luke looked around at their surroundings, really examining the village; something he hadn't seemed interested in when they first arrived. _

_In fact, by the time they'd reached the village that morning, Lutalo was having some difficulty keeping the man awake. It was clear Luke had not slept much at all; afraid of what the police might do to him and worried for his husband._

_Turning back to Lutalo Luke asked, "Is there a phone I can use? I really need to call Noah."_

_Lutalo shook his head, "There are no phones in this village. None for miles. No cell signal either."_

_The news seemed to hit Luke hard; his face falling and his eyes dulling even more._

"_He must be going crazy." Luke said then, looking down at the ground and running his hands through his hair. _

_Lutalo wasn't sure whether the statement was directed at him or whether Luke was merely thinking allowed, but it was clear he was gripped with concern. _

"_I promised him I'd call every day." This time Luke was speaking to him. "And when we last spoke…" Luke's eyes squeezed shut at the memory and what it could mean, "Shit! When… when will we be near a phone?"_

"_You are now a wanted man, my friend, and we must be careful. We will hide here tonight and set out in the morning. Perhaps we will find a telephone on the way." _

"_TOMORROW?" Luke shook his head. "No! I have to contact him now… You don't understand. He… he has issues about me... I mean… Shit!"_

_Luke kicked at the ground in frustration._

"_Shit! I didn't mean to do this to him! Fuck!"_

"_I am sorry." _

_Luke looked up apologetically, "It's not your fault. I didn't mean to imply…"_

_Lutalo lifted both his hands and shook his head, "It is understandable. Look… tomorrow I will pay a man to travel south with a message for Zesiro. At least we will know he can phone your husband if we don't find a way."_

"_Thank you. That's better than nothing I guess."_

"_Come. I will take you to get food."_

_Luke shook his head, sliding down the wall of the hut and bringing his knees up to his chest. _

"_No. Thanks Lutalo, but I really can't eat right now."_

_Lutalo saw now the depth of the man's sadness. It was intense. It creased Luke's brow and shaded his eyes. Lutalo felt for him._

"_I would like to hear more about him." Lutalo tried._

_Luke looked up, "Sorry?"_

"_This Noah. Will you tell me about him? I would like to hear about the person who has the heart of a man such as you."_

_Luke smiled, "I would say it's more like he has mine."_

"_If that is true, forgive me but, why are you here?"_

_Luke wiped his sweaty palms on the sides of his jeans, "That's a fair question… and… really? I don't have an answer that you can understand. Noah certainly doesn't."_

_Luke stood again and leaned back into the hut wall. _

"_Or, rather he does understand, but he can't accept it. And… I don't know… standing here now, in this situation? I'm starting to think he's right."_

"_Why did you come then?"_

"_I want to make a difference, Lutalo. I'm not the type of person who can sit back and live his amazing life while others like me suffer. And I'm also not the person who leaves a friend without at least trying to help. I came because I needed the truth about what happened to my friend… and I had my suspicions about that. I didn't come to end up as a fugitive. I didn't come to risk my life. Because even though Noah thinks differently, I do know what my life means to him. And I would never want to hurt him. I would definitely never want to leave him."_

_Lutalo nodded, feeling sympathy for this man._

"_God!" The blonde looked up at the sky and shook his head, "What must he be thinking now? And what makes it worse is that… at the moment there's nothing I can do about it. I never meant to put him through hell. I was supposed to be back in L.A. by now. Just a reporter going on assignment. That's it!"_

"_Come." Lutalo tried again. "Like you say, there IS nothing you can do now. But you can keep up your strength and eat something. He would want that for you… yes?"_

_Luke sighed but pushed himself away from the wall and began dragging his feet behind Lutalo, hands in his pockets, as they made their way down to the village._

_Reaching the bar Magomu was quick to thrust a tankard of beer at him but Luke vigorously shook his head. _

"_I don't drink alcohol. Please. I'll sit here but, please keep the drink away, okay?"_

_The men didn't question him, merely introduced Luke to some of the other people in the group and brought him a drink of ginger beer instead._

"_Thank you." Luke smiled up at Najja and took the proffered tankard. _

_They sat around the fire, laughing, drinking, eating and talking about life in general. Where possible the reporters spoke in English for Luke's benefit. The men from the village only understood Swahili so there were many long conversations where translations had to be made. _

_Slowly, Lutalo watched Luke coming out of his depression a little, his eyes sparking with interest in what the men had to say. He seemed to drink the information in and store it away, perhaps to write about later. _

_In Luke, Lutalo found a lot of common ground. _

_For a while Luke asked Lutalo about his own life. He asked whether Lutalo's wife understood his need to be involved in this fight. Lutalo replied that his wife loved him for him and so understood his reasons. Besides, at first he was not aware of how much trouble his involvement would cause him. _

"_Has it always been this way?" Lutalo asked Luke, during a lull in conversation, "Between you and your Noah?"_

_Luke thought for a moment and then shook his head. "A lot has changed since we first met. I used to be the one with the problem. I could never accept when Noah wanted to do things without me. I wanted to be involved in everything that had to do with him. I smothered him a lot really. I was always afraid that I wasn't enough… that he would leave."_

"_So what happened?"_

"_We broke up. We lived a part for a year and when we finally got back together it seemed like things had swapped around? Suddenly it was Noah afraid that I would leave him. I wanted to prove to him that I could do this job… go on assignment and it wouldn't change anything. You know? I mean we can't live like this forever? At some point Noah has to trust that I will always go back to him. Just because we are apart for a few days doesn't mean I love him any less."_

_Lutalo nodded, "I think I understand what you are saying."_

_Luke smiled. _

"_Why don't you tell me more about him?" Lutalo asked, seeing how Luke's eyes lit up at the conversation. "I would like to know why you love this man so much."_

_..._

"Keep low!" Lutalo whispered as the five of them hid in a break of trees over looking the prison walls.

"Are you sure he's here?" Noah asked.

Lutalo nodded. "This was where they were headed before. He's here, I am sure."

"Thank you for doing this." Noah said looking around at the gathered men, "All of you. I know you're taking a great risk."

"It is a risk that will pay off, my friend." Najja told him, "If we can get Luke and you back to America, it will help us greatly."

At first they had not wanted to come. They could see no viable way of rescuing Luke this time.

"There HAS to be a way!" Noah had pleaded. "He's still alive! And while he's alive I am NOT giving up! You hear me?"

The men had looked at him in defeat.

"If there was a way, what would it be?" Noah asked, trying a different tactic.

Lutalo did not want to hurt this man, "There is only one option and that one is impossible."

"What?" Noah asked. "What is it?"

"The only thing that ever works in Africa." Lutalo told him, "Money. A lot of money."

"Money?" Noah asked, as though that was the stupidest obstacle in the world.

"If we had money we could bribe some of the guards. Maybe buy Luke back before the officer's kill him."

Noah's mouth fell open but then he shouldn't have been so surprised. These men had nothing; had never had much in their lives. To them money was not an option.

"I have money." Noah announced. "I have a lot of money!"

He really did. Far more than it was perhaps safe to carry on his person. But when he found out they would be leaving Kampala he had withdrawn as much as the cash machine would allow him too. Sometimes the skills of preparation his father had instilled in him really did come in handy.

So now he, Lutalo, Kigongo, Magomu and Najja were creeping their way around the perimeter of the prison; which in reality was more of a compound. Instead of buildings, the encampment consisted of tiny corrugated shelters in which the prisoners were kept. These shelters were patrolled day an night by armed guards, with orders to shoot on sight anybody who attempted to enter the area.

They found their contact near the entrance to the encampment. He was a small older police guard and skittish as well, which was to be expected. But one look at the banknotes produced by Noah and he immediately began to lead them to the shack where he said Luke would be held.

They hadn't been walking for long when they heard the distinctive lashing tongue of a whip hitting flesh and a howl of agony that brought Noah up short; breaking him in two.

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	116. Vumilia 13

Fiery despair plagued and burnt his insides with each tortured cry that flew over the compound wall.

It couldn't be real! Not his Luke…

Naturally first to recognise those shrieks, Noah flung himself forward, leaving his four friends and the bribed police guard in his dust; before they could properly comprehend the situation for themselves.

Noah's vision was pulsating along with his heartbeat, waves of fear and nausea taking over; making each footfall frustratingly slow and terribly clumsy. He followed the crumbling walls of the compound, looking for a way inside.

"Come on!" his body shook, "Where is it?" Breath was hard to come by as he practically felt along the wall, half expecting some hidden door to appear. "Where is it?"

All thoughts of safety and reason had left his consciousness at the first bite of the whip; all thoughts of anything save reaching Luke; making those heart-wrenching cries stop at any cost.

It was the equally long legged Magomu who reached him first; and then only managing to snatch the back of Noah's shirt when he happened to stumble slightly on a jutted rock.

Noah groaned and protested as he was tackled with unbelievable force to the ground. He tried to roll over but Magomu lay on top of him; pinning his stomach hard to the ground; rough earth scrapping at his bearded cheek.

"No!" Noah screamed.

Hands pulled at him, lifting him up and backward. He fell awkwardly between Magomu's knees; legs kicking and arms flying; the other man's hand urgently trying to muffle his agonised cries.

"Oh no! God! Oh no! No! LUKE!"

Catching up to Magomu and Noah, Najja sat down hard on Noah's legs, trying to help Magomu keep him still.

Noah flailed his arms hitting out at anyone, anything in his desperation to be freed. But Magomu's arm gripped him tight around the waist, pulling Noah into his chest as his hand searched out and found Noah's mouth to gag him.

All the while the air filled with the terrifying soundtrack of agony and a whip.

Suddenly Lutalo was squatting, face to face, hands gripping at Noah's wrists.

Noah's tearful eyes widened as he realised they would not let him go. They would sit this out. Allow it to happen.

"Mmmmm!"

He could taste his own tears and the sweat from Magomu's palm.

"Quiet! You must quiet!" Lutalo grabbed a wrist in each hand and fought to press Noah's arms to his sides, "You must! If they find us… he will surely die! You will die! We ALL will die!"

Lutalo's words might as well have been in Swahili as far as Noah cared. None were seeping through to him; Noah's desperation growing still stronger as Luke's horrific cries changed in tone to those of a small boy calling for his mother. Only in this instance and even worse for Noah, Luke's plaintive and weakening sobs had started calling for him.

"No… ah!" Another lash. "ARGH! Noah!"

Each cry was a punch to his gut and his teeth clenched.

Noah continued to struggle. Sitting there and doing nothing was not an option for him. Fuck consequences!

But these men were hell bent on keeping him still and quiet and even kind Kigongo's hand rubbing his shoulder, trying to calm him, was doing nothing to provide any relief.

"PLEASE!" Noah tearfully moaned from beneath Magomu's hand and strong hold, "Make them stop! Make it stop!"

Lutalo glanced at the traitorous police guard, whose enlarging eyes displayed an undeniable impulse to flee the situation, money be damned.

In the back of his mind Noah knew they needed this guard if there was ever going to be any hope of getting Luke out alive, but his emotions were like a runaway train heading for a broken bridge.

"Make it stop!" he cried again, heaving for air and courage and help.

And Lutalo did just that. He delivered a knockout blow to the side of Noah's head.

Noah suffered just a second of pain and surprise before all went black.

...

_It was late afternoon. A rare moment alone._

_They lay on a blanket out in the yard under the dappled shade of the two tall palm trees. They swayed and rustled gently in the wind, creating a natural gateway to the lower garden. _

_Three pairs of weaver birds had set up home there; their neatly thatched nests dangling elegantly by the ends of the palm's curved fronds. The males hung upside down, silently and industriously working on their threading to the noisy chirping of their significant others, twittering instructions whenever they arrived back with the next strand of grass or strip of palm leaf. _

_The air smelled rich and fragrant of the sea and freshly mowed grass._

_The trees' oval shadows played pretty patterns on the rise of Luke's cheek. Noah lay sideways, elevated on his elbow, mesmerised by them. _

_Luke's eyes were closed; dozing flat on his back just this side of sleep; enjoying the soft warmth of the setting sun. His perfect lips were curled in a slight smile of sheer contentment. _

_Noah's finger began to trace an oval shadow darting around just under Luke's left ear. This action caused Luke's slight smile to widen further._

"_What are you doing?" Luke asked without opening his eyes. _

"_Just touching." _

_Still keeping his eyes closed, Luke lifted his arms and stretched himself out, signing in relaxation; enjoying the feel of cool lawn grass under his bare feet. _

"_This is nice." Luke smiled again, settling back down to this nap. _

_A blond strand had fallen sideways across his right eye and Noah pushed it delicately to one side._

_He was perfect. This was perfect… except… it wasn't... _

_Noah swallowed hard and tried to lose himself in the moment; push away this black thought like a dark smoke in the back of his head. _

_Everything was perfect. _

_He pressed a kiss to the pulse in Luke's neck but instead of a shiver of pleasure he felt a sliver of fear and he pulled back in surprise; watching as the beauty of the man before him remained unchanged. _

_Perfect… right?_

"_Luke?" Noah was almost afraid to ask. He thought perhaps he shouldn't._

"_What is it Bubby?" Luke's head lolled to the right, facing away; eyes still closed._

"_This is nice." Noah tried repeating Luke's previous sentiment. Get them back on the track he wanted them to follow. _

"_Yes it is."_

"_Yes it is," Noah agreed, "But…"_

"_Relax, Baby. Go to sleep."_

"_I can't."_

"_Why not?"_

_Noah didn't want to feel it, he wanted to escape inside of Luke; hide away in there. But the dread kept building and he couldn't understand why?_

_Why? Everything was perfect. It WAS perfect._

"_Will you look at me?" Noah wasn't sure why he asked that. Just a hunch. Again that deepening trepidation. _

_Luke turned his head back in Noah's direction._

"_Luke?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Open your eyes."_

"_Why, Baby?" Again that smile that Noah loved so much. That tender voice. He traced his finger over Luke's lips. _

"_Because…" It came out in a strangled whimper. _

_Noah wanted to cry suddenly and he didn't like it. He didn't understand it._

_Why wasn't he happy in this moment? It was supposed to be the perfect moment. _

"_I need you to…" Noah's breath hitched. _

_Something was wrong. Terribly, dangerously wrong. _

_Luke's lazy eyes began to open, a sliver of hazel first until they were round and full; speckling in the sun. _

_But his smile faded and frown lines deepened upon his brow._

_Luke's hand came up to caress the side of Noah's face and Noah closed his eyes; pressing his cheek into it. _

"_Bubby?" Luke asked with worry. "Why are you so sad?"_

"_You said you'd never leave me. You promised."_

"_I'm right here."_

"_No."_

"_I'm right here, Noah."_

_Noah's eyes flew open to the empty red blanket's crisscrossed patterns. He jumped to his feet, surrounded now by nothing but grey swirling fog. _

"_Luke! Come back!"_

"_I'm right here." _

_Luke's voice came at him from the left so he headed that way, stretching his arms out, feeling around in front of him._

"_Don't leave me!" Noah begged. "They're hurting you!"_

"_Everything will be okay."_

"_Luke! Don't leave me!"_

"_I always come back to you." _

...

They spilled an entire bottle of water over his face to wake him. He came out of his unconscious state in the same way a man might resurface from beneath the ocean after holding his breath for too long.

Gasping and stuttering, droplets flying from his hair; he focused his full frustration and venom on the person standing before him.

Leaping forward Noah pushed Lutalo back until the man's spine hit the wall with an audible wheeze.

He could feel the hands of Najja and Magomu on his shoulders, trying to pull him away, until Lutalo told them to back off.

A moment of intense contact took place and Noah could not deny the conflict in Lutalo's chocolate eyes. They were soft and kind those eyes and Noah's anger broke.

He wept, his forehead falling forward to rest on Lutalo's shoulder. He felt the other man's hand try to move out of his grasp and Noah let it go.

Lutalo's freed hand came across the back of Noah's neck and squeezed in a friendly gesture of understanding.

He pulled Noah's head back until they were forehead to forehead and whispered, "We could not, my friend."

Noah nodded, accepting what he already knew. He dropped back, allowing Lutalo to step away from the wall.

"Luke?" he asked.

"It is over." Najja announced poignantly.

"Why?"

Noah looked deeply into the faces of the men surrounding him; men who had seen much and perhaps experienced worse than this.

"Why'd they do it?" He asked Lutalo more directly.

"They will want to know who helped him escape." Lutalo announced walking toward the police guard who stood just a few yards away. They began an urgent discussion in Swahili and Noah could feel his patients ebbing once more. He had to get to Luke. It was all that mattered.

He knew the men had done the right thing, for themselves as well as for Luke, but it didn't help simmer the anger.

"We are getting him out of there." Noah seethed with heavy determination despite the dizziness from the blow to his head. "We are going in there RIGHT NOW!"

"The plan is set, rafiki yangu." Kigongo's comforting hand came to rest reassuringly on Noah's forearm and Noah closed his eyes, taking some refuge in the calm and confident tone of his friend. "Have faith. We will help him."

"The guard will buy us time. He will clear the others for ten minutes only." Lutalo explained, "We must get Luke and us out of there and away from here in just ten minutes. After that they will come for us."

Noah nodded.

"You understand?" Lutalo's hands came to grip Noah's biceps. It was a loaded question full of double meaning.

Noah nodded again; trying to calm his irrational side, knowing it was essential he follow Lutalo if this was to work.

...

It was a wooden pole fit for purpose; hammered upright deep into the baked earth at the centre of the compound's expansive yard.

At its tip a hooped and rusting nail protruded, similar to the industrial type used to moor boats. It was through this hoop that the rope binding Luke's wrists had been knotted, pinning his arms high above his sweat covered head.

Conscious, he would have had to stand on the tips of his toes, but now he simply hung there, abandoned by his tormentors. Damaged and broken he swayed; his legs having long since given way beneath him.

They found Luke almost immediately after entering through the back service door, unlocked by their bribed guard. The mouse of a man had gone before them, clearing the other officers with promise of payment to come.

Under normal circumstances Noah would have cared greatly for the prisoners who could see the five of them through gaps in their corrugated cells. The inmates called to them, desperate, thirsty and begging for help.

Usually Noah would have done his utmost, risked everything to get each and every one of them released.

But one glance at the centre of the yard and Noah was deafened to them.

Luke's exposed blood-soaked back; blond hair caking in it; was all he could see and he let out an animal-like sound that for a moment scared his companions and made them jump a step away from him.

He never felt the steps that took him there, but he was tentatively reaching a hand out toward Luke before he could blink.

Noah knew his own body was in shock. The midday sun was baking down, causing mirages to rise up from the distant earth, but he felt polar cold; every skin cell shivering.

He couldn't see Luke's face. His head drooped; flopping forward. Noah reached for a pulse with fear and gasped as Luke flinched and groaned.

"Luke?" he said softly, cupping his cheek; pulling his head up, pushing the matted hair from his face. "Hey? Baby?" Noah tried to keep his voice steady for Luke's sake but it was a losing battle as their heads met. "Oh God! What did they do? What did they do?"

He reached up and began manically scratching at the ropes above their heads.

"Get them off!" He screamed between painful sobs and desperate groans; totally lost in hysteria. "Get them off!"

"I have it." He wasn't sure who spoke. It was a gentle voice so he thought perhaps Kigongo and then knew for certain when the man's warm hand found the small of Noah's back. "I will cut it, rafiki yangu. It will be okay."

Noah's one hand curled round the back of Luke's neck, the other round his waist. He didn't even see what they used to cut the bindings; was just grateful when Luke's arms dropped and his limp and exhausted body fell into him, sending them both to the floor.

Noah cradled him up. Luke lying horizontal over Noah's right leg, while Noah's left leg bent over his hip, cocooning him in a protective bubble.

Despite appearances Luke was awake. He stiffened at first but then nuzzled into Noah's stomach and clung to him like a frightened animal.

"I got ya…" Noah bent over him, rocking them, whispering in his ear. "I got ya, Baby. It's over."

Tears flowed unguarded; the anger inside of him building. He wouldn't leave Luke's side but, God he wanted to kill the one's who had done it!

"Noah." Lutalo's deep voice echoed into his brain. "We must go now!"

Noah nodded, looking up and around at the others who stood nervously watching them.

Gathering himself as best he could, he gently moved himself over so that he could better see Luke's face; careful to keep Luke's back off the dusty ground.

"Luke? Can you open your eyes?"

The lids lifted but it was obvious with great difficulty. Luke's chest pulsed up and down; his face grimacing every time a wave of pain attacked him.

He seemed to calm somewhat as his gaze fell on Noah.

"Hey." Noah tried to smile. "I'm right here. We're getting out of here now, okay?"

Noah expected Luke to nod but he didn't. He kept licking at his lips, gaping as though he wanted to say something.

"Shh. It's okay, Baby." Noah insisted. "Don't' try to talk."

He made a move to lift Luke up but with sudden strength the blond gripped a hold onto Noah's arm and pulled him back down.

"Luke!" Noah protested in panic, well aware that the time was ticking away. "Luke, we have to go right NOW! Why are you fighting me?"

Luke's eyes were wide and he pulled Noah back down with much effort; wasting energy Noah knew Luke didn't have to spare.

"Okay, okay..." Noah relented. "What? What is it?"

Luke stared off to the left and pointed toward a group of corrugated cells. Noah shook his head in confusion.

"What?"

Trying to ignore the shock coursing through his veins, trying not to think of all the blood soaking through his and Luke's jeans he lowered his ear to Luke's lips.

"Tell me."

It was faint and weak but undeniable. "To…ny…"

As the syllables left Luke's lips Noah's eyes squeezed shut. Tony was alive and in one of these cells. It should have been good news but it wasn't.

Pressing his forehead into Luke's, Noah pleaded with the last remaining strength he had left in him.

"Oh no. Please Luke. We can't." He lifted his head to see the protest in the hazel. He sobbed loudly at his husband's stubborn determination. "I'm so sorry. We can't. There's no time."

Luke was vigorously shaking his head.

"Please!" Noah begged. "Don't fight me on this. You're killing me right now, Luke."

Luke lifted a weak hand to Noah's cheek, reading him sorrowfully and then looking back at the group of shelters.

"Look at me." Noah waited for the blonde head to turn back to him, "We won't get out. We have to go right now, baby. Or all these men will die. Please…"

Another moment passed between them and Noah felt his heartbeat regulating as he realised Luke was uncharacteristically giving in.

"We'll do everything we can to get him out." Noah said. "I promise."

And with that he got the nod he needed.

"Quick, help me!" He called and Kigongo was instantly squatting down beside them, taking hold of Luke under his one shoulder while Noah took the other. "Ready? One, two, three…"

They both groaned as they lifted Luke up between them.

It was a difficult struggle getting the injured man to the exit and out of the compound. Standing by the back door; greedy palm turned up in expectation, was the police guard. He nodded once as Lutalo handed him the cash and disappeared inside the compound; locking the door behind him.

Almost instantly they heard the shouts from within.

"Hurry!" Lutalo yelled and they headed back through the woods toward the clearing where the get-away car waited.

**Don't forget to tell me what you think…**


	117. Vumilia 14

The plan was to get Luke and drive like the devil east across Uganda's rough roads and flat plains; not stopping until they absolutely had to and reaching the relative safety of Kenya's border as soon as possible. Hopefully before the Ugandan authorities had a chance to track them down.

They hadn't really counted on Luke's condition.

Noah wasn't doing so great himself. His body trembled and he struggled to breath, paralysed by shock. Najja gave him a bottle of sugar water. These men, having become so accustomed to these life and death situations, had come as prepared as they could in such a limited amount of time.

The sugar kick had helped Noah greatly and he found his mind clearing so that he could focus on Luke.

To his credit, even delirious Luke seemed to sense the urgency of escape. Lying sideways in the backseat of the cramped car, torso curled across Noah's knees; at first he bravely moaned and coughed through each pain-wave. His face pressed into the top of Noah's thigh and he would squeeze Noah's hand so hard, Noah was sure he'd end up with a broken carpal bone.

But only ten minutes into the journey, the constant jolts of the car were already starting to take their toll, despite Noah holding Luke as steady as he could.

Noah hadn't even had a chance to properly assess the damage to Luke's back. They'd stumbled into the car and Lutalo had thrown Noah a grey blanket from the trunk. This was now wedged firmly between his stomach and Luke's back in an attempt to stem the bleeding. Noah used his free hand to squeeze and rub Luke's shoulder, hoping to impart some strength and comfort to him.

Fifteen minutes into the ride and the moans had increased in volume with occasional cries escaping Luke's lips. It broke Noah's heart to see Luke fight to stand it but truthfully he knew they needed Luke too. They couldn't risk remaining in the area. It was simply too dangerous.

The situation was far from ideal. Four of them, Noah by the door, then Luke, Najja and Kigongo were all squeezed like sardines on the back seat of the car.

Magomu took the role of driver, while Lutalo sat as navigator in the front passenger seat. Every few minutes he would peer over the back to check on Luke and Noah, catching Noah's terrified expression.

"Hold on, baby." Noah soothed, "Hold on. Just a little bit longer. You're so strong, Luke. I know you can do it."

Worry clipped the edge of his voice, even as he tried to keep it at bay. He had no idea how badly Luke's wounds were bleeding.

"You're such a fool, Luke. What were you thinking, ha? Look what they've done..."

One thing was crystal clear though, Luke was in an excruciating amount of pain. Thirty minutes into the journey he finally lost the battle as the agony became too much for him. His jaw muscles bunched as he clenched his teeth hard.

"No…ah?" his breath shuddered hot through Noah's jeans as he cried out and drew shuddered air through clenched teeth. "Noah! Hurts…"

"Stop the car!" Noah sobbed, rivers of tears staining his cheeks. "Lutalo, we have to stop!"

Lutalo turned once more in his seat, catching Noah's eyes.

Luke cried out even louder this time.

"He can't do it." Noah argued, shaking his head. "Just look at him."

Lutalo's gaze fell to Luke and then rose to search the horizon through the rear window. He spent a few minutes in deep contemplation and then turned to Magomu, "Take the next road off. We will find a place to stop."

Noah squeezed his eyes shut in relief.

"No…No…ah!"

He was quickly shaken out of his short reprieve by a hellish tremor passing through Luke and he bent over to kiss Luke's temple, dry lips grazing Luke's burning skin as he spoke, "Okay, okay… I'll make it better. It's alright. We'll stop in just a minute."

Luke groaned loudly, fingers digging into skin.

They hadn't driven for too long before they came across a rare clump of trees. Magomu didn't need Lutalo to tell him this was the place. He immediately manoeuvred the car off the road and parked as close to the tree-line as he could.

The men jumped from the vehicle, Lutalo opening the door nearest Noah and helping to pull Luke from the backseat; face down on a spread tarpaulin Kigongo pulled from the trunk.

Noah knelt by Luke's side to gingerly remove the blood-soaked blanket from his gashed back. Luke continued to cry out; body shivering and teeth chattering.

His skin was stained with dried and fresh blood; welted with long nasty lesions, some already swelling and turning blackish blue.

"Oh, Jesus." Noah rubbed a hand down his own face; looking up and down Luke's torso and wondering what the hell they could do for him out in the middle of nowhere. "He needs a doctor."

"There are none." Lutalo told him, clicking his tongue in frustration, but he seemed to get an idea. "There is a witch doctor, in the next village. We would go there when I was a boy."

Noah pushed Luke's bangs from his head. Hazel eyes were half open and he was breathing heavily, already feeling the relief of not being flung about in the car. He took Luke's hand and squeezed, "If that's the best there is then we have to go there. "

"No." Lutalo shook his head. "The police will expect that. They know he's injured."

"So what do we do?" Noah asked with aggravation, "He needs help!"

"Keep calm, my friend." Lutalo assured him, one hand coming to rest on Noah's shoulder. "Najja will go ahead to the village and bring her back here." He nodded to Noah and then gestured with another nod in Najja's direction.

"I will hurry!" Najja said.

With the help of Kigongo, Najja quickly emptied the trunk of their supplies before driving off and out of sight.

Noah carefully rolled an ashen Luke onto his side and up into a seated position, bracing the body against his knee; mindful of his injuries.

He held the bottle of sugar water to Luke's lips, "Drink."

Grimacing with pain and shaking all over, Luke shook his head.

"I'm not asking, Luke! I'm telling you."

Noah hated being stern with him, but Luke was dehydrated and it was essential. He'd been strung up in the direct sunshine for who knew how long. His lips were dry, white and cracked, his skin burnt.

Something squeezed and twisted in Noah's gut when Luke turned his head to look at him. His brown eyes were bloodshot and the pain in them acute as they pleaded for release from this request. But Noah held firm and Luke sobbed when he realised Noah wouldn't relent.

"Come on." Noah demanded. "You have to do as I say from now on! After everything you've done to get us into this mess! You hear me?"

The anger inside of him found voice in that and he yelled the words without meaning too. Luke jerked with a face totally stricken in regret and apology. He lifted a hand to Noah's shoulder, squeezing and desperately trying to convey a message. Reading his thoughts Noah softened and cupped his cheek, bringing their foreheads together.

"I know, baby. I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too." Noah sobbed twice; instantly pounding the tears back down. He couldn't afford to fall apart. "I shouldn't have left you alone in the hut."

Luke shook his head and the hand lifted weakly from shoulder to cheek. "All my fault… wanted… to…"

"It's okay… we don't have to do this now."

"Wanted to… call… you…"

"I know. Of cause I know you did..."

"They wouldn't… let… me…"

"Shh…" Luke was weeping and Noah drew him into his chest, placing his chin on the top of Luke's head, "Listen to me… Okay? You are so stubborn and crazy and stupid sometimes! I want to hit you and kiss you and tear my hair out! Half the time I don't know what to do with you! But… believe this… okay?" Noah took a deep breath, looked Luke in the eyes and kissing Luke's lips as tenderly as he could. "No matter what stupid thing you do. No matter how angry you make me. I will always catch you. Okay, baby? I will always catch you…"

He thumbed tears off Luke's dirt-stained cheek as the blonde nodded his thanks, falling forward into Noah's arms.

"And I'll treasure every single moment I have with you."

Noah allowed Luke to rest in his arms for sometime, mostly so that he could steady his aching heart and his own breathing; both of which were one thought away from panic.

Then Luke murmured into his chest, "How's it look?"

Knowing Luke meant his back, Noah replied, "How do you think?"

Luke shrugged and groaned again before saying, "I always did… like stripes."

Noah laughed through his tears, "Not funny, Snyder!"

"Then why… why are you laughing?"

His hand scratched gently, caressing Luke's skull through his sticky hair, feeling Luke's body relaxing.

Becoming too relaxed. Noah's heart began to hammer once more.

"Luke?"

He pushed Luke back by his shoulders and saw how the colour had drained from his face. Luke's head dropped back, his eyes lolling.

"Luke!" he shouted, shaking him, "You keep those eyes open, dammit! That's an order." He hated how much he sounded like his father but in that moment he couldn't find the strength to care.

Luke's eyes flew open wide and his head turned to look at Noah; startled.

"That's it." Noah told him, "You stay awake. You owe me that, buddy!"

Luke breathed a painful inhalation and nodded.

Noah carefully put the water bottle to his lips and Luke drank without complaining. Not much, but Noah was satisfied he'd gulped in as much as he could handle.

Gently, Noah instructed Magomu to help move Luke back onto his stomach so they could try to clean up the wounds.

Using water from a 2 litre cola bottle, Noah washed most of the blood and dirt way, making it more obvious where the leather had connected with skin. The welts crisscrossed neatly like stitching, the most painful areas where one cut passed over another. These spots were raised, black and purple patches starting to blister. Noah could feel a sick ball of rage building in his belly at the person who had done this.

Luke's breathing became more erratic with every passing minute. He struggled more and more to stay lucid; each exhaled breath a shuddered moan. His eyes slanted up at Noah.

"You look fucking terrible, Luke."

It was surprising he'd managed to stay awake for as long as he had, and Noah couldn't help feeling slight guilt at that. He knew Luke was fighting the overwhelming urge to pass out merely because Noah had asked him too. This fight was becoming too difficult for Luke and Noah knew it, but he was terrified that Luke would close his eyes and not wake up.

"Where are they?" Noah asked nobody in particular. It was said out of aggravation more than anything else. There was no telling whether this witch doctor could even help.

Luke was trembling violently now, the shivering causing him to moan in pain. Noah was afraid to hurt him, but more afraid of allowing the shivers to continue. He crouched over Luke and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. Bringing one hand up to deeply massage at Luke's neck muscle until finally the trembling eased.

As gently as possible Noah eased against him, giving him the comfort of his body heat. Luke's face burrowed into Noah's shoulder like a small boy and Noah stroked his hair gently until they heard the chug of a tired engine.

Their friends all ducked low, watching the road as their little white car appeared over the horizon through the yellow long grass.

The vehicle drew to a stop and Najja climbed out, followed by the strangest creature Noah had ever seen; like a character from a Tolkien novel.

She was tiny and had incredibly black skin, like charcoal, and this was obvious even underneath the white chalk that coloured her entire face. White fragments of what looked like bone pierced each earlobe.

At first Noah thought she must have long hair, which was rare in Uganda, but as she drew closer he noticed that she wore a headdress made from the tail of an ox.

Dark eyes peered out at them from beneath painted eyelids.

She was naked from the waist up, untrained and wrinkled breasts hanging low to the floor; belt of coloured beads a seeds wrapped around her waist and neck and a brown leather satchel like bag slung over her shoulder.

Her hips were covered by a cow skin skirt that ran as low as her knees, the long dead cow's tail hanging behind her. She was a terrifying sight and did nothing to put Noah's fears to rest.

She did not address Noah or the other men standing around. She fell immediately to her knees on the other side of Luke and sang some nonsensical song over him; a strange mixture of Swahili words and guttural grunts.

Her hands hovered over his back as she eyed the wounds there.

Strangely, and perhaps as testament to the agony he was suffering, Luke didn't react at all. He kept his eyes fixed on Noah and their hands interlaced; using Noah to help ground him in some way.

Noah was in despair, sure that this 'magical' healing would be of no benefit to Luke. But he allowed it to continue and watched as the witch doctor slung the leather bag over her head.

Reaching inside she withdrew a long and sharp aloe frond. She used a home made knife to slice open the thick and fleshy leaf, creating dripping strips which she laid neatly along the cuts in Luke's skin.

Noah knew all the healing benefits of the aloe plant from countless books, movies and drugstore products and he sighed with relief. Yes, this should help sooth for the time being and keep infection at bay. At least until they could find a western doctor.

Finished applying the aloe, the woman withdrew an animal skin cask from her bag, pulling out the stopper and pouring the contents, a clear liquid, over Luke's skin.

"Tea tree." Noah recognised the smell. Maddie was always going on about the benefits of tea tree oil. Noah prayed she was right.

...

A soft and warm breeze tickled Luke's bangs, blowing the hair over his face and into his eyes. Flat on his stomach, his countenance, illuminated by the fire, was turned toward Noah. His throat muscles pulsed as they worked hard every time Luke swallowed.

Noah had been lying on his side next to Luke's sweating and shaking body since the witch doctor departed. There were tears settling on his lower lashes and Noah held back from blinking, not wanting Luke to see the drops run down his cheeks as he gazed deeply into Luke's eyes; rubbing his thumb up and down the rope burn around Luke's wrist.

The other men had given them their space; busying themselves making camp for the night. Kigongo had brought them food but neither could eat and the kind man eventually gave up insisting.

Noah broke the hand contact for a minute to push the hair back out of Luke's face. His fingers found Luke's once more and interlaced over the top of his.

Luke gave him a soft smile; faint and tired, "Are you… okay?"

Noah sniffed, "I won't be until you are."

Noah blinked away the tears as Luke stroked his hair.

"Come… closer." Luke wheezed, "Need… hold… you…"

Noah shifted as close as he dared without hurting him. Luke's arm fell comforting around his shoulders. He rested his head beside Luke's and they lay in silence, drawing strength and peace from each other.

Luke's arm shifted upward and he traced a finger over Noah's eyebrow.

"I… thought…" he swallowed, "I thought I wouldn't get to… see… you…"

"Sh… Luke." Noah didn't want to him going there while he was so weak.

Luke's voice was low and rusty from screaming, "I'm glad… you're here."

Gazing intently at Noah, Luke took hold of his hand.

Noah didn't want to accept the desperate plea for permission radiating off of Luke. He knew Luke was suffering. He knew how much that could be alleviated if he just allowed Luke to close his heavy eyes and sleep. But Noah had never been more terrified of that in his life.

After a minute more Luke coughed and cried out and Noah knew he had to help.

He leaned forward and kissed Luke between the eyes, allowing his mouth to linger there as he said, "Okay."

Noah inhaled the distinct scent of him before pulling back and Luke reached over to wipe two tear drops from the side of his nose.

Noah sucked in his lower lip and tried to smile, swallowing back the clog in his throat. He could feel the deep frown lines forming on his brow against his will.

"Okay, Luke. You can sleep."

Luke nodded; relief obvious.

"Just promise me something…"

"Any…thing…"

"Wake up again."

Luke smiled drunkenly, "I always… come back to you…" before closing his beautiful eyes and immediately falling into a healing sleep.

Released from having to be strong Noah allowed the sickness to claim him; the events of the day overwhelming and rushing in on him. He lifted himself, shaking in every limb from the strain of the day, his shirt soaked with sweat and stained in blood. He willed his feet to stagger the few yards to the first tree he could lean against so that he could gag and cough; spluttering beside the tree.

Nothing came up. His stomach was empty. He'd hardly eaten or drunk anything in days and his head throbbed.

He turned and flopped down to the floor leaning his back up against the tree trunk and closing his eyes.

"He sleeps?"

Noah jumped at the voice. Shocked to discover he'd nodded off.

"Shit Lutalo! You really have this way of sneaking up on people, you know that?"

The older man cocked his head and smiled.

"I am sorry. I brought you some more bread. You should eat."

Noah rubbed his eyes and sniffed before taking the bread.

"Thank you."

He broke off a small bit of crust and began chewing it. It was stale and tasteless and he had to force it down. His throat was so constricted with anxiety he didn't think he'd eat again until they were safely out of Uganda.

But Lutalo was right. He had to keep up his strength. He broke off another piece of bread and resolved to swallow as much as he could, even if it took a few hours.

"Will he make it all the way to Kenya tomorrow, do you think?" Noah asked.

Lutalo looked over to where Luke lay sleeping fretfully.

"We will make more room in the car… leave Najja here at the village."

"Kigongo?"

Lutalo smiled and nodded his head toward the fire. Kigongo could be seen sitting there, silently watching Luke like a sentinel.

"He will guard you and Luke with his life until you are safe. He will not stay behind."

Noah nodded and chewed on another lump of bread.

He blinked when Lutalo was suddenly crouched beside him, his hand brushing the side of Noah's temple. Noah frowned a question.

Lutalo gazed at him intently, "I am sorry I was forced to hit you, my friend."

Noah lifted his hand to this head and flinched as it brushed the bruise there. Looking after Luke he'd completely forgotten the incident outside the compound.

"It was regrettable but necessary." Lutalo continued.

"I know." Noah reassured him. "You did the right thing."

"Thank you." He sat down beside Noah. "Your forgiveness means much; as does your friendship."

Noah smiled, "Same here."

"What will you do? When you get to America?"

Noah turned to him, "You mean about this?"

Lutalo nodded.

Noah glanced around at the camp. At the men, mere reporters, who had taken a dangerous stand against their own country. Brave men.

"We will do whatever we can, Lutalo. Whatever is needed, I promise. Starting with getting Tony and Kizza, if he's also there, out of that camp."

"Thank you."

"Believe me when I say there's nothing that can come between Luke and his causes. Not even me. You have actually MET Luke, right?"

Lutalo burst into a loud and warm chortle and Noah grinned. It was the first time he'd heard the man really laugh.

"He keeps you alive I think."

"In more ways then than you know."

...

**Thanks so much for reading and supporting this story.**


	118. Vumilia 15

"Where?"

Noah was suffering through some seriously outlandish dreams. He'd tried to stay half awake for Luke but at some point fatigue had claimed him.

Now he and Luke were seated at a fine dining table in the middle of a burning African wasteland and Luke kept asking him, "Where?"

Noah frowned. The asking was becoming more and more insistent until he realised it wasn't the Luke in his dream speaking.

He shot up from ground with both hands, "Luke?"

Luke was shivering audibly; his head had turned away from Noah in his sleep.

All around them was pitch black and it was difficult to see, the fire having nearly burnt out. The only sound besides the crickets and an occasion wild animal was the soft snoring from the other bodies nearby.

"Wh… where?" Luke was panicking, "Where?"

Noah was quick to leap over him and lie down on the other side, right hand stroking lightly down his cheek and coming to softly rest in the small of Luke's back.

"Hey?" Noah cooed; eyes seeking contact through the darkness.

"Where?" Luke asked again, his confused eyes wide, unfocused, and his breath quick.

"Luke. I'm right here…"

Luke licked his lips, keening his ear like a puppy seeking out a sound. His rapid breathing slowed to a steady in an out as his brown orbs settled on Noah.

"You turned in your sleep." Noah continually smoothed Luke's sweat-soaked forehead with this thumb. "That's all."

Luke's hand came up to find Noah's shoulder.

"I didn't tell them." he swallowed with this eyes now closed.

"Didn't tell who, Luke?"

Luke sighed heavily, "They wanted to know who helped… me. They kept asking… ask and hit, ask and hit…"

Noah's eyes closed as a flood of memory hit him and he felt that surge of anger and nausea once again.

"I didn't tell them."

"I know you didn't." Noah rested his cheek against Luke's, "It's okay now. Just sleep…"

"Don't go…" Luke muttered as he fell back to sleep.

Noah watched him fixedly, "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere, baby. I promise."

...

God was pleased with him.

Simon Laarman was a good person; a pious person.

Simon Laarman was a soldier of God.

It sickened him to see how debase the United States had become. But he was an excellent strategist! He realised quickly he'd have no real impact there, in the country of his birth. The devil already had his claws stuck in and the blackness was fast descending.

No…

He had sought and found a new flock that still believed in a higher power; an innocent flock; one that he could mould as his own and pass to God to prove his worth. It would be his guaranteed entrance through Heaven's gates.

After everything he had been through to fight his own demons, the strength it had taken him to overcome the darkness and throw Satan from his life, he felt more than worthy of God's approval.

His laptop buzzed lightly as it worked to open the next web page. The internet was slow in Uganda. It was a good thing he was a patient man.

He'd been conducting his research for ten minutes; searching internet sites for the works of the devil. He believed it was important to know what he was up against.

"Love thy enemies…" That's what God instructed.

And he did. He loved all these poor lost souls who had, unlike him, succumbed to temptation.

Some of them he could save.

But others…

Others were lost.

The best thing he could do for them was cleanse their souls in preparation for death.

To Simon Laarman death was the only solution. These ingrates could not be allowed to petrify the pure community he hoped to one day create.

And one such ingrate had escaped his fate, his punishment, not once but twice.

The pencil Simon was holding between his fingers snapped suddenly in two.

Yes, he was angry.

Luke Snyder was a serious problem. He was one of the devil's right hand soldiers. Simon was sure of this.

A demon disguised within an angelic exterior, Luke Snyder as able to pollute and brainwash those around him. He was indeed dangerous in his charisma. It was essential he not escape Ugandan boarders. He would warn other demons of Simon's work and they would attempt to stop him.

And Simon Laarman had come too far and sacrificed too much to allow that to happen.

His eyes caught the picture of a young man loaded up on his laptop. The man could not have been older than twenty. He sat seductively spread eagled on a wooden dining chair, everything on display; six pack glistening with sweat.

Simon inhaled sharply. He had gotten through the first six pictures without any problems but this one… the way the young man's dark hair curled around his ear. Simon licked his lips.

He was just beginning to feel that evil stirring in his groin when he was saved by a light knock at the door.

Quickly he slammed down the lid of his laptop. "Enter."

His wife, Leanne, was what some people would call too slim. When you hugged her, it was often tentatively for fear of breaking her like a twig. But she was a devout woman who followed him to the ends of the earth and for that he was thankful. God had been good to him.

He was introduced to Leanne as a potential wife by Minister Edward Snell, his teacher and his mentor back in Memphis. It was Edward's voice he always conjured when those dark thoughts attempted to evade his mind.

"She will make a fabulous wife for you. She understands the importance of the work you undertake, Simon."

Now Leanne, his wife of nine years and mother of his children, entered his home office just as quietly as she had knocked. She flicked a loose red curl behind her ear. "Sorry to disturb you, darling, but there's a man at the door asking for you."

"Thank you my dear." Simon caught the time on the clock, "It's late, darling. Why don't you get to bed and I'll join you as soon as I've dealt with my visitor?"

"Of course."

Simon pecked her cheek as he left the room for the front door.

"Did you find them?" He asked the question before Wemusa could even speak.

"Yes Pastor." The man sneered, adjusting his red beanie, and taking a step through the front door of the house.

"Where are they?"

"I have them locked away safe, Pastor."

"Did you send the pictures?"

"I did."

"Then we wait to hear."

"Yes Pastor."

"You have done well, Wemusa. God will be pleased."

"Thank you, Pastor."

...

Luke woke Noah again around dusk.

"It's gone!" he cried.

Noah opened his eyes to an expression of utter terror.

"Luke? What is it?"

Luke's eyes came to rest on him.

"Hi?" Noah smiled; trying to placate him; hand pushing back into Luke's hair. "Calm down, okay? What happened?"

"I lost it." Luke's bottom lip trembled and Noah could hear his breath catching; his right cheek misshapen where it was squashed into the tarpaulin. "I'm sorry, Noah."

"Lost what, baby?"

Weakly he lifted his left hand waving it as much as he could before it flopped back to the ground.

Noah smiled, reaching out to first massage and then kiss that same hand, "No, no you didn't…"

"It's gone."

"It's right here. Look…" Noah twisted so that he could bring his ring hand up from under him. "Look, baby…"

Noah held his palm up to the sky and Luke's eyes began to glisten when he saw the two bands safely stowed there.

"You left it for me." Noah reminded him, "Did you forget?"

Luke closed his eyes; concentrating really hard. The action released two tear drops that quickly stained his cheek.

Luke nodded; expelling a long relieved sigh.

"Here." Noah pulled Luke's platinum ring off his own finger, parting the two bands, and leant up on his elbow so that he could slip it back where it belonged.

Calmed, Luke smiled and closed his eyes eventually drifting off once more.

Luke's skin was like fire under Noah's hand.

He sat up and grabbed a cloth from the supplies Lutalo had placed near them. He dampened it and spent a few minutes wiping Luke's face and neck before settling back down beside him to sleep.

...

Noah opened his eyes and Luke was staring at him with such a powerful sense of wonderment and love that Noah's insides jumped.

"I remember." he said. "When I woke up and I couldn't think… and the ring was gone… You found it."

"Yes I did." Noah replied.

"When I left it behind I wasn't sure you would… But I didn't want them to have it."

Noah leaned forward to kiss him and at the same time hide how much the gesture of Luke leaving his ring behind had affected him. The pain of the moment was still so fresh in his mind; an image of that bar of green soap flashing behind his lids; an overwhelming sense of relief that he was alive still.

"You got my message?" Luke whispered, stroking the ring with his thumb.

Noah nodded.

"I thought I wouldn't get the chance to say it."

"I know."

"And I am. Noah… I really am."

Noah sighed and lay back down beside Luke, staring up at the sky turned red and purple with the rising sun.

"Next time you can tie me to the bed."

Luke's attempt at humour made the simmering fire in the pit of Noah's stomach flare up. But he didn't need to be angry with Luke right then. It would serve no purpose and be of no help to them. So he stamped the flames out with some difficulty and instead changed the subject with a clearing of his throat.

"How are you feeling?"

Luke knew him well enough to recognise the tone and Noah was grateful when he wisely let it drop. Like a child waiting for his father to come home and administer punishment for a wrong doing, Luke knew this issue was far from over.

"I feel better. It still hurts like hell but not like before. I'm really tired of lying like this though."

"Well, you can't really lie on your back now can you?"

"Guess not."

Noah nodded and set to work examining the damage to Luke's shoulder blades.

To help keep the aloe strips in place, Noah had wrapped Luke's torso with a long strip of blue cotton sheet. Sitting up he gingerly lifted one of the aloe strips not caught by the sheet to check on Luke's wounds.

The redness and swelling had definitely receded and Noah felt ashamed for doubting the witch doctor on sight. She obviously had some healing knowledge handed down through generations.

As so often happened to him, he considered for a moment that it might make for an interesting documentary. The entire Ugandan situation would. He filed the thought away for another time.

"I think you should be able to make it to Kenya. But we really do need a proper doctor to have a look at you." Palming Luke's fringe back Noah felt his forehead. It was still way too hot for his liking. He couldn't help but think they had only managed to hold off the infection for the time being. "Let me get you up."

Luke laughed, "Not that I don't relish the idea, babe, but I'm kinda indisposed at the moment."

"Smart-ass!" Noah smiled.

Once Luke was back up to sitting Noah handed him the smaller water bottle. It shuddered as Luke lifted it to his lips and Noah cupped Luke's hands to help him.

"Got it?" He asked, letting go as Luke nodded while he drank; this time finishing the entire bottle.

Noah smiled. That was a good sign. "Do you think you could manage a bite to eat?"

Luke shook his head no, "Is there more water?"

"Sure."

Lutalo had left three 2 litre cola bottles of water right by them and Noah twisted the red cap off one; this time holding the bottle to Luke's lips, fearing it might be too heavy for him in his current state.

Luke drank 3 quarters of it before Noah took the bottle away. "I think that's enough. No good you throwing it all back up again."

Noah took a moment to drink and while he did, his eyes roamed over the camp where the other men had begun to stir. Noah could see Lutalo standing nearby smiling at them when he saw how much better Luke seemed.

The sooner they could make tracks the better as far as Noah was concerned.

Carefully he helped Luke to slip his arms through the sleeves of a clean t-shirt.

"Noah, Tony…"

Noah lifted his gaze to Luke's face as he pulled the hem of the shirt down his waist. The brown flecks were so sad.

"We had to leave him. You know that, right?"

Luke nodded, "I know, but you should have seen him, Noah. He didn't look good. We have to help him."

"We will, I promise."

They shared a comforting kiss.

...

Simon arrived early for his church office that day. Wemusa was waiting for him.

"Anything yet?" Simon asked.

"Not yet Pastor, but it is still early."

Even though Simon knew Wemusa had been monitoring the mobile phone and the e-mail account he checked both.

"Have they been fed today?"

"Yes Pastor."

"Good. We will have to keep them until our message gets through."

This plan of his had to work. It simply had to.

...

They bid an emotional farewell to Najja. The plan was for him to hike back to the witch doctor's village and later take a taxi to Kampala.

"Thank you for everything, Najja." Noah told him, reaching out to draw the man into a quick hug.

"No, thank you." Najja replied with a pat to Noah's cheek. "Look after him. He is special that one."

Noah smiled, "Yes, I know."

With just Luke, Noah and Kigongo on the backseat of the car, Luke fared the journey much better. Mostly he dozed on Noah's shoulder.

During the moments Luke was awake he would tell them about what happened and describe in detail how he'd seen Tony briefly through a gap in the corrugated cell. It was only a few seconds as the guards marched him past, but Luke knew instantly it was Tony. He never let his recognition show.

During a brief stop for lunch, while Noah tried in vain to coax Luke to eat, Luke noticed Kigongo staring off at the scenery.

"How are you Kigongo?" Luke asked.

When Kigongo turned to face them Noah noticed for the first time that he had tears in his eyes. As usual, Luke was so much better at reading the moods of people than he was.

It had become clear to Noah, even in the short time he'd been in the country, that it was culturally not the done thing to cry if you were a man. The men held their own emotions at bay as best they could. The Colonel would have approved.

But seeing Kigongo's devastation and loneliness clearly now; especially considering how close Noah had come to losing Luke in the same way Kigongo had lost Taban; Noah felt guilty for not having checked on him earlier.

"I'm sorry Kigongo." He said now, "I've been leaning on you so much these past few days and I've not even asked you…"

Kigongo smiled at them both, holding up a hand to stop Noah from speaking further. "It is my very great honour to know you."

"You're a good friend." Luke told him. "Thank you for bringing Noah to me."

"I owe you my life, so I give you back yours… yes?"

Luke looked back at Noah, squeezing his bearded chin once between forefinger and thumb and confirmed, "Yes. Yes, you did."

Kigongo nodded, mouth lifting back into a soft and affectionate smile. "You are very beautiful together… I have seen this. This is okay here, with just us. But in the towns, remember to be careful, yes?"

Kigongo's warning may have seemed obvious, but Noah pretty much felt unable to stop touching and holding Luke. He realised this fact had totally slipped his mind and that Kigongo was right. "It will be difficult, Kigongo, but I'll try."

"I'm just too irresistible, aren't I, bubby?" Luke teased, "You simply can't help yourself."

Kigongo laughed.

"Oh you think so, ha?" Noah countered, "I wish I had a mirror so you could see the state of your precious hair. The only reason I know how sick you are is because you're not demanding I shampoo and condition it right here…"

"Hey!" Luke pouted, "I'm not that vain."

Ignoring him Noah said, "Don't worry Kigongo, I'm not going to do anything to draw attention. I don't think I'll breathe again until I have Luke safely on a plane back to the States."

As they both nodded Lutalo called them back to the car.

**Thanks for reading **


	119. Vumilia 16

Noah had never been happier to hear a telephone ring-tone in his life. It took him five tries before the old fashioned payphone finally clicked over and dialled the international number.

A childish voice answered, "Hewo, Sn…de… res-ti-dence, Eth… -eaking?"

The line was bad… really bad, "Hello? Hello, Ethan? It's Noah."

For half a minute all Noah could hear was static and an occasional electronic beep, reminding him that his credit was fast running out. Quickly he deposited a few more coins, terrified he'd lose the connection.

"Hello?" he tried again, louder this time, his eyes connecting with Luke's where he sat fragile and uncomfortable at one of the cafe's tables.

They were trying to blend in, pretend they were just travellers passing through town, but Luke looked like death. Sweat droplets seeped from every pore, dark circles ringed his eyes and his breath rasped with each inhalation.

The temporary pain relief he'd received from the witch doctor was wearing off. Luke tried to hide it but Noah had noticed how Luke's forehead tensed and scrunched. He wasn't sure how much longer Luke could continue without proper medical attention.

All Noah could think about was getting holding of antibiotics and painkillers.

They'd tried to find a doctor at every town and village they'd passed through on their journey, until a frail old woman at the last village mentioned a crazy white doctor that lived in the town of Tororo.

Lutalo was nervous. Tororo would mean travelling a couple of kilometres east when they really needed to start journeying south. His plan, as he explained to Noah, was to head for the shores of Lake Victoria and hire somebody to take them by boat across the lake and into Kenya.

Without a passport for Luke there would be no way to cross the border controls; and besides, they would be recognised and detained in seconds if they dared try.

It took Noah a couple of attempts to convince Lutalo that the diversion would be worth it.

But in the end it was a combination of Luke's condition and the desperate need for petrol that found them where they were; in a run-down cafe in the centre of Tororo.

After sending Magomu to refuel the car at the only garage in town and asking Kigongo to find the doctor, Noah had wasted no time in exchanging a few notes for coins with the cafe owner and trying the café's payphone.

"We're NOT talking to YOU!" the tantrum after the brief moment of silence on the line surprised Noah out of his thoughts. He was just about to reply when the line went dead with a loud click from the other side.

"HELLO?"

Noah stood with the handset to his ear and his mouth gaping open.

"No…" he cried, turning and clicking the switch a few times to try and find another dial-tone. "Shit!"

Out of frustration he banged the receiver a few times against the wall.

"Noah?" Luke asked, "What is it?"

Taking a deep breath and calming himself down Noah realised the absurdity of the situation and even managed to smile for the sick Luke, "Your little brother just hung up on me…"

"What? Why?"

"He said WE are not talking to you…"

Luke's bottom lip quivered with emotion as he realised what that meant but he smiled too. "He's really loyal to our little guy."

Noah nodded and sniffed.

Luke shook his head and Noah watched him mentally bury for the moment the guilt he felt over Nicholas, "Try again."

Noah did and surprisingly the phone dialled right way this time. In fact it rang just once before, "HELLO? NOAH?"

Noah gasped at the sound of the older man's desperate voice and for a moment he couldn't speak. He leaned his forehead into the wall and closed his eyes, emotion he'd never experienced in relation to his own father crushing him.

"Son? Are… there? Please… please tell me it's you?"

Turning to lean back into the wall, eyes once more landing on the questioning Luke, Noah finally managed just one quiet word, "Dad?"

It was clear from Luke's expression that he hadn't failed to catch the garrotte in Noah's tone.

"Thank God!" Noah heard Holden say. "I… -lised it was you… make it to the phone…-fore Ethan… up."

"Dad?"

"Are… okay? … find Luke?"

"Yes." It was all he could manage past the lump in his throat; one syllable words. Then the realisation that Holden and the rest of the family must be going through hell waiting for news snapped him out of it and he tried again, "Yes, I found him. Luke's here with me."

"Thank God!" Holden repeated for the second time, "We've… so worried. Your fri… Jenna called… said Luke was still missing. Where… you, son? What's happen…? Line's… bad."

Noah wasn't sure how much to tell Holden. He knew he didn't have the call time to go into detail so instead he inserted the last of his coins and said, "Luke's been injured, but don't worry, I'm taking care of him."

"What? How?"

"Listen, the line is bad and it may drop at any moment. Luke is with me. We are making our way out of Uganda via Kenya."

"Kenya? Noah?"

"It's a really long story. Can I ask you to trust me? Right now we are both okay. I'm bringing him back home as soon as possible."

There was silence; no static even.

"Dad? Are you still there? Did you hear me?"

"Yes, son. Lost… line for… moment. Of course… trust you. We… be waiting, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you. Dad, is Nicky okay?"

Silence and this time it wasn't a drop in the line.

"I guess not then."

"He'll… okay when… get back. Don't worry. We… you both."

"Sorry?"

"We love you."

"Same here. Please tell Mia and Nicky we're really sorry and we miss them."

Noah looked up to find Luke had broken down.

"I tell them every day, son."

Noah nodded, his own tears flowing freely now. He felt completely unable to hang up but in the end he didn't need to. The phone beeped one more time and then went dead.

He dropped the receiver so it hung and swayed by its cord, crossed the room and flopped beside Luke at the table. He wanted so much to scoop Luke into his arms but they were in too public a place, already attracting curious looks because of their tears and blood stained jeans.

Instead Noah had to contend with discreetly holding Luke's hands under the table.

"I'm so sorry, Noah." Luke gasped. "Please… I'm so sorry."

Noah nodded. "Let's just concentrate on getting you seen to and getting the hell out of here! All the rest can wait."

He turned his neck to see Lutalo firing a look of warning in his direction. Sighing he let go of Luke's hands and rested his elbows on the table.

Satisfied, Lutalo turned back to the café's computer he'd been trying to access the internet on for the past 30 minutes.

"I found the doctor." Kigongo was out of breath as he came bursting through the cafe doors. "He lives just two roads up. He says we can go there."

Noah felt a surge of hope. "That's great! Thank you Kigongo." He stood quickly and then helped Luke to his feet as much as he dared without looking suspicious.

Keeping a watchful eye on Luke, Kigongo walked the wobbling man out the door.

"Lutalo?" Noah called, breaking the man's concentration.

Lutalo turned to notice for the first time that they were leaving, "I'll finish here, my friend. You see to him and we can meet back here."

Noah nodded and exited the cafe after Kigongo and Luke.

...

"I'm cold. Noah? I'm so cold."

Luke lay in just his underwear upon an old and well used examination table in the parlour of the home of Dr. Dairmuid Byrne.

The house was a semi-detached two-storey Edwardian design; a relic from the days when the town of Tororo experienced a tea boom, attracting British and American plantation owners and merchants into the area.

The building had seen better days, however its external decoration hinted at its former glory. Gabled ends were half timbered (with black faux beams and white render) while the plain red brickwork was prettily adorned with a wide wooden balcony on the second floor and an open veranda on the first. The front porch still had remnants of terracotta tiling and all windows were diamond-paned in a typical Art Nouvau fashion.

"Noah?" Luke called again and Noah scanned the large room in search of a blanket.

The shivering had indeed returned as the infection launched another offensive. Only this time, Noah hoped they'd found the help they needed.

It was quickly apparent to them why the locals considered the small quirky doctor to be crazy. He had the strange misfortune to appear goblin like; ears and nose just that little bit too big for his small face and two large bulging green eyes that darted left and right as he spoke.

He hobbled when he walked and had an obvious tic that meant he occasionally and violently flicked his right wrist, sending objects flying or hitting individuals who stood too close.

Dr Byrne spoke with a thick Irish brogue at the speed of light. Noah more than once had to ask the man to repeat himself.

From what he could gather, the old and grey doctor from Dublin had at one time been a renowned heart and lung surgeon; until his own "ticker" gave out and left him partially paralysed on his right side.

Unfortunately he also developed the tic which had destroyed his career. He'd fled Ireland and all he knew, including his wife and two children, after a mental breakdown. In 30 years he had never returned to his homeland. Instead he had set up residence in this remote part of Uganda, Africa.

"After that pile o'shite I didn't want to practice the medicine anymore." He told Noah through the working side of his mouth, "But even here I couldn't escape it. Out here, when people are dying and be needing your help, you can't very well sit on your laurels and ignore them, now can you lad? But I can't say the work here isn't rewarding."

The doctor entertained them with this lyrical tale as he ushered them into his parlour; obviously also used as a makeshift exam room.

"Well now, let me get a look at you."

He proceeded to help Noah remove Luke's clothes and the sheet which so far had acted as a temporary bandage. Most of the now dry aloe strips fell to the floor and the doctor peeled off the rest.

"Hmm… I see the witch doctor has been at work here. This is good. It has helped somewhat." He eyed the deep abrasions in the skin with a practised eye until Luke's legs gave out from standing and both he and Noah had to catch the man and help him up onto the table. "Lay down on your belly for me now."

"Can you help him?" Noah asked as they worked to get Luke comfortable.

"Nothing I haven't seen before. Whipping is shockingly common in this country, the eejits! Don't you mind, lad. We'll have him good as new in no time."

That had been 15 minutes ago and since then the doctor had left them alone in the room. Noah had no idea where he'd gone to, but Luke's condition was gradually worsening.

Noah's eyes fell on what he needed draped over the back of a leather armchair. It was a red and blue fleece; soft and warm; and Noah even held it up to his cheek for a moment. He was so tired and it felt like a thousand years since he'd last experience any kind of comfort.

He wrapped Luke up in the warm folds of the fleece, "Better?

Luke nodded, "Thanks."

"I wonder where he went."

"Guess he's consulting the leprechauns." Luke coughed.

Noah laughed, "Hey! Not nice! You don't like it when people crack gay jokes…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Luke conceded, "Just wanted to see you smile."

Their eyes locked; worry travelling liquid between them.

"Do you think… do you think Nicky will ever forgive me?"

Noah nodded, "Of course he will"

"Will you?"

Noah breathed deeply but jumped as the doctor chose that moment to make his loud return.

"I'm sorry I took so long. I have to mix these drugs up myself and we can't be making any mistakes with that; can we now?"

"What? Wait!" Noah stopped him, "You mix the drugs yourself?"

The doctor nodded, "Nothing to fear lad. I've been mixing my own for more years than you've been alive and I've yet to kill a patient."

Byrne's friendly grin did little to placate Noah's naturally cautious nature. "I don't know…"

"Look boyo. Luke here needs this. Unfortunately that means you're going to have to find some trust for me from somewhere deep in your soul."

Noah's eyes found Luke's once more and the blonde nodded at him.

"I'm sorry." Noah told the doctor, "It's just been difficult these past few days. I do trust you."

Byrne nodded, "That's grand! But do you trust yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'll be needing you to administer the injection." He replied, "Too risky with my tricky hand you see?"

"I don't know." Noah flinched nervously. "I've never done that before."

"It's real easy, boyo." The doctor cleaned a patch of skin on Luke's inner arm, "Just allow the needle to rest against this blue vein here, and when you're ready, push all the way in and then press down on the plunger."

Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Noah positioned the needle as instructed. Luke's skin indented slightly and Noah withdrew, "I can't. I'll hurt him."

Luke shook his head, reaching out to find and squeeze Noah's hand, "No you won't. It's okay, bubby, I trust you."

As another painful shiver racked Luke's body Noah resolved to push his fear aside. As gently as possible he pierced Luke's skin with the needle, surprised as how easily it gave way.

"That's perfect." Byrne praised, patting Noah on his shoulder, "Nicely done for a first go."

Noah's eyes closed with relief as he carefully withdrew the needled and stepped aside so that the doctor could pull back the blanket and begin cleaning Luke's wounds.

"You'll be wanting to leave in the morning then? What with the peelers on you and all?"

"No." Noah replied. "We needed to leave in the next few hours."

The doctor frowned, looking down at the weakening Luke and shaking his hand, "Not a chance in hell. This lad's going to have one tough night ahead of him, if I'm not mistaken. Even then there's no telling the fever will break."

"What are you saying?"

"Well, I suggest we see how the night fares. If we beat this thing tonight then he can travel tomorrow. Otherwise you could be stuck here for a few days."

...

With Luke sleeping and the doctor still busy, Noah felt comfortable leaving him for a few minutes and returning to the cafe with Kigongo. Magomu had since returned and was sat drinking coffee with Lutalo.

"Where is Luke?" Lutalo immediately asked, jumping to his feet.

Noah wondered at a flash of fear and panic behind his eyes.

"He's still with the doctor. I just came to tell you we have to wait here tonight."

"No."

Noah cocked his head. He had expected Lutalo wouldn't like the idea, but something seemed off with him. "Is everything okay?"

"We must leave today!" Lutalo demanded.

"We can't, Lutalo. The doctor has given Luke something to sleep. He can't be moved until his fever breaks."

"Why did you decide that?" Lutalo barked. "Who are you to decide that? You should not have allowed the doctor to do so! Eish!"

"Lutalo, I understand that we need to get out of Uganda, but I won't do that at the risk of Luke's health."

"It is not for you to decide! I am the leader here!"

Noah was confused. It was as though his friend had had a personality transplant in the time they'd been apart. "I don't get why you're so angry, Lutalo. The police don't know we're here. How could they? Even if somebody told them it would take hours to get here."

Lutalo seemed conflicted. He radiated frustration but softened, "I am sorry. We are all tired, yes. We go tomorrow."

Noah nodded, but couldn't shake the feeling that there was something Lutalo wasn't telling him.

...

Tomorrow.

He had hoped today but it would be tomorrow.

He would see Luke Snyder once more.

God's enemy.

Simon stood in the backyard of his house staring up at the multitude of stars in God's heaven.

His enemy. His groin twitched at this and Simon loudly cleared his throat.

"When these feelings threaten you must find distraction my son. Seek shelter in your wife's embrace. That is her purpose."

He nodded as though his teacher was standing right beside him here in Uganda instead of busy with his daily life back in America.

He palmed his rock hard groin and realised this would have to be seen to.

He locked the doors and closed all the windows of the house, his nightly routine. It was stuffy with the windows closed, but the country was lawless and even with burglar guards you could never be too careful.

He entered his bedroom to find Leanne lying asleep, back to him; long red hair neatly platted. They never slept with covers. It was way too hot.

Naked, he crawled on the bed behind her and pressed his chest into her back, using his hands to push her white nightdress up to her waist.

She shifted as she began to wake but he had already spat into his hand and lubricated her up before she could protest. He knew she hated it this way, although she never dared say.

He pressed forward and she screamed. He couldn't allow that. Not with the children in the house so he cupped her mouth with his right hand. She moaned her complaint but he was already too far gone.

Although he would never, could never, say the thoughts allowed; although in the morning he would never admit to thinking them, not even to himself; he plunged violently into what was his, "You like that bastard, don't you? You like that you blonde bastard! You fucking little pervert!"

It was intense.


	120. Vumilia 17

By the time Noah returned to Dr. Byrne's house, Luke lay in an upstairs bedroom in a drug-induced slumber. His skin was still shiny with sweat but the painful shivering had mercifully stopped and he seemed peaceful in the ornate Ottoman style bed.

He looked beautiful.

A tiny part of Noah relaxed and he inhaled deeply.

"You bathed him?" Noah asked, taking a seat on the soft mattress and running his fingers through Luke's clean and freshly dried hair. Its consistency was silky and soft to the touch and Noah smiled slightly at the thought of how that would please him.

Dr. Byrne stood by the open bedroom door, "My helper Prudence cleaned him up, yes. I'm training her as a nurse. She has promise that one."

"You should know… I don't think he's eaten in at least two days."

"He had a little chicken broth before he nodded off, don't you fret."

"He wouldn't take any food from me." Noah replied.

"That Prudence can be fabulously persuasive when she sets her mind to something."

Noah nodded unable to tear his gaze from Luke.

"You know I can't help but wonder what the two of you thought you were doing all the way out here?" the doctor continued, "Uganda really isn't the place for your kind if you understand what I'm trying to say."

Noah glanced at the doctor but saw no hate or malice. It was merely a question. "Luke was sent here on assignment. He's a reporter."

"Well, I'd be suing my employer for reckless endangerment when I got back home." Byrne responded. "Boy should be counting his lucky stars a beating's all he got. Some of the things I've seen…"

"Why doesn't anybody do anything?" Noah asked, a little angrier than he intended, "Why's this being allowed to continue?"

Dr. Byrne shrugged, "It's Africa. Western countries have tried to interfere in the politics of African countries before and it's always ended up in bloodshed. I'm suspecting they see no advantage in it."

"Well, advantage or not, we're going to lobby for action when we get back to L.A." Noah told him. "One of our friends is still in that camp where Luke was hurt. He's been listed as missing for weeks and all this time the Ugandan authorities knew where he was!"

"It's a familiar story." Byrne nodded sadly.

"It's archaic!" Noah rubbed his forehead. His headache was returning.

"It's Africa."

Noah sighed.

"You can stay here with him tonight if you wish but I wager you'll be wanting a hot shower and a warm meal first. I had Prudence run to the store and you'll find a change of clothes in the bathroom, as well as a fresh towel you can use. It's just next door. When you're ready you should come downstairs so we can fatten you up."

"Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind."

The small man grinned, "Let's see if you still think that tomorrow when you see my bill."

With a flick of his wrist and a wink Byrne left the room.

Noah's attentions fell back to Luke and his hand met Luke's fingers in a gentle caress. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Luke's warm cheek.

He worried.

He worried about getting them out of Uganda. He worried about Lutalo's strange behaviour.

"Noah?" The brown eyes were staring up at him, the gap between them crinkled in a frown.

Noah smoothed the creases out with the tip of his thumb. "It's okay. Go back to sleep."

He watched the hazel disappear as the eyes fluttered closed and he waited for the telling rise and fall of Luke's chest before bending down to place a feather-light kiss on his brow.

"I love you." He whispered. "You eejit."

He gave Luke's hand one last squeeze and left to shower, hope in his heart that Luke would be well enough to travel in the morning.

...

As badly as Noah knew he needed rest, he found himself wide awake at the crack of dawn watching Luke sleep. Sometimes he'd gently run his fingers through Luke's hair, enjoying the tickle of it between his fingers. At other times he'd smooth his fingers over Luke's hand, grazing circles there.

He couldn't relax. Not really. Not until he knew for certain that Luke's fever had broken and he'd be okay.

It would be easy to feel safe and secure within the comfortable bed of a real house, but Noah was an army child. He wasn't fooled. The danger outside was almost tangible, he felt it thick in the air like a dark red mist; Luke's injuries stark testament to the desperate situation they were in.

He closed his eyes as thoughts of that sent him reeling back to that moment by the compound; the shrill lash of the whip and Luke's cries. He didn't think he'd ever forget it.

He drew Luke instinctively closer to him, wrapping their legs together.

Noah knew for certain that capture this time would lead to death. The thought of that; of anything else happening to Luke; of the powerlessness he felt when he couldn't help him; of never getting back home; petrified him.

He watched as Luke's eyeballs darted suddenly under their lids and felt Luke's breath quicken against his neck; his heart drumming.

"NOAH!" Those eyes Noah loved whipped open as he screamed Noah's name, blank and terrified.

"Hi baby." Noah smiled, keeping calm; quickly masking his fears and cupping Luke's face.

Luke grunted as he breathed in deep gulps of air, his hand finding Noah's cheek and their eyes locking as was their way; the love between them warming and calming like a blanket.

"I was dreaming."

Noah nodded and Eskimo kissed him.

"Where are we?"

"Dr. Byrne's house."

They spoke in whispers and lay peacefully like that for a while, wrapped up in clean white linen, enjoying this moment after all the chaos of the past few hours.

"What happens now?" Luke asked, looking at Noah as though he somehow held all the answers.

Noah wished he did. "Well, you look heaps better. Do you think you'd be okay if we left today?"

Luke nodded.

"Good because I don't think Lutalo's very-" Noah was cut off by a soft knock at the door and he sat up against the headboard, "Come in."

"Good morning! Glad to see you're both awake." Dr Byrne hobbled into the room, smiling broadly at them. "Now young Luke, how are we this morning then?"

Luke rolled to his side to face the doctor, "I'm hoping you're going to tell me I'm much better Dr. Byrne. So we can get out of here."

"Your friends are already waiting for you downstairs. They seem just as anxious as you to be making tracks. Can't say I blame any of you!"

"I'll shower while the doctor checks you out," Noah kissed the back of Luke's head before rolling out the other side of the bed and grabbing the towel he'd left hanging on the back of the door.

...

Laarman gripped his messenger bag to his chest to prevent it from blowing in the strong winds generated by the Boeing AH-64 Apache helicopter; one of two ex-Vietnam war choppers the Ugandan government had purchased cheaply from America. Most likely by using donated money that was supposed to be set aside for aide work.

A bright stream of golden red light haloed the horizon as the morning sun made its first appearance; glinting against the green metal of the flying beast before him.

Waiting until he received the all clear signal from the pilot, Laarman bent low and ran under the swishing blades, followed by five military policemen deployed to help him locate the fugitives.

The co-pilot took his hand and helped him up; strapping him in securely.

Laarman hated the choppers. They were old, loud and windy and for all he knew the pilot had learnt how to fly from a book. Flying put him on edge in general, but flying by helicopter scared the shit out of him.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing; asking God to forgive the profanity of his thoughts and for protection on the journey.

In the end it would be worth it. They would reach the rendezvous point and then all this would be a bad memory.

...

Luke sat on the side of the bed in a pair of oversized cargo trousers and a blue-grey vest top, while Noah squatted and helped to put on his sneakers.

"You okay?" Luke asked, running a hand through Noah's hair as he noticed Noah sway slightly.

It was the blood-stain on the back of Luke's shoe that temporarily threw Noah. It happened whenever he was reminded of that day.

Taking a deep breath he looked up into the brown eyes and smiled encouragingly; ignoring the stain and pushing the back of the sneaker over Luke's heel, "Sure. I'm just grand don't you know?"

Luke laughed as Noah mimicked the Irish accent of their host.

"I'd be even better if you ate a little more before we left." Noah asked hopefully.

Noah saw the conflict in Luke's eyes. He knew Luke wanted to do this for him, but he also knew that Luke was struggling to eat and this thought worried him.

"I'll try." Luke promised.

Noah smiled again and lifted up on his knees to kiss him on the lips. Luke wrapped his arms around Noah's neck and pulled him into a hug, snuggling into the gap between Noah's ear and his shoulder.

"Come," Noah whispered standing and pulling Luke up with him, "Let's head downstairs."

He walked behind Luke as they made their way down the staircase; arms outstretched and read to steady him if he needed it. They could hear the heated Swahili conversation of their friends coming from the parlour and they headed that way.

Lutalo was standing with Magomu by the fireplace, speaking loudly and animatedly as Magomu tried to placate him. A seated Kigongo looked on with concern.

They didn't need to understand Lutalo's words to work out that he was agitated. He cut short the moment Luke and Noah stepped into the room; his dark eyes immediately flicking Luke up and down; taking stock of his condition.

"Okay." He said with military abruptness and zero greeting, "You look well. Let us go."

He picked up a shoulder bag from the floor and headed toward the door.

Noah stopped him with a hand to his chest, "Lutalo, wait!"

There was a deep anxiety clouding his friend's face; the same look Noah had noticed before.

Since the moment he'd met the strong leader of the group, Noah had leaned on his solid calmness. However this seemed to have vanished somehow and Noah wondered whether having to stop for the night had unnerved him.

"I just want Luke to eat something first, okay?"

Lutalo looked from him to Luke and back again.

"No." He said, "We have wasted enough time!"

"Okay this is just stupid." Noah was exasperated, "What is it?"

Lutalo stood stoically.

"Ever since the café you've been acting like you're angry with me."

"This is not true."

"Yes it is!" Noah replied louder than he meant to. "If you have a problem then you should just say it! What's the point of us developing tension amongst ourselves? Don't we have enough of that aimed at us already?"

Kigongo jumped up from the couch and rushed past him just in time to catch Luke as he stumbled against the doorframe.

"I'm okay." Luke insisted.

Noah frowned with concern and watched as Kigongo lowered Luke into a chair before turning back to Lutalo, "Look at him. Does he really seem okay to you? If he's weak from not eating he'll just slow us down even more. Please. I understand your position and I'm grateful for your help; for what all of you have done and risked for us. I don't want to fight with you, but I have to do what's best for him."

He looked back at Luke who was understandably confused by the sudden tension between Noah and Lutalo. Noah faced his friend once more and could see the sadness there, "Can you understand that? Lutalo? Please?"

Lutalo's eyes fell to Luke again.

"One hour!" he responded.

It was said through gritted teeth.

...

The journey south was undertaken within a cramped atmosphere of tension and Luke kept glancing questioningly at Noah.

It was clear to Noah that Magomu and Kigongo were just as confused and perturbed by Lutalo's sudden change in attitude. Sure it had been a stressful few days, but to flip so completely…?

Still, nobody confronted Lutalo who sat in silence in the front of the car, except when he needed to direct Magomu. He seemed deep in thought.

Noah resolved to find a moment alone on the boat to confront him. It was their first priority to get onboard. Everything else would have to wait.

They reached the small fishing village of Amani sometime in the late afternoon. Luke was exhausted. He had fallen asleep on Noah's shoulder, but it had not been an easy ride and Lutalo was set on driving non-stop.

For lunch they ate packed sandwiches and fruit provided by Prudence, while Noah tried to coax Luke into drinking more of the cold chicken soup. But all this was done on route and it had taken its toll on Luke by the time they reached the shores of Lake Victoria.

Noah made Luke as comfortable as possible against the trunk of a tree as they waited for Lutalo to organise their passage over the water.

Gentle waves lapped against the shore not far from where they were seated. They were so close to Kenya they could just about see the strip of country in the distance. The wide waters of Lake Victoria resembled the ocean and under any other circumstances Noah would have said it was beautiful.

As Noah unscrewed the lid of the soup thermos Luke was already shaking his head.

"Come on, Luke!"

"I can't."

Noah bit his bottom lip and searched Luke's face, "What is it? Why won't you eat?"

Luke tried to look away but Noah brought his face back around with both hands, growing nervous at how hot and clammy his skin felt. He studied the pallor Luke carefully for a minute; saw a hidden secret there.

"Something's wrong, isn't it?"

A tear escaped and travelled swiftly down Luke's cheek, "Noah… I…"

"Noah?" Still squatting by Luke's side Noah turned toward the other voice. It was Magomu. "Lutalo is calling for you. We need to pay the man."

Noah nodded, "Give me a minute."

He turned back to Luke but Luke was already pushing him away, "Go. Getting out of here is what matters right now."

"You're going to okay, right?"

Noah didn't like the uncertainty in Luke's voice as he answered, "Yes. Of course I will be."

"I love you, Luke."

"I know. Same here."

Noah wanted to kiss him but knew he couldn't. He squeezed his hand and left Luke in Kigongo's care to follow Magomu to the start of the pier, where Lutalo was deep in negotiations with an elderly sailor. Passage was agreed and Noah handed over the first half of the fare, the rest was to be settled once they reached Kenyan shores.

They returned together just into time to witness Luke coughing and Kigongo squatting to help him drink water from a bottle.

"Thank you." Luke grunted.

"You are almost safe." Kigongo replied with a smile and a friendly pat to Luke's shoulder. "Soon you will be back with your children and you can tell them of us. You can tell everybody."

"I'll miss you Kigongo."

Kigongo nodded, "I will never forget you or what you did."

Luke reached for him and they shared a soft hug that made Noah smile.

"You must leave."

The voice was soft but certain from behind him. Noah turned to find Lutalo frozen in one place, eyes glued to the touching scene of Luke and Kigongo parting ways.

"What?" Noah asked.

"You must leave this place! Now!" He was frantic as he broke from his stupor, "There is not much time!"

Lutalo's heartbroken eyes locked with Noah's and when the sound of a helicopter reached his ears, Noah didn't need to look up to understand what had happened, what it meant.

"No." He shook his head; unable to believe that this man would break their trust.

A loud and angry scream erupted from behind him and Noah jumped as Kigongo came barrelling past him, throwing himself at Lutalo until they both lay flat out on the floor. Manic, Kigongo rose above Lutalo, hands squeezing round the other man's neck. Lutalo flailed for air, gripping Kigongo's wrist as he tried to breathe.

Kigongo screamed words in Swahili, tears of betrayal streaming down his face.

For a moment Noah stood stunned; completely numbed by what was happening. Eventually it was Luke that snapped him out of it.

"Noah! Stop him!"

Shaking out of his daze Noah flung forward and forcefully attempted to pull the raging Kigongo off of the weakening man on the floor.

Surprised, he found that he couldn't. Kigongo was incredibly strong; running on pure adrenaline. It wasn't until Magomu joined him that they managed to free Lutalo.

The man scampered back across the sandy shore, holding his hand up to his reddening throat; choking and spattering.

Magomu held the seething Kigongo firmly back.

During all of this, the army helicopter reached them, its shadow swooped over them like an ominous bird of prey and Noah looked up just in time to see it coming down in a field not far away. There was no time to fight. They had to get out of there.

He lowered his distort gaze back to Lutalo, "Why? We trusted you!"

Lutalo was crying, his eyes begging for understanding, "They have my mother and my sister."

Noah closed his eyes, immediately softening toward the man and then growing confused, "But you warned us? Why?"

"I was wrong to call them. It must end." Lutalo's voice was raspy, "It will never end if we let them win this way. I have to believe if you get back to America it will help. It will help my country."

"But your mother and your sister?"

"Maybe this is our sacrifice."

Noah felt sick, but they didn't have time to dwell, "We have to leave! Magomu, get the car!"

"No." Luke's weak voice reached deep inside Noah's soul even though it was barely a whisper.

Noah turned to lock eyes with his husband.

"I have a plan." Those sweet russet eyes told him.

But he feared the sacrifices Luke might be willing to make, especially with the lives of Lutalo's family on the line.

Without breaking their gaze Luke shifted up to his feet with great effort, using the tree's trunk as leverage.

"Let them come."

...

**Thanks so much for reading… please leave a comment or two or three :-)**


	121. Vumilia 18

A refreshing wind blew off the surface of Lake Victoria; cooling his skin but not quite providing relief from the battering sun. As he observed Luke with apprehension, Noah could feel the salty drops of sweat tickling down the back of his neck and dampening the tight blue cotton shirt provided by Prudence; sweat that was as much from fear as is was from the burning African climate.

Finding strength from that secret place Noah knew existed deep within him; the place he had always marvelled at; Luke left the support of the tree and the shade of its leaves to take the three or four shaky strides needed to reach him.

They stood together in the sunlight; the swish of the chopper blades loud in their ears.

"Let them come." Luke repeated.

Breaking their gaze Noah took a moment to gage how much time they would have if they suddenly decided to make a break for the car. He watched the metal feet of the chopper wobble back and forth as the pilot sought to stable the craft on the rough ground of the field.

At least two soldiers armed with rifles were waiting until it was safe to jump out.

He wanted to flee and his head whipped back to Luke who stood firm, waiting for him; left hand extended palm up in invitation.

Noah glanced nervously around. Most of the village natives had left their homes and businesses to marvel at the helicopter; a rare sight for such a remote area. Their friends however, Lutalo still seated on the ground, had nervous eyes only for Luke; watching and waiting to see what the man planned to do next.

Noah wished to God he knew, but past experience made him wary.

"Take it." Luke instructed, bobbing his hand once, his eyes never leaving Noah's face.

Noah shook his head and flashed Luke a look of warning.

Luke stepped closer; leaning in to brush his smooth cheek against Noah's bearded one, "Trust me."

The fact that Luke was finding it difficult to breathe was even more evident in the rasp of his voice.

"Luke…" Noah began but his husband cut him off.

"I realise… I've not given you much reason too lately… but trust me. I know what I'm doing."

As the blonde drew back, Noah stared down at the proffered hand, hardly believing that he'd once more found himself in a situation where he felt too scared to take hold of it.

"Look at me."

Noah's gaze followed the honey sound of Luke's voice and he was jolted by the sheer force of Luke's determination

"I do trust you." Noah said.

He stopped analyzing and pressed his palm into Luke's, closing his eyes as the other man's fingers curled around the back of his hand.

By the time he'd opened them again Luke was in profile, head turned in the direction of the helicopter. Noah did the same, immediately recognising the army pincer movement as five soldiers quickly surrounded their small unarmed group.

Whatever happened now, they were trapped. All of their lives depended on Luke's plan.

Walking toward them in white trousers and black button down shirt; priest collar peeping through at the throat; was the man Noah had hoped never to lay eyes on again.

As he made his approach Simon Laarman leered at them from under a white brimmed hat. The minister sneered at their clasped hands and Noah felt his insides turning but resolved to stand firm for Luke's sake.

"Stay close to me." Luke whispered.

As if he wouldn't.

"Well, well, well." The minister smiled as he came to stand before them. He was directing his beady eyes and his words at Noah, "I never imagined I'd see you here. I see you tracked him down?"

"I see he's still alive." Noah coldly countered.

"For now…" Laarman smirked, dismissing Noah with a quick flick of his head to examine Luke, "but from the looks of him, it won't be for very long."

Noah felt a burning rage he couldn't hold back, "I'll kill you! You son of a bitch!"

Luke's right hand came up quickly to block Noah as he moved forward. He pressed his palm into Noah's chest as best he could in his weakened state.

Guns clicked and the soldiers lifted their rifles, aiming them at Noah's head; ready to protect the minister with force if required.

"Stop." Luke pleaded, trying to get Noah to focus on him rather than on the amused Laarman. "Noah! Stop! Look at me!"

Noah's chest heaved with anger as his eyes fell to Luke's.

"Relax." Luke told him, "I got this."

Noah stood tense for a few moments longer. But, concerned for Luke's wellbeing above all else, he finally relented and stood down, hand still locked with Luke's.

The rifles however stayed where they were.

"You've caused me a lot of problems Mr. Snyder. I had to cancel today's rally because of you."

Luke turned back to Laarman as the minister spoke, "Well, I consider that a good thing; a few less people to hear you preach your hatred too." He responded.

"I preach only the truth."

"Oh, really?" Luke smiled through his pain and Noah couldn't help but wonder how he did that; how he managed to speak so clearly, "And what exactly is your truth, minister? Do your followers even know? Do they know the real Simon Laarman or is this" Luke indicated toward the minster with his left hand, "all just for show?"

Laarman frowned at that and cocked his head at the blonde.

As Luke spoke he stood confidently, Noah the only person who could feel the tremble through his sweaty palm. "Do YOU even know what your own truth is anymore?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Laarman said from beneath narrowed lids.

"I'm not sure you'd like me to say in front of an audience."

Something like fear passed briefly over the minster's features but he appeared to quickly dismiss the thought, whatever it was.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Luke continued.

Laarman's eyes narrowed but he said nothing.

"I think you do know the truth. I think you understand it perfectly well. But I also think you kill yourself trying to hide it away. You work so hard at that… and it hurts… doesn't it?"

"Shut up!"

Noah jolted as the minister began to lose control of his carefully created persona; cracks were appearing clear as day and Noah wasn't even sure he knew the reasons for it.

"What is it Simon?" Luke asked with fake sympathy, "You can't have it, so no one else can?"

Noah turned his head quizzically at Luke wondering if he was interpreting things correctly.

"I've heard enough!" Laarman yelled, almost in a high-pitched squeal, "Arrest them all! Get them out of my sight!"

Laarman turned to walk away and Noah tensed as the soldiers moved in, "No!"

They were already grabbing at shoulders and trying to pull him from Luke when Luke calmly called out, "I have proof!"

The minister turned, watching them battle with the soldiers for a few minutes before quickly holding up his hand in a stop motion. The soldiers ceased in their struggle but did not remove their hold on Luke and Noah.

"I have proof!" Luke repeated when he was sure he had Laarman's attention back, "And it's due to be released to the public in three days."

Noah watched as Laarman stopped breathing, his eyes bulging.

"You're lying." He replied to Luke.

"I sent very clear instructions to my contact in the States." Luke told him. "If I don't arrive home in Los Angeles alive and well by Thursday; all the information I recently sent by recorded delivery will be released to the press.

"It's a lie!" Laarman insisted, but the confidence had drained from his face, "Do you think I don't know that you're just stalling for time?"

Luke smiled again, "There are some interesting snapshots in there Simon. Are you really willing to take that chance…?"

A momentary standoff took place where everybody present simply stood still, unsure of what to do next.

"I could prove it to you now… If you have a satellite phone I can use."

Noah watched as Laarman weighed up his options. He squeezed Luke's hand to get his attention and the browns locked with his blues.

Luke smiled his assurance and Noah nodded.

"Kuchota simu!" Laarman instructed and a soldier saluted before running back to the chopper.

As they waited for the phone to be brought over, their friend's were herded together to their left. Noah swallowed at the distress on Lutalo's face.

Would they all die? All of them, including Lutalo's mother and sister?

He had to keep hold of his faith in Luke, even as his thoughts turned to home… Nicholas and Mia…

The soldier handed Luke the phone and for the first time since Laarman arrived their hands parted as Luke pulled out the long transceiver and dialled a number. Noah's mind raced as he tried to work out who Luke would call and why.

There was a small wait while the phone connected and then, "Hello, it's Luke."

Noah could hear a faint and frantic babble at the other end of the line and Luke, too weak to fight the onslaught of words, waited instead for them to die down.

"We're both okay. We're together. From now on, whatever you do, do NOT say your name at any moment in this conversation."

Another tirade of words until Luke blurted, "Please quiet! I'm sorry. I need you to listen very, very carefully, okay? I need your help. It's important."

Again a pause as Luke wheezed while he waited for the person to finish.

"You answered the cell phone, so I know you got my package." Pause. "Good… that's real good. Is it nearby?" Again a wait. "I need you to open it."

"Luke?" Noah questioned softly as he noticed Laarman getting impatient.

Luke's eyes told him to hold on for just a little longer.

"Yes, I know they are difficult to look at." He continued into the phone, "I'm sorry about that. I didn't have a choice but to ask you to do this… Now… I'm going to hand the phone to somebody, okay? I need you to describe to him what you see. That's all you must do! Don't ask or answer any questions. It's vital you do exactly as I say. I don't want you talking to this man other than to tell him what you see."

After getting confirmation from the other end of the line, Luke gave the phone over to the worried looking Laarman; his hand immediately reconnecting with Noah's.

"Yes?" The minister asked into the phone and as the minister listened, Noah watched the man's face display a wide array of emotion; contempt, scepticism, interest, shock, horror but most of all a full blown terror.

The phone dropped from Laarman's ear and his shoulders all but slumped.

"It would seem we have something in common…" Luke told him.

Laarman squared his shoulders in a last ditch attempt at defiance, "I have never denied the demon in me, Mr. Snyder. I am only human. It is expected that God will test us. The difference between me and you is that I choose to fight my demon! I don't succumb to the evil! I don't embrace it in the sick and perverted way you do. I don't pollute society."

Luke laughed bitterly, "I'm in a loving and committed relationship Minister Laarman… Being gay isn't what makes you evil… what you did in those pictures does…"

The minister made to say something more but his eyes took in the confused and questioning glances of the surrounding soldiers and villagers.

Luke nodded as the cold but defeated eyes fell on them once more, "Here's what's going to happen…"

...

As Maddie hung up the phone she could not drag her eyes from the photographs before her; despite her horror in them.

For days she had kept the phone Luke sent her switched on with full charge and followed his detailed instructions by carrying the device and this unopened envelope around with her everywhere she went; even sleeping with them beside her bed.

Now, seeing the contents of the envelope made her stomach turn and she felt like throwing up. The photos were grainy; obviously captured from video footage she supposed must be on the accompanying DVD; but the look of terror on the face of the man being subjected to the sexual torture was clear and enough to unsettle the strongest of souls.

Really it was the final photo that was the worst. The naked body left on the hotel floor in a pool of blood. His throat was cut.

"What have you gotten yourselves into?" she whispered to the absent Luke and Noah; hoping against hope that what Luke had told her was true. She prayed they were safe and on their way home.

Jonathan stirred next to her in the bed and she quickly shoved the documents and pictures back inside the envelope.

"Maddie?" He asked sleepily, squinting at the light from her bedside table, "Everything okay, sweetheart?"

Maddie placed the phone and the envelope back on the table, switched off the light and snuggled down into Jonathan's safe embrace, "I think so. Go back to sleep."

...

Luke explained about the package as the chopper made the journey over the lake toward Nairobi, Kenya's capital city.

"I had to send it to somebody they wouldn't know to connect to me. In case they tried to intercept it in the mail."

"Maddie." Noah smiled, "I should have known."

They had to shout over the noise of the rota blades.

"What about Laarman?" Noah asked, "How did you know he was in the chopper?"

Noah was making Luke talk as much to keep him lucid as to understand the series of events that had brought them to this point. That final confrontation with Laarman had drained Luke.

"I saw him." Luke replied, "I saw him when the chopper first flew over."

Noah nodded, drawing Luke closer into a stronger embrace.

Laarman caved to all of Luke's demands. Using the satellite phone they arranged for Zesiro to rendezvous and collect Lutalo's family in Kampala; waiting until they had confirmation from him that both mother and daughter were safe.

They received assurance from Laarman that their friends and anybody connected to them would be cleared of all charges and remain unharmed in the future.

And finally, Luke and Noah were given use of the helicopter to fly them into the safely of Kenya.

How Luke could be sure Laarman would uphold his side of the deal Noah didn't know. At that moment he couldn't worry about it either. Luke was his first priority.

"Noah?"

Noah stared down into Luke's dulled eyes and felt a stab of panic at the look he saw there.

"When we get to Nairobi…"

"Luke…"

"…you'll need… hospital…"

"LUKE!"

The blonde dropped into unconsciousness.


	122. Vumilia 19

The nurses said he'd find Noah in the overcrowded waiting area of the emergency walk-in clinic. He made his way through the rows of plastic bucket seats catching the eyes of worried, injured or sick men, women and children as he searched the faces of everybody he passed.

Were all African hospitals this chaotic?

He searched three times before he convinced himself that Noah wasn't there.

As he made his way back to the exit, thinking perhaps the boy had gone outside for some fresh air, his attention was drawn to a solitary man he'd previously walked by twice.

This particular man was leaning forward in the chair, arms resting on his knees as he massaged one hand with the other. His head was bowed, eyes to the floor; the bobbing of his right knee indication of some deep anxiety.

But it was the crook of the man's wide shoulders stooped over in sadness that sparked a flicker of recognition.

"It can't me?" he thought even as he found himself weaving his way across the room; his shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor as he came to a holt.

It took a while for the seated man, seemingly in a world of his own, to notice the worn sneakers that came to a standstill before him.

The older man felt the stare as the dark head rose slowly up his body, taking in his jeans and plaid shirt, until finally he caught a glimpse of the undeniable blue peeking out from under a stranger's bearded face.

He saw those worried eyes widen in surprise and disbelief; he heard the breathing shudder as the tears came; and he was quick to fall to his knees and gather the broken boy into his arms.

...

"How?" Noah asked as Holden reappeared with two take away coffee cups and took the seat beside him.

Holden smiled, handing Noah his drink, "I was booking Lucinda's jet the moment you hung up the phone."

"But how did you find us," Noah looked around the waiting area with incomprehension, "here?"

"It was a lucky guess. I figured you'd come to Nairobi to get a flight home. And you said Luke was injured, so I just kept checking all the hospitals in the hopes you'd seek treatment in one of them."

Noah took a sip of his coffee as he stared into the room, not really looking at anything. Holden waited patiently. Noah always took his time to open up.

"He stopped breathing." Noah whispered and then his voice rose in panic, "Soon after we landed on the hospital roof. He wasn't breathing..."

"He's going to fine."

"What?" Noah sat up straight at that.

Holden squeezed Noah's neck with his fingers, trying to impart some reassurance and help ease the stress built up there. He knew the boy must have been sitting through the night. "I spoke to the doctor before I came to find you. It was a kidney infection but they've stabilised him."

Noah rubbed his mouth in one hand as he absorbed this new information.

"He knew." Noah said mostly to himself.

"He would have done." Holden replied, "He'd recognise the symptoms. He didn't say anything to you?"

Noah shook his head, both hands curling around the Styrofoam coffee cup, "There was so much going on I forgot completely about his meds. I think he was trying to spare me any more worry."

"Well, and don't take this the wrong way, but you do look terrible kid… so who can blame him? When was the last time you got some decent sleep?"

"Feels like a year ago."

"I realise there is a lengthy story here but it's not the time for you to go into detail. Just know that I'm here if you need to talk."

"I know."

"I'm so relieved to have found you both."

Noah pursed his lips in an effort to fend off more tears.

"And thank you." Holden continued.

Noah frowned and looked up from his coffee.

"For finding him; like you promised." Holden explained.

Noah nodded again and tried to smile but couldn't. Instead he reached over and gave Holden a quick hug of understanding.

"Thank you so much for coming." Noah said as he pulled back, "They wouldn't tell me anything. They said if Luke woke up and said it was okay then they could. But," his voice grew bitter "I'm not family."

"I'm sorry, son. You must have been going crazy."

"I couldn't leave the hospital, so I waited here. Did the doctor say when we can see him?"

"We can go right now if you like."

Noah released a deep breath.

...

Noah stood back as Holden approached Luke's bedside. The man cocked his head to one side as he surveyed his son. He gently brushed a lock of hair from Luke's face and bent over to kiss his forehead.

"Up to your old tricks again I see…" He said gently, "You're going to give that man of yours a heart attack if you're not careful."

He looked back to smile encouragingly at his son-in-law before returning his attention back to Luke.

"I'm here son. I'm going to take care of you guys. So you can come out of hiding, okay? You can open your eyes."

Holden smoothed up Luke's arm, squeezing slightly, but Luke remained motionless.

"Hey? I know how naturally stubborn you are, but don't you want to make Noah smile. I think he could really use that right about now…"

Noah did smile at that, nibbling on his bottom lip. When it came to how he was feeling Holden was always adept and not saying what he really meant; in this case that Noah wasn't the only one needing that smile.

Secure in the knowledge that not only was Luke going to be okay medically, but that Holden was there to shoulder some of the burden, Noah felt the fatigue hit him with full force. Suddenly his lids were unmentionably heavy and he swayed blinking on his feet.

"Lo!" exclaimed a petite Nurse who came through the door just in time to catch the unsteady Noah before he collapsed.

He felt Holden's strong arms join hers, "Come on. Let's get you over to this chair."

"Dad?"

"Yes Noah?"

"Will you watch Luke?"

Holden patted his cheek, "Of course I will. You get some rest, okay?"

Noah checked on Luke once more before he allowed his eyes to seal shut.

...

It was the magical sound of Luke's laugh that pulled Noah out of the deep sleep he'd found himself in. He yawned widely as he opened his eyes to the calming picture of Luke and his father talking and laughing quietly together.

They hadn't noticed him wake but he said nothing; enjoying a few moments just watching them interact. He loved to see that, as much as it often saddened him to have never experienced the same relationship with his own father.

That pain was lessoning more and more as he grew to accept the love Holden seemed so willing to give him. It warmed him through and he was grateful for it.

Eventually, Luke's eyes found his and he smiled gently, "Evening sleepyhead."

"Evening?" Noah asked confused and wincing as he moved to get up; feeling the pain in his stiff muscles from sleeping in the chair.

"You've been asleep for at least seven hours." Holden informed him, "I'll run to get you something to eat in a minute."

Noah rubbed at his eyes and stretched before heading over to sit on the bed beside Luke, checking him over.

"I'm all good." Luke told him.

Noah leaned forward to capture his lips in a brief kiss, smoothing his thumb down Luke's cheek. It was true; there were now only small remnants of pain left in Luke's eyes.

"I'm okay, really bubby." Luke reassured him, hand finding Noah's own and squeezing.

Neither of them noticed as Holden slipped out of the room.

Noah pressed his forehead to Luke's, "You stopped breathing."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't do that again, okay?"

Luke nodded, "Okay."

"And Luke…" Noah gritted his teeth.

"Yeah?"

"I'm still furious with you!"

Luke's deep browns lifted in a look Noah had come to know well over the years, "I know… I'm…"

Noah shook his head against Luke's, "Don't you dare say you're sorry…"

Noah pulled back for a moment and he saw the look of fear cross Luke's face. In the past this was the moment when Noah would leave.

Instead he kissed Luke, hard and desperate, before hugging him as tightly as he dared without hurting him, "Right now I just want to take you home."

"I want to go home too, but Noah, not before we help Tony and Kizza, right?"

Noah sniffed and wiped the back of his hand across his nose, "It's already done."

"What do you mean?"

"While I was waiting for news I called the American Embassy. I told them what happened and I asked them to expedite a passport for you. I also told them where they could find Tony."

He watched as Luke's mind turned over and he gripped both of Luke's upper arms, "It's up to them to sort it out Luke. We've done all we can."

"But how do we know…"

"The Ugandan government lied." Noah interrupted, "I'm willing to bet they'll just hand both doctors over to the embassy on request rather than escalate this. Okay? We have to at least let them try…"

Finally Luke nodded, "It's just you didn't see him…"

"Maybe not… but I saw you…" his voice cracked and he had to take a breath, "…and that's enough… That's all I need to know. You should have told me about the infection."

"Noah, there was nothing you could have done. Even Dr. Byrne said I needed to be hospitalised. He did the best he could to slow the infection."

"I don't like it when you keep things from me, but I guess I can understand why you did."

"Knock knock!" Holden called, standing at the door with a cardboard try of drinks and sandwiches, "Okay to come in?"

Luke's face beamed, "Sure, Dad."

Luke was under strict orders not to eat anything unless it was handed to him by the nurses, so instead he lay back and partook in conversation as Noah and Holden ate; Holden filling them in on news from home.

Noah noticed how Holden skirted the issue of Nicholas's unease and when Holden saw the expression on his face he smiled softly at him.

"It's only because he loves you guys so damn much! You're the first people to really parent and love him and he's come so far because of you guys. He'll be just fine. You'll see."

Luke sighed at that, "It's all my fault… But I never expected any of this to happen. You guys have to believe me! I never thought it was this dangerous!"

"We can sort all that when you're better. Your dad's right, Nicky will be okay."

The conversation inevitably turned to the events of the past few days as they relayed them to Holden. His shock to hear that his son was whipped in such a way was palpable and he had to leave the room.

"You should have seen him take on Laarman!" Noah told Holden when he eventually returned. "He was so weak but he stood there with such pride and strength! You have no idea just how strong your son is!"

"Oh, I think I do." Holden smiled, "I've seen him stand up and fight before. He's certainly a force to be reckoned with!"

Luke and Noah shared a silent conversation regarding that and Noah broke it to ask, "How can we be sure Laarman will leave Lutalo and the guys alone?"

"As soon as we're home I'm going to be passing on that information Maddie has."

"But you told Laarman..."

"I told Laarman I wouldn't give the information to the press… I never said anything about not giving it to his diocese. Gay bashers they might be, but I'm pretty sure even they would frown at the stuff in that file."

Noah nodded as he saw Luke's point.

"Hopefully they will bring Laarman back to the States before he can go back on the order. And then it should be safe for the newspaper to publish my story."

"And we'll get the foundation to set up a new support project, right?"

Luke smiled, immediately picking up on the double meaning in Noah's words. The foundation would have to be the ones to take this forward. There was no way Noah would allow Luke to become too involved after what they'd been through.

"Exactly." He replied.


	123. Vumilia 20

Nicholas drew another line in the sand but the picture just wouldn't come out the way he wanted it. He released a squeak of annoyance and scratched the picture out; throwing the stick at it.

"Stupid!" he screamed and stood huffing; arms folded as he looked across Snyder pond.

Nothing was going right today. He'd yelled at Mia and made her cry and now even Ethan didn't want to play with him. But he couldn't help it. He felt sore deep inside; like something wanted to burst out but couldn't.

He fisted his hands and squealed again, searching the ground until he found a large enough rock. He struggled to pick it up and when he threw it at the water it didn't go as far as he wanted, irritating him still further.

He kicked a smaller stone instead; climbed up onto an old fallen log and hugged his shins; burying his face against his knees as he fought to control these huge emotions.

Josh left and then Luke and then Noah.

He missed them. But they lied! Because they said they would never leave him. But they did. They went away and when people went away they never came back.

And now Granddad was also gone.

He loved Grandma Lily and he loved Grandma Emma too. He thought for sure they would take care of him now that Josh and Luke and Noah and Granddad left.

But he wanted to go home.

He wanted Luke and Noah to take him and Mia home. He missed his bed and his toys. He missed Betty and Jasmine even though they phoned him once a week. He even missed Dr. Mishra. She asked him lots of questions he didn't always want to answer, but still he missed her.

Without lifting his head, he shifted around so that his back faced the person he could hear coming toward him from the direction of the house.

It would be Grandma Lily coming to fetch him because he didn't return with Ethan. He didn't want to go unless it was for dinner. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want anybody to see he had been crying.

He heard the footsteps come to a stop and wait for a while and he resisted the strong urge to look back. Eventually the footsteps passed him and he knew the person was standing silently by the water.

Whoever it was didn't speak and Nicholas couldn't resist any longer. He risked a peek by lifting his head ever so slightly and was surprised to discover not Grandma Emma, but a very tall and hairy man.

Whenever the man turned to look at him, he would bury his face once more. He didn't know who this person was and that made him nervous. He didn't want to talk to anybody either.

The next time he looked, he noticed the man was carrying a small bag like the one Noah always used to carry his bathroom things in. The man had dark hair like Noah's.

Nicholas eyed this person as the man knelt by the water and splashed his face. Once sufficiently wet the man unzipped his bag and removed a small mirror which he balanced carefully against the side of a jutting rock.

The next thing to emerge from the bag was a pair of small scissors. Nicholas liked scissors. You could cut all sorts of shapes from paper and once Luke showed him how to make a strip of little men holding holds.

Thinking of Luke made him sad again and he sniffed back the threat of tears, still watching the stranger with interest.

To Nicholas's surprise the man didn't use the scissors to cut paper; instead he began to cut the hair on his face; watching himself carefully in the mirror.

Nicholas couldn't help but find this fascinating. He didn't want to give the man the satisfaction of gaining his attention, but he couldn't help it. He had to know.

"What are you doing?" he asked tentatively.

He always felt scared of strangers. He could never know for sure how they would react if he spoke. He didn't want anybody to hit him. But he'd learnt that sometimes he had to ask questions to get the information he wanted.

He liked to learn new things.

The man seemed nice though because he smiled without turning his head. But he said nothing, just continued to snip away at the beard until all that remained was short stubble.

Unable to contain his curiosity for another second, Nicholas went against his usual instinct and jumped from the log to move in closer. When he was a yard away he stopped and watched with interest.

He wondered who this person could be. He was used to strangers coming around to the farm. Grandma Emma knew a lot of people. But he had never seen anything quite like this happen at the pond before.

The man was still in profile when he replaced the scissors in his bag and removed a can that Nicholas knew contained the fluffy stuff Luke and Noah used to shave their faces.

He always loved to watch them in the mornings. Sometimes Luke would let him put the cream on his face and he would pretend to shave with a razor that didn't have a sharp side. He loved to copy them.

The man covered his face in the foam and Nicholas frowned with confusion. Something was odd.

"You know," he told the man with certainty; "you're su'posed to do that in the baf-room."

The man just winked briefly and smiled, nodding in agreement.

"Why are you shaving your face at the pond?"

Nicholas leaned forward to get a better look at the razor as it cut smooth paths up the man's neck and cheek. "Noah says that one day I will have hair on my face. Noah says I will have to shave like him and Luke."

"MmHmm…" the man hummed in response.

The man seemed interested so Nicholas continued, "I don't like hair on my face. But Noah says that having hair grow on your face is the same as having hair grow on your head. Nature decides that. That's what Noah always says."

The man didn't seem to mind that Nicholas was watching him, so the child sat down cross-legged nearby; utterly intrigued. "You su'posed to do that by the sink."

The man's face was turned away as he finished his last stroke and examined his reflection in the mirror; smoothing his face between thumb and forefinger.

Satisfied, the man turned to look back at Nicholas and winked just as the child jumped to his feet in surprise.

Now that the mask was removed the stranger was suddenly no longer so strange and Nicholas's first reaction was to smile; before he remembered he was supposed to be mad.

He crinkled his tiny nose and frowned at the realisation that Noah had tricked him. He folded his arms and turned his back even though his little heart was already beating hard with relief and joy.

"Hello Nicky."

Nicholas could feel Noah's eyes watching him intently and he wanted to turn around and fly into a hug. But he was angry because Noah had left him.

"I know you're mad at me kiddo. I'm really sorry we were gone for so long. But do you remember what I said before I left?"

Nicholas did remember but he said nothing.

"I said that Luke and I love you and Mia more than anything in the whole world. And I said that it didn't matter how long we were gone because that would never change. Even when we're not together we think about you all the time. I missed you so much Nicky."

Nicholas braved a glance back and saw the pleading look in Noah's eyes.

"Please forgive me baby. I just want us to go home. Isn't that you want too?"

"You're a liar and I hate you!" he spat.

He saw Noah recoil under the impact of his words and thought "Good!" He wanted Noah to hurt like he did.

Noah stood and crouched down before him, grasping Nicholas by his shoulders. Nicholas shook himself free and backed away.

"We said we would never leave you and we meant that. But sometimes we have to go away and we can't always take you with. That doesn't mean we won't come back baby."

"You lied! You did!" Nicholas insisted, turning away from Noah once again.

"Look at me, Nicky." Noah requested softly.

Nicholas didn't want to look at Noah, because he still needed to feel angry. But the pull of Noah's blue gaze drew Nicholas's wet eyes to them.

"I can see why you feel that way. We left you both for too long. I know that. We never meant for that to happen. I'm sorry."

Noah reached across the space between them to cup Nicholas's cheek in the palm of his hand and it felt good.

"You're not going away again?" Tears fell down Nicholas's cheeks as he asked the one question he definitely needed an answer to.

"Not for a long while baby." Noah told him as he held his arms open to the child.

Nicholas looked up toward the house, "Is Luke here too?"

Noah nodded.

"And Granddad?"

"Yes."

Nicholas smiled before taking the two short steps to meet Noah and falling into the embrace; enjoying the moment as Noah rocked him back and forth and brushed his cheek with the back of his hand.

...

Even though he knew he should let her sleep through her afternoon nap, it seemed Luke couldn't help himself. He sat on the single bed beside Mia who slept on her tummy; hugging a stuffed elephant under her arm; and he brushed the strawberry fringe from her eyes.

"Mia?" he sang softly. "Open your eyes sweetheart. I want to see those ocean greens."

She moaned and frowned as she clung to sleep. Luke smiled down at her, and Holden could tell from his vantage point by the bedroom door that Luke was pleased at least one of their children appeared content; despite the situation.

Emma, Lily and the girls had been extremely relieved when they finally arrived back home. Ethan took a while to warm up to the boys, but eventually came around and hugged them both hello. They spent some time laughing together about Noah's beard until Ethan told them he'd left Nicholas down by the pond on his own; so Noah headed in that direction.

Holden felt confident in Noah's ability to break through to the boy.

"Wake up baby…" Luke continued to call.

She rolled right over onto her back, rubbing her eyes with both her hands.

"Humph!" she moaned.

Holden was just starting to wonder whether he should call Luke back when Mia opened her eyes and beamed her widest smile yet, becoming all coy and adorable.

"Hey my sweet!" Luke exclaimed with excitement; his throat clenching with emotion.

She shifted the sheet off her little body, stood and took the few wonky steps to reach him for a hello hug.

"Nicky said you weren't coming back…" She exclaimed sleepily, "I told him! I told him you would and he said you wouldn't!"

Holden smiled.

"Of course we would, baby!" Luke laughed pushing her back so he could see her face, "How could we ever stay away from such a cutie pie? Hmm?"

If it were possible Mia beamed even more at that and threw her arms around his neck. He winced slightly at the pain in his back but hid it well.

"Hey?" Holden said, his gaze having fallen to the open window, "Look…"

Luke turned his head and smiled as he watched Noah carrying the tiny Nicholas up the steep grassy bank.

"Noah!" Mia cried with glee already scrambling to get off Luke's lap and down the stairs.

"Wait Mia!" Luke called after her, "Your shoes!"

But she was already down the stairs and he laughed, shaking his head at Holden as they followed her down the stairs.

Holden watched from the conservatory as Mia ran barefoot down the grass, a freshly shaven Noah bending just in time to scoop her up onto his other hip. Both children were vying for his attention as they chatted away about their time on the farm; Nicholas seemed to be holding Noah's toiletry bag for him.

His son was leaning against the conservatory doorway and Holden watched him sigh with relief. He walked over and gently squeezed Luke's arm to remind him he was there. He was careful not to put a hand anywhere near Luke's back.

He winced as he remembered the reason for that. It hurt him to imagine his son being put through such agony and was eternally grateful to Noah for rescuing Luke from more of that or worse.

"He looks like he's okay." Luke said softly.

"I told you so." Holden smiled, "He just wanted you home."

"What was I thinking Dad?" Luke asked shaking his head as he watched his family reunite. "Why would I risk this?"

"Son… If I've told you once I've told you a million times… you don't think. You're always in such a rush to do… to help… to rescue… You never take that time to think about the consequences."

Luke glanced seriously at his father, "You're right. I'm going to try harder this time Dad. That is if Noah ever forgives me."

Holden looked down the hill at Noah and was just in time to catch the soft smile Noah gave to Luke and the gentle grin Luke flashed in return, "Looks like he's already well on his way to doing that."

Luke nodded, his dimples appearing briefly.

"Go on!" Holden told him, "Go spend some time together…"

"Thanks Dad."

Holden watched the excitement build on little Nicholas's face when he noticed Luke for the first time. He struggled out of Noah's arms and sprinted up the hill to meet Luke half way.

Lily appeared by Holden's side just at that moment and slipped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

"Well!" She said; happiness in her voice, "Isn't that a beautiful sight?"

"Sure is." Holden agreed. "I just wish I could shake the nasty feeling that this incident is far from over."


	124. Vumilia 21

"When I wake up, you'll be here?"

"Yes, Nicky."

Noah tucked the thin summer comforter snugly around the boy's tiny frame.

"When I wake up you'll be here with Luke?"

"Yes."

"And Granddad?"

Noah smiled, "And Granddad. We will all be here when you wake up."

"Pinkie promise?"

The hand held up in the air before his face was so tiny and adorable that Noah couldn't resist grabbing and kissing it before he hooked his little finger with Nicholas's.

"I promise kid. Now go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay. But don't go yet."

"No. I'm going to stay right here until you're asleep."

"Pinkie promise?"

This time Noah knew Nicholas was playing to prolong the conversation so he said sternly, "Nicky! Sleep!"

The eyes closed and the little mouth curled up in a cheeky smirk.

Once he was sure the worried little man was settled, he checked on Mia. She too was already breathing soundly. He kissed her sweet head that smelled of baby shampoo.

Satisfied he left them to their slumber.

...

He heard the shower stop running and knocked on the bathroom door; opening it just as Luke was stepping out of the cubical; dripping all over the floor mat.

"You out?"

"Yeah." Luke responded, grabbing a towel from the rack and dabbing his body dry; but avoiding his back.

Noah waited until Luke had the towel wrapped around himself, before turning the man around and frowning at the welts and bruises that still burnt a painful purple colour. "Did you take your meds?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Wait for me in the bedroom while I shower quick. I'll bring everything there. I think we should rather dress these outside of all this steam…"

Luke nodded and slipped past Noah on his way out the door. He tried to catch Noah's eye but he'd been unsuccessful in doing so since they boarded Lucinda's plane back to the States; and now was no exception.

Ignoring the attempt Noah moved toward the shower and pulled his shirt off, "I won't be long."

"Noah?" Luke sighed, "When are you going to forgive me?"

"When I'm ready Luke!" Noah snapped without turning around, "You don't get to dictate that, okay?"

"Okay." Luke conceded softly. "I'll be in the bedroom."

Noah waited until he heard the door close before removing the remainder of his clothing, folding the articles neatly and laying them atop the laundry basket.

Passing the bathroom cabinet he paused, rubbed the mist off the mirror with his palm and examined himself, running fingers through his hair and shaking his head. The turmoil of his mind showed clearly on his face in the form of dark black rings under his eyes.

Luke was right, he was still angry. But what Luke had yet to realise was that Noah was far angrier at himself.

It was a scary deep seated anger he knew he would have to work through, but to do so he needed to make a confession. He needed to look into the mirror like he was doing now and face a side of himself he really didn't want too.

And that was the hard part. He couldn't forgive Luke until he could properly forgive himself.

...

Finished in the shower and resolved to tackling the issues keeping him awake at night; he tied a towel around his waist. He grabbed the medical kit from above the cabinet and made his way back along the creaky farmhouse floorboards to the bedroom.

It was unfortunate timing because just at the moment he opened the bedroom door, Lily walked by and caught a glimpse of Luke through the opening.

"Oh my God! Luke!"

Luke turned just in time to catch the shocked and terrified expression on his mother's face. She half barrelled Noah over in her efforts to reach Luke, holding her son steady by one arm, while she examined the criss-crossed wounds on his back.

"Sorry Mom. I didn't want you to see it. I was waiting for Noah to finish his shower so he could bandage me up."

"What happened?" She cried, tears falling quickly, "Who would do this?"

There was anger in her voice as she turned Luke around and cupped his cheeks, searching his eyes for the pain she was sure she'd find there.

"Mom!" Luke moved his head to break the contact and took her hand in his own, turning it to place two kisses in her palm, "I'm okay. We're back, we're safe, and that's what I'm focussing on right now."

Seeing Lily's upset over the state of her son was the final straw for Noah. As her horrified and questioning eyes fell to him for answers a shiver ran fully up Noah's spine and the medical kit he was still holding fell with a crash; spilling its contents to the floor.

He turned and ran, following the roll of medical bandage as it unravelled quickly down the stairs before him.

"Noah!" he heard both mother and son call simultaneously.

Thanking God that Emma wasn't in the kitchen at that time, he hurried outside where he knew she had hung his washing to dry. Mindless he snatched a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the line; clothes pegs flying; and pulled them on damp right there in the yard. Shockwaves flooded through him and he paused briefly; overcome by a choking fit.

When he could breathe again he looped the used towel over a nearby fence and headed for the barn.

"Dad?" he called before he'd ever stumbled through the large barn doors.

When he didn't get a response right away he began to panic. He needed to talk. He had too. Right now!

"HOLDEN?"

"In the back!"

The older man's voice was like a warm blanket on a cold day. Noah headed for it.

He found Holden in the store room at the back of the barn, trying to repair a hole in the wooden wall by nailing an extra plank of wood across it.

"Hold this for me will you?" He asked, without looking back at his son-in-law.

Noah pressed his hands against the plank of wood as Holden prepared to bang the first nail through the end. But he was shaking so much the plank slipped through his fingers, falling onto the floor with a loud clanking sound that frightened the horses.

"I'm sorry." Noah exclaimed with more horror than the incident demanded and for the first time Holden noticed the state he was in.

"I'm so sorry." Noah repeated.

"What is it son?"

Holden bent to lay his tools to one side and turned to give Noah his full attention.

"You said I could talk to you…"

"Yes… and I meant it."

"You won't judge me?"

"Have I ever?"

Noah shook his head, "No… But you don't know what I've done…"

Holden's hand came up to Noah's shoulder, "Noah breathe! There is nothing you can say to change the way I feel or think about you. I love you like a son. Do you understand?"

"That might change when you know-"

"No!" Holden insisted firmly.

The man was totally sincere. Noah knew that and shook his head, mouth moving but no words coming out. He couldn't lose Holden's respect. He'd come to depend on it. He needed this man in his life.

"You're trembling. What are you so afraid of?" Holden asked.

Noah took comfort from the man's hand still gripping his arm. But he knew that would soon change.

"I don't want to become like my father…" he whispered; tears sparkling in the beam of early evening sunlight streaming through the hole in the wall.

"Noah you are nothing like-"

"I hit him." Noah quickly interrupted before Holden could complete the thought. "I hit Luke."

As predicted Holden's hand left Noah's shoulder as Luke's father used it to rub contemplatively at his chin. Noah braced himself for the reprimand he expected would come. Of all the things he'd done to hurt Luke over the years this definitely trumped up to be one of the worst.

When the older man said nothing Noah continued, "I don't even know where it came from. It was like a viper inside of me; like… like I had to make him understand. Hear me! For once he _had_ to hear me!"

The two men stood together as those words floated between them. Holden said nothing; sensing Noah had more to say.

"It was just like the Colonel. When he would hit me he was blinded… like I wasn't doing want he expected… what he wanted… And now it's me doing it…"

"Noah-"

"…and what if it's Nicky next time? Or Mia?" Noah closed his eyes to squeeze away the teardrops forming around their edges. He opened them to find Holden still standing firm before him, "I don't want to be like him! But what if I am?"

"You are nothing like your father."

"But-"

"No!" Holden insisted. "Would your father have regretted hitting you?"

Noah considered this for a moment and then shook his head.

"Did you apologies to Luke?"

Noah nodded.

"And he forgave you?"

"He told me he deserved it."

To Noah's surprise Holden smiled and laughed slightly at that. "Most likely did."

"No he didn't!" Noah was horrified, "Nobody deserves to be hit like that Dad!"

"No they don't. The very fact that you know that proves you are nothing like your father."

Noah jolted as he realised what Holden had done there. Holden just grinned.

"Did your father ever apologise after he hit you?"

"No way."

"I rest my case."

Noah frowned, "How can you not be angry? I _hit_ him Dad!"

"Under extremely unique and stressful conditions Noah. Hell, even I wanted to hit him when he disappeared like he did! We both know how Luke can fray on your nerves." Holden held both of Noah shoulders now, "I totally trust you son. You would die before you hurt those kids. And I trust you with Luke. And I forgive you, okay? If that's what you need from me."

Noah bit his lower lip and stared at their shoes. He lifted his eyes slowly and realised quickly that Holden meant what he was saying. That fact alone relaxed Noah slightly and he nodded.

"Now?" Holden continued, "What else is bothering you?"

Noah flinched. How had Holden sensed that?

"What else is keeping you up at night?"

"You noticed?"

"Hard not to. I'm up before the rooster and off to bed late with all the work needs doing on the farm. I've seen you wondering the land in the middle of the night when Luke's tucked up in bed. Does he even know you're not sleeping?"

Noah turned away and suddenly found the paint storage shelf extremely fascinating.

"Remember what I taught you about avoidance? There is no judgement here son. I promise."

Noah blinked a few times. He did want to talk about this. It just wasn't very easy to get out; to relive.

"Luke doesn't know and I can't tell him." He turned back to face his father-in-law, "Not right now anyway. He's still having nightmares and he doesn't need to deal with this too. But I can't get it out my head. And at night it won't let me sleep."

"What son? What doesn't Luke know?"

"That I was there…"

"There?"

"We all were. The reporters and me… On the other side of the wall…"

Holden closed his eyes in realisation before Noah even finished his sentence.

"…while they whipped him."

Holden slumped in sympathy, "Oh Noah."

"I can't get his cries out of my head." Noah sobbed, "They're all I hear when I close my eyes. He was calling for me, you know that? He begged me to come and I tried Dad! Please believe me I tried to get to him. But the others wouldn't let me. They held me down and we just sat there while they…"

Holden's right hand smoothed around the back of Noah's neck and pulled the boy to him.

"…they hurt him. God! They really hurt him!"

Noah pressed the top of his head into his father-in-law's chest; shoulders heaving and tears staining Holden's blue shirt.

"All I can hear are his screams…"

"Noah?"

Noah jumped with fright at the sound of Luke's earnest and disbelieving voice. His husband stood by the open doorway looking shocked and sad and sympathetic all at once. It was clear from the expression on his face that Luke had heard enough to know the whole truth.

A small cry escaped Noah's lips as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. The tears flowed, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry baby… I tried…"

Luke cocked his head despondently and walked over to draw Noah to him. Noah went willingly, desperate to hold him. They cried together; held up in each other's arms; as they came to terms with what happened.

"Those guys did the right thing bubby." Luke whispered into his ear, "They protected you. They protected themselves. I got myself into that situation. Me! And it was nobody's job to risk themselves for me. Got it!"

"It's my job."

"It's your job to catch me when it's all over. That's what you said, remember? And you did."

"I just love you so much Luke."

"I know. That's why I'm going to promise something right now…" Luke drew back so that Noah could see his face, but he didn't unravel his arms from around Noah's waist, "…and you can hold me to this okay?"

Noah nodded."

"I will _never_ put you through anything like this again. I'll _never_ take advantage of your love for me. Because that's what I did. I knew you'd be angry. I knew you wouldn't want me to go but I also knew you'd be here when I got back. Eventually you'd forgive me. And I used that against you to get what I wanted. It was wrong."

Noah nodded. It seemed that Luke was finally starting to understand. Their past meant Noah was forever bound to Luke. Noah would always be there, waiting for Luke to return from whatever hair-brained quest he'd undertaken.

"I want to believe you." Noah replied softly.

Luke nodded and smiled, "I know. I'm going to prove it to you. You'll see."


	125. Vumilia 22

It wasn't often that Noah gave over to Luke in the bedroom, but lately Luke seemed to need it; like he was venting all of his frustrations over the things he couldn't change.

They'd remained at the farm for far longer than either of them originally planned too. Both of them felt safe there; protected and cocooned in the warm support of their family.

Noah groaned, eyes squeezed shut, head tilting back; and felt himself pulse as Luke thrust particularly deeply, "God Luke!"

His fingernails scrapped along the headboard as Luke paused, buried, and kissed a soft path up Noah's exposed, straining neck; quickly reaching his lips and twirling his tongue inside. Luke's lips were warm. The sensation of sucking, the subtle pulling on the plump flesh of Noah's lower lip was hypnotic.

"Mmmm," Noah purred, relishing the feeling of fullness; completeness.

He dropped his arms to grasped Luke's head between his hands, interlacing his fingers through soft blonde locks. Luke's lovely mouth curved with satisfaction at the evidence of Noah's obvious enjoyment.

Luke moaned in response, his inner mouth vibrating against Noah's tongue. Noah knew it wouldn't be long now; especially as their eyes met and that usual exchange of energy occurred.

His breath hitched loudly as Luke withdrew and slammed back in; a movement Noah rewarded with a loud scream that Luke had to muffle into whimpers with his palm.

"Shh…" he huffed through heavy almost giggly breaths, "Shh… you'll… wake… whole… farmhouse…"

Noah nodded and laughed slightly, nibbling on Luke's fingers before pulling him down for another kiss; this one slow and tender. Noah was swept up in a riot of emotions that only came from Luke; the muscles of his inner thighs tensed as his climax continued to build.

"You close?" Luke licked into his ear, hand wondering south to check.

Waves of sweet submission made him arch up at Luke's touch; the simple gesture sending him over; gripping once more at tufts of Luke's hair.

For Luke it took only two more strong thrusts before he joined his husband in a sweaty entanglement.

Luke laughed with satisfaction into Noah's chest, "I'm loving these long mornings with you!"

"Mmm hmm." Noah agreed drowsily; nose inhaling Luke's distinctive scent, making him smile contently. "Sometimes insomnia has its advantages."

Luke lifted up on his elbows, "You know I never meant for you to go through…"

"I know."

Thank you."

Noah opened his eyes and laced his fingers through Luke's bangs for the umpteenth time that morning.

"Thank you for forgiving me."

"You knew I would."

"Maybe. But that doesn't mean what I did to you was okay and I want you to understand that I know it."

"I really hope so."

Luke was about to reply when his phone buzzed on the nightstand.

"Noooo…." Noah moaned, pulling at the blonde to hold him back from getting it. "Leave it, please?"

Their extended stay on the farm, though great, had been far from a holiday. Jenna arrived in Oakdale two days after their return. She and Luke were busier than ever working on his story for the paper and once that was complete, setting up future interviews with various news agencies and television studios.

Jenna kept her ear to the ground and as soon as she received word that Laarman was back in the States; they gave Jarvis the okay for the L.A. Times to print Luke's heartfelt article.

After that all hell broke lose; with other newspapers clambering for the story.

Perhaps this was another good reason for staying hidden at the farm.

"Bubby, the call might be important." Luke leaned up on his elbow looking serious, "With everything going on…"

Noah sighed and relented but found himself suddenly extremely interested in the phone call with Jenna when Luke exclaimed loudly, "Really? When?"

"What is it?" Noah asked as soon as Luke hung up.

Luke's mouth twisted into a wide grin.

...

He was disgraced.

His reputation, even amongst his most loyal supporters, was destroyed; his wife gone, along with their children.

Everything he'd worked so hard for.

A moment of weakness caught on film and all his dreams shattered.

He seethed at the unfairness of it all.

No matter how many times he pleaded his case with the elders; explained how it wasn't him that day in the hotel room; explained how the demon took possession of his soul and steered him to act as he had; they would not listen. He was made to leave his people in Uganda, the people he had nurtured so well, and return to the vile polluted mists of America.

Branded evil because of that damn Luke Snyder and his newspaper article of lies, he couldn't even safely leave the confines of the ministry. Currently he relied heavily on the protection of his church and he wasn't sure how much longer that would last; especially if the glares from his peers were anything to go on.

Even his teacher, the man he respected above all men, had forsaken him.

Snyder's article made him out to be some kind of monster and he couldn't understand.

Why didn't people see that his motives were for good?

It wasn't a man he killed that day anyway. It was just another demon!

Why couldn't people understand what it took for him to fight his own demon within?

Every day he had to fight so he didn't turn into one of them! And most of the time he was successful. He should be praised for that not slandered!

Why could they not forgive him this one transgression?

But by far the worst part of all this for Simon Laarman was that he had failed God.

His loving God chose him especially! Sent him a Christian mission. God asked him to clean the world of this evil.

Simon failed.

Finished praying for forgiveness he stood up from his kneeing position at the altar and made his way between the long rows of church pews.

He wondered what the elders would do with the information Luke Snyder sent them. He could only hope they didn't intend on handing him in to the authorities. He certainly knew he would not survive prison. He held out hope the church would protect its own reputation and keep things quiet.

He hung his head and wondered what fate would bring him next.

But as he stepped from the darkness of the church and out into the bright sunlight, fate decided to answer that question for him.

"Minister Simon Laarman?"

A large European looking man with gelled black hair and an orange tan stood at the bottom of the steep church steps.

Simon squinted, eyes adjusting to the light. He lifted his hand to create shade and see more clearly.

The man was impeccably dressed in a navy blue suit and dark grey dress shirt. He didn't appear like a thug and Simon was emboldened by that.

"Yes." Simon replied, "How may I help you?"

"I have been sent to deliver a message."

Simon frowned. He was starting to feel a little uncomfortable if he were honest; not helped by the gentleman's cold glare. Sixth sense was telling him to be cautious.

"A message?" He asked tentatively, "A message from whom?"

"The message is from Mr. Damian Grimaldi."

Simon wondered why that name sounded so familiar, "Yes?"

"He says - You mess with Damian Grimaldi's son, you mess with Damian Grimaldi."

His brain raced back to Uganda, to a time when he'd pulled up a biography on Luke Snyder. As horrified realisation dawned, he watched the man calmly reach inside his coat to remove a handgun complete with silencer.

This wasn't happening! This didn't happen! Not to him!

The breath Simon took echoed in his head as he spun on his heels and sprinted for his life back inside the church; seeking sanctum. He heard the pop as the man fired and felt the sting in his right shoulder; the impact of which flung him forward.

He fell, bathed in multiple colours from the stained glass window of Madonna with Child; his wide eyes lifted up to the altar and the large wooden cross that hung suspended there.

"But I'm not finished!" he told his God with indignation.

This was the last thing he thought before the second pop that split open the back of his head.

...

Luke would go all quiet and take on this faraway expression whenever they drove past Oakdale Memorial Hospital on their visits home. Noah knew he was thinking about Reid and he was okay with that.

It was true he still felt that small twang of regret when he thought about Luke's relationship with the talented brain surgeon. Jealousy and possession were strong emotions. He didn't think they would ever fully leave him.

But Noah could allow Luke to experience his own feelings in that department without letting it bother him as much as it once would have.

When all was said and done, Luke never stopped loving him. That was the most important thing as far as Noah was concerned. That and the fact they'd found their way back to each other regardless.

Whenever they were in Oakdale Luke never failed to visit Reid's memorial neurology wing and check on how much things had progressed since their last visit. He would also, Noah knew, meet up with Katie and together they would pay their respects at the stone that held half the doctor's ashes; sitting there sharing stories.

Noah never accompanied Luke on these visits.

For Noah the hospital was a place to be avoided; especially this particular hospital that held some of his worst memories.

But despite the usual sadness for Luke and the trepidation for Noah, today's hospital visit was definitely one neither would have missed for the world.

"Hey!" Tony's smile was broad across his emaciated face.

Noah had to hide his shock. Tony was barely recognisable from the broad strong boy he'd first met years ago.

"You up for a few visitors?" Luke asked from the doorway.

"You kidding? I can't watch any more daytime! I swear it's turning me into a zombie!"

"Wait! You weren't one before?" Luke laughed, leaning down toward the single hospital bed and giving his friend a warm hug.

Tony returned the hug before punching Luke playfully, "Asshole!"

They smiled fondly at one another for a moment before Luke said, "Man it's good to see your ugly mug!"

Tony broke their eye contact and sniffed back a tear, "It's great to see yours too. And you, Noah!"

Noah smiled at him, "It's been a long time Tony."

"Yeah it has. The last time I saw you was…"

"Cyndi Lauper!" All three announced simultaneously before breaking into shared laughter.

Tony coughed at the pain to his damaged ribcage, but still he grinned weakly. "It feels real good to be laughing."

"How are you, really?" Luke asked, more seriously this time.

"I've been better. And considering everything that went down before I found myself in Africa, that's saying something!"

"I'm so sorry," Luke said sadly, squeezing Tony's shoulder, "About Kizza. I had hoped he was still in the camp with you."

...

"_What do we have?" Tony asked, bursting through the door and into the small makeshift operating room. _

"_8 year old male, multiple fractures, broken bones, nasty cut on the head."_

"_What happened?" _

_With help from one of the two nurses on duty, Tony lathered up and scrubbed at his hands in the nearby sink. It wasn't the best conditions to clean up in, but it was all they had. _

"_He was hit by a truck on the Port Bell Road." Kizza sighed as he lifted the boy's eyelids to shine a light inside them._

"_Mutungo junction again?"_

"_The very same."_

"_Damn! When the hell is that Headmaster going to learn? The school playground is right there! They need to put up a safer fence to stop the kids running out of the grounds every time they kick a ball too far."_

"_I know it's frustrating for you Tony. But this is Africa. Things don't work like they do in America. It is sad but it is fact."_

"_Yeah!" Tony scoffed as he slid on his rubber gloves. "And we're the ones left picking up the pieces."_

_They spent five hours working on the child. It wasn't easy and they nearly lost him twice, but the boy was a fighter and eventually they managed to stabilize him. _

"_Good work partner!" Tony smiled, bumping playfully into Kizza as they both washed up at the sink. _

"_We do make a great team, don't we?" Kizza returned the smile and caught Tony's eyes with his soft chocolate ones. _

_Kizza had the most beautiful skin in the world; coffee brown and blemish free. Tony would have loved at that moment to run his water cooled hand down the other doctor's smooth arm, but Uganda didn't allow such displays of intimacy between men. And even if they did, it wasn't really appropriate in the workplace anyway. _

_As they exited the room they were bombarded with a large group of the boy's relatives all babbling at once in Swahili. Tony, whose own Swahili had greatly improved after months of living in Uganda with Kizza, spent a few moments with them. He explained the situation as best he could, whilst Kizza took the boy's mother aside to console her._

_The boy was far from danger and still had a long fight ahead of him, but he had survived the surgery and that was a win in Tony's book. _

_Any survival under the conditions they had to work in was a win. _

_Exhausted they both escaped the waiting area and found refuge in the tiny break out room at the back of the clinic; an area Tony nicknamed 'The Closet.'_

"_Hello." Kizza grinned now they were alone. He pushed Tony backward against the row of lockers and kissed a trail up his neck._

"_Hello Doctor. I have a boo-boo." Tony pulled off his best impression of a child's pout. _

"_You do? Where is this thing?" Kizza asked, standing back and examining Tony from toe to head. "You look perfect to me…"_

_Bottom lip still stuck firmly outward Tony lifted his forefinger and strummed at it. _

"_It is here?" Kizza asked in mock amazement, cocking his gorgeous head and moving in to examine the 'injured' lip more closely. "I do not see it."_

"_It's there Doctor!"_

"_Well, I do not see it!" Kizza exclaimed, "And if I do not see it how must I help you?"_

_Kizza's accent was one of the first things that drew Tony to the man. His voice was low and deep, sexy and sultry; authoritative and yet kind with a hint of gentle. _

"_You could kiss it better?" Tony suggested hopefully. _

_Kizza's smile was dazzling. That was another reason to fall head over heals in love with him. He stepped forward and locked lips firmly with Tony. Very quickly they were both on fire; hands seeking purchase and clawing for skin. _

"_Do you think we could swing the afternoon off?" Tony panted. _

"_After a five hour operation I think so…" _

"_Good!" Tony exclaimed as he bit down hard on Kizza's soft neck, "Because I'm about to explode if I don't get my full of you!" _

_Kizza laughed and reluctantly left Tony as he sought out the Chief of Staff to get the approval they needed to leave. _

_Both he and Kizza were volunteers at the hospital; their living expenses paid for by charitable organizations. However they were still subject to the usual rules of the workplace; a fact they respected. _

"_Are we free?" Tony asked like an excited puppy when Kizza reappeared. _

_The man headed straight for his locker in answer to Tony's question even as he said, "Yes."_

_They left the hospital together as they always did. In private they were a couple. They lived together and did all the things normal couples did. But as far as the public were concerned they were two best friends and work colleagues. Anything else was against the law and possibly punishable by death. _

_When they first arrived in Kampala, Tony was quick to speak out against the treatment of gay men and women; some of whom wound up bruised, beaten or dead on the hospital steps. _

_It didn't make him very popular with the authorities and he was questioned intensively about his loyalties. Kizza made him promise not to reveal his true self and Tony hated that. _

_Over the months he supported the gay community as much as possible; as was safe. But first and foremost, he and Kizza were in Uganda to help the children. That was their main purpose and he needed to focus on it and not let his personal issues with Ugandan law interfere._

_As they crossed the main road and entered the quiet and deserted side alley they always used as a shortcut, Kizza looked adoringly over at him and Tony's heart melted. Briefly they allowed their fingers to trail together. _

_Tony couldn't have known it was the last loving look and touch he would ever receive from this man who changed his life; rescuing him from a cycle of alcohol abuse and self hatred by showing him a world in which he could feel useful.. _

_The white van came out of nowhere; screeching to a holt across the alley exit. They didn't have time to think. They didn't even have time to comprehend what was happening. The sliding door opened and three burly policemen tumbled out, grabbing Kizza as they simultaneously slipped a sack bag over his head. _

"_Hey!" Tony screamed, moving instinctively forward to protect Kizza but being dragged back from behind by another two officers who must have followed them up the road. His hands were quickly cuffed as he was thrown forward into the van with Kizza. _

_They couldn't speak. Every time either of them opened their mouths they'd be slammed with the butt of a rifle. Eventually one of the men tied a gag through Tony's mouth. _

_Wherever they were going their captures were in a hurry to get there. Tony's arms were bruised as he bounced around in the back of the van; his tied hands unable to steady him. _

_Kizza was terrified. Tony could hear him sobbing through the bag but could do nothing to comfort him. He wondered why he'd not also been blindfolded. He wondered why they were there. What was happening? _

_He thought he knew the answer but that thought was too horrifying to contemplate. He racked his brain trying to think who could have betrayed them. Who could have seen them together and reported it to the police. But he didn't know. _

_They drove for hours before the car came to an abrupt stop. It was dark and stifling in the back of the van and a shock to the brain when the door flung open and the bright sunlight streamed inside. _

_Tony had to squeeze his eyes shut to protect them from the light and when he dared to open them again Kizza was gone. Realizing this he frantically crawled forward to see out the open doorway and was just in time to witness the gun raise and see the two puffs of cloth as the single bullet passed through the sack covering Kizza's head and out the other side. _

_Kizza's body dropped to the ground and there was silence; except for the frightened squawks from wild birds and the faint echo of the gunshot running across the open veld. _

...

Tony shook his head of the memory, "I still don't know why they didn't just shoot me too. They shot Kizza on route to the camp. I swear… those first days after they killed him… I wanted to die so bad…"

"Well I for one am glad you didn't." There were tears in Luke's eyes.

"Me too actually." Tony looked up, "And that's because of Kizza. He's the only reason I kept fighting. He worked so hard to get me clean and help me finish my doctorate. I knew he wouldn't want me to give up."

"You're right." Luke agreed.

"And besides," Tony continued, "I had a cause to fight! I _have_ a cause to fight!"

"Yes you do!" Luke smiled, "We all do now. I missed you, my friend."

Tony returned the smile, "Me too. But I see you managed just fine without me." Tony gave Noah a sly wink, "I'm really happy for you guys. I'm sorry I missed the wedding."

"I think you can be forgiven…" Noah assured him with a soft smile.

Tony reached out both his hands and Luke and Noah each took one from either side of the bed.

"Thank you." He whispered. "I read your article Luke and… if not for you guys…" his voice cracked.

"It was mostly Luke…" Noah replied, "He was so determined to help you."

"Your colleague Jenna was here to interview me." Tony informed Luke, "She told me you're starting up a new project with your foundation?"

Luke nodded, "Yes. It's clear we need to act. And fast! Before this thing becomes so ingrained it can't ever be changed."

"I'd like to be involved in that. If you'll let me."

"I'd love that." Luke agreed, "Your experiences will help get the support we need. Would you be willing to speak in public about the things you endured?"

Tony thought for a moment, the pain crossing his brow quickly replaced with determination, "If you can do it, then I can do it! Definitely."

"Okay then!" Luke grinned, "We're in business!"


	126. Vumilia 23

Katie arrived for a surprise visit to the farm on a sunny morning; the weather in direct contrast to and no reflection on Luke's particularly quiet and withdrawn mood.

Noah wanted to spend time with Luke; make him smile. But the studio sent him the draft sound bites to edit and he needed to complete the work by the end of the day.

He was therefore grateful when he lifted his head to the study window and saw the two of them walking arm in arm toward the pond. He hoped Katie would have some luck in distracting Luke from the insistent thoughts currently plaguing him.

Totally unable to focus a second longer, he finished up the scene he was working on and pushed the chair away from the desk, squeezing the bridge of his nose. The past months of tension still weighed heavily on him and he wondered when they'd finally return to normal; whatever normal was. It seemed fate enjoyed playing her games as much as Noah struggled to keep them out of trouble.

Entering the kitchen he headed straight for the fridge and examined the contents, working out a meal he knew the kids would like. Well, Nicholas would like anything, but Mia was a little fussier when it came to mealtimes. She ate "like a bird" was how Luke described it.

He could hear the children laughing in the yard and he smiled. He knew they must be getting hungry and was surprised Nicholas hadn't already sought him out to announce it was lunch time.

"Now, now young man!" Emma exclaimed in disapproval, baby Jacob cooing on one hip. Noah was in the process of pulling a large glass dish of lasagne from the middle shelf. "What, pray tell, do you think you're doing, hmm?"

He stood there; mouth full of grape; one hand full of dish; the other full of fridge door; feeling and probably looking guilty.

"Sorry Emma." He apologised profusely once he'd swallowed, "I didn't think you'd mind… um… I mean I thought I could just…"

Emma laughed heartily as he stumbled for words, "Noah! Oh my dear, your face!"

Noah smiled shyly when he realised she wasn't angry, of course she wasn't.

"It's my job to feed the people in this house, Noah." Emma explained. "I know you have important movie work to complete today. I can take care of the children and that includes you two boys."

Noah smiled, "I know that Emma. I was actually just looking for an excuse to take a break. I'm kinda struggling to concentrate at the moment."

By this point he'd closed the fridge and placed the dish on the kitchen island.

Emma smiled, approaching him and patting the side of his arm, "You're worried about Luke, I know."

Noah smiled at Jacob and tickled his chin until he dribbled with glee.

"He's just been way too quiet lately." As he spoke his eyes drifted to the window, but Luke and Katie had long since ambled out of sight.

"Yes." She agreed. "I've noticed that too." She disappeared into the pantry for a few minutes and returned with a loaf of homemade potato bread. "It reminds me of the time just before he came out to Holden and Lily."

She placed the large loaf in the middle of the table as she spoke and returned around the island; opening draws in search of cutlery; Jacob's tiny face lighting up with fascination in the tasks.

Noah sighed, "It's so unlike him not to talk, you know?"

Emma stopped what she was doing to lift up on her toes and kiss him on the cheek, "You're such a special young man, Noah. I'm so glad Luke has you in his corner."

Noah smiled, "Thank you."

"And never you mind! You're the first person he'll seek out when he's ready. That boy can never stay closed up for long."

"I know."

He watched as she sat Jacob in his baby bouncer, handing him a teething toy to keep him busy and free up her hands. He immediately crammed the soft tip into this mouth with chubby fingers.

"Okay, well, in the meantime; let's get these little ones fed. What do you say? Would you like to help me?"

"Love to."

Noah savoured these rare moments with Emma. As the heart of the family it was often difficult to have her all to himself and he relished it. She made him feel warm and safe and part of something bigger than either of them.

They worked together preparing lunch as she laughed and told him stories of Luke as a small boy running around the farmhouse; and Natalie's penchant for bringing stray animals indoors and how Faith would disappear for hours until they found her somewhere outside lost in a book.

In no time she'd put together a homemade feast and after fetching in the other children they tucked into it with relish.

…

Nicholas pressed his elbow up against the trunk of the tree and hid his eyes as he counted, "One, two, fwee…"

Noah chuckled lightly to himself; watching Mia and Ethan scurry frantically around the farmyard looking for the best hiding place. Eventually Mia settled on a bush while Ethan hid behind a wheelbarrow piled high with freshly mowed grass.

"…eightnineten…" impatient, Nicholas hurried the last three numbers, "…coming!" he sang, excitedly turning away from the tree, "Weady or not!"

Noah couldn't see the other two children anymore but he heard them giggle in anticipation.

While Nicholas began his search of the yard, Noah dropped his head back down to the numerous studio e-mails Melanie had sent him. It was heavy going, a lot of the information irrelevant and wafting. But still, it was good to keep abreast of how his team were getting on as a whole and he was proud of the way they'd all covered for him in his absence. Things were still ticking along nicely.

"Hi Noah…"

He smiled to find Katie standing before him.

"Hi Katie." He stood up from the bench on which he was seated to hug her. "It's good to see you."

"You too. It's been a while."

Noah nodded, "Yeah it has. Thanks for coming by the way. I think Luke needed to see a friendly face today. Is he still down there?"

"Yes, he asked me to send you over actually."

"Oh, okay, thanks." Noah turned to gather the rest of his paperwork. He knew Luke would never have called for him; interrupted his work; if he didn't need him.

"Why don't you give those to me?" Katie suggested, "I'll put them back inside for you."

"Oh you don't have to do that!"

Katie laughed, "Luke told me you never like to accept help."

Noah felt his cheeks flush and he laughed before handing the documents to her, "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

He nodded and turned to leave but Katie called him back, "Oh, hey, Noah?"

Noah turned midstride to find a rather contemplative Katie.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Oh yes! I just wanted to say… you know?" she tucked a long strand of blonde hair behind one ear, "I guess I wasn't very fair to you… in L.A. When I accused you of… all that stuff with Reid and…"

Noah laughed, "Katie I thought we already went through this?"

"Yeah we did, but, since then… I mean whenever I see Luke…" she stopped to collect her thoughts, "He never stops talking about you. You're his favourite subject."

"Well, he's mine."

She nodded, "I see that. I guess what I'm trying to say is… it's obvious you're soul-mates. Just like me and Brad. I mean, I love Chris. Don't get me wrong. I'm really, really happy and in love with Chris. I want to marry him and I couldn't ask for a better father-figure for Jacob. But your soul-mate? That's something else entirely. There's only one of those. That's what Brad was to me. And I guess I'm just a little jealous of you guys."

Noah felt himself welling up, so instead of saying anything walked back up the hill to hug her once more and kiss her cheek.

She patted his back, "I'm just stating fact. Now get out of here!"

She pushed Noah playfully away from her and he saluted her in response, "Yes Ma'am!"

…

Luke was sat in his usual spot by the pond, knees drawn up to his chest, eyes scanning the water; searching for answers to the questions in his head.

Without a word needed, Noah sat down; straddling Luke between his legs and crisscrossing the man's arms in front of them, smoothing his thumb up and down the skin of one inner wrist. Luke leaned back and moulded naturally to him.

"You missed lunch." Noah said conversationally, even though he knew what was coming; confirmed by the warm wetness seeping through his cotton shirt to his chest.

He held Luke as he cried, pressing his chin to Luke's forehead; heart aching for him.

"Tell me." He whispered when the crying turned to sniffs.

"You already know…"

Noah pulled him in even tighter, "Of course I do… but it might help if you say it out loud."

Again Luke seemed to need a long wait before he could speak, "I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to go over it. But I had to. In order to write that article. It _had_ to be included and it_had_ to be truth."

"Yes." Noah agreed.

"But now it's just _there_! In the forefront of my mind… when before I was ignoring it. And it's not so much the physical pain of the beating, Noah. It's… in particular… it's dug up the way they made me _feel_." His head shook from side to side against Noah's chest. "I don't like to think about all those people we left there."

"The envoy at the embassy said they're going to get that compound closed down."

"Yes… but what about the next one? And the next?"

"The Foundation project will go a long way to getting things changed over there, Luke. That will be your contribution. Okay? That and your writing…"

Luke nodded but didn't sound convinced, "I guess…"

Noah inhaled the air, ripe with the smell of damp leaves and fresh grass. They watched the pond in silence; Noah periodically kissing the rise of Luke's cheek.

"You still haven't told me." Noah whispered softy, when Luke refrained from speaking longer than he expected him too.

His husband sighed, "Noah, you already know what's going on inside my head… Please don't make me say it."

"I won't _make_ you. I just think you should give it a voice." Noah chuckled as he realised what he was saying. "Look who's talking, right? What _has_ Holden Snyder done to me?"

He felt Luke shudder as he joined in the laugh and was glad when Luke relaxed and took a deep breath, "When they whipped me, Noah?

Luke moved sideways in the embrace to look up at him and Noah nodded to encourage him on; squeezing his hand.

"I felt so…" he pursed his lips, forehead furrowed as he tried to get out the word they both knew he needed to say, "…so degraded."

Noah pulled him forward by the back of his neck, lips kissing his forehead before releasing him to continue.

"They made me feel…" he thought for a moment, "…less than a person… or not a person at all. Like I was some kind of animal and it… it's… I'm not even sure they would treat an _animal_ like that. And that can only mean one thing…"

"What's that?"

Luke sniffed, "That to them, I'm less than an animal and so are all the other prisoners in that compound. So is anybody who's not like them."

Noah ran his hand down Luke's cheek, taking away a few tears with his thumb.

"But by far the worst thing… the thing that really gets me and, I guess the thing I'm struggling to get over… is… that they enjoyed it, Noah. They enjoyed whipping me. They laughed at me and it was a sport to them."

Noah pulled Luke's body close; both shuddering from recalled fear. He pressed Luke's cheek to his chest; rested his chin on Luke's head; moving calmly from side to side to sooth himself just as much as Luke.

"They got it wrong." Noah whispered with surety.

Luke pulled back to see Noah's face again, "What do you mean?"

Noah smiled, "You're more than a person, Luke. You're the best person I know. The best I've ever known."

"If that's true, why can't I see it for myself? Why do I feel so guilty to be happy here with you? Why do I still feel like I've not done enough?"

"Not done enough?" Noah asked him in amazement, "Luke! Tony is alive and back here in Oakdale because you refused to give up on him. And I know I was against you trying, but I can't help but love you even more for your motives. Nobody would ever have found him, Luke. He would have died in that camp."

"Yeah." Luke said with a little more lightness to his voice, "That is one good thing to come from it."

"And what about Laarman? You got that man removed from Uganda to a place where he couldn't hurt anybody ever again."

Luke smiled and nodded.

"And Kigongo? Lutalo? The others? You gave them their lives back. And what about the press coverage we've seen since we got back; especially since your article came out? Soon there will be enough signatures on that petition to submit to the Senate. And then maybe the United Nations will feel pressure to act."

"I really hope so bubby."

"I'm sure of it!"

Luke smiled again and Noah couldn't resist stealing a kiss.

"You feeling better?" he asked as their lips parted.

"I felt better the moment you put your arms around me."

Noah laughed and kissed him again.

…

After enjoying each other's silent company by the waters edge, they dusted off the backs of their jeans and began to follow the path back up to the farm house.

"I could sure use a slice of Grandma Emma's homemade apple pie." Noah dreamed allowed.

"Mmm," Luke agreed, "Sounds great. But you know there was only one slice left, last time I looked?"

"Really?" Noah questioned with a hint of mischievousness in his voice.

The curved section of path along which they walked was through a small band of trees where eventually it would break out into the main front farmyard. They walked the first part together; swinging hands between them and smiling softly in the moment. But as soon as Noah spotted the clearing he stopped.

"What?" Luke asked confused, looking back the way they came, "Did you forget something?"

Noah flashed a cheeky grin, kissed Luke's lips, jiggled his eyebrows and laughed, "Race ya!"

He took off before Luke could even process the thought and heard the blonde yell, "Hey? No fair!"

Noah was a fast runner. His long legs carried him quickly up the steep grass verge. But Luke was a natural athlete, shorter but no less quick, and it wasn't long before he was right on his husband's heels.

Usually Noah would be a fitting match for Luke's speed but he was laughing so much he ran out of air and Luke snatched the lead.

"That last slice of pie is _so_ mine!" He shouted as he passed.

"No way, Snyder!"

Halfway up the hill they realised they were being followed by Nicholas, Ethan and Mia; who saw them coming and were keen to join in the fun.

Noah quickened his pace, reaching out his hand until he caught Luke by the wrist; spinning him around and losing his balance. Before long he was lying flat out on the grass with Luke wedged on top of him.

"That pie is mine!" Noah insisted, "Emma said."

"She did, did she?" Luke asked, stretching above them to grab a fistful of grass from the nearby wheelbarrow and throwing it mischievously in Noah's face. "I didn't see your name on it."

"Oh-ho-ho!" Noah exclaimed, "So that's how you wanna play this game?"

He pushed Luke sideways; grabbed two fistfuls of grass for himself and chucked it back at his husband.

The children, giggling and thinking this the funniest thing ever, decided to participate by digging hands into the barrow and pelting Luke with the freshly mown grass.

"Hey!" Luke complained, just making the kids laugh even more and this time aim their loads at Noah.

"Looks like we're under attack, Luke!" Noah laughed, fending off the tiny grass lengths with his elbow and winking in Luke's direction.

"Sure does!" Luke agreed. "Only one thing for it!"

Quickly, both men hopped to their feet, loaded their hands with grass and flung it at the three little faces beaming back at them. Carnage ensued as the children screamed and giggled, returning fire as they encircled the barrow, trying to dodge each other's missiles.

Pretty soon they were all on the ground laughing so much it hurt, tears streaming down their cheeks and it took the person standing nearby a few clears of her throat to get any attention.

"Jenna!" Luke exclaimed as he rolled off Noah and sat on his backside, arms leaning on his knees, "Hey! We were…"

"Yeah…" Noah laughed through breaths, one arm curled around Mia's waist; Nicholas slung round his shoulders, "We were just…"

"We were playing." Luke finally explained, leaning over to tickle his baby brother until Ethan squealed.

Jenna rolled her eyes, "Whatever… Could I ask the two of you to return to adulthood long enough to have a conversation?"

"What?" Luke asked with fake surprise, "You don't want to join in?"

"What do you think?"

"Awe! Come on Jenna. It's fun…" Luke stood to load up on another handful of grass from the barrow. "Don't you remember what it's like to have a little fun?"

"You try that Snyder and you might find your-" she cut off, remembering the children, "…your B.A.L.L.S. wrapped around your head. It's bad enough I've had to be stationed in Hickville without having nature thrown at me too."

Noah snorted, "I think she's serious, love."

Luke cocked his head at her, "You think? Sometimes it's really hard to tell."

They both laughed together.

"Ha. Ha." Jenna replied sarcastically. "Look, could we get serious here? I've got some important news. It's about Laarman."

Luke grimaced at the name, "What's he done now?"

"Died."

Her flat reply took them both off guard.

"What?" Luke questioned and both men stood to their feet.

The children, quick to get bored with the adult conversation, went back to flinging grass at each other.

"Somebody took him out in a church yesterday?"

"Took him out?" Noah asked watching for Luke's reaction.

Luke turned his back to both of them, looking out over the farmyard.

"Yes. He was shot in the back. Execution style and professional job according to the police."

"Do they know who did it?" Noah took a step closer to Luke, reaching out to pull a strand of grass from the back of his hair.

"They're still working on that. Could have been any number of groups. Luke's article didn't exactly paste Laarman in the best light, if you get my drift."

Noah nodded, still focused on his husband's head. "You okay, babe?"

Luke nodded but didn't say anything at first. Noah heard him inhale deeply and when he turned his eyes were big and wet, "Is it bad of me that I'm glad he's dead?"

Noah took the final step to his side and hugged him, shaking his head, "No. I feel the same way."

Luke nodded, pulling back and smiling softly up at Noah. This time it was his turn and he reached up to pull a few grass strands from Noah's curls.

"Anyway," Jenna continued, obviously getting uncomfortable with their easy display of affection, "I was just on the phone with Jarvis. He wants us back in L.A. pronto."

Without breaking eye contact with Noah Luke laughed, "I think I'm ready to go home now, bubby."

Smiling and suddenly feeling elated, Noah's lips found Luke's of their own accord, pressing soft at first and then a little firmer before they pulled apart, "Same here."


	127. Overcoming 1

As he stepped through the front door of the house Noah's eyes darted immediately from the broken lock on the drinks cabinet to the hammer on the floor lying amongst shards of shattered glass. And Luke, sitting deathly still at the table with eyes fixed on a full glass of whiskey; hand gripping the opened bottle.

Wide brown eyes lifted to meet his, and Luke exhaled visibly in his relief at Noah's return.

"Help me." He mouthed; face pale in the soft glow of a nearby standing lamp.

Shocked, Noah nodded closing the door and dropping his laptop bag. He approached tentatively; sitting gently beside him.

Luke was once more staring trancelike at the golden liquid in the glass; his breathing short and sharp; fighting an internal battle not to drink.

"How long have you been sitting here, hmm?"

As he spoke Noah very slowly threaded his fingers through Luke's hair watching as his eyes closed at the touch. Then, at the same time, Noah used his free hand to pry Luke's hold on the bottle. It was a vice-like grip and took Noah a few goes, but eventually Luke was gripping his hand instead.

Nuzzling Luke's neck, Noah brought his lips close to his ear and whispered, "It's okay, baby. I'm here now."

He cursed himself for coming home from the studio so late and deeply massaged the back of Luke's neck with this other hand.

"I'm sorry." Luke murmured, pressing back into the touch.

"What for?"

Luke frowned and looked dejectedly at the mess around him.

"Hey?" Noah bobbed his head to get Luke's full attention. He caught Luke's eyes and the blonde relaxed. "Did you drink any?"

Luke shook his head.

Noah smiled, "Then we're all good. Right?"

Luke gazed back at the full glass on the table, licking slightly at his bottom lip.

Noah hooked his forefinger under his husband's chin to pull his head around, "Let me take you to bed."

Noah shouldn't have been surprised to find Luke so lost and confused. He'd seen it coming ever since they arrived home from the farm; with Luke acting strangely withdrawn, not wanting to go out.

"What about…?"

"I'll clean it all up." Noah assured him, "Don't you worry…"

"You're too good for me, you know that?"

Noah smiled again, kissing the side of his head, "Ditto."

"Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for."

They walked hand in hand to their bedroom; Noah glancing surreptitiously into the kids room as they past. Two small mounds confirmed both Mia and Nicholas were safely tucked in bed, fast asleep.

...

Luke groaned and rolled over onto his side, gripping a pillow over his ear. He knew it was morning because Noah had opened the blinds and the sunlight was warm and bright in the room. He knew if he opened his eyes that would be it; time to get up.

Lately getting up was hard. It was difficult to accomplish a full night's sleep with his dreams always turning back to Africa; inevitably waking him up in a cold sweat.

But it wasn't fair to rely on Noah to keep the household running on his own, especially when he was so close to completing his film. And for that reason, Luke resolved to open his eyes and greet a new day with as much positivity as he could muster.

"At least it's a Saturday!" He thought to himself.

He opened one heavy lid at a time and had to smile when he was met by two expectant blue eyes.

"Morning Nicky." He yawned.

Nicholas smiled brightly in his Batman pyjamas and Luke wondered how long he'd been standing there.

"Is it my bur-day?" he mumbled happily, scratching at the side of his nose.

Still half asleep it took Luke a moment, "Sorry baby?"

"My bur-day?" The boy repeated with a crinkled brow.

Still too sleepy to work out what Nicholas meant, Luke smiled and patted his stomach, "Climb up here."

Nicholas complied, straddling Luke's belly.

"Can I get a cuddle?"

The boy grinned and fell forward, resting his head on Luke's chest. He smelt like baby shampoo.

"Noah's making a cake." Nicholas announced.

Luke chuckled, "Wait a minute!" He pushed Nicholas back up to seated by his arms, "Did you just say Noah's making a cake?"

Nicholas nodded, "It's for me." The boy smiled proudly.

"Okay!" Luke heaved himself up from under the child, making him giggle, "Now _this_ is worth getting up for!"

Padding barefoot to the kitchen the unmistakable baking smell of flour, egg and sugar wafted into his nostrils. He stepped through the kitchen door; Nicholas on his heels; just as a frowning and flour clad Noah pulled the sunken disaster from the oven.

"Not. A. Word!" He moaned, "Seems baking a cake from scratch is entirely different from baking cupcakes from a box."

Luke tried to stifle his laugh behind his arm.

"It's not funny!" Noah insisted dropping the cake tin on the counter and throwing the oven mitt right after in frustration.

Luke's grin widened, "It kinda is!"

Noah's gaze fell from Luke to the attempted cake and back to Luke before he too laughed.

"Okay," he conceded, "It is funny!"

"Awe! Poor bubby." Luke stepped forward and pulled the tall body into a hug, patting his back in sympathy.

They pulled apart without breaking and Noah rested a hand on the side of Luke's face, studying him intently while trying unsuccessfully to hide a look of worry. Luke was tired of seeing that look on the handsome face, especially since he was the cause.

"You okay?" Noah asked him, "Better?"

Luke smiled and nodded, leaning up to kiss him softly. "Why didn't you wake me?" he asked, changing the subject, "I could have done this."

Noah shrugged, "You needed to sleep. And besides, I wanted to do something special for Nicky. It's his first proper birthday."

"Oh!" Luke exclaimed in realisation, "Birthday!" He laughed turning to Nicky now seated up on one of the kitchen stools licking batter from a ladle and watching them both with bright eyes. "Is that what you meant, baby?"

Nicholas nodded, "Yeah, bur-day. That's what I said."

Smiling Luke walked over to kiss the top of Nicholas's head and a brief moment of sadness passed between the two men. They had resolved to give Nicholas the best birthday they could, pretty sure Michelle would never have bothered to celebrate it. Assuming she even remembered the date.

"It's going to be a very special day Nicky." Noah explained.

"Why?" the boy asked, cake batter dripping from his chin.

"Because it's the day you were born." Luke ruffled his hair and wiped the mess from Nicholas's face with his thumb.

Nicholas's frown deepened and Noah laughed at the expression on his tiny face. Trying to come up with a way to explain so that the boy understood Noah said, "Nicky, we are very happy that you came to live with us and we're going to have a party. And there'll be cake and balloons…"

"…and presents!" an excited Mia finished the sentence as she joined them in the kitchen, gripping a fashion doll in one hand. "You get lots and lots of toys and stuff!"

She giggled as Luke blew a raspberry into her neck before lifting her up onto the stool next to Nicholas.

"Really?" Nicholas asked in wonderment.

"Yes, really." Noah nodded.

"Today?"

"No not today baby." Luke said, rubbing circles on his small back, "Your birthday is tomorrow."

"How many sleeps?"

"Just one sleep." Noah replied. "And then you'll be five years old."

"I'm five!" Mia exclaimed importantly, walking her doll along the counter surface, leaving tiny flour footprints behind.

"Yes you are!" Luke agreed, "Big enough to help me bake a cake! What do you say? Shall we show Noah how it's done?"

"Yeah!"

...

A while later, sprinkled in kisses and a dash of giggles, the foursome, one dressed and three still pyjama-clad, successfully removed their beautifully baked chocolate sponge cake from the oven.

"Wow!" Nicholas exclaimed in approval, picking up the bottle of multi-coloured sprinkles, "Can we shake this on now?"

"Not just yet baby." Luke replied and then quickly held the tiny hand back from touching the cake, "Careful! It's very hot."

"Okay."

"Mmmm!" Mia smiled, "Smells yummy!"

"Okay time for all of us to get dressed!" Noah laughed, "Can't spend the whole day in our PJ's now can we?"

"Yeah and by the time we're dressed maybe the cake will be cold enough to decorate." Luke suggested.

"Yay!" Nicholas exclaimed, clambering off the stool so he and Mia could run off to their bedroom.

Noah squeezed Luke's shoulder and Luke pressed his cheek against Noah's warm chest, swaying them both slowly in a small dance. He started to hum a made up tune as they moved and Noah pressed a kiss into his neck. Luke loved these moments.

However the moment was interrupted by the doorbell.

Luke looked questioningly up at Noah. "They're early aren't they?"

Noah laughed, "Not really Luke, we've been a little distracted this morning, its noon already!"

Glancing up at the clock Luke blushed, "You mean I have to open the door dressed like this?"

"They won't mind."

Luke winked, rubbed his hands quickly on a kitchen towel and headed for the sitting room. He continued to hum as he approached the front door, but, relaxed by all the fun of the morning, had totally forgotten, and so when his legs stopped working, he hit the wall harder than usual.

It was like a sickness. He described it to Noah as the feeling he got while riding a rollercoaster, just as it reached the top and his stomach dropped on the decent. Only this feeling wasn't associated with fun at all and once activated could last an hour, a day, two…

He couldn't move his legs; he felt encased in numbness. It was as close to the front door, as close to the perceived danger, as his subconscious would allow him to go.

His vision began to blur and his skin formed a thin layer of warm sweat. He tried to fight the panic but he could feel it overwhelming him. And it would have too, had Noah not been there to stable him with a warm hand in the small of his back.

"It's okay Luke." He said, his voice like a caress, "You don't have to get it."

Luke pulled his attention from the door to meet the understanding of Noah's blue eyes. The doorbell rang once more and he jumped so far back he ended up half seated on the edge of the sofa.

"Luke, it's okay. It's just your parents with Ethan."

Luke's eyes widened in frustration, "Logically I know that Noah. I know how stupid this is."

Noah pulled Luke to standing and gripped both his arms at the shoulders, "Nothing about you is stupid, okay? We'll figure it out. It's just how you're dealing with things right now."

Luke began to apologise but Noah pressed a forefinger to his lips.

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

Luke sighed. He couldn't believe how much his body was shaking.

"Go shower and change." Noah told him. "I got this."

...

"I'm coming!" Noah shouted as the doorbell chimed once more.

He reached the door and waited until Luke was out of sight before opening it.

"Noah!" Lily beamed, hugging him so hard she knocked the air from his body.

"Hey!" Noah laughed.

"Noah, Noah!" Ethan repeated, hopping up and down with outstretched arms.

Noah squatted to his level and accepted the small arms around his neck.

"Hey big guy! Are you ready for the sleepover?"

"Yeah! Can we catch Never Ending Story?"

"Sure buddy! But one thing at a time, right? Why don't you go and find Nicky and Mia? They're in their bedroom."

"Okay."

He scurried off past Noah and Noah stood back, making room for Lily to enter before shaking Holden's hand.

"Where's Luke?" Holden asked.

"He's gone for a shower. I'm sorry. We're all running a little late this morning. I'll have to go and get the kids dressed in a minute."

"I can do that!" Lily smiled, "It will give you boys some time to catch up."

Noah laughed, "It's only been two weeks since we left the farm!"

"I know, I know. But it was so lovely having you all around! The place seemed so empty without you."

"We missed you guys too." Noah assured her.

She patted his cheek and left to find the children.

Holden placed their overnight bags by the door and stood looking at Noah seriously, "How are things, son? Any improvement?"

Noah shook his head with a slight frown as he closed the front door behind Holden, "It's weird, you know? One minute it's like there's nothing wrong and then the next…"

"What?" Holden pushed as Noah broke off.

Noah wasn't sure how much to say but felt he could use Holden's advice.

"Beer?"

Holden smiled, "I was just going to suggest that."

Holden slapped Noah's back fondly as they made for the kitchen and Noah made sure they both had a drink and were settled outside on the decking before broaching the subject.

He fiddled with the ring tab on his cold beer can, "I found Luke with an open bottle of whiskey last night."

"He didn't?" Holden asked worriedly.

"No no! Dad, he wouldn't."

"How do you know?"

Noah smiled softly then, looking back inside where Ethan and Nicky were giggling as they appeared in the sitting room playing a game of sword fighting, "Nicky and Mia were here. He may have gotten as far as pouring the drink, but I know Luke. He'd never risk them. Never!"

Holden contemplated that for a minute, but finally nodded. "Luke has made mistakes before, but I believe you're right."

They were silent as they both took a thoughtful sip from their beer cans.

"So he's not been outside at all?"

Noah shook his head, "Nope."

"I don't get it? So you got home from the farm and suddenly he couldn't leave?"

"Pretty much. He had to go into the office the following day, got as far as the doorstep and froze."

"I wish I could give you some solid advice, son, but I think you both need professional help with this one."

"Yes and I agree. We've discussed that. I guess we just hoped it would pass with time."

Holden leaned back and lifted his legs up onto a spare chair, rubbing the back of his neck, "Do you think Luke's sudden agoraphobia is connected to the events in Africa?"

Noah stared up at the clouds, blinking into the afternoon sun, "You can count on it."


	128. Overcoming 2

Having worked with animals for as long as he had, it was only natural that Holden would begin to pick out similarities between the horses in his stables and the people in his life.

Horses were just as individual as humans; with their own needs, wants and behaviours. And over the years Holden's learned ability to read the innate psychological state of his horses gradually began to translate over to his everyday interaction with people.

There was one particular horse, long departed, that Holden was starkly reminded of on that warm summer day four years ago, when Luke first brought Winston Mayer and his son Noah over to the farmhouse for lunch.

…

_The three-year old stallion, Clandestine, first arrived at the farm because nobody else wanted him. Holden was seventeen and already legendary among trainers for the handle he had on horses, even troublesome ones. _

_Horses were herd animals, naturally fearful and on the lookout for danger; constantly in search of leadership. Holden's gift was the ability to see the world from the horse's point of view and in so doing become the animal's trusted 'alpha'. _

_Which was the reason why Snyder farm, as well as being one of the top stud farms in Illinois, had also become somewhat of a sanctuary for abandoned thoroughbreds. _

_When Bob Lipton from one state over called to say he had a strange and difficult case and would Holden like to have him, Holden didn't hesitate. He'd broken in some of the most stubborn horses in existence; horses other trainers had long given up on. There was hope for every beast as far as Holden was concerned. You just had to find each animal's individual quirk. _

_Clandestine, when he was first guided from the horse box and out into the yard, was not at all what Holden expected. He was beautiful; all black satin coat over strong muscled flanks. Holden couldn't stop staring at him. Clandestine simply stood there under Holden's gaze, twitching an ear and slapping his tail; good hindquarters, powerful thighs and wide flank. Unfathomably blue eyes regarded Holden cautiously, but with a respect not common in the horses Holden was used to._

_Holden raised his hand and smoothed it down the animal's lean neck, surprised when beast leaned into the touch._

"_Where'd he come from?" Holden asked._

"_Found 'im." Lipton replied, "All alone, far up in the hills. Got himself caught up in some barbed wire."_

_At that extra slice of information Holden dropped his gaze and, sure enough, old scars ran in thin vertical lines up two of the animal's legs. _

"_Well," Holden said; one hand still flat against the horse's belly; "Except for a few visible scars I don't see the problem? This horse seems fine to me."_

_The old man smiled, chewing on a wad of tobacco, "Yip, 'til you try riding 'im! That horse will buck you clean off… mark my words! That horse don't trust nothing and nobody!"_

_Holden's hand ran back up the neck and over the snout, carefully assessing Clandestine's reaction to it. He stared the horse right in the eyes and saw it then. This black had other scars too. Holden could tell. Scars that ran far deeper and couldn't be seen by the naked eye. _

"_He wants too." Holden whispered._

"_How ya know?"_

_Holden smiled, "He's letting me touch him. He wouldn't do that if he was completely wild. Seems to me he wants to share… just doesn't know how."_

_Lipton shook his head like Holden was crazy, "Yeah well, whatever! It's too much trouble for me anyhow. I aint got the time so… if you want him and he's yours."_

_Holden nodded his okay and Lipton muttered his goodbyes, closing the doors on the horsebox and climbing into this truck._

"_Clandestine. Great name for you! You've certainly got yourself a couple of secrets now don'cha boy?" As Lipton drove away the horse snorted, blowing hot air in Holden's face. "Nothing to worry about. We'll take good care of you."_

…

Holden was reminded of Clandestine from the very first moment he clutched and shook the nervous hand of the quiet and unassuming Noah Mayer; fearful blue eyes begging for understanding and acceptance.

And it didn't take long for Holden to warm to Noah. He immediately felt the boy's yearning for some kind of fatherly guidance that didn't include regular beatings and expectations usually reserved for soldiers.

He loved Noah's wonderment at and excitement for everything the farm and family had to offer. And Holden couldn't imagine any other person better suited for putting up with all of Luke's impulsive whims.

Noah was brilliant; bright and talented with the motivation needed to achieve. He was strong and serious, yet at the same time unbelievably sincere and funny when you least expected it.

But the quality Holden admired the most was that Noah was wise beyond his years. Just like Clandestine Noah thought things through; never acted brashly and above all, if you were lucky enough to earn the trust of this exceptionally cautious boy, was loyal to a fault.

And it was mostly for this reason, as Holden followed the young man back into the home the two boy's had created, and watched Noah's gentle interaction with the children, that he wanted to scream at Luke and slap him across the back of the head.

He would have done too, if Luke's latest escapade hadn't left the boy in a state of fragile fear.

"Luke's taking a long time getting ready isn't he?" Lily asked, appearing from the kitchen with a large plate of sandwiches for lunch.

Holden didn't miss the flash of sadness in Noah's face; blue eyes looking longingly toward the bedroom.

"I'll go and get him." Holden suggested, patting Noah on the shoulder.

He arrived at the closed bedroom door and first pressed his ear to it before knocking softly and calling, "Luke? It's Dad… can I come in?"

He heard a quick shuffling behind the door but there was no reply.

"Luke?"

"Um…" Came Luke's uncertain reaction, "Um… yeah… okay… yeah… sure…"

Holden opened the door to find his son standing as far away from it as was possible to get; back pressed against the built-in closet.

He was showered and dressed, his hair hanging damp over his eyes.

"Hi." Luke greeted.

"Hey." Holden replied, keeping his voice calm and happy, "How you doing son?"

Luke's eyes kept darting between Holden and the bathroom door, but froze when he noticed his father watching him intently.

"Lunch is ready. We've been waiting for you." As a test Holden took a few steps closer. He kept moving slowly forward; watching the panic quickly rise on this son's face with each step.

"Don't come any closer!" Luke blurted suddenly, holding out his hand in a stop motion. He shook his head, wide eyes brimming with tears.

"It's okay Luke."

"I know. I know it is… But… I'm so sorry Dad. It's just…"

They stared at each other for a moment. It was obvious to Holden that Luke was devastated by his own reaction but completely unable to control it.

Luke nibbled at his lower lip, watching Holden with weariness. Eventually he asked with guilt, "Can you get Noah?"

Holden smiled, trying to show Luke that things were okay, "Sure."

Luke nodded gratefully and Holden backed out of the room, scratching his head as he walked up the corridor to the sitting room where, by now, the family were gathered around the table laughing as they shared a few playful jokes.

Nicholas was already tucking into a bread roll with the relish that always made Holden smile, while Noah dished some rice on Mia's plate. Lily was in the process of pouring everybody a glass of lemonade and looked up as Holden entered.

Noah stood from the table immediately; asking Holden a silent question.

Holden shook his head and hated how Noah's shoulders sagged.

"Luke's asking for you." He said, trying to sound upbeat so as not to worry the kids or Lily, although her eyes were clouding over in suspicious worry.

"Okay." Noah replied softly, dropping the serving spoon and trying to smile; trying to show reassurance he obviously wasn't feeling.

He was just about to go when a tiny voice stopped him.

"Come Luke… come… come…" Nobody had noticed Mia slip silently from her chair and disappear toward the bedrooms.

She emerged now with a reluctant Luke in tow, their hands clasped together and Mia pulling Luke forcibly along.

Luke gulped as they reached the sitting room and Holden smiled at the sight of them.

"Mia… um…" Luke scratched the back of his head, "Mia says lunch is ready?"

"Lunch Luke!" Nicholas exclaimed with innocent excitement; grinning around a mouthful of roll.

Holden watched Noah now, stoic as always; fighting that internal battle so typical of him, approach Luke and kiss him gently. He smiled as he encouraged Luke to the table with one arm supportively held around Luke's shoulder.

…

Noah sat on the bed, softly tracing Luke's scars with his fingertips. Africa had left visible scars in two different places.

There were the three remaining thin lines crisscrossing Luke's shoulders; the worst one running all the way to the small of his back. These scars had flattened out a little, but the longer one was salt-white and clearly noticeable.

And then there were the rough and shapeless scars around his wrists where the rope had burned through this skin.

Noah grimaced as he reached for the tube of ointment from the bedside table; strong smell of menthol quickly filling the room as he unscrewed the tiny red cap.

Chris Hughes prescribed the cream while they were still in Oakdale. He said it would help diminish the scarring and Noah was impressed with how effectively it was working. Considering all things, Luke's skin was healing surprisingly well.

The hidden scars though, the emotional ones, remained; deepening with each passing day. And Luke wasn't the only one carrying these. Noah felt a sick sense of rage, fear and pain each time he attended the wounds; it sat heavy in his stomach like a cold hard rock.

Finished applying the cream he wiped his hands on a small towel and tossed it to the bottom of the bed. Leaning over he disturbed the hair at the base of Luke's neck so that he could find a patch of skin and kiss him there. Luke's body shivered under his touch and Noah heard him sniff.

"Don't worry baby." Noah whispered, turning off the nightlight and crawling into the bed beside him, "We'll work it out like we always do."

"I'm being so unfair to you Noah…"

"It's okay…"

"No it's not!" Luke cupped Noah's cheek and sighed. "I hate being this way… doing this to you…"

Noah shushed him, "Hey, you did a brave thing today right? You felt an attack coming on but you faced it and you came to lunch."

"But that's my family Noah! I get why I'd fear the outside… but my own parents? What's with that?"

"Look… for a week it's just been us and… and you haven't been outside or seen anybody else since the airport. You were just a little spooked… that's all…"

"But…"

Noah placed a finger on Luke's lips, "But you got over it. And that's the important thing."

Luke sighed deeply and burrowed closer to Noah. Noah kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes; hoping sleep would come.

"Noah?"

"Hmm hmm?"

"You will talk to me right? If… if you're struggling… I mean… I know Dad's here so you can talk to him… but… I…"

Noah shifted uncomfortably in the bed. He was trying not to think about the week to come. His plan was to avoid all newspapers and television reports. Besides, he was over it. He'd pushed what happened far down inside and gotten on with his life. He wasn't about to let the approaching sentencing dredge it all back up again. And he certainly didn't want Holden or anybody else finding out.

"It's always you taking care of me." Luke was saying, "It's always been that way! You never… you never let me take care of you too... and… and I'd really like it if you'd come talk to me instead of Dad if you need to. I can handle it. I promise."

Noah kissed Luke's temple, "I know you can. But I'm gonna be fine. And I definitely don't want to talk to Dad about this. I don't want them to know Luke. Ever…"

Luke nodded, "I know... I just… You and Dad have gotten really close so… I thought you might…"

Noah lowered himself in the bed so he could look Luke in the eye, "Luke, I'm fine. Really."

Luke nodded, but something was obviously still bothering him.

"What is it?" Noah asked.

Luke swallowed, "I wanted to go."

Noah squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I know you did."

"One of us…"

"Luke…"

"One of us needs to go."

Noah shook his head.

"Otherwise he's going to think he beat us! And I won't have that! I won't!"

Noah gripped Luke's shoulder tightly, eye to eye, "Then you go."

He watched the internal tussle in Luke's eyes.

"You can do it." Noah told him.

Luke turned flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. He banged his arms against the mattress in frustration, "Shit! I hate this!"

Noah reached over and squeezed Luke's hand to calm him.

"Sorry." Luke whispered.

Noah smiled and rolled over the top of him, "What for? Being passionate? I love that you're so passionate!"

"Even when it lands us both in Africa?"

"Except those times."

Luke smiled, "You really are amazing… I'm so lucky."

"Why?" Noah asked with a glint in his eye, "Because no other man would put up with you?

"Hey!" Luke laughed. "I'll forgive you for saying that because you're probably right!"

Noah pressed his forehead into Luke's, "I'm just relieved to have you home. And tomorrow is Nicky's birthday."

Luke grinned, "Yeah."

"So let's just concentrate on having a little fun tomorrow. God knows we could both use a day off from it all!"

"Okay." Luke whispered, lifting his head from the pillow to steal a soft kiss from Noah's lips.

They enjoyed a long moment of simply staring at each other, Noah lightly stroking Luke's sideburns.

Eventually Noah dropped his head to Luke's chest and they held each other, legs all tangled above the sheets; it being far too hot for covers.


	129. Overcoming 3

Creamy brown eyes were studying him fondly when Noah woke and lifted his brows in surprise. It had been a while since they both slept through the night.

"Morning." The man to whom those eyes belonged smiled warmly while lying on his side with his head sunk deeply in a pillow. He looked rested and his dreamy expression gave Noah butterflies.

"What are you doing way over there?" Noah complained groggily, reaching his arms out over the gap between them, "Scoot over sunshine!"

Luke laughed, "You know I'd love to but…"

"But?" Noah drew out.

Luke indicated to the bottom of their bed with a bob of his head and Noah chortled as he lifted up on his elbows to see the obstruction; two little boys curled together, gently sighing in contentment.

"Explains why I have pins and needles in one foot! I wonder how long they've been down there."

"Who knows?" Luke agreed, "Too excited to sleep and went on an exploration mission."

Noah chuckled and sat up to run his fingers through Nicholas's jet black hair. He smiled and kissed the boy on his warm cheek, "Happy Birthday big guy."

He closed his eyes and flopped back into the mattress, stretching his arms above his head with a satisfied groan.

"He's getting better isn't he?" Luke asked contemplatively.

"Hmm? Who? Nicky?"

"Yeah. Dr. Mishra's snack box idea seems to be working. At least it's been a while since we've found any nasty surprises lurking in cupboards or under beds…"

Noah nodded, "…now that he has a dedicated place to hide his food."

"I guess it makes sense when you think about it. I mean Ethan over here has his blankie." Luke lifted and dropped one corner of the faded and tattered blue baby blanket the sleeping Ethan had clutched between his fingers. "Nicky's tuck box is simply his version of a security blanket."

"Yip… and one I'm hoping he'll outgrow sooner rather than later…" Noah smiled.

He turned and reached over the sheets to take Luke's hand in his, smoothing his fingers over the gaps between Luke's long fingers while his thumb rubbed the rope marks around Luke's wrists. Luke's eyes closed at the touch as Noah pressed their palms together.

"Feels so good to be home." Noah mumbled; breathing in the comforting smell of clean honey scented sheets and groggy Luke. A smell made even more intoxicating by the slight saltiness on the morning breeze blowing in through their open bedroom window. "Hey, maybe we should hit the beach for a swim before breakfast?"

"Great idea! Ethan will love that!"

Their conversation was interrupted by a slight shuffling from the doorway. They looked over to find Mia standing there, red hair frizzy and mussed up as she rubbed sleepy eyes. Her hand was full of the ear of her stuffed pink bunny and it dangled lopsided by the side of her face as she yawned.

Luke rolled over toward the doorway, disturbing the boys who shifted and moaned their disapproval in their sleep.

"Come on over sweetheart." Luke said, stretching his arms out in invitation.

She smiled her one hundred watt smile; the one that always made Noah's stomach clench in love for her; and padded over to where Luke could reach her and lift her onto the bed between them.

"Pinola wants to sit here," she instructed, seating her bunny up against the headboard between the pillows, "so she can see."

"Oh?" Noah asked with mock seriousness, bending to give Mia a kiss on her temple as she laid out flat, "Pinola's not tired? She doesn't want to snooze some more?"

Luke buried his face in the pillows, stifling a laugh. Noah grinned at him.

"A-a..." she shook her head vigorously from side to side, "Pinola's too excited…"

She yawned widely with a slight squeak.

"Why's that?" Luke asked, even though he knew the answer.

With eyes already drooping back to sleep she muttered, "Nicky's par…"

She didn't even finish the sentence.

"And she's gone!" Noah smirked, already snuggling down, "Perfect."

"Yeah." Luke agreed, reaching over to run his fingers lightly through his husband's hair as he closed his eyes to drift back off himself.

...

Lily Walsh Mason Santana Grimaldi Snyder was known in the business world for her levelheadedness. During a crisis, while the rest of the office lost their nerve and ran around like headless chickens, Lily could be found at her desk, calmly surveying the landscape and coming up with quickly thought out solutions.

She was cool, composed, some would say even brutal; a trait no doubt inherited from her mother, Lucinda. She used her beauty, wit and intelligence to navigate the intricate world of business boardrooms and the men who dominated them.

However, as her numerous married names attested to, when it came to her personal life Lily had the potential to descend into madness and be rendered incapable of making any kind of rational decisions. And this trait was especially magnified when it came to anything concerning her children.

When emotions inserted themselves within the thought process, the normally controlled Lily would simply 'lose it'; to coin a favourite description used by her daughter, Faith.

And so, as she spotted her husband leaning sideways and cross-heeled against the frame of the boy's open doorway, she once again thanked God for his strong presence in their lives. Through-out any crisis she could always rely on Holden to keep everybody buoyed above the stormy waves.

His arms were crossed lazily in front of him and his face was contented as he gazed inside the bedroom. It was nice to see after those days of worry while they waited for news on Luke and Noah's whereabouts in Africa.

Holden turned his head and smiled at her; forefinger coming up over his lips while he gestured her forward with his other hand.

"Come see this…" he whispered and she tiptoed down the corridor to join him.

As her husband's arm rested around her shoulder, her heart melted at the sight before them; all their boys and one little girl snoozing contently within a beam of morning sunlight. She slipped her hand into Holden's back pocket and withdrew his cell phone.

"Quick," she whispered, "take a photo and e-mail it to me."

He smiled at her, unwrapping his arm and activating the camera on his phone.

"My new wallpaper…" She whispered.

Holden's right eyebrow rose, "What do _you_ know about wallpaper?"

She smacked his shoulder playfully, "I'm learning."

He grinned and slipped his phone away so he could pull her flush against him. She sighed happily within the warmth of his body; thoughts drifting to Luke as her eyes hovered over his sleeping face.

The very fact that her first born should arrive so unexpectedly one day on the kitchen floor should really have been warning enough that her son had no intentions of living his life quietly and without event.

From the very first moment she held him in her arms and he looked curiously up into her eyes, he'd set about finding any and every opportunity to get himself into trouble and cause her no end of worry and even fear.

But Luke never seemed to learn, because perhaps the worst thing about his exploits was his parent's inability to remain angry at him for long. Luke almost always had the best of intentions and how could you explain to a child that trying to help was wrong, when trying to help could also be so very right.

...

"_Luke!" She stumbled over a tree root and landed on all fours. The forest floor seemed to flicker as her torch fell and rolled away. "Luke baby…" She cried again, softer this time and in line with her emotions. Snot and tears fell like rivers and she heaved through her growing panic. _

_She could hear the far off cries and shouts from the Snyder men and women all out searching. She tried not to consider all the things that could have befallen a lost six year old boy, but her mother's brain was already imagining the deep waters of the pond or the black depths of the numerous wells. _

_The baby inside of her kicked in protest and she huffed in pain, sitting back against a large bolder. She rubbed her expanded belly in small circles trying to calm the child as well as herself. _

_Her eyes scanned the pitch blackness and she sobbed with frustration, angry at herself for not keeping a closer eye on her overly adventurous son._

"_Just like his damn father!" She voiced aloud and with bitterness, an image of the tall Maltesian flashing through her mind. She breathed deeply through her nose, trying to reign in her emotions so she could think clearly._

_Finally able to breath again she stood on wobbly feet and retrieved her torch. She wanted to run like a crazed banshee through the trees but she knew she couldn't risk another fall, so she took her time._

"_Luke? Call out to Mommy!" _

_A whistle blew somewhere on her left and her heart jumped. Somebody found something._

_She made her way toward the sound, "Holden? Anybody?"_

"_Over here Lily." It was Jack._

"_Jack?"_

"_Yes, this way."_

_She struggled through the darkness, feeling the scrape of sharp bushes and carefully watching her feet. The whistle blew again and then the sound of other approaching footsteps and people calling out for each other._

_She felt sick with worry until she heard it, "Mommy!"_

_She almost fainted in relief even though there was such obvious fear in his little voice. _

"_Mommy I'm stuck!"_

_Finally she found Jack illuminated within the perfectly round glow of his flashlight. She grabbed hold of his arm and he helped to steady her._

"_Jack! Jack! Where…?"_

"_It's okay. Lily it's okay. Calm down."_

"_Mommy!"_

_She started when his cry came from above her. She flicked her torch upward and gasped when she located his tiny face, white with fear, peeking through the gaps of leaves and branches above. _

"_Oh my God, Luke! How did you get up so high?" _

"_Mommy!" His small snivels pierced her heart._

"_Don't move! Okay baby? You hold on tight!" Her voice wobbled._

_Jack pulled her back and lowered his voice, "Lily… Get a hold of yourself! He's fine. We know where he is and we'll get him down safely. But you're not helping him by losing it!" _

_She sniffed wide eyed and nodded her agreement. _

"_What is it?" Holden asked arriving from out of the darkness followed by several others from the search party. _

_Holden automatically sought out his wife making her feel safe in his hold. _

"_Your son has climbed a little too high." Jack pointed skyward._

"_Daddy! I'm stuck!"_

_Holden shone his torch skyward, just as Lily had previously done. Many of the onlookers vocalised their amazement as Luke came into view. _

"_Luke! What the hell are you doing up there?" Holden shouted._

"_Terrance was stuck…" Luke gulped, as though this were the most rational of explanations, "He was stuck-ed in the tree…"_

"_Well where's Terrance now?" _

"_He climb-ded down..." Luke groaned with obvious frustration at having to explain his story while trapped high off the ground._

_Holden put both hands on his hips and frowned angrily at him, "Well he wasn't all that stuck then, was he?"_

_Luke burst into tears and Jack patted Holden on his back, "Come on man. It's not helping being mad at him."_

"_What are you waiting for?" Lily screamed in hysterics, sure her son would slip at any moment. Luke's crying was playing on her already tattered nerves. She pushed her husband roughly forward, "Why aren't you climbing already?"_

"_Lily calm down." Holden pulled her to him and she sobbed into his shirt, "It's not safe. It's way too dark for that."_

_Holden flashed his torch over the terrain highlighting as much of the darkness as he could, "Do you think we can get the JCB up here?"_

_Catching on Jack smiled, "Great idea!" _

_It took them over an hour to drive the yellow JCB through the thick forest, having to make the occasional stop to clear a rough path along the way. During that time Lily kept Luke talking, praying he wouldn't fall asleep but only too aware of his ever drooping eyelids. Eventually they were able to lift the dipper arm; Holden in the bucket; high enough to rescue the shivering boy. _

"_Oh sweetheart!" Lily cried as soon as Luke was safely in her arms. She licked her thumb and rubbed a dirt patch from her son's cheek, "Why must you always try to do these things by yourself? Why didn't you call Mommy or Daddy to help you rescue the kitten?"_

"_But what if Terrance fall-ded down?"_

_Lily sighed, "Luke, I know you wanted to help, but not at the cost to your own skin. Do you understand, son?"_

_Luke nodded, but Lily knew for sure this wouldn't be the last time Luke put himself at risk to help another. _

"_Hey Dad!" he exclaimed excitedly pointed at the JCB's bucket, fear and tiredness already forgotten, "Can we go for another ride?"_

_Holden shook his head in total exasperation, lifting the child to his hip and heading back toward the farmhouse, "Definitely not tonight, son. You'll be lucky if I don't ground you for life after this!" _

_..._

"What's wrong?" Holden whispered in her ear, bringing her out of her thoughts.

Lily hadn't even noticed she'd started crying.

Holden pressed his lips to the hollow between her shoulder and her throat, hugging her a little tighter than before and swaying them gently.

"They whipped him Holden. My little boy..."

"I know."

"What kind of animals are they?" She asked angrily, trying to keep her voice low.

Holden smoothed a hand over her forehead in his attempt to calm her.

"Of all the stupid situations Luke's gotten himself in over the years this…" Lily sniffed, "this is just so…"

"Shh. I know."

Slowly Holden manoeuvred them both to the kitchen and sat her down on a stool. He pulled a few tissues from a nearby box and handed them to her. It wasn't the first time she'd broken down over this and he knew it wouldn't be the last. It was a hard thought for any parent to face.

She took the tissues gratefully, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose.

"Will he be okay?" She half pleaded.

"Of course," Holden smiled knowingly, kissing the top of her head, "he has Noah."


	130. Overcoming 4

Mia's round cheeks flushed a healthy rose as she flashed her smile, eyes sparkling with excitement. Her tiny hands barely covered Nicholas's blue eyes while he peeked through her fingers; giggling.

All three kids were already dressed in swimsuits for the beach; Nicholas in his blue wetsuit, Ethan in his orange and Mia in her floral pink favourite. All the kids sported a bright strip of green sun-block over their noses; something Ethan decided was "extra cool".

"You're looking!" Ethan chastised with a laugh.

"Am not!" Nicholas countered, still giggling.

"Are we ready?" Noah called from the kitchen.

"No!" Ethan yelled, pointing at the birthday boy, "Nicky's cheating! He can see!"

Holden, Lily and Luke laughed from where they sat, scattered around the living room.

"No peeping Nicky!" Noah replied, "Eyes closed."

Mia pressed her fingers tight together and Nicholas squeezed his eyes shut.

"Okay we're ready!" Luke called.

Noah appeared from the kitchen, also dressed for the beach in red boardshorts and that blue t-shirt that always took Luke's breath away. His eyes literally glowed as they reflected the fabric as well as his mirth. In his hands, Noah carried a long, flat object wrapped in Batman paper.

Everybody oohed and aahed as Noah reached the sofa on which the three children sat.

"Wow it's big!" Ethan exclaimed.

"What is it?" Nicholas yelped with eagerness. "Can I look now? Ha? Ha? Can I look?"

Luke cocked an eyebrow at Noah who returned the unspoken question with a wink. Luke had no idea what was in the parcel. It was definitely larger than any of the gifts they'd agreed to get Nicholas for his birthday.

Luke smiled over at his parents. Both Holden and Lily were enjoying the scene immensely, Holden rubbing his hands fondly up and down Lily's arms as she sipped on a mug of coffee.

Luke had noticed back on the farm how his parents still referred to each other as husband and wife; even though legally they were divorced. He supposed it was out of habit and truthfully he loved this about them.

"Okay," Noah sung once the object was placed on the coffee table between them all, "You can look now."

Nicholas's usually expressive eyes blew wider than Luke had ever seen as Mia released her hands from his face.

"That's for me?" he asked in disbelief.

"Aha." Noah nodded,

By now all three children were on their feet, tiny hands smoothing over the paper in anticipation of what lay beneath.

Mia looked as though she might burst with curiosity, jumping eagerly from one foot to the other.

"Can I open it?" Nicholas asked in a whisper.

Luke laughed out loud, "That's the whole idea kiddo!"

He looked up at Noah as his husband's hand came to rest on his shoulder. There was a look in Noah's eyes Luke couldn't quite read. It was almost as if Noah sought comfort in some way, although he wasn't sure what for.

Nicholas was just about to tear into the wrapping when he stopped and looked over at Ethan and Mia; regarding them for a moment.

"Wanna help?" he asked suddenly and received enthusiastic nods from both of them.

The adults shared a happy smile at Nicholas's generosity while the children set about ripping the paper to shreds, revealing beneath a shiny new custom made surfboard.

"Oh my God." Luke whispered, dropping from the sofa to his knees to get a better look at it. He smoothed his hand over the lacquered surface on which, carefully arranged with great consideration were various designs he instantly recognised as drawn by Nicholas himself.

"Wow." All three children breathed in unison.

Luke traced the multicoloured blue and green patterns like the waves of the ocean, and followed a line of tiny turtles, crabs and seashells crisscrossing vertically up the board.

"It's beautiful!" He sighed.

"It sure is!" Holden agreed as he and Lily stood to peer down at the board.

"It's mine?" Nicholas checked again, just to be sure.

"All yours baby." Noah told him, squeezing his small shoulders and kissing the top of his head, "Happy Birthday."

"Happy Birthday Nicky." Lily repeated, leaning over the table to kiss the boy's temple.

"It's so cool!" Ethan beamed.

Luke stood to his feet, running a hand through is hair.

"When did you do all this?" he asked Noah in wonderment.

Noah shook his head, and Luke realised now that the previous look he'd seen on Noah's face was a kind of sadness, "I didn't."

It didn't take long for Luke to understand; he had only to stare long enough in Noah's eyes to read the answer. He took a deep breath and dropped his gaze to the surfboard.

A whispered "Oh…" blew from his lips like a burn.

"What is it?" Lily asked, feeling the sudden change in atmosphere.

"It's from Josh." Noah explained.

Understanding Lily nodded and stepped back into Holden's arms to give the small family some space.

"Josh?" Nicholas asked confused.

Noah squatted by the child and Luke felt tears sting his eyes.

...

_Noah had long abandoned his sound edits in favour of sneaking peeks at Nicholas as he knelt on a chair at the other end of the dining table industriously working on his next masterpiece. _

_Nicholas spent less and less time on drawing now that he'd grown in confidence in his new life and discovered in Mia the joys of having a regular playmate. But drawing was still Nicholas's most favourite hobby, not to mention the best way to get a look inside the child's head. _

_And it had become a habit, while Mia was at her therapy session, for him to share the dining table with Noah while they both silently worked on their individual projects; occasionally stopping for milk and cookies and sharing a fond smile. _

_Noah loved to watch him. Nicholas would frown down at the paper, occasionally scratching his cheek and at other times nibbling on the end of whatever coloured pencil he happened to be using. Noah could actually hear the cogs turning in his small head as he decided on the lines and shades he'd use next. _

_Sometimes the child would mutter or hum softly to himself as he worked. To Noah it was these sounds especially that made his heart ache in happiness. He would think back to the silent child Nicholas used to be and the first tentative time the boy uttered "No-ah". _

_He was about to suggest they take a break when a key jiggled in the front door and Josh entered, hair salt wet and slick against his cheeks. He was barefoot, wearing nothing but his blue floral boardshorts since it wasn't a long walk between the house and the beach. _

"_Hey kid!" Noah greeted, "How's the surf today?"_

"_Amped!" He grinned, "Water's extra warm and there was this dude hot-dogging it out there like crazy! I'll never be anywhere near as radical as that!"_

_Josh sauntered over to where Nicholas sat and peered over his shoulder at the drawing, "Beautiful dude." _

_Nicholas grinned up at his hero. _

"_Hey," Josh said, his eyes contemplative, "hang on a sec."_

_He disappeared toward the bedrooms and reappeared with a small sketchbook which he laid out in front of Nicholas._

"_For me?" Nicholas asked._

"_Yip." Josh replied, "But this is going to be a very special art book. So you can have it if…"_

"_If?"_

_Josh smiled and nodded, ruffling Nicholas's hair. He squatted down next to the chair on which the boy sat and held one hand on the book, "This book is just for patterns, okay?"_

"_Patterns?"_

"_Aha. Like these." He pointed to an area on the paper Nicholas had previously been working on. "I want hundreds like these, okay? All different ones."_

"_Okay." Nicholas agreed._

"_And," Josh continued, "Pictures of the sea."_

_Noah's eyebrows rose. He wondered what Josh was up to but he didn't feel right asking. He could tell this was something special for the two boys to enjoy. _

"_You mean like the beach and stuff?" Nicholas clarified._

"_Exactly! Anything to do with the beach and stuff… Deal?"_

"_Okay." Nicholas replied, obviously decided that sticking to a theme was a small price to pay for the ownership of a brand new sketchbook. "Deal!"_

"_Shake on it?" _

_Nicholas grabbed Josh's hand and they shook; gripped; thumb warred; twiddled their fingers together and broke their hands apart with a throw over their right shoulders. _

_Noah smiled at the secret handshake. He made a mental note to tell Luke about it. _

...

"Nicky," Noah continued after recounting the tale, "I found the board hidden in the garage. I think Josh had it made for you for your birthday."

Nicholas nodded and then smiled as he realised, "The patterns were for my surfboard." His chest puffed out proudly.

"Yes! Yes I think so," Noah returned the grin, sniffing back his own emotion and hugging Nicholas for a moment.

When he stood back up Luke kissed his cheek, shaking his head, "That kid…"

Noah threaded a hand through Luke's hair, "I know…"

They both released a breath of shuddered air and then Noah pulled back, "Okay! What do you say we try this new baby out?"

"Yes!" All three kids yelled simultaneously.

And suddenly the mood was jovial once more; Ethan and Mia asking Nicholas whether they could have a turn on the board. There was much noise and fuss as they collected towels and bags and headed for the door.

Luke watched sadly. He felt that now familiar kick in his stomach as the door swung open and a blast of warm air blew in on the wind. His hands started to shake and he quickly stuck them in his pockets to hide how bad it was.

Noah touched his shoulder and he peeled his eyes from the doorway, "You gonna be okay?"

Luke smiled crookedly at Noah, "Yip. I'll get breakfast started."

"I hate leaving you on your own."

Luke shook his head, letting Noah know it was okay. "Today's about Nicky."

"Come on Noah!" Mia called impatiently, "Come on!"

Noah grinned and grabbed the surfboard from the coffee table.

"Have fun!" Luke patted Noah's backside on his way out the door.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay here with you?" Lily asked from the doorway with a concerned frown.

"No, Mom!" Luke insisted, "Go! Enjoy! How often do you get to visit the beach?"

She laughed her agreement and waved as she left.

It was awfully quiet once the door shut behind her.

…

It was 7:30 by the time they made it to the sand and already the sun was beating down warm on their skin. The kids hit the beach running; barely giving Lily and Noah time to help remove their sandals in their excitement to get in the water.

"Feet _only_ until we get there!" Noah called after them. He grinned at Lily, "Nicholas couldn't even swim when he first came to us and now we can't keep him dry!"

Lily laughed, "Mia seems to enjoy it just as much."

"Oh yes!" Noah agreed, "She had a hard time with the water recently but really she was made for the beach that one. Apparently her mother had a great love for the ocean. Guess Mia inherited that from her."

"I have to say it's nice to be able to bring Ethan here." Holden added, shading his eyes from the sun as he watched the children running in the distance, "We never really found the time to bring the kids, did we? With the farm and everything else going on."

Lily took Holden's hand, "I know what you mean. Ethan's so lucky to have two such fabulous older brothers."

Noah blushed and smiled shyly. His heart warmed to hear her speak that way.

"We're the lucky ones." He answered. Then, clearing his throat, "So, shell we go?"

"Actually," said Lily, pulling back, "I think I'm going to head back up to the house and spend some time with my eldest. You guys go have fun."

Noah smiled; secretly pleased she'd decided to do so.

Leaving Lily, Noah walked with Holden down the dunes, carefully keeping an eye on the kids to make sure they didn't stray to deep. He shifted the surfboard under his other arm.

"Want me to carry that for a while?" Holden asked and Noah almost laughed; since Holden was already laden with beach gear.

"It's okay." He said, "I think I got it."

They spent an hour frolicking in the waves, trying out the new surfboard. Holden held onto Mia, who was still a little nervous about swimming on her own.

The ocean was calm and it was easy for Nicholas to demonstrate how to paddle the way Josh taught him. He seemed pleased to discover this was much easier to do on a surfboard sized for him.

"It's like a turtle!" He smiled, "Josh says that's why the sharks make a mistake sometimes and bite people. 'Cause they think surfers are turtles. That's what Josh says."

"I see." Holden explained, "And you're not scared of sharks?"

Nicholas shook his head, sitting still so Noah could lift Ethan up on the board behind him.

"Why not?" Holden asked, "I'd be scared."

Nicholas found this funny and giggled as they bobbed up and down on a wave, "Josh says it won't happen. So it won't happen."

"Yeah!" Ethan agreed; convinced that the amazing Josh of which Nicholas often spoke, could never be wrong.

Eventually the children grew hungry. Noah and Holden spent some time drying all three off with towels before they babbled noisily all the way home, eventually bursting through the door.

Noah laughed out load at Mia's tale of the time she dropped Pinola in the toilet. She scooted under his arm to enter the door just as he pushed it open. But the joyful laughter died dry in his throat as the air sucked out of his lungs. He halted, shocked, staring into the black eyes of Oliver Deagostino.


	131. Overcoming 5

Luke flipped the final pancake in the pan, watching as is spat and sizzled. He smiled when his mom rubbed her palm in the small of his back and kissed his cheek.

"You know, you really didn't have to come back." He told her again, although he was secretly glad she had.

"What," his mother joked, "and miss the opportunity to spend some time with my baby?"

Luke laughed, "Um… I hate to break it to you, Mom, but I think you'll find I passed the baby stage quite a few years back actually."

"Not as far as I'm concerned!" She replied, squeezing half a lemon over a pancake and sprinkling the shiny surface with sugar, "You'll always be my baby boy and nothing you say can change that." She rolled the pancake neatly, took a bite and grinned at him, "So there!"

Luke laughed, turning off the heat and resting the pan to cool, "Well, why don't you take your breakfast into the sitting room and let your baby make you a nice brew? Then we can sit and talk for a while. It feels like a lifetime since we did that…"

"Deal…" She kissed him once more on the cheek and left the kitchen, humming contently to herself.

Luke smiled and shook his head. It was fun spending time cooking with his mom; something they'd never done together before. Mostly because his mother was by far the worst cook alive and he wasn't afraid to tell her so. He laughed out loud, remember a disastrous dinner years back where she'd tried to be domesticated by cooking a beef dinner. Now _that_ was an experience!

Even Nicholas had learnt that it was safer to run if Lily ever got it in her head to cook. And Nicholas would generally eat anything.

He grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and flipped the switch on the kettle. He was amazed that his mother had managed to hold off asking him anything about his current predicament. He was grateful to her for that. These moments when things felt close to normal were rare and he really just wanted to prolong them as much as possible.

The first thing that hit him on his way to the sitting room was that the front door was open. He had to swallow back the knock of fear and grip hold of the coffee mugs to prevent spillage.

But anything he was feeling dissipated completely when next, he noticed Noah. The man was ashen; silent and still. It looked like he'd stopped breathing.

"…Oliver Lacopo; found to be living under the assumed name of Oliver Deagostino…" The name hit Luke's ears like a hammer and he gasped. His mother had the widescreen television turned on the news, "…dramatic and heart wrenching day in a court room in Torrance…"

Luke's skin crawled at the police mug shot of Oliver, looking stern toward the lens; face bruised and battered from how hard Noah had punched him that night.

"Although we can report on what was said we are not allowed to broadcast any of the video footage or show any of the horrific photographs discovered in Lacopo's Lakewood apartment…"

Luke could still smell the man's breath; remember the way Oliver's course hands felt when they touched him. But worse than that he felt the rage for what the monster did to Noah and countless others.

"…raped and fatally beaten…" the broadcaster continued.

"Turn it off." Luke found his voice. He meant that to be an order but it came out so softly his mother didn't hear him at first.

"What's that sweetheart?" She asked over her shoulder, distracted by the excited children desperate to tell her about their swim.

"I said turn it off!" he said louder and far sterner than he intended.

The report continued, "On Friday their killer will be sentenced and family of the victims are expected to attend…"

She fumbled a little with the remote but finally the screen went black.

"I'm sorry," she said confused, standing from the sofa, "I just thought I'd watch the news while I waited for you."

For the first time she noticed Noah standing frozen in the doorway, still staring blankly at the screen. She frowned, "Noah honey?"

Holden stood behind Noah half in and half out, unable to enter due to Noah blocking the doorway.

"You okay kid?" Holden asked.

Noah blinked and looked over at Luke for a moment; like he'd just woken up from some dark dream. Luke watched Noah close that part of himself off again; something the man was scarily good at doing.

Noah shrugged and shook his head smiling, "What are we all standing around for? Don't we have a party to throw?"

"Yeah!" the kids screamed, oblivious to the adult tension.

Noah collected all three of them and disappeared into the kitchen chatting merrily like nothing had happened.

Luke gazed at the floor; trying to reign in his own emotions but finding it characteristically impossible. He could feel both his parents' eyes on him.

"Luke?" Holden asked, "What the hell was that?"

Luke shook his head, "It's nothing for you to worry about."

"Didn't look like nothing."

Luke looked up and pleaded with his father, "It's not up to me to explain. Understand?"

Holden regarded Luke for a moment; his face clouding over but he nodded.

"It's Nicky's day." Luke said, trying to smile it off, "Let's… um… let's blow up some balloons!"

He moved quickly forward and opened a cabinet drawer where all the party decorations and favours were stored. It was a zoo theme, animal's being one of Nicholas's current obsessions.

Silently his parents joined him at the dining table. Grabbing a deflated balloon each, they looked over at each other, communicating silently in that same way Luke and Noah often did.

…

Noah opened the front door to smile and sigh at the same time, "Were you invited or did he just call you?"

"Both." She winked, hugging him. "He's just worried… that's all…"

Noah nodded as they broke apart "I know, but… really there's nothing to worry about. I just wish…"

He stopped and stared off into the distance.

"You wish…?"

Noah shook his head, "You know… I'm glad you're here. I wanted to ask you something about Luke. He's been-"

"Terry!" Luke greeted across the sitting room, cutting Noah off."

"Hey Luke!" The therapist grinned, crossing the room to meet Luke as Noah closed the front door.

"I'm so glad you could make it." Luke told her, squeezing her shoulders fondly.

"Thanks for having me." She replied, "I can't remember the last time I was at a child's birthday party." Her eyes scanned the hanging banners and groups of bright balloons; the table laden with sweets and crisps and the various guests already standing around with mugs of coffee; chatting merrily. "Looks like the adults are having fun, but where are the kids?"

Luke laughed, "Outside in the sandpit." Then he cupped his mouth with one hand as though sharing a secret, "Enjoy the quiet while you can…"

"Oh you!" She smacked him playfully and at the same time handed him a brightly wrapped gift.

"Oh… wow… Terry… Thank you! You really didn't have to bring a gift but I know Nicky will love it!"

Terry shrugged, "It's part of the deal when you come to one of these things… At least that's what my niece tells me…"

"Can I get you a drink Terry?" Noah asked.

"Cola would be great. Thanks Noah."

They watched as crossed the room to where a drinks table had been laid out.

"How's he doing?" Terry asked quickly.

"Honestly?" Luke asked, "No idea! He seems fine but then this morning… the thing with the TV…"

"You're worried he'd rather pretend this week's not happening…?"

"Yeah…"

"And you?"

Luke blinked, "What about me?"

"You were hurt in all this too Luke. Oliver may not have raped you but… he came close enough."

Luke watched Noah selecting a glass for Terry and carefully dispensing the cola.

"For me it's just… I guess it's more important that justice is done." He stared down at the gift in his hands, turning the box shape around and around, "It's kinda always been important to me that I go…"

"You go?"

"Yeah… I wanted to go… you know? To the trial?"

"But you were in Africa…"

Before Luke could answer Noah showed up with the drink and handed the glass to Terry.

"Oh that's perfect!" She took a long sip, "It's hot out there today!"

Noah smiled, "Just the way I like it!"

They stood in silence for a moment and Terry noted how Noah seemed to glance anywhere but at Luke.

"Because Luke can read him so well." She thought to herself.

"Noah, how about we have a little session while I'm here?" She suggested.

"Now?" Noah asked.

"While I'm here." She repeated.

"Um…" Noah's Adam's apple had a habit of bobbing when he felt worried or awkward.

"_And_ you Luke…" She added.

"Me?" Luke asked, surprised.

"Yes," she said, "I think it would be good for both of you..,"

"Everything okay?" An older dark haired man approached their group with a concerned frown. Terry had noticed him earlier, watching them with interest.

"Oh yeah, Dad, everything's fine. This is Terry Curtis she's…" his voice cut out when he realised he couldn't explain her presence without opening up a can of worms for Noah, "She's a friend of ours."

Terry looked over at Noah and noticed his look of relief.

"The family doesn't know." She thought, adding this to her list of things to discuss with them later.

Luke turned to Terry, eyes pleading, "Um, Terry, this is my Dad, Holden Snyder. He and my mother are visiting us from Oakdale this weekend."

Terry stuck out her hand, "Very pleased to meet you Mr. Snyder. You have two fabulous boys here!"

Holden grinned proudly, "Don't I know it! And please, call me Holden. Mr. Snyder makes me feel like I'm 80!"

"Oh, I know the feeling! Recently the cashiers in shops have gone from calling me Miss to calling me Ma'am! It's quite a shock to the system!"

Holden laughed out loud, "So… Terry… What's your connection to this little family? They've never mentioned you before?"

Terry had to think quickly. She didn't want to spill things for the boys but she didn't really want to lie either. In the end it was Noah who rescued her.

"She's our therapist." He said bluntly.

Luke's eyes widened in surprised.

"Oh I see." Holden replied without flinching.

Terry could tell instantly that the boys had a strong support in this man. More importantly, Noah seemed to trust him. She could use that.

"Yeah." Luke replied, "And… um… actually, Dad? We could use a few minutes alone with Terry… Would you mind looking after the guests and keeping the kids happy?"

"Of course I will!" Holden exclaimed, patting his son on the back.

"Great." Luke replied, looking over at Terry and Noah, "Shall we use the bedroom?"

Noah was the one to nod. He and Luke turned to head that way; Luke with his hands stuck in his pockets like a reluctant schoolboy. Terry smiled at Holden before following the boys. She couldn't help but sense there was still a lot of work to do with these two.

…

"So," Terry began, flopping back into an old sofa they had in the corner of their room, "I followed the news of your African adventure and I read your articles Luke. You guys must have had quite a scare…"

To be honest she had the fright of her life that morning, when she picked up the paper to see Luke's face plastered on the front.

"That's an understatement…" Noah huffed.

"Yeah, but… we're back now…" Luke began, characteristically trying to brush off the seriousness of the situation.

"Most likely in the hope he'll deflect Noah's anger…" Terry thought.

Luke's feet crossed at the ankles as he sat on the end of the bed.

"And what?" Noah snapped with an edge to his voice, "Everything's great? Back to normal?"

Luke frowned and Terry watched this exchange with interest.

"Is there something else I don't know about?" Terry asked, pressing the pads of her fingers together.

"Um…" Luke hesitated. He looked over at Noah who was standing near the closet. Luke was obviously searching for something but after not finding it he continued, "Since we got home from the farm… I've kinda been… um… stuck… I guess…"

"Stuck?"

"He won't go outside." Noah explained.

"Correction," Luke glared, "I _can't_ go outside. There's a big difference."

Noah breathed deeply; his face softening. He sat down on the bed beside the dejected looking Luke and pulled him into a hug; speaking with his chin on the top of Luke's head, "I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm snapping at you."

"Luke," Terry continued, "when you say you can't go outside… what's stopping you?"

She watched Luke's hazel eyes flitter as he considered this, "I'm scared." He looked up at her, "That's the only way I can explain it."

"And how long has it been this way?"

"About a week."

"It's getting worse too." Noah told her, "He broke into the drinks cabinet."

"I didn't drink any!" Luke was quick to say before she could speak. "I wasn't really thinking straight and Noah wasn't here…"

"I see." She chewed on the inside of her cheek, watching the two men from the lower vantage point of her chair, "Hmm. Okay. We're going to have to get some regular appointments in the diary for you Luke. I'll come here, obviously."

Luke nodded, "And what about Noah."

"What about me?" Noah asked.

"Noah," Terry said, "we should really discuss your feelings regarding the sentencing…"

"What feelings?" Noah questioned, standing to his feet, "Look at me." He indicated to himself, "Fine. Solid. Strong. Luke needs this far more than I do right now…"

"He needs therapy, yes, but…"

"Look!" Noah stipulated, "I don't want to keep dragging this up! That's all this whole trial business is doing; dragging up what should be kept buried!"

"Okay," she said, "Be that as it may, I would still like to see both of you this week." She looked pointedly at Noah, "If that's okay?"

Noah pulled his plaid shirt closed and crossed his arms, "Fine."

"Excellent!" She smiled in triumph, standing up, "Now that's settled… Show me to the birthday cake!"


	132. Overcoming 6

Noah nervously fidgeted on the large leather sofa outside the small auditorium, where, right at that moment, a group of test subjects and sponsors were viewing the first cut of "Rudimentary".

He wasn't able to watch it with them; opting to wait outside. To say he was anxious was an understatement. Despite Luke's insistence he had nothing to worry about; Noah continued to struggle with an undercurrent of self-doubt.

The fact that this stage in the process should come this week of all weeks only aggravated the feelings.

Did he do enough?

He checked his watch and noted the time. By now the film would be over and the viewers busy with a serious of questions to discuss amongst themselves.

His phone beeped and he checked the display to find a text message from Luke.

"Stop beating yourself up! I know you'll do great!"

Noah's stomach flipped.

What if they hate it?

He almost jumped a foot in the air when the door opened and his screenwriter, Harvey Backer, exited the auditorium. Frustratingly, Noah was unable to read anything from the man's bearded face.

"How's it going?" Noah asked, twirling the phone in his hands.

"The viewers loved it." Harvey flatly said.

Noah frowned. "But that's good, right?"

"Oh yes! Brilliant! Except the sponsors aren't happy…"

Noah felt that sinking feeling. "Why not?"

Harvey sighed. "They think the ending's too depressing. They want it to be upbeat. They want the guy to get the girl… ya know?"

Noah irritably shook his head. "But… this isn't a romantic movie… Nathan's love life isn't the plot point. This is about showing how life doesn't always work out the way you plan…"

Harvey defensively held up both his hands. "Hey, preaching to the choir! I'm the writer, remember?"

"I'm sorry." Noah conceded. "But they're crazy if they think we're going to rewrite the ending! It negates the whole purpose! They can forget it!" He started pacing. "I mean… if overall the audience likes it then we can argue the case, right?"

"We can try."

Noah stopped his pacing and stared out the window at the production lot. He started shaking his hand back and forth. In fact, for some reason he couldn't explain, his entire body was shaking. He felt sick with stress.

"Noah?" Harvey asked; confused my Noah's sudden silence.

"It's not perfect," Noah whispered into the air; so softly Harvey didn't hear him.

"Sorry, what?"

Noah turned and looked at his friend. "It's not perfect."

Harvey laughed. "Well, nothing's perfect, Noah."

When Noah didn't join him in his joviality, Harvey frowned, really looking at the director. His expression fell in worry, "Noah?"

"It's not perfect."

…

_Noah stood straight and pulled his shoulders back so they didn't slouch. He sucked his tummy flat; put the heels of his feet together and pointed his toes out at 45 degrees from the centre to create the perfect V-shape. _

_His hands were balled into fists, but not too tight; and he held both arms at his sides with only slightly bent elbows. He faced forward, keeping his chin level with the floor and focussing his gaze straight ahead._

_He tried not to let his eyes shift to the right where she stood watching. But he was curious._

"_Eyes forward!" The colonel demanded, catching Noah out on his lack of attention._

"_Yes, sir," Noah replied, correcting his stance. _

_He waited until his father had completed his inspection of Noah's appearance, as well as the state of the house. This was a weekly ritual on a Saturday afternoon after Noah completed his chores. _

_Usually the colonel would find something Noah hadn't completed to task; and Noah would be punished for that. But today the colonel had a visitor; this woman with curly hazel hair that stood frustratingly just outside of Noah's peripheral vision. _

_His father was keen to get on with the introductions, so without further ado he released his son with a straight, "At ease."_

_Noah relaxed and for the first time got to really look at the pretty woman standing by the front door, both hands gripping a cream purse. _

"_Kacy, I'd like you to meet my son, Noah." Winston placed a hand on Noah's right shoulder and pushed his son forward toward the woman. "Noah, this is my good friend, Kacy Riley."_

_Noah thought Kacy had a nice smile. Her blue eyes sparkled and crinkled up at the sides. _

"_Hello, Noah," she said. "I'm so pleased to meet you at last. Your father is obviously very proud of you. He speaks about you all the time."_

_Noah felt a foreign sort of warmth from that statement. He wanted to ask whether it was true, but he didn't dare._

"_Pleased to meet you, ma'am," he replied instead; taking her hand and shaking firmly. _

"_Your father tells me you're seven," she said, "but I can't believe that!" She released Noah's hand and turned to the colonel. "Winston, surely you must be wrong?"_

_Winston's eyebrows raised in question._

_But before he could speak she laughed. "He must be at least twelve? Such an attractive young man already!"_

_Noah beamed from ear to ear. He didn't care if he looked stupid. He liked Kacy instantly. _

_Over the next few weeks, and then months, Kacy became a firm fixture in their lives as her relationship with Winston Mayer progressed. _

_In private, the colonel was his usual distant and difficult self. But with Kacy around he became a completely different person. Noah liked it. He soaked in the affection the colonel showed him, even though he couldn't be sure it was real. If anything, he was confused by it all. _

_One day, while he and Kacy were playing a game of snap at the kitchen table, she looked over at him with a serious expression._

"_Noah," she gently asked, nervously tapping the playing cards on the table-top. "How would you feel if I were to move in here?"_

_Noah barely dared to hope. "You mean, live with us?"_

_She nodded. It was clear she was anxious over Noah's response. _

_Noah grinned, his lonely heart souring with possibility. "That would be awesome!"_

_He jumped up from the table and threw himself into her arms; drowning in the feeling of being wanted as she cupped the back of his head, pulling him to her. _

"_I'm so pleased you're happy Noah. I wasn't sure how you'd feel."_

_He pulled back to look at her. "What do you mean, Kacy?"_

_She waited a moment and then said, "You know… I'd never try to take her place, don't you?"_

"_Whose?" _

"_Your mom."_

"_Oh," Noah replied softly; feeling a little guilty that he hadn't even thought about it. Having no memory of his mother he didn't really understand why Kacy seemed so worried. "That's okay."_

_So Kacy moved in and, for a while, Noah began to believe in happy families. _

_But he should have known better._

_At the time, Noah was really too young to understand there was only so long the colonel could keep his true nature hidden from his new live-in girlfriend. _

_It started small; just the occasional snapping when Kacy got in his way or did something he didn't like. Painful words she let slide. After all, everybody has their off days. _

_Gradually it progressed to shoving. The colonel would push Kacy so hard that she often fell over. He'd always apologise afterward; helping her up and promising to change his ways; work on his temper. _

_The first time Winston Mayer hit Kacy Riley, Noah was on hand; helping her by holding the icepack to her eye. She bravely smiled at him; but the look in her eyes made him feel ice cold inside. _

_One night, after a particularly stressful day at work, the colonel came home in a mood Noah hadn't seen in a very long time. But that he recognised instantly. _

_Immediately, Noah embodied his submissive state; sliding into the shadow of a corner. But Kacy wasn't so lucky. How could she have known? _

_Noah climbed into the cabinet under the sink to shelter from the raging storm that became the Mayer kitchen that night. He watched his father spit his abuse and beat Kacy to within an inch of her life. _

_He stayed in that cabinet for a full hour, shaking with a fear he'd never experience before. His father had a temper, sure. Noah had seen this plenty of times. But never had he witnessed the rage his father inflicted that night. _

_He waited until he was sure his father had gone to bed, before crawling over the kitchen floor and curling his body into the sobbing, trembling, bloody heap that was his father's beautiful new girlfriend. _

_He woke up before the sun had even clipped the horizon; still lying on the kitchen floor. But Kacy was gone. _

_That night was the last time he ever saw her. _

_A month later, Noah answered the front door to find two police officers standing there. _

"_Hello, young man," one of them said. "Is your father home?"_

_He stood outside the sitting room, listening in as they questioned his father over the whereabouts of Kacy Riley. Apparently her family had reported her missing and a friend of hers mentioned the colonel. Winston explained how he and Kacy were no longer together and the policemen left. _

_So Noah carried on. He fell perfectly in line with this father's schedule and routine and shut his memories of Kacy away. And he was fine. Everything was back to normal. He was perfect. _

_But one day he came home from school to an empty house. He stood in the centre of the sitting room, listening to this father's prized grandfather clock ticking its deep minutes away. His schoolbag dropped to the floor with a thud. When the clock began to chime something snapped and Noah's world went black._

_Until…_

"_Are you listening to me?" The gruff voice was angry._

_Noah blinked and his father's heated face loomed large before him. His upper arms throbbed where his father squeezed them tight as the colonel roughly shook him. _

"_What the hell have you done?" His father was yelling at him. _

_Disorientated, Noah didn't understand what he'd done to get his father so mad. The colonel screamed at him for a full ten minutes; before throwing his son back into the wall. _

_Noah fell like a ragdoll to the floor and, for the first time, he saw the state of the room. _

_The clock lay on its face across the floor, wooden splinters and glass shattered everywhere. The sofa's were turned over, the cushions ripped to shreds. There wasn't a lamp that had survived the angry frenzy that must have taken place. _

_Even the few pictures they had were smashed across the room. _

_Noah gasped, tears falling fast. _

"_Explain yourself!" Winston screamed, gesticulating at the room. _

_But Noah couldn't._

…

The studios were small but it still took Terry a while before she found the auditorium where Noah said he'd be. After asking three people for directions she turned a corner and spotted the universal sign for the toilets.

She tapped lightly on the door to the men's and waited a breath before pushing the door open; cautiously peeping inside. The row of urinals was empty and she sighed in relief.

"Noah?" she called.

"In here." There were three toilet cubicles and the quiet voice seemed to come from the central one.

Peeking under the door she could just glimpse Noah's giant shoes. He was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the stall.

Grateful she'd worn her black trousers that day she slid down the neighbouring cubicle door and bent up her knees.

"So…" she prompted, speaking through the closed door, "…I'm pleased you chose to call me, Noah."

She heard a sniff and a slight shuffling sound.

"Why's this happening?" he asked.

She heard him inhale deeply, as though trying to draw enough air into his lungs to lighten his load somehow.

"It was always going to happen sometime, Noah," she replied.

"But… I was fine…" he insisted. "I was."

She fondly smiled, knowing how untrue that was.

"Noah," she asked after a pause. "Have you ever said it out loud?"

"Said what?"

"Have you ever told anybody what happened?"

"Yes," he replied. "I told you. I told Luke."

"When you reported the crime… yes, you did. But have you ever actually said those three words?"

"I don't follow."

Speaking very clearly and slowly she said, "I… was… raped."

She actually heard him swallow that time, in that characteristic way of his.

"How's that supposed to help?" he asked. There was a tremor in his voice.

"Because," she replied, "when you can say it, then you've accepted it. Until then… you're simply hiding, Noah."

His head made a loud, hollow thump as it fell back into the cubicle wall. Before he spoke again he banged it back a few times more.

"Shit." He finally whispered. After another few minutes of contemplative silence and in a tone like a small boy he begged, "Please… don't tell Luke about this."

"I won't," she replied. "That'll be your job."


	133. Overcoming 7

As if the agoraphobia wasn't bad enough, it began to dawn on Luke that being left on his own was pretty damn terrifying too. His skin was already starting to crawl; every sound from the outside world sounding twice as loud as it should.

A fact which simply made him feel even more ridiculous. This entire situation was making him feel pathetic and useless.

He'd tried to occupy his mind with working on his book; even spent a while Skyping with their friends back in Africa. But the quiet in the house was slowing building dread in the pit of his gut.

He ran through a list of phobias in his head, trying to find one to fit this new feeling; in the meantime reminding himself, that Noah was due home any minute; and if he kept concentrating on that fact, he might stave off another panic attack.

Regretting telling his folks he'd be okay while they took the kids to the park, he paced back and forth, as close to the front door as he dared. Luke glanced once more at the cell phone clutched in his hand, willing it to ring or beep or anything!

Trying to call Noah throughout the afternoon had, oddly, yielded no response.

This didn't help to steady his nerves.

He froze as keys turned in the lock, and took an unconscious couple of steps backward; air catching in his throat.

Noah's reassuring eyes held his and Luke calmed almost instantly. He waited until Noah had fully closed the door, before surging forward; meeting Noah halfway.

"So?" Luke enquired, wringing his hands as he walked. "How was it? How'd it go?"

He found himself enveloped tightly within Noah's lengthy arms only a second after Noah's rucksack hit the floor.

Luke smiled and squeezed back; enjoying the moment and waiting for Noah to break the embrace – fill him in…

But Noah didn't.

A full five minutes past and the man didn't move or make a sound.

Concerned, Luke softly asked, "Everything… okay… Bubby?"

He felt a shudder pass through the long body pressed against his own. He gently pushed Noah back. But the man was quick to hide his face.

"They didn't like it…" he tapered off.

"What?" Luke was astounded. "No… I'm sure you've got that wrong! I'm sure that they-"

But Noah patted Luke's arm, breaking away toward the bedroom, muttering something about going for a jog.

Luke knew this mood; at least well enough to know that pushing would only make it worse. So he ignored his natural instinct to step in and he uttered a simple and quiet, "Okay."

Noah stopped as he reached the passage. It was as though he'd just remembered something. He turned, eyes scanning the room; searching, listening.

Luke softly smiled. "Mom and Dad took them out."

Noah nodded. "Good. That's good." Then he vanished down the passage.

…

The promenade pounded under his feet; late afternoon sunshine hot; biting his skin, despite the noticeable chill in the strong wind whipping up off the waves.

A group of joggers nodded in greeting as Noah past; by now familiar with the long-legged runner.

Usually Noah would wave in greeting or stop to chat. But today, he barely registered them.

His brain burned with the same dry heat as his working lungs. This new memory gripped hard and refused to let go; snapping at synapses and nerves left dormant for years; opening yet another of those damnable doors he'd closed for protection; for survival.

This door was well and truly booted in. It hung; swinging on its hinges; the constant squeak hollow and echoing in his ears; driving Noah to distraction.

He tried to listen to his footfalls instead. He tried to fix the door – imagined barricading it with furniture; a chair, a dresser…

Anything…

He strived to get back to…

…to normal…

…to perfection…

Before he knew it, he was back at the house, bursting through the door. He felt a strong pang of guilt when his quick entry made Luke jump, but he was exhausted. He collapsed flat on his back, the carpet hot and tickly against his sweat-soaked skin.

The air wheezed past his lips to silent the scream inside his burning lungs. His chest heaved high with each intake and he gasped as he exhaled.

He flung one forearm up over his forehead and rested his right hand on his lower abdomen; struggling to settle himself.

By now his head thumped in rhythm with his heart; painful and heavy.

He felt the body lie down beside him, curl into him and rest it's head on his chest. Noah sighed and dropped his arm to clench his fist in the shirt at Luke's lower back. He stroked gently as his mind continued to uncontrollably whirl.

"I called Harvey Backer, because I was sure you had it wrong," Luke whispered into Noah's shirt. "He says they loved it. One of the audience members told him they hadn't watched anything so profound in years. Just because the sponsors want you to rethink the ending, doesn't mean they hated it…"

Noah coughed. But he didn't say anything. Luke could never understand…

"Can I help?" Luke's request was tentative; feeling the way with caution born from experience.

"What?" Noah pretended. It was always easier to deny then face what was truly being asked of him.

"This thing…"

_Stop!_

"…this thing that's worrying you and everything with Oliver and-"

Noah quickly hopped up, leaving Luke sitting on the floor. "I need to shower."

He paused when he saw the earnest look on Luke's face. Luke's lower lip was drawn between his teeth.

"I'm fine," he said, hoping it would be enough, even as he suspected it wasn't.

Luke stood, shaking his head. "I don't think you are."

Noah blinked; swallowed; felt a familiar anger and frustration building; that feeling that reminded him of his father and terrified the hell out of him at the same time.

He didn't want this feeling!

Mostly because, once unleashed, Noah was rarely able to control it.

"Something's eating away at you and-"

It was all becoming too much; piling up…

"I need to shower." Noah turned to indicate the conversation as over. He had to get out of there.

"Please don't do this…" the voice was so plaintive it dug a hole through Noah's chest.

Without turning Noah's voice quivered as he said, "I don't know what it is you want me to tell you."

"Tell me what's wrong."

For some reason those words were like a match. They sparked something deep inside and lit the fuse he was trying so desperately to keep hidden from the world. There was so much residual anger left over from the past he knew Luke was too fragile to be on the receiving end of.

It was the very reason why Noah had tried to ignore everything – let it go. But it was too late now. Too big…

Things blazed red. He spun on Luke. "You think there's something wrong with _me_?"

Luke's eyes were round and wet with the beginnings of tears. "Let me call Terry. Maybe she can come by and-"

"What?" Noah scathed. "Fix me?"

"Noah-"

"Because _I'm_ the one with the problem, right? It's me, right?" Anger was driving him now. Anger and white flashes of memory he struggled to forget. "You don't have any problems?"

"I didn't say-"

Noah roughly pointed at the sliding door as he once again cut Luke off. "You refuse to go outside but that's not a problem in your eyes? Apparently _I'm _the one with the issues?"

It was a standoff; Luke at a loss what to say or do; Noah puffing and growling with frustration. Everything went silent; seemed to magnify down to just this moment; walls stretching out and blurring sideways.

"Go outside!" Noah eventually commanded.

If he could get Luke to go outside, then he could start to fix everything.

Luke shook his head.

"I want you to go outside!" Noah demanded again. "I want you to go outside right now and show me just how okay you are!"

"You know I can't..."

Red erupted.

The next few minutes vanished behind a black curtain of sheer rage; a blur of muffled shouts, a scuffle, fingers digging painfully into his arms, a door sliding; slamming shut.

His chest hurt, his head pounded.

When Noah next came to his senses, he was eye to eye with Holden, heaving and shaking and utterly confused.

Holden, Lily and the children stood at the front door, regarding Noah with astonishment.

Holden's eyes flicked over Noah's right shoulder, through the glass door and out into the garden.

Noah blinked hard; the room coming back into focus.

The look on Holden's face turned Noah's heart to black ice. "Noah…?"

Noah broke. Realisation slammed into him. He stumbled backward. "Oh, Jesus!"

He spun; hurtling for the sliding door, thumping it open; jumping the wooden steps of the decking to reach the crumpled, shivering heap he'd dumped outside like it was nothing.

Sickness swallowed him; he almost threw up.

As Noah slid to his knees beside Luke, Luke fought the hands that attempted to help him up until he realised they belonged to Noah. Then he clutched at Noah's clothing; clinging to him for dear life and gasping out his name.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" The repeated words tumbled from Noah's lips like an avalanche as he pulled Luke to his feet and they staggered back inside.

It was only once they reached the sofa and Holden had closed the sliding door that Luke pushed Noah back; the look on his face, one of terrified disbelief and utter fury.

Noah felt like he was slowly dying. Another "I'm sorry" formed on his lips; but he couldn't get the words out. They were pitiful - powerless to make up for this. The words choked him, drowning in the tears that fell freely now.

He stepped forward; reaching out.

Without saying anything, Luke held up his hands in a stop motion, turned and headed down the passage. They heard the bedroom door slamming behind him.

Noah dropped – the sheer weight of everything crashing into him.

"Lily, why don't you take the kids outside?" he heard Holden say.

Holden squat down by his son-in-law and squeezing his shoulder. The touch was instantly comforting; but made Noah feel sick at the same time. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of them.

"Why did I do that?" Noah asked him.

Holden shook his head. For once the wise man seemed at a loss for words that would provide any kind of explanation or comfort.

Noah pressed his face into both hands and cried. Holden remained still, until Noah pulled back and stood, stumbling to grab his cell phone from his rucksack. He dialled the number with shaky fingers.

"Noah?" As he heard her voice through the phone, he realised Terry had been waiting for his call. He began to wish he'd taken her up on her offer to accompany him home that night. Maybe all this could have been prevented. "Noah?"

He struggled to speak; his lips shivered; making the formation of words difficult.

Holden took the phone from Noah's fingers; checked the display and said, "Terry, hi, it's Holden Snyder here. I think we have a situation over at the house. Any chance you could stop by?"

Holden confirmed the details with Terry before Noah felt himself being led to the spare bedroom and helped onto the bed.

"What have I done?" he whispered into the pillows; cotton covers already bleeding dark with tears.

Holden soothed Noah's arm; squeezing gently. "Rest. We'll figure this all out later. I promise. Just rest."

"Will you help, Luke?"

Holden smiled, "Already on my way."

Noah's eyes drooped closed. "Tell him… tell him…"

"I know. I will." Noah heard Holden pause by the doorway. "And Noah… he knows…"

…

Fear.

It was the undercurrent of everything these days; thrumming under his skin.

And it was enough to overshadow the burning anger he felt for what Noah had done.

Luke didn't want the children to notice him moving down the passage. He could hear them shouting and giggling; playing some or other game with Holden and Lily. He tiptoed; quietly pressed the handle down and slowly pushed to open the spare bedroom door; minimising any squeak that might alert the household to his wakefulness.

He was careful to shut it. Silent and still, he crossed the dark room; crawling onto the bed and burying himself in the safety of the slumbering body of his husband.

Noah sniffed; long limb hooking over Luke and pulling him in; tear-streaked face snuffling into Luke's neck; hands clenching at him.

Luke stroked Noah's hair; allowed sleep to take him.

…

Noah tucked his bare feet up under himself; scratched the side of his head, as he rested back with one elbow on the arm of the sofa.

Luke sat at the other end, his knees pulled up to his chest; regarding Noah with a soft frown.

Both had recently showered. Their hair was damp and they both wore sweats and worn t-shirts, looking like two scared little boys.

Terry perched on the coffee table between them, watching them both in turn. She'd never seen them sit this far apart before.

"So," she said all of a sudden, making both men jump. "Who wants to start?"

Noah looked at Luke. Luke looked at Noah. But neither of them spoke.

Terry leaned back on her hands, drumming her fingers on the tabletop. Eventually, she sat back up. "Okay. Why don't we start with one of you telling me what happened here tonight?"

Of course she had already gotten the full story from Holden. But it was important to hear it directly from Luke and Noah.

"I don't know what happened." Noah muttered.

"Yes you do," Luke's response was quick; surprising them both. He dropped his feet to the floor and sat up to better make his accusation. "You _do_ know! I tried to help you and instead of letting me, you went all Noah-ballistic on my ass!" Luke folded his arms and ducked his head in a huff.

Terry waited a moment, studying Luke with interest. Then she turned back to Noah. "Noah, what did you do?"

Noah sniffed and shook his head; profound regret clear as his forehead creased with concern in Luke's direction.

"Noah," Terry tried again. "You called me, remember?"

Noah nodded.

"I can't help you guys if you aren't willing to talk."

"He wants me to talk about things I'm not ready to." Noah snapped. "He's relentless!"

Luke made an angry sound like a snort.

"So?" Terry pushed. "What did you do?"

"I threw him outside, okay?" Noah stood and began pacing behind the sofa. "I didn't mean to! I'm not proud of that! But sometimes I really-" He quickly clammed up, slamming his lips shut in a thin line; folding his arms around himself like a cocoon.

"Finish that sentence, Noah."

Noah looked at Terry like she was insane. "I can't."

"Finish," she softly prompted. "I promise you… Luke will still be here when you do. He loves you. He's not going to go anywhere."

Noah gave her a surprised look; like he thought she might be capable of reading minds. It seemed to put him on edge and he stepped back a few strides.

"Sometimes you really what…?" Luke asked, standing to his feet, moving around the back of the sofa in Noah's direction. He was beginning to realise that this exchange was important somehow.

"I can't!" Noah told him, gritting his teeth.

"Just say it."

"No."

"Come on, Noah!" Luke took a few steps closer. "Say it."

"No!"

"Just fucking say it!" Luke shouted.

Noah threw his arms in the air. "Okay fine! Sometimes, I really _hate_ you! Okay? Are you happy now?"

In all her years as a psychologist, Terry had never seen a man display his feelings as openly as Luke Snyder. His face was an open book most of the time; and now was no exception.

She watched as the wind knocked out of him; eyes glassy; gapping; lost for words; hurt.


	134. Overcoming 8

Ten minutes past.

Fifteen.

Thirty.

Still, Luke quietly sat cross-elbowed on the arm of the sofa; back to Noah; shoulders slumped; eyes lowered. A feeling wriggled under his skin, terrifyingly similar to one he'd experienced during their darkest days; when Noah was blind and totally closed off to him; an old, yet shockingly familiar insecurity.

Noah had long succumbed to the floor. He was pressed against the front door, forearms resting atop bent knees. His shivering fingers slowly twisted at his shiny wedding ring; the only thing he seemed able to focus on.

Terry adjusted herself on the coffee table. It creaked loudly in the stillness; the movement startling Luke. He'd forgotten she was there.

He read something in her eyes and she bobbed her head in Noah's direction. Luke glanced over his left shoulder to regard the pitiful stance of his other half. He watched Noah carefully for the beat of a minute; face softening.

Standing, Luke padded over to the door and slid down beside his husband; their thighs slightly touching.

Noah jolted; not expecting the gesture. He couldn't bring himself to look at Luke; and pressed both his hands tightly between his thighs, as though afraid he'd reach out to touch Luke.

"Okay," Luke simply said; part whisper.

"Okay?" Noah was incredulous, cocking his head at Luke.

Luke nervously rubbed the side of his own thigh. "Well… yeah… We've been over this before. I _know_ what I'm like. I'm difficult and spoilt and I'm used to getting my own way. And I don't listen… especially when I should… I know all of that. I get what you mean… when you say you…" he swallowed as the word tasted bitter in his mouth, "…hate me… sometimes I even hate myself and…"

"That's not it…" Noah quickly interrupted.

Luke frowned, dumbfounded. "It's not?"

Noah sadly shook his head, taking a deep breath before saying, "You have a way of forcing things out of me. Most of the time that's a good thing… but… it can also make me crazy and… sometimes I… and then…" A loud shot of air puffed from Noah's lungs. He cast his eyes over Luke's face with such fear in his features that Luke instinctively reached for Noah's hand, wrestling it loose from its wedged position between Noah's legs. But Noah pulled back from Luke. "I'm going to end up hurting you again…"

"Noah… no…" Luke knew what this was; Noah's patent defence systems activated and in operation. Truth was he didn't know what to do. It seemed no matter how much he told Noah he was worthy of love, a part of Noah still refused to believe it.

"No?" Noah loudly spat. He jumped to his feet; turning with a scrape of fingers through his hair. "Luke!" He released a cry of frustration. "_Look_ at what just happened! Look what I did! And it's not the first time…" He flopped, lost, against the back of the sofa; eyes lowered as he once again fiddled with the ring on his finger. "It's like I want this to work so badly, that in the end… I slowly kill it. Just like before…" He began to tremble, tears forming as he stared down at Luke. "It's just like before."

Luke understood. He'd always struggled to get Noah to open up, especially when Noah preferred to keep his thoughts and, worse, his feelings, hidden. There was something bothering the man; and, as was his way, Luke had pressed too hard in his desperation to help.

Luke stood to approach Noah now; quickly taking shadowed cheeks in his palms. "Stop… please…"

"Don't you understand?" Noah pleaded, gripping Luke's wrists tight enough to burn. "He's inside of me, Luke!"

Luke felt his insides ache.

"I feel him there laughing at me, telling me 'I told you so,'" Noah continued. "That's why… it's why I _have_ to get it right. It _has_ to be perfect. _Everything!_ You understand? The way he'd never expect it to be, so that…"

"So that he can be proud of you?" Luke struggled to hide the slight annoyance in his tone.

"No!" Noah released Luke and took a step back. "No! So that he doesn't beat me! So he doesn't win!"

Luke's whole body seemed to droop with tiredness. Were they really back here? Full circle? When would they be rid of the colonel's shadow in their lives?

As if reading his mind Noah said, "I'm more like him than either of us wants to admit."

"No." Luke insisted.

"Yes." Noah maintained. "And because of that, we can never be rid of him…"

Feeling completely helpless, Luke searched the room for answers, finally settling on a question instead. "Where is all this self-doubt coming from? I thought we were done with this. Noah… why have you let him back into our lives?"

Noah's eyes darted around, eventually settling on Terry; almost pleading for her to step in and stop this line of questioning.

But she remained silent; returning his gaze and slightly nodding for him to continue.

"Tell me," Luke sternly said. "'Cause this is more than just the sentencing or your film… or the way I've been… Something else is going on here… You promised you would try. Remember? Back when I first knocked on your door… No more running."

Noah nodded.

Luke cocked his head. "Let me help... Please…"

"I don't know if you can. Not with this."

Luke slowly closed the gap between them. "Okay, so we discover you're right and I can't help." He reached out to take hold of Noah's hand; and this time Noah let him. "But I can listen. I can be here. You're not alone."

A tear rolled down Noah's face as he dropped his eyes to their joined hands. "I think my father murdered someone."

Luke blinked. That wasn't what he expected to hear at all. "Yeah…" he said confused. "He did. We know that… so…"

Noah lifted his head. "Not just… not just my mom and…"

"What are you saying?"

Noah drew a shaky breath. "What if my mother wasn't the only one? He tried to kill you, after all… I've been having these flashes. Ever since Africa… and… Today it seemed to make sense." Shaking with regret, Noah continued, "I let it happen. I let him get away with it because a part of me didn't want to believe he could…"

Time passed and they found themselves once more leaning up against the front door; Noah leaning back into Luke's comforting arms.

Impatient with the sudden lag in conversation, Luke whispered into Noah's ear, "Tell me…"

"This woman my dad was seeing…" Noah continued with a sigh. "Her name was Kacy… Kacy Riley. She moved in when I was twelve and she was amazing." He smiled at the memory. "For a while, I really believed things were gonna be okay. And Dad seemed… happy even..."

He told Luke the story as best he remembered. He stopped after recalling that last night with Kacy; with the blood and the screaming.

Luke was silent with shock by the end of it; cheeks glistening with tears at the thought of all Noah had been through. "God, Bubby…"

"I never told anybody… Not even when the police came. I just said she left."

Luke hugged Noah close. "You were scared. Noah… it's okay… you were scared."

Noah gripped Luke's crossed arms like a life preserver. "Luke, I don't hate you."

"I know." Luke pressed a few soft kisses into Noah's shoulder blade in reassurance; a catalyst that seemed to break through to Noah, causing a flood of wreaked tears Luke could do nothing but hold him through.

It was impossible to tell how long they sat there for. It was Terry that broke the silence.

"Luke?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" Luke sniffed.

Terry smiled at him. "You did a good job."

Luke looked down at Noah only to discover the man was fast asleep, chest moving rhythmically beneath the thin cotton of his shirt.

"He's worth it." He replied, eyes still on Noah.

"Seems this may have been therapy for you, too…"

Luke looked up at that. "How so?"

Her smile turned into a grin, white teeth dazzling in the lamplight. "Look where you are…"

He blinked and felt a shiver as realisation hit him. This whole time, he was so focused on Noah, he failed notice his proximity to the front door.

"How do you feel?" Terry asked.

"A little nervous now that you've made me aware of it."

"Do you feel like you want to move?"

Luke sat still for a moment, assessing his reaction. He glanced down at Noah, smiling and shaking his head.

"No," he replied. "I feel fine."

"Well," Terry said, slapping her thighs and getting to her feet. "I'd say this has been a successful session then."

"Will you look into what Noah said?" Luke quickly asked as Terry made a move to leave. "About this Kacy person and the colonel?"

Terry nodded. "I'll speak to some guys I know on the force. In the meantime, I think you should get yourselves to bed. Tonight's been a trial on both of you."

…

"It's just a door." Luke cocked his head at the wall of glass a few feet before him.

All was quite and dark in the house. The clock on the mantle chimed 3 a.m. and Luke jumped slightly.

"Just the clock, Stupid!" Luke knocked himself over the head for emphasis. Then he readied himself once more. "It's just a door," he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. "It's just a door that leads out into your garden… in Los Angeles… where you live… with Noah." He softly smiled as that thought warmed him through. "Which is why you have to do this!"

With determination he took a step forward. But that freaked him out entirely and he ended up two steps back.

"Fuck!" he softly swore; conscious of the sleeping household. Again he concentrated on the world outside the house. "Maybe it's too dark…?" he wondered.

He made his way across the room until he could plaster himself to the wall. Then, slowly, inch by inch, he slid himself closer to the exit; until he could reach out his arm and flip the switch for the outside lamp.

It came to life in a misty glow that Luke prayed wouldn't wake anybody. But he definitely felt better now that he could see the decking outside, as well as a thin sliver of freshly mowed lawn.

"Thanks, Dad." He smiled at the memory of Holden pushing the mower up and down that afternoon; under the ever watchful and curious blue eyes of Nicholas.

"That's right," Luke told himself. "This is for the kids. Think about Noah and the kids."

Taking another deep breath, he began the agonising journey toward the outside. Instantly, he felt as sweat began to bead and drop down the side of his neck. His body flamed and yet shivered; making his movement ever more wobbly and uneven.

He wanted a drink _so_ badly!

That thought scared him senseless and suddenly he was in full blown panic; gasping for air; desperate to move and yet frozen to the spot.

"Shitshitshitshit…" he muttered under his breath; willing himself to backtrack to safety.

His feet shifted like leaden tombstones. But he made it to the nearest armchair and fell back into it with an angry frustration.

He would have cried had a shuffling of little feet not caught his ear. Looking up he spotted Mia, like a breath of fresh air, innocently watching him from the doorway; ever present rabbit fisted tightly in her right hand.

Forcing a smile, Luke said, "Hey… What are you doing up, hmm?"

She tiredly shrugged; eyes drooping with sleep.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head; eyes hopeful.

"Me either… Wanna sit with me?"

She smiled wide and made her way over to Luke; crawling up on his lap and laying her head on his chest.

He was still shaking from his efforts to overcome his fear, but felt instantly better. The child always seemed to have that effect on people. Her quiet, calming aura filled the room and he hugged her close; conscious she had no way of knowing just how much he needed her there, right in that moment.


	135. Overcoming 9

Luke opened heavy eyelids to an empty bed; just a Noah-shaped crease left in the sheet beside him. He rolled lazily over to check the clock.

05:03

Noah's early-rising habit was drummed into him since birth. It came from growing up in a military lifestyle with an anal-retentive father. But over the months, Luke's laidback habits had begun to rub off on the young director. Lately, Noah enjoyed a few more minutes in bed; especially if those few minutes included cuddling under the sheets.

So even for Noah, 5 a.m. was earlier than he'd usually rise on a work day.

Luke yawned, stretched and dozed in bed for five minutes; the sleepless night taking its toll, his heart still heavy with everything that came to light.

As much as he would have loved a few more hours of slumber, he was eager to check on his husband; make sure Noah was coping after all that had happened with Terry.

He groaned as he found his feet and shuffled to the bathroom; scratching an itch on his outer-thigh. The shower was wet and Noah's towel damp.

Luke left his shorts in a puddle on the floor and stepped into a lukewarm shower; spots of cold water blasting away the sand in his eyes and refreshing his skin. He shivered but didn't turn up the heat. He needed the tiny icy blasts to wake him up.

…

When a dressed Luke sauntered into the kitchen, he wasn't surprised to find his father already there. The older man sat at the counter in his pyjamas; morning edition of Luke's newspaper spread open before him.

"Oh my God!" Holden teased. "Quick! Get out the camera! Luke Snyder… up before the sun!"

"Ha… Ha…" Luke scoffed.

"Interesting article today, Son," Holden complimented, lifting his coffee mug in mock toast.

"Thanks, Dad," Luke smiled. "Um, have you seen Noah?"

Holden frowned over the rim of the mug. He placed the cup down, licking foam off his corner lip. "I thought he was asleep."

Luke breathed a little too loudly.

"Something wrong?" Holden asked.

Luke considered for a moment, but shook his head. "No," he said, reaching inside the top shelf for a clean coffee mug. "I'm sure it's fine. Maybe he just went for a run to clear his head."

"Tough session with Dr Curtis, ha?"

Luke sadly nodded. "He's really struggling, Dad. And I feel terrible! Because, until last night, I didn't realise how much…"

Holden stood and gently squeezed his son's shoulders.

"I'm so damn selfish," Luke continued, shaking his head in dismay. "I've been so wrapped up in the whole Uganda thing and getting the word out there." Luke grabbed the newspaper off the counter; scrunching it slightly in his fist before banging it back down with a thud. "I should have paid more attention."

"Luke…" Holden rubbed his son's back thoughtfully. "I'm not gonna lie, you messed up this time. And it hurts us to see Noah so worried for you; especially when you've caused most of your own suffering…"

"Gee, thanks, Dad." Luke crossed his arms and glared at his father. "Is this supposed to be making me feel better?"

Holden smiled. "I'm proud of you for making a stand when others need help. I've always been proud of you for that. I'm not saying the situation is _all_ your fault… Noah still needs to learn to let go of that emotional control he has over himself. It's not easy to help him when he closes himself off so much."

"Yeah, but at least he's talking to _you_ about stuff now… I just wish he'd talk to me…"

"_Some_ stuff…" Holden reminded Luke; glancing knowingly at his son.

After the incident with the news broadcast, Luke should have known it wouldn't take long for his astute father to put two and two together.

Luke sighed; glancing away so Holden couldn't read the truth there. "Yeah…"

He poured himself coffee from the fresh pot Holden made; staring out at the early morning dew glinting like tiny diamonds on each blade of grass.

"What are you thinking?" Holden asked, returning to his seat at the counter.

"I'm wondering what time he went out…" Luke sipped on the warm drink as he considered this. "How long have you been up for?"

"Not long," Holden admitted. "Fifteen minutes maybe."

Just to be sure (and because something was niggling inside his brain) Luke searched the house; only to discover that Noah's truck keys, wallet and cell phone were all missing.

"He's already left the house for work?" Holden asked.

Without replying, Luke located his phone and dialed for Noah.

Holden watched him. "Voicemail?" he asked when Luke's face fell.

Luke nodded, waiting for the automated voice to finish so he could leave a message. "Hi, Noah, it's me. Could you call when you get this?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Holden assured, as soon as Luke had hung up. "Just had an early shoot or something…"

"They've finished filming, Dad."

"Well, maybe he's getting in some early edits? He'll call back."

"Yeah..." Luke wished he could be certain of that.

…

When the phone finally rang an hour later, it wasn't Noah's voice to greet Luke as he answered it.

"Hi, Luke." Harvey Becker sounded apologetic. "I'm sorry to bother you at home, but is Noah with you by some chance? We're due in a meeting and he's not shown up for work yet…"

That heavy feeling Luke had all morning swelled and sank to his feet.

"He isn't there?" Luke clarified, struggling to hold the phone to his ear as he fried eggs for the children's breakfast.

"Not seen him," Harvey replied, "…and this meeting's kinda urgent…"

"He left before I woke up." Luke's mind raced through all the possibilities but couldn't come up with anything plausible enough to explain Noah's out of character behavior.

"Luke? You still there?" Harvey's voice sounded anxious after Luke's long silence. "Look… I'm sorry if I've worried you… It's just not like Noah…"

"No," Luke agreed. "No it's not." He scanned the empty kitchen as though mentally willing Noah to suddenly appear. The eggs started to sizzle madly as they lay forgotten in the hot pan. Luke jumped into action. "Shit!" he grimaced; burning his finger as he quickly pulled the pan from the heat.

"You okay there, Luke?" Harvey worriedly asked.

"Yes," Luke replied, turning off the stovetop. "Yes, sorry about that. Just burned some eggs… Um… Do you think you can manage the meeting without him?"

"I'm not sure…" Harvey honestly replied. "These backers are really only here to meet Noah and…"

"Just cover for him," Luke begged. "Noah's been dealing with some private stuff and I think he may have taken some time without telling us…"

"He didn't seem himself yesterday…" Harvey agreed, growing quiet on the other end of the line as he considered whether to voice his next thought. "It's this trial, right?"

Luke sighed, rubbing at a throbbing pain developing in his right temple. He supposed it was only natural that people at the studio would talk.

"Yes… amongst other things…" he replied; closing his eyes to the immensity of it all.

"I'm sorry things are hard right now…" Harvey said. "Of course, I'll do my best. I'll just explain that he's ill or… Don't worry. I'll come up with something…"

As Luke thanked Harvey and hung up, Holden returned from helping Lily get the children dressed.

"That was Noah's screenwriter," Luke explained. "Noah's not at work, Dad."

Holden's features shadowed. Luke could see the man's thoughts twirling; just as Luke's were.

Quickly, Luke redialed Noah's cell, praying the man would pick up this time. But as before, the call went straight to voicemail; and again, Luke left a message.

"Where is he, Dad?" Luke asked; becoming desperate.

As if Noah cosmically heard Luke, Luke's phone beeped.

"Noah's sent a text!" Luke told Holden with relief.

"What does it say?"

Luke clicked the 'open' button and read, "I'm okay. I need to find her. Don't worry. I Love you."

"What does that mean?" his father asked. "Any ideas?"

Luke opened his mouth to reply, but was silenced when the doorbell rang.

"Hold that thought…" Holden said; leaving the kitchen to answer it.

Luke wondered whether his father could hear how loud his heart was pounding. He wanted to beg Holden not to open the door; but he wiled himself not to.

"It's fine," he whispered under his breath.

When Holden finally reached the door, Luke was astonished to hear Terry's voice.

"Morning, Doctor," Holden said; obviously just as surprised as his son. "What brings you here so bright and early?"

"Morning, Mr Snyder. I hope I caught Noah before he left for work."

"Terry!" Luke smiled; leaving the safety of the kitchen only after Holden closed the front door. "You missing us already?"

"Nice to see you too, Luke," Terry jeered.

Luke laughed. "You know that's not what I meant! Of course you're welcome anytime you like."

Terry gave Luke a one-armed hug in response before shrugging off her satchel bag and dropping it onto one of the sofas. "Is Noah home?"

"Well, actually…" Luke began.

But Terry cut him off. "I was so curious about the story Noah told you last night, I went straight from here to the office."

"And?" Luke asked, intrigued.

"Is he here?" she questioned again.

Luke shook his head and Terry glanced in Holden's direction before raising questioning eyebrows at Luke.

"You can talk in front of my father, Terry." Luke accented.

"Well, I found information on the investigation into the disappearance of Miss Kacy Riley. Colonel Winston Mayer _was_ listed as her partner at the time. He was questioned, just as Noah said."

"Wait a minute," Holden spoke up. "Back up… What is this all about?"

Luke spent a few minutes filling Holden in on what Noah had revealed during their session with Terry.

"God…" Holden whispered with horror. "That poor kid…"

"So," Luke turned back to Terry. "What else?"

"Well, it was Kacy's sister, Eleanor Crane, who reported her missing. The sister was convinced the colonel had something to do with it. A week before she went missing, Kacy confided in Eleanor that the colonel was violent. From what her sister said in the report, Kacy was frightened for her safety. Eleanor advised her to leave him."

"But we know she didn't…" Luke grimly said. "And now Noah's run off to prove it!"

"What?" Terry's head snapped round.

"Noah went missing this morning," Luke explained. "He's just sent me a text saying he needs to find her." Then a thought came to him. "The report doesn't happen to say where the Mayer's were living at the time, does it?"

"Yes, it does," Terry confirmed. "But that's not all it says…"


	136. Overcoming 10

Noah's northward drive was focused. He didn't notice his phone buzzing on the dash until the fourth message left by Luke. He felt guilty as hell ignoring him, but to answer he'd have to stop driving; and that wasn't an option. A part of him feared he'd change his mind and turn around if he did.

But he had questions that needed answers.

That morning he spent thirty minutes watching Luke sleep; lightly feathering the man's blonde curls with his fingers. He vowed that nothing like what happened the night before would ever happen again. Even if it killed him, he was going to find a way to deal with the darkness inside of him; before he destroyed his life and took his family down with him.

Accepting his father was a killer hadn't been easy for Noah. But he'd always thought his revelation at being gay was the catalyst to send his father into mental instability.

Of course he'd always feared his father; always known his father was capable of violence. As a child and even as a young man, that violence was simply part of life. Noah grew adept in the game of avoidance; if he could prevent his father's anger, he could prevent a beating. So he always did right; obeyed the rules. By the time he hit his teens he considered his father's idea of discipline as normal.

Mostly it was because Noah wanted to believe his father loved him; that the violence was nothing but a father's desire to shape his son into a decent person.

Until Luke came along and opened Noah's eyes to truth.

But now, with this new memory of Kacy, Noah would have to face that his father's mental instability may always have been there, even before the colonel found out Noah was gay. Worse than that, Noah had to face that he may well be the son of a serial killer.

The mere thought sent shivers down his spine. Because if his father was _this_ violent, _this_ evil, what did that make Noah? What did his shared DNA make Noah capable of?

With these thoughts swirling through his mind, Noah almost missed his turn; quickly swerving right to take the off-ramp.

Fort Irwin was a three hour drive from Los Angeles. But with his early start, avoiding most traffic, and his constant non-stop speed, Noah made it in a little over two. The base sprawled before him as he approached; flat expanse of military life; airfield glinting in the distance.

Noah pulled onto the roadside two yards from the main gated entrance. He sat with the engine running.

He felt sick.

He hated these places; mass representation of pure loneliness.

His grip on the steering wheel was tight; his foot reluctant to leave the brake peddle and power the vehicle forward.

Was she here? Was it possible she never left at all?

He jolted out of his thoughts when Luke rang his cell again. Lifting it in a shaky hand he typed a quick text. "I'm okay. I need to find her. Don't worry. I love you."

He chucked the phone onto the passenger seat and pulled out into the road.

…

"Can you help me leave the house?" They were the first trembling words out of Luke's mouth once Terry finished filling them in on the contents of the police file.

"Luke," Terry sympathetically replied. "These things take time and-"

"I don't have time," Luke interrupted. "I have a couple of hours, tops… I _have_ to go and look for him."

"I could go, Luke," Holden offered; characteristically trying to bare some of his son's load.

But Luke vigorously shook his head. "No. It _has_ to be me."

"I understand how you feel, Luke," Terry calmly replied. "But my experience tells me there are no quick fixes to agoraphobia."

"Look," Luke insisted with frustration. "I get that, okay? I'm the one with the problem. So if anybody knows how hard it is, it's me. But I _have_ to try. If Noah can fly halfway around the world to rescue me the least I can do is step outside!"

Both Holden and Terry were staring at him sceptically.

"Please?" Luke asked; pretty convinced his fear for Noah's wellbeing would overshadow his irrational fear of the outdoors. "Noah needs me. And I _need_ to do this. It's my turn to step up."

Without much hope of success, Terry nodded her head; quickly calling her office to explain her absence for the day and reschedule her already busy diary. While she was on the phone, she took the time to organise an investigation into what she'd discovered in the Mayer file; hoping her efforts would pan out.

In the meantime, Holden had a tough time convincing Lily that Luke and Terry could manage without their input. The best they could do to help was to remove the children from the stress of the situation. She was reluctant, but eventually agreed.

Finally, Luke and Terry were alone in the house; Luke facing the flat plain of the front door, wondering how the hell he was going to get through it, when the thought of taking even one more step forward made his insides recoil.

"Okay, Luke," Terry's voice echoed through the dark tunnel Luke's mind had formulated. She might as well have been yelling at him from across a deep chasm. "Luke," she asked, "you with me?"

He tried to answer but all that past his lips was a shot of hot air. His throat felt too constricted; a gag reflex causing him to stumble. A loud shattering sound pierced the air as something hit the floor in his efforts to find purchase.

He fell onto his backside with shock; wincing in pain and kicking his legs until his back found the solid safety of the far wall. By now the thumping in his ears had reached a crescendo.

He could hear Terry calling his name over and over from some far distance; but he couldn't see anything; just a blur of colours.

She came into focus; kneeling by his side with her usually tight bun now loosened and hanging sideways from her head.

"Did I do that?" he worriedly asked. He stared at her for a moment before scanning the room.

"Hi," she warmly smiled. "Welcome back."

Luke frowned confused, "Where did I go?"

"You tell me…"

Luke considered for a moment. "Um… it was dark and… I couldn't breathe."

Terry nodded. "You passed out a little there I think."

Luke couldn't help it; as Terry's hand reassuringly rubbed his back he sobbed hopeless tears.

"Don't hate yourself," Terry whispered; reading his thoughts. "You can only push yourself so far or you'll end up making it worse…"

He shook his head, unable to formulate words. Instead he pulled his cell from his back pocket and dialled.

He knew Noah wouldn't answer.

"Please come home," he begged into the voicemail. "I'm frightened…"

…

Noah was surprised at how easily he was admitted into the residential side of the base. All the guard had to do was look up his name to confirm Noah's story of having once lived there. Assuming Noah was there to visit friends the guard simply smiled and waved Noah through the barrier.

"Have a good day," he said.

It was far more difficult finding the right house; especially as Noah couldn't recall the correct number or lane. For some reason, the first address to pop into his head was 165 Darlington Crescent. But this turned out to be his old school, usefully situated in the very centre of the simulated-suburban sprawl.

Frustrated, he parked his truck outside the school; resting his forehead on the steering wheel as he tried in vain to remember his old address.

Without any idea what to do, he decided to leave the truck; walking against the tide of arriving students to study the lay of the land; hoping something would jolt his memory. In the distance he could see a large metal water tower. He recalled having to pass by that as a boy on his route between school and home; but in reaching the tower he was once again directionless.

"Fuck!" he yelled at the trees; kicking a rock into a nearby bush and cursing the US Government for building army bases to look the same.

He stood in the morning sunlight; brain spinning to find a solution. His eyes fell once more on the school and an idea hit him. Quickly, he scurried back up the road; pushing through the students and heading for the main reception.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist looked liked she'd been planted there and taken root. She was in her late sixties at least; hair greying and adorned with floral pins.

"Yes, thank you, Ma'am…" Noah replied, doing his best to radiate his utmost charm. "My name is Noah Mayer. I was a student at this school a few years back."

"Yes?" she asked through her teeth; obviously already bored at the line of enquiry.

"I wanted to visit my old house today, but try as I might I can't remember the address."

She sighed in annoyance. "And I suppose you want me to go down to the archives, in the basement," she added for effect, "to find your file and tell you the address?"

It was dawning on Noah he may not have been the first alumnae to ask this particular question of the aging receptionist. With all the houses and lanes looking identical, it wasn't that surprising. He bit his lip in trepidation.

That gesture must have displayed such a sense of loss and hope; because the lady was watching him and her features seemed to soften. "Okay, fine!" Her large body made a slurping noise as she wiggled free of her chair. "I just need some form of identification."

"Thank you," Noah breathed, already pulling his drivers licence from his wallet. "Thank you so much!"

…

"You were right," Luke's voice was muffled in his folded elbows where he sat in defeat, curled up on the sofa. His body felt battered; his brain thumped with a continual headache brought on by multiple spells of intense panic. "This was never gonna work…"

"There is one more thing we can try," Terry suggested.

Luke peeped at her through his self-made cave. "What's that?"

"Hypnosis," she replied.

Luke sat up immediately; wincing as his temple throbbed in protest.

"It doesn't work for everybody," she warned, seeing the look of renewed hope on his face.

"Do it," Luke earnestly responded.

"I can't promise anything, Luke. And if this doesn't work then-"

"Do it," Luke repeated, impatiently cutting her off. "I'm willing to try anything!"

Terry nodded. "Okay, perhaps you should drink some water before we begin."

Luke stubbornly shook his head. "No time. Where do you want me?"

Terry frowned but nodded. She'd learnt over the months just how stubborn Luke could be.

"Lie back," she ordered; helping Luke get comfortable on the sofa.

"Okay, I want you to close your eyes. I'm going to count slowly backward and all I want you to do is concentrate on the sound of my voice. Do you understand?"

Luke nodded; shifting up slightly and resting his arms by his sides.

It didn't take long for Luke to surrender to the hypnosis. Terry was surprised. Luke was terribly strong willed, with an incredible mind. She had thought he'd be less susceptible than most. However, she reasoned, he was pretty exhausted and anxious; which could have been contributing to the hypnotic state.

"Okay Luke," she began, keeping her voice on an even keel. "I'm going to ask you to bring up the memory of your first day back home from Africa."

"We're at the farm," Luke replied; relief evident in his voice.

Terry paused in thought. She had meant 'home' as in Los Angeles, but she took the opportunity to pull useful information from Luke.

"Do you feel afraid at all?" she asked.

Luke shook his head. "No. It's safe on the farm. Noah's here." He smiled and Terry couldn't help but smile along with him. "But…"

"But what, Luke?" Terry prompted.

"I still see them in my sleep."

"Do you mean in nightmares?"

Luke nodded; face scrunching up as though he were experiencing a night terror right then and there.

"It's okay, Luke," Terry assured him. "You're safe. You're at the farm with Noah, remember?"

Luke nodded.

"Okay," she continued. "Now, when you're ready, I'm going to ask you to leave the farm."

"No," Luke's reply was quick. "Please? I want to stay here."

"It's just a memory, Luke, remember?" she prompted. "You're not actually at the farm anymore. You're here at home… in Los Angeles."

Terry jumped in shock as Luke's body whipped up to sitting.

"We're outside?"

"No, Luke."

Luke frantically looked around; beads of sweat forming on his brow. "You sure?"

"Yes," she calmly said. "We're inside, Luke. You're on the sofa."

He breathed deeply. "Oh… good… that's good…"

"Why don't you lie back down and relax?" she asked. She waited until she thought Luke was calm; prone once more on the sofa. "How do you feel now, Luke?"

"Better…"

"Okay," she replied. "Now Luke, I want you to access another memory. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember your first morning back in Los Angeles; after you came back from Africa?"

Luke smiled again; going slightly pink around the ears. "Yeah… Me and Noah-"

"Stop," Terry couldn't help an embarrassed little laugh escaping suspecting she didn't want to know more than that. "Luke, can you tell me what's happening as you try to leave for work. Just take me through it, step by step…"

"I'm dressed. Noah's made breakfast. But I'm late so I'm just grabbing some toast. I'm eating it as I approach the door."

Terry could see the anxiety rising in Luke's cheeks just at the thought. "You're safe on the sofa remember, Luke. This is just a memory."

"Okay," he shakily replied. "I open the door and…" He stopped speaking, frowning in confusion and shaking his head.

"What is it, Luke? What's stopping you?"

"It's… it's the wind…"

"The wind?" she clarified; quickly writing notes in her diary.

"It's blowing hot… it's too hot…" Luke's panic level was on the rise once more. "And… and dry… right in my face. It's… it's the same…"

"The same?"

"As _that_ day… when they… when they… Oh my God! Noah! Noah!" Luke screamed; struggling and coughing.

Terry was quickly by his side, holding him down by his shoulders as she spoke, "Luke, I'm going to start counting from ten, when I reach the number one you will wake up. You will feel calm and refreshed and you will no longer fear the outdoors. As soon as you wake up you will feel the need to go outside. Ten… nine… eight…"

The closer she got to 'one', the calmer Luke became, until he was lying in a state of deep-breathing.

She knew he was awake but she waited for him to make the first move.

Eventually, his brown eyes flickered open. His gaze fell on the front door.

Terry held her breath.

"I want to go outside," he whispered.


End file.
